Original subtitles

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>>Welcome to Chicago. >>Thank you.

>>Hi, sir.

>>Country of origin?

>>Paris, France.

>>Purpose of trip?

>>I'm visiting friend.

>>Duration?

>>One month, I think.

This is my first time in America.

>>Right hand.

Look here.

Welcome to Chicago.

>>Please don't hate me.

Seriously, do you hate me?

>>Yes.

>>You know, you could be a little supportive.

Chad has alcoholic anger issues and

he really needs me right now.

I can't just leave him.

I thought if someone would understand

it would be you.

>>Why didn't you tell me?

>>I wanted to, but...

>>I had no idea.

>>It's so hard, Alex.

>>I had no idea what bitch you are.

>>Excuse me!

>>I left France to come here,

dropped everything.

>>We met online last month.

>>Do you know what you're doing right now, Lisa?

Do you?

>>What am I doing?

>>You are defecating in my mouth.

One large merde, right on top.

>>Oh, okay, I get it.

>>I booked the honeymoon suite at the Allerton.

Just drive me there.

>>I can't, sorry. Chad's waiting for me.

He gets really upset.

This place isn't bad either.

Thanks for being so super cool about this.

Chad has his court date tomorrow.

I'll call you...?

>>I hope he goes to prison.

>>There's a bar down the road.

>>I need a room.

>>How many nights?

>>I don't know.

>>Driver's license and credit card.

French?!

>>Yes!

>>French are categorically

fur trading, backstabbing traitors.

Room 37, upstairs and to the right.

Call if you need some freedom fries.

[Foreign Language]

[Music Playing]

>>I love America.

Everything is so complicated in Europe.

Here it's simple. You see, giant food portions,

all about pleasure and size.

It's charming, but very unsophisticated.

I want to be an American.

I am also unsophisticated, hmm?

>>The French enjoy their pleasure too, you know?

>>But in France, people have taste.

>>I've been to Paris, son.

Walked into a brothel and stayed there for

three weeks. Sipped champagne, ate snails,

melded my entire identity right out of me.

Spent every penny I had.

Vulgar as hell, but classy too. I got chlamydia.

>>Of course you did.

Paris prostitutes are filthy,

like life, you know? In America, it would

be more prepackaged and beer.

There would be champagne, yes, but no snails,

something simpler like, hmm, hamburgers.

>>Hotdogs!

>>Liverwurst and mustard...

>>No!

Pizza! Chicago pizza. Imagine that,

pick a pizza and woman come with it.

Blond - mozzarella, black hair - olives,

red hair - hmm....

>>Pineapple!

>>You people eat pineapple on your pizza?

>>Hey! How did you end up here anyway?

>>I came for a girl.

Instead, she chose Chad.

>>Yeah? Well, shit happens.

Time to go!

>>I don't want to go.

>>Goddamn French.

[Phone Ringing]

>>Checkout time, Napoleon. You staying?

>>What?! Yeah, I'm staying.

>>Another night for Mr. Frogman!

Hey, your buddy's waiting for you.

>>Buddy?

>>Want one?

>>What? No. Who are you?

>>You don't remember?

The Riverside Tap? I drove you home.

>>Listen, thank you, but I have got plans.

>>Like what?

>>Sightseeing. Maybe kill myself.

>>How about some vids in my house instead?

>>Thanks, but I want to see

Chicago while I'm here.

>>Well, come on, I'll give you a lift.

So, you're French, very cool.

I love listening to that language. It's so...

>>Romantic? >>Exactly!

Smoke?

So what did you think about our museum?

Nothing beats the Art Institute.

>>It's nice. Not quite the Louvre.

>>I've heard of that.

What do you got in there?

>>Michelangelo, the Mona Lisa?

>>I saw something online,

said that Mona Lisa was actually a dude.

So, what's it like living in France?

>>It's different. >>Like how?

>>Pharmacies don't sell cigarettes.

>>Why not? >>Because it's absurd.

>>One thing you guys got is great food.

I mean, that's my thing.

My dream would be to go to France for

like a month. If I had this magic gift

certificate that I could take in to

any restaurant, what would I get?

>>I'd have a de cassoulet with white beans

or crayfish with garner, then

foie gras then maybe some potted

chicken breasts with strip loin,

then end with strawberries,

a mountain of perfect strawberries.

>>Dude?

>>My wife and I... >>Drink time.

So, you ran a restaurant?

>>Owned it. >>And...?

>>And, now I don't.

>>The wife. >>Yes.

>>But you're a sharp guy.

You've got all kinds of sharp ideas.

>>Like what?

>>Like pizza and escorts.

>>What?

>>You don't remember?

>>Oh, yes. Hmmm... I was drunk,

I say stupid things.

>>No, no, no, no, no...

It's left brain man. Fucking and eating.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto.

Batman and Robin.

>>You're insane.

>>Let me tell you, we can do this.

You run the kitchen and I run the hoes.

Like Ben Franklin during the Revolutionary War.

>>You mean La Fayette?

>>Ben Franklin. All cats are gray in the dark.

He slept with more bitches than Washington.

It's inspiring.

>>And illegal.

>>Hell, you may know your way around foie gras,

but you don't know shit about how

we do things around here. The Chicago way.

I've got a guy, who's got a guy.

>>It's wrong, exploiting women.

>>No, no, no, no, no...

We're talking about high-end consenting

ladies for a respectable clientele.

We're talking romance!

>>Romance?

>>The girlfriend experience.

>>Okay, look. I won't be able to get into

the pimp business with you. Sorry.

>>Never say never, my friend.

>>It's okay, really.

Take my idea and make a million with it.

>>What do you gonna do?

>>Go home. Pick up the joke that is my life.

>>Okay, but let's make one stop first.

Mom, this is Alex.

>>Well, hello! What a handsome young man!

>>Mom! Don't! Let's go to the basement.

>>You're always in such a hurry to go

into the basement. Makes me wonder what's

going on down there.

>>Masturbating.

Have a seat.

How do you say "I'm coming" in French?

>> Je joui, why?

>> Je joui?

Je joui! Ha-ha-ha-...

>>Thanks for today.

>>Not a problem dude.

We don't, we don't get a whole lot of

cool French people around here.

When do you leave?

>>The day after tomorrow.

And tomorrow I spend everything I have on

self-destructive hedonism,

a tribute to The United States.

>>You've been thinking about this.

>>From the top of Sears tower...

>>It's the Willis tower.

They sold the naming rights.

>>Of course they did.

>>You are calling for some pussy?

You gotta bring your daughter to the slaughter!

>>Injecting capital into the American Dream.

>>Ejaculating. Ha-ha-ha-...

>>Ha-ha-ha-...

>>Hey! You! Did you ever hear that song

"There's a place in the France

where the naked ladies dance"?

>>Go put some fucking clothes on!

Don't come gowning when I have people over.

It's my brother. He's got problems.

Smart guy, though, just passed the bar,

public defender.

>>Hey! Think it over dude.

The streets are paved in gold.

>>Will you drive me to the airport?

>>Of course. I'll be there.

[Phone Ringing]

>>Hello!

>>Checkout time for Louis the XVI.

>>Can you call me a taxi?

[Hangs Up]

>>I have a reservation.

>>Mr. Montrieux?

The honeymoon suite?

Yes, two days ago.

The suite is still available.

Would you still like the basket of strawberries?

[Knock on door]

>>Emile?

>>Hello.

>>Nice to meet you.

Can I?

>>Please.

>>Ah, just before we toast,

you know I get my present first?

>>Oh yes, of course.

>>Thank you.

>>You don't count it?

>>I'm a communist. I trust people.

Emile, what an entrusting name.

>>Ha-ha-ha.

I feel like you've just deflowered me.

I've never been with a...

>>I know.

So, you're married?

>>Divorced. Well, soon to be.

>>Her loss Emile. I mean it.

Your penis has this good curvature and size.

>>You know you're the first American I met

who hasn't said something stupid about me

being French.

>>What makes you think I'm American?

>>But you said...

>>Born and raised in Sankt Petersburg.

Pretty good American accent, no?

I came here to be an actress.

No one would hire a girl with a Russian

accent to do a toothpaste commercial,

so I've worked at it. And when I started

doing this, I realized it's the same in

this business. American men, they hear a

Russian accent and they think something is

wrong or dirty. But if I speak like a

big-titted Texas girl, suddenly it's ole-okay.

>>I like the Russian better.

>>You do?

>>The real you.

>>You don't pay for reality.

>>So, your name is not Elaine then?

>>Um, and you're not Emile.

>>So, what is it?

>>What is yours?

>>Alex Montrieux.

>>Hmm, even better than Emile Blanc.

>>And yours?

>>Next time, Alex.

>>I leave tomorrow.

>>Then, you'll never know.

>>So, it was good?

>>It was very good.

>>Well, don't leave me hanging.

>>She smelled like jasmine.

>>Oh-oh, dude, careful.

Rule number one: never ever fall in love

with them. I mean, think of all sad

ass motherfuckers she deals with.

>>I know.

>>Well, the good news is you're on the way

to the airport and you will absolutely

positively never see her again.

>>I know. >>Unless...

>>Oh, not the pizza thing again!

>>Listen to me!

I've got a friend.

>>The Chicago way, I know.

>>We can make this happen.

>>Why do you need me?

>>We need that French certain something,

and we need a chef. I mean, look at me,

the closest I've ever come to cooking a

meal involves sticking a frozen dinner

in a microwave.

>>There are so many escort services.

What is so different here?

>>It's the combination.

All the ingredients mixed in a whole new way,

sex with a European sensibility.

Not to mention, you could see that

Jasmine again.

>>Helen.

>>Whatever. Do you think you'd be better off

in Paris, all unstable and alone and shit?

You leave, she's gone, your choice.

>>Alright.

>>Jasmine!

>>Bob Stone, good to meet ya,

really excited about this business opportunity

we have here.

>>Nice to meet you also.

>>What's with the suit, man?

>>If we're doing business, Ronald,

we need to establish a proper business

environment, wouldn't you agree?

>>Sooo... as you know, Alex here ran a

big restaurant in Paris.

>>Well, not so big.

>>Don't be modest.

This guy is gonna front the whole operation.

Bring us a touch of class.

>>I'm familiar with Alex's profile.

Let's get started.

So, the basic concept is...

>>High class pizza delivery with top quality

ladies catering to an upscale clientele.

Refined, sophisticated, exclusive,

suitable for any man's leisure

and romantic needs.

>>Ha-ha-ha, what did I tell you? Ha?

This guy...

>>You didn't mention he'd be rude.

>>He's French. That's how they do over there,

direct and to the point.

We have the perfect team.

Alex will develop our menu and gourmet recipes.

I'll handle the phones and the accounting.

Bob will be our fundraiser and the muscle

for the girls during transaction workflow.

>>And? >>No dude.

>>And?

>>He interviews the girls.

>>These are working professionals,

they won't object.

>>Think of Bob as our

human resources department.

>>How much planning have you guys done exactly?

>>Stage one: development.

Hire the girls, find the restaurant,

develop the recipes, build the website.

>>We estimate this step would take

approximately 14.5 days.

>>Stage two: launch.

>>Expand our initial customer base through

word of mouth viral marketing.

That Extra Topping becomes a known entity.

>>That Extra Topping?

>>Yeah, the name of the venture, you know.

It's classy and subtle, yet the

initials spell TET.

>>We figure about three months before we

build a solid customer base

and reach break-even point, which takes us to

the next stage.

>>We create new avenues, develop

additional sectors and acquire small

competing enterprises.

>>That takes us to stage four.

>>Dominance!

>>How do we split the money?

>>Equal risk, equal shares.

Startup money is 25 grand.

Through some recent dealings I've got to

know a few wealthy angel investors.

>>Excuse me, where do you work?

>>Radio Shack.

>>Oh, that shitty electronic store.

>>Do I make judgments?

>>Easy man.

>>No, no, no.

I'm gonna make this happen.

If you like it, fine. If not,

ta-ta little tramp.

>>Hold on. Listen, do you trust me?

We're gonna get rich off of this thing.

Big fat American rich.

Goldfish in the swimming pool, eating snails

off of the bellies of Northwestern coeds

or sipping oysters with that Jasmine

you broke rule one with?

>>Chaplin was British, you twit!

>>Dad. >>What?

>>This is Alex. >>Oh!

>>He's visiting from France.

He'll be staying with us for a while.

>>Is that a French hand?

>>Yes it is.

>>The Maginot line.

I will never forgive you people for that.

I can forgive a lot,

the arrogance, what have...

>>Dad, he didn't build the Maginot line,alright?

>>You're so being rude...

>>How do you say my cat's asshole is

large and round?

>>What about Vichy? You're gonna bail

on us in Afghanistan...

>>My cat's anus is...

>>Danny, shut up!

>>...cylindrical.

>>Now there was a hero...

>>...elliptical.

>>[Shouts in French]

>>So, um,

Alex and I are gonna start our own business.

>>What kind of business?

>>It's an entertainment...

>>Clowns for children. You know, parties,

birthdays, all that.

>>Birthday parties, I like that,

clowns for little babies.

>>Clowns, huh?

>>Isn't that nice,

Ronnie is actually doing something?

>>Yeah, initiative, entrepreneurship,

it's what this country is about.

But no shenanigans, okay? You remember that!

>>These are challenging times. We must put

a business of the people first.

The time for action is now.

I'm Tammy Allen and I approve this message.

>>So, what's the story with Lex Luther?

>>Bob? Oh, we go way back.

He's solid. Just spent five years

in the joint. Got his MBA equivalency there.

He just got out.

>>What did he go in for?

>>He robbed the Dunkin' Doughnuts.

>>And where does he get the money from?

>>Well, since his release he's...

he's become involved with certain

Republican fundraising committee. Let's just

say people with disposable income at the ready.

Trust me on this one.

>>What's up Bob?

25 large.

So, who is the guy?

>>Some French kid, you know, ran a fancy place

in Paris, all of the bells and whistles.

>>So, you know how this works.

Come January, I get the initial back,

plus 25 points.

>>Got it. >>Do you?

Not many folks realize, Bob,

that this all could be taken away from us.

Life, you know.

You know, what I like to do to remind myself is,

I take a hundred, I look at it,

smell it,

taste it,

so I know that this is something to be respected,

something that can disappear. Try it.

>>Money's unsanitary.

>>We're all in business now, Bob.

>>What are the conditions?

>>25 percent interest in six months.

I mastered the negotiation.

>>25 percent? Where is the paperwork?

>>Paperwork?! >>It's...

>>Please don't say the Chicago way.

Trust you on this one, right?

>>Well according to the business plan,

we'll be generating...

>>...approximately 123,000 dollars per

month of EBIT. >>EBIT?

>>Yeah, earnings before interest and tax.

It's a technical term. I wouldn't...

>>What tax? It's an illegal cash business.

And what if we don't make the numbers?

Are there penalties?

>>Oh, there are penalties.

>>You don't mess around with unpaid debt here,

especially to the Republican Party.

I eat here all the time.

The owner's Iranian. He's alright.

>>An alright towelhead? That's an oxycontin.

>>Yeah, like racist moron.

>>Just let me do the talking.

>>Let me get this straight.

You will pay me to close. I will still make pizza,

but different recipes.

You will be my only customer, but

you are not interested in purchasing the store.

>>That is precisely correct, sir.

You have a keen business acumen.

>>You are French? >>Yes!

>>Are you the one who will be importing the heroin?

>>There is no heroin.

>>Ah, of course there is no heroin.

>>There really isn't.

>>I can promise you there are no drugs involved.

>>And what pleasure are you selling then?

What is the secret? There is always a secret.

When I came to America, the first job I ever got

was crushing tomatoes in a pizza joint.

When the owner died, I saved enough to buy it

from him. 13 years later, I still own this place.

I also own 4 buildings and 2 condos.

My first jar of marinara sauce,

symbol of my early days.

Ah, they say there is no American dream anymore.

I say, there's just lazy motherfuckers who

want to get rich quick. Lazies!

You want to get rich quick!? You lazies?!

>>Hey, we are respectable...

>>...clowns.

>>What?

>>Clowns. For children.

It's our pleasure. We give joy to young children.

>>Go on.

>>There is a demand for gourmet pizza with

wealthy families. We cater to the rich and

we need to ensure we meet the desired

requirements which are...

>>...very high. We need our own pizza place

to develop our own recipes. We do some

serious yuppie shit with, you know,

organic ingredients. So, ...

>>Clowns. Ah, I like clowns.

I always wanted to study miming, like Marceau.

>>Not many Arab mimes.

>>I am not Arabic.

>>Of course you are.

>>Iranians are Persians, not Arabic.

>>But you speak Arabic.

>>I speak Farsi, you idiot!

>>Reza! Do we have a deal?

>>Let's go find some clowns.

>>Hi, I'm Casey.

>>I'm also Kiasey, but with a KI.

>>We're totally not nymphos.

We just need cash to buy E.

>>I just don't like sitting at home.

I did tell Dave I was looking into a part time job.

He wanted me to ask you if you offered

dental and vision.

>>Do you know what we're looking for?

>>Oh, and he also wanted me to tell you that

golden showers are completely off the table.

>>I have a dick. It can be worked around.

It's flexible. I'm flexible.

If you want me in drag, I just need a couple

of hours prep time. Unless you want a sloppy tranny.

>>Men are sick. All those soft, impotent cocks,

sexually abused, sexually confused,

sexually obsessed, limp dicked losers.

>>The bottle stays on the coffee table.

That way the man can rub it if he needs to.

I came from the kitchen in pink incense

and smoke, and I kneel before him, and I say

sweetly, oh, so sweetly: "Yes, master."

>>I'm your girl. I'm very open-minded.

I'll do anything, even the dirty stuff.

>>This is gonna be harder than I thought.

>>I have an idea. >>What?

>>I've got a guy. >>Oh?

>>Phone's much nicer than mine. So what?

>>Not the phone, Bob, the girl.

>>It's the evolution of the product.

>>Foie gras pizzas and girls.

>>Interested?

>>You're cute Alex, and I like the shape

of your penis, but no. I make good money,

I don't need a pimp.

>>Do I look like pimp?

>>You want me to work for you, yes?

Give you a part of what I make?

Why would I do that?

>>Not work for me, with me.

You manage the girls, hire them, train them.

Less work, more money.

You could be done with the sex.

>>I make 5,000 dollars a month,

working two nights a week.

How much more could I make?

>>You see that man?

>>Yes.

>>You want to find yourself underneath

that man for the rest of your life?

Walking up in the morning to the

stench of his armpits?

>>Ha-ha, I get the picture.

>>Every time he turns over, you're afraid you

might get crushed under his walls of fat.

Not just one wall, but two, three...

>>I get the picture. I'll think about it.

>>Okay.

>>Now, let's talk like it's a real date.

>>So, this is a date?

>>It's stupid but, I saw it in the window of a

shop and I thought of you.

>>Thank you.

>>Ha-ha-ha. So you stayed in America?

>>For now. There is nothing for me at home.

>>You wanna be a true American?

Thank you.

>>Thanks.

Is that American?

>>Let the poor guy alone. What's wrong with him?

Look at him. He's rich,

eating lamb, nice shoes, nice suit.

>>He's my worst nightmare. He's alone.

He's got things all he could want,

but tonight, he will go home, watch TV,

masturbate, drink his Pepto-Bismol

and try to sleep.

He has no joy, no dreams,

nothing greater than himself.

>>You know quite a lot about this man.

>>Are you glad I stayed? Thanks again for the...

>>Elena. >>What?

>>That's my name, Elena.

>>How long have you been here?

>>Five years.

>>You still have family in Russia?

>>My mom and my sister.

>>You haven't seen them?

>>I'm illegal. If I leave, I can't come back.

You have to choose.

>>Is it worth it?

>>What?

>>Throwing away your life to start again.

>>Depends how valuable the old life was.

>>I offered her equal partnership.

>>What?

>>She's smart. She knows business.

She'll make us money.

>>Great! A Commie Russian on top of a

camel jockey pizza maker. United fucking nations!

Her piece comes out of his hand.

>>You criticize after negotiating a 25

percent interest loan?

>>It's alright. She brings plenty to the table.

>>Fine. When do I get to interview her?

>>You don't! Ever!

>>You know the terms, right?

>>Being that she's a partner,

we'll give her a waiver.

>>So, you want something cheap and reliable?

I've got just what you need.

Check out that little beauty. You're not gonna

find something like that anywhere else.

>>Crappiest wheels in town.

>>She's brand new. I'll let you have her for...

1,950.

>>Come on, let's go.

>>We can paint it.

>>No, we need something new.

Tainted windows, the kind presidents ride in.

>>Come on! Save the money.

Besides, those ribs sound good.

>>1,500 and you throw in a couple extra slabs.

>>Hot sauce or honey barbecue?

>>Preparations for launch are now complete.

Catering?

>>The recipes are ready. Reza's briefed.

He has all the ingredients.

>>A simple "operational" would be sufficient.

Website?

>>Ready to roll.

>>You replaced your old phone?

>>Upgraded it.

>>Is it the model with GPS...?

>>Yes, it has the GPS.

>>[foreign language]

>>Out!

>>And you sweetheart? How's personnel?

>>The girls are ready.

>>Perfect. We launch tomorrow.

Godspeed gentlemen!

>>Four hours!

>>Be patient.

>>Guys, we need advertising.

In my business class they're always saying

that marketing is the hidden but universal key

to consumer operations. We don't have a

marketing department. QED.

>>You took a business class, Bob?

>>I received a five year MBA GED from a

well-placed educational facility.

>>Ha-ha!

>>Reza, my man, one Deliciosa, 15 minutes.

>>Oh, tell him not to forget the smoked ostrich.

>>And don't forget the smoked ostrich.

Bob, get the van. Who should we send? Sonya?

She looks kind of German.

>>I'll go. >>Wh-what? No.

>>It's our first order. Can't mess it up.

>>No. Sonya's really dependable.

>>This time I go.

Best way to make sure it gets there right.

>>Hm, you didn't tell me that she's a perfectionist.

I like that.

>>Get dressed. You leave in 10 minutes.

>>Beautiful lady!

>>This is Julie, our new partner,

a retired school teacher.

>>Nice to meet you. Reza, is it?

>>The pleasure is mine.

Are the clowns in the back?

>>Oh, we meet them at the party.

We don't want pizza to get cold.

>>Oh, oh-eh, there. >>Thank you.

>>Don't worry about a thing. Anything goes wrong,

I'll be there in two minutes.

>>I've done this for five years, with no help.

>>I bet you developed some innovative

sexual techniques.

>>I can teach you how to make men cum,

if that's what you mean.

>>Dude, we just got our first order and look at you!

>>I know.

>>Let me tell you about rule one.

>>I know.

>>Gotta work your game.

>>I hate video games.

>>I'm talking about your game, man!

You got the whole, protecting-her-against-

badness-thing down, and the whore-with-a-heart-

of-gold thing, of course,

but now you just need to work the

she's-doing-it to-get- through-med-school bit.

>>Asshole.

>>Remember, if you love someone, set them free.

If they come back to you, they're yours.

If they don't, hunt them down and kill them.

>>Where is she right now?

>>Highland park.

>>I hate Highland park!

>>To success!

>>And to be the first president of the

United States who flunked out of high school.

What? That's really my dream.

>>Hey-hey!

>>Hey man, we need a large Caviar.

I know, I know it's late. But you know these

rich kids. They partied all hours.

Hey, hey, they've just increased the order.

They, they wanna large French.

>>Eh, don't forget the foie gras.

>>Don't forget the foie gras.

>>Jody and Alexis.

>>Oh-ho! Look at this!

>>We're going to need a bigger bus.

>>A full cable, all your movie channels,

even some Russian, international stations for you,

and the best news, 4,500 a month.

It's a bargain, really.

>>Can you give us a minute?

>>Absolutely.

>>It's expensive. We don't need 2,000 square feet.

>>We can afford it.

>>What?

>>I know this guy. Hang on.

We love the place, but 4 grand?!

My girlfriend would like to spend a little less.

>>I understand that, but there's extremely

high demand for this particular type of property.

>>I'm sure there is.

Just like, I'm sure your wife would prefer

you didn't have pizza on Tuesday nights,

Mr. Miller?

Tell her.

>>I'm, I'm sure we can work something out.

>>What was that?

>>What?

>>The shake down.

>>Nothing. Just taking advantage of an

unfortunate incident of the opportunity.

>>You're hanging out around Bob too much.

>>Bob, fine example of the American dream at work.

Got his GED, went on to bigger

and better set of tits.

>>You think you're funny?

I've been receiving complaints about Bob.

He harasses the girls.

He wants to discuss his political positions

with them and other positions...

>>I'll talk to him, I promise.

>>Promise me something else.

>>What?

>>Think about the time when it's over,

when we can walk away.

>>I can leave anytime, can you?

>>What's that supposed to mean?

>>You're still doing deliveries

and I asked you to stop!

>>Well, it helps me to connect with the girls.

And to remember... >>That's bullshit!

>>We'll call it probation then.

When I think I can trust all of this and you,

then I'll drop it, and we can walk away.

>>So, you want to walk away from the money machine?

>>We could have a real life.

>>This feels real to me.

>>Are you serious?

>>What?

>>Only ten.

>>No lady clients?

>>Actually, one, yeah,

but she wants a dominant African-American woman,

not quite your profile, he-he.

>>I'll get the limo ready.

>>I'll go with you. I need some air.

>>So, tell me about Paris.

>>I grew up there.

>>I always dreamed of going.

All those artists in the streets and the painters.

>>Montmartre, it's beautiful.

>>Oh, my sister went there last year and I got

this photo of her with a gargoyle on top of

Notre-Dame. Those things have teeth.

>>Have you ever been with a French guy?

>>Ah-ah.

>>Best lays in the world,

according to the Michelin guide.

>>Let's go. Pick up in two hours.

>>Okay.

>>Maybe when you're done, you can come to my place,

we'll, we'll grab a drink,

I'll give you a little extra tip.

>>I don't...

>>The tip of my penis! Ha-ha-ha...

>>Bob, let me tell you something,

that's never going to happen.

Don't joke about tips.

No one wants your jokes about tips.

>>What about you? Wanna come back to my place?

I'll put down a little Sinatra...

You can hump a future CEO.

>>I'd rather drink Drain-o.

>>You need to get your shit together.

>>Why're you so close to me?

>>What?

>>People brush up against each other like

that where you come from?

Cause here in America, we like our personal space.

You only get close to someone if you're trying

to fuck them or fuck with them.

Are you trying to fuck me?

>>Not today.

>>You think you're so smart, don't you?

Think you know the rules of true fucking crime.

You've been here six months and you're gonna

tell me what to do?

You're just a glorified cook with an

accent everybody likes. You keep going, I'm gonna

do some cooking on my own. I'm gonna gut

your fucking intestines and send pieces of you

back to your faggot people, bastard.

>>What's your problem?!

>>I just didn't want anything to happen to

you because you didn't know the rules around here.

[Phone Rings]

Yeah. Aha, okay.

>>What?

>>Republicans. We gotta go!

>>What's up Bob?

>>Why the conference call?

Well, we paid in full.

>>You paid, but not in full.

Senator Allen's raising funds for her campaign.

Her annual feast's coming up and she requests

your presence. 20 girls,

the mansion, toda la noche. That's half,

the other half upon delivery. Every checkbook

in the states is gonna be there and they're

expecting to party. You gonna deliver?

>>Hey, I'm your guy.

>>What are you gonna do with it?

>>I don't know. I've never thought about it.

>>Alex wants a castle in France,

with a wine vineyard.

He spends more time thinking about what he'll

do with his money than actually enjoying it.

>>Born capitalist.

>>Don't you ever worry?

>>About what?

>>Getting every dream.

>>We just reached dominance!

>>Republican fundraisers! You lied to us.

They could have killed us all.

They are hardcore criminals.

>>Well, they didn't, so stop whining, you

little sissy. Let's talk about the party.

>>They want 20 girls. We can hire temp staff.

>>I've heard about Senator Allen's parties.

Party leaders, boards of directors of a dozen banks,

Chicago older men, they tip some glasses,

make their donations, then they retire to

secret location to engage in various transgressions.

>>We're talking about orgies, like black witchcraft?

>>We should stay out of this.

>>You don't get it. Allen runs the whole

44th district. If you want to pour asphalt,

you kiss her ring. You wanna run hookers out

of the back room of an Iranian pizza parlor,

you kiss her ass. You don't say no to her.

>>Why are you so against it?

>>Many reasons. It's creepy.

>>It's what we do.

>>These are bad people.

>>How do you know?

>>Old Ukrainian saying,

if the fish smells bad, don't eat it, stupid!

>>This party is an ultimate opportunity.

As Bob says, dominance!

>>That is not the point!

>>What is?

>>How much is enough?

We have money. You have cash dug in two holes

and fake names and safety deposit boxes...

>>Want to say that a little louder?!

>>Listen to me, sometimes you get a bad feeling,

you walk away.

>>Okay. Just one more hole,

a half million dollars, then we're done.

Come on, Helen!

>>What did you just call me?

>>Everyone clear? Questions?

>>Nope.

>>Oh, Bob, you're gonna love this.

They requested a gigolo for tonight for

special services.

>>Hey, I'll take one for the team.

>>He-he-he... Reza, how're we doing?

>>All good. I'm happy to report we are on track.

>>Do you have the address?

Remember about the delivery.

>>Yeah, through the back alley.

>>Alex and I will meet you outside.

This is a big deal, governor's son's birthday.

Reza, you can't mess this up.

>>Reza, everything is ready.

>>Did you double check?

>>I tasted them all myself,

our very best.

>>We have made beauty here tonight, he-he!

Go, go, go!

>>Senator sends her regards.

She's relaxing after her speech.

She'll join us momentarily.

We've heard some good things about your pizza.

As you know discretion is of the utmost

importance and in everyone's best interest.

>>What happens in Vegas...

>>Right. As agreed. Enjoy.

[Dialogue in Spanish]

[Phone Rings]

>>Hello!

>>Boss, we have a problem.

>>Just get rid of all taxes.

Keynesian economics is dead.

>>Oh, baby, I like it when you talk dirty.

>>Couldn't agree with you more. I mean,

from a purely business perspective,

the concept of income taxation is just smarmy.

>>I don't know about the stock market.

>>Oh-oh, start with the yield curve!

>>Oh, you can teach me!

>>You gotta watch the strengthening.

Would you like to see my yield curve strength?

>>Hm, if I wasn't in love, my god!

>>Ha-ha! Hey, how do you say fuck me in Russian?

>> [Speaking in Russian]

>> [Speaking in Russian]

>>There you go.

>> [Speaking in Russian]

>>Victoria's very interested in politics.

She's there naked on the floor.

>>My favorite, cold, wet tile.

Anything, as long as it is hard.

>>Where do you sleep?

>>How about your bed baby?

>>Oh, we can make that happen.

>>Do you have room for one more?

>>So, you're with the New York City ballet?

>>Oh, you know, I auditioned.

>>Let me tell you something about the ballet...

>>You gotta look at it this way, sir. I mean,

who needs an army? You train every citizen in

kung fu. Did you know you could kill a

man with two cigars?

>>Who are you exactly?

>>Senator requests your presence.

>>Gentlemen, duty calls.

>>Come on, pick up, pick up!

>>Hey, this is Ron, we're not going to...

>>Very nice, Theodor.

>>My name is Bob, senator.

>>No, it's Teddy Ruxpin.

>> De joie!

>>We did it!

>>Thanks for everything.

>>Hello, baby.

>>Pardon me, sir. She's our partner.

She's not available.

>>Everybody is available, son.

I could fuck you if I wanted to.

I know a whore when I see one.

>>I told you she's not on the clock.

>>You know who I am?!

>>Someone who gets his balls back

by showing a little respect!

>>What's going on?

>>We've gotta beef.

Meet me at my parents'. Go!

>>Is there a problem here?

>>You're goddamn right there's a problem here.

This kid here tried to emasculate me

and on top of that, I feel extremely nauseous.

>>I am with the party.

I must speak to the man in charge of the clowns.

>>Step away from the gate.

There is no party here.

>>But there are clowns, yes?

>>Yeah, I have a psycho out here...

>>[Curses in Foreign Language]

The pizza, don't eat the pizza,

the children will get sick!

Keep the children away from the...

Clowns?

>>Jetset Airlines, how may I help you?

>>I need to make a reservation.

>>Okay, departing when?

>>Oh, the first available.

>>What's your destination?

>>The Center of Democracy, where else?

>>Is this a prank call? I'm hanging up.

>>No, no, no, no, wait!

Washington DC, please.

>>How many passengers?

>>Senator, we will be glad to pay

any and all cleaning expenses.

>>Yes, there will be expenses.

>>Where are the children?

What kind of haddish decadence is this?

>>Bad pizza. You served bad pizza

to a sex party for the Chicago ruling elite?

>>We do have a full refund policy.

>>A sense of humor, I like that.

Oh, but Stevens here? He's not laughing.

Stevens collect the refunds, please.

>>Actually, it's temporarily unavailable.

>>I'm sorry.

>>Our partner has it, but we can recover it quickly.

>>That's nice to know. Yeah, I think Stevens

would like that to happen quickly

or his little loan shark business will be over!

You, are you the leader?

Take your morbidly obese friend with you

and Stevens will go along. We'll keep the girl

and this man who seems so interested in clowns.

Let's just get the briefcase back.

Then we can discuss settlement of damages

or maybe your execution.

Oh, and bring your partner.

He gives a very competent cunnilingus.

>>No answer.

>>He's gone. We're screwed.

They're going to sell her back to us

in little pieces.

>>Come down, dude, okay?

This is Bob we're talking about. He's loyal.

>>But then, why doesn't he answer?

>>Just shut the fuck up and just take us

to that pepperoni titty-foo.

>>So, how did you end up in this?

>>Well, I could tell you a boy talked me

into it, but the truth is, I wanted a business,

to be nobody's fool, to keep control.

>>I respect that.

I've spent my life keeping control

and now look at us.

I had a husband once, made speeches and cut ribbons,

ran the 44th into the ground,

built state funds administering phony drug tests.

Ian was never put on trial.

We all need a little wickedness befitting this

marvelous city we live in.

>>I don't understand, it's just a clown business.

>>Oh, please. It was never a clown business.

>>Well, what was it then?

>>Obviously, they were a cult.

>>Maybe it was a clown cult.

>>Hookers lady, they're pimps.

>>No! Ronny?!

>>And you had nothing to do deal

with all them clowns?

>>I'm an attorney. Here, take a card.

>>Where the fuck is Bob?

>>I don't know. He stopped by 15 minutes ago,

said he needed some clown noses from them

boxes over there.

>>Motherfucker!

>>So, who do I kill first?

>>I can find your money.

>>Senator.

Hello.

>>Elena, it's Bob.

>>Hey Bob!

>>I've got big plans for us.

>>Really? >>Are you alone?

>>Yes. >>Where are you?

>>30 minutes, parking garage,

Wells and Wacker, be there.

>>His phone is same as mine.

If you lose it, go online, punch in a password,

GPS gives you the location.

Downtown, by the canal. Let's go!

>>Exit on Adams. We need him alive.

The senator insisted.

>>Elena!

>>Bob. Why are you in the shadows?

>>I'm Deep Throat, get it?

>>It's there! Go!

>>I've always figured you for a capitalist.

>>You don't think I would run away

with you, just for you?

>>I've always felt a certain connection.

>>You got the money?

>>Senator's and Ron's. DC baby, DC!

>>Wow! You're good.

>>Better than that damn Frenchie.

>>I was only with Alex for his accent.

>>See, who didn't know that?!

>>Hello, Teddy Ruxpin.

>>Those would be ours.

>>Hey! Leave her alone.

>>CPD. We got you surrounded...

Put your hands on your head...

Drop the weapon...

Hands on your head!

>>Glad you made it on time.

>>I wouldn't do that.

I'm a gal from the old neighborhood.

>>Not my neighborhood.

>>Alex, you're alive?

>>Where are you?

>>Home. Come here.

Dude, are you okay?

>>What happened?

>>Danny got us out.

>>The six month police investigation has

uncovered a criminal network involving

numerous Chicago politicians, amongst which,

state Senator Tammy Allen.

The scope of the conspiracy is unclear,

but may include underground sex orgies,

money laundering, pay-for-play and a

mysterious pizza operation with possible ties

to Al Qaeda. It is also unclear what role this

man, known only by the alias of the President

might have had in this case.

The operation was successful thanks to Danny Stein,

the public defender who risked his life

infiltrating the organization.

We'll have more on the story, as it comes.

>>Where is Elena?

>>Immigration got her.

She's being deported. I'm sorry.

>>How did you get in?

>>Danny, the new big shot in town.

>>Huh!

>>So, when are they...? >>Tomorrow.

>>I don't know what to say.

>>It's not your fault.

I went along with it.

>>I didn't mean for all of this to happen.

>>Is that what you came here for?

To tell me that? That's it?

>>...duck, foie gras, capers, specialty cheeses,

imported European delicacies, ...

>>Go beyond the beyond, with our great food,

our beautiful servers and our magical

ingredients. It's the Chicago way!

Can you believe this?

>>That Extra Topping!

Chicago's premiere gourmet experience...

>>I'm going to Russia. >>What?

>>I got my ticket.

I leave the day after tomorrow.

>>Dude, Danny said he'd get you a green card.

>>He said it could be another six months.

Fuck the green card!

>>What are you gonna do out there?

>>Find her. Start over.

>>We're doing good here, man.

We could open another restaurant,

franchise the concept. American dream,

legit this time.

>>Send me a frozen pizza?

>>Come on!

So what do I say now? Au revoir?

>>See you on the other side.

>>How long stay Moscow?

>>Two weeks, I think.

I'm visiting a friend.

You know, I wasn't sure, but the second

I saw your face, I know it was right decision.

I just, I just feel good, you know.

So, you didn't write back.

>>Alex, don't, okay?

>>What? >>Just...

why are you here?

>>You don't know?

Because I love you.

>>Please.

>>What? I'm here. Right?

>>It's been months.

Last time we had bulletproof glass

three inches thick between us.

You had nothing to say.

>>I didn't know what to say.

>>And then once I'm gone,

once I can never come back, then you

start writing love letters?

>>You're right, but I'm here now.

>>You're late, Alex.

You didn't listen to me about the party.

You did no effort to come before...

>>I was waiting for my green card,

and you didn't ask me to come.

>>You should have done it on your own.

>>I just...

>>Look. I'm seeing someone.

For a month, it's nothing, it's

not serious, but,

I like him. He's not split down the middle, Alex.

>>How am I split down the middle?

>>You want your cake and you want to eat it, too.

>>Hear nothing.

You never learn.

I am tired, Alex.

>>I love you.

>>I know you do.

[**]

>>As we all know, Senator Allen's fall

led to an unprecedented trail of corruption

and scandal. In one remarkable turn, a

local public defender Daniel C. Stein, was

promoted to district attorney of Chicago,

after his predecessor was indicted on charges

of extortion, and lewd and indecent conduct.

I'm joined by Mr. Stein this evening.

District attorney Stein, it's wonderful to

have you here tonight.

>>Thanks for having me.

>>How does it feel to suddenly become

one of Chicago's most powerful men?

>>Oh, perfectly natural.

>>You have the reputation as being a house

cleaner and a real bulldog.

Do you see any more corruption

and scandals to come?

>>I'm not at liberty to discuss any

pending investigations, but I would be happy

to say a few words to any would-be criminals

out there, white collar or otherwise.

If you are considering trying to break the law,

juke the system or in any way cheat,

get rich quick, or resort to injustice,

don't do it.

I will hunt you down and prosecute you.

I am Chicago's dark knight.

[**]