Original subtitles

( upbeat music )

- You're late. - For what?

Rudy's surprise birthday party, remember?

The one he's been planning for himself for two weeks?

( switch clicks )

Rudy: He's coming.

All: Surprise.

How did you know it was my birthday?

Are you guys trying to kill me?

You'd better not have brought gifts.

But if you did, now would be the time to load me up.

Hey, man, I don't have anything.

Can I get in on your gift, please?

Absolutely not.

I put a lot of time, thought and effort into this.

This is from Jerry, Eddie and me.

Oh, joke-a-day toilet paper. Get out.

My cousin had this at his house.

I literally laughed myself off the bowl.

Thank you, guys.

Now,

I don't want to turn this whole gift thing into a competition,

but, Kim, it's time to top that gift.

Kim, do you think I could get in on your--

Forget it, Jack.

I've got a winner right here.

Unlike some people, I put a lot of thought into my gift.

I hope you like it, Rudy.

( paper rustles )

( gasps ) A signed picture of Bobby Wasabi,

my hero, my idol,

the man I patterned my life after?

"To whom it may concern, Bobby Wasabi."

That's me.

I'm whom. I'm concerned.

All right, Jack.

Rock my world.

Yeah, Jack, I'm sure Rudy saved the best for last.

Well, you know,

I was thinking

you know, everyone knows how much you love Bobby Wasabi.

And I asked myself what could be better than a picture, right?

Only the man himself.

Wait, wait, wait a minute.

Are you saying what I think you're saying?

You found a way Tt get Bobby Wasabi to come down here

So I could meet him?

Yeah.

Wait, the founder of this dojo, an international movie star,

someone who hasn't been seen in public in 20 years

is coming to see me?

I can't believe it.

None of us can believe it, Jack.

Milton: Let's get this party started.

- Whoa, whoa! - ( all chattering )

( theme music )

♪ Don't you get all tough with me ♪

♪ I'm saying won't you Come kick it with me? ♪

♪ And we can have a ball run up the wall ♪

♪ This is how we do ♪

♪ And no matter how much I chop and punch ♪

♪ It's not as cool As kickin' it with you ♪

♪ Here we go, let's start the party ♪

♪ Chop it up like it's karate ♪

♪ Everybody ♪

♪ Don't you get all tough with me ♪

♪ I'm saying won't you Come kick it with me? ♪

♪ And we can have a ball run up the wall ♪

♪ This is how we do ♪

♪ And no matter how much I chop and punch ♪

♪ It's not as cool As kickin' it with you ♪

( upbeat music )

I cannot believe you told Rudy that Bobby Wasabi was coming.

I couldn't believe it either.

Words just kept exploding out of me. It's like I had a case of liarrhea.

He's never gonna show, Jack. And Rudy's gonna be crushed.

Bobby could show. I mean, my grandfather was his sensei.

I found his number and I left him a message.

This could be bad.

Remember how disappointed Rudy was

when he lost the name-the-baby-panda contest at the zoo?

Oh, I know. He put on his crying boots.

( sobbing )

What are you guys looking at?

We're closed.

I know what I said was wrong.

But, I mean, who's crazy enough to believe

that Bobby Wasabi is actually coming to our dojo?

I can't believe Bobby Wasabi is actually coming to our dojo!

Look, Jack.

Bro, since Bobby's coming for Rudy's birthday,

we've decided to take advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

We spent the whole night in Jerry's garage writing his comeback movie.

Wow, you hear that, Jack?

Our friends spent all night in the garage writing a comeback movie for Bobby Wasabi.

What's bad about that?

What if they wrote a really great movie?

Oh, it's better than great. It's epic.

Bobby Wasabi is the biggest martial arts action star in history.

But now he'll battle with the most diabolical force he's ever faced.

It's half piranha, half octopus.

Boys: It's Piranhapus!

- Eight arms. - ( all blabber )

- Nine mouths. - ( growls )

And one bad attitude.

( Boys grumbling )

♪ Kickin' it with you ♪

We paid your cousin 50 bucks to make a model of Piranhapus

And this is what we get?

You should be happy he gave us a deal.

I mean, he took our vision and brought it to life.

Dude, we can't show this thing to Bobby Wasabi. It's a joke.

No, you know what's a joke?

That hacky ending you wrote. Bro, you ruined our movie.

My ending is perfect. No one could even see it coming.

Of course they can't see it coming.

How does a walrus operate a hang glider?

You know what? Well, here's what we think of your ending.

( paper rustling )

That's it.

( yelling )

Hey, guys, what are you doing?

Stop. Get away. Come on.

What is going on?

This Bobby Wasabi movie is tearing us apart.

Jack, this is crazy.

Just tell them the truth.

You're right.

Guys,

you remember how I said that Bobby Wasabi was coming down to our dojo?

Boys: Yeah.

Well, the truth is...

Hey, beef meats, who do you think you are?

I am...

Bobby Wasabi.

All: whoa.

Uh, sorry, ma'am, we're closed.

If you're looking for the large and lovin' it dress shop,

it's on the other side of the mall.

What was that?

Rudy, Rudy, your birthday present's here.

- It's Bobby Wasabi. - Yeah.

You wanna know why he's here?

Because when I say I can deliver, what happens?

Oh, that's right. I deliver.

That's a great joke.

You hire some big betty to squeeze into a dress

and then wobble in here saying he's Bobby Wasabi.

It is hilarious.

You don't think that I am Bobby Wasabi?

No, ma'am or sir, I do not.

That is it.

Hi-ya-ya-ya-ya-yah!

( grunting )

( yells )

Jack: No, no, no.

- Oh. - ( grunts )

Rudy, this is no joke. That really is Bobby Wasabi.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh, Bobby, I'm sorry, Mr. Wasabi.

Mr. Wasabi, I'm so sorry for the misunderstanding.

Um, welcome to my dojo.

This is not your dojo.

This is my dojo.

And you are fired.

( light music )

♪ Kickin' it with you. ♪

Nice birthday present, Jack. You got Rudy fired.

Maybe next you can give him a balloon and push him down the stairs.

The worst part is the Bobby Wasabi comeback movie is dead.

Say goodbye to my Hollywood dream.

What's Rudy gonna do without a job?

He'll be fine. Guys like Rudy land on their feet.

I wouldn't be surprised if he's already found a better job.

These are your turtle brushes.

You use this one to clean the mouth

And this one to clean the butt.

Those brushes look a lot alike. What if I mix them up?

You're not gonna mix them up.

It's terribly obvious. This one is for the mouth.

This one is-- Oh, dear, it's mine.

Oh.

Oh, not again. Ooh!

Hey guys. What are you doing here?

You know, we just came by to see how you're doing.

Yeah, don't worry about me.

I'm doing swell--

Swell, I tell you.

Guys, this is my fault.

Rudy's a third-degree black belt,

and now he's scrubbing turtle butt.

Bobby Wasabi took away his job

and Bobby Wasabi is gonna give it back.

( buzzing )

He's not answering.

How do we know he's even in there?

Well, someone just ordered a truckload of pastrami.

Hey, guys, I took three buses to get here,

So we're just gonna have to break in.

( scoffs ) Not happening, man. Guys like Wasabi

have million-dollar security systems.

Dude, I'm talking lasers,

motion sensors, surveillance cameras.

This thing's an impenetrable fortress.

Bro, there's no way we're getting in here--

What's up, Milton? Ever.

Uh-oh.

That's not good.

Oh, come on, it's just one of those gag signs you buy at the carwash.

All: Yah!

Jerry, I don't think it's a gag.

- Ninjas! - ( screaming )

We're trapped. What are we gonna do?

Uh, we're warriors. It's three of us against one ninja.

We got this, yeah.

( all yell )

( crashing )

You okay, Milton?

I'll tell you this much,

you get wedgied by a ninja,

you don't even see it coming.

( Jerry groans )

Come on. Come on.

Where do you think we are?

I don't know.

I think I found a light switch.

( disco music playing )

What is this place?

You know, just your average everyday disco bathroom.

What's up, dude?

Whoa. Come on.

You boys are in so much trouble.

You broke into my house,

which means when I call the police

you are going to jail.

( sniffs ) Sausage me.

- ( whooshes ) - ( thumps )

That's the most incredible thing I've ever seen.

Sausage me.

Don't you dare sausage him, Evan.

Take them away.

Fine, take us away.

But when we leave, your big comeback movie leaves with us.

How's that now? What? What?

( Boys grunt )

It just so happens we wrote the greatest movie of your career.

A little something called "Bobby Wasabi vs. Piranhapus!"

It's half piranha, half octopus.

So it's a little piranha with eight tentacles?

Try a giant octopus with vicious piranha teeth

at the end of each tentacle.

Oh, I want to fight that thing so bad

I can almost taste it.

No, that's a little sausage juice left in my mustache.

( upbeat music )

Okay, Lonnie,

I changed the corn lizard's diaper.

Now I know why they call it a corn lizard.

Yeah.

- There you go. - Oh, yes.

Come here, baby.

Who's your daddy? Mm.

Now feed the Panamanian bush devil.

( scoffs ) And be careful. She's a feisty one.

I think I can handle a little bush devil.

Just so you know, I'm only here temporarily.

Uh, this is a minor setback

in an otherwise illustrious career.

Don't get too attached to this face.

Argh. Argh.

I said do not get attached to the face.

( upbeat music )

Your fingers are within inches of an outstretched tentacle--

A tentacle you will never

hold again.

The end.

( sobbing )

That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

( alarm blaring )

Either security's been breached or my pot pie is ready.

Hey, Bobby, I've been looking for you.

Get them!

( grunting )

( grunting continues )

( glass shatters )

( grunting )

( gong crashes )

Hang on a second.

That was a perfect Flying Dragon kick.

My grandfather taught it to me.

Well, I can't think that your grandfather

would approve of you breaking into my house.

No, but he would approve of me standing up for my sensei.

Your sensei called me a man lady.

It was an honest mistake.

You've got a ponytail

and that thing you're wearing kind of looks like a dress.

It's a kaftan.

It's breathable, wrinkle-free

and great for those on-the-go days.

Mr. Wasabi,

what was the one thing that all of your movies had?

Hot chicks, explosions

and a sassy orangutan sidekick.

Everyone loved Dr. Bananas.

Oh, yeah, a funny monkey.

But your movies also had you.

A man that lived by the Wasabi code.

That's the code sensei Rudy still lives by.

All: We swear by the light of the dragon's eye...

To be loyal, honest

and never say die.

All: Wasabi.

Bobby, look,

Rudy's far from perfect,

But he's more than just a great sensei.

He's our friend.

Do the right thing. Give him his job back.

( disco music playing )

( disco music continues playing )

Okay, who was that guy?

I have no idea.

I'm just glad that you could see him too.

♪ The world is cold ♪

♪ When you're alone ♪

♪ The heart that's bold ♪

♪ Still needs a friend ♪

♪ Take my hand ♪

♪ We'll walk this land ♪

♪ We're so much more ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're friends ♪

♪ We're truly friends ♪

♪ And we'll stay ♪

♪ Always friends ♪

♪ Holding up each other ♪

♪ Oh, no matter ♪

♪ What life may bring ♪

♪ We'll find ♪

♪ Till the end of time ♪

♪ That nothing ♪

♪ Can come between us ♪

♪ We'll find ♪

♪ What's been in our hearts ♪

♪ What's been in our minds ♪

♪ We'll each play our parts ♪

♪ And walk this walk ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ Till the end ♪

"Bobby Wasabi vs. Piranhapus!"

- Take 1. - ( clicks )

And action!

Somebody help me, please.

It's horrible.

This thing's out of control.

( screaming )

( suspenseful music playing )

It's over, Piranhapus!

( whooshing )

- ( microphone feedback ) - Eddie: Argh!

You framed me for murder.

You stole my girl.

And you crushed the dreams of a beautiful young porpoise.

Cut!

Bobby, baby, bubbie.

You're killin' me. Where's the energy?

You're right. I phoned that one in.

Eddie, go in there and tell Jerry to take it easy with that fake tentacle.

He's going way too big.

Hey guys. Sorry I'm late.

They wouldn't let me on the bus with this thing.

Wait a minute.

If you're here with this, then what was--

( screaming )

( closing theme music )