Original subtitles

♪ And no matter how much I chop and punch ♪

♪ It's not as cool As kickin' it with you! ♪

Oh yeah. Waxy wednesday,

Where a plastic tray meets a freshly-buffed floor

and legends are born.

- ( door opens ) - Hey, guys. I got the trays.

Any problems getting by Marge the lunch lady?

Nah, she said they don't pay her enough to care.

Guys, did I miss anything?

Not yet. Hey, shouldn't you be in detention

for putting a tollbooth in the boys' bathroom?

I should be, but when you sit me in the back and leave a window open,

I'm what they call a flight risk.

Jack, your record's about to be broken.

Prepare for the new world champion,

Milton "the missile" Krupnick.

- Ooh! - Okay.

Dude, eat a sandwich.

Oh, look at this. I've walked into the middle of a loser-palooza.

What do you want, Truman?

I thought I'd just hang out.

Do you have to do it here?

It's a free hallway, Jerry.

Truman, if you'll excuse me,

I have a date with destiny.

( scoffs ) Well, that'll be your first date ever.

( laughs )

( mock laughs ) Very funny.

You're about to see my skid marks.

Okay, I thought that was gonna sound different when it came out.

Okay, guys, this garbage can marks Jack's record of 47 floor tiles.

( yelling )

( crashes )

He just shattered your record...

and that papier-mache solar system outside the science room.

It looks like somebody greased his tray.

Looks like. (laughs)

Looks like saturn is now lodged

in the dark side of the moon.

( theme music )

♪ Don't you get all tough with me ♪

♪ I'm saying won't you Come kick it with me? ♪

♪ And we can have a ball run up the wall ♪

♪ This is how we do ♪

♪ And no matter how much I chop and punch ♪

♪ It's not as cool As kickin' it with you ♪

♪ Here we go, let's start the party ♪

♪ Chop it up like it's karate ♪

♪ Everybody ♪

♪ Don't you get all tough with me ♪

♪ I'm saying won't you Come kick it with me? ♪

♪ And we can have a ball run up the wall ♪

♪ This is how we do ♪

♪ And no matter how much I chop and punch ♪

♪ It's not as cool As kickin' it with you ♪

( all kiyaping )

( high-pitched screaming )

( kids laughing )

Hold on.

Something's different. Wait, don't tell me.

( snaps ) New bathrobe.

It's my hair. This is what I get for showering.

Rudy, what kind of shampoo are we using?

That's the same shampoo we always use.

What? This isn't shampoo.

It's pink hair dye.

Dude, do you shampoo your leg hair?

Bro, when I shampoo, I'm all in.

Love your new look!

Awesome. Just awesome.

I know you did this, Truman.

Somehow you snuck in here

and switched out that shampoo for pink hair dye.

- ( mockingly ) What? - Rudy: No, it wasn't Truman.

I've been here all day and I never once saw him ooze his way in here.

Looks like I've got an airtight alibi.

See ya around, Pinky. ( laughing )

- ( door opens, closes ) - Pinky?

Why would anyone call me "Pinky"?

Ow!

Oh, I get it.

( rock music playing )

♪ Come kick it with me ♪

♪ Come on! ♪

- Flawless. - It's breathtaking.

Perfection!

I don't know what we're looking at.

It's a single grain of rice.

I spent over $1,000 on it.

A Tibetan monk spent a year engraving

- the wasabi code on it. - Mmm.

I once wrote my name on a corn dog with mustard.

But then I ate it, so I really can't prove it.

Lonnie, you could never appreciate

such a precious piece of art.

You own a reptile store and your car has a tail.

Hmm.

Oh, no. No, no, no, no.

- That did not just happen! - It sure did.

- Well, we'll see you around. - No, no, no, no!

No no, you open your girlfriend's mouth

- 'Cause I'm going in! - Just relax.

- It'll come out in her poop. - How long is that gonna take?

Well, Brazilian monkey lizards usually go once a year,

and she just went, so a year.

No no no, I-- I can't wait a whole year.

You know what? We have to trick her

into thinking that the seasons are changing.

Are you insane?

You seriously think you can outsmart a lizard?

It sleeps in a sock and its best friend is a stick,

- so I'm gonna go with "yes." - ( lizard giggles )

- Wait, what was that? - ( lizard giggles )

It sounded like that thing just laughed at me.

Don't be ridiculous. lizards don't know how to laugh.

- ( whispers ) You are so bad. - ( both giggle )

Come on, people! Let's make some noise!

As the captain of our pep squad,

Kim Crawford leads out our championship girls' basketball team.

The Seaford

- lady whales! - ( all cheer )

- ( music playing ) - All right, girls,

when I break through that paper,

I want you guys to keep going, throw your hands up in the air

and pep that crowd up! Come on, everyone!

- Pep, pep, pep! - ( all cheering )

Come on!

Oh!

( Kim grunting )

( Truman laughing )

Look like you got yourself into a sticky situation.

- Rudy: Okay. - ( laughs )

- I love the fall. - Mmm.

I can't believe it's thanksgiving already.

But I guess that's what happens when time passes

and the seasons change.

Almost makes you wanna poop.

Do not rush it.

Now let's eat. ( chuckles )

Mmm. How's the turkey?

I don't know. The stuffing's pretty good.

Eh, it's Lenore's favorite. It's got meal worms in it.

( locker opens )

Check it out, Heather Clark.

Jack: Oh, she's reading the note I left in her locker,

which means she's gonna come over here.

- Pit crew, go, go, go, go. - ( sprays )

- ( sprays ) - ( whirrs )

- Roll, roll, roll, roll. - Wait, wait, wait.

A final touch, a splash of cologne.

Ah. ( sniffs )

What the--

Oh! Someone put bleu cheese in my cologne.

I can't stand bleu cheese.

Remember what happened when he smelled it at--

Whoa, don't-- don't hurl, man. Or think about hurling.

Or the taste in your mouth you get right before--

Shut it!

Hey, Jack, I got your note. I thought it was really sweet.

- ( barfs ) - Eww!

You just yakked on my shoes!

( barfs )

( both barf )

- ( Truman laughing ) - ( kids barfing )

It's a category five hurl-icane!

Guys, we all know Truman's behind all these pranks.

We just gotta figure out how he's doing it.

Grease, hair dye, sticky paper and bleu cheese--

Sounds like my grandmother's medicine cabinet.

Truman's picking us off one by one.

He's got all of us, except for...

- Eddie. - What are you guys saying?

We're saying you're next.

If I were you, I'd roll myself up in bubble wrap and sit in the basement.

I did that when my father showed me my own birth video.

Do you guys have any idea where we come from?

My mother told me it was a pumpkin patch.

I wish.

I think what Eddie needs to hear

is that we're gonna be there for him.

Guys, guys, I can take care of myself.

No, no, no, don't worry, Eddie. We'll protect you.

We'll walk you to school in the morning...

And after school we'll walk you back home.

We'll be the last thing you see at night

and the first thing you see in the morning.

How do you like your eggs?

Guys, stop!

I can't take it anymore!

It wasn't Truman who pulled those pranks on you.

- Well, then who was it? - It was me.

All: What?

Eddie, why would you prank us like that?

Do you know what you did to me? That paper was so sticky,

I lost four freckles and half an eyebrow.

And a clown keeps following me around

asking me where I get my hair done.

I didn't want to.

Truman's been blackmailing me.

How is he blackmailing you?

Truman's father owns the security company that watches the mall.

- So? - One night

Rudy let me stay late in the dojo to work on some moves.

The thing is I wasn't working on karate moves.

- May I have this dance? - ( light jazz music playing )

You put on that cherry lip gloss for me?

Truman saw everything from his father's office.

He put it on a flash drive

and unless I do whatever he says,

he's gonna put it on the internet.

- I'm sorry, guys. - It's okay, Eddie.

He's not gonna get away with it.

Truman's gonna be sorry he messed with us.

When you poke a bear, do you know what happens?

Seriously, does anybody know?

( door opens )

- ( fans whirring ) - Jerry: Brr! Whoa.

What are you guys doing in here?

Just celebrating Christmas with a monkey lizard

waiting for it to poop out something that belongs to me.

Oh, right on. Wait.

How do you know the lizard's not jewish and celebrates hanukkah?

- We don't. - Oh!

( to the tune of "deck the halls" ) ♪ Hanukkah, hanukkah ♪

♪ Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-hanukkah ♪

♪ And a happy kwanzaa too... ♪

- Just covering my bases. - Oh.

♪ Don't you think It's time For you to poo? ♪

Okay, our mission is to get into the security office

and grab the flash drive out of the safe.

Let's go over the plan one more time.

I'll get Truman out of the office

by taking him to the parking lot

and letting him shoot paintballs at me.

- You think he'll go for it? - I'm pretty sure.

Once we're inside, I'll disarm the security system.

- I'll crack the safe. - Out in the courtyard,

I'll distract the security guard.

And I'll distract the guard's dog.

How are you gonna distract the dog?

See, I don't know if you know this about me,

but I was partially raised by wolves.

That actually explains a lot.

Check it. ( howling )

( distant howling )

Those are my peeps.

Only one more season until this glorified wallet

gives me back my rice. Now let's go.

Hey, whoa. You're forgetting the best part of spring break.

- ( chuckles ) - ( clicks )

- Wet t-shirt contest! - ( rock music playing )

- Oh yeah! - Whoo!

- Yeah! - Oh, yeah!

- Oh. Oh! - Whoo! Whoo.

- Your turn. - Oh, okay.

- Here we go. - Yeah! Oh y--

You win. Let's go.

♪ Kickin' it with you! ♪

Oh boy, we got another one.

You know the mall is closed, right?

Uh, yeah. I'm sorry.

I was just trying to find a quiet place

to try the hottest new celebrity workout.

I told you that the mall is clos--

Did you say "hottest new celebrity workout"?

Yeah, it combines karate with pilates.

It's called, uh,

karate-lates.

Karate-lates. Wow.

Do you think you could show me?

Yeah, but not in front of the dog.

It's based on actual dog movements,

and if he sees it...

( whispers ) He'll think you're making fun of him.

( whispers ) Oh, that totally makes sense.

King, take five.

Mommy's going to try some karate-lates.

- Okay, right on. - ( clicks )

- ( new age music playing ) - Oh look at this.

We're gonna sweat. It's gonna get intense.

- Okay, close your eyes... - Okay, can do.

- And, um, - Mm-hmm, closed.

- breathe like a dog. - Oh, okay.

( panting )

( softly ) Yo, what up, dog?

Yeah, you and I, we like the same things.

Chasing cats, chewing on slippers

and dragging our butts across the carpet.

You know what I'm talking about.

( lasers whirring )

Wow, military-grade security lasers.

Okay, now that I did not expect.

Kill switch is on the other side.

How do we get past this?

Very carefully.

( grunting ) Whoa.

Whoa!

( grunts )

- ( beeps ) - Let's go.

- There it is. - No, no, no!

There's weight sensors in the carpet.

- We can't walk on the floor. - Well, what do we do?

( sighs )

( shouts )

( grunts )

Hey, come on.

How do we get across the office?

I'll carry you across, okay?

You open that safe and get the flash drive.

- Let's go. - ( both grunting )

All right.

- Truman has... - ( beeps )

four brothers. Okay.

- He's claimed to have kissed seven girls. - ( beeps )

- Lying. - What?

- And he has three nipples. - ( beeps )

- Yes. - Yes, you did it.

You made that last one up, didn't you?

No. He swims at my y.

Oh. Yes!

Okay, now how do we get down?

That's a very good question.

( whispers ) We've got the flash drive. Let's go.

Wow. Very nice form.

You're a fast learner. You feel the burn?

Whoo-wee! I feel it!

Hey, look.

My butt's looking better already.

Karate-lates.

I'm in. Whoo!

Breaking into my father's office?

You guys are in so much trouble!

We'll take whatever comes, but we had to help a friend out.

I want that flash drive and I want it right now.

All right, all right, we'll give it back.

But first we've got another video we want you to see.

- ( keyboard clacks ) - What are you talking about?

Here you go.

Okay. ( laughing )

Truman's on his way in.

He's about to find out about the flash drive.

I don't think he's gonna take it too well.

Hey, why is the safe open?

Where's the flash drive?

No!

It's the worst day of my life!

Ah! I'm gonna run away and never come back!

( screams )

( shouts, screaming )

Yup, I got your whole crybaby freak-out.

( screaming continues )

Doesn't feel so good when it's you, does it, Truman?

If that thing gets out, my life will be over!

I'll be known as tantrum boy.

Please tell me you won't post that video.

We're not gonna post it.

We're not like you, Truman.

Hey, how about a deal? We destroy both videos

and you never mess with us again, deal?

Deal. Just delete it, Please. Please!

( beeps )

You know I only, I only melted down like that

because I knew the camera was there.

( chuckles ) I was just putting on a show.

Well, show's over.

When you mess with one of us,

you mess with all of us.

Bye, Truman.

Bye, Eddie.

- Maybe next week we can go paintball-- - Get out.

Eddie, remember what you just told Truman.

If you're in trouble, we'll always be there for you.

Got it.

Thanks, guys.

Has anyone seen Jerry?

Last time I saw him, he was out in the courtyard.

So the thing about me is that I'm pretty tough,

but I also have a sensitive side.

My perfect date would end with a moonlit walk on the beach.

What are you doing with my dog?

Oh, I'm just getting to know her.

You know he's a boy, right?

This is really awkward.

It is for all of us.

♪ Kickin' it with you! ♪

This summer heat is gonna kill me.

Not if I kill you first.

When is this thing going to poop out my rice?

She usually does it after the fireworks.

It's the combination of fear and patriotism.

- We don't have any fireworks. - Oh, don't we?

- ( grunts ) - Ooh!

- ( pops ) - Look at that one.

- ( pops ) - That one's in the shape of a ball.

All right, all right, enough!

- This is the stupidest thing that I've-- - ( clangs )

Oh, I believe that is for you.

- Good girl. - Oh.

My rice.

I finally have back the most precious thing I ever--

- ( swallows ) - Oh!

- ( stammers ) - Oh. Oh.

Ah!

So I guess I'll see you at thanksgiving.

Yeah. Yeah.

( closing theme music )