All language subtitles for Hysterical.2021.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC5.1-[YTS.MX]

[ Billie Eilish's
"Therefore I Am" playing ]

Downloaded from
YTS.MX

♪♪♪♪♪♪

Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

♪♪ I'm not your friend
or anything, damn ♪♪

♪♪ You think
that you're the man ♪♪

♪♪ I think, therefore I am ♪♪

♪♪ I'm not your friend
or anything, damn ♪♪

♪♪ You think
that you're the man ♪♪

♪♪ I think, therefore I am ♪♪

It's very hard for a woman
who has been brought up to be

sweet and clingy to stand up
in front of 2,500 people

and say,
"Okay, now listen to me."

You have really
a tremendous sense of power

when you're standing up
and commanding them

to listen to you.

You must be a very strong woman.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

Women have always been
in comedy.

♪♪ Stop, what the hell
are you talking about? ♪♪

But now we're at such
a critical mass

that we can't ignore
that women are hilarious

and making content that
everybody wants to consume.

♪♪ Don't talk ♪♪

♪♪'Bout me like how you might
know how I feel ♪♪

♪♪ Top of the world,
but your world isn't real ♪♪

It's not about talking like men
or talking about the stuff

that they talk about.

It's about our experience,
and that is as valid as theirs.

Women have an advantage
in stand‐up comedy.

It's 'cause we've been dabbling
in our feelings

for far longer than men have,

and so that's why we're killing
the game right now.

♪♪ I'm not your friend
or anything, damn ♪♪

♪♪ You think
that you're the man ♪♪

♪♪ I think, therefore I am ♪♪

♪♪ I'm not your friend
or anything, damn ♪♪

♪♪ You think
that you're the man ♪♪

♪♪ I think, therefore I am ♪♪

[ electricity buzzing ]

[ horns honking ]

[ siren wailing in distance ]

[ horns continue honking]

Did I tell you the one time
I was in the bathroom there?

And I'd just gotten offstage
and I had, like,

not a great set
'cause it was trying new stuff.

And, um, this girl walked in
with her friend.

She goes, "I love the girl
that's on now,

but that last girl‐‐"
and I just go,

"Please don't finish
the sentence!

"Please don't
finish the sentence!

I'm the girl! I'm the girl!"

And the girl goes‐‐she stopped,
and she's like,

"Oh, my God. I'm so sorry,"
which made me realize

that she was gonna say
something bad.

But, um, she was like,
"I'm so sorry,"

and I go, "It's okay.
Just don't‐‐We‐‐We‐‐We are‐‐"

I go, "We walk amongst you."

♪♪♪♪♪♪

‐ How have you been?
‐ Good. How are you?

Wonderful. Good to see you.

‐ This is my girlfriend, Elysa.
‐ How you doing tonight, Elysa?

♪♪♪♪♪♪

Almost every famous comic
started here.

Where should we go? Do you wanna
go back to the table?

[ indistinct conversations ]

This is
the infamous Comics Table.

We'd all eat dinner together
and, you know, tell jokes

and bust with each other.

I always hook up my phone

and, like, take him
through my funniest friends.

‐ You're on there all the time.
‐ That's awesome.

‐ You'll get there. And, um‐‐
‐ [ laughter ]

‐ Keep submitting.
‐ What I strive for.

There's also a ton
of camaraderie here.

The Stand is like that
in New York,

and Comedy Store in L. A.
and The Improv.

Like, every‐‐there's certain
clubs where people

really become family and close
and hang out.

How are you? Good to see you.
Good.

On the road and in a lot
of other clubs,

it's very hard for women
to get stage time.

So this is where you end up

after you get
all that stage time

and you can prove yourself.

Oh, here's Nikki's.
I don't have my glasses on.

"This is my favorite place.
Thank you."

Oh, and Marina.

Here's Lisa Lampanelli.

Here's Carmen.

[ cheers and applause ]

The very first time I performed
onstage was for two minutes,

and right then, I felt like
I just got married

and had a baby. Like, I'm like,
this is what I wanna do.

I never felt that way
about anything.

What does that even mean,
"awkwardly hot"?

I've never even heard those
two words put together.

How do you even say "thank you"
to "awkwardly hot"?

‐ [ laughter ]
‐ Like, thanks.

[ laughter ]

I love stand‐up.

The joy I get
from getting onstage

and being able to take people
on a journey

to a place where they forget
what they're going through.

And I'll bet you,
you get up at 23,

and you just, "Mm! Ah! Ah! Ah!"

I can't do that 'cause that
last egg just fell when I...

[ laughter ]

It's mostly people's
biggest fear

to get up in front of others
and try to make them laugh.

I told my mother when I was 14
I wanted to be a comedian,

and she said...
[ imitating Korean accent ]

"Oh, maybe it's better
if you just die."

[ laughter ]

But for me,
when I was starting out,

I was very different,
very young,

and so I had to also
convince people

that I had something important
to say.

[ cheers and applause ]

They always show me
doing stand‐up,

and then the camera goes out
in the audience

and looks for the Asians
in the audience.

[ laughter ]

"Look at them
in their natural habitat."

[ laughter ]

Genetics didn't work out
for me,

so that's why I am a comic.

I figured my options were
comedian, softball coach,

or UPS driver.
‐ [ laughter ]

The beauty of comedy is that
I have a voice and a microphone,

and I can just go out there
and do my thing.

I picked comedy 'cause
I don't look good in brown.

[ laughter ]

You have the mic.
It's‐‐It's‐‐It's your turn.

I was the weird kid.
I was just, like, awkward.

You know, like, one of my
breasts grew before the other.

I had, like, a starter tit,

which is not a hot look
for a girl.

I have control,
and I'm a storyteller,

so I get to tell my tale.

I was like, really? Okay.
And then he goes...

[ deep voice ] "Little boys
think that tits matter,

but adult men know that
ass matters. That's all."

[ laughter ]

I'm like, "But you're 14."

[ laughter ]

Crafting a joke

and feeling that energy
where knowing in your gut,

I just delivered this high,

and now I have to say
something deeper,

or I said this fast,
and I said this part slower.

It'll be funnier.
It's melodic, almost.

Girls have a more insidious
kind of crazy.

Sometimes we'll start a fight
with you

just to see if we can make it
look like you started the fight.

[ laughter ]

Every girl's done that,

just to see how strong
your powers are.

It's almost like singing,
like you can just riff

and knowing energy‐wise
that you can take them anywhere.

"Stop it.
I don't wanna fight with you."

But in your girl head,
you're like...

[ deep, hearty guffawing ]

[ deep voice ]
I wanna fight with you.

[ laughter ]

The best experience onstage

is when the whole room
is with you,

and you feel like
you're truly sharing a story

that they can connect with.

"Strong Black woman"‐‐that never
felt like a compliment.

That always felt like work.

‐ [ laughter ]
‐ So it was like,

"Hey, what you doing
on Saturday?

I got this heavy couch.
I need a strong Black woman."

[ laughter ]

I used to be like, ugh,
when comedians would, like,

pat themselves on the back
or like,

"We are the last bastion
of free speech,"

and it's like,
no, we kind of are.

Naked pictures‐‐I send those,
and I shouldn't.

I shouldn't.
The cloud is not secure.

But, like, neither am I,
and I need constant validation.

When someone tells me
I can't talk about something,

I just, like, wanna do it more.

I love "The Sixth Sense,"
though.

I love‐‐and the ending,
when the guy came in my eye,

and I didn't have to watch
the rest of it, that was great.

[ laughter ]

In stand‐up, there is no one
telling us what to do.

[ faint laughter ]

What is it that beats inside
the heart and soul of a comedian

that makes you want to make
people laugh,

that makes you want to stand
upstage alone?

Damage. [ laughing ]

No. [ laughing ] I'm sorry.

Um...no, I don't know.

Yeah, there's probably a little
piece of a lot of us

that is filling
some sort of void, right?

[ indistinct conversations ]

Where are you guys from?

Here? Okay, what do you do?

You're a social w‐‐
That's probably why

you've been laughing so hard.
‐ [ laughter ]

Yeah, my mother's a therapist,
too.

Yeah, it's incredible.

She saw clients in the basement
of my house my entire life,

so I had to be quiet.
She'd be like,

"Judy's coming today, and she's
having a really hard time.

"So I'm gonna need you
to be quiet upstairs,

'cause Judy needs help.
Judy's really struggling."

Ju‐‐ [ laughs ] I'm like,
"Well, I just ate six pizzas...

and started cutting,
but good luck to Judy."

[ laughter ]

Okay, um...

I say this onstage as a joke,

but, like,
people start clapping.

I'm like, no matter how much
you clap,

it'll never fill the hole.

Like, we're just trying to fill
this hole

and get the attention
that we've always wanted

that we can't get.

I think it really goes back
to childhood

and just always wanting to be
seen and heard

and not feeling acknowledged.

I was not a happy kid.

My parents weren't happy
together, and, you know,

my father would be, like,
tough on me,

so I just kept thinking
I'm bad, I'm wrong.

I used to fight boys every day
after school,

and I would normally not win.

I was very tomboyish,

no interest in dolls,
really tall.

I got teased from the minute
I got up

to the minute I came home
from school.

6'3". I'm very tall.
That is kinda tall.

Actually,
I reached this height‐‐

I was about 13 years old,
which was horrible,

'cause I'd walk down the halls
in grammar school.

Everyone called me "Sasquatch"
and everything, right?

‐ I didn't know what to do.
‐ [ laughter ]

Yeah, thanks a lot.

Then I'd go home to my mother.

I'd be like, "Mom, all the kids
are teasing me in school.

I don't know what to do."
She'd say to me...

[ sighs heavily ]

"Judith, don't worry about it.
They're jealous of you.

"Go upstairs and put on
your father's clothes.

"Leave me alone.
Get away from me.

I can't stand your pain."
‐ [ laughter ]

Yeah, I got bullied a lot.
We moved‐‐

my family‐‐
my dad moved my family

to the suburbs of Chicago.

So there wasn't
many Black people,

and it was very prejudiced,
so, you know,

I got called the "N" word
all the time.

I didn't like to fight.
I didn't like confrontation.

So I was always the one
that came in

and tried to make people laugh.

But I didn't know
what I wanted to do.

My family felt
I should play it safe,

get something where you don't
get fired.

So I chose to be
a legal secretary.

This is like eons ago.

I come from
a very traditional family.

I grew up in Spain
and moved to the states

when I was 8, and I was very shy

'cause I would say things
incorrectly,

and then someone would laugh.
Like, I would just be like,

well, I'm not gonna
speak up then.

To my family,
I was a very strange person.

I liked things they didn't like.

I found humor in things
that they didn't find funny.

They were very hard‐working.

We grew up on a farm.

For a long time,
we didn't have running water.

I, uh, I'm from Canada.
I grew up on a farm there,

and I live in here
but, you know,

everyone back home's
always like,

"Hey, don't go Hollywood."

I'm like, I wanna
go Hollywood, you know?

‐ [ laughter ]
‐ I wanna have it all.

I wanna have a convertible,
a car phone, a drug addiction.

[ laughter ]

I just have to get
a convertible.

[ laughter ]

I am this close.

Everyone assumes you're kind of
the class clown that's, like,

"Look at me, look at me."

But I was a cautious kid.

My mom said I would always
look both ways

before crossing the street.

So it's weird that I ended up
in this job that has

such a lack of stability,

and you're having to take risks
all the time.

I grew up in the suburbs
of Dallas, Texas,

for many years, with, like,
a single mom.

And I moved schools a lot,

so I definitely never felt like
I fit in,

especially growing up
in Dallas, Texas.

Like, all the girls had bangs.
They were perfect, Christian.

And then it was, like, me.

You did wear an eye patch
as a child.

‐ I did.
‐ I know that about you.

I had something called
amblyopia.

‐ Right.
‐ Which affects a lot of people.

‐ Really?
‐ And so I had an eye patch,

and then I had a special one
that went over my glasses.

‐ Oh, no.
‐ I went to a private school.

In private school, like,
no one makes fun of anyone

because it's‐‐
'cause public school,

it's like, "Yeah!
You know, think fast, nerd."

‐ Right.
‐ And in private school,

it's like, "We don't know
how rich your parents are,

so let's err on the side
of caution."

[ laughter and applause ]

I was, like, an emergency moron
in school.

Like, I mean, they didn't know
what to do.

There was a lot of meetings
about me, just like Ds, Fs.

They were just like,
"Uh, yeah, she's‐‐

I mean, we don't know why
she's dumb."

I loved voices.
I loved affectations

and how people speak,
so since I was little,

I would get attention
that way.

But I couldn't learn.

I couldn't stuff information
in my brain,

so I moved to New York
when I was 17

with this guy and his band
called Dick Sister.

All I knew is that I really
loved stand‐up comedy.

I love the artform
and I knew that I was

meant to do it
in some capacity.

But there was
no real aspirations

of stardom or success,
'cause I'd never seen

Asian Americans do that,
and I'd never seen,

really, that many women
doing that.

You know, maybe I would get
to open for a big star

when they came
into San Francisco.

Maybe I could be a weatherwoman
in the local news.

I think I had a good childhood,
my mother asked me to tell you.

Um, no, but I had, like,
a lemonade stand

with a 2‐drink minimum.

I was clinically depressed.

For me, personally, it was that

it didn't seem like I made
a difference.

It gave me an identity
to be the funny one.

Wendy Liebman,
ladies and gentlemen.

Let's talk about
your coming up.

How was St. Louis growing up?

It was great. It was‐‐
I had the best childhood.

‐ I l‐‐ Yeah.
‐ Really?

Well, something's wrong already.
Hang on.

‐ Okay.
‐ Cannot compute.

Did you say you had a sister
that you‐‐

Yeah, I had
a really beautiful sister.

Was that why you started
searching for ways

to get attention
and found comedy?

Yeah, I had buck teeth
and no value,

and so I was like, I have to
come up with something.

Here we are in our condo.
Kids watching TV.

It's the best talk show ever.

I loved Hollywood,
and I loved models,

and I wanted to be them.

Like, I just knew
when I was a kid,

like, that I was gonna make it
happen somehow.

[ giggles ]

But then I realized I wasn't
as pretty as my sister

and that the pretty girls
were getting the roles

in the plays.

Mmm.

Everywhere my mom took us,
people would stop my mom

and be like, "This child
needs to be a model"

about my sister,
and I would literally, like,

creep from behind my mom's legs
like Nosferatu,

like, "What should I be?"
[ laughter ]

Just waiting.

And what about me?

What's my future hold?

I had a therapist.
She used to yell at me

and be like,
"You're not a beauty.

"You're average‐looking,
and it's enough,

and it's fine."
‐ Oh, my God.

Yeah, she was really,
really harsh.

‐ Oh, my God.
‐ I've had some bad therapists.

‐ I go to therapy, too.
‐ [ laughter ]

I have to.

Mine is very expensive, too.
I actually told her.

I said, "You know,
you're too expensive.

I don't think I can afford you."

And she just looked at me,
and she said,

"Let's talk about why that is."

[ laughter ]

I grew up in Chicago,
Highland Park,

which is
a very white neighborhood.

They weren't racist
at my school,

but when I went to camp,
it was really bad.

They would say things like,
"She's‐‐Her skin's dirty."

You know,
"She looks like she smells."

They would say awful, awful
things on the bus.

Bus driver never said anything.

Back then, you just had to learn
how to live with it,

and one of the ways I did
was by being funny.

I didn't know that I had a thing
for comedy.

I had no idea.

My mother was a big yeller.
She was‐‐had a lot of rage.

She had these rageful attacks
when we were growing up,

and I think I was
that middle child

who could make Mom laugh to
defuse the tension in the house.

Looking at this head,
it reminds me to go home

and clean my dildo.

[ laughter ]

[ snorts ] That's not true.
Mine's black. Anyway...

So I as a comic was doing jokes
to shut everybody up

before they get to me.

Wait a minute.
You're Hispanic?

Oh, my God.
You look so employed.

[ laughter ]

I'm pretty sure 90% of my stuff
is all these insults

making fun of the audience.

I'm glad you people like me
because my mother hates me.

[ laughter ]

In my own family,

I've always known laughter
to be the most healing thing.

Everyone in the family has
touched trauma in some way.

It's mostly not something
we talk about.

So we choose to laugh
at funerals.

We choose to laugh when
somebody's getting divorced.

Someone has the job
to make things funny.

We look to that person,
and it helps.

And I made a choice to be
that person in my family.

A lot of people tell me

that I look really skinny as
a compliment pretty frequently.

They often wanna know the secret
to how I maintain this figure,

and, uh...secret is definitely
Irritable Bowel Syndrome...

‐ [ laughter ]
‐ ...onset by severe stress

and trauma, so... [ laughs ]

I guess a lot of people
want a skinny girlfriend,

but no one wants to know
how the sausage gets made, so...

[ laughter ]

Fine.

[ applause ]

♪♪♪♪♪♪

Jerry, who are
your favorite female comedians?

My favorite female comedian
was Cary Grant.

[ laughter ]

I cannot sit and watch a lady
diminish her qualities

to the lowest
common denominator.

I just can't do that.

You know what you look like
normally?

You look like the lady
that looks in the fun mirror

at the Palisades Park.

‐ [ laughter ]
‐ Short and fat.

But you're regular like that.
Did you ever notice?

I look in the mirror.
I see Raquel Welch.

‐ [ laughter ]
‐ I swear!

She's staying with you?

No, I got a picture of her
in my mirror.

[ laughter ]

You're different
from other girls.

That's what you think.

You're smarter.
You're almost like a man.

As a little kid, I really didn't
understand, like,

why does he get to do that,
and I have to do this?

Just 'cause he's a boy?

Like, I was really floored
by that.

MALE NARRATOR: Carol took
a general home economics course,

one which fitted her
for that very important career

of being Mrs. Johnson.

She was glad that
her college training

had prepared her so well
for home life.

The idea of what femininity is,

and in a lot of people's minds,
still is,

is dainty, quiet, ladylike.

You learn
the most ladylike thing

is to shut your fucking mouth

and not have an opinion
and whatever your husband says.

And here were these women comics
who were like,

"Don't tell me what I can say.
Don't tell me what I can do.

Go fuck yourself."

[ applause ]

[ laughs ]

Thank you, children.
Thank you, darling.

I know you children are all
relaxed back there,

sitting back there,
looking at Moms.

You think you're going to hear
some jokes, don't you?

Well, Moms don't know none.

Moms don't know no jokes,
but I can tell you some facts.

Moms Mabley‐‐I admire her
on so many levels

because she, in order to really
get out there and tell her truth

and for people to‐‐
for it to be palatable

to an audience, she had to dress
like an old woman.

She was very opinionated,
but in order for them

to accept what she had to say,
she had to be an old woman.

What do they call‐‐Do they call
you Jackie down there or Moms?

I've never known. It's Jackie?

No, they like me down there
to tell the truth.

Yeah.

They named me
Roy Rogers' horse.

‐ Trigger?
‐ Trigger, yeah.

That's what they call you
in the South?

Yeah. Everywhere I go,
"Hello, Trigger!

What you say, Trigger?"

At least I think that's what
they said.

[ laughter ]

In the beginning,
it was a lot of people

that people don't know about‐‐
Totie Fields, Belle Barth.

Sophie Tucker, Jean Carroll,

who doesn't get enough credit
at all

for being one of
the first female stand‐ups.

When I said, "And I'll buy
something in satin

to match my eyes," she said,

"We have no bloodshot satin
in stock."

[ laughter ]

Well, I said,
"If you don't mind,

I'd like to bring my husband
down and have him look at it."

She says,
"Jenny, look who's married."

[ laughter ]

You go back and look at all‐‐
women would get onstage,

acknowledge that
they're pieces of shit,

and then go,
"Okay, so here are my jokes."

It was like,
"Hi. I know I'm a woman.

"I know I should be home
with my kids

"so I'm going to
acknowledge that and then,

can you listen to my jokes,
please?"

But look, I love my work.
I really do.

Of course, it's scary.
The lights scare me to death.

Boy, you see they're so bright.
Like, when I was a housewife,

if I ever had this much light
on me,

when I woke up,
I had another kid.

[ laughter ]

Isn't that amazing?

Or...

[ laughter ]

Well...

I can't even imagine doing
stand‐up at that time.

I‐I don't even know
how these women did it.

Well,
here's my daffy little friend.

Our daffy little friend.
My little pixie friend.

Little Joan Rivers.

[ applause ]

♪♪♪♪♪♪

I loved Joan so much.

Here's this brash Jewish woman
on television with opinions.

Well, it's all sex.
That magazine, you know,

the lead article‐‐
"How to use your breasts

to get a better apartment,"
and it's like, you know...

[ laughter ]

Ding‐dong.

[ laughter ]

She was hysterical.

You know, on a show with
the whitest guy in the universe,

like, Nebraska,
making him laugh.

I had no idea where
you were going there.

‐ [ laughter ]
‐ You‐‐You always amaze me.

It was like, oh, that's‐‐
that's what I wanna be.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

I saw Wanda onstage in college,

and she was
the first Black woman

that reminded me of myself.

I was like, "I can do this."

Now you see,
that's love right there.

I remember doing improv
in high school,

and the boys would always grab
the mic first,

and I remember thinking, like,
"You motherfucker,

"I'm gonna do this for a living,

so quit hogging the mic
with your garbage jokes."

It never occurred to me, like,

I'm a girl.
I can't get up there.

I didn't wanna do stand‐up.

I didn't think I was
a good performer,

but I love writing jokes.

So on my 23rd birthday,
I booked myself on an open mic,

and I went down.

I was just frozen with fear.

I was not fulfilled.

I had such low self‐worth.
My mom was very sick,

'cause I had a sister
that was on drugs.

I just wasn't happy.

Just feeling frustration,

like I'd just
shut everything down.

It's almost like it just
filled up so much

that I was, like,
I need to speak.

My voice has to come out.

Carmen Lynch, everybody.

[ cheers and applause ]

It was a huge step for me.

Sometimes I'm shocked
that I did it.

I did really well.
I was like...

this is my calling,
and then, uh,

you know, the next 400 times
I bombed pretty badly.

The first time I got offstage
when I was 18,

I called my dad and was like,
"I know what I wanna do

"for all‐‐forever,

and I'm gonna do it,
and this is it."

We were both crying on the phone
because I was anorexic.

I was still, like,
battling the illness.

It was like, finally,
something that's gonna get me

to figure out how to beat this.

I was like 28,
and I went onstage,

and I killed, and it was
the best feeling in the world.

I was like, this is where
I need to be.

[ applause ]

My life was craziness and chaos,
but once I got on that stage,

it was like life was all good.

It was a peace that settled
over me.

I started at the Comedy Store
performing at 1 in the morning

for four drunk guys,
and it sucked,

but I liked that challenge
of having to be

in the middle of Hollywood.

There's alcohol.
There's cynicism.

And I'm like,
"I'm gonna make you laugh.

"I'm gonna figure it out.

"I might not make you laugh
tonight,

but I'm gonna make you laugh
tomorrow night."

[ cheers and applause ]

[ laughter ]

♪♪♪♪♪♪

There's the dream,
there's the fantasy,

and then there's
the reality check.

I had never understood sexism

until I got
into the comedy scene.

[ faint laughter ]

Yeah, I'm not gonna guide
any lady through comedy.

That would take me, uh,
first of all,

I'd have to figure out
how a lady could do comedy.

‐ [ laughter ]
‐ You know?

And then I'd have to...

‐ [ laughter continues ]
‐ Wow!

‐ There was no‐‐
‐ Easy, Jerry Lewis.

Stand‐up comedy's
a different kind of thing,

for some reason.
‐ Yeah. Yes.

Why do you think it is that guys
are only funny in that?

‐ What is it?
‐ Artie?

‐ [ laughter ]
‐ I don't‐‐I mean,

I just think that it's
a man's world, you know?

‐ I, uh, I‐I‐I don't, uh‐‐
‐ Is that the answer, though?

‐ Yeah, that's‐‐
‐ Can that be the answer?

It's a man's world?

Still, to this day,
you hear over and over and over,

"Women aren't funny.
Women aren't funny."

It's ridiculous!

There are funny men
and funny women.

But I do understand that men
might not want women to be funny.

‐ [ applause ]
‐ Wow, San Francisco.

People are so friendly here.
I was on the cable car,

and this guy offered me
a seat on his lap, and...

[ laughter ]

Then he got off,
but I‐I was gonna, um...

[ laughter ]

What? It was his stop.

Where do you think that idea

that women aren't funny
came from?

I thought we weren't gonna
talk about this question.

We're not gonna talk
about the fact

that women aren't funny
'cause they are,

but where do you think
the idea came from?

It's not what I think.
It's what I know.

And the answer is
men have always

gotten to do things first,

whether it's owning property

or having freedom of speech
or anything fun,

and expressing yourselves,
men got to do it first.

So by sheer numbers,

more men have been doing comedy
for longer

because women for so long
were expected to stay home,

have children, and then die.

‐ That's pretty harsh.
‐ Well, so's your coffee.

So it's not that women
aren't funny.

Women weren't allowed
to express themselves,

and they weren't allowed
to do it on a larger platform.

I'm Lila, and I‐I don't know
what I'm doing.

Way too often, I would hear,

"Oh, we had a woman here
three months ago.

She didn't do well, so we're not
booking women at this time."

It used to be like if
you were doing shows, like,

even up to the '90s,

comedians would bring on
a female comedian,

and they would say,
"Okay, we got a woman,"

and people would go, "Ugh!"
Like, how dare you? [ laughs ]

Sometimes they would put
their head on, they just...

put their head right down
on the table and not watch you.

There's always this guy
at every show that I do‐‐

the arms folded, like,
"You ain't gonna be funny

'cause you a bitch" guy.

[ laughter ]

Now, sir, I know you have
your arms folded the whole time.

No, no, no, no. No, shut up.
No, he's great.

He's laughed
at every single joke.

The arms folded was just to
separate the tits from the gut.

‐ I get it.
‐ [ laughter ]

Tit sweat is a bitch.
I've been a victim of it myself.

You'll see the evolvement
through the show

where they're like this and...

then like, 10 minutes later,
they're like this.

And then by the end of the show,
they're like...

They will be the first ones
in the meet and greet line,

being like,
"I didn't wanna come tonight.

I thought
this was gonna be garbage."

"I usually hate female comics,
but you're good."

Still have Facebook messages
from, like, 2010,

like, "Women aren't funny,
but I think you are."

I'm like, "Thanks, Mom."
[ laughs ]

‐ [ applause ]
‐ Okay, here we go.

Now we're gonna break it up
with a lovely young lady.

Really, she's funny,
she's lovely,

and she's a good girl, too.

‐ [ laughter ]
‐ I found that out.

This next comic,
you're gonna love her.

She's very good. She's gorgeous.

"We got little lady
coming up here.

"I'll tell you what,
she's funny as a man.

I mean it. Give her a hand."
‐ [ cheers and applause ]

I've been intro'd,

like the fact that I'm a woman
is like a wacky experiment.

They'll be like, "We got
a young lady coming up!"

You know, like,
"Let's see how this goes down."

I think we should start doing it
about men.

"Oh, this next guy coming
to the stage‐‐

his balls are bigger than you've
ever seen in your whole life."

"Yeah. You guys ready
for some big balls?"

‐ "Oh, you guys like testicles?"
‐ Yeah, like especially‐‐

'Cause this guy's
got two of 'em...

Right.

‐ ...as far as we know.
‐ Right.

I think it's indisputable that
there has been a pipeline

where there was a time
when it seemed like

there really was only room
for one.

If there was two women
back to back on a lineup,

they would be like,
"Oh, we just had a woman on,"

so we're gonna put a guy on, and
then we're gonna put you on."

They would say that
to your face.

It's not redundant
because you have two people

of the same race or sex on
back to back,

but they would openly say that
to you.

It's like,
"Oh, we can't go vag, vag."

Um, God forbid. We can go
dick, dick, dick, dick, dick,

but we can't do two vages
in a row.

That would confuse everyone.

Okay, hold on, hold on.
It's a night of honesty.

It's a night of honesty.

Where are the straight guys
who were dragged

by the wife or girlfriend?

[ cheering ]

Yes! I know. I'm sorry, sir.

I don't speak your language.
I'm sorry. I...

[ laughter ]

I speak fluent gay.
I took two years in high school,

and it just stuck.
‐ [ cheers and applause ]

As I started doing
stand‐up more,

I would see a lot
of other female comedians,

but I have to be honest.

90% of them just aren't even
in the business anymore.

You know, there's all these
ways that we control each other,

and to an extent, we do that
still as women to one another.

It was hard to like
another woman

because you felt threatened
by, you know, only one person

is gonna get the job.

I was bullied by a female comic
really early on,

like, so bad that I had to,
like, kinda leave town,

like, my home club of‐‐
in St. Louis,

and she was so funny,
and I looked up to her so much,

and all I wanted was
her approval.

[ laughter ]

Girls hate each other,
especially during the day.

But when the moon comes up,
and there's white wine involved,

[ nasally voice ] "Oh, my God.
Stacy, you look amazing.

"I love you.
Can I just tell you?

"I love you. I do.
But you know who I hate?

[ deep voice ] Becky."

[ laughter ]

Yeah, the competition thing,
I mean, you know,

we got this one slot.
We need one woman!

Networks, too. I will never
forget pitching a show

to a network
and them saying to me,

"We already have, like,
a blonde funny woman."

And I was just, like,
"Okay, I'll dye my hair red.

Like, what are
you talking about?"

♪♪♪♪♪♪

[ horn honks in distance ]

♪♪♪♪♪♪

You basically go up
five, seven nights a week

for free at anyplace that has
a coffee shop, a laundromat,

a fuckin' noodle place,
whatever, and practice.

The open mics I used to do
in this city,

I worked in a supermarket where
people would be checking out.

And it was like,
"Hey, wow, you got relish."

Like, it was horrible,"
and we didn't get paid,

but we got to have the salad bar
downstairs.

I moved to L. A., and I was like,
"How do I get stage time?"

And I would contact comics
that had shows,

and I'd be like,
"Can I make your flyers?

Can I jump on?"

Did you guys see this?

Oh, I didn't know
it was gonna be a thing.

How you guys doing?
That's weird. Okay.

Got off work at, like, 6,
and I'd wait till, like, 8,

and I'd go to the bar and I'd
eat my sad chicken finger dinner

and I'd wait for my spot,
which was at, like, 9:30.

And then you'd go get
another one,

and then you would just
cobble together

any spots you could get.

You'd drive to Santa Barbara
on a work night,

because someone would give you
20 minutes.

Just kind of figuring it out
without realizing

what the limitations could be

or anything like that.
Just going.

When I came up, if you weren't
performing every night,

then you weren't serious
about it.

You were always told,
"There's no excuse.

"Do not use being Black
as an excuse.

"Do not use being a woman
as an excuse.

You need to be good at this."

I mean, I do realize
as a Black woman,

which is how I start
every conversation, um...

[ laughter ]

I do realize it is my job
to address what's in the air,

but, um, I have to be honest.
I'm not good at it.

I say things wrong.

Like, I've been messing up
on my pronouns lately,

'cause I met someone who was not
a guy or a girl.

They were a they, which is how
they wanna be referred to,

and that's important.

I care about that.
It's just new to me.

And in a sentence
structurally...

it makes me sound like
a runaway slave.

[ laughter ]

Like, "Where they at?"

[ laughter ]

"They's coming?"

[ laughter ]

"They down by the river?"

[ laughter ]

"They gon' be mad at that joke."

[ laughter ]

Some people are lucky. They find
their voice in, like, 10 years.

But you can't do that unless
you feel comfortable onstage,

and you can't feel comfortable
onstage unless you do it

every fucking night.

Did it feel like
an even playing field

for men and women?
‐ Heck, no. [ laughs ]

An even playing field?
Are you kidding? [ laughs ]

What?! It's not even
an even playing field now.

No, it was never
an even playing field.

It was so hard to get
stage time.

‐ Oh, Lord!
‐ [ laughter ]

As a Black woman,
I had to fight.

I really, really had to fight
for my spots,

and I really, really had
to prove to the comics

that I was funny.

I was at a club,
and a guy had come up to me,

and I was coming out
the bathroom.

He said, "Excuse me, sis."
I said, "No, excuse me!"

[ laughter ]

"I make my own money.
I got my thing goin'.

"I don't need you to tell me
what to do.

"I do my nails. I do my hair.
I got it all covered here.

Now what you want?"
‐ [ laughter ]

He was like,
"I was just gon' tell you

you had some toilet paper
stuck on your shoe."

‐ [ laughter ]
‐ I‐‐Oh. Oh.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

In New York, first of all,

you're lucky if you get
on the schedule,

and then you're gonna get
15 minutes, 10.

On the road, I was getting
30 minutes of stage time

as a feature.

I go to Flint. I'm performing
at this college.

Right before I go onstage,

I go up
to the student body president.

I said, "Look, I just need
to know for my act.

Do you guys have any Jews here?"

She goes, "Juice?
Yeah, we've got, um,

apple juice, grape juice,
and orange juice."

[ laughter ]

This is every hotel key card
that I've used

since around maybe 2010.

I don't use my own name
when I check in.

So a lot of these
have a fake name.

You can kind of, like, uh,
relive your life.

You can demarcate it
by hotel star ratings.

Some of the clubs would buy
condominiums.

Did anyone talk about this?
Oh, my God.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

Welcome to the comedy convo
at the Tampa Improv.

Not actually
at the Tampa Improv.

Kind of a couple blocks
down the street

into a pretty dangerous
neighborhood.

There's no emcee staying
with me.

Um, he actually lives
in this, uh, complex

in another condo.

Here I am,
this sort of sheltered girl.

I'm living with two guys
I don't know for a week.

And you know,
they'd bring home waitresses,

and they'd go‐‐
and I'm sitting there in, like,

in my room with the locked door
reading a book

with, like, you know,
Pauly Shore's cum

on the fucking comforter,
you know?

Ew.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

It's the dues that you
have to pay to sort of get

to where you wanna go.

But it's, like, so sad.
[ laughs ]

You just think,
what if this is my life?

[ scattered laughter ]

I sat down on the couch, and I
started flipping through the TV.

Then I came
upon the Lifetime network.

Now I don't know if you guys
are familiar

with the Lifetime network,
but their slogan is

"Lifetime‐‐
Television for Women."

Now if you were to watch some
of these Lifetime movies,

they are most famous for,
you would notice

they often involve a woman
being murdered,

kidnapped, beaten,
maimed, hoodwinked.

You know, girl stuff.

[ laughter ]

Usually when we're comedians
on the road,

like, they don't give a shit
about us.

They'll just send
any sex offender

to get us from the airport.
‐ [ laughter ]

I was in Alabama,
and they sent this man.

You know when you meet someone
and just right away,

you're like,
"Whoa, you're crazy."

Like, I could feel him
crackling with insanity.

‐ [ laughter ]
‐ Humming with madness.

I got into his car. This is
the first thing he said to me.

This is what he opened with.
He just goes...

[ imitates Southern accent ]
"You is the first Jewish

that I had ever met in my life."

[ laughter ]

[ normal voice ] Which I guess
is better than being

his last Jewish. I'm not sure.

[ laughter ]

♪♪♪♪♪♪

It's tricky because
when somebody asks you

to go on the road,
you don't always know.

You don't know why. Does this
guy really respect my act,

or is he gonna be
just strange and gross

and lascivious all weekend?

They don't know the feeling.
They don't know what it's like

to physically not be as big
as someone

and know that no matter
how much smarter

or funnier you are,
at the end of the day,

if that person wants
to hurt you, then can.

I've had a fan follow me
to my hotel room before

and somehow know my room.
I don't know how he did,

but banging on the door
all night.

I had to call the cops.
It's like, you know,

you're a little bit like, ugh.

You know, of course it was‐‐
I got harassed.

Someone grabbed my boob.

It's happened so many times
where guys casually

just put their hand on my ass
when they're taking a picture.

‐ Right.
‐ And it's‐‐

and no one ever sees it.
I'll have security guards,

like, watching,
and I'll be like,

"Will you just watch for men
touching me in weird places?"

'Cause it's always weird
for me to call out

'cause it's, like,
in front of their wife.

‐ Right.
‐ And I don't wanna

embarrass them
and make it a thing.

I had a guy lick me one time.

And from that point on,
I was like,

there will always be
a security guard.

I've had male comics
follow me in the bathroom

and push open the bathroom stall
before.

I mean, there's‐‐
it goes on and on.

I was working with somebody
on the road,

and he locked me
in the dressing room,

and he came for me.

But he was half my size.

That's really stupid
and insulting

when somebody tries to rape you
and they're half your size.

I've been in so many situations.
I was assaulted by a comic.

It's‐‐It's rough.

You know?

♪♪♪♪♪♪

You gotta be careful.
There are crazy people out there.

You know, I'm sure that's true
for men, too,

but not as much.

And you told me‐‐

[ laughs ]

[ laughs ]

No, that's funny...

Women have so much more
to worry about, huh?

This summer I'm walking
with my boyfriend.

He says to me,
"Gee, it's a beautiful night."

Let's go down by the river."

[ laughs ] I said,
"What are you, nuts?

"I'm not going down
by the river. It's midnight.

"I'm wearing jewelry.
I'm carrying money.

I have a vagina with me."

[ laughter ]

[ cheers, applause,
and whistles ]

Wouldn't it be great
if you would just leave

your pussy at home sometimes?
‐ [ laughter ]

Just think of the freedom
that you will have.

You'd get home from work.

It's getting
a little dark outside.

You're like, ooh, I would like
to go for a jog, but...

[ clicks teeth ]
it's getting too dark.

Oh, I'll just leave it at home.

And you..

[ laughter ]

And you're out jogging.
Yeah, it could be pitch‐black.

You still out there,
just jogging, enjoying yourself.

You know, if some crazy guy
just jumps out the bushes,

like, "Ahh!" You're like,
Oh! I left it at home."

[ laughter ]

[ cheers and applause ]

I didn't wanna fuck
any of the guys.

I hung out with them.

I heard every fucking shit
they said about women

and minorities and Jews
and gay‐‐you know.

And I was like, okay, great.
Whatever.

I just wanted to be good
at my craft.

I didn't let them or anything
get in the way.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

‐ How was it?
‐ Ugh. I don't know.

I'm‐‐I've been on the road.
I don't know what's happening.

Where‐‐Where have you been?

‐ I was on, uh, I was at Acme.
‐ Oh, I love Acme.

I love Acme, too.
It was great.

I saw your name on the‐‐
on the thing.

‐ Oh, on the list?
‐ Yeah, yeah.

On the thing
on the dressing room?

Yeah. It was fun. Um, but I
just feel disconnected.

Whenever I come back,
I'm like, exhausted.

Oh, I know.
You gotta take Sunday off.

Like, you gotta enjoy the work.

‐ Yeah.
‐ You know what I mean?

‐ Yeah.
‐ And you‐‐you wouldn't be

on the stage if you
didn't deserve to be.

Yeah. I gotta remember that.
I didn't trick anybody.

‐ Right. You're not a fraud.
‐ [ laughs ] Yeah.

You got in here, and you‐‐
do you think the guys, ever,

when they get in here,
are, like...

‐ No.
‐ Never.

You earned that time.
It's your time.

‐ Yeah.
‐ Don't‐‐

Don't let them in your head.
It's a process.

Thank you.

How long have you been
doing it?

I appreciate that so much.

Confidence is only a question
that we only ask women about

because it's just a given
that men will have it.

We're always telling unconfident
women to be confident,

and then when
they get confident,

we're like, "Why are you
so confident? Tone it down.

"That's making us feel
less confident.

Okay. Oh, let's build you
back up, knock you back down."

We have an obsession
with monitoring

women's confidence
and their hubris.

I truly believe
our society operates

on a currency
of women's insecurities.

Multibillion‐dollar industries
thriving on, like,

"Just make them feel like
their bodies are unacceptable

and then, like,
sell them some shit."

Look at any magazine.
"Like, you're amazing,

"but you need to lose,
like, 10 pounds.

"Love your body. Love your hair.
Whatever you've done is wrong.

You look like a sea monster."

[ laughter ]

Everything's got, like,
a weird mixed message

and a weird, like,
whore‐y undertone.

Like, "Be a bad girl.
Own your sexuality,

but if you fuck more than
one dude, you're a whore."

Like, everything's wrong.
‐ [ laughter ]

It's not easy. It's not.

And men and women
are different, you know?

Do you ever notice, like, women,
whenever we look in the mirror,

we're insecure,
we judge ourselves?

Or just we tear ourselves
apart.

Just, "Look at me. Look."

Like, even if you're stunning,
look at my eyes.

They're like a different shape.
I'm so‐‐Ugh, I hate my hair.

So unattractive.

This is how most men
look in the mirror,

no matter how
horribly unattractive they are.

[ laughter and applause ]

I'm fucking hot.

[ laughter ]

I know I'm smart.
I know I'm funny.

I don't question those things.
I do question that I'm pretty.

And it's so stupid.
It's so stupid to say.

Um, and it's so sad.

I know. I wish I could just
accept myself,

but, um, I was, uh,
I just have really low self‐esteem

because I was born a woman,
and so, um,

maybe I was born with it.
Maybe it's Maybelline.

‐ It'll just be...
‐ Yeah, that's good.

It's so much easier to be a man.

I mean, you get it.
You're, like, you see‐‐

you work with all‐‐
like, mostly men on camera.

You see what work goes into them
being on camera versus‐‐

As we sit here
in hair and makeup?

‐ Yeah.
‐ Yeah, I get it.

Grateful for you
and what you do,

but, you know,
ultimately resent it.

‐ Um...
‐ You are just fed

from the day‐‐at least I was
from day one, that looks matter.

Photo shoots
send me into depressions.

Anything that makes me
focus on my vanity‐‐

that's what really make me
have anxiety.

My dad used to tell me
I was so beautiful,

and I was an ugly child.

Like, I legit was.
I was diagnosed as one

at the age of 11
by a caricature artist

at a Six Flags.

‐ [ laughter ]
‐ So I have the documentation.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

Men look for looks.
Remember that.

Don't waste your time
learning to read a book.

[ laughter ]

I wanna congratulate you. You've
taken off a lot of weight.

‐ Yeah.
‐ Your hair's different.

Everything about you
is different.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

A lot of really established
comedians‐‐men‐‐

would say,
"Don't be so pretty.

"You can't be too pretty.
You can't be too pretty,

because they're gonna be mad."

♪♪♪♪♪♪

"The women will be jealous
because you're so beautiful.

"The men will just wanna
have sex with you,

so don't be too pretty.
A beautiful women is a threat."

♪♪♪♪♪♪

If you see any patches
of archaic sadness,

just blot them.

Just keep plastering
this lie on me.

Yeah, have some, like,
little dickhead in my head

that's like, "Hey, you look fat
in that shot."

So I wish I didn't have
those thoughts.

All I do is just bat them away
as much as I can.

You're smart. You're funny.
You're just a little insecure.

That's all.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

My mom was a girly girl,

so she wanted me
to dress more feminine,

so she started shopping for me,
and for some reason,

she started putting me
in these power suits.

[ laughter ]

Yeah, like a pantsuit, which is
just an older version of gay.

I looked like
a 50‐year‐old woman lawyer,

just going to court
in my power suit.

Like, who's ready to litigate,
ladies?

[ laughter ]

Of course I'm gonna get
called fat.

I'm gonna get called a dude.
I'm gonna get called whatever.

You just kinda go, "Huh, okay,"
and move on.

But I don't understand
shoulder pads.

Were people just like,

"Oh, your shoulders
hadn't come in yet.

Let's get you some pads"?

But I'm never gonna be like,

"Oh, God, I felt so fat
up there."

[ blows raspberry ] Who cares?

I have achieved more peace
in my body as I've gotten older,

but it took a long time
to get there.

Once upon a time,
I had my own TV show

called "All‐American Girl."

[ cheers and applause ]

I got a phone call
from the producer of the show

that, "The network is concerned.

"They think that
you're really overweight,

"and you're gonna have to do
something about it.

"If you wanna be a star,
if you wanna have a show,

you're gonna have to do
something."

I wanted to be a success
at this,

and I‐I was just willing to do
whatever,

and if that meant don't eat,
don't eat,

I just was fine with that.

I lost 30 pounds in 2 weeks.

[ audience gasps ]

And my kidneys collapsed.

It happened on the set
of the show.

I guess the network had decided
that my face

could now fit on the screen.

The first episode was
about my character,

and I do stand‐up comedy

and publicly embarrass
my family.

So at the end of the episode,
I learned my lesson,

I go back onstage,

and I vow never to publicly
embarrass my family again.

Quentin Tarantino,
who I was dating at the time,

called me up straightaway.

"What the fuck was that?"

[ laughter ]

"That is so fucking wrong!
I can't believe you!

You fucking live to publicly
embarrass your family."

[ laughter ]

"What's wrong with you?
They took away your voice.

"Don't let them do that.

Don't let them take away
your voice!"

I didn't get it.

I was like, "But I'm a size 4."

[ laughter ]

All those years of too tall,
too loud, too Jewish, too gay‐‐

it took me so long to realize
I am angry.

‐ No one's funnier than us.
‐ No one!

‐ Kathy Griffin.
‐ Sarah Silverman.

BOTH: Fuck you!

But a woman can't be angry,

'cause if she's angry,
she's mentally ill.

She's hysterical.
She's a bitch.

Or diva or nag.

Difficult, bitchy,
hard to work with.

When women, like, go crazy,

it's because people chip away
at you,

and then you snap,
and it's like, see? Crazy.

If someone's crazy,

of course you don't have
to listen to them

or heed their warnings
or take them seriously.

You write 'em off.

Male comics are often
really, really celebrated

for their very famous anger.

You fucking bitch!
How do you live with yourself?!

You piece of shit!

Yeah, you‐‐
Yeah, you fucking cunt!

You fucking bitch!

That gives me carte blanche!

Shut up! I'll let go
when you shut up.

Girl, I'll shake this weave
out your hair.

I don't give a fuck.
Shut up! Shut the fuck up!

Talking about hitting women,
sweetheart.

And I think you just added
another reason.

We're not allowed to show that
we're angry, even though we are.

Women are filled with rage,
but we have to keep a smile

and not show it because
of wrinkles and likeability.

So we shove it down.
Shove it down.

But it comes out.
It finds a way like water.

It was always very hard
to talk about trauma in comedy

because audiences don't want
the dailyness of tragedy

to encroach upon
when they are laughing.

And I find it
really interesting that

this is becoming‐‐that‐‐that
kind of admission of trauma

is part of comedy's venue
these days.

Yeah, and nowadays,
it's become really a testament

to comedians' skill to use that
suffering in a way as, like,

almost like colors that
you would paint with, you know?

Like, to use all of that
darkness to, um,

I guess contrast
to the lightness.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

[ indistinct conversations,
laughter ]

Well...

‐ It's an 8‐minute.
‐ What are you gonna talk about?

How I was diagnosed
with breast cancer.

‐ What?
‐ Aw.

I don't remember anything
about this.

‐ Mwah.
‐ Yeah, but I'm gonna be fine.

But you're gonna talk about it
onstage?

You're gonna be fine.

That is so brave you can talk
about it onstage.

I love that. What'd you say?
To be‐‐

So brave! She gets to talk
about it onstage.

Most people who get
breast cancer

have to, like, live with it
in the torture inside.

‐ You get to...
‐ Marina...

‐ [ laughter ]
‐ I know. What?

‐ All right. Here we go.
‐ Have fun.

Let's see if‐‐
if it doesn't work‐‐

[ laughter ]

Oh, Judy.

What would I do without you?

Hard to do in an 8‐minute set,
though.

Like, "I have breast cancer,"
and I'm out.

‐ Bye.
‐ Bye.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

When I found out my diagnosis,
everything flashed before me,

and I thought about...

[ voice breaking ]
when I was in high school,

what I wanted to be,

and then I thought
about my career

and where it was
and where it wasn't.

and I thought
about all of things

that I wanted for my life.

By the time I got
to the comedy club,

tears were gone.

I was calm.

[ singsongy ] Marina Franklin!

Oh, yeah!

[ cheers and applause ]

Not getting a hug. That's okay.

These guys these days,
you know...

‐ [ laughter ]
‐ They‐‐They're so‐‐

It's all right.
It works for my act,

so that's fine.
‐ [ laughter ]

No, 'cause they're not
giving us hugs.

It's the Me Too Movement.

'Cause this is how
they're hugging.

They're hugging like...Well,
I didn't even get one from him.

[ laughter ]

You know,
and I'm hugging like that.

‐ [ laughter ]
‐ Oh, yeah, no,

I'll give you a good vag hug.
That's right.

'Cause I was with this brother,
and he came quick, and, um,

I was laying there,
and he was asleep,

and I started feeling myself,
and, uh, and I felt something.

And this is not the funny part,
actually.

I don't want you to accidentally
laugh in the unfunny part.

‐ [ laughter ]
‐ But I have... [ laughs ]

'Cause I‐‐This is new material.

But, uh, I had‐‐I had a lump,
and, uh, it was breast cancer.

But... [ laughs ]
You guys are like, "Oh."

‐ [ laughter ]
‐ "Where is she going?"

Uh, the thing is,
is I caught it early,

so I'm gonna be good, yeah.
Yeah, you can applaud that.

‐ You can. You can. Yes.
‐ [ cheers and applause ]

Caught it early.

[ cheers and applause
continues ]

'Cause of the bad lay
that I had, apparently.

If I hadn't had a bad lay...
[ laughs ]

I would never have caught it
early.

‐ [ laughter ]
‐ So you guys are actually‐‐

you don't realize it,
you're providing a service.

[ laughter ]

‐ So I guess come quick.
‐ [ laughter ]

Thank you.
I like that extra laugh.

Okay. You guys were really good
for me,

uh, trying this material out.

Um, I'll say, how do I get
out of cancer material?

[ laughter ]

It's not easy, I'm‐a tell you.

Okay, this is another new one.
Fertility.

I gotta do fertility stuff.
That's aggressive coming at men,

'cause I need sperm.
That's kinda creepy.

Just, "I need your sp‐‐
I don't even need you."

[ laughter ]
I was like, Louis C. K.

is actually useful right now.

‐ [ laughter ]
‐ It's like, "You know that..."

[ laughter ]

"You know that thing you do?

If you could do that into a cup,
please."

[ laughter ]

Hey, you guys were amazing.
Thank you so much.

[ cheers and applause ]

♪♪♪♪♪♪

[ exhales deeply ]
I did it.

I was scared.
I'm not gonna lie.

I was really scared to share it.

‐ It worked so good. My God.
‐ Weren't they crazy?

♪♪♪♪♪♪

It was so good for me,

and I could see that I was
actually reaching people.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

The things that we're talking
about as comics,

like, this is your experience
on this planet.

And comics are here to just
hold up that mirror

to be, like, "This is us."

I think it was George Carlin,
you know, who calls us,

comedians,
modern‐day philosophers.

We're also whistle‐blowers.

You're standing up for what
you believe is right,

and you're calling things out.

[ cheers and applause ]

I mean, it's my job
to stand up there alone

in the dark and tell you
where I see bullshit.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

So it should be more straight up
like that?

‐ No, it's gotta be center.
‐ No, more...

‐ There you go. Just like that.
‐ I got it.

It all started when
celebrity photographer

Tyler Shields released
this video of Griffin

slowly lifting up what resembles
the head of Donald Trump

for all to see.

After she, uh, was photographed
holding up Trump's head,

there was such a huge backlash.

When that photo when live
in March 30, 2017,

I lost everything
within 12 hours.

I was in the middle
of a 50‐city tour,

and the last 25 cities
of the tour

were all canceled.

A comedian is dealing
with the aftermath

of what she now describes
as a mistake.

I'm a comic. I crossed the line.
I moved the line,

and then I cross it.
I went way too far.

For the first time in history
that we are aware of,

the President
of the United States

and his family is personally
attempting to ruin a comedian.

It was all so much bullshit.
She got so railroaded.

You know, I'm sorry,
but Kathy Griffin‐‐

people‐‐men haven't liked her
for years.

Many male artists have created
far more disturbing imagery.

A Marilyn Manson music video

shows him beheading
a Trump figure.

The band Municipal Waste
has an image of Trump

with a bloody gunshot
to his head.

The band GWAR has had
violent images like this

for president after president
for years.

They're all just considered
bad boys.

They would never treat
a male comedian that way.

I've never seen that.

Even male comedians
who threaten gang rape

don't get that kind of shit.
[ laughs ]

I am a woman in
a very male‐dominated field.

And I think it's important
to have

comics that do
super clean comedy,

comics that do
political commentary,

prop comics, all of it.

You don't have to like me,

but you shouldn't silence
a comic.

Joan Rivers would have done
the same thing.

Kathy, Joan, just fearlessness‐‐

fearlessness in a way
that I don't have.

Like, that girl that was onstage

when Harvey Weinstein
was in the room‐‐

that was the type of thing
I watched, and I was like,

I don't know if I could have
done that.

Harvey Weinstein's trip
to a comedy show

ends in a Me Too confrontation
that's gone viral.

He's accused
of sexual misconduct

by more than 80 women.

Right before I got onstage,
I was asking

all the people around me,

"You know that's
Harvey Weinstein, right?

"Like, I need to say something.
I'm a comic, like, right?

I should say something"?

And a well‐dressed woman

drinking a martini at the bar
next to me went,

"No, don't say anything.
Are you kidding? Like, no."

And I was like, oh,
she's not gonna like this.

‐ [ applause ]
‐ I'm feeling a little tense.

‐ Anybody else? No?
‐ [ laughter ]

‐ I'm a comic.
‐ [ laughter ]

And it's our job to name, uh,
the elephant in the room.

Do we know what that is?

♪♪♪♪♪♪

I saw the show where
this great female comic

was, like, really, like,
calling out

the elephant in the room

with Harvey Weinstein
being in the room,

and I'm like, oh, my God,
that is really badass.

I didn't know that
we had to bring our own mace

and, uh, rape whistles
to Actor's Hour.

[ booing ]

Have them be booing you
and still stick to it?

I mean, it was one
of the coolest things

I've ever seen.

‐ Now‐‐
‐ Shut up!

Now‐‐

Someone said, "Shut up,"

and that's
the most triggering thing.

Oh, shut up?

Just felt like I kinda saw red.

That's the part
that is difficult in the room,

continuing to say,
"Mmm, you're booing me,

"but I'm gonna keep...

I'm gonna keep my composure
and say another funny thing."

This kills at, uh, group therapy
for rape survivors.

They love it. Yeah.

‐ Whoo, whoo! Yes!
‐ Yeah!

‐ Whoo!
‐ Tell us! Whoo!

I have been raped, surprisingly
by no one in this room,

but, um, I never got to confront
those guys, so...

Yes, girl!

‐ [ cheers and applause ]
‐ Um...

That is nothing less than an act
of civil disobedience.

So for anyone out there,
and including the women

that are saying, "Oh, couldn't
she have been more ladylike?

Couldn't she have said it
in a softer tone?"

I go, oh, my gosh, we're still
hearing that stuff.

‐ All right, thank you.
‐ [ cheers and applause ]

I wrote her and told her, like,
"You've changed the way

that I've thought
and behaved onstage,"

and she's someone who just
started in comedy.

That's how cool that is that,
like, someone who's

just starting out can, like,
make me feel so empowered.

The fact that these women can
get onstage and talk about rape,

that...that is‐‐
that's feminism.

Because you know what?
Women have been silent

about this for hundreds of‐‐
thousands of years.

I'm so grateful to this
new generation of women.

They came along
and they're like,

"Hey, have you been getting
sexually harassed like this

your whole lives?"
And we're like,

"Oh, yeah."

[ laughter ]

And they're like, "Yeah, you
wanna do something about that?"

And we're like..."Oh, yeah!"

‐ [ laughter ]
‐ "That's a very good idea."

‐ [ applause ]
‐ They're like, "Yeah, yeah."

We're like, oh,
we're so used to it, you know?

You're at work, and you're like,
"Ugh, I have to, like,

"make every guy think
that we also might fuck

and do a good job."

[ laughter ]

♪♪♪♪♪♪

What I do like is now I'm seeing
comics speak up.

I'm seeing a lot of badass girls
get into this field now.

I feel like they're equipped
more‐‐more than we were.

I do just wanna confess,
like, the fame grab

for a second, though.
Like, I wanna fully confess it.

Um, when I was getting raped
five years ago...

‐ [ laughter ]
‐ I remember thinking to myself,

"I can't wait!"
‐ [ laughter ]

"I can't wait to use this
to get ahead in comedy."

[ laughter ]

I think what people like
about my narrative right now

is that I'm like
David and Goliath, giant slayer.

This nobody little girl stood up
to the Big, Bad Wolf,

and once you yourself
stand up against power,

then the narrative changes.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

♪♪ White guys ♪♪

♪♪ White guys ♪♪

[ laughter ]

You guys have had
a pretty bad year.

[ laughter ]

[ cheers and applause ]

I blow my husband
whenever he wants,

so I do do that. I just‐‐
if he wants a blow job,

I just give it to him.
I don't know why.

I know I love propping up
the patriarchy, you know?

[ laughter ]

No, that's what he calls
his balls.

Maybe the Me Too Movement
didn't exactly

open more doors for women.

I mean, people were saying it's
gonna close doors for women.

You know, men aren't gonna
wanna work with women anymore,

and it's like,
oh, go fuck yourself, you know?

Really? We're supposed to put up
with that

so that everybody
feels comfortable?

But on the other hand,
it really‐‐I feel like

there was a definite shift,

and we stopped competing
with one another,

and we went, you know what?
This is it.

We're in it together.

Kathy, I'm in a car with some‐‐
with New York's finest.

[ laughter ]

Amy Schumer sent me
this really great video

the day the Trump photo
went live

and the walls were caving in,

and I get this, you know,
this video,

and she's
with three other comics,

and it was so supportive.

We just wanna say we fucking
love you and we're with you.

‐ We're with you. We're‐‐
‐ You're hysterical.

‐ You're hilarious.
‐ And you looked

fucking great in that picture,
by the way.

‐ Yeah.
‐ Gorgeous. All the way.

So hot, and we love you,
and you make us laugh so much.

We love you.

I felt very supported by it,
very supported,

especially at that time
where it was... [ scoffs ]

not exactly popular
to support me.

Like, people just started going
to each other's shows anyway,

just hanging out
with each other,

and it's really remarkable
when you do stuff like that,

how much it grows,
and not to sound too corny,

but that's how movements happen,
and that's what I feel like

is happening right now
with women in comedy.

It's like we're all‐‐
we're all fueling each other,

and it's becoming
something bigger, you know?

It's‐‐It's made me closer
to women

and feel better about being
a woman.

'Cause we've all been
in the same hotels.

You know, we've been,
like, depressed

at the same Howard Johnson's
in Toledo.

‐ Yeah.
‐ Yeah.

And you guys have been there.

I've learned to become
super supportive

of other female comics
because people did that for me.

Like, Amy Schumer.
Look at "Inside Amy Schumer."

There's so many female comics.

Now I know what
you're all thinking.

You wanna see the doctors
right away,

but you're just gonna have
to settle

for the unsung heroes up here
who do all the real work.

Doctors can be
very unapproachable.

It's like, we get it,
Your Grace.

‐ You're super busy.
‐ And we're not busy?

Thank you.

"Inside Amy Schumer"‐‐
Comedy Central used to say

our demographic is men,
and it's gotta be a man

of this age, so Amy changed
that, you know, dramatically.

[ cheers and applause ]

It really does take one person
in a position of power.

Once they anoint you
in this business,

it helps tremendously.

I had been coming up
against a bunch of walls

of people not knowing
what to do with me.

I was different.
I looked different,

and Chelsea Handler was
the first person who got it.

You have two lesbians already.
A third one would not kill you.

[ laughter ]

We'll be like
the lesbian Destiny's Child.

[ cheers and applause ]

Yeah! Yeah!

Tina Fey gave me some
really cool opportunities,

which led to getting
on "The Mindy Project."

They definitely all got
their arm back,

lifting people up.

I could hook you up if you wanna
be an Uber driver.

I'm good. I already have a job,
thank you very much.

I think women are becoming
a lot more powerful.

I also think it's gonna take
a long time.

But I've seen that the more
and more that we come together,

the more work
everyone's getting,

and the more money
everyone's making.

You have a new special out.

Yeah, I have a special
called "Bangin',"

and I'm really proud of it.

I've been doing this forever,
and now I'm like,

graduating from clubs
to, like, actual theaters.

The other thing
people might know you from

is how good you are at roasts.

I just did‐‐Yeah, I did
the "Roast of Alec Baldwin."

I've done
the "Roast of Bruce Willis,"

and I did
the "Roast of Rob Lowe."

I feel like it's my thing now.

You are fucking funny.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

There's so many types of women

doing so many types
of comedy now.

And there's more of an appetite.

I hope that when women
see me on the stage

they can go,
"Wow. I think I can, too."

Our new co‐host
Sherri Shepherd!

‐ [ cheers and applause ]
‐ Fist bump. Put it in.

But I wanna‐‐
I wanna see more women.

I want to see a woman
in a burqa get onstage

and tell her truth.

Like, I followed, uh,
a white comedian

talking about horses
the other day.

No, it was great material.
It was funny shit.

It was‐‐It was great material
about horses.

I was so jealous.
'Cause I knew. I was like,

I‐I know I can't get away
with that.

[ laughter ]

Like, if I was up here
talking about horses

for, like, an hour,
you guys would be like,

"This bitch know
what's going on?"

[ laughter ]

Do you feel like there's been
a blossoming of voices,

of women and women of color?

[ exhales deeply ]

Mm.

I think it's definitely going
in the right direction

for comedy for Black women.

I think they are getting
a lot more attention now.

But I think there are still
some roadblocks.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

I wanna see a female comic
get a deal at Netflix

that's a $50 million deal
like all of the other men.

I don't know any woman
that has done that.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

I probably earned
about $75 million

over the course of my career.

Believe it or not,
it's still for real, like,

a tenth of what my male
counterparts have earned.

Like, I'm not even gonna‐‐
I have to be honest about that.

I brought a death threat
for you.

"Go to hell, Kathy." And then
this is what I want you to know

about the Trumpers,
like, how random they are.

"You are no different
than Bill Cosby."

[ laughter ]

I can think of one way, but...

[ laughter ]

We still have a lot of work
to do.

As much as there's progress,
if you notice the progress,

it's not really a trajectory
for all women.

It's kind of like we're still
in a period of fits and starts.

[ applause ]

It's very rare and unusual

to see a female comic
perform pregnant

because female comics
don't get pregnant.

[ laughter ]

Once they do get pregnant,
they generally disappear.

That's not the case
with male comics.

Once they have a baby,
they'll get up onstage

a week afterwards,
and they'll be like,

"Guys, I just had
this fucking baby.

"That baby's
a little piece of shit.

"It's so annoying and boring,"
and all these other shitty dads

in the audience are like,
"That's hilarious. I identify,"

and their fame just swells,
because they become

this relatable family funny man
all of a sudden.

Meanwhile, the mom is at home,
chapping her nipples,

feeding the fucking baby,

and wearing a frozen diaper
'cause her pussy needs to heal

from the baby's head
shredding it up. She's busy.

[ laughter ]

‐ Okay. Oh, oh, oh, oh.
‐ [ baby crying ]

‐ Here you go.
‐ [ baby fusses ]

She's one month old.

Be right back.
Just wanted you to meet her.

I mean, I'm scared about how
I'm gonna juggle

being a mother
and doing stand‐up,

and I'm sure I'll fuck up a lot.

Uh, I know it's been
helpful to me

to listen to other comics
talk about being a mom.

I‐I just relate more when
I can hear other female comics

talk about juggling here.

So, no, I have a daughter.
She's my world.

She's my everything. She's like
5 or 12 or something like that,

and, um...
‐ [ laughter ]

I did take my daughter
on the road with me

when I‐‐when she was little,
when she could fly for free.

I mean, literally,
she was, like, 6 months old

when I started taking her,
and I'd just hand her over

to somebody in the green room.

The opening act
in the green room,

and I say, "Read her a book
until I get offstage,"

and they were so nervous.

You're gonna save
your chopsticks?

‐ This one or this one?
‐ When I was a kid,

we used to shave‐‐
save our chopsticks.

‐ Oh, Daddy forgot his‐‐
‐ We have chopsticks at home.

I know, but I'm just...

We were poor.

So are we.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

Hello!

‐ How you doing?
‐ Okay.

Good. Do you wanna play
a little bit of cards

while these people are here?
‐ If you want.

Okay.

I started working on
all the traumas

that I've had in my life,
and it's been fucking hard.

But I think this is good for me,
'cause it's making me face

literally all the stuff I've
never faced in my whole life.

I decided to retire
from stand‐up

about two, three years ago.

I wanna do something
that has a clear message

to make people feel better
about themselves.

Lisa quit. Lisa Lampanelli quit,

and I fucking love
that she quit.

And now she does self‐help.

I do not want
any transgender kid,

any gay kid,
any African American person,

to feel like the jokes are real,
so I said,

you know what? It's all gone.
‐ Yep.

I'm gonna
send a message of love

in a funny way, and that's, uh,
how it's gonna be.

She told me she's never
been happier,

and I was like, "God, someday,
I'm right behind you."

I wanna go do self‐help
because I love‐‐

that's what my act
is turning into.

That's the fucked up thing
about being a woman,

is that I did
the "Roast of Alec Baldwin,"

and everyone called me old,
and the thing is,

these men are twice my age
calling me old.

But to them, I truly am old.

I'm literally older
than all of their wives,

so, like, they're not wrong.
‐ [ laughter ]

I wanna, like, make other women
feel less alone.

That's why I talk about sex
all the time.

If you would have asked me,
like, a year ago,

"Nikki, will you ever eat ass
in your life?"

‐ [ laughter ]
‐ I would've been like,

"Yeah, I did two years ago,"

but if you would've asked me
four years ago,

like, I would've been like,
never.

My whole life,
I'll go without eating ass.

But one time I got horny enough
that I was just, like,

it was right there by my nose,
and I was like, I'm going in.

And I went in,
and I've only done it once,

and I haven't done it since,
but because I've eaten ass,

I know I am a woman
who can do anything.

‐ Like, I can do anything...
‐ [ cheers and applause ]

...except be president
'cause I'm a woman.

[ applause ]

♪♪♪♪♪♪

Whatever this life has in store,
whether it's kids

or having a movie career
or something bad happens,

there's always comedy
to be mined from that,

and that's why I love
stand‐up comedy.

[ nasally voice ] Amazing.

I'm offering up myself
in an effort to find myself,

hoping that in doing so,
you will also find yourself.

[ cheering ]

Stand‐up helped me immensely.

Please laugh at all my jokes.
I have a heart murmur.

Just to write a joke
and share it with somebody,

that's really just opened me up
as a person.

I believe in Jesus.

Um, just kidding.
I don't, I don't. Um...

I mean, I do, like, sometimes,
like,

when there's turbulence,
oh, my God.

[ laughter ]

I do feel success.

I do feel like things
are really happening.

But I don't think that I will
ever get that hole filled,

and I think that's a good thing

because it'll make me
keep doing stand‐up.

Like, once you're content
and happy, then what?

♪♪♪♪♪♪

I'm so glad that I've been
talking about breast cancer.

And I started talking about it
on my podcast.

And so I would get
these emails from women.

They were like,
"After your podcast,

"I'm like, driving
to get a mammogram.

I'm going now.
Me and my mom are going."

And I was like, okay,
this is why you do this.

That's me as an ice cream.
[ laughs ]

When I discovered who I was
and found my place in L. A.,

found comedy, I found myself.

Even if you don't like
gay people,

maybe I'll make you laugh,
and if that‐‐if that makes you

feel less hate
towards gay people, then great.

I'm doing something right.

I finally get the courage
to tell her.

I'm like, "Mom, I'm gay,"
and her face just drops.

She becomes silent.
She looks stern.

I don't know
what she's thinking,

and this goes on
for what feels like an eternity.

I'm like, oh, my God.
What's happening?

Like, is this the end
of our relationship?

Does she hate me?
And finally, my mom gets up,

very sternly,
and she grabs her purse.

She goes, "Let's go!
We're going to Hooters,

and we're gonna tell 'em
it's your birthday."

‐ [ laughter ]
‐ And I was like, yes!

[ cheers and applause ]

[ laughter ]

I think that we changed
the landscape of what is comedy,

and I really appreciate that.

‐ [ cheers and applause ]
‐ I am not gonna die

because I failed
as someone else.

I'm gonna succeed as myself,
and I'm gonna stay here

and rock the mic
until the next Korean American

fag hag, shit starter,
girl comic, trash talker

comes up and takes my place!

[ loud cheers and applause ]

♪♪♪♪♪♪

I'm producing this show called
"Locally Grown Comedy."

It's a grass roots community
that I've created.

So there's food in there.

I want my comedians
to feel very cared for.

‐ Don't fuck it up.
‐ [ laughs ]

I've written to each comedian
to thank them

for doing my show and telling
them how awesome they are

and how much I appreciate them.

'Cause that's what I would
wanna hear.

I'm excited about finding
female comics for my show.

And one time I had
all females on the show,

and I didn't say anything
about it.

Like, I didn't say,
"This is a female comedy show."

It just was.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

We're not just‐‐
it's not shallow laughter.

It's not jokes
just for the sake of jokes.

It's about a connection.
It's about sharing a story,

and that's
a very spiritual thing for me.

It's like, it is a religion.

I love the fact that you guys
are laughing at this.

‐ It's important.
‐ [ laughter ]

♪♪♪♪♪♪

This is an occupation where
you get to really find yourself

and you get to get strong.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

You get on that stage,
and you go,

"I can say something.
I can change opinions."

I think that's the power
of comedy.

Kids would go with their parents
to see my show

and then come out to their
parents afterwards, you know?

And that to me was
the greatest gift.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

Lot of long‐hand written ones.

Like, one time someone told me
that I'm the only person

that they've told
that they're trans.

You know, and they send me
pictures of their animals.

You know, people, like,
pour their hearts out into 'em.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

We're stalking you
while you're doing this, too.

‐ But you're so awesome.
‐ We fucking love you. Like‐‐

What I love about going
on the road and around the world

is seeing how my very human
observations apply to a person

that looks nothing like me
from a place I've never been to,

and it is
the coolest thing ever.

[ cheers and applause ]

At its core, we all want love.
We all wanna feel seen.

We all wanna feel acknowledged.

Nobody wants to feel bad
about themselves.

Everybody wants to be heard.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

If you don't stand up,
you get run over.

[ applause ]

♪♪♪♪♪♪

Hopefully, women in power
become so ubiquitous

that we don't have to talk
about it anymore.

[ cheering ]

I always tell women,
do self‐talk.

It's your time now.
Make a difference.

You're gonna change the world.

And don't sleep
with the other comics.

That's one thing. Don't‐‐Do not
sleep with the other comics.

It's just...
[ inhales sharply ] no good.

[ K. Flay's "I Like Myself
(Most of the Time)" playing ]

[ cheers and applause ]

Thank you tonight.
I love you. Mwah!

[ cheers and applause ]

♪♪ Everybody wants to be
the girl ♪♪

Good night!
Thank you for coming!

♪♪ Everybody wants to be
extraordinarily beautiful ♪♪

Thank you.

♪♪ Everybody wants to rule
the world ♪♪

♪♪ Or the room, at least,
and assume that they'll be ♪♪

♪♪ The one
with a crowded funeral ♪♪

[ laughter ]

♪♪ Everybody wants to have
the time ♪♪

Thank you very much. Bye‐bye.

Thank you and good night.

♪♪ Everybody wants to count
their calories ♪♪

Hey, my name's Adele Givens.

Thanks so much.

♪♪ Baby,
my job is just to rhyme ♪♪

‐ ♪♪ And I'm fine with that ♪♪
‐ God bless you.

♪♪ I'll concern myself with all
of the lives I might've had ♪♪

You freakin' rock!

Thank you guys so much!

Thank you very much.

Thank you!

Good night, everybody!

‐ Thank you.
‐ Thank you.

Thank you.

‐ Thank you so much.
‐ Thank you, guys.

♪♪ You only got one shot,
let her rip ♪♪

‐ ♪♪ Take a dip, have a smoke ♪♪
‐ Good night.

Thank you.

♪♪ Try to laugh at the jokes ♪♪

♪♪ Ha! I like myself
most of the time ♪♪

♪♪ Is that a crime? ♪♪

♪♪ Is that a crime? ♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪♪

♪♪ I like myself
most of the time ♪♪

♪♪ Is that a crime? ♪♪

♪♪ Is that a crime? ♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪♪

♪♪ Even planet Earth
took seven days ♪♪

♪♪ Even if it looks real ♪♪

♪♪ You can fake it
in a million different ways ♪♪

♪♪ Nobody chose
to have their face ♪♪

♪♪ But you're stuck with it ♪♪

♪♪ So rather than counting my
curses, I try to stay positive ♪♪

♪♪ I don't think I'm perfect ♪♪

♪♪ But I've got some things
together ♪♪

♪♪ I see photos of proposals ♪♪

♪♪ That I know
are empty gestures ♪♪

♪♪ Get a grip ♪♪

♪♪ You only got one shot,
let her rip ♪♪

♪♪ Take a dip, have a smoke ♪♪

♪♪ Try to laugh at the jokes,
ha! ♪♪

♪♪ I like myself
most of the time ♪♪

♪♪ Is that a crime? ♪♪

♪♪ Is that a crime? ♪♪

♪♪ I like myself
most of the time ♪♪

♪♪ Is that a crime? ♪♪

♪♪ Is that a crime? ♪♪

♪♪ Is that a crime? ♪♪

♪♪ Ha! ♪♪

♪♪ Is that a crime? ♪♪

♪♪ Is that a crime? ♪♪

♪♪ Ha! ♪♪

♪♪ Is that a crime? ♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪♪

Some guys do this thing
in cars,

which is so disgusting.

They actually think
they'll get a woman to pull over

and go on a date with them.
Ready?

[ imitates horn honking ]
Aah!

‐ What the fuck is that?
‐ [ laughter ]

Can you imagine if a woman
was like...

[ imitates horn honking ]
Hi.

[ laughter ]

[ mouthing words ]

[ laughter ]

[ continues mouthing words ]

In Victoria's Secret
'cause they have

all the little silky stuff,
little silky things,

and they got the things
written on the back.

They got "PINK" written
on the back,

and I bought a pair
of "PINK" underwear,

so when you get a certain age,

your ass likes to eat up
all the letters on the...

So literally the panties just
said... [ crunching sound ]

[ laughter ]

It's a funny time period
after sex.

You just did this series

of preposterous things together,
really,

and then, men‐‐their bodies
were, like, important.

Like, 20 minutes ago,
you had this, like,

powerful, sexual man body

that was commanding things,
and now you're just

running those pointless,
like, post‐sex errands

around the room, just these...

flaccid errands
and just grabbing washcloths.

There's no dumber time
in all of life.

[ laughter ]

♪♪♪♪♪♪