Original subtitles

[ Siren wails in distance ]

Birdgirl: Yeah, I may be thinking about a career change.

I'm really only passionate about what I do after work.

You know, I feel like I can tell you anything.

What's that?

Oh, right, my [bleep] order. Let's see.

I could just get ramen again,

but then I'm kind of in the mood for rice balls.

But then there are so many options!

What's that? You're right, the [bleep] ramen.

It's Judy![ Receiver clicks ]

[ Light switch clicks off, doorknob rattling ]

I'm in here!

Oh, sorry.[ Light switch clicks on ]

Working late again, huh? Yeah.

So... Hey.

A group of us are grabbing drinks.

Wow! I would love to.

But I have some other stuff I have to get to.

Y-You can just say you find me repulsive.

[ Light switch clicks off, door closes ]

I don't find you repulsive!

I've just got this other thing. It's, like, volunteer work.

[ Sighing ] Ohh.

Someday, Judy, you won't have to pretend anymore

that you're just a corporate lawyer,

that you don't watch the workday tick by

until you can slip out, under cover of night,

to save the city as...[ Bookcase creaking ]

...the city as...

Birdgirl!

[ Bookcase creaking ]

Time for work!

Although they do say, if you love what you do,

you'll never have to [Grunt] work a leg [Grunts]

into your pants.

[ Rope gun fires ]

[ Rope gun snaps ] Aaah!

Oh, thank God.

[ Desk wheels screech ] Aah!

Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.

♪ Who's the girl that saves the world? ♪

♪ Hey!

[ Imitates fanfare ] Birdgirl!

[ Grunts ] [ Gasps ] Aaaaaah!

[ Desk thuds ] Slam!

[ Cat meows ][ Grunts ]

[ Beep, explosion ]

[ Cat meows ]

No more playing with matches.[ Cat meows ]

[ Tires screech ]

[ Rope gun fires ] Whoa!

[ Tires screech ]

[ Cellphone chimes ]

Aah! [ Gasps ]

Birdgirl: No texts, no wrecks.

[ Horn honks, tires screech ]

Uh, that's Judy's.

♪

[ Munching ]

[ Siren wails in distance ]

[ Plastic bag rustling ]

You're welcome!

[ Rope gun fires ]

Phil Ken Sebben...

...is dead.

Woman: So that's why he didn't text me back.

The forecast, mostly sunny skies today.

[ Gasps ]

Hey, handsome, want to come live in my purse?

[ Chuckles ]

[ Cat screeches ] Ow!

Just... Just in the purse, now.

Reporter: Phil Ken Sebben, known to millions as Daddy,

took a mom-and-pop law firm

and built it into a multinational conglomerate

that makes all the things no one else will.

But Phil was most famous

for one thing he never accomplished...

choosing a successor to run his company.

Now the world waits to see

who will lead Sebben & Sebben worldwide.

[ Buzzer ]

Find Judy Ken Sebben... now.

Woman: It's 3:00 a.m., sir.

Right, right.

Uh, wait till 9:00... or 8:00.

Is 8:00 too early?

Yeah, 9:00.

[ Siren wails in distance ]

[ Cat purring ]

Which says "confident and decisive" to you,

harbor gray or slate gray?

Château, campfire smoke?

Ooh, maybe thunder sky,

or is that screaming for attention?

Oh, God, they're all so gray!

[ Cellphone ringing ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

He's not dead, everyone.

He's done this before.

I have sort of grieved his might-have deaths so many times,

I refuse to kind of fall for it again.

Sorry, Daddy... ish.

They found this.

[ Sniffing ] Burnt mushrooms.

[ Sniffing ] Some box wine.

It's him. [ Scoffs ]

He has a hundred eye patches!

Here's his foot.

Oh, Daddy! No!

What if... it's true?

Man: [ Laughing ] Daddy?

Not Daddy.

We all know there's no replacing Phil,

but in the event of his death,

he insisted we use this impersonator.

[ Clears throat ] Everybody get in here.

[ Applause ]

[ Chuckles ] Phil loved this guy.

I'm here to announce a successor.

The next CEO of Sebben & Sebben is...

Birdgirl!

Birdgirl? [ Scoffs ] That Phil.

It's an unconventional choice, but makes sense.

He always did love Birdgirl.

Why Birdgirl, you ask?

Well, she never stops, she's an arrow in motion,

she's Phil in womanly form.

In fact, there really is no other woman on Earth

who embodies Phil as much as Birdgirl.

I can't believe he chose Birdgirl [Sighs] over me.

Which is why he left you all his stock,

making you the majority shareholder.

It's on the gift card.

Now let's bring her out... your new CEO, Birdgirl!

One, two, Birdgirl!

Yeah, I said it... Birdgirl!

[ Chuckles ] This guy is good.

Birdgirl!

- Birdgirl! - Yeah. [ Chuckles ]

Birdgirl!

Paging Birdgirl!

Here to save the company!

[ Applause ][ Snoring ]

And we have a successor.

[ Cheers and applause ]

You're not supposed to stand on the table.

Birdgirl![ Clatter ]

[ Glass shatters ]

[ Indistinct conversation, telephone rings in distance ]

[ Doorknob rattling ]

Hi. Can you open this?

Um, it's the CEO's office, actually.

Uh, I am the CEO.

So how come you're not in the office?

Because it's locked.

Well, I need approval to unlock it. From?

The CEO. Duh.

[ Buzzer ] Whoa.

[ Clatter ]

Thanks for unlocking it.

Well, you are the CEO.

"If you need anything, press and talk.

It's an intercom. Your assistant, Gillian."

Uh, yes, Gillian.

It's Gil-ian, hard G, as in "gatekeeper."

Got it.

Hard G. Nice one.

Thanks.

Now I forgot why I would... Oh, right.

Can you get me Meredith?

Aah! Don't do that!

Well, you wanted to see me. Here I am.

Big news... I am the new...

Blee-ooh-oop! New CEO.

So I'm promoting...

Me to general manager.

Of Sebben & Sebben.

Reporting to you.

Just because you can mindtake

doesn't mean you have to. Blee-ooh-oop.

[ Scoffs ] I'm not a truck backing up. It's not "blee-ooh-oop."

It's "blee-ooh-oop."

That's what I said, "Blee-ooh-oop."

You're not even trying. Blee-ooh-oop.

Bloo-eh. Blee-ooh-oop.

The first "B" is silent.

Boo-oop. [ Sighs ]

Hey, so, I'm sorry about your dad.

Uh, as you know, I'm bad at emotions.

But, uh, the guy at the kiosk downstairs

says this one's fairly effective

at, uh, filling the gap in your soul, or whatever.

Thanks.

I'll make sure to give this to Judy when I see her.

You can drop the act. It's me.

Are you okay? I'm terrific!

Phil's gone, which sucks,

but he chose Birdgirl as CEO,

which means he saw me as executive material!

Judy, not so much.

Hey, don't be so hard on her... yourself.

Phil also gave you, Judy,

the majority of the company stock.

I can totally see why Phil chose Birdgirl.

Judy just doesn't have it. Have what?

-A big swinging dick! -Uh, wait. What?

Everything's grays with Judy. [ Grunts ]

Not black and white like Phil and me.[ Glass shatters ]

Why isn't this working? Did you open it?

We cut to the chase, call it like we see it,

find him, [bleep] him, and forget him.

Blee-ooh-oop!

I just need to talk to Judy for one second.

Hey, Mer. Look, your dad just died.

How about you take a breath and process that?

We'll both do it. [ Inhales deeply ]

[ Coughs ]

Okay, you'll do that by yourself.

You know, Mer, I didn't even get to tell him that I love him.

[ Gunfire in distance ]

Somebody needs saving![ Rope gun fires, glass shatters ]

Enjoyed our chat. It really helped!

Mm-hmm. Did it, though?

[ Man snoring ]

Sorry I'm late, everyone,

but my last thing ran a little long.

Can you put this in my office?

So, uh, let's get started.

While Judy knows you all,

our new CEO, Birdgirl, has never met most of us.

I'm Meredith. I'm general manager.

Hi. I'm Charlie, head of PR.

Great to meet you, and great jumpsuit.

I can't pull them off personally,

but I admire a woman who can.

I'm Dog With Bucket Hat, and I run security.

I know a thing or two about security.

You and me, beers later.

I'm, uh, in recovery.

Hey, it's Scot with one T. I run manufacturing.

- Next! - Brian: Human Waste.

Brian O'Brien... Human Waste.

Alright, sit down, Brian.

For the last time,

no one wants to hear your weird, dangerous idea.

Weird and dangerous? I'm intrigued.

Well... You are?!

Well, uh, I'd like to introduce

what could be Sebben & Sebben's newest product.

It takes the farm-to-table concept,

replaces table with mouth, and quintuples profit.

It's farm to mouth to toilet.

I give you the Calypsis.

[ Up-tempo music plays]

[ Crowd cheers]

♪

Ms. Birdgirl, have you ever had to choose between eating

or going to the bathroom?

Only, like, all the time!

Now you don't have to.

With the Calypsis system,

simply order from our selection of farm-fresh meals,

and we deliver it right to your busy life.

And when you're finished...

[ Grunts ]

[ Calypsis whirring ]

...your waste is heat-molded into fertilizer

and shipped back to the farm to grow more food.[ Sniffs, groans ]

Farm to mouth to toilet and back to farm.

Try some of our produce.

And one for our CE... Oh.

[ Man grunting ]

Dog with Bucket Hat: [ Munching ]

This literally tastes like shit.

And I know.[ Carrot crunches ]

Ah, the park.

I wouldn't expect you to understand,

you m-mental l-little people!

Bri, Bri, do not have a Calyp-shit fit.

Calypsis, let's roll.

It's called improv, Bri.

Two years, Tuesday Company.

[ Siren wails in distance ]

Our 401[K]s are tied to Sebben & Sebben stock,

but with Little Miss Break Shit Up

trashing the city, she's tanking the price.

I'm retiring at 45, Meredith.

It's in my life planner. [ Sighs ]

Great idea.[ Glass shatters ]

Or...

You, keep it in the office.

I... will?

Oh, when we ran the tests, the veggies tasted fine.

Well, now it tastes like shit.

This is my ticket out of here

and straight to the top of the company!

Fix it!

What's the matter, Calypsis?

Talk to me, baby.

[ Metal snaps ] Aah!

Oh, God, no.[ Growling ]

[ Screaming ]

♪

Oh, Christ Jesus! [ Gasps ]

[ Bell dings ]

[ "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring" plays ]

[ Choir singing ]

♪

Mmm.

I finally get why they're a fruit.

[ Up-tempo jazz plays ]

[ Glass shatters ]

Just checking in!

This one!

[ Bomb beeping, explosion ]

I approve!

[ Bell ringing ]

I'm actually having thoughts about you

in my head right now.

That's not ignoring.

I'm used to being ignored. [ Sighs ]

Stuck down in the basement in the Waste Lab.

Animal waste?

Human.

[ Calypsis whirring ]

Oh, you almost had me.

[ Calypsis gurgling ]

I got cake!

[ Plates clattering ] Ms. Birdgirl?

I-I just need five minutes. You got one.

Okay, y-you got to believe me,

t-the toilet works.

Give me the go-ahead, and we'll be swimming in...

Shh! Have some cake, relax.

I love your project. You do?

Boss, I know you were distracted

during the Calypsis meeting, but there was a hiccup.

Maybe just -taste this cucumber. -Don't need to!

Anybody gives you flak, you show them this.

That'll be worth money someday.

It will?

[ Soft music plays, elevator bell dings ]

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

What, what, what, what, what?

Can you just calm down and, you know, be a CEO?

I have been in the office for 67 minutes,

and people are loving it!

Is the birthday guy loving it

or the bombing victims on 26?

Look, I know Birdgirl has a unique leadership style,

but she can't run the company alone.

We need Judy.

But Phil -chose Birdgirl. -Hey... Oh!

Uh, yo, Card Guy, uh,

I bought a defective sympathy card from you.

- You need to fix it. - Let me just turn you around.

Ohh! My God, I do need to fix this.

The knot in your shoulder...

Ohh! ...is ginormo.

Ohh! Hashtag me Knot.

You! [ Groaning ] Okay.

[ Cracking ]

Mm-hmm. [ Grunts ]

Executive touch!

Soothe! Heal!

Relax! Unwind!

Honey, honey, "executive touch"

means something different in massage-speak.

Ugh![ Gunshots and screaming in distance ]

[ Rope gun fires ] Whoa!

That vag attacked my client.

[ Telephone rings ]

So, Birdgirl isn't working out.

Can't you just mindtake her and...

Zip it. Oh.

I just don't know what to do.

She isn't dealing with Phil's death.

Well, he was her father.

What?!

Phil Ken Sebben was Birdgirl's dad,

and something about mindtaking?

Oh, my God!

And now he knows everything.

Better read him in.

What's your name?

It's Paul, of the Syracuse Pauls.

You know not when you may be summoned, but...

These Junior Pilot plastic wings

are both an honor and a responsibility.

Better not screw it up.

[ Laughing ] I mean, can I fly now?

Yeah, sure. Why not?

Good morning.

Since launching this ad campaign,

we've been getting pre-orders out the ass.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're taking pre-orders?

Uh, are you sure you got all the kinks worked out?

[ Calypsis whirring ] Ow!

Worked out enough to get the CEO's approval.

Sebben & Sebben hasn't had this many orders for anything ever.

This is the kind of leadership this company needs.

[ Cellphone clicking, chimes ]

I can't cover for her anymore. She's never here.

And when she is here,

she's using C-4 to unclog the printer.

Look, I appreciate what you've been doing.

I know we're used to laughing at Brian,

but this toilet thing,

it's so crazy, it just might work,

because crazy things usually work.

You need to find your girl.

I think Brian's gonna call a proxy meeting.

- What's that mean? - How should I know?

I'm a goddamn dog.

[ Grunting ]

Zip it up, back there! Zip it!

[ Police radio chatter ]

[ Mindtake dial wailing ]

No, no, I do not accept!

I refuse to be blee-ooped.

You're giving me no choice.

[ Tires screech ] Give me my arms back, Mer.

[ Tires screech, crash ]

[ Horn honks ]

[ Gurgles, gasps ]

Ugh. Where am I?

Is this a palace?

It's like a palace.

It has 36 rooms and a laundry in the basement,

but most people call them apartments now.

[ Water draining ] I need to talk to Judy, so I'm going in.

Oh, hey, Mer.

Since I was a kid,

the only way I could get him to pay attention to me

was to do crazy, impulsive stuff as Birdgirl.

Because he was crazy and impulsive.

Yeah, kinda.

And then after a while,

I got so addicted to his approval,

Judy just sort of took a backseat.

And now it all just makes me...

Sad?

Yeah!

Wow, my dad sort of sucked as a dad.

But whatever he did made you,

and you're... so... very... adequate.

[ Sniffles ]

[ Paper tears ]

[ Cellphone chimes ]

There's a board meeting

to replace Birdgirl with Brian O'Brien as CEO!

Let's go.[ Cellphone chimes ]

Ohh!

Oh, no, no, no.

[ Cellphone chimes ]

I've put my blood, sweat, tears, and [bleep] into this company

to drive success!

I've given you this![ Calypsis gurgling ]

What has Birdgirl given you?! Let's vote.

All those in favor

of naming Brian O'Brien the new CEO, say "aye."

-Aye. -Aye. -Aye.

Nay! Nay!

Oh, yeah!

[ Up-tempo music plays]

♪

What now?

I'm gonna do the right thing...

go down to his office and congratulate that asshole.

♪

[ Door creaks open ]

Hey, Brian, I-I'm not here to suck up to you

because you're CEO now. I'm not, okay?

In fact, I'm here because I treated you badly

and I'm asking for forgiveness, okay?

Taste pipe, shit brick!

Aah!

That's your cue

to shove him down that ridiculously small hole.

Aaah!

[ Laughing evilly ]

[ Bell dings ]

[ Dramatic music plays ]

Huh? I saw everything!

Shut the lid and step away from the bowl!

Sic 'em.[ Gurgles ]

My God, I thought you were smart technology.

♪

[ Calypsis wheels screech ]

♪

Blee-oop, blee-oop.

What?

I'm at the veggie shawarma place.

You know how they are about phones.

I know you said Birdgirl sucks as a CEO,

but you didn't say she sucks!

How could you let her approve a man-eating toilet?

Wait. I thought it just ate waste.

Um, that's every toilet. This one eats people!

Now do you see why it's good to have Judy around sometimes?

Aah, aah! Oh, my God!

I'll take that to go.

♪

[ Grunting ]

It's escaped.

My God, what have you done?

Pretty sure this is on you.

[ Soft music plays ]

[ Elevator bell dings ] You can do this, Judy.

[ Screaming ]

Then again, some jobs call for Birdgirl.

Can we do this without things getting weird?

No problem on my end.

That wasn't super convincing.

Let's roll.

♪

Birdgirl needs our help!

He'll be summoned. He knows not when.

Hey, I've still got 3 1/2 minutes on my Swedish!

Find somebody else to touch your back fat!

[ Screaming ]

♪

I am the master of Human Waste!

Human waste, human waste!

There's some human waste!

You're all human waste! Human waste.

Maybe now is a good time to...

Already on it.

You're all human waste!

♪

Hyah-ha!

Aah!

[ Grunts ] Massage guy, you're up!

Let out tension.

[ Grunting ]

Oh, you really are a miracle worker.

[ Calypsis creaking ]

♪

Huh?

I didn't want money or the title.

I just wanted the glory.

Sic semper Calypsis!

[ Grunts ]

Not today, toilet. Not today.

Aaaaah!

[ Car alarm wailing ] You're on my foot.

Uh ...u're at the circus.

You're at the park.

You're a sexy chicken.

You're leaving $400 in my guitar case.

You like the smell of library books.

You say "faux" instead of "fuh."

Uh, you kissed your cousin once.

I'm responsible for this.

I greenlit the man-eating toilet for Sebben & Sebben.

I belong on the streets, not behind a desk.

As my last official act as CEO,

I name Judy Ken Sebben as the new CEO of Sebben & Sebben.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Uh, do we care that none of this is legal?

No? Where is Judy anyway?

[ Indistinct conversations ]

I accept!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Mer, I don't know what we would have done

without you and your dial.

There is no dial.

You were controlling yourself the whole time.

Good one, Mer.

No, there really isn't a dial.

Ha!

Hey, hey, what do you want?

Hmm.

I used to think I should quit

and save the world as Birdgirl,

but now I see I just wanted my dad to see me.

But now he's gone.

No, I mean what do you want?

Oh, right! I'll have the [bleep] ramen.

[ Sighs ] Here we go.

Let's do this.

Well, everybody, I'm officially CEO of Sebben & Sebben.

And we are the Birdteam!

Meredith the Mindtaker ...at?

...The Feels... Yes.

...Strongarm ...at is she doing?

...and Birdcat!

[ Cat purring ]

Hey, a group of us are grabbing drinks.

- Drinks? - Do not make that.

I licked myself. Love to.

♪ Hey, who's the girl that saves the world? ♪

♪ Birdgirl!

♪ Wins a fight, unique like pearls ♪

♪ Birdgirl!

♪ Who's the one they can't defeat? ♪

♪ Hey, Birdgirl!

♪ Birdgirl!

♪ Hey [ Imitates fanfare ]

Made in Georgia.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0