Original subtitles

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[jazz music]

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

[Cheryl] Come on, honey.

Your parents are waiting for us at the restaurant.

[Saul Jr.] Cheryl, I've been ready for over an hour.

I was waiting for you to get dressed, remember?

[Cheryl] You want me to look beautiful, don't you?

-[Saul Jr.] Of course, I do. -[Cheryl indistinct]

I know, please. Don't remind me.

-Surprise! -[clapping]

-Are you surprised? -I'm surprised.

[chuckling]

Just look at the pair of lovebirds together.

They are so perfect.

I just knew Cheryl--

Was the one, the moment you first cast eyes on her.

I know. Everybody knows.

[Mildred] I just can't understand.

why they never had any kids.

[Saul Sr.] Maybe they were abstaining

'til you're old enough to be a grandma.

[giggling]

Forty years old.

When I was your age, I was 50 years old.

[all laughing]

Happy birthday.

Happy birthday, sweetheart.

[Saul Jr.] Thank you, Mom.

-Saulie. -[Saul Jr.] And you knew?

Yeah, what are you gonna do? Glad you showed up.

Happy birthday, buddy.

-Glad you could make it. -Thanks.

-Hi. -Hi.

Hey, I've got another surprise.

This is your life, Saul Schwartz.

Roll the film.

[Saul Jr.] Film?

[Mildred] Come on, you're gonna love this.

Film?

You were the cutest little baby in the world.

-Ah, Ma, not the baby pictures. -Yeah, you gonna love it.

[Mildred] I'm gonna join your daddy.

[baby crying]

Oh, you are so adorable.

[baby continues crying]

[Saul Sr.] Jesus, I should let Saulie run the company.

Oh boy, I was tough.

Dad, I can't believe you filmed this.

[Saul Sr] ...exceed in this screwed up world.

It takes balls and brains.

Neither of which are any use without the others.

[Mildred] Such a thing to teach a four-year-old.

[Saul Sr.] That's my boy.

Which film first united Humphrey--

-To Have and Have Not. -[audience clapping]

-Oh, you are so smart. -Which French astrologer--

[bell pinging] Nostradamus.

[audience clapping]

Name the famous impressionist artist--

[bell pinging] Ramsey.

Regular Alvin Einstein.

Name the Sicilian patriot who stole--

-[bang] -[bell pinging]

[audience laughing]

[buzzing]

-Salvatore Giuliano. -I knew that.

Why did you do that?

-I didn't even know it. -But-- And I knew it!

I was prepared. We could've won.

But we didn't.

[Saul Jr.] To be...

or...

not to be.

[Saul Sr.] How good he was.

The guy he was acting with died.

[Cheryl] Honey, I thought you were fabulous.

-Really? -[Cheryl] Yeah.

...where the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or...

You are artists,

[throat clearing]

sculptors,

Michael Angelo, Da Vinci, Van Gogh.

Your David or Mona Lisa awaits.

You know, one thing I never understood about the Mona Lisa,

Why would Da Vinci paint such an ugly broad?

-[laughing] -Daddy, behave yourself.

[Saul Sr.] Now if you painted my lovely daughter-in-law

-or my wife a few decades-- -Watch it!

...a few years ago, now that would have been a painting.

Good recovery, Dad.

...to the law of Moses,

Oh, honey. Look, our wedding.

Seems like only yesterday.

Yesterday?

Cheryl, it was almost eight years ago.

And eight diamonds ago!

[priest] You may kiss your beautiful bride.

Thank you.

[awing]

To Saul, may marriage bring to you,

half of what it's brought to me.

[people laughing]

Psychiatrist bills, a herniated disc,

a couple of ulcers. I'm only kidding.

So, to start them off on the right track,

I am announcing my retirement

and I am turning over the reins of Schwartz and Company...

-I had tears in my eyes-- -Oh, of course.

...to think of what I was giving up to him.

[Mildred laughing]

[Saul Sr.] ...responsible person I know.

We're proud of you, kid.

[clapping]

-It's over? -Not yet.

-[paper ripping] -[exclaiming]

-Can we help her? -Don't help her.

-[people laughing] -Wow!

Happy Birthday, Saulie.

[explosions]

[happy music]

[music continues]

Cheryl, the champagne is ready.

-Honey? -Yes?

-What do you think? -I'm ready.

Don't you just love it?

Your mother got it for me for your birthday.

It's a Detesta Bile.

[Cheryl] Well, what do you think?

Well...

[sighing]

It's certainly my mother, Cheryl.

-Really? -Yes.

Oh I knew you would just love it.

It's gorgeous, just like you, sweetheart.

Oh, I'm so happy we're finally on vacation together.

It feels like a second honeymoon.

-Really? -[affirming]

Does that mean tonight we can...

-[Cheryl affirming] -Yeah?

[giggling]

[sneezing]

[giggling]

I'm sorry. I might have caught a little snip of a cold

shopping this afternoon.

-It's all right, sweetheart. -Okay.

[giggling]

[sneezing]

[Cheryl] I'm sorry, I'm so embarrassed.

It's alright, Cheryl. These things happen sometimes.

It's okay.

Now...

...where were we?

[Cheryl moaning]

[Cheryl] What is it? What's the matter?

-I-- I-- -Did I gain weight?

-No. I-- -Do I look fat?

-No, you-- You-- -You think I'm fat, don't you?

My breasts. What, do they sag or something?

-Do you think I need implants? -No!

[Cheryl] Maybe you don't like my ass either.

[yelling simultaneously]

[Saul Jr.] Just calm down.

[Cheryl screaming]

[Saul mumbling]

Look in the mirror! Look in the mirror!

First, let go of my neck.

Now, look in the mirror.

[Cheryl screaming]

[birds chirping]

[cars hooting]

[receptionist] Schwartz and Company.

[phone ringing]

-Morning. -Morning.

-Welcome back, Saul. -Hey, Tom.

[Saul Jr.] Hello.

[Joey] Hello.

It's the toro, it's the bull.

Yeah, well never mind.

Just tell him to short the carp stock, all right?

Why? What do you mean, why?

I'll tell you why.

Let's just say my bowels told me to dump it.

Look at this. You've been standing here all this time.

You don't even say anything?

Well, I didn't want to disturb your train of thought.

Not to mention your bowels.

[Joey] Very funny. Welcome back, asshole.

Good to see ya.

Come on. Sit down.

Nice way to talk to our clients.

I talk to all our clients like that, you know that.

So, how was France? Get a little...?

Joey!

Come on, you're a man, she's a woman,

in an exotic, romantic location. Talk to me.

It's not like that.

With Cheryl, it's never like that.

I think that's the problem.

Besides, there were some...

There were some extraneous circumstances.

[Joey] Excuse me?

There were some extraneous circumstances.

Extraneous circumstances? Speak English.

Cheryl had an extreme allergic reaction

to some shell fish in the bouillabaisse.

She was laid up the whole time with an IV stuck in her arm.

[chuckles]

You know, actually I--

I actually found myself thinking I couldn't wait

to come back here to go to work.

I was miserable.

[scoffing]

That's not misery, pal.

That's marriage.

[dog barking]

Hey.

[barking continues]

[mimicking barking]

[dog barking]

Stupid dog.

[Cheryl] Honey, is that you?

You're lucky.

[Cheryl] Saul, you home?

It's me, Cheryl.

[throat clearing]

Well, what do you think? Isn't it just to die for?

Let me guess, it's a--

-A Detest-- -[Cheryl Detesta Bile?

[scoffing] No silly.

It's a Chia-soso.

Oh.

[Cheryl] Ta- da.

His designs are so different from Detesta Bile.

He is truly gifted. An absolute genius really.

I'm sure he is, sweetheart.

But you know, I'm really tired.

I'd like to have a nice, quiet dinner with you

inside the kitchen.

And then we can go upstairs, and watch an old movie.

Wouldn't that be nice? I'd love to do that with you.

-[Cheryl] You hungry? -[Saul Jr.] I'm starving.

[Cheryl] Did you say you're hungry?

[Cheryl] Yes, yes.

Poor little thing. It's over there.

Go get it. Go get it.

What are we having for dinner?

Reservations. [giggling]

[people chattering]

You're so right, Jonathan.

I think, in this day and age,

so many people forget where they came from.

-It's so important-- -[snoring]

...to instill a sense of being, of purpose,

especially in our young people.

Yes, yes.

Cheryl, your thoughts, your ideas are just like mine.

We are truly honored and privileged to have you

as the newest member of the Manhattan Benevolent Society.

-Absolutely. A toast. -[snoring]

-Cheers. -Cheers.

[glasses tinkling]

Wake up!

[crickets chirping]

Rudy, you've come for me.

So, you have beaten a giant and vanquished a midget.

Now prefer to fight a real man. En garde.

[dramatic music]

Give up. Surrender your sword.

Don't you know you can never win?

Good will always triumph over evil.

Justice must prevail.

[laughing]

For the final time, Nathaniel.

Surrender your saber

For God and my country, my evil friend,

lay down your sword.

Never. I will rot in hell before I kneel to you.

You must kill me first.

Then so be it.

[snoring]

[romantic music]

There you are, my fair maiden.

Fee from the scourge that enslaved you.

Free to follow your heart.

Free to follow your soul.

-Free to follow me. -Oh, Rudy.

[sighing]

[crickets chirping]

[Saul Jr.] Doc, I don't even sleep anymore.

Tell me about your work?

-[enquiring] -Your work?

My work, well...

Well, since I've taken over as CEO,

we've grown to over ten million dollars in assets,

which is a 150% increase since my father retired.

And, we were in the Fortune 500

as one of the fastest growing investment firms in the country.

That's good.

Saul, I'm not asking for an analysis of your company.

I'm asking you about you.

Does your work make you happy?

Investment banking? Happy?

Doc, you got to be kidding.

Then why do you do it?

Why?

[scoffing]

I've been groomed

to run Schwartz and Company since birth.

When I was in my mother's womb, my father most probably read

the shareholders reports to her belly.

It's always been my father's dream

that I would take over when he retired.

He built a company, laid this foundation for me.

I'm his only son.

He gave me everything on a gold platter.

Anything I ever wanted, my parents gave me.

"Nothing but the best for Saulie."

They just wanted me to have what they'd never had growing up.

Having what I got, the life I've been given,

most people would die to trade places with me.

What am I supposed to do?

Throw it back in their faces? Break their hearts,

because I, "Saulie", don't like investment banking?

No.

I've got to do the right thing.

[therapist] Saul.

You'll never do the right thing if it's for the wrong reason.

You know, I want to try a little something,

a little hypnosis.

To delve deep into that subconscious of yours.

Are you game?

You not gonna make me stand on your desk

and bark like a dog, are you, Doc?

[chuckling] No.

-No? -No.

Now let's talk about

what makes Saul Schwartz happy.

[happy echoing]

[piano music]

I'm tired of your games running my life, all of you's.

I got to be square with you.

Something I should of done a long time ago.

I'm not gonna do nothing no more for no body but me, Che.

Not for you. Not for no body. Only for number one, sweetheart,

You're looking right at him.

But what about me?

What am I supposed to do?

You'll find yourself some other chump.

You dames always do.

Just whistle for once, sweetheart.

You know how to whistle, don't ya?

Just put your lips together and blow.

Bought these little rocks for me, baby.

[weeping]

[Cheryl] You're going to pay for this.

Already have, sweetheart.

[Cheryl weeping]

[door slamming]

Dames.

[clapping]

[indistinct chattering]

[announcer] Danette is wearing a skin tight...

Saul, thank you so much for opening up your home.

It was really very gracious of you.

It's a wonderful soirée, isn't it?

It's a very worth-while cause.

Yes, yes. Well, thank you once again.

-My pleasure. -Excuse me.

[announcer] ...classic elegance, embellished with jewels.

The train accenting her beautiful back,

completes the ensemble.

[clapping]

[announcer] Joanne is ready for a night out on the town,

Carmen Miranda style.

Saul, this is not so bad.

I thought these charity benefits are usually boring.

This is your idea of fun, Joe?

Well, it's--

Whoa!

[announcer] ...is stunning in silver with bold cutouts,

placed to define her most sultry assets.

[clapping]

Think I'm gonna go over and have a little Crêpes Suzette.

[laughing]

-Don't eat too much. -I won't.

[announcer] ...motifs, as set in with delicate roses.

-Excuse me... -You must be Saul Schwartz?

-Yes, yes I am. -Allow me to introduce myself.

I'm Barry Scarborough.

My friends call me 'BS'.

The Barry Scarborough from BS Pictures?

The one and only.

What a pleasure it is to meet you, sir.

I'm a big, big fan of your films.

Well, I'm a fan of your financial wizardry.

Thank you very much.

You know, my company has a public offering in the works

to raise some capital for our next ten pictures.

Two hundred and fifty million--

Maybe your company would like to handle the underwriting?

Well, why don't you send me over a proposal

and I will put it before the board?

We could probably work something out.

But, what brings you to Manhattan?

My wife actually. She's in Beverly Hills.

[laughing]

I understand.

[announcer] ...Cheryl Schwartz. [clapping]

Thank you. Thank you all so much.

Our sex life, doc? It's almost become non-existent.

Well, tell me Saul,

the times you do have sex,

is it pleasurable?

Let me try to remember.

Since I turned forty, my memory isn't what it used to be.

And neither are some of my body parts, for that matter.

Your wife, does she still get aroused?

Only when she shops.

If I could figure out a way to have sex in Neiman Marcus,

I would have it made, believe me.

Tell me Saul, in your heart,

how do you feel Cheryl feels about you?

I mean, take it all away,

the money, the homes, your company, everything?

Does she love you,

or does she love being Mrs. Saul Schwartz?

♪ My baby don't Care for shows ♪

♪ My baby don't Care for clothes ♪

♪ My baby just cares for me ♪

♪ My baby don't care For furs and laces ♪

♪ My baby don't care for High toned places ♪

♪ My baby Don't care for rings ♪

♪ Or other expensive things ♪

♪ She's sensible as can be ♪

♪ My baby don't care Who knows it ♪

♪ My baby just cares for me ♪

♪ My baby don't care Who knows it ♪

♪ My baby just cares for me ♪

♪ Cares for me ♪

♪ Cares for me ♪

Rudy? Rudy.

I can contain my love for you no longer.

My heart aches for you.

I yearn for you. I desire you.

[Rudy] I desire you too,

but it is a love that cannot be.

For I am but a humble houseboy.

And you, a beautiful contessa

from the noblest family in all of Rome.

And you're supposed to marry Alfred,

son of the second noblest family in all of Rome

It doesn't matter. He doesn't matter.

He is nothing compared to you.

You are suave, charming, debonair, handsome.

And he, he's...

Not.

Your family would disinherit you

if they knew of our feelings for one another.

You would be completely cut off

I know. It doesn't matter

Oh, Rudy.

You'd be willing to leave everything?

You'd give it all up for me?

Oh, yes. Yes. Yes.

Bene. Then it is settled.

We'll start a new life together,

somewhere far away from here.

And I'll get a new job. Maybe become...

...an actor.

But the most important thing is

we will always have each other.

Oh, Rudy. I love you.

I truly love you.

[Joey] Saulie, where are you?

[Saul Jr.] I'm on an airplane.

I just needed to get away for a little, that's all.

[Joey] Where the hell you going?

Los Angeles.

-[Joey] Los Angeles? -Yeah.

[Joey] Los Angeles isn't a vacation,

it's a prison sentence.

What the hell you going there for?

[Saul speaking Italian]

[Joey] What? What are you talking about?

[Saul Jr.] Never mind, Joey. You wouldn't understand.

-I guess. -[Saul Jr.] Listen,

I want you to run the company for me.

You're more cut out for it than I am anyway.

You always were.

All right Joey, you just keep

everything running smoothly at the company.

Barbara will help you out if you need it.

-All right. -[Saul Jr.] Can you handle it?

Can I handle it? Can I handle it?

[Joey] Hey, Saulie. Would I let you down?

-[Joey] Ciao. -Yeah, ciao.

[exhaling heavily]

[gasping]

Excuse me, are you all right?

Yeah, I-- I hate flying.

I-- I-- I always get anxiety attacks.

Oh, maybe I should call the stewardess.

No, no, no. That's not necessary.

I'm-- I'm working on my phobia's with my analyst.

I used to have vertical vertigo.

But-- but he cured me.

And now all I have is ordinary vertigo.

Vertical vertigo? What is that, a fear of standing up?

-[laughing] -Yes, something like that.

I'll be fine as long as I don't look out this window.

I'll look at you, okay?

If you don't mind?

Well, that's okay. [giggling]

Any other phobia's you care to share with me?

-No. -Okay.

Well, I--

I suffered from a Cheryl phobia for a while.

Your-- Your name isn't Cheryl, is it?

-No, it's Louise. -That's good.

-It's very good, I assure you. -[Louise laughing]

-Good. -Good for me.

I'm Louise Armstrong. My friends call me Louie.

-Louie Armstrong? -[laughing]

No relation.

-Oh yeah. -[both giggle]

-And you? -Saul. Saul Schwartz.

My friends call me Saul.

-[laughing] -Cute.

Well, glad to meet you, Saul Schwartz.

-Hi. -Hi.

So who is this Cheryl, if I may be so inquisitive?

Cheryl--

Cheryl is my ex-wife. We were recently divorced.

The whole thing was a-- was a fiasco.

Actually, it was a prolonged nightmare.

-Sorry. -Yeah, me too.

We just had a--

We just had different priorities.

Different everything really.

Didn't you have anything in common?

Sure. Alimony.

[both laugh]

Wha-- Wha-- What are you working on?

Oh, this. It's is an arrangement for a song I wrote.

I'm a singer.

-Really? -Yeah.

Are you somebody famous?

Should I know you? Do you have a record?

Do you have a song on the radio?

No, not yet. I'm working on it, though.

-Wow. -Yeah, I'm going to be

showcasing some of my songs at Bugsy's place.

My agent thinks that might help me

land a record contract.

-Your agent? -Yeah.

-You have an agent? -Yeah.

-That's really big time. -[chuckling]

Can I have your autograph?

-No. You're not serious. -Phone number?

[Louise giggles]

No, I'm just kidding. I wouldn't say that.

Believe me. I wouldn't I wouldn't say that.

-You wouldn't say that? -No.

So what brings you to LA?

[George] So you want to be in pictures?

-[Saul Jr.] Yes sir. -Why?

We-- Well-- Well, it's always been a fantasy of mine.

Kid, listen--

I deal in reality, not fantasy.

Look, everybody fantasizes about being an actor.

But, you know what they do?

They go into a theater and lay down seven bucks.

That's what makes this a great business, kid.

And don't forget, this is a business.

Look, I don't have altruistic motives.

I don't pretend to.

I'm motivated by money and power and greed,

Like everyone else, I'm an agent.

Well, I just want to know if you think I have a chance?

Look, I agreed to see you out of courtesy to Louie.

Now that's somebody who's got a real shot.

She's going places. She can sing, she can act.

She's gorgeous. She's got the whole package.

Now, look at you.

What are you? Pushing fifty?

No, I'm-- I'm forty.

You're pale, you're out of shape,

You wear glasses.

And that hair.

And your beard, Jesus!

You look like my lawyer.

Thank you.

[reception lady] Good Luck.

-Hey, Taylor. -[Taylor] Hey, Cookie.

I brought you something.

[Cookie] Peanut butter pecan?

My absolute favorite. Thank you, darling.

[Taylor] You're welcome.

[thumping]

[Cookie] Poor baby.

[giggling]

[Cookie] You're late. Do you wanna get in there?

[clapping]

[piano music]

[people chattering]

♪ Look beyond the rainbow ♪

♪ Somewhere past the sky ♪

♪ There's a someone Who is watching over you ♪

♪ Nothing else will matter ♪

♪ If your aim is high ♪

♪ Every dream is yours ♪

♪ If you trust your heart ♪

♪ And never wonder why ♪

[drumroll]

♪ Just believe in yourself And follow your heart ♪

♪ You'll reach your dreams If you only start ♪

♪ So keep your aim up high And follow your heart ♪

♪ Whenever you think That everything's lost ♪

♪ You'll make it through, No matter the cost ♪

♪ So keep your aim up high And follow your heart ♪

♪ Don't sit back And wonder if you'll make it ♪

♪ What you reap And what you sow ♪

♪ Make some inspiration With some dedication ♪

♪ Where it takes you Only heaven knows ♪

♪ If you've got a dream That's deep in your heart ♪

♪ It can be yours If you only start ♪

♪ So keep your aim up high And follow your heart ♪

[clapping and cheering]

Thank you.

Louie, you were wonderful. I mean, what a voice.

I had no idea you could sing like that.

-Thanks. I'm glad you made it. -Me, too.

So how did it go with my agent?

Did they take you?

I wanna hear everything he said.

[agent] Now, look at you.

You're pale, you're out of shape.

You wear glasses.

And that hair, and your beard,

Jesus, you look like my lawyer.

[echoing] You look like my lawyer. You look like my lawyer.

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music continues]

What you say your name was?

Saul. Saul Schwartz.

[agent] There's a familiar ring to it.

Not necessarily a good familiar ring to it, but it rings.

Anyway, you're here, so let's talk.

What can I do for you?

I'm-- I'm looking for representation.

So you want to be in the pictures?

Yes.

Everyone and their uncle wants to be an actor these days.

It's astounding.

I had some schmuck come in here one day,

and he looked like my lawyer from Christ sakes.

You stay in this business long enough, kid,

you live to see it all. You see it all.

You got potential. You got a good look.

Good face, good build.

You look Mediterranean, Italian.

What are you? Early thirties?

-Forty. -You're thirty, you got that?

Nothing worse than having to explain

why someone pushing forty hasn't made it yet.

Now, what about your background?

Previous roles, agents, training and so on and so forth.

Well, I minored in performing arts at Harvard,

and I did a couple of plays at-- in school.

Kid, what have you done in the last twenty years?

I ran a financial investment firm.

I didn't have the opportunity to go out, you know.

Studied at Juilliard, then did some off Broadway..

Played, let's see--

Danny in Grease,

Willy Loman in Death of the Salesman,

Stanley Kowalski in Street Car,

then you--

you-- what the hell did you do?

Speak any languages?

-French and a little Italian. -Perfect.

Disgusted by the lack of quality roles at the time

in America, you moved to Europe to live for a couple of years,

to broaden your horizons, to taste life,

to find yourself as an actor.

Now, having been found, you're back

and you're ready to take America by storm.

What do you think, what did you say your name was?

Saul-- Saul Schwartz.

That's a terrible name. It's a horrible name.

You need a name people will remember.

A name they can hold on to, something catchy.

I like my name. I've had it my whole life.

I'm used to it.

Well, you'll get used to another one.

Did you ever hear of Bernie Schwartz?

-You know my cousin, Bernie? -No, not your cousin, kid.

Bernie Schwartz is an actor. You ever hear of him?

-No. -That's because he changed

his name to Tony Curtis.

-Really? -Yeah.

And Archibald Leach, ever hear of him?

-No. -He became Carrie Grant.

-Wow. -Marion Morrison

became John Wayne.

Issur Danielovitch, Kirk Douglas.

Roy Scherer Jr., Rock Hudson.

And the list goes on and one and on and you know why?

I'll tell you why. Because people don't want to lay

seven bucks down at the box office,

to fantasize about someone named Saul Schwartz.

It just doesn't cut it. It's too-- too ordinary.

We need something more romantic.

Something--

Italian!

[sighing]

Well, Saul could be Italian.

It could be short for Salvatore.

That's not so bad, I mean...

Look at Sylvester Stallone.

What could be worse than Sylvester?

[whispering] Salvatore. Salvatore.

Salvatore. Not bad. Not bad at all.

It has a ring, has a good ring to it.

I seem to recall Salvatore was the Sicilian's first name.

Salvatore Giuliano. He was a Sicilian patriot,

who stole from the rich and gave to the poor.

He wrote poetry, too.

A poetic, Sicilian Robin Hood.

What could be more romantic and Italian than that?

Salvatore Giuliano, the third.

I love it. That's you kid.

-[lighter clicking] -[chuckles nervously]

Salvatore Giuliano, the third.

[agent] Got any pictures of yourself?

No.

You got a job?

[romantic music]

[people chattering]

[speaking Italian]

This dessert is a specialty in Rome.

Its name is Coup de Suvio.

Its name is derived from when the king--

[lady] It's a Chia-soso. He's the new rage in Paris.

Isn't it just to die for?

...was overthrown in a coup by Count Suvio.

He ate this very dish the night of the coup.

-[screaming] -There's a fire!

[flames roaring]

-[fire extinguisher blasting] -[screaming]

You incompetent fool!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

-[screaming] -Look at my dress!

It was a mistake.

Look what you've done to my Chia-soso!

[Saul Jr.] It was an accident.

You idiot!

I am an actor, not an idiot.

Do you know who that woman is?

That's some selfish, spoiled- rotten, pain in the ass

that will demand wardrobe support

in the divorce settlement?

Yeah, yeah. Go, go. I'll take care of it.

Honey, what seems to be the trouble now?

Oh, Barry, there was some Italian.

He was just right over there.

-[thumping] -[woman] I just saw him.

[woman] I know he's around here.

[Barry] I'm sure he is. Please calm down

Hi, I know you.

You're the girl from in George Levine's office,

with the bicycle?

That was quite a performance you put on out there.

What was it a little early Jerry Lewis

or was it the Marx brothers?

[waiter] Salvatore?

[waiter] Salvatore?

You are an actress.

And what makes you think that?

Well, a fellow actor always appreciates a good performance.

Besides, I see a pen and a script, and some scene notes.

And inquisitive eyes.

And you are a very, very beautiful woman.

-Yes, you are an actress. -You're an actor.

-Yes. -I see.

And to think I thought you were a waiter. Silly me.

I should have known better since you sitting here with me

while all the other waiters are busy serving people.

How foolish of me.

Confidentially, I'm trying to avoid someone

who knows that I am really a billionaire.

And if you want to see me waiting on tables,

it would not be too good for me. No?

So I guess you taking my orders out of the question.

No.

But only if you have dinner sometime with me?

I never make promises I don't intend on keeping.

-Does that mean no? -Si.

This waiter was so full of it. he had a line for everything.

Although he was very handsome,

until we gazed deeply into each other's eyes.

And I asked myself,

could there be some sign of intelligence lurking beneath

this gorgeous veneer of a man?

-And? -The vacancy sign was on.

He even assumed I was an actress.

Heaven forbid anyone should have a job

where they've got to use their mind.

A mind is a terrible thing.

Didn't Dan Quayle say that in front of the NAACP?

Yeah, he actually did.

You should have seen him. What a klutz.

Dan Quayle?

I mean, what a waste of a perfectly good body.

Why do people always have to go for the obvious?

Yeah.

I mean I could do the obvious. Be one of them

'Don't hate me because I'm beautiful' girls.

But that would be just too easy for me, girlfriend,

just too damn easy.

Can you imagine, they want me to write about the perfect male.

I mean, that's like asking Mike Tyson

to write about dating. So, what do you think?

Well, I like Mike Tyson.

No, from Rome with Love. What do you think so far?

I don't have a ending for it yet.

But do you like it? Do you think it has any potential?

I think if you could close that trap of yours

long enough for me to finish reading it,

I be able to give you my opinion.

You know, I should have just written about my ex-husband

and called it, I married a Mannequin.

God, that's the last thing I need,

Another narcissistic, self- absorbed, neurotic,

look in the mirror more than I do, actor.

Never again.

[upbeat music]

This okay?

[camera shutter clicking]

-Laughter. -[laughing]

-Happy, happy, happier, happier. -[laughing]

-Cry, cry, cry, cry. -[crying]

Hold the depths of despair.

[camera shutter clicking]

Go, that's it, that's it, you looking for your mate.

[camera shutter clicking]

-Asino. -Yes.

I am the man you seek.

For I, and I alone, can deliver you the plutonium

with which you seek to bring the free world

to its unworthy knees.

[camera shutter clicking]

[George] Salvatore Giuliano, the third.

Screen test. Action.

Asino.

[snoring]

I am the man you seek, for I, and I alone can deliver you

the plutonium of which you seek to bring the free world

to its unworthy knees.

To teach all civilization...

What do you think?

He's got a good look, can even act a little.

Who is this guy anyway? I've never seen him before.

George Levine's new hot shot.

Salvatore Giuliano, the Third.

Supposed to be the next Rudy Carbonera.

Give me that chance please, Asino. I implore you.

It says here that he gave up a political career in Italy

to become an actor.

They love him over there. Could have been their president.

It's the Sicilian's grandson, you know.

-The Sicilian? -[confirming]

-Give me that chance, Asino-- -Really?

-to change the face... -Really.

...the planet as we know it...

That could mean big Box Office in Europe.

-Huge. -Real big Box Office.

Boffo.

A chance-- Sì, a chance.

A nuclear winter--

'I, Gianni Paralelo, shall not fail you.'

[dog moaning]

Hey, what do you think, Tino?

Should we make Paralelo even larger?

He is pretty full of himself.

But Levine says they'll love it.

And I have to establish myself if I'm ever going to make

my novel into an epic major motion picture, now don't I?

Huh?

Hey, should we write in a part

for Gianni Paralelo's favorite dog,

who saves his life,

and enabling him to save the entire civilized world?

-[barking] -I thought so.

[waitress] Here, you are, madam.

-Thanks, sir. -Thank you.

You know, I still can't get over how different you look.

Well, what do you think?

Well, I thought you looked fine before.

I mean, you look fine now, too.

-You look healthier. -Yeah.

You almost look...

You look Italian.

Well, I'm paisan now.

I'm like the great Rudolph Carbonera.

What's a paisan?

It's a term of endearment amongst Italians,

-A countryman, a compatriot. -I thought you were Jewish?

Only on my mother's and father's side of the family.

So you thought you would just fill in

for Mr. Carbonera for a while?

Well, there's no one around quite like Rudy anymore.

I mean, let's face it, Louie,

they don't make them like they used to.

-I know. -Rudy.

Well, a toast.

Here's to you, Saul Schwartz, the last paisan.

[glasses clinking]

[rock music]

[Cookie] You late again, girlfriend.

Another hot date with Mac?

You just love banging that boy's board.

Yeah, he's always there when I need him.

My computer. A Macintosh.

Are you ready to do some damage to these boys here.

I was born ready, child. Born ready.

A dime a ball, sound good to you?

Let's go.

[Taylor] You boys care to break?

-Ladies first. -Oh.

[rock music]

[balls smacking]

-A real ball breaker. -Yeah.

You don't have anything to worry about.

Think, think, think.

I am Jordan, from the temp agency.

Could I see your books?

No, too Steven King.

Well, Hi. I'm Jordan

from the temp agency. How are ya?

Good. Now, could I see your books?

No, too Kapra.

[actor] Hey, you. I'm Jordan from the temp agency.

Could I see your books?

No, too Neanderthal.

-[intercom] Next. -Mr. Giuliano.

Second door on the right.

Well, hi pal. I'm Jordan from the temp agency.

Let me see your goddamn books. [laughing]

Thank you for stopping in.

We will keep your picture on file.

Next.

[Italian accent] Scusi, but I have not had

the opportunity to audition for you yet?

[audition lady] Frankly, Mr. Gweliano--

-Giuliano. -[audition lady] Giuliano.

-Sì. -We would be wasting our time.

You are just not what we are looking for.

We looking for a Woody Allen type.

You are much too Italian. Next!

[sighing]

Ciao.

It's a tremendous dress you have on.

I go gentile for a woman in red.

You are perfect.

Could you be a little shorter?

I am like a chameleon.

I can be anything you want me to be.

[Saul Jr.] I am an actor.

Yo, brother, what's happening?

I'm here to put some more dip in your hips,

some more stuff into your struts.

more glide into your slide.

And if you don't believe me, you got a hole in ya soul

and you don't eat chicken on Sundays.

Yo Paulie, your sister's with me. Adrian.

These are my two turtles, Cuff and Link.

Now, y'all get ready for the country top twenty countdown.

Remember now, we go to the phones first.

Twentieth caller, you'll win

tickets to the contest tomorrow night.

Say the magic word and the duck will come down.

So what do you think?

What are you on, glue? Next!

[Italian music]

[sneezing]

Can you believe this? Because I can't.

It-- It's-- It's like-- my worst nightmares.

My deepest, inner-most fears, bought to life.

Totally mindless, incompetent individuals,

ma-- ma-- making decisions in people's lives,

tha-- tha-- that can alter their very existence.

It's-- It's like government.

Rejection, Saul, is just something you're going

to have to deal with.

-Especially as an actor. -Yeah.

You just have to have confidence

and believe in yourself.

Doc, for the first time in my life,

I do believe in myself.

It just gets so fru-- fru-- frustrating.

You know, it's amazing how, how differently people treat you

when they think you're a nobody.

Well, how about your indirection with women?

I'm sure that's been affected.

[Saul Jr.] Oh, yeah.

It-- It's amazing.

They come on to me, they proposition me.

They, they want cheap, tawdry, lustful, lascivious sex.

Doc, they want my body.

And how does that make you feel?

[groaning]

It's just so big.

[groaning]

It's huge.

It's big enough for two or three people.

[groaning]

I'm sure you're told that all the time.

-[Saul Jr.] Well, I-- I-- -I mean it must be so hard--

-[sighing deeply] -to maintain.

-[Saul Jr.] That feels so good. -How do you keep it up?

[Saul Jr.] Well I-- I-- [moaning]

Do you have someone to help you clean it?

[Saul Jr. expressing confusion]

It must take forever.

No, I-- I-- I-- clean it myself.

Wow.

Do you own or lease?

-I own it. -[giggles]

The condo, silly.

-It's beautiful here. -Yes.

The setting is so serene.

Thank you for bringing me here.

I feel very special.

I only bring very special people here.

You're such a gentleman.

And I love gentlemen.

-[lady] Oh, my God, I can't believe it.

-[Saul Jr.] Sì. -I can't believe it.

This is so good.

[groaning continues]

[fast paced music]

[gasping and panting]

[music pace quickening]

[groaning continues]

No. Oh God...

What is wrong? Where are you going?

[lady] It's two in the morning.

My fiancé. He's going to be home from work

-in fifteen minutes. -[Saul Jr.] You are engaged?

Yes. We're getting married next Saturday.

I'll send you an invitation. I got to go.

Ge-- getting ma-- married.

[alarm blaring]

[water dripping]

[train siren]

[clock ticking]

[dog barking]

[dumpster truck]

[alarm clock ringing]

[man shouting]

-[knocking] -Hello.

I'm-- I am Salvatore Giuliano, the Third.

[director 1] Cut.

Give me the house lights.

I know I am late. I am terribly sorry.

Would you get a look at this guy?

He doesn't look like the guy at the screen test.

He looks terrible. Horrible.

[director 2] Absolutely horrible.

-Worst I've ever seen. -Bags under his eyes.

His skin is pale and pasty.

You look sickly.

[director 2] Real sickly. Real, real sickly.

[director 1] I don't believe this.

-Do you believe this? -It's amazing.

Absolutely amazing.

Do you do this for all your parts?

Or do we just get a special treatment?

[director 2] What possessed you to come in like this?

[director 1] I mean, how do you get looking like this?

My father and my mother.

[laughing]

[laughing continues]

[moaning]

[moaning]

[moaning]

-Do you think he knew? -No-one knew.

They just finished decorating the set this morning.

No-one had a script.

This scene wasn't even in the last draft.

These method actors.

They just look at the character. They know exactly what

the character is going to do in every situation.

They become the character. They are the character.

[director 2] It's like they don't even need the script.

Here, listen to this, "Gianni Paralelo,

Looking near death,

his eyes like two over-stuffed gnocchi's,

his hair dangling like limp pasta,

his al dente body,

sautéed in his own juices beneath his torn shirt.

-Amazing! -Absolutely amazing.

-[yelling] -You know,

maybe we can start hiring the actors first

and not bother with the reps. [moaning]

Save a fortune.

Congratulations, Saul.

An Italian secret agent.

And with BS Pictures.

That's unbelievable.

Well, you look after yourself out there.

Good Luck!

[keys beeping]

Jim, thank God I caught you.

That stock order I placed for shares in BS Pictures,

cancel it and fast!

No, no, no. This guy's gonna be another Carrie Grant. He's huge.

About a million a picture.

Huge, and that's just for starters.

Of course, nobody knows who he is.

Why do you think I'm just asking a million a picture.

When Roma with Love opens,

you'll be lucky to get him for two million,

if we'll even talk to you.

Ah, a ray of sunshine in a gloomy world.

How the hell are you, kid?

-[Taylor] Great. -You look fabulous.

-Where's your bike? -I drove.

What did they say? Did they like it?

You're talented, kid. Beauty and brains, too.

Now that's a combination I can really sink my teeth into.

-Well? -You're a hit, kid.

They loved it.

That's great.

But what did they say?

Did they have any specific comments,

any suggestions, or changes they want me to make?

They just want you to do a little work

with Gianni Paralelo.

I could definitely give him more substance,

make him more than just a two-dimensional male bimbo.

I can make him more realistic,

not put him in these ridiculous situations

that no human can possibly get out of.

No, no, no. Your missing the boat kid.

They love that he is a two- dimensional male bimbo,

who can get out of any ridiculous situation.

That's why they making the picture.

Oh.

They want you to spend some time with the actor

who is playing Paralelo.

Study his mannerisms, his idiosyncrasies,

his behavior, and so on and so forth,

and then, integrate that into the script.

You're not serious?

When it comes to money, I'm very serious.

Look, you got your foot into the door.

Now you want to open the door, and step inside.

You wanna get you novel made into a movie, right?

-Yeah. -Okay, this is your chance.

Make a name for yourself on this and the door is open.

So, who is playing Gianni Paralelo?

[doorbell chiming]

Hello.

What-- What-- What are you doing here?

I mean, I am-- I am glad to see you. I...

I mean, I am here to meet a writer named Christopher Taylor?

Are you his wife?

I'm Taylor. Taylor Christopher. Come on in.

Oh, Christopher Taylor, Taylor Christopher.

I made a mistake. [speaking Italian]

I am sorry.

Mi chiamo- My name is Salvatore Giuliano.

I remember you, Mr. Giuliano.

I am pleased. You can call me Tore.

All of my friends call me Tore.

Even some of my enemies.

[both giggle]

Come on in.

And after Giuliano was found murdered by his best friend,

his body was found, poisoned.

And the legend has it

that in his pocket they find a note.

And the note read,

"So die all who betray Giuliano."

And my grandfather became a martyr known as

El Susi Giuliano, the Sicilian.

And he became more revered in death,

than he did in life.

And that, signorina is my family story. Grazia.

-It's quite a story. -Yes. It is.

Didn't Mario Puzo write a fictional novel

called The Sicilian?

Yes, yes he did. About my grandfather.

They attempted to fictionalize his life.

But as I'm sure you know,

reality is much more interesting than fiction. No?

So, Tore, I take it you grew up in--

New York.

By, by way of an asylum.

Like most immigrants do in the 1930s,

my father come to America,

to seek his fortune, to follow his dreams.

Much like my grandfather had wanted to do,

before his untimely death.

Scusi, Signorina.

So, being first generation Sicilian,

-I take it you speak- -Italian.

My-- My-- My mother came from Northern Italy,

she did not speak Sicilian.

But my parents always spoke Italian around the house,

And, of course, English,

when their hands were too busy.

[chuckling]

[sighing]

[gasping]

A Jim Youngkin.

Most probably during his manic period.

Yes.

You're familiar with Jim Youngkin?

Certo.

But of course.

He is perhaps,

one of the greatest obscure impressionists who ever lived.

Did you, by chance, ever see

his self-portrait, Tormented Soul?

Oh, the anguish, the suffering in his face.

I wonder what made him so depressed.

-His wife. -[laughing]

I am here, all the time, all the time, talking about me.

Why-- Why don't we change the subject? So..

What do you think about me?

I make a joke. [laughing]

[giggling]

Please, tell me something about yourself?

Well, I grew up in Bloomington, Indiana.

I got a scholarship to Notre Dame

-and after I graduated, I-- -[gasping]

Is-- Is that you?

"Changing Gears."

-Yeah. -[Saul Jr.] I love that novel.

Especially the ending.

You read my book? You really liked it?

It was beautiful.

You write with such style.

You're so descriptive.

The-- The emotion. The--

-The passion. -Grazie.

Prego.

[romantic music]

[birds twittering]

You doing all right?

Si. No problem.

We're almost there.

-Hey, you wanna race? -Yes.

Why not? Let's go.

I'm glad you could make it.

Yes. Me, too.

I hope you're hungry?

A little.

[breathing heavily]

How did you do this so fast?

[heavy breathing continues]

How did you bicycle so fast?

-I used to race. -Race?

Actually, that's how I got through college.

A cycling scholarship.

I even got to spend a season in Italy, competing.

That was incredible.

-Italy? -[Taylor affirming]

[speaking Italian]

[speaking Italian] I'm fair.

[breathing heavily]

[speaking Italian]

[replying in Italian]

[speaking Italian continues]

Sì

[speaking Italian]

[speaking Italian continues]

[speaking Italian continues]

[sighing]

[speaking Italian]

Sì

[romantic music]

[Taylor] When I was a little girl,

the first time I saw The Wizard of Oz,

I was sick for a month when Dorothy missed the balloon.

I promised myself, I would never let that happen to me.

My mom told me that it was only a dream,

and that Dorothy was all right without that balloon.

But I guess, I never quite believed her.

[choking]

Oh, it looks so magical from up here.

Tore, take a look.

-It's all right. -Come on Tore, please.

I'm sure it looks fine.

[dramatic music]

[moaning]

[thumping] [Taylor] Tore?

Tore?

[breathing heavily] That feels good.

My head does not feel too good.

[Taylor whispering] Take it easy.

Everything... [heavy breathing]

Everything keeps spinning around and around.

I'm sorry.

I did not know the Italian word for ballooning.

[speaking Italian]

Yes, I know.

Just take it easy.

You don't have to be Gianni Paralelo with me.

No?

Oh, Taylor.

I'm sorry because...

I-- I should have told you something.

I-- I have vertigo.

You know, it is a--

-A fear of heights. -It's okay.

It is?

You-- You-- You don't mind?

No.

[romantic music]

[music continues]

I cannot tell you how my heart has ached

for this moment between us.

How I wait.

I decided from the first moment

we cast our lonely eyes on one another.

Struck

-with a thunderbolt. -[thunder roaring]

[speaking Italian]

[Saul Jr.] I never thought it could be like this.

Never in my wildest dreams and fantasies did I imagine.

Not in my entire human existence.

Just take me, take all of me.

Don't leave anything.

I want you.

I need you.

And I love you, Rudy.

[romantic music]

[music continues]

[Rudy] Nothing can keep us apart.

Nothing. Not the war. No Mussolini.

When this is all over, we'll meet in Valencia.

[speaking Italian]

[Taylor] That was amazing. [Saul Jr.] Yes.

The best ever.

And, I'll bet the movie wasn't bad, either.

What movie?

Rudolph Carbonera as the lonely count

-who looking for love. -For love at last.

That was one of his best.

[Taylor giggles]

I must of seen that movie a dozen times.

-Me too. -[giggling]

Did you know that is the only movie he made

where he actually told the girl he loved her?

I mean, they would always kiss and embrace it and all that

and the girl would always say, "Oh, Rudy."

But that was the only one where he actually said,

I love you too, Princess.

[Joey] Yeah, well actually, Saulie,

I was just thinking about ya. Thanks for my self-portrait.

Don't mention it. Look, Joey,

I'm going to be gone for a little while longer.

-I'm doing a movie. -You what?

-You what! -[Saul Jr.] Joey.

I'm acting in a movie, and, and--

And I think I'm in love with the writer.

-[Saul Jr. mumbling] -[Joey groaning]

[Saul Jr.] But I think she's in love with someone else.

He's lost his mind. He's lost his mind.

-[Saul Jr.] Joey. -He's lost his mind.

[Saul Jr.] Hello.

Joey!

Joey!

[burping]

Yeah, I'm here, I'm here.

All right. Who's the skirt?

And who she in love with?

The guy's name is Giuliano.

Salvatore Giuliano.

[upbeat music]

You should of seen him with his hair all messed up,

his skin all pale and clammy.

He just seemed so, so vulnerable.

Hmm.

[Taylor] What?

Oh, I know that look when I see it.

-What look? -[Cookie] The look.

You've fallen for this guy.

No I haven't.

Cookie, I don't know what to do.

This is the first time since Juan Luc that I've felt--

You felt what? And how did what feel?

Do you know, even Valentino rolled on her back for him?

That's the first time that's happened with anyone.

Oh, this is serious girlfriend.

This is ser--ri--ous.

[violin music]

You have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen,

Taylor, these past few weeks together,

have been perfect.

Everything has.

Perfecto.

I have wanted to,

to tell you something, for a while now.

There is something I've wanted to tell you, too.

-Really? -I've just been thinking...

Go ahead, you first.

I guess that I have been afraid to tell you,

because I thought it would ruin everything,

-You afraid? -Yes.

Why?

Well, because for all of my life I've had one big problem.

No guts. I-- I mean that--

I have not been able to say what I've wanted to say

and, to do the things I've wanted to do.

I-- I have been dishonest with myself.

I mean I went through a marriage

that I knew, deep down inside my heart,

-was not right. -You were married?

Yes. Temporary insanity.

At least that was my plea at the divorce proceedings.

[violin music]

[music continues]

What I am trying to tell you

is that

I am not exactly

the person who you think I am.

[plates crashing]

I don't believe this.

What else could go wrong?

[dishes rattling]

What's that?

it's just a tremor. It's okay.

-A tremor? -Yeah. It will pass.

[waiter] Thank you, Mr. Schwartz.

You're welcome.

-Schwartz? -Yes.

Taylor, what I've been trying to tell you is,

-that I'm in love-- -Saul Schwartz?

Your name is Saul Schwartz.

Yes.

What else have you lied to me about?

You phony bastard!

Taylor. Taylor let me explain.

[sad music]

♪ A table for two ♪

♪ Your dinner for one Is waiting ♪

♪ Another lonely day Is through ♪

♪ As you listen to a blue I sing to you ♪

♪ Sit by the phone ♪

♪ Thinking that you Should call him ♪

♪ Wondering if he's all alone ♪

♪ If there was any Way to know ♪

♪ That the loneliness Would go ♪

♪ And the love Would surely grow ♪

♪ As love can do ♪

♪ As you listen to a blue I sing to you ♪

♪ Tell you only the lonely ♪

♪ Seem to think that there is ♪

♪ Nothing they can do ♪

♪ Only the lonely ♪

♪ Never feel the world They live in is untrue ♪

♪ While the voice Inside their heart ♪

♪ Only tears Their world apart ♪

♪ Like a lonely heart will do ♪

♪ As you listen to a blue I sing to you ♪

[indistinct chatter]

[piano music]

Hi, kid.

Hi, George. What are you doing here?

I got something for you.

Something that might help you make some sense out of things.

What is it?

Taylor's new manuscript for God Country and Me.

-I think you should read it. -Why?

George, she hates me.

I don't blame her. I-- I lied to her.

Kid, love and hate aren't really that different.

Most people you hate,

you usually loved first, or could have.

Except for my aunt, Harriet.

-Wha-- What's it about? -Read it. Just read it.

[piano music]

[Cookie] Yo, Tay. You alive.

-Tay lives. -Hey, I'm sorry, Cookie.

I guess I've just been burying myself in my work lately.

I finished with God Country and Me.

-Did you read it? -[Cookie] I loved it.

Oh girl, how the guy she fell for

turned out to be a foreign secret agent,

who assumed assumed another identity,

just so he could get close to her

to gain vital national security information.

Now that's deep.

And the ending, with the DC3 plane and all.

Oh, I just cried and cried.

Oh, it is so sad. It's tragic.

Yeah, I guess it is.

Have you heard anything about From Roma with Love ?

Have they finished shooting?

You mean, have I heard anything

about Salvatore Giuliano Schwartz.

Don't even mention that name.

He's a fictional character, who doesn't really exist.

-Oh. -Gianni Paralelo is more real.

He's a smooth-talking, great looking, bamboozling

philandering, manipulative, deceitful, lying,

hypercritical phony,

whom I don't care to see again, for as long as I live.

[Cookie] They wrap tomorrow.

Stage eight.

[George] Is that Taylor out there?

Taylor, is that you?

What the hell is it about?

And that ending, with the plane, it's repulsive.

[director] Okay, anyone got any questions

on what they supposed to do?

-[Saul Jr.] What? -[director] You okay?

All right, let's shoot this. Let's go.

[crew] All right, then. Here we go.

Let's lock it up, please.

Everybody quiet, please.

Let's roll sound.

[director] Action!

Asino.

You win, this time.

I will help you.

But please, do not hurt the girl.

Bene. Bene, bene.

[chuckling] Bene, bene.

[clapping]

I was beginning to lose faith in you, Mr. Paralelo.

[chuckling] Bene.

All right. Once again,

Where is the plutonium, Mr. Paralelo?

No, Gianni, no. Don't tell them

Let them kill me. I'm not worth it.

Are you the director?

Yeah.

This is all wrong.

This does not even remotely resemble what I wrote.

You must be Christopher, the writer?

Great script. Loved it.

On play, she's supposed to be a nuclear technician.

-You've turned her into bimbo! -Yeah.

We just commercialized it a little bit.

-Now. -[actress whimpering]

[heroic music]

[yelling]

[music continues]

[gunshot firing]

[dramatic music]

[gunshot firing]

[gunshot firing]

[grunting]

[gunshot firing]

Oh, Gianni.

[director] And cut.

[director] That's a wrap everybody.

And we will see you at the Oscars.

Thank you.

[crew members chattering]

[sad music]

Excuse me.

Do you know where I can find Saul Schwartz?

[weeping]

Must be the smog.

Excuse me.

-It is about time. -Excuse me.

That must be the longest kiss ever, no?

Excuse me, can you help me find Saul Schwartz?

Giuseppe, it's great to see you.

What the hell is wrong with everyone here?

-What? -I said--

-What? -Sorry, I couldn't hear you.

I said, what the hell is wrong with everyone around here?

I got an ear infection from my vertigo.

Ear plugs.

Joey.

Saulie.

Saulie?

You look great.

-Wha-- Wha-- -It's a long story.

Come on. I'll tell you about it.

[happy music]

[Taylor] I'm out of here. Let's go shoot some pool.

[Cookie] What? And be deprived of all these sincere people?

We are not going anywhere.

[director 2] Hey, Taylor. Loved your script.

[director 1] Who the hell is she?

[director 2 throat clearing] For God, Country and Me.

Love For God, Country and Me.

And the ending was sensational.

Absolutely sensational

And those characters,

-they were so-- so-- -Real.

Real, real. They were very real.

Wow.

-So this is Hollywood? -I guess.

Well how come we're wearing tuxedo's

when the girls are wearing dresses?

Why, do you wanna wear a dress?

-No. -Probably does.

I got a guy. I'm telling you, BS,

he's s like Jimmy Stewart, Elvis and Schwarzenegger

rolled into one. You gotta see him.

He'd be brilliant in one of your pictures.

I found you Salvatore Giuliano, didn't I?

Call me first thing Monday morning, George.

We'll talk business.

-Mr. De Toro, welcome, I'm so-- -Mr. Scarborough.

It is really great to see you.

I'm Barry S. Scarborough. BS Scarborough.

-Hi. -This is Louise Armstrong.

Nice to meet you.

I don't believe we've met.

I-- I think we are acquainted. I'm Saul Schwartz.

Saul Schwartz?

The Saul Schwartz?

As in the one and only.

-[laughing] -[BS] Saul.

-You look great. -Thank you.

What you been doing with yourself?

You must be doing something that agrees with you.

-I-- I got a divorce. -[BS] I'll do it every time.

Now gentleman, this From Roma with Love,

got some guy in it

by the name of Salvatore Giuliano, the Third.

Any of you ever heard of him?

[all] No.

-Honey pie. -There you are.

I've been looking all over for you, baby.

I want to introduce you to some friends of mine.

-This is Guiseppe De Toro. -Mrs. Scarborough.

And this is Saul Schwartz and Miss Armstrong.

-Hi, how are you? -I know you.

You do?

You're that waiter that ruined my Chia-soso,

my favorite dress.

-Well, I-- I-- -Destroyed.

Massacred--

[lady mumbling]

Darling, I told you not to drink when taking those valiums.

I'm so sorry folks Would you kindly excuse me?

Sure. It's quite all right. Bye, bye.

Frank. Franky, you're a brilliant actor.

I go all the way back to Studs Lonigan.

Leave your agency, come with us,

and we will talk about getting The Riddler into syndication.

[Saul] I don't know. I never saw her before in my life.

-Well, maybe, maybe once. -[Louie laughs]

Congratulations, Salvatore.

I hear everyone's raving about your performance.

They are already talking sequel.

-Thank you, um... -Cherry.

Cherry Cream Pie.

Don't you just love it? I thought it up myself.

-Well, it's a... -[Joey] Tasty.

It's, ah, real tasty.

Scusi. My name is Señor Giuseppe De Toro.

I'm Mr. Giuliano's personal producer.

I'm doing his next five-- ten pictures.

-Might you be an actress? -Why, yes I am.

I can tell by your eyes.

-Would you care to dance? -Most certainly.

Signorina, signore. Ciao.

Scusi.

[jazz music]

It works.

Oh, my God.

-Some piece of work isn't he? -Yes he is.

[jazz music]

That's Taylor, isn't it?

-It's that obvious, huh? -Yeah.

-This is impossible. -Wait a minute. Where you going?

-I don't know what to do. -Did you try talking to her?

Yeah, I called her, like, 1,000 times,.

She wouldn't even take my calls.

Did you try flowers?

How about being yourself?

Were you Saul or were you Salvatore?

Salvatore. At first.

I tried to tell her, I wanted to be honest with her.

But something always kept happening.

She won't even talk to me now.

You know the one thing that always amazes me,

is that men, they just don't get it.

-Okay, get what? -For some insane reason,

they have this crazy idea of what they think woman want.

That it's this suave, gorgeous hunk

with a line and compliment for everything.

Look, just because some men

desire superficially attractive women,

doesn't mean that's what a woman wants in a man.

Do you know what woman want,

what they look for in a man, why they fall in love?

-Do you have any idea? -I-- I-- Obviously not.

Listen to me. It's what's in here.

And what's in here.

That's what matters to a woman.

That and the courage to just be yourself.

And be accepted for who, and what you are.

Louie, this is a crazy world

and sometimes we get caught up in it all.

And, and sometimes we--

-We forget who we really are. -Yeah.

Thanks.

Welcome back, Saul Schwartz. [giggling]

You turned out to be a real mensch, you know that?

Yeah.

-Louie. -What?

I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

-[laughing] -[Louie] That was very good.

[Cookie] I am so proud of you.

The writer and producer for your own film.

Girlfriend, you're on top of the world.

Top of the world.

I was on top once, almost killed the poor guy.

[Taylor giggling]

I think I've been killing a few myself lately.

This casting business, it's brutal.

Having to reject people if they're not exactly perfect.

And I still haven't found the right guy for the lead.

I seem to recall a client we represent,

a Saul Schwartz.

He could be just the guy you're looking for.

[knocking]

-Hey. -Hi.

-You look wonderful. -Good to see you.

-Louise Armstrong, this is-- -Taylor Christopher.

Boy, it's a pleasure to finally meet you.

I have heard a lot of really nice things about you.

Well, I pay her to say things like that.

Don't look at me.

There's not enough money in this world

to make me lie like that.

[Louie] No, not from Cookie, from Saul.

Saul Schwartz.

He really cares about you.

I care about him too.

It's just I don't think I can trust him.

Well, let me tell you a little something about Saul Schwartz.

[crickets chirping]

-Goodnight, Frank -Goodnight. Have a nice weekend.

You, too.

[romantic music]

[music continues]

-Hi. -Hi.

The plane was a little hard to come by, but...

You read my manuscript?

Did you like it?

No.

I loved it, Taylor.

Except the ending.

Him getting decapitated by the propeller was a--

a little bit gruesome, don't you think?

Maybe he deserved it.

Although, it might have been a little severe.

You never decided to take any chances?

Maybe you finally did take that chance, Saul Schwartz.

Maybe you did.

[jazz music]

♪ Everybody's looking For that certain someone ♪

♪ Someone you see in your mind ♪

♪ Everybody's looking For that certain someone ♪

♪ A dream that you hope You can find ♪

♪ Suddenly one day Your searching is through ♪

♪ Love comes to you From out of the blue ♪

♪ Somebody's love That you want to be sharing ♪

♪ Seems to be caring too ♪

♪ Everything you dreamed About your certain someone ♪

♪ Seems to be coming true ♪

We-- we-- we're gonna have a baby?

-A baby. -A baby.

-You're gonna have a baby? -Yeah.

Milly, did you hear that? They're gonna have a baby.

Milly. You're gonna-- You're gonna be a grandmother.

♪ I thought that I'd never find My certain someone ♪

I love you, Taylor Christopher Schwartz.

♪ That certain someone is you ♪

[applauding]

[whistling]