All language subtitles for [S01.E02] Kickin It - Fat Chance.English

( upbeat music )

Guys, guys!

Wanna know who just won
the districtwide spelling bee?

Here's a clue: M-E.

"Meh"?

It's "me," you toad.

- What is that?
- The trophy I won.

It's a bronze bee.

I’ve got fillings bigger than that thing.

I rode a little filly
named "perspicacious"

all the way to the finish line.

Now come on, who's the man?

- Who's the man?
- Jack is the man!

- Burke: Ho!
- ( crowd chanting ) Jack! Jack! Jack!

- Jack: Thank you.
- Now thanks to Jack's routine,

we've won our first
gymnastics trophy in 15 years.

( all cheer )

It wasn't really a routine.

I was just trying to move fast enough
so no one would notice

I was wearing a unitard.

When you're wearing one of those things,

even when you win, you lose.

You know, I just won the first
spelling bee our school has ever--

Hey, show us what you did to win, Jack.

- Yeah!
- Go for it.

( kids cheering )

Jack, I hope that this means

that you're going to stay
on the gymnastics team.

I told you, it was a one-time deal.

I win you your trophy

and you get a little visit
from the wedgie wizard.

- I guess a deal's a deal.
- Just go with it.

Hold that for me.

Whoo!

- Aah!
- ( girl laughs )

( high-pitched )
Is that all you've got, punk?

( laughter )

- ( bell ringing )
- All right, let's go.

Milton, are you coming?

Yeah, I’ll catch up
with you guys in a second.

- All right.
- Okay.

You know, you're just a little bee
with broken wings,

but you, my friend,
are gonna hang with the big dogs.

Whoa, whoa!

Whoa, whoa!

If you're my guardian angel,

you sir, are awesome at your job!

( theme music )

♪ Don't you get all tough with me ♪

♪ I'm saying won't you
Come kick it with me? ♪

♪ And we can have a ball run up the wall ♪

♪ This is how we do ♪

♪ And no matter how much
I chop and punch ♪

♪ It's not as cool
As kickin' it with you ♪

♪ Here we go, let's start the party ♪

♪ Chop it up like it's karate ♪

♪ Everybody ♪

♪ Don't you get all tough with me ♪

♪ I'm saying won't you
Come kick it with me? ♪

♪ And we can have a ball run up the wall ♪

♪ This is how we do ♪

♪ And no matter how much
I chop and punch ♪

♪ It's not as cool
As kickin' it with you ♪

( upbeat music )

And at the very last second he caught me.

He put me down and walked away.

The only thing that I know about him

is that his nametag said "Yoshi Nakamura."

- Huh, never noticed him before.
- Okay, hang on.

So you didn't notice a 600-lb custodian,

but you did notice when Donna Tobin

changed her ponytail from left to right?

Okay, first it was right to left,

second, it wasn't a ponytail,

it was a French braid.

And third, maybe if that custodian

had legs like Donna Tobin,
I would've noticed him too.

Hey, big news, everybody.

the magic shop across the mall
went out of business.

They have to sell
everything at half price.

I feel so bad for them.

I think I’m gonna cry.

It's a good thing I have
this handkerchief.

( mock crying )

( laughing )
Oh, lookit!

Yo, I don't know how he's doing that, man,

but it's freaking me out.

Anyway, since the store closed,

a storage space opened up in the basement
directly below us.

- I finally have a place for all my stuff.
- It's about time.

- This place is getting pretty cluttered.
- It is not.

Rudy, this place looks like
a crazy old cat lady lives here.

Okay, that is a bit of an exaggeration.

Really?

( meows )

Okay, that is not my cat.

( meows )

( whispers )
Are you coming, Tip-tip?

( meows )

( upbeat music )

( vocalizing )

Uh, excuse me, Lonnie.

What are you doing in my storage space?

I have claimed this for Reptile World.
( grunts )

Listen, you little lizard-loving freak,

I want you
and all of your stuff out of here now.

Uh-oh.

I may have just let
a bearded skink slip out.

Why can't you say you passed gas
like everyone else?

A skink is a type of poisonous lizard.

And-- ooh! No, do not move.

He's on the back of your neck.

Look, I’m not falling for that.

And I’m telling you
for the last time, get your--

Oh wow, is it getting warm in here?

That's the first sign of a skink bite.

Second sign is your tongue will go numb.

You should seriously get some help.

I’m not leaving. They can carry my...

( lisping )
dead body out of here

and I will still stand here
to make my point.

Aah! Holy smokes, I’m on fire!

( screams )

Bringing presents to custodians?

That's not cool. I mean, what's next?

Asking the crossing guard to the prom?

I already tried that,
but she just wants to be friends.

I think it's sweet Milton
bought his new friend a cake.

Thanks, Kim.

See, when someone does something great--

You know, save a life

Or win a spelling bee--

They should get some recognition.

( ominous music )

All: Whoa!

Do you know what this means?

I know exactly what this means--

Our custodian's king of the babies.

Hey, what are you doing in here?

I thought I told you
this space is for Reptile World.

Not anymore. You left, I moved in.

Oh, and if you're looking
for your tortoise,

I left it in the hallway this morning.

( gasps )

You fool!

He could be three
or four feet away by now.

I have to go upstairs.

Don't touch any of my stuff,
especially that massage chair.

- Would you mind if i--
- No, no.

You couldn't handle it.
That's way too much chair for you.

- What?
- I’ll be right back.

I will sit wherever I wanna sit.

How is he gonna find out?

Oh.

Ooh.

Oooh.
( laughing )

This is nice.

Let's see what this baby can do.

- ( chair whirs )
- ( gate clatters )

( upbeat music )

Whoa, check it out, you guys.

Jerry: There he is.

Well, come on.

Mr. Nakamura,

I just want to thank you
for saving my life the other day.

That's what I do, mop up pudding barf,

collect trash and catch flying boys.

I’m living the dream.

we stopped by your closet
and saw your newspaper clippings,

your trophies and your medals.

You're amazing!

Then we checked you out on the Internet.

You were a six-time sumo champion.

Yeah, that match
where you lost your diaper thing

and kept fighting, that was awesome!

- And disturbing. But mostly awesome.
- Yeah.

That was a long time ago.

I used to be a hero in Japan
and now I plunge toilets.

And you-- you either change your diet

or use the bathroom at home, Jerry.

Wait, you know my name?

In the janitor's room
we call you the bowl-buster.

You hear that, you guys?

I’m the bowl-buster. Whoo!

Sir, I love that awesome
victory dance you do.

- The Nakamura stomp.
- All: Yeah!

That started when
I seen a spider in the ring.

The crowd loved it, so I just ran with it.

- Come on, man, do it for us.
- Yeah, come on, do it.

Aw, I couldn't. I’m at work.

Please? Just once.

Fine.

Just one for you, little buddy.

- All: Yeah!
- Come on, man.

( rumbles )

( rumbling continues )

( laughs )
Ooh. Oops.

- Look what you did!
- I’m sorry, sir.

- We were just having a little fun.
- Oh, fun?

I didn't hire you to jump around
like some hopscotching hippo.

I got this.

Mr. Nakamura would like you to talk to him
with a little more respect.

So I don't talk to you with respect, huh?

- Actually I said--
- This man used to be a hero,

so he doesn't need this job.

- Really?
- No, I really need the job--

He demands you
to apologize to him right now.

Really?

Here's my apology,

Nakamura, you're fired!

( somber music )

( upbeat music )

- Milton, what were you thinking?
- I don't know.

I thought by stepping up
and helping Nakamura

I could be a hero for once, like you.

Eh, I’m not a hero.

Woman: Oh, help! He stole my purse!

Aah!

Woman: Bless you, Jack.

Uh, what were we talking about again?

Oh, you were just going on
about not being a hero.

Guys, group meeting.

Um, why is Weepy McHugie still here?

The guy's been through a lot, Rudy.

We found out why he gave up sumo
and left Japan in shame.

65 wins in a row,

then some rookie struts in and throws him
out of the ring like a moldy pear.

You guys hiding pears over there?

There's no pears, darlin'.

As if that wasn't bad enough,
he lost his life's savings.

- Wow, how did he do that?
- He went on a game show called

"Are You Willing to Lose
Your Life's Savings?"

Fix this.

Once the food runs out,
we're gonna look tasty to that guy.

( whispers )
Fix this.

Hey, guys, I got an idea.

Nakamura,

Milton was right--

You're not a custodian, you're a champion.

And with our help, you'll get there again.

I told you it was a long time ago.

Why do you guys believe in me?

Look, we live by something
called the Wasabi code.

That means we never give up on each other.

We just gotta find a way
to get you back on the horse.

Uh, Jack, it'd probably
be safer if the horse got on his back.

But, uh, you know, either way.

Wasabi?

All: Wasabi!

( cheering )

Got your note.
I heard you wanted to see me.

Listen, we gotta come to some sort of
an agreement about this space.

We can't keep fighting like this.

I’m not so sure I can trust you.

Before this conversation goes any further,

I wanna check you for weapons.

Lonnie: Lift your arms.

( imitating metal detector )

That's a lint roller

and you're making
that noise with your mouth.

( imitating metal detector )

Look, so we both want the space, right?

It's nicer than my apartment,

smells less lizardy
and has exactly 100% less Mother.

You live with your mother?

I would hardly call it living, fella.

Why can't we just figure out
some way to share it?

Huh.

Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

Both: Man cave!

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

They're not back yet?

Nakamura wanted to run one more lap
around the mall with his weight vest.

- ( groaning )
- All right, that was your best time yet.

You ran the entire mall
in under four minutes.

Bouncing around in that thing
has given me a new respect for kangaroos.

Hey, Nakamura,
I saw you running through the mall

carrying a big pasty baby
that looked a lot like Milton.

I’m not pasty.

I’m translucent.

Nakamura's training for his big comeback.

A comeback sumo match,

I bet people would buy tickets for that.

I paid five bucks to watch
the Kellys' dog have puppies.

I’ve seen the miracle of life...

And it's disgusting.

You know, we can have the match
right here in the dojo.

Yeah, that's great and all,

but we don't have another sumo wrestler
for him to compete against.

I do.

( detector chiming )

Oh, no.

Beached whale! Somebody help me!

We gotta haul it back to sea
before it dies!

( grunting )

- Go to your home.
- What are you doing?

No, I-- I--

You thought I was a whale, didn't you?

- Yeah, a little bit.
- ( groans )

We kept in touch. I’ll give him a call.

Huh!

All right, Nakamura,
Time for your real workout.

Let's belly up!

Jerry, how's this thing gonna help?

You look like a bloated turkey in a thong.

It's gonna make him quicker.

I’m scrappy and wiry.

Now come on, big guy.

Whoa!

( grunting )

Hey. A little help. Thanks.

I’m good. I’m good.

I’m telling you, Lonnie, I’m gonna make

- a fortune off this sumo match.
- ( Lonnie sighs )

Do you mind?
I am trying to watch the finale

of "America's Got Tap Shoes."

No, no, later for that.

It's time for "Ultimate Combat"
on the Violence Channel.

I am not watching a bunch
of girlie men slap each other

when there's tap dancing on.

Sure. Give me the remote!

No, you don't. Oh, no, you do not!

( remote clatters )

Are you happy?

Now one of us has to get off the couch
to change the channel.

All right, I was being unreasonable.

It is your turn. You may have the remote.

Thank you.

- What are you doing?
- The man cave is under new management.

You are out and I am in.

Open the gate, Lonnie.

Not gonna happen, Rudes.

Oh, yeah, and I made a few adjustments
to the security system.

( crackling )

Shocking, isn't it?
( giggles )

Tap for me, America. Tap!

- ( crackles )
- Aah!

( upbeat music )

Rudy: Enjoy the match.

Enjoy the match.

Enjoy the match.

( cheering )

All right, my man, limber up, okay?

Stretch yourself out.

Just remember
everything I showed you, okay?

Now come on, let's do this.

( smacks )

Oh, wow.

Skin on skin. That was pretty awkward.

Ah, there's my man, Yamazaki.
My beach buddy.

Got my 600 bucks?

Let's do this.

( growls )

( cheering )

Uh-oh.

Nakamura, you can't
hide in here... Or anywhere.

I’m not going out there. That's Yamazaki.

He's the only one that ever beat me.

- I can't fight him, man.
- ( crowd chanting ) Nakamura! Nakamura!

Guys, we gotta put on a fight.

The crowd's getting ugly

and they were none too pretty
to begin with.

This is all my fault.

( crowd chanting ) Nakamura! Nakamura!

- ( exhales )
- Nakamura, listen to me.

You can't be running
from this guy your whole life.

I’m sorry, Jack.

I just can't go through with this.

- ( door opens)
- ( crowd cheering )

You guys gotta see this.
You're not gonna believe it.

( suspenseful music )

( growls )

( thuds )

( sniffles )

( socks squeaking )

Come on, Milton.

- Come on!
- Jack: Milton!

Your little kangaroo baby
has the heart of a lion.

This is your moment.
Go out there and take it!

- ( smacks )
- Ooh. Wow.

Skin on skin.

Awkward.

Whoa.

( Yamazaki grunting )

Aah!

- ( Yamazaki roars )
- ( thuds )

( growls )

I got this one, Milton.

( cheering )

You go, boy.

( both grunting )

( grunting continues )

( thuds )

( crowd cheering )

Milton, that was crazy.
Why would you do that?

I don't know. Someone had to do something.

I would never have done that.

That guy is the size of a brontosaurus.

You know what this means?

He has a second brain
that controls his tail?

No, Milton. It means you're a hero.

You inspired Nakamura
to get his confidence back.

- You were awesome!
- Really, Jack?

Yeah. And you know what else is awesome?

Pants. Seriously, dude, put 'em on.

- Yeah!
- Nakamura Stomp!

( crowd chanting )
Nakamura Stomp! Nakamura Stomp!

Nakamura Stomp!

- ( rumbles )
- All: Whoa!

Host on TV: And now it's time
to find out the winner of...

- Do you mind?
- ..."America's Got Tap Shoes."

I’m trying to watch TV down here.

Host on TV: Are you ready for the results?

Yes. Give it to me.

- All: Whoa!
- ( rumbles )

Give it to me!

- All: Whoa!
- ( rumbles )

Give it to-- Whoa!

Well, look who dropped in.

- ( groans )
- Sweet man cave.

♪ Kickin' it with you! ♪

( upbeat music )

Thanks to Milton,
Nakamura's heading back to Japan

to get his title back.

You know, I could be a sumo wrestler.

I just need to gain like 500-600 lbs.

- Your mom did it pretty easily.
- That's it, man.

- Come on!
- ( Eddie yelping )

Jack, have you seen
my spelling bee trophy?

I thought it was in my locker,
but I can't find it anywhere.

I know it's small,
but it means a lot to me.

Don't worry, Milton.
I’m sure it's someplace safe.

( light music )

( closing theme music )