Original subtitles

- It all comes down to this,

the final frame of the Melon-Ball Championship,

a sport with a storied history

that goes back to 16 minutes ago, when we invented it.

- Munchy, why are you talking like that?

- Because I'm practicing to be

one of those annoying golf commentators.

And this is how they talk.

- Roll that melon!

- Stop that melon!

- A most unexpected development.

- What are you doing, Fisher?

- This honeydew is a part of my Rube Goldberg machine.

- For our viewers at home, a Rube Goldberg machine

is an overly complicated contraption

that accomplishes a simple task.

It seems unlikely that Presley knew that.

- I did not.

You can have your honeydew when we're done playing melon-ball.

And you'll never know we used it.

- Oh, actually, I made holes for my fingers.

- Lex, I can't be mad at you.

But I can be mad at you.

Presley, hands off my stuff.

- What?! - I won the contest

for Best Rube Goldberg Machine

four years in a row until last year.

- What happened last year? - Dad happened.

He tripped into my machine

before it could finish, so I lost.

That's why I'm bringing in an assistant this year

to dad-proof my machine.

You owe me a honeydew.

- As Lex prepares for the final frame,

a hush falls over the crowd.

[cell phone chimes]

[cat yowls]

- Hey! We got a KidDING.

It's from that store that sells hot tubs, Hot Tubby's.

- Great. We need money to pay Tedward.

- We are still in debt from accidentally

blowing up his boat.

- Whoa, they want us to produce a commercial

for a contest at their store. - We can do that.

Munchy, you can be the cameraman.

And, Lex, you can write the commercial.

- And what are you gonna do?

- I am gonna be the one who bosses everyone around.

Watch.

Time is money, people! Time is money!

- You're really good at that. - Thanks.

Let's take five. And action.

[upbeat music]

- [gasps] I've never seen so many hot tubs.

And I've seen six!

- Well, hello.

You must be the KidDING kids.

Welcome to Hot Tubby's.

I'm Tubby, and this is my son, Lil' Tubby.

- Afternoon. - Howdy.

- [chuckles]

These are the kids that are gonna be making our commercial.

They made one for their KidDING business

that was hotter than a $2 biscuit.

- Does that mean you liked it?

- Do you need four bulls to make a rodeo?

- Still not following.

- [laughs] I like you kids.

Check this out.

Now, this is the hot tub we're gonna be giving away.

Anyone who can guess the correct amount

of Ping-Pong balls wins it.

Even these little orphans here.

- Thank you, Mr. Tubby.

We spent the last of our money on a pencil

to fill out the form.

Farewell.

- Keep your hot tub dreams alive!

- Well, Mr. Tubby,

we are excited to make your commercial.

- Did you get the script I sent?

- Oh, sure did.

We memorized the whole dang thing.

Didn't we, Lil' Tubby?

- Well, let's get started.

Time is money, people!

- She's good.

♪ ♪

- All right, Tubbys, we're gonna get going.

Just relax, there's nothing to be nervous about.

- Nervous? Shoot.

I've been selling hot tubs

since June bugs was called April bugs.

- Great. Okay, let's get started.

And action.

- Wait. What's my line?

- "Hi, I'm Tubby."

- Cut.

And action.

- W-wait, were you talking to us?

Hi, I'm Lil' Tubby, and this here's Big Tubby.

- Cut! - Oh!

Hi, I'm Tig Bubby.

Hi, I'm Hot Tubby. This is my hot tub, Lil' Tubby.

- Daddy, you called me a hot tub.

- Oh, ding dang-it!

Why are there flies?

So if you can guess the right amount of Ping-Pong balls,

you win this hot tub.

- Tubby, can you face the camera, please?

- Which one?

- There's only one.

- Ah.

They're everywhere!

Guess the right amount of Ping-Pong balls,

and you can win a hot tub.

- Can you back up?

Your face is right in the camera.

- Are you sure? I mean, this feels right to me.

Swat harder, boy.

Hot tub, hot tub, hot tub. Hot tub, hot tub, hot tub.

And you can win a hot dog. - Cut.

- Oh, ding dang-it!

- How much more do we have to shoot?

- Counting this? All of it.

[sighs] Let's take a five!

[bright music]

[knock at door]

- Hello, Mr. Fisher.

I'm Horrigan, your new lab assistant.

- You're right on time. Which is five minutes late.

- I'm so sorry, Mr. Fisher.

I'd just like to thank you for taking a chance on me.

I've seen every Rube Goldberg video you've posted,

and they are awe-inspiring.

- If you like those, check out this year's machine.

- Ooh. - You're right to "ooh."

This is just a small part of it.

The finished machine is gonna be huge.

- So how can I help?

- You're here for two things.

- Good friends and good times?

- No and no.

We're not here to be friends.

- So what am I here for?

- One, when I ask for something,

you say, "Yes, sir!"

- Yes, sir!

- Two, these machines are very delicate.

It's your job to protect it.

- Protect it from what? - My dad.

I love him, but everything he touches turns to broken.

- Hey, Fisher! Who's your friend?

You guys want me to make you some popcorn shrimp?

Oops.

Ooh, that's neat!

- See what I mean?

[lively music]

- Okay, Mr. Tubby,

we're finished with the commercial.

- We think you're gonna be happy.

- That sounds fantastic. Step into my office.

- [gasps] Hot tub office!

Just like in the movies.

Ooh, what does this button do?

- Careful!

Do not touch that button.

- But I love touching buttons.

- That button turns on the hot tub jets.

It activates a 230-volt, 90-jet experience

we like to call "The Hurricane."

[chuckles]

- Let's just show you the commercial.

[cheerful music]

- Hi.

- That's Big Tubby and Lil' Tubby of Hot Tubby's Hot Tubs.

And they're having a contest.

If you guess how many Ping-Pong balls

are in this hot tub, you'll win it!

So come on down to Hot Tubby's and say...

- Hi.

- So what do you think?

- Well, I only said one thing. - We know.

And we're sorry, but we used all the usable footage.

- Well, I'm not paying for that commercial.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, we did the best we could

given how awful you two were in front of the camera.

- [gasps] Awful?

I did acting better than Tom Selleck on "Blue Bloods!"

- What my friend is saying is that

while this commercial wasn't your cup of tea,

we still worked hard on it and we deserve to get paid.

- I appreciate the change in tone.

- Oh, good. So you'll pay us?

- Oh, not a chance.

Get out of my store.

- We're not leaving until we get paid.

- Well, I guess I'll just have to turn on the security system

and have the authorities make you leave.

Activate Tub-a-tron.

[device whirrs]

- Authenticate password.

- Big Tubby loves ribs.

- Tub-a-tron security system activated.

- Okay, but how serious can a hot tub store

security system really be?

all: Whoa!

[alarm blaring]

- [yells] - It's serious!

[screaming]

- ♪ I got, you got me ♪

♪ We got this ♪

♪ I like the odds when we're side-by-side ♪

♪ I like the sound of that ♪

♪ Oh, we're taking off, gonna do this right ♪

♪ I like the sound of that ♪

♪ And when things go up in flames, we're on it ♪

♪ 'Cause I got you, got me, we got this ♪

- All right, I know we're upset

because Tubby wouldn't pay us for the commercial we made,

but I've got something that's gonna cheer us up.

Ukulele solo.

[pleasant ukulele music]

♪ ♪

I don't know what I expected.

- I know something that will cheer us up:

the sweetest two letters on Earth, T-V.

- You're watching "Karaoke Kickoff."

- Good call, Munchy.

- I still love watching this show.

- And we will be right back!

- Ding dang-it. [cheerful music]

- Hi.

- That's Big Tubby and Lil' Tubby of Hot Tubby's Hot--

- Hey, that's our commercial!

- This is a bunch of crud! - Grade-A crud!

- First, Tubby doesn't like our commercial.

Second, he doesn't pay us. Third, he uses it anyway.

And fourth, I'm mad about the first three things.

We have to do something.

- Presley, play the ukulele, but angry this time.

- We can't let them get away with this.

We need a plan. - I've got it.

We study hard, get into a good college,

then law school, become lawyers,

then take them to a small claims court.

- Good, but maybe something a little quicker.

- Okay, I'm not sure where I'm going with this,

but gummy worms.

- No, we have to hit him where it hurts.

I got it!

We win the contest and take the hot tub as our payment.

- But how are we supposed to figure out

how many Ping-Pong balls are in that hot tub?

- Wait. Hot tub.

Water. Waves. Oceans.

"Ocean's Eight" starring Sandra Bullock.

- What's your point?

- My point is it's a very underrated movie.

And they pull off a heist.

That's what we should do.

- Yes, we sneak into the store,

count the amount of Ping-Pong balls,

enter the contest, and win!

- Guys, I don't know.

- Ugh, this is when you tell us

about how we should "avoid prison."

- I don't know how we got so smart!

Let's do this! - [yells]

- Boop. - Boop.

- Boop.

all: Boop! [imitates explosion]

[light music]

- Okay, phase one of my Rube Goldberg machine is ready.

- Before we move to phase two, sir,

can I get a selfie with you?

I want to document this historical moment.

- Fine. But I'm not smiling.

- I can't make the same promise, sir!

[camera shutter snaps]

I do have one tiny suggestion.

- Ugh!

- I couldn't help but see you replaced the honeydew melon

with cantaloupe.

And since the densities are different,

it's not going to trigger the next part of the machine.

- Holy Heisenberg. You're right!

Nice job, Horrigan.

- Popcorn shrimp's ready!

♪ ♪

- Whoa, Munchy, great job on this model of Hot Tubby's.

- Thanks, I had to take apart my pirate ship

and half of a space shuttle, but it's worth it.

- All right, let's go over the plan.

Here's what we know from the hours of footage we took

while filming the commercial. - Hold on.

Need a little heist music to set the mood.

[sly jazz music playing]

♪ ♪

- Ooh, I like that.

Okay, first things first,

the front door is not gonna be an option.

So we'll carefully drop in from the ceiling.

[all screaming]

As long as we drop in slowly,

we won't activate the laser grid.

But if it is activated, don't worry.

We have a gymnastics champion on our crew.

♪ ♪

I did some research on Tubby's security system.

Once we deactivate the lasers,

we'll have to disarm the alarm system.

Unfortunately, it's voice controlled.

So the only person who can turn off the alarm is Tubby.

- But we don't have Tubby.

Let's go back to my lawyer idea.

- Hang on. We don't need Tubby.

We have 17 hours recorded of him screwing up his lines.

- [gasps] Perfect.

We'll have Munchy edit together the password.

- Deactivate Tub-a-tron.

Authenticate password.

- Big Tubby loves ribs.

- Tub-a-tron powering down.

- Then the most important thing:

celebratory fist bump.

- Boop. - Boop.

- Boop.

all: Boop! [imitates explosion]

- Whoa, I can't believe that worked.

What happens now, Presley?

- I honestly didn't think we'd make it this far.

- We have four hours until the store opens.

Let's count those Ping-Pong balls

so we can win this contest and get out of here.

- Okay.

- One. - One.

- One. - Two.

- Two. - Two.

- Three. - Three.

- Three. - 2,027.

- 2,027. - 2,027.

- 2,028. - 2,028.

- Wait, how come it looks like the same amount

of Ping-Pong balls are in there?

- No idea.

2,028.

- Munchy, are you putting the Ping-Pong balls

back into the hot tub?

- Yeah, I mean, we'll have to put them back anyway.

I'm saving us time.

- Munchy, how are we supposed to know the amount

of Ping-Pong balls in here

if you keep putting them back in?

- This was not covered in the plan.

- Get a move on, Lil' Tubby!

- Tubby's here! - Quick, hide!

- Into the tub!

- Glad it's full of Ping-Pong balls now, aren't you?

[lively music]

- The alarm system isn't on.

Lil' Tubby, how many times have I told you

to turn it on before you leave?

- I did.

- That's Big Tubby. - And Lil' Tubby.

- Shh! Get down.

- Munchy, your hair is sticking out.

- Oh, sorry.

- So what's the plan, Uncle Tubby?

- We already know

that there's 29,213 Ping-Pong balls in there.

We're gonna put this form with the right number

and Patsy's name in the box.

That way, she'll win.

- So I get a free hot tub?

- No, you give it back to us.

This way, we don't really have to give away a hot tub.

I love cheating, like when I cheated those kids

into making us a free commercial.

[chuckles]

Would you look at that.

The orphans actually guessed the right number.

They must be pretty smart.

Oh, well. [laughs]

Okay, Patsy, remember,

when they announce you as the winner,

try to act surprised.

- I can do that. Watch this.

I won!

- Work on it.

Okay, let's go get us a country breakfast

and come back when the store opens.

- I'll race you to it, Big Tubby!

- [yells, chuckles]

Nobody beats me to a biscuit.

- [gasping]

- Were you holding your breath that entire time?

- Wait, you guys weren't?

- We can't let them cheat to win that hot tub.

That's what we were gonna do.

- Well, we know the winning number of Ping-Pong balls now.

We could enter and win.

- Oh, yes, and to make sure Patsy doesn't win too,

we could change the amount of Ping-Pong balls

that are in the hot tub. Like this.

both: Ah.

- Okay, let's sneak out of here,

and by this time tomorrow, this baby will be ours.

- You turned on the hurricane jets!

- Turn it off! - Okay!

- Those jets are really impressive.

- Okay, focus.

We need to pick up all these Ping-Pong balls,

get them back into that hot tub,

and get out of here in the time it takes Tubby

to eat a country breakfast,

which I don't imagine is very long.

[upbeat music]

- All our work comes down to this.

You ready? - Yes, sir!

- Are all the cameras recording?

- Yes, sir!

- Do you have the remote?

- I want to say, "Yes, sir!"

But it's in your pocket.

- There it is. Okay.

When I hit this, the chain reaction will start in my room.

Ready the tablet.

Wait a second. Where's my dad?

- I sent him out for sherbet.

- Perfect. We're all set.

Three, two, one.

[inquisitive music]

♪ ♪

It's working! Fisher, you're a genius!

- It's beautiful. - I'm back with sherbet!

- No! My dad!

Protect the machine!

[tense music]

♪ ♪

- You guys have to try this, it's--oh!

- [in slow motion] No!

♪ ♪

[fanfare plays]

- Horrigan, are you okay?

- I'm so cold from the sherbet.

Did your machine work?

- Our machine worked, thanks to you.

You stopped my dad from messing it up.

You're a hero.

And my friend.

- Yes, sir.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Thank y'all for your patience.

While you're waiting to see who won,

check out some of our hot tubs,

'cause the only thing more fun

than winning a hot tub is buying a hot tub.

- I have tabulated the official number of Ping-Pong balls.

- I won!

- Not yet.

- The winning number is 29,212.

- I think you mean 29,213. Now!

- I won!

- There is no Ping-Pong ball 29,213.

- What? That can't be right.

There's gotta be another ball in there.

- Sir, I am a professional counter.

I do not make mistakes.

- Where's that other ball?!

- According to these entries,

four people had the winning number.

- What? How did this happen?!

- Well, gosh, Tubby.

If four people guessed the right number,

you have to give away four hot tubs.

- It almost seems like someone

took out one of the Ping-Pong balls.

- That might have looked something like this.

- [gasps]

- And then those same somebodies must have put

an entry in the box so that they could win a hot tub.

Until their friend reminded them

that they could also help some other people win a hot tub,

which is why this group of orphans

just won three hot tubs!

all: Yay!

- You cheated.

And I hate cheaters that aren't me.

I'm not giving away four hot tubs!

- As the official counter,

I must inform you, yeah, you are too.

[cheering]

- Well, we got our revenge. What should we do now?

- We could walk out of the door in slow motion.

- Let's do it.

- I feel just like Sandra Bullock.

["Battle Without Honor Or Humanity" playing]

♪ ♪

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