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♪ I'm gonna sit right down
And write myself a letter... ♪
2
00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:02,572
♪ Zoom ♪
3
00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:06,676
♪ And put a little
check inside For me ♪
4
00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:12,015
♪ La da da doo Da
dat-n da da da da da ♪
5
00:01:12,039 --> 00:01:14,984
♪ Da da dah da-da-da-da ♪
6
00:01:15,008 --> 00:01:18,055
♪ Da dat da da dee dah ♪
7
00:01:18,079 --> 00:01:23,549
♪ Doo da dat da da da ♪♪
8
00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:27,364
Happy, happy, happy.
9
00:01:27,388 --> 00:01:28,532
Today's the day
10
00:01:28,556 --> 00:01:30,367
we get our social
security check, isn't it?
11
00:01:30,391 --> 00:01:31,601
You got that right.
12
00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:33,236
And it's the only
day of the month
13
00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:36,295
that the We become I.
14
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:42,745
Well, look here.
15
00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:44,347
Why don't you take
some of that money
16
00:01:44,371 --> 00:01:45,715
on buy yourself
some singing lessons?
17
00:01:45,739 --> 00:01:48,051
Ha ha ha!
18
00:01:48,075 --> 00:01:53,256
And some Lavoris.
19
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,592
You'll not anger me.
20
00:01:55,616 --> 00:02:01,030
Today is the day
that I gets $255.40.
21
00:02:01,054 --> 00:02:02,699
Good old Uncle Sam.
22
00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:05,535
Good old Uncle Sam?
What are you talking about?
23
00:02:05,559 --> 00:02:07,770
That's not his money
he's bringing me,
24
00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:14,978
that's my own money that
he's been holding for me.
25
00:02:15,002 --> 00:02:19,182
That's money that I worked
for for 40 years of my life...
26
00:02:19,206 --> 00:02:20,550
Yeah, yeah, right.
27
00:02:20,574 --> 00:02:23,120
All those years putting it in
28
00:02:23,144 --> 00:02:24,621
in one big lump
29
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:28,492
and getting it back
in dribs and drabs.
30
00:02:28,516 --> 00:02:29,859
Dribs and drabs?
31
00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:34,998
That's right. 255
dribs and 40 drabs.
32
00:02:35,022 --> 00:02:37,000
Yeah, well, enough
about the check for now.
33
00:02:37,024 --> 00:02:39,269
What did you fix
me for breakfast?
34
00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:40,504
Oh, flapjack.
35
00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:42,205
Oh, flapjacks?
36
00:02:42,229 --> 00:02:46,376
No, not flapjacks.
Flapjack. Jack.
37
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:47,640
When there's one, it's "jack."
38
00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:55,752
And when there's more
than one, it's "jackes."
39
00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:57,554
You mean to tell
me all you fixed me
40
00:02:57,578 --> 00:03:00,423
was one little
flapjack for breakfast?
41
00:03:00,447 --> 00:03:03,693
No, I fixed you
one huge flapjack.
42
00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:06,117
Now, get ready. Here it comes.
43
00:03:26,207 --> 00:03:29,286
Uh, Lamont, uh,
44
00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:30,953
did you ever see
one of those movies
45
00:03:30,977 --> 00:03:32,021
where the people
46
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,290
eat in those fancy
French restaurants
47
00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:36,759
right out of the frying pan?
48
00:03:36,783 --> 00:03:41,798
Well, uh, bony appetiti.
49
00:03:43,123 --> 00:03:46,169
Hold it. I'll
get it. I'll get it.
50
00:03:46,193 --> 00:03:48,771
Hold on. I am coming, check.
51
00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:51,774
All right, who is it?
52
00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:53,677
It's the postman!
53
00:03:53,701 --> 00:03:54,977
There!
54
00:03:55,001 --> 00:03:58,181
Well... welcome,
welcome, welcome.
55
00:03:58,205 --> 00:03:59,449
Good morning.
56
00:03:59,473 --> 00:04:00,517
Good morning. Now, where is it?
57
00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:01,518
Where is what?
58
00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:02,519
My check.
59
00:04:02,543 --> 00:04:05,222
Oh, all right. Here you go.
60
00:04:05,246 --> 00:04:06,223
You know, I can't wait
61
00:04:06,247 --> 00:04:08,725
till I get to be an
old man like you.
62
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:12,851
Oh yeah? Well,
goodbye, youngster.
63
00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:19,636
Did you finish that flapjack?
64
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:20,937
I didn't have to.
65
00:04:20,961 --> 00:04:23,240
That flapjack was
dead on arrival.
66
00:04:23,264 --> 00:04:26,075
Well, that's all right.
Don't worry about it.
67
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,278
Tomorrow, I'll fix you a
whole stack of flapjacks
68
00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:29,446
with oatmeal.
69
00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:31,214
Hey, hey, Grady,
70
00:04:31,238 --> 00:04:32,982
I can't eat flapjacks
and oatmeal.
71
00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:34,384
That's too filling.
72
00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:37,721
Not flapjacks and oatmeal.
Flapjacks with oatmeal.
73
00:04:37,745 --> 00:04:39,756
Flapmeal.
74
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,658
Is there any mail
in there for me?
75
00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:42,959
Well, now, that depends.
76
00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:44,728
On what?
77
00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:46,463
On whether you're the
occupant or the resident.
78
00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:51,100
I was the occupant yesterday.
79
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:54,003
Today, you be the occupant,
and I'll be the resident.
80
00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:56,273
Okay, well, I'll tell you what.
81
00:04:56,297 --> 00:04:58,708
You be the occupant
and the resident,
82
00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:03,168
and I'll be the recipient.
83
00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:09,886
Welcome, welcome.
84
00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:11,288
I'm gonna take this right down
85
00:05:11,312 --> 00:05:13,790
and get us some good food,
86
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:16,593
a couple of six-packs,
and some sweet Lucy.
87
00:05:16,617 --> 00:05:17,860
Hey, uh, Grady?
88
00:05:17,884 --> 00:05:19,128
Huh?
89
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:22,399
Uh, I think the government
made a mistake.
90
00:05:22,423 --> 00:05:24,534
Well, that wouldn't surprise me.
They're always making a mistake.
91
00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:26,002
What happened now?
92
00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:30,273
Well, they sent you an
extra check for 255.40.
93
00:05:30,297 --> 00:05:34,043
And they are never wrong.
94
00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:38,214
Well, now, that calls
for a couple of drinks.
95
00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:39,582
I don't want a drink.
96
00:05:39,606 --> 00:05:42,885
Oh, I wasn't counting on you.
97
00:05:42,909 --> 00:05:45,121
You're not planning on
keeping that money, are you?
98
00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:50,627
Oh no. I'm planning
on spending this money.
99
00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:53,396
Yeah, Grady, but that money
doesn't even belong to you.
100
00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:55,064
Oh yeah? Well, who
does it belong to?
101
00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:56,933
The United States government.
102
00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:59,502
That check says "Grady,"
103
00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:02,828
and the United States
government's name is "Sam."
104
00:06:07,468 --> 00:06:09,579
All right, so the
government made a mistake.
105
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:12,915
Our government
never makes a mistake,
106
00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:14,283
and when they do,
107
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:16,686
they got a whole
system to cover them up.
108
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:20,890
Grady, the government
doesn't have a system
109
00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:21,891
for mistakes like this.
110
00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:23,259
Oh, yes, they do.
111
00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:24,861
They send out millions
of checks a day,
112
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:26,863
so they're bound
to make a mistake,
113
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:29,566
so when they send
one extra check here,
114
00:06:29,590 --> 00:06:31,133
they balance that off
115
00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:34,471
by sending one less check there,
116
00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:35,705
and that's known
117
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:39,130
as the system of
checks and balances...
118
00:06:44,471 --> 00:06:47,584
so, you see, this is
one of the checks,
119
00:06:47,608 --> 00:06:51,588
and I intend to
keep the balance.
120
00:06:51,612 --> 00:06:52,989
Grady, if you keep
those checks, man,
121
00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:54,557
you're going to land in jail.
122
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:55,992
Oh, no, I won't,
123
00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:57,994
because I'm not going
to keep these checks.
124
00:06:58,018 --> 00:06:59,596
I'm going to cash
them, and right now.
125
00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:00,797
Oh, terrific.
Terrific. Terrific.
126
00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:02,799
And what do you think
the teller at the bank
127
00:07:02,823 --> 00:07:03,933
is going to say
128
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:05,735
when you hand her two
checks from the government
129
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:06,969
in the exact same amount?
130
00:07:06,993 --> 00:07:10,373
She's going to say
"Hi there, Lucky."
131
00:07:10,397 --> 00:07:11,641
All right. All right.
132
00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:12,642
Go ahead. Go ahead.
133
00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:14,243
I'm not going to
try to stop you.
134
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:15,311
Just go right ahead,
135
00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:17,079
but I never thought
I'd see the day
136
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:18,882
when a man as
basically as honest as you
137
00:07:18,906 --> 00:07:21,418
would do something that's wrong
138
00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:23,185
against the United
States of America.
139
00:07:23,209 --> 00:07:24,921
America is not America.
140
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:28,691
It's the people
who live in America
141
00:07:28,715 --> 00:07:31,694
that make America America.
142
00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:35,698
America was just the name
of the man who discovered us,
143
00:07:35,722 --> 00:07:39,001
and as a matter of fact, his
last name wasn't America.
144
00:07:39,025 --> 00:07:40,036
It was Vespucci.
145
00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:41,170
The point is
146
00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:45,007
that it's the people
that make this country
147
00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:46,309
what it is.
148
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:49,145
Now, who are the people?
You and me, that's who.
149
00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:52,882
So who's gonna send
me to jail? You and me?
150
00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:54,784
Now, I don't know
where you're sending me,
151
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:57,609
but I'm sending me to the bank.
152
00:08:09,255 --> 00:08:11,823
Hey, Grady?
153
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:28,540
Where could he be? He's
been gone for 24 hours.
154
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,791
Hello, Bubba? How
are you doing, buddy?
155
00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:37,226
This is Lamont. Fine.
156
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:41,097
Say, listen, is Grady
over there at your place?
157
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:43,533
Well, have you seen him?
158
00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:45,502
Well, see, we had an
argument yesterday,
159
00:08:45,526 --> 00:08:48,905
and he stormed out of the house,
and I haven't seen him since,
160
00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:50,807
and I was wondering
if you had seen him.
161
00:08:50,831 --> 00:08:52,909
Huh? Where?
162
00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:56,679
Of course I looked in the
house, Bubba. He's not here.
163
00:08:58,104 --> 00:09:00,483
Oh, wait a minute. I hear
a knock on the door now.
164
00:09:00,507 --> 00:09:02,485
That's probably him.
Thanks a lot, Bubba. Bye.
165
00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:07,557
All right, I'm coming.
166
00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:10,627
Phew. I came as fast as I could.
167
00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:12,028
He didn't get here yet?
168
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,663
No, Aunt Esther. I
thought you were him.
169
00:09:13,687 --> 00:09:16,332
Don't make matters
worse, Lamont.
170
00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:18,367
Where could he be, Aunt Esther?
171
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:19,869
I have no idea.
172
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:21,270
He could be in a million places.
173
00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:22,574
Have you looked there?
174
00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:27,043
He's probably out sinning
with that ill-gotten money.
175
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,645
Well, just promise me
one thing, Aunt Esther.
176
00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:30,279
Just promise me that
you won't tell Grady
177
00:09:30,303 --> 00:09:31,581
that I told you
178
00:09:31,605 --> 00:09:33,850
about that extra Social
Security check that he got.
179
00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:35,952
Don't worry. I won't say a word.
180
00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:36,976
Good.
181
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,711
Hey, good morning.
182
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,660
Hello, Lamont. Hello, Esther.
183
00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:46,162
Grady Wilson,
where have you been?
184
00:09:46,186 --> 00:09:47,496
Uh, excuse me,
185
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:49,999
but I haven't had
too much sleep.
186
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:52,301
Uh, is this your Aunt Esther,
187
00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:53,469
or is this King Kong
188
00:09:53,493 --> 00:09:58,140
after he fell off the
Empire State Building?
189
00:09:58,164 --> 00:09:59,676
Where have you
been, Grady Wilson?
190
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,477
You had everybody
worried to death.
191
00:10:01,501 --> 00:10:02,879
Oh, me and Otis,
192
00:10:02,903 --> 00:10:04,914
were out having
ourselves a time.
193
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:07,083
We sure were, and
if you'll excuse me,
194
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:09,407
may I avail myself
of your facilities?
195
00:10:11,678 --> 00:10:14,390
Yeah, the john is upstairs,
first door on the right.
196
00:10:14,414 --> 00:10:16,726
You were out reaping the fruit
197
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:18,661
of your undeserved
check, weren't you?
198
00:10:18,685 --> 00:10:21,764
Yeah, we were out
reaping off the government.
199
00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:24,734
How did she find
out about that check?
200
00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:26,335
I told her. I told
her everything.
201
00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:28,204
I figured the truth
was the best way.
202
00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:29,505
That's right.
203
00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:32,842
You can't get the Lord to
work for you by telling lies.
204
00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:35,144
Yeah, well, I sure wish
you'd tell him a few truths
205
00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:38,014
so he could start working
on that face of yours.
206
00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:40,605
Watch it.
207
00:10:44,544 --> 00:10:46,756
Now, Grady Wilson,
where have you been?
208
00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:49,759
Oh, me and Old
Otis, we did the town.
209
00:10:49,783 --> 00:10:51,027
All night long?
210
00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:53,029
What could the two of
you possibly find to do
211
00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:54,296
in this town all night?
212
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:55,297
Nothing.
213
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:56,298
But you just said...
214
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:57,700
I said we did the town.
215
00:10:57,724 --> 00:11:01,237
I didn't say this was
the town we did, did I?
216
00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:02,739
Well, what town did you do?
217
00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:06,308
Las Vegas, Nevada.
218
00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:07,576
You went to Las Vegas?
219
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,012
That's right.
220
00:11:09,036 --> 00:11:11,213
We caught that
4:30 flight over there,
221
00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:14,383
and had ourselves some
dinner, and did a little gambling,
222
00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:15,785
and caught two great acts
223
00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:18,220
at Caesar's Palace
and the Flamingo.
224
00:11:18,244 --> 00:11:21,290
Sodom and Gomorrah.
225
00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:27,063
No, no. Nipsy Russell
and Harry Belafonte.
226
00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:29,365
I betcha you spent every penny
227
00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:30,967
of both those
checks in Las Vegas.
228
00:11:30,991 --> 00:11:33,269
I sure hope so.
229
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:36,005
Well, you still not
through spending,
230
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:38,607
because you still
got the devil to pay.
231
00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:41,477
Oh, no, I paid him last night.
232
00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:43,461
I left it for him
on the Hard Eight.
233
00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:49,152
Oh, somebody hit the jackpot!
234
00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:51,320
That's the phone, fool.
235
00:11:51,344 --> 00:11:53,890
Hello?
236
00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:54,924
Who?
237
00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:56,625
Oh yeah, just a minute.
238
00:11:56,649 --> 00:11:58,260
It's for you, Grady.
239
00:12:01,621 --> 00:12:04,300
It's the Social Security
Administration Office.
240
00:12:17,738 --> 00:12:19,182
Hello?
241
00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:21,918
Who? Oh, the
Social Security office?
242
00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:24,887
Oh, I'm sorry, our
switchboard operator
243
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:26,555
must have disconnected us.
244
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:30,526
Hurry to the phone, Mr. Wilson.
245
00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:34,597
The United States Social
Security Administration
246
00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:35,932
is waiting.
247
00:12:35,956 --> 00:12:39,468
Why don't you shut up?
248
00:12:39,492 --> 00:12:42,972
Hello? No, Grady Wilson
doesn't live here, sir.
249
00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:45,208
Grady!
250
00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:49,078
Uh, you say you got the
number, the temporary number,
251
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:51,480
from the operator?
252
00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:54,450
Oh, I see.
253
00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:56,352
Oh, well, okay.
Hold on for a minute.
254
00:12:56,376 --> 00:12:58,955
I'll check and
see if he's here...
255
00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:01,791
Grady, that's the United
States government.
256
00:13:01,815 --> 00:13:04,593
Now, they're going to catch
up to you sooner or later.
257
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:07,418
I'm still checking!
258
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,101
Would you take that
receiver out of the drawer
259
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,102
and talk to those people
260
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:15,037
and take your
medicine like a man?
261
00:13:15,061 --> 00:13:16,072
Now, go ahead.
262
00:13:16,096 --> 00:13:19,041
Go on.
263
00:13:19,065 --> 00:13:21,744
He's gone!
264
00:13:21,768 --> 00:13:24,135
Grady...
265
00:13:31,077 --> 00:13:33,022
Hello?
266
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:36,192
Uh, yes, this is
Grady Wilson, sir.
267
00:13:36,216 --> 00:13:40,596
Oh. You'd like to come
over? Well, when?
268
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:42,131
Oh, that soon, huh?
269
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:45,935
Well, well, yeah, okay.
270
00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:47,904
Well, goodbye.
271
00:13:47,928 --> 00:13:48,905
When is he coming?
272
00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:51,908
He said any minute now.
273
00:13:51,932 --> 00:13:54,310
He went over to my house,
and when I wasn't there,
274
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:56,112
he went to the
corner and he called.
275
00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:58,981
They're gonna ask you
for that extra check back.
276
00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:00,416
Well, they're
gonna be out of luck,
277
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:03,452
because I ain't got it.
278
00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:05,988
You mean you done spend
both them checks already?
279
00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:08,390
All except $8.20,
280
00:14:08,414 --> 00:14:10,193
which I'm gonna
pass on to a hit man
281
00:14:10,217 --> 00:14:11,593
if you don't get
outta this house!
282
00:14:11,617 --> 00:14:17,856
Gladly, for I have stood
among sinners too long.
283
00:14:22,162 --> 00:14:24,406
Oh, good goobly goop.
284
00:14:24,430 --> 00:14:25,975
Now what's the matter?
285
00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:27,443
I just pictured her
286
00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:32,448
as one of those topless
dancers that I saw in Las Vegas,
287
00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:36,474
and I got sick to my stomach.
288
00:14:38,778 --> 00:14:41,357
Well, Lamont,
289
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:44,060
you know, I'm
really in trouble now.
290
00:14:44,084 --> 00:14:46,095
Well, I told you not
to cash those checks.
291
00:14:46,119 --> 00:14:47,997
I told you it would
get you in trouble.
292
00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:52,301
That's right, but,
you know, last night
293
00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:55,271
was the first time since I
been receiving those checks
294
00:14:55,295 --> 00:15:01,277
that I felt they provided
me with social security.
295
00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:03,312
Grady, you spent over $510
296
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:05,814
in less than 24
hours in Las Vegas.
297
00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:07,083
No, I didn't.
298
00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:09,285
After I left the bank, I
got a load of groceries,
299
00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:10,887
and I paid the water
and electric bills
300
00:15:10,911 --> 00:15:12,321
for the month.
301
00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:15,057
All right, that only
adds up to about $50.
302
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:17,126
You still spent over
$400 in Las Vegas.
303
00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:19,061
Yeah.
304
00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:21,097
How?
305
00:15:21,121 --> 00:15:24,300
Happily.
306
00:15:24,324 --> 00:15:26,936
Come on, Grady. I want
to know about that $400.
307
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:27,937
Now, what happened to it?
308
00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:29,838
Okay. How you want it?
309
00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:33,442
You want it penny by
penny, or... all in general?
310
00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:35,844
Penny by penny.
311
00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:40,216
Okay, first there was the bus.
Now, that was 25 cents a piece,
312
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:43,252
so that totals 50 cents,
313
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:45,955
and, uh, and then, when
we got to the airport,
314
00:15:45,979 --> 00:15:48,757
we bought a newspaper so
that we could read on the plane,
315
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:49,758
and that was 10 cents.
316
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,794
That's 60 cents.
317
00:15:51,818 --> 00:15:56,632
Yeah, well, and then we
bought a Mars bar, two Goobers,
318
00:15:56,656 --> 00:15:58,567
and a pack of Raisinettes,
319
00:15:58,591 --> 00:16:00,002
so that was 40 cents.
320
00:16:00,026 --> 00:16:02,671
All right, that's
a dollar. Go on.
321
00:16:02,695 --> 00:16:06,175
Oh, and then we had
that big cash layout.
322
00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:07,676
What big cash layout?
323
00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:11,814
Miscellaneous $399,
and the account's closed.
324
00:16:11,838 --> 00:16:16,585
And the door on your
jail cell is gonna be closed
325
00:16:16,609 --> 00:16:19,221
when Mr. Hastings
asks you for that $255.40
326
00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:21,290
and you tell him
you've got it tied up
327
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:23,292
in Raisinettes
and miscellaneous.
328
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,328
Now, you gotta come up
with that money, Grady.
329
00:16:25,352 --> 00:16:26,829
Now, how you gonna do that?
330
00:16:26,853 --> 00:16:30,399
I don't know, Lamont.
331
00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:32,534
Maybe I can borrow it.
332
00:16:32,558 --> 00:16:33,970
Well, look how time flies.
333
00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:36,905
I guess I'll be running
home now, Grady.
334
00:16:36,929 --> 00:16:39,475
Hey, hey, wait a minute, Otis.
335
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,243
Now, you got some
money put away.
336
00:16:41,267 --> 00:16:42,979
I can't give you that money.
337
00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:44,780
I've been saving
it for 20 years.
338
00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:46,915
What will I do if I get sick?
339
00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:48,250
If I get senile?
340
00:16:48,274 --> 00:16:50,652
If I can't make money,
who will I turn to?
341
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:51,820
Who's gonna help me?
342
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,722
Well, I'll help you, Otis.
343
00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:55,824
How're you gonna help me?
344
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:59,217
You're gonna be in jail, thief!
345
00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:06,935
Ain't that something?
346
00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:09,738
I thought I could count on
him through thick and thin.
347
00:17:09,762 --> 00:17:12,808
Well, I'll stick with you
through the thin, Grady,
348
00:17:12,832 --> 00:17:14,276
but when it starts
getting too thick,
349
00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:15,611
you're on your own.
350
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:21,384
You're on your own.
351
00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:22,718
Answer the door, Lamont.
352
00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:23,719
Come in!
353
00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:25,009
That's the wrong answer!
354
00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:27,856
How do you do?
355
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,825
Fred Hastings, Social
Security Administration.
356
00:17:29,849 --> 00:17:31,027
Hey, how are you doing?
357
00:17:31,051 --> 00:17:32,995
I'm Lamont Sanford
and this is Grady Wilson.
358
00:17:33,019 --> 00:17:35,097
Well, how do you do, Mr. Wilson?
359
00:17:35,121 --> 00:17:37,400
Uh, yeah, gosh... gee whiz.
360
00:17:37,424 --> 00:17:40,236
You know, I feel a touch
of pneumonia coming on.
361
00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:43,239
You know, I've been very
susceptible to pneumonia
362
00:17:43,263 --> 00:17:45,641
ever since I had a
tooth taken out, see,
363
00:17:45,665 --> 00:17:48,511
and the cold air keeps
rushing up to my lungs.
364
00:17:48,535 --> 00:17:50,312
I'm sorry.
365
00:17:50,336 --> 00:17:53,982
Well, that's all
right, Mr. Hasty.
366
00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:54,983
Hastings.
367
00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:56,452
Oh, that's all right.
368
00:17:56,476 --> 00:17:58,887
Well, as I'm sure you
have already discovered,
369
00:17:58,911 --> 00:17:59,922
there's been a mistake
370
00:17:59,946 --> 00:18:01,957
regarding your
Social Security check.
371
00:18:01,981 --> 00:18:04,626
Huh? Wait a minute. I
can't hear you. I'm sorry,
372
00:18:04,650 --> 00:18:06,062
but you see,
373
00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:09,798
the water in my lungs
keeps rushing up to my ears,
374
00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:13,602
and it makes everybody
sound like they're gargling.
375
00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:15,538
Oh, I'm so sorry.
376
00:18:15,562 --> 00:18:18,006
Oh, well, that's all
right, Mr. Haystack.
377
00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:19,375
Hastings.
378
00:18:19,399 --> 00:18:20,909
Oh, leave him alone.
379
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:22,633
Can't you see the man is sick?
380
00:18:24,504 --> 00:18:25,847
Oh, he...
381
00:18:25,871 --> 00:18:28,951
he was only trying to
be polite, Mr. Haystack.
382
00:18:28,975 --> 00:18:32,754
You see... it's not easy for him
383
00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:36,425
seeing his friend die
of water in the ears.
384
00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:37,893
I understand,
385
00:18:37,917 --> 00:18:40,129
and I'll try to be
as brief as possible.
386
00:18:40,153 --> 00:18:41,397
Now, as you are aware,
387
00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:43,799
our computer made a
terrible mistake this month...
388
00:18:43,823 --> 00:18:46,735
Oh, there goes
that gargling again...
389
00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:49,338
you know, arrr, like that.
390
00:18:49,362 --> 00:18:52,208
Everything
sounds like "rrrrr..."
391
00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:55,277
Our computer made a mistake.
392
00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,646
It will eventually be corrected.
393
00:18:57,670 --> 00:19:00,616
Rrrrr... However,
during our read-out,
394
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:01,917
we discovered you did not
395
00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:04,587
receive your check this month.
396
00:19:04,611 --> 00:19:06,477
I am very sorry...
397
00:19:14,254 --> 00:19:16,932
and I personally would
like to present you
398
00:19:16,956 --> 00:19:18,334
with this one.
399
00:19:18,358 --> 00:19:23,339
Oh, ho ho... Um,
wait a minute, see...
400
00:19:23,363 --> 00:19:26,842
Lamont, Lamont, Lamont!
401
00:19:26,866 --> 00:19:29,011
The man has already apologized.
402
00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:33,782
Yeah, but see...
Lamont! To err is human,
403
00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:36,218
and to keep
talking may be fatal.
404
00:19:36,242 --> 00:19:38,920
Yeah, but, see...
Lamont, Lamont...
405
00:19:38,944 --> 00:19:40,356
will you please
go in the kitchen
406
00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:43,925
and get my miracle drug
that I keep in the aspirin bottle?
407
00:19:43,949 --> 00:19:44,926
What?
408
00:19:44,950 --> 00:19:47,763
In the kitchen, Lamont!
409
00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:48,797
You're going to jail, chump.
410
00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:50,666
I hope the delay in this check
411
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:52,568
did not contribute in
any way to your sickness.
412
00:19:52,592 --> 00:19:54,870
We all make mistakes.
413
00:19:54,894 --> 00:19:56,972
Well, here's your miracle drug.
414
00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:59,808
Oh, wow, thank you.
415
00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:02,233
I the money for the
Social Security guy!
416
00:20:05,271 --> 00:20:07,849
Are you all right, Mr. Wilson?
417
00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:09,618
He's gonna be fine.
418
00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:11,019
Are you from the
Social Security?
419
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:12,020
Yes, I'm Mr. Hastings.
420
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,489
How do you do?
421
00:20:13,513 --> 00:20:14,990
My name is Otis
Littlejohn, and I'm...
422
00:20:15,014 --> 00:20:17,582
Oh, that's Dr. Otis Littlejohn.
423
00:20:19,118 --> 00:20:20,729
Dr. Littlejohn,
424
00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:23,165
I'm certainly glad
that you have arrived.
425
00:20:23,189 --> 00:20:25,100
You see, I've been having
trouble with my lungs,
426
00:20:25,124 --> 00:20:27,203
and I would like for
you to check me out.
427
00:20:27,227 --> 00:20:29,305
Oh, I see you didn't
bring your stethoscope.
428
00:20:29,329 --> 00:20:30,573
Well, I'll just open my mouth
429
00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:33,209
and you can listen
down my throat.
430
00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:38,647
Sounds good.
431
00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:40,683
The lungs sound real good.
432
00:20:40,707 --> 00:20:45,521
You're gonna be fine.
433
00:20:45,545 --> 00:20:47,823
Well, I guess I'd
better be going now.
434
00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:49,658
I'm glad to see you're
feeling better, Mr. Wilson.
435
00:20:49,682 --> 00:20:52,094
Oh, hey, Mr. Haystack,
436
00:20:52,118 --> 00:20:54,196
I feel like a million dollars.
437
00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:59,167
As a matter of fact,
I feel like $255.40.
438
00:20:59,191 --> 00:21:00,969
Well, goodbye, Mr. Wilson.
439
00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:03,239
Yeah, yeah, take care
of yourself, Mr. Hayseed.
440
00:21:03,263 --> 00:21:04,440
Goodbye, Mr. Hayseed.
441
00:21:04,464 --> 00:21:07,376
Goodbye.
442
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:09,811
Well, I guess you won't
be needing this anymore.
443
00:21:09,835 --> 00:21:11,614
Oh, wow.
444
00:21:11,638 --> 00:21:13,749
You was gonna give me
your whole life's savings.
445
00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:15,584
I sure was.
446
00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:16,585
Hey, that's very nice.
447
00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:18,520
I'm really very grateful.
448
00:21:18,544 --> 00:21:20,489
Well, that's what
friends are for.
449
00:21:20,513 --> 00:21:22,891
Now, give me that $15.00
you owe me and I'll go.
450
00:21:22,915 --> 00:21:26,562
Why do I owe you $15.00?
451
00:21:26,586 --> 00:21:27,596
For my house call.
452
00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:28,864
Get out of here.
453
00:21:28,888 --> 00:21:30,198
You crazy.
454
00:21:30,222 --> 00:21:31,367
And by the way,
455
00:21:31,391 --> 00:21:35,225
your lungs didn't
sound all that terrific.
456
00:21:38,831 --> 00:21:42,344
♪ Da da da da da Da da da ♪♪
457
00:21:42,368 --> 00:21:44,012
You're not honestly
458
00:21:44,036 --> 00:21:46,682
planning on keeping all
three of those checks, are you?
459
00:21:46,706 --> 00:21:50,419
Well, no, and not "honestly."
460
00:21:50,443 --> 00:21:51,754
That's not what I meant.
461
00:21:51,778 --> 00:21:54,990
I know what you mean, and
yes, I am gonna keep them.
462
00:21:55,014 --> 00:21:58,026
I figure they'll find out
their mistake sooner or later,
463
00:21:58,050 --> 00:21:59,728
and when they do,
I'll settle up then,
464
00:21:59,752 --> 00:22:01,163
but until that time,
465
00:22:01,187 --> 00:22:03,465
I'm gonna keep them
with a clear conscience.
466
00:22:03,489 --> 00:22:06,702
Grady, how can you
have a clear conscience?
467
00:22:06,726 --> 00:22:08,804
I'll tell you how I can
have a clear conscience.
468
00:22:08,828 --> 00:22:11,307
I'm 65 years old.
469
00:22:11,331 --> 00:22:12,408
Now, 40 years ago
470
00:22:12,432 --> 00:22:13,975
when I first
complained about them
471
00:22:13,999 --> 00:22:16,578
taking social security
out of my check,
472
00:22:16,602 --> 00:22:19,615
they told me I'd get
it back when I retire.
473
00:22:19,639 --> 00:22:22,351
Well, when they took
one dollar out of my check
474
00:22:22,375 --> 00:22:25,086
40 years ago, it
was worth a dollar...
475
00:22:25,110 --> 00:22:27,356
now when they're
giving it back to me,
476
00:22:27,380 --> 00:22:30,058
it's only worth a quarter,
477
00:22:30,082 --> 00:22:34,363
so the way I see it, I'm
entitled to this check,
478
00:22:34,387 --> 00:22:38,689
the other two, and one more.
479
00:22:48,534 --> 00:22:50,779
I can't stand it anymore.
480
00:22:50,803 --> 00:22:54,282
Well, stop shouting.
I can't stand it either.
481
00:22:54,306 --> 00:22:55,951
I'm talking about those
checks, Grady Wilson,
482
00:22:55,975 --> 00:22:57,653
and what you're doing is wrong,
483
00:22:57,677 --> 00:22:59,254
and in my heart,
I know it's wrong,
484
00:22:59,278 --> 00:23:00,922
and I'm gonna call
that Mr. Hastings
485
00:23:00,946 --> 00:23:02,123
and tell him.
486
00:23:02,147 --> 00:23:03,325
All right, well, you do that.
487
00:23:03,349 --> 00:23:04,660
I mean, a man must do
488
00:23:04,684 --> 00:23:06,328
what he knows
in his heart is right.
489
00:23:06,352 --> 00:23:07,629
That's correct.
490
00:23:07,653 --> 00:23:09,931
You know, I got
to thinking before,
491
00:23:09,955 --> 00:23:11,467
there's a good chance
492
00:23:11,491 --> 00:23:13,736
that they might not
ever find that mistake.
493
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:15,804
Aw, they'll find it, all right.
494
00:23:15,828 --> 00:23:17,539
May I please have
the telephone number
495
00:23:17,563 --> 00:23:19,508
of the Social Security
administration office?
496
00:23:19,532 --> 00:23:22,010
What I mean is
that it's possible
497
00:23:22,034 --> 00:23:27,616
that I can keep on getting
two checks a month forever.
498
00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:32,320
And three if ol' Haystacks
keeps coming by.
499
00:23:32,344 --> 00:23:33,722
Thank you very much.
500
00:23:33,746 --> 00:23:38,226
But, now, figuring I only
get two checks a month,
501
00:23:38,250 --> 00:23:40,829
that's $500 a month.
502
00:23:40,853 --> 00:23:43,164
Hello? May I speak with
Mr. Hastings, please?
503
00:23:43,188 --> 00:23:47,669
That adds up to $6000 a year.
504
00:23:47,693 --> 00:23:49,738
Hello, Mr. Hastings?
This is Lamont.
505
00:23:49,762 --> 00:23:53,942
That's 3000 for you
and 3000 for me,
506
00:23:53,966 --> 00:23:55,966
but you do what
your heart tells you.
507
00:23:59,705 --> 00:24:01,216
Lamont Cranston.
508
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:04,442
Who knows what evil
lurks in the hearts of men?
509
00:24:13,619 --> 00:24:16,164
No, I can't do that.
That's dishonest.
510
00:24:16,188 --> 00:24:20,602
Oh, I... you just call
the government. 3000...
511
00:24:20,626 --> 00:24:22,170
Seven million
crooks in the world,
512
00:24:22,194 --> 00:24:25,796
and I got to end up
with an honest guy.
36611
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