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-00:00:02,666 --> -00:00:01,431
[music playing]
2
00:00:00,671 --> 00:00:03,540
[harmonica wails]
3
00:00:03,640 --> 00:00:07,044
[theme music]
4
00:00:43,480 --> 00:00:46,884
(LAUGHING)
5
00:00:54,458 --> 00:00:55,859
Strike!
6
00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:57,328
Too high!
7
00:00:57,428 --> 00:00:58,795
That's because
you're a midget.
8
00:00:58,896 --> 00:01:01,298
Come on, Darlene, bear down.
9
00:01:01,398 --> 00:01:03,467
Bear down.
10
00:01:03,567 --> 00:01:06,837
Strike two!
11
00:01:06,938 --> 00:01:07,871
Too low!
12
00:01:07,972 --> 00:01:08,872
Low?
Low?
13
00:01:08,973 --> 00:01:09,840
Are you blind?
14
00:01:09,941 --> 00:01:10,841
Are you drunk?
15
00:01:10,942 --> 00:01:12,043
Are you crazy?
16
00:01:12,143 --> 00:01:12,944
Get your popcorn!
17
00:01:13,044 --> 00:01:14,478
Get your peanuts!
18
00:01:14,578 --> 00:01:19,683
Get your butt over here and
help me with these damn bags!
19
00:01:19,783 --> 00:01:23,020
Babe, our daughter's on
her way to the Hall of Fame.
20
00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:24,555
Well, on your
way to Cooperstown,
21
00:01:24,655 --> 00:01:27,224
drop them off in the kitchen.
22
00:01:27,324 --> 00:01:30,394
Mom, do you think boobs
will affect my pitching?
23
00:01:30,494 --> 00:01:31,728
Not this season.
24
00:01:39,836 --> 00:01:42,106
Great to be alive, isn't it?
25
00:01:42,206 --> 00:01:43,374
Well, I wouldn't know.
26
00:01:46,443 --> 00:01:48,379
I just spent two hours in the
supermarket with one of them
27
00:01:48,479 --> 00:01:51,348
carts that only makes
left hand turns.
28
00:01:51,448 --> 00:01:53,184
Well, this ought to
straighten you out.
29
00:01:57,921 --> 00:01:59,190
Feel better?
30
00:01:59,290 --> 00:02:03,394
Well, it wasn't as good as
the checkout boy, but it'll do.
31
00:02:03,494 --> 00:02:06,230
OK, Johnny, see you
tomorrow night at 9:00.
32
00:02:06,330 --> 00:02:07,864
Yeah, Johnny, tomorrow at 9:00.
33
00:02:12,169 --> 00:02:12,970
Hi, Mom.
34
00:02:13,070 --> 00:02:14,005
Hi, Dad.
35
00:02:14,105 --> 00:02:15,206
What did you do?
36
00:02:15,306 --> 00:02:17,174
Can't a girl say hi to
her parents without being
37
00:02:17,274 --> 00:02:19,176
treated like a suspect?
38
00:02:19,276 --> 00:02:20,277
No.
39
00:02:20,377 --> 00:02:21,178
Wine?
40
00:02:21,278 --> 00:02:22,546
Candles?
41
00:02:22,646 --> 00:02:23,447
You cheated!
42
00:02:23,547 --> 00:02:24,348
You read the labels!
43
00:02:28,052 --> 00:02:28,852
All right, bub.
44
00:02:28,952 --> 00:02:31,722
You must want something.
45
00:02:31,822 --> 00:02:33,290
I want you to
put a leaf in here,
46
00:02:33,390 --> 00:02:35,226
because we're having a
company Friday night.
47
00:02:35,326 --> 00:02:38,295
I invited Chip and his
parents for dinner.
48
00:02:38,395 --> 00:02:40,131
How could you do that?
49
00:02:40,231 --> 00:02:43,000
Because I ran into Chip's
mom in the supermarket
50
00:02:43,100 --> 00:02:46,737
and she puts a gun to my
head, so I invited her.
51
00:02:46,837 --> 00:02:48,505
Becky, you've been
squawking for months for us
52
00:02:48,605 --> 00:02:49,573
to have them over.
53
00:02:49,673 --> 00:02:50,974
You should be happy.
54
00:02:51,075 --> 00:02:52,343
I am happy.
55
00:02:52,443 --> 00:02:53,910
So what's your problem?
56
00:02:54,011 --> 00:02:54,911
Nothing.
57
00:02:55,012 --> 00:02:56,547
I just have a lot
of studying to do.
58
00:02:56,647 --> 00:02:57,781
On Friday night?
59
00:02:57,881 --> 00:02:59,216
Yes, on Friday night.
60
00:02:59,316 --> 00:03:00,651
(FRENCH ACCENT) That's
our busiest night.
61
00:03:05,389 --> 00:03:06,690
What's that?
62
00:03:06,790 --> 00:03:07,891
What?
63
00:03:07,991 --> 00:03:10,361
That lightning bolt you
got hanging off your face.
64
00:03:10,461 --> 00:03:12,863
What did you do,
pierce your ear again?
65
00:03:12,963 --> 00:03:14,265
Yeah.
66
00:03:14,365 --> 00:03:15,499
How many holes in
your head does it
67
00:03:15,599 --> 00:03:18,635
take to be accepted these days?
68
00:03:18,735 --> 00:03:20,204
Six.
69
00:03:20,304 --> 00:03:22,839
Well, three more and I'll
use you to drain my spaghetti.
70
00:03:32,649 --> 00:03:35,986
Do I have to get dressed
up for this boring dinner?
71
00:03:36,087 --> 00:03:37,521
No, we're all dining naked.
72
00:03:39,590 --> 00:03:40,391
Again?
73
00:03:43,060 --> 00:03:45,629
Hey, I thought you were going
to clear this table off for me.
74
00:03:45,729 --> 00:03:46,897
Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
75
00:03:46,997 --> 00:03:48,932
I was just goofing around
cooking dinner for eight.
76
00:03:52,569 --> 00:03:54,338
Sis, are you sure
you won't stay?
77
00:03:54,438 --> 00:03:56,507
No, I've got a
date with Booker.
78
00:03:56,607 --> 00:03:57,674
Well, bring him.
79
00:03:57,774 --> 00:03:58,875
No way!
80
00:03:58,975 --> 00:04:00,811
I finally got him to take
me to a restaurant that
81
00:04:00,911 --> 00:04:04,348
doesn't have napkin dispensers.
82
00:04:04,448 --> 00:04:06,250
What are you doing with that?
83
00:04:06,350 --> 00:04:07,451
I'm marinating the swordfish.
84
00:04:07,551 --> 00:04:09,120
Yuppies marinate everything.
85
00:04:09,220 --> 00:04:12,156
Well, then, I guess Bonnie
and Edgar ought to love it.
86
00:04:12,256 --> 00:04:14,491
Edgar?
Chip's father's name is Edgar?
87
00:04:14,591 --> 00:04:15,859
Yeah.
88
00:04:15,959 --> 00:04:17,928
I don't believe I've ever
supped with an Edgar before.
89
00:04:21,565 --> 00:04:22,633
Well, it's the
least we can do.
90
00:04:22,733 --> 00:04:25,068
They've taken Becky out a
million times, you know?
91
00:04:25,169 --> 00:04:27,238
To some really nice places.
92
00:04:27,338 --> 00:04:29,072
So you're squaring
the deal by serving them
93
00:04:29,173 --> 00:04:31,608
my famous marinated swordfish?
94
00:04:31,708 --> 00:04:33,310
Well, you never know, Sis.
95
00:04:33,410 --> 00:04:35,346
Bonnie and Edgar could
be family someday.
96
00:04:37,013 --> 00:04:39,350
Roseanne, Chip and Becky
are only in the eighth grade.
97
00:04:39,450 --> 00:04:41,818
Well, they've been
going together six months.
98
00:04:41,918 --> 00:04:43,354
That's pretty much
longer than you've ever
99
00:04:43,454 --> 00:04:44,655
gone out with anyone, isn't it?
100
00:04:48,125 --> 00:04:49,426
Are they here yet?
101
00:04:49,526 --> 00:04:50,994
Yes, I believe
Asquith has shown them
102
00:04:51,094 --> 00:04:52,229
into the study,
where they're sipping
103
00:04:52,329 --> 00:04:55,566
absinthe and playing billiards.
104
00:04:55,666 --> 00:04:57,801
Should I put out
the good dishes?
105
00:04:57,901 --> 00:05:00,371
Nah, let's just go ahead
and break down these paper
106
00:05:00,471 --> 00:05:02,773
plates with divisions.
107
00:05:02,873 --> 00:05:06,577
I'll put out the good dishes.
108
00:05:06,677 --> 00:05:07,944
(DISGUSTED) Ugh!
109
00:05:08,044 --> 00:05:10,547
What smells like fish?
110
00:05:10,647 --> 00:05:12,849
Fish.
111
00:05:12,949 --> 00:05:14,485
What time did you
tell them to be here?
112
00:05:14,585 --> 00:05:15,886
Becky, chill out.
113
00:05:15,986 --> 00:05:18,088
They will be here
when they get here.
114
00:05:18,189 --> 00:05:18,989
This is great.
115
00:05:19,089 --> 00:05:21,192
Now I got to eat
this stupid fish
116
00:05:21,292 --> 00:05:22,993
and wear this stupid dress.
117
00:05:23,093 --> 00:05:26,730
And then you're going
to do the stupid dishes.
118
00:05:26,830 --> 00:05:29,700
Well, I do believe that
my work here is done.
119
00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:32,669
Lady Connor, you're dismissing
the help for the evening?
120
00:05:32,769 --> 00:05:37,641
I'd stay but my French maid
costume is at the cleaners.
121
00:05:37,741 --> 00:05:41,578
[speaking fake french]
122
00:05:41,678 --> 00:05:43,447
Remember to sprinkle a
little garlic salt on the fish
123
00:05:43,547 --> 00:05:44,681
before you put it in the oven.
124
00:05:44,781 --> 00:05:45,749
OK, I will.
125
00:05:45,849 --> 00:05:47,251
Good luck.
126
00:05:47,351 --> 00:05:48,752
- Thanks.
- Thanks, Sis.
127
00:05:48,852 --> 00:05:49,886
See you tomorrow.
128
00:05:49,986 --> 00:05:52,088
You know, they have to
be out of here by 9:00.
129
00:05:52,189 --> 00:05:54,625
I have to start
studying by 9 o'clock.
130
00:05:54,725 --> 00:05:56,960
What exactly is it
that you're studying?
131
00:05:57,060 --> 00:05:57,894
Nothing.
132
00:05:57,994 --> 00:05:58,929
[doorbell rings]
133
00:05:59,029 --> 00:05:59,830
Finally!
134
00:06:01,064 --> 00:06:03,133
Becky, relax.
Everything's going to be fine.
135
00:06:03,234 --> 00:06:05,101
Your father and I are
not going to embarrass you.
136
00:06:05,202 --> 00:06:06,002
Right.
137
00:06:06,102 --> 00:06:06,937
I'll get the door.
138
00:06:07,037 --> 00:06:10,274
You get the orgy lamp.
139
00:06:10,374 --> 00:06:11,875
Lady Darlene, the
guests have arrived.
140
00:06:11,975 --> 00:06:15,111
Get your feet off the couch.
141
00:06:15,212 --> 00:06:16,012
Ha-ha!
142
00:06:22,052 --> 00:06:23,053
Think you're funny, chum?
143
00:06:23,153 --> 00:06:25,489
Uh-huh.
144
00:06:25,589 --> 00:06:28,492
Well, let's just unfunny
you up a little bit.
145
00:06:28,592 --> 00:06:32,195
Let's just shake some of
that wise guy out of you.
146
00:06:32,296 --> 00:06:35,599
[dj giggling]
147
00:06:35,699 --> 00:06:38,068
Hey, Mr. Connor.
148
00:06:38,168 --> 00:06:41,104
Hey, Chip, how's it going?
149
00:06:41,204 --> 00:06:42,072
Hi, Chip!
150
00:06:42,172 --> 00:06:43,039
Hey, DJ.
151
00:06:43,139 --> 00:06:43,940
It's OK.
152
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:45,809
This is normal.
153
00:06:45,909 --> 00:06:47,077
Hiya, Bonnie.
154
00:06:47,177 --> 00:06:48,078
How you doing, Roseanne?
155
00:06:48,178 --> 00:06:50,381
Well, my feet
hurt and I've got
156
00:06:50,481 --> 00:06:51,948
periodic bouts of depression.
157
00:06:52,048 --> 00:06:55,018
But other than that, I'm fine.
158
00:06:55,118 --> 00:06:56,052
[interposing voices]
159
00:06:56,152 --> 00:06:57,153
Hey, handsome.
160
00:06:57,254 --> 00:06:59,690
Dan, Roseanne, this
is my husband, Edgar.
161
00:06:59,790 --> 00:07:01,658
Hi, Edgar, good to know you.
162
00:07:01,758 --> 00:07:03,727
This is the rest of
our stunning brood.
163
00:07:03,827 --> 00:07:04,761
DJ, Darlene.
164
00:07:04,861 --> 00:07:05,662
Hi.
165
00:07:05,762 --> 00:07:06,563
EDGAR: Hello.
166
00:07:06,663 --> 00:07:08,432
Guess we're ready to eat.
167
00:07:08,532 --> 00:07:12,636
I think maybe they'd like
to take their coats off first.
168
00:07:12,736 --> 00:07:14,371
Thank you.
169
00:07:14,471 --> 00:07:15,739
Here, you guys.
170
00:07:15,839 --> 00:07:18,208
Check these for loose change
and then throw them on my bed.
171
00:07:20,844 --> 00:07:21,645
DARLENE: OK, Mom.
172
00:07:21,745 --> 00:07:22,646
DJ: OK, Mom.
173
00:07:22,746 --> 00:07:25,482
DARLENE: Shut up, pinhead.
174
00:07:25,582 --> 00:07:27,784
Precious, ain't they?
175
00:07:27,884 --> 00:07:28,885
Here, these are for you.
176
00:07:28,985 --> 00:07:30,153
Thanks.
177
00:07:30,253 --> 00:07:32,255
I'll go put them in water
real quick so we can eat.
178
00:07:32,356 --> 00:07:33,557
Anybody care for a drink?
179
00:07:33,657 --> 00:07:34,458
You bet.
180
00:07:34,558 --> 00:07:35,792
My kind of gal.
181
00:07:35,892 --> 00:07:37,928
Just mineral water.
182
00:07:38,028 --> 00:07:39,496
Well, we've got water.
183
00:07:39,596 --> 00:07:43,600
And I'm sure it's
got minerals in it.
184
00:07:43,700 --> 00:07:44,901
Edgar?
185
00:07:45,001 --> 00:07:45,969
Should I be bad?
186
00:07:46,069 --> 00:07:46,837
Why not?
187
00:07:46,937 --> 00:07:48,705
You jogged this morning.
188
00:07:48,805 --> 00:07:50,307
What the heck.
189
00:07:50,407 --> 00:07:52,075
I'll have a tropical hurricane.
190
00:07:57,981 --> 00:07:59,516
I can get you a cold
beer and turn on a fan.
191
00:08:06,590 --> 00:08:07,791
Beer's fine.
192
00:08:07,891 --> 00:08:08,992
Babe?
193
00:08:09,092 --> 00:08:10,661
I'll have some
of that Muscatel
194
00:08:10,761 --> 00:08:13,597
in the door of the fridge.
195
00:08:13,697 --> 00:08:14,631
Chipster, the usual?
196
00:08:14,731 --> 00:08:15,632
Yeah, thanks.
197
00:08:15,732 --> 00:08:16,533
Why don't we sit down?
198
00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:25,275
Oh, here.
199
00:08:25,376 --> 00:08:27,378
I know you two want to
sit next to each other.
200
00:08:27,478 --> 00:08:28,278
Thanks.
201
00:08:39,255 --> 00:08:41,191
Interesting picture.
202
00:08:46,329 --> 00:08:47,898
Yeah, it used to be
a postcard and then
203
00:08:47,998 --> 00:08:51,535
we had 100 paintings run off.
204
00:08:51,635 --> 00:08:52,769
I told you she was a pistol.
205
00:08:52,869 --> 00:08:53,704
Of
206
00:08:53,804 --> 00:08:54,605
Mom?
207
00:08:54,705 --> 00:08:55,506
Mom?
208
00:08:55,606 --> 00:08:56,873
What is it, Darlene?
209
00:08:56,973 --> 00:08:58,909
Well, there was
laundry in your bed,
210
00:08:59,009 --> 00:09:01,878
so I put the coats
on your chair.
211
00:09:01,978 --> 00:09:03,714
I hope my beeper
didn't fall out.
212
00:09:03,814 --> 00:09:05,616
I was perfectly willing
to put it in my purse.
213
00:09:05,716 --> 00:09:07,083
Well, your purse
is in the car.
214
00:09:07,183 --> 00:09:08,084
And the car is locked.
215
00:09:08,184 --> 00:09:09,319
And the alarm is not working.
216
00:09:09,420 --> 00:09:10,887
Oh, just smack her, Edgar.
217
00:09:20,497 --> 00:09:21,732
I'm really getting hungry.
218
00:09:21,832 --> 00:09:22,833
Well, have a drink at the bar.
219
00:09:22,933 --> 00:09:24,401
We'll let you know when
your table is ready.
220
00:09:24,501 --> 00:09:25,802
Mommy?
221
00:09:25,902 --> 00:09:26,703
Daddy.
222
00:09:33,477 --> 00:09:34,878
So.
223
00:09:34,978 --> 00:09:35,779
So.
224
00:09:35,879 --> 00:09:37,080
I'm so glad we did this.
225
00:09:37,180 --> 00:09:37,981
ROSEANNE: Uh-huh.
226
00:09:48,358 --> 00:09:51,695
So, Dan, Bonnie tells
me you're a contractor.
227
00:09:51,795 --> 00:09:52,929
Bonnie speaks the truth.
228
00:09:53,029 --> 00:09:55,265
Well, you know I do a
bit of digging myself.
229
00:09:55,365 --> 00:09:56,166
I'm a dentist.
230
00:09:59,603 --> 00:10:00,403
Everybody rinse!
231
00:10:05,942 --> 00:10:08,144
Yeah, we go to that
Dr. Sternberg over there
232
00:10:08,244 --> 00:10:09,580
on Oakhurst.
233
00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:10,947
Oh, sure, we know Mark.
234
00:10:14,184 --> 00:10:16,920
He's real good.
235
00:10:17,020 --> 00:10:18,689
We like him a lot.
236
00:10:18,789 --> 00:10:19,890
But he's not an
Oakhurst anymore.
237
00:10:19,990 --> 00:10:21,057
Is that right?
238
00:10:21,157 --> 00:10:23,527
Right, he's in that
new professional building
239
00:10:23,627 --> 00:10:25,529
over on Sheridan.
240
00:10:25,629 --> 00:10:28,499
They must have moved.
241
00:10:28,599 --> 00:10:32,603
Yeah, he shared space
with Kehoe Pamer and--
242
00:10:32,703 --> 00:10:34,571
you know, the fellow
who had the thing.
243
00:10:34,671 --> 00:10:36,172
You know, the one
who knows Barbara.
244
00:10:36,272 --> 00:10:37,140
Lidecker.
245
00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:41,044
Right, Kehoe
Pamer and Lidecker.
246
00:10:41,144 --> 00:10:44,314
They all share that professional
building over in Sheridan.
247
00:10:44,414 --> 00:10:45,882
My friend Karen decorated it.
248
00:10:45,982 --> 00:10:47,150
My friend Rocco
poured the driveway.
249
00:10:50,687 --> 00:10:53,757
Jeez, talk about
a small world, huh?
250
00:10:53,857 --> 00:10:55,191
Jeez.
251
00:10:55,291 --> 00:10:56,092
Jeez.
252
00:11:01,397 --> 00:11:03,299
Got an ETA out
on that fish, babe?
253
00:11:03,399 --> 00:11:04,200
Soon.
254
00:11:04,300 --> 00:11:05,636
How soon?
255
00:11:05,736 --> 00:11:06,903
I'll check with the cook.
256
00:11:09,740 --> 00:11:11,642
Becky, you doing
anything tomorrow night?
257
00:11:11,742 --> 00:11:12,776
Why?
258
00:11:12,876 --> 00:11:15,111
I thought we could go
see "Bloodthirsty 2".
259
00:11:15,211 --> 00:11:16,012
Tomorrow night?
260
00:11:16,112 --> 00:11:17,814
Yeah.
261
00:11:17,914 --> 00:11:19,916
It didn't get
very good reviews.
262
00:11:20,016 --> 00:11:21,518
Well, neither did
a "Bloodthirsty 1",
263
00:11:21,618 --> 00:11:24,688
but you saw that 14 times."
264
00:11:24,788 --> 00:11:26,089
OK, I'll go.
265
00:11:26,189 --> 00:11:29,993
I hear during the prom
scene, they use a human liver.
266
00:11:30,093 --> 00:11:31,762
Oh, well, everybody
ready to eat?
267
00:11:31,862 --> 00:11:34,364
BECKY: Yes.
268
00:11:34,464 --> 00:11:35,866
Good, I just
turned the oven on,
269
00:11:35,966 --> 00:11:37,467
so it'll cook a lot
faster that way.
270
00:11:50,581 --> 00:11:53,584
More than a week in
Hawaii will drive you crazy.
271
00:11:53,684 --> 00:11:56,687
Everybody says aloha!
272
00:11:56,787 --> 00:11:58,088
That's all they ever say!
273
00:11:58,188 --> 00:11:59,856
Aloha this, aloha that.
274
00:12:03,026 --> 00:12:05,161
It means hello,
it means goodbye.
275
00:12:05,261 --> 00:12:06,329
What else does it mean, honey?
276
00:12:06,429 --> 00:12:08,031
I know it means love.
277
00:12:08,131 --> 00:12:11,668
I think it means
potholder, too.
278
00:12:11,768 --> 00:12:15,739
Tell them about
our guide, honey.
279
00:12:15,839 --> 00:12:16,807
Oh, Dan, Dan!
280
00:12:16,907 --> 00:12:18,374
You've got to hear this.
281
00:12:18,474 --> 00:12:19,976
Roseanne, this is wonderful.
282
00:12:20,076 --> 00:12:22,478
A publisher friend of
ours swears it's a book.
283
00:12:22,579 --> 00:12:24,247
Well, just give
us the cliff notes?
284
00:12:27,083 --> 00:12:28,985
Why don't we order in a pizza?
285
00:12:29,085 --> 00:12:30,486
No, it's time.
286
00:12:30,587 --> 00:12:32,222
Need any help out there
in the kitchen, babe?
287
00:12:32,322 --> 00:12:34,424
Oh, that's so sweet
of you to offer, honey.
288
00:12:34,524 --> 00:12:35,659
But you just stay here.
289
00:12:35,759 --> 00:12:36,559
Aloha.
290
00:12:40,964 --> 00:12:44,601
Our guide's name
was Michael Ho.
291
00:12:44,701 --> 00:12:48,004
Of course his Hawaiian
name was Mikahila.
292
00:12:48,104 --> 00:12:49,873
Ah, yes.
293
00:12:49,973 --> 00:12:50,774
Mikahila Ho.
294
00:12:55,345 --> 00:13:00,884
Um, did you know that when
swordfish cooks, it shrinks?
295
00:13:00,984 --> 00:13:04,621
And of course when it's burned,
it practically disappears.
296
00:13:09,660 --> 00:13:14,998
Oh, for crying out loud,
honey, let's just eat it burnt!
297
00:13:15,098 --> 00:13:16,166
Burned?
298
00:13:16,266 --> 00:13:18,902
I can have hamburgers
in 10 minutes.
299
00:13:19,002 --> 00:13:21,304
20, if you want them cooked.
300
00:13:21,404 --> 00:13:22,673
Hamburgers are fine.
301
00:13:22,773 --> 00:13:26,042
This will be our red meat day.
302
00:13:26,142 --> 00:13:28,779
We could have had
hamburgers an hour ago.
303
00:13:28,879 --> 00:13:31,381
I hate this house!
304
00:13:31,481 --> 00:13:33,616
Tell Becky I need
her to help me.
305
00:13:33,717 --> 00:13:34,651
She's not up there.
306
00:13:34,751 --> 00:13:35,786
Where is she?
307
00:13:35,886 --> 00:13:38,621
Well, if she's smart,
she went out to dinner.
308
00:13:38,722 --> 00:13:39,756
Quiet, you.
309
00:13:39,856 --> 00:13:40,724
(SHRILL) Becky!
310
00:13:44,695 --> 00:13:46,262
Nice going, Beck.
311
00:13:46,362 --> 00:13:47,664
You got out of the house.
312
00:13:47,764 --> 00:13:50,200
The hard part is over.
313
00:13:50,300 --> 00:13:51,134
Sorry you can't come in.
314
00:13:51,234 --> 00:13:52,435
My parents have people over.
315
00:13:52,535 --> 00:13:53,870
No prob.
316
00:13:53,970 --> 00:13:56,306
Hey, listen, want to go
to a party tomorrow night?
317
00:13:56,406 --> 00:13:58,141
Yeah, that'd be great.
318
00:13:58,241 --> 00:13:59,910
Cool, I'll pick
you up at 7:00.
319
00:14:00,010 --> 00:14:01,277
BECKY: 7:00 is great, Johnny.
320
00:14:01,377 --> 00:14:03,013
Think it'll be cool
with your parents?
321
00:14:03,113 --> 00:14:04,547
My parents are very cool.
322
00:14:04,647 --> 00:14:06,349
They don't tell me what to do.
323
00:14:06,449 --> 00:14:08,618
Cool.
324
00:14:08,719 --> 00:14:11,087
Becky, get your
butt in the house now!
325
00:14:17,260 --> 00:14:18,061
Mother?
326
00:14:18,161 --> 00:14:18,962
Now.
327
00:14:26,302 --> 00:14:28,338
Roseanne Conner.
328
00:14:28,438 --> 00:14:29,672
Nice to meet you.
329
00:14:33,643 --> 00:14:35,211
So how long is
Becky grounded for?
330
00:14:35,311 --> 00:14:36,446
What did she do?
331
00:14:36,546 --> 00:14:39,783
She forgot to gag
Darlene like I told her.
332
00:14:39,883 --> 00:14:42,218
She snuck out last night
to meet the make out king.
333
00:14:45,288 --> 00:14:48,491
Chip's the make out king?
334
00:14:48,591 --> 00:14:51,394
Forget Chip, he's old news.
335
00:14:51,494 --> 00:14:55,631
Darling, why don't you
use your mouth to eat?
336
00:14:55,732 --> 00:14:56,599
Who is the make out king?
337
00:14:56,699 --> 00:14:57,467
You are, honey.
338
00:15:01,237 --> 00:15:03,439
Johnny Swanko,
he's a sophomore.
339
00:15:03,539 --> 00:15:06,276
Well, he kisses like a senior.
340
00:15:06,376 --> 00:15:07,677
I get the feeling
I'm not totally filled
341
00:15:07,778 --> 00:15:10,814
in on everything around here.
342
00:15:10,914 --> 00:15:13,149
Becky's got something
going with another guy.
343
00:15:13,249 --> 00:15:14,617
What kind of thing?
344
00:15:14,717 --> 00:15:17,187
I don't know, Dan, but I
caught them out by the garage
345
00:15:17,287 --> 00:15:18,989
last night.
346
00:15:19,089 --> 00:15:20,523
Why didn't you tell me?
347
00:15:20,623 --> 00:15:22,592
Because there's lots of
stuff I don't tell you, honey.
348
00:15:22,692 --> 00:15:24,961
That's the glue that keeps
our little family together.
349
00:15:29,299 --> 00:15:30,633
(MOCKINGLY) Oh, Johnny!
Oh, Johnny!
350
00:15:30,733 --> 00:15:31,534
Oh, Johnny!
351
00:15:31,634 --> 00:15:33,569
Oh, Johnny!
352
00:15:33,669 --> 00:15:36,606
I want to hear more
about this Johnny.
353
00:15:36,706 --> 00:15:39,375
Well, he wears a
black studded belt
354
00:15:39,475 --> 00:15:41,711
and they call him
the Tongue Bandit.
355
00:15:44,948 --> 00:15:46,749
Darlene, why don't
you leave and come
356
00:15:46,850 --> 00:15:50,253
back when you're about 40?
357
00:15:50,353 --> 00:15:52,255
OK, great, I'll
go over to Johnny's.
358
00:15:52,355 --> 00:15:53,957
DJ: Great, I'll go
over to Johnny's!
359
00:15:54,057 --> 00:15:55,591
Drop dead.
360
00:15:55,691 --> 00:15:57,861
So I thought chip was
Becky's main squeeze.
361
00:15:57,961 --> 00:16:00,463
Well, I guess when you're 13,
you need more than one squeeze.
362
00:16:06,036 --> 00:16:07,838
I just want to say that
what you did to me last night
363
00:16:07,938 --> 00:16:09,272
was totally uncool.
364
00:16:09,372 --> 00:16:11,674
And if I were your mother, I
would never do that to you.
365
00:16:11,774 --> 00:16:13,944
Well, do me a favor
and enlighten me.
366
00:16:14,044 --> 00:16:15,045
Mother, let's just drop it.
367
00:16:15,145 --> 00:16:15,946
No, no, no.
368
00:16:16,046 --> 00:16:16,847
I want to know.
369
00:16:16,947 --> 00:16:18,849
What's your definition of cool?
370
00:16:18,949 --> 00:16:20,550
Is that to make a date
with chip and then
371
00:16:20,650 --> 00:16:22,018
turn around and make
a date for the very
372
00:16:22,118 --> 00:16:25,188
same night with Johnny Angel
373
00:16:25,288 --> 00:16:26,756
His name is Johnny Swanko.
374
00:16:26,857 --> 00:16:28,524
Whatever.
375
00:16:28,624 --> 00:16:29,759
Come on, just
answer my question.
376
00:16:29,860 --> 00:16:31,327
It's none of your business.
377
00:16:31,427 --> 00:16:34,064
It is my business when you
start snaking out of this house
378
00:16:34,164 --> 00:16:35,565
to meet some guy
that I would consider
379
00:16:35,665 --> 00:16:36,732
leaving your father for!
380
00:16:47,610 --> 00:16:49,479
You know, Becky,
what you did is going
381
00:16:49,579 --> 00:16:54,985
to make it to Zit Magazine's
10 Most Vicious Teens.
382
00:16:55,085 --> 00:16:57,053
I'm sorry, I was wrong.
383
00:16:57,153 --> 00:16:58,621
Well, are you
dating Chip or not?
384
00:16:58,721 --> 00:16:59,956
Yeah, I still like Chip.
385
00:17:00,056 --> 00:17:01,757
Well, how would you like it
if Chip met some other girl
386
00:17:01,858 --> 00:17:02,758
in his driveway?
387
00:17:02,859 --> 00:17:04,494
Hey, Chip can do
whatever he wants.
388
00:17:04,594 --> 00:17:05,862
I don't care.
389
00:17:05,962 --> 00:17:07,931
Well, I'll remember that when
you're sitting there crying
390
00:17:08,031 --> 00:17:10,466
your eyes out because Chip
sat next to some other girl
391
00:17:10,566 --> 00:17:11,834
on the bus.
392
00:17:11,935 --> 00:17:13,703
Becky, why didn't you tell
us all this before we invited
393
00:17:13,803 --> 00:17:16,639
the Lunts over to dinner?
394
00:17:16,739 --> 00:17:18,674
Because Mom had
already invited them.
395
00:17:18,774 --> 00:17:19,842
Plus you guys love Chip.
396
00:17:19,943 --> 00:17:21,511
Plus if you knew I was
going out with Johnny,
397
00:17:21,611 --> 00:17:22,612
you would've freaked!
398
00:17:22,712 --> 00:17:24,180
There's no way you'd
let me go out with him.
399
00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:25,315
You got that right.
400
00:17:25,415 --> 00:17:26,582
I want you to get on the phone.
401
00:17:26,682 --> 00:17:29,352
You call the Tongue
Bandit and you
402
00:17:29,452 --> 00:17:30,753
tell him you ain't
going nowhere tonight,
403
00:17:30,853 --> 00:17:31,988
not even out to the garage.
404
00:17:32,088 --> 00:17:33,223
Hey, it's my life.
405
00:17:33,323 --> 00:17:34,190
Why don't you just butt out!
406
00:17:34,290 --> 00:17:35,358
Becky, we're just
trying to teach
407
00:17:35,458 --> 00:17:36,659
you how to do the right thing.
408
00:17:36,759 --> 00:17:38,728
You guys are real
hypocrites, you know that?
409
00:17:38,828 --> 00:17:40,096
I mean, you're always
saying how you're
410
00:17:40,196 --> 00:17:43,599
the coolest, hippest, most with
it parents, but you're not.
411
00:17:43,699 --> 00:17:45,035
You're just like
everyone else's parents.
412
00:17:45,135 --> 00:17:45,936
You're bogus!
413
00:17:49,039 --> 00:17:50,006
Hi, Dan Bogus.
414
00:17:54,844 --> 00:17:57,480
Roseanne Hypocrite
Bogus, so nice meet you.
415
00:17:57,580 --> 00:17:59,582
I've heard so many
good things about you.
416
00:17:59,682 --> 00:18:01,451
Not.
417
00:18:01,551 --> 00:18:02,518
So.
418
00:18:02,618 --> 00:18:05,188
So, didn't we vow
to become the world's
419
00:18:05,288 --> 00:18:07,290
most hippest parents?
420
00:18:07,390 --> 00:18:09,359
Well, babe, that
was in the '70s.
421
00:18:09,459 --> 00:18:13,096
Our groove was in
a more mellow bag.
422
00:18:13,196 --> 00:18:15,731
We swore that we would
treat our kids differently
423
00:18:15,831 --> 00:18:17,400
than our parents treated us.
424
00:18:17,500 --> 00:18:18,768
I think we have.
425
00:18:18,868 --> 00:18:23,106
ROSEANNE: No, we made a snap
judgment about this Johnny guy.
426
00:18:23,206 --> 00:18:25,641
Just exactly what my
parents would've done.
427
00:18:25,741 --> 00:18:28,144
That wasn't a snap
judgment, the guy's a punk.
428
00:18:28,244 --> 00:18:29,412
You didn't even see him.
429
00:18:29,512 --> 00:18:31,281
I trust your judgment.
430
00:18:31,381 --> 00:18:33,383
Well, that's just
the point, Dan.
431
00:18:33,483 --> 00:18:35,185
It's not up to us to judge.
432
00:18:35,285 --> 00:18:37,487
My dad thought you were a punk.
433
00:18:37,587 --> 00:18:39,222
I was!
434
00:18:39,322 --> 00:18:42,225
That's how come I know
this guy is a punk.
435
00:18:42,325 --> 00:18:45,428
No, like it or not, we are
now the parents of a teenager.
436
00:18:45,528 --> 00:18:47,563
And we are not the
hip parents that we
437
00:18:47,663 --> 00:18:48,498
said we were going to be.
438
00:18:48,598 --> 00:18:51,367
Define hip parents.
439
00:18:51,467 --> 00:18:52,335
OK.
440
00:18:52,435 --> 00:18:54,537
Sure, honey, Johnny
can stay over.
441
00:18:54,637 --> 00:18:57,273
Me and Daddy could, like,
crash out on the floor, man.
442
00:18:57,373 --> 00:18:58,541
You guys could use our bed.
443
00:19:01,377 --> 00:19:04,047
That's the kind of parent
I thought I want to be.
444
00:19:04,147 --> 00:19:05,481
Well, we ain't them, baby.
445
00:19:05,581 --> 00:19:09,219
Well, we ain't Robert
Young and Jane Wyatt, either.
446
00:19:09,319 --> 00:19:10,720
DAN: Well, who are we?
447
00:19:10,820 --> 00:19:13,423
Well, we ain't
Bonnie and Edgar.
448
00:19:13,523 --> 00:19:14,790
Aloha.
449
00:19:14,890 --> 00:19:16,592
Aloha!
450
00:19:16,692 --> 00:19:18,661
Well, what do we want to be?
451
00:19:18,761 --> 00:19:23,299
Well, I want to be the kind of
parent that can trust our kids.
452
00:19:23,399 --> 00:19:24,767
Oh, we want to be the
kind of parents that
453
00:19:24,867 --> 00:19:27,170
can look at a kid dressed
like Johnny Swanko
454
00:19:27,270 --> 00:19:28,571
and not think that
he's only got one
455
00:19:28,671 --> 00:19:30,006
thing on his filthy
little mind and we've
456
00:19:30,106 --> 00:19:33,043
both got a pretty good suspicion
of what that one thing is?
457
00:19:33,143 --> 00:19:34,677
Yeah, well, you
were kind of a punk
458
00:19:34,777 --> 00:19:37,813
and I was pretty innocent when
we went out on our first date,
459
00:19:37,913 --> 00:19:40,216
remember?
460
00:19:40,316 --> 00:19:41,217
I sure do.
461
00:19:46,889 --> 00:19:48,791
Becky!
462
00:19:48,891 --> 00:19:50,526
Well, I think we're
doing the right thing.
463
00:19:50,626 --> 00:19:51,627
You know what?
464
00:19:51,727 --> 00:19:53,829
I think we're doing
the right thing, too.
465
00:19:53,929 --> 00:19:55,431
What now?
466
00:19:55,531 --> 00:19:56,866
Your mother and I
have come to a decision
467
00:19:56,966 --> 00:20:00,170
about the Swanko situation.
468
00:20:00,270 --> 00:20:01,637
Can I go out with him?
469
00:20:01,737 --> 00:20:03,005
Not in a million years.
470
00:20:21,957 --> 00:20:23,726
Where are you going?
- To get the paper.
471
00:20:32,268 --> 00:20:34,070
What's the matter?
472
00:20:34,170 --> 00:20:37,006
Something is about to occur
that's going to make you wish
473
00:20:37,107 --> 00:20:38,908
you would've woke up
as a different person
474
00:20:39,008 --> 00:20:40,743
in a different house
in a different country
475
00:20:40,843 --> 00:20:41,644
on a different planet.
476
00:20:44,214 --> 00:20:46,549
[doorbell rings]
477
00:20:51,554 --> 00:20:52,455
Croissants.
478
00:20:59,895 --> 00:21:01,764
[music playing]
479
00:21:09,272 --> 00:21:10,873
EDGAR: It's called goncha.
480
00:21:10,973 --> 00:21:13,276
It's an herb from Tibet.
481
00:21:13,376 --> 00:21:14,877
What region is it from, honey?
482
00:21:14,977 --> 00:21:16,179
The Bonesta region.
483
00:21:16,279 --> 00:21:17,280
It's up north.
484
00:21:17,380 --> 00:21:19,682
Oh, you can make
everything from goncha.
485
00:21:19,782 --> 00:21:21,050
They make tea from goncha.
486
00:21:21,151 --> 00:21:22,618
And those wafers.
487
00:21:22,718 --> 00:21:23,819
BONNIE: Goncha Folis.
488
00:21:23,919 --> 00:21:26,356
They're so delicate.
489
00:21:26,456 --> 00:21:28,391
They make bread from goncha.
490
00:21:28,491 --> 00:21:29,692
They even make wine from it.
491
00:21:33,596 --> 00:21:35,398
So is that where you
guys do all your shopping?
492
00:21:38,634 --> 00:21:39,635
We wish.
493
00:21:39,735 --> 00:21:43,539
So do I.
494
00:21:43,639 --> 00:21:46,876
[theme music]
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