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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,518 --> 00:00:02,518 ♪ 2 00:00:02,623 --> 00:00:03,283 [Kevin narrating] Previously on Real 3 00:00:03,382 --> 00:00:03,972 Husbands of Hollywood. 4 00:00:04,073 --> 00:00:04,803 Ah! 5 00:00:04,901 --> 00:00:05,631 [Trina] Kevin, it's Trina. 6 00:00:05,729 --> 00:00:06,869 Ah! 7 00:00:06,972 --> 00:00:08,322 [Trina] You've been nominated for Best Actor 8 00:00:08,422 --> 00:00:09,322 for"Five Foot a Slave". 9 00:00:09,423 --> 00:00:10,113 Hey! 10 00:00:10,217 --> 00:00:10,697 [glasses clink] 11 00:00:10,803 --> 00:00:11,323 Congratulations! 12 00:00:11,425 --> 00:00:12,075 [Nick] To us! 13 00:00:12,184 --> 00:00:12,634 Who else got nominated? 14 00:00:12,736 --> 00:00:13,696 We all did! 15 00:00:13,806 --> 00:00:14,526 For what? 16 00:00:14,635 --> 00:00:15,665 Best Director. 17 00:00:15,774 --> 00:00:16,504 Best Supporting Actor. 18 00:00:16,602 --> 00:00:17,502 Are you kidding me? 19 00:00:17,603 --> 00:00:18,673 And don't forget about me, mission. 20 00:00:18,777 --> 00:00:20,497 You're only nominated because you're black! 21 00:00:20,606 --> 00:00:22,086 You black and you ain't get shit! 22 00:00:22,194 --> 00:00:24,134 [Robin] I'm not black and I got seven nominations. 23 00:00:24,231 --> 00:00:25,091 You got what? 24 00:00:25,197 --> 00:00:27,537 'Cause you are a watermelon eating, 25 00:00:27,648 --> 00:00:30,478 tap dancing, pickaninny! 26 00:00:30,582 --> 00:00:31,272 [thud] 27 00:00:31,376 --> 00:00:33,406 [water spraying] 28 00:00:33,516 --> 00:00:34,306 [screaming] 29 00:00:34,413 --> 00:00:35,483 [laughter] 30 00:00:35,587 --> 00:00:36,277 [thud] 31 00:00:36,381 --> 00:00:37,421 You pissed everybody off. 32 00:00:37,520 --> 00:00:39,520 Because of you, the Black Characters Matters 33 00:00:39,625 --> 00:00:40,695 movement has called for a boycott. 34 00:00:40,799 --> 00:00:42,079 Hey. 35 00:00:42,180 --> 00:00:43,530 [Kevin] Who in the hell is that? 36 00:00:43,629 --> 00:00:46,769 It was supposed to be your escort to the Academy ceremony. 37 00:00:46,874 --> 00:00:48,504 If you wanna win, you need to up your game and 38 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:50,740 upgrade your entourage. 39 00:00:50,843 --> 00:00:52,433 Do you like getting' your toes sucked? 40 00:00:52,535 --> 00:00:54,225 [slurping] 41 00:00:54,330 --> 00:00:55,120 [choking] 42 00:00:55,227 --> 00:00:56,257 Ah, God, girl you're strong! 43 00:00:56,366 --> 00:00:57,126 [laughs] 44 00:00:57,229 --> 00:00:58,329 ♪ 45 00:00:58,437 --> 00:00:59,537 ♪ This is the life, this is the life.♪ 46 00:00:59,645 --> 00:01:00,815 ♪ You got the life, you got the life.♪ 47 00:01:00,922 --> 00:01:03,062 ♪ This is the city where we party every night,♪ 48 00:01:03,166 --> 00:01:04,096 ♪ every night.♪ 49 00:01:04,202 --> 00:01:07,652 ♪ Just you and me down and to go♪ 50 00:01:07,757 --> 00:01:09,687 ♪ Welcome to Hollywood, welcome to Hollywood♪ 51 00:01:09,793 --> 00:01:13,313 ♪ Welcome to Hollywood♪ 52 00:01:13,418 --> 00:01:14,378 Get a life, Kevin. 53 00:01:14,488 --> 00:01:15,698 It's not happening. 54 00:01:15,799 --> 00:01:17,249 OK, then why are you here? 55 00:01:17,353 --> 00:01:18,493 Because if I got to the awards with you, 56 00:01:18,595 --> 00:01:19,695 I'm gonna get a better seat. 57 00:01:19,803 --> 00:01:21,433 Oh, so you using me? 58 00:01:21,529 --> 00:01:22,429 Mm-hmm. 59 00:01:22,530 --> 00:01:23,500 ♪ 60 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:24,740 [Kevin] Well, then use all of me. 61 00:01:24,843 --> 00:01:26,473 It's like that song. 62 00:01:26,569 --> 00:01:28,399 If you gonna use me, then use me, 63 00:01:28,502 --> 00:01:30,612 then you can't use me no more. 64 00:01:30,711 --> 00:01:31,781 That's not how it goes. 65 00:01:31,884 --> 00:01:34,474 ♪ 66 00:01:34,577 --> 00:01:37,127 [lips smacking] 67 00:01:37,235 --> 00:01:38,435 Oh! 68 00:01:38,546 --> 00:01:39,546 Uh oh! 69 00:01:39,651 --> 00:01:42,651 Ooh! 70 00:01:42,757 --> 00:01:44,587 Looks like I made a oopsie! 71 00:01:44,690 --> 00:01:46,550 My thing is, I wanna deliver babies. 72 00:01:46,658 --> 00:01:49,248 It just depends on the opportunity. 73 00:01:49,350 --> 00:01:51,320 'Cause I'm doing comedy, but I love women, 74 00:01:51,421 --> 00:01:52,701 and at the same time, I love children. 75 00:01:52,802 --> 00:01:54,562 So, if I can bring a child into the world with my 76 00:01:54,666 --> 00:01:57,356 hands, what's better than that? 77 00:01:57,462 --> 00:01:58,672 You know? 78 00:01:58,773 --> 00:02:00,263 So, if you ever had a baby, I would deliver it. 79 00:02:00,361 --> 00:02:00,841 I wouldn't-- 80 00:02:00,948 --> 00:02:01,498 Um, you have-- 81 00:02:01,604 --> 00:02:02,434 --what the hell? 82 00:02:02,536 --> 00:02:03,186 Hey, bae. 83 00:02:03,295 --> 00:02:04,535 Uh, excuse me. 84 00:02:04,641 --> 00:02:05,821 The hell are y'all doing here? 85 00:02:05,918 --> 00:02:06,848 [J.B.] [bleep] you doing here? 86 00:02:06,954 --> 00:02:07,684 What you mean, what am I doing here? 87 00:02:07,782 --> 00:02:08,582 It's my damn house. 88 00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:09,890 What's your address? 89 00:02:09,991 --> 00:02:10,611 [Kevin] You asking me the address to my own house? 90 00:02:10,716 --> 00:02:11,606 Exactly. 91 00:02:11,717 --> 00:02:14,787 1630...[bleep] you, J.B. 92 00:02:14,893 --> 00:02:15,583 [bleep] you, Kevin. 93 00:02:15,687 --> 00:02:16,547 No, [bleep] you. 94 00:02:16,653 --> 00:02:17,413 This ain't your [bleep] house. 95 00:02:17,516 --> 00:02:18,306 It is my house! 96 00:02:18,414 --> 00:02:19,314 I just don't know the address! 97 00:02:19,415 --> 00:02:20,515 I don't see no baby chairs around. 98 00:02:20,623 --> 00:02:21,143 I don't punch the address in my navigation code. 99 00:02:21,244 --> 00:02:21,734 That's some shit! 100 00:02:21,831 --> 00:02:22,351 It says home! 101 00:02:22,452 --> 00:02:23,212 It says home! 102 00:02:23,315 --> 00:02:24,245 I know how navigation work-- 103 00:02:24,351 --> 00:02:25,251 OK. 104 00:02:25,352 --> 00:02:26,772 --and you don't [bleep] live here. 105 00:02:26,870 --> 00:02:27,490 [bleep] you, man! 106 00:02:27,595 --> 00:02:28,145 No, [bleep] you! 107 00:02:28,251 --> 00:02:28,601 Forget it! 108 00:02:28,700 --> 00:02:29,180 Shut up. 109 00:02:29,287 --> 00:02:29,767 No! 110 00:02:29,873 --> 00:02:31,013 Listen to me. 111 00:02:31,116 --> 00:02:32,076 All y'all need to get the hell up outta here. 112 00:02:32,186 --> 00:02:33,286 'Cause me and my new lady, we in the back, 113 00:02:33,394 --> 00:02:35,294 and we doing something real special right now. 114 00:02:35,396 --> 00:02:37,256 [Nick] Why you got a new lady every episode? 115 00:02:37,364 --> 00:02:39,264 Why you in my episodic business, Nick? 116 00:02:39,366 --> 00:02:40,506 Nice floaties. 117 00:02:40,608 --> 00:02:42,228 You talk about her breasts one more time, Boris, 118 00:02:42,334 --> 00:02:45,234 and I promise I knock that mustache off your face. 119 00:02:45,337 --> 00:02:46,887 I'm talking about the floaties in the pool, idiot. 120 00:02:46,994 --> 00:02:49,174 [Nick] I'll talk about her breasts. 121 00:02:49,272 --> 00:02:51,102 Look like she needs to be introduced to the cannon, 122 00:02:51,205 --> 00:02:52,545 cannon, cannon. 123 00:02:52,655 --> 00:02:53,725 [laughter] 124 00:02:53,828 --> 00:02:54,448 Yeah, well, the last I heard, that cannon, 125 00:02:54,553 --> 00:02:56,453 cannon's powder was wet. 126 00:02:56,555 --> 00:02:59,415 This one back here, she like that live ammo. 127 00:02:59,524 --> 00:03:00,734 It's busting off like a uzi. 128 00:03:00,835 --> 00:03:02,245 Barapp, barapp, barapp! 129 00:03:02,354 --> 00:03:03,874 Looks like Coleman's trying to load his musket. 130 00:03:03,976 --> 00:03:06,386 Oh, this dirty mother-- 131 00:03:06,496 --> 00:03:10,116 They say there are over 75 erogenous zones. 132 00:03:10,224 --> 00:03:11,784 There's actually 76, Coleman. 133 00:03:11,881 --> 00:03:13,921 Thank you, Mr. Incredible. 134 00:03:14,021 --> 00:03:15,851 [Kevin] What the hell you think you doing, Coleman? 135 00:03:15,954 --> 00:03:17,924 Applying suntan lotion, sir. 136 00:03:18,025 --> 00:03:19,475 Yeah, well, you're about to be applying for a new 137 00:03:19,578 --> 00:03:21,198 job, if you don't keep them old, 138 00:03:21,304 --> 00:03:22,864 jeeper creepers hands off my [bleep] lady. 139 00:03:22,961 --> 00:03:24,381 I'm not his lady. 140 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:25,410 Thank you, Coleman. 141 00:03:25,515 --> 00:03:27,445 You're welcome, Kali. 142 00:03:27,552 --> 00:03:29,142 Coleman, get your old ass outta here before I deport 143 00:03:29,243 --> 00:03:30,453 you back to Russia. 144 00:03:30,555 --> 00:03:31,205 Come on, Kevin, man. 145 00:03:31,314 --> 00:03:32,524 The dude's from London. 146 00:03:32,626 --> 00:03:34,556 Where do you think Russia is, dumb ass? 147 00:03:34,662 --> 00:03:36,352 I'm gonna be honest, I don't know how you got all 148 00:03:36,457 --> 00:03:37,357 this shit, but you gotta be the dumbest mother 149 00:03:37,458 --> 00:03:38,388 [bleep] in the world. 150 00:03:38,494 --> 00:03:39,364 [Kevin] I'm the dumbest? 151 00:03:39,460 --> 00:03:40,700 But you don't know geometry? 152 00:03:40,806 --> 00:03:42,426 Russia is in London. 153 00:03:42,532 --> 00:03:43,532 Dummy. 154 00:03:43,637 --> 00:03:44,527 [Nick] You're being real rude, Kevin. 155 00:03:44,638 --> 00:03:45,738 Can't even introduce your friends. 156 00:03:45,846 --> 00:03:46,536 Hey, hey, hey! 157 00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:47,260 Hey. 158 00:03:47,365 --> 00:03:47,985 Hey, don't be rude. 159 00:03:48,089 --> 00:03:49,509 [J.B.] Don't do that. 160 00:03:49,608 --> 00:03:50,578 Introduce us. 161 00:03:50,678 --> 00:03:51,328 [Boris] Hey, pleasure to meet you. 162 00:03:51,438 --> 00:03:52,578 [Kevin] Don't do that. 163 00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:53,370 Guys, don't disrespect me in my house, please. 164 00:03:53,474 --> 00:03:53,924 [Boris] Hey, how are you? 165 00:03:54,026 --> 00:03:54,856 [crosstalk] 166 00:03:54,958 --> 00:03:55,958 So, y'all don't hear me? 167 00:03:56,063 --> 00:03:56,683 Y'all gonna disrespect me in my house? 168 00:03:56,788 --> 00:03:57,308 [Boris] This is J.B. 169 00:03:57,409 --> 00:03:57,719 He's married. 170 00:03:57,823 --> 00:03:58,693 Hi! 171 00:03:58,790 --> 00:03:59,240 So, I'm not a man in my home. 172 00:03:59,342 --> 00:03:59,792 I'm married. 173 00:03:59,894 --> 00:04:00,764 He's single. 174 00:04:00,861 --> 00:04:01,311 You guys are so sharply dressed. 175 00:04:01,413 --> 00:04:01,863 I gotch you. 176 00:04:01,965 --> 00:04:02,445 [gun shots] 177 00:04:02,552 --> 00:04:02,902 [screaming] 178 00:04:03,001 --> 00:04:03,481 Whoa! 179 00:04:03,588 --> 00:04:03,968 Oh, oh, hey! 180 00:04:04,071 --> 00:04:04,971 ♪ 181 00:04:05,072 --> 00:04:05,382 [Kevin] Oh, you hear me now? 182 00:04:05,486 --> 00:04:05,996 Hey! 183 00:04:06,107 --> 00:04:07,137 Put the gun down. 184 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:07,967 [Kevin] Shut your pretty ass up, Boris! 185 00:04:08,075 --> 00:04:08,485 You model mother [bleep]. 186 00:04:08,593 --> 00:04:09,253 Shut up! 187 00:04:09,352 --> 00:04:10,532 J.B. who house it is now? 188 00:04:10,629 --> 00:04:11,459 [J.B.] If you in your car, and she says you have 189 00:04:11,561 --> 00:04:12,361 arrived at your destination, 190 00:04:12,459 --> 00:04:13,389 I guess it's your [bleep] house. 191 00:04:13,494 --> 00:04:14,744 You [bleep] damn right it's my house! 192 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:16,810 Nick, I'm so sick of you and these [bleep] candy shoes. 193 00:04:16,911 --> 00:04:17,531 I mean, I get it. 194 00:04:17,636 --> 00:04:18,666 They cool. 195 00:04:18,775 --> 00:04:19,775 You got 'em in my size, I'll take it. 196 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:23,160 But get your hands off my [bleep], 'coz! 197 00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:24,823 Get out! 198 00:04:24,919 --> 00:04:26,679 Now, who the hell invited y'all over here? 199 00:04:26,783 --> 00:04:27,653 I did. 200 00:04:27,750 --> 00:04:28,750 [dramatic music] 201 00:04:28,854 --> 00:04:30,864 You've got to be shitting me. 202 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:32,340 Huh. 203 00:04:32,444 --> 00:04:33,274 Wow. 204 00:04:33,376 --> 00:04:34,856 You un-nominated mother [bleep]. 205 00:04:34,964 --> 00:04:36,174 Stop eating pork, brother. 206 00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:37,416 It makes you dribble. 207 00:04:37,518 --> 00:04:40,278 Now, what I wanna know is, are y'all still shucking 208 00:04:40,383 --> 00:04:42,393 and jiving to the white man's award show? 209 00:04:42,489 --> 00:04:43,799 Hmm? 210 00:04:43,904 --> 00:04:45,564 [Kevin] What are you talking about, man? 211 00:04:45,664 --> 00:04:46,734 Now, what it should be called is the everybody 212 00:04:46,838 --> 00:04:48,528 but Duane awards. 213 00:04:48,633 --> 00:04:51,363 That's what is should be called, brother. 214 00:04:51,463 --> 00:04:52,883 Trina, what are you doing here? 215 00:04:52,982 --> 00:04:54,852 Saving all of your careers. 216 00:04:54,949 --> 00:04:55,949 [thud] 217 00:04:56,054 --> 00:04:57,234 ♪ 218 00:04:57,331 --> 00:04:58,441 [J.B.] Whoa, whoa, whoa. 219 00:04:58,539 --> 00:05:01,679 ♪ 220 00:05:02,232 --> 00:05:03,822 Ah! 221 00:05:03,924 --> 00:05:05,104 They painted my bad side. 222 00:05:05,201 --> 00:05:06,171 [laughter] 223 00:05:06,271 --> 00:05:07,171 [Boris] Why do I look like a servant? 224 00:05:07,272 --> 00:05:08,312 Because that's how the man sees you. 225 00:05:08,411 --> 00:05:10,341 No, because that's how the world sees you. 226 00:05:10,448 --> 00:05:12,068 [Nick] Well, by the way this is drawn, 227 00:05:12,173 --> 00:05:13,173 I'm the one pulling all the strings, 228 00:05:13,278 --> 00:05:14,178 so I'm OK with that. 229 00:05:14,279 --> 00:05:14,969 Ha, look at me! 230 00:05:15,073 --> 00:05:16,393 I look damn good. 231 00:05:16,488 --> 00:05:17,798 You a lawn jockey, J.B. 232 00:05:17,903 --> 00:05:19,183 [J.B.] Yep, a sexy lawn jockey. 233 00:05:19,284 --> 00:05:20,294 [laughs] 234 00:05:20,389 --> 00:05:21,839 Look at my boots, and that pretty smile! 235 00:05:21,942 --> 00:05:23,182 Bling, bling, bling. 236 00:05:23,288 --> 00:05:24,288 [Trina] Sighs. 237 00:05:24,393 --> 00:05:25,293 What the hell am I supposed to be doing? 238 00:05:25,394 --> 00:05:27,194 Oh, you are shining Robin's shoes. 239 00:05:27,292 --> 00:05:28,222 Why am I doing that? 240 00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:29,328 Because whitey made you do it, Kevin! 241 00:05:29,432 --> 00:05:30,992 OK, OK, OK, all right. 242 00:05:31,089 --> 00:05:31,749 Bring it down. 243 00:05:31,848 --> 00:05:32,298 It's all right. 244 00:05:32,401 --> 00:05:33,021 Enough. 245 00:05:33,125 --> 00:05:34,295 Bring it down. 246 00:05:34,403 --> 00:05:34,753 Just bring it down a little bit, all right, baby. 247 00:05:34,851 --> 00:05:35,271 Enough. 248 00:05:35,369 --> 00:05:35,709 Enough. 249 00:05:35,818 --> 00:05:36,198 It's OK. 250 00:05:36,301 --> 00:05:36,961 It's OK. 251 00:05:37,060 --> 00:05:37,990 What is wrong with you? 252 00:05:38,096 --> 00:05:38,916 Pressure down, Duane, or we [bleep] 253 00:05:39,028 --> 00:05:40,238 around and all get assassinated. 254 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,650 Bottom line is, is that if you go to the awards show, 255 00:05:41,755 --> 00:05:43,785 you know, you can all just kiss your little careers goodbye. 256 00:05:43,895 --> 00:05:45,095 That's right. 257 00:05:45,206 --> 00:05:47,106 Because the brothers and sisters are boycottin'. 258 00:05:47,208 --> 00:05:49,178 And anybody that goes, they ain't [bleep] 259 00:05:49,279 --> 00:05:49,939 with 'em no more. 260 00:05:50,039 --> 00:05:51,349 Ask Robin. 261 00:05:51,454 --> 00:05:53,044 That's why he's not going, and I'm not going either. 262 00:05:53,145 --> 00:05:54,695 Power to the people! 263 00:05:54,802 --> 00:05:56,672 Shh, Will you--nobody invited your dumb ass. 264 00:05:56,770 --> 00:05:57,910 What are you guys talking about? 265 00:05:58,012 --> 00:05:58,942 [Boris] We're talking about whether we should 266 00:05:59,048 --> 00:06:01,118 sell out and go to the awards show. 267 00:06:01,222 --> 00:06:03,262 'Cause I already designed my tux! 268 00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:04,953 [Nick] Yeah, formation Beyoncé over here thinks 269 00:06:05,054 --> 00:06:07,714 that we do go, that black folks gonna turn on us. 270 00:06:07,815 --> 00:06:09,195 [Kali] Beyoncé might be right. 271 00:06:09,299 --> 00:06:10,959 I mean, the white parts in me are super excited to go 272 00:06:11,060 --> 00:06:12,200 to the awards show with you, 273 00:06:12,302 --> 00:06:13,992 but then the black parts are really angry at the 274 00:06:14,097 --> 00:06:16,757 continued systematic oppression from Hollywood. 275 00:06:16,859 --> 00:06:18,999 You know, when Hattie McDaniels won her Oscar, 276 00:06:19,102 --> 00:06:20,172 she wasn't even allowed to go. 277 00:06:20,276 --> 00:06:21,376 They had to do it, like, by satellite, 278 00:06:21,484 --> 00:06:23,314 and then Louis B. Mayer wrote the speech! 279 00:06:23,417 --> 00:06:24,037 It's OK. 280 00:06:24,142 --> 00:06:25,212 It's OK. 281 00:06:25,315 --> 00:06:25,625 Like, she didn't even have her own words. 282 00:06:25,730 --> 00:06:27,080 It's OK. 283 00:06:27,179 --> 00:06:27,659 Basically the black part was just put in your face, Kevin! 284 00:06:27,766 --> 00:06:28,656 Mm! 285 00:06:28,767 --> 00:06:29,797 [Kevin] All I wanna know is, 286 00:06:29,906 --> 00:06:32,176 which half do I get to have sex with? 287 00:06:32,288 --> 00:06:34,078 Imma be honest, I don't give a damn what black 288 00:06:34,186 --> 00:06:35,836 folks think. 289 00:06:35,947 --> 00:06:37,087 When I was on the "The Millers" and it got canceled, 290 00:06:37,189 --> 00:06:39,159 I don't see no black folks showing up to help me. 291 00:06:39,260 --> 00:06:41,120 When SNL didn't renew me, I didn't see no black folk 292 00:06:41,228 --> 00:06:43,198 outside NBC protesting. 293 00:06:43,299 --> 00:06:44,849 When"Curb Your Enthusiasm" went off and 294 00:06:44,956 --> 00:06:47,266 Larry David ain't answering my [bleep] 295 00:06:47,372 --> 00:06:49,272 calls, nobody said why Larry ain't answering your 296 00:06:49,374 --> 00:06:50,764 [bleep] call. 297 00:06:50,858 --> 00:06:52,168 You know what, though? 298 00:06:52,273 --> 00:06:53,103 Who had my back? 299 00:06:53,205 --> 00:06:53,995 Who, J.B.? 300 00:06:54,103 --> 00:06:56,283 [laughs] Tina Fey. 301 00:06:56,381 --> 00:06:58,001 White woman. 302 00:06:58,107 --> 00:06:58,997 Ain't that something? 303 00:06:59,108 --> 00:07:00,488 [Boris] She talented. 304 00:07:00,592 --> 00:07:01,972 [Kevin] Get your [bleep] damn feet off my coffee table. 305 00:07:02,076 --> 00:07:02,906 [J.B.] This ain't cool? 306 00:07:03,008 --> 00:07:04,458 No, it's not. 307 00:07:04,562 --> 00:07:05,742 [Nick] Look, I'm running for governor, 308 00:07:05,839 --> 00:07:07,189 so I need the black vote. 309 00:07:07,288 --> 00:07:07,978 I'm not going. 310 00:07:08,082 --> 00:07:09,362 Yep, me neither. 311 00:07:09,463 --> 00:07:10,573 And Nicole's not gonna have it. 312 00:07:10,671 --> 00:07:12,331 But when's the next time I'm gonna get nominated 313 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:13,232 for anything?! 314 00:07:13,329 --> 00:07:14,329 Never gonna happen. 315 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:15,264 [Kevin] You be better off playing the 316 00:07:15,365 --> 00:07:16,775 [bleep] damn lottery. [laughs] 317 00:07:16,884 --> 00:07:17,514 There they go! 318 00:07:17,609 --> 00:07:20,159 Bringing a brother down! 319 00:07:20,267 --> 00:07:21,227 [sighs] 320 00:07:21,337 --> 00:07:24,127 I'm gonna boycott. 321 00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:27,136 But I better win a [bleep] damn Hoodie this year, baby. 322 00:07:27,239 --> 00:07:28,279 [Boris] I'm gonna call Steve Harvey for you. 323 00:07:28,378 --> 00:07:29,278 [J.B.] Call Steve Harvey. 324 00:07:29,379 --> 00:07:30,139 All right, put it in. 325 00:07:30,242 --> 00:07:30,932 ♪ 326 00:07:31,036 --> 00:07:32,036 One for all, all for one. 327 00:07:32,141 --> 00:07:33,451 Psh. 328 00:07:33,556 --> 00:07:34,276 [Nick] I ain't gonna be holding J.B.'s ashy ass hand. 329 00:07:34,384 --> 00:07:34,974 Put your hand in here! 330 00:07:35,075 --> 00:07:36,145 Come on, man! 331 00:07:36,248 --> 00:07:38,458 Put your little baby [bleep] hand in here! 332 00:07:38,561 --> 00:07:39,771 Who are y'all kidding? 333 00:07:39,873 --> 00:07:41,083 This is the last time the white people will ever 334 00:07:41,184 --> 00:07:42,534 feel this guilty. 335 00:07:42,634 --> 00:07:44,844 Mr. Hart makes a very good point. 336 00:07:44,947 --> 00:07:46,117 You here what he just said? 337 00:07:46,224 --> 00:07:47,194 You better listen to the white man. 338 00:07:47,294 --> 00:07:48,264 He work for you! 339 00:07:48,364 --> 00:07:49,544 So what? 340 00:07:49,641 --> 00:07:51,541 All I'm saying, is that if we don't take this chance 341 00:07:51,643 --> 00:07:53,063 right now, we'll never get it again. 342 00:07:53,162 --> 00:07:54,992 That's where I stand. 343 00:07:55,095 --> 00:07:56,195 [Kali] You know, Kevin? 344 00:07:56,303 --> 00:07:57,863 I was almost gonna give you some [bleep] 345 00:07:57,960 --> 00:07:59,170 until you said that dumb ass shit. 346 00:07:59,271 --> 00:08:00,511 [Boris] See? 347 00:08:00,618 --> 00:08:03,998 Which is why we are going to unite and stand as a 348 00:08:04,104 --> 00:08:05,004 united front. 349 00:08:05,105 --> 00:08:05,755 Yes! 350 00:08:05,864 --> 00:08:07,904 [Kevin] Huh? 351 00:08:08,004 --> 00:08:08,594 My hand is in. 352 00:08:08,695 --> 00:08:09,315 [Boris] Let's go. 353 00:08:09,419 --> 00:08:10,319 On three. 354 00:08:10,420 --> 00:08:11,080 [Boris] On three. 355 00:08:11,180 --> 00:08:11,940 One, two, three. 356 00:08:12,043 --> 00:08:13,493 [bleep] the academy! 357 00:08:13,596 --> 00:08:15,046 Four, five, six. 358 00:08:15,149 --> 00:08:16,909 Forget them tricks. 359 00:08:17,013 --> 00:08:18,533 And call me a sell out all you want. 360 00:08:18,636 --> 00:08:19,836 I don't care. 361 00:08:19,947 --> 00:08:21,017 I'm going! 362 00:08:21,121 --> 00:08:22,161 And when I'm done, guess what Imma do? 363 00:08:22,260 --> 00:08:23,260 Imma have a little celebration with Kali's 364 00:08:23,364 --> 00:08:24,544 white half. 365 00:08:24,642 --> 00:08:25,752 [laughs] 366 00:08:25,850 --> 00:08:26,950 Actually, you're gonna have a celebration with 367 00:08:27,058 --> 00:08:28,058 your better half. 368 00:08:28,162 --> 00:08:29,302 That would be me. 369 00:08:29,405 --> 00:08:31,055 You think I spent all those years standing by 370 00:08:31,165 --> 00:08:33,885 your side for you to walk the carpet with another 371 00:08:33,996 --> 00:08:36,376 one of your tropical bitches? 372 00:08:36,481 --> 00:08:38,001 No. 373 00:08:38,103 --> 00:08:40,523 She will go over her dead body. 374 00:08:40,623 --> 00:08:41,903 [gasps] 375 00:08:42,004 --> 00:08:46,844 [muffled cries] 376 00:08:46,940 --> 00:08:47,560 ♪ 377 00:08:47,665 --> 00:08:49,455 Somebody call 9-1-1! 378 00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:52,393 Let me tell you who's not gonna call 9-1-1. 379 00:08:52,497 --> 00:08:56,777 [muffled screams] 380 00:08:56,881 --> 00:08:59,611 ♪ 381 00:09:00,988 --> 00:09:03,438 ♪ 382 00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:04,203 [Kevin] Yes, yes. 383 00:09:04,302 --> 00:09:05,032 [Roshumba] Hey, Kevin. 384 00:09:05,130 --> 00:09:05,750 Good to see you. 385 00:09:05,855 --> 00:09:06,645 [shutter clicking] 386 00:09:06,753 --> 00:09:07,723 Hey, good to see you, Roshumba. 387 00:09:07,823 --> 00:09:08,343 Aww. 388 00:09:08,444 --> 00:09:09,584 Oh, look at you. 389 00:09:09,687 --> 00:09:12,827 We have Kevin Hart, Best Actor nominee for his role 390 00:09:12,931 --> 00:09:14,551 in "Five Foot a Slave". 391 00:09:14,657 --> 00:09:15,237 Yes. 392 00:09:15,347 --> 00:09:16,487 [shutter clicking] 393 00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:17,180 Now, before we get into the interview, Kevin, 394 00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:19,320 what a tail you have. 395 00:09:19,420 --> 00:09:20,800 Oh. [laughs] 396 00:09:20,905 --> 00:09:21,795 Who are you wearing? 397 00:09:21,906 --> 00:09:22,906 [shutter clicking] 398 00:09:23,010 --> 00:09:24,010 Well, unfortunately, I'm not wearing you, 399 00:09:24,115 --> 00:09:26,005 with your fine ass. [laughs] 400 00:09:26,117 --> 00:09:27,287 Oh. 401 00:09:27,394 --> 00:09:27,914 Don't make me take your tail and choke you out on 402 00:09:28,015 --> 00:09:29,285 this carpet. 403 00:09:29,396 --> 00:09:30,496 Will you stop it? 404 00:09:30,604 --> 00:09:32,684 Well, as you can see, I brought my 150 pound 405 00:09:32,779 --> 00:09:33,779 kettle bell with me. 406 00:09:33,883 --> 00:09:34,543 [shutter clicking] 407 00:09:34,643 --> 00:09:35,923 OK. 408 00:09:36,023 --> 00:09:36,993 Just put your number in my pocket when she not looking. 409 00:09:37,093 --> 00:09:38,343 Just put it right here in my pocket, OK? 410 00:09:38,439 --> 00:09:39,859 All right? [laughs] 411 00:09:39,958 --> 00:09:40,608 OK. 412 00:09:40,718 --> 00:09:41,858 [screaming and booing] 413 00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:42,340 [Roshumba] Now, Kevin, this is an amazing time 414 00:09:42,443 --> 00:09:42,753 for you. 415 00:09:42,858 --> 00:09:43,758 Mm. 416 00:09:43,859 --> 00:09:44,689 But it's also a troubling time. 417 00:09:44,791 --> 00:09:46,481 I'm talking about the boycotts. 418 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:47,856 [Kevin] Oh, no, there's nothing troubling about this. 419 00:09:47,966 --> 00:09:49,966 See, you gotta understand, a positive is never gonna 420 00:09:50,072 --> 00:09:51,972 make a negative unless you can take that positive and 421 00:09:52,074 --> 00:09:53,324 put it in a pot with negatives. 422 00:09:53,420 --> 00:09:54,350 Uh-huh. 423 00:09:54,455 --> 00:09:55,455 That's how you get to be a negative. 424 00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:57,360 That don't make any sense. 425 00:09:57,458 --> 00:09:58,768 Will you just be quiet? 426 00:09:58,874 --> 00:10:00,774 I'm trying to keep you from looking stupid on the carpet. 427 00:10:00,876 --> 00:10:02,076 I look stupid 'cause I'm with you. 428 00:10:02,187 --> 00:10:03,087 So, you better watch it! 429 00:10:03,188 --> 00:10:04,358 I'm trying to make you-- 430 00:10:04,465 --> 00:10:05,085 That's enough! 431 00:10:05,190 --> 00:10:05,740 [Roshumba] OK, Kevin? 432 00:10:05,846 --> 00:10:06,806 Kevin, Kevin. 433 00:10:06,916 --> 00:10:09,366 So, how do you feel about the boycott? 434 00:10:09,470 --> 00:10:10,920 I'm at a place right now where I'm on a pedestal 435 00:10:11,024 --> 00:10:12,824 all by myself. 436 00:10:12,922 --> 00:10:14,962 Nothing can rain on my parade. 437 00:10:15,062 --> 00:10:15,792 Nothin'! 438 00:10:15,891 --> 00:10:17,061 I feel great. 439 00:10:17,168 --> 00:10:18,618 The only thing that can rain on my parade is, poo, 440 00:10:18,721 --> 00:10:20,341 pow, bpptt! 441 00:10:20,447 --> 00:10:21,827 I am right here. 442 00:10:21,931 --> 00:10:22,831 [clears throat] 443 00:10:22,932 --> 00:10:23,862 You better watch that shit. 444 00:10:23,968 --> 00:10:24,798 For real, Kevin. 445 00:10:24,900 --> 00:10:25,590 Stop it. 446 00:10:25,694 --> 00:10:26,664 I'm trying to protect you. 447 00:10:26,764 --> 00:10:27,524 I'm on your side against these boycotts. 448 00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:28,897 [booing continues] 449 00:10:29,007 --> 00:10:29,867 Shush, the boycott. 450 00:10:29,974 --> 00:10:30,844 You don't tell me to-- 451 00:10:30,940 --> 00:10:31,490 Zip it! 452 00:10:31,596 --> 00:10:32,146 Zip it! 453 00:10:32,252 --> 00:10:32,772 All right, Kevin-- 454 00:10:32,873 --> 00:10:33,603 You're on TV. 455 00:10:33,702 --> 00:10:34,672 --Kevin. 456 00:10:34,772 --> 00:10:35,672 Good luck tonight and congratulations 457 00:10:35,773 --> 00:10:36,503 on the nomination. 458 00:10:36,601 --> 00:10:37,151 Thank you. 459 00:10:37,257 --> 00:10:37,667 Thank you so much. 460 00:10:37,775 --> 00:10:38,215 OK. 461 00:10:38,327 --> 00:10:38,877 Bye, Rwanda! 462 00:10:38,983 --> 00:10:39,573 All right. 463 00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:40,193 It's like the hotel. 464 00:10:40,294 --> 00:10:40,674 That's so pretty. 465 00:10:40,778 --> 00:10:41,358 Stop it! 466 00:10:41,468 --> 00:10:41,948 You're not the star. 467 00:10:42,055 --> 00:10:42,565 Boo to you! 468 00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:43,676 Stop it! 469 00:10:43,781 --> 00:10:44,611 Coleman, let's go. 470 00:10:44,713 --> 00:10:45,753 It's my time. 471 00:10:45,852 --> 00:10:46,922 Thank you. 472 00:10:47,025 --> 00:10:47,955 Thank you. 473 00:10:48,061 --> 00:10:48,961 [booing continues] 474 00:10:49,062 --> 00:10:49,932 [crowd] Get out! 475 00:10:50,028 --> 00:10:50,548 Listen, whatever you say is enough. 476 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:51,410 [splat] 477 00:10:51,512 --> 00:10:52,792 ♪ 478 00:10:52,893 --> 00:10:53,343 Oh! 479 00:10:53,445 --> 00:10:53,855 Oh, my God! 480 00:10:53,963 --> 00:10:54,723 Kevin! 481 00:10:54,826 --> 00:10:55,276 [shutter clicking] 482 00:10:55,378 --> 00:10:56,518 They got me! 483 00:10:56,621 --> 00:10:57,931 They got me! 484 00:10:58,036 --> 00:11:02,796 [crosstalk] 485 00:11:02,903 --> 00:11:04,013 OK, as you were! 486 00:11:04,111 --> 00:11:04,841 Defend yourself, sir! 487 00:11:04,940 --> 00:11:05,530 [police whistles] 488 00:11:05,630 --> 00:11:06,740 [cloth tearing] 489 00:11:06,838 --> 00:11:08,908 You thought that I wasn't gonna know the Source 490 00:11:09,013 --> 00:11:10,813 Awards was cancelled, Kevin? 491 00:11:10,911 --> 00:11:11,741 You lied! 492 00:11:11,843 --> 00:11:12,813 [police sirens] 493 00:11:12,913 --> 00:11:13,783 [splat] 494 00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:14,810 [screaming] 495 00:11:14,915 --> 00:11:15,985 Coleman! 496 00:11:16,089 --> 00:11:17,609 [Kevin] [whispering loudly] Just stop it. 497 00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:18,471 You wouldn't have to wipe anything off, 498 00:11:18,574 --> 00:11:19,544 you had to block the eggs. 499 00:11:19,644 --> 00:11:20,784 You know what? 500 00:11:20,887 --> 00:11:21,367 I didn't know you were gonna get mitch slapped by 501 00:11:21,473 --> 00:11:22,373 a bunch of eggs. 502 00:11:22,474 --> 00:11:23,034 It doesn't matter. 503 00:11:23,130 --> 00:11:24,240 Doesn't matter. 504 00:11:24,338 --> 00:11:24,928 Instead of moving them, you get in front of them 505 00:11:25,029 --> 00:11:25,999 and save my outfit. 506 00:11:26,099 --> 00:11:27,169 You should've stepped in front of me. 507 00:11:27,272 --> 00:11:27,892 Oh, you just better be happy I'm trying to help 508 00:11:27,997 --> 00:11:28,827 your little mitch ass. 509 00:11:28,929 --> 00:11:30,479 [gasps] 510 00:11:30,586 --> 00:11:31,996 [Kevin] Look at you dirty sell outs. 511 00:11:32,105 --> 00:11:32,685 Hey. 512 00:11:32,795 --> 00:11:33,485 I'm not dirty. 513 00:11:33,589 --> 00:11:33,999 I'm clean, mother [bleep]. 514 00:11:34,107 --> 00:11:35,107 [laughter] 515 00:11:35,211 --> 00:11:36,421 Look like a cheap chocolate Easter bunny 516 00:11:36,523 --> 00:11:38,043 with the gold part peeling off the face. 517 00:11:38,145 --> 00:11:39,145 [Nick] Ain't nobody selling out. 518 00:11:39,250 --> 00:11:41,150 No, we're buying in. 519 00:11:41,252 --> 00:11:44,052 If we're sell outs, what the [bleep] are you? 520 00:11:44,151 --> 00:11:45,151 [whispering loudly] What you talking about? 521 00:11:45,256 --> 00:11:46,496 You're all bigger sellers to me. 522 00:11:46,602 --> 00:11:47,432 You know why? 523 00:11:47,534 --> 00:11:48,364 'Cause you got here before me. 524 00:11:48,466 --> 00:11:49,046 So, you're all sell outs first. 525 00:11:49,156 --> 00:11:49,806 Get off my arm rest. 526 00:11:49,916 --> 00:11:51,016 Get off of my arm rest. 527 00:11:51,124 --> 00:11:51,814 Hey, guys, we're homies for life. 528 00:11:51,918 --> 00:11:52,918 We're brothers. 529 00:11:53,022 --> 00:11:53,542 [Bridgette] I need a shoulder check. 530 00:11:53,643 --> 00:11:54,373 We're brothers. 531 00:11:54,472 --> 00:11:55,612 We are not brothers, Robin. 532 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:58,055 We're brothers. 533 00:11:58,165 --> 00:11:59,265 You're a traitor. 534 00:11:59,373 --> 00:12:02,003 You're a traitor to your people and to our people. 535 00:12:02,100 --> 00:12:02,650 You know what? 536 00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:03,576 You know what? 537 00:12:03,688 --> 00:12:04,168 Why am I even talking to y'all? 538 00:12:04,275 --> 00:12:05,375 Duane was right. 539 00:12:05,483 --> 00:12:06,903 You all ain't nothing but a bunch of cool spooks 540 00:12:07,002 --> 00:12:08,182 and pickaninnies. 541 00:12:08,279 --> 00:12:09,759 And the Academy ain't gonna accept none of y'all. 542 00:12:09,867 --> 00:12:10,967 None of y'all gonna win. 543 00:12:11,075 --> 00:12:12,035 Get the [bleep] off my armrest! 544 00:12:12,145 --> 00:12:14,145 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, shut up. 545 00:12:14,250 --> 00:12:15,800 [male announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, 546 00:12:15,907 --> 00:12:18,627 please welcome to the stage the host of our 547 00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,948 show, the Academy's most loyal member, 548 00:12:21,050 --> 00:12:24,120 Duane Martin Campbell. 549 00:12:24,226 --> 00:12:26,566 ♪ 550 00:12:26,676 --> 00:12:28,156 [applause and cheering] 551 00:12:28,264 --> 00:12:30,444 What? 552 00:12:30,542 --> 00:12:32,032 I'm Duane Martin and welcome to the world's 553 00:12:32,130 --> 00:12:33,480 greatest awards show! 554 00:12:33,580 --> 00:12:34,860 [applause and cheering] 555 00:12:34,961 --> 00:12:37,621 Huh! 556 00:12:37,722 --> 00:12:41,002 I wanna apologize to the Academy personally for all 557 00:12:41,105 --> 00:12:43,445 of the protesting that's going on out front, OK? 558 00:12:43,555 --> 00:12:46,865 [applause and cheering] 559 00:12:46,973 --> 00:12:49,043 [Duane] As for me, I'm thankful that the white 560 00:12:49,147 --> 00:12:50,797 people brought us over here. 561 00:12:50,908 --> 00:12:53,008 Because they ain't got nothing like this in Africa. 562 00:12:53,117 --> 00:12:54,187 [laughter] 563 00:12:54,290 --> 00:12:55,430 ♪ 564 00:12:55,533 --> 00:12:56,473 I play pro sports where winning is everything. 565 00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:58,848 So if we're having a sellout contest, 566 00:12:58,950 --> 00:13:03,820 I'm winning. 567 00:13:05,163 --> 00:13:06,613 [male #1] And the winner for Best Original Song is, 568 00:13:06,716 --> 00:13:09,576 Robin Thicke, for"What the Hell is Going On?" 569 00:13:09,685 --> 00:13:11,165 from motion picture, "Marvin's Gaye". 570 00:13:11,273 --> 00:13:12,273 [laughs] 571 00:13:12,377 --> 00:13:13,067 Whoo! 572 00:13:13,171 --> 00:13:14,031 [applause and cheering] 573 00:13:14,138 --> 00:13:15,168 [Kevin narrating] I mean, sure, 574 00:13:15,277 --> 00:13:16,447 they have black people on the red carpet, 575 00:13:16,554 --> 00:13:17,284 and hosting the show, and giving out award, 576 00:13:17,382 --> 00:13:18,592 but the rest of the night? 577 00:13:18,694 --> 00:13:20,184 That Academy let us know exactly what they thought 578 00:13:20,282 --> 00:13:21,462 about black people. 579 00:13:21,559 --> 00:13:23,109 [female #1] And the winner is Robin Thicke for 580 00:13:23,216 --> 00:13:24,386 "Marvin's Gaye ". 581 00:13:24,493 --> 00:13:26,183 [applause and cheering] 582 00:13:26,288 --> 00:13:27,218 [Robin] Can you believe it? 583 00:13:27,323 --> 00:13:28,123 Can you believe it? 584 00:13:28,221 --> 00:13:28,701 [bleep] 585 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,218 Wow! 586 00:13:30,326 --> 00:13:31,636 Thank you, thank you. 587 00:13:31,741 --> 00:13:33,361 Nobody was as good as my character Danny Go. 588 00:13:33,467 --> 00:13:34,047 What? 589 00:13:34,158 --> 00:13:34,638 Look. 590 00:13:34,744 --> 00:13:35,194 There he go! 591 00:13:35,297 --> 00:13:35,847 There he go! 592 00:13:35,953 --> 00:13:37,023 That was awful. 593 00:13:37,126 --> 00:13:38,266 ♪ 594 00:13:38,369 --> 00:13:39,269 [male #1] The winner for Best Original Screenplay 595 00:13:39,370 --> 00:13:40,720 is my man, Robin Thicke. 596 00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,580 Yeah! 597 00:13:42,683 --> 00:13:45,133 [female #2] The winner for Best Director of a Motion Picture. 598 00:13:45,238 --> 00:13:46,518 Who else? 599 00:13:46,618 --> 00:13:48,518 Robin Thicke for "Marvin's Gaye". 600 00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:49,350 [sighs] 601 00:13:49,449 --> 00:13:50,209 [applause and cheering] 602 00:13:50,312 --> 00:13:51,622 Yeah! 603 00:13:51,727 --> 00:13:52,277 [Kevin narrating] This was quickly becoming the worst 604 00:13:52,383 --> 00:13:53,593 night of my life. 605 00:13:53,694 --> 00:13:55,284 [male #2] Now, the moment we've been waiting for, 606 00:13:55,386 --> 00:13:57,276 the Best Actor award. 607 00:13:57,388 --> 00:13:58,318 Hey, good luck, Kev. 608 00:13:58,423 --> 00:13:59,633 May the best man win. 609 00:13:59,735 --> 00:14:01,355 You know, it's too bad he won't be black. 610 00:14:01,461 --> 00:14:02,631 Why does it always have to be about race? 611 00:14:02,738 --> 00:14:04,428 Will you just kiss my bangs? 612 00:14:04,533 --> 00:14:05,333 You know, I'm sick of this. 613 00:14:05,430 --> 00:14:06,540 Let's get out of here, Bridgette. 614 00:14:06,638 --> 00:14:07,428 All right. 615 00:14:07,536 --> 00:14:08,186 Let's blow this joint. 616 00:14:08,295 --> 00:14:09,225 Make sure you get my-- 617 00:14:09,331 --> 00:14:09,811 We are leaving. 618 00:14:09,918 --> 00:14:10,708 Lift it up. 619 00:14:10,815 --> 00:14:12,635 And this is rigged, racist. 620 00:14:12,748 --> 00:14:14,438 Get your hands off me. 621 00:14:14,543 --> 00:14:16,483 [male #2] And the winner is Kevin Hart, 622 00:14:16,579 --> 00:14:18,719 for"Five Foot a Slave". 623 00:14:18,823 --> 00:14:19,693 [applause and cheering] 624 00:14:19,789 --> 00:14:21,069 [shouting] Oh, baby, baby, baby! 625 00:14:21,170 --> 00:14:22,170 You won! 626 00:14:22,275 --> 00:14:23,025 Oh, my God! 627 00:14:23,138 --> 00:14:24,238 They just called your name! 628 00:14:24,346 --> 00:14:25,376 Kevin, let's go! 629 00:14:25,485 --> 00:14:26,685 [laughs] 630 00:14:26,796 --> 00:14:28,176 ♪ 631 00:14:28,281 --> 00:14:33,151 Come on, while they play that music. 632 00:14:33,251 --> 00:14:35,431 Oh, my God, Brad Pitt. 633 00:14:35,529 --> 00:14:37,499 Thank you so much! 634 00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:39,530 I just wanna thank my pastor, 635 00:14:39,637 --> 00:14:41,567 Bishop Blake and Lady Mayes. 636 00:14:41,673 --> 00:14:44,613 I wanna thank my parents, Donald and Diane. 637 00:14:44,711 --> 00:14:47,301 I wanna thank my best friend from first grade, 638 00:14:47,403 --> 00:14:50,653 Alex, who always knew that I was gonna be something 639 00:14:50,751 --> 00:14:52,791 special ever since we started the boom boom stop 640 00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:53,692 step team. 641 00:14:53,789 --> 00:14:55,099 Move, move! 642 00:14:55,204 --> 00:14:56,764 Ain't your day. 643 00:14:56,861 --> 00:14:57,761 Coleman, stretch that out, so they can see. 644 00:14:57,862 --> 00:15:02,182 [applause] 645 00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:06,840 [laughter] 646 00:15:06,940 --> 00:15:07,940 [Kevin] Let me start off by just saying what 647 00:15:08,045 --> 00:15:10,115 everybody else is thinking out there, 648 00:15:10,219 --> 00:15:13,119 and that's that Duane is doing a horrible job as a host. 649 00:15:13,222 --> 00:15:14,262 [laughter] 650 00:15:14,361 --> 00:15:15,811 He really is. 651 00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:18,115 I mean, I seen better hosts at a dang gone 652 00:15:18,227 --> 00:15:19,327 Waffle House, OK? 653 00:15:19,435 --> 00:15:21,155 [laughter] 654 00:15:21,265 --> 00:15:27,745 Um, I just wanna take a second to speak on diversity-- 655 00:15:27,857 --> 00:15:29,137 Take your time. 656 00:15:29,238 --> 00:15:33,278 --because that's an issue that's really big in this town. 657 00:15:33,380 --> 00:15:34,420 But I just wanna say--before you say 658 00:15:34,519 --> 00:15:36,799 anything--I just wanna say--stop it. 659 00:15:36,901 --> 00:15:37,561 [applause] 660 00:15:37,660 --> 00:15:38,350 You stop it. 661 00:15:38,454 --> 00:15:40,464 Stop it. 662 00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:42,180 I just wanna say that I get it. 663 00:15:42,286 --> 00:15:43,246 White people, I get it. 664 00:15:43,356 --> 00:15:44,286 I get where you're coming from. 665 00:15:44,391 --> 00:15:45,601 At your odds, you're like--what? 666 00:15:45,703 --> 00:15:47,393 We're supposed to give up all of our roles, 667 00:15:47,498 --> 00:15:49,398 and all of our parts to the others? 668 00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:50,360 [Bridgette] Uh! 669 00:15:50,466 --> 00:15:51,566 Meaning the negroes. 670 00:15:51,674 --> 00:15:52,784 [Bridgette] Pffftt. 671 00:15:52,882 --> 00:15:53,402 [audience groans] 672 00:15:53,504 --> 00:15:54,164 [Kevin] Right? 673 00:15:54,263 --> 00:15:55,333 That's how you feel. 674 00:15:55,437 --> 00:15:56,887 And I mean, honestly, who would wanna do that? 675 00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:59,340 Who wants to give up their jobs? 676 00:15:59,441 --> 00:16:00,201 I know I don't. 677 00:16:00,304 --> 00:16:01,514 [whispers] Not me. 678 00:16:01,615 --> 00:16:03,375 Who wants to give up their job to a awful actor, 679 00:16:03,479 --> 00:16:06,209 like Boris, or J.B.? Huh? 680 00:16:06,310 --> 00:16:07,240 Who wants to do that? 681 00:16:07,345 --> 00:16:08,725 [clapping] 682 00:16:08,829 --> 00:16:10,939 Or to let some poo butt, penny pot, 683 00:16:11,039 --> 00:16:15,559 pinhead director Nick Cannon direct a movie for 'em? 684 00:16:15,664 --> 00:16:16,534 Who wants to do that? 685 00:16:16,630 --> 00:16:18,490 [applause] 686 00:16:18,598 --> 00:16:20,598 Is that a compliment? 687 00:16:20,703 --> 00:16:21,773 A compliment? 688 00:16:21,877 --> 00:16:22,737 Don't worry about it. 689 00:16:22,843 --> 00:16:26,403 But I--I divergent. 690 00:16:26,502 --> 00:16:28,752 But let me put you white people at ease, all right? 691 00:16:28,849 --> 00:16:30,539 Now that the brothers are in, 692 00:16:30,644 --> 00:16:32,784 we are not letting anybody else in. 693 00:16:32,888 --> 00:16:34,268 We have had enough. 694 00:16:34,372 --> 00:16:35,652 OK? 695 00:16:35,753 --> 00:16:37,693 So the rest of y'all can kiss our black and white asses. 696 00:16:37,789 --> 00:16:39,169 That's right! 697 00:16:39,274 --> 00:16:40,454 Kiss our asses! 698 00:16:40,551 --> 00:16:41,691 Because lemme tell you something, 699 00:16:41,793 --> 00:16:43,243 if you let one of us in, then what you think is 700 00:16:43,347 --> 00:16:44,557 gonna happen next? 701 00:16:44,658 --> 00:16:46,278 The Mexicans gonna be coming over the damn 702 00:16:46,384 --> 00:16:47,774 fences left and right. 703 00:16:47,868 --> 00:16:48,628 [laughter] 704 00:16:48,731 --> 00:16:49,841 Who wants that? 705 00:16:49,939 --> 00:16:51,389 The Asians breaking their necks to do movies. 706 00:16:51,493 --> 00:16:53,183 Nobody gonna see no Asian in no movie. 707 00:16:53,288 --> 00:16:54,768 Unless it's kung fu, and that's even tough to 708 00:16:54,875 --> 00:16:57,285 watch, 'cause your mouth moving all fast, 709 00:16:57,395 --> 00:16:58,635 ain't no words coming out that match your mouth. 710 00:16:58,741 --> 00:17:00,501 What the [bleep] are you saying, man? 711 00:17:00,605 --> 00:17:01,325 Oh. 712 00:17:01,434 --> 00:17:02,234 Huh? 713 00:17:02,331 --> 00:17:03,191 Let's just speak on it. 714 00:17:03,298 --> 00:17:04,368 [laughter] 715 00:17:04,471 --> 00:17:05,781 While we talking about it, let's speak on it. 716 00:17:05,886 --> 00:17:07,576 Don't get me talking about the gays. 717 00:17:07,681 --> 00:17:08,751 I don't wanna talk about the gays, 'cause honestly, 718 00:17:08,855 --> 00:17:11,685 I got nothing but love for the gay community. 719 00:17:11,789 --> 00:17:13,339 But if we gonna be real, then be real. 720 00:17:13,446 --> 00:17:14,476 [exhales] 721 00:17:14,585 --> 00:17:15,655 Y'all snuck in through the back door. 722 00:17:15,758 --> 00:17:18,308 Boris, I saw you coming in. 723 00:17:18,416 --> 00:17:20,346 OK, so don't you get me started on that [laughs]. 724 00:17:20,453 --> 00:17:22,663 Hey, hey, for the record, I didn't like 725 00:17:22,765 --> 00:17:23,965 "Brokeback Mountain". 726 00:17:24,077 --> 00:17:24,907 I didn't like it one bit. 727 00:17:25,009 --> 00:17:26,599 I did. 728 00:17:26,700 --> 00:17:27,740 But, I like Carol, so let's put a check. 729 00:17:27,839 --> 00:17:28,839 That evens that whole thing out. 730 00:17:28,944 --> 00:17:29,744 Where you all going? 731 00:17:29,841 --> 00:17:31,151 OK? 732 00:17:31,257 --> 00:17:31,837 And Robin, don't think you just gonna keep on skating 733 00:17:31,947 --> 00:17:33,257 through all untouched. 734 00:17:33,362 --> 00:17:34,812 You got to pick a side. 735 00:17:34,915 --> 00:17:35,535 You either black or white. 736 00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:36,680 I'm tired of you. 737 00:17:36,779 --> 00:17:38,949 [stamping feet] 738 00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,298 It's like whatever's convenient for you. 739 00:17:40,404 --> 00:17:41,584 Oh, today, I'm over here. 740 00:17:41,681 --> 00:17:42,751 Today I'm over here. 741 00:17:42,854 --> 00:17:44,554 No, no, I'm sick of that shit. 742 00:17:44,649 --> 00:17:45,959 Pick a side, man. 743 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:46,995 [crowd murmuring] 744 00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:48,960 Tell you what else is pissing me off. 745 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,348 These damn black Brits, with your little cockney accents. 746 00:17:51,449 --> 00:17:53,759 [affects British accent] Do you want a little nutty bar? 747 00:17:53,865 --> 00:17:55,245 Want a nutty bar? 748 00:17:55,350 --> 00:17:56,390 [normal speech] [bleep] no! 749 00:17:56,489 --> 00:17:57,659 I don't want that shit! 750 00:17:57,766 --> 00:17:58,726 I do. 751 00:17:58,836 --> 00:18:00,316 I'm talking about you, Igis Elbow! 752 00:18:00,424 --> 00:18:01,494 Idris. 753 00:18:01,597 --> 00:18:03,357 So sick of you and that [bleep] damn nose. 754 00:18:03,461 --> 00:18:06,021 Smelling up all the [bleep] damn air in Hollywood. 755 00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:07,949 And that [bleep] what's his name? 756 00:18:08,052 --> 00:18:09,612 Chattanooga Rafters Jello. 757 00:18:09,709 --> 00:18:11,059 Whatever his name is. 758 00:18:11,159 --> 00:18:12,609 Get out of here with your white teeth and your 759 00:18:12,712 --> 00:18:13,612 stupid accents. 760 00:18:13,713 --> 00:18:14,543 Oh, shit. 761 00:18:14,645 --> 00:18:15,335 [Bridgette] I didn't-- 762 00:18:15,439 --> 00:18:16,339 [Kevin] I'm sick of it. 763 00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:16,920 [Bridgette] --sorry! 764 00:18:17,026 --> 00:18:18,296 [Kevin] OK. 765 00:18:18,407 --> 00:18:19,507 I got all that off my chest, man. 766 00:18:19,615 --> 00:18:20,745 [Bridgette] [sighs] 767 00:18:20,858 --> 00:18:21,998 And after hearing that, y'all can tell that I'm a 768 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,381 man of God. 769 00:18:23,481 --> 00:18:24,591 [Bridgette] Roshonda. 770 00:18:24,689 --> 00:18:25,759 [Kevin] Which is why I dedicate this to who 771 00:18:25,863 --> 00:18:26,933 matters the most to me. 772 00:18:27,036 --> 00:18:28,516 Man, that's my kids. 773 00:18:28,624 --> 00:18:30,974 There is no me without y'all. 774 00:18:31,075 --> 00:18:35,555 And Duane, truth is I won Best Actor before your 775 00:18:35,666 --> 00:18:36,866 best friend. 776 00:18:36,977 --> 00:18:37,977 You know why? 777 00:18:38,082 --> 00:18:39,742 Because "Concussion" gave me a headache. 778 00:18:39,842 --> 00:18:41,742 That's the truth. 779 00:18:41,844 --> 00:18:43,024 Or should I say truth? 780 00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:43,952 [Bridgette] Oh, my God! 781 00:18:44,053 --> 00:18:45,053 Ah! 782 00:18:45,158 --> 00:18:46,538 Ah! 783 00:18:46,642 --> 00:18:47,062 [thud] 784 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:47,680 ♪ 785 00:18:47,781 --> 00:18:48,511 Oh! 786 00:18:48,610 --> 00:18:48,990 [Bridgette] Oh, my God! 787 00:18:49,093 --> 00:18:49,583 Ow! 788 00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:50,440 [yelling] 789 00:18:50,543 --> 00:18:52,683 Whoop his ass! 790 00:18:52,786 --> 00:18:54,336 Don't hurt my money! 791 00:18:54,443 --> 00:18:56,273 [crying] 792 00:18:56,376 --> 00:18:57,446 [Bridgette] Kevin! 793 00:18:57,550 --> 00:18:58,590 Kevin! 794 00:18:58,689 --> 00:19:01,489 [mumbling] 795 00:19:01,588 --> 00:19:02,728 [Torrei] Kevin! 796 00:19:02,831 --> 00:19:04,071 Get your lazy ass up! 797 00:19:04,177 --> 00:19:05,697 If you wasn't my husband, I swear to God I would 798 00:19:05,799 --> 00:19:06,799 fire you. 799 00:19:06,904 --> 00:19:07,914 The hell you talking about? 800 00:19:08,008 --> 00:19:09,148 I'm not married to you no more, Torrei. 801 00:19:09,251 --> 00:19:10,561 And you won't be if you don't get your trifling 802 00:19:10,666 --> 00:19:11,696 ass up. 803 00:19:11,805 --> 00:19:13,665 I have a store full of customers, Kevin! 804 00:19:13,773 --> 00:19:14,883 Store you talkin' about? 805 00:19:14,981 --> 00:19:18,741 I ain't back--the hell is going on? 806 00:19:18,847 --> 00:19:21,637 Where's Nelly and J.B. and Nick, and Duane and 807 00:19:21,746 --> 00:19:24,716 that girl that I was supposed to smash from the after party. 808 00:19:24,818 --> 00:19:25,958 Where's everybody at? 809 00:19:26,061 --> 00:19:27,651 Imma smash your ass right now if you don't get out 810 00:19:27,752 --> 00:19:32,312 on that floor and start selling some [bleep] damn shoes! 811 00:19:32,412 --> 00:19:35,622 [lockers clanging] 812 00:19:35,726 --> 00:19:36,966 Talking about I'm married. 813 00:19:37,072 --> 00:19:39,972 ♪ 814 00:19:40,075 --> 00:19:41,835 [Kevin] "Real Husbands of Hollywood"? 815 00:19:41,939 --> 00:19:43,349 That's my TV show. 816 00:19:43,458 --> 00:19:45,768 Starring that non-union actor Jackie Long? 817 00:19:45,874 --> 00:19:47,434 What's going on, man? 818 00:19:47,531 --> 00:19:56,851 ♪ 819 00:19:56,954 --> 00:19:59,854 No. 820 00:19:59,957 --> 00:20:02,647 Oh, man! 821 00:20:02,753 --> 00:20:12,693 ♪ 822 00:20:12,797 --> 00:20:31,297 ♪ 55313

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