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1
00:00:02,726 --> 00:00:04,306
Girl, where you at?
2
00:00:04,418 --> 00:00:05,178
Girl, where am I?
3
00:00:05,281 --> 00:00:06,011
Where are you?
4
00:00:06,109 --> 00:00:08,039
You're getting warm.
5
00:00:08,146 --> 00:00:08,726
Ooh.
6
00:00:08,836 --> 00:00:09,556
You at?
-Ah, yeah.
7
00:00:09,664 --> 00:00:10,394
I can feel it.
8
00:00:10,493 --> 00:00:11,323
Oh, girl.
9
00:00:11,425 --> 00:00:12,805
Find me.
10
00:00:12,909 --> 00:00:15,709
Oh, I smell you.
11
00:00:15,808 --> 00:00:18,048
Guess, who just
discovered America.
12
00:00:18,156 --> 00:00:20,186
You got them boots on.
13
00:00:20,296 --> 00:00:21,056
No, no, no.
14
00:00:21,159 --> 00:00:23,089
No, papi, that's the wrong way.
15
00:00:23,195 --> 00:00:23,705
Shh.
16
00:00:23,816 --> 00:00:25,156
Shh.
17
00:00:25,266 --> 00:00:27,476
It's gonna be the right
way when I'm done with you.
18
00:00:27,579 --> 00:00:28,719
Oh, my god.
19
00:00:28,821 --> 00:00:29,721
KEVIN HART: Where's the [bleep]?
Ouch.
20
00:00:29,822 --> 00:00:30,552
Shit!
21
00:00:30,651 --> 00:00:31,481
Ah-haha.
22
00:00:31,583 --> 00:00:33,313
Hah!
23
00:00:33,412 --> 00:00:34,622
Charmaine?
24
00:00:34,724 --> 00:00:37,004
Hah!
25
00:00:37,106 --> 00:00:38,556
THEME SONG: [SINGING]
26
00:00:38,659 --> 00:00:39,519
This is the life.
27
00:00:39,625 --> 00:00:40,935
We've got the life.
28
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,321
We've got the life.
29
00:00:42,421 --> 00:00:44,491
This is the city where
we party every night.
30
00:00:44,596 --> 00:00:47,836
We're doing things [inaudible].
31
00:00:49,497 --> 00:00:50,187
Welcome to Hollywood.
32
00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:54,810
Charmaine, get me
out of this thing!
33
00:00:54,916 --> 00:00:56,436
Oh!
34
00:00:56,539 --> 00:00:57,369
[buzzing]
-Kevin?
35
00:00:57,471 --> 00:00:58,681
What?
36
00:00:58,782 --> 00:01:00,542
Who's calling your phone
at 5:30 in the morning, huh?
37
00:01:00,646 --> 00:01:02,056
What?
I don't know.
38
00:01:02,165 --> 00:01:03,265
-It's one of your bitches?
-What are you talking about?
39
00:01:03,373 --> 00:01:04,823
It's probably a locksmith!
-Hello.
40
00:01:04,926 --> 00:01:06,616
I don't know who
the [bleep] it is?
41
00:01:06,721 --> 00:01:08,791
Kevin is [bleep], all right?
42
00:01:08,896 --> 00:01:10,206
What'd you just say?
43
00:01:10,311 --> 00:01:12,111
What?
44
00:01:12,210 --> 00:01:13,070
Put it on speaker phone.
45
00:01:13,176 --> 00:01:14,516
Oh, my god, it's grandma.
46
00:01:14,626 --> 00:01:15,796
Put it on speaker phone!
47
00:01:15,903 --> 00:01:17,013
It's on.
48
00:01:17,111 --> 00:01:17,911
TRINA [ON PHONE]:
Kevin it's Trina.
49
00:01:18,008 --> 00:01:19,178
Huh?
TRINA [ON PHONE]
50
00:01:19,286 --> 00:01:20,076
TRINA [ON PHONE]:
Yeah, grandma, mm-hmm.
51
00:01:20,183 --> 00:01:21,223
Can you talk?
-No!
52
00:01:21,322 --> 00:01:22,462
I can't talk back,
but I can hang.
53
00:01:22,565 --> 00:01:23,805
What's going on?
54
00:01:23,911 --> 00:01:24,811
TRINA [ON PHONE]: You've
been nominated for--
55
00:01:24,912 --> 00:01:26,402
Oh, another Razzie?
56
00:01:26,500 --> 00:01:29,090
I told them, if they gonna blameanybody, blame Will Ferrell.
57
00:01:29,192 --> 00:01:30,712
Stop bringing that shit to me.
58
00:01:30,814 --> 00:01:32,134
TRINA [ON PHONE]: No, Kevin.
59
00:01:32,230 --> 00:01:34,890
This is a Best Actor
nomination from the Academy
60
00:01:34,991 --> 00:01:36,611
for "Five Foot of Slave."
61
00:01:36,717 --> 00:01:37,857
That is impossible.
62
00:01:37,959 --> 00:01:38,819
Ain't no way in hell.
63
00:01:38,926 --> 00:01:39,686
TRINA [ON PHONE]: I know.
64
00:01:39,789 --> 00:01:40,449
That's what I said.
65
00:01:40,548 --> 00:01:41,858
But it is true.
66
00:01:41,963 --> 00:01:42,903
Turn on your TV.
67
00:01:42,999 --> 00:01:44,999
If you're series, this is big.
68
00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:46,585
No, this is bigger than big.
69
00:01:46,692 --> 00:01:47,762
This is huge.
70
00:01:47,866 --> 00:01:49,176
You know what's funny?
71
00:01:49,281 --> 00:01:50,631
You told me I shouldn'tdo a comedy about slavery.
72
00:01:50,731 --> 00:01:52,151
Well, you were wrong.
73
00:01:52,250 --> 00:01:54,560
Matter of fact, I know what
scene probably got them.
74
00:01:54,666 --> 00:01:56,316
It's the scene where
they cut off my foot,
75
00:01:56,426 --> 00:01:58,076
and I had to do
the cripple walk.
76
00:01:58,187 --> 00:01:59,497
That's the scene that did it.
77
00:01:59,602 --> 00:02:00,812
That's the scene that madethem say, you know what?
78
00:02:00,913 --> 00:02:02,613
This guy deserves a nomination.
79
00:02:05,918 --> 00:02:07,818
This is how I wowed them, OK?
80
00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:08,650
Pay attention.
81
00:02:11,510 --> 00:02:15,070
I said we ain't gonna bebailing no daggone cotton.
82
00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:16,099
Master [inaudible].
83
00:02:19,415 --> 00:02:21,555
[grunting]
84
00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:26,417
Hey!
85
00:02:26,525 --> 00:02:27,105
Congratulations.
86
00:02:27,216 --> 00:02:28,526
To us.
To you.
87
00:02:28,631 --> 00:02:29,701
That's right.
Oh.
88
00:02:29,804 --> 00:02:30,534
Huh?
89
00:02:30,633 --> 00:02:31,393
To us?
90
00:02:35,672 --> 00:02:37,572
What's that horn for?
91
00:02:37,674 --> 00:02:39,854
This is a beautiful thing.
92
00:02:39,952 --> 00:02:41,062
Is Kanye here?
93
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:45,101
Introducing the
nominee for Best Actor
94
00:02:45,199 --> 00:02:47,129
in thecritically-acclaimed motion
95
00:02:47,236 --> 00:02:51,956
picture "Five Foot of Slave,"for his stirring portrayal
96
00:02:52,068 --> 00:02:55,868
of the 18th century
revolutionary, Boy.
97
00:02:55,968 --> 00:03:04,558
Gentleman, I give you the
ghetto Othello, Sir Kevin Hart.
98
00:03:04,667 --> 00:03:06,257
I knew it.
99
00:03:06,358 --> 00:03:07,808
See, and I should've
known all the horns
100
00:03:07,911 --> 00:03:09,021
and stuff weren't for us.
101
00:03:09,119 --> 00:03:10,399
Why you gotta make
it about you, man?
102
00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:11,880
Well, who else am I
gonna make it about, Nick?
103
00:03:11,984 --> 00:03:13,194
Well you invited us here.
104
00:03:13,296 --> 00:03:14,876
I invited you here
because I got nominated.
105
00:03:14,987 --> 00:03:16,057
I wanted to celebrate.
106
00:03:16,161 --> 00:03:17,131
I wanted y'all to
see some things--
107
00:03:17,231 --> 00:03:18,031
Well, you're not the only one.
108
00:03:18,128 --> 00:03:18,958
Who else got nominated?
109
00:03:19,060 --> 00:03:19,820
We all did!
110
00:03:19,923 --> 00:03:20,963
For what?
111
00:03:21,062 --> 00:03:22,412
Best Director.
112
00:03:22,512 --> 00:03:23,862
Yep.
113
00:03:23,962 --> 00:03:25,622
Best Support Actor in "Five Foot
of Slave" for House Mulatto.
114
00:03:25,722 --> 00:03:26,832
Are you kidding me?
115
00:03:26,930 --> 00:03:29,210
And don't forget
about me, [inaudible].
116
00:03:29,312 --> 00:03:30,592
Oh-ho!
117
00:03:30,693 --> 00:03:32,253
My god.
118
00:03:32,350 --> 00:03:37,600
I play the role of Dare-dey-go,younger brother of Yassuh-boss.
119
00:03:37,700 --> 00:03:40,120
Where the hell you
got a gold fat suit?
120
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:41,260
What is that?
121
00:03:41,359 --> 00:03:41,979
Really.
122
00:03:42,083 --> 00:03:43,223
This is [bleep] funny.
123
00:03:43,326 --> 00:03:44,596
It is?
124
00:03:44,707 --> 00:03:45,917
This is my interpretation of
the award I'm about to win.
125
00:03:46,018 --> 00:03:46,778
Is it really?
126
00:03:46,881 --> 00:03:47,851
Yes, it is.
127
00:03:47,951 --> 00:03:48,951
Well, the award has wings, JB.
128
00:03:49,056 --> 00:03:50,056
You think I can't
bend my [bleep]
129
00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:51,300
arms backwards like this.
130
00:03:51,403 --> 00:03:52,723
Oh, that's wings right there.
131
00:03:52,818 --> 00:03:53,578
That's wings.
132
00:03:53,681 --> 00:03:54,611
That's improv.
133
00:03:54,717 --> 00:03:55,477
Those are chicken wings.
134
00:03:55,580 --> 00:03:56,680
This is stupid.
135
00:03:56,788 --> 00:03:58,028
You had two lines, JB.
136
00:03:58,134 --> 00:03:59,764
Two of the best lines
in the whole damn movie.
137
00:03:59,860 --> 00:04:00,790
What?
138
00:04:00,895 --> 00:04:04,585
JB, don't-- JB-- here we go.
139
00:04:04,692 --> 00:04:09,802
Massah, them boy's in
the room with missy.
140
00:04:09,904 --> 00:04:10,634
Rest.
141
00:04:10,733 --> 00:04:13,703
[screeching]
142
00:04:13,805 --> 00:04:14,935
One more time.
143
00:04:15,047 --> 00:04:19,497
Oh,, dere dey go.
144
00:04:19,604 --> 00:04:21,194
Dere dey go, massah.
145
00:04:21,295 --> 00:04:22,255
All right, we get it.
146
00:04:22,365 --> 00:04:23,535
We get it.
We get it.
147
00:04:23,642 --> 00:04:24,782
-Thank you, brother.
-You captured that.
148
00:04:24,885 --> 00:04:26,225
I don't want to hit you.
149
00:04:26,335 --> 00:04:27,575
I'm not mad at you.
150
00:04:27,681 --> 00:04:30,751
I'm mad at your dumb ass
for directing that shit.
151
00:04:30,856 --> 00:04:32,576
That was amazing!
152
00:04:32,686 --> 00:04:33,476
Dere dey go?
153
00:04:33,583 --> 00:04:35,313
An award-winning performance.
154
00:04:35,413 --> 00:04:36,623
Dere dey go.
Dere dey go.
155
00:04:36,724 --> 00:04:38,144
Dere dey go-- it's a
play on [bleep] words!
156
00:04:38,243 --> 00:04:38,973
What words?
157
00:04:39,071 --> 00:04:40,111
That was incredible.
158
00:04:40,210 --> 00:04:41,140
You were a snitch
the whole movie.
159
00:04:41,246 --> 00:04:42,416
Know why I'm a snitch?
160
00:04:42,523 --> 00:04:44,183
Because you stole my
[bleep] pickle joke.
161
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:46,114
I did not steal
your pickle joke.
162
00:04:46,216 --> 00:04:47,486
It wasn't even in
the script, JB.
163
00:04:47,597 --> 00:04:48,867
Why don't you
understand that, man?
164
00:04:48,978 --> 00:04:50,148
that shit right now
165
00:04:50,255 --> 00:04:51,285
I'm not-- I'm not--
I'm going to do it.
166
00:04:51,394 --> 00:04:52,884
-You [bleep] did it.
-I didn't--
167
00:04:52,982 --> 00:04:54,572
And it was in the [bleep] movie
because you stole the shit!
168
00:04:54,673 --> 00:04:56,853
I did not steal
your pickle joke!
169
00:04:56,951 --> 00:04:57,921
That's my joke!
170
00:04:58,021 --> 00:04:58,781
[bleep], Kevin.
171
00:04:58,884 --> 00:05:00,304
OK, fine.
172
00:05:00,403 --> 00:05:03,233
Set your [bleep] gold bond
flared dressed ass-- what
173
00:05:03,337 --> 00:05:04,987
the hell they nominate you for?
174
00:05:05,097 --> 00:05:06,687
[bleep] the Academy.
175
00:05:06,789 --> 00:05:08,379
You need to stop hanging
out with Jada Pinkett.
176
00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:09,550
KEVIN HART: Wait a minute.
Hold on.
177
00:05:09,654 --> 00:05:10,414
Wait, wait, wait.
178
00:05:10,517 --> 00:05:11,167
[grunt]
179
00:05:11,276 --> 00:05:12,166
What do you mean?
180
00:05:12,277 --> 00:05:13,207
I want to know.
181
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:14,213
What-- what did they give you?
182
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,564
Oh, wait a minute.
183
00:05:15,660 --> 00:05:16,700
I know that face.
184
00:05:16,799 --> 00:05:18,769
Somebody didn't get
nominated for nothing.
185
00:05:18,870 --> 00:05:20,040
I did, but I turned it down.
186
00:05:20,147 --> 00:05:21,907
Duane, you stop lying.
187
00:05:22,011 --> 00:05:24,631
Only thing you ever turned
down was financial advice.
188
00:05:24,738 --> 00:05:25,458
Turned down for what?
189
00:05:25,566 --> 00:05:28,466
He [inaudible] turned down.
190
00:05:28,569 --> 00:05:29,639
I don't get it.
191
00:05:29,743 --> 00:05:32,023
I played FrederickDouglass, [bleep] dammit.
192
00:05:32,124 --> 00:05:34,264
I freed slaves.
193
00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:37,338
I stopped Abraham Lincolnfrom getting assassinated.
194
00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:40,100
I showed Harriet
Tubman a shortcut.
195
00:05:40,201 --> 00:05:43,651
I re-attached
Kunte Kinte's foot.
196
00:05:43,757 --> 00:05:46,517
I was Madam CJ
Walker's first client.
197
00:05:46,622 --> 00:05:49,452
You should've seen hisshit before she got to it.
198
00:05:49,556 --> 00:05:51,486
What have I got to do to getrecognized by the Academy?
199
00:05:51,592 --> 00:05:53,972
What have I got to
do for nomination?
200
00:05:54,077 --> 00:05:58,387
I guess I got to be a coon, orbuffoon, or a [bleep] playing a
201
00:05:58,496 --> 00:06:01,046
spoon to get recognized by you.
202
00:06:01,153 --> 00:06:02,713
Well you know what Academy?
203
00:06:02,810 --> 00:06:03,810
Look at me now!
204
00:06:03,915 --> 00:06:07,745
[spoon slapping]
205
00:06:13,027 --> 00:06:15,057
KEVIN HART: Well, I guess the
whole world was up at 5:00
206
00:06:15,167 --> 00:06:16,477
in the morning.
207
00:06:16,583 --> 00:06:19,453
Because my phone's been ringing
off the hook ever since--
208
00:06:19,551 --> 00:06:20,521
Michelle, listen to me.
209
00:06:20,621 --> 00:06:21,521
I am excited.
210
00:06:21,622 --> 00:06:22,352
OK?
211
00:06:22,451 --> 00:06:24,181
This-- this is huge.
212
00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:25,870
This is bigger than huge.
You know what?
213
00:06:25,971 --> 00:06:27,321
This is bigger than
when Barack got elected.
214
00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:29,491
Thank you for the
congratulations call.
215
00:06:29,596 --> 00:06:30,906
That's so sweet
and sincere of you.
216
00:06:31,011 --> 00:06:32,811
Well, Mariah, quit
calling my phone!
217
00:06:32,909 --> 00:06:33,839
I ain't never coming back!
218
00:06:33,945 --> 00:06:35,665
I'll always be your baby though.
219
00:06:35,774 --> 00:06:37,404
It's about the material
matching the talent.
220
00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:38,740
That's what I said.
221
00:06:38,846 --> 00:06:40,366
What am I doing?
222
00:06:40,469 --> 00:06:42,299
Well, I just signed a three
picture deal with Tyler Perry.
223
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,852
The first is called
"Madea Goes to Germany."
224
00:06:44,956 --> 00:06:46,196
It's going to be exciting, yeah.
225
00:06:46,302 --> 00:06:48,272
Look, I'm very excited
about being nominated.
226
00:06:48,373 --> 00:06:49,553
No, no.
227
00:06:49,650 --> 00:06:51,000
I appreciate being nominated
for supporting actor.
228
00:06:51,100 --> 00:06:52,410
But I'm trying to
find out why I wasn't
229
00:06:52,515 --> 00:06:54,995
nominated for Best Actor.
230
00:06:55,104 --> 00:06:56,044
Why not?
231
00:06:56,139 --> 00:06:57,619
I know I only had two lines.
I know.
232
00:06:57,727 --> 00:06:58,757
It's not the quantity
of the lines.
233
00:06:58,866 --> 00:07:00,416
It's the quality of the line.
234
00:07:00,523 --> 00:07:01,253
OK.
235
00:07:01,351 --> 00:07:02,081
Listen up.
236
00:07:02,180 --> 00:07:03,490
Dere dey go.
237
00:07:03,595 --> 00:07:05,145
Uh-huh?
[dial tone]
238
00:07:05,252 --> 00:07:05,842
Hello?
239
00:07:05,942 --> 00:07:07,742
Where did she go?
240
00:07:07,841 --> 00:07:10,051
Seriously, like,
what did you expect?
241
00:07:10,153 --> 00:07:12,983
I always get overlooked
for my work, "Seat Filler,"
242
00:07:13,087 --> 00:07:17,777
"Above the Rim," "Inkwell,"
they were good movies.
243
00:07:17,885 --> 00:07:18,675
[bleep] you to mom.
244
00:07:18,783 --> 00:07:20,513
You picked my daddy.
245
00:07:20,612 --> 00:07:21,482
Oprah, you better stop it.
246
00:07:21,579 --> 00:07:22,989
Yeah.
247
00:07:23,097 --> 00:07:25,067
No, I've been getting calls
all morning, all morning.
248
00:07:25,168 --> 00:07:27,028
I didn't mean to
ignore you twice.
249
00:07:27,136 --> 00:07:29,026
Listen, listen, let's do lunch.
250
00:07:29,138 --> 00:07:30,448
We got to, to celebrate.
251
00:07:30,553 --> 00:07:31,523
But I'm not paying.
252
00:07:31,623 --> 00:07:32,663
You hear me?
253
00:07:32,762 --> 00:07:33,662
You gonna pay that
bill this time.
254
00:07:33,763 --> 00:07:34,593
Hold on.
255
00:07:34,695 --> 00:07:35,345
That's my other line.
256
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:39,388
Hello?
257
00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:40,393
BRIDGETTE [ON PHONE]:
Hey, hey, hey!
258
00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:41,984
It's Bridgette.
259
00:07:42,082 --> 00:07:43,262
Bridgette, why does your number
come up as the White House?
260
00:07:43,359 --> 00:07:44,769
BRIDGETTE [ON PHONE]:
Because would you
261
00:07:44,878 --> 00:07:45,668
answer it if it said Bridgette?
-Listen to me.
262
00:07:45,775 --> 00:07:47,045
Don't even explain it.
263
00:07:47,156 --> 00:07:47,946
Whatever app you're using,
you need to stop it.
264
00:07:48,053 --> 00:07:49,023
Because it's illegal.
265
00:07:49,123 --> 00:07:50,233
You hear me?
Illegal.
266
00:07:50,331 --> 00:07:51,751
BRIDGETTE [ON
PHONE]: Listen, I'm
267
00:07:51,850 --> 00:07:53,650
just trying to-- I was
calling to congratulate
268
00:07:53,749 --> 00:07:54,719
you on our nomination.
269
00:07:54,819 --> 00:07:55,539
And we did it!
270
00:07:55,647 --> 00:07:56,747
What do you mean?
271
00:07:56,855 --> 00:07:59,685
First of all, we
didn't do a damn thing.
272
00:07:59,789 --> 00:08:01,099
You hear me?
273
00:08:01,204 --> 00:08:03,104
Only thing we did,
Bridgette, was get a divorce.
274
00:08:03,206 --> 00:08:04,656
With that being said, good-bye.
275
00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:06,620
Bye-bye.
276
00:08:06,727 --> 00:08:08,207
Ha-ha!
277
00:08:08,315 --> 00:08:09,935
What the hell is
going on with you?
278
00:08:10,041 --> 00:08:11,941
So listen, I didn'tthink you had the talent.
279
00:08:12,043 --> 00:08:13,083
But we sure enough did it.
280
00:08:13,182 --> 00:08:14,252
What do you think about this?
281
00:08:14,355 --> 00:08:15,425
Is it too much?
282
00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:16,839
I feel like I'm channeling
my inner Beyonce.
283
00:08:16,944 --> 00:08:17,984
No.
You're not.
284
00:08:18,083 --> 00:08:19,403
And I think you're
always too much.
285
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,469
Bridgette, what the
hell are you doing here?
286
00:08:21,570 --> 00:08:22,990
And how the hell did you get in?
287
00:08:23,088 --> 00:08:25,678
I need you to help me pick
out a dress for the carpet.
288
00:08:25,781 --> 00:08:27,091
And you know how I got in.
289
00:08:27,196 --> 00:08:29,536
The same way I always get
in, through the window.
290
00:08:29,647 --> 00:08:30,787
OK.
291
00:08:30,889 --> 00:08:32,199
I'm not helping you
pick out anything.
292
00:08:32,304 --> 00:08:34,484
What I want you to do is
get your ass off my lawn
293
00:08:34,583 --> 00:08:38,103
before your next dress
will be a coffin.
294
00:08:38,207 --> 00:08:39,927
A coffin, I don't think
I've heard of that designer.
295
00:08:40,036 --> 00:08:41,556
Is he new?
-No, that's not--
296
00:08:41,659 --> 00:08:43,039
I heard, like they're building
something right next to Juicy.
297
00:08:43,143 --> 00:08:44,393
Is that what that's called?
-No.
298
00:08:44,489 --> 00:08:45,319
That's not what that is.
299
00:08:45,421 --> 00:08:46,421
You know, let's go.
Let's go.
300
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:47,386
Get out.
Let's go.
301
00:08:47,492 --> 00:08:48,462
You don't have to
touch me though.
302
00:08:48,562 --> 00:08:49,742
I can walk.
303
00:08:49,839 --> 00:08:50,879
Don't put your arm
where I can't reach it.
304
00:08:50,978 --> 00:08:52,288
I can walk.
Don't you touch it.
305
00:08:52,393 --> 00:08:53,643
Because if I have a
bruise, I'll let the people
306
00:08:53,740 --> 00:08:54,400
on the red carpet know.
Don't touch.
307
00:08:54,499 --> 00:08:55,089
Don't touch me.
308
00:08:55,189 --> 00:08:56,709
KEVIN HART: Come on.
309
00:08:56,812 --> 00:08:59,402
Guys, why are you guys wasting
your time with this bullshit?
310
00:08:59,504 --> 00:09:00,474
Huh?
311
00:09:00,574 --> 00:09:02,204
You ever wonder why
you got nominated?
312
00:09:02,300 --> 00:09:04,720
Because the cream always
rises to the top, Duane.
313
00:09:04,820 --> 00:09:05,790
That's why I was nominated.
314
00:09:05,890 --> 00:09:07,240
I'm a committed actor.
315
00:09:07,339 --> 00:09:09,379
Right now my nuts are stuck
to my thigh right now.
316
00:09:09,479 --> 00:09:09,999
JB.
317
00:09:10,101 --> 00:09:11,241
I'm committed!
318
00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:12,413
This is not about
talent, trust me.
319
00:09:12,517 --> 00:09:13,787
OK.
320
00:09:13,898 --> 00:09:15,928
This is what the guy who didn't
get nominated always says.
321
00:09:16,038 --> 00:09:19,278
I hate when people
just-- open your eyes.
322
00:09:19,386 --> 00:09:20,556
All right?
323
00:09:20,663 --> 00:09:22,323
All right, last year
nobody black got nominated.
324
00:09:22,423 --> 00:09:23,493
OK.
325
00:09:23,597 --> 00:09:25,287
So they nominated you
guys to make up for it.
326
00:09:25,392 --> 00:09:27,712
What this is, is white guilt.
327
00:09:27,808 --> 00:09:30,048
What?
328
00:09:30,155 --> 00:09:31,395
ROBIN THICKE: Hey, guys!
329
00:09:31,501 --> 00:09:32,121
Wait a minute.
330
00:09:32,226 --> 00:09:34,056
Speaking of white guilt.
331
00:09:34,159 --> 00:09:36,579
I come bearing gifts.
332
00:09:36,679 --> 00:09:37,539
Hey, buddy.
333
00:09:37,646 --> 00:09:38,436
How are you doing, Duane?
334
00:09:38,543 --> 00:09:39,993
Yeah, JB.
335
00:09:40,096 --> 00:09:41,096
What are you giving gifts for?
336
00:09:41,201 --> 00:09:42,621
Well, it's a celebration.
337
00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:43,580
Isn't it?
338
00:09:43,686 --> 00:09:45,336
Everybody got nominations.
339
00:09:45,446 --> 00:09:46,476
I appreciate it.
340
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:47,786
Stop it, stop it, guys.
341
00:09:47,897 --> 00:09:49,107
It's not no damn celebration.
342
00:09:49,209 --> 00:09:50,689
It's because he feels guilty.
343
00:09:50,797 --> 00:09:52,037
No.
344
00:09:52,143 --> 00:09:53,703
I'm being sincere It's
a big day for all of us.
345
00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:54,520
We're brothers!
346
00:09:54,628 --> 00:09:55,938
Stop it!
347
00:09:56,043 --> 00:09:57,563
Sincere my ass!
348
00:09:57,666 --> 00:10:00,286
Robin's mad because he picked
the wrong year to be white.
349
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:01,292
[laughs]
350
00:10:01,393 --> 00:10:02,333
No.
351
00:10:02,429 --> 00:10:03,779
Actually, I did
pretty well myself.
352
00:10:03,879 --> 00:10:06,499
You know, I got a bunch of
nominations for my portrayal
353
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:11,156
of a homosexual, paraplegic drug
addict veteran in my directing
354
00:10:11,265 --> 00:10:13,225
and acting and
screenwriting debut.
355
00:10:13,336 --> 00:10:14,606
What's the name of the movie?
356
00:10:14,717 --> 00:10:16,307
"Marvin's Gay."
357
00:10:16,408 --> 00:10:17,308
Oh, man.
358
00:10:17,409 --> 00:10:18,549
Oh good.
Congratulations, brother.
359
00:10:18,652 --> 00:10:19,932
ROBIN THICKE: Thank you.
Thank you very much.
360
00:10:20,033 --> 00:10:21,073
Man you got it, baby.
You're back.
361
00:10:21,172 --> 00:10:22,692
Thank you for
the gift too, man.
362
00:10:22,794 --> 00:10:23,864
I would congratulate you, but
I heard it through the grapevine
363
00:10:23,968 --> 00:10:25,868
that that movie ain't shit.
364
00:10:25,970 --> 00:10:28,210
Seven nominations.
365
00:10:28,317 --> 00:10:30,217
Sounds like sour grapes to me.
366
00:10:30,319 --> 00:10:32,049
Well, hey I got one
for you too, Duane.
367
00:10:32,148 --> 00:10:32,908
That's nice.
368
00:10:33,011 --> 00:10:33,871
That's real nice.
369
00:10:33,978 --> 00:10:34,878
I appreciate it, brother.
370
00:10:34,979 --> 00:10:37,639
But I don't need your pity gift.
371
00:10:37,740 --> 00:10:39,880
[shouts]
372
00:10:39,984 --> 00:10:41,124
Diamond cuff links!
373
00:10:41,226 --> 00:10:42,116
Have you lost your
[bleep] mind, man?
374
00:10:42,227 --> 00:10:42,847
How disrespectful was that?
375
00:10:42,952 --> 00:10:46,132
Oh, JB!
376
00:10:46,231 --> 00:10:47,511
JB!
377
00:10:47,612 --> 00:10:48,892
JB!
378
00:10:48,993 --> 00:10:51,373
Man, don't you guys get it?
379
00:10:51,478 --> 00:10:54,828
You're only nominated
because you're black!
380
00:10:54,930 --> 00:10:57,040
You black, and
you ain't get shit.
381
00:10:57,139 --> 00:10:58,379
That's a good point there.
382
00:10:58,485 --> 00:11:00,345
If that was true, then
me being white and black
383
00:11:00,452 --> 00:11:02,012
would have gotten
half a nomination.
384
00:11:02,109 --> 00:11:03,459
Same as me, man.
385
00:11:03,559 --> 00:11:05,319
Me being black and my
knees, having a difference--
386
00:11:05,423 --> 00:11:07,053
I got nothing.
I was trying to ride the wave.
387
00:11:07,149 --> 00:11:08,289
It kind of comes in threes.
388
00:11:08,391 --> 00:11:10,911
Well, the only thing
is, I'm not black.
389
00:11:11,015 --> 00:11:12,325
And I got seven nominations.
390
00:11:12,430 --> 00:11:13,880
You got what?
391
00:11:13,983 --> 00:11:15,263
Seven?
392
00:11:15,364 --> 00:11:18,824
It's the of the best
song, acting, screenplay.
393
00:11:18,919 --> 00:11:20,199
He got seven nominations.
394
00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:21,890
Robin may not be black.
395
00:11:21,991 --> 00:11:23,991
But he's got a
black man problems--
396
00:11:24,097 --> 00:11:27,237
high blood pressure,
drugs, child support.
397
00:11:27,341 --> 00:11:28,551
Damn, he's blacker than me.
398
00:11:34,383 --> 00:11:40,253
[muffled yells]
399
00:11:40,354 --> 00:11:41,154
Papi!
400
00:11:41,252 --> 00:11:42,052
Oh my goodness.
401
00:11:42,149 --> 00:11:43,769
Do you think what is going on?
402
00:11:43,875 --> 00:11:44,975
It is terrible.
403
00:11:45,083 --> 00:11:48,023
The haters are burning
your mannequin.
404
00:11:48,121 --> 00:11:49,611
DAVID FAUSTINO [ON
TV]: So, we started
405
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:52,469
the hashtag Hollywoodtooblack,
because we feel like, well,
406
00:11:52,573 --> 00:11:54,443
Hollywood's too black.
407
00:11:54,541 --> 00:11:56,791
The Academy needs to
recognize that white people
408
00:11:56,888 --> 00:11:57,988
need to work too.
409
00:11:58,096 --> 00:12:00,126
What the hell is
Faustino talking about?
410
00:12:00,236 --> 00:12:01,786
He's on a show, like,
every other week.
411
00:12:01,893 --> 00:12:04,483
DAVID FAUSTINO [ON TV]: So Rick
Schroeder, Alicia Silverstone,
412
00:12:04,585 --> 00:12:07,275
Scott Baio and myself,
will not be attending
413
00:12:07,381 --> 00:12:08,211
the Academy this year.
414
00:12:08,313 --> 00:12:09,453
This is crazy.
415
00:12:09,556 --> 00:12:10,656
Nobody invited you!
416
00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:12,114
DAVID FAUSTINO [ON
TV]: Instead, I'll
417
00:12:12,214 --> 00:12:14,534
be at home watching the
NBA, posting on my hashtag,
418
00:12:14,630 --> 00:12:16,490
NBAtooblack blog.
419
00:12:16,597 --> 00:12:17,807
And that might be changing soon.
420
00:12:17,909 --> 00:12:19,359
Because, I mean I know,
he's tall and goofy.
421
00:12:19,462 --> 00:12:22,292
But Porzingis is really
bringing us back.
422
00:12:22,396 --> 00:12:23,466
Oh, stop it.
423
00:12:23,570 --> 00:12:25,570
Porzingis is just as
sorry as you, Faustino.
424
00:12:25,675 --> 00:12:28,125
DAVID FAUSTINO [ON TV]: Let's
make Hollywood great again!
425
00:12:28,230 --> 00:12:28,990
[chants]
426
00:12:29,093 --> 00:12:30,543
CROWD: Hollywood too black!
427
00:12:30,646 --> 00:12:32,676
Hollywood too black!
428
00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:33,886
Hollywood too black!
429
00:12:33,994 --> 00:12:35,624
Hollywood too black!
430
00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:36,450
[gasp]
431
00:12:36,548 --> 00:12:37,338
Wait a minute.
432
00:12:37,446 --> 00:12:39,206
Papi, is that Don King?
433
00:12:39,310 --> 00:12:41,040
CROWD: Black characters matter!
434
00:12:41,139 --> 00:12:42,489
CROWD: Hollywood too black!
435
00:12:42,589 --> 00:12:43,589
CROWD: Black characters matter!
436
00:12:43,693 --> 00:12:45,663
CROWD: Hollywood too black!
437
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:47,275
CROWD: Black characters matter!
438
00:12:47,387 --> 00:12:49,667
Why the hell is Duane andMartin Luther King out marching
439
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,179
in front of my damn house?
440
00:12:51,287 --> 00:12:52,737
In my damn yard!
441
00:12:52,841 --> 00:12:53,631
Hey!
442
00:12:53,738 --> 00:12:54,668
Hey!
443
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:55,534
CROWD: Black characters matter!
444
00:12:55,636 --> 00:12:56,666
Hey Duane!
445
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,706
Duane, what the
hell is going on?
446
00:12:58,812 --> 00:12:59,742
What are you doing here?
447
00:12:59,848 --> 00:13:01,018
Black characters matter, Kevin!
448
00:13:01,125 --> 00:13:02,125
What?
449
00:13:02,229 --> 00:13:04,779
They keep nominating
coons and buffoons
450
00:13:04,887 --> 00:13:07,607
and overlooking
real heroes like me!
451
00:13:07,717 --> 00:13:09,097
Let me tell you
something, you're
452
00:13:09,202 --> 00:13:10,512
going to be a wet
hero if you don't get
453
00:13:10,617 --> 00:13:11,717
the hell up out of here, Duane.
454
00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:12,895
And I mean it!
455
00:13:12,999 --> 00:13:14,829
Admit it, Kevin.
456
00:13:14,932 --> 00:13:17,072
You only got a
nomination because you
457
00:13:17,175 --> 00:13:22,835
were a watermelon-eating
tap-dancing pickaninny!
458
00:13:22,940 --> 00:13:23,940
Pickaninny!
459
00:13:24,044 --> 00:13:25,464
Pickaninny, huh?
460
00:13:25,563 --> 00:13:26,603
I got your damn pickaninny.
461
00:13:29,222 --> 00:13:30,192
Let me tell you something.
462
00:13:30,292 --> 00:13:32,262
Quest love, huh?
463
00:13:32,363 --> 00:13:33,713
Them roots are about
to get real wet.
464
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:34,543
You here me?
465
00:13:34,641 --> 00:13:36,471
Brace yourself.
466
00:13:36,574 --> 00:13:38,474
Oh, you dirty [bleep].
467
00:13:38,576 --> 00:13:39,606
Negro!
468
00:13:39,715 --> 00:13:43,195
Think like a man,
not like a boy!
469
00:13:43,305 --> 00:13:44,615
[thud]
470
00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:47,170
That's my baby!
471
00:13:47,274 --> 00:13:54,144
[yells]
472
00:13:54,247 --> 00:13:54,967
[yells]
473
00:13:55,075 --> 00:13:56,965
Get your asses out!
474
00:13:57,077 --> 00:13:59,977
All you all, get out!
475
00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:02,500
JACKIE LONG: Daddy, you got it.
476
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:04,020
With that left.
477
00:14:04,119 --> 00:14:05,289
Hey, hey, look at Duane.
478
00:14:05,396 --> 00:14:06,846
Look how Duane hit
the floor right here.
479
00:14:06,949 --> 00:14:07,849
Look, look!
480
00:14:07,950 --> 00:14:09,920
[laughs]
481
00:14:10,021 --> 00:14:11,821
That's what I
call a real punch!
482
00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:12,990
That's what he gave right there.
483
00:14:13,093 --> 00:14:14,233
JACKIE LONG: Hit
him with that left!
484
00:14:14,336 --> 00:14:14,886
[yells]
485
00:14:14,992 --> 00:14:15,792
Watch, this.
486
00:14:15,889 --> 00:14:17,099
Watch this, watch this!
487
00:14:17,201 --> 00:14:18,411
JACKIE LONG: [inaudible]
488
00:14:18,512 --> 00:14:19,892
I don't think
you're understanding
489
00:14:19,997 --> 00:14:22,547
the severity of the situation.
490
00:14:22,654 --> 00:14:24,484
This thing has gone viral.
491
00:14:24,587 --> 00:14:25,867
You've pissed everybody off.
492
00:14:25,968 --> 00:14:28,588
Because of you, the black
characters matters movement
493
00:14:28,695 --> 00:14:30,175
has called for a boycott.
494
00:14:30,283 --> 00:14:33,733
Ah, I've just booked
to days on "Blackish."
495
00:14:33,838 --> 00:14:36,628
Jackie, get your background
acting ass out there and go
496
00:14:36,737 --> 00:14:37,497
sit down.
497
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:38,710
OK.
498
00:14:38,808 --> 00:14:40,778
I'm not background
on this one, baby.
499
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:41,710
I got upgraded with lines.
500
00:14:41,811 --> 00:14:42,541
Ha!
501
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:43,780
Slept with the AD.
502
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,263
I'm out of here.
503
00:14:45,367 --> 00:14:47,127
You got a bathroom
in your trailer?
504
00:14:47,231 --> 00:14:48,201
No.
505
00:14:48,301 --> 00:14:49,161
Then go take your
port-o-potty-using
506
00:14:49,267 --> 00:14:50,577
ass out there and sit down.
507
00:14:50,682 --> 00:14:51,822
Yeah, see you, Kevin.
508
00:14:51,925 --> 00:14:52,855
Background work is hard.
509
00:14:52,961 --> 00:14:54,481
Got on with Tracee Ellis Ross.
510
00:14:54,583 --> 00:14:57,243
So Kevin, you can
kiss my blackish ass.
511
00:15:03,799 --> 00:15:05,699
Listen to me.
512
00:15:05,801 --> 00:15:07,701
If you think that I'm
worried about Duane
513
00:15:07,803 --> 00:15:09,323
and the rest of those
losers, you've got
514
00:15:09,425 --> 00:15:10,665
another thing coming, Trina.
515
00:15:10,771 --> 00:15:11,771
Kevin, it's not
even about that.
516
00:15:11,876 --> 00:15:13,396
What is it about?
517
00:15:13,498 --> 00:15:16,948
It is about you being seen on
TV with your ghetto girlfriend.
518
00:15:17,054 --> 00:15:17,994
Uh-uh.
519
00:15:18,089 --> 00:15:18,639
[WHISPERING] She's
not my girlfriend.
520
00:15:18,745 --> 00:15:19,535
All right.
521
00:15:19,642 --> 00:15:20,332
Get it right, grandma.
522
00:15:20,436 --> 00:15:21,366
I'm not ghetto.
523
00:15:21,472 --> 00:15:23,272
I'm hood.
524
00:15:23,370 --> 00:15:26,030
That was never in question.
525
00:15:26,132 --> 00:15:29,622
Look, the Academy frowns
on this sort of behavior.
526
00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:31,791
So if you want to win,
for the next two months
527
00:15:31,896 --> 00:15:35,306
you need to up your game
and upgrade your entourage.
528
00:15:35,417 --> 00:15:36,657
Hold on, Papi.
529
00:15:36,763 --> 00:15:38,493
She thinks that I'm
not classy enough to go
530
00:15:38,592 --> 00:15:40,352
to the Academic Awards, Papi?
531
00:15:40,456 --> 00:15:41,346
It's the Academy--
532
00:15:41,457 --> 00:15:42,837
I don't think so.
533
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:43,672
But, baby, you've got to
stop throwing those sunflower
534
00:15:43,770 --> 00:15:45,250
seeds on the floor.
535
00:15:45,358 --> 00:15:46,598
Yeah, well Papi, I don't have
a beer can to throw them in.
536
00:15:46,704 --> 00:15:47,714
What do you want me to do?
537
00:15:47,808 --> 00:15:48,528
It's a good point.
538
00:15:48,637 --> 00:15:49,567
All right.
539
00:15:49,672 --> 00:15:50,542
But sure listen here, all right?
540
00:15:50,639 --> 00:15:53,919
Lena Horne-face, this, me?
541
00:15:54,022 --> 00:15:57,512
I am as classy as it comes,
and you better believe it.
542
00:15:57,611 --> 00:15:59,231
Hood for you.
543
00:15:59,337 --> 00:16:02,687
Ooh, now if I didn't think that
that could really be a dope ass
544
00:16:02,789 --> 00:16:04,789
tattoo, I would kick your ass!
545
00:16:04,894 --> 00:16:06,694
Hey, hey, hey!
546
00:16:06,793 --> 00:16:08,483
Do I spend my hard-earned
money at the dollar
547
00:16:08,588 --> 00:16:10,758
store an red leather jackets
for you to act all delirious?
548
00:16:10,866 --> 00:16:12,416
Yeah, well Papi, she
do this every time.
549
00:16:12,523 --> 00:16:13,353
I do this every--
550
00:16:13,455 --> 00:16:14,205
Every time.
551
00:16:14,318 --> 00:16:15,278
Hey, that's enough.
552
00:16:15,388 --> 00:16:16,668
You've made a plate
out of my office.
553
00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:17,598
That's enough!
554
00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:18,600
That's my lady.
555
00:16:18,701 --> 00:16:19,771
You hear me?
556
00:16:19,875 --> 00:16:22,145
And if she can't
go, then I can't go.
557
00:16:22,257 --> 00:16:23,017
Exactly.
558
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:24,850
Because we cannot be separated.
559
00:16:24,949 --> 00:16:25,879
That's right.
560
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,425
We like Nick and Mariah, baby.
561
00:16:27,538 --> 00:16:28,538
They're divorced.
562
00:16:28,642 --> 00:16:29,682
Batman and Superman.
563
00:16:29,781 --> 00:16:30,751
Rivals.
564
00:16:30,851 --> 00:16:31,711
Sonny and Cher.
565
00:16:31,818 --> 00:16:32,988
He's dead.
566
00:16:33,095 --> 00:16:33,915
Have you ever thought
about "Jeopardy,"
567
00:16:34,027 --> 00:16:35,167
because you're good.
568
00:16:35,270 --> 00:16:38,240
Bottom line, this
thing here is real.
569
00:16:38,342 --> 00:16:39,382
Let us be.
570
00:16:39,481 --> 00:16:40,341
Fine.
571
00:16:40,447 --> 00:16:41,207
Kevin, fine.
572
00:16:41,310 --> 00:16:42,070
Your decision.
573
00:16:42,173 --> 00:16:42,693
Thank you.
574
00:16:42,794 --> 00:16:43,694
Yeah.
575
00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:45,245
See that?
576
00:16:45,349 --> 00:16:46,659
When I say let me handle it,
that means let me handle it.
577
00:16:46,764 --> 00:16:47,564
I know, Papi.
I know.
578
00:16:47,661 --> 00:16:49,111
All right?
579
00:16:49,215 --> 00:16:51,695
End of the day, you got a
man's man, not a boy's man.
580
00:16:51,803 --> 00:16:52,633
[knock]
581
00:16:52,735 --> 00:16:55,075
Hey, sorry I'm late.
582
00:16:55,186 --> 00:16:56,766
That's exactly what
I'm talking about.
583
00:16:56,877 --> 00:16:59,397
[bleep] Damn!
584
00:16:59,501 --> 00:17:01,741
Hi.
585
00:17:01,848 --> 00:17:05,648
Who in the hell is that?
586
00:17:05,748 --> 00:17:09,298
It was supposed to be your
escort to the Academy ceremony.
587
00:17:09,407 --> 00:17:11,857
You mean like I
can pay her for sex?
588
00:17:11,961 --> 00:17:13,271
Not that kind of escort.
589
00:17:13,377 --> 00:17:16,547
See, this is why I pay
Trina the big bucks.
590
00:17:16,656 --> 00:17:17,926
You have never paid me.
591
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:19,517
Trina, let me ask
you a question.
592
00:17:19,624 --> 00:17:22,594
If I play the lottery, and Iwin the jackpot, who else wins?
593
00:17:22,696 --> 00:17:23,796
Let me ask you a question.
594
00:17:23,904 --> 00:17:25,294
What question?
595
00:17:25,389 --> 00:17:26,839
Do you know how much itcost to get a lottery ticket?
596
00:17:26,942 --> 00:17:28,742
Trina, if I asked you
some question like that,
597
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:29,880
you may not know the answer.
598
00:17:29,979 --> 00:17:31,259
How much do two apples cost?
599
00:17:31,360 --> 00:17:32,120
$1.87.
600
00:17:32,223 --> 00:17:32,983
Wrong.
601
00:17:33,086 --> 00:17:34,566
I'm talking about candy apples.
602
00:17:34,674 --> 00:17:37,094
$7.99.
603
00:17:37,194 --> 00:17:37,854
[gasp]
604
00:17:37,953 --> 00:17:39,963
Girl, you strong!
605
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:43,509
I want to make a proposal.
606
00:17:43,614 --> 00:17:45,134
Papi!
607
00:17:45,236 --> 00:17:46,306
Oh!
608
00:17:46,410 --> 00:17:49,340
Are you going to ask me
to be Mrs. Kevin Hart?
609
00:17:49,447 --> 00:17:50,857
Girl, hell no!
610
00:17:50,966 --> 00:17:54,726
You know damn well, you
don't stand a chance that.
611
00:17:54,832 --> 00:17:57,842
I said I want to
make a proposal.
612
00:17:57,938 --> 00:17:59,148
I got something good for you.
613
00:17:59,250 --> 00:18:00,220
What?
614
00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:02,320
I want to take you
to the Source Awards.
615
00:18:02,426 --> 00:18:04,456
Oh, you think that I'm
an idiot, don't you?
616
00:18:04,566 --> 00:18:05,526
Wait a minute.
Hey, hey.
617
00:18:05,636 --> 00:18:06,526
Hey.
618
00:18:06,637 --> 00:18:07,907
Kevin, whatever!
619
00:18:08,017 --> 00:18:09,047
You know damn well you
can't get me no tickets
620
00:18:09,157 --> 00:18:09,947
to the Source Awards.
621
00:18:10,054 --> 00:18:12,574
What you talking about?
622
00:18:12,677 --> 00:18:13,367
What you talking about?
623
00:18:13,471 --> 00:18:14,441
I can!
624
00:18:14,541 --> 00:18:15,271
The Source?
625
00:18:15,370 --> 00:18:16,030
Yes!
626
00:18:16,129 --> 00:18:17,229
This is really awkward.
627
00:18:17,337 --> 00:18:18,647
I know.
628
00:18:18,752 --> 00:18:19,442
Do these look like the eyes
that are going to lie to you?
629
00:18:19,546 --> 00:18:20,406
No.
630
00:18:20,513 --> 00:18:21,483
All right.
631
00:18:21,583 --> 00:18:22,343
You promise?
632
00:18:22,446 --> 00:18:23,336
Listen, listen.
633
00:18:23,447 --> 00:18:24,687
Not only do I
promise, I promise.
634
00:18:24,793 --> 00:18:25,553
OK?
635
00:18:25,656 --> 00:18:27,996
Oh, that's my baby.
636
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:28,687
OK.
637
00:18:28,797 --> 00:18:29,517
OK.
638
00:18:29,625 --> 00:18:30,445
Listen to me.
639
00:18:30,557 --> 00:18:31,587
I got you.
640
00:18:31,696 --> 00:18:32,456
OK.
641
00:18:32,559 --> 00:18:33,279
OK.
642
00:18:36,253 --> 00:18:39,983
He's mine, you
little trophy bitch.
643
00:18:40,084 --> 00:18:41,434
[clearing throat]
644
00:18:41,534 --> 00:18:43,194
[laugh]
645
00:18:43,294 --> 00:18:44,434
She's special.
646
00:18:44,537 --> 00:18:46,877
Not really.
647
00:18:46,987 --> 00:18:47,747
Girl, come here.
648
00:18:47,850 --> 00:18:49,200
Let me look at you.
649
00:18:49,300 --> 00:18:51,200
Oh, my goodness.
650
00:18:51,302 --> 00:18:52,202
Oh!
651
00:18:52,303 --> 00:18:54,203
Look at what the
water done blew in.
652
00:18:54,305 --> 00:18:56,335
Oh, for the love of Kentucky!
653
00:18:56,445 --> 00:18:58,375
I done chopped down
some trees in my past.
654
00:19:00,932 --> 00:19:02,212
Girl, I got a black car.
655
00:19:02,313 --> 00:19:03,283
OK?
656
00:19:03,383 --> 00:19:05,733
How about me and you
do some shopping?
657
00:19:05,834 --> 00:19:06,874
Yeah.
658
00:19:06,973 --> 00:19:08,463
I'm talking the
good kind, get you
659
00:19:08,561 --> 00:19:10,771
some better attire so people
don't judge you the way I did.
660
00:19:10,873 --> 00:19:12,813
We can clean you up
good, like "Pretty
661
00:19:12,910 --> 00:19:14,500
Woman," but with a black girl.
662
00:19:14,601 --> 00:19:15,911
I know what you're thinking.
663
00:19:16,016 --> 00:19:18,396
How low can one go toget her clients front row
664
00:19:18,502 --> 00:19:20,442
camera seats to the
most prestigious award
665
00:19:20,538 --> 00:19:21,918
show of the season?
666
00:19:22,022 --> 00:19:23,782
Do you like getting
your toes sucked.
667
00:19:23,886 --> 00:19:26,646
[sucking sounds]
668
00:19:26,751 --> 00:19:27,821
Hmm?
669
00:19:27,925 --> 00:19:30,235
Girl, I do all ten
of them [bleep].
670
00:19:30,341 --> 00:19:32,071
Whatever you're
thinking of, wherever
671
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,591
the low bar is that
you're imagining,
672
00:19:34,690 --> 00:19:36,760
just a little lower than that.
673
00:19:36,865 --> 00:19:38,245
Yeah.
674
00:19:38,349 --> 00:19:40,419
KEVIN HART: Next week on
"Real Husbands of Hollywood."
675
00:19:40,524 --> 00:19:41,944
What the hell are
you all doing here?
676
00:19:42,042 --> 00:19:43,182
[gun shots]
677
00:19:43,285 --> 00:19:45,285
Who the hell invited
you all over here?
678
00:19:45,391 --> 00:19:46,361
I did!
679
00:19:46,461 --> 00:19:47,951
Are you all still
shucking and jiving
680
00:19:48,048 --> 00:19:49,568
to the white man's award show?
681
00:19:49,671 --> 00:19:51,541
You can all just kiss your
little careers good-bye.
682
00:19:51,638 --> 00:19:52,778
That's right.
683
00:19:52,881 --> 00:19:54,091
The brothers and
sisters are boycotting.
684
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:55,953
I don't give a damn
what back folks think.
685
00:19:56,056 --> 00:19:56,916
I'm running for governor.
686
00:19:57,023 --> 00:19:58,093
So I need the black vote.
687
00:19:58,197 --> 00:19:59,747
We are going to unite!
688
00:19:59,853 --> 00:20:01,963
On three, 1, 2, 3.
689
00:20:02,062 --> 00:20:03,102
[bleep] the Academy!
45737
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