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00:00:07,248 --> 00:00:09,838
- MALE ANNOUNCER: ...and now,
this Monday at 8:00 p.m.,
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00:00:09,940 --> 00:00:11,910
another historic first--
3
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:15,532
Nick Cannon is
the first Black suitor,
4
00:00:15,636 --> 00:00:19,016
and beware, ladies, this cannon
is ready to nick you down.
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00:00:20,192 --> 00:00:21,882
- ♪ This is the life,
this is the life ♪
6
00:00:21,987 --> 00:00:23,847
♪ We got the life,
we got the life ♪
7
00:00:23,954 --> 00:00:25,824
♪ This is the city
where we party every night ♪
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00:00:25,922 --> 00:00:27,752
♪ Party every night
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00:00:27,855 --> 00:00:31,195
♪ Just you and me,
down and to go ♪
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00:00:31,307 --> 00:00:33,407
♪ Welcome to Hollywood,
welcome to Hollywood ♪
11
00:00:33,516 --> 00:00:35,586
♪ Welcome to Hollywood ♪
12
00:00:35,690 --> 00:00:39,490
- ♪
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00:00:39,591 --> 00:00:41,901
- Nick, I saw the commercial,
man. Congratulations.
14
00:00:42,007 --> 00:00:44,937
About time they
got a Black suitor.
15
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:46,665
I thought I'd be good for
the show, but, you know?
16
00:00:46,770 --> 00:00:48,570
- Hey, if you ever did the show,
it wouldn't have been called
17
00:00:48,669 --> 00:00:50,709
"The Suitor," it would have
been called "The Suitcase."
18
00:00:50,809 --> 00:00:52,669
- NICK & KEVIN:
[laugh]
19
00:00:52,776 --> 00:00:55,086
- Ha! Ha! You keep talking shit,
I'm gonna call Cat Williams.
20
00:00:55,193 --> 00:00:56,713
I got my finger
on the send button.
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00:00:56,815 --> 00:00:57,945
You want to wrestle
with the cat?
22
00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,538
- Okay.
- You wanna wrestle with--
23
00:00:59,645 --> 00:01:00,675
- You're being ridiculous.
24
00:01:00,784 --> 00:01:02,514
- That's Cat Williams
Kung-Fu, [bleep].
25
00:01:02,614 --> 00:01:04,134
- Whatever, man.
26
00:01:04,236 --> 00:01:05,546
I don't even know what the hell
is going on with you, okay?
27
00:01:05,651 --> 00:01:07,001
- What?
28
00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:08,241
- What the hell are you doing
the show for anyway, Nick?
29
00:01:08,344 --> 00:01:09,524
Ain't nobody trying
to wild out with you.
30
00:01:09,621 --> 00:01:11,041
- Really?
- Yes.
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00:01:11,140 --> 00:01:13,250
- What I wanna know is where
are you gonna find 50 women
32
00:01:13,349 --> 00:01:15,659
you haven't slept with?
- Uh, prison.
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00:01:15,765 --> 00:01:17,315
And honestly,
some of those
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00:01:17,422 --> 00:01:18,802
probably done went
through the Nick train.
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00:01:18,906 --> 00:01:20,216
- FAIZON:
[laughs]
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00:01:20,321 --> 00:01:22,431
- A couple, just a couple.
37
00:01:22,530 --> 00:01:24,710
- That's how they got in jail.
- FAIZON & KEVIN: [laugh]
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00:01:24,808 --> 00:01:26,118
- Nick, be honest with me
though, let's tell the truth.
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00:01:26,224 --> 00:01:28,054
What's really going on?
Why you doing the show?
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00:01:28,157 --> 00:01:29,807
You living in Radio Shack,
is that's what's going on?
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00:01:29,917 --> 00:01:33,157
- Yeah, 'cause I own it.
- I hate you.
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00:01:33,265 --> 00:01:36,095
- Who gonna turn down getting
paid to make love to
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00:01:36,199 --> 00:01:39,749
some of the most beautiful
women in the world?
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00:01:39,858 --> 00:01:42,998
Plus, since the divorce
and everything,
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00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:44,413
it's been real tough
trying to date.
46
00:01:44,518 --> 00:01:46,108
- Man, Nick, ain't nobody
buying that shit.
47
00:01:46,209 --> 00:01:48,039
- He's healing.
- Ain't no healing.
48
00:01:48,142 --> 00:01:50,042
I don't believe that
People Magazine bull crap
49
00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:51,324
that I've been reading.
50
00:01:51,421 --> 00:01:54,911
I know you, Nick.
Only thing healing is his balls.
51
00:01:55,011 --> 00:01:57,291
- The guys think I'm just all
about sex, sex, sex.
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00:01:57,393 --> 00:01:59,573
That couldn't be further
from the truth.
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00:01:59,671 --> 00:02:02,921
I mean, I'm attracted to
a woman's inner beauty,
54
00:02:03,019 --> 00:02:05,299
intelligence, spirituality.
55
00:02:05,401 --> 00:02:08,711
There's so much more to life
than just hitting it.
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00:02:08,818 --> 00:02:12,548
I mean I don't know what it is,
but I'm sure it's out there.
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00:02:12,649 --> 00:02:14,759
Why do you know about my balls?
They're my balls.
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00:02:14,858 --> 00:02:16,578
- Hey, baby.
- KEVIN: Hey, how you doing?
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00:02:16,688 --> 00:02:17,828
How are you?
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00:02:17,930 --> 00:02:19,210
- I'm gonna go take a swim,
do you mind?
61
00:02:19,311 --> 00:02:20,831
- No, go ahead,
I don't mind.
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00:02:20,933 --> 00:02:22,383
Baby, wait, say hi to
Kenan and Kel.
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00:02:22,487 --> 00:02:24,387
- [gasps] That was my
favorite show growing up.
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00:02:24,489 --> 00:02:26,909
Welcome to good burger,
home of the good burger.
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00:02:27,008 --> 00:02:28,698
Can I take your order?
I love that movie!
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00:02:28,803 --> 00:02:30,053
Classic.
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00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,740
- They're good, right?
- You mind if I get a picture?
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00:02:31,841 --> 00:02:33,121
- Before...before they leave,
I'll make sure you get one.
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00:02:33,222 --> 00:02:34,842
- [kisses]
- All right, sweetie.
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00:02:34,947 --> 00:02:36,667
- I met the guy from
"Snakes On A Plane."
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00:02:36,777 --> 00:02:38,157
- [high-pitched laughter]
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00:02:38,261 --> 00:02:39,881
- Uh, Kev, is there something
you wanna tell us?
73
00:02:39,987 --> 00:02:41,127
- I don't have nothing
to tell you.
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00:02:41,230 --> 00:02:42,680
I wanna tell you
to get out.
75
00:02:42,783 --> 00:02:45,033
- Listen,
spare us no details.
76
00:02:45,130 --> 00:02:46,860
- Come on, there's
no details to give.
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00:02:46,959 --> 00:02:48,509
Oh, there's plenty
of details.
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00:02:48,616 --> 00:02:49,926
Dirty details.
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00:02:50,031 --> 00:02:54,101
Let's just say that Keke
and I have been keke'ing it.
80
00:02:54,208 --> 00:02:56,488
[laughs]
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00:02:56,590 --> 00:02:59,110
- Look, I hate to burst your
little Nickelodeon bubble,
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00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:01,253
no offense, but the guy
from Subway
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00:03:01,353 --> 00:03:03,533
went to jail for the same shit
you're doing right here.
84
00:03:03,631 --> 00:03:04,601
- What?
85
00:03:04,701 --> 00:03:09,091
- ♪
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00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,569
- Good Lord have mercy.
87
00:03:11,674 --> 00:03:16,924
- ♪
88
00:03:17,024 --> 00:03:19,304
- Damn, what you gonna
do with that?
89
00:03:20,510 --> 00:03:21,650
Cull her?
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00:03:21,753 --> 00:03:23,343
- Okay, see this is why
I don't talk to you guys,
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00:03:23,444 --> 00:03:25,004
'cause I know that you
wouldn't understand.
92
00:03:25,101 --> 00:03:26,651
- What do you mean?
- Keke is a grown ass woman.
93
00:03:26,758 --> 00:03:27,968
- Yes.
94
00:03:28,069 --> 00:03:29,619
- She done had two pregnancy
scares already, okay?
95
00:03:29,726 --> 00:03:30,866
- FAIZON: Yeah.
96
00:03:30,969 --> 00:03:32,139
- Now what you need
to understand,
97
00:03:32,246 --> 00:03:34,176
I'm an international
superstar, guys.
98
00:03:34,283 --> 00:03:37,323
- Listen, Cleveland is not
international, Kevin.
99
00:03:37,424 --> 00:03:39,224
- Okay, Faizon, as an
international superstar,
100
00:03:39,322 --> 00:03:41,432
it is my job to keep up
with the young and the hip.
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00:03:41,531 --> 00:03:44,851
Not the old and the ones that
need the hip replacement.
102
00:03:44,948 --> 00:03:47,088
- Kevin.
- Yes, honey?
103
00:03:47,192 --> 00:03:48,682
- You're not gonna come
get in with me?
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00:03:48,780 --> 00:03:50,300
- Girl, what the hell?
105
00:03:50,402 --> 00:03:52,442
Where's the coat that I got
you to wear in the water?
106
00:03:52,542 --> 00:03:54,062
That's too much skin.
107
00:03:54,164 --> 00:03:55,274
I don't want that chlorine
getting on your stomach.
108
00:03:55,373 --> 00:03:57,063
That's how people break out.
109
00:03:57,167 --> 00:03:59,927
- Not if you protect me.
- Give me a second, okay?
110
00:04:00,032 --> 00:04:02,412
Last thing I'm gonna do is deal
with y'all perverted behinds.
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00:04:03,381 --> 00:04:05,971
- NICK: Cannon ball!
- [water splashes]
112
00:04:06,073 --> 00:04:09,043
- FAIZON: Keke!
- KEVIN: Hey!
113
00:04:09,145 --> 00:04:12,525
Listen, Faizon,
get out of my water!
114
00:04:12,631 --> 00:04:14,151
Faizon!
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00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:15,814
I didn't know your fat
ass could float.
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00:04:15,910 --> 00:04:17,670
Get out of my water.
117
00:04:17,774 --> 00:04:19,854
Keke, don't play
with Nick's balls.
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00:04:19,949 --> 00:04:21,429
- NICK: Get the ball,
Keke. [laughing]
119
00:04:21,537 --> 00:04:25,227
- [sighs] I gotta get
some new friends.
120
00:04:25,334 --> 00:04:29,824
- Hi, I'm Rob Morrow,
and this is "The Suitor."
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00:04:29,924 --> 00:04:41,144
- ♪
122
00:04:41,246 --> 00:04:44,146
- Welcome to a very special
edition of "The Suitor."
123
00:04:44,249 --> 00:04:47,009
Just know that while Black lives
may not matter in America,
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00:04:47,114 --> 00:04:49,534
Black love does here
on "The Suitor."
125
00:04:49,634 --> 00:04:51,984
No need to adjust
the color on your screens.
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00:04:52,084 --> 00:04:54,674
Please welcome Hollywood's
most eligible suitor--
127
00:04:54,777 --> 00:04:56,367
actor, producer,
rapper, mogul,
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00:04:56,468 --> 00:04:58,778
two-time mayor of
Beverley Hills and, yes,
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00:04:58,884 --> 00:05:02,474
ladies and gentlemen,
he is a Negro--Nick Cannon.
130
00:05:02,578 --> 00:05:06,378
- ♪
131
00:05:06,478 --> 00:05:07,718
- You know what?
132
00:05:07,824 --> 00:05:09,314
I'm a little nervous on
my first day on "The Suitor."
133
00:05:09,412 --> 00:05:11,172
Now even though I'm pretty
handy with the ladies,
134
00:05:11,276 --> 00:05:13,106
this is a big responsibility
picking out a woman
135
00:05:13,209 --> 00:05:16,249
who's gonna be the next
Mrs. Cannon-Carey.
136
00:05:19,008 --> 00:05:20,768
Forgot to take that off.
137
00:05:20,872 --> 00:05:22,292
- ROB:
Hey, Nick.
138
00:05:22,391 --> 00:05:23,911
- Did you just refer
to me as a Negro?
139
00:05:24,013 --> 00:05:25,573
- Well, I might have.
- Watch your mouth.
140
00:05:25,670 --> 00:05:27,530
- But--
- Watch...watch your mouth.
141
00:05:27,637 --> 00:05:30,537
- I mean, that's the theme
of the show, isn't it?
142
00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:32,540
So, Nick, how you doing?
143
00:05:32,642 --> 00:05:33,822
- I'm all right.
144
00:05:33,919 --> 00:05:35,889
- Good, this is a big night
for you and your people.
145
00:05:35,990 --> 00:05:37,850
- Look, Rob, it's a big
night for me.
146
00:05:37,958 --> 00:05:39,548
But I don't know
about my people.
147
00:05:39,649 --> 00:05:41,959
I mean this is a show about
dating, not emancipating.
148
00:05:42,065 --> 00:05:44,445
- [laughs]
True that, Huey P.
149
00:05:44,551 --> 00:05:46,071
ROB: [laughs]
- One more, you got one more.
150
00:05:46,173 --> 00:05:48,283
- Sorry, pal...son...
151
00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:50,522
brother.
- I'm none of that to you.
152
00:05:50,626 --> 00:05:52,076
- Homie.
- No.
153
00:05:52,179 --> 00:05:53,839
- My [bleep].
- You want your ass whooped.
154
00:05:53,939 --> 00:05:55,079
- Sorry.
155
00:05:55,182 --> 00:05:58,052
- To be honest,
it's been tough
156
00:05:58,150 --> 00:06:00,390
getting back into
the dating game.
157
00:06:00,498 --> 00:06:01,498
[sobbing]
158
00:06:01,602 --> 00:06:04,092
You know, I never thought
I would say this.
159
00:06:04,191 --> 00:06:07,401
But the break-up has
left me vulnerable.
160
00:06:07,505 --> 00:06:09,705
Some might even
say emasculated.
161
00:06:09,817 --> 00:06:13,367
[sobbing]
162
00:06:13,476 --> 00:06:17,516
Bottom line, I'm just
looking to restart my life
163
00:06:17,618 --> 00:06:21,728
and find that special someone
who'll make me wanna love again.
164
00:06:21,829 --> 00:06:23,899
[sobbing]
165
00:06:24,004 --> 00:06:25,354
- KEVIN:
Yo, is he crying?
166
00:06:25,454 --> 00:06:27,084
Oh, he gonna make me do
a two-sie in my one-sie.
167
00:06:27,179 --> 00:06:29,869
- Shh. He's sensitive.
168
00:06:29,975 --> 00:06:31,595
I can't even hear him.
169
00:06:31,701 --> 00:06:32,841
- Nick is not sensitive,
he's full of--
170
00:06:32,944 --> 00:06:35,084
- Shh.
- It.
171
00:06:35,187 --> 00:06:36,837
- [sobbing continues]
172
00:06:36,948 --> 00:06:38,328
[blowing nose in hand]
173
00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:41,682
- Okay, let's bring them out.
- Let's do it.
174
00:06:41,780 --> 00:06:42,920
- Ladies.
175
00:06:43,023 --> 00:06:45,163
- ♪
176
00:06:45,266 --> 00:06:46,676
- [camera shutter clicks]
177
00:06:46,785 --> 00:06:50,265
- ♪
178
00:06:50,375 --> 00:06:51,785
- [camera shutter clicks]
179
00:06:51,894 --> 00:06:53,244
- ♪
180
00:06:53,343 --> 00:06:55,283
- Hi, Nick, it's good
to see you again.
181
00:06:55,380 --> 00:06:58,180
- It's good to see
you again, too, uh...
182
00:06:58,279 --> 00:07:00,179
- Penelope.
- Penelope.
183
00:07:00,281 --> 00:07:01,491
Girl, what you been up to?
184
00:07:01,593 --> 00:07:04,733
- Great news, the test
came back negative.
185
00:07:08,220 --> 00:07:11,260
Oh, my God! Who? What the...
Are you serious?
186
00:07:11,361 --> 00:07:14,051
- Very.
- I could be your walling out.
187
00:07:14,157 --> 00:07:15,637
I could be your drum line.
188
00:07:15,745 --> 00:07:17,775
- At this rate, it might
just be a two-parter.
189
00:07:17,885 --> 00:07:18,915
- PENELOPE:
Get off me!
190
00:07:19,024 --> 00:07:20,304
- ♪
191
00:07:20,405 --> 00:07:21,885
- [camera shutter clicks]
192
00:07:21,993 --> 00:07:25,933
- ♪
193
00:07:26,031 --> 00:07:27,311
- [camera shutter clicks]
194
00:07:27,412 --> 00:07:29,102
- ROB: Here we go, Nick.
- Hey!
195
00:07:29,207 --> 00:07:31,487
- [sharp smack]
- Ah! What was that for?
196
00:07:31,589 --> 00:07:33,829
- My test came back positive.
197
00:07:33,936 --> 00:07:35,486
- So, that mean you got
something or you're pregnant?
198
00:07:35,593 --> 00:07:37,733
- [sharp smack]
- ROB: Oh, damn!
199
00:07:37,836 --> 00:07:39,036
That's gotta hurt.
200
00:07:39,148 --> 00:07:40,528
Can I say "she slapped
the black off him?"
201
00:07:40,632 --> 00:07:43,392
That's a no? Okay,
beep it, okay.
202
00:07:43,497 --> 00:07:45,777
She slapped the [bleep]
off his ass.
203
00:07:45,879 --> 00:07:46,979
- "Jew" got one more time.
204
00:07:47,087 --> 00:07:48,087
- Now that's
crossing the line.
205
00:07:48,191 --> 00:07:49,301
See, that's Standards
and Practices.
206
00:07:49,399 --> 00:07:50,989
That was not acceptable.
- All white.
207
00:07:51,091 --> 00:07:53,271
- You can say Negro,
you can see [bleep].
208
00:07:54,128 --> 00:07:56,128
Trust me.
209
00:07:56,234 --> 00:07:57,684
Here we go.
210
00:07:57,787 --> 00:07:58,957
- [camera shutter clicks]
211
00:07:59,064 --> 00:08:00,964
- ♪
212
00:08:01,066 --> 00:08:02,446
- [camera shutter clicks]
213
00:08:02,551 --> 00:08:10,771
- ♪
214
00:08:10,869 --> 00:08:13,419
- Hi, I'm Carabel.
215
00:08:13,527 --> 00:08:16,317
- I think I hear them
cara-bells ringing.
216
00:08:16,426 --> 00:08:18,636
Will you be the next--
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
217
00:08:18,739 --> 00:08:21,219
Come on, gigolo, you know we
don't love these [bleep].
218
00:08:21,328 --> 00:08:22,848
Get up, we got
a show to do.
219
00:08:22,950 --> 00:08:24,540
Okay, thank you very much.
220
00:08:24,642 --> 00:08:26,262
Come on, pal.
All right, take it down.
221
00:08:26,367 --> 00:08:28,017
Get the tongue back
in the mouth.
222
00:08:28,128 --> 00:08:29,468
There you go.
223
00:08:29,578 --> 00:08:31,168
- ♪
224
00:08:31,269 --> 00:08:32,999
- [camera shutter clicks]
225
00:08:33,098 --> 00:08:34,648
- ♪
226
00:08:34,755 --> 00:08:35,755
- [camera shutter clicks]
227
00:08:35,860 --> 00:08:37,660
- Oh, she got a gun!
Get down, White boy!
228
00:08:37,758 --> 00:08:40,518
Check it.
- No, it's a poem, get up.
229
00:08:40,623 --> 00:08:42,493
- All right, we gotta
edit that out.
230
00:08:42,591 --> 00:08:43,871
Just cut that.
231
00:08:43,971 --> 00:08:45,181
- Oh...gee...
232
00:08:45,283 --> 00:08:47,323
Poetry, I like poetry.
Are you a poet?
233
00:08:47,423 --> 00:08:50,053
- No, I'm a doctor actually.
- Even better.
234
00:08:50,150 --> 00:08:51,770
You know, I got these
kidney issues be--
235
00:08:54,050 --> 00:08:56,710
- "Roses are red,
violets are blue.
236
00:08:56,812 --> 00:08:59,752
I'm the only girl on this show,
who hasn't [bleep] you."
237
00:08:59,849 --> 00:09:01,579
- [exhales]
[laughing]
238
00:09:01,679 --> 00:09:03,269
- Why is that funny?
- It's just hysterical.
239
00:09:03,370 --> 00:09:05,720
I don't know what to say.
It's really funny.
240
00:09:05,821 --> 00:09:07,411
This show should have
gone Black ages ago.
241
00:09:07,512 --> 00:09:08,652
I've never had so much fun.
242
00:09:08,755 --> 00:09:10,265
- Get your hands--
get your hands off me.
243
00:09:10,377 --> 00:09:11,647
- Once you go Black,
you never go back.
244
00:09:11,758 --> 00:09:16,038
- The sky is blue
and the rain is wet.
245
00:09:16,141 --> 00:09:18,661
It's true you haven't
[bleep] me...
246
00:09:18,765 --> 00:09:20,555
not yet.
247
00:09:24,771 --> 00:09:31,431
- ♪
248
00:09:31,536 --> 00:09:33,466
- Okay, Nick,
in record time,
249
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:36,133
we are down from
our original 50 contestants,
250
00:09:36,230 --> 00:09:39,200
to 12 lucky ladies.
- Mm-hmm.
251
00:09:39,302 --> 00:09:40,792
- The other 38
already got lucky
252
00:09:40,890 --> 00:09:42,860
because you slept
with them before.
253
00:09:42,961 --> 00:09:44,481
- It's 37 and a possible.
254
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,694
I mean, does oral count?
255
00:09:46,793 --> 00:09:50,113
- Yeah, no.
All right, anyway, time--
256
00:09:50,210 --> 00:09:51,690
- Let's do it.
257
00:09:51,798 --> 00:09:54,558
- --to give away
the golden keys.
258
00:09:54,663 --> 00:09:57,293
- Ladies, that can be yours.
259
00:09:57,389 --> 00:09:59,049
Rachel, please step up.
260
00:09:59,150 --> 00:10:00,810
- ♪
261
00:10:00,910 --> 00:10:03,360
- Now my idea of
a perfect woman
262
00:10:03,464 --> 00:10:05,054
isn't just someone who's
beautiful, intelligent,
263
00:10:05,156 --> 00:10:06,496
spiritually sound.
264
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,366
I'm looking for a woman
who's willing--
265
00:10:08,469 --> 00:10:09,609
- I'm willing to do
whatever it takes
266
00:10:09,712 --> 00:10:11,652
to be the next Mrs. Cannon.
267
00:10:11,749 --> 00:10:16,169
- Well, are you willing
to sign this prenup?
268
00:10:16,270 --> 00:10:17,860
- Really?
269
00:10:17,962 --> 00:10:19,582
Are you serious?
270
00:10:19,688 --> 00:10:21,758
[speaking non-English]
271
00:10:21,862 --> 00:10:24,242
- Your mama say...
[unintelligible]
272
00:10:24,347 --> 00:10:25,867
- [screaming]
273
00:10:25,970 --> 00:10:28,870
- WOMEN: [gasp]
- [water splashes]
274
00:10:28,973 --> 00:10:30,423
- Sayonara.
275
00:10:30,526 --> 00:10:32,216
- Oh, my God.
276
00:10:32,321 --> 00:10:35,701
- Victoria...
please, step up.
277
00:10:35,807 --> 00:10:36,737
- ♪
278
00:10:36,843 --> 00:10:39,123
- NICK: Come on,
we ain't got all day.
279
00:10:39,224 --> 00:10:40,574
To the left.
280
00:10:40,674 --> 00:10:42,714
A little more to the left.
281
00:10:42,814 --> 00:10:43,994
- ♪
282
00:10:44,091 --> 00:10:45,231
- [heavy sigh]
283
00:10:45,334 --> 00:10:47,924
- Now, are you
willing to sign--
284
00:10:48,026 --> 00:10:50,126
Good choice.
- [sighs]
285
00:10:50,235 --> 00:10:52,995
- Smart. Loyal.
286
00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:55,480
You get a key.
287
00:10:57,691 --> 00:10:58,831
Candy.
288
00:10:58,934 --> 00:10:59,944
Woo.
289
00:11:00,038 --> 00:11:01,348
Candy, Candy, Candy.
290
00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:02,663
- It's Candace.
291
00:11:02,765 --> 00:11:06,555
- Okay. Strong,
educated Black woman.
292
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,076
I like that.
[laughs]
293
00:11:08,184 --> 00:11:11,434
Why would a woman with
strength, intelligence,
294
00:11:11,532 --> 00:11:13,672
and character come
on this show?
295
00:11:13,776 --> 00:11:15,016
Oh, yeah, 'cause
I'm on it.
296
00:11:15,122 --> 00:11:17,232
[laughs]
297
00:11:17,331 --> 00:11:19,711
Now are you willing to
sign this prenup?
298
00:11:19,817 --> 00:11:22,097
- Sure, as long as you're
willing to sign one.
299
00:11:22,198 --> 00:11:24,238
- [laughs]
You're so cute.
300
00:11:24,338 --> 00:11:26,128
[laughs] 'Cause you
think we're equal.
301
00:11:26,237 --> 00:11:27,547
What? I get it,
you're a doctor.
302
00:11:27,652 --> 00:11:29,972
You make what
$200,000? $300,000?
303
00:11:30,068 --> 00:11:33,308
- [laughs] Yes, I make
that in a weekend.
304
00:11:33,416 --> 00:11:36,936
My pharmaceutical company makes
over $600 million a year.
305
00:11:40,389 --> 00:11:42,429
- I ain't signing shit.
306
00:11:42,529 --> 00:11:44,499
Shoot, I made that
mistake once.
307
00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:46,290
Ain't gonna let
that happen again.
308
00:11:46,395 --> 00:11:54,915
- ♪
309
00:11:55,024 --> 00:11:56,474
- Okay, baby,
now it's your turn.
310
00:11:56,577 --> 00:11:59,747
- Hell, it is.
I'm not gonna do that.
311
00:11:59,857 --> 00:12:01,617
I gotta use my face for work.
312
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,411
Hey, you know what, man?
313
00:12:03,515 --> 00:12:05,165
You could use your
face for work, too.
314
00:12:05,276 --> 00:12:07,616
I know Wall Street is
looking for guys like you.
315
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,517
I heard they're doing
another "Insidious."
316
00:12:09,625 --> 00:12:11,005
They're casting a "Saw 12."
317
00:12:11,109 --> 00:12:13,419
You know they're doing a...
a "Mad Max 3."
318
00:12:13,525 --> 00:12:15,175
Brother, I'm trying
to help you.
319
00:12:15,286 --> 00:12:16,626
No?
320
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,316
- Baby, there are other
places you can get it.
321
00:12:18,427 --> 00:12:20,187
- No, I'm not
tattooing my biceps.
322
00:12:20,291 --> 00:12:23,471
- Do it for me.
Please, baby.
323
00:12:23,570 --> 00:12:25,750
- Do it for me, too.
324
00:12:25,848 --> 00:12:29,158
- Lady, what tattoo can you
possibly be getting?
325
00:12:29,265 --> 00:12:30,985
Is that a butterfly?
- Kevin.
326
00:12:31,095 --> 00:12:32,885
- That...that's dead.
327
00:12:32,993 --> 00:12:35,063
- I'll show you some
of my other piercings.
328
00:12:36,652 --> 00:12:39,832
- Oh, I'm about to pierce it.
329
00:12:39,931 --> 00:12:41,901
[laughs]
330
00:12:46,558 --> 00:12:47,798
- ♪ Hey you know
what time it is ♪
331
00:12:47,905 --> 00:12:50,695
♪ Hey, hey shorty
we could ride to this ♪
332
00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:54,124
- Stop bending the cards.
- Shut up, Kevin.
333
00:12:54,221 --> 00:12:55,911
Let me deal how I deal.
334
00:12:56,016 --> 00:12:59,016
- Ooh, Nick, I got one question
about these "Suitor" chicks.
335
00:12:59,123 --> 00:13:00,923
- He wants to know
if they can cook.
336
00:13:01,021 --> 00:13:02,441
- No.
337
00:13:02,540 --> 00:13:04,470
Are you sleeping
with the twins?
338
00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:05,816
And can they cook?
339
00:13:05,923 --> 00:13:07,303
- Man, I can't discuss
that stuff, man.
340
00:13:07,407 --> 00:13:08,617
I signed a NDA.
341
00:13:08,718 --> 00:13:11,648
I'm gonna tell y'all,
the twins can cook.
342
00:13:11,756 --> 00:13:13,616
[laughs]
You know what I mean?
343
00:13:13,723 --> 00:13:16,113
I been in them ovens.
[laughs]
344
00:13:17,555 --> 00:13:18,685
Ooh!
345
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,968
It look like Keke
done turned you into
346
00:13:21,076 --> 00:13:22,906
one of her little
scream queens.
347
00:13:23,009 --> 00:13:25,599
- KEVIN ON VIDEO: [screams]
- KEVIN: What, what, what?
348
00:13:25,701 --> 00:13:27,191
- His and her piercings.
349
00:13:27,289 --> 00:13:30,359
Look like Keke got you in
the palmer of her hand.
350
00:13:30,464 --> 00:13:32,544
- Palmer of her,
'cause, you's funny.
351
00:13:32,639 --> 00:13:34,089
- That was not funny.
352
00:13:34,192 --> 00:13:35,852
That joke was
the reason why Faizon
353
00:13:35,953 --> 00:13:37,783
will never open for
me on the road.
354
00:13:37,886 --> 00:13:39,646
I'm sorry,
it had to be said.
355
00:13:39,749 --> 00:13:41,409
Now be honest, do I look
like the type of guy
356
00:13:41,510 --> 00:13:43,270
that would wear
nipple rings?
357
00:13:43,374 --> 00:13:45,004
- Unless there's
red Kool-Aid
358
00:13:45,100 --> 00:13:46,790
lactating out your
little titties.
359
00:13:46,895 --> 00:13:48,405
- What?
- [material rips]
360
00:13:48,517 --> 00:13:50,447
- KEVIN: No, no,
Faizon, no!
361
00:13:50,553 --> 00:13:53,523
- Oh. Eww.
- KEVIN: So what?
362
00:13:53,625 --> 00:13:55,765
I feel alive, man.
363
00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:57,659
My whole body's tingling.
364
00:13:57,767 --> 00:14:00,457
I'm out here living, man.
365
00:14:00,563 --> 00:14:01,983
- Hey!
366
00:14:02,082 --> 00:14:03,642
- I'm alive!
367
00:14:03,739 --> 00:14:05,429
Don't knock it 'til
you've tried it.
368
00:14:05,534 --> 00:14:07,024
And this might not
be my last piercing.
369
00:14:07,122 --> 00:14:09,092
Oh, they can laugh
all they want.
370
00:14:09,193 --> 00:14:10,333
That wasn't screaming.
371
00:14:10,435 --> 00:14:12,775
KEVIN ON VIDEO: [screams]
KEVIN: This is screaming.
372
00:14:12,886 --> 00:14:14,086
Feels like I'm having
a baby out my [bleep].
373
00:14:14,198 --> 00:14:16,608
That's when I got
the Prince Albert.
374
00:14:16,717 --> 00:14:18,437
Oh, you don't know
what that means?
375
00:14:18,547 --> 00:14:19,957
[laughs]
376
00:14:20,066 --> 00:14:24,346
Yep...my ding-ding
has a ring-ring.
377
00:14:24,449 --> 00:14:26,349
[chuckling]
378
00:14:28,971 --> 00:14:30,871
- ANNOUNCER: Previously,
on "The Suitor"...
379
00:14:30,973 --> 00:14:33,183
- No need to adjust
the color on your screens.
380
00:14:33,286 --> 00:14:34,696
He is a Negro.
381
00:14:34,804 --> 00:14:36,704
- ANNOUNCER: We went Black, and
we're back, and we don't crack.
382
00:14:36,806 --> 00:14:38,116
- [screaming]
383
00:14:38,222 --> 00:14:39,742
- Sayonara.
384
00:14:39,844 --> 00:14:41,674
- ANNOUNCER: There's been
a whole lot of fussing.
385
00:14:41,777 --> 00:14:43,427
- I can be your walling out.
- ANNOUNCER: Fighting.
386
00:14:43,537 --> 00:14:46,087
- My test came back positive.
- ANNOUNCER: And jiving.
387
00:14:46,195 --> 00:14:47,885
- Oh, she got a gun!
Get down, White boy!
388
00:14:47,990 --> 00:14:49,610
- This show should have
gone Black ages ago.
389
00:14:49,716 --> 00:14:51,056
I've never had so much fun.
390
00:14:51,166 --> 00:14:52,676
- ANNOUNCER: Stay tuned
and see what's cooking,
391
00:14:52,788 --> 00:14:55,098
this week on "The Suitor."
392
00:14:55,204 --> 00:14:56,974
It's the final four.
393
00:14:57,068 --> 00:15:02,828
- ♪
394
00:15:02,936 --> 00:15:05,526
- Okay, Nick, we're down
to our last four babes.
395
00:15:05,628 --> 00:15:07,218
These women are beautiful.
- Talk about it.
396
00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:08,290
- Intelligent.
- Yeah.
397
00:15:08,390 --> 00:15:09,430
- Talented.
- Mmm!
398
00:15:09,529 --> 00:15:11,499
- But can they cook?
399
00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:12,950
- See, Rob, now that's
a good question.
400
00:15:13,050 --> 00:15:14,120
- Uh-huh.
401
00:15:14,223 --> 00:15:16,403
- That's why I gave
them my mom's recipe
402
00:15:16,501 --> 00:15:17,851
for shrimp and grits.
403
00:15:17,951 --> 00:15:19,821
But I left out
the secret ingredient.
404
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,369
[laughs]
Challenge.
405
00:15:21,472 --> 00:15:22,542
- ROB:
Right, 'cause we know
406
00:15:22,645 --> 00:15:25,265
the way to a man's
heart is through his--
407
00:15:25,372 --> 00:15:26,652
That's right.
408
00:15:26,753 --> 00:15:28,653
Let's bring in the four dishes
with their four dishes.
409
00:15:28,755 --> 00:15:30,685
The winner gets
some alone time
410
00:15:30,791 --> 00:15:32,211
and breakfast in bed
with young Nick here.
411
00:15:32,310 --> 00:15:34,660
- Oh, now that's a prize.
That's a prize.
412
00:15:34,761 --> 00:15:35,901
- ♪ Oh Lord
- ♪ Oh Lord
413
00:15:36,004 --> 00:15:37,354
- ♪ Oh Lord
- ♪ Oh Lord
414
00:15:37,453 --> 00:15:38,593
♪ That's where she got it,
from my mama ♪
415
00:15:38,696 --> 00:15:40,486
♪ Oh Lord ooh
oh Lord ♪
416
00:15:40,594 --> 00:15:41,774
- NICK: Ooh!
- ♪ Oh Lord
417
00:15:41,871 --> 00:15:43,151
♪ Oh Lord,
it's automatic ♪
418
00:15:43,252 --> 00:15:45,222
♪ Oh Lord
- Mmm, talk about it!
419
00:15:45,323 --> 00:15:46,533
- ♪ She on fire
420
00:15:46,635 --> 00:15:47,875
♪ Burn her house down
at the party ♪
421
00:15:47,981 --> 00:15:49,161
♪ Cashed out,
in and out, whoa ♪
422
00:15:49,258 --> 00:15:50,468
♪ Gimme, gimme,
I don't wanna ♪
423
00:15:50,570 --> 00:15:52,190
♪ Ask for it ♪
424
00:15:52,296 --> 00:15:55,256
- Okay, okay, okay.
Now who's first?
425
00:15:55,368 --> 00:15:56,538
Step on up.
426
00:15:56,645 --> 00:15:58,095
Mmm!
427
00:15:58,198 --> 00:15:59,958
Mmm, mmm!
428
00:16:01,857 --> 00:16:04,307
Mmm, that's...that's...
what...what was that?
429
00:16:04,411 --> 00:16:05,791
- It's mofongo.
- Mmm.
430
00:16:05,895 --> 00:16:07,785
Well, maybe later
I'll come mofongo you.
431
00:16:07,897 --> 00:16:10,797
- Mmm.
- Don't go too far now.
432
00:16:10,900 --> 00:16:12,830
She put a little
chocolate on it, uh.
433
00:16:12,937 --> 00:16:15,217
- Hola.
- Hola.
434
00:16:17,252 --> 00:16:20,152
All right I see the shrimp,
but, baby, where's the grits?
435
00:16:20,255 --> 00:16:23,775
- [laughs] Oh, was that
the secret ingredient?
436
00:16:23,879 --> 00:16:27,299
- No me gusta! Yo no quiero esa
[unintelligible]
437
00:16:28,746 --> 00:16:31,156
- [laughs]
Allow me.
438
00:16:32,750 --> 00:16:34,790
- Okay.
439
00:16:36,685 --> 00:16:38,095
Girl, you must
know my mama.
440
00:16:38,204 --> 00:16:40,794
- No, before I went to
John Hopkins, I, uh,
441
00:16:40,896 --> 00:16:42,966
studied at Le Cordon Bleu.
442
00:16:43,071 --> 00:16:46,561
- I wanna study
your Cordon Bleu, mmm!
443
00:16:46,660 --> 00:16:48,280
Okay.
444
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:56,774
Oh!
445
00:16:56,877 --> 00:16:58,327
She got it!
446
00:16:58,431 --> 00:17:00,471
Victoria found the secret.
447
00:17:00,571 --> 00:17:01,851
[gasps]
448
00:17:01,951 --> 00:17:03,781
How you know?
How you...how you know?
449
00:17:03,884 --> 00:17:07,064
- [garbled speech]
450
00:17:09,338 --> 00:17:11,438
It's a little tangy.
451
00:17:11,547 --> 00:17:13,067
A little tangy.
452
00:17:13,170 --> 00:17:14,410
Mmm.
453
00:17:18,451 --> 00:17:23,801
- ♪
454
00:17:23,904 --> 00:17:26,224
- FAIZON & KEVIN:
Oh!
455
00:17:26,321 --> 00:17:29,121
- Kevin, why are you chasing
Keke around your car butt-naked?
456
00:17:29,220 --> 00:17:31,020
- Oh, that's what you call a
Baldwin Hills naked fire drill.
457
00:17:31,119 --> 00:17:32,879
Some young shit. Faizon,
you wouldn't know about that.
458
00:17:32,982 --> 00:17:34,642
- No, this sounds
like some stupid shit
459
00:17:34,743 --> 00:17:35,923
I don't need to know about.
460
00:17:36,020 --> 00:17:37,300
This is stupid.
- Let me see the video.
461
00:17:37,401 --> 00:17:38,751
Let me see the video.
What are you talking about?
462
00:17:38,850 --> 00:17:40,370
- You look like a ghetto version
of Puppy, Monkey, Baby.
463
00:17:40,473 --> 00:17:41,893
- I don't look like no
Puppy, Monkey, Baby.
464
00:17:41,991 --> 00:17:43,231
- Puppy, Monkey, Baby.
- Don't do that.
465
00:17:43,338 --> 00:17:44,788
- Puppy, Monkey, Baby.
- Faizon, don't do that.
466
00:17:44,891 --> 00:17:46,131
- Puppy, Monkey, Baby.
467
00:17:46,237 --> 00:17:47,857
- Girl, where you going
and why you got on my jeans?
468
00:17:47,963 --> 00:17:48,863
- I booked a movie, Kevin.
469
00:17:48,964 --> 00:17:50,904
I'm the new Bond girl.
470
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:52,070
- What movie?
471
00:17:52,174 --> 00:17:54,524
Wait, wait, when did you
go on an audition?
472
00:17:55,626 --> 00:17:58,276
- The past two weeks with
Kevin was my audition.
473
00:17:58,387 --> 00:18:01,457
You see, the Bond producers
wouldn't let me audition.
474
00:18:01,563 --> 00:18:03,703
All they could see was
"True Jackson VP."
475
00:18:03,806 --> 00:18:06,456
So, I had to flip the script
like Miley did Robin.
476
00:18:06,568 --> 00:18:08,188
The trick was finding
an old guy dumb enough
477
00:18:08,294 --> 00:18:10,994
to allow me to twerk
my way into adulthood.
478
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:14,580
I mean stupid, insecure,
old men don't grow on trees.
479
00:18:14,679 --> 00:18:15,989
Okay, that's not true.
480
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:18,295
There's a whole forest
full of them.
481
00:18:18,407 --> 00:18:19,647
[laughing]
482
00:18:19,753 --> 00:18:21,693
Hasta la vista, baby.
483
00:18:21,790 --> 00:18:22,960
- Hey, hey, hey, hey!
484
00:18:23,067 --> 00:18:25,517
You don't just storm out
while I got company.
485
00:18:25,621 --> 00:18:26,731
Hey!
486
00:18:26,829 --> 00:18:28,279
Girl, where the hell
you think you're going?
487
00:18:28,383 --> 00:18:30,073
Why are you leaving?
- You're too old.
488
00:18:30,178 --> 00:18:32,008
- What the hell you mean
I'm too old?
489
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:33,421
Girl, I'm 36 years old.
490
00:18:33,526 --> 00:18:36,486
- Yes, in Hollywood,
36 is the new 66.
491
00:18:36,598 --> 00:18:38,948
I never had a grandfather
and it was fun.
492
00:18:39,048 --> 00:18:41,668
- You never had--no, no.
Hey, hey, hey.
493
00:18:41,775 --> 00:18:43,085
You gonna leave me?
494
00:18:43,191 --> 00:18:44,851
You gonna act like I ain't
did nothing for you?
495
00:18:44,951 --> 00:18:46,441
I done bought you toys.
496
00:18:46,539 --> 00:18:48,329
Let you eat all them
snacks in the bed.
497
00:18:48,437 --> 00:18:50,197
Let you eat Lunchables
whenever you want.
498
00:18:50,301 --> 00:18:51,921
Drink juice all
times of the night.
499
00:18:52,027 --> 00:18:53,477
Stay up late.
500
00:18:53,580 --> 00:18:56,200
What, tell you what, you can
take these nipple rings!
501
00:18:56,307 --> 00:18:59,167
God...stinking!
Take that one.
502
00:18:59,276 --> 00:19:01,306
Take it. I can't...
503
00:19:01,416 --> 00:19:02,686
[gasps]
504
00:19:02,796 --> 00:19:04,756
[sobbing]
505
00:19:04,867 --> 00:19:08,247
I'm not done.
I'm not done.
506
00:19:08,354 --> 00:19:11,154
I'ma keep that one
'cause that made me better.
507
00:19:11,253 --> 00:19:14,463
Made me a better person!
So get out!
508
00:19:14,567 --> 00:19:18,357
[groans]
God! Shit!
509
00:19:18,467 --> 00:19:20,257
- Kevin, why you
bleeding like that?
510
00:19:20,366 --> 00:19:22,326
- It's called getting
rid of the past, Faizon.
511
00:19:22,437 --> 00:19:24,647
And sometimes the past
hurts your nipples.
512
00:19:24,749 --> 00:19:26,099
Faizon, do me a favor.
513
00:19:26,199 --> 00:19:27,819
Go in that bathroom and get me
some Band-Aids, please.
514
00:19:27,925 --> 00:19:29,335
- Unh-unh, not right
now, man.
515
00:19:29,444 --> 00:19:31,004
You're gonna make me miss the
season finale of "The Suitor."
516
00:19:31,100 --> 00:19:32,410
- Does "Suitor" come on now?
- Yeah, right now.
517
00:19:32,516 --> 00:19:33,996
- I didn't know it was
coming on tonight.
518
00:19:34,103 --> 00:19:35,283
- I think he's gonna
pick Candace,
519
00:19:35,381 --> 00:19:37,451
but although he...
he might pick Brittany.
520
00:19:37,555 --> 00:19:39,205
- Tell you what, he better
make the right choice.
521
00:19:39,316 --> 00:19:41,076
I talked to Bridget, she said
there's gonna be consequences
522
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,670
and repercussions, if he don't
pick a sister tonight.
523
00:19:43,768 --> 00:19:45,108
- Mmm.
524
00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:47,048
Oh! We missed it?
525
00:19:47,151 --> 00:19:49,151
- We missed the show.
- We missed the damn show?
526
00:19:49,257 --> 00:19:52,087
- Oh, come on, man.
Who do you think he picked?
527
00:19:53,985 --> 00:19:55,155
- [explosion]
528
00:19:55,263 --> 00:19:58,613
- KEVIN & FAIZON: Oh!
He picked the white girl.
529
00:19:58,714 --> 00:20:00,374
- Incredible.
530
00:20:02,649 --> 00:20:18,249
- ♪
38454
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