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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,485 --> 00:00:03,375 - KEVIN: It is what it is, though, because I was trying. 2 00:00:03,486 --> 00:00:05,346 They didn't even hire me for the job. 3 00:00:05,453 --> 00:00:06,803 You know what I'ma do? 4 00:00:06,903 --> 00:00:08,633 Make a note. I wanna buy these mannequins for the house. 5 00:00:08,732 --> 00:00:10,362 Are you listening to me? - Yeah, I'm listening. 6 00:00:10,458 --> 00:00:11,558 - Oh, my God. - What? 7 00:00:11,666 --> 00:00:12,526 - Is that La Toya Jackson? 8 00:00:12,633 --> 00:00:14,643 - No, man, that's LeToya Luckett. 9 00:00:14,738 --> 00:00:16,598 - She a salesperson now? 10 00:00:16,706 --> 00:00:18,596 Oh, man, she done hit rock bottom. 11 00:00:18,708 --> 00:00:20,948 - I'd like to hit that bottom. Mm! 12 00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:22,435 - KEVIN: You know what that means, don't you? 13 00:00:22,539 --> 00:00:24,299 - JACKIE: What? What that mean? - KEVIN: Low self esteem. 14 00:00:24,403 --> 00:00:27,343 - She got no low self esteem. - Exactly what that means. 15 00:00:27,441 --> 00:00:28,681 I'm goin' in. - She don't wanna be saved. 16 00:00:28,787 --> 00:00:30,647 Kevin! Kevin! - Go put the bags in the car. 17 00:00:30,754 --> 00:00:32,584 Put the bags in the car. 18 00:00:32,687 --> 00:00:34,587 Hey! 19 00:00:34,689 --> 00:00:36,309 - Hey! 20 00:00:36,415 --> 00:00:38,865 Oh, my God...what a surprise to see you here. 21 00:00:38,969 --> 00:00:41,799 - What a surprise to see you here. 22 00:00:41,903 --> 00:00:44,773 - Oh, I know, right? Well, gotta keep on grindin'. 23 00:00:44,872 --> 00:00:47,462 - I heard that. You know, I'm always grindin'. 24 00:00:47,564 --> 00:00:48,954 - BOTH: [laughing] 25 00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,909 - So, are you, uh, here to find something special 26 00:00:51,016 --> 00:00:52,876 for that special someone? - Well, you know what? 27 00:00:52,983 --> 00:00:54,993 Now that I see you, I think I am. 28 00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:57,819 - Oh, you're so silly. - I'm not silly, I'm serious. 29 00:00:57,919 --> 00:01:00,989 - Okay. So, are you interested in more make-up 30 00:01:01,095 --> 00:01:04,475 or skin care products or...? - Well, you know what? 31 00:01:04,581 --> 00:01:08,481 I know you're used to hearin' no, no, no, no, no. 32 00:01:08,585 --> 00:01:10,995 But today you're gon' hear yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 33 00:01:11,105 --> 00:01:14,655 - All righty. - I'ma take all of it. 34 00:01:14,764 --> 00:01:16,084 - Really? - Yeah, I want it all. 35 00:01:16,179 --> 00:01:19,799 All this. Bag all that up. Put it on my black card. 36 00:01:19,907 --> 00:01:24,007 - All right. - Unh-unh-unh-unh-unh! 37 00:01:24,118 --> 00:01:25,978 I want you to give this card the white treatment, though. 38 00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:28,736 - All righty. - I mean, put it everywhere. 39 00:01:28,847 --> 00:01:30,847 - Just give me-- - Look at me. 40 00:01:32,954 --> 00:01:35,204 - That's gross. - I got it. 41 00:01:35,302 --> 00:01:37,102 - WOMAN: Everything? - LETOYA: That's everything. 42 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:38,930 - Since you're gonna get a nice little commission from this, 43 00:01:39,029 --> 00:01:40,789 I was thinkin' maybe I could get a little commission. 44 00:01:40,893 --> 00:01:42,413 - Oh, I don't ...don't get commissions. 45 00:01:42,516 --> 00:01:44,686 - Now you see where the power of Kevin Hart comes in. 46 00:01:44,794 --> 00:01:47,284 I can change that. 47 00:01:47,383 --> 00:01:48,833 If you need to talk to your boss, I can. 48 00:01:48,936 --> 00:01:50,696 Get him on the phone. I'll fix that right now. 49 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:54,740 - You're talking to her. I own the company. 50 00:01:54,838 --> 00:01:58,838 - And your total is $25,982. 51 00:01:59,774 --> 00:02:01,544 - Uh... 52 00:02:03,330 --> 00:02:04,260 - ♪ This is the life, this is the life ♪ 53 00:02:04,365 --> 00:02:07,155 ♪ We got the life, we got the life ♪ 54 00:02:07,265 --> 00:02:08,885 ♪ This is the city where we party every night ♪ 55 00:02:08,990 --> 00:02:10,030 ♪ Party every night 56 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:14,510 ♪ Just you and me, down and to go ♪ 57 00:02:14,617 --> 00:02:16,717 ♪ Welcome to Hollywood, welcome to Hollywood ♪ 58 00:02:16,826 --> 00:02:19,516 ♪ Welcome to Hollywood ♪ 59 00:02:19,622 --> 00:02:22,942 - KEVIN: Hello? I'm calling to report a fraudulent charge. 60 00:02:23,039 --> 00:02:26,589 How much? For $25,000, that's how much. 61 00:02:26,698 --> 00:02:27,868 I have never in my life 62 00:02:27,975 --> 00:02:28,725 called you guys about a fraudulent charge 63 00:02:28,838 --> 00:02:31,048 other than that. 64 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:34,021 You know, I don't like the tone in your voice at all. 65 00:02:34,119 --> 00:02:36,429 I really don't. Can I talk to your supervisor, please? 66 00:02:36,535 --> 00:02:38,045 Oh, you are the supervisor? 67 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:38,918 Okay, well, then, I need to talk to your mother, 68 00:02:39,020 --> 00:02:40,990 and tell her about your mouth 69 00:02:41,091 --> 00:02:42,511 'cause you're up here cussin' up a storm. 70 00:02:42,610 --> 00:02:44,960 You're droppin' F-bombs like it's the 4th of July, 71 00:02:45,061 --> 00:02:45,861 and I'm not gonna tol-- - [dial tone] 72 00:02:45,958 --> 00:02:47,548 - Hello? Are you... Hello? Yo! 73 00:02:47,650 --> 00:02:49,100 - Are you gonna be on the phone all night, Kev, 74 00:02:49,203 --> 00:02:51,593 or are you gonna play poker? What's happening? 75 00:02:51,688 --> 00:02:53,278 - Hey, what the hell y'all doing? 76 00:02:53,380 --> 00:02:55,620 - FAIZON: This stuff is actually workin', man. 77 00:02:55,727 --> 00:03:00,727 My skin is moist and supple and my pores are breathing. 78 00:03:00,835 --> 00:03:03,285 Finally! 79 00:03:03,390 --> 00:03:05,910 - Oh, yeah. - [bleep] I ain't no taco. 80 00:03:06,013 --> 00:03:07,153 - [crunches] Mm, that's good. 81 00:03:07,256 --> 00:03:08,076 - Y'all eating the stuff? 82 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,118 - JB: You're next, Nelly. 83 00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:11,923 You smell like a [bleep] pumpkin pie. 84 00:03:12,019 --> 00:03:14,329 - Yeah, but it's too late. All gone. 85 00:03:14,435 --> 00:03:17,015 - Why did you eat that, man? I gotta take this back. 86 00:03:17,127 --> 00:03:18,267 It's the only way I'ma get my money back. 87 00:03:18,370 --> 00:03:19,720 - It's fat-free. - It doesn't matter. 88 00:03:19,820 --> 00:03:21,240 - What'd you buy all this stuff for in the first place, man? 89 00:03:21,339 --> 00:03:23,059 - The only reason why he bought this stuff, 90 00:03:23,168 --> 00:03:24,238 'cause he thought LeToya was gonna give him 91 00:03:24,342 --> 00:03:26,592 some of her stuff. - Shut up, Jackie. 92 00:03:26,689 --> 00:03:28,039 - That's some expensive shit. - OTHERS: [laughing] 93 00:03:28,138 --> 00:03:29,308 - Let me tell you something, Kev. 94 00:03:29,416 --> 00:03:32,206 I know LeToya and you're wasting your time, son. 95 00:03:32,315 --> 00:03:33,895 - What are you talking about? 96 00:03:34,006 --> 00:03:35,726 - 'Cause she ain't about to kick it, nah! 97 00:03:35,836 --> 00:03:38,146 - You know LeToya, huh, 'cause you know everybody, JB. 98 00:03:38,252 --> 00:03:39,502 - I do know everybody. - You do know everybody. 99 00:03:39,598 --> 00:03:42,568 - [cell phone buzzing] - Why's LeToya calling me, JB? 100 00:03:42,670 --> 00:03:44,120 - What? - Huh? 101 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:47,684 What's that call about? Let's see. 102 00:03:47,779 --> 00:03:49,469 Hello... 103 00:03:49,574 --> 00:03:51,894 Yeah, you know what I would love--to have dinner with you. 104 00:03:51,990 --> 00:03:53,610 Tonight. 105 00:03:53,716 --> 00:03:55,236 Ooh, hoo, hoo! 106 00:03:55,338 --> 00:03:56,718 You know how long I've been waiting 107 00:03:56,822 --> 00:03:58,512 to get lucky with LeToya? 108 00:03:58,617 --> 00:04:01,757 Not that long. I just saw her, so it kinda just started. 109 00:04:01,862 --> 00:04:05,312 Okay, sweetie. Bye-bye. 110 00:04:05,417 --> 00:04:09,527 - Jesus, what is that shit on your faces? 111 00:04:09,628 --> 00:04:11,938 - Don't act like you don't know, pretty boy. 112 00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:13,564 We got the secret. - The secret? 113 00:04:13,667 --> 00:04:16,497 - Don't act like you and Nicole don't be fightin' over her shit. 114 00:04:16,601 --> 00:04:18,221 - Well, we don't, 'cause I got my own shit. 115 00:04:18,327 --> 00:04:22,187 - We're just trying to look sexy and beautiful like you, Boris. 116 00:04:22,296 --> 00:04:23,846 - Well, avocado's not gonna do it, fellas. 117 00:04:23,953 --> 00:04:25,333 - What? 118 00:04:25,437 --> 00:04:26,957 - You're gonna need a head transplant. 119 00:04:27,059 --> 00:04:29,059 Or better-lookin' parents. - Hey! Hey! 120 00:04:29,165 --> 00:04:30,405 - You don't think I prayed about that? 121 00:04:30,511 --> 00:04:33,131 - You don't come in here and attack Faizon like that. 122 00:04:33,238 --> 00:04:35,478 - What the hell you doin' in a tux anyway, Boris? 123 00:04:35,585 --> 00:04:37,515 - You modelin' cat food or something? 124 00:04:37,622 --> 00:04:40,112 - BORIS: All right, I'm getting into character, okay, 125 00:04:40,210 --> 00:04:41,140 'cause I'm reading on the next James Bond movie. 126 00:04:41,246 --> 00:04:45,526 The movie is called "Bond is Black." 127 00:04:45,630 --> 00:04:46,840 - If you get that part, 128 00:04:46,941 --> 00:04:48,121 it's gonna be called "Bond Can't Act." 129 00:04:48,218 --> 00:04:51,638 - Who this? Who? Who? - ALL: [laughing] 130 00:04:51,739 --> 00:04:52,809 - BORIS: Okay. Okay. 131 00:04:52,913 --> 00:04:54,333 - JB: Whoa, whoa, whoa! 132 00:04:54,432 --> 00:04:55,572 You mean to tell me you're goin' in to play James Bond? 133 00:04:55,674 --> 00:04:57,064 - Yeah. 134 00:04:57,158 --> 00:04:58,568 - Why they didn't call me for James Bond? 135 00:04:58,677 --> 00:04:59,987 Where the audition at? 136 00:05:00,092 --> 00:05:01,092 I'ma call my agent right now and find out what's goin' on. 137 00:05:01,197 --> 00:05:03,437 - Okay, JB, it's not an audition, okay? 138 00:05:03,544 --> 00:05:04,864 They're just meeting a couple of A-listers. 139 00:05:04,959 --> 00:05:08,269 - Exactly. Are you helping them track down the A-listers? 140 00:05:08,377 --> 00:05:10,897 Why do they need you? - BORIS: I'm the A-lister. 141 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:13,830 - You got an agent now? - I am the A-lister. 142 00:05:13,934 --> 00:05:16,354 - You got an agent? - Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! 143 00:05:16,454 --> 00:05:20,394 - Eee! Eee! Eee! - ALL: [laughing] 144 00:05:20,492 --> 00:05:21,982 - JB: Let me tell you something right now. 145 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:23,180 Ain't no [bleep] way they're gonna call your ass 146 00:05:23,288 --> 00:05:24,838 about James Bond and not call me. 147 00:05:24,945 --> 00:05:26,115 I am destined to play James Bond. 148 00:05:26,222 --> 00:05:27,362 There's nobody in this room 149 00:05:27,465 --> 00:05:28,495 who'll play James Bond better than me. 150 00:05:28,604 --> 00:05:30,194 What do you think JB stands for? - Just Bald? 151 00:05:30,295 --> 00:05:32,225 - Justin Bieber? - Jungle Bunny? 152 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:35,922 - Jigaboo? - OTHERS: [laughing] 153 00:05:36,025 --> 00:05:39,545 - Y'all haters, my grandfather shined Sean Connery's shoes. 154 00:05:39,649 --> 00:05:41,269 My goldfinger's called "Pussy Galore." 155 00:05:41,375 --> 00:05:42,305 And I do my own [bleep] damn stunts. 156 00:05:42,411 --> 00:05:45,551 What kinda stunts can you do, Boris? 157 00:05:45,655 --> 00:05:47,345 - Me? 158 00:05:47,450 --> 00:05:49,420 - [tooth twinkles] - Damn! 159 00:05:49,521 --> 00:05:52,561 - That's a good one. - Bull [bleep]! 160 00:05:52,662 --> 00:05:55,422 - Boy, you think that pretty's a stunt? 161 00:05:55,527 --> 00:05:58,247 It's not a stunt. This is a [bleep] damn stunt. 162 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,878 - Oh, shit, what you about to do? 163 00:06:00,981 --> 00:06:03,051 - Put it away, JB. - JB. 164 00:06:03,155 --> 00:06:05,325 - Put it away, JB. - Come on, JB. 165 00:06:05,434 --> 00:06:07,684 - [glass shatters] - ALL: [gasp] 166 00:06:09,679 --> 00:06:14,059 - [voice cracking] JB don't feel no damn pain. 167 00:06:15,996 --> 00:06:19,616 - KEVIN: He got that, didn't he? 168 00:06:19,724 --> 00:06:23,044 - JB: [groaning] - JB, you feel the pain? 169 00:06:23,141 --> 00:06:25,631 - Snapchat in my house, you always on fleek. 170 00:06:25,730 --> 00:06:27,970 Hittin' ourselves with bottles in the head, yeah, JB. 171 00:06:28,077 --> 00:06:29,557 - [heavy thud] 172 00:06:31,045 --> 00:06:34,425 - Thanks for letting me treat you to dinner tonight, Kevin. 173 00:06:34,532 --> 00:06:37,882 - Mm-hm. Mm-hm. [laughing] 174 00:06:37,983 --> 00:06:41,443 Boop! Boop! Boop! 175 00:06:41,539 --> 00:06:43,679 - Someone sure does like hot wings. 176 00:06:43,782 --> 00:06:45,272 [laughs] 177 00:06:45,370 --> 00:06:48,890 KEVIN: Oh, I'm gettin' my 25 grand back-- 178 00:06:48,994 --> 00:06:49,754 one hot wing at a time. 179 00:06:49,857 --> 00:06:53,447 [chomping] 180 00:06:53,551 --> 00:06:55,971 Number 63! - [cash register tings] 181 00:06:56,070 --> 00:06:58,800 - Oh, Kevin, I have a confession to make. 182 00:06:58,901 --> 00:07:02,281 Okay, so, the real reason why I'm here is because I-- 183 00:07:04,354 --> 00:07:06,364 Okay, I'm sorry, where are your clothes? 184 00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:07,250 - I just ...thought everybody was hot. 185 00:07:07,357 --> 00:07:08,257 - No. - You're not hot? 186 00:07:08,358 --> 00:07:11,088 - No, I'm not. I'm not hot. 187 00:07:15,089 --> 00:07:17,019 - It's them fire wings. 188 00:07:17,126 --> 00:07:18,056 Them wings get in your system, man, 189 00:07:18,161 --> 00:07:19,581 your whole body gets to overheatin'. 190 00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:20,580 Then they gotta come out your butt. 191 00:07:20,681 --> 00:07:22,821 You don't want that ring of fire. 192 00:07:22,925 --> 00:07:24,305 [chuckling] 193 00:07:24,409 --> 00:07:25,479 Yeah, so come on, what were you gon' tell me? 194 00:07:25,583 --> 00:07:27,593 - Um... 195 00:07:27,688 --> 00:07:28,968 the real reason I came over is because 196 00:07:29,069 --> 00:07:31,869 you have the most beautiful skin color I've ever seen. 197 00:07:31,968 --> 00:07:33,758 - Oh... 198 00:07:33,867 --> 00:07:37,487 Well, you know, my body's the same color all over. 199 00:07:37,595 --> 00:07:38,865 - Yes. - Of course, you know that. 200 00:07:38,975 --> 00:07:40,555 You saw it. 201 00:07:40,667 --> 00:07:43,527 - But I really wanted to talk about your face. 202 00:07:43,635 --> 00:07:46,015 - Oh, you can do whatever you want to my face. 203 00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:48,680 Or on my face. In my face. 204 00:07:48,778 --> 00:07:53,158 - Okay, good. Well, we wanna use it to create a final color 205 00:07:53,265 --> 00:07:57,295 in my new foundation line. 206 00:07:57,407 --> 00:07:58,647 - You talkin' about make-up or something? 207 00:07:58,754 --> 00:08:01,274 - Yeah, we just wanna copy your skin color. 208 00:08:01,377 --> 00:08:03,827 Nobody will ever see your make-up. No one. 209 00:08:03,931 --> 00:08:05,171 - What do I get out of it? 210 00:08:05,277 --> 00:08:08,347 - Whatever you want. 211 00:08:11,594 --> 00:08:13,874 - We're about to have some make-up sex. 212 00:08:13,976 --> 00:08:14,976 Get it? 213 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:17,570 I'm about to. [laughs] 214 00:08:17,669 --> 00:08:19,399 - ♪ This is the life Welcome to Hollywood ♪ 215 00:08:21,708 --> 00:08:23,228 - [British accent] I am James Bond and you're a dirty girl. 216 00:08:23,330 --> 00:08:24,780 You're a dirty... [clears throat] 217 00:08:24,883 --> 00:08:26,853 You dirty girl... 218 00:08:26,954 --> 00:08:28,164 with your blue knickers on. 219 00:08:28,266 --> 00:08:31,576 Your purple knickers-- 220 00:08:33,409 --> 00:08:35,239 - JB: [sighing] 221 00:08:35,342 --> 00:08:37,312 Boris, what happened, man? 222 00:08:37,413 --> 00:08:39,213 I thought we was boys, man. 223 00:08:39,311 --> 00:08:41,001 I don't see any A-listers in here. 224 00:08:41,106 --> 00:08:42,346 Nobody. 225 00:08:42,452 --> 00:08:43,972 What is this, the DMV? - Look, JB, I-- 226 00:08:44,075 --> 00:08:47,035 - Everybody's tryin' to get a license to kill, huh? 227 00:08:47,147 --> 00:08:48,767 There's no A-listers here. 228 00:08:48,873 --> 00:08:51,123 - I didn't wanna hurt your feelings. 229 00:08:51,220 --> 00:08:52,360 - Hurt my feelings? - BORIS: Yes. 230 00:08:52,462 --> 00:08:55,122 - I'm an actor. How would you hurt my feelings? 231 00:08:55,224 --> 00:08:59,064 - Everybody got an audition, except you, so I felt bad. 232 00:08:59,159 --> 00:09:00,089 - I don't wanna call you a liar, 233 00:09:00,194 --> 00:09:01,584 but everybody did not get an audition. 234 00:09:01,679 --> 00:09:04,129 - Thanks, Mr. Faizon, we'll be calling your agent. 235 00:09:04,233 --> 00:09:06,823 - How'd it go? - I think I blew 'em out. 236 00:09:06,925 --> 00:09:08,195 [laughing] 237 00:09:08,306 --> 00:09:09,236 JB, what are you doing here? 238 00:09:09,341 --> 00:09:10,931 - What the [bleep] you doing here? 239 00:09:11,033 --> 00:09:12,553 - They wanted English actors. 240 00:09:12,655 --> 00:09:14,755 To act in the movie. - JB: [laughs] 241 00:09:14,864 --> 00:09:16,074 - You're a comedian. - Household name. 242 00:09:16,176 --> 00:09:17,966 - No, no, I see what the [bleep] is goin' on here. 243 00:09:18,074 --> 00:09:19,324 [laughing] 244 00:09:19,420 --> 00:09:20,800 [bleep] y'all! 245 00:09:20,905 --> 00:09:23,215 I'm the real James Bond up in here! 246 00:09:23,321 --> 00:09:24,431 What you think JB stand for? 247 00:09:24,529 --> 00:09:29,429 Sean Connery ain't got shit on me! 248 00:09:32,917 --> 00:09:36,017 - FAIZON: That's a gas mask. - JB, what are you doing? 249 00:09:38,198 --> 00:09:40,648 - [gas hissing] - [heavy thuds] 250 00:09:44,445 --> 00:09:46,275 - Sleep, mitches. Yeah. 251 00:09:46,378 --> 00:09:51,278 Now it's time to see the real James Bond. 252 00:09:51,383 --> 00:09:55,353 I'm smoove. James Bond smoove. 253 00:09:55,456 --> 00:09:57,036 - [Velcro ripping] 254 00:09:57,148 --> 00:09:59,528 - ["James Bond" type music] 255 00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:05,853 ♪ 256 00:10:05,950 --> 00:10:07,090 - [door slams] 257 00:10:07,192 --> 00:10:09,892 - You better get the... get the [bleep] off me! 258 00:10:09,988 --> 00:10:11,918 Unh-unh! Unh-unh! You are not gonna work in my movie, okay? 259 00:10:12,025 --> 00:10:14,715 It's gonna be an all-Black Bond and you're not invited. 260 00:10:14,821 --> 00:10:17,201 - This is the James Bond audition, right? 261 00:10:17,306 --> 00:10:19,166 JB! What are you doin' here, baby? 262 00:10:19,273 --> 00:10:20,693 - [bleep]! You mother [bleep]! 263 00:10:20,792 --> 00:10:22,042 - [bones crunching] Owwwww! 264 00:10:22,138 --> 00:10:24,108 - JB... 265 00:10:24,209 --> 00:10:25,689 - Hey! - How are you? 266 00:10:25,797 --> 00:10:27,067 - I'm good. - You're good. 267 00:10:27,178 --> 00:10:29,248 - Yeah, thanks for coming. - Hey, before we get started. 268 00:10:29,352 --> 00:10:30,462 This isn't gonna take long, is it? 269 00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:31,350 - Oh, no, no, no. - Twenty minutes? 270 00:10:31,458 --> 00:10:33,528 - Tops. - Okay. 271 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:34,913 'Cause I got stuff to do. I gotta get to the gym. 272 00:10:35,013 --> 00:10:36,333 - Okay. 273 00:10:36,428 --> 00:10:37,778 - Got a little thug workout I'm doin'. 274 00:10:37,878 --> 00:10:39,738 It's called "cinder blocks." - Don't worry, Kevin. 275 00:10:39,846 --> 00:10:41,986 It's just us here. Have a seat. - Okay. 276 00:10:42,089 --> 00:10:44,709 - Yeah, we're gonna start off with a few pictures, 277 00:10:44,816 --> 00:10:46,266 so we can analyze your skin complexion 278 00:10:46,369 --> 00:10:47,579 so we can create the perfect foundation match. 279 00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:48,581 - Okay, so, some reference photos. 280 00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:51,652 - Yeah. - This is Hollywood, baby. 281 00:10:51,754 --> 00:10:53,484 This ain't my first time in a make-up chair. 282 00:10:53,583 --> 00:10:55,863 Let's get some Q-Tips and some baby wipes. 283 00:10:55,965 --> 00:10:57,925 Let's have 'em on deck. - Okay, so... 284 00:10:58,036 --> 00:10:59,586 just sign this talent release form right there. 285 00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:03,113 - Release form, huh? - Mm-hm. 286 00:11:03,214 --> 00:11:05,044 - I'd love to release. - Uh... 287 00:11:05,147 --> 00:11:06,417 - You know what I'm talkin' about, don't you? 288 00:11:06,527 --> 00:11:07,937 - Unfortunately, I do. 289 00:11:08,046 --> 00:11:09,766 - [chuckling] It's standard, ain't it? 290 00:11:09,876 --> 00:11:11,426 - Yeah. - Words, words, words. 291 00:11:11,532 --> 00:11:12,952 - Right here on this line. - Got it. 292 00:11:13,051 --> 00:11:13,711 There you go. - Got it. 293 00:11:13,811 --> 00:11:14,711 - All right. - Okay. 294 00:11:14,812 --> 00:11:18,472 - What's up? - So, no need to pose. 295 00:11:18,574 --> 00:11:21,274 Just relax. - Okay. I'm here. 296 00:11:21,370 --> 00:11:22,510 Ain't no point in havin' Kevin Hart here, 297 00:11:22,612 --> 00:11:25,102 if you're not gon' use me. - All right. 298 00:11:25,201 --> 00:11:26,381 - Use me. - Okay, hurry. 299 00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:27,508 Get in there. - [camera shutter clicking] 300 00:11:27,617 --> 00:11:29,267 - Get you with that zoolander. 301 00:11:29,378 --> 00:11:31,068 - ♪ I walk up in the club 302 00:11:31,173 --> 00:11:32,693 ♪ Super star struttin' 303 00:11:32,795 --> 00:11:34,275 ♪ All up in the club 304 00:11:34,383 --> 00:11:35,453 - Sexy means don't need no shorts. 305 00:11:35,556 --> 00:11:38,796 - So what? It's okay. 306 00:11:38,905 --> 00:11:41,355 - I thought you guys were my boys. 307 00:11:41,459 --> 00:11:42,839 - What? 308 00:11:42,943 --> 00:11:44,323 - I can't believe you all got auditions for James Bond, 309 00:11:44,427 --> 00:11:45,907 but nobody called me. 310 00:11:46,015 --> 00:11:47,525 - You were there. They can't handle it. 311 00:11:47,637 --> 00:11:50,497 - JB, let it go! They don't want you, man. 312 00:11:50,606 --> 00:11:51,876 - Not at all. - They don't want you. 313 00:11:51,987 --> 00:11:52,947 - They don't want your Black ass. 314 00:11:53,057 --> 00:11:54,507 - That's bullshit. 315 00:11:54,610 --> 00:11:56,270 You rock the rooms were so afraid 316 00:11:56,370 --> 00:11:57,610 that I would get the role, 317 00:11:57,717 --> 00:12:01,407 but now the disloyalty has caused nobody to get it. 318 00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:02,693 - Hold on a second. I got a callback. 319 00:12:02,791 --> 00:12:03,691 - You got a callback, Boris? - BORIS: Yep. 320 00:12:03,792 --> 00:12:04,972 - That's shocking. Good job. 321 00:12:05,069 --> 00:12:06,479 - [bottles clank] - Good job. Good job. 322 00:12:06,587 --> 00:12:07,617 - The only callback yo ass got 323 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:10,377 was to go back to damn Germany, that's it. 324 00:12:10,488 --> 00:12:13,528 - BORIS: [speaking non-English] 325 00:12:13,629 --> 00:12:14,799 - What did you say, Black Hitler? 326 00:12:14,906 --> 00:12:18,316 - NELLY: Ohh! Ohh! [laughing] 327 00:12:18,427 --> 00:12:21,457 Play it again. Play it again. - What? 328 00:12:21,568 --> 00:12:23,188 - Whaddup, man? - Look at this. 329 00:12:23,294 --> 00:12:24,124 - ALL: [laughing] 330 00:12:24,226 --> 00:12:27,466 - You is a phony! 331 00:12:27,574 --> 00:12:29,304 - Is there something you wanna tell us? 332 00:12:29,403 --> 00:12:33,103 - What are you doing? 333 00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:35,060 - You about to see. - Yeah! 334 00:12:35,168 --> 00:12:35,998 - Hello? - Yeah! 335 00:12:36,100 --> 00:12:37,650 - Come on, man. - Yeah, it is. 336 00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:42,547 - This ain't me, man. Look at that. 337 00:12:42,658 --> 00:12:45,068 It's Photoshopped. - Just embrace it. 338 00:12:45,178 --> 00:12:47,768 - Listen to me, listen to me-- - You look good. 339 00:12:47,870 --> 00:12:49,730 - I'm about to sue the brakes off LeToya, you hear me? 340 00:12:49,838 --> 00:12:51,358 She about to be 50 shades of broke. 341 00:12:51,460 --> 00:12:52,700 I promise you that! 342 00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:54,566 - ♪ This is the life Welcome to Hollywood ♪ 343 00:12:56,879 --> 00:12:59,609 - [knock on door] - Trina--oh? 344 00:12:59,709 --> 00:13:01,499 - LETOYA: Oh, God... 345 00:13:01,608 --> 00:13:05,578 - Well, well, well... 346 00:13:05,681 --> 00:13:08,551 What do we have here, young lady, huh? 347 00:13:08,649 --> 00:13:10,169 Let me tell you something. 348 00:13:10,272 --> 00:13:12,032 Talking to my lawyer is not gonna help you, 349 00:13:12,136 --> 00:13:13,376 because you're about to have a lot of 350 00:13:13,482 --> 00:13:15,552 bills, bills, bills to pay. 351 00:13:15,656 --> 00:13:16,446 I'm about to sue your ass, LeToya. 352 00:13:16,554 --> 00:13:18,354 - LETOYA: Mm-hm. 353 00:13:18,452 --> 00:13:19,702 - I'ma sue you good, you hear me? 354 00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,899 - First of all, Trina's my attorney, too, all right? 355 00:13:22,008 --> 00:13:24,008 She's been representing me for years. 356 00:13:26,771 --> 00:13:28,501 - Do you not say no to anybody? 357 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:31,330 Just out here throwin' that legal counsel piece of pie 358 00:13:31,431 --> 00:13:33,021 all over the city. 359 00:13:33,122 --> 00:13:36,512 Where is the loyalty, at, Trina, huh? 360 00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:38,398 I'm tired of you cheatin' on me. 361 00:13:38,507 --> 00:13:39,887 It's time for you to make a choice. 362 00:13:39,991 --> 00:13:42,301 It's either gonna be LeToya or it's gonna be-- 363 00:13:42,407 --> 00:13:44,197 - LeToya. - Girl... 364 00:13:44,306 --> 00:13:45,506 let me finish my choices. 365 00:13:45,617 --> 00:13:47,717 I said it's either gonna be LeToya or it's gonna be-- 366 00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:49,927 - It's still LeToya. - Mm-hm. 367 00:13:50,036 --> 00:13:51,726 - Oh, I...I was about to get mad. 368 00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:55,941 I see what this is. - What? 369 00:13:56,042 --> 00:13:58,082 - You're trying to be nice. You're trying to be sweet. 370 00:13:58,182 --> 00:13:59,252 She don't wanna hurt your feelings. 371 00:13:59,355 --> 00:14:00,905 That's what this is. 372 00:14:01,012 --> 00:14:04,712 - The only thing hurting my feelings are those pants. 373 00:14:04,809 --> 00:14:07,919 - It's called style. Get one. 374 00:14:08,019 --> 00:14:10,849 - Okay, Kevin, look, we were just in the middle 375 00:14:10,953 --> 00:14:14,373 of a business meeting, so if you could just exit. 376 00:14:14,474 --> 00:14:15,344 - Are you trying to bully me? 377 00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:16,790 - No one is trying to bully you. 378 00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:19,580 - You're trying to bully me. - That is-- 379 00:14:19,686 --> 00:14:20,996 - Don't protect her. - What? 380 00:14:21,101 --> 00:14:22,071 - Let this happen. Let it happen. 381 00:14:22,171 --> 00:14:23,071 - What happen? 382 00:14:23,172 --> 00:14:25,212 - Are you trying to bully me, LeToya? 383 00:14:25,312 --> 00:14:27,382 You can't bully me. You know why? 384 00:14:27,487 --> 00:14:29,767 'Cause I'm a man. M-E-N! 385 00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,729 That's right, I'm a man's man. 386 00:14:31,836 --> 00:14:35,246 I do the worrying all day! 387 00:14:35,357 --> 00:14:39,087 I will talk to you when I have a different level of counsel. 388 00:14:39,188 --> 00:14:41,118 - Oh, you wanna get another lawyer? 389 00:14:41,225 --> 00:14:42,985 Okay, you can just save your little money, Kevin, 390 00:14:43,089 --> 00:14:46,819 because you signed a release. - What? 391 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:48,610 - Yep, that's you, right there, mm-hm. 392 00:14:48,715 --> 00:14:54,545 So, my client can do whatever she likes with those photos. 393 00:14:54,652 --> 00:14:57,482 - Y'all set me up. 394 00:14:57,586 --> 00:14:59,346 Oh, damn! Oh! Ow! 395 00:14:59,450 --> 00:15:01,590 Owwwww! 396 00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:03,323 Stab me in the back! - I got it. 397 00:15:03,419 --> 00:15:05,629 - You ain't nothing but a dirty dog dandelion diaper 398 00:15:05,732 --> 00:15:09,702 daffodil double-Ds, minus the-- 399 00:15:09,805 --> 00:15:12,285 You should be unbarred. - Disbarred. 400 00:15:12,394 --> 00:15:16,264 - I'm about to file a male practice suit on her. 401 00:15:16,363 --> 00:15:18,853 Wait...she's a female, 402 00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:21,612 so, I'ma file a female practice suit. 403 00:15:21,713 --> 00:15:25,343 - ♪ 404 00:15:25,441 --> 00:15:27,621 - You've gotta take this shirt in and tailor it. 405 00:15:27,719 --> 00:15:29,859 It looks like I stole it from Shaq. 406 00:15:34,761 --> 00:15:36,491 - Knew this mother [bleep] was ugly. 407 00:15:36,590 --> 00:15:37,420 I knew it! 408 00:15:37,522 --> 00:15:41,602 - ♪ 409 00:15:41,699 --> 00:15:42,599 - I like this trim over here, all right? 410 00:15:42,700 --> 00:15:44,460 I want you to do the same over here, 411 00:15:44,564 --> 00:15:45,704 but just a little bit shorter. 412 00:15:45,806 --> 00:15:50,666 - ♪ 413 00:15:50,777 --> 00:15:51,777 - [gunshot fires] 414 00:15:51,881 --> 00:15:55,641 - You shot me! [groaning] 415 00:15:55,747 --> 00:15:58,647 - You're [bleep] damn right, I shot you. 416 00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:00,720 I'm the real James Bond. 417 00:16:00,821 --> 00:16:02,721 You'll be a new villain named... 418 00:16:02,823 --> 00:16:06,453 Bozo Kodjoe. 419 00:16:06,551 --> 00:16:07,521 - [gunshot fires] 420 00:16:07,621 --> 00:16:10,071 - [evil laugh] 421 00:16:13,489 --> 00:16:15,389 [bellowing laugh echoing] 422 00:16:18,218 --> 00:16:21,078 - [gunshot fires] - Oh, shit! 423 00:16:21,187 --> 00:16:24,427 [bleep]! Man, [bleep]! Man! 424 00:16:27,745 --> 00:16:30,635 - MALE REPORTER: Well, guess who won't be the first Black Bond? 425 00:16:30,748 --> 00:16:32,818 Boris, that goofy bald guy. 426 00:16:32,922 --> 00:16:34,552 He's having a hair-rific day. 427 00:16:34,648 --> 00:16:38,548 Welcome to the latest episode of The Black, the Bald, 428 00:16:38,652 --> 00:16:40,622 and the Not-So-Beautiful. 429 00:16:40,723 --> 00:16:42,213 - What? 430 00:16:42,311 --> 00:16:46,451 - REPORTER: One-time pretty boy, now goofy boy, Boris Kodjoe, 431 00:16:46,557 --> 00:16:48,837 was caught in a dressing room with his bush out 432 00:16:48,938 --> 00:16:50,798 at an upscale Beverly Hills department store. 433 00:16:50,906 --> 00:16:52,766 - Oh, shit! 434 00:16:52,873 --> 00:16:54,223 - REPORTER: Maybe he should consider 435 00:16:54,323 --> 00:16:55,263 the Hair Club for Germans. 436 00:16:55,359 --> 00:16:57,019 - Oh! 437 00:16:57,119 --> 00:16:57,839 - Speaking of foreigners, Idris Elba's rumored 438 00:16:57,947 --> 00:16:59,977 to be the next Bond. 439 00:17:00,088 --> 00:17:01,848 His asking price? $20 million. 440 00:17:01,951 --> 00:17:03,131 Keep your chin up there, Boris. 441 00:17:03,229 --> 00:17:04,609 They may bring back "The Jeffersons." 442 00:17:04,713 --> 00:17:05,993 - Damn! 443 00:17:06,094 --> 00:17:08,064 - REPORTER: Talk about hair-raising. 444 00:17:08,165 --> 00:17:10,235 - Unfortunately, I'm cursed with German genes 445 00:17:10,339 --> 00:17:12,819 which, combined with some mild steroid use, 446 00:17:12,928 --> 00:17:15,098 when I was a five-year-old tennis pro, 447 00:17:15,206 --> 00:17:18,036 promotes extreme rapid hair growth on 75 percent of my head. 448 00:17:20,591 --> 00:17:21,871 Yeah. 449 00:17:21,971 --> 00:17:24,491 I need to get a haircut every six hours. 450 00:17:24,595 --> 00:17:28,735 [speaking non-English] - Wait! Wait a minute! 451 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:32,500 Y'all see what I see? 452 00:17:32,603 --> 00:17:33,913 - What the [bleep] JB?! 453 00:17:34,018 --> 00:17:35,048 - It wasn't me. 454 00:17:35,157 --> 00:17:37,057 It was probably somebody who hated on you, 455 00:17:37,159 --> 00:17:38,989 who knows deep down that I shoulda been James Bond. 456 00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:41,612 - Then who is that? 457 00:17:41,715 --> 00:17:49,475 - ♪ 458 00:17:49,585 --> 00:17:54,685 - [bleep] that's me! - No, no, no, no, wait! 459 00:17:54,797 --> 00:17:56,177 - [speaking non-English] 460 00:17:56,282 --> 00:17:58,632 - It don't matter, mitch. You can't haul my ass anyway! 461 00:17:58,732 --> 00:18:01,182 Know why? 'Cause I still do my own damn stunts! 462 00:18:01,287 --> 00:18:02,837 - BORIS: Let me-- - [glass shattering] 463 00:18:02,943 --> 00:18:04,983 - Oh! - Oh, shit! 464 00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:08,604 - Damn! - Damn! 465 00:18:08,708 --> 00:18:10,848 - Why y'all gotta mess up my-- - [doorbell rings] 466 00:18:10,951 --> 00:18:13,301 - What now, man? 467 00:18:13,402 --> 00:18:16,102 - You deserved this, JB. - You [bleep] up, man. 468 00:18:16,198 --> 00:18:19,788 - Breakin' up my stuff in my house all the time. 469 00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:22,101 Oh, what the hell do you want? 470 00:18:22,204 --> 00:18:24,484 You will be hearin' from my lawyer very soon-- 471 00:18:24,586 --> 00:18:26,966 and by lawyer, I'm talkin' about Johnnie Cochran. 472 00:18:27,071 --> 00:18:29,521 - Jonnie Cochran is dead. - He is not dead. 473 00:18:29,625 --> 00:18:31,725 I saw him on TV when he got Cuba-OJ off. 474 00:18:31,834 --> 00:18:33,224 - Did you now? 475 00:18:33,319 --> 00:18:36,559 Anywho, I came over to share some good news, all right? 476 00:18:36,667 --> 00:18:41,017 Our sales have skyrocketed and-- - That is not good news. 477 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,710 That's obvious. 478 00:18:42,811 --> 00:18:44,851 Actin' like you're sayin' something I don't know. 479 00:18:44,951 --> 00:18:46,821 Last I checked, I was Kevin Hart. 480 00:18:46,918 --> 00:18:48,888 Of course the sales skyrocketed, okay? 481 00:18:48,989 --> 00:18:50,129 I'll tell you what I am surprised at. 482 00:18:50,232 --> 00:18:52,552 Is that my face was stolen for 50 Shades. 483 00:18:52,648 --> 00:18:54,688 - Will you let me finish? - Finish. Go ahead. 484 00:18:54,788 --> 00:18:56,198 - Over the next year, we're projected to do 485 00:18:56,307 --> 00:19:00,417 a net sales of $100 million, which means that 486 00:19:00,518 --> 00:19:03,798 your ten percent is $10 million. 487 00:19:03,901 --> 00:19:05,281 - [spits] 488 00:19:05,385 --> 00:19:07,585 That was me spittin' that bullshit out, 489 00:19:07,698 --> 00:19:09,838 'cause according to the release form that I signed, 490 00:19:09,941 --> 00:19:11,741 I can't get nothin', LeToya. 491 00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:18,570 - Well, if you agree to be the new face of 50 Shades of Brown. 492 00:19:18,674 --> 00:19:22,304 - No, I'll bite you. I'll bite you. 493 00:19:22,402 --> 00:19:23,962 I don't know if you know who you're talkin' to or not. 494 00:19:24,059 --> 00:19:25,339 - Of course, I do. 495 00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:27,340 - Well, if you knew who you were talking to, 496 00:19:27,442 --> 00:19:29,242 then you would know that I'm not doin' jack shit, 497 00:19:29,340 --> 00:19:32,520 until I get my $25,000 put back on my credit card. 498 00:19:32,619 --> 00:19:34,409 - Okay, well, you'll get your 25K. 499 00:19:34,518 --> 00:19:36,728 I'll just take it off of the $10 million. 500 00:19:36,830 --> 00:19:38,630 Mmmmm... 501 00:19:38,729 --> 00:19:42,079 - Okay. 502 00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:44,561 You got a deal. 503 00:19:44,666 --> 00:19:45,696 - Good. - Good. 504 00:19:45,805 --> 00:19:48,735 - [kisses] - Whoa. 505 00:19:48,842 --> 00:19:50,782 He's so stupid, he's cute. 506 00:19:50,879 --> 00:19:52,259 [laughing] 507 00:19:52,363 --> 00:19:54,953 - LeToya Luckett is about to change her name 508 00:19:55,055 --> 00:19:57,015 to LeToya Luckiest-Girl- In-The-World. 509 00:19:57,126 --> 00:19:59,646 - LETOYA: Boy! Put your clothes back on! 510 00:20:02,649 --> 00:20:18,319 - ♪ 38285

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