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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:13,665 --> 00:00:14,875 - Where Arsenio and Nelly at? 2 00:00:14,927 --> 00:00:16,227 - I don't know. 3 00:00:16,277 --> 00:00:17,887 - I don't know, you're the one who calls them. 4 00:00:17,930 --> 00:00:19,760 - Doesn't matter, I just want to know where they are. 5 00:00:19,802 --> 00:00:21,762 - What's going on with these stale ass pretzels, Kev? 6 00:00:21,804 --> 00:00:23,284 - I am on a hot streak, Duane. 7 00:00:23,327 --> 00:00:25,197 I have not lost in six weeks which means I am not 8 00:00:25,242 --> 00:00:26,902 changing anything. 9 00:00:26,939 --> 00:00:28,849 I'm not changing the pretzels, I'm not changing the chips, I'm 10 00:00:28,898 --> 00:00:30,248 not changing my drawers, everything's gonna stay 11 00:00:30,291 --> 00:00:31,511 the same. 12 00:00:31,553 --> 00:00:33,083 - Yeah I knew it smelled like [bleep] up in here. 13 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:34,160 I'm about to change my mind, I'm going home. 14 00:00:34,208 --> 00:00:36,168 - [knock at door] - Who is it? 15 00:00:36,210 --> 00:00:39,000 - ARSENIO: It's Arsen-ioooo- 16 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,209 - What's up with your boy, man? 17 00:00:40,257 --> 00:00:41,947 Why does he have to make everything an event? 18 00:00:41,998 --> 00:00:43,168 Everything has to be grandioso. 19 00:00:43,217 --> 00:00:44,477 - That is a legend at the door. 20 00:00:44,522 --> 00:00:46,872 - Doesn't matter who it is, that's annoying. 21 00:00:46,916 --> 00:00:48,216 - ...ooo Hall. 22 00:00:48,265 --> 00:00:50,085 - Why you making all that noise? 23 00:00:50,137 --> 00:00:51,917 I got neighbors. 24 00:00:51,964 --> 00:00:53,234 - It wasn't me, it was my dawg Craig, you know Craig. 25 00:00:53,270 --> 00:00:57,010 - Who? 26 00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,147 Oh I know Craig. 27 00:00:58,188 --> 00:01:00,928 Mother[bleep], get the-get off. 28 00:01:00,973 --> 00:01:02,853 Get-[bleep]. 29 00:01:02,888 --> 00:01:04,018 - Are you crazy? 30 00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:05,944 - Don't tap out. 31 00:01:05,978 --> 00:01:08,288 - ♪ This is life ♪ This is the life 32 00:01:08,329 --> 00:01:09,979 ♪ We got the life ♪ We got the life 33 00:01:10,026 --> 00:01:11,976 ♪ This is the city ♪ Where we party 34 00:01:12,028 --> 00:01:13,248 ♪ Every night ♪ Party every night 35 00:01:13,290 --> 00:01:16,820 ♪ You and me ♪ Down and to go 36 00:01:16,859 --> 00:01:19,209 ♪ Welcome to Hollywood ♪ Welcome to Hollywood 37 00:01:19,253 --> 00:01:23,213 ♪ Welcome to Hollywood ♪ 38 00:01:23,257 --> 00:01:24,387 - Yeah hit him, come on hit him. 39 00:01:24,432 --> 00:01:25,262 Get him! 40 00:01:25,302 --> 00:01:28,262 Get him. - [yelling] 41 00:01:28,305 --> 00:01:30,955 - No, man, not the monkey claw. You pulled the monkey claw. 42 00:01:31,003 --> 00:01:32,353 - Jumped on you like a spider monkey [bleep]. 43 00:01:32,396 --> 00:01:33,216 Jump on your back. 44 00:01:33,267 --> 00:01:34,957 - Yeah and I'm gonna spank the monkey. 45 00:01:35,007 --> 00:01:35,967 - What's this? 46 00:01:36,008 --> 00:01:37,228 [blows] - [yells] 47 00:01:37,271 --> 00:01:39,361 - Yeah, yeah, patches, you come to my house, you get 48 00:01:39,403 --> 00:01:41,143 banged on, cuz. 49 00:01:41,188 --> 00:01:42,928 Banged on him. 50 00:01:42,972 --> 00:01:44,412 - What you having a seizure or something? 51 00:01:44,452 --> 00:01:45,842 - No, man why the hell you bring him here, Arsenio? 52 00:01:45,888 --> 00:01:47,318 - Bring me here? - Yeah. 53 00:01:47,368 --> 00:01:48,888 - If I'd have known it was your game, I'd have never come 54 00:01:48,934 --> 00:01:50,854 here without my gun. 55 00:01:50,893 --> 00:01:52,203 - Without your gun? - CRAIG: Yeah without my gun. 56 00:01:52,242 --> 00:01:53,372 - Without your gun? - Yeah, you heard me. 57 00:01:53,417 --> 00:01:54,717 - Kevin I am sorry. 58 00:01:54,766 --> 00:01:56,246 Craig's my dawg but I had no idea you all had beef. 59 00:01:56,290 --> 00:01:58,250 I knew damn well them two had beef. 60 00:01:58,292 --> 00:02:00,692 Them bitches been battling since back in the day, when 61 00:02:00,729 --> 00:02:05,339 Kevin tried to replace Craig as Seth Rogen's TBF. 62 00:02:05,386 --> 00:02:06,906 Token black friend. 63 00:02:06,952 --> 00:02:11,222 I figured just the sight of Craig would ruin Kevin's streak. 64 00:02:11,261 --> 00:02:13,221 I haven't come up with a plan that smooth since I got Aubrey 65 00:02:13,263 --> 00:02:15,403 O'day fired from "Celebrity Apprentice." 66 00:02:15,439 --> 00:02:17,009 Woof, woof, woof, [bleep]. 67 00:02:17,049 --> 00:02:18,659 [laughs] 68 00:02:18,703 --> 00:02:20,053 - Man get your ass out of my penthouse. 69 00:02:20,096 --> 00:02:22,136 - Oh, oh I gotta leave this bull[bleep] ass crib. 70 00:02:22,185 --> 00:02:24,615 - Bull[bleep], you better look at my floors, Craig. 71 00:02:24,666 --> 00:02:25,926 - I'll give you some on the floors, but the rest 72 00:02:25,971 --> 00:02:26,931 is bull[bleep]. 73 00:02:26,972 --> 00:02:28,022 - All I care about is the floors. 74 00:02:28,060 --> 00:02:29,280 That's why I spent the money. 75 00:02:29,323 --> 00:02:30,243 - Well, congratu-mother[bleep]-lations. 76 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:32,060 - Thank you! - Peace, y'all. 77 00:02:32,108 --> 00:02:33,978 Hey good seeing y'all, good seeing y'all. 78 00:02:34,023 --> 00:02:36,033 - Craig. - What? 79 00:02:36,068 --> 00:02:38,938 - Thank you for acknowledging the floors first of all. 80 00:02:38,984 --> 00:02:40,074 - They're nice. 81 00:02:40,116 --> 00:02:42,946 - Second of all, I need five, man, okay? 82 00:02:42,988 --> 00:02:44,118 I'm on a hot streak so- 83 00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:45,644 - Man you can't pay me to stay here. 84 00:02:45,687 --> 00:02:47,037 - Oh there's not enough white people? 85 00:02:47,079 --> 00:02:48,989 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, you said you're on a streak? 86 00:02:49,038 --> 00:02:52,298 - I'm on a hot streak, six weeks in a row. 87 00:02:52,346 --> 00:02:54,996 ♪ 88 00:02:55,044 --> 00:02:57,484 - I love [bleep] up streaks. It's gonna be fun. 89 00:02:57,525 --> 00:03:00,085 Like that time I took your girl, you remember that, don't 90 00:03:00,136 --> 00:03:01,136 you? 91 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:05,791 - ♪ - Yeah so, you know, any 92 00:03:05,837 --> 00:03:09,227 way I like to take little tours, just come out here kinda 93 00:03:09,276 --> 00:03:10,226 relaxing myself. 94 00:03:10,277 --> 00:03:11,367 I wanted you to see it. 95 00:03:11,408 --> 00:03:13,058 - CRAIG: What up, Kev? 96 00:03:13,105 --> 00:03:14,455 - Oh God. 97 00:03:14,498 --> 00:03:16,368 Craig. 98 00:03:16,413 --> 00:03:18,023 - Who's your friend? 99 00:03:18,067 --> 00:03:20,287 - It's my friend, I don't know why you need to know. 100 00:03:20,330 --> 00:03:22,330 You know, Craig, I'm not even gonna be that way with you. 101 00:03:22,376 --> 00:03:24,286 Keri that's Craig; Craig, Keri. 102 00:03:24,334 --> 00:03:26,034 - You don't even have to talk to HIM, baby, I already know 103 00:03:26,075 --> 00:03:28,025 you probably turned off by the sight of him. 104 00:03:28,077 --> 00:03:30,947 You don't have-hey. 105 00:03:30,993 --> 00:03:35,083 Uh, what the [bleep] is going on here? 106 00:03:35,127 --> 00:03:36,297 Hey! 107 00:03:36,346 --> 00:03:37,256 Hey what the [bleep]? 108 00:03:37,304 --> 00:03:40,314 Hey, hey, hey. 109 00:03:40,350 --> 00:03:43,050 Craig. 110 00:03:43,092 --> 00:03:45,142 You know, Craig, I don't know why you think I liked this 111 00:03:45,181 --> 00:03:46,401 girl, man. 112 00:03:46,443 --> 00:03:47,533 - Oh you liked her. - KEVIN: I don't like her. 113 00:03:47,575 --> 00:03:49,005 - Okay. 114 00:03:49,054 --> 00:03:50,324 - Look, look, look, look, guys, come on, man, stop with 115 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:51,800 all of this. 116 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:54,060 You guys are the only black brothas in the game working 117 00:03:54,103 --> 00:03:55,373 right now. 118 00:03:55,409 --> 00:03:58,059 You even did a pilot together, bury the hatchet. 119 00:03:58,107 --> 00:03:59,407 - Yeah what happened on that pilot? 120 00:03:59,456 --> 00:04:01,276 - Ask him. - Ask him. 121 00:04:01,328 --> 00:04:03,368 - KEVIN: No, ask you. - Ask you. 122 00:04:03,417 --> 00:04:05,157 Regale us about the story about what happened to 123 00:04:05,201 --> 00:04:06,511 the pilot. 124 00:04:06,550 --> 00:04:08,070 - Do me a favor and can you please con-contraband 125 00:04:08,117 --> 00:04:10,287 the, the story of what Craig did? 126 00:04:10,337 --> 00:04:12,557 - I will tell you what happened to the pilot, okay? 127 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:14,470 Kevin killed it. 128 00:04:14,515 --> 00:04:17,075 - You are a liar, liar. 129 00:04:17,126 --> 00:04:18,126 - So tell us what happened. 130 00:04:18,170 --> 00:04:20,170 - Liar, watch this, liar. 131 00:04:20,216 --> 00:04:21,566 - What am I watching? 132 00:04:21,609 --> 00:04:23,349 - The lightning bolt that just hit you for lying. 133 00:04:23,393 --> 00:04:25,533 - [laughs] - I gave my everything on that 134 00:04:25,569 --> 00:04:29,829 pilot, all you gave was your limited talent. 135 00:04:29,878 --> 00:04:32,228 I don't know why the hell you got me on the set of this 136 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,492 bull[bleep] TV show. 137 00:04:33,534 --> 00:04:34,844 You know where I need to be? 138 00:04:34,883 --> 00:04:36,363 I need to be on the set of my new superhero movie, 139 00:04:36,406 --> 00:04:37,406 "Thunderbird." 140 00:04:37,451 --> 00:04:38,801 - I know, I'm working on that. 141 00:04:38,843 --> 00:04:40,933 But this is not a bull[bleep] show, it's your show. 142 00:04:40,976 --> 00:04:43,756 You sold the show to the network, for which they paid 143 00:04:43,805 --> 00:04:46,235 you a ton of money, most of which you [bleep] 144 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,366 still owe me. 145 00:04:47,417 --> 00:04:49,067 - I don't want to talk about it no more. 146 00:04:49,114 --> 00:04:50,644 - TRINA: If you gave me some, I wouldn't have to bring it up. 147 00:04:50,681 --> 00:04:51,511 - Here's what I'm gonna do, I will pretend to like this 148 00:04:51,552 --> 00:04:52,862 garbage until we leave. 149 00:04:52,901 --> 00:04:54,121 And when we do leave, I want you to do what you're 150 00:04:54,163 --> 00:04:55,473 supposed to and get on the phone- 151 00:04:55,512 --> 00:04:56,472 - Get on the phone, I'm on it. 152 00:04:56,513 --> 00:04:57,473 - -and get me "Thunderbird." 153 00:04:57,514 --> 00:04:58,434 - I'm working on that. - Trina. 154 00:04:58,472 --> 00:05:00,172 - TRINA: Hi. - Always a pleasure. 155 00:05:00,212 --> 00:05:02,172 - Yes, good to see you. This is the man. 156 00:05:02,214 --> 00:05:03,264 - Kevin. 157 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,443 I'm Rudolph Tolk, executive producer. 158 00:05:05,479 --> 00:05:09,439 And, uh, these cool guys behind me are the writing staff. 159 00:05:09,483 --> 00:05:10,443 - Yo, what's up? 160 00:05:10,484 --> 00:05:12,144 - What's happening? 161 00:05:12,181 --> 00:05:13,791 - Question for you, Rudy. 162 00:05:13,835 --> 00:05:17,055 How many, uh, how many black shows have you and your 163 00:05:17,099 --> 00:05:18,579 reindeers done? 164 00:05:18,622 --> 00:05:20,492 - I'm sure they've done plenty. - I'm not talking to you. 165 00:05:20,537 --> 00:05:23,147 - Uh, including this one, one. - You've got to be kidding me. 166 00:05:23,192 --> 00:05:25,372 - Look I, I know where you're going with this, Kev. 167 00:05:25,412 --> 00:05:30,202 But rest assured we have all had the black experience. 168 00:05:30,242 --> 00:05:33,122 We have all lost a girlfriend to a black guy. 169 00:05:33,158 --> 00:05:36,248 [laughs] Even her. 170 00:05:36,292 --> 00:05:39,472 [laughs] - [mock laughter] 171 00:05:39,513 --> 00:05:42,213 - I believe you know our other E.P. 172 00:05:42,254 --> 00:05:44,264 - Oh ho. Oh this is ugly. 173 00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:46,170 - KEVIN: Oh you got to be [bleep] me. 174 00:05:46,215 --> 00:05:48,345 Bridgette, what are you doing here? 175 00:05:48,391 --> 00:05:50,611 - I'm running things because I'm your ex-wife and the mother 176 00:05:50,654 --> 00:05:53,094 of your children, that makes this story just as much mine 177 00:05:53,135 --> 00:05:54,085 as yours. 178 00:05:54,136 --> 00:05:55,086 Blip. 179 00:05:55,137 --> 00:05:56,177 - Bridgette. 180 00:05:56,225 --> 00:05:58,135 - And you know this guy. 181 00:05:58,183 --> 00:05:59,493 - Fire cracker. 182 00:05:59,533 --> 00:06:02,583 - [laughs] - What's up, baby? 183 00:06:02,623 --> 00:06:04,543 - Oh Duane. 184 00:06:04,581 --> 00:06:06,631 You're delivering packages now? 185 00:06:06,670 --> 00:06:08,320 - No, no, no, Kev, I'm in the cast. 186 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:09,758 - You're in the what? 187 00:06:09,804 --> 00:06:10,544 - I play the charismatic best friend that handsomes up 188 00:06:10,587 --> 00:06:12,547 the show. - Yes. 189 00:06:12,589 --> 00:06:14,289 - And look, trust me, you are gonna need it. 190 00:06:14,330 --> 00:06:17,590 - And the star of our show, playing you, of course is the 191 00:06:17,638 --> 00:06:21,248 one and only Craig Robinson. 192 00:06:21,293 --> 00:06:23,513 - [applause] 193 00:06:23,557 --> 00:06:25,247 - BRIDGETTE: Yeah, now that's a handsome Kevin right there. 194 00:06:25,297 --> 00:06:27,387 - You let me walk into this [bleep]? 195 00:06:27,430 --> 00:06:30,610 - Kev, boy you know you ain't never looked this good. 196 00:06:30,651 --> 00:06:32,571 - BRIDGETTE: That's right. - Wow. 197 00:06:32,609 --> 00:06:34,179 Looks like somebody left the office and went straight to 198 00:06:34,219 --> 00:06:35,529 the kitchen. 199 00:06:35,569 --> 00:06:37,479 - That's it. - BRIDGETTE: Get him, Craig. 200 00:06:37,527 --> 00:06:38,487 Kick his ass. 201 00:06:42,489 --> 00:06:44,139 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, that's enough throwing chips. 202 00:06:44,186 --> 00:06:45,446 - Craig, Craig, Craig, let me ask you a question, if you hate 203 00:06:45,492 --> 00:06:48,672 Kevin so much, why'd you take the job? 204 00:06:48,712 --> 00:06:51,722 - The chance to destroy Kevin Hart and expose him for the 205 00:06:51,759 --> 00:06:54,539 buffoon he truly is. 206 00:06:54,588 --> 00:06:56,628 They made me an offer I couldn't refuse. 207 00:06:56,677 --> 00:06:58,507 - I want to know who got me fired. 208 00:06:58,548 --> 00:07:01,458 - He did. - He did. 209 00:07:01,508 --> 00:07:03,598 - Why in the hell can't I fire Craig? 210 00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:05,560 - Uh, because he has a guaranteed contract. 211 00:07:05,599 --> 00:07:07,339 - When did they start doing those? 212 00:07:07,383 --> 00:07:08,563 Why don't I have a guaranteed contract? 213 00:07:08,602 --> 00:07:10,692 - It's very hard to get you a guaranteed contract, Kevin, 214 00:07:10,734 --> 00:07:12,484 because you're not exactly easy to work with. 215 00:07:12,519 --> 00:07:14,169 - KEVIN: Are you kidding me? 216 00:07:14,216 --> 00:07:15,256 You know what, if you can't get me a guaranteed contract, then 217 00:07:15,304 --> 00:07:16,704 maybe I need to find somebody who can. 218 00:07:16,740 --> 00:07:19,480 Maybe I need to go talk to Craig's lawyer, hmm? 219 00:07:19,526 --> 00:07:21,746 - Well you're talking to her. 220 00:07:21,789 --> 00:07:23,699 - Your Craig's lawyer? - TRINA: Yep. 221 00:07:23,747 --> 00:07:26,617 - Why are you such a, a work slut? 222 00:07:26,663 --> 00:07:28,493 You gotta represent everybody? 223 00:07:28,535 --> 00:07:29,615 - Did you call me a slut? 224 00:07:29,666 --> 00:07:31,356 - No I called you a work slut. 225 00:07:31,407 --> 00:07:33,237 - I don't care, when you say slut, I think slut. 226 00:07:33,278 --> 00:07:35,798 How does work slut- - Fine, fine. 227 00:07:35,846 --> 00:07:38,546 If I can't fire Craig, then tell me who I can fire. 228 00:07:38,588 --> 00:07:41,238 - Do you want me to move the plant for you cause- 229 00:07:41,286 --> 00:07:43,766 - Why did you put a [bleep] tree on your desk any way? 230 00:07:43,811 --> 00:07:45,861 - It's an orchid, it was delivered to me, it was a gift. 231 00:07:45,900 --> 00:07:47,600 - A gift from who? 232 00:07:47,641 --> 00:07:49,901 - Craig. 233 00:07:49,947 --> 00:07:53,427 Don't you-these are- 234 00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:54,653 - I can see you now, I can see you now. 235 00:07:54,691 --> 00:07:56,651 - Stop it, get your hands off of the plant. 236 00:07:56,693 --> 00:07:58,613 - Fine. 237 00:07:58,652 --> 00:08:00,922 I just need to know what it is that I can do, okay? 238 00:08:00,958 --> 00:08:06,698 - You can fire anybody except Craig. 239 00:08:06,747 --> 00:08:09,617 - Look, one monkey don't stop no show. 240 00:08:09,663 --> 00:08:11,623 Now since I couldn't re-cast Craig, I decided to get in 241 00:08:11,665 --> 00:08:13,615 there and mix it up myself. 242 00:08:13,667 --> 00:08:15,627 But that meant that somebody was gonna get fired from yet 243 00:08:15,669 --> 00:08:17,669 another job. 244 00:08:17,714 --> 00:08:20,944 Y'all know who I'm talking about. 245 00:08:20,978 --> 00:08:23,458 - DUANE: Lying piece of [bleep]. 246 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,553 - It ain't worth it, it ain't worth it. 247 00:08:25,592 --> 00:08:27,162 Come on, D. 248 00:08:27,202 --> 00:08:28,772 - Okay listen, man, like I was trying to tell you, I did it 249 00:08:28,812 --> 00:08:30,732 because I had to. 250 00:08:30,771 --> 00:08:31,951 I was trying to save the show. 251 00:08:31,989 --> 00:08:34,599 Flat out, Duane. 252 00:08:34,644 --> 00:08:37,694 Come on. 253 00:08:37,734 --> 00:08:39,824 - GERRY: All right, Craig, just keep it funny. 254 00:08:39,867 --> 00:08:41,517 And, uh, oh what was that thing you did with your hand? 255 00:08:41,564 --> 00:08:42,614 I love that. 256 00:08:42,652 --> 00:08:43,612 Um, what was that called? 257 00:08:43,653 --> 00:08:45,313 - Dap. - Dap. 258 00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:46,610 [laughs] That's great, yeah just dap 259 00:08:46,656 --> 00:08:47,606 your little heart out. 260 00:08:47,657 --> 00:08:48,617 - Okay. 261 00:08:48,658 --> 00:08:49,878 - All right cool. 262 00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:52,580 [laughs] Kevin, I'm Gerry. 263 00:08:52,619 --> 00:08:53,919 - Hey. - Your director. 264 00:08:53,968 --> 00:08:54,968 - What's up, man? - How's it going? 265 00:08:55,012 --> 00:08:57,802 I'm good, I'm good, we're all good. 266 00:08:57,841 --> 00:09:00,581 Uh, Rudolph here was telling me you had some concerns about 267 00:09:00,627 --> 00:09:03,627 portraying the authentic black experience. 268 00:09:03,673 --> 00:09:05,633 - Really, Rudolph? 269 00:09:05,675 --> 00:09:07,975 - I just want you to know, I've been directing one of the 270 00:09:08,025 --> 00:09:11,725 longest running black series in the history of TV. 271 00:09:11,768 --> 00:09:12,988 - Okay now that makes me feel a lot more comfortable. 272 00:09:13,030 --> 00:09:14,680 - GERRY: Good, good. - That's what I was asking him. 273 00:09:14,728 --> 00:09:16,288 - Yeah. 274 00:09:16,338 --> 00:09:17,638 - If you don't mind me asking, what show are you directing? 275 00:09:17,687 --> 00:09:19,687 - "Cops." So, uh, just be you. 276 00:09:19,733 --> 00:09:21,743 Whatever that is. 277 00:09:21,778 --> 00:09:22,818 A'ight? 278 00:09:22,866 --> 00:09:24,646 [laughs] Cool. 279 00:09:24,694 --> 00:09:26,744 Let's do this [bleep]. 280 00:09:26,783 --> 00:09:28,703 - Hey, Mr. delivery guy. 281 00:09:28,742 --> 00:09:29,872 Let's do some curls. 282 00:09:29,917 --> 00:09:32,617 Duh. 283 00:09:32,659 --> 00:09:33,749 - Don't even talk like that, Craig. 284 00:09:33,790 --> 00:09:35,360 Duh. 285 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:36,710 Okay how about I show you how it's really done? 286 00:09:36,750 --> 00:09:38,620 Not so funny, Kevin. 287 00:09:38,665 --> 00:09:39,745 All right. 288 00:09:39,796 --> 00:09:42,626 Do some curls and I'm gonna curl it. 289 00:09:42,669 --> 00:09:44,629 Here we go. 290 00:09:44,671 --> 00:09:46,501 Ah! 291 00:09:46,542 --> 00:09:50,892 Is this, uh, [bleep] damn, hold on now. 292 00:09:50,938 --> 00:09:53,588 Oh God, what is this, a prop curl bar? 293 00:09:53,636 --> 00:09:56,806 Is this- [groans] 294 00:09:56,857 --> 00:09:58,597 There we go. 295 00:09:58,641 --> 00:10:02,651 Mm-hmm. 296 00:10:02,689 --> 00:10:05,649 [exhales heavily] [screams] 297 00:10:05,692 --> 00:10:06,652 - Cut. 298 00:10:06,693 --> 00:10:08,003 [laughs] 299 00:10:08,042 --> 00:10:09,612 - Craig, man, that was awesome. 300 00:10:09,652 --> 00:10:10,612 - What? 301 00:10:10,653 --> 00:10:11,833 Wait a minute. 302 00:10:11,872 --> 00:10:13,962 - Okay, guys, that's a wrap, folks. 303 00:10:14,004 --> 00:10:15,754 - Wait a minute. 304 00:10:15,789 --> 00:10:16,829 Hold on, don't anybody notice what the hell is going on 305 00:10:16,877 --> 00:10:18,707 around here? 306 00:10:18,748 --> 00:10:19,708 - I noticed what's going on around here, you're trying to 307 00:10:19,749 --> 00:10:20,879 be the only one on the show. 308 00:10:20,924 --> 00:10:23,414 But I wanna play Craig's girlfriend, Kevin. 309 00:10:23,448 --> 00:10:25,628 - Bridgette if you don't get the hell off my hand- 310 00:10:25,668 --> 00:10:27,058 - Oh. 311 00:10:27,104 --> 00:10:28,724 - Okay now first of all, you are not gonna play Craig's 312 00:10:28,758 --> 00:10:30,058 girlfriend because you are a horrible actress. 313 00:10:30,107 --> 00:10:32,627 Second of all, Craig sucks. 314 00:10:32,675 --> 00:10:34,935 - And you suck at weightlifting, Kevin. 315 00:10:34,982 --> 00:10:36,772 - What? - With your little arms. 316 00:10:36,810 --> 00:10:38,680 - Bridgette I swear if I didn't have an extended elbow 317 00:10:38,725 --> 00:10:39,935 right now, I'd knock your [bleep]damn head off. 318 00:10:39,987 --> 00:10:41,897 - BRIDGETTE: Try it. - You know what? 319 00:10:41,945 --> 00:10:44,685 I think me and Angela Basset Hound just solved my problem. 320 00:10:44,731 --> 00:10:46,651 She should play Craig's girlfriend. 321 00:10:46,689 --> 00:10:48,389 Why? 322 00:10:48,430 --> 00:10:50,690 Because if she's half bad of an actress as she was a wife, this 323 00:10:50,737 --> 00:10:52,387 pilot is doomed. 324 00:10:57,787 --> 00:10:59,787 - That's why I brought my man Craig. 325 00:10:59,833 --> 00:11:01,273 He is your kryptonite, brotha. 326 00:11:01,312 --> 00:11:04,622 - You're obviously right, cause all I have is two pair. 327 00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,884 Oh, of Tens. 328 00:11:06,927 --> 00:11:08,447 Yeah. 329 00:11:08,493 --> 00:11:10,933 Boom. 330 00:11:10,974 --> 00:11:11,894 - Hey, you know what? 331 00:11:11,932 --> 00:11:12,892 It's all good. 332 00:11:12,933 --> 00:11:15,413 Lucky in cards, but unlucky in sitcoms, right? 333 00:11:15,457 --> 00:11:18,587 - It wasn't my show, Craig was the star of that show, okay? 334 00:11:18,634 --> 00:11:20,554 I even cast Bridgette in it to make him look better. 335 00:11:20,592 --> 00:11:21,592 Which was tough. 336 00:11:21,637 --> 00:11:24,807 ♪ 337 00:11:24,858 --> 00:11:25,818 - KEVIN: It was the final day of rehearsals and everybody 338 00:11:25,859 --> 00:11:29,249 was there, including H.W.G.I.C. 339 00:11:29,297 --> 00:11:31,687 That's the head white guy in charge. 340 00:11:31,734 --> 00:11:37,224 - BRIDGETTE: But, Kev-iiiinnnn. 341 00:11:37,261 --> 00:11:40,741 I wanted to go to the poker game with you. 342 00:11:40,787 --> 00:11:44,007 - Jericho, I told you it's all guys. 343 00:11:44,051 --> 00:11:48,011 You can't come play poker with us, duh. 344 00:11:48,055 --> 00:11:49,745 - I swear if he says duh one more time, I'm gonna smack the 345 00:11:49,796 --> 00:11:51,926 duh [bleep] out of him. 346 00:11:51,972 --> 00:11:53,892 - Can I at least have your credit card, so I can 347 00:11:53,930 --> 00:11:54,890 go shopping? 348 00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:57,501 - KEVIN: Did you put your hands on his chest? 349 00:11:57,542 --> 00:12:01,762 [laughs] - Hey, uh, Kevin. 350 00:12:01,808 --> 00:12:03,028 - Hey, what's up? 351 00:12:03,070 --> 00:12:05,940 - Hey, uh, Bridgette's horrible. 352 00:12:05,986 --> 00:12:09,546 Um, the H.W.G.I.C. doesn't look happy. 353 00:12:09,598 --> 00:12:11,688 - Look, man, stay positive, Stroganoff. 354 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:12,641 Things will get better, man. 355 00:12:12,688 --> 00:12:13,908 For me. 356 00:12:13,950 --> 00:12:16,650 Hey the more she keeps talking, the worse she's gonna get. 357 00:12:16,692 --> 00:12:19,872 - [laughs] For a minute there I was really 358 00:12:19,913 --> 00:12:21,703 worried, but that last scene between Craig and Bridgette 359 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:22,701 was hilarious. 360 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,572 - And it was super sexy too. 361 00:12:24,613 --> 00:12:26,753 Looks like we found our black sitcom. 362 00:12:26,789 --> 00:12:29,709 - Well not so fast, what about our other diversity show, 363 00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:30,709 "Almost Black"? 364 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:31,880 - Oh yeah. 365 00:12:31,925 --> 00:12:33,875 - A black family with no cultural identity. 366 00:12:33,927 --> 00:12:37,927 [laughs] Funniest thing I've ever seen. 367 00:12:37,974 --> 00:12:40,724 - Why don't we pick them both up and do a one-hour 368 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,890 black comedy block? 369 00:12:43,937 --> 00:12:45,977 - MAN: You're [bleep] fired, get him out of here. 370 00:12:46,026 --> 00:12:47,236 - Such an idiot. 371 00:12:47,288 --> 00:12:49,728 - No way we put two black comedies on the air, 372 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:50,899 so test them. 373 00:12:50,944 --> 00:12:52,294 Whichever scores higher we put on the air. 374 00:12:52,336 --> 00:12:53,076 - Okay, you're great, so great. 375 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:54,900 - MAN: Go! 376 00:12:54,948 --> 00:12:59,648 - [farts] - [toilet flushes] 377 00:12:59,691 --> 00:13:02,961 - Smells like death in here. 378 00:13:02,999 --> 00:13:04,699 - Damn. 379 00:13:04,740 --> 00:13:06,790 [laughs] 380 00:13:06,829 --> 00:13:09,009 I don't know what to tell y'all, man, it just won't stop. 381 00:13:09,049 --> 00:13:11,699 God it's like I can't lose. 382 00:13:11,747 --> 00:13:13,267 I feel bad. 383 00:13:13,314 --> 00:13:15,714 I'm gonna give my friends a chance to win their money back. 384 00:13:15,751 --> 00:13:17,881 Four hundred thousand I got in the middle of the pot. 385 00:13:17,927 --> 00:13:18,967 I'm gonna bet it blind. 386 00:13:19,015 --> 00:13:20,575 - Yo I'm tired of losing, man. 387 00:13:20,625 --> 00:13:22,845 First I lost my talk show, now I'm losing all my weed money. 388 00:13:22,889 --> 00:13:23,929 I'm finished. 389 00:13:23,977 --> 00:13:25,587 - KEVIN: Duane, what about you? 390 00:13:25,630 --> 00:13:26,980 - Tisha ain't working. 391 00:13:27,023 --> 00:13:28,983 - What about you, Craig, you in? 392 00:13:29,025 --> 00:13:29,935 - I'm out. 393 00:13:29,983 --> 00:13:31,903 - Don't tell me you spent all your money on 394 00:13:31,941 --> 00:13:32,991 hair care products? 395 00:13:33,029 --> 00:13:34,029 That's right, Craig, I know. 396 00:13:34,074 --> 00:13:36,514 Don't no afro stay that still for free. 397 00:13:36,554 --> 00:13:38,824 You've got the same thing that Isaac from "The Love Boat" got. 398 00:13:38,861 --> 00:13:39,991 Either that, or that's a helmet. 399 00:13:40,036 --> 00:13:45,036 [laughs] - Somebody's calling. 400 00:13:45,085 --> 00:13:49,995 Oh yeah, I see your little $400,000 and raise you $700,000. 401 00:13:50,046 --> 00:13:52,346 - CRAIG: Woo hoo, hoo, hoo. 402 00:13:52,396 --> 00:13:55,966 - One-point-one million dollars. 403 00:13:56,009 --> 00:13:58,099 - Uh, I'm looking at a rubix Cuban, Nick. 404 00:13:58,141 --> 00:13:59,321 - NICK: Diamonds. 405 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:00,710 - That's diamonds, Nick? - Diamonds, [bleep]. 406 00:14:00,752 --> 00:14:02,752 - You must think I'm booboo the fool. 407 00:14:02,798 --> 00:14:04,838 I'll show you diamonds. I know how to deal with you. 408 00:14:04,887 --> 00:14:06,667 Nick if this is diamonds, you ain't got nothing 409 00:14:06,715 --> 00:14:07,665 to worry about. 410 00:14:07,716 --> 00:14:08,666 Huh! 411 00:14:08,717 --> 00:14:09,977 - [scratching] 412 00:14:10,023 --> 00:14:11,723 - KEVIN: Diamonds cut glass, don't they, Nick? 413 00:14:11,763 --> 00:14:12,943 - CRAIG: Dude you watch too many cartoons. 414 00:14:12,982 --> 00:14:15,162 - KEVIN: No, just like I thought. 415 00:14:15,202 --> 00:14:19,122 It's fake, just like your damn hair. 416 00:14:19,162 --> 00:14:20,992 All right. 417 00:14:21,034 --> 00:14:24,044 - [glass shatters] - [laughs] 418 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:27,000 - CRAIG: Holy- - NICK: Huh? 419 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:28,390 - Put up or shut up. 420 00:14:32,610 --> 00:14:34,440 - Nick you think you're the only one with useless 421 00:14:34,482 --> 00:14:35,572 expensive [bleep]? 422 00:14:35,613 --> 00:14:36,573 Huh? 423 00:14:36,614 --> 00:14:38,924 I will see your million, okay? 424 00:14:38,965 --> 00:14:41,485 - I see some solid gold pee stains. 425 00:14:41,532 --> 00:14:43,402 - Really so you [bleep] on solid gold? 426 00:14:43,447 --> 00:14:45,617 - And I wipe my ass with two-ply Benjamins. 427 00:14:45,667 --> 00:14:46,887 Let's go, Nick. 428 00:14:46,929 --> 00:14:50,499 - Same way you wiped your ass with our show? 429 00:14:50,541 --> 00:14:54,761 - Not in online stores. 430 00:14:54,806 --> 00:14:56,626 - They are now. 431 00:14:56,678 --> 00:14:58,508 Duh. 432 00:14:58,549 --> 00:14:59,939 - [audience applauds] 433 00:14:59,986 --> 00:15:01,546 - WOMAN: ♪ Strong Like Glue ♪ 434 00:15:01,596 --> 00:15:03,946 - [laughs] 435 00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:06,730 - MAN2: Lights, please. 436 00:15:06,775 --> 00:15:09,515 What did you guys think about "Strong Like Glue"? 437 00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:12,350 - It was funny and really well produced. 438 00:15:12,389 --> 00:15:14,829 - And, you know, it's good to finally just see a black show 439 00:15:14,870 --> 00:15:18,440 without all that shucking and jiving business, except for the 440 00:15:18,482 --> 00:15:19,482 delivery guy. 441 00:15:19,527 --> 00:15:21,397 They really need to re-cast him. 442 00:15:21,442 --> 00:15:23,492 - Come on, guys, are you [bleep] kidding me? 443 00:15:23,531 --> 00:15:25,361 Were we watching the same program? 444 00:15:25,402 --> 00:15:27,752 Come on, that guy was the best part of the show. 445 00:15:27,796 --> 00:15:30,316 The absolute best part of the show, hands down. 446 00:15:30,364 --> 00:15:32,194 Maybe it's just me, I kind of felt like the show was a 447 00:15:32,235 --> 00:15:35,885 little, I don't know, racist. 448 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:41,765 - Uh, sir, the show's about an African American father who 449 00:15:41,810 --> 00:15:45,640 works, takes care of his children. 450 00:15:45,683 --> 00:15:47,603 What exactly do you find racist about that? 451 00:15:47,642 --> 00:15:49,382 - You guys want me to spell it out for you? 452 00:15:49,426 --> 00:15:50,986 I have no problem with speaking my mind here, so if that's- 453 00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:52,857 - Please do, that's what we're here for. 454 00:15:52,908 --> 00:15:56,998 - Fine, black dumbbells. 455 00:15:57,043 --> 00:15:58,263 - What is, what is that? 456 00:15:58,305 --> 00:16:00,385 - Black dumbbells, come on, it's right there. 457 00:16:00,437 --> 00:16:02,527 Are we insinuating that the blacks are dumb? 458 00:16:02,570 --> 00:16:03,960 - MAN2: That's ridiculous. 459 00:16:04,006 --> 00:16:05,966 - Listen, I want every one of you to understand this. 460 00:16:06,008 --> 00:16:06,698 My wife works out every day. 461 00:16:06,748 --> 00:16:08,098 You know what? 462 00:16:08,141 --> 00:16:09,971 She has purple dumbbells, she has white dumbbells. 463 00:16:10,012 --> 00:16:12,582 - Oh my god and the ones they used were black. 464 00:16:12,623 --> 00:16:14,763 - I think you guys might be reading into that just 465 00:16:14,799 --> 00:16:16,189 a little bit. 466 00:16:16,236 --> 00:16:18,106 - Lookie here, Sean Hannity, okay, I'll make a call to 467 00:16:18,151 --> 00:16:19,891 Rachel Manahoe and I'll have her down here. 468 00:16:19,935 --> 00:16:22,065 - Okay no, you know, actually it's, it's Maddow. 469 00:16:22,111 --> 00:16:24,421 - Well it don't matter to me. 470 00:16:24,461 --> 00:16:26,461 Okay one call to that lady, dude, and she'll come down here 471 00:16:26,507 --> 00:16:28,157 with a belt made out of Al Sharpton's hair and whip your 472 00:16:28,204 --> 00:16:29,514 ass good. 473 00:16:29,553 --> 00:16:31,693 - Oh he's got a point, he has got a point on that. 474 00:16:31,729 --> 00:16:34,729 - Here's what had me ready to turn my underwear around 475 00:16:34,776 --> 00:16:36,256 backwards and pee out my butt. 476 00:16:36,299 --> 00:16:39,129 That fake negro Craig Robinson, what was that? 477 00:16:39,172 --> 00:16:41,222 - Oh, yeah. - Too much. 478 00:16:41,261 --> 00:16:43,001 - Yes, what was that noise he kept making? 479 00:16:43,045 --> 00:16:44,735 - Duh. - WOMAN2: Yes. 480 00:16:44,786 --> 00:16:47,656 - Duh. 481 00:16:47,702 --> 00:16:51,232 Why not have him say dyno-mite? 482 00:16:51,271 --> 00:16:53,141 Or what you talking about, Willis? 483 00:16:53,186 --> 00:16:55,316 I mean if we're gonna put a show like this on TV, than why 484 00:16:55,362 --> 00:16:57,062 not bring back "Home Boys From Outer Space?" 485 00:16:57,103 --> 00:16:59,193 - WOMAN2: Oh yes. 486 00:16:59,235 --> 00:17:01,495 - This is nothing like that show. 487 00:17:01,542 --> 00:17:05,152 - At least on that show we had [bleep] in the future, okay? 488 00:17:05,198 --> 00:17:07,978 That, that, that came out wrong. 489 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,897 And, and, and that's not what we're here for. 490 00:17:09,941 --> 00:17:11,901 We're not here to talk about people to bring them down, 491 00:17:11,943 --> 00:17:13,903 we're here to focus. 492 00:17:13,945 --> 00:17:15,815 Oh [bleep]. 493 00:17:15,860 --> 00:17:18,040 I'm gonna-where's the bathroom? 494 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:23,350 Cause I got, I got an angry [bleep] to take. 495 00:17:23,390 --> 00:17:28,260 - I had a friend at the focus group who saw a short "white" 496 00:17:28,308 --> 00:17:30,828 bastard with black hands. 497 00:17:30,875 --> 00:17:32,225 - That sounds ridiculous. 498 00:17:32,268 --> 00:17:35,968 Who in the hell would dress up like a white man? 499 00:17:36,011 --> 00:17:37,841 - It was for my album. 500 00:17:37,882 --> 00:17:40,892 - Okay listen, the reason why they picked up "Almost Black" 501 00:17:40,929 --> 00:17:43,149 is because Michael Rapaport was a much more convincing black 502 00:17:43,192 --> 00:17:44,722 father than you. - Nick you want cards? 503 00:17:44,759 --> 00:17:46,719 - I don't know what you don't get, man. 504 00:17:46,761 --> 00:17:48,551 - You know it's all good, Kev. 505 00:17:48,589 --> 00:17:51,109 Because of you, I got a part in a new movie. 506 00:17:51,157 --> 00:17:53,067 - Really? - Yeah, you remember Rudolph? 507 00:17:53,115 --> 00:17:55,025 - The producer? Yeah he sucks. 508 00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,554 - Kevin how many cards? 509 00:17:56,597 --> 00:17:58,727 - He's producing a little movie, um, y'all are looking at 510 00:17:58,773 --> 00:18:00,303 the new thunder brotha. 511 00:18:00,340 --> 00:18:02,340 - NICK: What? You got that? 512 00:18:02,385 --> 00:18:04,815 - That's a damn lie, I'm the new thunder brotha. 513 00:18:04,866 --> 00:18:07,256 - Okay, Kev, five card [bleep]? - No I don't want five cards. 514 00:18:07,303 --> 00:18:09,913 - [yelling] 515 00:18:09,958 --> 00:18:10,868 - Your cards go on the table, they gotta stay on the table. 516 00:18:10,915 --> 00:18:12,915 - No. - Rules. 517 00:18:12,961 --> 00:18:13,961 - KEVIN: I had my cards. 518 00:18:14,005 --> 00:18:15,175 - One, two, three, four, five. 519 00:18:15,224 --> 00:18:16,754 - Fine, fine! 520 00:18:16,791 --> 00:18:18,181 - CRAIG: That's the rules, Kev. 521 00:18:18,227 --> 00:18:19,577 - Mind your business, you're not even in the hand. 522 00:18:19,620 --> 00:18:20,970 - CRAIG: Hey them the rules. - You ready? 523 00:18:21,012 --> 00:18:22,582 - KEVIN: Yeah I'm ready. - Wanna see what I got? 524 00:18:22,623 --> 00:18:25,373 - What you got? - Bam, a pair of threes. 525 00:18:25,408 --> 00:18:26,368 - Great. 526 00:18:26,409 --> 00:18:28,719 You're about to die slow, brotha. 527 00:18:28,759 --> 00:18:29,929 [laughs] 528 00:18:29,978 --> 00:18:30,938 - You ain't even gotta turn your cards over. 529 00:18:30,979 --> 00:18:31,939 - KEVIN: I might as well not. 530 00:18:31,980 --> 00:18:33,980 Uh, Ace is the first card I see. 531 00:18:34,025 --> 00:18:35,845 I'm looking at a Queen next. 532 00:18:35,897 --> 00:18:37,937 There's a King. 533 00:18:37,986 --> 00:18:39,896 The next one is an eight. 534 00:18:39,944 --> 00:18:41,034 - Oh that's disgusting. 535 00:18:41,076 --> 00:18:42,246 - Then there's a four, hold on. 536 00:18:42,295 --> 00:18:44,775 - Looks like you just got [bleep] on. 537 00:18:44,819 --> 00:18:45,989 - Wait a second. 538 00:18:46,037 --> 00:18:47,167 - NICK: Streak is over. 539 00:18:47,213 --> 00:18:48,303 - The streak is over, the streak is over, 540 00:18:48,344 --> 00:18:49,304 the streak is over... 541 00:18:49,345 --> 00:18:50,825 - Everybody get, get out. 542 00:18:50,868 --> 00:18:52,088 Get your ass to the hall. 543 00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,051 Out there, man. Go! 544 00:18:54,089 --> 00:18:55,309 - CRAIG: Peace. - KEVIN: Wait a minute. 545 00:18:55,351 --> 00:18:57,921 Hey, you stop. Stop right there. 546 00:18:57,962 --> 00:19:00,792 Is that the thunder brotha glove? 547 00:19:00,835 --> 00:19:02,835 - The one and only. - You're a damn liar. 548 00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:04,750 That's a fake. 549 00:19:04,795 --> 00:19:06,705 - Is it? - Yeah, it is. 550 00:19:06,754 --> 00:19:08,414 - All I want to do is zoom, zoom, zoom. 551 00:19:08,451 --> 00:19:10,021 - Whoa! 552 00:19:10,061 --> 00:19:11,981 - ARSENIO: Oh [bleep]. 553 00:19:12,020 --> 00:19:14,110 Where's Kevin? 554 00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:18,333 - I don't know. 555 00:19:18,374 --> 00:19:28,914 I just got the part. 556 00:19:28,950 --> 00:19:33,390 ♪ 40742

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