Original subtitles

Previously on "Real Husbands

of Hollywood."

You fire her, you fire me.

Nick Cannon for Beverly Hills

mayor because they need a hero?

I didn't get there in time

for you, but I saved

all these guys' from fallin'.

All our lives.

What you do is come stay with

me, put you up right.

Don't motorboat.

Aah!

♪ This is the life

♪ Look at the life

♪ This is the city where

♪ We party every night

♪ Every night

♪ We do it big

♪ Diamonds and gold

♪ Welcome to Hollywood

♪ It feels like...

Okay.

Oh God, that's the spot.

All right, do it harder.

Harder.

Oh, harder. Oh! Harder.

How's that?

Does that feel good?

No.

Feel good right there?

I don't feel it enough.

Do it harder.

Well, I'm doing it

as hard as I can.

Move up, move up.

Get the rest of me wet.

Okay.

Get the rest of me.

Kevin! Kevin!

I swear to God if you get

my hair wet!

You gonna spend the rest of your

life with wheels growing out

your ass too.

Okay, I don't understand why

you gotta be so dramatic.

You're not even paralyzed.

You're just injured.

Yeah? Oh yeah, like this?

Oh [bleep]!

I guess you're wondering why

I got a mean-ass woman in my

house right now. So am I.

What is this [bleep], Kevin?

You know I only eat gluten-free.

For once in my life, I caught

myself doing the right thing.

I try to lift a finger and help

a woman who can't lift her legs.

Ow!

This is what I get.

Ow! Regina, you just

run over my feet!

Oh, I'm sorry, Kevin.

Can you feel 'em?

'Cause I can't feel mine!

Ow! You just did it again!

Aah!

Ow!

I should have kept driving.

That's what I should have did.

Come on.

Will you stop that?

What store are you

going to, Kevin?

How did you know I was going

to the store, Regina?

Because I woke up feeling

blue and green, and those are

Sam Club's colors.

Well, your little voodoo

[bleep] is wrong today.

I ain't going to no Sam's Club.

I'm going to Pep Boys

so I can get some

brake pads for your mouth.

Sam's Club is exactly

where I was going.

How the hell did she know that?

This [bleep] is creepy.

Well, I'm going with you.

No, come on, Regina.

No, wait, I'm going with you.

Wait-- Regina.

I don't have time for this.

You know where you going?

You know where you gonna go?

You gonna go where I put you.

Stop. Stop it!

Yeah.

No! Stop! No!

I...

Will you stop, Regina?

Oh, please, Kevin!

Stop this [bleep].

You stop it right now!

All I'm doing is going to get

some snacks for the damn

poker game. That's it.

You're going to leave me here

alone to go play poker?

Regina, the game is here.

You're supposed to be a psychic.

I thought you could

see that stuff.

I can see that you haven't

touched my stuff.

Regina, I didn't even know

you could feel stuff down there.

I'm feeling something now.

I'm horny.

Oh. Come on, Regina.

I don't know what to tell you.

Regina, what is-- Ow!

Oh, that's it, that's it.

Just hold on.

I'm going to take you

for a ride.

Pineapples!

I said pineapples!

Oh God.

Okay, who's bet is it?

My bet?

As I was saying,

I've had the gift since

I was a child, you know.

I wouldn't say I'm psychic, but

I really am 'cause I feel things

in colors.

For example, like you, Nelly.

With you, I am feeling

an ominous black,

and it's depressing.

She's probably talking about

his career.

[bleep] you, Kevin.

I'm just telling you

what she's saying.

[bleep] you.

Just let her finish.

For you, Nick,

I'm feeling green.

Oh yeah, that's money.

Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

It's a mucusy green-like

sickness.

Syphilis?

That's an infection.

That's an STD.

Do you have a will?

Ooh. Damn.

You know what, the only

sickness here is you, okay?

Kevin, could you go park

your girlfriend

somewhere else please?

I'm not going to park my

girlfriend nowhere.

She got a control on her chair.

You don't have to be nasty.

Wait, wait, wait, okay.

Nobody talked about you

or talked to you

'cause you got green.

But you were just talking

to him.

I was telling you

what I'm sensing.

Why are you

raising your voice?

I don't need to be attacked

at this table.

Keep it to yourself.

Excuse me.

Instead of just yelling,

tell me what you see about me.

Oh.

Insecure.

A willing participant.

Give me the drink, I told you

not to drink and drive.

Isn't that the pot

calling the kettle black?

With you, I am feeling--

mm-- two colors.

Oh.

Like an azure.

Ooh, that's a rich blue.

With a red in the middle.

Azure with red.

So what does that mean?

That means she sees two

people.

Which means you're a crazy

mother [bleep].

Yeah.

Cat's out the bag. Rar!

Schizo.

[bleep], you are.

Kevin Hart, I swear

to [bleep] God I will kill you

in your sleep...

Wayne, come on.

Get the other Wayne back.

You guys are making me feel

inadequate.

Y'all enjoy your little game.

--like I'm not here

'cause I am here.

Where did she come from?

Kevin, get the door.

Roll her ass down the street.

All right, that's enough.

Sorry I'm late.

What the hell happened

to you, man?

What the hell?

[laughter]

I traded clothes with

a homeless man.

For what, scurvy?

Stop scratching your balls.

What are you doing?

What?

Uh-uh, hey!

Don't you sit on that chair.

It's all right--

Stop it.

You wait.

You should really let

an adult do that.

What is wrong with you?

Ever since the ledge

incident, to guide me down

my new path of righteousness,

I've taken a vow of poverty.

That's why I live in

Beverly Hills.

I take a vow of wealth.

You do not smell

righteous right now.

Whoa, whoa. Ho-- ho!

Is that a maggot on your shirt

right there, Boris?

Oh! Come on, Boris.

God... really?

What is going on

with your underarms?

I don't bathe, I don't shave.

Come on, Boris.

That's disgusting.

Come on, man.

Was that a poodle?

That's disgusting.

Kevin.

Your little playtime is over.

Put them cards down.

I gotta go to the bathroom.

What the hell you telling me

for?

Don't make me embarrass you

in front of your friends.

Someone has got to wipe!

Ooh, [bleep], I'm outta here.

Would you hurry up?

I don't feel good,

and it's starting to leak out.

Let's go.

Don't clap,

it make my bowels hurt.

When I decided to run for

mayor, I hired a private eye to

see if he could dig up anything

that could hurt my campaign.

You know, even though I'm a

happily married man, in my past,

I dated a few women.

How do you think I got the name

Mr. NCredible?

So what'd you find out, Hammer?

Who the hell is the Hammer?

My name is Black.

Jet Black.

Hit the lights, cool breeze.

We don't got much longer!

Aah!

Where did you get this,

Black?

Security cam.

Across the street.

You know, if folks found out

that you were the jive mother

sucker responsible for your

partners falling off the ledge,

I think they would give you one

good old-fashioned ass-whipping.

How am I responsible?

All I did was close the window.

What is it going to take to

clear my name, jive turkey?

Why am I saying jive turkey?

All you got to do is let me

do my thing, and everything

will be "copastetic."

...allergic to shellfish when

she's pregnant by a shrimp?

Kevin's no shrimp.

Wait, what?

No, he's not. He's like--

Where do you think you're

swaying your little hips off to?

I'm stepping out.

You're stepping nowhere!

Yes, I am.

I told you I had someone coming

by, and you promised

to cook dinner.

I'm not doing nothing.

Now you tell your friend that

the movie "The Butler" starred

an actor named Forr--

the love of God.

Sanaa Lathan.

You must be here looking

for the best man.

Hi, Kevin.

Stop it!

I been trying to get with

Sanaa since I saw her in

"Love and Basketball."

I'm about to dunk it.

Well, since you guys have

enjoyed the first seven courses,

I decided to save

the best for last.

I, uh, went with

a sushi platter.

In Japanese, we say

[attempting Japanese].

It means, "Enjoy."

Wow, Kevin.

You're funny, you're cute,

and you can cook.

Girl, you better chain him to

that wheelchair before somebody

else tries to steal him.

Yeah, I can, uh, I can

do a lot when I'm motivated.

Mm.

Since when?

Don't be rude to our guest.

Our guest?

Yes, our guest.

No, she's my guest.

Sanaa is here to see me.

Actually, I, I am here

to see you, Regina.

I wanted to tell you that--

oh, this is so hard.

Wait, what is it?

What is it?

They offered me your

role in "47-1/2 Hours."

Yes!

I told them--

I mean no, no.

I told them that I would not,

I would absolutely not even

consider it if you

were not okay with it.

She fine. She's okay with--

You're fine, right?

This right here is way more

important that a role.

No, it's not!

She can't walk.

I can't do it.

She can't walk!

Oh God. Stop saying it!

She can't roll

and do those lines.

You're right, but--

Aah!

There's a running scene.

Listen, Gina,

it's okay, I won't. I won't.

I can't.

No, no. No.

He's right.

He's right?

I can't walk.

I told you. She can't.

Are you s-- really?

There's no one else I'd

rather see get this than you.

No, I can't.

No, you can.

She said you can so you can.

Right?

I can?

You can.

Oh.

Oh, dinner was amazing. Amazing.

I'm glad,

I'm glad you had a good time.

So, uh, I guess I'll see you

later, chicklet.

Yeah. This chicklet

is all yours.

Wait a minute...

Uh, what, uh, what, uh,

what does that mean?

It's a line from the movie.

Oh. Right.

Oh.

See you on set.

Yeah, I'll see you on sex--

set. On set.

♪ I think I like her

♪ Miss Independent

♪ She do her own thing

♪ That's how we're winnin'

♪ Oh, I think I like her

You gotta take this thing

out of stealth mode.

Put some playing cards in the

spokes or something because I

can't hear nothing-- or go

[mimics engine], something.

[door slams]

I'm in the bathroom, Regina.

How'd it go yesterday on set?

Amazing.

Sanaa is such a pro,

you know that?

She didn't get hit

by a car or nothing.

Wait, wait, wait, you think

she's better than me?

I didn't say that.

I just think

she's quicker than you.

I mean, you're funnier than her.

I'll give you that.

She's just sexier.

It's more dramatical.

That's what it is. What?

Regina, why are we

talking about this?

I am sensing red.

What?

I am sensing red.

You're doing that sex scene with

her tomorrow, aren't you?

You know what? You know what?

Don't you lie to me.

Stop it. Stop it.

No, I just--

Regina, don't go cryin',

and gettin' your wheelchair

all rusty.

Director cut that scene out

after you ran into the car.

But I will tell you this.

He loved me and Sanaa's

chemistry so much that he

decided to reshoot it today.

Oh really!

Yeah.

So are you going to paralyze

her, too?

You're being stupid.

What you gotta understand is

that Sanaa is way too valuable

for that.

They're paying that girl

too much money-- way more money

than they was paying you.

Plus she's got a stunt double.

It's real safe now.

Ain't none of that stupid stuff

gonna happen to Sanaa.

Ow! You want to play?

No, no, no, you stop it!

You stop it! Aah!

Get your ass over here,

come on, let's go.

No, put it down...

stop, stop, aah!

Yeah, shut it up.

I will back you up and run you

into that corner again.

[yelping in pain]

[doorbell rings]

You stay your Hot Wheels ass

in that corner, and I'll deal

with you when I get back.

Hey, man.

Boris, this ain't the time.

No, look, I'm here

to see Regina.

You're here to see Regina?

Yeah.

Oh, that's perfect.

That's so perfect right now.

Great. Listen.

If she pops off at the mouth,

or start throwing fruit,

you put her ass in the corner.

Watch. Watch. Yes. Watch.

[thud]

Ow, [bleep], Kevin!

Get me out of this

[bleep] corner!

What'd you do?

Or what? Or what!

What are you going to do, you're

in a corner!

You can't do nothing!

Feeding time is at

12:00 and 4:00.

6:00 PM is doozy time.

Doozy?

You're going to be fine.

Yeah, listen, I gotta go.

I got some stuff to do.

You're going to be great.

The reason I came by Kevin's

house was because I could tell

last night Regina's spirit was

in need of the power

of beautiful.

You know what faith is?

Faith is believing in something

that you can't see.

And for years,

I only had faith in my face.

I only believed in what I saw

in the mirror.

But ever since the fall,

I've learned to look beyond

the beautiful face.

Beautiful face.

Yeah, the perfect teeth.

See? Yeah.

The chiseled abs.

Oh.

Hey, hey.

You can do the same, Regina.

I can't!

I don't have abs, Boris.

I have two lifeless legs,

thanks to Kevin.

You just kicked me

in the nuts!

I'm sorry, they do it.

I can't control them.

Okay.

It's like an erection!

Now, you can do it.

Okay? Regina.

You can do it.

All right?

All the more reason

to let faith lift you up.

Lift you! Get up, Regina.

I can't!

Yes, you can.

You know why?

Because you're beautiful.

You think I'm pretty?

No.

Oh no!

No, no, no, yes. Yes!

You said no!

Yes! But deeper.

Deeper.

Deeper?

Yes. Beautiful.

Bountiful.

Universal.

Truth-inspiring.

Faith.

Understanding.

And love.

You are too fine

to be that corny.

What does that even mean, Boris?

It means get up out of the

chair! Get up, Regina!

I can't!

Stop mess--

I can't.

Hold on, hold on,

I think that's my agent.

I gotta take that.

Don't go.

Hello?

No! No! Oh God!

All right, soul brother.

I got some good news for you,

and I got some bad news for you.

The bad news is I don't really

have any good news.

The people who own the building,

they want two mil.

Plus four front-row seats

to Mariah's next concert.

Or they're going to send

an eight-track of this tape

to Walter Cronkite.

Have you lost your damn mind?

I don't even get front-row seats

to Mariah's concert.

You know, cool breeze,

got something

I want to show you.

Yeah, what is that?

Technology.

Something your old ass clearly

knows nothing about.

Turns out that building

that you got the surveillance

footage from, my wife

and I just happen to own it.

So technically, I guess

I'm bribing myself.

I don't have to listen

to this jive turkey.

Oh, you can run.

But I'm gonna get you, sucker.

You're going to the slammer,

Hammer.

Really.

What the hell?

[Nick laughs]

Damn.

This [bleep] is a hologram.

Yeah, I left the scene

about two minutes ago.

Well, let me show you

what you missed.

Oh! Oh!

Wait a second--

Later, alligator.

Jackie. Hey.

Where's Kevin, man?

We're ready for this love scene.

Do I need to go back

to my trailer?

No, baby, you're good.

197.

Hoo hoo, Kev!

They're ready for you, baby!

Just a second.

I'm almost done.

All right!

9,999.

10,000.

Damn.

How many push-ups did you do?

10,000!

Oh, hell no.

Let's go!

Ho!

All right, John, come on,

let's go.

Security.

Get the cameras in place.

Come on--

Where is Kev-- who is this?

No, it is me, Sanaa.

Look, don't say nothing

'cause I don't want to lose it.

You're not Kevin.

Come on, hurry up.

Oh [bleep], John!

Come on!

Sorry, Kev, I'm sorry.

That's 10,000 push-ups

down the drain.

Now I gotta pump up again.

No, I like you little, baby.

You know I got a thing

for little guys.

Regina.

Okay, who the hell let you

roll up on this damn lot?

I thought you weren't

doing the love scene.

Well, you thought wrong.

He didn't tell you?

He told me

you were okay with it.

I didn't tell you anything.

In fact, Regina,

he has been hitting on me

right from the start.

Sanaa!

I know I should have told

you.

I knew this.

I knew this was happening

because this morning,

I saw black all over you.

Mm-hmm.

You saw me get out

the shower.

What are you talking about?

Okay, you know what, I'm not

going to do this.

You ain't go to lie about

what we got.

Kevin, I don't lie.

Cat's out the bag.

You wanna know what the cat is,

Regina?

Regina, there's no cat.

Bottom line-- there is a cat.

I need a woman who can stand up

for me when the chips are down.

Regina, don't listen to him.

What do you mean don't listen

to me? It's the truth.

It is not the truth.

[Kevin mutters]

Regina, don't!

Regina!

Oh my God!

Oh.

You can walk!

How'd that happen?

Aah!

Regina!

You're walking!

She's walking!

Praise the Lord!

You're walking!

Now that you can walk,

Regina, do us both a favor and

walk over there to that door and

when you get there, I want you

to basically get the [bleep] out

because we are doing a scene.

How dare you talk

to Regina like that.

I'm not talking to Regina

like nothing.

You are lucky that Boris has

me on a special path because if

he didn't, I would take this

newly working foot, and I would

shove it so far up your tight

[bleep] that I would toe[bleep]

your little brain.

God don't like ugly.

And that is you.

Mm.

Let's go, Sanaa.

Good luck walking.

You are an evil little man.

Evil.

No...

you got some nerve.

What're you--

Stop, Kevin! Stop!

You got me!

What are you-- oh, uh-uh.

Y'all ain't gonna do me

like that.

Guess what.

I don't need y'all.

You can say God don't like ugly,

but let me tell you what He do

like-- He loves me.

I'm God's child.

I'm on top of the world. ♪ [theme music]