Original subtitles

Previously on "Real Husbands

of Hollywood".

All you ever talked about

is doing movie with your boys.

I did?

Well, this is it.

It's a movie about

our experience on the ledge.

I'm sold.

I got the contract

to our movie.

It's called "Falling Legend."

I don't know why you're

so loyal to your boys.

They're the ones who held

over the ledge and dropped you.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

What you mean they dropped me?

They opened their hands

and they let you go.

You see these fries?

If I open my hand, they fall.

You see this little black

burned one, that's you.

You can forget about me

doing that movie

"Flopping Legends".

It's "Falling Legends".

Well, it's gonna flop 'ca

you don't have a star.

** This is the life

♪ This is the life

♪ Look at the life

♪ This is the city where we

♪ Party every night

♪ We do it big

♪ Diamonds and gold

♪ Welcome to Hollywood ♪

♪

* Bright lights big city

What you gonna do?

We ain't got all day, man.

Either check or bet.

Yeah, like I thought,

you're check.

It's been over a week since

I moved into my new penthouse.

Oh, oh, you gonna call?

You gonna call me?

All right, okay.

I gotta admit, Shake really

came through this time.

I mean, despite the fact that he

and my former friends tried to

kill me.

I own y'all.

I am poker.

I'm starting to think that

heated toilet seats might

make up for all that.

Yup, a guy couldn't ask

for more.

Read 'em and weep.

Except maybe some poker buddies.

Yeah, silence.

I deserve another beer

after that ass-whooping

I just put on y'all.

You ain't getting another beer.

Aight, okay, same things.

Shut up, I know what to get.

Kevin.

Boris, what are you doing

in my house?

I am here to inspire peace

and friendship.

Boris.

Yeah.

Friends don't drop friends

from buildings.

Well...

So let's go.

Did-- did you ever think

about why you fell off

that ledge?

Yeah, Boris, I di

Okay.

And you know why?

No.

It was because of Boris and

Duane and Nelly and Nick and JB.

Yes, but you survived.

Ha, you survived!

We all survived, right?

Now that must be for some higher

purpose, have you thought

of that?

What purpose?

Well, I don't know.

Tell me, please.

If we work together,

you and I, we can find out.

Okay, so all we gotta do

is work together.

Yes.

Okay, I know where

we should look.

Hoo-hoo!

Yeah, we can look out here.

Let's see what we can find

out here.

Great idea.

You see anything?

All right, let's go,

let's go.

(door slamming)

Can you believe that he tried

to convince me that he

dropped me for a purpose?

Ha!

That Blerman had lost

his damn mind.

That's why I don't wanna

play with him.

That's why I only play

with you guys, man.

Okay, whose deal?

(elevator music playing)

Well, clearly, Kevin won't be

of any assistance on my journey

to a higher understanding so...

God, Buddha, Allah, Jehovah,

Young Hova.

Send me another sign, please.

(electrical buzzing)

(music slowing)

(thudding)

Hello?

(choral music playing)

(nervous chuckling)

Hey.

Lobby, please.

This-- this is the lobby.

I'm not talking about

the lobby of the W,

I'm talking about

the lobby of the H.

(elevator alarm buzzing)

I'm so sorry,

I think the elevator's broken.

Dammit!

Jesus.

This keeps happening to me!

I guess Jesus walks!

(elevator bell dinging)

Excuse me, uh, Mr. Christ?

Uh, excuse me.

♪

Nice, huh?

Just got these yesterday.

Oh.

Can I get a light?

There's still no smoking

in here.

I'm a grown man, for my sake.

So where were we?

A meal fit for a king.

Hmm, king of kings

and lord of lords.

You better ask somebody.

(chuckling)

Body of Christ?

No carbs.

So how did you find your

spiritual path?

My God, you're beautiful.

Yeah, I know.

No, it's a gift.

Where are you from, Bethlehem?

Uh, Germany.

Oh, maker of fine sausages.

It would be a sin to not use

your beauty to spread the word.

I'm not following you.

Not a problem, my dear

brother because they will

follow you.

(rolling/crashing)

My man, don't I get an

"excuse me?"

Go (bleep) yourself.

Oh, you must be a Philistine.

Whoa, whoa!

I told you not to cross me.

(man screaming)

(crowd gasps)

I told you if you pulled

this crap again,

I'd throw your ass out, right?

What are you gonna do?

Call Pontius the po-po

like you did last time?

Oh, I need this like I need

another hole in the hand.

Ay, guys, ay, ay, easy, easy.

Don't worry, I'll be back

in three days.

Okay.

Use your gift to spread

the word.

♪

Oh, it's all you,

it's all you, ah!

I see you, I see you.

All right, all right.

Oh, Nick Cannon.

Who's next?

Oh, look at that. What?

Where he come from?

In your face!

Why is he so aggressive,

Nick?

I'm sorry.

Get your man.

What the hell was that?

Who invited him?

Nobody invited him.

He just showed up.

We ain't playing horse.

What's up, guys?

What's going on?

What's up, guys?

Here's Eric Dalai Lama.

Look like you got on them

Ash Jordan's.

(laughing)

So who are you, Moses Malone?

(laughing)

Hey, he was good for once.

B., did you come here to ball

or baptize?

Both.

Pastor Blunt asked me to speak

at the church on Sunday.

I want you guys to come, oka

He think he black Jesus.

I printed out these flyers

myself at FedEx.

You spelled beautiful wrong.

It's an acronym, Nick.

What does it stand for?

Is it bicep uplifting tank tops,

ignorant freaky underwear

and lust?

What are you into, man?

(Boris chuckling)

It's bountiful universal

truth inspiring faith,

understanding and love.

Because we're all beautiful

in the eyes of the most High,

even you, Nelly.

Well, you know what, Boris,

right now, I think you are

the most high.

No, you need five to play on

this court.

Oh, I got my five, Nick.

Five!

♪

Fellas, allow me to introduce

you to my new best friends.

♪

This man did rented

the D-league.

Fellas, I would like to take

the time to introduce you

to my next best friends.

Hey, Boris, meet Morris.

Nice to meet you, brother.

Peace be with you.

(snickering)

(high pitch laughing)

Uh, it's funny.

Yeah.

That was a good one.

Hey, Nick, meet Dick.

I don't like Dick.

You're gonna meet Dick, Nick.

No, I'm not--

You're gonna like Dick.

No, no, no, I'm not.

You're gonna meet him

and you're gonna like him.

No, I'm not.

Fine.

I wouldn't leave him hanging.

Give me some, Dick.

I didn't mean it like that.

That's not how I meant it.

Let's just go to

the next friend.

Nelly!

Why don't you meet

my new friend, Kelley?

He's from Saint Lucia,

one of the original

Saint Lucia ticks.

He's a much better rapper.

(high pitch laughing)

Hey, Duane, meet Juwayne.

Juwan, man!

Hey, man, listen.

What did I tell you?

It's gotta rhyme.

Now if you wanna get your check,

you'll just do it.

I want my money.

All right.

"Juwayne".

Y'all should've rehearsed.

You know what?

Tisha would never.

She did you.

(laughing)

Burn.

(high pitch laughing)

Whatever, whatever.

Fellas, let's do it.

♪

Good luck.

I ain't got nothing

to worry about.

What, you play pro or something?

A season with

the Italian league.

Italian league.

(chuckling)

Man, get off.

I used to be a Knick, baby.

Come get some of this pasta.

Come get some of this pasta!

(bleep)

Oh! Whoo!

Foul.

Foul?

Foul, right there,

right there.

I'm about to take you

to church.

Is that right?

Yeah.

Well, I'm an atheist.

Oh-ho!

Give me the ball!

** Just how the game goes

♪ Swish

Yeah, I got it, I got it!

No-- Oh, my God.

* You got the shoes laced

♪ Swish

♪ I'm about to take it

to your face ♪

Oh!

What the (bleep) was that?

What was that?

Let my shot go in there, God!

Foul, that don't count.

I got fouled.

I got you.

I'm open, baby, I'm open.

* I'm like 3-2-1

♪ And swish ♪

Oh!

Wayne, you (bleep).

Oh! Whoo!

Ah!

What are you doing?

No, put your damn hands down,

man, we're on the same team!

So sorry.

(laughing)

Don't ever bring that weak

(bleep) in here again!

Well--

Teamwork.

Mother (bleep) crazy.

Ball!

(loud chatter)

I'm open!

Come on, ball, ball, ball.

Oh!

Give me the ball!

What the hell

are you all doing?

What?

I didn't bring you out here

to shoot the basketball.

You're supposed to be out here

rebounding, setting picks

and passing me the ball, man.

If you guys can't do it then,

give me back your jerseys

and give me the checks back.

And I--

Keep 'em.

Fine.

Take it, take it.

Yeah, yeah, whatever, yeah,

maybe you should put your chest

on the right way and not

backwards... stupid, listen--

Aah!

Oh!

Oh, my God.

(laughing)

Damn.

Just shut up, Nick, get off--

get your (bleep) hands off

of me.

Stop it, man.

God!

Kevin Hart?

Look, sweetie, I don't need

no cheerleader right now.

The game is over, okay?

Yup, you're the ass (bleep)

I'm looking for.

Consider yourself served.

Is your number in here too?

I don't know but I'm gonna

find out.

"Falling Legend, LLC,

Kevin Hart--

Hey!

Hey, you Mitches suing me?

Hey!

I'm talking to y'all!

Wow.

What, Wayne?

That is (bleep) up.

(laughing)

Ooh...

(laughing)

Oh, little man, little man.

Yeah, well, I got uniforms.

I got a bunch of uniforms and

I'm gonna keep 'em and I'm gonna

wash 'em and I'm gonna keep 'em.

Where's my bag?

♪

Since those never-have-been

has-beens tried to file a suit

against me for not doing their

stupid movie, I had to go talk

to my attorney.

Mmm, no-no, no.

Turn around, turn around

Listen.

I am not your attorney

anymore, remember?

I want you to go get amnesia

and forget that you ever met me.

Right, sure, until you

need me again.

I don't need you again.

What is this?

Wait, wait-- price tag.

It's fine.

Is this you saying that

you would like me to represent

you again?

Well, if you're gonna beg,

then fine, I'll accept.

Don't worry about it.

So, what are we gonna do

about this lawsuit.

Nothing.

Nothing?

What do you mean, nothing?

You know everybody involved

with this,

your name is all over this,

you can do something.

I said I was sorry.

No, you didn't say

you were sorry, actually,

but it's neither here nor there.

I can't do anything for yo

You know, you're crazy if you

think I'm gonna give you

three percent for nothing.

It's five percent.

It's 3.5 percent.

No, it's not up for

negotiation, it's five percent.

It's four percent.

20 percent.

4.5.

25.

Five percent, you lose.

And I don't need you on my team

if you can't negotiate.

I will work on that.

Look, Kevin, you're a big boy,

all right?

You're an adult

and you should act like it.

Just talk to your friends.

Resolve the matter out of court.

That's all I get?

(foot banging)

Hmm?

No, you'll be getting

an invoice from me in the mail.

Yes, now that we're working

together again, a lot of

back-pay issues I'd like

to have resolved.

Okay.

Other than that, yes,

that's it.

Fine.

Yeah.

Fine!

Great.

Guess I'll get my

five percent worth.

By stealing

my grandmother's photo?!

It's my grandmother now.

Taking these balls too.

Do not juggles balls

by my grandmother's face.

(door slamming)

♪

And they're gonna turn around

and sue me?

Then my lawyer got the nerve to

ask me to turn the other cheek?

You should try it.

It's very exciting.

(muttering)

Ow!

You dirty holy mother--

You will find the truth where

you least want to go, my son.

What the hell does that mean?

It means buy me another round

and I'll let you kno

Bar-- hmm, I gotta go.

What do you mean

you gotta go?

All right, all right...

Yo! Jesus!

Don't you touch me,

don't you touch me.

I said, Jesus!

Yo, you forget your, uh...

You will find the truth,

my son.

♪

(cheering and applause)

Thank you, thank you.

I wanna thank Pastor Blunt

for inviting me to spend this

wonderful Sunday morning

with all you beautiful people.

(cheering and applause)

Yes!

Now I want to turn to the person

next to you and say,

"I am beautiful."

I am--

Oh, oh, oh, you shouldn't

lie in church.

It's not good.

As we pass along the plate

of generosity, Pastor Blunt

wanted me to remind you,

cash only.

Ain't no ATM in heaven.

(laughing)

Boris is on to something.

Church is like a slot machine.

Just pull the lever every Sunday

and bam, tax-free jackpot.

Ohh... I think I just caught

the Holy Ghost.

You know what,

me and "Reverend Beautiful"

are about to start

our own church.

If there is anybody out there

who would like to bear witness

to the beautiful possibilities

in their life,

come on up here now.

(cheering and applause)

Give 'em a hand, come on up.

Oh, I think I see somebody.

Give him a hand.

This courageous young man

over here, come on down here.

Yes, you, come on down here...

Okay, Blerman Jesus,

you want me to testify?

Fine.

I'm about to show these people

just what kind of Mitch

you really are.

Hallelujah.

Amen, oh!

(mimicking speaking in tongues)

Oprah Winfrey.

God is good, young brother.

Get off of me.

There you go.

Get off of me, man.

You better stop putting so much

baby oil on your damn head.

It's starting to glow.

Shh.

Don't shush.

Come on.

Shush me.

Shush at me again, I'll

slap the (bleep) out of you.

Do you have a testimony

you would like to share with us,

young man, boy, Kevin.

You know what, yeah.

I do have a little testimony.

(cheering and applause)

There's a lawsuit being filed

against me by this hairless

heretic and his appalling

apostles.

(audience gasping)

Yeah, yeah, you.

You know, I ask you,

brothers and sisters,

would Jesus sue Judas?

No.

No, that's right,

he wouldn't.

Would Saddam sue "Gama-royah?"

No.

It's Sodom and Gomorrah.

No, look first of all,

that's from your version

of the bible.

That's from the King James.

I'm reading from LeBron James'.

So why don't you just shut up

and let me do what I do.

Would Rocky sue Apollo Creed?

And Bullwinkle?

No.

No, you know why?

Because they were boys.

Well, I-- you know, I don't know

because Rocky was a squirrel,

one was a moose.

It's weird 'cause we don

really know the sex

of that squirrel,

it could've been a girl,

could've been a boy.

Regardless of the point.

What I'm trying to say is that

they were friends, okay?

And that's what I thought that

me and "Bishop Light and Lovely"

over here were.

Kevin, we are friends,

you know that.

Oh, we're friends?

Yes.

We're friends?

Then do you remember saying

this, buddy?

"Hey, let 'em go before the rest

of us fall."

(audience gasping)

Yeah, yeah.

Is that "Buddha-ful"?

No.

No, that's not Buddha-ful

at all.

Kevin, no, no, you ar

misleading the flock.

Oh, you're a mother

flocking liar.

(audience gasping)

That's exactly what you are.

You're-- you're a liar, man.

Why don't you tell the truth?

Tell them that you tried

to kill me.

(audience grumbling)

He tried to kill--

(choral music playing)

(harp playing)

He tried to kill me with love.

With love!

(cheering and applause

And friendship.

Amen, friendship.

These friends...

are some of the best friends

that a man could ever ask for.

Best friends.

(cheering and applause)

Come on, come on.

Best friends.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There you are.

These guys right here,

they tried to save my life

when I was down and I...

I miss you guys.

We miss you too, Kev.

You guys are the only friends

I've ever had in my life.

We know.

Yeah, you know.

Those guys at the basketball

court, they...

They can't replace you, man.

That was just-- it was just

a cry for help, you know?

It's what loneliness

will do to you.

I mean, one thing I know is that

you can't play Texas hold 'em

without somebody to hold.

Hold me, Boris.

Wait, no, the last part didn't

come out right.

I didn't mean it--

I didn't mean it like that.

Come on, Kevin,

we didn't mean to drop you.

Yeah, man, you know, we would

never do a thing like that.

You gotta understand

it was an accident.

Yeah.

Whether it was or wasn't,

I just want my boys back.

(cheering and applause)

That's all.

Hey, and we wanna be back.

Give me that summons.

This one?

Yes.

Go ahead.

I'm gonna give it to you.

Are you sure you want this?

Give me that.

Tear it up.

Come on, tear it up.

Tear it up! Tear it up!

Yeah!

(cheering and applause)

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

So this mean you're doing

the movie?

That would be beautiful.

Huh, wouldn't it?

Ha-ha-ha.

What do you think?

Do you think I should

the movie?!

(cheering and applause)

Well, let me talk to

the congregation one more again,

and I ask you

should I do the movie?!

(cheering and applause)

Well, it ain't gonna happen!

What?!

I got you, I got you,

I got you, I got you.

I got all of you!

Guess what?

In the name of the Lord,

I got you!

(Kevin laughing)

I don't like booing me.

You should boo you.

Hey, newsflash, people.

If you take the "B"

off of beautiful,

it stands for "You the fool"!

(audience groaning)

Yeah!

♪