Original subtitles

Previously on

"Real Husbands of Hollywood"...

Why I got this

big-ass casket?

What, did Kevin

and his brother die?

Kevin, Kevin, Kevin.

That's just Kevin talking --

You don't know where the hell

you at do you?

Huh?

I don't remember.

I want you to think about

this, bro.

George Lopez and Kevin Hart

together starring in

"47 1⁄2 Hours."

That sounds great, but I'm

already committed to a project

with my friends.

What friends?

It's on the tip of my tongue.

What are their names?

You really don't

remember us, huh?

I don't remember

much of anything.

Well, in that case, I got

the contract to our movie.

It's called "Fallen Legend."

You didn't tell him, did you?

Tell me what?

Look, Kev', you know, um...

We've been dating the hell

out of each other.

May he love you better than

I ever did.

A beautiful woman like you

deserves the best.

What is this?

This is your new crib.

Welcome to the penthouse that

"Near Death" built, baby.

♪ This is the life

♪ Look at the life

♪ This is the city where we

♪ Party every night

♪ We do it big

♪ Diamonds and gold

♪ Welcome to Hollywood ♪

[internal voices] Boris,

help me!

Grab my hand!

Are those muscles or implants?!

Come on!

[screaming]

You're slippin'.

Don't let me go...

[internal voices fade]

What the hell?

♪ Suddenly I feel like I'm

♪ Scared of my own reflection

♪ What's going on?

♪ I ain't never been

♪ Scared before

♪ I felt guilt in my heart

♪ Then I felt it before ♪

There he is!

[garbled chattering]

Sign my breast, Kevin.

Sign my breast.

I love you, Kevin.

You're so beautiful.

I wanna have your baby.

[garbled chattering]

No, no!

No autographs, no autographs.

No, no autographs!

Jackie Long, watch where

the hell you're going, man.

What's up, kid?

Wait, you remember me?

Yes.

I thought your brain was

fried and you had amnesia.

I ain't got no damn amnesia.

I remember you owe me $100 from

two years and three months ago.

Huh?

This sad.

You--you still got it.

You still got it.

I gave you that last night.

Last night?

Yes.

I didn't see you no

last night.

When we was playing poker.

You don't remember that?

Look, remember, you had on

some Speedos.

It was late, and you talkin'

bout let's go swimming.

Ten minutes with Jackie Long,

and he convinced me my brain

was fried.

I mean the last thing I remember

was hanging from the ledge of

a $15-a-night dump in the hood.

Now I'm drinking $1,500-a-bottle

champagne in Hollywood.

♪ I'm a rock star

♪ Look like a superstar

♪ May need a supergirl to ride

♪ In my supercar ♪

All right, thank you, man.

Good job, good job.

Like I was saying, Kev',

once they got

them skateboard wheels

off your forehead, you came up.

You went from ledge to legend.

You got endorsements, movies,

free drinks--I-I think these is

free drinks--I don't know.

But, anyway, look, man, you even

go help Nick get elected

as mayor.

You got the juice now, kid.

You don't remember nothing

when you had amnesia?

No.

So, what you got--what you

got, double amnesia?

No.

Lemme--lemme tell you what

I remember.

I remember Duane and Selita

did me dirty.

I remember Katie Couric put me

down in my own house--

which the IRS took, by the way--

and I remember

my attorney dropping me

like I was a black show

on CBS, man.

I lost everything, everything.

Gone.

Look, don't even worry about

that now, player, for real,

'cause you ballin.

You ballin so hard, you don't

even need my $100 at all.

I probably need it right now,

I tell you.

Shoot.

Oh, my God.

Oh, no, I don't.

Look at this.

Look at all this.

Where'd you get that?

I don't know, but I tell ya

what you're gonna do.

You're gonna go to the ATM

and get my damn money.

Are you serious?

Yes.

But you got all that.

You owe it, I want it.

Go get it.

That's real cold, Kevin.

I just hope that ATM machine

take library cards,

'cause that's all I got,

and I owe them money, too.

Yeah, well, I don't care who

you owe.

If it's outside of me,

it don't matter.

Yo!

You give me what you owe me.

Kev', I've been looking all over

for you, man.

For what, to finish

the damn job?

Hell, yeah.

Here are the keys to your

new penthouse.

You can't thank me later.

Huh?

Yes.

Amnesia?

More like Mitch-nesia if

I'm dealing with Shake.

It's cool.

I'm gonna keep on playing this

thing out till I remember what

the hell's going on.

Come on, let me take you to

Trina's so you can pack

your stuff.

If I got a penthouse,

why the hell

I need to go to Trina's?

You know what?

I like to hear that.

Take this, I'm going to

the bank.

I mean--I mean the blood bank.

It's--it's for the children.

You good?

Yeah, I'm fine.

All right.

G-Lo!

Come on.

What's up, man?

What's up, Kev'.

What the hell are you

doing here?

Man, I came to holler at you.

Holler at me, for what?

What's going on?

Everything.

Grab a seat, man.

Thank you.

You drinking?

Yeah, of course.

Okay, I gotta get

you something.

Oh, here it is.

She always remembers.

Here we go,

Mr. Lopez.

Thank you.

What the hell is that,

a Molotov cocktail?

Exactly.

You're gonna mess around

and piss

and burn your whole [bleep]

house down when you get home.

Hey, so, check it out--

Have you thought

about my offer like I asked you?

What offer?

To do my film, "47 1⁄2 Hours"?

"47 1⁄2 Hours?"

What's that about?

Oh, man, what's it about?

It's about getting paid.

Paramount is willing to pay you

$20 million to do it.

Yeah, right.

Stop playing with me, man.

Come on, Kev', beans

and greens,

together on the big screen.

You gotta admit that sounds hot.

Sounds a little gassy

to me, George.

Okay, look, man, you--

your timing is just off.

Bad timing, that's all.

Oh, really, why?

'Cause you're doing that little

movie with your D-list buddies?

I'm gonna stop you

right there.

First of all, George, I don't

even have buddies.

Say, look, I don't know what

movie you're talking about.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about movie,

that--that "Flopping Legends"

bull [bleep].

Flopping what?

I don't even know what that is.

Hey, Kev'!

Man, I only got $15

in my account, okay?

And the ATM machines over

here--guess what?--they only

push out 20's, man.

How the hell you gonna be on

the money team when you ain't

got no money?

Kevin, it's not that we all

got money team,

it's just a team.

You know what, Jackie?

Just--Hey, George?

Where did George go?

George?

Where the hell did he go?

He was just sitting right--

[phone buzzing]

I gotta go over to

Trina's house.

You got a ride?

You know I got you.

Taxi!

Wait, why you calling

a cab?

Hey, buddy.

What the hell are we doing?

I thought you said you had

a ride, man.

No, I said I got you a cab,

and now it's gone.

Dude, are you sparring with

Floyd Mayweather, Jr., because

you're starting to act like

Mayweather, Sr.

No, he ain't got nothing to

do with it.

Another cab will come.

No, the fact is you said

there was a car,

and it's not a car.

Kev', I'm gonna get you

another one, man.

It don't matter, man.

You fellas need a ride?

Hell, yeah,

we need a ride, man.

Yeah we need a God damn ride.

Dependin' on you.

I'm glad you showed up because

we'd have been out here all day.

Hey, I was out here trying to

get a cab.

Hell, yeah, George!

♪ It's time for you to act

♪ Like a man

♪ Get a hold of yourself

♪ Have control of yourself ♪

Kevin, where were you?

You just disappeared.

I was worried sick about you.

Oh, you was worried sick

about me, huh?

Yes.

Just like you were worried

when you dumped and embarrassed

me in front of all those white

people on the one black guy that

you hired?

Steven?

Yeah, whatever.

He probably was a hologram.

Yeah.

What are you--

Yeah, what I'm talking about

is the fact that I got my memory

back, Trina.

That's wonder--

Hey, don't touch me.

Don't touch me.

No, no, I ain't in no touching

mood right now.

Okay, I get it.

Ass [bleep] Kevin is back.

Yeah, yeah, he is back.

Same Kevin that was on

the streets, sleeping in his own

piss, selling man-tail.

You were

prostituting yourself?

No... yes.

No.

Sorta not.

I took the money and I ran.

You don't run very fast.

It's not about that, so let's

just leave that dark place

alone, okay?

What this is about is the fact

that it was your fault.

You did that to me, and right

now I want you to go get amnesia

and forget that you ever met me.

Right, sure, until you need

me again.

I won't need you again.

I'm sure you will.

No, I won't.

I won't need anything from--

you know what I need?

I can tell you what I need

right now.

I need you to call whoever drew

this picture for you, whoever

painted that little portrait--

why don't you get them on

the phone,

and tell them-- A, that

they stole your money,

'cause that's a horrible job.

B, tell them I said to cut their

[bleep] ear off, 'cause that's

stupid and it sucks.

It looks like somebody took

Terrence Howard

and Michael Jackson

had a baby that--

that couldn't look up.

That's what it looks like.

Yeah, so deal with that.

I'm done, done with this house,

I'm done with you.

I about to "Van Gogh." [grunts]

You painted

the portrait, genius.

Oh, right, so now

I can paint?

I can't even color.

I got my memory back, remember?

[door slams]

Oh, God.

Welcome back [bleep], Kevin.

[knocking]

I gotta number two.

Record time.

Please.

[bleep] Just don't go look in

your bush in the morning.

♪ Don't play with me

♪ I'm serious y'all

♪ Don't play with me

♪ I'm serious don't

No, do not [bleep]

in my bushes!

Stop it!

[farts]

What?

♪ Don't play with me

♪ I'm serious, y'all

♪ Move that

♪ Don't play with me

♪ I'm serious, y'all ♪

All I'm saying is

I don't know why you're so loyal

to your boys when word

on the street is

they're the ones that

held you over the ledge

and dropped you.

Yep, he right,

Kevin. He not lying.

Everybody talking about it.

Wait, wait, wait.

What you mean they "dropped me"?

All I'm saying is they opened

their hands and they let you go.

You see these fries?

If I open my hands, they fall.

You see this

little black burnt one?

That's you.

Don't call me no black burnt

fry, George.

I'm a well-cooked, golden fry,

okay?

I'm a nugget.

That's what I am.

I'm a little chicken nugget.

All right, little nugget.

That was in the grease for

seven minutes.

Listen, man, all I'm saying

is they did it to save their own

lives, right?

If it had been my boys, we'd all

have been saved,

or we'd have all fallen.

See, you know, George,

that's what I'm always telling

you, man, I don't have no

real friends, man.

I hear ya.

Whoa!

Whoa, wait a minute now, Kevin.

You mean to tell me after all

that me and you done been

through, huh?

We've been friends, for what,

the past three hours?

Never in my life, Kevin,

have I once ever,

ever double-crossed you.

Never.

[Bleep] They've got some

good-ass hotdogs.

Is that my hotdog, Jackie?

You was about to

eat this, Kevin?

Jackie, get that hotdog out

of my face.

I ain't gonna double bite off of

your bite.

Hey, I--

No, I ain't bite bite.

Don't friends share?

No, I don't wanna bite bite.

Friends share.

I don't wanna bite bite.

Take a nibble off your

friend's weeny.

I'm not gonna do it, George.

So, what you gonna do, Kev'?

I'm gonna tell you what I'm

gonna do--

take me to Nellie's house.

This is war.

[tires squealing]

♪ I ain't gonna lie to ya

♪ You're naive, homey

♪ I saved the best for ya

♪ Try these for me ♪

I just got back from Dubai.

I love Dubai.

Abu Dhabi actually.

Wow, you should've stayed in

my house out there.

You got a house

in Dubai, Nick?

Several, they're incredible.

You know what, Nick?

[bleep] you.

You know, I was hanging with

the prince--

Is that where you got that

[bleep] ass chair from?

That was sent by the prince.

Prince Aziz?

How'd you know his name?

I mean everybody knows

Aziz, right?

You know what I realize when

we were standing on that ledge?

How fortunate and blessed

we are.

I mean, look at us.

Now, we need to share some of

these blessings with other

people that are less fortunate

than us.

Share our wealth, open our

hearts to other people.

Man, nobody knows what

the hell is going on with Boris.

Ever since "the fall," he's been

walking around like the damn

Dali Prada.

See, when you open and free

to know that you don't know,

people who didn't know that they

know... aren't in the know,

you know?

You know what, Boris,

you're scaring me with this cult

[bleep].

All right?

We're playing poker right now.

Share with us your hand.

What do you have in your hand?

I have a very deep connection

with my inner self, Duane,

but I wish you would, too.

What?

You know what, Boris,

just show the cards, man.

Show the damn cards.

Put your cards down.

Here you go.

Elvis, James Brown, Bernie Mac,

Michael Jackson.

What're you talking about?

Four kings, baby.

Boom!

Oh, that was clever.

I love it.

Speaking of share, are you

gonna share some of this

with us?

Nope, but what I will share

is a moment of meditation.

Let's all join hands.

No, you won't.

Join hands?

Now, what I'd like to do is

rejoin with my money you just

took from me.

Meditate on that.

Yes, I did.

I know he cheated.

Four kings?

It's not even four kings in

the deck.

Hey, what's happening,

Suede Jacket?

Ain't that the dude from ATL.

What's up, man?

I've done other movies, Nick.

What he needs to do is go to

the ATM and get my money he

owes me, Jackie Long.

I got one upstairs.

Hey, Jackie, you owe me

money, too, so get mine while

you're at it.

Look, get in line, mitches

A'ight?

Don't worry about what you

owe me, Jackie Long.

Good luck on that.

Hey, guys, mind if

I sit down?

I just wanna hang out.

You know how to play this?

No, what're you playing?

Poker.

Oh, come sit down.

Have a seat.

What's it called again?

Poker.

Poker, what's that?

This is poker.

You never played poker?

No.

You don't remember how to

play this game?

No, but I'm a fast learner.

Okay, okay.

So, I guess I'll

have to learn.

We gonna teach you.

Just make sure you show

everyone your cards.

Okay.

All righty.

And I'm gonna loan you some

money, and you just gotta pay me

back double.

Yeah.

Sounds fair to me.

All righty.

Cut that.

Okay.

What's a cut?

Cut is...

That's good enough for me.

All right.

Yo, it's sad enough Kevin

already lost his memory,

now he's about to lose

his wallet, too?

It's the way it goes.

House always wins,

and it's my house.

Well, that's four aces, guys!

Oh, wow.

What?

What's that mean?

You win, Kevin.

Again?

It's all yours.

God.

I don't know what's going on.

This is like--I guess it's just

beginner's luck, huh?

Hey, guys, you know what?

Tell me about old Kev'.

Like, what was he like?

No, you don't.

You don't wanna know that.

He's a prick.

He was troublesome.

You couldn't trust him.

Not at all.

He'll stab you in the back from

the front.

He used to cry like

a little mitch.

What?

Pretty much all day.

His heart was heavy, he was full

of sorrow.

I felt bad for him, you know?

I wanted to give him a hug all

the time.

He was so--he made me cry most

of the time.

Wow.

He was a hater.

Instigator.

That's right.

Pint-sized perpetrator.

Well...

Oh, yeah, and just only cared

about his damn self.

Well...

Self-centered, selfish,

took a bunch of selfies,

all the selfs.

Yeah...

One of the most arrogant ass

[bleep] in history of ass

[bleep] on the planet of

ass [bleep].

More arrogant than Boris.

Yes.

And you know the only thing

I regret is that I didn't whoop

ol' Kev's ass when I had

the chance.

So, uh, instead of whooping

his ass, y'all just decided to

drop him off the ledge.

What?

What's wrong?

What, teacher

got your tongue?

Hmm?

Are you shook, shake.

Your suspenders too tight

right now, Nick?

Eya eya...

Uh-oh.

Hey, Boris,

what's happening now?

Yeah!

That's right, mitches.

Ol' Kev is back, and I know you

mother [bleep] dropped me off

the ledge.

Ain't that right, Mo?

I guess it just got hot in here.

Yeah.

[bleep] Just get real!

[bleep] Just got real!

You can't do that.

I'm--I'm mad.

Stop.

You--you're taking away my anger

when you do that on my back.

Well, you said [bleep]

got real.

It's real!

Y'all make me sick!

You know what, I should--

You should do what?

I wasn't talking to you,

I was talking to Nick.

Excuse me.

I should bust your ass, Nick.

I had nothing to do

with that.

I didn't drop you off.

I wish I would've, though.

Kevin, come on, man.

It was an accident.

It was no accident, Boris!

Yes, it was.

No, it wasn't.

Only accident that happened

today was Jackie's

wardrobe choice.

That's it.

Y'all tried to kill me, man.

What're you talking about?

What--

Kevin, you're our boy, man.

Besides, if we wanted to

kill you, I would've--

Hey, hey, hey!

No!

Are you nuts?

Hey, guys, anyone want

more chicken?

I got breasts and thighs.

And ass.

What the hell are you

doing here, Bridgette?

Hey, I told you last week,

Kevin.

This little dirty, dirty

south mitch just broke man

law number one.

You never mess with your boy's

ex, unless it's Nicole

or Mariah.

Or Ashanti.

I would--I would've definitely

messed with Ashanti.

Hey, babe.

Did you just smack my ex-wife

on her firm, supple pumped ass

that I don't want no more?

That's complete disrespect.

And for that,

you get dealt with.

It's on mother--

Oh!

Hey.

You little Ratchet Rapunzel.

Who are you calling Rapunzel?

He calling you

Ratchet Rapun--

That's for Serena, mitch!

Get off me.

Get off of me.

Get off of me!

Now, y'all wanna pull me up?

You should've pulled me up when

I was on the damn ledge.

You know what?

You done messed up.

You messed up big time,

'cause I got

the whole thing on tape.

That's right.

That little alimony

about to go down.

The only thing that's going

down is your cell phone, mitch.

That was sexy.

Hey, hey, everybody just

chill, all right?

Obviously, Kevin is suffering

from the symptoms of amnesia.

I'm not suffering from no

symptoms of amnesia.

As a matter of fact, you know

what you all can forget--

especially you,

Mr. Unincredible-- you can

forget about me endorsing you as

mayor, unless you're running for

the mayor

of the crack in my ass.

It's a wipe for you,

you hear me?

A wet wipe.

And, Boris, thank you for not

asking me for nothing.

Love you, man.

'Cause I wouldn't have gave

you [bleep] anyway.

What--

And you can forget about me

doing that movie

"Flopping Legend."

It's "Fallen Legend."

Well, it's gonna flop

'cause you don't have a star.

That's right.

You all can kiss my ass.

Jackie, get your

straight-to-DVD-movie ass up off

the floor.

You're overacting.

I want to give you

the package, Nellie.

[bleep] all y'all.

And I ain't paying none of your

money back, especially you,

Bridgette, and Serena punched

way harder.

Ha ha!

I'm okay, Kevvy!

Come on!

Kevin, that [bleep] damn girl,

Bridgette, oh, she lucky she's

a woman, boy.

I should've called Serena to go

ahead and take it out on her.

But I'm cool.

You still want me to do

"47 1⁄2 Hours"?

Hell, yeah.

Then let's do it.

I knew you'd see things

my way.

Hang on.

[tires squeal]

Hey, George, we ain't gotta

go this fast, man.

Slow your ass down!

♪

[heart beating, crowd cheering]

♪

[metal clanking] ♪