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Previously on "Real Husbands
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of Hollywood"...
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He's slipping!
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Pull up, pull up!
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Ahh!
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It's cold in here, though.
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Ahh!
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My gosh!
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He fell!
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Oh!
♪
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♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah
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♪ It's like one day
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♪ You're doing good
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♪ Next day you're doing bad
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♪ But they seem to love you
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♪ On them bad days, though
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[chuckles]
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♪ Yo
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They say when you're
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about to die that your life
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flashes before you.
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I always assumed that it would
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be the good times.
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That's what I'm talking
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about.
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Not this [bleep].
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Oh, my God!
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[screaming]
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You are no longer my client.
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♪ It was all good
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♪ Just a week ago
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♪ I think they like me better
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♪ When I'm broke
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Just one question.
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And this might be my last
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question.
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How do I change this horror
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channel called my [bleep] life?
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Ahh!
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Ahh, ahh, ahh!
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Oh!
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Oh, God.
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Oh, thank you.
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Thank you!
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I'm alive!
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Oh!
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♪ This is the life
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♪ Look at the life
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♪ This is the city
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♪ Where we party every night
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♪ Every night
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♪ We do it big
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♪ Diamonds and gold
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♪ Welcome to Hollywood ♪
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♪
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[gasping]
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Boo.
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Ha ha ha!
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What up?
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Now you guys are probably
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wondering why I'm in a casket.
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When we originally planned this
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event, it was to raise money
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for Kevin Hart's funeral.
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I mean, the dude fell off
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a 14-story ledge and fell into
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a pile of money.
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This dude's got endorsements.
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He's got book deals.
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He's got movie deals.
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So instead of a "Oh, my God,
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we feel sorry for you, Kevin"
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kind of a roast, this is
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a "[bleep] you and your
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[bleep]-ass" type of roast.
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So without further adieu,
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my main man, Mr. Kevin Hart!
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[cheers and applause]
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Are all these people here
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for me right now?
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Yes.
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Wow.
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Poor Kevin.
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He can't remember a thing since
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he got rammed in the head with
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those skateboards.
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But it's not all bad news.
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In the time that it took him to
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fall from the 14th floor to
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the pavement, he has gone from
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being America's most despised
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to America's most beloved.
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People cannot get enough of him.
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I mean, everybody wants a piece
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of him.
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Networks, studios, advertisers.
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Excuse me.
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Old girlfriends.
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Mmm.
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I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
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Who are you?
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Papi, I am Charmagne.
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You don't remember me?
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No.
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I don't remember.
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I'm your boo, baby.
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Let me see if I can help you
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to remember.
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Well, I had a--
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Oh!
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Charmagne, it is not the time
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nor the place.
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No, that's the place.
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Excuse me.
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I was giving him
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my phone number.
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Oh, I didn't know you could
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write all the way down there.
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It's in the dark.
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Oh.
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How can you see?
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Papi, you call me...
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Yes.
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...when you lose the [bleep]
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blocker, all right?
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Okay.
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Mwah, mwah.
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Mmm.
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[sniffing]
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Are you sniffing yourself?
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No.
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Why they got this
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big-ass casket?
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What, did Kevin
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and his brother die?
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[audience laughs]
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The fact that you survived
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the fall off the ledge is proof
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that not only does God not like
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ugly, but neither does
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the devil.
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[laughter]
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But on the real, you know,
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I keep hearing all this about
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Kevin's amnesia and how
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everybody's feeling so sorry
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for the guy, but the truth is,
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I mean, the mother[bleep] know
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nothing to forget
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in the first place.
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I don't remember.
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People say, "You everywhere,
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Kevin!"
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Ha ha ha!
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Yeah, you everywhere,
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all right.
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In the crack of my [bleep]!
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Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin.
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[laughs]
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That is Kevin talking [bleep].
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[grunting]
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Look at Kevin Hart.
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He don't know what the [bleep]
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I'm saying right now.
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Therefore, he don't remember
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nothing about I'm about to say
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right now.
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Only thing you should remember
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tonight is I was on this
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damn stage.
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'Cause my show "The Millers" is
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doing its thang.
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So when I leave this [bleep]
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tonight... [panting]
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all you're gonna see
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is the ghost of J.B. Smoove.
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[cheers and applause]
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Hey, guys.
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You mind if I sit
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at the cool table?
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Um... no.
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Pull up a chair.
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This is crazy.
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Hey.
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So you really don't remember
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us, huh?
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Oh, man, I can't say
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that I do.
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I don't remember much of
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anything, to be honest with you.
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Whoa.
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Wait, Nick Cannon
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for Beverly Hills mayor.
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"Because they need a hero"?
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You're a hero?
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Yeah, yeah, actually I am.
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What?
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I didn't get there in time
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for you, but I saved all these
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guys from falling off the ledge.
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Saved all our lives.
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Nick Cannon is coming!
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Nick Cannon.
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I got you.
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Mr. NCredible.
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Oh!
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Hero.
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[camera shutter clicking]
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Oh, one more.
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This is weird, man.
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Kevin is being nice.
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See, look, people in TV Land,
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I don't know if you know
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the truth or not, but Kevin is
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not a nice person.
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He is a world-class ass--
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wait for it-- hole.
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See, I had to separate it
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'cause you can't say those words
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together on BET.
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But this is definitely not
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the Kevin I know.
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Shoot, Mariah wouldn't even let
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this Kevin come over
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to the house.
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No, I wouldn't.
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Kevin Hart has a lifetime
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restraining order from setting
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foot on any of my properties
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and if Nick brings him,
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he's gonna lose his visiting
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rights as well.
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Okay.
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Cut.
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That's all they could afford.
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You know what, Kev?
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I would love it if you hosted
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my fundraiser.
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A hero asking me to do
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something?
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Yes!
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Just name the time and place,
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man, I'll be there.
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Really?
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Yeah.
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Hey, babe.
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I'm ready to go.
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Did you tell Kevin yet?
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Uh...
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Tell Kevin what?
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Wait a minute.
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And you are Miss, Miss, um...
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Hart, mitch.
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That's a coincidence.
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We got the same last name.
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It's not a coincidence.
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I'm your ex-wife, fool.
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You know what, I don't even
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think you have amnesia.
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I think you're just stupid.
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Okay.
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You didn't tell him, did you?
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Tell me what?
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What, what do you gotta tell me?
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Look, Kev, you know--
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No, no, no, no, no.
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We've been boys
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for a long time.
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I'm the type of guy who like
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to keep things 100, so, uh,
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you know what I'm trying to say,
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right?
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I don't know what
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keeping 100 means.
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Just tell me.
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Tell me what it is.
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Bridgette came to me.
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She wanted help with her music.
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And to be honest, man, I mean,
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the girl's got a mouth on--
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I mean a voice.
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Excuse me.
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Long story short, you know, one
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thing lead to another and, uh,
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we been dating.
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We've been dating the hell
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out of each other.
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Well, I think what Bridgette
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is trying to say is that,
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you know, we kind of would like
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your blessing.
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God!
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Kev, Kev, Kev!
294
00:07:18,206 --> 00:07:18,926
No, no!
295
00:07:18,931 --> 00:07:19,791
It ain't worth it.
296
00:07:19,793 --> 00:07:20,623
It ain't worth it, Kev.
297
00:07:20,620 --> 00:07:21,590
Hey.
298
00:07:21,586 --> 00:07:23,066
What are you talking about?
299
00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:24,928
It's champagne, guys.
300
00:07:24,931 --> 00:07:26,031
I was just gonna make a toast.
301
00:07:26,034 --> 00:07:27,074
Oh.
302
00:07:27,068 --> 00:07:27,968
Okay?
303
00:07:27,965 --> 00:07:29,305
Knock yourself out.
304
00:07:29,310 --> 00:07:30,450
Okay, uh...
305
00:07:30,448 --> 00:07:31,448
I'll have some more.
306
00:07:31,448 --> 00:07:32,168
Here you go.
307
00:07:32,172 --> 00:07:33,002
I feel like everything happens
308
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:33,860
for a reason.
309
00:07:33,862 --> 00:07:34,662
Me coming over here to the cool
310
00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:35,995
table must have been for this.
311
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:38,000
Uh, okay, guys.
312
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,000
This is to Bridgette and Nelly.
313
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:41,240
May he love you better
314
00:07:41,241 --> 00:07:42,831
than I ever did.
315
00:07:42,827 --> 00:07:43,857
A beautiful woman like you
316
00:07:43,862 --> 00:07:45,692
deserves the best.
317
00:07:45,689 --> 00:07:46,969
Hey, and I haven't heard you
318
00:07:46,965 --> 00:07:47,825
sing, but let me tell you
319
00:07:47,827 --> 00:07:48,717
something.
320
00:07:48,724 --> 00:07:49,794
A woman wearing a jacket like
321
00:07:49,793 --> 00:07:51,933
that can probably blow.
322
00:07:51,931 --> 00:07:53,591
To love, men.
323
00:07:53,586 --> 00:07:54,616
Cheers.
324
00:07:54,620 --> 00:07:55,620
Where the hell was this Kevin
325
00:07:55,620 --> 00:07:57,790
for the past seven years?
326
00:07:57,793 --> 00:07:58,903
I mean, I would have been
327
00:07:58,896 --> 00:07:59,926
serving him this ass on
328
00:07:59,931 --> 00:08:00,901
a platter instead of Nelly if he
329
00:08:00,896 --> 00:08:03,616
had said any of that when we
330
00:08:03,620 --> 00:08:06,760
were married.
331
00:08:06,758 --> 00:08:11,408
♪ No one makes me feel
332
00:08:11,413 --> 00:08:13,143
♪ The way you do
333
00:08:13,137 --> 00:08:15,027
♪ When you give it to me
334
00:08:15,034 --> 00:08:17,004
♪ Give it to me
335
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:18,790
Mwah.
336
00:08:18,793 --> 00:08:21,483
[giggles]
337
00:08:21,482 --> 00:08:22,662
Wow.
338
00:08:22,655 --> 00:08:23,475
Damn.
339
00:08:23,482 --> 00:08:24,482
I don't like her.
340
00:08:24,482 --> 00:08:25,452
Papi.
341
00:08:25,448 --> 00:08:26,238
Huh?
342
00:08:26,241 --> 00:08:27,031
I'm gonna wait for you
343
00:08:27,034 --> 00:08:27,904
outside, okay?
344
00:08:27,896 --> 00:08:30,546
Okay.
345
00:08:30,551 --> 00:08:33,521
Mwah.
346
00:08:33,517 --> 00:08:35,027
Hello.
347
00:08:35,034 --> 00:08:36,344
That's something else there.
348
00:08:36,344 --> 00:08:37,344
Whoa-ho-ho.
349
00:08:37,344 --> 00:08:38,664
Sheesh.
350
00:08:38,655 --> 00:08:40,025
Wow.
351
00:08:40,034 --> 00:08:41,174
Okay.
352
00:08:41,172 --> 00:08:42,382
I have a question, guys.
353
00:08:42,379 --> 00:08:43,549
So are we like boyfriend
354
00:08:43,551 --> 00:08:44,761
and girlfriend or...
355
00:08:44,758 --> 00:08:45,758
More like boyfriend
356
00:08:45,758 --> 00:08:46,548
and hoodrat.
357
00:08:46,551 --> 00:08:48,141
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
358
00:08:48,137 --> 00:08:50,407
You love her very much.
359
00:08:50,413 --> 00:08:51,693
Yeah, I can tell.
360
00:08:51,689 --> 00:08:52,549
I can tell that there's
361
00:08:52,551 --> 00:08:53,861
a connection.
362
00:08:53,862 --> 00:08:55,382
We share this crazy connection.
363
00:08:55,379 --> 00:08:56,549
It's love.
364
00:08:56,551 --> 00:08:57,861
Look here, Gump.
365
00:08:57,862 --> 00:08:59,002
We got a once in a lifetime
366
00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:00,310
opportunity right here that can
367
00:09:00,310 --> 00:09:01,310
make you feel even more
368
00:09:01,310 --> 00:09:02,480
connected, all right?
369
00:09:02,482 --> 00:09:03,482
Tell him, Shake.
370
00:09:03,482 --> 00:09:04,282
What is it?
371
00:09:04,275 --> 00:09:05,785
Well, it's a movie about
372
00:09:05,793 --> 00:09:07,003
our experience on the ledge.
373
00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,550
It's called "Falling Legends."
374
00:09:08,551 --> 00:09:09,411
"Falling Legends."
375
00:09:09,413 --> 00:09:10,213
"Falling Legends"?
376
00:09:10,206 --> 00:09:10,996
"Falling Legends."
377
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:12,030
That's a catchy title, guys.
378
00:09:12,034 --> 00:09:13,314
That's nice.
379
00:09:13,310 --> 00:09:14,520
Guess who the legend is.
380
00:09:14,517 --> 00:09:15,337
Who?
381
00:09:15,344 --> 00:09:16,214
You!
382
00:09:16,206 --> 00:09:17,306
Ha ha!
383
00:09:17,310 --> 00:09:18,170
Hold on.
384
00:09:18,172 --> 00:09:20,032
As in-- as in like the star?
385
00:09:20,034 --> 00:09:20,974
Yep.
386
00:09:20,965 --> 00:09:21,995
Want to hear the log line?
387
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:22,790
Yeah, I wanna hear
388
00:09:22,793 --> 00:09:23,593
the log line.
389
00:09:23,586 --> 00:09:24,586
We all get rich.
390
00:09:24,586 --> 00:09:26,516
Okay, well, here's, here's--
391
00:09:26,517 --> 00:09:27,447
Can I act?
392
00:09:27,448 --> 00:09:28,238
It don't matter.
393
00:09:28,241 --> 00:09:29,141
Don't matter at all.
394
00:09:29,137 --> 00:09:29,967
Boys can't act.
395
00:09:29,965 --> 00:09:31,025
Hey, hey, hey, whoa, whoa.
396
00:09:31,034 --> 00:09:31,864
I'm better than Nelly.
397
00:09:31,862 --> 00:09:32,662
Hey.
398
00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:33,445
I don't see nobody else at this
399
00:09:33,448 --> 00:09:34,238
table having a meeting with
400
00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:35,241
Scorsese.
401
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:36,311
Come on, come on, guys.
402
00:09:36,310 --> 00:09:38,240
All we need is a "yes" from you
403
00:09:38,241 --> 00:09:39,551
and we can get this thing
404
00:09:39,551 --> 00:09:40,661
greenlit tomorrow.
405
00:09:40,655 --> 00:09:41,585
For sure.
406
00:09:41,586 --> 00:09:43,516
Listen to me.
407
00:09:43,517 --> 00:09:45,787
I-- I'm sold, okay?
408
00:09:45,793 --> 00:09:47,003
What you guys are saying,
409
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:48,100
I'm digging.
410
00:09:48,103 --> 00:09:49,413
Let's do it.
411
00:09:49,413 --> 00:09:50,213
I'll do it.
412
00:09:50,206 --> 00:09:52,136
Now, now, now I gotta let you
413
00:09:52,137 --> 00:09:53,657
know, like we're not gonna be
414
00:09:53,655 --> 00:09:55,655
able to pay you your usual fee.
415
00:09:55,655 --> 00:09:56,855
You know, we're on a shoestring
416
00:09:56,862 --> 00:09:57,972
budget here.
417
00:09:57,965 --> 00:10:00,335
Although, 25 mil can buy a lot
418
00:10:00,344 --> 00:10:02,624
of shoestrings.
419
00:10:02,620 --> 00:10:04,140
For me.
420
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:05,757
[unzipping]
421
00:10:05,758 --> 00:10:07,238
[urinating]
422
00:10:07,241 --> 00:10:08,481
Phew.
423
00:10:08,482 --> 00:10:09,522
[unzipping]
424
00:10:09,517 --> 00:10:12,137
Hey, man, what's going on?
425
00:10:12,137 --> 00:10:13,927
Uh...
426
00:10:13,931 --> 00:10:15,141
You know.
427
00:10:15,137 --> 00:10:16,657
Glass is half full, man.
428
00:10:16,655 --> 00:10:18,545
Life is great right now.
429
00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:20,831
Well, you are blessed,
430
00:10:20,827 --> 00:10:23,307
my friend.
431
00:10:23,310 --> 00:10:24,480
Okay.
432
00:10:24,482 --> 00:10:25,692
Listen, man, I don't remember
433
00:10:25,689 --> 00:10:26,999
much, but I met my ex-wife,
434
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:29,000
so I know I'm straight, so...
435
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,100
No, man.
436
00:10:30,103 --> 00:10:31,003
I'm talking about surviving
437
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:32,900
that fall that you took.
438
00:10:32,896 --> 00:10:34,236
Oh, I thought--
439
00:10:34,241 --> 00:10:35,141
Did you think--
440
00:10:35,137 --> 00:10:37,167
Yeah, I'm sorry.
441
00:10:37,172 --> 00:10:38,592
Hey, I'm Kevin.
442
00:10:38,586 --> 00:10:39,586
I am not touching your hand
443
00:10:39,586 --> 00:10:41,756
with chorizo sweat all over it.
444
00:10:41,758 --> 00:10:42,998
Sorry.
445
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:44,210
Listen, I'm George Lopez.
446
00:10:44,206 --> 00:10:45,096
All right, so tell me what you
447
00:10:45,103 --> 00:10:46,173
think about this, bro.
448
00:10:46,172 --> 00:10:47,482
George Lopez and Kevin Hart
449
00:10:47,482 --> 00:10:48,482
together, starring in
450
00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:51,312
"47-1/2 Hours."
451
00:10:51,310 --> 00:10:52,550
"47-1/2 Hours"?
452
00:10:52,551 --> 00:10:53,861
What's, uh, what's that?
453
00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:55,002
Dude, it's a movie.
454
00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:56,280
It's a parody of all those old
455
00:10:56,275 --> 00:10:58,275
great cop buddy flicks.
456
00:10:58,275 --> 00:10:59,275
You know, like "48 Hours,"
457
00:10:59,275 --> 00:11:00,825
"Lethal Weapon," "Rush Hour,"
458
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:01,897
"Another 48 Hours."
459
00:11:01,896 --> 00:11:03,096
You gotta remember those, right?
460
00:11:03,103 --> 00:11:04,103
I don't really remember
461
00:11:04,103 --> 00:11:05,973
anything past 48 hours, man.
462
00:11:05,965 --> 00:11:07,135
So I don't know
463
00:11:07,137 --> 00:11:08,207
what to tell you.
464
00:11:08,206 --> 00:11:09,236
It doesn't matter.
465
00:11:09,241 --> 00:11:10,621
Listen, Paramount is putting up
466
00:11:10,620 --> 00:11:12,590
$150 million, Kevin.
467
00:11:12,586 --> 00:11:13,686
Listen, 40 of that
468
00:11:13,689 --> 00:11:14,999
you and I get to split.
469
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:16,970
Oh, wow.
470
00:11:16,965 --> 00:11:18,095
Yeah, but I'm already committed
471
00:11:18,103 --> 00:11:19,103
to a project with my friends
472
00:11:19,103 --> 00:11:20,623
called "Falling Legends," so...
473
00:11:20,620 --> 00:11:21,590
What are you talking about?
474
00:11:21,586 --> 00:11:22,406
What friends?
475
00:11:22,413 --> 00:11:23,523
Um...
476
00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:24,407
God, what are their names?
477
00:11:24,413 --> 00:11:25,213
It's on the tip of my tongue.
478
00:11:25,206 --> 00:11:26,376
They literally just told me.
479
00:11:26,379 --> 00:11:27,209
Are you talking about those
480
00:11:27,206 --> 00:11:27,996
dudes you were sitting
481
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:28,830
at the table with?
482
00:11:28,827 --> 00:11:29,687
Yeah, those guys.
483
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:30,899
It's on the tip of my tongue.
484
00:11:30,896 --> 00:11:31,756
What are their names?
485
00:11:31,758 --> 00:11:32,758
Listen, America must have
486
00:11:32,758 --> 00:11:33,858
fallen off the ledge with you,
487
00:11:33,862 --> 00:11:34,862
because they can't remember
488
00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:35,662
their names either.
489
00:11:35,655 --> 00:11:37,135
America knows you, they know me.
490
00:11:37,137 --> 00:11:38,137
That's what I'm talking about.
491
00:11:38,137 --> 00:11:39,167
So can we do business?
492
00:11:39,172 --> 00:11:40,762
Listen, it sounds great.
493
00:11:40,758 --> 00:11:41,548
I mean, the money sounds
494
00:11:41,551 --> 00:11:43,411
terrific as well, but I already
495
00:11:43,413 --> 00:11:45,033
got a commitment, man.
496
00:11:45,034 --> 00:11:46,624
Friendship is everything, right?
497
00:11:46,620 --> 00:11:47,590
All right.
498
00:11:47,586 --> 00:11:49,066
If you say so.
499
00:11:49,068 --> 00:11:50,068
All right, listen, man.
500
00:11:50,068 --> 00:11:50,998
We'll talk again, okay?
501
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:51,830
Okay.
502
00:11:51,827 --> 00:11:53,167
You take care of yourself.
503
00:11:53,172 --> 00:11:54,072
I missed it.
504
00:11:54,068 --> 00:11:56,098
Yeah, you missed it
505
00:11:56,103 --> 00:11:57,723
all right.
506
00:11:57,724 --> 00:11:58,794
It's okay.
507
00:11:58,793 --> 00:11:59,533
Like my grandma used to say...
508
00:11:59,534 --> 00:12:06,604
[speaking Spanish]
509
00:12:06,603 --> 00:12:10,453
♪
510
00:12:10,448 --> 00:12:12,138
I felt guilty about firing
511
00:12:12,137 --> 00:12:13,787
Kevin and him falling off
512
00:12:13,793 --> 00:12:15,003
of the building.
513
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:16,140
And the fact that I don't think
514
00:12:16,137 --> 00:12:17,377
his third toe works anymore.
515
00:12:17,379 --> 00:12:19,029
So I let him stay at my house
516
00:12:19,034 --> 00:12:20,484
until he gets back on his feet.
517
00:12:20,482 --> 00:12:21,592
Jeez, I'm so late.
518
00:12:21,586 --> 00:12:22,446
Because he will get back
519
00:12:22,448 --> 00:12:23,238
on his feet.
520
00:12:23,241 --> 00:12:24,761
Maybe not his third toe.
521
00:12:24,758 --> 00:12:25,928
But definitely back on his feet.
522
00:12:25,931 --> 00:12:27,101
Wow.
523
00:12:27,103 --> 00:12:28,453
Did you do this?
524
00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:29,278
Yeah.
525
00:12:29,275 --> 00:12:31,205
I've been working on it all day.
526
00:12:31,206 --> 00:12:32,476
That is very impressive.
527
00:12:32,482 --> 00:12:33,622
Just today, huh?
528
00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:34,410
Yeah.
529
00:12:34,413 --> 00:12:35,343
I used Michael Jackson
530
00:12:35,344 --> 00:12:36,414
as my motivation.
531
00:12:36,413 --> 00:12:37,793
Why would you use
532
00:12:37,793 --> 00:12:40,073
Michael Jackson to paint me?
533
00:12:40,068 --> 00:12:42,278
Just as like a basis of
534
00:12:42,275 --> 00:12:45,375
where to start from.
535
00:12:45,379 --> 00:12:47,279
[phone beeps]
536
00:12:47,275 --> 00:12:48,305
Hold on.
537
00:12:48,310 --> 00:12:49,100
I'm gonna take this.
538
00:12:49,103 --> 00:12:50,073
Okay.
539
00:12:50,068 --> 00:12:51,658
Hey, Wayne.
540
00:12:51,655 --> 00:12:52,655
Yeah, no.
541
00:12:52,655 --> 00:12:54,335
I canceled my 6:00 so that
542
00:12:54,344 --> 00:12:56,384
I could make dinner with you.
543
00:12:56,379 --> 00:12:58,309
Yeah, well, I'm busy too.
544
00:12:58,310 --> 00:12:59,970
Fine.
545
00:12:59,965 --> 00:13:03,235
Yes.
546
00:13:03,241 --> 00:13:05,311
Good-bye.
547
00:13:05,310 --> 00:13:06,830
Wayne and I started dating
548
00:13:06,827 --> 00:13:08,167
when I booked Kevin on his show
549
00:13:08,172 --> 00:13:09,282
about a year ago.
550
00:13:09,275 --> 00:13:11,275
Unfortunately, in doing so,
551
00:13:11,275 --> 00:13:13,095
I violated one of my cardinal
552
00:13:13,103 --> 00:13:15,003
rules-- never date a game show
553
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:16,000
host.
554
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:18,790
Because in the end, all you get
555
00:13:18,793 --> 00:13:23,903
is a zonk.
556
00:13:23,896 --> 00:13:24,996
What's this?
557
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,480
This is what I want you
558
00:13:26,482 --> 00:13:27,522
to take and throw in the face
559
00:13:27,517 --> 00:13:28,547
of whoever that clown was
560
00:13:28,551 --> 00:13:30,411
on the phone.
561
00:13:30,413 --> 00:13:31,593
I'm kidding.
562
00:13:31,586 --> 00:13:32,786
It's for your feet.
563
00:13:32,793 --> 00:13:34,383
I, uh, I went and put some
564
00:13:34,379 --> 00:13:35,479
Epsom salt in it.
565
00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:36,592
After I prepare dinner, I was
566
00:13:36,586 --> 00:13:37,406
gonna rub your feet for--
567
00:13:37,413 --> 00:13:38,453
Dinner.
568
00:13:38,448 --> 00:13:39,688
You made dinner?
569
00:13:39,689 --> 00:13:40,479
Yes.
570
00:13:40,482 --> 00:13:41,282
Listen, you have been taking
571
00:13:41,275 --> 00:13:42,065
really good care of me.
572
00:13:42,068 --> 00:13:42,968
The least I can do is return
573
00:13:42,965 --> 00:13:43,785
the favor.
574
00:13:43,793 --> 00:13:45,283
Wow.
575
00:13:45,275 --> 00:13:46,995
I'm thinking about dropping
576
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:49,000
Wayne from a 14th-story window.
577
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:50,280
[screaming]
578
00:13:50,275 --> 00:13:51,825
Foot treatment was nice.
579
00:13:51,827 --> 00:13:54,717
I must say, Kevin, this was
580
00:13:54,724 --> 00:13:56,694
delicious.
581
00:13:56,689 --> 00:13:57,589
Good.
582
00:13:57,586 --> 00:13:59,446
I'm glad you liked it.
583
00:13:59,448 --> 00:14:00,718
I can't believe what a horrible,
584
00:14:00,724 --> 00:14:02,244
misguided client I was.
585
00:14:02,241 --> 00:14:04,591
I mean, why didn't you dump me?
586
00:14:04,586 --> 00:14:06,066
Well, I did.
587
00:14:06,068 --> 00:14:08,758
Good for you.
588
00:14:08,758 --> 00:14:10,898
I'm serious.
589
00:14:10,896 --> 00:14:12,376
You got an eyelash that's about
590
00:14:12,379 --> 00:14:13,479
to go in your eye.
591
00:14:13,482 --> 00:14:14,282
Oh, this--
592
00:14:14,275 --> 00:14:15,135
Don't touch it.
593
00:14:15,137 --> 00:14:15,997
Here.
594
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:19,520
You'll make it worse.
595
00:14:19,517 --> 00:14:20,787
[blowing]
596
00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:21,693
I got it.
597
00:14:21,689 --> 00:14:22,789
It's out.
598
00:14:22,793 --> 00:14:24,033
You know, I wanted to ask you
599
00:14:24,034 --> 00:14:25,244
something.
600
00:14:25,241 --> 00:14:26,241
And I feel like this is--
601
00:14:26,241 --> 00:14:28,281
Kevin, I know where
602
00:14:28,275 --> 00:14:30,965
this is going.
603
00:14:30,965 --> 00:14:33,065
And you know my rule.
604
00:14:33,068 --> 00:14:36,408
What rule?
605
00:14:36,413 --> 00:14:39,033
You can't eat tiramisu?
606
00:14:39,034 --> 00:14:41,174
[chuckles]
607
00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:43,102
Good night, Kevin.
608
00:14:43,103 --> 00:14:45,973
[chuckles]
609
00:14:45,965 --> 00:14:49,335
Good night.
610
00:14:49,344 --> 00:14:50,934
By the way, don't ever go
611
00:14:50,931 --> 00:14:52,171
back to old Kevin.
612
00:14:52,172 --> 00:14:53,342
He was an ass[bleep].
613
00:14:53,344 --> 00:14:57,214
Hmm.
614
00:14:57,206 --> 00:14:58,206
Good night!
615
00:14:58,206 --> 00:14:59,546
Tiramisu by myself.
616
00:14:59,551 --> 00:15:01,311
[doorbell rings]
617
00:15:01,310 --> 00:15:02,790
I'll get it.
618
00:15:02,793 --> 00:15:03,763
Kev.
619
00:15:03,758 --> 00:15:04,478
Hey.
620
00:15:04,482 --> 00:15:05,282
What's up, man?
621
00:15:05,275 --> 00:15:05,995
Not much.
622
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:06,690
Get your stuff.
623
00:15:06,689 --> 00:15:07,379
We gotta make a run.
624
00:15:07,379 --> 00:15:08,169
I can't do that, man.
625
00:15:08,172 --> 00:15:09,002
I gotta go in here and wash
626
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:09,690
these dishes.
627
00:15:09,689 --> 00:15:10,479
Dishes?
628
00:15:10,482 --> 00:15:11,172
Come on, man.
629
00:15:11,172 --> 00:15:12,172
Dishes are for mitches.
630
00:15:12,172 --> 00:15:13,002
Now let's get out of here before
631
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:14,030
Trina have you cooking for her.
632
00:15:14,034 --> 00:15:15,074
I already did.
633
00:15:15,068 --> 00:15:16,478
I made some new potatoes--
634
00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:17,662
I don't care.
635
00:15:17,655 --> 00:15:18,515
We gotta get out of here.
636
00:15:18,517 --> 00:15:19,307
Oh, I can look at your face
637
00:15:19,310 --> 00:15:20,860
and tell you want some tiramisu.
638
00:15:20,862 --> 00:15:21,692
Go try some.
639
00:15:21,689 --> 00:15:22,519
Okay, look, Kev, you get your
640
00:15:22,517 --> 00:15:23,787
jacket, I'll try the tiramisu.
641
00:15:23,793 --> 00:15:24,863
All right, go ahead.
642
00:15:24,862 --> 00:15:26,412
Look, I'm trying it.
643
00:15:26,413 --> 00:15:27,553
I did it.
644
00:15:27,551 --> 00:15:28,411
Okay.
645
00:15:28,413 --> 00:15:29,283
God[bleep], that's good.
646
00:15:29,275 --> 00:15:30,165
I made it from scratch.
647
00:15:30,172 --> 00:15:31,002
All right, well, let's get
648
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:31,830
out of here, man, come on.
649
00:15:31,827 --> 00:15:32,517
Why?!
650
00:15:32,517 --> 00:15:33,997
Would you get your jacket?
651
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,310
Come on, you're gonna love this.
652
00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:38,030
That is a great portrait.
653
00:15:38,034 --> 00:15:39,624
Yeah, I did it myself.
654
00:15:39,620 --> 00:15:41,970
That's the best picture
655
00:15:41,965 --> 00:15:43,305
I ever seen of Terrence Howard.
656
00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:44,690
Who's Terrence Howard?
657
00:15:44,689 --> 00:15:46,719
Come on, let's go.
658
00:15:46,724 --> 00:15:48,144
Who's Terrence Howard?
659
00:15:48,137 --> 00:15:49,827
Hey, you drive.
660
00:15:49,827 --> 00:15:50,897
Oh, wow, man!
661
00:15:50,896 --> 00:15:51,896
I always wanted to drive!
662
00:15:51,896 --> 00:15:52,896
You know what,
663
00:15:52,896 --> 00:15:53,716
I'm gonna drive.
664
00:15:53,724 --> 00:15:55,004
Okay.
665
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:55,900
What do I tell her?
666
00:15:55,896 --> 00:15:58,276
Do I even say I'm going?
667
00:15:58,275 --> 00:16:01,515
I didn't wash the dishes.
668
00:16:01,517 --> 00:16:03,277
♪
669
00:16:03,275 --> 00:16:04,925
Ah.
670
00:16:04,931 --> 00:16:06,001
[gasping]
671
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:07,140
How's this?
672
00:16:07,137 --> 00:16:07,997
Huh?
673
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,000
What is this?
674
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:09,830
You've never been here
675
00:16:09,827 --> 00:16:10,517
before?
676
00:16:10,517 --> 00:16:11,307
No, what are you talking--
677
00:16:11,310 --> 00:16:12,140
I don't know.
678
00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:13,757
Just trust me, come on.
679
00:16:13,758 --> 00:16:17,278
Trust you for what?
680
00:16:17,275 --> 00:16:20,965
[elevator bell dings]
681
00:16:20,965 --> 00:16:23,995
All right, close your eyes.
682
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,310
Okay, here we go.
683
00:16:25,310 --> 00:16:26,240
[bangs into door]
684
00:16:26,241 --> 00:16:27,071
Watch it, watch it.
685
00:16:27,068 --> 00:16:28,238
Well, you gotta talk to me.
686
00:16:28,241 --> 00:16:29,761
What are we doing, Dwayne?
687
00:16:29,758 --> 00:16:30,998
Open your eyes.
688
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:32,280
Right now or--
689
00:16:32,275 --> 00:16:33,095
Yes, right now.
690
00:16:33,103 --> 00:16:34,003
Open your eyes, man.
691
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:35,000
I'm gonna count to three.
692
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:37,070
One, two, three.
693
00:16:37,068 --> 00:16:38,618
♪ Big money, bad chicks
694
00:16:38,620 --> 00:16:39,930
♪ That's the life, huh?
695
00:16:39,931 --> 00:16:41,901
Oh, my God.
696
00:16:41,896 --> 00:16:42,926
What is this?!
697
00:16:42,931 --> 00:16:44,171
Welcome to the penthouse
698
00:16:44,172 --> 00:16:45,862
that near-death built, baby.
699
00:16:45,862 --> 00:16:47,002
[laughs]
700
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:48,100
What is going on, man?
701
00:16:48,103 --> 00:16:48,973
What is this?
702
00:16:48,965 --> 00:16:50,585
This is your new crib.
703
00:16:50,586 --> 00:16:51,896
What?!
704
00:16:51,896 --> 00:16:52,996
This is your new crib.
705
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:53,900
You lie.
706
00:16:53,896 --> 00:16:54,786
Kevin, when I dropped you
707
00:16:54,793 --> 00:16:56,173
from-- I mean, when you fell
708
00:16:56,172 --> 00:16:57,172
from the ledge--
709
00:16:57,172 --> 00:16:58,002
Wait, what?
710
00:16:58,000 --> 00:16:58,790
You fell into the lap of
711
00:16:58,793 --> 00:16:59,483
luxury, man.
712
00:16:59,482 --> 00:17:00,452
All the offers started
713
00:17:00,448 --> 00:17:01,278
pouring in.
714
00:17:01,275 --> 00:17:02,335
[bleep], if I was smart, I would
715
00:17:02,344 --> 00:17:03,594
have fell with you.
716
00:17:03,586 --> 00:17:04,896
But you know how I do.
717
00:17:04,896 --> 00:17:05,716
Let me show you the rest.
718
00:17:05,724 --> 00:17:06,724
I don't know how you do.
719
00:17:06,724 --> 00:17:09,104
Tell me, man.
720
00:17:09,103 --> 00:17:10,623
Actually, this mini-mitch
721
00:17:10,620 --> 00:17:12,620
forgot how I do.
722
00:17:12,620 --> 00:17:14,100
I negotiated an endorsement deal
723
00:17:14,103 --> 00:17:15,483
with the W where they pay Kevin
724
00:17:15,482 --> 00:17:17,282
a huge fee and give him
725
00:17:17,275 --> 00:17:18,405
a free penthouse.
726
00:17:18,413 --> 00:17:19,933
And as his representative,
727
00:17:19,931 --> 00:17:22,171
I get a fat commission.
728
00:17:22,172 --> 00:17:23,522
This is crazy, man.
729
00:17:23,517 --> 00:17:24,787
[laughs]
730
00:17:24,793 --> 00:17:25,863
It's incredible, Snake.
731
00:17:25,862 --> 00:17:26,722
Thank you, man.
732
00:17:26,724 --> 00:17:27,594
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
733
00:17:27,586 --> 00:17:28,756
It's Shake.
734
00:17:28,758 --> 00:17:29,828
Shark.
735
00:17:29,827 --> 00:17:31,167
It's S-H-A-K-E.
736
00:17:31,172 --> 00:17:32,002
Oh.
737
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:32,830
Sugar.
738
00:17:32,827 --> 00:17:33,927
Okay, listen.
739
00:17:33,931 --> 00:17:35,481
If you sign this,
740
00:17:35,482 --> 00:17:36,412
it's all yours.
741
00:17:36,413 --> 00:17:37,413
Oh, man, here.
742
00:17:37,413 --> 00:17:38,213
Give me that pen.
743
00:17:38,206 --> 00:17:38,996
Oh, no, you know what?
744
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:39,860
Nah, nah, nah, nah.
745
00:17:39,862 --> 00:17:41,412
You might want to have your
746
00:17:41,413 --> 00:17:42,413
attorney take a look at it
747
00:17:42,413 --> 00:17:43,283
before you sign.
748
00:17:43,275 --> 00:17:44,305
Why?
749
00:17:44,310 --> 00:17:45,480
Why do I need my attorney?
750
00:17:45,482 --> 00:17:46,552
You just told me if I sign here,
751
00:17:46,551 --> 00:17:47,451
it's all mine.
752
00:17:47,448 --> 00:17:48,238
Yeah, it is.
753
00:17:48,241 --> 00:17:49,101
Anybody with a name like
754
00:17:49,103 --> 00:17:51,143
Shark gotta be trusted.
755
00:17:51,137 --> 00:17:52,477
All right, come on, man.
756
00:17:52,482 --> 00:17:54,002
You a straight-up business guy.
757
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:55,550
Well, in that case, I got
758
00:17:55,551 --> 00:17:57,901
the contract to our movie, too.
759
00:17:57,896 --> 00:18:00,586
It's called "Fallen Legend."
760
00:18:00,586 --> 00:18:01,446
I know.
761
00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:02,448
I always loved the title.
762
00:18:02,448 --> 00:18:03,478
I remember when I heard...
763
00:18:03,482 --> 00:18:04,552
Can you say "Eee"?
764
00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:05,411
Eee.
765
00:18:05,413 --> 00:18:06,213
Let me just get a little--
766
00:18:06,206 --> 00:18:06,996
What's that?
767
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:07,830
DNA.
768
00:18:07,827 --> 00:18:08,617
You know, there's a lot of
769
00:18:08,620 --> 00:18:09,720
forgery going on right now.
770
00:18:09,724 --> 00:18:10,524
Wouldn't wanna get caught up.
771
00:18:10,517 --> 00:18:11,407
A little bit excessive,
772
00:18:11,413 --> 00:18:12,213
though, isn't it?
773
00:18:12,206 --> 00:18:13,896
Some people do the ass.
774
00:18:13,896 --> 00:18:14,826
Okay?
775
00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:16,307
Look, why don't you check out
776
00:18:16,310 --> 00:18:17,210
your crib--
777
00:18:17,206 --> 00:18:18,026
Okay.
778
00:18:18,034 --> 00:18:18,864
Get acquainted with it
779
00:18:18,862 --> 00:18:19,722
and everything.
780
00:18:19,724 --> 00:18:20,524
I'm gonna go get your keys, man.
781
00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:21,307
I'll be right back.
782
00:18:21,310 --> 00:18:22,140
Let me tell you something.
783
00:18:22,137 --> 00:18:23,097
Snake Eyes.
784
00:18:23,103 --> 00:18:23,933
They don't make 'em
785
00:18:23,931 --> 00:18:24,971
like you, man.
786
00:18:24,965 --> 00:18:26,205
It's Shake.
787
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:27,206
Huh?
788
00:18:27,206 --> 00:18:27,996
Shake.
789
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:29,620
I'll do it if you want me to.
790
00:18:29,620 --> 00:18:31,210
I'm excited.
791
00:18:31,206 --> 00:18:33,786
I'll be back.
792
00:18:33,793 --> 00:18:44,483
I'll see you later, Scallops!
793
00:18:44,482 --> 00:18:47,312
[ominous music swells]
794
00:18:47,310 --> 00:18:49,450
Boys, help me!
795
00:18:49,448 --> 00:18:51,968
He's slipping!
796
00:18:51,965 --> 00:18:54,995
Boys, help me!
797
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,500
[men shouting]
798
00:18:56,499 --> 00:18:57,619
Be sure to tune into next
799
00:18:57,620 --> 00:18:59,140
week's episode because [bleep]
800
00:18:59,137 --> 00:19:00,277
is about to get real.
801
00:19:00,275 --> 00:19:04,585
Same black time, same black
802
00:19:04,586 --> 00:19:05,566
channel, and same black Kevin.
803
00:19:05,568 --> 00:19:08,548
♪
47229
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