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♪ This is the life
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♪ Look at the life
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♪ This is the city
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♪ Where we party
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♪ Every night, every night
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♪ Party every night
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♪ We do it big
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♪ Diamonds and gold
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♪ Welcome to Hollywood ♪
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♪ We get money
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♪ Spend it and make it back
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♪ We get money
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♪ Spend it and make it back ♪
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Trina, over here.
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Hey, hey, guys, I need this
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section, man.
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Get your asses up!
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God, I'm the star.
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You would think y'all would just
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get up!
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God!
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Kevin, they know you're the
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star.
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My God, what's going on?
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They got me out here on the
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cover of a damn tabloid looking
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like a woman.
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Sorry, let me see...
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Okay, now get a look at that.
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I heard about it but this
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is...
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Look at it.
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How are we gonna fix this?
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That's the quest-- Trina.
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This-- I'm sorry.
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Okay.
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Trina, I'm not laughing.
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You're right-- Here's what
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you need to do, okay?
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You're gonna have to get
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yourself a good litigator
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because it looks like you're
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going...
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Tell me why in the hell I
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wanna buy a alligator right now?
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Hmm?
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What is purchasing an exotic pet
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have to do with me being on the
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cover of a damn...
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I don't know, I don't know
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what that has to do with
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anything.
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Because I didn't say alligator,
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I said litigator.
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You don't think I know the
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difference between a alligator
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and a alligator?
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It's the same thing.
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One's got croc skin, one's got
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alligator skin.
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I don't know.
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Find the alligator, put your
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head in its mouth.
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Look, here's the thing,
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all right?
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You just need to...
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get in front of this thing.
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Do the talk show circuits,
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Oprah, Katie...
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What, to tell them I'm the
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father of a pair of pantyhose?
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That's what you expect me to
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say?
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No, no, no-no-no.
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So what are you saying?
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You're gonna go on the talk
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shows and you're gonna talk
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about your movie, okay, your
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latest project.
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And then you will segue way into
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the whole, "I'm not the father
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of the stuffed pantyhose thing."
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Mm, mm, you know what?
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That might be the dumbest
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[bleep] I've ever heard in my
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life.
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You have said some things
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before, but that was from the
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stupid factory.
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The dumbest, the dumbest
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thing?
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That was dumb.
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Trina, listen to me!
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Trina, I'm not gonna go back and
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forth with you about this.
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Let me tell you what you're
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gonna do.
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You listen and you listen good.
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Okay, what you gonna do, you're
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gonna figure out a way to get in
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front of this.
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And if you do not get in front
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of it, then I will get in front
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of a new attorney.
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Is that what you want?
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Is that a threat?
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That's a threat!
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That is not a threat to me.
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I bet you I have somebody else's
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number in my purse right now.
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You want them?
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Let me tell you what I want.
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Hmm?
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I want this situation fixed!
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I want it resolved.
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All right.
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R-E-S-B-L...
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Yeah.
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Dammit!
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Since I have to pay Trina and
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her law partners five percent of
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my income for the worst advice
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since Suge told Tupac to hop in,
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I decided to engage the law firm
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of me, myself and I.
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Just lay low until hurricane
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Selita blows over.
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Hey, hey!
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That's all the cereal, right?
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Enough for the next six
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months.
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Good, good.
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I got that, I got my poker.
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I don't have to leave this
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house, you hear me, I'm all set.
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Where the guys at?
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I don't know, maybe they're
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not coming.
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Why would they not be coming?
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Because you're a pariah.
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Don't call me no damn fish.
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No, that's a piranha.
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Oh, so I'm a reject now?
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Don't nobody wanna be around old
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Kevin Hart?
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Hey, Honeynut!
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You want some-- no, you had
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enough beer.
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You're not gonna get no more
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beer, you hear me?
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Horses don't drink no damn
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beer, man, don't you do that to
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that damn horse.
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You don't know what they
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drink-- Get down, get down.
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Go to your room, go to your
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room, right now.
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How you get in here?
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I snuck in through Selita's
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fake baby bump, that's how I got
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in here.
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Okay.
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Oh, you going down this time,
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boy.
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Just shut up.
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Now you went too far.
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Shut up, man.
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I told you several times...
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All right.
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...how far you've gone.
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Now this time, you went too far.
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Dude, I don't need to hear it
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again.
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Went too far.
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I don't need to hear it
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again.
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Went too far.
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I don't wanna hear it no
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more.
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Went too far.
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I don't wanna hear it again
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after that.
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Went too far.
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That's the last time I wanna
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hear it.
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The guys came in with you?
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No, the wives wouldn't let
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'em come.
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What?
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I was over there, man, they
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was calling you all kind of
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names.
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Names I never even heard before,
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I'm like [bleep] damn.
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Did they call me a pariah?
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Yup, they called you a fish
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with sharp teeth.
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I was like, what the hell?
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That's cool.
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Hey, so, I don't know, I guess
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I'll just set the game up, you
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know, for us and, you know, for
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whoever...
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How much is this?
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That's fives.
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The blue's what?
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The blues are tens.
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Tens...
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What are you doing?
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Yeah, I drew the short straw
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so I had to come get the stuff.
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What do you mean, you drew
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the short straw?
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52 cards!
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Come get the stuff for what?
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Friends come and go, Kevin.
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But the game must move on.
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Which is why I'm like,
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let's play.
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You dirty mother...
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Oliver, he's trying to steal the
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chips!
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Hey, man!
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JB!
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JB, stop, man!
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Stop!
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Kevin, Kevin, Kevin...
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What?
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Why did you fake the baby
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bump?
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Okay, listen, it takes two
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fakers to fake a baby bump.
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So why don't you go ask Selita,
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okay?
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We don't have to, Kevin.
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Selita's on all the talk shows.
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Really?
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Yeah.
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Get off my property now!
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Katie Couric?
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I didn't know she interviewed
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black people.
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How did this whole fake baby
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thing happen in the first place?
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He said the Academy wouldn't
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let him host the Oscars unless
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he was really, really famous.
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That's not true.
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And taller.
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No.
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I could only help with one of
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those things.
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So he has a real complex
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about his height?
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Look at his sneakers.
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Wow.
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Actually, you know, I think Matt
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Lauer has those sneakers.
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Those aren't even my shoes!
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It was Halloween.
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Anyway, it was him that came
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up with this ridiculous idea.
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This is bull [bleep]!
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Katie, I just wanted to make
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him happy.
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She's acting!
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This is ridiculous.
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Listen, I'm here for you,
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"sista."
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Oh, thank you, boo.
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So-- oh, by the way.
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Is this is the bed where it
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didn't happen?
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Oh, yeah, you wanna go lay on
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it?
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Well, actually...
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Wait a minute, is that...
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That's my bedroom.
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Y'all in the bed-- Katie!
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Katie!
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She's lying!
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Katie, don't believe her!
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She's a liar!
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Hold on.
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Selita, this is a really
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nice...
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Oh, no.
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So where did the fake baby
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shower take place anyway?
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Oh, it was all here, and plus
291
00:06:08,655 --> 00:06:10,615
500 of Kevin's fake friends.
292
00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:11,380
Oh.
293
00:06:11,379 --> 00:06:12,139
Yeah, we had a chocolate
294
00:06:12,137 --> 00:06:12,927
fountain.
295
00:06:12,931 --> 00:06:14,281
We had crystal, we had swans in
296
00:06:14,275 --> 00:06:15,405
the pool, I mean...
297
00:06:15,413 --> 00:06:16,863
She's lying!
298
00:06:16,862 --> 00:06:17,592
>> Thank you so much
299
00:06:17,586 --> 00:06:18,276
for coming.
300
00:06:18,275 --> 00:06:19,405
You're welcome, mwah.
301
00:06:19,413 --> 00:06:20,143
They're downstairs!
302
00:06:20,137 --> 00:06:23,137
Katie!
303
00:06:23,137 --> 00:06:25,237
Honeynut, you stop it now.
304
00:06:25,241 --> 00:06:28,721
Katie!
305
00:06:28,724 --> 00:06:30,284
I'm not going back to Costco!
306
00:06:30,275 --> 00:06:31,065
So I finally figured out that
307
00:06:31,068 --> 00:06:32,068
Katie wasn't in my house when I
308
00:06:32,068 --> 00:06:33,278
saw Honeynut rolling on the damn
309
00:06:33,275 --> 00:06:34,715
floor laughing at my ass.
310
00:06:34,724 --> 00:06:36,554
Anyway, I fired the law firm of
311
00:06:36,551 --> 00:06:38,101
me, myself and I and decided to
312
00:06:38,103 --> 00:06:38,973
get out in front of this damn
313
00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:40,255
thing.
314
00:06:40,258 --> 00:06:42,138
Welcome to a special edition
315
00:06:42,137 --> 00:06:43,447
of "On and On 'Til the Break of
316
00:06:43,448 --> 00:06:45,308
Dawn with Shaun."
317
00:06:45,310 --> 00:06:47,220
I am sitting next to the pool of
318
00:06:47,224 --> 00:06:50,284
disgraced comedian Kevin Hart.
319
00:06:50,275 --> 00:06:51,205
For the next hour, we'll delve
320
00:06:51,206 --> 00:06:53,516
into his illicit relationship
321
00:06:53,517 --> 00:06:55,237
with lingerie model Selita
322
00:06:55,241 --> 00:06:56,241
Ebanks.
323
00:06:56,241 --> 00:06:57,721
So Kevin, you know, you and
324
00:06:57,724 --> 00:06:59,104
I have known each other for
325
00:06:59,103 --> 00:07:00,003
a long time.
326
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:00,690
Yeah.
327
00:07:00,689 --> 00:07:01,479
So I gotta ask...
328
00:07:01,482 --> 00:07:04,452
what the hell were you thinking?
329
00:07:04,448 --> 00:07:05,308
Is that-- is that how--
330
00:07:05,310 --> 00:07:06,550
how we're starting off?
331
00:07:06,551 --> 00:07:07,521
Is that the first question or...
332
00:07:07,517 --> 00:07:08,757
Okay, you know, if I just
333
00:07:08,758 --> 00:07:10,098
give you softball questions,
334
00:07:10,103 --> 00:07:11,313
nobody gonna take you seriously.
335
00:07:11,310 --> 00:07:12,070
If I wanted a pitch thrown at
336
00:07:12,068 --> 00:07:12,998
my head, I would've got, you
337
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,720
know, Rush Limbaugh or somebody
338
00:07:14,724 --> 00:07:15,554
to come in...
339
00:07:15,551 --> 00:07:17,341
Okay, so take me back to the
340
00:07:17,344 --> 00:07:18,104
beginning.
341
00:07:18,103 --> 00:07:18,863
Okay.
342
00:07:18,862 --> 00:07:19,622
When did you first know
343
00:07:19,620 --> 00:07:20,720
something was off with your
344
00:07:20,724 --> 00:07:22,144
relationship with Selita?
345
00:07:22,137 --> 00:07:23,167
Surely, you must've been a
346
00:07:23,172 --> 00:07:25,282
little suspicious when she said
347
00:07:25,275 --> 00:07:26,585
she was pregnant and you guys
348
00:07:26,586 --> 00:07:28,546
had not even had sex.
349
00:07:28,551 --> 00:07:29,281
As far as I was concerned,
350
00:07:29,275 --> 00:07:30,095
we were having sex.
351
00:07:30,103 --> 00:07:30,903
At least I thought we were,
352
00:07:30,896 --> 00:07:31,686
I mean...
353
00:07:31,689 --> 00:07:32,659
Wait, wait, what kind of man
354
00:07:32,655 --> 00:07:34,855
"thinks" he had sex?
355
00:07:34,862 --> 00:07:35,722
I don't understand.
356
00:07:35,724 --> 00:07:36,454
What do you mean, what kind
357
00:07:36,448 --> 00:07:38,098
of man, several men.
358
00:07:38,103 --> 00:07:40,003
A man who's had a few drinks,
359
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:41,000
you know?
360
00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:43,210
Uh, Hennessy with a little bit
361
00:07:43,206 --> 00:07:44,066
of heroin in it.
362
00:07:44,068 --> 00:07:44,998
I don't think that's a question
363
00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:45,660
to ask.
364
00:07:45,655 --> 00:07:46,445
Okay, okay.
365
00:07:46,448 --> 00:07:48,278
Let me ask you this question.
366
00:07:48,275 --> 00:07:50,995
How did it feel when you were
367
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:52,620
not having sex with Selita,
368
00:07:52,620 --> 00:07:53,450
that--
369
00:07:53,448 --> 00:07:54,238
Let's cut-- cut the cameras
370
00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:55,001
off, right now.
371
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:56,000
Softball.
372
00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:57,280
You are costing me an Emmy.
373
00:07:57,275 --> 00:07:58,545
I shoulda called D.L.--
374
00:07:58,551 --> 00:07:59,521
Dianne Lemon.
375
00:07:59,517 --> 00:08:00,337
Here's the deal.
376
00:08:00,344 --> 00:08:01,034
We're trying to sell
377
00:08:01,034 --> 00:08:01,904
commercials.
378
00:08:01,896 --> 00:08:02,926
You gotta give me something.
379
00:08:02,931 --> 00:08:03,721
What are you talking about
380
00:08:03,724 --> 00:08:04,524
selling commercials here?
381
00:08:04,517 --> 00:08:05,717
I'm here trying to save my life.
382
00:08:05,724 --> 00:08:06,934
Then you shoulda called an
383
00:08:06,931 --> 00:08:08,281
ambulance, dude.
384
00:08:08,275 --> 00:08:09,095
What happened to the show
385
00:08:09,103 --> 00:08:09,863
I just talked--
386
00:08:09,862 --> 00:08:11,312
Okay, you know what, all
387
00:08:11,310 --> 00:08:12,140
right, you know what?
388
00:08:12,137 --> 00:08:12,967
We're not gonna get anything
389
00:08:12,965 --> 00:08:14,135
here, let's just wrap up.
390
00:08:14,137 --> 00:08:14,927
Okay.
391
00:08:14,931 --> 00:08:15,621
I thought I was doing you
392
00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:16,280
a favor.
393
00:08:16,275 --> 00:08:17,135
Okay, no, you are, no-no,
394
00:08:17,137 --> 00:08:18,277
okay, all right, okay, all
395
00:08:18,275 --> 00:08:19,165
right.
396
00:08:19,172 --> 00:08:21,242
Wait, I'ma give you something.
397
00:08:21,241 --> 00:08:23,001
I'ma give you something good.
398
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:23,830
I got some stuff I can show you
399
00:08:23,827 --> 00:08:24,997
in the bedroom.
400
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,070
Kevin, Katie was all up in
401
00:08:27,068 --> 00:08:28,658
your bedroom with Selita the
402
00:08:28,655 --> 00:08:29,445
other day.
403
00:08:29,448 --> 00:08:31,168
Your lack of performance is old
404
00:08:31,172 --> 00:08:31,972
news.
405
00:08:31,965 --> 00:08:32,755
Uh...
406
00:08:32,758 --> 00:08:33,618
first of all, no-no, that's the
407
00:08:33,620 --> 00:08:34,520
wrong news.
408
00:08:34,517 --> 00:08:35,857
Because I killed that fake ass.
409
00:08:35,862 --> 00:08:36,622
Okay...
410
00:08:36,620 --> 00:08:37,410
Okay, yeah, so understand
411
00:08:37,413 --> 00:08:38,143
that.
412
00:08:38,137 --> 00:08:38,997
Beat it up.
413
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:39,830
Okay.
414
00:08:39,827 --> 00:08:40,617
Let's get that down.
415
00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:41,380
Is that what you told Selita?
416
00:08:41,379 --> 00:08:42,719
Okay, I don't know about
417
00:08:42,724 --> 00:08:43,454
that.
418
00:08:43,448 --> 00:08:44,278
It's not even about that.
419
00:08:44,275 --> 00:08:44,995
Just, can I-- can you come to
420
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:45,720
the room?
421
00:08:45,724 --> 00:08:46,624
She show you the bed?
422
00:08:46,620 --> 00:08:47,480
I saw the bed on Katie,
423
00:08:47,482 --> 00:08:48,382
already, I told you.
424
00:08:48,379 --> 00:08:49,719
But did she show you the dead
425
00:08:49,724 --> 00:08:51,284
sperm cells?
426
00:08:51,275 --> 00:08:52,235
You know what I'm talking about.
427
00:08:52,241 --> 00:08:53,861
Ohh...
428
00:08:53,862 --> 00:08:55,212
Yeah, now you wanna talk to
429
00:08:55,206 --> 00:08:55,996
me?
430
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:57,900
Are you telling me that when
431
00:08:57,896 --> 00:08:59,616
you thought you were having sex
432
00:08:59,620 --> 00:09:00,830
with Selita, it was actually
433
00:09:00,827 --> 00:09:02,237
a blow-up doll?
434
00:09:02,241 --> 00:09:02,931
That's exactly--
435
00:09:02,931 --> 00:09:03,661
what are you...
436
00:09:03,655 --> 00:09:05,065
ahh, wait!
437
00:09:05,068 --> 00:09:05,858
Get a picture!
438
00:09:05,862 --> 00:09:07,482
No, don't get a close-up of
439
00:09:07,482 --> 00:09:08,382
that!
440
00:09:08,379 --> 00:09:09,209
Oh my God.
441
00:09:09,206 --> 00:09:10,096
I use it for the carpool
442
00:09:10,103 --> 00:09:10,863
lane.
443
00:09:10,862 --> 00:09:11,762
Get that camera off.
444
00:09:11,758 --> 00:09:13,068
Look, this is the angle
445
00:09:13,068 --> 00:09:14,588
you've been waiting for.
446
00:09:14,586 --> 00:09:15,926
You were duped.
447
00:09:15,931 --> 00:09:16,831
I was what?
448
00:09:16,827 --> 00:09:17,857
You were duped.
449
00:09:17,862 --> 00:09:19,902
America loves a dupe.
450
00:09:19,896 --> 00:09:20,686
Get a shot of that, are you
451
00:09:20,689 --> 00:09:21,379
rolling?
452
00:09:21,379 --> 00:09:22,099
I don't know, I don't know,
453
00:09:22,103 --> 00:09:22,793
I don't know if I can.
454
00:09:22,793 --> 00:09:23,663
Listen to me.
455
00:09:23,655 --> 00:09:25,205
In order to get America on your
456
00:09:25,206 --> 00:09:26,756
side, you gotta show them what
457
00:09:26,758 --> 00:09:27,998
you've been through.
458
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:29,760
And trust me, by this time
459
00:09:29,758 --> 00:09:31,068
tomorrow, baby, you will be
460
00:09:31,068 --> 00:09:31,898
back!
461
00:09:31,896 --> 00:09:32,656
I'ma be back.
462
00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:33,545
Just a couple pictures...
463
00:09:33,551 --> 00:09:34,241
Just a couple.
464
00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:35,001
Just a couple pictures.
465
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:36,070
All right.
466
00:09:36,068 --> 00:09:37,068
You need the name of it or
467
00:09:37,068 --> 00:09:37,788
anything?
468
00:09:37,793 --> 00:09:38,553
No, no, don't need the name,
469
00:09:38,551 --> 00:09:39,171
just--
470
00:09:39,172 --> 00:09:40,312
It's "Blowsephina."
471
00:09:40,310 --> 00:09:41,860
Okay.
472
00:09:41,862 --> 00:09:43,002
Close-up, okay, right there,
473
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,240
right there, get that close-up.
474
00:09:44,241 --> 00:09:45,621
Zoom in.
475
00:09:45,620 --> 00:09:47,480
Now kiss it.
476
00:09:47,482 --> 00:09:48,412
I don't know.
477
00:09:48,413 --> 00:09:52,103
You've done much worse things
478
00:09:52,103 --> 00:09:57,973
with this doll, baby.
479
00:09:57,965 --> 00:09:58,715
>> Okay, Trina, you've talked
480
00:09:58,724 --> 00:09:59,454
>> Okay, Trina, you've talked
me into it.
481
00:09:59,448 --> 00:10:02,468
me into it.
482
00:10:02,465 --> 00:10:03,015
I can deliver.
483
00:10:03,017 --> 00:10:05,307
Wow, is this how you do it,
484
00:10:05,310 --> 00:10:06,450
huh?
485
00:10:06,448 --> 00:10:07,278
Kevin...
486
00:10:07,275 --> 00:10:08,275
Is this how you do it, Trina?
487
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:08,965
Kevin.
488
00:10:08,965 --> 00:10:09,715
Get up.
489
00:10:09,724 --> 00:10:10,454
Get up, let me get the seat.
490
00:10:10,448 --> 00:10:11,168
Thank you.
491
00:10:11,172 --> 00:10:11,972
Kevin...
492
00:10:11,965 --> 00:10:12,655
Wow, when your client's
493
00:10:12,655 --> 00:10:13,375
down...
494
00:10:13,379 --> 00:10:14,619
Kevin, this is the Academy on
495
00:10:14,620 --> 00:10:15,380
the phone...
496
00:10:15,379 --> 00:10:16,339
I don't give a damn who it
497
00:10:16,344 --> 00:10:17,244
is.
498
00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:18,861
Hey, Academy, let me tell you
499
00:10:18,862 --> 00:10:19,762
what you can do!
500
00:10:19,758 --> 00:10:21,518
You can kiss me and my eight
501
00:10:21,517 --> 00:10:22,787
million Twitter followers
502
00:10:22,793 --> 00:10:24,173
[bleep] asses, do you hear me?
503
00:10:24,172 --> 00:10:25,482
I was trying to do y'all
504
00:10:25,482 --> 00:10:26,932
a favor!
505
00:10:26,931 --> 00:10:28,001
You understand that?
506
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,720
But it's cool, it is so cool.
507
00:10:29,724 --> 00:10:30,664
I'd rather host The Hoodies
508
00:10:30,655 --> 00:10:33,135
before I host this bull [bleep].
509
00:10:33,137 --> 00:10:34,687
Done with y'all, don't need ya,
510
00:10:34,689 --> 00:10:36,069
bye-bye.
511
00:10:36,068 --> 00:10:36,858
Carl, I'm gonna call you
512
00:10:36,862 --> 00:10:39,312
back.
513
00:10:39,310 --> 00:10:41,000
Bye, Carl.
514
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:42,830
What you looking at?
515
00:10:42,827 --> 00:10:43,517
You wanna have a staring
516
00:10:43,517 --> 00:10:44,207
contest?
517
00:10:44,206 --> 00:10:45,896
Can we have the room, please?
518
00:10:45,896 --> 00:10:48,096
You better get the room.
519
00:10:48,103 --> 00:10:49,763
I'm ashamed of you, brother.
520
00:10:49,758 --> 00:10:53,928
Put on a suit, all of a sudden,
521
00:10:53,931 --> 00:10:55,791
you working for the man.
522
00:10:55,793 --> 00:10:57,283
Let's talk.
523
00:10:57,275 --> 00:10:58,025
Do you know what you just
524
00:10:58,034 --> 00:10:58,764
did?
525
00:10:58,758 --> 00:10:59,478
I know exactly what I just
526
00:10:59,482 --> 00:11:00,242
did.
527
00:11:00,241 --> 00:11:01,621
I just stood up for myself.
528
00:11:01,620 --> 00:11:02,340
It's what I used to pay you to
529
00:11:02,344 --> 00:11:03,244
do, remember?
530
00:11:03,241 --> 00:11:06,141
The Academy re-agreed to let
531
00:11:06,137 --> 00:11:08,137
you host the Oscars as long as
532
00:11:08,137 --> 00:11:10,307
we delivered DiCaprio as
533
00:11:10,310 --> 00:11:12,760
a presenter.
534
00:11:12,758 --> 00:11:13,788
We can make that happen.
535
00:11:13,793 --> 00:11:14,763
Let's get 'em back on the phone,
536
00:11:14,758 --> 00:11:15,618
is it star 8-2?
537
00:11:15,620 --> 00:11:16,480
Yeah, no, I can't do that.
538
00:11:16,482 --> 00:11:17,282
Star 8-2 calls--
539
00:11:17,275 --> 00:11:18,655
I can't do that, it's over.
540
00:11:18,655 --> 00:11:19,405
Yeah, but it sounds like the
541
00:11:19,413 --> 00:11:20,143
deal's already done.
542
00:11:20,137 --> 00:11:20,897
It's over, I can't do it
543
00:11:20,896 --> 00:11:21,786
anymore.
544
00:11:21,793 --> 00:11:23,073
You can't do what anymore?
545
00:11:23,068 --> 00:11:24,928
Never mind the negative press
546
00:11:24,931 --> 00:11:26,381
or the lawsuits or the people
547
00:11:26,379 --> 00:11:28,069
outside protesting, or the IRS
548
00:11:28,068 --> 00:11:29,478
at my office going through my
549
00:11:29,482 --> 00:11:30,552
books because they think that
550
00:11:30,551 --> 00:11:31,521
maybe we had something to do
551
00:11:31,517 --> 00:11:32,657
with this.
552
00:11:32,655 --> 00:11:34,475
Despite all of that, I used
553
00:11:34,482 --> 00:11:36,172
every one of my last favors to
554
00:11:36,172 --> 00:11:38,032
get you the Oscars back and you
555
00:11:38,034 --> 00:11:38,974
know what you did?
556
00:11:38,965 --> 00:11:39,825
You did what you always do,
557
00:11:39,827 --> 00:11:40,547
Kevin.
558
00:11:40,551 --> 00:11:43,031
You [bleep] it up!
559
00:11:43,034 --> 00:11:44,034
Well, wait a minute,
560
00:11:44,034 --> 00:11:45,244
yuck mouth.
561
00:11:45,241 --> 00:11:46,691
When did you start talking like
562
00:11:46,689 --> 00:11:48,789
that, huh?
563
00:11:48,793 --> 00:11:49,523
It's always a joke to you,
564
00:11:49,517 --> 00:11:50,517
isn't it, Kevin?
565
00:11:50,517 --> 00:11:51,207
All right, well, here's the
566
00:11:51,206 --> 00:11:52,996
punch line.
567
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:57,240
As of right now, you are no
568
00:11:57,241 --> 00:12:03,591
longer my client.
569
00:12:03,586 --> 00:12:06,546
Are you serious?
570
00:12:06,551 --> 00:12:07,661
Fine.
571
00:12:07,655 --> 00:12:08,925
You know what?
572
00:12:08,931 --> 00:12:11,281
I'm gonna keep my five percent
573
00:12:11,275 --> 00:12:13,235
that I've been giving to you,
574
00:12:13,241 --> 00:12:14,831
which was very gracious.
575
00:12:14,827 --> 00:12:16,167
So before I start walking this
576
00:12:16,172 --> 00:12:17,242
way, you wanna-- you wanna
577
00:12:17,241 --> 00:12:20,591
change that?
578
00:12:20,586 --> 00:12:21,786
Okay.
579
00:12:21,793 --> 00:12:25,213
I am moving on, storming out of
580
00:12:25,206 --> 00:12:30,546
here.
581
00:12:30,551 --> 00:12:31,211
♪ You always be
582
00:12:31,206 --> 00:12:31,896
♪ Talking down
583
00:12:31,896 --> 00:12:33,066
♪ Mitches do that
584
00:12:33,068 --> 00:12:33,928
♪ The way you act when your
585
00:12:33,931 --> 00:12:34,791
♪ Girl come around
586
00:12:34,793 --> 00:12:35,723
♪ Mitches do that
587
00:12:35,724 --> 00:12:36,484
Hey, that's my car!
588
00:12:36,482 --> 00:12:37,242
♪ Make you change
589
00:12:37,241 --> 00:12:38,001
♪ Your plans
590
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,000
♪ Mitches do that
591
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:39,760
♪ When you talk that way
592
00:12:39,758 --> 00:12:42,788
♪ You tend to move your hands
593
00:12:42,793 --> 00:12:47,523
♪ Mitches do that ♪
594
00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:48,237
What do you mean my credit
595
00:12:48,241 --> 00:12:51,551
card ain't go through?
596
00:12:51,551 --> 00:13:08,281
Here, keep the change.
597
00:13:08,275 --> 00:13:08,995
There he is,
598
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,100
there's the mitch!
599
00:13:10,103 --> 00:13:11,103
No, no!
600
00:13:11,103 --> 00:13:12,313
Right there, look at him.
601
00:13:12,310 --> 00:13:14,070
Hey!
602
00:13:14,068 --> 00:13:18,138
Running like a mitch.
603
00:13:18,137 --> 00:13:20,307
♪ Mitches do that ♪
604
00:13:20,310 --> 00:13:23,280
Kevin!
605
00:13:23,275 --> 00:13:26,515
May I help-- Uh-uh.
606
00:13:26,517 --> 00:13:28,047
Is that a rabbit?
607
00:13:28,051 --> 00:13:29,591
What kind of freaky McGruff
608
00:13:29,586 --> 00:13:30,656
[bleep] you got going on in
609
00:13:30,655 --> 00:13:32,115
here, man?
610
00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:33,170
And where the hell is Kevin?
611
00:13:33,172 --> 00:13:33,932
He don't live here anymore,
612
00:13:33,931 --> 00:13:34,691
okay?
613
00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:35,409
So what are you doing here,
614
00:13:35,413 --> 00:13:36,033
then?
615
00:13:36,034 --> 00:13:36,724
I'm squatting, is the
616
00:13:36,724 --> 00:13:37,414
interview over?
617
00:13:37,413 --> 00:13:38,143
Ready for you to bury that
618
00:13:38,137 --> 00:13:38,827
bone.
619
00:13:38,827 --> 00:13:39,517
This is not the time.
620
00:13:39,517 --> 00:13:41,237
Mister Canine-inches.
621
00:13:41,241 --> 00:13:42,191
Good Lord.
622
00:13:42,189 --> 00:13:43,689
Jennifer, what are you doing?
623
00:13:43,689 --> 00:13:45,159
Hey, Daddy.
624
00:13:45,155 --> 00:13:46,445
What is going on in here?
625
00:13:46,448 --> 00:13:47,828
Nothing happening, just good
626
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:48,897
clean fun.
627
00:13:48,896 --> 00:13:49,756
This ain't clean.
628
00:13:49,758 --> 00:13:51,278
Sit.
629
00:13:51,275 --> 00:13:52,275
On your knees.
630
00:13:52,275 --> 00:13:54,095
He does tricks.
631
00:13:54,103 --> 00:13:54,863
Goddamn.
632
00:13:54,862 --> 00:13:55,592
Hey Scooby-Doo.
633
00:13:55,586 --> 00:13:57,406
Yo, where is Kevin?
634
00:13:57,413 --> 00:13:58,383
He called from some fleabag
635
00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:02,069
motel downtown.
636
00:14:02,068 --> 00:14:03,758
Where, puppy boy?
637
00:14:03,758 --> 00:14:07,278
Is that real dog food?
638
00:14:07,275 --> 00:14:08,785
Yeah.
639
00:14:08,793 --> 00:14:10,343
Here, here, take it, okay?
640
00:14:10,344 --> 00:14:14,214
You have really grown.
641
00:14:14,206 --> 00:14:15,586
Nelly, Nelly.
642
00:14:15,586 --> 00:14:16,756
That's my fake TV daughter.
643
00:14:16,758 --> 00:14:17,828
You was not on that show,
644
00:14:17,827 --> 00:14:20,137
Shake.
645
00:14:20,137 --> 00:14:21,477
She has really grown, Shake.
646
00:14:21,482 --> 00:14:24,412
This is crazy.
647
00:14:24,413 --> 00:14:26,833
Bark my name!
648
00:14:26,827 --> 00:14:27,787
♪ No need for conversation
649
00:14:27,793 --> 00:14:28,723
♪ 'Cause you're too
650
00:14:28,724 --> 00:14:30,074
♪ Celebrating
651
00:14:30,068 --> 00:14:31,238
♪ It's time to take you
652
00:14:31,241 --> 00:14:33,971
♪ Up to my place... ♪
653
00:14:33,965 --> 00:14:34,855
Go away!
654
00:14:34,862 --> 00:14:36,172
Delivery.
655
00:14:36,172 --> 00:14:37,522
Go away.
656
00:14:37,517 --> 00:14:38,997
I say open the door, it looks
657
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:40,140
like crackheads out here or
658
00:14:40,137 --> 00:14:41,307
something, damn.
659
00:14:41,310 --> 00:14:42,000
Hurry up.
660
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:42,690
Wait a minute!
661
00:14:42,689 --> 00:14:44,139
Open the door!
662
00:14:44,137 --> 00:14:45,277
Boy, if you don't open the
663
00:14:45,275 --> 00:14:46,305
door-- There's a dude walking
664
00:14:46,310 --> 00:14:47,240
down the hall right now.
665
00:14:47,241 --> 00:14:49,931
Look like "Vampire in Brooklyn."
666
00:14:49,931 --> 00:14:51,281
What the hell you want?
667
00:14:51,275 --> 00:14:52,205
Why don't you let me up in
668
00:14:52,206 --> 00:14:53,926
here?
669
00:14:53,931 --> 00:14:54,831
Damn, you didn't get my
670
00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:55,547
message--
671
00:14:55,551 --> 00:14:56,861
My phone died.
672
00:14:56,862 --> 00:14:58,072
Look like more than just your
673
00:14:58,068 --> 00:14:59,998
phone died.
674
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,550
Yeah, my career.
675
00:15:01,551 --> 00:15:04,001
Damn, Kevin.
676
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:06,310
All of this for a piece of ass?
677
00:15:06,310 --> 00:15:08,720
And not even no cute ass.
678
00:15:08,724 --> 00:15:09,414
In fact, she didn't even
679
00:15:09,413 --> 00:15:10,863
have no ass.
680
00:15:10,862 --> 00:15:12,172
Okay, I don't have time for
681
00:15:12,172 --> 00:15:13,032
this.
682
00:15:13,034 --> 00:15:14,524
Ooh, is this one of them
683
00:15:14,517 --> 00:15:15,787
vibrating beds!
684
00:15:15,793 --> 00:15:17,143
Oh my God, I always wanted to
685
00:15:17,137 --> 00:15:20,167
use one of these.
686
00:15:20,172 --> 00:15:21,692
Ahh...
687
00:15:21,689 --> 00:15:23,309
that's what I'm talking about.
688
00:15:23,310 --> 00:15:24,830
It don't work, Tiffany.
689
00:15:24,827 --> 00:15:26,377
What, huh?
690
00:15:26,379 --> 00:15:27,339
Dang, you know how to mess up a
691
00:15:27,344 --> 00:15:29,864
wet dream, don't you?
692
00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:31,242
What's in this bag, girl?
693
00:15:31,241 --> 00:15:32,971
Uh, I brought you a bottle of
694
00:15:32,965 --> 00:15:33,965
moscato, 'cause I figured you'd
695
00:15:33,965 --> 00:15:34,925
be down.
696
00:15:34,931 --> 00:15:36,001
I brought you a jar of peanut
697
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:36,970
butter 'cause I figured you'd be
698
00:15:36,965 --> 00:15:37,925
hungry.
699
00:15:37,931 --> 00:15:40,101
And I brought you a box of
700
00:15:40,103 --> 00:15:41,283
condoms 'cause I didn't want you
701
00:15:41,275 --> 00:15:42,545
to get a STD from your blow-up
702
00:15:42,551 --> 00:15:44,411
doll.
703
00:15:44,413 --> 00:15:45,243
I just thought I'd do that
704
00:15:45,241 --> 00:15:46,761
because it's kind of messed up
705
00:15:46,758 --> 00:15:47,478
that I ratted you out to the
706
00:15:47,482 --> 00:15:49,722
police.
707
00:15:49,724 --> 00:15:51,624
Oh, speaking of rat, uh, I think
708
00:15:51,620 --> 00:15:53,690
you got a roommate, Kev.
709
00:15:53,689 --> 00:15:55,409
Hell, no, Tiffany!
710
00:15:55,413 --> 00:15:56,553
Tiffany, kill it!
711
00:15:56,551 --> 00:15:59,001
Get up off of me.
712
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,030
I gotta go.
713
00:16:00,034 --> 00:16:01,004
It's just a rat, man.
714
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:02,480
Don't tell nobody I'm here.
715
00:16:02,482 --> 00:16:04,002
Remember, snitches end up in
716
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:07,310
ditches.
717
00:16:07,310 --> 00:16:17,310
Okay, and so do mitches.
718
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:18,790
I gotta pee.
719
00:16:18,793 --> 00:16:19,593
That moscato ran right through
720
00:16:19,586 --> 00:16:22,336
me.
721
00:16:22,344 --> 00:16:25,034
Oh...
722
00:16:25,034 --> 00:16:27,454
What the...
723
00:16:27,448 --> 00:16:28,998
Why would they put a door here,
724
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:32,340
why?
725
00:16:32,344 --> 00:16:37,284
Hey...
726
00:16:37,275 --> 00:16:38,065
Ahh...
727
00:16:38,068 --> 00:16:38,758
12th-- Yo, this is it,
728
00:16:38,758 --> 00:16:40,098
this is it, this is it.
729
00:16:40,103 --> 00:16:40,903
Kevin!
730
00:16:40,896 --> 00:16:41,826
Kev, yo!
731
00:16:41,827 --> 00:16:42,827
Kevie-Kev!
732
00:16:42,827 --> 00:16:43,547
We gonna have to break down
733
00:16:43,551 --> 00:16:44,411
the door, come on.
734
00:16:44,413 --> 00:16:46,003
What are you doing?
735
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:46,900
What-- how do--
736
00:16:46,896 --> 00:16:49,996
I stayed here once.
737
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:52,000
Really, Shake?
738
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:54,000
Oh [bleep]!
739
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,030
Oh no-no-no!
740
00:16:56,034 --> 00:17:00,034
Kevin!
741
00:17:00,034 --> 00:17:01,484
What?
742
00:17:01,482 --> 00:17:02,312
Kev?
743
00:17:02,310 --> 00:17:03,450
Whoa, no-no-no-no, Kevin,
744
00:17:03,448 --> 00:17:05,138
listen, man, I know it's tough.
745
00:17:05,137 --> 00:17:06,897
And mostly because of me.
746
00:17:06,896 --> 00:17:09,516
Just hear me out, okay?
747
00:17:09,517 --> 00:17:13,307
Yo, where he at?
748
00:17:13,310 --> 00:17:16,620
What are you doing?
749
00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:17,550
Why are you coming out?
750
00:17:17,551 --> 00:17:18,791
No, what are you doing?
751
00:17:18,793 --> 00:17:19,593
Okay, listen...
752
00:17:19,586 --> 00:17:20,376
I ain't going out there,
753
00:17:20,379 --> 00:17:21,099
I ain't going.
754
00:17:21,103 --> 00:17:22,343
Kev, look, I know you lost
755
00:17:22,344 --> 00:17:23,484
your house.
756
00:17:23,482 --> 00:17:24,172
Your car...
757
00:17:24,172 --> 00:17:25,002
Yes.
758
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:25,660
And your career, right?
759
00:17:25,655 --> 00:17:26,445
Yes.
760
00:17:26,448 --> 00:17:27,448
And you found out that your
761
00:17:27,448 --> 00:17:29,308
girl is a psycho from hell
762
00:17:29,310 --> 00:17:30,660
but...
763
00:17:30,655 --> 00:17:31,335
What the hell you talking
764
00:17:31,344 --> 00:17:32,104
about, Duane?
765
00:17:32,103 --> 00:17:33,243
I came out here to take--
766
00:17:33,241 --> 00:17:34,141
You just stepped in my piss.
767
00:17:34,137 --> 00:17:36,027
Oh, I knew it was smelling
768
00:17:36,034 --> 00:17:37,384
something-- what did you eat,
769
00:17:37,379 --> 00:17:38,209
asparagus?
770
00:17:38,206 --> 00:17:39,206
It happens!
771
00:17:39,206 --> 00:17:40,096
Get your dumb ass inside,
772
00:17:40,103 --> 00:17:41,003
come on, man.
773
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:42,070
Let's go back inside.
774
00:17:42,068 --> 00:17:42,828
Okay, give me your hand.
775
00:17:42,827 --> 00:17:43,547
I don't need to take your
776
00:17:43,551 --> 00:17:44,241
hand.
777
00:17:44,241 --> 00:17:48,381
I can walk inside--
778
00:17:48,379 --> 00:17:49,589
Hey!
779
00:17:49,586 --> 00:17:51,236
Boris, get your ass out here!
780
00:17:51,241 --> 00:17:52,281
Oh, no!
781
00:17:52,275 --> 00:17:54,655
Hold on, I got it, I got it!
782
00:17:54,655 --> 00:17:56,135
Oh, man, don't go out there.
783
00:17:56,137 --> 00:17:56,967
I'm afraid of heights.
784
00:17:56,965 --> 00:17:59,475
Boris!
785
00:17:59,482 --> 00:18:01,032
Shake about to die!
786
00:18:01,034 --> 00:18:02,454
Shake, don't die!
787
00:18:02,448 --> 00:18:03,548
Boris, help me!
788
00:18:03,551 --> 00:18:04,621
Don't let go.
789
00:18:04,620 --> 00:18:05,520
I got this.
790
00:18:05,517 --> 00:18:06,307
Okay!
791
00:18:06,310 --> 00:18:07,000
Nelly!
792
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:07,690
What?
793
00:18:07,689 --> 00:18:08,379
Come on, man!
794
00:18:08,379 --> 00:18:09,339
All right, I'm coming!
795
00:18:09,344 --> 00:18:10,344
Pull, Kevin!
796
00:18:10,344 --> 00:18:11,484
Pull!
797
00:18:11,482 --> 00:18:12,832
This is the end, Shake!
798
00:18:12,827 --> 00:18:13,927
This is all over, Shake,
799
00:18:13,931 --> 00:18:15,141
this is the end!
800
00:18:15,137 --> 00:18:16,617
Kevin!
801
00:18:16,620 --> 00:18:18,210
Get him, boys--
802
00:18:18,206 --> 00:18:19,586
Grab my hand!
803
00:18:19,586 --> 00:18:20,756
Are those muscles or implants,
804
00:18:20,758 --> 00:18:21,858
come on!
805
00:18:21,862 --> 00:18:22,972
I'm trying, man, you got too
806
00:18:22,965 --> 00:18:24,405
much baby oil on.
807
00:18:24,413 --> 00:18:26,523
Well, I moisturize, sue me.
808
00:18:26,517 --> 00:18:27,687
He's slipping!
809
00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:30,139
Your arm is so greasy!
810
00:18:30,137 --> 00:18:30,967
He's slipping.
811
00:18:30,965 --> 00:18:32,825
Don't move, don't move.
812
00:18:32,827 --> 00:18:34,377
Oh, come on!
813
00:18:34,379 --> 00:18:35,449
Okay, I don't know who that
814
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:37,618
is, but good job.
815
00:18:37,620 --> 00:18:39,720
Oh, my balls hurt!
816
00:18:39,724 --> 00:18:41,694
It's so tight.
817
00:18:41,689 --> 00:18:44,789
I'm in a split.
818
00:18:44,793 --> 00:18:47,073
Don't let me go!
819
00:18:47,068 --> 00:18:48,408
Get back, on the count of
820
00:18:48,413 --> 00:18:52,283
three.
821
00:18:52,275 --> 00:18:55,685
On three!
822
00:18:55,689 --> 00:18:56,519
Can't hold you guys much
823
00:18:56,517 --> 00:19:01,787
longer.
824
00:19:01,793 --> 00:19:07,033
It's cold in here, though.
825
00:19:07,034 --> 00:19:12,034
Oh, my gosh, he fell!
826
00:19:12,034 --> 00:19:21,934
World star.
♪
49274
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