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KEVIN HART: Previously,
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on "Real Husbands of
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Hollywood"...
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Y'all see the bump, don't you?
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My boys can swim.
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Kevin, she's not pregnant.
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♪
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KEVIN: After finding out
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about the [beep] of the century
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at the [beep] baby shower
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of the century, I decided
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to play it cool until all our
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guests left.
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Would you please be careful
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with those boxes.
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I don't need no more scratches
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on my doors, thank you.
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Well, hello, "KevLita."
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You have officially arrived
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and I am officially departing.
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I, miha, I outdid myself this
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time, if I don't say so, myself.
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[chuckles]
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Wait a minute--I just did.
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[chuckles]
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KEVIN: [imitates laughter]
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So, before I go, is this
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party over?
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You better get your ass
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outta my house, man.
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Ay, I guess it is.
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[imitates pumping shotgun,
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shooting]
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Di giorno for you, mama.
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[kissing]
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Bye, Kevin.
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DiGiorno is a pizza.
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Mmmm, it is, honey,
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it is.
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[laughing] Bye, darling!
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Oh, he's so fabulous.
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If I would have known having
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a baby is so much fun, I would
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have done this years ago.
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[fake laugh]
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Imagine how much fun it would
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be, if you had a real baby.
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What are you taking about?
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What am I talking about?
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You are such a horrible actress,
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Selita.
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[laughs]
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Oh, my goodness, I can't believe
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I let you fool me this long.
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I really can't.
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Stop acting silly, Kevin.
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Stop being silly?
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Erykah told me everything,
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Selita.
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Everything!
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You're not really pregnant.
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Do you realize what you
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just did? Huh?
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Yeah. Yeah.
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I know what I just did.
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I'll braid your little pathetic
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ass and let me tell you
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something--I just had every
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A-list celebrity in Hollywood
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at my baby shower.
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I am this close...
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this close...
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[whispering] to hosting
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the Oscars.
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[gasps] What?
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Why didn't you tell me?
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Congratulations!
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Why'd you get happy so fast?
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Oh, my God.
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You're insane.
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Only crazy people do that.
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You are gone.
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Stop whinin' like
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a little baby!
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What am I--a real baby
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or a fake baby, Selita?
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Listen, mitch!
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The Oscars would not give
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a [beep] who you was, if it was
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not for "KevLita."
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[snaps fingers]
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That's a lie.
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[snaps fingers]
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That's a lie and you know it!
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Why are you doing this to
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me, Selita?
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[exaggerated laughter]
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Evil laugh.
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Cash money, Kevin.
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What?
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$4.5 million to be exact.
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Who's that made out to?
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Not you.
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Okay, Selita, I'm confused.
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Right now, I'm trying to wrap
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my head around all this
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and I can't.
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Yeah, you can't.
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Wait a minute, Selita,
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hold on.
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Is what we had even real?
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[laughing]
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This bump is more real
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than anything we had.
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Wow.
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[silently mocking] Wow.
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It hurt.
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Oh.
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That just hurt.
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Yeah.
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Well, I don't have to
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take it!
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Gimme the bump! Give--
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BOTH: [yelping, screaming]
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If you want the baby,
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I'll give you the baby!
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Take it! Take it! Take it!
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Yeah, I'm gonna kill you with
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them belts!
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No!
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Yes, I'ma do! I'ma do!
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Come here!
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[choking]
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Yeah, I got here as
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soon as--Hey!
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SELITA: I'll kill you!
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DUANE: Hey! Hey! Selita!
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KEVIN: [screaming]
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Stop it!
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You're gonna mess up the bump!
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He ain't worth it.
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SELITA: $4.5 million
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worth it!
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No, no, no, no!
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Hey! Hey! No! No!
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No! You sit down.
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Now you know this is not
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the plan.
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KEVIN: The plan?!
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You in on this, too, Shake?
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[sighs]
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I shoulda known!
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Yeah, me and Selita are
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partners.
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You didn't tell him
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we were partners?
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Oh, Duane's in on it.
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There, I told him.
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Let's take a moment to look
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at Shake's shaky history.
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First, there was the deal
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where Shake used old people
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as a slave labor force to make
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his breakaway suits.
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The good news is this--
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no bathroom breaks.
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No bathroom breaks?
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They wear diapers!
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[laughing]
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And then there was the hotel
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investment in Haiti.
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You know we would have
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been sittin' on gold if Wyclef
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woulda won.
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You mean to tell me that
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the entire investment hinged
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on a rapper being elected for
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President?
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And who gives the good deal
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to Shake made for Boris
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with the German mobster Udo?
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Damn it!
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I gave Boris the wrong paper.
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He accidentally signed
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the contract.
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Gee, beautiful, Boris.
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Man, you gotta be one of
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three things to do a deal
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with Shake--stupid, crazy,
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or shaky yourself, and I know
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Selita's not stupid.
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Look, guys, hold it
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together, okay?
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We're right there.
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Hold it, my ass, Shake.
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There's no hold it together.
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Okay, let's talk about
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the fact that I had you in
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my house playin' poker
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with me, huh?
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Swimmin' in my pool.
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We did laps together.
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Both of us, side-by-side,
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like friends do.
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Me talking to you about your
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problems with your big-head
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wife, do you remember that?
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My wife don't have
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a big head--she has a big face.
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It doesn't matter.
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The point is that I was there
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for you as a friend 'cause
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that's what friends do.
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And I find out you're over here
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doing this to me?
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Unh! Unh! Unh!
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That's stabbing me in my back.
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Let's not cry over
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spilled milk.
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Well, I bet it ain't breast
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milk--'cause the damn baby
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ain't real.
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Hey!
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It ain't real. It's just a--
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Don't ruin the...the baby.
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I don't give a damn
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what it is.
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You know what, Shake,
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my mind's made up--ding!
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I'm about to put the pause
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on you.
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Oh, I hope you checked
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the weather 'cause they're
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calling for a thunderstorm.
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[roars] Oh!
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[heavy thud]
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Damn, his face is hard!
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For the third time, Kevin,
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I'm sorry.
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I didn't mean it.
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Yes, you did, 'cause if you
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didn't mean it, you wouldn't
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have did it.
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Where the hell'd you get this
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damn steak from?
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I don't even keep steaks in
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my house.
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Well, actually, that's
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a placenta.
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It's a what? Okay, get--
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[placenta splats]
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Are you guys done with your
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mitch-fest because we've really
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gotta figure out what we're
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gonna do next.
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I know what I'm gonna
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do next.
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I'm turning your ass in.
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You're going to jail, Selita!
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Jail!
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I'm talkin' about female jail
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where they don't have no hair
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care products!
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Yeah, that's right.
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That [beep] gonna curl up
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nasty style.
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Yeah, yeah.
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First of all, that's never
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gonna happen, and if I go to
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jail, smart-ass, you're coming
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with me.
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I ain't comin' with you.
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Yeah, and you know what?
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I highly doubt that people would
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think that you're that stupid
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that you wouldn't know that
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I wasn't pregnant.
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They would think that.
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DUANE: Absolutely.
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Everybody would think that.
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They would think that.
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Everybody knows I'm stupid.
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DUANE: Everybody.
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That's a shock?
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I'll tell you what's real stupid
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is that when this hits the
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press, I'ma get replaced on
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00:06:28,482 --> 00:06:29,722
those Oscars by Steve Harvey!
289
00:06:29,724 --> 00:06:30,664
Let me tell you something.
290
00:06:30,655 --> 00:06:31,715
If you think you're gonna have
291
00:06:31,724 --> 00:06:32,864
a suit on deck, you got another
292
00:06:32,862 --> 00:06:33,792
think comin'.
293
00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:34,833
And do you know why?
294
00:06:34,827 --> 00:06:35,927
Because it's one of your deals,
295
00:06:35,931 --> 00:06:37,341
another one of Shaky's
296
00:06:37,344 --> 00:06:38,284
shaky deals.
297
00:06:38,275 --> 00:06:39,515
Kev, if you'd just follow
298
00:06:39,517 --> 00:06:40,757
my plan, you won't have to worry
299
00:06:40,758 --> 00:06:41,588
about nothing.
300
00:06:41,586 --> 00:06:42,516
What plan?
301
00:06:42,517 --> 00:06:43,407
To ruin my [beep] life?
302
00:06:43,413 --> 00:06:45,003
Kev, listen, my plan is to
303
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:46,070
make a whole lot of money and
304
00:06:46,068 --> 00:06:47,718
you, my friend, you are going
305
00:06:47,724 --> 00:06:49,244
to have a big chunk of it.
306
00:06:49,241 --> 00:06:50,411
No, not a big chunk.
307
00:06:50,413 --> 00:06:51,343
Well, I mean, look, do you
308
00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:52,524
think I'm making all these deals
309
00:06:52,517 --> 00:06:53,657
with General Mills, Target
310
00:06:53,655 --> 00:06:54,715
and Gerber for myself?
311
00:06:54,724 --> 00:06:55,794
I don't give a damn about
312
00:06:55,793 --> 00:06:57,663
General Mills or--
313
00:06:57,655 --> 00:07:00,065
Wait a minute, General Mills?
314
00:07:00,068 --> 00:07:00,998
That's who does Honey Nut
315
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:01,830
Cheerios, right?
316
00:07:01,827 --> 00:07:02,787
Yes.
317
00:07:02,793 --> 00:07:03,763
Do I love Honey Nut Cheerios?
318
00:07:03,758 --> 00:07:04,658
I'm there, too.
319
00:07:04,655 --> 00:07:05,655
That's like, literally,
320
00:07:05,655 --> 00:07:06,715
all I eat, man, like on a day-
321
00:07:06,724 --> 00:07:08,314
to-day basis.
322
00:07:08,310 --> 00:07:09,520
Kev, I can get you
323
00:07:09,517 --> 00:07:10,377
a lifetime supply of that.
324
00:07:10,379 --> 00:07:11,239
Are you serious or are you
325
00:07:11,241 --> 00:07:12,141
just sayin' that?
326
00:07:12,137 --> 00:07:13,097
My word is my bond, brother.
327
00:07:13,103 --> 00:07:14,073
I don't know about that.
328
00:07:14,068 --> 00:07:15,278
I've got pending deals with
329
00:07:15,275 --> 00:07:17,275
Walmart, uh, Toys 'R Us,
330
00:07:17,275 --> 00:07:18,715
Dark and Lovely for babies.
331
00:07:18,724 --> 00:07:19,724
You're not understanding
332
00:07:19,724 --> 00:07:20,664
the point--the point is that
333
00:07:20,655 --> 00:07:21,785
we don't have a baby!
334
00:07:21,793 --> 00:07:22,663
You see what I'm saying?
335
00:07:22,655 --> 00:07:23,785
No vision. No vision.
336
00:07:23,793 --> 00:07:24,793
You think I'm a [beep]
337
00:07:24,793 --> 00:07:26,283
amateur, huh?
338
00:07:26,275 --> 00:07:28,135
Natasha!
339
00:07:28,137 --> 00:07:29,307
Oh, my God, that's your
340
00:07:29,310 --> 00:07:30,520
maid, Shake.
341
00:07:30,517 --> 00:07:31,687
I know.
342
00:07:31,689 --> 00:07:32,999
Isn't it a coincidence?
343
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:34,660
She is exactly seven months
344
00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:35,995
pregnant, Kev.
345
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:37,280
She's White!
346
00:07:37,275 --> 00:07:38,445
That's a White woman, Shake.
347
00:07:38,448 --> 00:07:39,408
Yeah, but her baby daddy
348
00:07:39,413 --> 00:07:40,313
is darker than you.
349
00:07:40,310 --> 00:07:41,660
Look, Kevin, all babies are
350
00:07:41,655 --> 00:07:42,995
White when they're born, Kev.
351
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:44,140
What are you sayin'?
352
00:07:44,137 --> 00:07:45,067
For the first few hours,
353
00:07:45,068 --> 00:07:46,098
you can't even tell one from
354
00:07:46,103 --> 00:07:47,173
another.
355
00:07:47,172 --> 00:07:48,212
Oh, my God...
356
00:07:48,206 --> 00:07:49,166
And that's all we need to get
357
00:07:49,172 --> 00:07:50,102
the flicks that we want.
358
00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:50,973
I can't believe what I'm
359
00:07:50,965 --> 00:07:51,715
hearing, man.
360
00:07:51,724 --> 00:07:52,594
You're insane.
361
00:07:52,586 --> 00:07:53,336
Like, dude, she done got in your
362
00:07:53,344 --> 00:07:54,144
head, too.
363
00:07:54,137 --> 00:07:55,027
You're crazy.
364
00:07:55,034 --> 00:07:55,934
DUANE: Come on, Kev, and
365
00:07:55,931 --> 00:07:56,791
check this out.
366
00:07:56,793 --> 00:07:57,693
There's another added bonus to
367
00:07:57,689 --> 00:07:58,619
this whole thing, right?
368
00:07:58,620 --> 00:07:59,690
You know what else we got
369
00:07:59,689 --> 00:08:00,719
goin' on here?
370
00:08:00,724 --> 00:08:01,724
If you name one of the twins
371
00:08:01,724 --> 00:08:02,624
Pennzoil, not only will
372
00:08:02,620 --> 00:08:03,620
you get--
373
00:08:03,620 --> 00:08:04,830
Why would I name a baby,
374
00:08:04,827 --> 00:08:05,897
which doesn't exist, by the way,
375
00:08:05,896 --> 00:08:06,896
Pennzoil?
376
00:08:06,896 --> 00:08:08,236
Because they're gonna pay
377
00:08:08,241 --> 00:08:10,621
you $1.5 million for the name
378
00:08:10,620 --> 00:08:11,520
and rights.
379
00:08:11,517 --> 00:08:13,687
For the name and rights!
380
00:08:13,689 --> 00:08:14,659
Well, if that's the case,
381
00:08:14,655 --> 00:08:16,515
why are we only namin' one baby?
382
00:08:16,517 --> 00:08:18,027
So, listen, you can go Pennzoil.
383
00:08:18,034 --> 00:08:19,004
You can go Pennzoila.
384
00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:19,790
I like that.
385
00:08:19,793 --> 00:08:20,723
That's what I'm saying.
386
00:08:20,724 --> 00:08:21,694
I think if you're gonna think,
387
00:08:21,689 --> 00:08:22,479
you gotta think big--think
388
00:08:22,482 --> 00:08:23,242
outside the box.
389
00:08:23,241 --> 00:08:24,101
That's what I'm talking
390
00:08:24,103 --> 00:08:24,863
about right here.
391
00:08:24,862 --> 00:08:25,722
Oh, no, no, listen!
392
00:08:25,724 --> 00:08:26,664
Forget that!
393
00:08:26,655 --> 00:08:27,685
Dude, what if word gets out?
394
00:08:27,689 --> 00:08:28,659
That's my ass on the line.
395
00:08:28,655 --> 00:08:29,715
No, no, no, no, no.
396
00:08:29,724 --> 00:08:30,724
Don't anybody know anything
397
00:08:30,724 --> 00:08:31,794
about this but us.
398
00:08:31,793 --> 00:08:33,243
Me, you, Selita, and Natasha
399
00:08:33,241 --> 00:08:34,211
and Natasha doesn't even speak
400
00:08:34,206 --> 00:08:35,756
English.
401
00:08:35,758 --> 00:08:37,168
Hey, Natasha, after this,
402
00:08:37,172 --> 00:08:38,452
we're going to not pay you
403
00:08:38,448 --> 00:08:39,208
and deport you.
404
00:08:39,206 --> 00:08:41,276
[laughing]
405
00:08:41,275 --> 00:08:42,655
See?
406
00:08:42,655 --> 00:08:45,755
We're home free, baby.
407
00:08:45,758 --> 00:08:46,788
I'm thinkin' about it.
408
00:08:46,793 --> 00:08:47,623
Think about it.
409
00:08:47,620 --> 00:08:48,590
SELITA: Think.
410
00:08:48,586 --> 00:08:49,546
Honey Nut Cheerios for life?
411
00:08:49,551 --> 00:08:50,791
For life, son.
412
00:08:50,793 --> 00:08:52,453
And $1.5 a piece for
413
00:08:52,448 --> 00:08:53,408
the kids' names?
414
00:08:53,413 --> 00:08:55,173
$3 million.
415
00:08:55,172 --> 00:08:59,762
SELITA: Yes, three. Right.
416
00:08:59,758 --> 00:09:00,588
I'm in.
417
00:09:00,586 --> 00:09:01,446
Ahhhh!
418
00:09:01,448 --> 00:09:02,478
That's what I'm talkin' about!
419
00:09:02,482 --> 00:09:03,452
Show me the money!
420
00:09:03,448 --> 00:09:05,138
Come on. Come on in here.
421
00:09:05,137 --> 00:09:06,067
Check it out. Check it out.
422
00:09:06,068 --> 00:09:06,858
SELITA: Put it on there.
423
00:09:06,862 --> 00:09:07,622
We're gonna do this,
424
00:09:07,620 --> 00:09:08,450
y'all, okay?
425
00:09:08,448 --> 00:09:09,378
On three.
426
00:09:09,379 --> 00:09:10,379
Fake it 'til we make it.
427
00:09:10,379 --> 00:09:11,139
One, two, three!
428
00:09:11,137 --> 00:09:13,997
SELITA, DUANE, KEVIN:
429
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:15,480
Fake it 'til we make it!
430
00:09:15,482 --> 00:09:16,452
I'm in.
431
00:09:16,448 --> 00:09:17,168
Ahhhh!
432
00:09:17,172 --> 00:09:18,242
That's what I'm talkin' about!
433
00:09:18,241 --> 00:09:19,241
Show me the money!
434
00:09:19,241 --> 00:09:20,591
Come on. Come on in here.
435
00:09:20,586 --> 00:09:21,546
Check it out. Check it out.
436
00:09:21,551 --> 00:09:22,481
We're gonna do this,
437
00:09:22,482 --> 00:09:23,522
y'all, okay?
438
00:09:23,517 --> 00:09:24,477
On three.
439
00:09:24,482 --> 00:09:25,482
Fake it 'til we make it.
440
00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:26,522
One, two, three!
441
00:09:26,517 --> 00:09:27,547
SELITA, DUANE, KEVIN:
442
00:09:27,551 --> 00:09:28,861
Fake it 'til we make it!
443
00:09:28,862 --> 00:09:29,832
[laughs]
444
00:09:29,827 --> 00:09:30,997
What can I say?
445
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,340
I mean, me and my baby...
446
00:09:32,344 --> 00:09:33,694
babies...
447
00:09:33,689 --> 00:09:34,829
BOTH: [laughing]
448
00:09:34,827 --> 00:09:35,897
We're on top of the world,
449
00:09:35,896 --> 00:09:36,966
you know?
450
00:09:36,965 --> 00:09:37,965
This...this is what success
451
00:09:37,965 --> 00:09:39,515
is all about.
452
00:09:39,517 --> 00:09:41,307
Standin' on top of a mountain,
453
00:09:41,310 --> 00:09:43,000
hearin' your peers say things
454
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,000
like, how did they get way
455
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,070
up there?
456
00:09:45,068 --> 00:09:46,338
And we're like, how'd you get
457
00:09:46,344 --> 00:09:47,554
way down there?
458
00:09:47,551 --> 00:09:48,971
BOTH: [laughing]
459
00:09:48,965 --> 00:09:49,925
Hey, Nick!
460
00:09:49,931 --> 00:09:50,931
[laughs]
461
00:09:50,931 --> 00:09:53,661
He's right there--so far down.
462
00:09:53,655 --> 00:09:54,965
And for a sweet, innocent
463
00:09:54,965 --> 00:09:56,895
girl from the Cayman Islands...
464
00:09:56,896 --> 00:09:58,856
[sniffles]
465
00:09:58,862 --> 00:09:59,932
...this is just a dream
466
00:09:59,931 --> 00:10:00,931
come true.
467
00:10:00,931 --> 00:10:02,691
Aw, I'm getting emotional.
468
00:10:02,689 --> 00:10:07,279
[chuckles]
469
00:10:07,275 --> 00:10:08,095
I probably timed it wrong.
470
00:10:08,103 --> 00:10:12,483
♪
471
00:10:12,482 --> 00:10:14,072
CROWD: [shouting comments]
472
00:10:14,068 --> 00:10:15,098
KevLita!
473
00:10:15,103 --> 00:10:16,103
DUANE: Ready, baby?
474
00:10:16,103 --> 00:10:19,413
Game time.
475
00:10:19,413 --> 00:10:20,383
KEVIN: Don't put your heel
476
00:10:20,379 --> 00:10:21,239
on that.
477
00:10:21,241 --> 00:10:22,071
Baby, don't put your heel
478
00:10:22,068 --> 00:10:22,998
on the seats.
479
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,000
SELITA: Shut up, boy.
480
00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:24,930
DUANE: Let's go.
481
00:10:24,931 --> 00:10:26,241
SELITA: Thank you.
482
00:10:26,241 --> 00:10:27,591
MAN: This way, Kevin!
483
00:10:27,586 --> 00:10:28,616
DUANE: Hey, y'all got any
484
00:10:28,620 --> 00:10:29,860
gum in your mouth?
485
00:10:29,862 --> 00:10:31,242
If you got gum, just don't chew.
486
00:10:31,241 --> 00:10:32,101
KEVIN: I've been a star
487
00:10:32,103 --> 00:10:33,073
for a long time.
488
00:10:33,068 --> 00:10:34,758
SELITA: Hi, guys.
489
00:10:34,758 --> 00:10:36,308
KEVIN: Hi, little White boy.
490
00:10:36,310 --> 00:10:37,280
SELITA: How are you?
491
00:10:37,275 --> 00:10:38,135
DUANE: Can you get
492
00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:39,137
the shot this way?
493
00:10:39,137 --> 00:10:40,617
SELITA: Hey.
494
00:10:40,620 --> 00:10:41,760
DUANE: Kev, Kev, Kev,
495
00:10:41,758 --> 00:10:43,138
the baby just kicked.
496
00:10:43,137 --> 00:10:44,277
KEVIN: Oh, let me kiss it.
497
00:10:44,275 --> 00:10:45,585
SELITA: [laughs]
498
00:10:45,586 --> 00:10:46,446
DUANE: Let's go.
499
00:10:46,448 --> 00:10:47,278
Let's go, guys.
500
00:10:47,275 --> 00:10:48,165
They won't be long.
501
00:10:48,172 --> 00:10:50,002
They'll come back.
502
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:50,860
SELITA: Thank you, guys.
503
00:10:50,862 --> 00:10:51,762
Thank you.
504
00:10:51,758 --> 00:10:52,618
KEVIN: Where are you going?
505
00:10:52,620 --> 00:10:53,450
Listen, everybody, I need
506
00:10:53,448 --> 00:10:54,408
your attention.
507
00:10:54,413 --> 00:10:55,793
Um, only those who have
508
00:10:55,793 --> 00:10:57,243
the "I love KevLita" event
509
00:10:57,241 --> 00:10:58,241
passes are allowed to take
510
00:10:58,241 --> 00:10:59,171
pictures.
511
00:10:59,172 --> 00:11:00,722
If you do not have one,
512
00:11:00,724 --> 00:11:04,594
you can go to www.kevlita.com,
513
00:11:04,586 --> 00:11:06,336
um, and purchase one.
514
00:11:06,344 --> 00:11:08,344
All credit cards are accepted.
515
00:11:08,344 --> 00:11:09,144
Okay?
516
00:11:09,137 --> 00:11:09,967
[camera shutter clicks]
517
00:11:09,965 --> 00:11:10,995
Hey, whoa, hey, hey, hey.
518
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:11,970
Hey, little girl.
519
00:11:11,965 --> 00:11:12,895
Hey, did you just take
520
00:11:12,896 --> 00:11:13,856
a picture?
521
00:11:13,862 --> 00:11:14,792
Does your mommy have one
522
00:11:14,793 --> 00:11:16,003
of these?
523
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:17,030
No?
524
00:11:17,034 --> 00:11:18,074
Let me see that phone.
525
00:11:18,068 --> 00:11:18,998
It's so beautiful.
526
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,030
Look at it.
527
00:11:21,034 --> 00:11:22,214
[cat screeches]
528
00:11:22,206 --> 00:11:23,276
DUANE: All right, everybody,
529
00:11:23,275 --> 00:11:24,165
go on the website.
530
00:11:24,172 --> 00:11:25,072
Purchase what you gotta
531
00:11:25,068 --> 00:11:28,138
purchase.
532
00:11:28,137 --> 00:11:29,657
Stay positive.
533
00:11:29,655 --> 00:11:31,965
KIDS: [laughing, shouting]
534
00:11:31,965 --> 00:11:33,405
KEVIN: Duane, can you
535
00:11:33,413 --> 00:11:34,933
please...
536
00:11:34,931 --> 00:11:36,551
Hey, Annie, Annie.
537
00:11:36,551 --> 00:11:38,031
Tomorrow. Tomorrow.
538
00:11:38,034 --> 00:11:39,454
Thank you, guys.
539
00:11:39,448 --> 00:11:40,478
SELITA: Oh, Kevin, they think
540
00:11:40,482 --> 00:11:41,522
you're one of them.
541
00:11:41,517 --> 00:11:42,617
KEVIN: Okay. Hey.
542
00:11:42,620 --> 00:11:45,170
I am so excited to see all you
543
00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:46,282
guys and have a bunch of--
544
00:11:46,275 --> 00:11:47,205
Duane, you gotta clear this.
545
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:48,306
You gotta clear this out.
546
00:11:48,310 --> 00:11:49,520
BOY: Peeee.
547
00:11:49,517 --> 00:11:50,587
KEVIN: Excuse me.
548
00:11:50,586 --> 00:11:52,406
Hey, why is he smellin' my ass?
549
00:11:52,413 --> 00:11:53,833
SELITA: Hi. I love your hair.
550
00:11:53,827 --> 00:11:54,827
KEVIN: You gotta knock
551
00:11:54,827 --> 00:11:55,827
him down.
552
00:11:55,827 --> 00:11:58,377
Oh, man, let me tell you
553
00:11:58,379 --> 00:12:01,619
something.
554
00:12:01,620 --> 00:12:02,930
This is a great sight to see.
555
00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:03,721
SELITA: This is awesome.
556
00:12:03,724 --> 00:12:04,454
Soon. Soon enough.
557
00:12:04,448 --> 00:12:05,408
Come here, baby.
558
00:12:05,413 --> 00:12:06,793
[kisses]
559
00:12:06,793 --> 00:12:09,073
SELITA: Hi, guys. Hi!
560
00:12:09,068 --> 00:12:12,138
Oh, my God, you are
561
00:12:12,137 --> 00:12:17,477
so cute! [laughing]
562
00:12:17,482 --> 00:12:20,662
Thank you. Thank you.
563
00:12:20,655 --> 00:12:23,585
Selita!
564
00:12:23,586 --> 00:12:24,926
What are you doing? What?
565
00:12:24,931 --> 00:12:25,931
Excuse me.
566
00:12:25,931 --> 00:12:26,691
What are you doing?
567
00:12:26,689 --> 00:12:27,449
What do you mean what am
568
00:12:27,448 --> 00:12:28,238
I doing?
569
00:12:28,241 --> 00:12:29,001
You just gave birth.
570
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:29,760
Tuck it up.
571
00:12:29,758 --> 00:12:30,448
Oh, my God.
572
00:12:30,448 --> 00:12:31,378
Tuck it up. Get it in there.
573
00:12:31,379 --> 00:12:32,309
Just get it in there.
574
00:12:32,310 --> 00:12:33,280
The little boy's trying
575
00:12:33,275 --> 00:12:33,995
to see it.
576
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:34,790
I'm sorry.
577
00:12:34,793 --> 00:12:35,523
Fix it.
578
00:12:35,517 --> 00:12:36,307
Oh, my God.
579
00:12:36,310 --> 00:12:37,280
Get yourself together.
580
00:12:37,275 --> 00:12:38,065
BOTH: [laughing]
581
00:12:38,068 --> 00:12:39,028
We get frisky sometimes.
582
00:12:39,034 --> 00:12:40,004
KEVIN: Oh, my goodness.
583
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:40,930
Will you watch it.
584
00:12:40,931 --> 00:12:41,761
I'm sorry.
585
00:12:41,758 --> 00:12:44,068
Well, watch it.
586
00:12:44,068 --> 00:12:47,718
SELITA: Hi, guys.
587
00:12:47,724 --> 00:12:50,384
It did? Oh, my God.
588
00:12:50,379 --> 00:12:51,339
That would have been a tragedy.
589
00:12:51,344 --> 00:12:52,344
This little baby right here
590
00:12:52,344 --> 00:12:53,284
is something else, huh?
591
00:12:53,275 --> 00:12:54,095
Get him outta my way.
592
00:12:54,103 --> 00:12:55,033
SELITA: Where are you
593
00:12:55,034 --> 00:12:57,834
guys from?
594
00:12:57,827 --> 00:13:06,587
We're just from the Valley.
595
00:13:06,586 --> 00:13:07,656
Oh, my God, the baby
596
00:13:07,655 --> 00:13:09,135
came out!
597
00:13:09,137 --> 00:13:10,857
ADULTS & KIDS: [shouting]
598
00:13:10,862 --> 00:13:12,832
Selita! Move!
599
00:13:12,827 --> 00:13:13,857
Oh, my God!
600
00:13:13,862 --> 00:13:15,172
What the...?
601
00:13:15,172 --> 00:13:18,032
Oh, my goodness! Oh, my God!
602
00:13:18,034 --> 00:13:21,554
ADULTS & KIDS: [screaming]
603
00:13:21,551 --> 00:13:22,831
KEVIN: It's around my neck!
604
00:13:22,827 --> 00:13:26,097
Duane! Duane!
605
00:13:26,103 --> 00:13:29,453
Get these cameras!
606
00:13:29,448 --> 00:13:30,478
Duane!
607
00:13:30,482 --> 00:13:31,552
DUANE: I'm here!
608
00:13:31,551 --> 00:13:32,901
KEVIN: Get the cameras!
609
00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:35,966
DUANE: Security! Security!
610
00:13:35,965 --> 00:13:39,065
Hey, gimme that! Gimme that!
611
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:40,308
Duane, get these kids
612
00:13:40,310 --> 00:13:42,280
outta here!
613
00:13:42,275 --> 00:13:43,275
Just close your eyes!
614
00:13:43,275 --> 00:13:46,335
Close your eyes!
615
00:13:46,344 --> 00:13:49,284
Gimme that!
616
00:13:49,275 --> 00:13:51,655
KEVIN: Pull it off!
617
00:13:51,655 --> 00:13:52,615
SELITA: Close your eyes!
618
00:13:52,620 --> 00:13:55,000
No cameras! No cameras!
619
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:55,830
KEVIN: Pull it off!
620
00:13:55,827 --> 00:13:56,787
All right.
621
00:13:56,793 --> 00:13:58,553
That is not a real baby!
622
00:13:58,551 --> 00:14:00,901
Let me explain--
623
00:14:00,896 --> 00:14:02,336
which is on DVD right now.
624
00:14:02,344 --> 00:14:03,314
The point I was trying to
625
00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:04,210
make is this...
626
00:14:04,206 --> 00:14:05,616
this is a real baby!
627
00:14:05,620 --> 00:14:06,690
ADULTS: [gasping]
628
00:14:06,689 --> 00:14:07,859
It's a twin!
629
00:14:07,862 --> 00:14:10,792
Congratulations, KevLita!
630
00:14:10,793 --> 00:14:11,833
Oh, honey.
631
00:14:11,827 --> 00:14:12,967
Okay?
632
00:14:12,965 --> 00:14:14,925
Everybody here is a witness.
633
00:14:14,931 --> 00:14:15,831
You should all feel
634
00:14:15,827 --> 00:14:16,897
blessed.
635
00:14:16,896 --> 00:14:17,966
You should all feel blessed.
636
00:14:17,965 --> 00:14:18,995
KEVIN: This is amazing.
637
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:19,930
Okay, they're not buying it.
638
00:14:19,931 --> 00:14:20,761
We gotta get outta here.
639
00:14:20,758 --> 00:14:21,478
SELITA: [screams]
640
00:14:21,482 --> 00:14:23,002
KEVIN: Go! Go! Go!
641
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,240
CROWD: [screaming, shouting]
642
00:14:25,241 --> 00:14:27,071
I think my water just broke.
643
00:14:27,068 --> 00:14:27,968
Either that or I just peed
644
00:14:27,965 --> 00:14:32,445
myself.
645
00:14:32,448 --> 00:14:35,238
Ah, it's urine. I peed myself.
646
00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:53,481
♪
647
00:14:53,482 --> 00:14:54,522
WOMAN ON TV: Tenemos
648
00:14:54,517 --> 00:14:55,517
noticias que nos llegan
649
00:14:55,517 --> 00:14:57,547
directamente desde Hollywood.
650
00:14:57,551 --> 00:14:58,691
Man, Spanish channel got some
651
00:14:58,689 --> 00:15:03,589
fine newscasters.
652
00:15:03,586 --> 00:15:04,656
Oh, hi, boss.
653
00:15:04,655 --> 00:15:05,615
Hey, Trina's been--
654
00:15:05,620 --> 00:15:06,590
Oliver, before you say
655
00:15:06,586 --> 00:15:07,686
anything, get your ass out.
656
00:15:07,689 --> 00:15:09,619
Out. Up. Out, Oliver. Thank you.
657
00:15:09,620 --> 00:15:10,660
Trina's been calling
658
00:15:10,655 --> 00:15:11,445
you since--
659
00:15:11,448 --> 00:15:12,478
Oliver, get your...
660
00:15:12,482 --> 00:15:13,382
get your ass out.
661
00:15:13,379 --> 00:15:14,239
She said it's important.
662
00:15:14,241 --> 00:15:15,241
Oliver, get out!
663
00:15:15,241 --> 00:15:16,211
Go see a movie.
664
00:15:16,206 --> 00:15:17,026
All right. What movie?
665
00:15:17,034 --> 00:15:17,974
Oliver, get your ass out!
666
00:15:17,965 --> 00:15:19,235
Right now!
667
00:15:19,241 --> 00:15:20,551
OLIVER: Goin' to see a movie.
668
00:15:20,551 --> 00:15:22,551
Just wanna talk.
669
00:15:22,551 --> 00:15:24,691
I know what she's sayin'.
670
00:15:24,689 --> 00:15:25,719
Trina probably callin' to let me
671
00:15:25,724 --> 00:15:27,144
know how big of an idiot I am.
672
00:15:27,137 --> 00:15:28,477
I cannot believe that I let
673
00:15:28,482 --> 00:15:29,902
y'all talk me into this [beep].
674
00:15:29,896 --> 00:15:30,996
Now everybody in the world
675
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:31,860
knows, you know that?
676
00:15:31,862 --> 00:15:33,002
Everybody in the damn world
677
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,240
knows.
678
00:15:34,241 --> 00:15:36,241
Everybody!
679
00:15:36,241 --> 00:15:38,341
Thank you! Thank you!
680
00:15:38,344 --> 00:15:39,524
Duane, how could you let
681
00:15:39,517 --> 00:15:40,517
this happen?
682
00:15:40,517 --> 00:15:41,787
Hey, hey, hey, hey, listen.
683
00:15:41,793 --> 00:15:43,003
I wasn't the one whose uterus
684
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,100
fell out on the Gymboree
685
00:15:44,103 --> 00:15:45,213
floor, okay?
686
00:15:45,206 --> 00:15:46,406
Do you know how hard it was
687
00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:47,663
to find someone ignorant enough
688
00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:48,685
not to know that I wasn't
689
00:15:48,689 --> 00:15:49,619
pregnant?
690
00:15:49,620 --> 00:15:50,480
Ignorant?
691
00:15:50,482 --> 00:15:51,312
Yeah, ignorant.
692
00:15:51,310 --> 00:15:52,310
Ya wanna talk about ignorant?
693
00:15:52,310 --> 00:15:53,240
No, no, it's not ignorant.
694
00:15:53,241 --> 00:15:54,001
It's ig-nant.
695
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:55,000
Let's talk about stupid.
696
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:55,970
Stupid? That's a good word.
697
00:15:55,965 --> 00:15:56,895
Talk about a stupid girl
698
00:15:56,896 --> 00:15:57,856
who carried two fake babies
699
00:15:57,862 --> 00:15:58,692
in her stomach.
700
00:15:58,689 --> 00:15:59,619
Let's talk about that!
701
00:15:59,620 --> 00:16:00,620
Oh! Oh! It was my idea?
702
00:16:00,620 --> 00:16:01,550
Yeah, that was your idea.
703
00:16:01,551 --> 00:16:02,411
Look, guys--
704
00:16:02,413 --> 00:16:03,283
It was your greedy ass!
705
00:16:03,275 --> 00:16:04,475
Off!
706
00:16:04,482 --> 00:16:05,282
Oh, really, honey?
707
00:16:05,275 --> 00:16:06,095
You don't got the remote
708
00:16:06,103 --> 00:16:06,863
for this!
709
00:16:06,862 --> 00:16:07,722
Really?
710
00:16:07,724 --> 00:16:09,174
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
711
00:16:09,172 --> 00:16:10,032
I got the remote!
712
00:16:10,034 --> 00:16:11,244
Let me tell you something--
713
00:16:11,241 --> 00:16:12,311
There's the remote
714
00:16:12,310 --> 00:16:13,140
and it ain't that--
715
00:16:13,137 --> 00:16:14,307
Relax!
716
00:16:14,310 --> 00:16:15,210
You relax!
717
00:16:15,206 --> 00:16:16,966
I've been down by 20 points
718
00:16:16,965 --> 00:16:18,235
in the 4th quarter and still
719
00:16:18,241 --> 00:16:19,661
won the game.
720
00:16:19,655 --> 00:16:20,585
What?
721
00:16:20,586 --> 00:16:21,656
You're off, too.
722
00:16:21,655 --> 00:16:22,965
This is not basketball.
723
00:16:22,965 --> 00:16:24,275
I am not Michael Jordan.
724
00:16:24,275 --> 00:16:25,475
You do not have on basketball
725
00:16:25,482 --> 00:16:26,482
sneaks and there are no courts
726
00:16:26,482 --> 00:16:27,312
in this room.
727
00:16:27,310 --> 00:16:28,100
Kevin. Kevin.
728
00:16:28,103 --> 00:16:30,003
This is real life!
729
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:31,000
It happened in Gymboree
730
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:31,860
in the Valley.
731
00:16:31,862 --> 00:16:33,142
We are not gonna end up
732
00:16:33,137 --> 00:16:34,307
on the 6 o'clock news, okay?
733
00:16:34,310 --> 00:16:35,550
This is not the time to panic!
734
00:16:35,551 --> 00:16:36,451
How do you know that?!
735
00:16:36,448 --> 00:16:38,658
You don't know that!
736
00:16:38,655 --> 00:16:39,895
You don't know anything!
737
00:16:39,896 --> 00:16:40,546
You just assume!
738
00:16:40,551 --> 00:16:42,721
--donde Kevin Hart y Selita
739
00:16:42,724 --> 00:16:44,694
Ebanks, también conocida como
740
00:16:44,689 --> 00:16:47,659
Kevlita; resulta que el estómago
741
00:16:47,655 --> 00:16:49,305
falso de Kevlita se ha caído al
742
00:16:49,310 --> 00:16:50,000
piso--
743
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:51,340
KEVIN: [laughing]
744
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:52,454
Oh, wow.
745
00:16:52,448 --> 00:16:53,718
Oh, my God.
746
00:16:53,724 --> 00:16:56,074
Not gonna end up on the news.
747
00:16:56,068 --> 00:16:58,278
--y pues la verdad que esto
748
00:16:58,275 --> 00:17:00,235
ha sido una mentira para los--
749
00:17:00,241 --> 00:17:01,901
Uh-huh.
750
00:17:01,896 --> 00:17:03,026
Now's the time to panic.
751
00:17:03,034 --> 00:17:04,554
You think?
752
00:17:04,551 --> 00:17:05,691
This so much bigger than
753
00:17:05,689 --> 00:17:06,859
what y'all think it is.
754
00:17:06,862 --> 00:17:08,072
See, it's not what y'all think
755
00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:09,208
that we thought that we thought
756
00:17:09,206 --> 00:17:10,136
it was.
757
00:17:10,137 --> 00:17:11,027
It's bigger than that.
758
00:17:11,034 --> 00:17:12,034
It's what we think it is.
759
00:17:12,034 --> 00:17:13,214
We're talking about my career.
760
00:17:13,206 --> 00:17:14,166
I'm never gonna get to host
761
00:17:14,172 --> 00:17:15,172
the Oscars now.
762
00:17:15,172 --> 00:17:16,172
That's right--I can kiss
763
00:17:16,172 --> 00:17:17,032
the Oscars goodbye.
764
00:17:17,034 --> 00:17:17,864
So, thank you.
765
00:17:17,862 --> 00:17:18,902
Kevin. Kevin.
766
00:17:18,896 --> 00:17:20,336
Sit your ass down! Sit down!
767
00:17:20,344 --> 00:17:21,524
You know what? You're right.
768
00:17:21,517 --> 00:17:22,587
You're never gonna host
769
00:17:22,586 --> 00:17:23,616
the Oscars.
770
00:17:23,620 --> 00:17:24,520
There, it went off,
771
00:17:24,517 --> 00:17:25,477
light bulb, bam!
772
00:17:25,482 --> 00:17:26,382
You're never gonna host.
773
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:27,309
So, sit your ass down.
774
00:17:27,310 --> 00:17:29,310
And you, snap out of it!
775
00:17:29,310 --> 00:17:30,140
Let me tell you what's really
776
00:17:30,137 --> 00:17:30,997
gonna happen right now.
777
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:32,140
You go run and go get my money
778
00:17:32,137 --> 00:17:33,857
because we had a deal.
779
00:17:33,862 --> 00:17:35,522
Now you, Mr. Genius, "follow
780
00:17:35,517 --> 00:17:37,137
my plan," well, come on with
781
00:17:37,137 --> 00:17:38,137
the plan, Mr. Genius.
782
00:17:38,137 --> 00:17:39,137
There ain't no more plans.
783
00:17:39,137 --> 00:17:40,067
Will you shut Lisa Raye up!
784
00:17:40,068 --> 00:17:41,998
Run, go get my money!
785
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:42,830
Ain't no--
786
00:17:42,827 --> 00:17:43,687
[claps hands]
787
00:17:43,689 --> 00:17:44,619
Run, go get my money!
788
00:17:44,620 --> 00:17:45,450
Come on. Come on.
789
00:17:45,448 --> 00:17:46,518
We need to come up with a plan.
790
00:17:46,517 --> 00:17:47,407
Come on.
791
00:17:47,413 --> 00:17:48,553
Why are y'all watching TV
792
00:17:48,551 --> 00:17:52,931
in Spanish?
793
00:17:52,931 --> 00:17:54,001
Ooh, that's "Dynasty."
794
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,100
[laughs]
795
00:17:56,103 --> 00:17:57,003
You told me she didn't
796
00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:58,520
talk English, Shake.
797
00:17:58,517 --> 00:18:00,237
I've been Schwarzeneggered.
798
00:18:00,241 --> 00:18:01,141
By the way, who's gonna
799
00:18:01,137 --> 00:18:02,897
pay me?
800
00:18:02,896 --> 00:18:04,406
[Beep], she's got some nerve.
801
00:18:04,413 --> 00:18:05,623
TV NEWSCASTER: Breaking news.
802
00:18:05,620 --> 00:18:06,720
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
803
00:18:06,724 --> 00:18:07,624
The Motion Picture Academy
804
00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:08,550
of Arts and Sciences announced
805
00:18:08,551 --> 00:18:09,831
today that they are rescinding
806
00:18:09,827 --> 00:18:11,067
their offer to comedian
807
00:18:11,068 --> 00:18:12,028
Kevin Hart to host this year's
808
00:18:12,034 --> 00:18:13,524
Academy Awards.
809
00:18:13,517 --> 00:18:14,447
Mr. Hart's representatives
810
00:18:14,448 --> 00:18:15,308
could not be reached for
811
00:18:15,310 --> 00:18:16,930
comment.
812
00:18:16,931 --> 00:18:19,451
Re-sending it?
813
00:18:19,448 --> 00:18:21,998
When did you send it? Huh?
814
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,690
What address did you send it to?
815
00:18:23,689 --> 00:18:24,689
You probably sent it when I was
816
00:18:24,689 --> 00:18:26,099
at a store addressing
817
00:18:26,103 --> 00:18:28,003
the fake baby fallin' outta
818
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:29,450
somebody's stomach!
819
00:18:29,448 --> 00:18:31,518
We woulda had some dumb kids.
820
00:18:31,517 --> 00:18:32,687
[laughing]
821
00:18:32,689 --> 00:18:33,829
[doorbell rings]
822
00:18:33,827 --> 00:18:34,897
It's over for you, homie.
823
00:18:34,896 --> 00:18:36,446
You hear me! Over for you!
824
00:18:36,448 --> 00:18:37,238
DUANE: I'ma fix this.
825
00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:38,071
SELITA: You better.
826
00:18:38,068 --> 00:18:39,518
Give me a minute.
827
00:18:39,517 --> 00:18:42,587
[sighs]
828
00:18:42,586 --> 00:18:46,306
Just give me a minute.
829
00:18:46,310 --> 00:18:47,280
[breathlessly] Kevin,
830
00:18:47,275 --> 00:18:48,205
I've been trying to reach you
831
00:18:48,206 --> 00:18:49,376
all day!
832
00:18:49,379 --> 00:18:50,899
Okay, all right, I want you to
833
00:18:50,896 --> 00:18:51,896
brace yourself, okay?
834
00:18:51,896 --> 00:18:53,306
Great news.
835
00:18:53,310 --> 00:18:55,070
The Academy called...
836
00:18:55,068 --> 00:18:59,138
and you are hosting the Oscars.
837
00:18:59,137 --> 00:19:00,097
Can you believe it?
838
00:19:00,103 --> 00:19:01,173
You did it!
839
00:19:01,172 --> 00:19:02,482
[laughing]
840
00:19:02,482 --> 00:19:03,622
Aren't you excited?
841
00:19:03,620 --> 00:19:05,170
Ahhhhh!
842
00:19:05,172 --> 00:19:06,622
Let's celebrate.
843
00:19:06,620 --> 00:19:07,590
Come in.
844
00:19:07,586 --> 00:19:08,406
All right, come on,
845
00:19:08,413 --> 00:19:11,343
let's do it!
846
00:19:11,344 --> 00:19:15,694
I'm gonna make you a drink.
847
00:19:15,689 --> 00:19:26,309
[sobs, screams]
♪
50852
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