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♪
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KEVIN HART: All right, so I'm
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flying my private jet.
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It's me, Prince, Stevie Wonder.
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Wow.
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Now I'm comin' in hot, babe,
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and when I say hot, I mean fast.
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So what I gotta do is I gotta
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turn my plane upside down.
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Keep in mind I'm drunk as
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[beep], baby.
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I even take out this "Magic
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City" sign, boom!
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Here's my thing.
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Last year, the same story that
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I just told you popped up in
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a damn movie.
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I don't get mad about it.
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I ain't tryin' to go start no
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legal war, but I'm not stupid.
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I know my story, you get what
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I'm saying?
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Come on.
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Anyway, I'm over here talking
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about myself for the past
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three hours.
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I ain't asked nothin' about
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you yet.
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Yeah, seriously.
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Did I tell you that we filmed
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"Think Like a Man" here?
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Yeah. Ten times.
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All right.
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Tell me what you do when you're
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thinking like a woman.
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Let me hear it.
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Um, I'm an actress.
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Get outta here.
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And that was in my profile
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which I thought you read.
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I didn't read that.
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Which you didn't.
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Haven't got that type
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of time.
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And, um, I was in that movie
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that you were just talking
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about--"Flight."
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The only thing I remember
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in "Flight" was that naked girl
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in the beginning.
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I remember nothing else.
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You the na--
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Girl, you are playin' with me.
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Come on, you knew that.
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Come get my food 'cause
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I can't eat no more!
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I'm sure everybody out there
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is wondering how I landed
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the girl from "Flight."
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Well, uh, understand something,
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people.
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I was having a tough time
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finding me a woman who is equal
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to my stature.
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I'm not talkin' about my height.
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I'm talkin' about success,
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people.
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So, I found this exclusive
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dating website.
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-It's called 2Famous2
-Date.com.
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Those exclusive dates included
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me so I pumped up my profile.
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So, why did you put that
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you're 6'12" in your profile
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picture--which isn't even
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a real number.
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Okay, I'm like one of those
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objects in your rearview mirror.
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I'm much bigger than I seem.
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Hm...
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Let that marinate.
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Come on.
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Is it in there yet?
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Almost.
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Okay, I'll tell you what.
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You think about it.
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I'm gonna go drain
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the main vein.
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[laughs]
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Okay.
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I'll be here.
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The naked girl in "Flight."
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Mm-hm.
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You are something else.
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Woo.
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[cell phone vibrating]
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Oh, goodness gracious.
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An aftershock.
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[door slams open]
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Who the hell is this skank?!
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Girl, you shouldn't even
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be in here.
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I'm peeing!
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Let me pull it up.
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You got my phone!
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Give it to me!
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Give me my phone!
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[shrieking]
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Your profile said nothing
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about you being crazy!
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What is--
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You got a nipple ring?
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Okay, go time!
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Oh, my God, jump it hard!
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Jump, baby!
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Ooof! Ooof! Ooof!
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♪
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Play the five.
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Ah!
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No!
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You're breaking my balls!
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You got baby balls, Kevin.
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I can't help myself.
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But as a former top ranked
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tennis professional,
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I am programmed to destroy
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my opponents.
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And to wear tiny shorts
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all the time.
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I have to tuck the wardrobe.
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You went out with
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Nadine Velazquez?
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Are you sure you can
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follow Denzel?
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He got nominated for
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hittin' that.
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No, he did not.
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Yes, he did.
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Why are you so anal about...
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Get a pool guy, Kevin.
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I don't like that guy
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I had.
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I caught him pissing in the pool
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one day and it got weird.
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Speaking of water.
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What time are you guys going
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to JB's hot Jacuzzi party?
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What?
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JB's what?
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The hot Jacuzzi party.
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[laughing]
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He [beep] laughs, but I
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didn't say nothing funny.
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No, it's just that, you know,
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we don't get invited to JB's
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hot tub parties.
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Everybody's not friendly?
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Why are you laughing?
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No, no, no, no.
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Shall I tell him?
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What do you mean why?
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They invited you 'cause
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you're fat.
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That's nice.
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That's real sensitive.
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What are you talking
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about--fat?
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Okay, tell him.
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Okay, look, imagine if
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Nicole and I went over to
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their party.
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Mm-hm.
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Shahidah, she would just like
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stare at me the whole night
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and my abs and my arms
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and everything and then JB would
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look at Nicole like she was
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a piece of steak.
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I look at Nicole like she's
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a piece of steak.
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I look at Nicole like that.
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That's not the same point.
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I'd bite that steak.
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The point is.
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Do you understand my point?
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They would never invite us
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'cause we're so [beep] sexy.
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Well, that's my point.
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Why would you invite me to
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your party?
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I'm a catch.
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That's why you invite me to
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Temptation Island.
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Winner.
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[laughs]
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Don't invite the catch to
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a clam bake.
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I'm a catch.
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That's weird.
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I'm gonna let that kinda
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die down for a second.
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You know what you need,
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Faizon?
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You need that new Ything
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that's comin' out.
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Yeah, I heard about that.
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I heard they got this new app
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that will actually help you
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lose calories.
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What?!
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Yeah, you pick the body you
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want and you rub the phone
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on your stomach.
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The Ything is the most amazing
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smartphone ever made.
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Now no one knows what it is,
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how much it costs, or what it
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can do.
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But I know you gotta be stupid,
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if you're not in line at 6 a.m.
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on Saturday to find out.
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Get the Ything and fire
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Greg the trainer.
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You got a trainer?
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Yeah, I have a trainer.
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[doorbell rings]
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What do you guys do?
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We do gym [beep].
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You go to Jim's house.
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So the phone comes with
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the app?
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You gotta be kidding me.
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No [beep].
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Oh!
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Hold on!
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Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!
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Hey! Hey!
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Stop.
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Listen, we can't do this.
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Not now. Not right here.
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I got my friends in the back.
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It's poker night--
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Don't talk.
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Take your clothes off.
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Y'all gotta get the [beep]
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out right now!
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'Cause what I got ain't gonna
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last long.
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Come this way.
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Go up. Go up.
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Oh, [beep], I'm down.
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But I'm still up, if you know
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what I mean.
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♪
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KEVIN HART: The past five
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days have been the best
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days of my life.
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I'm talking the best sex
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I've ever had.
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Left hand, you are officially
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fired.
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I mean, we've done it
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everywhere--her house, my house,
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her car, my car, her church,
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my church's chicken.
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It's been a real rodeo, baby.
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NADINE: [snoring]
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Top it off. Top it off.
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CELL PHONE: Warning!
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Warning! Warning!
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Warning!
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[beeping]
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What the...?
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Unh-unh.
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Hey!
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NADINE: What the hell
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is this?
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Why aren't you in here?
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This is all my stuff!
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NADINE: You're crazy!
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And what about this?
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KEVIN: I'm not crazy.
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NADINE: What [beep] is it?
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KEVIN: I caught her going
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through my junk and the next
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thing I know, she was going
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through my junk.
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BOTH: [grunting, gasping]
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NADINE: Oh, my God,
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jump it hard!
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JB: Hey, baby, turn those
292
00:07:02,758 --> 00:07:04,658
burgers for me before they burn!
293
00:07:04,655 --> 00:07:05,785
[laughing]
294
00:07:05,793 --> 00:07:07,283
Oh, look who's here!
295
00:07:07,275 --> 00:07:08,545
What's up, girl?
296
00:07:08,551 --> 00:07:09,521
Oh, look at you, girl.
297
00:07:09,517 --> 00:07:10,547
Ooh, you lost weight?
298
00:07:10,551 --> 00:07:11,481
And you found it.
299
00:07:11,482 --> 00:07:12,412
[laughing]
300
00:07:12,413 --> 00:07:13,413
Ah!
301
00:07:13,413 --> 00:07:14,243
Ooh!
302
00:07:14,241 --> 00:07:15,071
Go in and have a good time,
303
00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:16,138
baby. [smacks butt]
304
00:07:16,137 --> 00:07:18,137
Woo!
305
00:07:18,137 --> 00:07:20,237
Ooh, you're already wet, boy.
306
00:07:20,241 --> 00:07:21,451
That sweat is gravy.
307
00:07:21,448 --> 00:07:22,338
[laughs]
308
00:07:22,344 --> 00:07:23,074
Let me get it up.
309
00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:24,588
Let me get it up now.
310
00:07:24,586 --> 00:07:28,616
Oh, Rosita! José! Woo!
311
00:07:28,620 --> 00:07:35,100
ALL: [laughing]
312
00:07:35,103 --> 00:07:35,973
Don't eat me.
313
00:07:35,965 --> 00:07:38,475
Don't eat me now.
314
00:07:38,482 --> 00:07:39,522
You two have a good time.
315
00:07:39,517 --> 00:07:41,307
Don't eat all the damn ribs.
316
00:07:41,310 --> 00:07:42,550
Save some food for me.
317
00:07:42,551 --> 00:07:43,971
[laughing]
318
00:07:43,965 --> 00:07:47,585
Faizon!
319
00:07:47,586 --> 00:07:51,336
What a fool! [laughing]
320
00:07:51,344 --> 00:07:53,414
What happened?
321
00:07:53,413 --> 00:07:54,833
Faizon said to meet him
322
00:07:54,827 --> 00:07:56,137
at 2 p.m., Kevin's house,
323
00:07:56,137 --> 00:07:57,277
Saturday.
324
00:07:57,275 --> 00:07:59,515
You're doing an obstacle course.
325
00:07:59,517 --> 00:08:00,897
And he says you only invited
326
00:08:00,896 --> 00:08:02,856
us here because we're fat.
327
00:08:02,862 --> 00:08:04,972
[chomps chips]
328
00:08:04,965 --> 00:08:06,515
Well, if the shoe fits...
329
00:08:06,517 --> 00:08:07,857
eat it.
330
00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:09,902
You got the audacity to come to
331
00:08:09,896 --> 00:08:11,446
my hot tub party and punch me
332
00:08:11,448 --> 00:08:12,788
in my face in front of all
333
00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:14,143
my fat friends and then you're
334
00:08:14,137 --> 00:08:15,237
gonna challenge me to an
335
00:08:15,241 --> 00:08:18,341
obstacle course, right?
336
00:08:18,344 --> 00:08:21,524
You're goin' down, big boy!
337
00:08:21,517 --> 00:08:22,547
Faizon Love, you goin' down!
338
00:08:22,551 --> 00:08:26,481
♪
339
00:08:26,482 --> 00:08:27,662
For the record, there's no
340
00:08:27,655 --> 00:08:28,855
way Faizon is gonna beat JB
341
00:08:28,862 --> 00:08:29,762
in a race.
342
00:08:29,758 --> 00:08:30,858
He's gigantic.
343
00:08:30,862 --> 00:08:32,382
Faizon was all-state, B.
344
00:08:32,379 --> 00:08:34,589
You mean all-plate.
345
00:08:34,586 --> 00:08:37,546
Hey, what are you doing here?
346
00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:38,791
Oh, my God.
347
00:08:38,793 --> 00:08:39,833
I'm so happy to see y'all right
348
00:08:39,827 --> 00:08:40,857
now, man.
349
00:08:40,862 --> 00:08:41,832
Look, you remember that crazy
350
00:08:41,827 --> 00:08:42,827
girl Nadine?
351
00:08:42,827 --> 00:08:43,687
She's stalking me right now.
352
00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:44,549
Just hide me.
353
00:08:44,551 --> 00:08:45,451
Look, let me stand in here with
354
00:08:45,448 --> 00:08:46,308
y'all just until this thing
355
00:08:46,310 --> 00:08:47,100
blows over.
356
00:08:47,103 --> 00:08:48,033
You wouldn't be trying
357
00:08:48,034 --> 00:08:48,794
to cut in line here?
358
00:08:48,793 --> 00:08:49,623
We've been here all night.
359
00:08:49,620 --> 00:08:50,380
Get outta here. Go.
360
00:08:50,379 --> 00:08:51,209
Get outta here.
361
00:08:51,206 --> 00:08:52,136
We wait in line.
362
00:08:52,137 --> 00:08:53,137
You wait in line.
363
00:08:53,137 --> 00:08:54,027
What are y'all doing?
364
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:54,864
I don't give a damn about
365
00:08:54,862 --> 00:08:55,662
your [beep]!
366
00:08:55,655 --> 00:08:57,205
Hey! You don't get it.
367
00:08:57,206 --> 00:08:58,136
Watch who you're bumping
368
00:08:58,137 --> 00:09:01,167
into, Kevin Hart.
369
00:09:01,172 --> 00:09:03,932
Well, well, well...
370
00:09:03,931 --> 00:09:04,901
If it isn't little old
371
00:09:04,896 --> 00:09:06,236
fat Jesus.
372
00:09:06,241 --> 00:09:07,341
I'm ready. I'm so ready.
373
00:09:07,344 --> 00:09:09,344
I'll bring it back.
374
00:09:09,344 --> 00:09:11,034
Blocked. Blocked. Defended.
375
00:09:11,034 --> 00:09:12,484
I see you brought help
376
00:09:12,482 --> 00:09:13,482
with you.
377
00:09:13,482 --> 00:09:14,902
Who's that--Fat Mary?
378
00:09:14,896 --> 00:09:16,206
It's my little sister, punk.
379
00:09:16,206 --> 00:09:18,206
Oh, is it?
380
00:09:18,206 --> 00:09:19,966
Hey, little baby Oprah.
381
00:09:19,965 --> 00:09:20,855
How you doing?
382
00:09:20,862 --> 00:09:22,032
The name's Chelsea!
383
00:09:22,034 --> 00:09:22,864
What?
384
00:09:22,862 --> 00:09:23,692
[punch]
385
00:09:23,689 --> 00:09:24,619
CROWD: [gasps]
386
00:09:24,620 --> 00:09:25,900
Ow!
387
00:09:25,896 --> 00:09:27,476
You brought a ringer with you?
388
00:09:27,482 --> 00:09:29,172
I'll fight you both.
389
00:09:29,172 --> 00:09:30,172
I'll take your hair and...
390
00:09:30,172 --> 00:09:31,482
[screeches] pull it!
391
00:09:31,482 --> 00:09:32,452
What you gonna listen to now,
392
00:09:32,448 --> 00:09:33,308
Calvin--nothin'!
393
00:09:33,310 --> 00:09:34,310
NADINE: Kevin!
394
00:09:34,310 --> 00:09:35,140
Oh, God.
395
00:09:35,137 --> 00:09:35,967
We're gonna settle this
396
00:09:35,965 --> 00:09:36,965
when I get back.
397
00:09:36,965 --> 00:09:38,515
She's comin' back!
398
00:09:38,517 --> 00:09:39,857
What you doing?
399
00:09:39,862 --> 00:09:41,552
NADINE: Kevin! Kevin!
400
00:09:41,551 --> 00:09:42,761
Don't bring her over here.
401
00:09:42,758 --> 00:09:43,688
Kevin!
402
00:09:43,689 --> 00:09:44,589
He's over here.
403
00:09:44,586 --> 00:09:45,546
Kevin!
404
00:09:45,551 --> 00:09:46,451
Oh, God.
405
00:09:46,448 --> 00:09:47,308
I told you she's stalking
406
00:09:47,310 --> 00:09:48,280
me, man.
407
00:09:48,275 --> 00:09:49,205
I'm stalking you?
408
00:09:49,206 --> 00:09:49,996
You are stalking me.
409
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:50,760
You were hiding behind
410
00:09:50,758 --> 00:09:51,688
the panties--I saw your face.
411
00:09:51,689 --> 00:09:52,719
Why don't you just stop it!
412
00:09:52,724 --> 00:09:53,484
You like that, don't you?
413
00:09:53,482 --> 00:09:54,382
Why don't you stop it!
414
00:09:54,379 --> 00:09:55,279
What, do you have a video
415
00:09:55,275 --> 00:09:56,095
camera in my car?
416
00:09:56,103 --> 00:09:57,453
You ain't seen nothing!
417
00:09:57,448 --> 00:10:00,278
Everybody, look, she's got ten
418
00:10:00,275 --> 00:10:05,375
new Ythings in this bag!
419
00:10:05,379 --> 00:10:20,929
CROWD: [gasping, screaming]
420
00:10:20,931 --> 00:10:23,661
[police sirens wailing]
421
00:10:23,655 --> 00:10:25,825
You [beep] up.
422
00:10:25,827 --> 00:10:27,757
I got you on 48 different
423
00:10:27,758 --> 00:10:29,548
cameras yellin', I got ten new
424
00:10:29,551 --> 00:10:31,521
Ythings!
425
00:10:31,517 --> 00:10:34,657
Why?
426
00:10:34,655 --> 00:10:36,445
Because I had to, man.
427
00:10:36,448 --> 00:10:38,098
Okay, this crazy woman who I had
428
00:10:38,103 --> 00:10:39,663
never even seen before came into
429
00:10:39,655 --> 00:10:41,025
the men's bathroom, busted
430
00:10:41,034 --> 00:10:42,034
in on me.
431
00:10:42,034 --> 00:10:43,554
I had my stuff all out.
432
00:10:43,551 --> 00:10:44,591
I mean, she did it for no reason
433
00:10:44,586 --> 00:10:45,586
whatsoever.
434
00:10:45,586 --> 00:10:46,926
What was I supposed to do?
435
00:10:46,931 --> 00:10:49,721
[sultry music]
436
00:10:49,724 --> 00:10:51,694
There you go.
437
00:10:51,689 --> 00:10:54,169
Talk to me.
438
00:10:54,172 --> 00:10:56,692
So, take your time.
439
00:10:56,689 --> 00:10:57,969
Tell me why you burst into
440
00:10:57,965 --> 00:10:59,545
that bathroom.
441
00:10:59,551 --> 00:11:03,721
[sultry music]
442
00:11:03,724 --> 00:11:05,414
He lied to me.
443
00:11:05,413 --> 00:11:08,413
He told me he had never
444
00:11:08,413 --> 00:11:10,903
been married.
445
00:11:10,896 --> 00:11:11,586
[loud thud]
446
00:11:11,586 --> 00:11:13,926
Ow! Ow!
447
00:11:13,931 --> 00:11:15,901
What's wrong with you, man?!
448
00:11:15,896 --> 00:11:17,966
Smackin' me!
449
00:11:17,965 --> 00:11:18,965
Okay, look, I told her that
450
00:11:18,965 --> 00:11:21,925
I wasn't married...right now.
451
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:23,931
Of course, I got an ex wife.
452
00:11:23,931 --> 00:11:24,971
Everybody's got an ex wife,
453
00:11:24,965 --> 00:11:26,615
right?
454
00:11:26,620 --> 00:11:27,930
Okay, how about we deal with
455
00:11:27,931 --> 00:11:29,001
the fact that this crazy,
456
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,210
deranged sex machine barges
457
00:11:31,206 --> 00:11:33,276
into my panic room and starts
458
00:11:33,275 --> 00:11:35,165
going through my things.
459
00:11:35,172 --> 00:11:36,282
Panic room?
460
00:11:36,275 --> 00:11:37,405
[laughs]
461
00:11:37,413 --> 00:11:39,173
More like his panty room.
462
00:11:39,172 --> 00:11:41,862
Oh...
463
00:11:41,862 --> 00:11:42,972
KEVIN: Gotta get
464
00:11:42,965 --> 00:11:44,515
my energy up.
465
00:11:44,517 --> 00:11:45,717
NADINE: The only reason
466
00:11:45,724 --> 00:11:47,074
I was snooping around his house
467
00:11:47,068 --> 00:11:48,208
was because I suspected he was
468
00:11:48,206 --> 00:11:50,206
a panty-stealing perv.
469
00:11:50,206 --> 00:11:51,306
And I was right.
470
00:11:51,310 --> 00:11:53,450
These are my [beep] panties!
471
00:11:53,448 --> 00:11:54,658
But nothing could have prepared
472
00:11:54,655 --> 00:11:58,205
me for what happened today.
473
00:11:58,206 --> 00:11:59,786
I was out shopping for panties
474
00:11:59,793 --> 00:12:01,003
to replace the ones he had
475
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:02,520
stolen when I caught the little
476
00:12:02,517 --> 00:12:03,857
pervert spying on me.
477
00:12:03,862 --> 00:12:09,482
Kevin?
478
00:12:09,482 --> 00:12:10,342
Nobody in here but us
479
00:12:10,344 --> 00:12:12,104
panties.
480
00:12:12,103 --> 00:12:14,033
NADINE: [grunts]
481
00:12:14,034 --> 00:12:16,074
Where are you?
482
00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:19,448
Let me have the panties!
483
00:12:19,448 --> 00:12:21,068
Who wants in?
484
00:12:21,068 --> 00:12:22,618
Oh...
485
00:12:22,620 --> 00:12:25,450
[gasping]
486
00:12:25,448 --> 00:12:26,448
I don't want 'em.
487
00:12:26,448 --> 00:12:27,968
She's a panty perv.
488
00:12:27,965 --> 00:12:29,515
Pervert!
489
00:12:29,517 --> 00:12:30,857
I was so mad, I left without
490
00:12:30,862 --> 00:12:32,902
buying my new panties.
491
00:12:32,896 --> 00:12:33,996
That's why I don't have
492
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:38,000
any on right now.
493
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:41,140
[water spurts]
494
00:12:41,137 --> 00:12:42,167
She said I followed her into
495
00:12:42,172 --> 00:12:43,482
the panty store?
496
00:12:43,482 --> 00:12:45,282
That's a lie.
497
00:12:45,275 --> 00:12:46,825
I was at the mall and I was
498
00:12:46,827 --> 00:12:48,337
trying to get the new Ything
499
00:12:48,344 --> 00:12:49,344
and that's when she started
500
00:12:49,344 --> 00:12:50,724
following me.
501
00:12:50,724 --> 00:12:51,724
[crotch rips]
502
00:12:51,724 --> 00:12:52,594
And if you think that
503
00:12:52,586 --> 00:12:53,406
didn't happen--
504
00:12:53,413 --> 00:12:54,453
COPS: [vomiting]
505
00:12:54,448 --> 00:12:55,338
--you're all nuts.
506
00:12:55,344 --> 00:12:57,104
Did somebody cut the air down?
507
00:12:57,103 --> 00:13:00,663
So, if he was so insane,
508
00:13:00,655 --> 00:13:03,685
tell me why you stayed with him.
509
00:13:03,689 --> 00:13:04,719
KEVIN: Because she hit
510
00:13:04,724 --> 00:13:05,724
my spot.
511
00:13:05,724 --> 00:13:06,764
NADINE: He hit my spot.
512
00:13:06,758 --> 00:13:07,718
KEVIN: Will you wait
513
00:13:07,724 --> 00:13:08,524
a second, please.
514
00:13:08,517 --> 00:13:09,477
NADINE: I don't wanna talk
515
00:13:09,482 --> 00:13:10,242
to you.
516
00:13:10,241 --> 00:13:11,211
KEVIN: Will you wait
517
00:13:11,206 --> 00:13:11,996
a second?
518
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:12,970
NADINE: I don't wanna talk
519
00:13:12,965 --> 00:13:13,685
to you!
520
00:13:13,689 --> 00:13:14,659
KEVIN: Listen to me...
521
00:13:14,655 --> 00:13:15,375
Listen.
522
00:13:15,379 --> 00:13:16,339
Girl, you're gonna talk to me.
523
00:13:16,344 --> 00:13:17,314
NADINE: No, I'm not.
524
00:13:17,310 --> 00:13:18,280
KEVIN: Can you stop
525
00:13:18,275 --> 00:13:19,235
for a second? God!
526
00:13:19,241 --> 00:13:20,281
I wanna talk.
527
00:13:20,275 --> 00:13:21,895
Okay, fine, I go first.
528
00:13:21,896 --> 00:13:23,926
Screw you.
529
00:13:23,931 --> 00:13:25,341
Screw you!
530
00:13:25,344 --> 00:13:28,144
Oh, screw me?
531
00:13:28,137 --> 00:13:35,447
Then screw me!
532
00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:38,138
Here we go.
533
00:13:38,137 --> 00:13:39,857
Come on, you have time.
534
00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:40,762
Take it.
535
00:13:40,758 --> 00:13:41,688
I'm about to shell-shake
536
00:13:41,689 --> 00:13:44,309
that ass.
537
00:13:44,310 --> 00:13:46,140
NADINE: [screams]
538
00:13:46,137 --> 00:13:47,207
FAIZON & JB: [grunting]
539
00:13:47,206 --> 00:13:48,586
You gonna invite me to your
540
00:13:48,586 --> 00:13:49,616
hot tub party 'cause I'm fat?
541
00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:50,590
You're very fat!
542
00:13:50,586 --> 00:13:51,586
I ain't fat, I'm lean, sucka.
543
00:13:51,586 --> 00:13:53,166
Huh? Who?
544
00:13:53,172 --> 00:13:54,212
You're fat, man.
545
00:13:54,206 --> 00:13:55,306
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
546
00:13:55,310 --> 00:13:56,240
FAIZON & JB: [roaring]
547
00:13:56,241 --> 00:13:57,211
We was talking about
548
00:13:57,206 --> 00:13:57,996
fat people and I was talking
549
00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:58,720
about you!
550
00:13:58,724 --> 00:13:59,554
Oh, set your eyes!
551
00:13:59,551 --> 00:14:00,411
All right, here?
552
00:14:00,413 --> 00:14:01,213
Okay.
553
00:14:01,206 --> 00:14:01,996
Did you finish the race already?
554
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:02,830
No.
555
00:14:02,827 --> 00:14:03,757
'Cause y'all gettin' sweaty.
556
00:14:03,758 --> 00:14:04,588
'Cause my body's a machine.
557
00:14:04,586 --> 00:14:05,446
I'm always burning carbs, baby.
558
00:14:05,448 --> 00:14:06,448
That's right.
559
00:14:06,448 --> 00:14:07,618
After Kevin started the riot,
560
00:14:07,620 --> 00:14:09,480
we were only able to loot,
561
00:14:09,482 --> 00:14:13,592
I mean buy, one Ything, and this
562
00:14:13,586 --> 00:14:14,996
race right here's gonna settle
563
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,000
who gets it and my money
564
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:20,830
is on JB, the Kenyan.
565
00:14:20,827 --> 00:14:22,137
All right, y'all, all right.
566
00:14:22,137 --> 00:14:23,617
Get ready!
567
00:14:23,620 --> 00:14:24,590
Okay.
568
00:14:24,586 --> 00:14:25,996
Set...
569
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,170
[pistol fires]
570
00:14:28,172 --> 00:14:30,142
He got a gun!
571
00:14:30,137 --> 00:14:33,137
Run, Faizon, run!
572
00:14:33,137 --> 00:14:33,657
Go!
573
00:14:33,655 --> 00:14:42,615
♪
574
00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:47,790
[Beep]!
575
00:14:47,793 --> 00:14:48,593
[grunting]
576
00:14:48,586 --> 00:14:56,616
♪
577
00:14:56,620 --> 00:14:59,340
We're turning!
578
00:14:59,344 --> 00:15:01,344
[laughing] Look at Faizon.
579
00:15:01,344 --> 00:15:02,314
Faizon's gonna win.
580
00:15:02,310 --> 00:15:03,760
What?
581
00:15:03,758 --> 00:15:04,998
He's 30 yards ahead of yours.
582
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,210
He's 1100 pound ahead of him.
583
00:15:07,206 --> 00:15:08,856
That JB's about to die.
584
00:15:08,862 --> 00:15:09,932
$1000 JB come off
585
00:15:09,931 --> 00:15:11,381
the court first.
586
00:15:11,379 --> 00:15:12,339
[laughing] $1000?
587
00:15:12,344 --> 00:15:13,144
It's a bet.
588
00:15:13,137 --> 00:15:14,097
Come on.
589
00:15:14,103 --> 00:15:16,103
I'm countin' on you, baby.
590
00:15:16,103 --> 00:15:19,173
Dang!
591
00:15:19,172 --> 00:15:35,342
Three! Woo!
592
00:15:35,344 --> 00:15:45,554
♪
593
00:15:45,551 --> 00:15:48,311
There's no way to get across!
594
00:15:48,310 --> 00:15:51,310
Come on, who's gonna win
595
00:15:51,310 --> 00:15:52,240
at the end?
596
00:15:52,241 --> 00:15:57,341
♪
597
00:15:57,344 --> 00:15:58,624
It can be me!
598
00:15:58,620 --> 00:16:01,480
[laughing]
599
00:16:01,482 --> 00:16:02,522
A thousand dollars, baby.
600
00:16:02,517 --> 00:16:03,517
Come on.
601
00:16:03,517 --> 00:16:08,717
He's a princess?
602
00:16:08,724 --> 00:16:09,484
When did they start puttin'
603
00:16:09,482 --> 00:16:11,282
steroids in gravy, huh?
604
00:16:11,275 --> 00:16:12,995
Come on, JB!
605
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,590
You can do it.
606
00:16:15,586 --> 00:16:16,926
Come on, J!
607
00:16:16,931 --> 00:16:20,691
JB, come on!
608
00:16:20,689 --> 00:16:22,689
Yeah!
609
00:16:22,689 --> 00:16:23,659
JB?
610
00:16:23,655 --> 00:16:24,615
Oh, he's about to drown.
611
00:16:24,620 --> 00:16:28,170
Get it! Get it!
612
00:16:28,172 --> 00:16:29,102
Like you did in prison. Yeah!
613
00:16:29,103 --> 00:16:38,343
♪
614
00:16:38,344 --> 00:16:39,694
Why did I include the hot dog
615
00:16:39,689 --> 00:16:40,899
eating contest in the obstacle
616
00:16:40,896 --> 00:16:42,756
course?
617
00:16:42,758 --> 00:16:44,618
'Cause I'm the Black Kobayashi.
618
00:16:44,620 --> 00:16:46,380
That's Japanese for hot-dog-
619
00:16:46,379 --> 00:16:48,169
eatin' mother [gong rings].
620
00:16:48,172 --> 00:16:49,172
[gasping for air]
621
00:16:49,172 --> 00:16:51,972
Faizon, come on!
622
00:16:51,965 --> 00:16:57,025
You can do it.
623
00:16:57,034 --> 00:16:59,524
What are you doing?
624
00:16:59,517 --> 00:17:01,067
There you go. Come on!
625
00:17:01,068 --> 00:17:02,098
You gotta win this!
626
00:17:02,103 --> 00:17:03,073
Got a thousand dollars
627
00:17:03,068 --> 00:17:04,408
on this, man.
628
00:17:04,413 --> 00:17:05,623
KEVIN: [sighs]
629
00:17:05,620 --> 00:17:07,520
Today was some day, wasn't it?
630
00:17:07,517 --> 00:17:08,717
You know, when a day like this
631
00:17:08,724 --> 00:17:10,694
happens, you gotta look around--
632
00:17:10,689 --> 00:17:11,829
Well, you know, we can go
633
00:17:11,827 --> 00:17:13,237
in the house or...
634
00:17:13,241 --> 00:17:14,141
you could probably keep
635
00:17:14,137 --> 00:17:15,027
that on.
636
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:15,974
I wanna have sex.
637
00:17:15,965 --> 00:17:16,785
Okay, well--
638
00:17:16,793 --> 00:17:17,833
Handle me.
639
00:17:17,827 --> 00:17:18,897
Hey, will you stop!
640
00:17:18,896 --> 00:17:22,686
I just got out of jail.
641
00:17:22,689 --> 00:17:23,999
Wait.
642
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,140
Okay.
643
00:17:25,137 --> 00:17:26,757
Okay, listen...
644
00:17:26,758 --> 00:17:27,928
Wait a minute.
645
00:17:27,931 --> 00:17:29,341
No!
646
00:17:29,344 --> 00:17:30,454
You're strong.
647
00:17:30,448 --> 00:17:31,478
No!
648
00:17:31,482 --> 00:17:32,382
Stop it!
649
00:17:32,379 --> 00:17:33,239
[groans]
650
00:17:33,241 --> 00:17:34,241
Stop it!
651
00:17:34,241 --> 00:17:35,101
Okay, talk to me.
652
00:17:35,103 --> 00:17:36,003
Please.
653
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:36,900
You are just like me.
654
00:17:36,896 --> 00:17:37,896
You get turned on by chaos
655
00:17:37,896 --> 00:17:38,756
just like me.
656
00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:40,548
No, I'm not--
657
00:17:40,551 --> 00:17:41,831
Girl, stop!
658
00:17:41,827 --> 00:17:43,827
Or I hit you back--
659
00:17:43,827 --> 00:17:45,067
You callin' my bluff?
660
00:17:45,068 --> 00:17:46,338
Mmm.
661
00:17:46,344 --> 00:17:47,864
Look, I don't like all that.
662
00:17:47,862 --> 00:17:49,592
That [beep] hurts.
663
00:17:49,586 --> 00:17:50,996
Seriously, I wanna be a man
664
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:52,830
and a woman that does...
665
00:17:52,827 --> 00:17:54,517
that does gentle stuff.
666
00:17:54,517 --> 00:17:57,277
Like I wanna take a walk in
667
00:17:57,275 --> 00:17:58,995
slippers and put my hand in
668
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:00,310
your back pocket.
669
00:18:00,310 --> 00:18:01,410
I want you to give me
670
00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:02,693
a piggy-back ride.
671
00:18:02,689 --> 00:18:04,549
These are things that mean love.
672
00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:06,551
And right now, all you care
673
00:18:06,551 --> 00:18:09,071
is about my sugar pole.
674
00:18:09,068 --> 00:18:12,208
Oh, baby.
675
00:18:12,206 --> 00:18:13,476
Thank you.
676
00:18:13,482 --> 00:18:15,662
That is the stupidest [beep]
677
00:18:15,655 --> 00:18:17,275
I have ever heard!
678
00:18:17,275 --> 00:18:18,405
Oh, my God!
679
00:18:18,413 --> 00:18:20,523
Who says that?
680
00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:22,237
Well, first of all, I read
681
00:18:22,241 --> 00:18:24,621
a book where Maxwell says--
682
00:18:24,620 --> 00:18:25,970
Why don't you call me when
683
00:18:25,965 --> 00:18:27,855
you grow a pair of balls!
684
00:18:27,862 --> 00:18:28,722
Okay, first--
685
00:18:28,724 --> 00:18:29,554
I'm outta here.
686
00:18:29,551 --> 00:18:30,451
Nadine.
687
00:18:30,448 --> 00:18:31,278
Tiny little-- [screams]
688
00:18:31,275 --> 00:18:33,025
Oh, [beep]! Damn it!
689
00:18:33,034 --> 00:18:35,414
NADINE: What the [beep]!
690
00:18:35,413 --> 00:18:37,383
Oh, shoot.
691
00:18:37,379 --> 00:18:38,929
NADINE: Hey!
692
00:18:38,931 --> 00:18:40,001
You just ran me over,
693
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:41,410
you fat [beep]!
694
00:18:41,413 --> 00:18:42,343
Hey!
695
00:18:42,344 --> 00:18:43,284
I'm comin'.
696
00:18:43,275 --> 00:18:45,585
You ran over me!
697
00:18:45,586 --> 00:18:46,926
JB!
698
00:18:46,931 --> 00:18:48,001
Nadine!
699
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:49,900
Just shut up! You are so...
700
00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:51,656
sexy!
701
00:18:51,655 --> 00:18:53,205
FAIZON: Ooh.
702
00:18:53,206 --> 00:18:54,926
You're so sexy.
703
00:18:54,931 --> 00:18:56,621
Oh, no, she can't.
704
00:18:56,620 --> 00:18:57,830
Nadine!
705
00:18:57,827 --> 00:18:58,687
I couldn't get outta
706
00:18:58,689 --> 00:18:59,789
my safety belt!
707
00:18:59,793 --> 00:19:01,003
Nadine!
708
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:02,690
What just happened?
709
00:19:02,689 --> 00:19:04,479
[breathlessly]
710
00:19:04,482 --> 00:19:06,792
She gave me her number.
711
00:19:06,793 --> 00:19:09,003
I told you I was a catch.
712
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:13,030
Nadine!
713
00:19:13,034 --> 00:19:14,104
This ain't what you want!
714
00:19:14,103 --> 00:19:17,173
[sighs]
715
00:19:17,172 --> 00:19:27,552
I told you I was a catch!
♪
41959
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