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♪ This is the life
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♪ Look at the life
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♪ This is the city where
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♪ We party every night
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♪ Party every night
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♪ We do it big
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♪ Diamonds and gold
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♪ Welcome to Hollywood ♪
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♪
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So, uh, Rondayvu?
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Yes?
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Dejavu?
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Yes?
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Rondayvu, Dejavu.
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You wanna go to your place or
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y'all wanna come to my place?
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Uh...
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Well, we were thinking your
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wallet and your watch.
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You like it rough.
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Get it, girl.
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Turn him over.
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What are y'all doing?
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Hold on now.
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Help me!
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Hold on--
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Get your butt up.
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Get up!
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No, we like it quiet.
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Now shut up, we robbing your
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ass.
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'Cause we can.
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You need to make better life
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choices, Kevin.
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You know, Rondayvu was right.
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I do need to make better life
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choices.
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I got this ratchet-shaped hole
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in my heart and I need to fill
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it with something's that real
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and meaningful.
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So I did what any A-list actor
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would do.
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I adopted a 10-year old orphan
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from the Sudan named Pubudu.
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Yo.
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Hey, Father!
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It's your son Pubudu.
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What?
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Pubudu?
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You're going to learn today.
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If you don't get your ass out
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of my house, man.
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Pubudu!
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You gonna learn today, man.
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Turns out he was 10.
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20 years ago.
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But did that stop me?
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Hell no.
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I went and got myself a good
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bitch.
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Give me that--
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Bite the (beep) out of him.
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Give me the nose, yes.
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Yes.
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Don't come this way, dog.
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Give her your nose.
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You know I'm allergic to
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dogs, right?
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Stop it.
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It's a dog.
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My eye started tearing up,
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you see that?
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Probably because you got your
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face near her ass.
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My throat is closing, Kevin.
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Well then, Boris, stop
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breathing.
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Your dog is pissing on my
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chips.
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(speaking foreign language)
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I like fish and chips, not
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piss and chips, all right?
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Whatever, Nick.
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Hey, stop it.
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Don't handle Selita like that.
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Selita?
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Selita.
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You are a mitch.
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Whatever, dude.
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I guess you ain't catch that
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tiger, huh?
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What you talking about?
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I just stepped in tiger
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(beep).
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Okay, well, first of all,
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close my door because I don't
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want my dog out there messing
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around and get ate by no damn,
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uh--
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Ray!
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I warned you, man!
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Get your hands off-- Somebody--
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No, you better not come over
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here!
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You better not!
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What are you doing, man?
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Dude, you just got my dog
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killed.
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I didn't do nothing!
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Dogs are supposed to whoop
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cats'
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ass.
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Don't blame me.
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Boris?
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Is it my fault?
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Nick, is it my fault?
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You right.
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Why don't you have some chips?
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Why don't you come up and
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deal them cards
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and stop playing around?
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Mmm.
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Vinegar chips.
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You need to stop
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buying vinegar chips.
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They're wet.
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And that's when it hit me.
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If I can't get the real Selita,
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I'll just cast one.
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So I decided to open up a
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top-secret fake production
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office.
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So secret, in fact, that I
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couldn't even tell my boys.
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Then I put out a fake casting
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call.
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I even got Oliver to
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write out a fake-ass script.
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"Nat Turner: Space Zombie
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Hunter."
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I'm going to "Argo"
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this whole fake situation.
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If a free man in
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2015 can't love a
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dead woman in space, then
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I don't want to be free.
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Or in space!
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Now kiss me!
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Sojourner Trucon
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is ready to get down.
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Damn, Trucon, why you
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talking like Megatron?
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Next!
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I don't care if they call me
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a zombie lover.
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I want you, Future Nat Turner.
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Now come emancipate this
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proclamation.
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Girl.
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I'm about to abolishinize it.
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Uh.
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Wait a minute.
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Nobody told me there was going
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to be a nude scene.
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Everybody's nude on planet
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Krotan.
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Yeah, well, we're on planet
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Earth.
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Next!
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I don't care if they call
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me a zombie lover.
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I want you, Future Nat Turner.
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Next!
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Oh, so, you don't want to do
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the kiss?
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No.
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It's too bad 'cause I would
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have (beep) the hell out of
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Space Nat Turner.
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Thanks.
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Give me two.
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Think about it now.
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Who's gonna play a better zombie
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slave than me?
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Watch this.
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I can't look at that.
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That's how he always looks.
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Stop it.
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That's how he looked in
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"Pootie Tang."
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Stop it.
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You're scaring the kids.
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I'm the king of the zombies.
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You don't know a damn thing
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about being a zombie.
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Okay.
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(speaking foreign language)
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Really?
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Two words.
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"Resident Evil."
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Good movie.
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Two more words for you.
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Aw.
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Full.
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Awful-ass movie.
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Let's just play the game,
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guys.
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Daddy, Uncle Kevin's got two
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queens.
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And three aces.
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Thank you for the misdeal,
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children.
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Why don't you get your
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Blermans under control?
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See, you know what, he
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actually has a point there, man.
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This whole Mr. Mom
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thing is not working
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out for you.
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Mr. Mom thing?
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What do you mean?
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I have them for like an hour,
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that's it.
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You need to get a job.
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Hey?
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Matter of fact, Kevin, why don't
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you put him in one of your
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little movies?
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And speaking of little movies,
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that last one, why you ain't
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bring it to NCredible Studios?
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I'll tell you why.
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Because I think you're
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NCompetant.
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Uh oh.
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That's your answer right
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there.
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Who blowing your phone up?
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Ah, it's Trina about that
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play.
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About what play?
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No, no play.
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That's the pizza.
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I'll be right back.
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Plays?
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Bad for the brand.
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You are Boris.
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What are you trying to do, be
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the next Peabo Bryson?
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Who's Peabo Bryson?
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You're gonna find out in a
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minute.
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If Trina insists you do this
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play, you tell her--
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Tell Trina what?
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Whoo!
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Damn!
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What's up, Trina Turner?
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What's love got to do with that?
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Somebody got a date!
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Actually, it's girls' night
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out if you must know.
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Where the girls at?
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In the car.
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Why they in the car?
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Bring them in the house so we
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can see them.
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Why would I do that?
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Uh, 'cause I want to look at
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some scattered new ass.
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Look, I don't have time for
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you--
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You don't wanna bring them
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inside, I'll go out there to see
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them.
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Let's finish the game, Kev.
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I want to see some ass,
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Boris.
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Look, Boris, I came here to
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talk some sense into you, okay?
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What?
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I really think that you
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should do this play because
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here's the thing.
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David heard that you got back in
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shape and he wants you back in
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the play.
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I'm not doing a play.
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By the way, how did you do
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that so incredibly fast?
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You look great.
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Uh, one, that's easy.
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Two, come on.
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Three.
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97, 98, 99, a hundred.
297
00:06:55,233 --> 00:06:57,273
Thousand.
298
00:07:00,167 --> 00:07:01,197
Nothing like the quality of
299
00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:04,300
finely-tuned German engineering.
300
00:07:04,300 --> 00:07:05,600
I'm not going to do the play.
301
00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:06,570
He's just going to have to pull
302
00:07:06,567 --> 00:07:07,567
another Johnson out of his a--
303
00:07:07,567 --> 00:07:08,627
hat.
304
00:07:08,633 --> 00:07:10,173
JB, I don't need you for my
305
00:07:10,167 --> 00:07:11,097
movie.
306
00:07:11,100 --> 00:07:11,830
I just found three zombies out
307
00:07:11,833 --> 00:07:12,733
there.
308
00:07:12,733 --> 00:07:13,603
I don't know what's going on,
309
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:14,400
but I'll tell you this.
310
00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:16,130
That car is not sanctioned for
311
00:07:16,133 --> 00:07:16,803
those women.
312
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:17,600
Did you say anything to them?
313
00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:18,270
Listen to me.
314
00:07:18,267 --> 00:07:19,727
You need a bus and they need
315
00:07:19,733 --> 00:07:20,433
helmets.
316
00:07:20,433 --> 00:07:21,103
I cannot believe you.
317
00:07:21,100 --> 00:07:22,100
Y'all gotta come look at this
318
00:07:22,100 --> 00:07:24,070
group of handsome women.
319
00:07:24,067 --> 00:07:25,067
They're day walkers!
320
00:07:27,067 --> 00:07:31,097
♪
321
00:07:35,767 --> 00:07:36,867
That was great.
322
00:07:36,867 --> 00:07:38,567
That was really good.
323
00:07:38,567 --> 00:07:39,227
And you know what?
324
00:07:39,233 --> 00:07:39,973
You gave a really good reading
325
00:07:39,967 --> 00:07:40,667
too.
326
00:07:40,667 --> 00:07:41,627
I feel like on the kiss, though,
327
00:07:41,633 --> 00:07:43,373
we could do a lot better.
328
00:07:43,367 --> 00:07:44,427
Because you gotta understand,
329
00:07:44,433 --> 00:07:45,503
you're from planet Krotan,
330
00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:46,770
right?
331
00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:48,127
And you're a slave zombie.
332
00:07:48,133 --> 00:07:50,803
Slave zombies are wild.
333
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,430
So you gotta find a way to
334
00:07:52,433 --> 00:07:55,473
awaken those dead lips, okay?
335
00:07:55,467 --> 00:07:56,697
So do you want me to kiss you
336
00:07:56,700 --> 00:07:58,830
like I kiss a man or like I kiss
337
00:07:58,833 --> 00:08:00,203
a woman?
338
00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:03,170
Um... I mean, on Krotan,
339
00:08:03,167 --> 00:08:05,267
I'm both, so whatever floats
340
00:08:05,267 --> 00:08:05,927
your boat.
341
00:08:05,933 --> 00:08:06,603
Whatever you--
342
00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:08,130
Let's try it like a woman.
343
00:08:08,133 --> 00:08:09,403
Uh-- Mm.
344
00:08:19,167 --> 00:08:22,367
I think I just got a kroner.
345
00:08:22,367 --> 00:08:23,297
Okay.
346
00:08:23,300 --> 00:08:26,270
So, let's um, let's go ahead and
347
00:08:26,267 --> 00:08:27,597
let you out of here and I'll
348
00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,070
definitely hit you about the
349
00:08:29,067 --> 00:08:29,667
callback.
350
00:08:29,667 --> 00:08:30,397
'Cause there's a callback and
351
00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:31,070
you're gonna be in it.
352
00:08:31,067 --> 00:08:31,667
Oh, okay.
353
00:08:31,667 --> 00:08:32,327
Okay?
354
00:08:32,333 --> 00:08:33,073
Thank you.
355
00:08:33,067 --> 00:08:33,667
No, you are welcome.
356
00:08:33,667 --> 00:08:34,327
Thank you so much.
357
00:08:34,333 --> 00:08:35,073
Thank you, girl.
358
00:08:35,067 --> 00:08:35,667
Thank you.
359
00:08:35,667 --> 00:08:36,767
Okay.
360
00:08:36,767 --> 00:08:37,727
Wow.
361
00:08:37,733 --> 00:08:39,103
All right.
362
00:08:39,100 --> 00:08:40,300
You got to be kidding me.
363
00:08:42,067 --> 00:08:43,727
Uh.
364
00:08:43,733 --> 00:08:45,933
Next!
365
00:08:45,933 --> 00:08:46,703
Uh uh, no.
366
00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:47,500
No!
367
00:08:47,500 --> 00:08:49,100
Excuse you.
368
00:08:49,100 --> 00:08:49,770
That's the devil in the
369
00:08:49,767 --> 00:08:51,967
yellow dress and you know it.
370
00:08:51,967 --> 00:08:54,667
Enter my ex-wife Bridgette.
371
00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,600
AKA the Kroner Killer.
372
00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:57,370
Bridgette, what the hell are
373
00:08:57,367 --> 00:08:58,067
you doing here?
374
00:08:58,067 --> 00:08:58,867
Huh?
375
00:08:58,867 --> 00:08:59,527
What, you need more child
376
00:08:59,533 --> 00:09:00,573
support?
377
00:09:00,567 --> 00:09:01,627
More alimony?
378
00:09:01,633 --> 00:09:02,303
Trying to kill me?
379
00:09:02,300 --> 00:09:02,970
Is that it?
380
00:09:02,967 --> 00:09:03,697
I'm here to read the part,
381
00:09:03,700 --> 00:09:04,470
Kevin.
382
00:09:04,467 --> 00:09:05,167
When did you become an
383
00:09:05,167 --> 00:09:06,097
actress, Bridgette?
384
00:09:06,100 --> 00:09:07,070
Are you kidding?
385
00:09:07,067 --> 00:09:07,927
Well, I guess you can afford
386
00:09:07,933 --> 00:09:10,073
to pay for my acting classes,
387
00:09:10,067 --> 00:09:10,897
how about that, go figure,
388
00:09:10,900 --> 00:09:13,430
Kevin!
389
00:09:13,433 --> 00:09:14,503
Fine.
390
00:09:14,500 --> 00:09:15,930
You wanna read, I'm going to let
391
00:09:15,933 --> 00:09:16,973
you embarrass yourself, but as
392
00:09:16,967 --> 00:09:18,197
soon as you're done, you're
393
00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:19,800
gonna take your bright ass and
394
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:21,400
go right back out that door.
395
00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:22,770
Let's do the first scene.
396
00:09:22,767 --> 00:09:23,797
No, we're gonna do the love
397
00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:25,070
scene.
398
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:27,767
Well, you obviously don't
399
00:09:27,767 --> 00:09:28,667
want the part.
400
00:09:28,667 --> 00:09:29,867
Shut up, Kevin.
401
00:09:29,867 --> 00:09:31,067
Girl.
402
00:09:31,067 --> 00:09:31,897
What's wrong with you, girl?
403
00:09:31,900 --> 00:09:33,270
Kiss my undead lips.
404
00:09:33,267 --> 00:09:34,397
What?
405
00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:35,900
Uh uh.
406
00:09:35,900 --> 00:09:36,730
Girl, you better get off-- stop
407
00:09:36,733 --> 00:09:37,403
it.
408
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:38,370
Bridgette, get offa me!
409
00:09:38,367 --> 00:09:41,067
Mmm.
410
00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:46,070
Her undead lips make my
411
00:09:46,067 --> 00:09:49,067
zombie balls come alive.
412
00:09:49,067 --> 00:09:51,327
I'm done.
413
00:09:51,333 --> 00:09:52,333
No, I'm done.
414
00:09:55,500 --> 00:09:56,230
Look, I know you don't want
415
00:09:56,233 --> 00:09:56,903
to talk about the project.
416
00:09:56,900 --> 00:09:57,600
I'm trying to tell you that
417
00:09:57,600 --> 00:09:59,070
David loves you.
418
00:09:59,067 --> 00:10:00,197
He wrote this play especially
419
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:00,870
for you.
420
00:10:00,867 --> 00:10:01,627
He should be writing a movie
421
00:10:01,633 --> 00:10:02,203
for me.
422
00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:02,870
A movie.
423
00:10:02,867 --> 00:10:03,527
Not a play.
424
00:10:03,533 --> 00:10:04,233
That's what we're doing.
425
00:10:04,233 --> 00:10:04,973
A play first, then the movie.
426
00:10:04,967 --> 00:10:05,597
That's how it goes.
427
00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:06,330
That's how it works out here.
428
00:10:06,333 --> 00:10:07,003
Is that covered in the
429
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:07,600
contract?
430
00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:08,270
I will put that in the
431
00:10:08,267 --> 00:10:08,927
contract.
432
00:10:08,933 --> 00:10:09,633
I will make sure it's in the
433
00:10:09,633 --> 00:10:10,273
contract.
434
00:10:10,267 --> 00:10:10,967
You have to do this play.
435
00:10:10,967 --> 00:10:11,797
It's gonna be amazing.
436
00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:12,630
It's gonna be sold out
437
00:10:12,633 --> 00:10:13,303
audiences.
438
00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:14,000
It's going to be wonderful.
439
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:14,700
Look, I gotta protect my
440
00:10:14,700 --> 00:10:15,500
brand, I told you.
441
00:10:15,500 --> 00:10:16,870
Nick, he has a brand to
442
00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:17,527
protect.
443
00:10:17,533 --> 00:10:18,503
Kevin has a brand to protect.
444
00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:19,270
Even JB has a brand to
445
00:10:19,267 --> 00:10:19,927
project.
446
00:10:19,933 --> 00:10:20,703
You, my friend, have
447
00:10:20,700 --> 00:10:22,000
bills to pay and five percent of
448
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:23,300
nothing is not cutting it.
449
00:10:23,300 --> 00:10:24,770
I've got bills to pay too.
450
00:10:24,767 --> 00:10:27,197
Do you see it?
451
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:28,530
It's your name.
452
00:10:28,533 --> 00:10:29,933
Take that down.
453
00:10:29,933 --> 00:10:30,673
Are you kidding me?
454
00:10:30,667 --> 00:10:31,367
Tell me that doesn't look
455
00:10:31,367 --> 00:10:33,597
good.
456
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:34,530
Hey, Boris.
457
00:10:34,533 --> 00:10:35,773
We love you!
458
00:10:35,767 --> 00:10:36,967
Can't wait to see you dance!
459
00:10:45,367 --> 00:10:46,267
Are you sure you still want
460
00:10:46,267 --> 00:10:48,667
me to take it down?
461
00:10:53,733 --> 00:10:56,473
♪
462
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:00,070
Kevin!
463
00:11:01,300 --> 00:11:03,430
Kevin Hart!
464
00:11:03,433 --> 00:11:05,533
Open the door!
465
00:11:05,533 --> 00:11:06,803
What do you want, man?
466
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:07,870
Man, you need to ix-nay on
467
00:11:07,867 --> 00:11:10,067
that ex-nay.
468
00:11:10,067 --> 00:11:11,667
Y'all having sex-nay?
469
00:11:11,667 --> 00:11:12,667
It's in the scene, man.
470
00:11:12,667 --> 00:11:13,697
What'd you expect?
471
00:11:13,700 --> 00:11:14,630
So right now, why don't you go
472
00:11:14,633 --> 00:11:15,733
a-way?
473
00:11:15,733 --> 00:11:16,403
What about the other
474
00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:17,070
actresses?
475
00:11:17,067 --> 00:11:18,867
What about them?
476
00:11:18,867 --> 00:11:19,897
They're here.
477
00:11:19,900 --> 00:11:21,730
I got the part, so they can
478
00:11:21,733 --> 00:11:22,703
kiss my ass, 'kay?
479
00:11:22,700 --> 00:11:23,800
What did I tell you?
480
00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:25,100
No, this is wrong.
481
00:11:25,100 --> 00:11:26,130
This is wrong.
482
00:11:26,133 --> 00:11:27,473
No.
483
00:11:27,467 --> 00:11:28,367
No!
484
00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:36,230
Close your eyes and get out
485
00:11:36,233 --> 00:11:37,433
the car, come on.
486
00:11:37,433 --> 00:11:38,203
I'm coming.
487
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:38,870
Hurry up.
488
00:11:38,867 --> 00:11:39,527
I'm coming.
489
00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:40,603
Get your hands off my car!
490
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:41,300
How am I supposed to know
491
00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:41,930
where I'm going, Kevin?
492
00:11:41,933 --> 00:11:42,933
Follow my voice, Bridgette.
493
00:11:42,933 --> 00:11:44,073
How about I follow your hand?
494
00:11:44,067 --> 00:11:44,667
Give me your hand.
495
00:11:44,667 --> 00:11:45,397
Get off my car!
496
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:46,830
Okay, I'm off now.
497
00:11:46,833 --> 00:11:48,973
All right, come on.
498
00:11:48,967 --> 00:11:51,167
Open your eyes.
499
00:11:51,167 --> 00:11:53,197
Kevin, a trailer?
500
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:54,800
Are you living in a trailer now?
501
00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:55,530
Are you broke?
502
00:11:55,533 --> 00:11:56,703
Come look at the door.
503
00:11:58,367 --> 00:11:59,267
Oh!
504
00:11:59,267 --> 00:12:00,067
Kev!
505
00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:00,667
Is that...
506
00:12:00,667 --> 00:12:01,427
This is gonna be your trailer
507
00:12:01,433 --> 00:12:02,333
when we film the movie!
508
00:12:02,333 --> 00:12:03,103
Wow!
509
00:12:03,100 --> 00:12:03,770
Come here.
510
00:12:03,767 --> 00:12:04,427
Wow!
511
00:12:04,433 --> 00:12:05,103
Get in there!
512
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:06,070
Oh, oh!
513
00:12:06,067 --> 00:12:06,727
Be careful.
514
00:12:06,733 --> 00:12:11,533
Oh!
515
00:12:11,533 --> 00:12:13,203
Kevin.
516
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:14,700
Is this-- this is all me?
517
00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:15,600
Girl, you are a movie star
518
00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:16,600
now.
519
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:17,270
It's time for you to start
520
00:12:17,267 --> 00:12:18,927
living like one.
521
00:12:18,933 --> 00:12:19,903
That is the sexiest thing you
522
00:12:19,900 --> 00:12:21,230
have ever said to me.
523
00:12:21,233 --> 00:12:22,903
I think it's-- Wait, girl.
524
00:12:22,900 --> 00:12:24,070
Wait a second.
525
00:12:24,067 --> 00:12:27,097
Mmm.
526
00:12:27,100 --> 00:12:29,200
Ride it, baby.
527
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:30,300
Ride it.
528
00:12:35,900 --> 00:12:36,870
Whoo.
529
00:12:37,233 --> 00:12:38,533
Oh, girl.
530
00:12:38,533 --> 00:12:40,403
You're hot, get off me.
531
00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:41,500
Girl.
532
00:12:41,500 --> 00:12:43,530
You know what this remind me of?
533
00:12:43,533 --> 00:12:44,433
This reminds me when we was back
534
00:12:44,433 --> 00:12:46,073
in Philly, we used to get all
535
00:12:46,067 --> 00:12:48,127
crazy and wild, over at your
536
00:12:48,133 --> 00:12:51,073
mom's house.
537
00:12:51,067 --> 00:12:51,927
And we'd almost get caught
538
00:12:51,933 --> 00:12:53,073
'cause you'd be so loud.
539
00:12:53,067 --> 00:12:53,867
I was only loud 'cause you
540
00:12:53,867 --> 00:12:54,527
were hitting my spot,
541
00:12:54,533 --> 00:12:56,103
that's why.
542
00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:57,200
What spot?
543
00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:57,970
You know the spot I'm talking
544
00:12:57,967 --> 00:12:58,697
about.
545
00:12:58,700 --> 00:12:59,370
This spot?
546
00:12:59,367 --> 00:13:00,097
Oh, stop, girl.
547
00:13:00,100 --> 00:13:00,770
Don't you do that.
548
00:13:00,767 --> 00:13:01,567
What you doing, girl?
549
00:13:01,567 --> 00:13:02,527
Stop.
550
00:13:02,533 --> 00:13:04,273
I'm just rehearsing for the
551
00:13:04,267 --> 00:13:06,067
movie.
552
00:13:06,067 --> 00:13:07,697
So when do we shoot, anyway?
553
00:13:07,700 --> 00:13:09,500
Shoot what?
554
00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:15,097
That's right.
555
00:13:15,100 --> 00:13:16,230
This whole thing is fake.
556
00:13:16,233 --> 00:13:18,273
I done messed around and forgot.
557
00:13:18,267 --> 00:13:19,327
Oh well.
558
00:13:19,333 --> 00:13:20,973
I guess all this fake financing
559
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,267
for "Nat Turner: Space Zombie
560
00:13:22,267 --> 00:13:24,397
Hunter" is about to go away.
561
00:13:29,467 --> 00:13:31,127
Johnson leaves the gymnasium,
562
00:13:31,133 --> 00:13:32,503
confused, confounded and
563
00:13:32,500 --> 00:13:34,670
conflicted.
564
00:13:34,667 --> 00:13:35,367
Hello?
565
00:13:35,367 --> 00:13:36,667
Does he attend Harvard on a
566
00:13:36,700 --> 00:13:40,100
full gymnastics scholarship or
567
00:13:40,100 --> 00:13:42,330
does he follow his true passion
568
00:13:42,367 --> 00:13:44,067
and go to the Debbie Allen Dance
569
00:13:44,067 --> 00:13:47,427
Academy and dance?
570
00:13:47,467 --> 00:13:48,227
♪ Trust Him and just believe
571
00:13:48,267 --> 00:13:50,467
♪ Mama I just wanna
572
00:13:50,500 --> 00:13:54,270
♪ Bust a move
573
00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:55,697
♪ Mama
574
00:13:55,700 --> 00:13:57,070
♪ I just
575
00:13:57,067 --> 00:13:59,627
♪ Just wanna bust a move
576
00:13:59,633 --> 00:14:00,903
♪ Oh
577
00:14:00,900 --> 00:14:03,270
♪ Mama
578
00:14:03,267 --> 00:14:05,127
♪ I just wanna
579
00:14:05,133 --> 00:14:07,573
♪ Just wanna bust
580
00:14:07,567 --> 00:14:08,727
♪ A move bust a move
581
00:14:08,733 --> 00:14:10,533
♪ Bust a move bust a move bust
582
00:14:10,533 --> 00:14:11,433
♪ A move
583
00:14:11,433 --> 00:14:14,703
♪ Oh ♪
584
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:19,300
Wow, what a surprise.
585
00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:20,770
You got Kelly Price, are you
586
00:14:20,767 --> 00:14:21,427
serious?
587
00:14:21,433 --> 00:14:22,273
No one is unattainable.
588
00:14:22,267 --> 00:14:23,827
So tell me, am I looking at my
589
00:14:23,833 --> 00:14:24,833
Johnson?
590
00:14:24,833 --> 00:14:25,703
Okay.
591
00:14:27,733 --> 00:14:28,973
Okay, look.
592
00:14:28,967 --> 00:14:30,797
I really appreciate all of this.
593
00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:31,670
Shh.
594
00:14:31,667 --> 00:14:32,597
No, no, no.
595
00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:34,700
Haste is the enemy of dreams
596
00:14:34,700 --> 00:14:37,070
and patience its lover.
597
00:14:37,067 --> 00:14:38,127
Please, take your time.
598
00:14:38,133 --> 00:14:39,073
Boris.
599
00:14:39,067 --> 00:14:39,697
You can give us your answer
600
00:14:39,700 --> 00:14:40,330
tomorrow.
601
00:14:40,333 --> 00:14:41,073
I can give you my answer
602
00:14:41,067 --> 00:14:41,967
right now because--
603
00:14:41,967 --> 00:14:42,897
Your co-star will show you
604
00:14:42,933 --> 00:14:44,273
out.
605
00:14:44,267 --> 00:14:45,427
You do know Kelly Rowland,
606
00:14:45,433 --> 00:14:46,203
don't you?
607
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:47,930
You got both Kellies?
608
00:14:47,933 --> 00:14:49,073
Hi, Sweetie.
609
00:14:49,100 --> 00:14:49,770
Are you doing this play?
610
00:14:49,767 --> 00:14:50,597
75 grand for four shows a
611
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:51,270
week?
612
00:14:51,267 --> 00:14:52,397
Hell yeah.
613
00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:53,630
75 grand?
614
00:14:53,633 --> 00:14:54,503
Not to mention you'll build
615
00:14:54,500 --> 00:14:55,970
up your fan base.
616
00:14:55,967 --> 00:14:57,167
You know, that's right.
617
00:14:57,167 --> 00:14:58,567
Outside, this lady threw a bra
618
00:14:58,567 --> 00:14:59,497
at me while I was standing under
619
00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:00,800
the marquee.
620
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,270
That's nothing.
621
00:15:02,267 --> 00:15:03,067
Wait till you do the kissing
622
00:15:03,067 --> 00:15:04,097
booth.
623
00:15:04,100 --> 00:15:05,700
Wait, wait.
624
00:15:05,700 --> 00:15:06,500
Kissing booth?
625
00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:08,070
What's the kissing booth?
626
00:15:08,067 --> 00:15:09,097
Morris Chestnut, who did the
627
00:15:09,100 --> 00:15:10,200
play before you, made an extra
628
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,770
100 grand after the show doing
629
00:15:12,767 --> 00:15:13,927
the kissing booth.
630
00:15:13,933 --> 00:15:14,873
Morris Chestnut made
631
00:15:14,867 --> 00:15:15,667
a hundred grand?
632
00:15:15,667 --> 00:15:17,627
Yes, sir.
633
00:15:17,633 --> 00:15:18,433
Well, if he makes a hundred
634
00:15:18,433 --> 00:15:20,073
grand, I'll make a million.
635
00:15:20,067 --> 00:15:21,527
Now I forgot to tell him that
636
00:15:21,533 --> 00:15:22,673
he has to do it with his shirt
637
00:15:22,667 --> 00:15:24,467
off.
638
00:15:24,467 --> 00:15:26,567
And sometimes, there are men in
639
00:15:26,567 --> 00:15:28,067
line.
640
00:15:28,067 --> 00:15:28,867
Mm-hmm.
641
00:15:36,900 --> 00:15:37,770
JB, will you stop auditioning
642
00:15:37,767 --> 00:15:40,467
and just eat your food, please?
643
00:15:40,467 --> 00:15:41,467
Zombies don't eat real food,
644
00:15:41,467 --> 00:15:42,427
Kevin.
645
00:15:42,433 --> 00:15:43,573
Zombies don't eat (beep),
646
00:15:43,567 --> 00:15:44,227
dumbass.
647
00:15:44,233 --> 00:15:45,073
That's why I won't give you the
648
00:15:45,067 --> 00:15:45,727
part, 'cause you don't do your
649
00:15:45,733 --> 00:15:46,233
research.
650
00:15:46,233 --> 00:15:46,903
I do research.
651
00:15:46,900 --> 00:15:47,570
I know zombies.
652
00:15:47,567 --> 00:15:48,297
I'm a professional zombie,
653
00:15:48,300 --> 00:15:49,170
Kevin!
654
00:15:49,167 --> 00:15:51,227
This chicken is so good.
655
00:15:51,233 --> 00:15:52,273
Who made it?
656
00:15:52,267 --> 00:15:53,227
Wait until you guys taste the
657
00:15:53,233 --> 00:15:53,903
cobbler.
658
00:15:53,900 --> 00:15:54,670
It's my mom's secret recipe.
659
00:15:54,667 --> 00:15:56,527
Hey, Boris.
660
00:15:56,533 --> 00:15:57,873
Glad you guys like the food.
661
00:15:57,867 --> 00:16:00,497
Oh-- I forgot the ice cream.
662
00:16:00,500 --> 00:16:01,330
Be right back.
663
00:16:01,333 --> 00:16:02,133
Good to see you.
664
00:16:02,133 --> 00:16:02,803
Thank you, baby.
665
00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:04,170
You're welcome.
666
00:16:04,167 --> 00:16:05,567
Ice cream, ice pick.
667
00:16:05,567 --> 00:16:06,267
What the hell's Bridgette
668
00:16:06,267 --> 00:16:07,767
doing here?
669
00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:09,067
We patched things up.
670
00:16:09,067 --> 00:16:09,727
Like what?
671
00:16:09,733 --> 00:16:10,473
Huh, like what?
672
00:16:10,467 --> 00:16:11,827
Like, like stab wounds?
673
00:16:11,833 --> 00:16:12,803
First of all, get your facts
674
00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:13,600
straight.
675
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:14,400
She didn't stab me, she tried to
676
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:15,300
poison me.
677
00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:17,500
Okay, come on.
678
00:16:17,500 --> 00:16:18,470
That's just great.
679
00:16:18,467 --> 00:16:19,367
That's funny.
680
00:16:19,367 --> 00:16:20,227
I feel like I'm breaking out,
681
00:16:20,233 --> 00:16:20,903
Kevin!
682
00:16:20,900 --> 00:16:21,730
JB.
683
00:16:21,733 --> 00:16:22,473
What's wrong with my face?
684
00:16:22,467 --> 00:16:23,127
Is my face wrong?
685
00:16:23,133 --> 00:16:23,903
JB.
686
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:25,600
Look at my face, Kevin!
687
00:16:28,533 --> 00:16:29,633
Lost his damn mind, man.
688
00:16:29,633 --> 00:16:31,303
Kevin, I swear to you, if I
689
00:16:31,300 --> 00:16:32,670
die, you better give me a part
690
00:16:32,667 --> 00:16:34,497
in that (beep) movie, Kevin.
691
00:16:34,500 --> 00:16:35,870
It is a fake movie!
692
00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:38,430
What do you mean, fake movie?
693
00:16:38,433 --> 00:16:39,603
Shush.
694
00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:41,130
God, why you being so loud?
695
00:16:41,133 --> 00:16:42,673
Yes, it's a fake movie.
696
00:16:42,667 --> 00:16:45,497
Listen, I was lonely, so I said,
697
00:16:45,500 --> 00:16:47,330
why don't I go and cast myself
698
00:16:47,333 --> 00:16:48,673
the perfect girlfriend, like
699
00:16:48,667 --> 00:16:49,427
"Argo".
700
00:16:49,433 --> 00:16:50,273
You know "Argo", right?
701
00:16:50,267 --> 00:16:50,897
"Argo", the Ben Affleck
702
00:16:50,900 --> 00:16:51,600
movie?
703
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:52,270
Yes.
704
00:16:52,267 --> 00:16:53,567
You created a fake movie to
705
00:16:53,567 --> 00:16:54,497
find the girl of your dreams and
706
00:16:54,500 --> 00:16:56,200
you cast your ex-wife?
707
00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:56,870
Yes.
708
00:16:56,867 --> 00:16:57,527
You need a new casting
709
00:16:57,533 --> 00:16:58,303
director.
710
00:16:58,300 --> 00:17:00,070
Look, if a fake movie can get
711
00:17:00,067 --> 00:17:01,897
six people out of Iran, I said
712
00:17:01,900 --> 00:17:03,930
what type of ass is my movie
713
00:17:03,933 --> 00:17:05,673
gonna get me?
714
00:17:07,767 --> 00:17:08,767
You ain't choking on no food,
715
00:17:08,767 --> 00:17:09,797
boy, shut up.
716
00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:11,070
Look, I had a casting session
717
00:17:11,067 --> 00:17:11,927
and everything.
718
00:17:11,933 --> 00:17:12,873
I'm casting all these girls--
719
00:17:12,867 --> 00:17:14,327
Kevin, Kevin, Kevin.
720
00:17:14,333 --> 00:17:15,373
Kerry Washington.
721
00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:16,067
Who else?
722
00:17:16,067 --> 00:17:16,697
Carrie-- will you stop?
723
00:17:16,700 --> 00:17:17,900
Ain't no damn flies in here.
724
00:17:17,900 --> 00:17:18,570
So look--
725
00:17:18,567 --> 00:17:19,327
It's all about the ass.
726
00:17:19,333 --> 00:17:20,533
So look, then after that,
727
00:17:20,533 --> 00:17:21,833
Bridgette came in.
728
00:17:21,833 --> 00:17:24,373
The worst actress out of
729
00:17:24,367 --> 00:17:26,127
everybody.
730
00:17:26,133 --> 00:17:27,933
And was horrible.
731
00:17:27,933 --> 00:17:28,903
Dude, there was one point where
732
00:17:28,900 --> 00:17:30,600
I was like, she can't read.
733
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:32,130
So I'm like, whatever.
734
00:17:32,133 --> 00:17:33,603
All of a sudden, Bridgette--
735
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:34,500
stop, man.
736
00:17:34,500 --> 00:17:35,170
Kevin!
737
00:17:35,167 --> 00:17:35,897
I don't want butter!
738
00:17:35,900 --> 00:17:37,100
Okay, do what you want, man.
739
00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:39,100
So Bridgette, it was between her
740
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:40,670
and everybody else, she gave me
741
00:17:40,667 --> 00:17:42,927
some ass.
742
00:17:42,933 --> 00:17:45,403
So once I got back in them
743
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:49,170
goods, up in them goods,
744
00:17:49,167 --> 00:17:50,967
in them goods.
745
00:17:50,967 --> 00:17:52,297
All the way.
746
00:17:52,300 --> 00:17:53,130
Like we used to be.
747
00:17:53,133 --> 00:17:54,073
We got the bumping-- you know
748
00:17:54,067 --> 00:17:55,967
what?
749
00:17:55,967 --> 00:17:57,067
JB, I'm sick of you.
750
00:17:57,067 --> 00:17:57,927
Go clean that (beep) of your
751
00:17:57,933 --> 00:18:00,103
face right now.
752
00:18:00,100 --> 00:18:01,230
So don't-- I want the chicken
753
00:18:01,233 --> 00:18:03,073
and I want the macaroni.
754
00:18:03,067 --> 00:18:03,767
Baby, let me explain to you what
755
00:18:03,767 --> 00:18:04,427
we was just talking about.
756
00:18:04,433 --> 00:18:05,073
You know what?
757
00:18:05,067 --> 00:18:05,667
You don't have to explain.
758
00:18:05,667 --> 00:18:06,967
You got me.
759
00:18:06,967 --> 00:18:08,067
I thought "Nat Turner: Space
760
00:18:08,067 --> 00:18:10,527
Zombie Hunter" was a real movie.
761
00:18:10,533 --> 00:18:12,903
So did I.
762
00:18:12,900 --> 00:18:13,830
Hey, at least I got an agent
763
00:18:13,833 --> 00:18:16,203
out of the deal, right?
764
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:16,900
Okay.
765
00:18:16,900 --> 00:18:17,970
You know what, I gotta...
766
00:18:17,967 --> 00:18:19,427
I gotta go.
767
00:18:19,433 --> 00:18:20,533
Guys, it was good to see you.
768
00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:21,403
There's some more chicken in the
769
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:22,330
oven and here's some ice cream
770
00:18:22,333 --> 00:18:23,233
for the--
771
00:18:23,233 --> 00:18:23,933
Thank you for the food.
772
00:18:23,933 --> 00:18:24,603
The food was--
773
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:25,870
Bridgette, listen.
774
00:18:25,867 --> 00:18:28,067
No, girl!
775
00:18:28,067 --> 00:18:29,967
What's in there?
776
00:18:29,967 --> 00:18:30,667
You could always make me
777
00:18:30,667 --> 00:18:31,397
laugh, Kevin.
778
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:33,070
Okay.
779
00:18:36,133 --> 00:18:36,803
See you guys.
780
00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:38,400
Hands are so cold.
781
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:39,070
I'm disappointed.
782
00:18:39,067 --> 00:18:39,827
I thought she was gonna go in on
783
00:18:39,833 --> 00:18:41,633
him for that one.
784
00:18:41,633 --> 00:18:42,373
I expected her to blow up
785
00:18:42,367 --> 00:18:43,427
just now.
786
00:18:43,433 --> 00:18:45,203
That's a big difference right
787
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:46,100
there.
788
00:18:46,100 --> 00:18:46,970
Oh!
789
00:18:48,900 --> 00:18:51,600
Get your water!
790
00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:53,270
No!
791
00:19:00,633 --> 00:19:01,403
Little movie might have been
792
00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:03,200
fake, Kevin.
793
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:05,170
But you know what wasn't fake?
794
00:19:05,167 --> 00:19:06,797
This orgasm I just had lighting
795
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:08,970
your little man toy on fire.
796
00:19:08,967 --> 00:19:11,367
Mitch!
797
00:19:12,500 --> 00:19:16,930
♪
798
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:27,070
♪
46622
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