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♪ This is the life
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♪ Look at the life
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♪ This is the city where we
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♪ Party every night
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♪ We do it big
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♪ Diamonds and gold
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♪ Welcome to Hollywood ♪
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♪ Again
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♪ Man we gotta keep
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♪ Tellin' y'all
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♪ Again
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♪ Over and over again
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♪ Again ♪
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Hey!
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[chuckling]
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I didn't know you were
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gonna be here.
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I guess that was one of
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Victoria's secrets.
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[chuckling]
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I'm sorry, um, who are you?
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I'm Kevin--
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Exactly.
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Calm down, Hobbit,
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she's not here for you.
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Okay.
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Okay?
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She's here for Romany.
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Mitt Romney?
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You a Republican?
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Oh, Jesus.
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No, fool, Romany Malco.
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Wow.
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Here he is.
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Romany, Selita.
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Hi.
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Oh, finally, hey.
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So nice to meet you.
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Thanks for coming.
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Of course.
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Anything for the kids.
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Yeah.
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Kev, I did not expect to
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see you here.
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Not at Nick's house.
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What are you talking about,
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Romany?
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I just know that the two of
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y'all don't really get along.
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Well, I just know that me
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and you don't really
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get along either.
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I didn't know that.
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I do.
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Well, look, as long as you're
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willing to put it behind you to
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support the kids, I'm with--
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I'm not supporting
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no damn kids, Romany.
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I don't want to.
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Another note for you,
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this is my house.
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Selita, the bedroom's upstairs.
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Oh, that's right,
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that's right.
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The wife got the big house
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after the divorce.
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Yeah, she did.
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This is quaint, though.
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I don't know why he's
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talking to you.
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Y'all go have fun.
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You wanna go grab a drink?
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Please.
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Wait.
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Please-- nice to meet you.
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You too, but-- Hey, Romany,
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what'd you do with your
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"Weeds" money?
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He's so tall.
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Get out of my face, Wanda.
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Oh, that's good.
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I should have let Charmagne
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whoop your old ass when
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she had the chance.
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Go get me a switch.
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I'm gonna get it.
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Go get me a switch.
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I'm gonna get it.
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Help stop deadbeat dads!
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Get your money, don't get mad!
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Help stop deadbeat dads!
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Get your money, don't get mad!
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Help stop deadbeat dads!
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Get your money, don't get mad!
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Hey, how y'all doing, man?
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Good to see y'all.
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Give me this right here.
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Yeah.
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Bridgette, what are you doing?
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Oh, what does it look like
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I'm doing, Kevin?
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What is that
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supposed to mean?
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It means that my cousin is
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letting everybody know that
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you ain't [bleep].
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Hit it.
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Okay, you know what?
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You know what?
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Listen to me--
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Why are you even here, Tiffany?
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'Cause I am supporting
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the cause.
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I'm hooraying--
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Watch out,
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excuse me, excuse me.
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Help stop deadbeat dads!
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Help stop deadbeat dads,
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take a--
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No, bring it up.
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Just take it!
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... everybody else's kids
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except his own!
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Don't let him fool you.
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He ain't a philan--
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a philanthropist.
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Listen to me.
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You listen and you listen-- Hey!
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How y'all doing?
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Get in there and
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enjoy yourselves.
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I can have you both arrested
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for trespassing.
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Is that what you want?
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Really?
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I could have you arrested for
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not supporting your kids, Kevin.
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You're a liar.
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I'm a liar?
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I love my kids, and I take
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damn good care of them
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and I support you, Bridgette.
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And your crazy ass.
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So last I checked,
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I'm supporting everybody
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in this circle.
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I don't know anything about
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that, but what I do know is
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right behind you is
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a beautiful house.
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I like your house, Kevin,
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when did you get it?
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I thought you were broke.
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Mm-hmm.
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I found it.
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That's right.
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You found it.
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I walked by it, I found it.
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How about the truth?
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Okay, you want to know
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the truth, Bridgette?
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Ever since me and you separated
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and I started giving you
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half of what I make,
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I somehow got richer.
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Go figure, Bridgette.
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There it is.
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Cat's out the bag.
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Well, I guess you can afford
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to pay for my acting classes,
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how about that go figure, Kevin?
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So that's what this is about?
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This is about some damn
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acting classes?
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Yes!
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Bridgette, you are
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my ex-wife.
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You are not my daughter.
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And I give you more than enough
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money for you to pay for
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whatever acting coach you want,
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so you do it yourself.
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You know what?
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You don't give me enough money
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to pay for Jamie Foxx's
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Oscar-winning acting coach
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'cause she charges $10,000
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an hour.
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Did you know that, Kevin?
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No, no, no,
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I didn't know that.
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What I do know is that you need
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to focus on being the coach
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instead of the actress!
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Okay, why don't you think about
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making money, Bridgette?
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That's what you never do.
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That's why I think you're
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stupid sometimes.
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Just get out, both of you.
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Off my property right now before
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I sic the pit bulls on you.
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[barking]
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All on your ass.
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[crying]
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♪
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Bridgette.
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[crying]
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Bridgette.
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You don't understand,
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it's so hard out there.
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Bridgette, I don't have
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time for this.
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I'm trying to turn my life
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around and it's tough out there
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for a single mom.
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Tiffany, tell him it's
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tough out there.
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Prices at Whole Foods
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keep going up and up.
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It's expensive out there.
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You know what?
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Let me stop you both
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'cause you're good.
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You are really good.
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That was awful.
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Whatever that little cry job
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you did was horrible.
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It was almost Boris-like.
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Here's the thing.
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You don't need an acting coach.
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What you need is a therapist,
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Bridgette.
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That's what you need,
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a therapist.
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I said it, that's how I feel.
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You know, I was seeing
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a therapist three times a week
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when I was with your tired ass.
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And I saw bartenders
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seven times a week when
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I was with your crazy ass.
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Not the same thing!
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That's not the same thing!
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Hey, all you bougie people
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in there.
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Kevin Hart is just a fake-ass
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wannabe who doesn't
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take care of his kids!
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Hey, I cannot believe that
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I used to sleep in
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the same bed with you.
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You know what?
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Here, here, you take it.
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Yeah, give me all of it!
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You take it.
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Bridgette, I don't care anymore!
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Look, I want you to go break
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a leg-- literally.
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I hope you snap it backwards
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and it kicks you in
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the back of your head.
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And you take you and your
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tired-ass cousin off
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this prop-- uh-uh.
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Tiffany.
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Kevin, thank you!
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Look, I'm going to dedicate
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my first Oscar to you.
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I swear.
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I'm gonna call you.
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And scene.
♪
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♪ Pull you to a corner
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♪ Before I get to know you
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♪ I wanna rock with you ♪
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Okay, folks,
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let's gather for the auction.
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Uh, hey, Selita, real quick,
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I want to talk to you.
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Oh!
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Mother--
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[laughing]
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Get your ass up, man.
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Look, a little word of advice
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as Selita's ex-fiancé?
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You thinking about dating her,
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don't.
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Why not?
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Tell me why, Nick.
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Let's get started by
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introducing our celebrity
293
00:06:01,482 --> 00:06:04,452
auctioneer, J.B. Smoove!
294
00:06:04,448 --> 00:06:05,618
What's going on?
295
00:06:05,620 --> 00:06:07,140
[cheers and applause]
296
00:06:07,137 --> 00:06:08,997
[horn honking]
297
00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:09,900
All right, everybody,
298
00:06:09,896 --> 00:06:10,896
what we have here is
299
00:06:10,896 --> 00:06:12,586
a brand-spanking-new
300
00:06:12,586 --> 00:06:14,896
Mercedes-Benz smart car.
301
00:06:14,896 --> 00:06:17,026
This car is amazing!
302
00:06:17,034 --> 00:06:17,934
This car is not only good at
303
00:06:17,931 --> 00:06:19,171
the pump, but it also
304
00:06:19,172 --> 00:06:21,662
can do your taxes.
305
00:06:21,655 --> 00:06:24,165
This car retails for $12,000.
306
00:06:24,172 --> 00:06:25,002
We're going to
307
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:25,930
do you a favor today.
308
00:06:25,931 --> 00:06:26,971
We're going to start the bidding
309
00:06:26,965 --> 00:06:29,375
at $5,000, everybody.
310
00:06:29,379 --> 00:06:30,619
$5,000.
311
00:06:30,620 --> 00:06:31,520
That's a start,
312
00:06:31,517 --> 00:06:33,027
that's a start.
313
00:06:33,034 --> 00:06:34,034
That means I'm gonna need all
314
00:06:34,034 --> 00:06:36,034
you Hollywood Africans to pull
315
00:06:36,034 --> 00:06:37,624
them Gucci wallets out and we
316
00:06:37,620 --> 00:06:39,550
got to go deep, deep to
317
00:06:39,551 --> 00:06:41,001
the darkest part of Africa.
318
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,240
[yelping]
319
00:06:43,241 --> 00:06:45,341
This is a damn charity.
320
00:06:45,344 --> 00:06:46,524
That's right.
321
00:06:46,517 --> 00:06:48,597
This is for the kids!
322
00:06:48,603 --> 00:06:50,243
Who got me, come on?
323
00:06:50,241 --> 00:06:52,031
I need to get it.
324
00:06:52,034 --> 00:06:53,124
Yes.
325
00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:54,690
Boris, are you bidding
326
00:06:54,689 --> 00:06:56,999
or are you ordering food?
327
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,720
[all laughing]
328
00:06:58,724 --> 00:07:00,594
Hand it over.
329
00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:01,236
Who do we got in here?
330
00:07:01,241 --> 00:07:01,931
Come on, let's dig deep,
331
00:07:01,931 --> 00:07:03,411
people, come on now.
332
00:07:03,413 --> 00:07:04,793
Who got me, come on?
333
00:07:04,793 --> 00:07:06,103
5,000.
334
00:07:06,103 --> 00:07:08,593
You only have $3,000
335
00:07:08,586 --> 00:07:09,966
in your checking account.
336
00:07:09,965 --> 00:07:10,925
Hey, hey, I just got
337
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:11,621
a residual check from
338
00:07:11,620 --> 00:07:12,590
"All of Us."
339
00:07:12,586 --> 00:07:14,236
That's $3,200.
340
00:07:14,241 --> 00:07:15,281
If you don't put your hand down
341
00:07:15,275 --> 00:07:16,205
and stop playing around
342
00:07:16,206 --> 00:07:17,306
up in here.
343
00:07:17,310 --> 00:07:18,210
J.B., never mind.
344
00:07:18,206 --> 00:07:21,236
Tisha won't loan me the rest.
345
00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:22,241
Nick Cannon, my man,
346
00:07:22,241 --> 00:07:23,031
Nick Cannon.
347
00:07:23,034 --> 00:07:24,724
Mr. "Wild 'n Out"!
348
00:07:24,724 --> 00:07:25,594
Let's wild out on that
349
00:07:25,586 --> 00:07:26,616
checkbook,
350
00:07:26,620 --> 00:07:27,860
"America's Got Talent"!
351
00:07:27,862 --> 00:07:28,662
Let's dig deep.
352
00:07:28,655 --> 00:07:29,475
Come on now!
353
00:07:29,482 --> 00:07:31,172
I donated the car.
354
00:07:31,172 --> 00:07:32,592
This is my idea,
355
00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:34,996
and I hired your ass.
356
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:36,380
My fault.
357
00:07:36,379 --> 00:07:37,209
What do we got out here?
358
00:07:37,206 --> 00:07:38,066
10 grand.
359
00:07:38,068 --> 00:07:39,758
10 grand!
360
00:07:39,758 --> 00:07:42,408
Romany just bid $10,000.
361
00:07:42,413 --> 00:07:44,003
That put a big old smile
362
00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:45,210
on Selita's face.
363
00:07:45,206 --> 00:07:46,476
A big smile-- Look at that
364
00:07:46,482 --> 00:07:49,212
smile, look at that smile.
365
00:07:49,206 --> 00:07:50,826
Uh, J.B.
366
00:07:50,827 --> 00:07:51,997
I feel like if we're gonna bid,
367
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,380
we might as well bid like men.
368
00:07:53,379 --> 00:07:56,069
I'm gonna go 20,000, J.B.
369
00:07:56,068 --> 00:07:58,998
$20,000 from Kevin Hart.
370
00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:00,210
That put an even bigger smile
371
00:08:00,206 --> 00:08:01,586
on Selita's face.
372
00:08:01,586 --> 00:08:02,656
Look at that face.
373
00:08:02,655 --> 00:08:03,375
I know a smile when
374
00:08:03,379 --> 00:08:04,029
I see a smile.
375
00:08:04,034 --> 00:08:05,524
25,000.
376
00:08:05,517 --> 00:08:06,167
Who said that?
377
00:08:06,172 --> 00:08:08,022
Who said 25?
378
00:08:08,017 --> 00:08:08,997
Somebody said something?
379
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:10,170
Look who's here, everybody.
380
00:08:10,172 --> 00:08:12,602
Khloe Kardashian!
381
00:08:12,603 --> 00:08:13,523
Khloe, stop it.
382
00:08:13,517 --> 00:08:14,377
You're not happy to see me?
383
00:08:14,379 --> 00:08:15,449
No, I'm not happy to see you.
384
00:08:15,448 --> 00:08:17,278
What are you doing?
385
00:08:17,275 --> 00:08:17,925
What do you even need
386
00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:18,861
this car for?
387
00:08:18,862 --> 00:08:19,972
You can't reach the pedals.
388
00:08:19,965 --> 00:08:20,715
Oh, that's great,
389
00:08:20,724 --> 00:08:21,554
that's good.
390
00:08:21,551 --> 00:08:24,691
No, I guess that one made
391
00:08:24,689 --> 00:08:25,859
you a smart Kar-dashian.
392
00:08:25,862 --> 00:08:27,242
[laughing]
393
00:08:27,241 --> 00:08:28,101
That's my joke.
394
00:08:28,103 --> 00:08:30,723
It doesn't matter-- 26,000, J.B.
395
00:08:30,724 --> 00:08:33,104
Yeah, yeah, one up.
396
00:08:33,103 --> 00:08:34,143
Selita wants to do 30,
397
00:08:34,137 --> 00:08:35,097
so we do 30.
398
00:08:35,103 --> 00:08:36,003
Woo!
399
00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:36,720
We are doing--
400
00:08:36,724 --> 00:08:38,284
we are doing 30!
401
00:08:38,275 --> 00:08:39,925
We, a man who claims his lady!
402
00:08:39,931 --> 00:08:41,311
Uh, J.B., if Selita
403
00:08:41,310 --> 00:08:42,310
wants to do things,
404
00:08:42,310 --> 00:08:43,030
I'm gonna show her
405
00:08:43,034 --> 00:08:43,834
how to do 'em right.
406
00:08:43,827 --> 00:08:45,927
I'm gonna go 35.
407
00:08:45,931 --> 00:08:46,691
What you mitches
408
00:08:46,689 --> 00:08:48,409
gonna do next?
409
00:08:48,413 --> 00:08:49,903
Oh, okay, all right.
410
00:08:49,896 --> 00:08:51,276
I call that "topping Romany."
411
00:08:51,275 --> 00:08:52,995
Okay, great.
412
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,310
40-- it's nothing.
413
00:08:54,310 --> 00:08:55,790
Oh, we got a 40-ounce over
414
00:08:55,793 --> 00:08:56,593
here, Kevin Hart!
415
00:08:56,586 --> 00:08:57,376
A 40-ounce!
416
00:08:57,379 --> 00:08:58,339
What's it gonna do, huh?
417
00:08:58,344 --> 00:08:59,344
Hey, J.B., funny thing
418
00:08:59,344 --> 00:09:00,384
about 40s, I drank 'em
419
00:09:00,379 --> 00:09:01,589
when I was a kid.
420
00:09:01,586 --> 00:09:02,996
I'm now a grown-ass man,
421
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,410
I don't do 40s anymore.
422
00:09:04,413 --> 00:09:05,173
You could pop bottles
423
00:09:05,172 --> 00:09:06,522
and I say 50.
424
00:09:06,517 --> 00:09:07,967
[cheers and applause]
425
00:09:07,965 --> 00:09:10,205
$50,000 from
426
00:09:10,206 --> 00:09:11,996
Khloe Kardashian!
427
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:12,690
Did you hear me from
428
00:09:12,689 --> 00:09:13,829
down there?
429
00:09:13,827 --> 00:09:17,407
You can hear me?
430
00:09:17,413 --> 00:09:19,763
Oh!
431
00:09:19,758 --> 00:09:20,758
We going in, Wanda,
432
00:09:20,758 --> 00:09:21,688
we going in, baby.
433
00:09:21,689 --> 00:09:22,409
What do you think, I can't
434
00:09:22,413 --> 00:09:23,213
keep up with you 'cause
435
00:09:23,206 --> 00:09:24,096
you a Kardashian?
436
00:09:24,103 --> 00:09:24,863
Huh, is that what
437
00:09:24,862 --> 00:09:25,762
you think, Khloe?
438
00:09:25,758 --> 00:09:27,448
'Cause I'm a Hart-ashian.
439
00:09:27,448 --> 00:09:29,378
Hart-ashian?
440
00:09:29,379 --> 00:09:31,659
Yeah, okay.
441
00:09:31,655 --> 00:09:32,685
The beat.
442
00:09:32,689 --> 00:09:34,279
It's about to beat.
443
00:09:34,275 --> 00:09:35,965
Let's see it, let's see it.
444
00:09:35,965 --> 00:09:36,755
In fact, let's just go ahead
445
00:09:36,758 --> 00:09:37,718
and beat Kevin right now
446
00:09:37,724 --> 00:09:39,624
and let's just make it 80.
447
00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:41,830
Oh my-- oh, oh, oh!
448
00:09:41,827 --> 00:09:42,927
[horn honking]
449
00:09:42,931 --> 00:09:45,241
We got $80,000 from Romany,
450
00:09:45,241 --> 00:09:46,451
$80,000!
451
00:09:46,448 --> 00:09:47,548
Did you just see that?
452
00:09:47,551 --> 00:09:48,341
They just Barack Obama
453
00:09:48,344 --> 00:09:50,284
fist-pumped in my face.
454
00:09:50,275 --> 00:09:51,895
Hey!
455
00:09:51,896 --> 00:09:52,586
J.B., does everybody in
456
00:09:52,586 --> 00:09:53,656
the house hear that?
457
00:09:53,655 --> 00:09:54,825
'Cause I do.
458
00:09:54,827 --> 00:09:58,757
[imitating heartbeat]
459
00:09:58,758 --> 00:10:00,998
Yeah, it's called a heartbeat.
460
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:01,970
Right now, my heartbeat is
461
00:10:01,965 --> 00:10:02,715
telling me to do
462
00:10:02,724 --> 00:10:04,554
something crazy!
463
00:10:04,551 --> 00:10:06,831
$150,000!
464
00:10:06,827 --> 00:10:08,207
[cheers and applause]
465
00:10:08,206 --> 00:10:10,236
Kevin Hart just went in
466
00:10:10,241 --> 00:10:11,831
deep on y'all!
467
00:10:11,827 --> 00:10:15,407
With 150,000 big ones!
468
00:10:15,413 --> 00:10:17,143
Whoa, no!
469
00:10:17,137 --> 00:10:18,717
It's a $12,000 car,
470
00:10:18,724 --> 00:10:20,074
you're so dumb.
471
00:10:20,068 --> 00:10:21,098
Oh, my God.
472
00:10:21,103 --> 00:10:22,243
I didn't say-- I didn't say
473
00:10:22,241 --> 00:10:23,791
150,000, I said--
474
00:10:23,793 --> 00:10:24,833
Going once!
475
00:10:24,827 --> 00:10:26,167
Going twice!
476
00:10:26,172 --> 00:10:27,312
Sold, sold!
477
00:10:27,310 --> 00:10:31,070
Sold for $150,000
478
00:10:31,068 --> 00:10:33,338
to the fool who just paid
479
00:10:33,344 --> 00:10:34,524
Phantom money for
480
00:10:34,517 --> 00:10:37,787
a damn smart car.
481
00:10:37,793 --> 00:10:40,023
Oh God, no.
482
00:10:40,017 --> 00:10:40,997
Hey, Kev.
483
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:41,950
Hey.
484
00:10:41,948 --> 00:10:42,548
You need to borrow
485
00:10:42,551 --> 00:10:43,591
a little money?
486
00:10:43,586 --> 00:10:44,716
I finally get the chance to
487
00:10:44,724 --> 00:10:46,834
do a TV show without my family
488
00:10:46,827 --> 00:10:47,967
and this [bleep] pops up
489
00:10:47,965 --> 00:10:49,305
in the scene.
490
00:10:49,310 --> 00:10:50,070
But at least I have this
491
00:10:50,068 --> 00:10:51,998
confessional to myself.
492
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:52,720
Khloe, who are you
493
00:10:52,724 --> 00:10:53,384
talking to?
494
00:10:53,379 --> 00:10:54,379
Are you for real?
495
00:10:54,379 --> 00:10:55,029
What, like--
496
00:10:55,034 --> 00:10:56,034
[bleep]
497
00:10:56,034 --> 00:10:59,244
Where are you going?
498
00:11:02,724 --> 00:11:05,344
♪
499
00:11:05,344 --> 00:11:06,314
Sold, sold!
500
00:11:06,310 --> 00:11:09,550
Sold for $150,000
501
00:11:09,551 --> 00:11:11,661
to the fool who just paid
502
00:11:11,655 --> 00:11:13,095
Phantom money for
503
00:11:13,103 --> 00:11:14,243
a damn smart car!
504
00:11:14,241 --> 00:11:15,001
Hey, Kev.
505
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:15,830
Hey.
506
00:11:15,827 --> 00:11:16,477
You need to borrow
507
00:11:16,482 --> 00:11:17,282
a little money?
508
00:11:17,275 --> 00:11:18,925
No, no, I'm good, I'm good.
509
00:11:18,931 --> 00:11:19,791
Yes.
510
00:11:19,793 --> 00:11:21,553
No, don't leave, but maybe.
511
00:11:21,551 --> 00:11:22,411
Make up your mind.
512
00:11:22,413 --> 00:11:23,723
Wanda, can I talk to you?
513
00:11:23,724 --> 00:11:24,594
Yeah, that was kind of
514
00:11:24,586 --> 00:11:25,856
off of impulse right there.
515
00:11:25,862 --> 00:11:27,002
Oh, no, that was beautiful.
516
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,170
I'm just-- I'm not
517
00:11:28,172 --> 00:11:29,002
feeling good, Wanda.
518
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:29,690
That was a good thing
519
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:30,619
you did.
520
00:11:30,620 --> 00:11:32,620
Real stupid, but good.
521
00:11:32,620 --> 00:11:35,450
Where's-- where's Selita at?
522
00:11:35,448 --> 00:11:37,338
Oh, she left with Romany
523
00:11:37,344 --> 00:11:39,104
about $80,000 ago.
524
00:11:39,103 --> 00:11:39,863
What?
525
00:11:39,862 --> 00:11:40,692
Yeah.
526
00:11:40,689 --> 00:11:41,659
Oh, and your check better not
527
00:11:41,655 --> 00:11:42,475
bounce, you little
528
00:11:42,482 --> 00:11:44,072
[bleep]-ass mitch.
529
00:11:44,068 --> 00:11:44,828
Okay.
530
00:11:44,827 --> 00:11:45,477
Nice job.
531
00:11:45,482 --> 00:11:46,692
Oh, no.
532
00:11:46,689 --> 00:11:47,899
Hey, everybody, do me a favor,
533
00:11:47,896 --> 00:11:48,996
don't take them bags just in
534
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:50,310
case I gotta-- just in case
535
00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:52,000
I gotta return stuff.
536
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:54,030
Khloe, can we put the 50 that
537
00:11:54,034 --> 00:11:56,144
you said to what I said?
538
00:11:56,137 --> 00:11:57,307
Uh...
539
00:11:57,310 --> 00:11:58,170
I feel like there were so many
540
00:11:58,172 --> 00:11:59,412
other people involved, because
541
00:11:59,413 --> 00:12:01,213
Romany committed the 30.
542
00:12:01,206 --> 00:12:03,926
Duane's got 3,000 in it, too.
543
00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:05,721
So that's 30, that's 33.
544
00:12:05,724 --> 00:12:06,974
And Khloe said 50
545
00:12:06,965 --> 00:12:07,685
and she meant it.
546
00:12:07,689 --> 00:12:08,519
$150,000.
547
00:12:08,517 --> 00:12:09,687
Let me get my ass out your car.
548
00:12:09,689 --> 00:12:10,659
J.B., that's technically--
549
00:12:10,655 --> 00:12:12,375
That's your car.
550
00:12:12,379 --> 00:12:13,309
J.B.
551
00:12:13,310 --> 00:12:14,970
Boy, you a mitch.
552
00:12:14,965 --> 00:12:17,375
♪ We bossed up
553
00:12:17,379 --> 00:12:18,309
♪ Make it crack
554
00:12:18,310 --> 00:12:19,340
♪ You talk stuff
555
00:12:19,344 --> 00:12:20,244
♪ Take it back
556
00:12:20,241 --> 00:12:21,571
♪ My boss can love
557
00:12:21,568 --> 00:12:22,788
♪ And chase the cat
558
00:12:22,793 --> 00:12:23,663
♪ That's what's up
559
00:12:23,655 --> 00:12:24,825
♪ Taste that ♪
560
00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:25,807
Um, what do you want
561
00:12:25,810 --> 00:12:26,380
me to do?
562
00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:27,029
What am I doing?
563
00:12:27,034 --> 00:12:27,764
Tell me what I'm doing.
564
00:12:27,758 --> 00:12:28,408
You're praying.
565
00:12:28,413 --> 00:12:30,413
Bow your head.
566
00:12:30,413 --> 00:12:31,763
Sorry, Jesus.
567
00:12:31,758 --> 00:12:32,828
Wow.
568
00:12:32,827 --> 00:12:34,237
Amen.
569
00:12:34,241 --> 00:12:34,931
Now say what you was
570
00:12:34,931 --> 00:12:35,591
gonna say.
571
00:12:35,586 --> 00:12:36,586
What do you want me to do
572
00:12:36,586 --> 00:12:38,066
with this stuff from yesterday?
573
00:12:38,068 --> 00:12:38,858
The same thing we always do,
574
00:12:38,862 --> 00:12:39,832
let's play the match game.
575
00:12:39,827 --> 00:12:40,547
Wait, wait, there's
576
00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:42,101
something else, yep.
577
00:12:42,103 --> 00:12:43,933
Let's start with this.
578
00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:45,591
It's not combed.
579
00:12:45,586 --> 00:12:46,686
Nope.
580
00:12:46,689 --> 00:12:48,209
Let me smell it.
581
00:12:48,206 --> 00:12:49,476
Tisha.
582
00:12:49,482 --> 00:12:50,452
Yep, that's Tisha,
583
00:12:50,448 --> 00:12:51,208
that's a point for you.
584
00:12:51,206 --> 00:12:51,966
Every day, all day.
585
00:12:51,965 --> 00:12:53,615
Uh...
586
00:12:53,620 --> 00:12:54,380
Here, you--
587
00:12:54,379 --> 00:12:55,099
You smell it, you smell it.
588
00:12:55,103 --> 00:12:55,723
I don't want--
589
00:12:55,724 --> 00:12:56,414
I don't want to smell it.
590
00:12:56,413 --> 00:12:57,103
Boris-- look at the top,
591
00:12:57,103 --> 00:12:58,003
there's lace at the top.
592
00:12:58,000 --> 00:12:58,930
That's German, you right,
593
00:12:58,931 --> 00:12:59,931
you right, you right.
594
00:12:59,931 --> 00:13:01,971
Okay.
595
00:13:01,965 --> 00:13:04,065
Is it empty?
596
00:13:04,068 --> 00:13:05,138
Yep.
597
00:13:05,137 --> 00:13:05,857
Wanda.
598
00:13:05,862 --> 00:13:06,522
You good.
599
00:13:06,517 --> 00:13:07,237
That's Wanda's.
600
00:13:07,241 --> 00:13:08,001
You on fire right now, boss.
601
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:08,620
I know it's Wanda,
602
00:13:08,620 --> 00:13:09,900
she back on that juice.
603
00:13:09,896 --> 00:13:10,686
Hold up.
604
00:13:10,689 --> 00:13:11,409
Who would have
605
00:13:11,413 --> 00:13:12,553
a diamond-encrusted phone?
606
00:13:12,551 --> 00:13:13,791
Uh.
607
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:14,763
Selita!
608
00:13:14,758 --> 00:13:15,658
That's Selita's--
609
00:13:15,655 --> 00:13:16,655
I know, but give it to me.
610
00:13:16,655 --> 00:13:17,305
Don't do it.
611
00:13:17,310 --> 00:13:18,410
Shut up, boy.
612
00:13:18,413 --> 00:13:19,453
Don't do it.
613
00:13:19,448 --> 00:13:20,098
Give me the phone.
614
00:13:20,103 --> 00:13:21,173
You're better than that.
615
00:13:21,172 --> 00:13:21,902
Who doesn't have a lock
616
00:13:21,896 --> 00:13:22,996
on their phone?
617
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:24,480
That's stupid.
618
00:13:24,482 --> 00:13:25,142
Maybe she didn't think
619
00:13:25,137 --> 00:13:25,827
somebody would go through
620
00:13:25,827 --> 00:13:26,477
her phone.
621
00:13:26,482 --> 00:13:27,902
Wow, our little frenemy
622
00:13:27,896 --> 00:13:29,026
has been texting Selita.
623
00:13:29,034 --> 00:13:29,724
Who?
624
00:13:29,724 --> 00:13:30,554
Mitch Romany.
625
00:13:30,551 --> 00:13:31,311
Romany?
626
00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:32,170
Yeah!
627
00:13:32,172 --> 00:13:33,622
All up in the phone.
628
00:13:33,620 --> 00:13:35,030
Romany.
629
00:13:35,034 --> 00:13:35,724
I mean, it's only right
630
00:13:35,724 --> 00:13:37,004
to reply, right?
631
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:37,860
Is it only right?
632
00:13:37,862 --> 00:13:38,972
Yes, it is only right.
633
00:13:38,965 --> 00:13:40,925
Or not.
634
00:13:40,931 --> 00:13:44,761
"What are you doing today?"
635
00:13:44,758 --> 00:13:47,378
Send.
636
00:13:47,379 --> 00:13:49,719
[cell phone alerting]
637
00:13:49,724 --> 00:13:50,864
Okay...
638
00:13:50,862 --> 00:13:51,522
"Having lunch with you,
639
00:13:51,517 --> 00:13:53,137
remember?"
640
00:13:53,137 --> 00:13:54,927
Wow, they're having lunch today.
641
00:13:54,931 --> 00:13:55,691
That's a little smack
642
00:13:55,689 --> 00:13:56,639
in the face.
643
00:13:56,637 --> 00:13:57,757
Okay.
644
00:13:57,758 --> 00:13:58,788
"No!
645
00:13:58,793 --> 00:14:01,593
No, I was just testing you."
646
00:14:01,586 --> 00:14:02,236
Oh, God.
647
00:14:02,241 --> 00:14:05,911
"We are still on for lunch.
648
00:14:05,913 --> 00:14:08,523
"12:00
649
00:14:08,517 --> 00:14:11,997
at the Beverly Hills Hotel."
650
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:12,830
Wait for it.
651
00:14:12,827 --> 00:14:13,757
Wow.
652
00:14:13,758 --> 00:14:15,828
Wait for it.
653
00:14:15,827 --> 00:14:17,927
"No, silly."
654
00:14:17,931 --> 00:14:18,791
He says, "No, silly,"
655
00:14:18,793 --> 00:14:19,523
I'm reading that.
656
00:14:19,517 --> 00:14:21,277
Romany's a corny-ass mitch.
657
00:14:21,275 --> 00:14:23,785
"No, silly, 1:00 at Clafoutis."
658
00:14:23,793 --> 00:14:25,173
Clafoutis.
659
00:14:25,172 --> 00:14:25,902
What's that?
660
00:14:25,896 --> 00:14:26,716
A restaurant on Sunset.
661
00:14:26,724 --> 00:14:27,664
It's really nice,
662
00:14:27,655 --> 00:14:28,445
like the wine list is--
663
00:14:28,448 --> 00:14:29,408
I know what it is,
664
00:14:29,413 --> 00:14:30,523
I know exactly what it is.
665
00:14:30,517 --> 00:14:31,897
You know, that one.
666
00:14:31,896 --> 00:14:32,826
Okay.
667
00:14:32,827 --> 00:14:33,477
Why does he got all
668
00:14:33,482 --> 00:14:34,142
these "emojos"?
669
00:14:34,137 --> 00:14:35,337
Look, look-- smiley face,
670
00:14:35,344 --> 00:14:36,974
cuddle bear, heart look.
671
00:14:36,965 --> 00:14:38,375
He's got the hand.
672
00:14:38,379 --> 00:14:39,379
That's mitch stuff.
673
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:40,099
He's a mitch, he's a mitch.
674
00:14:40,103 --> 00:14:41,003
Love-- He's a mitch.
675
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:41,690
It's "emoticon,"
676
00:14:41,689 --> 00:14:42,339
just so you don't--
677
00:14:42,344 --> 00:14:43,664
It's "emojos."
678
00:14:43,655 --> 00:14:44,445
I mean, whatever.
679
00:14:44,448 --> 00:14:45,238
Y'know what, since you
680
00:14:45,241 --> 00:14:46,001
decided to dress like Carl Lewis
681
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:46,930
today, why don't you go run
682
00:14:46,931 --> 00:14:48,621
inside and grab me some milk?
683
00:14:48,620 --> 00:14:49,860
Maybe if I got paid more,
684
00:14:49,862 --> 00:14:51,622
I could dress better.
685
00:14:51,620 --> 00:14:53,520
Well, that's just not
686
00:14:53,517 --> 00:14:55,277
gonna happen.
687
00:14:55,275 --> 00:14:56,855
Clafoutis?
688
00:14:56,862 --> 00:14:59,312
Since you love using "emojos,"
689
00:14:59,310 --> 00:15:07,210
use these.
690
00:15:07,206 --> 00:15:08,446
♪ Lady let me welcome you
691
00:15:08,448 --> 00:15:10,098
♪ To my place
692
00:15:10,103 --> 00:15:11,143
♪ For a little music
693
00:15:11,137 --> 00:15:12,927
♪ Sex romance yeah
694
00:15:12,931 --> 00:15:14,521
♪ Lady let me welcome you ♪
695
00:15:14,517 --> 00:15:15,587
It's the scariest
696
00:15:15,586 --> 00:15:16,476
thing in the world,
697
00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:17,662
especially the first time.
698
00:15:17,655 --> 00:15:18,655
It's like, you know--
699
00:15:18,655 --> 00:15:20,095
It happens to me often.
700
00:15:20,103 --> 00:15:21,213
You don't even know.
701
00:15:21,206 --> 00:15:22,996
Right, right, right.
702
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:24,000
Hey, Selita.
703
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,590
Oh, hi, Kevin.
704
00:15:25,586 --> 00:15:26,586
This is crazy, two days
705
00:15:26,586 --> 00:15:27,516
in a row, huh?
706
00:15:27,517 --> 00:15:28,827
I know, what a coincidence.
707
00:15:28,827 --> 00:15:29,787
I know, I know.
708
00:15:29,793 --> 00:15:30,553
You know there's a really
709
00:15:30,551 --> 00:15:31,451
fine line between stalking
710
00:15:31,448 --> 00:15:32,168
and coincidence.
711
00:15:32,172 --> 00:15:33,142
Yeah, well, this is neither
712
00:15:33,137 --> 00:15:35,377
one of those, so... yeah.
713
00:15:35,379 --> 00:15:36,549
Selita, you left your phone
714
00:15:36,551 --> 00:15:37,481
at my house.
715
00:15:37,482 --> 00:15:38,382
Oh, my gosh.
716
00:15:38,379 --> 00:15:39,139
I've been looking for this
717
00:15:39,137 --> 00:15:40,207
everywhere, thank you.
718
00:15:40,206 --> 00:15:40,926
It was at my house,
719
00:15:40,931 --> 00:15:41,761
no problem.
720
00:15:41,758 --> 00:15:42,968
It was under the couch.
721
00:15:42,965 --> 00:15:44,205
Oh, oh, wow.
722
00:15:44,206 --> 00:15:44,896
Thank you.
723
00:15:44,896 --> 00:15:45,546
Yeah, man.
724
00:15:45,551 --> 00:15:46,381
I don't mean to be rude or
725
00:15:46,379 --> 00:15:47,239
nothing, man, but why don't you
726
00:15:47,241 --> 00:15:48,001
go ahead and get the [bleep]
727
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:48,790
out of here?
728
00:15:48,793 --> 00:15:50,213
Wow.
729
00:15:50,206 --> 00:15:50,996
You kiss your wife
730
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:51,930
with that mouth?
731
00:15:51,931 --> 00:15:53,241
Wait, hold up, you married?
732
00:15:53,241 --> 00:15:53,931
You didn't tell her?
733
00:15:53,931 --> 00:15:54,931
No, no, no, no, no,
734
00:15:54,931 --> 00:15:56,311
I'm not married anymore.
735
00:15:56,310 --> 00:15:57,380
I was married.
736
00:15:57,379 --> 00:15:58,619
Right.
737
00:15:58,620 --> 00:15:59,520
Was married.
738
00:15:59,517 --> 00:16:00,337
Oh, the old
739
00:16:00,344 --> 00:16:01,414
I'm-not-but-I-was-and-
740
00:16:01,413 --> 00:16:02,313
I-could-be.
741
00:16:02,310 --> 00:16:03,340
I used to use that one.
742
00:16:03,344 --> 00:16:04,144
You know, I've been divorced
743
00:16:04,137 --> 00:16:04,857
for a minute, what?
744
00:16:04,862 --> 00:16:05,662
We'll get into it later.
745
00:16:05,655 --> 00:16:06,925
Side note, Rom.
746
00:16:06,931 --> 00:16:08,001
Dude, I was looking at the call
747
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,310
sheet for "Think Like a Man 3."
748
00:16:09,310 --> 00:16:10,860
Your name wasn't on it.
749
00:16:10,862 --> 00:16:11,902
Uh, yeah, 'cause "Think Like
750
00:16:11,896 --> 00:16:14,066
a Man 3" is not in production.
751
00:16:14,068 --> 00:16:15,758
Like I said, I didn't
752
00:16:15,758 --> 00:16:17,308
see his name on it.
753
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:18,240
Pathetic.
754
00:16:18,241 --> 00:16:19,791
Hey, uh, Selita, so I was going
755
00:16:19,793 --> 00:16:21,003
through your phone and I saw--
756
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:21,690
You were going through
757
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:22,339
my phone?
758
00:16:22,344 --> 00:16:23,034
No...
759
00:16:23,034 --> 00:16:23,834
Yes.
760
00:16:23,827 --> 00:16:24,997
And I saw on your calendar that
761
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:26,000
you're not doing nothing on
762
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:26,860
Wednesday.
763
00:16:26,862 --> 00:16:27,522
You know what, dude?
764
00:16:27,517 --> 00:16:28,757
Don't-- Look, look, I don't--
765
00:16:28,758 --> 00:16:29,448
You outta here?
766
00:16:29,448 --> 00:16:30,208
No, no, I don't--
767
00:16:30,206 --> 00:16:31,066
Hey, dude, it was good
768
00:16:31,068 --> 00:16:31,758
seeing you.
769
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:32,408
Do me a favor, man,
770
00:16:32,413 --> 00:16:33,283
can you pay the bill?
771
00:16:33,275 --> 00:16:33,965
I don't really have
772
00:16:33,965 --> 00:16:34,615
my cards on me.
773
00:16:34,620 --> 00:16:35,280
Come on, dude.
774
00:16:35,275 --> 00:16:35,995
You're leaving?
775
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:36,790
Hey, no, I'm not leaving,
776
00:16:36,793 --> 00:16:37,453
Kevin's leaving.
777
00:16:37,448 --> 00:16:38,208
No, what left is your
778
00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:39,476
hairline.
779
00:16:39,482 --> 00:16:40,142
Man, just get your
780
00:16:40,137 --> 00:16:40,967
ass up, dog.
781
00:16:40,965 --> 00:16:41,785
Hey, hey!
782
00:16:41,793 --> 00:16:43,073
Stop it, stop it!
783
00:16:43,068 --> 00:16:44,758
There are white people here!
784
00:16:44,758 --> 00:16:45,688
Kevin--
785
00:16:45,689 --> 00:16:46,929
I'm about to slam you!
786
00:16:46,931 --> 00:16:47,591
Security!
787
00:16:47,586 --> 00:16:48,406
I'm about to slam you!
788
00:16:48,413 --> 00:16:49,073
Kevin, this ain't
789
00:16:49,068 --> 00:16:49,858
"The 40-Year-Old Virgin," dude,
790
00:16:49,862 --> 00:16:50,412
I will hurt you.
791
00:16:50,413 --> 00:16:51,073
I'm about to hip toss
792
00:16:51,068 --> 00:16:51,898
your ass.
793
00:16:51,896 --> 00:16:52,686
Judd ain't here to protect
794
00:16:52,689 --> 00:16:53,659
you, dog, I'm serious.
795
00:16:53,655 --> 00:16:54,685
Escape move!
796
00:16:54,689 --> 00:16:56,099
Capture move, capture move!
797
00:16:56,103 --> 00:16:57,483
You got it, you got it.
798
00:16:57,482 --> 00:16:58,282
Yeah, now what?
799
00:16:58,275 --> 00:16:59,305
You still in good shape.
800
00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:00,280
All day, every day.
801
00:17:00,275 --> 00:17:01,165
Guys, seriously, guys.
802
00:17:01,172 --> 00:17:01,932
Okay, now look--
803
00:17:01,931 --> 00:17:02,761
Get off of me!
804
00:17:02,758 --> 00:17:03,788
Can you guys please!
805
00:17:03,793 --> 00:17:05,003
You're embarrassing me!
806
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:05,830
On three.
807
00:17:05,827 --> 00:17:06,517
On my three.
808
00:17:06,517 --> 00:17:07,897
On my three!
809
00:17:07,896 --> 00:17:08,826
You don't run to three!
810
00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:09,967
This is ridiculous.
811
00:17:09,965 --> 00:17:11,375
Okay, my three, we let go.
812
00:17:11,379 --> 00:17:12,139
If you swing on me on three,
813
00:17:12,137 --> 00:17:12,897
dude, I'm gonna kill you.
814
00:17:12,896 --> 00:17:13,546
Do I get three?
815
00:17:13,551 --> 00:17:14,211
Okay.
816
00:17:14,206 --> 00:17:14,896
One.
817
00:17:14,896 --> 00:17:15,756
Guys, guys.
818
00:17:15,758 --> 00:17:17,378
Two.
819
00:17:17,379 --> 00:17:18,339
Can you count?
820
00:17:18,344 --> 00:17:19,104
Kevin, if you swing on me...
821
00:17:19,103 --> 00:17:19,793
We both let go.
822
00:17:19,793 --> 00:17:21,593
Okay, I'm not playing.
823
00:17:21,586 --> 00:17:23,166
Three-- Get off me.
824
00:17:23,172 --> 00:17:24,482
I wish you would.
825
00:17:24,482 --> 00:17:25,792
Jumping your ass out here.
826
00:17:25,793 --> 00:17:27,343
Yeah, okay.
827
00:17:27,344 --> 00:17:28,794
I suggest you slow turn, boy.
828
00:17:28,793 --> 00:17:30,213
Look, dude.
829
00:17:30,206 --> 00:17:31,236
Slow turn.
830
00:17:31,241 --> 00:17:32,001
Whatever, all right.
831
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:32,830
Whatever.
832
00:17:32,827 --> 00:17:34,277
Good, can we leave?
833
00:17:34,275 --> 00:17:35,135
Please.
834
00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:39,757
I'm about to put
835
00:17:39,758 --> 00:17:43,028
the paws on him.
836
00:17:43,034 --> 00:17:46,624
[groaning]
837
00:17:46,620 --> 00:17:47,450
[glass shattering]
838
00:17:47,448 --> 00:17:49,688
[cameras clicking]
839
00:17:49,689 --> 00:17:55,209
[all laughing]
840
00:17:55,206 --> 00:18:00,756
Mitches.
841
00:18:00,758 --> 00:18:02,238
Sam Jackson once told me that
842
00:18:02,241 --> 00:18:04,031
there was no such thing
843
00:18:04,034 --> 00:18:06,624
as bad publicity.
844
00:18:06,620 --> 00:18:08,000
Sam Jackson also did a movie
845
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,970
called "Snakes on a Plane,"
846
00:18:09,965 --> 00:18:11,095
which makes me believe that Sam
847
00:18:11,103 --> 00:18:11,903
don't know what the [bleep]
848
00:18:11,896 --> 00:18:14,476
he's talking about, 'cause this
849
00:18:14,482 --> 00:18:17,482
[bleep] terrible.
850
00:18:17,482 --> 00:18:18,662
Next week on "Real Husbands
851
00:18:18,655 --> 00:18:19,785
of Hollywood"...
852
00:18:19,793 --> 00:18:21,143
Look at my face, Kevin!
853
00:18:21,137 --> 00:18:22,377
He lost his damn mind, man.
854
00:18:22,379 --> 00:18:23,759
Kevin, I swear to you, if
855
00:18:23,758 --> 00:18:25,308
I die, you better give me a part
856
00:18:25,310 --> 00:18:27,000
in that [bleep], Kevin.
857
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:29,380
It is a fake movie.
858
00:18:29,379 --> 00:18:30,589
What do you mean, fake movie?
859
00:18:30,586 --> 00:18:31,856
I was lonely, so I said why
860
00:18:31,862 --> 00:18:33,762
don't I go and cast myself the
861
00:18:33,758 --> 00:18:36,028
perfect girlfriend, like "Argo."
862
00:18:36,034 --> 00:18:37,624
If a fake movie could get
863
00:18:37,620 --> 00:18:39,170
six people out of Iran, I said,
864
00:18:39,172 --> 00:18:40,212
what type of ass is my
865
00:18:40,206 --> 00:18:41,996
fake movie gonna get me?
866
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:42,930
So do you want me to kiss you
867
00:18:42,931 --> 00:18:44,551
like I kiss a man
868
00:18:44,551 --> 00:18:46,551
or like I kiss a woman?
869
00:18:46,551 --> 00:18:47,831
Um...
870
00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:52,277
I mean, on Krotan, I'm both,
871
00:18:52,275 --> 00:18:58,445
so whatever floats your boat.
872
00:18:58,448 --> 00:18:59,238
Kevin Hart!
873
00:18:59,241 --> 00:19:00,341
What do you want, man?
874
00:19:00,344 --> 00:19:02,244
Man, you need to ixnay
875
00:19:02,241 --> 00:19:03,071
on the...
876
00:19:03,068 --> 00:19:06,278
Y'all having "sexnay"?
877
00:19:06,275 --> 00:19:21,615
♪
878
00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:24,830
[heartbeat pounding]
879
00:19:24,827 --> 00:19:28,517
♪
♪
51688
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