All language subtitles for Nuotin.Vieresta.2015.FINNISH.1080p.BluRay.H264.AAC-VXT2_English

FREMANTLEMEDIA FINLAND
PRESENTS

A FILM BY LAURI NURKSE

Arto. Practice
the choreography with Dad. Kauko.

Sure.

Ready?

Gentlemen, come on in.

Arto and I will shortly perform
a welcoming show for you.

One, two, three.

Let's do the butt bump

There's something special
in that move

Let's do the butt bump

That's retarded.
-Come to the birthday gift circle!

Mr. Buttercookie says,
"Come to the birthday gift circle!"

Fagerholm, come
to the birthday gift circle.

Rainesalo, listen to Mr. Buttrider.

"I just got
out of the mental hospital."

"I enjoy eating my shoes
and I think I'm funny."

Fagerholm.

"Guess if
Mr. Buttrider's son's voice -

is as annoying as his dad's.
There's crap in my pants."

Mr. Buttercookie, tell the boys
that there's cake on the table.

Go away.

Guys, eat the cake and let's go.

Let's do the butt bump
There's something special...

There are 364 days
till your next birthday.

What do you think your dad will come
up with for that? -Nothing, I hope.

What did you draw?

ARTO MOM
DAD

OFF KEY

We all remember Kauko's
strong voice and bear hugs.

I could only come up
with one shortcoming.

Arto, time to cry.

Kauko didn't grow
as a human being to the point -

where he could've understood
how great the band The Clash is.

Bye bye, Kauko.

Don't you get stuck now, dammit.

Get going.-

Bye bye. Say hi to Jesus.

I've an appointment at two o'clock.

I can leave early from work -

so that we can go to the bank
and transfer the money.

Arto and I would like to open
an account for Kauko's money.

I can handle
these things with Arto. Arto.

Marjukka, you don't have to come.

Of course
I'm going to the bank with you.

We've been thinking
that the whole estate, -

which would one day
be Arto's anyway, -

should be given to him now.

I mean, Arto's worried
about your competence -

in managing larger properties
at this phase in your life.

Mom... Why don't we
take care of this first.

Do we really need this drama?

She refused
to throw dirt on the urn -

because someone might've touched
the shovel with dirty hands.

She also said
there's saprotrophic fungi spores -

in the air we might inhale.

You sure have been blessed
with a daughter-in-law.

C'mon. Move.

Horrible smell.

Try to make her understand that
the smoke travels all the way here.

You're not trying hard enough.

Have fun at the karaoke.
See you in court tomorrow.

You're not going anywhere.
You're our star.

You gotta sing.
-That's right. It'll be fun.

Excuse me, miss.

C'mon. Hey. Finally.

Remember: Nonverbal
communication is essential.

The audience should understand
that the speaker is an expert -

and has status in the scientific
and business world.

Thank you, Mr. Rainesalo,
and good morning.

Darkness abounds
The birds make no sounds

Children in the city hide
when the storm rises

Let's face our fears
I can't bring myself to leave

DAD

DELETE CONTACT INFORMATION?

A hundred lightning strikes I see
My whole life is exploding

No one can take this love from me
Only hope, no foreboding

A hundred suns shine on us

DELETE CONTACT IN FORMATION?
CANCEL

I'll take this love to safety
And we'll find a new land

Where are you?
-At the Pataässä Karaoke Bar.

Jesus. Why? I'll come get you.

No, you won't.
I'm here with my colleagues.

The tradition continues, even though
your clad isn't here anymore.

Damn good job!

Mom, I don't think you fully
realize how upset you are.

Arto, I'm hanging up now.
Go to bed.

L 'm going home soon.
- Mom.

Arto, come home!

Next up is Duo Legal
Confirmation of Possession.

Excuse me.

We're having the Finnish Karaoke
Championships in Kotka this summer.

I'm here scouting talent.

Oh my, this on top
of everything else.

My son would throw a fit. He's
an engineer and wouldn't understand.

Mulkonsaari. Come eat your herring
steaks with your fellow colleagues.

Hi.

I read in the paper that
Mr. Buttercookie's voice is gone.

Excuse me?

Your dad
won't be butt bumping anymore.

Yeah. We buried his urn last week.

Right. You just gotta move on.

We were just talking
about the soccer camp -

where Fagerholm pulled
his gluteal muscle as a kid.

That must've been
a pretty painful trip.

Didn't Mulkonsaari get in the way
when you were attacking?

I never went to a soccer camp.

True. He was never at the camps.

Aren't you eating herring?

My wife is the head
of toxicology research...

At my summerhouse in Kotka
I eat only herring.

That's right. Your summerhouse
is in Kotka. -In Kaunissaari.

I sing baritone in the local choir.

Mulkonsaari,
where is your summerhouse?

My wife and I are not
summerhouse people.

We were thinking of going
to Florence this summer.

This summer karaoke singers
will be ruining the atmosphere.

Want to come to Kotka
to boo at them?

I hate people who hit their dogs
and people who sing karaoke.

That idiocy should be illegal.

Remember the guy in HR -

who arranged karaoke equipment
for the Christmas party?

That was the last thing
he arranged here.

Let's go find fresh new blood
for management.

Rainesalo, I just wanted to...

Guys, eat the cake and let's go.

How many open positions are
there in management?

Two. One of them will go to Kerminen.

Good luck with your presentation.

The head honchos from the Cologne
office will be in the audience.

Can't wait to see his presentation.
He can't handle the pressure.

Mulkonsaari, go ahead.

Don't keep the mic
so close to your mouth.

Don't keep the mic
so close to your mouth.

MEDICAL CENTER

Leena. Okay, let's stop.
Immediately.

Tell me the good news first.

Well, -

it's good that you're a lawyer.

I'm sure you've taken care of
your will and things of that nature.

I still have
one pretty big thing to do.

My son should be freed
so that he could enjoy his life.

Right. just try to enjoy your life -

and the company of your loved ones.

That's it. Maybe I'll give him
a reason to throw a fit.

FINNISH KARAOKE
CHAMPIONSHIPS

This is not real.
-Apparently it is.

This is like beer
drinking championships.

Or cheating on your spouse
championships.

Come with me. The last trip we took
together was to Legoland.

It would be nice to have
a real conversation with you.

Arto, please. Listen.

Every time I sing, I see your dad.

I think the championships
could help me to let go.

Okay. I'll hitchhike then,
like I used to when I was young.

There are a lot of Russian trucks
going that way. Davai.

MARjUKKA: COME HOME. WE
NEED TO TALK ABOUT THE BABY.

I'll take you there.

Alright. And I'll also come get you.
How long is the drive?

Less than two hours
with a coffee break.

Oh gosh,
it's going to be a fun trip.

Was this all the chicken we had?
-Yes.

They're going to choose two
new members for management.

That's great.

We're almost on schedule.

When will they confirm
your new position?

I'm pretty sure
the position will be mine.

Your mom had
a medical examination today.

I wonder if she got
the results already.

Oh? She hasn't mentioned
anything to me.

No. Jesus.
The championships are in Kotka.

You mentioned that already.
-Marjukka, it's those championships.

If Rainesalo and Fagerholm
are there booing at singers -

and they recognize my mom, -

I'll never get the new position.

They've fired people before
because of karaoke.

If you don't want to declare
your mom incompetent...

My mom is a respected practicing
lawyer, for heaven's sake.

Arto Mulkonsaari.

I feel really bad
when you yell at me -

especially now that I'll be
ovulating in a couple of days.

I'm sorry, darling.
I didn't yell at you, did I?

You committed to our five-year plan
when we got married.

Are you going to terminate
the contract unilaterally? -Oh no.

I'm committed to the plan.
- Then find a way -

to stop your mom
from ruining our future.

Good night, darling.
-Good night, darling.

Find a way...

You drive really slow.

Has Marjukka set your speed limit
to 50 kilometers per hour?

It'll probably be best
to play it safe at the start.

I'll pick one
of the karaoke classics -

and do my interpretation of it.

Let's listen to the news.

First we have a public warning.

There's a serious truck accident
near Vaalimaa.

Explosive nitrogen sludge
has spread as far as Kotka.

Drivers are urged to avoid
all roads leading to Kotka.

Oh my Lord. Wow.
I guess we have to turn back.

Now let's listen to some music
from Holland.

Gerard Joling sings
about his pet lizard...

Nitrogen sludge? That's cow shit.
It's not explosive.

You should've come up
with something better.

Shoot! Darn!

I think our trip ends here.
-Did a satellite crash into Kotka?

I accidentally put gas in the diesel
tank. The engine must be broken.

You can still suck it out.

Gas stations today
have no service anymore.

Take your lunchbox
to the other meter.

I just put gas into my diesel tank.

Hey!

Hey! Hey, dude.
You filled the tank up with gas?

Yeah.

Okay, let me take care of it.

Hey. No. My mom's in the car.

Hello, Mrs. Mom. May I ask you
to step outside for a moment?

Oh, that's how you open it.
That's good to know.

How come there's
so little gas coming out?

Does the tank need to be cleaned?

You're welcome.

Mrs. Mom can go have coffee -

while your son puts the cap back.

You realize that you're going to
embarrass yourself? -So what?

We're not the type
of people who do crazy things.

We're rational. Embarrassing
oneself publicly is not rational.

You know lawyers
can lose their credibility -

because of these kinds
of stupid publicity stunts.

Your dad liked to do crazy things.

Well, no one ever
took him seriously.

I've even considered
changing my last name.

With all motherly love,
you've become quite an asshole.

Look! Our sweet mechanic
is in trouble!

She has a flat fire.
And we have her 'yack.

I was wrong.
You've become a real asshole.

Oh, I'm so sorry
for being the way I am.

Being nice and goofing off will get
you nowhere. That's the truth.

FINNISH KARAOKE
CHAMPIONSHIPS 2015

THE KYMENLAAKSO CHOIR

That's good.

I gotta slow down. They might
dance in front of my car.

And here we have
a Latino in charge.

Sexy!

I don't care. The tryouts
already started. I'm late.

The 200 euros I paid -

was worth seeing a local
gas station and stealing a jack.

What 200 euros?
-The participation fee.

Participation fee? 200 euros?

In force majeure events like these,
the Consumer Disputes Board -

advises returning the fee.

The situation is
that we don't have...

Why don't we take a look
at your rules?

Just forget it. It doesn't matter.

It was money well spent.

200 euros does matter.

From your point of view,
it was well spent.

Just because a person
is from Helsinki doesn't mean -

that she's rich and
wants to throw money around.

Welcome to the tryouts of
the Finnish Karaoke Championships.

If you don't have
a contestant number yet, -

hurry over to Jenni,
our contestant coordinator, -

to get your registration form.

That's what I've been trying
to tell you.

Our head judge was late,
so we're starting late.

If you're over 16, welcome.

Please fill in this form.
-Alright.

Hi. This is Jamissa Luukkonen.
She's over 18.

Hi, it's Mulkonsaari.
Is this the Rainesalo residence?

I called you because
I was too busy at work -

to wish you
a fun summer vacation.

So have a fun vacation. And...

What's up? Where are you?

There's nobody here.

There's no audience.

Is everyone
at the Karaoke Championships?

I work hard every day
Seven every morning, I'm on my way

I work hard just because

You're mine and, darling, I'm yours

He's pretty good.

Like I said,
the level is pretty high.

There's no shame in backing out.

It'll be wonderful to sing
in such talented company.

These people aren't
your regular drunks.

Thank you, everyone.

That was great. Thank you.
That was contestant number...

I have to make a call.
- I'm up soon.

...Veikko "Veke" Hirvonen!

I made sure that Rainesalo and
Fagerholm are not here booing.

Rainesalo was apparently
at choir practice -

and Fagerholm was
at his summerhouse drunk.

When are you coming home?
- Before midnight, I think.

I have to let mom sing her song -

so that she gets her money's worth.

Excuse me.
I'm getting pregnant this month -

and hope I don't have to file
a police report on your smoking.

If I miscarry, you might be charged
with negligent homicide.

My mother-in-law is a lawyer.
-What are you talking about?

Are you only
interested in your mom?

Cut your umbilical cord before
we have one growing inside me.

I want you home no later than 2 a.m.
I have my sleep routine.

Okay.
-Bye bye, darling.

Bye. Darling.

I'm a woman fully grown

Where I'm going I certainly know

Let our union become
as strong as stone

There 'll be no farewell
Our journey started so well

There may be difficulties
as we walk along

Our happiness is a wall
that protects us

This love makes us strong

Our happiness is a bottomless pit
There's nothing that can stop it

Take it all, I don't care
I'm happy when you're near

I don't want to take your liberty

I want you to live free

I need you
A soulmate for a grown woman

We'll share it all
We 'll catch each other if we fall

A grown woman knows
the value of love

That was great.

That was the 17th rendition
of "Grown Woman" tonight.

That's enough. Let's go.

There's singing and
then there's singing.

C'mon.

I'd welcome many
of these singers to our choir.

What's the name of your choir?
-The Kymenlaakso Choir.

Are all the members here?
-No, it's just us.

Pirinen, see you at the market place
café, at one o'clock tomorrow.

See you.

You want something to drink?

I'd love to, after the coffee.

My father passed away
two weeks ago.

My condolences.

Ladies and gentlemen,
the time has come -

to introduce our prestigious jury.

First we have
cultural manager Eija Alanko.

Eija is responsible for arranging -

a lengthy studio recording
session for the winner -

and a gift certificate
to a dry cleaner's.

Next, we have
theater director Erik Pöppönen.

Last but not least, -

we have an international star,
Kotka's very own -

Susanna Salminen!

Susanna has sung opera
both in Milan and New York.

She has appeared
in musicals in London -

and performed
in Kaija Saariaho's works.

Ladies and gentlemen,
she's here tonight.

Thank you.

I'd like to thank you on Susanna's
behalf for the warm words.

I have a few warm words
to share with her backstage.

It's time to move on
in this contest.

I'd like to give a few words
of advice to the older ladies.

I'd like to see you use
your imagination -

when you pick the songs. You don't
always have to sing "Grown Woman," -

even though you've been
grown women for, like, ever.

Pöppönen, dammit. Do you even know
what a grown woman is?

You're so slick you make me sick.

Don't. The kid from the theater
is partially right.

We menopause sopranos
and Alzheimer's altos -

could use a little imagination.

We could sing classics
from the 1950s. Right, girls?

I'm actually a theater director -

and just wanted to give
friendly advice.

It's time to announce the singers who
made it to the next round. Thank you.

The following contestants
have made it to the next round.

8-

17.

19.

69.
-Thank you.

72.

23.

70.

I only work with her.

Does your wife know that cardiac
massage is part of your job now?

Don't stick your nose
in my marriage. -Hi. Hi.

Great singing.
I'm sure it's a nice hobby.

The situation is this:

you should change the list of people
who've made it to the second round.

Who the hell are you?

Arto Mulkonsaari, chemical engineer.
-Mulkonsaari...

My mom Leena Mulkonsaari -

doesn't really want to be
in the contest.

She was kind of forced
to participate by a family friend.

He's a pastor
who thinks he's a punk rocker.

We're not going
to make any changes.

She can leave if she wants to.
This is no karaoke prison.

I've heard that people
working in the cultural sector -

depend on social grants.

200 euros.

Wouldn't you like to buy something
nice for yourselves or your spouses?

What's going on here?
-An attempt to bribe the judges.

Right.
I'm looking for the roulette table.

Does anybody know
where the roulette table is?

I'm happy I managed to free Arto
from the anaconda's hold.

With all due respect
for my clear daughter-in-law.

I miss you so much.

I miss you too, Laughable Lawyer.

Your "Grown Woman" was the best.
-Right.

I must select a new singing niche.

I have to segment my target
audience, as Arto would say.

Sing to him, the way you sang
to him when he was little.

He won't listen.
"Mom, don't sing."

He's been saying it since 1988.

Mom, I'll cancel these rooms.
We're going home.

No, we're not.
I'm staying till the end.

No, we're going home.
You can watch the contest online.

YouTube is full of amateur singing.

I don't want
to sit in the car at night.

You can sleep.

My neck and shoulders will hurt.
I might get sciatica -

or a blood clot in my leg.
I'm not young anymore.

Fine.
We'll wake up early and leave.

You're always in a hurry.
You never had time -

to build houses in the woods with me
even when you were a kid.

Why don't we go play
mini golf tomorrow.

Wait till you're retired
and have grandkids.

You can build houses in the woods
with them. -I doubt it.

Mom.

Marjukka has talked about scheduling
your visits to see grandkids.

We'll leave right after breakfast.

I made it to the second round.
I don't want to give up now.

I don't want to give up my future.
Get it?

If Rainesalo and Fagerholm
see how you sing, -

I won't get the management
position. I might lose my job.

No, I didn't get
that I sing so badly.

LEENA'S SONGS

1 THE SOUTHWEST WIND
("MOM, DON'T SING.")

2 GROWN WOMAN
(JUDGE WON'T LIKE IT)

Quails and swallows rise
on the back of the southwest wind

Across borders the wind flies
Carrying cheerful melodies within

Mom, don't sing.

My girlfriend's really upset
that she didn't make it through.

She invested a lot in this.

I understand that it'll be nicer
for you two to go home.

Here's your receipt. Good luck
with next year's competition.

How can I help you?
-Where will breakfast be served?

In the restaurant starting at 8:30.
-Thank you.

You sang beautifully.

I'd like to know
if it's still possible to...

I understand that it might not.
And that's okay.

Would you possibly have -

two rooms available for tomorrow?

Yes, we've had a couple of
cancellations from contestants -

who didn't make it through.
-I see.

They're also available
the clay after tomorrow.

You want one or two extra nights?

MARjUKKA: YOU'RE RUINING
MY OVULATION! COME HOME!

Sure. Two nights.

Good morning.

I booked two extra nights.
We'll stay till the end.

But you were...

I can make an exception.
For humanistic reasons.

But here are the rules:
you'll follow my training program -

and won't accept drinks
from strange men.

Weren't you in a hurry
to go home to Marjukka? -No.

There's nothing
that can't wait a month.

Alright. Let's start.

Create a positive first impression.
Nonverbal communication is essential.

Look at people in the back,
middle and front, -

left and right. And relax.

Don't singers
usually relax by drinking?

Clear alcohol, clear voice.

Remember what happened
to Whitney Houston.

"If your voice is strained, -

you should decrease volume,
or try the following exercise."

Don't shake me
when I'm reading this.

Then this exercise.

Hi.
-Hi. How are you?

Are these sauna hats?

No. Do they look like them?

Excuse me. Are you, by any chance,
in the beauty or fashion industry?

In a way.
I'm a textile handicraft teacher.

The thing is
that I need your help, Ma'am.

Hi. How you doing, buddy?
-I'm okay.

Hi. Your name is Pirinen, right?
-Yes.

Are you Leena Mulkonsaari?
-Yes.

Costume designer.

Voice coach.

Choreographer.

MARjUKKA: WHEN ARE YOU
COMING?? I'M OVULATING!!

ARTO: I CAN'T MAKE IT TODAY.
TRY TO KEEP IT GOING.

No...

Mulkonsaari.

Oh hi.

Are you playing bus driver?

No. The wind got hold of my money.

And blew it here. I'm going
over there. To buy ice-cream.

To celebrate
the start of my vacation.

Isn't Florence a bit further south?

Right.

I remembered you guys talking -

about summerhouses and fishing, -

so I suggested to my wife
that we should find out -

if being at a summerhouse
was a good -

recreational method.

You picked
the worst possible moment.

Those damn pests have ruined
the idyllic atmosphere here.

You're not coming... going -

to see the contest?
Too boo at people.

No way I'm spending my vacation
doing that.

Didn't your family have
karaoke equipment in the '80s?

No.
-Yes, you did.

No, we didn't.

My mother
is a lawyer and loves opera.

You did.

No, we didn't.
-Yes, you did.

No, we didn't.
-Yes, you did.

Damn gross.

Alright then.
Take the bus to the garage.

Yoo-hoo!
Now we'll make your voice flow.

I brought you
throat pastilles, fruit -

and vitamin drinks.

Did you feel alone as a child?

No. Of course not.

I was in the IT Scout Group
and chess club -

and summers
I was at science camp.

That's right.
-I'm glad I did.

I have a lot of good memories
of programming, differentiating -

and Botvinnik-Slav
chess openings. I sure do.

And Kauko and I
just sang and danced.

We should've kept
a closer eye on you.

Did you give the jack back?
I don't want it to affect my points.

Here we go.
A cup of coffee and a jack.

I might want jam on my jack.

Or maybe a jam filling?

A jack with a jam filling.

Isn't it delicious?

We had a cup of coffee -

and then joked about
eating the jack with jam on top.

We laughed so hard.

I think it's interesting -

that you canceled our plans
with a rude text message.

And then you don't answer your phone.

This Veikko "Veke" -

is very... pleasant to be around.
And very different from you.

Or me. We don't really know
people like him.

Darling, you don't sound
like yourself. You sound hyper.

Take half a sleeping pill and
go to bed immediately.- Okay.

Head home
first thing in the morning -

so that we can stay
on the baby-making schedule.

Okay.
I'll take the pill right away.

And then water.
-Then water.

Goodnight, darling.

Goodnight.

Arto, did you forget something?

Darling.

That was amazing.

That was contestant number 23,
Miranda.

Let's see what our judges
think of her performance.

Let's start with Eija.
5, 6, 7, 8... 9 points.

Nine points. Thank you, Eija.

Then it's Erik's turn.

Also 9 points.

6-

Let's see
what our head judge thinks.

It's rising. It's rising. 9 points!

Yay! Amazing.
Congratulations, Miranda.

Let's welcome
contestant number 72 onstage.

This next song has
some naughty lyrics.

Leena will sing
"An Old Woman Out of Control."

Come on up, Leena.

I wake up in a strange house

It would be hard

To tell that man sleeping next to me

That I'm married

It would be hard to explain

That my marriage is withering

Forty years between the sheets
with the same man

I lost my womanhood, way back when

I just wanted you to find it again

I thought about'...
- Everybody sing along!

I already wanted you
on the way here, it's true

I took a conscious risk
when I strayed

I was an old woman
out of control

I was an old woman
out of control

Stop the music. Thank you.

This is a contest for soloists.

The main idea is to sing solo.

I suggest that
contestant number 72 -

be disqualified -

clue to using dishonest means
and breaking the rules.

Pöppönen, shove your rules...
-I didn't see anything forbidden.

Rules are rules.
- Rules are rules. Que pasa?

Where's my rules addict
when I need him?

Pöppönen, show us the rule.

You working-class people -

never respect any rules anyway.

All you ever do is create more rules.
-Rules are made to be followed.

Does anybody have the rules?
-I do!

Why don't I continue, since
I seem to be the only person -

who has read the rules
through and through.

There's no mention of -

the audience singing along.
No mention whatsoever.

Then I suppose it's permitted.

And as far as I understand, these
rules don't apply to the audience.

And a performing artist can't stop
the audience from singing along -

if the audience decides to do so.

I think there should always be morals
and equality in a competition.

Isn't that what this is all about?

Erik, how do you apply
morals and equality -

when you cast female actors
in your theater?

"1 WAS TOO OLD FOR
PÖPPÖNEN'S LADY MACBETH."

In that case I, of course...

This case...

Could we discuss
that later in private?

Yes, if you stop with the silly
disqualification crap. -Sure.

Here you are.

Erik must be thinking of-

the Stand-Up Championships rule
on agitating the audience.

Good job, Arto. Let's move one.

I want to love you tender

You're like a flower
in all your splendor

I could never cause you any pain

You want to love me tender

That's what you say
and want me to surrender

I was wearing a woolen hat

And speedos, corduroy pants
and rubber boots

When we met

Yala yalla yala yala we y

A cricket picked this teeth
with a rake

Meninas bonitas
Tonight, yeah

It doesn't matter where we are
We're gonna party there

I feel so blue

Whenever I think of you

I lost something beautiful
when I lost you

That woman
is such a nice person...

They're not competing in niceness.

They're competing
in performance competence.

Funny you should say that.

Now we have the ten finalists.
-That's right.

Susanna. Susanna.

You have nothing in common
with that stiff engineer.

He drives an SUV.

But I drive a Mini Cooper.
That's culture.

Why the hell do you drive
a Mini Cooper? You have a family.

My family means nothing to me.

I see something in you
that others don't.

We're both cultured people. Susanna.

I want to thank all our finalists.

And tomorrow one of you will be
the Finnish Karaoke Champion.

I thank you all and wish you
a nice rest of the evening.

Good luck in the finals.

You should be in the finals.

I would've wanted to.
But I'll be there in spirit.

Great performance, Leena.
I loved watching you.

Thank you.

You did great. Again next year.

Sure.

You did a good job.

Thank you.

Let's go to Sapokka!

Let's go as we discussed.

Sapokka? Mom, where...

They're going to sing
karaoke in a park.

It was Porakka's idea. He's a cop.

Can I buy you a drink?

I want to thank you
for taking care of Pöppönen.

Yes, it's okay.

I haven't drank these in years.

My wi... My wi...
My wine tasting club -

friends always lecture me about
the aspartame and sugar in these.

What do you do for a living?
-I'm a chemical engineer.

How did you become one?

Did you ever think you'd become
a lawyer like your mom?

Well... I don't really like
public speaking.

And no presentation skills
courses will help in my case.

It would be nice, also at work, -

not to be so nervous and afraid
in front of an audience.

Have you ever tried
getting really drunk? -No.

Good.

I once took ecstasy before
getting onstage in London.

What?
-Yeah.

I thought I'd taken a painkiller.

There were
all kinds of pills backstage.

But it was a molly.
-Right.

Composer Kaija Saariaho
wasn't thrilled -

about my quirky interpretation,
but I thought -

I was free and relaxed
and full of primitive power.

I just sang
without thinking about it.

I didn't worry about screwing up.

It was wonderful.

Sometimes you just
have to do crazy things.

You want another drink?
It's on me. -Sure.

The sky is blue and white

And full of stars

My young heart is...

If we see a copper

In the back alleys...
- What the hell?

Goddammit.

We 're down and out

We live on the wrong side
of the tracks

I'm sorry, -

but I have to interrupt
this cacophony.

Traditionally this stage
has been reserved -

for our summer cantata shows.

You could go to a disco.

You'll find one near the harbor.

What?
-Can we keep the lights on?

Of course. I want to see us
in the mirror. -Sure.

We have to do something drastic.
These people aren't going anywhere.

You can't fight here.

What? You came here to fight?

Beat them with your sheet music!

Stop! Stop that immediately!

No answer.

I'd like to have a room then.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Oh shit.

Great. Good job, Arto.

Good job, Arto.

Perfect. Perfect.

Arto. Yes, Mulkonsaari.

Yes, I know my last name
sounds funny.

What? The police?

GROUP FIGHT IN SAPOKKA

That was a very unpleasant way to
wake up. You women cause trouble.

The police called me.
And I have to take care of...

I've been sitting here all night.
According to Finnish law...

Arto, what is it?
-just a moment.

Mulkonsaari.
-Hi.

You know these karaoke idiots?
-Oh no.

I'm here to file a report...
My phone was stolen.

And then immediately found.
-Sucks having to go through that.

Let's keep this between us,
you know, us meeting here.

Sure. I wouldn't...

We'll discuss the sewage project -

and management positions later.

No. You can't go in there.

The cleaning lady just went in.

She said it'll take
at least 15 minutes.

There's a sewage problem.

Oh, you've been plowing the fields.

Plowing.

I've had enough.

Now we're going home.
You resisted an officer.

I bumped into Rainesalo.

There's been acts of adultery
and soda drinking.

Who committed adultery?

I'm sure many people did
in a bacchanal like this.

It wasn't that long ago
when adultery was a real crime.

I don't understand what's going on.

I want to go home to clear my head.
-Okay.

But shouldn't we wait
until that love bite has faded?

What?
-You have a hickey on your neck.

No. No, Mom.
-Yes, it is.

No.
-It is a hickey.

I'll see you here in a minute.
I'll go pack my bag.

There sure was some erotic action
in the judge's room last night.

You mean the singer?
-Yeah. The bed was broken.

Hi. You didn't come for breakfast.

No. I'd like to apologize.

For not coming to breakfast?
Come on in. -No. No.

I want to apologize for last night.

They won't charge for the bed.

They can't prove it broke
because we were humping on it.

I don't know
what got into me last night.

I've never had a conversation
like the one I had with you.

Things kind of got out of hand.

You don't have to explain.

We're two single adults.
It's okay to have fun, and we did.

I've never clone anything like this.

I've had a good life
and I'm a decent person.

I don't do things like this.

Well, that sounds a bit boring.

And you're not boring.

Not at all.

Let's make a deal.
If we meet again, -

we'll overdose on soda
and break another bed.

Deal.

You know I can't stand yelling
like that. Where have you been?

Here.
-I've called you a number of times.

I was asleep.
It's the sea air.

It makes me sleep so well.
-We have sea air at home.

It's different here.
What are you doing here?

I couldn't wait to see you.

Marjukka, darling.

The peak was yesterday, -

but we can still try.
-Yeah.

Let's give our baby a chance.

Hi.
-Hi.

Look. You know what this is?

Probably an allergic reaction -

to bedbugs.

From sleeping in a dirty bed,
no doubt.

Tomorrow night you'll be
in my room. Grab your bag.

We'll go buy you a polo shirt.

I guess I'll always be singing
songs by the duo Matti and Teppo.

They know
the soul of the Finnish man.

And like me,
they come from a seaside town.

Tonight I'll sing
"Where Have You Been?"

Leena, are you okay?

Oh yes. I just have heartburn.
Thanks for the coffee.

This is toxic.
The clay the music died.

Arto's permafrosted wife -

will freeze the sea in Sapokka.

I'd like to invite
all our finalists onstage -

so that everybody can see you.

Excuse me.

Our finalist Jari Lahtinen
sends his apologies, -

saying that unfortunately he
will not be able to sing tonight.

One of the local choir members

sat on him last night
and broke his ribs.

I hope Jari will be well soon.

Thank you.
You know what?

Since Jari can't sing
here tonight, -

I'd like to welcome
contestant number 72 onstage.

Leena Mulkonsaari!

Yes, it's you. Come and join
the other finalists. Congratulations.

I'm away from home a lot
I can't help it

Someone 3 gotta do
the work! do

You know I only get angry

When I have a good reason to

When I came home today

The main thing wasn't there

When there's no food on the table

A man's a thing to fear

Where have you been?
I just want to ask

Is my work the problem?
Are you throwing our happiness away?

I have to go to the toilet.
To the men's room.

How have you been, Leena?

You're one persistent girl.
But so am I.

Then there's a boy
who you don't understand at all.

Although I'm not sure
if I do, either.

Kauko, please.

The men's room.

The men's room. The men's.

What kind of a man am I?

Shit. Shit. The men's room.

What kind of a man am I?

Mom, this is the men's room.
-I know.

I could hear your show
all the way from the lobby.

Arto, this was our most prized
possession, along with a home video.

Seriously. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

That and the home video
from your birthday party -

are the first two things
we would've saved from a fire.

If Marjukka saw this,
she'd put me in a mental hospital.

She's a persistent girl
who understands nothing.

At times your clad wished
you were gay. -C'mon.

We might've gotten
a drag queen son-in-law.

Mom, stop.
-With love.

I've handled adoptions for many
gay couples pro bono. -I know that.

You've always handled things
for some whiny losers.

You've been a mother
to the whole world.

I've had to do everything
on my own since I was a kid.

I had to find the chess club, even
though I didn't know how to read.

And you stopped singing to me
at bedtime. You just stopped.

You said, "Mom, don't sing."
You didn't want me to sing.

Your songs were so sad.
I had anxiety.

You sang about orphan ducklings,
lovers dying from worry, -

a new bride dying and young men
working in horrible conditions.

I didn't realize that you were
so sensitive. -That's right.

And you didn't say anything
when I brought Marjukka home.

You and dad just laughed
at her behind our backs.

Your clad and I have always been...
-Yes, you have!

You've always been. You always will
be, even though one of you is dead.

Do I have to die
to get into your inner circle?

For God's sake! Having fun doesn't
mean you have an inner circle.

Yes, it does!

Sometimes laughter
can be very cold and mean.

That kind of laughter
makes you feel all alone.

I am the way I am
because I had to be like this.

I don't laugh. I don't chitchat
or perform publicly.

But, for fuck's sake,
I remain standing.

I used to sing to my son
at bedtime when he was little.

The boy grew and didn't want
his mom to sing anymore.

What took you so long?
-I downed a vodka and coke.

But now I have the contest
organizers' permission to sing, -

and my son
wouldn't dare run away.

Arto, for once you can be
Mom and Dad's happy little boy.

This song isn't sad.

The southwest wind has lullabies
To whom does it sing?

Perhaps for you if you have
laughing ears and eyes of a child

Quails and swallows rise
on the back of the southwest wind

Across borders the wind flies
Carrying cheerful melodies within

The wind has long blue hair and
a mustache like a sunshine wreath

It carries cinnamon flowers
Its wings are made of fluffy clouds

Seeing dirty cities makes
the southwest wind cry

Unhappy people and hungry children,
that's the reason why

The southwest wind laughs
whenever it sees joy

It laughs when you find a friend,
a girl dragon or a human boy

Quails and swallows rise
on the back of the southwest wind

Across borders the wind flies
Carrying cheerful melodies within

No use crying yet.

Leena might have a few years left
if she gets a heart transplant.

But they give them
to younger people first.

What the hell are you
talking about? -What?

You haven't told me!
-I have.

You haven't, so take a hike.
By yourself.

You're not a man
who can live alone.

I'm not a man!
I'm a happy little boy.

Vodka and coke
really doesn't agree with you.

Marjukka, from now on
I'm going to be who I really am.

I don't want this,
this kind of life.

I don't want the life
of a chemical engineer -

or nice neighborhoods.

I want to eat meat pies from
the hot dog stand. And donuts.

I want to have unplanned sex.
Can we have unplanned sex?

I want to shout when I bang you!
I want to shout when I bang you!

Arto, I understand.

I've suspected for a long time
that our relationship is inequal -

when it comes to emotional stability
and the genetics of intelligence.

I see.

But everything's okay.
See you at home.

We'll be dividing assets.

This was it.

Alright.

Excuse me,
do you have any extra pillows?

Guess what?
I've got the results here.

You want to know who the next
Finnish Karaoke Champion is?

You want to know?

The finals are on.
-I know!

Alright. And then...

Wait. Wait.

I'd like to sing this.

Excuse me.

Hi, my name is Arto.
I used to be that happy little boy.

I'd like to sing
if it's still possible.

Let the boy sing.

I guess it's okay. Go ahead, boy.

I want to sing a song -

that's probably meaningful to the
most important woman in my life.

And to a woman with whom -

I enjoyed a cup of coffee and a jack
at the Kotka Market Square.

I want to thank you both.

This trip has rocked my world.

Oh shit.

Here we go.

Beautiful women were
all I could see

Were you a charmer
just like me?

What's done is done
Those memories won't last

This burning love
makes me forget the past

Let's do the butt bump

There's something special
in that move

Let's do the butt bump

It gives me hot chills
I love the groove

A little play brings joy to your day
I'm sure you want to dance like me

Let's do the butt bump, there's
something special in that move

Leena, get up. Leena.
What's wrong?

Your dad liked to do crazy things.

Well, no one ever
took him seriously.

I've even considered
changing my last name.

With all motherly love,
you've become quite an asshole.

Behind the grave is a woman
whose love is so sweet

A woman whose love can't be beat

I'll tell it to every human
Behind the grave there's a woman

Don't get offended, Kauko. I just
think that your wife is a fine woman.

Hi.
-Oh hi. How are you, buddy?

Divorced.

And now... I'm hungry.

Last summer was rainy
My boyfriend left me

My boss told me,
"This will be your last day."

I thought things couldn't get
any worse

But I was wrong

Send me the video by e-mail.
Can you give me my laptop?

You want me
to send it to Susanna, too?

Sure.

We won't let our international star
forget karaoke.

Write: Soda overdose next summer.
Arto says hi.

Soda overdose?

Soda overdose.

Have you become your dad?

If you screw up
in front of our Spanish guests, -

I won't be able
to keep you afloat anymore.

Mulkonsaari, don't suck the mic.

Fagerholm, why don't you shut up.

My boss told me,
"This will be your last day."

The position is yours. Interested in
running the international department?

No. Thanks but no thanks.

Gracias por nada and all.

Rainesalo and Fagerholm, I'll never
invite you to my birthday party.

Mr. Buttercookie says hi. He thinks
you're a pair of total assholes.

FINNISH KARAOKE
CHAMPIONSHIPS 2016

Thank you,
the Kymenlaakso Choir.

Next I want
to introduce our judges.

The new director
of the Kotka Theater: Eija Alanko.

Last year's winner,
our very own Justin Timberlake, -

Veikko "Veke" Hirvonen!

Then we have a man -

who's barefoot -

and loves Kotka.

From last year we also remember
his mother, -

Leena, who blew us away
with her performance.

Arto "Butt Bump" Mulkonsaari.

Then we'll take a short break.

After this we'll go eat herring
steaks at Restaurant Kairo. -Sure.

The lady over there sent this.

I see. We can have
the herring steaks a little later.

I'll try not to break
the bed tonight.

Can you dog-sh Fret“?

Your mother would say you're
a shameless boy. She'd be happy.

Can I give Fredi herring?
-Sure.

Hi.
-Hi.

Hello.

So, do you remember what
you promised me last summer?

I remember
what I made you promise.

Thank you!

Translated by Aretta Vähälä
Proofread by Rich Lyons