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www.titlovi.com
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On display this evening, a pastiche
of painting from oddball-land.
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The poet Sir Max Beerbohm reflected
that no one ever died of laughter.
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Object of brush and
palette: the rebuttal.
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The clown is Jackie Slater.
His occupation, a comedian.
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His aspiration is to collect funny bones
and hang them on the walls of his life...
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to hide the cracked plaster
and yellowed wallpaper...
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that is part of the interior
decoration of failure.
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Poor Jackie Slater:A bad joke told in
a foreign language in an empty hall.
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The comic unable to coax laughter.
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The painting is called Make Me Laugh.
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And this lightless limbo
is called the Night Gallery.
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Hi, folks. I wanna tell you you're a wonderful
audience to work for. I get a lot of love out of you.
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00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:05,418
That's what I dig about you. Hey, one
of the troops. Good to see you, marine.
15
00:02:05,492 --> 00:02:07,859
I tell you, man, supporting
the country, it's beautiful.
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00:02:07,928 --> 00:02:10,454
I did one of those veterans hospitals
shows, you know, to help the boys.
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00:02:10,530 --> 00:02:12,658
Got hit with a crutch. [Laughs]
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[ Nervous Laugh] Hey, uh, folks, uh,
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00:02:16,069 --> 00:02:18,868
do you wanna hear the one about the
astronaut who got stuck up in space?
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He says, "'How long am l gonna be up here?'" 'Cause he
called mission control They said "A millennium or so.'"
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00:02:22,909 --> 00:02:25,879
He says, "'Where am lgonna stay?'" He says,
"'There's a hotel'" He goes to the hotel
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00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:29,177
The guy says, "'How long will you need the
room?'" And he says, "'Ch, about a millennium.'"
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The guy says, "'That'll cost you eight cents.'" He says,
"'Eight cents for a millennium? I'm a little hungry'"
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00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:36,547
He says, "'I'm gonna have a sandwich.'" Then
the guy says, "'Okay that'll cost you $800.'"
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00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:41,060
He says, ""Eight cents for a room for
a millennium and $800 for a sandwich?"
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He says, ""Yeah, in this hotel, we get
you by the sandwich." [Phone Ringing]
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00:02:46,433 --> 00:02:48,663
Uh, do you know how to
make a venetian blind?
28
00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:51,204
Poke your finger in his eye.
29
00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:54,707
My wife went to the West Indies.
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Jamaica? She went of her own accord.
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00:02:57,477 --> 00:03:02,005
[ Laughs] Hey, how do you like this suit,
huh? Sort of a chopped liver gray, huh?
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00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:04,016
The wife, uh-- Well,
it's a nice fit,you know.
33
00:03:04,084 --> 00:03:06,678
But the wife says it looks
more like a convulsion, huh?
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00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:12,656
Hey, uh, folks, uh,you know, I was standing out
in front of the Plaza Hotel talking to my friends.
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00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:15,388
Uh, matter of fact,
that's where I was living--
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00:03:15,462 --> 00:03:17,794
[Together] In front of
the Plaza Hotel. Yeah.
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00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:21,391
Well, I know you're out there, folks.
Uh,yeah. Uh-huh. And I'm up here, folks.
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00:03:21,468 --> 00:03:24,665
Of course, if the lighting is bad in here and
you can't find me, just listen for the sound.
39
00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:27,469
[Siren Wailing]
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00:03:29,509 --> 00:03:31,500
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
I want to present to you...
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00:03:31,578 --> 00:03:36,209
four of the loveliest girls you've ever seen
in your life, The Rocky Mountain Rockettes.
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00:03:36,283 --> 00:03:39,184
[Drum Beating] [Man] Yeah.!
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00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:45,819
[Swing]
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00:03:54,634 --> 00:03:57,501
[Sighs] How did it go, booby?
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00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:03,105
Not so bad for a first shot.
46
00:04:03,176 --> 00:04:06,476
I'm gonna rework it a
little before the next show.
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00:04:17,224 --> 00:04:19,249
So say it!
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00:04:20,393 --> 00:04:22,327
Say what? What do you wanna hear?
49
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:34,207
It would have been nice to hear you out
there, pushing a couple of yocks over forme.
50
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:38,840
Beating your hands
together a couple of times.
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00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:43,211
I'm playing Forest Lawn.
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00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:45,411
I got the only agent who makes
it like it's a federal act:.
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00:04:45,485 --> 00:04:48,079
That say she's got to be
horizontal after sunset.
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00:04:48,155 --> 00:04:51,955
Hmm. Didn't goover so good, huh, booby?
55
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The only tomb with a stage in it.
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00:04:55,362 --> 00:04:57,694
That's the only stage
with a corpse on it.
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00:04:57,764 --> 00:05:00,096
He warms up slow, Mr. Mishkin.
58
00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:03,294
It's 102 out there. The stiff
couldn't warm up in a boiler room.
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00:05:03,370 --> 00:05:06,135
Tough audience, Mr. Mishkin.
You'll give me that,won't you?
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00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:10,200
Tell you what I'll give you, papers
to walk. Do the next show, then cut.
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00:05:10,277 --> 00:05:12,746
But you said three weekends.
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00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:15,303
That was before I heard him.
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00:05:15,382 --> 00:05:18,044
Look.You are his agent.
Isn't that the idea?
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00:05:18,118 --> 00:05:20,177
Six teen years, Mr. Mishkin.
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00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:23,188
Then book him in the Air Force Museum.
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00:05:23,256 --> 00:05:26,920
This guy doesn't tell jokes.
He goes on bombing missions.
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00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:30,520
Hey,you can't ace me out after
one lousy show, Mr. Mishkin.
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00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:35,434
I can't? Read your contract.
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00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:39,632
Gimme a break. What do you got to lose?
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00:05:39,706 --> 00:05:42,732
I mean, an act's gotta build. I-I mean,
a couple of weeks for the word of mouth.
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00:05:42,809 --> 00:05:45,471
Tell him,Julie. Tell him,Julie.
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00:05:45,545 --> 00:05:48,845
Tell him about that gig in
Buffalo. Six weeks held over!
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00:05:48,915 --> 00:05:52,374
Capacity audience in a tough room!
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00:05:52,452 --> 00:05:55,888
I mean,when I start
to grow, man, I-I zoom.
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00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:58,823
I can fill the Hollywood Bowl
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00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:02,624
Unasked, the following opinion:
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00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:06,028
You couldn't fill a men's
room with free shoe shines.
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00:06:36,029 --> 00:06:38,054
Wanna know something?
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00:06:42,168 --> 00:06:44,102
I was a fat...
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00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:48,140
ugly little kid.
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00:06:51,044 --> 00:06:53,136
And when I used to go to boy's camp...
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00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:58,517
all the kids used to...
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00:06:58,585 --> 00:07:00,519
push me off the dock.
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00:07:02,489 --> 00:07:06,790
And everybody used to laugh.
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00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,757
So I decided that's
what I'd do with my life.
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00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:17,027
I'd make people laugh.
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00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:28,810
You made some people laugh, booby.
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00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:36,218
Jules,
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00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:39,122
my loyal,
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00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:43,857
steadfast friend and
artist's representative.
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00:07:45,432 --> 00:07:49,060
I'm a second-rate schlep going nowhere.
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00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:55,973
Sixteen years we scratched
each other's backs.
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00:07:56,042 --> 00:08:00,673
I was still digging around in
garbage dumps for one-nighters.
94
00:08:01,948 --> 00:08:04,076
Well,what does he know?
95
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:07,415
I-I mean, can you picture that
creep laughing at anything, huh?
96
00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:10,923
[Chuckles]
97
00:08:13,793 --> 00:08:15,887
I got a funny bit.
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00:08:19,366 --> 00:08:24,234
Now that's funny, me thinking I'm funny.
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00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:27,873
That's funny.
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00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:29,602
[Chuckling]
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00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:33,668
I wish I could make somebody laugh.
102
00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:36,614
I'd give up everything l got.
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00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:39,414
Everything I got...
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00:08:40,987 --> 00:08:45,948
just to make somebody laugh.
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00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:50,094
[Man] Hey barkeep, doesn't
this thing ever pay off?
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00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:53,031
[Clanging]
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00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:02,074
-Jackie Slater?
- Hmm?
108
00:09:02,142 --> 00:09:05,440
Your agent called Jackie.
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00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:09,608
Loyal, steadfast and true.
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00:09:09,682 --> 00:09:14,882
Bankrupt, dispossessed and on his way
to Philadelphia with a steel guitar band.
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00:09:14,954 --> 00:09:17,048
Without me?
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00:09:17,123 --> 00:09:19,091
I gather you didn't
kill them in Perth Amboy.
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00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:22,060
They were dead already in Perth Amboy.
114
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:25,831
I give you Perth Amboy.
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00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:28,594
I give you Michigan's Palladium.
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00:09:28,668 --> 00:09:31,933
Six tables with a pallbearer
at each one of them.
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00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:49,347
We have not met, yefendi.
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00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:53,620
Chatterje is the name.
Miracles by profession.
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00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:58,293
Miracles. Miracles.
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00:09:58,364 --> 00:10:00,298
[Pinball Machine Clanging]
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00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:03,165
That's just what I need, Mr. Chatterje.
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00:10:04,471 --> 00:10:08,804
You are now face-to-face
with Mr. Unlucky.
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00:10:08,875 --> 00:10:11,867
Forgiveness, Mr. Slater,
but compared to me,
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00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:14,505
you are the winner of
the Irish Sweepstakes.
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00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:18,347
You are the owner of
the 1969 New York Mets.
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00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:22,855
And on the day they repealed
prohibition,you are the Little Old Winemaker.
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00:10:22,922 --> 00:10:27,052
Your indulgence, Mr. Chatterje, but
I am a-a ship maker in the desert.
128
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:29,822
I am a diamond cutter with the palsy.
129
00:10:29,896 --> 00:10:33,264
I am an opera singer with laryngitis.
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00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:38,669
Reflect if you will, Mr. Slater, on
this undersized guru who sits beside you;
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00:10:38,738 --> 00:10:41,070
this child of adversity.
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00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:44,541
They booked me in a Democratic
dinner in New Rochelle.
133
00:10:44,611 --> 00:10:47,670
They wanted to replace me
with William F. Buckley.
134
00:10:47,747 --> 00:10:50,375
180,000 guys roaming the
streets, looking for a bar.
135
00:10:50,450 --> 00:10:52,475
And what do I get?
The formaldehyde twins.
136
00:10:52,552 --> 00:10:55,317
Now for laughs, why don't you two guys
go out in the park and get mugged, huh?
137
00:10:55,388 --> 00:11:00,383
Preferable. Decidedly preferable
to what is in store for me--
138
00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:02,485
death, certainly before dishonor.
139
00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:06,260
You, Mr. Slater, are yet a
young man with much ahead of you.
140
00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:09,358
It need not always be Perth Amboy.
141
00:11:09,435 --> 00:11:12,530
You could yet make it
on The Andy Williams Show
142
00:11:12,605 --> 00:11:17,702
I, on the other hand, am fingering
the tassels at the far end of my rope.
143
00:11:17,777 --> 00:11:20,678
By midnight tonight, if I
do not perform a miracle,
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00:11:20,747 --> 00:11:25,012
I am relieved of my powers and
I have dishonored my ancestors.
145
00:11:25,084 --> 00:11:27,212
So work a miracle. Who's stopping you?
146
00:11:28,454 --> 00:11:30,684
There is no willing recipient.
147
00:11:30,757 --> 00:11:35,285
No soul trusting enough to allow this
poor guru to conjure up a blessing.
148
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:38,296
I am without hope.
149
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:41,800
I am a dispossessed soul,
tiptoeing in agony...
150
00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:44,563
across the wasteland
of my shattered dreams.
151
00:11:45,638 --> 00:11:49,597
Wait a minute. What's
with this miracle bit?
152
00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:52,644
Ah,you are now diddling
with the essence,yefendi.
153
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:56,649
Every miracle-working guru must
work a wonder at least once a month.
154
00:11:56,716 --> 00:12:00,346
I am in arrears, hence disaster.
155
00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:02,354
What kind of miracle?
156
00:12:02,422 --> 00:12:04,356
Name it.
157
00:12:05,758 --> 00:12:08,125
Could you get me on
The Dean Martin Show?
158
00:12:08,194 --> 00:12:10,526
You should only ask.
159
00:12:10,597 --> 00:12:13,895
Could you get me four weeks
at The Sands in Las Vegas?
160
00:12:13,967 --> 00:12:15,901
With options.
161
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:18,563
Could--Could
you-- Could you--
162
00:12:18,638 --> 00:12:20,800
Speak,yefendi, speak!
163
00:12:22,008 --> 00:12:26,775
Could you fix it so I
can make people laugh?
164
00:12:26,846 --> 00:12:30,339
Hysterically. Uncontrollably.
165
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:33,078
Beyond your wildest dreams.
166
00:12:33,152 --> 00:12:35,246
So do it.
167
00:12:36,889 --> 00:12:39,586
Do it? Make a miracle.
168
00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:42,594
Th-This moment?
169
00:12:42,662 --> 00:12:45,791
You got until midnight to make
a miracle, so--so be my guest.
170
00:12:46,799 --> 00:12:48,733
I-It shall
be done, but--
171
00:12:48,801 --> 00:12:51,702
But what? But what?
The payoff, huh? Huh?
172
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:54,206
What? The small print, huh?
173
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:57,765
Candor dictates certain
prior admissions, Mr. Slater.
174
00:12:57,844 --> 00:13:02,008
Before a miracle is wrought, it is
necessary that I leave no truth unspoken.
175
00:13:02,081 --> 00:13:07,451
This is a cardinal rule amongst the
Order of Working Miracle-making Gurus.
176
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:10,922
In the hierarchy of my
art, how shall I say,
177
00:13:10,990 --> 00:13:13,357
I am something less than proficient.
178
00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:19,024
That is to say I am given to small
imperfections in the miracles wrought.
179
00:13:19,098 --> 00:13:21,931
Which is why l find
myself at this 11th hour:
180
00:13:22,001 --> 00:13:25,869
so precariously in the proximity
of the proverbial creek.
181
00:13:25,938 --> 00:13:27,872
What imperfections?
182
00:13:27,940 --> 00:13:32,502
Insignificant imperfections.
Small, itsy-bitsy.
183
00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:35,809
But it is necessary that I acquaint you with
the fact that in the circle of my peers...
184
00:13:35,882 --> 00:13:38,544
I am known
as-- as a klutz.
185
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:44,120
So l'm obliged to tell you of
certain miracles wrought by me:.
186
00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:46,625
Where small ironies intruded,
187
00:13:46,693 --> 00:13:50,186
and the results were, how
shall I say, unfortunate.
188
00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:53,096
I don't care.
189
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:57,296
There was a wrestler in Vero Beach,
Florida, who wanted to visit Tibet.
190
00:13:57,370 --> 00:14:02,308
That was his dream. He awoke to find
himself stranded atop Mount Everest,
191
00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:05,070
in the midst of an unmerciful blizzard.
192
00:14:05,144 --> 00:14:07,340
They finally had to fetch him
down with a pair of ice tongs.
193
00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:10,348
I wanna make people laugh!
194
00:14:10,416 --> 00:14:12,851
I have in mind another
ill-starred venture,
195
00:14:12,919 --> 00:14:16,820
having to do with a retired
schoolteacher in Spokane,Washington.
196
00:14:16,889 --> 00:14:20,917
A Civil War buff. A passionate
admirer of the Great Emancipator.
197
00:14:20,993 --> 00:14:25,487
Wanted only one thing:
to be in Lincoln's shoes.
198
00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:29,227
Wound up in an insane asylum,
claiming he was a woolen sock.
199
00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:33,739
Had to be restrained from sticking
darning needles into his head
200
00:14:33,806 --> 00:14:36,207
Am l getting through to you, Mr Slater?
201
00:14:36,275 --> 00:14:39,438
There are miracles, and there are risks.
202
00:14:39,512 --> 00:14:43,415
But I don't care. I'll
take the risks. Just do it!
203
00:14:48,187 --> 00:14:51,817
It is done. It is done.!Done.!
204
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:54,053
What? Done.
205
00:14:54,127 --> 00:14:57,493
-What?Wh-What's done?
- ""What's done?"
206
00:14:57,563 --> 00:15:00,430
What did you say? Did
you say, ""What's done?"
207
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:04,232
What's done? What's done?What's done?
208
00:15:04,303 --> 00:15:07,102
[Laughing] What's done?
209
00:15:10,309 --> 00:15:13,176
I can't believe you said ""What's done?"
210
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:16,477
Ch, I can't believe it.
He said "'What's done?'"
211
00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:19,177
[Continues Laughing]
212
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:23,153
Come here. Come here. This guy has got the
greatest routine. Say it again. ""What's done?"
213
00:15:23,222 --> 00:15:26,886
What's done? Come here.
214
00:15:26,959 --> 00:15:29,758
Do it. Do it. Give it
to them. What's done?
215
00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:34,432
[All Laughing]
216
00:15:37,737 --> 00:15:39,705
What's done?
217
00:15:47,313 --> 00:15:50,749
Hey, guru,
218
00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:53,650
you done it.
219
00:15:53,719 --> 00:15:56,450
You made a miracle.
220
00:15:59,358 --> 00:16:02,851
Yes,yefendi. I'm afraid you're right.
221
00:16:12,872 --> 00:16:15,398
[Laughter]
222
00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:24,673
[Jackie] You know how to make a venetian
blind? Poke your finger in his eye.
223
00:16:24,750 --> 00:16:27,947
[Cheering;Applause]
224
00:16:30,356 --> 00:16:33,121
[Jazz]
225
00:16:40,132 --> 00:16:42,396
Hi, booby.
226
00:16:42,468 --> 00:16:47,338
Aw,you killed 'em. You were
fantastic. I was listening.
227
00:16:47,406 --> 00:16:49,966
I mean, all you had to do
was to open up your mouth.
228
00:16:50,042 --> 00:16:52,409
Yeah.
229
00:16:52,478 --> 00:16:54,640
I was, uh,
230
00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:57,079
I was really proud of you,Jackie.
231
00:16:58,584 --> 00:17:02,452
You should be. I done it all myself.
232
00:17:05,324 --> 00:17:09,659
I thought steel guitar
bands was your current thing.
233
00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:13,791
Was, is right. They rusted out on me.
234
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:17,769
I got' em a fair date in Columbus,
Ohio, and they got booed off the stage.
235
00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:23,100
I had no choice,Jackie. I had to
take on somebody else or starve.
236
00:17:25,244 --> 00:17:27,770
Forget it. I understand.
237
00:17:30,149 --> 00:17:32,413
What I don't understand though...
238
00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:35,453
is how come I'm not getting any kicks.
239
00:17:35,521 --> 00:17:37,455
What do you mean?
240
00:17:37,523 --> 00:17:39,651
I mean I'm boffo wherever l am.
241
00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:44,458
I mean, every time I open up my
mouth, everything I say, they scream.
242
00:17:44,530 --> 00:17:48,228
I mean, I tell old jokes,Julie. I don't
mean just old, I mean with cobwebs on them.
243
00:17:48,301 --> 00:17:50,599
I mean antiques, and they
roll all over the floor.
244
00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:52,762
Well, that's great.
245
00:17:52,838 --> 00:17:54,966
It should be great.
246
00:17:56,042 --> 00:17:59,569
But it isn't. It's... dull.
247
00:17:59,645 --> 00:18:02,444
But isn't that what you
wanted, to make people laugh?
248
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:04,779
Well isn't that what you'redoing?
249
00:18:05,851 --> 00:18:09,913
Look. I-I read the Variety reviews about
the bit you did on the Skelton show,
250
00:18:09,989 --> 00:18:11,923
and they said you broke up the joint.
251
00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:17,254
I broke up the joint.
You wanna know what I did?
252
00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:24,467
I put on my hat, walked on-camera.
253
00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:27,063
I took off my hat.
254
00:18:27,139 --> 00:18:30,302
They screamed all over the place.
255
00:18:30,376 --> 00:18:35,007
I finished my routine. I put back
on my hat. I walked off.That's it.
256
00:18:36,082 --> 00:18:40,144
Big deal. I took off my hat.
257
00:18:40,219 --> 00:18:43,154
It's a wonder Skelton didn't fire
his writers right on the spot.
258
00:18:43,222 --> 00:18:46,817
I mean, he's the guy who works months
to work on a little piece of business...
259
00:18:46,892 --> 00:18:49,486
in a hope that it'll payoff
in a couple of chuckles.
260
00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:55,023
And I walk on, take off
my hat, and they scream.
261
00:18:55,101 --> 00:18:58,036
I mean, I haven't heard such laughs
since they pushed me off the dock.
262
00:18:59,205 --> 00:19:02,106
-So?
-Jules.
263
00:19:02,174 --> 00:19:04,541
[Sighs]
264
00:19:04,610 --> 00:19:08,069
Don't you understand? I'm bored.
265
00:19:10,549 --> 00:19:15,111
I used to have to work
forit. No, fight fo rit.
266
00:19:16,689 --> 00:19:18,623
And now it's all...
267
00:19:20,626 --> 00:19:22,594
Dullsville, U.S.A.
268
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:25,425
What do you want?
269
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:28,092
I mean,you all the time
wanted to make people laugh.
270
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:31,535
Well, look. Now it's happening.
271
00:19:31,604 --> 00:19:33,936
I mean, what else is there?
272
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:36,668
A comic wants to get laughs.
273
00:19:37,943 --> 00:19:41,140
There's gotta be something more.
There's gotta be more to it than that.
274
00:19:41,213 --> 00:19:43,147
Anybody can get laughs.
[Audience Clapping]
275
00:19:43,215 --> 00:19:47,243
A dum-dum takes a pratfall. A
fat kid gets pushed off the dock.
276
00:19:47,319 --> 00:19:51,051
Hardy-har-har.
Big deal!
277
00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:54,388
Look at this, man. I got-- I go ta
telegram. Look at these telegrams.
278
00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:59,694
I got-- I got offers. I
got deals. I got guarantees.
279
00:19:59,765 --> 00:20:04,134
But to be what? A rum-dum
baggy pants schnook. Look here.
280
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:06,228
[Continues]
281
00:20:09,075 --> 00:20:11,009
Look at this.
282
00:20:16,115 --> 00:20:18,174
Well,who's David Garrick?
283
00:20:18,250 --> 00:20:22,983
Julie, get outta the tent
shows. Forget the carnivals.
284
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:26,992
You wanna manage donnickers and
ragbag operators all your life?
285
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:29,960
This is legit. This is Broadway.
286
00:20:31,030 --> 00:20:35,160
""We'd like to discuss with you the possibility
of your playing a straight dramatic role...
287
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:37,669
in play l have under option."
288
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:42,400
Julie,you dig it? A
straight dramatic role.
289
00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:44,807
Jackie Slater, an actor.
290
00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:47,938
Now look, booby. You
never did no acting.
291
00:20:48,013 --> 00:20:50,914
You were never a straight
man. You area comic.
292
00:20:50,983 --> 00:20:54,078
Was a comic. Was a clown.
293
00:20:54,153 --> 00:20:57,384
Was a dolt,was a dunce, was a klutz.
294
00:20:57,456 --> 00:21:01,086
No more, understand?
An actor--Jackie Slater.
295
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:03,252
No, make that Jack Slater.
296
00:21:03,329 --> 00:21:06,355
No,John Slater.
297
00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:09,959
No...Jonathan Slater.
298
00:21:11,737 --> 00:21:15,901
For the best actor
in a starring role--
299
00:21:15,975 --> 00:21:17,909
the envelope, please.
300
00:21:20,446 --> 00:21:22,380
The winner...
301
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:28,712
Jonathan Slater.
302
00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:32,245
All right, Mr. Slater.
I'd like your reading now.
303
00:21:32,324 --> 00:21:35,089
Page one. Of act two. From the top.
304
00:21:35,161 --> 00:21:38,493
Oh. Now just keep in mind
that you're a circus clown.
305
00:21:38,564 --> 00:21:42,364
You've just discovered that your wife has
left you. In fact,you've just read the note.
306
00:21:42,434 --> 00:21:45,893
And at this moment, there isn't a single
thing in the world that you wanna live for
307
00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:47,905
Yeah, I got it. I got it. Right.
308
00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:51,876
Oh, uh, Miss Wilson. Would you
read the girl acrobat, please?
309
00:22:03,422 --> 00:22:06,790
What's the matter, Bimbo? You look odd.
310
00:22:06,859 --> 00:22:10,760
Sure, odd. I'm a clown.
311
00:22:11,764 --> 00:22:13,926
A clown's supposed to look odd.
312
00:22:13,999 --> 00:22:16,900
A funny thing happened to
me on the way to the big top.
313
00:22:18,404 --> 00:22:20,496
My life just got dissolved.
314
00:22:20,573 --> 00:22:22,507
[Giggling]
315
00:22:24,977 --> 00:22:28,277
A clown isn't supposed to cry!
316
00:22:28,347 --> 00:22:32,079
He's supposed to laugh. [All Laughing]
317
00:22:38,958 --> 00:22:42,451
But the smiles...
318
00:22:42,528 --> 00:22:44,462
are just painted on.
319
00:22:55,007 --> 00:22:58,807
I-I'm sorry, Mr. Garrick,
but the guy's a comic.
320
00:22:58,878 --> 00:23:01,607
No matter what he reads,
it comes out like a gag.
321
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:05,514
I thought he had what we needed.
Something--Something in his face.
322
00:23:05,584 --> 00:23:10,044
Face, gestures, everything.
He's strictly for laughs.
323
00:23:10,122 --> 00:23:12,056
Look at him.
324
00:23:12,124 --> 00:23:14,593
Just look at him.
325
00:23:14,660 --> 00:23:19,063
Okay I made a mistake. Shake his hand pat
him on the back and get him out of here.
326
00:23:19,131 --> 00:23:21,964
[Snaps Fingers]
327
00:23:26,839 --> 00:23:29,069
You wanna know what you are?
328
00:23:29,141 --> 00:23:32,509
You're a bunch of dirty,
rotten, insensitive people.
329
00:23:32,578 --> 00:23:34,910
That's what you are.
330
00:23:34,980 --> 00:23:38,644
You're the kind-- the kind
who pushed me off the dock.
331
00:23:38,717 --> 00:23:41,516
""Pushed him off the dock."
332
00:23:59,939 --> 00:24:02,203
[Laughter Continues]
333
00:24:34,173 --> 00:24:38,872
As must be obvious,yefendi,
miracles are not without risks.
334
00:24:38,944 --> 00:24:41,709
Unforeseen little addenda.
335
00:24:41,780 --> 00:24:43,805
""Unforeseen little addenda"?
336
00:24:43,882 --> 00:24:48,080
Thanks to you, I can't say ""How are you?Good
morning. A glass of orange juice, please"...
337
00:24:48,153 --> 00:24:50,815
without people breaking up
in screaming convulsions.
338
00:24:50,889 --> 00:24:52,823
It was as you wished, yefendi.
339
00:24:52,891 --> 00:24:55,360
Well, I don't wish it
anymore. Understand?
340
00:24:55,427 --> 00:24:59,887
I want you to fix it so that I
never have anybody laugh at me again.
341
00:24:59,965 --> 00:25:02,832
Yefendi, there is an unwritten law:
342
00:25:02,901 --> 00:25:04,869
One miracle to a customer.
343
00:25:04,937 --> 00:25:08,999
I don't care, you second-rate
swami. I want another miracle.
344
00:25:09,074 --> 00:25:14,069
I want you to fix it so that
I can touch people, move them.
345
00:25:14,146 --> 00:25:16,979
Make'em cry, not laugh.
346
00:25:17,049 --> 00:25:19,780
You get that? And I want it done now.
347
00:25:19,852 --> 00:25:21,820
Because if you don't,
what's left of you...
348
00:25:21,887 --> 00:25:26,347
will be able to be stuffed in that
moth-eaten turban and dumped in a doggie bag.
349
00:25:31,063 --> 00:25:33,498
It is done.
350
00:25:33,565 --> 00:25:35,624
""Done." Done.
351
00:25:35,701 --> 00:25:39,638
You'll never again be laughed
at,yefendi. Never ever.
352
00:25:42,141 --> 00:25:44,701
Well,we'll just see. We'll just see.
353
00:25:44,777 --> 00:25:46,903
[Traffc Noises]
354
00:25:50,115 --> 00:25:52,812
Hey lady! Hey!Hey lady!
355
00:25:52,885 --> 00:25:56,651
Hey, lady, did you hear the
one about the two Arabs...
356
00:25:56,722 --> 00:25:59,087
-who met on a streetcar, while
the first one-- - [ Horn Honks]
357
00:25:59,158 --> 00:26:01,557
- [Yells]
- [Thud]
358
00:26:01,627 --> 00:26:03,595
[Clamoring]
359
00:26:03,662 --> 00:26:06,632
[Man]Now try to keep calm. I just told
you, we've already called the police.
360
00:26:06,698 --> 00:26:09,360
They're on their way here
now [Clamoring Continues]
361
00:26:09,435 --> 00:26:12,370
[Jazz]
362
00:26:34,093 --> 00:26:37,028
I wonder if l'll ever
get the hang of this.
363
00:26:38,230 --> 00:26:40,562
[Sobbing]
364
00:26:45,671 --> 00:26:48,400
[Woman Laughs] [Ends]
365
00:26:52,111 --> 00:26:56,275
Our second painting this evening has
to dowith the stalker and the victim.
366
00:26:56,348 --> 00:26:58,282
The hunter and the hunted.
367
00:26:58,350 --> 00:27:03,914
That rare breed of Homo sapien whose love of
butchery is not a sport but a consuming passion.
368
00:27:03,989 --> 00:27:07,948
Offered to you now, Clean
Killsand Other Trophies.
369
00:27:23,008 --> 00:27:24,976
[Thunderclap]
370
00:27:35,187 --> 00:27:38,179
I call this my trophy room, Mr. Pierce.
371
00:27:39,791 --> 00:27:42,817
Oh, I'll take care of
that,Tom. Very good, sir.
372
00:27:42,895 --> 00:27:45,294
Tom here is an Ibo.
373
00:27:45,364 --> 00:27:47,696
He's the son of a tribal chief.
374
00:27:47,766 --> 00:27:49,825
He's a highly educated young man.
375
00:27:49,902 --> 00:27:52,530
His father sent him
to school in England.
376
00:27:52,604 --> 00:27:55,403
Will that be all sir?
That'll be all. Thank you,Tom.
377
00:27:55,474 --> 00:27:57,408
Excuse me, gentlemen.
378
00:28:00,579 --> 00:28:02,843
Quite a specimen, isn't he?
379
00:28:02,915 --> 00:28:05,280
Specimen? [Thunderclap]
380
00:28:05,350 --> 00:28:10,914
He's an African, Mr. Pierce. Don't be misled
by the Oxford accent or the tailored clothes.
381
00:28:10,989 --> 00:28:14,357
For all the outward
accoutrements of civilization,
382
00:28:14,426 --> 00:28:16,360
he's never left the jungle.
383
00:28:16,428 --> 00:28:21,992
He still carries amulets and
fervently believes in black magic.
384
00:28:22,067 --> 00:28:25,401
A pagan savage, Mr.
Pierce, like all his breed.
385
00:28:25,470 --> 00:28:29,498
About the trust fund, Colonel.
I'll only require your signature.
386
00:28:29,575 --> 00:28:34,638
I've made all the arrangements for
the money to go to the beneficiary.
387
00:28:34,713 --> 00:28:36,943
Plenty of time, Mr. Pierce.
388
00:28:37,015 --> 00:28:40,076
Plenty of time for Archie's inheritance.
389
00:28:41,620 --> 00:28:45,818
Do you know anything of
hunting, Mr. Pierce? Or guns?
390
00:28:45,891 --> 00:28:47,882
I'm afraid not, sir.
391
00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:52,259
-That's your hobby, my father said.
- Hobby?
392
00:28:52,331 --> 00:28:54,356
Hardly a hobby.
393
00:28:54,433 --> 00:28:56,731
It's what I do with my life.
394
00:28:56,802 --> 00:28:59,999
I don't think there's any game in
the world that I haven't stalked.
395
00:29:00,072 --> 00:29:02,232
Stalked and killed.
396
00:29:04,576 --> 00:29:09,377
This, uh, baby here is
a--a Thompson gazelle.
397
00:29:09,448 --> 00:29:11,382
I got him in the Nyeri Forest.
398
00:29:11,450 --> 00:29:14,351
Those horns are 16 and
three-quarter inches long.
399
00:29:14,419 --> 00:29:17,980
It's mentioned in Ward's
Records of Big Game.
400
00:29:19,224 --> 00:29:22,819
I understand you just
graduated college,Arch.
401
00:29:22,894 --> 00:29:25,829
Yes, his sole, remarkable
achievement to date.
402
00:29:25,897 --> 00:29:29,959
That is, if you don't give points
for excessive brandy consumption.
403
00:29:31,169 --> 00:29:34,161
This might interest you, Pierce.
404
00:29:34,239 --> 00:29:37,573
That chap gave me big trouble.
405
00:29:37,643 --> 00:29:40,702
I got him on a rainy night.
Lions are temperamental beasts.
406
00:29:40,779 --> 00:29:42,838
They're subject to moods.
407
00:29:42,914 --> 00:29:45,815
Rainy weather makes them nervous.
408
00:29:45,884 --> 00:29:48,615
But darkness stimulates them.
409
00:29:48,687 --> 00:29:53,147
They hunt at night, and
I hunted him at night.
410
00:29:53,225 --> 00:29:57,025
One other trouble about lions
is that they can see in the dark.
411
00:29:57,095 --> 00:30:00,258
So, for openers, he
had all the advantage--
412
00:30:00,332 --> 00:30:03,165
rain, night...
413
00:30:03,235 --> 00:30:05,169
and his uncanny sense of smell.
414
00:30:05,237 --> 00:30:09,572
All the advantages,
Colonel, except a gun.
415
00:30:09,641 --> 00:30:14,101
A lion on a charge can run
40 miles an hour, Pierce.
416
00:30:14,179 --> 00:30:16,409
If you haven't got a
gun or a marksman's eye,
417
00:30:16,481 --> 00:30:19,007
he can spread you
over the map of Africa.
418
00:30:20,786 --> 00:30:23,549
Do you hunt,Arch?
419
00:30:23,622 --> 00:30:25,556
Archie hunt?
420
00:30:25,624 --> 00:30:28,150
Does that look like a hunter, Pierce?
421
00:30:28,226 --> 00:30:32,561
Can you picture that dish of jellied
consomme squaring off to a wild animal?
422
00:30:32,631 --> 00:30:38,331
No,Archie does little but
occupy space. [Brandy Pouring]
423
00:30:38,403 --> 00:30:42,067
Hunting requires traits of
character that he fails to possess.
424
00:30:42,140 --> 00:30:45,337
Not the least being guts.
425
00:30:45,410 --> 00:30:48,175
But not everyone goes
in for hunting, Colonel.
426
00:30:48,246 --> 00:30:50,180
I am not concerned with everyone.
427
00:30:50,248 --> 00:30:52,774
I'm concerned with that
pallid handwringer over there,
428
00:30:52,851 --> 00:30:57,618
who would take his inheritance and
give it to one of his myriad causes--
429
00:30:57,689 --> 00:30:59,851
Senegalese unwed mothers,
430
00:30:59,925 --> 00:31:02,485
pickaninny's free lunch program.
431
00:31:02,561 --> 00:31:05,758
Or perhaps something dearer
to his heart and character--
432
00:31:05,831 --> 00:31:08,994
the Women's Liberation Movement.
433
00:31:09,067 --> 00:31:13,095
My father would prefer that
I do a little random killing.
434
00:31:13,171 --> 00:31:17,074
Why not? Man has been
killing for a million years.
435
00:31:17,142 --> 00:31:19,474
And man is not the only
animal in the jungle.
436
00:31:19,544 --> 00:31:21,512
If we don't kill
others, they'll kill us.
437
00:31:21,580 --> 00:31:24,275
That's the equation of survival.
438
00:31:24,349 --> 00:31:27,114
What if you both survive?
Do you hear that,Archie?
439
00:31:27,185 --> 00:31:29,552
You have a colleague, a kindred soul.
440
00:31:29,621 --> 00:31:34,252
And do you think that is wrong
to kill something like that?
441
00:31:34,326 --> 00:31:36,260
If it's done unnecessarily.
442
00:31:36,328 --> 00:31:39,057
""If it's done unnecessarily."
443
00:31:39,131 --> 00:31:44,090
So the criterion of cruelty
is not the act but the motive.
444
00:31:44,169 --> 00:31:46,604
[Chuckles]
445
00:31:46,671 --> 00:31:51,302
There is a certain tribe in
Africa called the Masai, Pierce.
446
00:31:54,479 --> 00:31:56,413
Every now and then,
447
00:31:56,481 --> 00:31:59,815
they pick out some of their
less active senior citizens...
448
00:31:59,885 --> 00:32:04,618
and put them out in the bush so
the hyenas can eat them alive.
449
00:32:04,689 --> 00:32:09,456
Didn't Adam Smith have some
theory about overpopulation?
450
00:32:09,528 --> 00:32:11,519
The painted savages don't
need fancy economists:.
451
00:32:11,596 --> 00:32:15,499
To tell them how to
keep the population down.
452
00:32:15,567 --> 00:32:19,504
They act upon instinct.
The instinct of survival.
453
00:32:19,571 --> 00:32:22,734
I suppose you would call
that cruel,would you?
454
00:32:22,808 --> 00:32:27,107
I'd call it savage, uncivilized.
455
00:32:27,179 --> 00:32:30,875
But at least it's
death with some purpose.
456
00:32:30,949 --> 00:32:33,441
I kill with a purpose.
457
00:32:33,518 --> 00:32:38,012
And my purpose is to prove that
I am superior to what I kill.
458
00:32:41,126 --> 00:32:43,060
Archie? [Thunderclap]
459
00:32:43,128 --> 00:32:45,324
A point of information.
460
00:32:48,333 --> 00:32:52,634
Mr. Pierce has a briefcase with
some papers in it for me to sign.
461
00:32:52,704 --> 00:32:55,605
There's a couple of million
dollars worth of securities,
462
00:32:55,674 --> 00:32:59,006
stocks and bonds waiting for you.
463
00:33:00,078 --> 00:33:02,672
Are you aware of that?
I'm quite aware of that.
464
00:33:02,747 --> 00:33:06,012
Oh, he's quite aware
of that. [Thunderclap]
465
00:33:06,084 --> 00:33:08,485
And are you aware that you
will be a millionaire...
466
00:33:08,553 --> 00:33:11,045
in a few weeks? Yes.
467
00:33:11,122 --> 00:33:15,059
And are you aware that it
only requires my signature?
468
00:33:15,126 --> 00:33:17,060
I'll, uh,just get my briefcase.
469
00:33:17,128 --> 00:33:20,758
That will not be necessary. I know
the contents of that briefcase.
470
00:33:20,832 --> 00:33:23,494
I know the nature
of those securities--
471
00:33:23,568 --> 00:33:27,266
their number, their names,
their current values.
472
00:33:27,339 --> 00:33:29,671
I want to make a codicil.
473
00:33:29,741 --> 00:33:32,335
A codicil? Correct.
474
00:33:39,251 --> 00:33:44,712
If within 15 days, my son has
not killed himself an animal,
475
00:33:44,789 --> 00:33:47,884
I wish to dissolve the trust.
476
00:33:47,959 --> 00:33:51,862
Are you aware of the
condition I have just imposed?
477
00:33:51,930 --> 00:33:56,367
I wish you to kill an
animal... by yourself.
478
00:33:56,434 --> 00:33:59,301
-With a gun.
-[Thunderclap]
479
00:33:59,371 --> 00:34:01,531
Exhibit ""A," Mr. Pierce.
480
00:34:01,606 --> 00:34:04,769
The illustrious heir having
just been given due notice...
481
00:34:04,843 --> 00:34:09,610
that his father has arbitrarily
diddled him of what is his,
482
00:34:09,681 --> 00:34:12,946
does nothing but stand there and suffer.
483
00:34:13,018 --> 00:34:14,952
Colonel--
484
00:34:15,020 --> 00:34:19,649
By rights, he should by now have
been rifle-butting me into oblivion.
485
00:34:19,724 --> 00:34:23,592
But that is not Archie's breed.
He has no aptitude for violence.
486
00:34:23,662 --> 00:34:26,324
He's been taken on
trips through the jungle,
487
00:34:26,398 --> 00:34:28,924
to hunting preserves,
the African velt--
488
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:33,938
place swhich most boys would
welcome as high adventure.
489
00:34:34,005 --> 00:34:37,600
But whenever a gun was fired, I
found him cowering under a bush.
490
00:34:37,676 --> 00:34:40,873
Sir, none of this is my business.
491
00:34:40,946 --> 00:34:43,574
I'm here for a specific reason,
492
00:34:43,648 --> 00:34:45,742
to handle the reversion
of the trust fund.
493
00:34:45,817 --> 00:34:47,945
That's all I'm supposed to do.
494
00:34:48,019 --> 00:34:50,181
As to any disagreement you
may have with your son--
495
00:34:50,255 --> 00:34:53,350
As to any disagreement
between me and my son,
496
00:34:53,425 --> 00:34:58,192
that is very much your business, Mr.
Pierce, because it relates to the trust.
497
00:34:58,263 --> 00:35:03,667
I am not going to hand a gravy bowl over to
this simpering vegetable who has dishonored me.
498
00:35:03,735 --> 00:35:06,534
I'm afraid you don't have
any choice in that matter.
499
00:35:06,605 --> 00:35:08,697
I could refuse to sign.
500
00:35:08,773 --> 00:35:11,606
That would be most unwise, sir.
501
00:35:11,676 --> 00:35:14,270
You've been paying
fiduciary taxes on--
502
00:35:14,346 --> 00:35:16,815
Don't give me that fiduciary nonsense.
503
00:35:16,881 --> 00:35:19,475
-What could he do to me?
- He could sue you.
504
00:35:19,551 --> 00:35:21,815
[ Laughs] Sue me?
505
00:35:21,886 --> 00:35:25,447
This vegetable get a battery
of lawyers and sue me?
506
00:35:25,523 --> 00:35:29,289
He could start proceedings in
the morning in a court of law.
507
00:35:30,328 --> 00:35:32,660
That would be my advice to him.
508
00:35:32,731 --> 00:35:37,565
And my advice to you, Mr. Pierce,
is to go to bed and get some sleep.
509
00:35:37,636 --> 00:35:42,800
[Thunderclap] Because tomorrow,
Archie and I are hunting deer.
510
00:35:42,874 --> 00:35:46,435
And my son is going to fire a gun...
511
00:35:46,511 --> 00:35:49,947
for the first time
in his miserable life.
512
00:35:50,015 --> 00:35:52,141
Because if he doesn't,
513
00:35:52,217 --> 00:35:55,949
I'll take every security
in that trust fund...
514
00:35:56,021 --> 00:36:00,583
and I will drivel it away
on every high-risk venture...
515
00:36:00,659 --> 00:36:04,220
that I can find in either market.
516
00:36:04,295 --> 00:36:09,597
By Wednesday morning, I will turn that
two million dollars into wastepaper.
517
00:36:19,177 --> 00:36:23,910
Father! Is it really so
incomprehensible to you...
518
00:36:23,982 --> 00:36:26,417
that I can't kill anything?
519
00:36:27,485 --> 00:36:29,453
How about an animal?
520
00:36:29,521 --> 00:36:32,684
Come on. M-Maybe a child.
521
00:36:32,757 --> 00:36:35,783
How about any living thing?
522
00:36:38,296 --> 00:36:40,424
You answer me!
523
00:36:41,499 --> 00:36:44,696
It is incomprehensible to me
that I have managed to sire...
524
00:36:44,769 --> 00:36:47,739
a muling, sniveling,
self-indulgent milksop,
525
00:36:47,806 --> 00:36:52,175
who is unable to grasp the
most elementary fact of life:
526
00:36:52,243 --> 00:36:56,373
The whole world is a
bloody hunting jungle.
527
00:36:56,448 --> 00:37:00,440
You stalk with the hunter,
or you run with the quarry.
528
00:37:00,518 --> 00:37:04,216
You have no other choice.
The beasts have no choice.
529
00:37:04,289 --> 00:37:08,055
Only man. That is why he is superior.
530
00:37:08,126 --> 00:37:12,996
Oh, no, no, no, no. Not
superior,j-just deadlier.
531
00:37:13,064 --> 00:37:15,624
You take away his gun, and he's a beast.
532
00:37:17,368 --> 00:37:20,827
You are currently in
possession of a gun,Archie,
533
00:37:20,905 --> 00:37:25,934
a bolt-action .458, which could make
a hole in me the size of two fists.
534
00:37:26,010 --> 00:37:27,944
What are you waiting for?
535
00:37:29,848 --> 00:37:31,974
Nothing.
536
00:37:37,155 --> 00:37:40,181
Send him off to bed,Tom.
537
00:37:40,258 --> 00:37:42,192
Leave the door open
and a light in the hall.
538
00:37:42,260 --> 00:37:44,627
I imagine darkness frightens him too.
539
00:37:44,696 --> 00:37:46,630
[Thunderclap]
540
00:37:52,904 --> 00:37:55,430
Archie, listen to me.
541
00:37:55,507 --> 00:37:57,532
You don't have to kill a deer...
542
00:37:57,609 --> 00:38:01,568
or swat a fly or step on
an ant if you don't want to.
543
00:38:01,646 --> 00:38:03,580
You don't have to do anything.
544
00:38:03,648 --> 00:38:06,549
All you have to do is sign your name.
545
00:38:06,618 --> 00:38:09,280
Naturally, since we represent your
father, we couldn't take the case,
546
00:38:09,354 --> 00:38:14,292
but I'll send you to
a first-rate law firm.
547
00:38:14,359 --> 00:38:16,418
By tomorrow lunchtime,
548
00:38:16,494 --> 00:38:19,156
they can get a court
order impounding the trust.
549
00:38:19,230 --> 00:38:21,164
Do you think he's different?
550
00:38:23,368 --> 00:38:25,962
Do you think he's a special case?
551
00:38:28,206 --> 00:38:30,140
Mm-mm.
552
00:38:31,342 --> 00:38:33,709
He's 20th-century man.
553
00:38:35,180 --> 00:38:39,809
That's his big passion,
to--to commit murder...
554
00:38:39,884 --> 00:38:45,653
[Thunderclap] under the protection of
a-- of a state-issued hunting license.
555
00:38:47,458 --> 00:38:51,292
Why, I know he's a whole lot closer
to the norm than I'll ever be.
556
00:38:52,897 --> 00:38:54,865
And
tomorrow--
557
00:38:57,035 --> 00:38:59,800
tomorrow...
558
00:38:59,871 --> 00:39:03,863
I will try to shoot a deer.
559
00:39:03,942 --> 00:39:06,102
[Thunderclap]
560
00:39:06,177 --> 00:39:09,078
That's the only choice I've got.
561
00:39:09,147 --> 00:39:11,343
That's the only choice he's given me.
562
00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:18,312
It is not the trust, Mr. Pierce.
563
00:39:18,389 --> 00:39:21,188
It has nothing to do with that.
564
00:39:22,260 --> 00:39:25,355
You know, a moment ago,
565
00:39:25,430 --> 00:39:27,626
I almost killed him.
566
00:39:29,234 --> 00:39:33,169
And I would have, because
it was in my heart.
567
00:39:34,372 --> 00:39:36,306
But
Tom--
568
00:39:39,444 --> 00:39:41,378
Well, thank God for Tom.
569
00:39:41,446 --> 00:39:47,385
Anyway, better a-a deer
than a--than a patricide.
570
00:39:47,452 --> 00:39:49,942
Wouldn't you say that, Mr. Pierce?
571
00:39:52,590 --> 00:39:55,855
Judging by youre xpression,
I guess you wouldn't.
572
00:39:56,861 --> 00:39:59,057
[Sighs]
573
00:39:59,130 --> 00:40:04,899
I'm okay now,Tom. I'm--
I'm okay. Good night.
574
00:40:20,218 --> 00:40:22,209
[Thunderclap]
575
00:40:25,256 --> 00:40:28,624
Had you never met
Colonel Dittman before?
576
00:40:28,693 --> 00:40:33,722
No. My father's been his lawyer for
years, but I know very little about him.
577
00:40:33,798 --> 00:40:35,732
He has a strange god, Mr. Pierce.
578
00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:40,499
He-- He worships death, and
then he nails it to the wall.
579
00:40:40,571 --> 00:40:43,973
And yet you came herewith
him and you've stayed.
580
00:40:44,042 --> 00:40:47,977
For the boy. That is why l came.
581
00:40:48,046 --> 00:40:51,139
And that is why l stay.
582
00:40:53,251 --> 00:40:55,845
A legacy of 50 years, Mr. Pierce.
583
00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:59,948
Bullet holes, punctured
bodies, chopped-off heads.
584
00:41:00,024 --> 00:41:03,585
A convocation of victims.
585
00:41:04,629 --> 00:41:07,597
And now he wants to add his son.
586
00:41:08,967 --> 00:41:12,403
Another trophy of the kill.
587
00:41:16,641 --> 00:41:18,871
[Thunderclap]
588
00:41:53,711 --> 00:41:57,341
This rain is a gift,Tom.
Excellent for tomorrow's hunting.
589
00:41:59,617 --> 00:42:02,177
I am speaking to you.
590
00:42:07,625 --> 00:42:10,526
Why will you make him kill tomorrow?
591
00:42:10,595 --> 00:42:13,189
You have had 21 years
without it. Why tomorrow?
592
00:42:13,264 --> 00:42:15,289
It's my last chance.
593
00:42:17,135 --> 00:42:20,730
I want to give him his manhood.
Can't you understand that?
594
00:42:20,805 --> 00:42:24,103
That is what you will strip
him of if you give him a gun...
595
00:42:26,210 --> 00:42:28,076
and make him use it.
596
00:42:28,146 --> 00:42:31,478
If you had refused to hunt,
what would your father have done?
597
00:42:31,549 --> 00:42:34,883
We hunt for food.
598
00:42:34,952 --> 00:42:37,853
We hunt to stay alive.
599
00:42:39,023 --> 00:42:41,890
I was never taught to kill for pleasure.
600
00:42:41,959 --> 00:42:44,519
Theday l can kill without pleasure,
601
00:42:44,595 --> 00:42:47,257
my son can have everything I own.
602
00:42:49,033 --> 00:42:54,028
If you're praying to your gods,
pray that the rain quits before dawn.
603
00:42:54,105 --> 00:42:57,733
Then the deer will come out
and enjoy the good weather.
604
00:43:08,086 --> 00:43:10,680
That is not what I pray for.
605
00:43:11,756 --> 00:43:13,882
[ Mr. Dittman] Keep your eye
on the canyons over there.
606
00:43:13,958 --> 00:43:16,188
The whitetails don't like the wind.
607
00:43:16,260 --> 00:43:18,592
We'll be out of their scent up here.
608
00:43:20,064 --> 00:43:23,227
When you see the deer,Archie,
line up the forelegs.
609
00:43:23,301 --> 00:43:26,963
Place your shot so as to
kill or anchor him atone.
610
00:43:27,038 --> 00:43:31,532
Line up the upright part of
the ""T"with the back crossbar.
611
00:43:33,778 --> 00:43:37,043
Aim to break the shoulder just
above the middle of the body.
612
00:43:40,485 --> 00:43:42,544
That way you'll bring him down quick.
613
00:43:45,123 --> 00:43:48,559
If you aim high, you'll break his back.
614
00:43:55,600 --> 00:43:58,865
A low shot can hit his heart. But if
you're high and in front, you get the neck.
615
00:43:58,936 --> 00:44:03,533
So make a clean kill,Archie.
616
00:44:03,608 --> 00:44:05,906
Look. He's yours.
617
00:44:08,079 --> 00:44:11,879
Take it slowly Aim carefully
618
00:44:11,949 --> 00:44:15,283
Just squeeze it off
619
00:44:15,353 --> 00:44:17,479
Squeeze it,Archie.
620
00:44:17,555 --> 00:44:19,853
Squeeze it.
621
00:44:19,924 --> 00:44:22,518
Remember,just above
the middle of the body.
622
00:44:22,593 --> 00:44:25,062
How you lined it up.
623
00:44:25,129 --> 00:44:27,598
What are you waiting for?
624
00:44:27,665 --> 00:44:31,568
He's not going to stay there
all day, damn it. Take your shot!
625
00:44:32,637 --> 00:44:36,333
Take your shot, damn
it. Take your shot.!
626
00:44:36,407 --> 00:44:38,876
[Gunshot]
627
00:44:40,478 --> 00:44:43,207
I told you a clean kill.
628
00:44:43,281 --> 00:44:45,340
Now we've got to follow his tracks.
629
00:44:45,416 --> 00:44:47,350
We've got to check the blood marks,
630
00:44:47,418 --> 00:44:49,614
find out where you did hit him.
631
00:45:08,573 --> 00:45:11,133
[Mr Dittman] You want to butcher
an animal I could have ordered one.
632
00:45:11,209 --> 00:45:14,770
I could have tied him down and
let you get at him with an ax.
633
00:45:14,845 --> 00:45:17,405
It's the same bloody thing:
634
00:45:18,983 --> 00:45:21,145
I could have predicted it.
635
00:45:21,219 --> 00:45:24,949
We tracked for three and a half
hours because the great white hunter,
636
00:45:25,022 --> 00:45:27,753
sneaking up the stairs,
hit him in the lungs.
637
00:45:27,825 --> 00:45:30,294
But he did get a deer.
638
00:45:30,361 --> 00:45:32,352
In the lungs.
639
00:45:32,430 --> 00:45:35,092
When I saw the blood, I
knew we had a long hunt.
640
00:45:35,166 --> 00:45:38,898
He tried. Heaven knows he tried.
641
00:45:38,970 --> 00:45:41,598
That's supposed to make me proud?
642
00:45:42,640 --> 00:45:45,005
You've got nothing to be proud of.
643
00:45:46,277 --> 00:45:48,268
Not a damn thing.
644
00:46:09,233 --> 00:46:11,861
Open a window,will you,Tom?
645
00:46:11,936 --> 00:46:14,132
It's hot in here.
646
00:46:14,205 --> 00:46:17,300
Much too hot.
647
00:46:17,375 --> 00:46:20,138
My
head--
648
00:46:20,211 --> 00:46:22,145
My head is burning up.
649
00:46:27,184 --> 00:46:29,346
Didn't you hear me?
650
00:46:29,420 --> 00:46:31,354
Why do you stand there?
651
00:46:34,792 --> 00:46:38,820
My head. Something's happening.
652
00:46:40,231 --> 00:46:43,893
My dear God, my head.
653
00:46:52,777 --> 00:46:54,711
You're leaving, Mr. Pierce?
654
00:46:54,779 --> 00:46:56,713
Yes.
655
00:46:56,781 --> 00:46:58,873
Look after him,Tom.
656
00:46:58,949 --> 00:47:04,353
He shot himself a deer a few hours ago.
657
00:47:04,422 --> 00:47:08,586
Just remind him that it
was a deer and only that.
658
00:47:08,659 --> 00:47:11,492
And make him understand that
he wasn't the executioner.
659
00:47:11,562 --> 00:47:14,190
It was his father.
660
00:47:14,265 --> 00:47:19,260
Why, his father has been
punished, Mr. Pierce.
661
00:47:19,337 --> 00:47:21,066
Punished?
662
00:47:21,138 --> 00:47:23,869
Properly and befitting the crime.
663
00:47:25,009 --> 00:47:26,943
Where is he?
664
00:47:27,011 --> 00:47:29,706
The colonel? In there.
665
00:47:32,049 --> 00:47:34,677
Best not go in there, Mr. Pierce.
666
00:47:36,120 --> 00:47:40,682
Why not? Sometimes the punishment
is as ugly as the crime.
667
00:47:42,993 --> 00:47:46,190
Last night I prayed
to my gods, Mr. Pierce.
668
00:47:46,263 --> 00:47:49,927
It was the only thing left to do.
669
00:47:50,000 --> 00:47:52,469
What did you pray for,Tom?
670
00:47:52,536 --> 00:47:57,940
That the hunter should know
what it is like to be the victim.
671
00:48:15,192 --> 00:48:19,686
Best go now, Mr. Pierce.
Take the boy with you.
672
00:48:19,764 --> 00:48:22,527
How? How
could--
673
00:48:22,600 --> 00:48:25,035
There are gods, Mr. Pierce.
674
00:48:25,102 --> 00:48:29,198
Gods of the bush, of the
Congo, of the rain forests.
675
00:48:29,273 --> 00:48:32,174
And with them, vengeance is an art.
676
00:48:39,517 --> 00:48:42,883
Let's go. We're getting out of here.
677
00:48:42,953 --> 00:48:45,479
What about my father?
678
00:48:45,556 --> 00:48:49,652
Don't worry about him.
He's in good company.
679
00:49:43,280 --> 00:49:47,114
Now there is a trophy.
680
00:49:53,724 --> 00:49:55,930
The king of the jungle.
681
00:49:58,930 --> 00:50:02,930
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