All language subtitles for Mixedish s02e08 Shes a Bad Mama Jama.eng

BOW: In the '80s,
the difficult relationship

between mothers and daughters
made for fascinating TV.

And in our house,
it played out in real life.

I'm so glad you waited for me
so I can help you decorate.

Oh, we have decorated,
for two days straight.

Well, oh!

Well, I'm not eating
if we don't say grace,

and by the looks of whatever this is,

we're gonna need
every blessing we can get.

What about this one?

Remember when you made it?

That's a stick.

God made that.

So, it was no surprise when...

- Ooh! Did you feel that?
- Hmm?

Did your stomach just tighten a little?

Oh. Mama must have
woken up from her surgery.

She's alert in the world again.

Girl, it'll be fine.

I already have my place
all ready and set up for her.

It won't be easy, but...

that's the price I pay
for being the favorite.

Well, thank God
she's going to recover with you.

Can you imagine her staying with me?

Ooh. Not after
that last Christmas visit.

We're all still talking
about that behind your back.

- Yeah, that was rough.
- Mm.

And remember when you told her
I snuck out,

but you got in trouble
because she hates snitches?

[Laughs]

Oh, it's great
we can still laugh about that.

I'm not laughing.

Don't be mad.

Every daughter has a thing with her mom,

especially when that daughter is
the third favorite of two.

But if it came down to it,
you would take care of Mama, right?

Yeah. Of course.

If there were no other options,
you know?

- You were dead.
- Mm.

- Dad was dead.
- Mm.

Cousin Merle was dead.

The world was ending.

Pretty much everyone
would have to be dead.

Well, assume we're all dead

because you're taking care
of Mama this week.

Wha...

What?

But you're her favorite.
Why wouldn't you do it?

Because I am her favorite.

Our relationship is based on
her and I complaining about you.

I don't want to lose that.

[Doorbell rings]

Oh. That's her now.

Don't you tell her I made you do this.

Snitch.

? In the mix ?

? Oh, oh, oh, they keep trying ?

? But they can't stop us ?

? 'Cause we got a love ?

? That keeps rising up ?

? In the mix ?

? Life turns around ?

? 'Round and 'round it goes ?

? Ooh, it's a mixed-up world ?
? Ooh, it's a mixed-up ?

? And that's for sure ?
? Mixed-up ?

? In the mix ?
? Baby ?

? We're gonna get by ?
? We're gonna ?

? On our own, side by side ?

? Love's all we need to be free ?
? Lo-o-o-ve is all ?

? I got you, you got me ?

? Yaaaaay us! ?

? I-I-In the mix ?

? Yaaaaay us! ?

? I-I-In the mix-ish ?

- No.
- [Knock on door]

SHIREEN: Hello?

H-Hello?

Honey, what's going on?

- Shh! My mom's outside.
- [Knock on door]

- Hello?
- What's she doing here?

- She just had her bunion removed.
- [Doorbell rings]

Denise said she could stay
with us for the next week or so.

What? Well, you're not gonna
let her in, are you?

We don't have a choice.

[Knock on door]

- There's always a choice.
- Hello?

We don't want another Christmas.

We were in emotional shambles
until Easter.

I know. So, what do we do?

Pretend we're not home
for, like, the next 10 days?

- [Knock on door]
- Hello?

Obviously, we can't do that.

I'll just pack up the kids,
we'll sneak out the back.

- She'll never know we were here.
- Mm.

You know I can hear you guys.

- Mm-hmm.
- No, no, no.

No!

Hi, Mama.

Sorry, I didn't know you were coming

because Denise lied and said
you were staying with her.

Mm. I see you're still a snitch.

[Chuckles] She is.

I'm still your favorite, right?

I don't have favorites.

And yes. [Chuckles]

Hello, Paul.

So, this is what it looks like
when a man stays home

and does the housework.

Hello, Shireen.
Actually, I have a job now.

I'm a teacher.

Oh!

So, this is what it looks like

when no one does the housework.

How long did you say
you were staying for again?

SANTAMONICA: [Laughs]

Black Grandma! Black Grandma!

Honey, you don't need to say Black.

But you said not
to call her Mean Grandma.

It's so good to see you,
Grandma Shireen.

I wish you came more often.

Oh, so do I, honey.

But the good news is one of these days,

I'm going to be too old
to live by myself,

so I'll live here with you all.

- Wait, really?
- Wait, really?

You would want to live here with us?

Of course.

No one would do a better job
of taking care of me.

And for now, I'm going to need
to stay in your bedroom.

Our bedroom?

You're okay with that, right?

She just had surgery on her foot.

Plus, I don't like the couch.

DENISE: Come on, Mama.

I'll show you to your new room.

- Oh.
- I'll get your bags.

- Which one has our presents in it?
- [Laughs]

And that was the moment
my mom climbed up

to second favorite.

[Sighs] I mean, with so many
walls in this house,

you'd think there'd be
one picture of James Brown.

I know, right?

But they got room for Johan's
kindergarten portrait.

[Sighs]

This is gonna be so nice
in my golden years.

I'm lucky.

Not like my co-worker Janice.

Her kids shipped her off
to Silver Sunset Villa

as soon as she qualified for
a senior discount at the movies.

Let me guess... Janice is White.

- I could never live like that.
- Me neither.

Living in some old folks home,

telling me when I can
and cannot eat my Jell-O?

- Mm.
- Ooh.

Stealing my wigs while I'm asleep?

- Ooh.
- [Chuckles]

Well, lucky me... Alicia will
always take care of me.

And I'll be here to take care
of her taking care of you.

I just wonder
what's gonna happen to you.

Without kids,

you're just staring down
the barrel of a future

with no one to look out for you.

[Sighs] You're right. I am.

No one to feed you, no one to bathe you,

no one to change the channel
when you're about to miss "Alf."

Sorry, I was being subtle.

We're about to miss "Alf."

Oh, I'm sorry, Mama.

Hey, you're right.

Who's gonna do this for me?

I don't have any daughters,
or even a dumb son.

I got to figure this out.

I'll be back.

And, Mama, if you need anything,

let me know...

and I'll tell Alicia.

??

What was that weird thing your mom said

about one day staying here forever?

I know.

It's great, right?
[Giggles] She chose me.

What... What are you talking about?

You just tried to pretend
you weren't here.

Oh, no. That's just
how we talk to each other.

Think about it, Paul.

She said no one would do
a better job taking care of her.

That's the nicest thing
she's ever said to me.

Well, I-I understand you're excited,

but I-I feel like I need to remind you,

we're dealing with your mom.

Exactly. It's my mom.

Yeah. It's your mom.

Yeah. Right. It's my mom.

Right. It's your mom.

Why do you keep saying that?

Look, I know things
have been tricky in the past,

but she needs me now.

I've never had that before.

This will be different.

SHIREEN: Alicia!

I need you...

to get a new comforter
because I hate the one you have!

See?

She needs me.

Coming, Mama!

??

Hello, there, Rainbow.

Ooh, isn't that a cute top?

It reminds me of the time
I gave you that great advice

about going to the dance
with that White boy.

Remember how much happier
you were after we talked?

Aunt Dee-Dee, are you okay?

You never talk to me this much.

I'mma come clean with you, Rainbow.

I played this all wrong,

and now I don't have any kids
to take care of me

when I get older.

Oh.

So are you gonna have kids?

Oh, God, no. I hate kids.

I mean...

I was hoping you could take care of me.

[Exhales sharply]

- I would love to.
- Hmm?

Even though I'm just learning
about this,

- I've already got a plan.
- [Sighs]

What do you think about Vermont?

Because we could get
a small house there.

It'd have to be small
because I plan on giving

most of my money away to charity,

but don't worry.

It'll be big enough for us
and all the dogs.

- Dogs?
- Oh, yeah.

They won't be putting down any
dogs as long as I have a yard.

Nope. Too complicated.

??

Dogs?

That's that White side.

My mom was bending over backwards

to make sure my grandma was comfortable.

[Thud]

And that meant making my dad
very uncomfortable.

[Groans]

[Sniffs]

Is that bacon?

??

Mm-hmm.

What are you doing?

Oh, I thought I'd wake up early

and make Mama breakfast
before I went into work.

She needs her bacon.

- I need my bacon!
- [Both laugh]

This is a pescatarian house.

Babe, she's recovering from surgery.

How is she supposed
to get better without her bacon?

I don't know how much time I have left.

I just want to be happy.

- [Sighs]
- Mm-hmm.

Okay, well, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna get some air.

Air that doesn't smell like dead pigs.

[Door slams]

Okay, I've rearranged
the furniture in our room

to your liking, drawn a bath,
made breakfast.

Feels like you're good to go.

I'm gonna head into work,
if you don't need anything.

I don't need anything.

You've done more than enough.

See you, Mama.

I do need my pain medication,

but I-I guess I could just
bite on a stick.

I can take you to the pharmacist.

I've got plenty of time.

Oh. Sit down.

Sorry I'm late.

You're not just late.
You missed the whole meeting.

But Denise was here on time.

I'm very disappointed in you.

Sorry. I got caught up helping my mom.

She needed something from the pharmacy

and then she needed something
from the store

and then she needed me to help her write

a strongly worded letter
to "The Price is Right,"

but it'll never happen again.

I don't understand.

Why are you doing that?

Can't the concierge at the hotel
help her?

I wouldn't put her in a hotel.

She's staying with me.

What, are you fresh immigrants?

Don't tell me somebody's
sleeping on the floor.

No. We're on the couch.

But it's okay
because it gives me a chance

to fix my relationship with my mom.

But don't worry. This won't
take me away from work.

I can be both a great daughter
and a great lawyer.

I don't care if your mother
never talks to you again.

Just don't miss another client meeting.

You will never hear about my mom
at work ever again.

Mama's on the phone.

She needs you to go home
and change the channel.

She's about to miss Wapner.

??

If you'll excuse me.

??

Not everyone can balance being a lawyer

- and taking care of their mother.
- Here you go.

Turns out, my mom couldn't do either.

Why so big?

Do you want me to choke and die?

Your sister's trying to kill me.

Alicia, why are you trying to kill Mama?

Okay, Mama, I'll make it smaller.

You better, or Mama and I
will talk about this

behind your back.

??

- All right.
- G-Get that fat off for me.

Mm-hmm. Okay.

And I wouldn't say Aunt Dee-Dee
was getting desperate

trying to find someone
to take care of her,

but she did go to Johan.

As you know, I work hard
and I play harder,

so when I'm older, I will need
to be extremely medicated.

If you're gonna take care of me,

you need to remember what pills
to give me when.

So, let's play pretend.

Here are three bottles.

Which pills would you give me
for breakfast?

Remember... I can't take
heart pills in the morning.

Uh... Heart pills in the morning
will kill Aunt Dee-Dee.

??

Wait, I get it.

This is a trick question.

Thank you for your time.

??

Good morning.

- PAUL: Hello.
- Good morning.

Well, everybody looks happy,
chipper, bright.

So, I assume your mom left? [Scoffs]

No, she's still here,
and you'll be happy to know

I was able to finish all my work
and take care of my mother.

I don't understand. Are you a nurse?

No.

- Are you a doctor?
- You know I'm not.

Are you a sexy Russian trapeze artist?

- What?
- Those are the only people I want

taking care of me when I'm old.

And besides, why are you the one
that has to do this?

Can't your sister take care of her?

If I didn't have an infestation
of bees at my apartment,

my mama would be there with me
right now.

But she can't, 'cause I got bees.

Bees or not, Mom chose me,

and this is my opportunity to help her.

Oh. Alicia, I forgot to mention.

I have a follow-up doctor's appointment.

Oh. That's no problem.

I can take you. What time?

11:30.

Don't make me late.

- [Clears throat]
- Well, Alicia, 11:30 is when

I rescheduled
that client meeting you missed.

This is a big case for us,

and you are not taking it
seriously at all.

No, no, no, no, no.
I'll... I'll figure this out.

Isn't there someone
with a less important job

that could take your mom to the doctor?

Oh, come on.

So, my dad very generously catered

to my grandmother for my mom.

Well, it took you long enough.

That's because you wanted
to take the surface streets.

I don't trust the toll roads here.

I saw on "Morton Downey Jr."
that the highways in your state

are major drug corridors,

and I don't want any part of that.

You know, you could have sat
in the front seat.

I know. But my foot hurts.

And I've never been driven
by a White man.

Now, come on and get me out of this car.

Help me out.

You drive slower than Morgan Freeman

in "Driving Miss Daisy."

This is "Driving Miss Shireen,"

and I need you to speed things up

'cause I like to be on time.

Shoot, I should have just had...

So, let me make sure I got this right.

You were just minding your own business,

and this play place came out of nowhere.

[Door opens]

Ms. Johnson, you have a phone call.

Uh, it would be nice if you used
your at-work voice.

- Huh?
- Exactly.

PAUL: Hey, honey. How's your day going?

Uh, kind of in the middle of something.

- Is everything okay?
- Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, so, if everything is okay,

I'm going to hang up the phone now.

Uh, before you do, I just want
to tell you all about my day.

Took your mom to the doctor,
we got lunch...

- Mm-hmm.
- ...and she was with me the whole time.

[Chuckles] But now, I was, um,

I was just wondering if maybe
you had any idea where she is.

Wait, you don't know where my mom is?

It depends. If she's with you,
then I know where she is.

You lost my mom?

[Chuckles] I didn't lose your mom.

- I'm not...
- Sorry, I have to go.

HARRISON: Unbelievable.

Oh, don't worry, girl. I got this.

All right. Catch me up.

What do you need me to do?

??

[Door opens]

Hey, did you find her?

False alarm. Your mom's here napping.

You know, in my defense,
I thought people on crutches

would be slower.

I-I can't keep all these balls
in the air

without some help, Paul.

I-I had to leave a meeting with
some very important clients.

Whew! And they did not appreciate me

knowing so little about the law.

Where's my wine?

[Sighs]

Babe, if we can't do this for a week,

how are we gonna be able
to take care of her

- when the time comes?
- Right.

So, I've been thinking about this.

Maybe we don't have to be
the ones that take care of her.

There's always a nursing home.

What did you say?

From your tone, I feel like
I shouldn't repeat it.

[Chuckles]

Oh, you would just love this,
Paul, wouldn't ya?

You would just love for me
to ship her away

to a nursing home for the final failure!

The... The... The nail
in the coffin for Alicia,

the third favorite daughter!

Babe, how much sleep
have you been getting?

None!

I'm on a-a-a secondhand couch!

??

[Door slams]

I always knew Mama would
drive one of us crazy.

[Door opens, closes]

- PAUL: Hey.
- Hey.

I figured you might
still be stressed out,

- so I made you some tea.
- Oh.

Not that you need to relax.

I would never tell
a Black woman to relax.

I'm just saying that if you wanted to,

there's tea.

[Sighs]

I'm sorry about losing it.

I feel like so much is riding

on me getting my mother's approval.

[Sighs]

Look, she and I have had
a tricky relationship...

- [Chuckles]
- ...my whole life.

I'm scared if she lives with us one day,

I'm gonna rip all my hair out.

And then, when I don't have any left,

I'll rip yours out, too.

Look, babe, I may not understand
the pressure you feel,

but you always have a choice.

You can take care of your mom
and take care of yourself.

You just have to set some boundaries.

But I'm scared of her.

Babe, I'm serious.

You're a great daughter.

And sherpa.

I've seen you carry her dead weight

up two flights of stairs.

- I'm gonna go talk to her.
- Great.

B-But when you go stand up to her,

please don't tell her it was my idea.

I'm a little scared of her, too.

Oh, you should be.

I'm serious.

- I am, too.
- Okay.

??

[Sighs]

Well, hello, Cabbage Patch Delilah.

So nice of you to come to my party.

[Gasps]

That'll teach you for wearing
the same dress as me.

I knew I should have come to you first.

You're smart and you appreciate
the finer things in life.

But you're not gonna give
all your money away

to live with a bunch of dogs, right?

Ew. No.

I'm gonna marry rich and divorce richer.

I've taught you well.

And then I'm gonna move

as far away from this dump as possible

so I don't get dragged down
by any of my relatives.

But not your fun auntie, right?

Aunt Marybeth?

No. Not your White Aunt Marybeth.

Me.

Oh.

Do you plan on being alive
when I'm older?

I guess I just assumed
all the adults in my life

would be dead by then.

A fair prediction.

But say I was alive
and I needed a place to stay?

No. Right, Delilah?

She hates you.

[Gasps]

[Exhales sharply]

??

[Door opens]

Honey, does this picture
of Rick James look crooked?

No.

But it is where my wedding photo
used to be.

Oh, that photo looks
just as good in the closet.

Trust me.

Mama, we need to talk.

I feel like I'm always failing you.

Is it because your husband abandoned me

at the doctor's office?

Mostly not your fault.

Mama, you moving in with us
when the time comes

can give us a chance to grow closer.

But that's never gonna happen

when you think everything I do is wrong.

I don't think that.

Honey, the only reason I chose you

is because I know you can handle it.

Yeah, but I can't handle it like this.

And if we're gonna do this,
things are gonna have to change.

Okay.

Although it's hard
to teach a dog of a certain age

new tricks...

- Mom.
- [Chuckles]

Okay. I'll change.

As soon as you change
that channel for me.

You're right here.

It's not like I'm calling you at work.

Mm-hmm.

And because she stood up for herself,

my mother got a fresh start
with her mother.

One channel.

Oh. I love you.

- Love you.
- ? What you want ?

? Baby, I got it ?

- Hey, Aunt Dee-Dee.
- Hey, girl.

You know, at first, I felt bad

that you didn't want to live with me.

I was even gonna get rid of my dog farm

so you would change your mind.

Oh, honey, you should be feeling bad

for dreaming so small.

But this week, I've seen
Mom taking care of Grandma

and how stressed that made her.

I don't want that for myself.

So I have a new plan.

I'm gonna go to USC,
marry a wonderful man,

become a doctor,

and have a great family
with wonderful children.

And I am never, ever,
ever going to allow

extended family to live with me.

Mama!

Baby boy!

Yeah, so, the extended family
part I got wrong.

Well, I love you too much
to fight with you

over how many drifters you gonna
let sleep on your couch.

Plus, I plan on living
with some Tenderoni.

Your Aunt Dee-Dee plans
on having a kept young man,

and he's gonna take care of me
in my old age.

Maybe I haven't found my perfect guy

because he hasn't been born yet.

That's so gross.

? R-E-S-P-E-C-T ?

? Find out what it means to me ?

You wanna try some?

- ? R-E-S-P-E-C-T ?
- No, no.

? Take care, TCB... ?

Guys, now we know there can be
a lot of feelings

of obligation and responsibility
around family.

That's right, and we never want
to put that burden on you.

So, we've made some investments,

and, uh, we've got
a nice little nest egg going.

Mm-hmm. We really diversified.

We bought stock in Kinko's,

- Kodak, Blockbuster...
- Mm-hmm. [Chuckles]

So, in about 40 years,
we're gonna be sitting pretty.

Uh-huh. We're not gonna be
living in a van

that runs off of poop
or anything like that.

That's a weirdly specific example.

Yeah.

Why would you even say that?

We're saying that's not going to happen.

- No poop.
- Mnh-mnh.

The old RV runs on vegetable oil
and animal waste.

- Mm.
- Smooth ride,

- crappy mileage.
- [Chuckles]

[Chuckles] Yeah, I get it.

'Cause it runs on crap.

Should we be worried?

We should have been worried.

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