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1
00:00:02,739 --> 00:00:06,680
♪ I got that joy, joy, joy,
joy down in my heart ♪
2
00:00:06,747 --> 00:00:07,916
♪ Where? ♪
3
00:00:07,983 --> 00:00:11,055
♪ Down in my heart to stay. ♪
4
00:00:11,122 --> 00:00:13,694
‐(rock music
playing in distance) ‐(cheering)
5
00:00:13,761 --> 00:00:15,732
(plane approaching)
6
00:00:17,034 --> 00:00:19,205
Oh, Lord,
that megachurch next door
7
00:00:19,272 --> 00:00:21,744
must be having another one
of their Lord‐a‐Paloozas.
8
00:00:21,810 --> 00:00:23,581
Shut up out there, you heathens!
9
00:00:23,648 --> 00:00:26,954
I can't hear myself praying
for a night with Richard Gere!
10
00:00:27,021 --> 00:00:29,492
Now, now, let's not yell
at our neighbors.
11
00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:31,362
They're bringing more people
to the Lord,
12
00:00:31,429 --> 00:00:33,466
and that's just good
for everybody.
13
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:36,105
ANNOUNCER:Attention, Bucklake parishioners.
14
00:00:36,172 --> 00:00:37,642
Enter the raffle now
15
00:00:37,709 --> 00:00:41,149
to win a brand‐new,
whiz‐bang Trickster Sea‐Doo!
16
00:00:41,215 --> 00:00:44,623
A Sea‐Doo? Those are
the dirt bikes of the ocean!
17
00:00:44,690 --> 00:00:48,664
Oh, uh, I forgot
that my house is on fire.
18
00:00:48,731 --> 00:00:51,503
Me, too!
Uh, different house, though!
19
00:00:51,570 --> 00:00:52,939
‐(parishioners clamoring)
‐MAN: Me, too.
20
00:00:53,006 --> 00:00:54,776
‐MAN 2: See you.
‐WOMAN: Next Sunday.
21
00:00:56,412 --> 00:00:58,551
Oh, such a beautiful service
today.
22
00:00:58,618 --> 00:01:00,622
Pastor Joanne,
you knocked it out of the park.
23
00:01:00,688 --> 00:01:03,126
(chuckles) I loved your joke
about springtime.
24
00:01:03,193 --> 00:01:04,462
WAYNE AND JENNY:
"Spring is here.
25
00:01:04,529 --> 00:01:07,101
I got so excited
that I wet my plants!"
26
00:01:07,167 --> 00:01:08,169
(laughing)
27
00:01:08,236 --> 00:01:09,940
Look out, Ellen DeGeneres.
28
00:01:10,007 --> 00:01:11,476
(music playing)
29
00:01:11,543 --> 00:01:12,712
ANNOUNCER:
Bucklake Ministries.
30
00:01:12,779 --> 00:01:14,916
Fun. Food. Community.
31
00:01:14,983 --> 00:01:18,591
And now
double the faith healings.
32
00:01:18,658 --> 00:01:21,396
VIOLET:
It's like if Jesus ran a Six Flags.
33
00:01:21,462 --> 00:01:23,199
Ugh, look
at that tacky minister.
34
00:01:23,266 --> 00:01:24,836
Be healed!
35
00:01:24,903 --> 00:01:26,507
If he can heal with his hands,
36
00:01:26,573 --> 00:01:28,476
why'd he have to get
all that plastic surgery?
37
00:01:28,544 --> 00:01:31,583
As over‐the‐top as he is, some
people seem to really love him.
38
00:01:31,650 --> 00:01:34,155
It's hard to compete
with all that pizzazz.
39
00:01:34,221 --> 00:01:36,392
I'm thinking about dusting off
my electric guitar
40
00:01:36,459 --> 00:01:38,229
‐for Easter services.
‐BETTY: No!
41
00:01:38,296 --> 00:01:39,599
Pastor Joanne,
42
00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:42,004
don't you dare pick up
that electrical guitar!
43
00:01:42,071 --> 00:01:44,810
Yes, you are an angel
on this earth, Pastor Joanne.
44
00:01:44,876 --> 00:01:47,247
All you got to do
is just keep doing you.
45
00:01:47,314 --> 00:01:49,720
Well, we might not have
any ticket giveaways,
46
00:01:49,786 --> 00:01:51,590
but we do have
a good old‐fashioned
47
00:01:51,657 --> 00:01:53,928
pancake dinner fundraiser
coming up.
48
00:01:53,994 --> 00:01:55,865
We will for sure be there.
49
00:01:55,932 --> 00:01:57,736
‐WAYNE: Whoa!
‐Bucklake!
50
00:01:57,802 --> 00:02:00,975
Getting closer to God!
51
00:02:01,042 --> 00:02:04,916
Are you gonna have a jetpack
at your pancake dinner?
52
00:02:04,983 --> 00:02:07,221
♪ ♪
53
00:02:35,043 --> 00:02:38,249
♪ ♪
54
00:02:38,316 --> 00:02:39,619
And then that megachurch did
55
00:02:39,686 --> 00:02:41,523
this whole
American Gladiators thing,
56
00:02:41,590 --> 00:02:44,328
and a guy came out dressed like
you and did the entire course.
57
00:02:44,395 --> 00:02:45,363
So tacky.
58
00:02:45,430 --> 00:02:47,267
Yeah, totally.
59
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:48,637
So the guy looked like me?
60
00:02:48,704 --> 00:02:50,975
Well, yeah, except he was
real chiseled and buff.
61
00:02:51,610 --> 00:02:53,446
You must hate places
like Bucklake.
62
00:02:53,514 --> 00:02:54,916
All that showy hoo‐ha.
63
00:02:54,983 --> 00:02:56,753
(laughs):
You kidding me?
64
00:02:56,820 --> 00:02:58,122
I love a megachurch.
65
00:02:58,189 --> 00:03:00,393
All those people
cheering for me?
66
00:03:00,460 --> 00:03:02,732
That's as close as I'm
ever gonna get to being Bono.
67
00:03:02,799 --> 00:03:05,136
I just wish
I could help out Pastor Joanne.
68
00:03:05,203 --> 00:03:07,140
You know, slow down
that megachurch a little.
69
00:03:07,207 --> 00:03:10,447
Well, that Minister
Mikey Buckley is, um...
70
00:03:10,514 --> 00:03:11,282
What?
71
00:03:11,349 --> 00:03:12,351
Oh, I don't like to gossip.
72
00:03:12,417 --> 00:03:13,520
I shouldn't have said anything.
73
00:03:13,587 --> 00:03:14,556
I knew it!
74
00:03:14,623 --> 00:03:16,025
There is something up
with that guy.
75
00:03:16,092 --> 00:03:17,394
So what you're trying
to tell me is
76
00:03:17,461 --> 00:03:18,631
that if I went over there,
77
00:03:18,697 --> 00:03:20,100
I could dig up the dirt
on Buckley
78
00:03:20,166 --> 00:03:21,570
and bring down
that phony‐baloney church?
79
00:03:21,637 --> 00:03:23,373
No! That's not what I'm saying.
80
00:03:23,439 --> 00:03:24,976
Well, if you don't want me
digging,
81
00:03:25,043 --> 00:03:26,312
just tell me what it is, then.
82
00:03:26,379 --> 00:03:27,715
No can do‐sies.
83
00:03:27,782 --> 00:03:28,884
Come on!
84
00:03:28,951 --> 00:03:30,821
(zipper sound effect)
85
00:03:30,888 --> 00:03:33,059
(heavenly music plays)
86
00:03:33,928 --> 00:03:36,065
You're such a cheeseball.
87
00:03:37,702 --> 00:03:39,739
Sorry, guys. We don't carry...
88
00:03:39,806 --> 00:03:41,610
lily of the valley,
89
00:03:41,677 --> 00:03:43,580
nightshade,
or any of the plants on here
90
00:03:43,647 --> 00:03:44,582
that start with "poison."
91
00:03:44,649 --> 00:03:46,319
Not even the lowly sumac?
92
00:03:46,385 --> 00:03:48,590
Our garden of death
is just gonna be a cactus
93
00:03:48,657 --> 00:03:50,795
and some brown snapdragons.
94
00:03:50,861 --> 00:03:53,534
Wait, what is that?
95
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:55,805
♪ ♪
96
00:03:57,842 --> 00:03:59,546
Whoa...
97
00:03:59,612 --> 00:04:02,250
We sell these Jesus statues,
you know, for people's gardens.
98
00:04:02,317 --> 00:04:03,620
And usually people love 'em.
99
00:04:03,687 --> 00:04:05,357
But this little guy
is different.
100
00:04:05,423 --> 00:04:07,427
Just got this crazy vibe.
101
00:04:07,494 --> 00:04:09,733
Like he's been through
a whole world of suffering.
102
00:04:09,799 --> 00:04:13,072
It's like he's designed
to make people regret things.
103
00:04:13,139 --> 00:04:16,747
This version of Jesus is why
my abuela never remarried.
104
00:04:16,813 --> 00:04:18,784
(sighs) Look how many times
he's been marked down.
105
00:04:18,851 --> 00:04:21,255
Nobody wants him. It's just
too much for people to handle.
106
00:04:21,322 --> 00:04:23,694
And I've done everything to try
to get someone to take him.
107
00:04:23,761 --> 00:04:25,430
I‐I gave him a Hawaiian shirt,
108
00:04:25,497 --> 00:04:27,167
a‐a Dr. Seuss hat...
109
00:04:27,234 --> 00:04:29,038
DAVID:
Did you try zany sunglasses?
110
00:04:29,104 --> 00:04:30,641
WAYNE:
Oh, the zaniest.
111
00:04:30,708 --> 00:04:33,514
But those eyes
pierce everything.
112
00:04:34,348 --> 00:04:36,485
David, what do you think
would happen
113
00:04:36,553 --> 00:04:37,822
if we took this Jesus
around town
114
00:04:37,889 --> 00:04:40,193
and made people confront
their worst life choices?
115
00:04:40,260 --> 00:04:41,863
They would be hypnotized
by guilt.
116
00:04:41,930 --> 00:04:44,569
And, best case, they have
a physical reaction to that?
117
00:04:44,636 --> 00:04:46,540
Maybe an embarrassing one?
118
00:04:46,606 --> 00:04:48,276
‐Please, Wayne,
get us this Jesus. ‐Wayne, can you get us
119
00:04:48,342 --> 00:04:49,278
this Jesus?
120
00:04:49,344 --> 00:04:50,080
Why?
121
00:04:50,146 --> 00:04:51,783
For a... art project.
122
00:04:51,850 --> 00:04:53,486
It's a photo essay
about what happens
123
00:04:53,554 --> 00:04:56,492
when people stop being polite
and start seeing Jesus.
124
00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:58,864
It's called Real World: Jesus.
125
00:04:58,931 --> 00:05:01,435
Well, I would go with
Real Saviors of Greenpoint,
126
00:05:01,503 --> 00:05:02,905
but we can figure that out
later.
127
00:05:02,972 --> 00:05:05,477
Let's have some fun.
128
00:05:06,913 --> 00:05:08,316
You want it here?
129
00:05:08,382 --> 00:05:09,853
No, a little to the left.
130
00:05:09,919 --> 00:05:12,357
(strained): I thought this guy
was supposed to carry me.
131
00:05:12,424 --> 00:05:13,827
No, that's too far.
132
00:05:13,894 --> 00:05:15,798
‐(grunts)
‐Perfect.
133
00:05:15,865 --> 00:05:16,766
Okay, now hide.
134
00:05:16,833 --> 00:05:18,537
(tires screech)
135
00:05:22,244 --> 00:05:24,114
♪ ♪
136
00:05:24,181 --> 00:05:25,818
(gulps)
137
00:05:25,885 --> 00:05:28,857
I don't feel good
about my choices.
138
00:05:28,924 --> 00:05:30,260
I'm the garbage!
139
00:05:30,961 --> 00:05:32,832
How did you know
he was gonna litter?
140
00:05:32,899 --> 00:05:34,067
Everyone litters.
141
00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:36,540
Because people are trash.
142
00:05:36,606 --> 00:05:40,581
Now, let's catch us
some common shoplifters.
143
00:05:42,785 --> 00:05:43,720
(gasps)
144
00:05:43,787 --> 00:05:45,824
♪ ♪
145
00:05:46,492 --> 00:05:47,662
What the hell are we doing?
146
00:05:47,728 --> 00:05:49,498
Don't look at me, Jesus.
I'm disgusting.
147
00:05:49,566 --> 00:05:51,570
I got to get my GED.
148
00:05:53,072 --> 00:05:55,644
(engine idling)
149
00:05:55,711 --> 00:05:57,147
Okay, here's your...
150
00:05:57,214 --> 00:05:58,216
♪ ♪
151
00:05:58,282 --> 00:05:59,484
Oh, mercy! Lord!
152
00:05:59,552 --> 00:06:00,688
Let me get you an extra biscuit.
153
00:06:00,754 --> 00:06:02,959
I am so sorry for everything.
154
00:06:03,025 --> 00:06:04,796
Praise him! Praise you!
155
00:06:04,862 --> 00:06:05,898
Oh, Lord!
156
00:06:06,465 --> 00:06:08,102
WAYNE:
Wait, but she didn't do anything wrong.
157
00:06:08,169 --> 00:06:10,240
Why is she in your art project?
158
00:06:10,306 --> 00:06:12,444
Oh, no,
we just wanted free biscuits.
159
00:06:13,647 --> 00:06:15,918
Hmm.
160
00:06:16,620 --> 00:06:18,624
Mother, I think it's up to us
161
00:06:18,690 --> 00:06:20,527
to do something
about that megachurch.
162
00:06:20,594 --> 00:06:22,364
Damn right.
Let me go get
163
00:06:22,430 --> 00:06:24,167
my "hitting" golf clubs.
164
00:06:24,234 --> 00:06:27,007
Mother, we're not gonna hit
anybody with golf clubs.
165
00:06:27,073 --> 00:06:28,376
Good Lord. Just listen.
166
00:06:28,442 --> 00:06:30,446
A little birdie told me
that Minister Mikey
167
00:06:30,514 --> 00:06:32,384
might have some skeletons.
168
00:06:32,450 --> 00:06:34,321
Ooh, what are we talking?
169
00:06:34,388 --> 00:06:35,891
Buried bodies?
170
00:06:35,958 --> 00:06:36,793
Drug addiction?
171
00:06:36,860 --> 00:06:38,664
Money laundering? Kid diddling?
172
00:06:38,730 --> 00:06:41,335
I don't know yet,
but I know how to find out:
173
00:06:41,402 --> 00:06:42,805
a classic long con.
174
00:06:42,872 --> 00:06:45,109
First we earn the trust
of those closest to him.
175
00:06:45,176 --> 00:06:47,515
We infiltrate the choir. Learn
their songs. Study their quirks.
176
00:06:47,581 --> 00:06:50,453
And then, when the time is
right, we drop the hammer.
177
00:06:50,521 --> 00:06:53,560
I used to love a good long con,
178
00:06:53,627 --> 00:06:57,167
but who has time in the age
of YouTube and Instasnap?
179
00:06:57,233 --> 00:06:58,837
This has to be a short con.
180
00:06:58,904 --> 00:07:00,708
Okay, why do you have
a wheelchair
181
00:07:00,774 --> 00:07:02,077
locked and loaded
under your bed?
182
00:07:02,143 --> 00:07:06,118
Every woman should have
a wheelchair in her arsenal.
183
00:07:07,955 --> 00:07:10,159
(indistinct chatter)
184
00:07:10,928 --> 00:07:14,502
Is this a church service
or Monday Night Raw?
185
00:07:14,569 --> 00:07:15,637
Welcome to Bucklake.
186
00:07:15,704 --> 00:07:17,173
Or should I say, "Welcome home"?
187
00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:20,881
Our facial recognition software
tells me you're new here.
188
00:07:20,948 --> 00:07:22,885
(whirring)
189
00:07:22,952 --> 00:07:24,054
Oh, what?
190
00:07:24,121 --> 00:07:26,593
Please accept a coffee voucher
to our Starbucks.
191
00:07:26,659 --> 00:07:28,964
Y'all have a Starbucks in here?
192
00:07:29,030 --> 00:07:31,836
Yep, right by the complimentary
massage chairs.
193
00:07:31,903 --> 00:07:32,838
(air horn blows)
194
00:07:32,905 --> 00:07:34,408
And I'd also like
to offer you your choice
195
00:07:34,474 --> 00:07:37,848
of a new member hoodie
or cozy ribbed cardigan.
196
00:07:37,915 --> 00:07:40,286
I'll take a cardigan for myself
197
00:07:40,353 --> 00:07:45,396
and a hoodie for my sweet
invalid mother who's in hospice.
198
00:07:45,463 --> 00:07:46,733
What? We're here.
199
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,137
I mean, we might as well
rip 'em off, right?
200
00:07:49,204 --> 00:07:50,574
(rock music playing)
201
00:07:50,641 --> 00:07:53,145
♪ Yeah ♪
202
00:07:53,212 --> 00:07:55,349
♪ It's about faith ♪
203
00:07:55,416 --> 00:07:57,955
♪ Yeah, you got love... ♪
204
00:07:58,022 --> 00:07:59,224
Ugh.
205
00:07:59,291 --> 00:08:00,894
Everything here is so tacky.
206
00:08:00,961 --> 00:08:02,898
‐This high‐quality cardigan.
‐Tacky.
207
00:08:02,965 --> 00:08:04,635
(scoffs)
These stupid comfortable seats
208
00:08:04,702 --> 00:08:06,338
with adjustable armrests.
209
00:08:06,405 --> 00:08:08,242
‐Tacky.
‐And this dumb freakin'
210
00:08:08,309 --> 00:08:10,012
lavender‐flavored
delicious latte.
211
00:08:10,079 --> 00:08:13,052
Yeah, and the barista
put too much whipped cream
212
00:08:13,118 --> 00:08:14,421
in my hot co‐coa.
213
00:08:14,488 --> 00:08:16,225
BOTH:
Tacky.
214
00:08:16,291 --> 00:08:18,697
Okay, we get the dirt
on this plastic preacher,
215
00:08:18,763 --> 00:08:20,099
get out
of this phony‐baloney circus,
216
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:23,740
and get to Pastor Joanne's
Easter pancake dinner.
217
00:08:24,675 --> 00:08:31,021
‐♪ Ah... ♪
‐♪ Hey... ♪
218
00:08:31,689 --> 00:08:36,398
♪ Can you feel it?
Can you feel it? ♪
219
00:08:36,465 --> 00:08:38,369
(cheering)
220
00:08:38,435 --> 00:08:40,641
♪ Ah‐ha ♪
221
00:08:40,707 --> 00:08:42,110
♪ It's about faith ♪
222
00:08:42,176 --> 00:08:43,813
♪ Ooh... ♪
223
00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:46,886
All right. All right!
(whoops)
224
00:08:46,953 --> 00:08:49,525
Welcome home.
Now, I don't know about y'all,
225
00:08:49,592 --> 00:08:50,761
but I'm feeling a little,
226
00:08:50,827 --> 00:08:52,096
just a little wiggly.
227
00:08:52,163 --> 00:08:54,569
‐(cheering)
‐I'm feeling a little jiggly.
228
00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:58,409
‐(cheering)
‐I'm feeling a little extra power of the Lord right now.
229
00:08:58,475 --> 00:09:00,112
And I got to share it
with y'all.
230
00:09:00,179 --> 00:09:02,851
Now, who's ready
for some divine healing?
231
00:09:02,918 --> 00:09:04,187
(cheering)
232
00:09:04,254 --> 00:09:06,358
Come on down to the stage.
233
00:09:06,425 --> 00:09:07,995
That's our cue.
234
00:09:11,636 --> 00:09:13,740
Oh, no. Everyone knows
I can't resist the thrill
235
00:09:13,807 --> 00:09:15,042
of a T‐shirt cannon.
236
00:09:15,109 --> 00:09:16,646
Stay focused, dummy!
237
00:09:16,713 --> 00:09:18,917
In the name of the Father,
238
00:09:18,984 --> 00:09:21,656
the Son and the Holy Spirit,
239
00:09:21,723 --> 00:09:23,793
I say begone, Satan!
240
00:09:23,860 --> 00:09:26,699
Let this woman stand!
241
00:09:28,937 --> 00:09:30,974
(gasping)
242
00:09:31,041 --> 00:09:32,043
(murmuring)
243
00:09:32,110 --> 00:09:36,853
And receive
her $50 Kohl's gift card!
244
00:09:36,919 --> 00:09:39,224
♪ ♪
245
00:09:41,896 --> 00:09:44,502
‐I can walk! I can!
‐(gasping)
246
00:09:44,568 --> 00:09:45,504
(band playing)
247
00:09:45,570 --> 00:09:47,040
What are you doing?
248
00:09:47,106 --> 00:09:49,512
50 free dollars to Kohl's,
Jenny.
249
00:09:49,578 --> 00:09:51,114
You are so weak‐willed.
250
00:09:51,181 --> 00:09:54,722
I caught a shirt!
I caught a shirt! (whooping)
251
00:09:54,789 --> 00:09:56,358
♪ Yeah. ♪
252
00:10:02,303 --> 00:10:05,677
Jenny, which Easter hat
do you like better?
253
00:10:05,744 --> 00:10:07,648
This one?
254
00:10:07,715 --> 00:10:09,451
Or...?
255
00:10:10,086 --> 00:10:12,156
Ooh, I like that one.
Very Bianca Jagger.
256
00:10:12,223 --> 00:10:16,298
So, how was Pastor Joanne's
pancake dinner fundraiser?
257
00:10:16,364 --> 00:10:19,638
Okay, I didn't go
to Pastor Joanne's church.
258
00:10:19,705 --> 00:10:23,345
Because I was at a...
259
00:10:23,412 --> 00:10:24,982
more church!
(chuckles)
260
00:10:25,049 --> 00:10:26,251
Oh, I hope
you're keeping track, though,
261
00:10:26,318 --> 00:10:28,055
'cause I should get extra points
for this.
262
00:10:28,122 --> 00:10:29,658
Jenny, I've told you
a million times,
263
00:10:29,725 --> 00:10:31,194
there's no point system.
264
00:10:31,261 --> 00:10:33,332
And if you keep asking, you're
gonna lose a bunch of points.
265
00:10:33,398 --> 00:10:34,935
So there are points.
266
00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:37,006
Okay, yes.
Of course there are points.
267
00:10:37,073 --> 00:10:38,308
How many does Ghandi have?
268
00:10:38,375 --> 00:10:39,812
Oh, you don't want
to get into all that.
269
00:10:39,879 --> 00:10:40,847
More than Tom Hanks?
270
00:10:40,914 --> 00:10:41,883
Forget the points.
271
00:10:41,949 --> 00:10:43,252
Your hat is stupid.
272
00:10:43,318 --> 00:10:45,690
‐You just lost 98 points.
‐(heavenly music plays)
273
00:10:45,757 --> 00:10:46,993
(gasps) No!
274
00:10:47,059 --> 00:10:48,897
Is that a little or a lot?
275
00:10:49,665 --> 00:10:51,067
This is such a great idea,
Wayne.
276
00:10:51,134 --> 00:10:54,642
Taking Jesus to Bud's Baby Dolls
is the ultimate.
277
00:10:54,708 --> 00:10:56,679
Yeah, you have great
shaming instincts.
278
00:10:56,746 --> 00:10:58,716
Look, look, look,
here comes a dude.
279
00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:00,720
(lock chirps)
280
00:11:00,787 --> 00:11:03,425
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Uh...
281
00:11:06,699 --> 00:11:08,335
(both laughing)
282
00:11:10,172 --> 00:11:12,009
‐Nope.
‐Amazing.
283
00:11:12,076 --> 00:11:14,548
These dirtbags feel
so bad about themselves.
284
00:11:14,615 --> 00:11:16,418
(laughing)
285
00:11:16,484 --> 00:11:17,921
Kinda feel bad for 'em.
286
00:11:17,988 --> 00:11:20,359
‐Don't you?
‐No. ‐Are you kidding?
287
00:11:23,131 --> 00:11:25,570
♪ ♪
288
00:11:25,637 --> 00:11:27,173
Oh, God. I'm sorry.
289
00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:29,244
(laughing)
290
00:11:29,310 --> 00:11:30,714
He's talking to it.
291
00:11:30,780 --> 00:11:31,983
Don't look at me.
292
00:11:32,049 --> 00:11:34,053
Why are you looking at me
like that?
293
00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:35,657
(crying)
294
00:11:35,724 --> 00:11:37,226
(gasps)
295
00:11:37,895 --> 00:11:40,366
We did this. This is just
a prank. We put this here.
296
00:11:40,432 --> 00:11:41,802
It came from Bigsby's.
297
00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:43,338
Yeah, it's just a dumb statue.
298
00:11:43,405 --> 00:11:44,875
Just a dumb statue?
299
00:11:44,942 --> 00:11:46,278
I don't know how
to live anymore!
300
00:11:46,344 --> 00:11:49,183
‐Get away from me! Get away!
‐BOTH: Aah!
301
00:11:49,685 --> 00:11:51,756
Wayne, that guy's gonna
hurt himself.
302
00:11:51,822 --> 00:11:52,858
(laughs)
303
00:11:52,925 --> 00:11:55,262
Oh, man, that is hilarious!
304
00:11:55,329 --> 00:11:57,033
No! Not hilarious.
305
00:11:57,099 --> 00:11:59,905
No, it's hilarious...
306
00:11:59,972 --> 00:12:02,410
‐that you fell for this.
‐What?
307
00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:05,049
(both gasp)
308
00:12:05,115 --> 00:12:07,019
That's right, reverse prank.
309
00:12:07,086 --> 00:12:09,057
Classic way to teach pranksters
310
00:12:09,123 --> 00:12:11,662
that pranks
can have consequences.
311
00:12:11,729 --> 00:12:12,965
Jason, get over here.
312
00:12:13,031 --> 00:12:15,269
This is my pal Jason,
and his breakdown
313
00:12:15,336 --> 00:12:18,543
was my prank on you guys.
How does it feel?
314
00:12:21,281 --> 00:12:24,020
All right, Wayne. The prankers
have become the prank‐ed.
315
00:12:24,087 --> 00:12:26,726
Teaching us a lesson
about karma using Jesus?
316
00:12:26,792 --> 00:12:27,861
You're a freakin' genius.
317
00:12:27,928 --> 00:12:29,063
I look so sexy
318
00:12:29,130 --> 00:12:30,399
when I think
I've killed a person.
319
00:12:30,466 --> 00:12:34,440
Oh, God, what have I been
doing with my life?
320
00:12:34,508 --> 00:12:36,011
I'm gonna kill myself!
321
00:12:36,077 --> 00:12:38,115
Okay, Wayne, we get it. Geez.
322
00:12:38,181 --> 00:12:39,785
Oh, no, I don't know that guy.
323
00:12:39,852 --> 00:12:42,256
Uh, hey, we got to get
that thing out of here.
324
00:12:44,127 --> 00:12:45,496
Ooh‐hoo, we are gonna turn
325
00:12:45,563 --> 00:12:48,001
Bucklake inside out
with our Easter looks.
326
00:12:48,068 --> 00:12:49,972
I heard there's gonna
be a hologram
327
00:12:50,039 --> 00:12:52,343
where Jesus talks to Prince.
328
00:12:52,410 --> 00:12:54,515
I heard they Easter brunch
during the service,
329
00:12:54,581 --> 00:12:56,051
Medieval Times‐style.
330
00:12:56,117 --> 00:12:57,253
‐(both gasp)
‐Oh.
331
00:12:57,319 --> 00:12:58,455
Hey, y'all.
332
00:12:58,523 --> 00:13:02,898
BOTH:
Pastor Joanne!
333
00:13:02,964 --> 00:13:04,300
Betty, I got your message
334
00:13:04,367 --> 00:13:06,071
that you couldn't come
to my pancake dinner
335
00:13:06,137 --> 00:13:09,010
because of
your emergency back surgery?
336
00:13:09,077 --> 00:13:11,916
Uh... that's right. Yep.
337
00:13:11,982 --> 00:13:13,553
It's feeling pretty good now.
338
00:13:13,619 --> 00:13:15,456
The transplant's really taking.
339
00:13:15,523 --> 00:13:17,861
Check this out. (whoops)
340
00:13:17,928 --> 00:13:19,130
(grunting)
341
00:13:19,197 --> 00:13:21,334
You got a back transplant?
342
00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:24,073
Yep. Mm‐hmm.
The whole thing had to go.
343
00:13:24,140 --> 00:13:26,444
And when I was helping her
with her rehab,
344
00:13:26,512 --> 00:13:30,219
that caused me
to hurt my back really bad.
345
00:13:30,285 --> 00:13:33,191
So we both had to get
back transplants.
346
00:13:33,258 --> 00:13:35,797
But we're doing great!
Ha. We've been praying.
347
00:13:35,864 --> 00:13:37,299
(laughs) Look!
348
00:13:37,366 --> 00:13:39,337
(both grunting)
349
00:13:41,374 --> 00:13:43,613
Well, I missed having
y'all there.
350
00:13:43,679 --> 00:13:46,251
‐(thunder cracks)
‐Congratulations on your backs.
351
00:13:46,317 --> 00:13:49,558
Oh, shoot.
Quick, get under here.
352
00:13:53,265 --> 00:13:54,535
Uh...
353
00:13:57,473 --> 00:14:00,747
I love that they do
communion pizza here.
354
00:14:00,813 --> 00:14:03,920
I love Pastor Joanne's
pancake dinners,
355
00:14:03,986 --> 00:14:06,592
but this is Pizza Hut quality.
356
00:14:06,659 --> 00:14:09,497
Oh, there goes Minister Mikey.
357
00:14:10,867 --> 00:14:12,837
‐Let's go introduce ourselves.
‐Hang on,
358
00:14:12,904 --> 00:14:14,508
I got to fluff my hair first.
359
00:14:14,575 --> 00:14:16,979
Did you know you can use
your phone as a mirror?
360
00:14:17,046 --> 00:14:19,651
‐That's a life hack.
‐(sighs)
361
00:14:23,458 --> 00:14:25,162
Oh, look at that.
362
00:14:25,229 --> 00:14:27,266
That's not a mistress, is it?
363
00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:30,640
No, he's saving
that poor girl's soul.
364
00:14:31,474 --> 00:14:33,211
(both moaning)
365
00:14:33,278 --> 00:14:36,017
Okay, so he is in a relationship
366
00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:38,321
with a woman of the night.
367
00:14:38,388 --> 00:14:39,891
More like
a woman of the afternoon.
368
00:14:39,958 --> 00:14:42,964
But that's fine.
Jesus didn't judge prosties.
369
00:14:43,031 --> 00:14:44,601
When can we be together?
370
00:14:44,668 --> 00:14:47,339
Once we turn that Podunk
little Greenpoint Methodist into
371
00:14:47,406 --> 00:14:49,911
-a parking structure/
-Bucklake complex,
372
00:14:49,978 --> 00:14:51,882
we're gonna put you
in a beautiful townhome.
373
00:14:51,949 --> 00:14:56,357
Hold on. He's actively trying to
destroy Pastor Joanne's church?
374
00:14:56,424 --> 00:14:59,196
Over my smoking hot dead body.
375
00:14:59,263 --> 00:15:02,036
By the way,
did you try the mini quiche?
376
00:15:07,079 --> 00:15:09,283
Ooh, that turd Minister Mikey is
377
00:15:09,350 --> 00:15:11,889
gonna force Pastor Joanne
out of her church.
378
00:15:11,955 --> 00:15:13,626
That sexy minister sucked us in,
379
00:15:13,693 --> 00:15:16,665
and he's gonna hurt
our sweet angel Joanne.
380
00:15:16,732 --> 00:15:17,767
Ah...
381
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:19,538
We have to protect her
at all costs.
382
00:15:19,604 --> 00:15:22,042
Even if it means getting up
before these roll‐y balls
383
00:15:22,109 --> 00:15:24,948
get to my lower back.
Lord, it hurts so good, y'all...
384
00:15:25,015 --> 00:15:28,589
I'm just gonna get a quick pic
of me in this pleasure machine.
385
00:15:29,223 --> 00:15:32,062
Oh, shoot.
Left my camera on again.
386
00:15:32,129 --> 00:15:33,733
Wait, what's this movie?
387
00:15:33,799 --> 00:15:35,603
Once we turn that podunk little
388
00:15:35,670 --> 00:15:38,208
Greenpoint Methodist
into a parking structure...
389
00:15:38,274 --> 00:15:40,312
Mother!
You taped the whole thing.
390
00:15:40,379 --> 00:15:42,182
Do you know what this means?
391
00:15:42,249 --> 00:15:44,988
It's our smoking gun.
392
00:15:45,055 --> 00:15:46,825
We got to go nuclear with this.
393
00:15:46,892 --> 00:15:48,796
Blast this out
on all the medias.
394
00:15:48,863 --> 00:15:50,399
CNN. Al Rokers.
395
00:15:50,465 --> 00:15:52,971
Call that gap‐toothed Adonis
Michael Strahan,
396
00:15:53,037 --> 00:15:55,442
and offer him an exclusive.
397
00:15:56,077 --> 00:15:57,413
I knew there was something off
398
00:15:57,479 --> 00:16:00,218
about that Minister Mikey,
based on teeth alone.
399
00:16:00,285 --> 00:16:01,588
That guy's veneers cost more
400
00:16:01,655 --> 00:16:04,026
than my double‐wide,
and they're twice as big.
401
00:16:04,093 --> 00:16:06,464
His parishioners deserve
to know what a creep he is.
402
00:16:06,532 --> 00:16:08,836
And we have the proof
on Mother's phone.
403
00:16:08,903 --> 00:16:09,905
Amen.
404
00:16:09,971 --> 00:16:11,775
This is better
than any telenovela
405
00:16:11,842 --> 00:16:12,476
I've ever seen.
406
00:16:12,544 --> 00:16:13,946
Even the one where the evil twin
407
00:16:14,013 --> 00:16:15,382
turned out to be a robot.
408
00:16:15,449 --> 00:16:17,754
We infiltrate the Easter service
and show that smoking gun
409
00:16:17,821 --> 00:16:19,223
to the whole church at once.
410
00:16:19,290 --> 00:16:20,760
But we're gonna
need your help.
411
00:16:20,827 --> 00:16:24,066
Okay, here's how
it's gonna go down.
412
00:16:24,133 --> 00:16:26,538
It'll be Easter Sunday,
so we're gonna
413
00:16:26,605 --> 00:16:28,809
have to look real nice.
414
00:16:28,876 --> 00:16:31,615
♪ ♪
415
00:16:37,025 --> 00:16:38,094
Let's do this.
416
00:16:38,161 --> 00:16:39,497
JENNY:
We slip in
417
00:16:39,564 --> 00:16:41,467
with the rest
of the parishioners.
418
00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:46,010
BETTY:Once we're inside, Wayne will distract the guard.
419
00:16:46,077 --> 00:16:47,881
Security! Security! I need help!
420
00:16:47,947 --> 00:16:49,416
What seems
to be the problem, sir?
421
00:16:49,483 --> 00:16:52,022
Um... a squirrel took
my doughnut.
422
00:16:52,089 --> 00:16:54,159
Oh. Well, can you just
get another one?
423
00:16:54,226 --> 00:16:56,430
Not one
with jelly in the middle.
424
00:16:56,497 --> 00:16:58,201
What kind of security detail
doesn't form
425
00:16:58,268 --> 00:16:59,938
a perimeter around doughnuts?
426
00:17:00,005 --> 00:17:02,577
BETTY:Meanwhile, Violet and David will create
427
00:17:02,644 --> 00:17:04,781
a huge ruckus
at the Easter egg hunt.
428
00:17:04,848 --> 00:17:06,417
JENNY:'Cause they're about to hunt Easter eggs
429
00:17:06,484 --> 00:17:08,923
-with Bucklake's A/
-V guy Speedy Robinson.
430
00:17:08,989 --> 00:17:11,528
He's got three toddlers,
and he'll definitely be there.
431
00:17:11,595 --> 00:17:14,568
Oh, my God! This Easter Bunny's
pants are full of eggs.
432
00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:16,505
He must be laying them.
433
00:17:16,572 --> 00:17:17,941
(children cheering)
434
00:17:18,007 --> 00:17:20,178
No. No, no, no, no!
435
00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:24,554
JENNY:
Then a discreet hand‐off...
436
00:17:27,025 --> 00:17:28,494
Keys be with you.
437
00:17:28,562 --> 00:17:30,298
And also with you.
438
00:17:30,365 --> 00:17:32,804
‐JENNY: ...and I get themto Mother. ‐Look!
439
00:17:32,870 --> 00:17:34,440
‐He's in that tree!
‐What tree?
440
00:17:34,507 --> 00:17:38,749
♪ Ah, faith, hope,
love and joy ♪
441
00:17:38,816 --> 00:17:42,322
♪ Ooh... ♪
442
00:17:42,389 --> 00:17:44,594
‐Took you long enough.
‐More swag, Mother?
443
00:17:44,661 --> 00:17:47,232
They were passing out
Bucklake bacon waves!
444
00:17:47,299 --> 00:17:48,736
Do you know
what a bacon wave is?
445
00:17:48,802 --> 00:17:51,775
So you can make crispy bacon
in the microwave, Jenny!
446
00:17:51,842 --> 00:17:54,814
Just get in the sound booth
and wait for my signal.
447
00:17:54,881 --> 00:17:57,520
‐Wait, what's the signal?
‐This...
448
00:18:02,597 --> 00:18:03,732
What the hell?
449
00:18:03,799 --> 00:18:04,968
No, that's way too long.
450
00:18:05,035 --> 00:18:07,205
(sighs)
Okay, what about this?
451
00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:11,013
The Hammer dance? Oh,
everybody's gonna be doing that.
452
00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:12,249
Oh, you're right. Damn it.
453
00:18:12,315 --> 00:18:14,019
Let me just think
for a second.
454
00:18:14,086 --> 00:18:15,455
♪ Pump ♪
455
00:18:15,523 --> 00:18:17,092
♪ Pump, pump it up, pump, pump ♪
456
00:18:17,159 --> 00:18:19,063
♪ Pump, pump it up,
pump, pump ♪
457
00:18:19,129 --> 00:18:21,133
♪ Party on the block,
pump, pump it up ♪
458
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:23,572
‐♪ Pump, pump. ♪
‐(cheering, whistling)
459
00:18:26,545 --> 00:18:29,450
Folks, Jesus made
the ultimate sacrifice
460
00:18:29,517 --> 00:18:31,320
when he died for our sins.
461
00:18:31,387 --> 00:18:34,226
And all he asks for in return
462
00:18:34,293 --> 00:18:37,099
is ten to 15% of your income.
463
00:18:37,165 --> 00:18:39,604
Now, is that so much to ask?
464
00:18:39,671 --> 00:18:41,407
Oh, uh, uh‐uh.
No, ma'am, ma'am‐‐
465
00:18:41,474 --> 00:18:43,244
we're‐we're not doing
the healings yet.
466
00:18:43,311 --> 00:18:44,881
Oh, I'm not here to be healed.
467
00:18:44,948 --> 00:18:46,918
I'm here to expose a sickness.
468
00:18:46,985 --> 00:18:49,089
‐Yours!
‐(congregation gasps)
469
00:18:49,156 --> 00:18:50,492
(murmuring)
470
00:18:50,559 --> 00:18:52,262
That's what they went with?
471
00:18:52,329 --> 00:18:54,366
So confusing.
472
00:18:57,139 --> 00:18:57,874
Oh.
473
00:18:57,940 --> 00:18:59,978
(congregation groans)
474
00:19:00,044 --> 00:19:00,846
Oh, Lord.
475
00:19:00,913 --> 00:19:03,217
What in the holy salvation
476
00:19:03,284 --> 00:19:04,621
is going on here?
477
00:19:04,687 --> 00:19:06,357
You're going down!
478
00:19:06,423 --> 00:19:08,227
What is that, a raspberry seed?
479
00:19:08,294 --> 00:19:09,396
Ugh. What is that?
480
00:19:09,463 --> 00:19:11,902
Sorry, wrong video. Hang on.
481
00:19:14,173 --> 00:19:16,410
Hello.
Betty Hart coming at you,
482
00:19:16,477 --> 00:19:20,686
and this is why I should be
on The Amazing Race.
483
00:19:21,555 --> 00:19:22,757
Ooh!
484
00:19:22,824 --> 00:19:25,128
I just got a splinter
in my crotchal region!
485
00:19:25,195 --> 00:19:26,865
‐Mother!
‐Uh...
486
00:19:26,932 --> 00:19:28,334
BETTY:
Come here, baby.
487
00:19:28,401 --> 00:19:29,838
‐Let Mama pet you.
‐(honks)
488
00:19:29,904 --> 00:19:32,309
Aw, now there's a good boy.
489
00:19:32,375 --> 00:19:34,146
Get to the incriminating one.
490
00:19:34,213 --> 00:19:35,415
No, no, no, no, no!
491
00:19:35,481 --> 00:19:38,120
Ow! You pecked me
in my crotchal region!
492
00:19:38,187 --> 00:19:40,391
♪ ♪
493
00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:46,638
(alarm blaring)
494
00:19:49,343 --> 00:19:52,282
Security! Get this woman!
495
00:19:54,419 --> 00:19:56,825
(birds singing)
496
00:19:56,892 --> 00:19:58,494
Damn it, Mother. We had him!
497
00:19:58,562 --> 00:20:00,164
Well, if we had gone
with my plan,
498
00:20:00,231 --> 00:20:01,768
I could be in
the greenroom right now,
499
00:20:01,835 --> 00:20:04,206
rifling through my gift basket
with Michael Strahan!
500
00:20:04,273 --> 00:20:06,611
Ugh, this whole thing
got way out of hand.
501
00:20:06,678 --> 00:20:08,682
I just wanted to help
Pastor Joanne.
502
00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:12,355
Don't worry, Mom.
We brought backup.
503
00:20:13,157 --> 00:20:14,694
(gasps)
504
00:20:14,761 --> 00:20:18,067
♪ ♪
505
00:20:18,134 --> 00:20:19,804
(gasping)
506
00:20:22,977 --> 00:20:25,081
Oh, my God, what am I doing?
507
00:20:25,148 --> 00:20:26,718
What am I doing with my life?
508
00:20:26,785 --> 00:20:29,423
I cannot deceive
these people anymore.
509
00:20:29,489 --> 00:20:31,695
We got to shut this place down.
510
00:20:36,538 --> 00:20:40,278
And build a bigger place in
Florida where nobody knows me.
511
00:20:40,345 --> 00:20:41,881
On it, sir. And the hookers?
512
00:20:41,948 --> 00:20:43,484
Yes, bring 'em all.
513
00:20:43,552 --> 00:20:45,556
It's Florida. They'll love it.
514
00:20:52,803 --> 00:20:54,540
‐Wow, this place is hopping.
‐JOANNE: Wow.
515
00:20:54,607 --> 00:20:56,644
Lots of new faces here.
516
00:20:56,711 --> 00:20:59,751
Guess I better break out
the big guns.
517
00:20:59,817 --> 00:21:02,155
(strums)
518
00:21:02,790 --> 00:21:05,529
When the Lord spoke
to John the Baptist,
519
00:21:05,596 --> 00:21:07,332
he had a lot to say.
520
00:21:07,399 --> 00:21:12,275
But in the end,
it all boiled down to one thing:
521
00:21:12,342 --> 00:21:14,547
God bless America.
522
00:21:14,614 --> 00:21:16,718
(playing
"The Star‐Spangled Banner")
523
00:21:16,785 --> 00:21:18,855
(applause)
524
00:21:21,260 --> 00:21:22,262
(whoops)
525
00:21:22,328 --> 00:21:24,266
Captioning sponsored by
BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT
526
00:21:24,332 --> 00:21:25,769
and TOYOTA.
527
00:21:25,836 --> 00:21:27,606
‐(meows)
‐(horn honks musically)
528
00:21:27,673 --> 00:21:30,411
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
529
00:21:30,461 --> 00:21:35,011
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
38264
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