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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,739 --> 00:00:06,680 ♪ I got that joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart ♪ 2 00:00:06,747 --> 00:00:07,916 ♪ Where? ♪ 3 00:00:07,983 --> 00:00:11,055 ♪ Down in my heart to stay. ♪ 4 00:00:11,122 --> 00:00:13,694 ‐(rock music playing in distance) ‐(cheering) 5 00:00:13,761 --> 00:00:15,732 (plane approaching) 6 00:00:17,034 --> 00:00:19,205 Oh, Lord, that megachurch next door 7 00:00:19,272 --> 00:00:21,744 must be having another one of their Lord‐a‐Paloozas. 8 00:00:21,810 --> 00:00:23,581 Shut up out there, you heathens! 9 00:00:23,648 --> 00:00:26,954 I can't hear myself praying for a night with Richard Gere! 10 00:00:27,021 --> 00:00:29,492 Now, now, let's not yell at our neighbors. 11 00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:31,362 They're bringing more people to the Lord, 12 00:00:31,429 --> 00:00:33,466 and that's just good for everybody. 13 00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:36,105 ANNOUNCER: Attention, Bucklake parishioners. 14 00:00:36,172 --> 00:00:37,642 Enter the raffle now 15 00:00:37,709 --> 00:00:41,149 to win a brand‐new, whiz‐bang Trickster Sea‐Doo! 16 00:00:41,215 --> 00:00:44,623 A Sea‐Doo? Those are the dirt bikes of the ocean! 17 00:00:44,690 --> 00:00:48,664 Oh, uh, I forgot that my house is on fire. 18 00:00:48,731 --> 00:00:51,503 Me, too! Uh, different house, though! 19 00:00:51,570 --> 00:00:52,939 ‐(parishioners clamoring) ‐MAN: Me, too. 20 00:00:53,006 --> 00:00:54,776 ‐MAN 2: See you. ‐WOMAN: Next Sunday. 21 00:00:56,412 --> 00:00:58,551 Oh, such a beautiful service today. 22 00:00:58,618 --> 00:01:00,622 Pastor Joanne, you knocked it out of the park. 23 00:01:00,688 --> 00:01:03,126 (chuckles) I loved your joke about springtime. 24 00:01:03,193 --> 00:01:04,462 WAYNE AND JENNY: "Spring is here. 25 00:01:04,529 --> 00:01:07,101 I got so excited that I wet my plants!" 26 00:01:07,167 --> 00:01:08,169 (laughing) 27 00:01:08,236 --> 00:01:09,940 Look out, Ellen DeGeneres. 28 00:01:10,007 --> 00:01:11,476 (music playing) 29 00:01:11,543 --> 00:01:12,712 ANNOUNCER: Bucklake Ministries. 30 00:01:12,779 --> 00:01:14,916 Fun. Food. Community. 31 00:01:14,983 --> 00:01:18,591 And now double the faith healings. 32 00:01:18,658 --> 00:01:21,396 VIOLET: It's like if Jesus ran a Six Flags. 33 00:01:21,462 --> 00:01:23,199 Ugh, look at that tacky minister. 34 00:01:23,266 --> 00:01:24,836 Be healed! 35 00:01:24,903 --> 00:01:26,507 If he can heal with his hands, 36 00:01:26,573 --> 00:01:28,476 why'd he have to get all that plastic surgery? 37 00:01:28,544 --> 00:01:31,583 As over‐the‐top as he is, some people seem to really love him. 38 00:01:31,650 --> 00:01:34,155 It's hard to compete with all that pizzazz. 39 00:01:34,221 --> 00:01:36,392 I'm thinking about dusting off my electric guitar 40 00:01:36,459 --> 00:01:38,229 ‐for Easter services. ‐BETTY: No! 41 00:01:38,296 --> 00:01:39,599 Pastor Joanne, 42 00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:42,004 don't you dare pick up that electrical guitar! 43 00:01:42,071 --> 00:01:44,810 Yes, you are an angel on this earth, Pastor Joanne. 44 00:01:44,876 --> 00:01:47,247 All you got to do is just keep doing you. 45 00:01:47,314 --> 00:01:49,720 Well, we might not have any ticket giveaways, 46 00:01:49,786 --> 00:01:51,590 but we do have a good old‐fashioned 47 00:01:51,657 --> 00:01:53,928 pancake dinner fundraiser coming up. 48 00:01:53,994 --> 00:01:55,865 We will for sure be there. 49 00:01:55,932 --> 00:01:57,736 ‐WAYNE: Whoa! ‐Bucklake! 50 00:01:57,802 --> 00:02:00,975 Getting closer to God! 51 00:02:01,042 --> 00:02:04,916 Are you gonna have a jetpack at your pancake dinner? 52 00:02:04,983 --> 00:02:07,221 ♪ ♪ 53 00:02:35,043 --> 00:02:38,249 ♪ ♪ 54 00:02:38,316 --> 00:02:39,619 And then that megachurch did 55 00:02:39,686 --> 00:02:41,523 this whole American Gladiators thing, 56 00:02:41,590 --> 00:02:44,328 and a guy came out dressed like you and did the entire course. 57 00:02:44,395 --> 00:02:45,363 So tacky. 58 00:02:45,430 --> 00:02:47,267 Yeah, totally. 59 00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:48,637 So the guy looked like me? 60 00:02:48,704 --> 00:02:50,975 Well, yeah, except he was real chiseled and buff. 61 00:02:51,610 --> 00:02:53,446 You must hate places like Bucklake. 62 00:02:53,514 --> 00:02:54,916 All that showy hoo‐ha. 63 00:02:54,983 --> 00:02:56,753 (laughs): You kidding me? 64 00:02:56,820 --> 00:02:58,122 I love a megachurch. 65 00:02:58,189 --> 00:03:00,393 All those people cheering for me? 66 00:03:00,460 --> 00:03:02,732 That's as close as I'm ever gonna get to being Bono. 67 00:03:02,799 --> 00:03:05,136 I just wish I could help out Pastor Joanne. 68 00:03:05,203 --> 00:03:07,140 You know, slow down that megachurch a little. 69 00:03:07,207 --> 00:03:10,447 Well, that Minister Mikey Buckley is, um... 70 00:03:10,514 --> 00:03:11,282 What? 71 00:03:11,349 --> 00:03:12,351 Oh, I don't like to gossip. 72 00:03:12,417 --> 00:03:13,520 I shouldn't have said anything. 73 00:03:13,587 --> 00:03:14,556 I knew it! 74 00:03:14,623 --> 00:03:16,025 There is something up with that guy. 75 00:03:16,092 --> 00:03:17,394 So what you're trying to tell me is 76 00:03:17,461 --> 00:03:18,631 that if I went over there, 77 00:03:18,697 --> 00:03:20,100 I could dig up the dirt on Buckley 78 00:03:20,166 --> 00:03:21,570 and bring down that phony‐baloney church? 79 00:03:21,637 --> 00:03:23,373 No! That's not what I'm saying. 80 00:03:23,439 --> 00:03:24,976 Well, if you don't want me digging, 81 00:03:25,043 --> 00:03:26,312 just tell me what it is, then. 82 00:03:26,379 --> 00:03:27,715 No can do‐sies. 83 00:03:27,782 --> 00:03:28,884 Come on! 84 00:03:28,951 --> 00:03:30,821 (zipper sound effect) 85 00:03:30,888 --> 00:03:33,059 (heavenly music plays) 86 00:03:33,928 --> 00:03:36,065 You're such a cheeseball. 87 00:03:37,702 --> 00:03:39,739 Sorry, guys. We don't carry... 88 00:03:39,806 --> 00:03:41,610 lily of the valley, 89 00:03:41,677 --> 00:03:43,580 nightshade, or any of the plants on here 90 00:03:43,647 --> 00:03:44,582 that start with "poison." 91 00:03:44,649 --> 00:03:46,319 Not even the lowly sumac? 92 00:03:46,385 --> 00:03:48,590 Our garden of death is just gonna be a cactus 93 00:03:48,657 --> 00:03:50,795 and some brown snapdragons. 94 00:03:50,861 --> 00:03:53,534 Wait, what is that? 95 00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:55,805 ♪ ♪ 96 00:03:57,842 --> 00:03:59,546 Whoa... 97 00:03:59,612 --> 00:04:02,250 We sell these Jesus statues, you know, for people's gardens. 98 00:04:02,317 --> 00:04:03,620 And usually people love 'em. 99 00:04:03,687 --> 00:04:05,357 But this little guy is different. 100 00:04:05,423 --> 00:04:07,427 Just got this crazy vibe. 101 00:04:07,494 --> 00:04:09,733 Like he's been through a whole world of suffering. 102 00:04:09,799 --> 00:04:13,072 It's like he's designed to make people regret things. 103 00:04:13,139 --> 00:04:16,747 This version of Jesus is why my abuela never remarried. 104 00:04:16,813 --> 00:04:18,784 (sighs) Look how many times he's been marked down. 105 00:04:18,851 --> 00:04:21,255 Nobody wants him. It's just too much for people to handle. 106 00:04:21,322 --> 00:04:23,694 And I've done everything to try to get someone to take him. 107 00:04:23,761 --> 00:04:25,430 I‐I gave him a Hawaiian shirt, 108 00:04:25,497 --> 00:04:27,167 a‐a Dr. Seuss hat... 109 00:04:27,234 --> 00:04:29,038 DAVID: Did you try zany sunglasses? 110 00:04:29,104 --> 00:04:30,641 WAYNE: Oh, the zaniest. 111 00:04:30,708 --> 00:04:33,514 But those eyes pierce everything. 112 00:04:34,348 --> 00:04:36,485 David, what do you think would happen 113 00:04:36,553 --> 00:04:37,822 if we took this Jesus around town 114 00:04:37,889 --> 00:04:40,193 and made people confront their worst life choices? 115 00:04:40,260 --> 00:04:41,863 They would be hypnotized by guilt. 116 00:04:41,930 --> 00:04:44,569 And, best case, they have a physical reaction to that? 117 00:04:44,636 --> 00:04:46,540 Maybe an embarrassing one? 118 00:04:46,606 --> 00:04:48,276 ‐Please, Wayne, get us this Jesus. ‐Wayne, can you get us 119 00:04:48,342 --> 00:04:49,278 this Jesus? 120 00:04:49,344 --> 00:04:50,080 Why? 121 00:04:50,146 --> 00:04:51,783 For a... art project. 122 00:04:51,850 --> 00:04:53,486 It's a photo essay about what happens 123 00:04:53,554 --> 00:04:56,492 when people stop being polite and start seeing Jesus. 124 00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:58,864 It's called Real World: Jesus. 125 00:04:58,931 --> 00:05:01,435 Well, I would go with Real Saviors of Greenpoint, 126 00:05:01,503 --> 00:05:02,905 but we can figure that out later. 127 00:05:02,972 --> 00:05:05,477 Let's have some fun. 128 00:05:06,913 --> 00:05:08,316 You want it here? 129 00:05:08,382 --> 00:05:09,853 No, a little to the left. 130 00:05:09,919 --> 00:05:12,357 (strained): I thought this guy was supposed to carry me. 131 00:05:12,424 --> 00:05:13,827 No, that's too far. 132 00:05:13,894 --> 00:05:15,798 ‐(grunts) ‐Perfect. 133 00:05:15,865 --> 00:05:16,766 Okay, now hide. 134 00:05:16,833 --> 00:05:18,537 (tires screech) 135 00:05:22,244 --> 00:05:24,114 ♪ ♪ 136 00:05:24,181 --> 00:05:25,818 (gulps) 137 00:05:25,885 --> 00:05:28,857 I don't feel good about my choices. 138 00:05:28,924 --> 00:05:30,260 I'm the garbage! 139 00:05:30,961 --> 00:05:32,832 How did you know he was gonna litter? 140 00:05:32,899 --> 00:05:34,067 Everyone litters. 141 00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:36,540 Because people are trash. 142 00:05:36,606 --> 00:05:40,581 Now, let's catch us some common shoplifters. 143 00:05:42,785 --> 00:05:43,720 (gasps) 144 00:05:43,787 --> 00:05:45,824 ♪ ♪ 145 00:05:46,492 --> 00:05:47,662 What the hell are we doing? 146 00:05:47,728 --> 00:05:49,498 Don't look at me, Jesus. I'm disgusting. 147 00:05:49,566 --> 00:05:51,570 I got to get my GED. 148 00:05:53,072 --> 00:05:55,644 (engine idling) 149 00:05:55,711 --> 00:05:57,147 Okay, here's your... 150 00:05:57,214 --> 00:05:58,216 ♪ ♪ 151 00:05:58,282 --> 00:05:59,484 Oh, mercy! Lord! 152 00:05:59,552 --> 00:06:00,688 Let me get you an extra biscuit. 153 00:06:00,754 --> 00:06:02,959 I am so sorry for everything. 154 00:06:03,025 --> 00:06:04,796 Praise him! Praise you! 155 00:06:04,862 --> 00:06:05,898 Oh, Lord! 156 00:06:06,465 --> 00:06:08,102 WAYNE: Wait, but she didn't do anything wrong. 157 00:06:08,169 --> 00:06:10,240 Why is she in your art project? 158 00:06:10,306 --> 00:06:12,444 Oh, no, we just wanted free biscuits. 159 00:06:13,647 --> 00:06:15,918 Hmm. 160 00:06:16,620 --> 00:06:18,624 Mother, I think it's up to us 161 00:06:18,690 --> 00:06:20,527 to do something about that megachurch. 162 00:06:20,594 --> 00:06:22,364 Damn right. Let me go get 163 00:06:22,430 --> 00:06:24,167 my "hitting" golf clubs. 164 00:06:24,234 --> 00:06:27,007 Mother, we're not gonna hit anybody with golf clubs. 165 00:06:27,073 --> 00:06:28,376 Good Lord. Just listen. 166 00:06:28,442 --> 00:06:30,446 A little birdie told me that Minister Mikey 167 00:06:30,514 --> 00:06:32,384 might have some skeletons. 168 00:06:32,450 --> 00:06:34,321 Ooh, what are we talking? 169 00:06:34,388 --> 00:06:35,891 Buried bodies? 170 00:06:35,958 --> 00:06:36,793 Drug addiction? 171 00:06:36,860 --> 00:06:38,664 Money laundering? Kid diddling? 172 00:06:38,730 --> 00:06:41,335 I don't know yet, but I know how to find out: 173 00:06:41,402 --> 00:06:42,805 a classic long con. 174 00:06:42,872 --> 00:06:45,109 First we earn the trust of those closest to him. 175 00:06:45,176 --> 00:06:47,515 We infiltrate the choir. Learn their songs. Study their quirks. 176 00:06:47,581 --> 00:06:50,453 And then, when the time is right, we drop the hammer. 177 00:06:50,521 --> 00:06:53,560 I used to love a good long con, 178 00:06:53,627 --> 00:06:57,167 but who has time in the age of YouTube and Instasnap? 179 00:06:57,233 --> 00:06:58,837 This has to be a short con. 180 00:06:58,904 --> 00:07:00,708 Okay, why do you have a wheelchair 181 00:07:00,774 --> 00:07:02,077 locked and loaded under your bed? 182 00:07:02,143 --> 00:07:06,118 Every woman should have a wheelchair in her arsenal. 183 00:07:07,955 --> 00:07:10,159 (indistinct chatter) 184 00:07:10,928 --> 00:07:14,502 Is this a church service or Monday Night Raw? 185 00:07:14,569 --> 00:07:15,637 Welcome to Bucklake. 186 00:07:15,704 --> 00:07:17,173 Or should I say, "Welcome home"? 187 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:20,881 Our facial recognition software tells me you're new here. 188 00:07:20,948 --> 00:07:22,885 (whirring) 189 00:07:22,952 --> 00:07:24,054 Oh, what? 190 00:07:24,121 --> 00:07:26,593 Please accept a coffee voucher to our Starbucks. 191 00:07:26,659 --> 00:07:28,964 Y'all have a Starbucks in here? 192 00:07:29,030 --> 00:07:31,836 Yep, right by the complimentary massage chairs. 193 00:07:31,903 --> 00:07:32,838 (air horn blows) 194 00:07:32,905 --> 00:07:34,408 And I'd also like to offer you your choice 195 00:07:34,474 --> 00:07:37,848 of a new member hoodie or cozy ribbed cardigan. 196 00:07:37,915 --> 00:07:40,286 I'll take a cardigan for myself 197 00:07:40,353 --> 00:07:45,396 and a hoodie for my sweet invalid mother who's in hospice. 198 00:07:45,463 --> 00:07:46,733 What? We're here. 199 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,137 I mean, we might as well rip 'em off, right? 200 00:07:49,204 --> 00:07:50,574 (rock music playing) 201 00:07:50,641 --> 00:07:53,145 ♪ Yeah ♪ 202 00:07:53,212 --> 00:07:55,349 ♪ It's about faith ♪ 203 00:07:55,416 --> 00:07:57,955 ♪ Yeah, you got love... ♪ 204 00:07:58,022 --> 00:07:59,224 Ugh. 205 00:07:59,291 --> 00:08:00,894 Everything here is so tacky. 206 00:08:00,961 --> 00:08:02,898 ‐This high‐quality cardigan. ‐Tacky. 207 00:08:02,965 --> 00:08:04,635 (scoffs) These stupid comfortable seats 208 00:08:04,702 --> 00:08:06,338 with adjustable armrests. 209 00:08:06,405 --> 00:08:08,242 ‐Tacky. ‐And this dumb freakin' 210 00:08:08,309 --> 00:08:10,012 lavender‐flavored delicious latte. 211 00:08:10,079 --> 00:08:13,052 Yeah, and the barista put too much whipped cream 212 00:08:13,118 --> 00:08:14,421 in my hot co‐coa. 213 00:08:14,488 --> 00:08:16,225 BOTH: Tacky. 214 00:08:16,291 --> 00:08:18,697 Okay, we get the dirt on this plastic preacher, 215 00:08:18,763 --> 00:08:20,099 get out of this phony‐baloney circus, 216 00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:23,740 and get to Pastor Joanne's Easter pancake dinner. 217 00:08:24,675 --> 00:08:31,021 ‐♪ Ah... ♪ ‐♪ Hey... ♪ 218 00:08:31,689 --> 00:08:36,398 ♪ Can you feel it? Can you feel it? ♪ 219 00:08:36,465 --> 00:08:38,369 (cheering) 220 00:08:38,435 --> 00:08:40,641 ♪ Ah‐ha ♪ 221 00:08:40,707 --> 00:08:42,110 ♪ It's about faith ♪ 222 00:08:42,176 --> 00:08:43,813 ♪ Ooh... ♪ 223 00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:46,886 All right. All right! (whoops) 224 00:08:46,953 --> 00:08:49,525 Welcome home. Now, I don't know about y'all, 225 00:08:49,592 --> 00:08:50,761 but I'm feeling a little, 226 00:08:50,827 --> 00:08:52,096 just a little wiggly. 227 00:08:52,163 --> 00:08:54,569 ‐(cheering) ‐I'm feeling a little jiggly. 228 00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:58,409 ‐(cheering) ‐I'm feeling a little extra power of the Lord right now. 229 00:08:58,475 --> 00:09:00,112 And I got to share it with y'all. 230 00:09:00,179 --> 00:09:02,851 Now, who's ready for some divine healing? 231 00:09:02,918 --> 00:09:04,187 (cheering) 232 00:09:04,254 --> 00:09:06,358 Come on down to the stage. 233 00:09:06,425 --> 00:09:07,995 That's our cue. 234 00:09:11,636 --> 00:09:13,740 Oh, no. Everyone knows I can't resist the thrill 235 00:09:13,807 --> 00:09:15,042 of a T‐shirt cannon. 236 00:09:15,109 --> 00:09:16,646 Stay focused, dummy! 237 00:09:16,713 --> 00:09:18,917 In the name of the Father, 238 00:09:18,984 --> 00:09:21,656 the Son and the Holy Spirit, 239 00:09:21,723 --> 00:09:23,793 I say begone, Satan! 240 00:09:23,860 --> 00:09:26,699 Let this woman stand! 241 00:09:28,937 --> 00:09:30,974 (gasping) 242 00:09:31,041 --> 00:09:32,043 (murmuring) 243 00:09:32,110 --> 00:09:36,853 And receive her $50 Kohl's gift card! 244 00:09:36,919 --> 00:09:39,224 ♪ ♪ 245 00:09:41,896 --> 00:09:44,502 ‐I can walk! I can! ‐(gasping) 246 00:09:44,568 --> 00:09:45,504 (band playing) 247 00:09:45,570 --> 00:09:47,040 What are you doing? 248 00:09:47,106 --> 00:09:49,512 50 free dollars to Kohl's, Jenny. 249 00:09:49,578 --> 00:09:51,114 You are so weak‐willed. 250 00:09:51,181 --> 00:09:54,722 I caught a shirt! I caught a shirt! (whooping) 251 00:09:54,789 --> 00:09:56,358 ♪ Yeah. ♪ 252 00:10:02,303 --> 00:10:05,677 Jenny, which Easter hat do you like better? 253 00:10:05,744 --> 00:10:07,648 This one? 254 00:10:07,715 --> 00:10:09,451 Or...? 255 00:10:10,086 --> 00:10:12,156 Ooh, I like that one. Very Bianca Jagger. 256 00:10:12,223 --> 00:10:16,298 So, how was Pastor Joanne's pancake dinner fundraiser? 257 00:10:16,364 --> 00:10:19,638 Okay, I didn't go to Pastor Joanne's church. 258 00:10:19,705 --> 00:10:23,345 Because I was at a... 259 00:10:23,412 --> 00:10:24,982 more church! (chuckles) 260 00:10:25,049 --> 00:10:26,251 Oh, I hope you're keeping track, though, 261 00:10:26,318 --> 00:10:28,055 'cause I should get extra points for this. 262 00:10:28,122 --> 00:10:29,658 Jenny, I've told you a million times, 263 00:10:29,725 --> 00:10:31,194 there's no point system. 264 00:10:31,261 --> 00:10:33,332 And if you keep asking, you're gonna lose a bunch of points. 265 00:10:33,398 --> 00:10:34,935 So there are points. 266 00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:37,006 Okay, yes. Of course there are points. 267 00:10:37,073 --> 00:10:38,308 How many does Ghandi have? 268 00:10:38,375 --> 00:10:39,812 Oh, you don't want to get into all that. 269 00:10:39,879 --> 00:10:40,847 More than Tom Hanks? 270 00:10:40,914 --> 00:10:41,883 Forget the points. 271 00:10:41,949 --> 00:10:43,252 Your hat is stupid. 272 00:10:43,318 --> 00:10:45,690 ‐You just lost 98 points. ‐(heavenly music plays) 273 00:10:45,757 --> 00:10:46,993 (gasps) No! 274 00:10:47,059 --> 00:10:48,897 Is that a little or a lot? 275 00:10:49,665 --> 00:10:51,067 This is such a great idea, Wayne. 276 00:10:51,134 --> 00:10:54,642 Taking Jesus to Bud's Baby Dolls is the ultimate. 277 00:10:54,708 --> 00:10:56,679 Yeah, you have great shaming instincts. 278 00:10:56,746 --> 00:10:58,716 Look, look, look, here comes a dude. 279 00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:00,720 (lock chirps) 280 00:11:00,787 --> 00:11:03,425 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Uh... 281 00:11:06,699 --> 00:11:08,335 (both laughing) 282 00:11:10,172 --> 00:11:12,009 ‐Nope. ‐Amazing. 283 00:11:12,076 --> 00:11:14,548 These dirtbags feel so bad about themselves. 284 00:11:14,615 --> 00:11:16,418 (laughing) 285 00:11:16,484 --> 00:11:17,921 Kinda feel bad for 'em. 286 00:11:17,988 --> 00:11:20,359 ‐Don't you? ‐No. ‐Are you kidding? 287 00:11:23,131 --> 00:11:25,570 ♪ ♪ 288 00:11:25,637 --> 00:11:27,173 Oh, God. I'm sorry. 289 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:29,244 (laughing) 290 00:11:29,310 --> 00:11:30,714 He's talking to it. 291 00:11:30,780 --> 00:11:31,983 Don't look at me. 292 00:11:32,049 --> 00:11:34,053 Why are you looking at me like that? 293 00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:35,657 (crying) 294 00:11:35,724 --> 00:11:37,226 (gasps) 295 00:11:37,895 --> 00:11:40,366 We did this. This is just a prank. We put this here. 296 00:11:40,432 --> 00:11:41,802 It came from Bigsby's. 297 00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:43,338 Yeah, it's just a dumb statue. 298 00:11:43,405 --> 00:11:44,875 Just a dumb statue? 299 00:11:44,942 --> 00:11:46,278 I don't know how to live anymore! 300 00:11:46,344 --> 00:11:49,183 ‐Get away from me! Get away! ‐BOTH: Aah! 301 00:11:49,685 --> 00:11:51,756 Wayne, that guy's gonna hurt himself. 302 00:11:51,822 --> 00:11:52,858 (laughs) 303 00:11:52,925 --> 00:11:55,262 Oh, man, that is hilarious! 304 00:11:55,329 --> 00:11:57,033 No! Not hilarious. 305 00:11:57,099 --> 00:11:59,905 No, it's hilarious... 306 00:11:59,972 --> 00:12:02,410 ‐that you fell for this. ‐What? 307 00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:05,049 (both gasp) 308 00:12:05,115 --> 00:12:07,019 That's right, reverse prank. 309 00:12:07,086 --> 00:12:09,057 Classic way to teach pranksters 310 00:12:09,123 --> 00:12:11,662 that pranks can have consequences. 311 00:12:11,729 --> 00:12:12,965 Jason, get over here. 312 00:12:13,031 --> 00:12:15,269 This is my pal Jason, and his breakdown 313 00:12:15,336 --> 00:12:18,543 was my prank on you guys. How does it feel? 314 00:12:21,281 --> 00:12:24,020 All right, Wayne. The prankers have become the prank‐ed. 315 00:12:24,087 --> 00:12:26,726 Teaching us a lesson about karma using Jesus? 316 00:12:26,792 --> 00:12:27,861 You're a freakin' genius. 317 00:12:27,928 --> 00:12:29,063 I look so sexy 318 00:12:29,130 --> 00:12:30,399 when I think I've killed a person. 319 00:12:30,466 --> 00:12:34,440 Oh, God, what have I been doing with my life? 320 00:12:34,508 --> 00:12:36,011 I'm gonna kill myself! 321 00:12:36,077 --> 00:12:38,115 Okay, Wayne, we get it. Geez. 322 00:12:38,181 --> 00:12:39,785 Oh, no, I don't know that guy. 323 00:12:39,852 --> 00:12:42,256 Uh, hey, we got to get that thing out of here. 324 00:12:44,127 --> 00:12:45,496 Ooh‐hoo, we are gonna turn 325 00:12:45,563 --> 00:12:48,001 Bucklake inside out with our Easter looks. 326 00:12:48,068 --> 00:12:49,972 I heard there's gonna be a hologram 327 00:12:50,039 --> 00:12:52,343 where Jesus talks to Prince. 328 00:12:52,410 --> 00:12:54,515 I heard they Easter brunch during the service, 329 00:12:54,581 --> 00:12:56,051 Medieval Times‐style. 330 00:12:56,117 --> 00:12:57,253 ‐(both gasp) ‐Oh. 331 00:12:57,319 --> 00:12:58,455 Hey, y'all. 332 00:12:58,523 --> 00:13:02,898 BOTH: Pastor Joanne! 333 00:13:02,964 --> 00:13:04,300 Betty, I got your message 334 00:13:04,367 --> 00:13:06,071 that you couldn't come to my pancake dinner 335 00:13:06,137 --> 00:13:09,010 because of your emergency back surgery? 336 00:13:09,077 --> 00:13:11,916 Uh... that's right. Yep. 337 00:13:11,982 --> 00:13:13,553 It's feeling pretty good now. 338 00:13:13,619 --> 00:13:15,456 The transplant's really taking. 339 00:13:15,523 --> 00:13:17,861 Check this out. (whoops) 340 00:13:17,928 --> 00:13:19,130 (grunting) 341 00:13:19,197 --> 00:13:21,334 You got a back transplant? 342 00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:24,073 Yep. Mm‐hmm. The whole thing had to go. 343 00:13:24,140 --> 00:13:26,444 And when I was helping her with her rehab, 344 00:13:26,512 --> 00:13:30,219 that caused me to hurt my back really bad. 345 00:13:30,285 --> 00:13:33,191 So we both had to get back transplants. 346 00:13:33,258 --> 00:13:35,797 But we're doing great! Ha. We've been praying. 347 00:13:35,864 --> 00:13:37,299 (laughs) Look! 348 00:13:37,366 --> 00:13:39,337 (both grunting) 349 00:13:41,374 --> 00:13:43,613 Well, I missed having y'all there. 350 00:13:43,679 --> 00:13:46,251 ‐(thunder cracks) ‐Congratulations on your backs. 351 00:13:46,317 --> 00:13:49,558 Oh, shoot. Quick, get under here. 352 00:13:53,265 --> 00:13:54,535 Uh... 353 00:13:57,473 --> 00:14:00,747 I love that they do communion pizza here. 354 00:14:00,813 --> 00:14:03,920 I love Pastor Joanne's pancake dinners, 355 00:14:03,986 --> 00:14:06,592 but this is Pizza Hut quality. 356 00:14:06,659 --> 00:14:09,497 Oh, there goes Minister Mikey. 357 00:14:10,867 --> 00:14:12,837 ‐Let's go introduce ourselves. ‐Hang on, 358 00:14:12,904 --> 00:14:14,508 I got to fluff my hair first. 359 00:14:14,575 --> 00:14:16,979 Did you know you can use your phone as a mirror? 360 00:14:17,046 --> 00:14:19,651 ‐That's a life hack. ‐(sighs) 361 00:14:23,458 --> 00:14:25,162 Oh, look at that. 362 00:14:25,229 --> 00:14:27,266 That's not a mistress, is it? 363 00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:30,640 No, he's saving that poor girl's soul. 364 00:14:31,474 --> 00:14:33,211 (both moaning) 365 00:14:33,278 --> 00:14:36,017 Okay, so he is in a relationship 366 00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:38,321 with a woman of the night. 367 00:14:38,388 --> 00:14:39,891 More like a woman of the afternoon. 368 00:14:39,958 --> 00:14:42,964 But that's fine. Jesus didn't judge prosties. 369 00:14:43,031 --> 00:14:44,601 When can we be together? 370 00:14:44,668 --> 00:14:47,339 Once we turn that Podunk little Greenpoint Methodist into 371 00:14:47,406 --> 00:14:49,911 -a parking structure/ -Bucklake complex, 372 00:14:49,978 --> 00:14:51,882 we're gonna put you in a beautiful townhome. 373 00:14:51,949 --> 00:14:56,357 Hold on. He's actively trying to destroy Pastor Joanne's church? 374 00:14:56,424 --> 00:14:59,196 Over my smoking hot dead body. 375 00:14:59,263 --> 00:15:02,036 By the way, did you try the mini quiche? 376 00:15:07,079 --> 00:15:09,283 Ooh, that turd Minister Mikey is 377 00:15:09,350 --> 00:15:11,889 gonna force Pastor Joanne out of her church. 378 00:15:11,955 --> 00:15:13,626 That sexy minister sucked us in, 379 00:15:13,693 --> 00:15:16,665 and he's gonna hurt our sweet angel Joanne. 380 00:15:16,732 --> 00:15:17,767 Ah... 381 00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:19,538 We have to protect her at all costs. 382 00:15:19,604 --> 00:15:22,042 Even if it means getting up before these roll‐y balls 383 00:15:22,109 --> 00:15:24,948 get to my lower back. Lord, it hurts so good, y'all... 384 00:15:25,015 --> 00:15:28,589 I'm just gonna get a quick pic of me in this pleasure machine. 385 00:15:29,223 --> 00:15:32,062 Oh, shoot. Left my camera on again. 386 00:15:32,129 --> 00:15:33,733 Wait, what's this movie? 387 00:15:33,799 --> 00:15:35,603 Once we turn that podunk little 388 00:15:35,670 --> 00:15:38,208 Greenpoint Methodist into a parking structure... 389 00:15:38,274 --> 00:15:40,312 Mother! You taped the whole thing. 390 00:15:40,379 --> 00:15:42,182 Do you know what this means? 391 00:15:42,249 --> 00:15:44,988 It's our smoking gun. 392 00:15:45,055 --> 00:15:46,825 We got to go nuclear with this. 393 00:15:46,892 --> 00:15:48,796 Blast this out on all the medias. 394 00:15:48,863 --> 00:15:50,399 CNN. Al Rokers. 395 00:15:50,465 --> 00:15:52,971 Call that gap‐toothed Adonis Michael Strahan, 396 00:15:53,037 --> 00:15:55,442 and offer him an exclusive. 397 00:15:56,077 --> 00:15:57,413 I knew there was something off 398 00:15:57,479 --> 00:16:00,218 about that Minister Mikey, based on teeth alone. 399 00:16:00,285 --> 00:16:01,588 That guy's veneers cost more 400 00:16:01,655 --> 00:16:04,026 than my double‐wide, and they're twice as big. 401 00:16:04,093 --> 00:16:06,464 His parishioners deserve to know what a creep he is. 402 00:16:06,532 --> 00:16:08,836 And we have the proof on Mother's phone. 403 00:16:08,903 --> 00:16:09,905 Amen. 404 00:16:09,971 --> 00:16:11,775 This is better than any telenovela 405 00:16:11,842 --> 00:16:12,476 I've ever seen. 406 00:16:12,544 --> 00:16:13,946 Even the one where the evil twin 407 00:16:14,013 --> 00:16:15,382 turned out to be a robot. 408 00:16:15,449 --> 00:16:17,754 We infiltrate the Easter service and show that smoking gun 409 00:16:17,821 --> 00:16:19,223 to the whole church at once. 410 00:16:19,290 --> 00:16:20,760 But we're gonna need your help. 411 00:16:20,827 --> 00:16:24,066 Okay, here's how it's gonna go down. 412 00:16:24,133 --> 00:16:26,538 It'll be Easter Sunday, so we're gonna 413 00:16:26,605 --> 00:16:28,809 have to look real nice. 414 00:16:28,876 --> 00:16:31,615 ♪ ♪ 415 00:16:37,025 --> 00:16:38,094 Let's do this. 416 00:16:38,161 --> 00:16:39,497 JENNY: We slip in 417 00:16:39,564 --> 00:16:41,467 with the rest of the parishioners. 418 00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:46,010 BETTY: Once we're inside, Wayne will distract the guard. 419 00:16:46,077 --> 00:16:47,881 Security! Security! I need help! 420 00:16:47,947 --> 00:16:49,416 What seems to be the problem, sir? 421 00:16:49,483 --> 00:16:52,022 Um... a squirrel took my doughnut. 422 00:16:52,089 --> 00:16:54,159 Oh. Well, can you just get another one? 423 00:16:54,226 --> 00:16:56,430 Not one with jelly in the middle. 424 00:16:56,497 --> 00:16:58,201 What kind of security detail doesn't form 425 00:16:58,268 --> 00:16:59,938 a perimeter around doughnuts? 426 00:17:00,005 --> 00:17:02,577 BETTY: Meanwhile, Violet and David will create 427 00:17:02,644 --> 00:17:04,781 a huge ruckus at the Easter egg hunt. 428 00:17:04,848 --> 00:17:06,417 JENNY: 'Cause they're about to hunt Easter eggs 429 00:17:06,484 --> 00:17:08,923 -with Bucklake's A/ -V guy Speedy Robinson. 430 00:17:08,989 --> 00:17:11,528 He's got three toddlers, and he'll definitely be there. 431 00:17:11,595 --> 00:17:14,568 Oh, my God! This Easter Bunny's pants are full of eggs. 432 00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:16,505 He must be laying them. 433 00:17:16,572 --> 00:17:17,941 (children cheering) 434 00:17:18,007 --> 00:17:20,178 No. No, no, no, no! 435 00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:24,554 JENNY: Then a discreet hand‐off... 436 00:17:27,025 --> 00:17:28,494 Keys be with you. 437 00:17:28,562 --> 00:17:30,298 And also with you. 438 00:17:30,365 --> 00:17:32,804 ‐JENNY: ...and I get them to Mother. ‐Look! 439 00:17:32,870 --> 00:17:34,440 ‐He's in that tree! ‐What tree? 440 00:17:34,507 --> 00:17:38,749 ♪ Ah, faith, hope, love and joy ♪ 441 00:17:38,816 --> 00:17:42,322 ♪ Ooh... ♪ 442 00:17:42,389 --> 00:17:44,594 ‐Took you long enough. ‐More swag, Mother? 443 00:17:44,661 --> 00:17:47,232 They were passing out Bucklake bacon waves! 444 00:17:47,299 --> 00:17:48,736 Do you know what a bacon wave is? 445 00:17:48,802 --> 00:17:51,775 So you can make crispy bacon in the microwave, Jenny! 446 00:17:51,842 --> 00:17:54,814 Just get in the sound booth and wait for my signal. 447 00:17:54,881 --> 00:17:57,520 ‐Wait, what's the signal? ‐This... 448 00:18:02,597 --> 00:18:03,732 What the hell? 449 00:18:03,799 --> 00:18:04,968 No, that's way too long. 450 00:18:05,035 --> 00:18:07,205 (sighs) Okay, what about this? 451 00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:11,013 The Hammer dance? Oh, everybody's gonna be doing that. 452 00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:12,249 Oh, you're right. Damn it. 453 00:18:12,315 --> 00:18:14,019 Let me just think for a second. 454 00:18:14,086 --> 00:18:15,455 ♪ Pump ♪ 455 00:18:15,523 --> 00:18:17,092 ♪ Pump, pump it up, pump, pump ♪ 456 00:18:17,159 --> 00:18:19,063 ♪ Pump, pump it up, pump, pump ♪ 457 00:18:19,129 --> 00:18:21,133 ♪ Party on the block, pump, pump it up ♪ 458 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:23,572 ‐♪ Pump, pump. ♪ ‐(cheering, whistling) 459 00:18:26,545 --> 00:18:29,450 Folks, Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice 460 00:18:29,517 --> 00:18:31,320 when he died for our sins. 461 00:18:31,387 --> 00:18:34,226 And all he asks for in return 462 00:18:34,293 --> 00:18:37,099 is ten to 15% of your income. 463 00:18:37,165 --> 00:18:39,604 Now, is that so much to ask? 464 00:18:39,671 --> 00:18:41,407 Oh, uh, uh‐uh. No, ma'am, ma'am‐‐ 465 00:18:41,474 --> 00:18:43,244 we're‐we're not doing the healings yet. 466 00:18:43,311 --> 00:18:44,881 Oh, I'm not here to be healed. 467 00:18:44,948 --> 00:18:46,918 I'm here to expose a sickness. 468 00:18:46,985 --> 00:18:49,089 ‐Yours! ‐(congregation gasps) 469 00:18:49,156 --> 00:18:50,492 (murmuring) 470 00:18:50,559 --> 00:18:52,262 That's what they went with? 471 00:18:52,329 --> 00:18:54,366 So confusing. 472 00:18:57,139 --> 00:18:57,874 Oh. 473 00:18:57,940 --> 00:18:59,978 (congregation groans) 474 00:19:00,044 --> 00:19:00,846 Oh, Lord. 475 00:19:00,913 --> 00:19:03,217 What in the holy salvation 476 00:19:03,284 --> 00:19:04,621 is going on here? 477 00:19:04,687 --> 00:19:06,357 You're going down! 478 00:19:06,423 --> 00:19:08,227 What is that, a raspberry seed? 479 00:19:08,294 --> 00:19:09,396 Ugh. What is that? 480 00:19:09,463 --> 00:19:11,902 Sorry, wrong video. Hang on. 481 00:19:14,173 --> 00:19:16,410 Hello. Betty Hart coming at you, 482 00:19:16,477 --> 00:19:20,686 and this is why I should be on The Amazing Race. 483 00:19:21,555 --> 00:19:22,757 Ooh! 484 00:19:22,824 --> 00:19:25,128 I just got a splinter in my crotchal region! 485 00:19:25,195 --> 00:19:26,865 ‐Mother! ‐Uh... 486 00:19:26,932 --> 00:19:28,334 BETTY: Come here, baby. 487 00:19:28,401 --> 00:19:29,838 ‐Let Mama pet you. ‐(honks) 488 00:19:29,904 --> 00:19:32,309 Aw, now there's a good boy. 489 00:19:32,375 --> 00:19:34,146 Get to the incriminating one. 490 00:19:34,213 --> 00:19:35,415 No, no, no, no, no! 491 00:19:35,481 --> 00:19:38,120 Ow! You pecked me in my crotchal region! 492 00:19:38,187 --> 00:19:40,391 ♪ ♪ 493 00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:46,638 (alarm blaring) 494 00:19:49,343 --> 00:19:52,282 Security! Get this woman! 495 00:19:54,419 --> 00:19:56,825 (birds singing) 496 00:19:56,892 --> 00:19:58,494 Damn it, Mother. We had him! 497 00:19:58,562 --> 00:20:00,164 Well, if we had gone with my plan, 498 00:20:00,231 --> 00:20:01,768 I could be in the greenroom right now, 499 00:20:01,835 --> 00:20:04,206 rifling through my gift basket with Michael Strahan! 500 00:20:04,273 --> 00:20:06,611 Ugh, this whole thing got way out of hand. 501 00:20:06,678 --> 00:20:08,682 I just wanted to help Pastor Joanne. 502 00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:12,355 Don't worry, Mom. We brought backup. 503 00:20:13,157 --> 00:20:14,694 (gasps) 504 00:20:14,761 --> 00:20:18,067 ♪ ♪ 505 00:20:18,134 --> 00:20:19,804 (gasping) 506 00:20:22,977 --> 00:20:25,081 Oh, my God, what am I doing? 507 00:20:25,148 --> 00:20:26,718 What am I doing with my life? 508 00:20:26,785 --> 00:20:29,423 I cannot deceive these people anymore. 509 00:20:29,489 --> 00:20:31,695 We got to shut this place down. 510 00:20:36,538 --> 00:20:40,278 And build a bigger place in Florida where nobody knows me. 511 00:20:40,345 --> 00:20:41,881 On it, sir. And the hookers? 512 00:20:41,948 --> 00:20:43,484 Yes, bring 'em all. 513 00:20:43,552 --> 00:20:45,556 It's Florida. They'll love it. 514 00:20:52,803 --> 00:20:54,540 ‐Wow, this place is hopping. ‐JOANNE: Wow. 515 00:20:54,607 --> 00:20:56,644 Lots of new faces here. 516 00:20:56,711 --> 00:20:59,751 Guess I better break out the big guns. 517 00:20:59,817 --> 00:21:02,155 (strums) 518 00:21:02,790 --> 00:21:05,529 When the Lord spoke to John the Baptist, 519 00:21:05,596 --> 00:21:07,332 he had a lot to say. 520 00:21:07,399 --> 00:21:12,275 But in the end, it all boiled down to one thing: 521 00:21:12,342 --> 00:21:14,547 God bless America. 522 00:21:14,614 --> 00:21:16,718 (playing "The Star‐Spangled Banner") 523 00:21:16,785 --> 00:21:18,855 (applause) 524 00:21:21,260 --> 00:21:22,262 (whoops) 525 00:21:22,328 --> 00:21:24,266 Captioning sponsored by BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT 526 00:21:24,332 --> 00:21:25,769 and TOYOTA. 527 00:21:25,836 --> 00:21:27,606 ‐(meows) ‐(horn honks musically) 528 00:21:27,673 --> 00:21:30,411 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 529 00:21:30,461 --> 00:21:35,011 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 38264

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