Original subtitles

(♪Radio♪)

(Camera shutter)

You're wasting film.

Nothing's a waste.

Do you really need pictures of trees?

Well, we don't see trees.

We see palm trees.

Who gives a shit about palm trees?

They're on every block...

...they don't grow up straight...

...they have one job and it's to go

straight up.

They just signify that we live in

a tropical paradise is all.

She lived so far out of town.

Why did your grandma live so far

out of town?

Well, she's not my "grandma"...

...she is my "grandmother".

That didn't answer my question, though.

She valued her privacy.

When was the last time you were up here?

Goats!

What?

There's a goat farm back there!

I saw goats!

Oh jesus, you have attention issues.

Little white fuzzy ones, too

like little misshapen dogs.

How often did your parents have to

go talk to your teachers after school?

So we've got...

Mountains, trees, fresh air, goats...

...seclusion.

We've got seclusion.

Don't get me wrong

I'm happy to be isolated this week.

But...

But it kind of makes me nervous

being so far from everything.

The Tale of Mary Kremer

and the Deep, Dark Woods.

(Laughs) Is that the name of our week, now

Oh yes, I've named the week.

Why would you do that?

Like it's an event?

It is an event!

Every event needs a name, and...

This one's yours.

Oh my, I'm honored.

Privileged.

Fresh air... We've got mountains...

Goats...

Perfect.

Um, I'm sorry...

Did you not like The Re-Animator?

No, it was foul!

You're foul!

Holy shit!

Home, sweet home, huh?

No, that bag weighs a fuck ton

I don't know why I did that to myself.

Because you're a sucker for

self-punishment.

Where are you going?

I have to pee!

Don't you wanna know where the bathroom is

This toilet is weird!

(♪Lullaby♪)

Dude, it's crazy out here!

What?

I don't know, everything looks this same

it's been like, 20 years.

If I'm still doing the same shit in

20 years you have to promise me

that you'll kill me.

Oh yeah, you'll already be dead by then.

For sure.

You know...

My dad said that they took everything that

they wanted or could sell, but there's

still a bunch of shit here.

It's mostly just old lady shit, though.

I mean, do you want this in your house?

Um...

I don't even think that should be

in your hand.

Did I leave my cigarettes in the car?

Holy shit.

Tom?

Tom?

Tom?

What? ... What?

Look at that.

What the hell is that?

I don't know, it's disgusting.

That's probably why it's up here.

Great. It's not my room, is it?

No, you can sleep downstairs.

I'll take up here.

It's been awhile since I've been up here.

I don't quite fit anymore.

But I'll make it work.

(Branch snaps)

This candy's weird, dude.

Should we even call that candy?

I don't know...

I think I'll stick to Choco-Puffs.

Dependable Choco-Puffs.

Don't you think it's interesting when

movies like this make the place

its own character?

Explain.

I think it adds a level to it.

Not like The Amityville Horror

or The Shining, but...

Maybe the house itself is watching you.

Like this house?

Not like this house.

Why not?

That's stupid.

This house isn't interesting enough

for that kind of thing to happen, here.

There's no memories.

My great-grandfather built it

and my grandma was the last person to

live in it.

That's it.

I don't mean how houses in horror movies

have memories.

I just mean...

Your grandma lived here for a long time

by herself

and then she died here.

That's a lot of thoughts and memories

to keep inside for so long, you know?

Yeah, well...

I'll let you know if I catch a glimpse

of ol' granny.

What would we do?

Really, what would we do if that happened?

First thing we would do

would be to get rid of this candy.

No, I mean...

What would we do in the House of Hell?

Leave. We'd totally just leave.

Just, out the front door...

Down the road...

Through the woods?

Yeah.

(I can feel death...)

(...in this room!)

Realistically...

We'd be totally chicken shit, at first.

We wouldn't investigate any strange

sounds or do anything that would have us

killed by serial killers in two minutes.

Yeah.

Theoretically...

I don't know.

Exorcise the demon.

Not that your grandma was a demon, but...

Well, if you ask my dad...

Yeah, I think we would have a seance

do an exorcism...

Oh! Burn the house down.

My god. Drastic.

Drastic circumstances call for

drastic actions, dude.

Besides, I'm not bring any demon

hitchhikers back with me in my body...

...using it for things.

See, now you make my grandma sound like

a demon whore.

Now she's your "grandma"?

That's how we're gonna play this?

I don't understand letting your grandma

stay out here all by herself.

I love my grandma. I wouldn't let her

todder around these hills with a bunch

of old ass bones inside her body,

That's just asking for trouble.

Well...

If you love your grandma so much

what are you doing here, with me

on Thanksgiving break?

You know what I'm doing here.

That's it for me, man. I'm going to bed.

Alright, goodnight.

(♪Bury me in a nameless grave...♪)

(Thump)

(Scratching)

(♪Lullaby♪)

(Scratching)

(Thump)

(Scratching)

(Stick snaps) Oh, shit!

(♪Headphones♪)

(♪Headphones♪)

(♪Headphone music distorts♪)

(Distortion)

Why are you sitting on the counter?

Are you washing your feet in the sink?

Woman, are you bleeding where

I make food?

Shut up! Do you see what I did?

That's fuckin' nasty.

The hell took you so long?

Where were you? It was like a 7 mile run, the lake

was a lot further than you remember.

Well, what do I always tell you?

Nothing good can come frome exercise.

Why should I be punished for trying

to be fit?

What kind of justice is that?

You alright?

I'm having a really hard time focusing...

I kinda thought the run today would help clear my head, but...

...it's not, really, and...

...trying to get rid of this pain

in my stomach.

Is there anything I can do?

(♪Gentle guitar music♪)

Jesus!

I know, right?

I didn't think there were fucking bears

up here.

Maybe it's for wolves?

You think you need a size trap like that

for wolves?

I don't know, I've never seen one before.

(Beartrap snap)

You better skip running out here.

Great, that doesn't make me feel couped up

at all.

Well you should be studying intensely

inside, right?

Yeah, yeah.

(♪Synth music♪)

(♪Music distorts♪)

(Floor creaking)

(Floor creaking)

(Gasp)

(Screaming)

(Front door opens)

(Footsteps crunching leaves, outside)

(Camera snaps)

Hey.

How'd you sleep?

I slept fine, I guess.

You usually don't sleep well when

you travel, right? That's a thing?

No...

Usually I'm fine.

I think it's just studying stress.

Yeah, that could be it.

I don't know.

I've seen too many scary movies.

Are you leaving me alone?

Relax.

What if something happens?

What if I am in need of assistance?

I think you'll be alright.

Get some shit done.

Shit.

(♪Churchbells♪)

Hey.

Hello.

Um...

Do you have a religion section?

Maybe something on spirituality?

The occult?

I'm staying at Bridget Bishop's place...

Follow me.

(Movie playing in the other room)

(Static)

("Human reaction, though passive...")

("...is most dangerous in this state...")

("...of terror.")

(Thump)

(When the witch celebrated the sabbath...

at night, with the demons.

She was stark naked.)

(Engine sputter)

Fuck!

(♪Loud rock music♪)

Tom!

Jesus! Fuck!

What?

Don't do that, you scared the shit

out of me!

Don't do what?

Where were you?

The car broke down I had to walk

the rest of the way.

The car broke down?

Yeah. Tom, what are you doing?

Looking for moonshine...

...fucking shoe-polish, rubbing alcohol...

I'll drink anything.

So uh, the search for alcohol took up

your whole day, huh?

Is that blood? What the hell happened to you?

Well, I had a fucking nosebleed

and someone has been fucking with me

all day.

If this is another excuse...

Um, excuse my ass

I've been fuckin' looking around all day...

Jackpot!

You did it!

Yeah! I figured she's catholic

she had to have it somewhere.

That's beside the point, though. Are you okay?

Don't leave me alone here, anymore.

You heard something?

It was like a knocking, or...

Someone fucking with me.

I don't know.

But I wasn't scared.

It's okay if you were.

Alright...

What do you wanna do about it?

What exactly do you think we're gonna find

out there? Hopefully a group of confused campers.

Do you think they're gonna be receptive

to you holding a weapon?

This isn't a weapon, it's a baseball ball.

They don't know my intentions with it.

Oh, so you think they're gonna assume

that you're out here to play baseball

in the middle of the woods?

This shit's all over, by the way.

It's like a fucking minefield out here.

What if it's a hermit?

What if?

Don't patronize me.

Ew, you didn't change your shirt?

I covered it.

You're vile.

I only brought 4 shirts.

Great. So we're walking around the woods with

bear traps for, one might assume bears

and you're covered in blood.

Yeah, I don't think bears are like sharks

they can't smell blood from a mile away.

You're right. You don't think.

Look, if someone is out here fucking with us

I just want to talk to them.

Oh you're gonna have words with them, huh?

What are you gonna do if it gets heated?

You gonna ask them to step outside?

Thomas, don't do that!

What if they come back while you're

digging through their stuff?

Well if you see someone just holler.

You should be able to see them from a good

distance away.

Hey!

Is this yours?

Uh yeah. That's mine.

Sorry, I...

I didn't know it was yours

or I wouldn't have messed with it.

Doesn't look like you messed the place up

too badly.

I guess it's fine.

What're you doin' here?

Just staying with a friend nearby.

There's nothing nearby.

Then where are you from?

Here...ish?

Around.

It's uh... deer season.

Hey, what do your knuckles say?

"VIVO"... It's Italian.

Oh, are you Italian?

Do I need to be?

Not really...

Hey, what the fuck?!

Tom, it's okay.

What the fuck do you think you're doing?

...I'm Bob.

Bob Johnson.

What the fuck is Bob fucking Johnson doing

on my property?

Wait, wait... Your property?

Yeah, this was my grandma's

so now it belongs to me

me and my family.

Look, I didn't know.

Tom, we've just been talking. It's fine.

I don't think you need to hold the bat

like that.

What?!

We've just been talking, it's fine.

We've just been talking, okay?

Just need a place to lay low for a couple

Just needed a place to lay low

for a couple of days.

I didn't know there was anyone here.

Bob, we've been hearing some strange

sounds at night - have you heard anything

weird?

Sounds, like...

...animal sounds?

No, like sounds a creepy woods-person

might make as they're casing an old

lady's house.

Anything like that, Bob?

I think we've kept Bob long enough, man.

What's in the box?

Nothin'.

Can I see the "nothin'?

We don't need to see it.

Oh no, Mary, I'd really like to see it.

Alright... it's okay.

It's just important to me, that's all.

Look, it's just a collection of things.

Some knick-knacks from here and there

I've collected over the years.

Sometimes people give me things.

Sometimes I find them.

I know it sounds kinda silly, but...

Here.

So yeah, we're gonna go.

I don't wanna see you here, again.

Understand?

Message received, man.

It was nice meeting you, Bob.

Yeah, it was nice meeting you, too Mary.

(Thunder)

Grab your shit, we're leaving.

What? Why?

We're going to the neighbor's house

so we can call the cops.

You're being ridiculous.

Did you see the statue in the dude's

hand? Doesn't that look like something

that belongs in this house?

Are you accusing him of breaking in here?

He's a totally normal dude...

Normal?!

Oh, he's normal.

Did anything about that situation

seem fucking normal to you?

Honest to god, you sound insane.

I'm insane, now?

Yeah, dude, I know you're scared...

I'm not fucking scared.

I know you're scared but I don't think

that guy has anything to do with what's

been going on around here.

Oh, that's right.

I'm sorry. You know everything.

BA in English and everyone's

your best friend.

Maybe it's that I can have a 5 minute

conversation with someone and actually

fucking listen to them!

(Tape falls on floor)

Wow. Really?

(♪Loud rock music plays♪)

(Tape distortion)

Looking for this?

Yes.

What is it?

You're not gonna like it.

Well tell me what it is.

I asked the librarian if she knew anything

about the house. Of course she didn't.

But she gave me these.

Said they might help.

Yikes.

I know, right?

This doesn't really explain this.

I don't know. She just said it was

supposed to help.

Help with what?

Help with ghosts?

I knew you were gonna do this.

I knew you were gonna make fun of me.

I'm not making fun of you, I'm asking a

question because I'm curious.

Are you curious or condecending?

I'm curious! I really wanna know what's

on this.

Do you wanna listen to it?

I mean... Yeah.

Wait, don't touch it!

I just figured it out - it's sensitive or

something.

I just got it to where it's working.

Oh... Actually!

What are you doing in there?

Getting you some wine.

If it's communion wine, I don't want it.

I don't even know what makes communion

wine "communion wine".

Does a preist drink it?

Does he...touch it?

(Laughs) I think he just has to bless it.

Hey.

If you're still scared tomorrow, we can

go the neighbor's house and call the cops.

I'm sure they'll come talk to him.

I don't know.

I feel like I'm walking through a fog.

What do you mean?

Nothing.

Oh hey, I think it's done.

Oh wait! One second...

Here you go.

Thank you.

Are you ready?

Yes.

Uh, I don't think...

(♪Cymbal crash♪)

(Lock them out and bar the door

Lock them out forevermore

Nook and cranny, window, door

Seal them out forevermore.

Curse go back. Curse go back.

Back with double, fear and flack.

Curse go back. Curse go back.

Back with double, pain and lack.

Silver arrow through the night.

Silver arrow take thy flight.

Silver arrow, steep and fine.

Cursing hearts and cursing mind.)

That was weird.

I know, right?

No, listen.

What're you doing?

Pink Floyding it.

You're what?

Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon syncs

up perfectly with The Wizard of Oz.

No it doesn't.

No, it does.

There's only so many tempos in the world...

It's just a matter of matching up the two.

Rewind that.

When I tell you to, press play.

Just cuz I'm a woman doesn't mean I'm

subservient to you.

Well, you should be. All right.

Now!

(♪Cymbal crashing♪)

(Lock them out and bar the door...

Didn't I tell you?

You did.

I like your shoulder shake.

Yes, thank you.

It looks professional.

Yeah I learned in school.

You don't like that one?

No it's good, I like it!

Don't stop!

Look at that shimmy you got.

It's a very good shimmy.

That's the best shimmy I've ever seen.

The best?

Seriously, I've seen some world-class shimmies.

You've seen a lot of shimmies.

What else you got?

I got the shoulders.

Yes, I would like to shimmy with you.

(Gunshot in the distance)

(Screaming in the distance)

Oh my god.

This book has so much weird shit in it.

Lemme see it.

Be careful, it's like falling apart.

I know, it's like 100 years old.

Listen to this, though.

Women were accused of witchcraft far

more often then men.

It was believed their larger bodies held

more room for evil.

it doesn't say that.

Yeah, it kinda says that.

It says the booty was chalk-full of evil.

That's your lesson for the night.

I'm going to bed.

(Goats bleeting)

(Gasp)

(Boxes crashing downstairs)

Good morning.

Or afternoon, I guess.

You know I'm gonna do that.

When? When are you gonna?

Whoa.

I'm so sick of your shit.

I am so sorry I didn't wake up at the

ass crack of dawn like a fucking bird.

There's still a ton of shit left to do

and your dad's gonna be here tomorrow.

Have you even looked in the shed?

Where is this coming from?

I'm sorry I didn't wake up early the

morning after we pounded two bottles

of wine together.

Well I wanna get the fuck outta here.

I wanna pack the shit up and get my ass

back to civilization as soon as possible.

As soon as possible.

What, are you ignoring me now?

You know, I did ask you not to run

in the woods, I'm trying to be helpful.

Helpful? Now you're being helpful?

By the time you're back

that kitchen will be packed up.

By the end of the day

everything but that TV on the floor

and the sheets on the beds will be packed.

Doubtful.

Yee of little faith.

The littlest.

No faith in your best friend?

You're right.

I should have more faith in you.

You've been kicked off enough couches

this year, you should be good at packing

your shit up.

Enjoy your run!

(Front door opens)

I don't need your supervision.

I said, I don't need your supervision.

Did you hear what I said?

Mary, what happened to you?

Mary, what happened to you? Say something.

Say something! What happened?

What do you want me to say?

I don't want you to say anything.

You should have listened to me.

What?

I told you I wanted to go to the cops.

I told you that.

You think he did it?

Are you kidding?

You said it looked like goat fur

the only way a goat could have gotten here

is if someone picked it up out of the pen

and brought it here.

A goat couldn't have gotten out

and gotten killed by another animal?

An animal that then skinned it

and put it on display in a tree?

Don't be like that. I didn't say that.

What are you saying?

Where are you going?

I'm gonna go grab a shovel so that

I can bury that thing in the woods

so that animals don't come around here

looking for food.

Oh god.

It doesn't even look like an animal

anymore.

It's fucking disgusting.

And so contained.

There's no blood anywhere else

on the ground.

Don't hunters usually string their

kills up to gut them?

Yeah but not like that.

It's fucking disgusting.

What?

What the fuck am I supposed to tell

the neighbors?

Sorry that one of your goats got eviscerated

but my friend didn't want to call the cops

on the dude living in the woods behind

our house.

Oh, so now this is my fault?

No, it's my fault for listening to you.

No, fuck that.

Seriously?

You do it.

No. Fuck it. I'm done.

You didn't even try.

I'm going to the neighbors

it's their animal, anyway.

Where're you going?

I walked this path already

It's a straight shot to the neighbors.

Are you fucking serious?

Tom, grow up. It's still light outside.

Not for much longer.

We'll just ask them to drive us back.

Alright, you are 100% positive it's just

a straight shot right through here?

Yes, I'm sure.

Fine. Whatever.

It's not even that far.

I think we should be able to make it

there by nightfall.

Yeah, we would have made it a lot

faster if your car hadn't have shit out.

We wouldn't even be in this state if

my car hadn't have shit out.

We're just gonna have to call a fucking

tow-truck when we get to the neighbors.

This is so fucked.

You said that already.

Yeah, well I wanted to make sure you

fucking heard me this time!

(Animalistic screaming in the distance)

The fuck is that?

Quiet.

(Animalistic screaming in the distance)

Bob?

So now you think it's Bob?

Shut up.

(Animalistic screaming in the distance)

We're not gonna make it to the

neighbor's houise.

I hope we make it back to our house.

What're you supposed to do in the event

of a bear attack?

I don't know.

Make noise?

I know you're not supposed to run

cuz they can outrun you pretty easily.

Yeah, and fucking tear you apart.

Totally fucking rip you to shreds.

So we need to slowly make our way

back to the house?

So, uh...

Quiet!

(Footsteps on leaves)

(Knocking)

Do you hear that?

I didn't hear anything.

You fucking liar.

(Knocking)

I think something's outside.

Should we turn off the lights?

I think it's too late for that.

(Thud)

Is it out there?

I don't fucking know.

Just get away from the window, Tom

it'll leave.

Tom, just get away from the window.

There's something on the porch.

What?

It looks like a box.

No it doesn't.

What do you mean, no it doesn't?

I'm looking at it.

Just get away from the window, Tom.

Mary, it's the cooler.

What?

Bob's cooler is sitting on the front porch.

What're we supposed to do?

I don't know.

What's happening?

I don't know, I think we need to...

(LOUD POUNDING)

It's still out there.

I don't understand. What're we supposed to do?

Tom?

It's heavy,

Tom, I think you should come inside, now.

Tom?

Are you listening to me?

Tom!

Oh shit!

I don't know what else to do.

There's a shovel by the front door

I can grab it.

Tom, seriously, you can't go outside.

I don't know what else to do!

Why isn't it coming in the windows?

I can't fucking protect us with the cutlery

in the kitchen.

I have to go grab the shovel.

Get the bat out of the living room

I have to go.

Tom, please don't open that door.

("Lock them out and bar the door...")

(Tape distortion)

(Animalistic screaming)

(POUNDING)

(Front door breaking in)

(Heavy footsteps)

It's gonna find out we're in here.

We have to get out of here.

(Heavy footsteps)

I'm gonna go, and I'm gonna help you. Ok?

(Door knob rattles)

(Scratching)

(Thud)

(Scratching)

(Thud)

Turn the flashlight off!

(Branch snaps)

(Painful struggling)

Shit!

I can't run on this.

Shut up.

I can't run on this!

I understand. Shut up!

Lemme think for a second.

We're gonna fucking die.

We're not gonna die.

It's gonna be okay.

Say it.

We're not gonna die.

I'm gonna go to the campsite...

No, you can't fucking leave me.

It's gonna be fine, I have to go.

He had a gun!

Why wouldn't you fucking tell me that?!

I didn't want you to freak out.

There's an axe in the shed, I...

I can make it back down there.

I'm gonna go get it, I'll be right back.

You can't fucking leave me!

It's gonna be fine.

You're gonna take this.

You're gonna shut up.

You're gonna keep that off.

I'll be back in two minutes.

Okay?

It's fine.

(Footsteps in the leaves)

(Gasp)

(Tom screaming)

(Bear trap SNAPS.)

(Animalistic roar of pain)

Grab the tarp!

(Animalistic noises. STRUGGLE. Grunting)

I don't think I can walk.

I think I'm gonna pass out.

You can't.

You don't tell me what to do.

(STRUGGLE. BEATING. CHOPPING)