Original subtitles

Super-dooper.

If you were sensible, do you know what you'd do?

I'd go home to Jaligny.

I've been told that already, but I don't want to.

I want something to happen to me first.

But something HAS happened, Goubi!

- What was that? - Well... ME!

Aren't I something?

So you are!

Would you like to have dinner at my place tomorrow?

- Aren't you cold? - It's OK.

I won't give you my address... you'd only lose it.

Don't go to the Mimosa... I'm not there any more...

...ever.

I'll meet you at 6...

...in front of St Eustache's.

The church?

Of course!

What are you laughing at?

Because you don't do things by half!

See you then.

You lost him again?!

You really are a stupid pair of bastards..

The country will judge you!

There's the idiot who's making up the loss.

- There could be a way. - Yes, perhaps.

There are 79 living in the village.

78, because of you.

So we all go up to Fontainebleau...

...we scour the forest and capture the idiot.

I'm a veteran...

...socialist activist and barkeeper.

I've heard some stupid things in my time...

but never THAT stupid!

Are you too good now to cruise for your clients?

Why don't you go jump in the lake.

Come and see.

Here.

What do you think of it?

Funny.

Well I know it's not the countryside.

Do you eat any of this weird stuff?

Are you crazy?

These are precious.

If I want something for a salad, I buy it.

That's probably better.

I buy the soil in little plastic bags.

What do you think of it?

I wouldn't like to be buried in it.

You're hard to please.

Earth is not something to joke about.

It's serious.

It's made me sweat for 30 years.

I've dug it with both hands.

I've wept over it.

I've slept on it

I know it.

I know where it belongs... and that's not in little pots.

Maybe you're right.

Now let me show you my farmyard.

My rabbit hutch.

My chicken coop.

Now... follow me...

That's wash house.

And it's for you.

Come on now...

You can come out when you're clean.

You've got soap, shampoo, toothpaste, razor, brushes.

And then you'll put this on.

I bought it for you this morning at Saint-Marc.

So...

Everything okay?

If this is what it's like to take a bath...

I can see why some people do it every day.

It's magnificent.

That's the word... magnificent.

Truly magnificent.

Well, well, well!

That's tops!

You're almost handsome!

I'd hate to dirty my beautiful clothes.

Don't worry, I bought you one to eat in and one to go out in.

- Still want to go home to the country? - No, I can't anymore.

Why not?

So I can see more of you.

Don't you miss it a bit?

No.

I've got a new suit...

I eat on a tablecloth...

I bath when I want. I don't miss anything.

- I slept in an attic. - Here in a cellar.

The thing is, if you're there, it's no longer a cellar...

It's "Jaligny Castle".

Tell me...

Are there ever any farms for sale around there?

- You'd want to buy one? - Yes.

Don't worry about it. It's only nylon.

So... Is there, or isn't there?

There is.

'Les Agroulets', it's called.

What's it like?

Well, Les Agroulets is...

It's beautiful.

Is it really as beautiful as that?

It's even more beautiful than that.

But that takes money, eh?

More than you would have, my poor Mme La Fleur.

Your "poor Mme La Fleur"?!

I didn't freeze my tootsies for 10 years on Virtue St. to hear that!

Mme La Fleur's virginity is deposited in the bank!

That's enough?

As well as that, I own this place.

Add to that 3 rooms that I rent

at top rates to some phony beatniks.

Also a cottage in Buttes-Chaumont that I got from one of my clients.

I paid him off on the instalment plan...

- Do you know what I mean? - No.

Doesn't matter.

A former inspector of finances, 72 years old.

He came to me every day for 3 months, the greedy pig...

...to take his payments.

Now he's in hospital...

...eating baby-food.

Supposing you bought Les Agroulets...

...what would you do with it?

A bowling or camping ground?

It'd be a case of deciding the best use for it...

...along with you, if you were agreeable.

Goodness me!

That's smart.

Great idea.

Tomorrow we'll do the mushrooms.

In the evening, I'll take the train to Jaligny.

I'll see the estate agent...

...and if I like your Agroulets...

I'll buy it.

So here's to proprietors!

No...

Here's to the proprietress!

It's not the same.

It is the same, because she'd be your wife.

It's not nice for you to make fun of me.

Listen, Goubi.

Stop calling me "Mme La Fleur"...

Be nice to me...

Call me "Juliette"... That's my name.

"Juliette Goubi."

Sounds nice. It's comfy!

Virtue St is something else that's dead and buried.

Don't ever mention it... particularly to me.

Will you swear to that?

I swear.

- They won't get over it. - Who?

The others down there.

Father Catolle, Mr Mayor.

Most of all, those wives of theirs.

It'll kill them!

- And then there's Bertha - Who's she?

Someone I thought of as queen of the village.

But now, comparing her to you...

...she's a cow.

I like you a lot, Goubi.

Do you...

Do you think the schoolkids will call me "Mr Goubi"?

They'd better, or they'll cop it!

But then there's the others.

The grown-ups.

They all know I'm an imbecile.

Even if I have a wife and a car...

...I'll always be one.

It's true... Once the die is cast, that's it.

And then there's something else.

You're all that I think about.

I can't help it.

One day, thinking about you too much...

is going to make my head explode.

Because of you.

I'm used to people making fun of me.

But they'll talk about YOU, because of ME...

...and I'd hate that.

You'll have your own land and money in the bank...

So you'll never stop people talking behind your back.

The main thing is that they're silent when you turn around!

So you came to ask me permission to marry La Fleur.

- Not "La Fleur" anymore. Juliette. - Excuse me.

if you'd told me this was a certified virgin, chaste and pure...

...I would've said... "Goubi, watch out!"

But in this case, knowing her as I do, I can happily say... "Marry her, my boy!

Discouraged by their expensive life...

their work devalued by The Pill...

defecting streetwalkers...

are the last refuge of virtue and fidelity.

These women aspire only to a single social position...

having exhausted all the others.

You'll never be a deceived husband.

I'm liking being married already. I've no illusions about myself.

How many children do you want?

I'll have to ask Juliette...

if she has something planned, but I don't think so.

If our girl takes after mummy...

and our boy after daddy...

we'll have a steel-drum parade...

and the house will be too small.

There is only one true house, Goubi... Welfare!

I have 2 boys. When they were babies I put them on welfare.

The best college in France. Our Oxford, our Harvard.

After 18 years on welfare, they're ready for life's challenges.

Now they're total welfare-abusers, like their father!

What a shame your bride-to-be had not been raised by me!

She'd regret it.

But think about it...

It's not only her...

The world's full of people coming from who knows where.

Don't worry... They'll be paying for us.

- What are you doing? - Take the wheel.

You really are afraid of nothing.

You've got to show them...

You have to stick it right up them... you have to flabbergast them.

- What do I do? - Put in first gear.

- Where's the handle? - There.

Put it into second. On the left, by your leg.

Press the clutch at the same time. Your left leg!

- Your left leg! - Which is that?

The clutch!

- Which? - Your left leg!

The left pedal!

- Fucking pedal! Oh, I'm sorry!

Hit me, to check I'm not dreaming!

Must be that southern wine!

I'd better give it up.

- I can't believe it! - Good God! It can't be possible!

- Who's the crazy guy? - The steel-drum champion!

Go to it, Jean-Marie! Super-dooper!

He plays on Radio Luxembourg.

- Put it into third, Goubi. - If I can.

Put it into third!

Watch what you're doing!

Brake, brake!

The middle pedal!

Goubi's piece of soil.

Over there, I see a large room with tiled floors.

The kitchen here.

There, the laundry.

And our bedroom up there.

Then there's...

There's something else.

What's that?

Well now... As far as looking after the animals

...bringing in fodder, cutting timber is concerned...

...I think that because you'd have ME, you're doing the right thing.

But as for the other things...

For the other things...

You can leave it to me.

Subtitles by FatPlank for KG