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PORTIA: An admissions officer
must have a strong constitution
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to be on the receiving end
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of an entire nation's application panic,
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to endure the frustration and anger
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of all the so-called millennial parents
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who just realized...
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Come on, hurry up!
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God, Mom, relax.
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PORTIA: ...there isn't room
for every perfectly nurtured,
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organically fed, well-tutored offspring.
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Okay, I'm your tour guide.
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There's no point trying to impress me.
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I have absolutely
no power over your fate here.
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The people with the power are right in there.
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The admissions officers.
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And, no, that sign is not an omen.
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(CHUCKLES)
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Except for some of you.
Almost all of you, actually.
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We had 26,241 applications last year,
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1,308 of those applicants
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-are attending school here.
-(DOOR OPENS)
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(ALL GASP)
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James, tours leave at 9:15. It's 9:25.
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Sorry. I thought I'd wait.
We had a, uh, late arrival.
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I'm sorry. Our GPS lied.
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No worries, Mrs. Lafont.
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Welcome to Princeton.
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So what's the secret to getting in?
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The secret...
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Just be yourself.
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If this is the right place for you,
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then this is where you'll end up.
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James?
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Okay, let's go see Princeton!
We're going to play a fun game.
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It's called "Spot the Nobel Prize Winner."
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PORTIA: What's the secret to getting in?
There has to be one, right?
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Well, there is, but I can't tell you. Not yet.
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What I can tell you
is everyone thinks we're sadists.
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That we like saying no. This is not true.
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-No.
-Portia.
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No. No. No.
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You're second reader
on my territory this season.
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00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:16,052
Yes, I know. As are you. On mine.
That's the way it works.
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00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,262
(LAUGHS)
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Oh, I'll just wait until you catch up. With me.
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(PHONE RINGING)
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PORTIA: We are in this job for one reason.
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-Hello?
-JOHN: Is this Portia Nathan?
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-PORTIA: To say...
-Yes?
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Wow, I didn't think I'd get you.
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00:02:31,776 --> 00:02:33,153
It's John Pressman
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from The New Quest School
in Keene, New Hampshire.
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Um, okay.
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Yeah. I sent you a few e-mails,
and left a couple of messages.
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Listen, thank you for calling.
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Can you please e-mail me your information
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and I will call you back?
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Hey, not so rough. How'd you like
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to have your udder yanked like that?
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Excuse me?
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-Sorry, I was just talking to a student.
-Uh.
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CLARENCE: People! Everyone, please.
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I have a couple of announcements.
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There is an announcement.
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Portia, we're a new developmental school,
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and we have
our first graduating class this year.
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00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:01,514
I know you're gonna be making
your school visits in the next few weeks.
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00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:03,391
I'd like for you to visit our campus.
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00:03:03,475 --> 00:03:06,269
Our kids would gain a lot from it,
and I think you would, too.
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00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:08,146
Right, I will look into it. I got to go.
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00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,898
I went to Dartmouth, same time as you...
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00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:11,858
Bye. Thank you for calling.
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00:03:12,942 --> 00:03:16,571
So, we're breaking records
in application numbers, naturally,
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00:03:16,654 --> 00:03:20,158
because we've been number one for so long.
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Number one until today.
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00:03:23,912 --> 00:03:26,206
Princeton has just fallen to number two.
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What this means
is that we all have to work harder than ever.
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00:03:33,129 --> 00:03:34,923
Because I want to go out on top.
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00:03:35,006 --> 00:03:37,384
Yes, you see, the rumors are true.
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I have decided to retire
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00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:44,140
and pass the baton to a worthy successor.
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I'm spending an extra four days
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00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:47,143
in the Andover Hotchkiss triangle.
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00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,478
And I've added five full days
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00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:50,772
to the San Francisco Bay Area
in Northern California.
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00:03:50,855 --> 00:03:53,066
And I've added a number of new schools.
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00:03:53,149 --> 00:03:56,569
In fact, I was just talking
to the co-founder of Quest,
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a developmental high school
with their first year of college applicants.
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00:03:59,864 --> 00:04:01,491
Clarence, we're going to be back on top.
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00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:03,952
We're going to make that happen
by working together.
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00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:05,453
Right, Portia?
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00:04:06,538 --> 00:04:07,914
Absolutely.
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00:04:07,997 --> 00:04:10,667
As a mother myself,
I know the importance of teamwork.
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00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:12,419
And I'm not a mother,
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00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:14,254
but I know the importance of it, too.
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00:04:14,337 --> 00:04:15,922
Can't go it alone.
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CLARENCE: Good.
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Because you two are my superstars.
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00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:24,639
And nothing would make me happier
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00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:29,102
than if one of you
were to have this office next year.
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00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:32,105
(SNIPPING)
103
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:42,282
Okay.
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00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:44,492
Class of 2016.
105
00:04:47,787 --> 00:04:50,707
Pediatric surgery
best combines my love of children,
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of science,
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00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:54,711
and my desire to give back to my community.
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00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:57,172
Yes, but you didn't
challenge yourself academically.
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00:04:57,255 --> 00:05:00,675
B's in physics and you didn't take AP Chem.
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00:05:04,512 --> 00:05:05,805
BOY: Princeton's awesome.
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00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:10,101
Since 1841, every male in my family
has attended the place.
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00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:15,190
Student body president
and gymnastics national champion.
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00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:19,277
Educated family. Privileged upbringing.
Unfair advantage?
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00:05:19,611 --> 00:05:22,906
Twenty-four hundred on the SAT. 4.5 GPA.
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00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:25,492
And my poetry,
written in my mother's psych ward,
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00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:26,826
will be published by Knopf.
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And my father is Cuban.
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And in a wheelchair.
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00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:33,458
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
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00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,585
Hey, can I get some advice?
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00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:38,213
No. Applicatus interruptus.
You know the rule.
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00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:40,256
Never start a folder if you can't finish it.
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00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:42,509
(SIGHS)
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00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:44,511
I have to start over anyway. Okay.
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00:05:44,552 --> 00:05:47,931
This kid from Alaska, Aput Kunayak. Uh...
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00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:50,475
High grades, but low scores.
127
00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:53,853
President of 10 clubs,
but that might be because of his ADD.
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00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:56,356
We want to accept people
who will succeed here.
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00:05:56,690 --> 00:06:00,485
I once fought for a bipolar Inuit girl,
and she lasted 19 days.
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00:06:01,152 --> 00:06:02,195
Do you think he might fail?
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00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:04,030
Maybe. I like him.
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00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,785
It's so hard.
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00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:10,704
You can't take it so personally.
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00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:13,707
You have to toughen up
or you won't last here either.
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00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:15,709
Now outsies. I'm swamped.
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00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:18,586
Portia?
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00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:19,963
I hope it's you.
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00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:21,506
Thank you.
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00:06:22,590 --> 00:06:23,633
Back to work.
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00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:29,597
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
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(DOOR BELL RINGING)
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RACHAEL: Portia?
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00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:39,107
Hello?
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00:06:39,190 --> 00:06:40,608
Portia? Portia. Portia.
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00:06:41,192 --> 00:06:43,236
I'm so sorry. I've got an emergency.
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00:06:43,319 --> 00:06:45,739
Can you just watch the kids
while I run to the vet?
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00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:47,574
Because Richard's at his Faulkner seminar.
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00:06:47,699 --> 00:06:50,785
Me? Mark should have been home
20 minutes ago.
149
00:06:50,869 --> 00:06:52,746
And it's our poetry night.
150
00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:55,915
And, really, I'm the last person
you want watching your kids.
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00:06:56,124 --> 00:06:57,667
(KIDS CRYING)
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00:07:02,047 --> 00:07:03,089
Quiet.
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00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,133
Did someone die?
154
00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:07,802
Rachael's dog's sick. She begged me.
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00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:09,846
Good times.
156
00:07:10,221 --> 00:07:11,556
(CHILDREN CRYING)
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00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:14,184
I've got essays to grade.
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00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:18,897
(CRYING STOPS)
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00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:20,774
Oh, it's okay.
160
00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:23,109
Aw, it's okay. Mommy's here.
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00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:24,444
What did you do to them?
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00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:26,946
Rachael, you know
Portia's not good with kids.
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00:07:27,072 --> 00:07:28,114
It's not her fault.
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00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:31,618
Kids just don't take to some people.
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00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:33,828
I don't know what you were thinking.
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00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:36,373
Sorry, he's right.
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00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,750
They're like pit bulls. They can smell fear.
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00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:40,377
Good night.
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00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:41,544
Take them all.
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00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:47,217
"A man may do no synne with his wyf,
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00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:50,011
"Ne hurte hymselven with his owene knyf."
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00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:51,721
You know, if I get Clarence's job,
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00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,473
this would be my last travel season.
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Lovely and wonderful.
175
00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:55,975
I've got everything timed out.
176
00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:57,602
I'll be back in time for the department lunch.
177
00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:59,771
And I've ordered everything,
you just have to pick up the chicken.
178
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:03,525
And I will stop and get the famous bean salad
on my way home.
179
00:08:03,608 --> 00:08:06,152
(GRUFF VOICE) Ah, the famous bean salad.
180
00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:08,488
Is that horrible Woolf woman
going to be there?
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00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:09,614
(NORMAL VOICE) Uh.
182
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:13,076
Helen is the preeminent
Virginia Woolf scholar.
183
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:16,329
It was quite a coup to get her from Cambridge.
184
00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:17,872
But I think she has other plans.
185
00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:20,000
Lovely and wonderful.
186
00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:27,007
Oh, I like this life.
187
00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:28,925
I do, I do.
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00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:30,176
Good. So do I.
189
00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:37,559
It's so wonderfully simple.
190
00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:40,520
Well, we're simple folk.
191
00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:42,814
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
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Woof.
193
00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:47,360
Excuse me?
194
00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:50,030
You just patted me on the head like a dog.
195
00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:51,740
-Oh, did I?
-(BOTH LAUGH)
196
00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:54,159
Good, doggie.
197
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:01,791
"Whan that Aprille with his shoures soote
198
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:05,378
"The droghte of Marche
hath perced to the roote."
199
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:16,765
Hi. Thank you so much for coming.
200
00:09:16,848 --> 00:09:18,933
My pleasure. We love Deerfield students.
201
00:09:19,017 --> 00:09:20,435
Oh, I'm so pleased. Good.
202
00:09:20,518 --> 00:09:21,561
So, can I help you bring in your things?
203
00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:22,771
Yes, please.
204
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:25,106
(VOCALIZING)
205
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,567
(VOCALIZING)
206
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,740
WOMAN: (IN VIDEO)
Princeton, in the nation's service
207
00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:36,493
and in the service of all nations.
208
00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:43,249
So, you all want to know
the secret formula for getting in, right?
209
00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:47,087
Take out your pens. Write this down.
210
00:09:47,379 --> 00:09:49,464
There is no secret formula.
211
00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:53,093
GPS: Left on Pony Run Drive.
212
00:09:53,134 --> 00:09:55,220
PORTIA: But I will tell you what not to do.
213
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:57,639
No champagne. No baked goods.
214
00:09:57,722 --> 00:10:00,392
And when you phone, it is noted in your file.
215
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:03,770
So put the reins
on those eager parents of yours.
216
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:07,273
We're looking for passion.
Whatever it's for, doesn't matter.
217
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:08,608
Passion.
218
00:10:08,692 --> 00:10:10,527
GPS: Right on Shady Lane.
219
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:13,738
Does that mean that
every Princeton undergraduate is a genius?
220
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:16,491
Or a prodigy? Absolutely not.
221
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:19,077
Although, we certainly
wouldn't hold it against you.
222
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,662
Almost enough for everyone.
223
00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:30,255
GPS: Recalculating.
Recalculating. Recalculating.
224
00:10:35,510 --> 00:10:37,804
Make a U-turn as soon as possible.
225
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:54,487
(GRUNTS)
226
00:10:57,782 --> 00:10:59,325
-Hey.
-Hi.
227
00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:02,912
Portia Nathan. Princeton admissions office.
228
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,581
I know. I'm John.
229
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,666
-Yes. And you said you went to Dartmouth?
-Uh-huh.
230
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:10,211
Yeah, and my dad, and his dad, and his dad.
231
00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:11,296
Um, a legacy.
232
00:11:11,963 --> 00:11:13,465
A legacy of what, I'm not really sure.
233
00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:17,010
So, you're chopping some wood here?
234
00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:20,347
I'm showing them
how to build a sustainable irrigation system.
235
00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:22,182
This is my Third World Development class.
236
00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:23,892
Well, nice ax.
237
00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:25,935
Great ax.
238
00:11:27,479 --> 00:11:28,897
-So, let's get to it.
-Yeah.
239
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,025
(VOCALIZING)
240
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,863
(VOCALIZING)
241
00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:49,042
Hi, there. You all want to know
242
00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:51,544
the secret formula for getting in, right?
243
00:11:55,006 --> 00:11:56,508
Well, take out your pens.
244
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:02,847
Take 'em out.
245
00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:06,851
Yes?
246
00:12:07,519 --> 00:12:09,104
I'll tell you what I'd like to know.
247
00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:12,357
Why should I apply to an elitist institution
248
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:15,735
with a history of anti-black,
anti-gay, and anti-female oppression?
249
00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:18,405
Well, actually, I reject that stereotype...
250
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:22,283
Speaking of rejection,
don't you reject 99.9% of your applicants?
251
00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:23,868
Don't you just want to drum up applications
252
00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:26,287
to keep your number-one position
on U.S. News & World Report?
253
00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:29,040
Actually, I think
it's number two this year, right?
254
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,375
Yes, but...
255
00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:31,835
Um, I'm sure it's an aberration.
256
00:12:32,043 --> 00:12:33,670
GIRL: Don't people just need a college degree
257
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:37,048
if you want to pursue
the societally approved definition of success?
258
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,425
Yeah. Wouldn't you be better off
259
00:12:38,466 --> 00:12:39,718
sitting in your room reading books
260
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,302
instead of spending all that money?
261
00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:43,388
I'm sorry, are you a senior?
262
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,472
No, I'm in sixth grade.
263
00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:46,975
Yeah. Portia, this is my son. Nelson.
264
00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:49,436
I'm adopted. I was born in Uganda.
265
00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:51,354
-Love you, buddy.
-Okay, Dad.
266
00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:55,442
I thought it would be educational for him
to sit in on this.
267
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,361
How's it going so far? You learning a lot?
268
00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,196
Kind of. Half and half.
269
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:01,489
Well, there you go.
270
00:13:01,573 --> 00:13:04,993
Okay. Right. Well, Nelson.
271
00:13:05,744 --> 00:13:07,787
Sure, sitting in a room and reading books
272
00:13:07,871 --> 00:13:10,123
would be very cost-effective, but...
273
00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:11,708
Princeton is a corporation,
274
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,752
no different than an oil company.
275
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,629
We should be educating ourselves
to be citizens of the world
276
00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:18,715
and not of some guarded, suburban enclave!
277
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:21,968
What we want
is to leave the planet better than we found it!
278
00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:23,636
(APPLAUDING)
279
00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:29,476
Okay. Well, good luck with that.
280
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:31,644
Uh, wait, wait.
281
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:34,397
I wanna hear about Princeton. Please.
282
00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:38,485
Okay, fine.
But, first, I have a question for all of you.
283
00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:41,488
Just how will you leave the planet better?
284
00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:42,822
Will you eradicate disease?
285
00:13:42,906 --> 00:13:44,199
You're gonna need a medical degree.
286
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:47,494
If you want to create new drug therapies,
that's a PhD.
287
00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:51,539
Do you want to defend the innocent
and secure justice for all?
288
00:13:51,623 --> 00:13:54,918
I regret to inform you
that you will have to go to law school.
289
00:13:55,126 --> 00:13:57,671
There are plenty
of college graduates out there
290
00:13:57,712 --> 00:14:00,882
ardently hoping
to leave the world better than they found it.
291
00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:03,385
We are looking for those people!
292
00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:05,679
Students with blazing minds and hearts
293
00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:08,014
who will change the goddamn world!
294
00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:12,310
(CLEARS THROAT)
295
00:14:13,144 --> 00:14:15,313
All right, Portia. Well done.
296
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:18,024
I bet you guys feel like a bunch of assholes.
297
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:19,359
(LAUGHING)
298
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:25,699
Sorry, I probably should have warned you.
299
00:14:25,740 --> 00:14:28,284
We tend to encourage
that kind of spirited debate here.
300
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:31,371
But you did well. You can hit a curveball.
301
00:14:33,498 --> 00:14:36,960
You know,
I'd really like to introduce you to somebody.
302
00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:40,213
This is Jeremiah Balakian.
He's a very special student.
303
00:14:40,255 --> 00:14:42,590
My parents work in a minimart.
304
00:14:42,674 --> 00:14:46,261
They're not very educated.
Do you think that matters or...
305
00:14:46,344 --> 00:14:48,054
Of course not. It's your application.
306
00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:51,224
Maybe I should apply then.
Princeton seems like a cool place.
307
00:14:51,266 --> 00:14:52,559
It's very cool.
308
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,144
So you're saying I should apply?
309
00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:56,354
I'm not really your typical student.
310
00:14:56,438 --> 00:14:59,232
My brain sort of goes
on a little walkabout, you know?
311
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,403
Yes, yes. You should apply.
312
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:06,239
And if you would like to visit the campus,
313
00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:07,574
we can match you up with an undergrad
314
00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:09,117
-and you can spend the night in his room.
-Oh.
315
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:10,243
That sounds great.
316
00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:13,163
Then you could hang out
and get to know each other.
317
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:16,041
Um, I don't really hang out
with the applicants.
318
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:17,542
-That's not how it works.
-Right.
319
00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:19,502
-Because there's over 20,000 of them.
-Exactly.
320
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,422
Still, I think you should get to know this one.
321
00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:26,384
So, Portia, like The Merchant of Venice?
322
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:28,136
Yes. My mother thought if she named me that,
323
00:15:28,219 --> 00:15:29,304
I would grow up to be wise.
324
00:15:29,387 --> 00:15:30,597
I'm lucky she didn't name me Athena.
325
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:33,391
Or Minerva. Or Sophie.
Except a lot of people are named Sophie.
326
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:34,976
They probably don't even know
what their name means.
327
00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:36,519
Or Metis. That'd be really strange.
328
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:40,607
Or if your name was Aushenaya,
or Ifiok or Saraswati.
329
00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:43,109
I think you got lucky
330
00:15:43,193 --> 00:15:45,445
if you had to be called
something that stands for wisdom.
331
00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:51,743
Well, thanks for this.
332
00:15:52,035 --> 00:15:54,537
I have to go. I have robotics class.
333
00:15:58,833 --> 00:16:00,710
-(CLEARS THROAT) Interesting kid.
-He's a great kid.
334
00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:02,337
Yeah, he's become like a part of my family.
335
00:16:02,921 --> 00:16:04,297
I met him at a garage sale.
336
00:16:04,422 --> 00:16:05,965
He was reading a law encyclopedia.
337
00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:08,843
We went and had coffee,
and talked for five hours.
338
00:16:08,927 --> 00:16:10,011
He's a prodigy.
339
00:16:10,095 --> 00:16:12,639
Well, be sure to include all of that
in your recommendation.
340
00:16:12,681 --> 00:16:13,682
Bye.
341
00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:16,142
(CHUCKLING)
342
00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:21,064
So, how long have you been at Princeton?
343
00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:22,315
Since college. Sixteen years.
344
00:16:22,399 --> 00:16:24,651
Yeah? Wow.
That's a long time to stay in one place.
345
00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:26,569
-Are you married?
-No. But I live with someone.
346
00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:27,821
-Chair of the English department.
-You have kids?
347
00:16:27,904 --> 00:16:29,447
Thousands.
348
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:30,949
Can you get these cows out of the way?
349
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,450
Got it. They're enormous.
350
00:16:32,534 --> 00:16:34,285
That one's pregnant.
351
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:35,495
Where do you stay while you're here?
352
00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:37,956
My mom lives about 10 miles away.
353
00:16:38,123 --> 00:16:39,416
(MOOING)
354
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:42,293
(LOCK CLICKING)
355
00:16:42,711 --> 00:16:44,796
Mom, it's me.
356
00:16:46,047 --> 00:16:47,298
SUSANNAH: Who?
357
00:16:47,966 --> 00:16:49,175
How many people call you Mom?
358
00:16:50,260 --> 00:16:52,345
Why didn't you tell me you were coming?
359
00:16:53,221 --> 00:16:55,348
I left a message.
I was visiting a school nearby.
360
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,183
SUSANNAH: I never check my messages.
361
00:16:57,267 --> 00:16:58,935
Ah, it's a good policy.
362
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:01,855
Thought I'd spend the night
if it's all right with you.
363
00:17:01,938 --> 00:17:03,440
I've got to get up very early
364
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:06,526
and then hit a few schools
and race back for Mark's department lunch.
365
00:17:06,651 --> 00:17:09,404
How can you stand
those English department gatherings?
366
00:17:09,612 --> 00:17:10,655
What could be more dull?
367
00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:12,699
Sometimes you make sacrifices
368
00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:14,701
for the person
you've been living with for 10 years.
369
00:17:14,784 --> 00:17:16,745
That's what a healthy relationship is, Mom.
370
00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:18,038
(CHUCKLES) Thank God
I'm not in one of those.
371
00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:19,414
Yes. Thank God.
372
00:17:19,497 --> 00:17:22,417
If I had to do what I'm supposed to be
doing every minute of my life,
373
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:25,170
like you do, I'd kill myself.
374
00:17:27,839 --> 00:17:30,050
Did you just say if you were me
you would kill yourself?
375
00:17:30,091 --> 00:17:31,551
Portia, don't exaggerate.
376
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:33,470
I'm working on my bike.
377
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:35,764
You know, they actually have stores
378
00:17:35,847 --> 00:17:37,557
where you can buy bikes already made.
379
00:17:37,599 --> 00:17:38,808
And did you know that women
380
00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:40,643
are the only exploited group in history
381
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:42,937
to have been idealized into powerlessness?
382
00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:44,981
-Erica Jong.
-Erica Jong, yeah.
383
00:17:45,065 --> 00:17:47,067
(EXCITED) Hey, pups. Hey!
384
00:17:47,692 --> 00:17:50,487
Oh. Hi, Gloria. Hi, Betty. Hi!
385
00:17:50,779 --> 00:17:53,490
You're so skinny.
Come on, let's get you something to eat.
386
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:56,743
No, no! They're not skinny. They're lean.
387
00:17:56,785 --> 00:17:59,621
Dogs are too dependent on humans.
I'm not their slave.
388
00:17:59,704 --> 00:18:01,039
They can get their own damn food.
389
00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:02,248
From where?
390
00:18:02,290 --> 00:18:03,958
Outside. Gophers, squirrels.
391
00:18:04,042 --> 00:18:05,251
The neighbor's cat.
392
00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:06,294
-An unattended baby.
-(CHUCKLING)
393
00:18:07,379 --> 00:18:10,715
They're carnivores.
They're meant to be hunters.
394
00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:13,218
Here, hand me that, that chain break.
395
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:19,808
Mom, you look bigger.
396
00:18:21,101 --> 00:18:22,769
These? Fake.
397
00:18:22,811 --> 00:18:25,188
Fake? You mean you had a boob job?
398
00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:27,357
No, no, I had a mastectomy.
399
00:18:27,816 --> 00:18:29,150
These are prosthetic.
400
00:18:29,401 --> 00:18:31,528
I was wondering, you know,
women who have really big breasts,
401
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:34,030
I thought, "I'd like to see what that is like."
402
00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:36,783
And I tell you,
they get so in the way, it's unbelievable.
403
00:18:37,325 --> 00:18:39,661
I'm thinking of trading them in for a mid-size.
404
00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:41,621
When? When did you have a mastectomy?
405
00:18:41,663 --> 00:18:44,958
I don't know.
Five weeks ago, or so. Who keeps track?
406
00:18:45,709 --> 00:18:47,460
They found a lump, it was aggressive.
407
00:18:47,669 --> 00:18:49,421
Hadn't spread yet. I'm aggressive, too.
408
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:52,716
So I said, "What the hell?
Why push my luck? Take 'em both."
409
00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:55,093
Why didn't you tell me?
410
00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,095
I am telling you.
411
00:18:58,054 --> 00:18:59,097
Now.
412
00:18:59,139 --> 00:19:02,475
I would have driven you to the hospital.
413
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:05,520
Portia, I cabbed it. I'm okay.
414
00:19:05,895 --> 00:19:11,818
You know, I'm thinking,
you should start calling me Susannah.
415
00:19:12,152 --> 00:19:15,613
I think this could help us avoid all this
416
00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:18,241
mother-daughter role-playing crap
417
00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:20,285
that you can't seem to shake.
418
00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:23,955
You're welcome to stay,
but there's not much for supper,
419
00:19:23,997 --> 00:19:25,832
unless you want to go pick some kale.
420
00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:28,209
(CHUCKLING)
421
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,503
I'm remodeling your old room.
422
00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:35,675
I'm going to go make a tea kettle.
423
00:19:37,635 --> 00:19:38,845
(TV PLAYING)
424
00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:40,221
(MACHINE WHIRRING)
425
00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:49,356
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
426
00:19:51,900 --> 00:19:54,110
-Portia Nathan.
-John Pressman.
427
00:19:54,486 --> 00:19:55,487
-Hi.
-Um.
428
00:19:55,987 --> 00:19:58,365
Look, I was wondering
if you wanted to maybe get a drink
429
00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:00,158
or a bite to eat or something?
430
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,869
Maybe talk about the application process
since we're new.
431
00:20:02,952 --> 00:20:04,496
I could swing by and pick you up.
432
00:20:04,579 --> 00:20:06,289
-(MACHINE WHIRRING)
-I guess I could eat.
433
00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:11,294
The parents all think their kids' acceptance
434
00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:14,089
is the final referendum
on their parenting skills.
435
00:20:14,172 --> 00:20:15,882
-Hello, it's not about you.
-Mmm-hmm.
436
00:20:15,965 --> 00:20:19,094
As far as I can tell,
parents exist just to drive their kids insane.
437
00:20:19,386 --> 00:20:20,845
Course, what the hell do I know, really?
438
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,472
Why, were you raised by wolves?
439
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:23,723
Wolf. Singular.
440
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,059
One wolf.
441
00:20:26,142 --> 00:20:28,687
-One wolf. And you never wanted kids?
-Mmm.
442
00:20:29,354 --> 00:20:31,147
I love that question. Um.
443
00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:33,692
It seemed unfair to subject anyone
444
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:35,902
to the miserable experience that I had.
445
00:20:36,319 --> 00:20:37,696
Why would you?
446
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:39,656
There's no way in hell
I'd raise Nelson the way I was raised.
447
00:20:39,864 --> 00:20:40,907
Why not?
448
00:20:40,949 --> 00:20:42,075
'Cause I was raised by sheep.
449
00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:43,159
(CHUCKLES)
450
00:20:43,243 --> 00:20:45,704
-So, Uganda.
-Mmm-hmm.
451
00:20:45,829 --> 00:20:49,624
I was working there.
Nelson's mom was a friend.
452
00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:53,795
And she died in a car crash,
along with his uncle.
453
00:20:53,878 --> 00:20:54,879
Nelson was two.
454
00:20:55,296 --> 00:20:57,048
So you adopted him.
455
00:20:57,340 --> 00:20:59,509
Seemed like the only thing to do.
456
00:20:59,718 --> 00:21:02,804
All my friends thought for sure that I'd bail,
457
00:21:03,096 --> 00:21:06,683
that I was not ready to be a father,
but screw that.
458
00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:08,309
Right. Screw that.
459
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:11,104
Nelson loves traveling. He loves it.
460
00:21:11,271 --> 00:21:13,148
We've lived in Indonesia,
461
00:21:13,231 --> 00:21:16,776
we built a water purification system
in Myanmar.
462
00:21:16,860 --> 00:21:19,320
I'm sorry. So, you're just this single dad,
463
00:21:19,446 --> 00:21:21,656
traveling the world with his kid, doing good?
464
00:21:21,740 --> 00:21:24,492
When you put it like that
it just sounds so appealing.
465
00:21:24,576 --> 00:21:26,036
(LAUGHING)
466
00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:27,787
But I have that on a T-shirt actually,
467
00:21:28,371 --> 00:21:30,623
"Single dad,
traveling the world with his kid, doing good."
468
00:21:30,707 --> 00:21:32,334
You could borrow it someday if you'd like.
469
00:21:32,417 --> 00:21:33,877
I'm not sure people would believe it on me.
470
00:21:34,878 --> 00:21:38,131
Anyway, it's the best thing I ever did,
471
00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:39,674
adopting a kid.
472
00:21:40,675 --> 00:21:41,926
It's getting late.
473
00:21:46,431 --> 00:21:47,891
Um, excuse me.
474
00:21:47,974 --> 00:21:51,144
Oh, no, I can't do that.
Actually, sorry. I can't except gifts.
475
00:21:52,062 --> 00:21:56,066
Excuse me. Princeton wants to
buy me a chicken sandwich.
476
00:21:56,149 --> 00:21:57,442
(LAUGHING)
477
00:21:57,859 --> 00:21:59,527
(SONG PLAYING ON RADIO)
478
00:22:05,825 --> 00:22:07,744
-(SWITCHES OFF RADIO)
-PORTIA: Thank you so much.
479
00:22:08,578 --> 00:22:09,579
(CLEARS THROAT)
480
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:12,999
Portia, there's something I want to ask you.
481
00:22:13,541 --> 00:22:15,543
And I know this is all a bit abrupt.
482
00:22:15,627 --> 00:22:16,836
Yes?
483
00:22:19,798 --> 00:22:22,425
Do you think you have room
for one more in your life?
484
00:22:23,009 --> 00:22:24,010
One more what?
485
00:22:25,136 --> 00:22:27,347
One more person.
486
00:22:28,723 --> 00:22:32,102
Oh, John, that's so sweet.
487
00:22:32,477 --> 00:22:34,729
But... You seem like a great guy, too.
488
00:22:34,813 --> 00:22:40,026
And you can handle an ax,
and you have a very nice nose in your face,
489
00:22:40,068 --> 00:22:43,530
but I have a long-term boyfriend.
Long, long, long term.
490
00:22:43,613 --> 00:22:47,992
And, you know, we are happy.
We're very happy. We're so happy. It's...
491
00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:52,038
Wow. Happy is one
of those words that if you say it a lot,
492
00:22:52,163 --> 00:22:54,416
it loses its meaning, like fork.
493
00:22:54,791 --> 00:22:57,168
-Fork, fork, fork, fork.
-Mmm-hmm.
494
00:22:57,210 --> 00:22:58,712
Happy, happy, happy, happy.
495
00:22:58,753 --> 00:23:01,548
Happy fork. It's not...
Portia, what I mean... Look...
496
00:23:01,589 --> 00:23:05,635
Goodbye. Thank you.
This was so much better than kale.
497
00:23:05,719 --> 00:23:07,053
-Um.
-Oh.
498
00:23:07,220 --> 00:23:11,307
Okay. I'm sorry.
That's... I was going for the cheek.
499
00:23:11,391 --> 00:23:13,435
-Yeah, that's okay.
-Okay!
500
00:23:13,518 --> 00:23:15,228
Well, nice catching up.
501
00:23:15,353 --> 00:23:18,481
And best of luck with the application process.
Here's my card.
502
00:23:18,565 --> 00:23:19,858
I have your card.
503
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:21,776
-I gave you my card?
-Yeah.
504
00:23:21,901 --> 00:23:23,445
That's great. Then you have my card.
505
00:23:26,406 --> 00:23:27,574
(MOANS SOFTLY)
506
00:23:30,035 --> 00:23:31,369
(HONKING)
507
00:23:32,245 --> 00:23:33,955
-Oh, my God.
-(CHUCKLES) Sorry.
508
00:23:34,039 --> 00:23:35,749
It was there, you know? You just...
509
00:23:35,832 --> 00:23:38,251
What are you going to do?
Look, the reason that I'm...
510
00:23:38,335 --> 00:23:40,253
Look, I'm an admissions officer,
511
00:23:40,337 --> 00:23:42,339
and you run a school, and I live with someone
512
00:23:42,422 --> 00:23:45,425
and I've had a really long day
and I'm exhausted
513
00:23:45,467 --> 00:23:46,926
and this never happened, do you understand?
514
00:23:47,010 --> 00:23:48,011
Portia... No.
515
00:23:49,387 --> 00:23:52,557
Portia! Look, I asked you here for a reason.
And it wasn't to kiss you.
516
00:23:52,599 --> 00:23:54,434
Please communicate with my associate, Ben,
in the future.
517
00:23:54,517 --> 00:23:56,728
Portia, wait. Wait. It's just... I think...
518
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:00,565
I think maybe Jeremiah's your son.
519
00:24:01,149 --> 00:24:02,150
What?
520
00:24:02,567 --> 00:24:03,818
Jeremiah.
521
00:24:04,319 --> 00:24:06,529
I think maybe he's your son.
522
00:24:07,989 --> 00:24:09,616
Are you out of your fucking mind?
523
00:24:09,657 --> 00:24:10,867
All right, you know what, let me rewind.
524
00:24:10,950 --> 00:24:13,119
At Dartmouth, I was friends with Shelley.
525
00:24:13,203 --> 00:24:15,538
I don't know what you're talking about.
And you need to leave. Now.
526
00:24:15,663 --> 00:24:17,332
-Portia. Wait.
-(GUN SHOT FIRED)
527
00:24:17,457 --> 00:24:19,292
-Jesus!
-She said leave her alone!
528
00:24:19,459 --> 00:24:21,169
What the hell! Mom, put the gun down!
529
00:24:21,252 --> 00:24:22,837
No means no, asshole!
530
00:24:24,005 --> 00:24:26,591
I have got this under control! Go inside.
531
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:29,469
You don't have shit under control, Portia.
You never have.
532
00:24:29,511 --> 00:24:32,180
Screw you, Mom!
I do so have my life under control!
533
00:24:32,263 --> 00:24:34,307
You could have been somebody! God damn it.
534
00:24:34,349 --> 00:24:35,809
You could have been a trailblazer.
535
00:24:36,267 --> 00:24:38,561
Right, like you?
Holed up here like some crazy old witch?
536
00:24:39,062 --> 00:24:42,273
You know what?
I'm just going to get into my car, very slowly,
537
00:24:42,315 --> 00:24:43,608
and let you two chat.
538
00:24:45,777 --> 00:24:46,778
Portia, I'll call you?
539
00:24:46,820 --> 00:24:47,821
Please don't.
540
00:24:48,029 --> 00:24:50,657
Well, you're not very good
at returning e-mails.
541
00:24:51,658 --> 00:24:52,659
Hmm.
542
00:24:53,493 --> 00:24:54,619
You all right?
543
00:24:54,661 --> 00:24:56,496
Fine. Watch where you're waving that thing.
544
00:24:57,956 --> 00:24:58,998
Your breasts are sliding off.
545
00:24:59,165 --> 00:25:00,208
(SIGHS)
546
00:25:02,502 --> 00:25:04,004
PORTIA: Hi, everyone.
547
00:25:04,504 --> 00:25:07,340
Just back from
a boring recruitment trip. Uneventful.
548
00:25:07,424 --> 00:25:08,675
There she is!
549
00:25:08,717 --> 00:25:12,887
So, have you found
the finest young minds in the nation for us?
550
00:25:13,179 --> 00:25:14,222
I'm trying!
551
00:25:14,305 --> 00:25:17,308
Of course she has, she's our golden retriever!
552
00:25:20,562 --> 00:25:22,814
I love this. I love this bean salad.
553
00:25:24,232 --> 00:25:26,860
Just beans and vinaigrette.
So simple, but it just works.
554
00:25:27,193 --> 00:25:28,486
Yeah. Beans.
555
00:25:30,447 --> 00:25:32,532
Oh, hello, Helen.
So glad you could make it after all.
556
00:25:32,657 --> 00:25:35,702
And I can guarantee,
personally, that next year,
557
00:25:35,744 --> 00:25:36,828
all your Virginia Woolf seminars
558
00:25:36,870 --> 00:25:37,996
will be filled with superhumans.
559
00:25:38,913 --> 00:25:41,958
I'll never really understand
your admissions system in America.
560
00:25:42,208 --> 00:25:43,793
'Cause we just do tests.
561
00:25:43,877 --> 00:25:46,546
We don't really care about your childhood
562
00:25:46,588 --> 00:25:48,882
or your recent conversion to Buddhism.
563
00:25:49,007 --> 00:25:51,176
Gray matter, that's what counts.
564
00:25:51,301 --> 00:25:54,220
Helen, would you mind
putting the bread on the table?
565
00:25:55,055 --> 00:25:56,556
Thank you so much.
566
00:25:59,559 --> 00:26:03,021
I want you to know that this, us, this life,
567
00:26:03,063 --> 00:26:04,898
it's everything that I've always wanted.
568
00:26:06,232 --> 00:26:09,235
Helen, back so soon.
Could you put the salad on?
569
00:26:14,741 --> 00:26:16,076
What's she got against bean salad?
570
00:26:16,493 --> 00:26:17,702
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
571
00:26:19,079 --> 00:26:22,332
Portia, we need to talk.
I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry.
572
00:26:22,665 --> 00:26:24,042
Oh, God. I hate these lunches, too.
573
00:26:24,084 --> 00:26:25,919
No. This. Us.
574
00:26:26,002 --> 00:26:27,003
(HORN BLARES)
575
00:26:27,754 --> 00:26:30,548
Is that Helen? That's weird.
576
00:26:30,590 --> 00:26:31,591
Portia, I'm having twins.
577
00:26:31,675 --> 00:26:33,927
-What are you talking about?
-Twins.
578
00:26:33,968 --> 00:26:36,262
Twins, I'm having twins.
579
00:26:36,596 --> 00:26:38,098
Mark, you're talking like a crazy person.
580
00:26:38,139 --> 00:26:41,518
Helen is having twins.
My twins. I'm leaving you.
581
00:26:43,269 --> 00:26:45,939
I'm sorry. You had sex with that woman?
582
00:26:45,980 --> 00:26:47,107
A bit.
583
00:26:47,190 --> 00:26:51,611
You had unprotected sex
with that vile Virginia Woolf scholar?
584
00:26:51,778 --> 00:26:53,655
There's no need to make a scene. I am sorry.
585
00:26:53,738 --> 00:26:55,240
You don't deserve this, you don't.
586
00:26:55,281 --> 00:26:57,200
You're loyal and a good companion, and...
587
00:26:57,283 --> 00:26:58,993
Stop it with the dog stuff!
588
00:26:59,077 --> 00:27:01,371
...clean. What? I have to go. Now.
589
00:27:01,621 --> 00:27:03,248
No, no, you have to stay.
590
00:27:03,456 --> 00:27:07,419
We have guests. And we are a family unit.
591
00:27:07,460 --> 00:27:08,670
You didn't want a family.
592
00:27:09,170 --> 00:27:10,296
Neither did you!
593
00:27:10,964 --> 00:27:12,549
No, that's true. I really don't.
594
00:27:13,383 --> 00:27:15,969
I can't stand babies. They're repulsive.
595
00:27:16,094 --> 00:27:17,387
(HONKING)
596
00:27:17,512 --> 00:27:18,847
Oh, God, she's backing out now.
597
00:27:18,930 --> 00:27:20,140
-(TIMER DINGS)
-Oh, that's the chicken.
598
00:27:20,181 --> 00:27:22,851
Would you mind terribly
taking it out? Goodbye.
599
00:27:25,145 --> 00:27:27,981
I kissed someone! Almost on purpose!
600
00:27:29,107 --> 00:27:30,483
(TIRES SCREECHING)
601
00:27:32,193 --> 00:27:34,070
Mark had an emergency.
602
00:27:34,154 --> 00:27:38,408
A student was having a breakdown
about Robert Frost.
603
00:27:38,491 --> 00:27:41,202
Two roads diverging in a wood,
and which to take.
604
00:27:42,829 --> 00:27:44,622
So, who likes breasts?
605
00:27:44,664 --> 00:27:46,958
Mark loves breasts. The more the merrier!
606
00:27:47,459 --> 00:27:50,003
In fact, why don't I just put this
aside for him for when he gets home.
607
00:27:51,004 --> 00:27:53,173
So, who likes legs? Well, Mark likes legs.
608
00:27:54,174 --> 00:27:55,175
(BOWL CLATTERS)
609
00:27:55,508 --> 00:27:58,386
Who likes assholes? I guess that's me.
610
00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:02,599
Virginia Woolf was a twat.
611
00:28:02,682 --> 00:28:04,476
Extremely overrated.
612
00:28:05,185 --> 00:28:06,436
No Gertrude Stein.
613
00:28:08,021 --> 00:28:09,564
I'll have a breast, please.
614
00:28:16,821 --> 00:28:21,659
Oh, God, damn it. Damn it.
615
00:28:29,709 --> 00:28:31,044
Excuse me.
616
00:28:32,587 --> 00:28:34,047
This is your mother?
617
00:28:34,130 --> 00:28:35,215
Uh, yes.
618
00:28:37,634 --> 00:28:40,512
I saw her lecture on Frida Kahlo in 1977.
619
00:28:40,553 --> 00:28:43,056
She was extremely hot.
620
00:28:43,890 --> 00:28:44,974
Okay.
621
00:28:45,392 --> 00:28:46,893
Is she well? Your mother?
622
00:28:47,435 --> 00:28:49,145
-Yeah, she's fine.
-Good.
623
00:28:49,229 --> 00:28:52,649
Well, thank you for the party.
It was very pleasant.
624
00:28:52,732 --> 00:28:53,733
(SIGHS)
625
00:28:53,775 --> 00:28:55,360
Everyone is now leaving.
626
00:28:55,402 --> 00:28:57,904
Okay. I shall close this door behind?
627
00:28:57,987 --> 00:29:00,323
Yes. I'll be right out.
628
00:29:02,575 --> 00:29:03,910
(SIGHS)
629
00:29:08,373 --> 00:29:09,791
(PORTIA SOBBING)
630
00:29:27,100 --> 00:29:28,601
Get to work.
631
00:29:39,070 --> 00:29:40,697
I will always be there for you.
632
00:29:40,780 --> 00:29:42,615
Nothing will ever change that.
633
00:29:45,493 --> 00:29:47,037
(VOCALIZING)
634
00:29:55,795 --> 00:29:57,714
(KNOCKING)
635
00:30:06,014 --> 00:30:07,390
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
636
00:30:07,974 --> 00:30:08,975
(CLEARS THROAT)
637
00:30:12,812 --> 00:30:13,980
Top of the morning, Clarence!
638
00:30:15,857 --> 00:30:16,900
Morning.
639
00:30:19,903 --> 00:30:21,946
If you want to take
a couple of personal days...
640
00:30:22,405 --> 00:30:23,448
Um...
641
00:30:23,490 --> 00:30:24,699
Why would I?
642
00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:28,536
Everyone knows?
643
00:30:29,579 --> 00:30:31,664
-About Mark, I mean.
-Yes.
644
00:30:32,582 --> 00:30:34,626
And that Woolf woman.
645
00:30:37,212 --> 00:30:39,381
I'm very sorry about the timing of this.
646
00:30:39,464 --> 00:30:43,510
But I want you to know,
I am here for you 1,000%.
647
00:30:43,718 --> 00:30:46,888
This is my life. It's what I'm good at.
648
00:30:46,971 --> 00:30:48,181
I know.
649
00:30:48,306 --> 00:30:50,016
And, please, rest assured, Clarence,
650
00:30:50,100 --> 00:30:52,560
that nothing will affect my work.
651
00:30:52,852 --> 00:30:53,937
Nothing.
652
00:30:54,020 --> 00:30:56,856
Well, that's great. You just carry on.
653
00:31:04,531 --> 00:31:05,699
(EXHALES)
654
00:31:06,032 --> 00:31:07,033
Mmm.
655
00:31:07,659 --> 00:31:10,286
And that was the famous Blair Arch.
656
00:31:12,288 --> 00:31:15,041
Here comes one
of our illustrious admissions officers.
657
00:31:15,083 --> 00:31:17,127
Clearly a very busy time for you all.
658
00:31:17,210 --> 00:31:20,046
Any words of wisdom
for hopefully future Princetonians?
659
00:31:20,714 --> 00:31:21,715
What?
660
00:31:21,881 --> 00:31:22,882
Words of wisdom?
661
00:31:23,174 --> 00:31:24,175
Oh.
662
00:31:25,135 --> 00:31:27,887
Just get those applications in,
663
00:31:27,929 --> 00:31:29,347
and remember to be yourself,
664
00:31:30,557 --> 00:31:35,186
'cause who else could you be,
that's who you're stuck with.
665
00:31:37,105 --> 00:31:39,899
Okay, got the idea. Let's keep moving.
666
00:31:41,735 --> 00:31:44,112
Any budding astrophysicists in the crowd?
667
00:31:44,195 --> 00:31:45,864
'Cause I've got a treat for you next.
668
00:31:46,072 --> 00:31:49,284
I'm Jeremiah, from Quest.
Hi. You remember me?
669
00:31:49,534 --> 00:31:50,577
Yes, I remember you.
670
00:31:50,869 --> 00:31:52,078
I'm Nelson.
671
00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:53,455
I remember you, too.
672
00:31:53,538 --> 00:31:54,664
I'm John.
673
00:31:54,748 --> 00:31:55,749
Turns out we had a chance to come
674
00:31:55,832 --> 00:31:57,083
down here today, to visit the campus.
675
00:31:57,250 --> 00:31:58,376
What a surprise.
676
00:31:58,418 --> 00:32:00,253
It's awesome. It's like, ancient!
677
00:32:01,588 --> 00:32:03,882
I'm sorry, but what...
What do you think that you're doing here?
678
00:32:04,007 --> 00:32:06,468
Jeremiah wanted to see the place.
And you and I should talk.
679
00:32:06,551 --> 00:32:07,844
You are out of your mind.
680
00:32:07,927 --> 00:32:08,970
Almost forgot to ask.
681
00:32:09,054 --> 00:32:13,266
Um, remember when you said that
I could spend the night with an undergrad?
682
00:32:13,350 --> 00:32:15,643
Is that still possible?
683
00:32:16,436 --> 00:32:18,438
Okay. Yes. That's possible.
684
00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:21,608
Just catch up with the tour and
meet me back at Admissions.
685
00:32:39,751 --> 00:32:41,795
What are you doing?
You're not allowed in here!
686
00:32:41,878 --> 00:32:42,921
What happened the other night...
687
00:32:42,962 --> 00:32:44,631
Nothing happened the other night.
688
00:32:44,673 --> 00:32:48,468
Right, it was nothing,
so don't let it get in the way of this.
689
00:32:51,137 --> 00:32:53,014
This is Jeremiah's birth certificate.
690
00:32:53,098 --> 00:32:55,433
I knew Shelley, your roommate at Dartmouth.
691
00:32:55,517 --> 00:32:56,643
I had a car.
692
00:32:56,726 --> 00:32:58,186
She borrowed it to pick you up
after you had the baby.
693
00:32:58,311 --> 00:32:59,771
Valentine's Day.
694
00:32:59,896 --> 00:33:03,108
Shelley told me you had the baby
at 1:00 p.m. on Valentine's Day.
695
00:33:03,650 --> 00:33:06,152
That stuck with me. I hate Valentine's Day.
696
00:33:06,528 --> 00:33:08,488
-It's a despicable holiday.
-It sucks.
697
00:33:09,322 --> 00:33:10,782
Here's the crazy part.
698
00:33:10,824 --> 00:33:12,075
When Jeremiah applied to Quest,
699
00:33:12,158 --> 00:33:13,576
I saw this and I put it together.
700
00:33:13,660 --> 00:33:15,453
It says that he was born
and given up for adoption
701
00:33:15,495 --> 00:33:19,165
Valentine's Day, 1995,
at 1:00 p.m. at Blaine Hospital.
702
00:33:20,333 --> 00:33:21,793
I know you didn't ask for this.
703
00:33:21,835 --> 00:33:23,670
And I'm not trying to ruin your life.
704
00:33:24,546 --> 00:33:25,797
But I care about this kid,
705
00:33:25,839 --> 00:33:28,508
and I think he could use
a little more connection in his life.
706
00:33:29,884 --> 00:33:31,678
I didn't tell him anything.
707
00:33:31,761 --> 00:33:33,680
It's your decision. I'm just setting it up.
708
00:33:33,888 --> 00:33:35,140
(SIGHS)
709
00:33:36,391 --> 00:33:39,811
He has his parents.
He has you, right? Nelson?
710
00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:41,730
Yeah, his parents are great people.
711
00:33:41,813 --> 00:33:42,814
But we're moving on.
712
00:33:42,856 --> 00:33:44,357
Nelson and me.
713
00:33:44,941 --> 00:33:46,192
Hey, maybe it was meant to be.
714
00:33:46,234 --> 00:33:47,318
Nothing is meant to be.
715
00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:50,030
And you don't just barrel into
other people's lives like this.
716
00:33:50,155 --> 00:33:52,741
This is bad form. This is bad form.
717
00:33:52,866 --> 00:33:53,992
Bad form.
718
00:33:54,034 --> 00:33:55,160
I am not a project.
719
00:33:55,201 --> 00:33:57,620
I am not some village
in need of a water system.
720
00:33:59,664 --> 00:34:01,708
-Hi.
-Hi.
721
00:34:03,335 --> 00:34:05,128
John Pressman. Quest School.
722
00:34:05,211 --> 00:34:08,673
Oh, Clarence Hall,
Dean of Admissions. Princeton.
723
00:34:10,050 --> 00:34:11,092
It's quite an operation you have here.
724
00:34:11,176 --> 00:34:12,177
Thank you.
725
00:34:12,218 --> 00:34:15,055
Okay, well, Mr. Pressman was just leaving.
726
00:34:15,347 --> 00:34:16,639
Right. Of course.
727
00:34:18,933 --> 00:34:20,060
It was nice to meet you.
728
00:34:20,101 --> 00:34:22,395
Hey, I heard about you guys
dropping to number two.
729
00:34:22,604 --> 00:34:26,399
Sorry. But number two is, you know...
That's good, too.
730
00:34:26,691 --> 00:34:28,610
Here's the information
you wanted for your student,
731
00:34:28,735 --> 00:34:30,278
the undergrad
he'll be spending the night with.
732
00:34:30,403 --> 00:34:34,032
Thank you. And here is the information
you'll need on that student.
733
00:34:35,742 --> 00:34:38,328
Ben, do you mind
escorting Mr. Pressman out?
734
00:34:38,411 --> 00:34:39,746
And, Mr. Pressman, in the future,
735
00:34:39,954 --> 00:34:42,582
e-mail is the appropriate form
of communication.
736
00:34:42,665 --> 00:34:43,833
JOHN: Right. Sorry.
737
00:34:43,917 --> 00:34:47,295
Yeah, e-mail. (LAUGHS) Will do.
738
00:34:48,129 --> 00:34:49,839
All right. See ya.
739
00:34:52,509 --> 00:34:56,763
You know, it's highly unusual,
it's actually unheard of,
740
00:34:56,805 --> 00:34:59,516
for a school director to be back here.
741
00:34:59,933 --> 00:35:01,059
I know.
742
00:35:01,101 --> 00:35:03,603
I think we should hire a security guard
to keep the crazies out,
743
00:35:03,728 --> 00:35:06,356
because it is getting out of control.
744
00:35:34,759 --> 00:35:35,885
Hmm.
745
00:35:35,969 --> 00:35:37,470
(STUDENTS CLAMORING)
746
00:35:40,098 --> 00:35:41,766
(LOUD MUSIC PLAYING)
747
00:35:46,354 --> 00:35:47,439
Yo, what's up?
748
00:35:47,480 --> 00:35:48,523
I beg your pardon?
749
00:35:48,606 --> 00:35:50,734
I'm looking for my roomie.
750
00:35:52,652 --> 00:35:53,778
Can I help you?
751
00:35:53,903 --> 00:35:55,488
Doing a great job.
752
00:35:57,323 --> 00:35:59,325
STUDENT 1: So a zombie will move and talk
753
00:35:59,409 --> 00:36:01,828
as if it were awake
and genuinely aware of its surroundings,
754
00:36:01,870 --> 00:36:03,705
but its inner light is off.
755
00:36:03,830 --> 00:36:05,498
JEREMIAH: Right,
and if it's logically possible for
756
00:36:05,582 --> 00:36:07,667
a creature to have a brain just like yours
757
00:36:07,792 --> 00:36:09,085
and no conscious experience,
758
00:36:09,169 --> 00:36:12,088
then consciousness
is not literally identical to brain activity.
759
00:36:12,672 --> 00:36:14,466
-Exactly!
-Exactly!
760
00:36:14,507 --> 00:36:15,675
(ALL LAUGHING)
761
00:36:15,717 --> 00:36:18,678
Hi, you are not a student.
762
00:36:18,887 --> 00:36:20,597
What? You trying to crash or something here?
763
00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:22,098
Yo, what's up?
764
00:36:22,557 --> 00:36:23,850
I... Hi.
765
00:36:24,851 --> 00:36:26,186
(STAMMERING)
766
00:36:26,811 --> 00:36:28,646
Hi, everyone. I'm from Admissions.
767
00:36:28,730 --> 00:36:30,565
And we like to come in and check on
768
00:36:30,648 --> 00:36:32,776
our overnight high school visitors.
769
00:36:32,859 --> 00:36:35,236
So, Jeremiah, are you warm enough?
770
00:36:35,403 --> 00:36:37,030
Do you have everything that you need?
771
00:36:37,113 --> 00:36:39,866
Do you need a Princeton sweatshirt?
772
00:36:40,033 --> 00:36:43,119
Or did you remember
to bring your toothbrush?
773
00:36:43,203 --> 00:36:44,412
I'm fine. Thanks.
774
00:36:44,496 --> 00:36:45,872
Good. What is that?
775
00:36:45,955 --> 00:36:47,082
It's diet soda.
776
00:36:47,207 --> 00:36:48,708
Diet soda. Why diet?
777
00:36:48,833 --> 00:36:49,959
I just like the taste better.
778
00:36:50,043 --> 00:36:52,379
So do I. That's unbelievable.
779
00:36:52,420 --> 00:36:53,463
I guess?
780
00:36:53,546 --> 00:36:55,799
Just diet soda, no...
781
00:36:55,882 --> 00:36:57,384
Yeah.
782
00:36:57,467 --> 00:37:02,180
Great. Good.
Well, get back to your zombie talk.
783
00:37:03,431 --> 00:37:05,225
Okay. Thank you.
784
00:37:08,228 --> 00:37:10,438
Dude, what a cougar, huh?
785
00:37:11,731 --> 00:37:12,982
(SOBBING)
786
00:37:21,825 --> 00:37:23,326
-What...
-Hi.
787
00:37:23,410 --> 00:37:24,494
You don't happen to actually have
788
00:37:24,577 --> 00:37:25,745
an extra toothbrush on you, do you?
789
00:37:25,787 --> 00:37:28,498
On me? No. No.
Why, you do need a toothbrush?
790
00:37:28,915 --> 00:37:30,083
-Yeah.
-Okay.
791
00:37:31,001 --> 00:37:32,210
Soft bristles, right?
792
00:37:32,252 --> 00:37:36,589
That's what kids, teenagers,
your age are supposed to use, right?
793
00:37:37,590 --> 00:37:39,592
Um, I think soft might be more for baby teeth.
794
00:37:39,634 --> 00:37:41,302
I prefer to use just, like, a medium.
795
00:37:41,428 --> 00:37:44,556
Yep, don't listen to me.
You'd end up with a mouth full of cavities.
796
00:37:45,432 --> 00:37:47,851
Hey, how about
this rechargeable toothbrush?
797
00:37:47,934 --> 00:37:49,436
That looks pretty cool.
798
00:37:49,561 --> 00:37:51,104
Yeah, I don't think I need that, as much
799
00:37:51,229 --> 00:37:52,814
as I do appreciate Thomas the Tank Engine.
800
00:37:57,277 --> 00:37:58,403
I'm an idiot.
801
00:37:58,570 --> 00:38:01,031
You just pick what you need.
802
00:38:01,781 --> 00:38:02,991
Just...
803
00:38:04,159 --> 00:38:05,493
Okay, then.
804
00:38:06,828 --> 00:38:07,912
Okay.
805
00:38:07,954 --> 00:38:09,039
Well, I guess this is it.
806
00:38:09,122 --> 00:38:10,123
Yeah.
807
00:38:14,252 --> 00:38:16,254
-Thanks.
-Don't mention it.
808
00:38:22,969 --> 00:38:24,179
(RETCHING)
809
00:38:25,138 --> 00:38:26,389
Portia?
810
00:38:27,974 --> 00:38:29,142
Are you all right?
811
00:38:32,479 --> 00:38:35,732
I'm fine. I'm great. What are you doing here?
812
00:38:35,857 --> 00:38:38,651
We're just up the street.
813
00:38:38,735 --> 00:38:39,944
HELEN: She said she's fine.
814
00:38:41,363 --> 00:38:42,739
Have you been drinking, Portia?
815
00:38:42,864 --> 00:38:45,533
A little bit, you know me, I'm a lightweight.
816
00:38:45,617 --> 00:38:46,743
Where are your glasses?
817
00:38:46,826 --> 00:38:50,455
Uh, I thought I'd give contacts a try.
818
00:38:51,664 --> 00:38:53,875
Well, all right. Good to see you.
819
00:38:59,631 --> 00:39:00,840
Oh, no.
820
00:39:00,965 --> 00:39:02,008
Ugh.
821
00:39:02,050 --> 00:39:03,510
That's harsh.
822
00:39:04,678 --> 00:39:06,179
Yes. Yes it is.
823
00:39:06,680 --> 00:39:08,431
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
824
00:39:11,393 --> 00:39:13,770
-Portia Nathan here.
-Susannah here.
825
00:39:13,853 --> 00:39:15,939
Your mother. Mom.
826
00:39:16,022 --> 00:39:18,149
Mark called. I know he never liked me,
827
00:39:18,191 --> 00:39:20,360
but he thought you might be in need
of some comfort and guidance.
828
00:39:20,443 --> 00:39:23,405
So, I think this is all a very good thing.
829
00:39:23,530 --> 00:39:26,741
Getting left is a good thing? Really?
I have to go.
830
00:39:26,866 --> 00:39:28,702
Good. You're angry. You need to express that.
831
00:39:28,743 --> 00:39:31,413
Talk to me. I'm here for you, sweetie.
832
00:39:33,331 --> 00:39:36,459
Well, I actually feel really sad and...
833
00:39:36,584 --> 00:39:39,921
And that is exactly why I knew that night
on the train 37 years ago,
834
00:39:40,046 --> 00:39:41,756
the man reading I'm OK, You're OK...
835
00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:43,550
No, please, not the train story.
836
00:39:43,675 --> 00:39:46,428
I knew I needed his sperm,
but I did not need him.
837
00:39:47,637 --> 00:39:49,222
Hey, watch yourself, asshole!
838
00:39:51,182 --> 00:39:52,726
Mom. Susannah.
839
00:39:52,934 --> 00:39:55,520
I wanted a child,
but not some moody relationship.
840
00:39:55,729 --> 00:39:58,023
Sex with a stranger on the New Jersey Transit
841
00:39:58,064 --> 00:39:59,733
was the answer to my problems.
842
00:39:59,858 --> 00:40:02,485
It's not healthy to need
other people too much.
843
00:40:02,652 --> 00:40:05,363
And now you need
to go out and fall in love with yourself.
844
00:40:05,405 --> 00:40:06,781
Well, I'm gonna go do that.
845
00:40:06,865 --> 00:40:07,907
You go, girl.
846
00:40:07,991 --> 00:40:10,243
Yup. Gonna go buy a train ticket right now.
847
00:40:17,751 --> 00:40:18,835
(SPRAYING)
848
00:40:18,918 --> 00:40:21,921
John, Portia again.
This is my eighth, no, ninth message.
849
00:40:21,963 --> 00:40:23,006
Please call me back.
850
00:40:23,089 --> 00:40:28,261
It's very important
that you not tell Jeremiah a thing about
851
00:40:28,345 --> 00:40:31,431
the thing,
the thing that we were talking about.
852
00:40:31,556 --> 00:40:33,933
Not a word. Call me back.
853
00:40:42,067 --> 00:40:43,777
(INDISTINCT TALKING)
854
00:40:45,737 --> 00:40:47,781
They hooked it up
'cause they didn't have a shield on the horse.
855
00:40:47,864 --> 00:40:49,199
But I wear it like a medal
856
00:40:49,282 --> 00:40:50,825
'cause it tells the world where I belong,
857
00:40:50,909 --> 00:40:52,452
deep down in the working class.
858
00:40:52,619 --> 00:40:53,620
ALL: Yeah!
859
00:40:53,703 --> 00:40:55,288
Hey, Princeton, what are you doing?
860
00:40:55,372 --> 00:40:57,457
Just observing the school
861
00:40:57,499 --> 00:41:00,085
so that I can better evaluate applicants.
862
00:41:00,126 --> 00:41:01,503
Cool. I'm cutting class.
863
00:41:01,628 --> 00:41:03,797
Cutting class is never a good idea.
864
00:41:03,880 --> 00:41:07,133
I hate geography class. I hate maps.
865
00:41:07,175 --> 00:41:08,468
You hate maps? Why?
866
00:41:08,510 --> 00:41:10,303
Because you never know
where you'll end up on them.
867
00:41:10,970 --> 00:41:12,180
Not with my dad.
868
00:41:12,263 --> 00:41:13,973
Well, I'm sure your dad has excellent reasons
869
00:41:14,057 --> 00:41:15,850
for leading a rootless and impulsive life.
870
00:41:15,975 --> 00:41:17,143
I thought you loved traveling.
871
00:41:17,185 --> 00:41:19,562
I'm sick of traveling. I love playing bridge.
872
00:41:20,021 --> 00:41:21,981
Besides, do they even
play bridge in Ecuador?
873
00:41:22,107 --> 00:41:23,692
-No idea.
-How long have you been at Princeton?
874
00:41:23,775 --> 00:41:24,818
Sixteen years. But...
875
00:41:24,859 --> 00:41:26,486
Wow. You totally rock!
876
00:41:26,569 --> 00:41:27,737
Yeah? Thanks. Why is that?
877
00:41:27,821 --> 00:41:29,489
Because you're, like, totally predictable.
878
00:41:29,614 --> 00:41:31,783
So, can you tell me
where I could find your dad?
879
00:41:31,866 --> 00:41:33,410
(COW MOOING)
880
00:41:34,035 --> 00:41:36,746
I've been trying to reach you.
I left you a million messages!
881
00:41:36,871 --> 00:41:38,164
Yeah, well, sorry, I'm a little busy.
882
00:41:38,206 --> 00:41:39,249
What are you doing to that cow?
883
00:41:39,332 --> 00:41:41,960
Cow's in labor. I'd shake your hand, but I...
884
00:41:42,002 --> 00:41:43,628
Look, I never told a soul...
885
00:41:43,670 --> 00:41:45,213
Stay back. This cow doesn't know you.
886
00:41:45,338 --> 00:41:47,382
Actually, I think we met
the last time I was here.
887
00:41:48,133 --> 00:41:49,384
Do you even know whether Jeremiah
888
00:41:49,467 --> 00:41:50,677
wants to meet his birth mother?
889
00:41:52,178 --> 00:41:55,056
He wrote an essay last year
entitled, "Nature versus Nurture,
890
00:41:55,140 --> 00:41:56,516
"I wonder who my birth parents are."
891
00:41:56,641 --> 00:41:59,019
Portia, the wise!
Nelson told me you were here.
892
00:41:59,060 --> 00:42:01,187
I just wanted to thank you so much.
893
00:42:01,271 --> 00:42:02,522
I had the best night of my life.
894
00:42:02,689 --> 00:42:04,149
There's nothing I want more in life
895
00:42:04,190 --> 00:42:05,608
than to go to Princeton. Nothing.
896
00:42:07,360 --> 00:42:08,820
(COW BELLOWING)
897
00:42:08,862 --> 00:42:09,946
Is something wrong with that cow?
898
00:42:10,155 --> 00:42:12,824
Where's the goddamn vet! Ugh!
899
00:42:12,866 --> 00:42:14,325
Well, I'm gonna find my own way out.
900
00:42:14,409 --> 00:42:17,537
Shit! This isn't right.
This isn't how it looks on the Internet!
901
00:42:17,746 --> 00:42:19,414
Okay, bye now. Best of luck with all that.
902
00:42:19,497 --> 00:42:20,999
Come back. Grab her head. Calm her down.
903
00:42:21,041 --> 00:42:22,292
You said stay back.
904
00:42:22,375 --> 00:42:23,376
I changed my mind!
905
00:42:25,670 --> 00:42:27,130
(COW BELLOWING)
906
00:42:28,423 --> 00:42:29,716
She looks so mad.
907
00:42:29,799 --> 00:42:31,301
Well, she's probably protecting her young.
908
00:42:32,844 --> 00:42:34,429
Hey there, little mama.
909
00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:40,727
It's all gonna be okay.
Just focus on your breath.
910
00:42:40,852 --> 00:42:42,395
Your terrible, terrible breath.
911
00:42:42,687 --> 00:42:46,191
Think how lucky you are
not to be on a beef ranch right now.
912
00:42:46,232 --> 00:42:48,234
I'm sorry. That was inappropriate.
913
00:42:49,319 --> 00:42:52,030
Where's the bull that did this to you?
914
00:42:52,072 --> 00:42:54,032
He's probably out partying with his friends.
915
00:42:54,199 --> 00:42:56,951
She's clamping again.
Jeremiah, get back here, please. Fast!
916
00:42:57,577 --> 00:43:00,497
You're not alone.
You're not alone, okay, mama?
917
00:43:00,830 --> 00:43:03,249
We're here with you. You can do this.
918
00:43:03,375 --> 00:43:07,003
'Cause it happens either way.
It happens either way.
919
00:43:07,170 --> 00:43:09,297
All right, it's coming.
Portia, get back here now.
920
00:43:09,464 --> 00:43:11,091
Horrible.
921
00:43:11,216 --> 00:43:13,760
Grab a hoof. Grab a hoof. All right.
On the count of three.
922
00:43:13,802 --> 00:43:14,803
-(CHOKES)
-One.
923
00:43:14,886 --> 00:43:16,429
(COW BELLOWING)
924
00:43:16,596 --> 00:43:18,515
Two. Three. Pull!
925
00:43:21,893 --> 00:43:22,894
(BOTH GRUNTING)
926
00:43:23,436 --> 00:43:24,437
PORTIA: It's gross!
927
00:43:24,562 --> 00:43:25,980
(PORTIA SCREAMS)
928
00:43:29,317 --> 00:43:30,443
Boundaries!
929
00:43:31,236 --> 00:43:32,862
Did you not see my "Do not disturb" sign?
930
00:43:33,113 --> 00:43:35,532
Yeah, I saw it, but you're not the only one
who reeks of cow placenta.
931
00:43:35,782 --> 00:43:37,909
Why do you have
"Do not disturb" signs with you?
932
00:43:37,951 --> 00:43:40,370
Oh, I don't know. Maybe for times like these?
933
00:43:40,453 --> 00:43:41,830
Here, try this soap.
934
00:43:42,789 --> 00:43:44,332
Look, he's a great kid,
935
00:43:44,416 --> 00:43:47,627
and you're clearly
a great, mildly compulsive, woman.
936
00:43:47,711 --> 00:43:48,712
Take the leap!
937
00:43:48,962 --> 00:43:50,547
I'm sorry, who's mildly compulsive?
938
00:43:50,630 --> 00:43:52,799
Why do you run around
fixing everyone else's life?
939
00:43:52,924 --> 00:43:53,967
What about yours?
940
00:43:54,050 --> 00:43:56,845
My life is fine, thank you very much.
It's frigging great.
941
00:43:57,303 --> 00:43:59,264
Ah, God, the water just turned to ice!
942
00:43:59,305 --> 00:44:00,432
Oh, oops, sorry.
943
00:44:00,515 --> 00:44:02,350
Yeah, it's solar powered. Bit finicky.
944
00:44:06,312 --> 00:44:09,024
Jeremiah has to get his application in pronto.
945
00:44:09,107 --> 00:44:10,275
Work on his resume.
946
00:44:10,316 --> 00:44:13,695
A unique talent that demonstrates passion
and commitment would be good.
947
00:44:13,778 --> 00:44:15,780
He has got to get going on his essay.
948
00:44:15,822 --> 00:44:18,658
And then you have to prepare him
for an alumni interview.
949
00:44:18,700 --> 00:44:20,577
You may have built schools
in third world countries,
950
00:44:20,785 --> 00:44:22,704
and cleaned
contaminated water from villages,
951
00:44:22,871 --> 00:44:24,998
but you have never tried
to get a kid into Princeton.
952
00:44:25,248 --> 00:44:27,208
-Neither have you.
-I am not trying!
953
00:44:27,292 --> 00:44:30,420
I'm an admissions officer.
I am just helping you try.
954
00:44:30,503 --> 00:44:34,466
As I would with any outstanding student
who may have been overlooked.
955
00:44:34,674 --> 00:44:36,384
There's nothing improper going on here.
956
00:44:37,635 --> 00:44:38,678
(SIGHS)
957
00:44:39,054 --> 00:44:40,889
I'm going to exit the shower stall now.
958
00:44:41,014 --> 00:44:42,057
Okay.
959
00:44:42,140 --> 00:44:44,684
I'm going to remain in the shower stall
for approximately 30 seconds.
960
00:44:44,768 --> 00:44:45,769
Fantastic.
961
00:44:46,936 --> 00:44:49,022
-Hey.
-Yes? How can I help you?
962
00:44:49,773 --> 00:44:50,940
You think he has a shot?
963
00:44:51,691 --> 00:44:53,068
Send me his transcripts.
964
00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:57,072
JOHN: Nelson, take a corner kick.
965
00:45:00,575 --> 00:45:01,659
What was that? Do it again.
966
00:45:01,868 --> 00:45:03,203
I'm not good at corner kicks.
967
00:45:03,286 --> 00:45:04,704
Horse shit! Put your heart into it!
968
00:45:05,538 --> 00:45:07,374
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
969
00:45:08,875 --> 00:45:10,168
Hey, Portia, how you doing?
970
00:45:10,293 --> 00:45:13,838
This is, without a doubt,
the worst transcript I have ever seen!
971
00:45:14,047 --> 00:45:15,048
Switch.
972
00:45:15,090 --> 00:45:18,176
D's and F's in 9th, 10th and 11th grade.
973
00:45:18,343 --> 00:45:21,680
Suspensions, detentions, a Special Ed class?
974
00:45:21,721 --> 00:45:22,889
What the hell were you thinking?
975
00:45:22,931 --> 00:45:23,973
Did you read the rest of it?
976
00:45:24,057 --> 00:45:26,267
Why, am I missing a police record?
977
00:45:27,227 --> 00:45:29,979
Come on, man. Quit half-assing it, huh?
978
00:45:30,939 --> 00:45:33,149
You play like that,
those Ecuadorian kids are gonna eat you up!
979
00:45:33,316 --> 00:45:34,651
All right. Jeremiah got the top score
980
00:45:34,734 --> 00:45:36,277
on eight Advanced Placement tests
981
00:45:36,528 --> 00:45:39,406
without ever taking
the Advanced Placement courses.
982
00:45:39,489 --> 00:45:42,242
And his SATs are almost perfect.
983
00:45:42,325 --> 00:45:43,535
God, did he...
984
00:45:43,618 --> 00:45:44,953
Cheat? No.
985
00:45:45,078 --> 00:45:46,329
I insisted he take those tests.
986
00:45:46,538 --> 00:45:49,374
He's brilliant. He's the most brilliant student
I've come across.
987
00:45:49,582 --> 00:45:51,001
-Really?
-Switch!
988
00:45:51,251 --> 00:45:54,421
Regardless, kids like Jeremiah
don't get into Princeton.
989
00:45:54,462 --> 00:45:57,007
He is gonna be up against
kids that have resumes 15-feet long.
990
00:45:57,132 --> 00:45:59,384
So? Those kids are so burnt out already,
991
00:45:59,426 --> 00:46:00,885
all they want to do is get stoned
992
00:46:00,927 --> 00:46:02,429
and play Frisbee for the rest of their lives.
993
00:46:02,470 --> 00:46:05,181
Princeton would be damn lucky
to have Jeremiah.
994
00:46:05,390 --> 00:46:08,768
Hey, f煤tbol, f煤tbol. It's a world sport, all right.
995
00:46:08,810 --> 00:46:09,978
Put some heart into it!
996
00:46:10,061 --> 00:46:12,313
Did you get that other thing I sent you?
In the box.
997
00:46:19,279 --> 00:46:20,363
(SIGHS)
998
00:46:21,322 --> 00:46:22,449
Very funny.
999
00:46:22,615 --> 00:46:25,201
Look, he wants this. He really wants this.
1000
00:46:25,285 --> 00:46:27,620
And I think he would thrive there. I can see it.
1001
00:46:28,913 --> 00:46:32,000
Look, I can't do anything
that could get me into trouble.
1002
00:46:32,083 --> 00:46:34,961
But since you're new to the process,
as a professional courtesy,
1003
00:46:35,003 --> 00:46:37,964
I can send you books, resources,
1004
00:46:38,048 --> 00:46:39,674
everything that one might need. Okay?
1005
00:46:39,966 --> 00:46:41,217
-Great.
-Goodbye.
1006
00:46:43,219 --> 00:46:44,387
What the hell was that?
1007
00:46:44,471 --> 00:46:46,556
I put my heart into it. F煤tbol.
1008
00:46:47,640 --> 00:46:49,768
I'll give you 10 bucks if you can do it again.
1009
00:46:53,813 --> 00:46:55,023
They grow up so damn fast, don't they?
1010
00:46:55,106 --> 00:46:56,274
Yeah.
1011
00:46:56,399 --> 00:46:57,817
Which one is yours?
1012
00:46:58,401 --> 00:46:59,569
Yeah.
1013
00:47:05,825 --> 00:47:07,285
With a megaphone.
1014
00:47:07,327 --> 00:47:09,996
Yeah. (SIGHS) Right? Exactly.
1015
00:47:20,882 --> 00:47:23,051
Okay, okay, I heard you. I heard you.
1016
00:47:23,134 --> 00:47:25,095
Let me. It takes a village.
1017
00:47:25,345 --> 00:47:27,430
Get your hands off my baby!
1018
00:47:27,514 --> 00:47:29,349
-No, I was just helping.
-What are you doing?
1019
00:47:29,391 --> 00:47:30,558
Everybody needs a little help.
1020
00:47:30,642 --> 00:47:31,851
Get out.
1021
00:47:32,519 --> 00:47:33,520
I'm helping you.
1022
00:47:33,603 --> 00:47:34,854
WOMAN: Come on. Come on.
1023
00:47:35,563 --> 00:47:36,606
Right now.
1024
00:47:36,690 --> 00:47:38,566
I'm not... I'm not a creep.
1025
00:47:54,207 --> 00:47:56,126
JEREMIAH: When I was eight years old,
I realized my teachers
1026
00:47:56,209 --> 00:47:58,044
were not going to be able to teach me.
1027
00:47:58,169 --> 00:48:00,797
So I became an autodidact.
1028
00:48:01,047 --> 00:48:02,257
I read everything.
1029
00:48:06,219 --> 00:48:08,013
I read biographies,
1030
00:48:08,096 --> 00:48:10,724
mainly because I didn't know
how other people lived their lives.
1031
00:48:18,231 --> 00:48:20,900
I learned several years ago that I was adopted,
1032
00:48:20,942 --> 00:48:22,402
that I was supposed to be the son
1033
00:48:22,485 --> 00:48:25,030
that my parents tried so hard
to have on their own.
1034
00:48:25,113 --> 00:48:27,574
I think my voracious reading
came from a deep longing
1035
00:48:27,657 --> 00:48:28,783
for something that was missing.
1036
00:48:30,076 --> 00:48:31,411
I was searching for someone.
1037
00:48:31,578 --> 00:48:32,579
For my story.
1038
00:48:32,829 --> 00:48:33,997
(SIGHS)
1039
00:48:34,414 --> 00:48:35,749
To not feel so alone.
1040
00:48:41,755 --> 00:48:43,715
MARK: Portia?
1041
00:48:45,300 --> 00:48:46,426
(GROANS)
1042
00:48:46,593 --> 00:48:48,178
I knew you were taking this all rather hard,
1043
00:48:48,261 --> 00:48:50,305
but I thought by now
you'd be back on your feet.
1044
00:48:50,388 --> 00:48:51,431
What?
1045
00:48:51,931 --> 00:48:52,932
It kills me.
1046
00:48:53,933 --> 00:48:55,602
It really kills me. You'll get through this.
1047
00:48:55,727 --> 00:48:56,770
You think...
1048
00:48:56,811 --> 00:48:57,937
I know it seems impossible, but you will.
1049
00:48:58,188 --> 00:48:59,773
No, this has nothing to do with you.
1050
00:48:59,814 --> 00:49:00,857
(SHUSHING)
1051
00:49:00,940 --> 00:49:02,317
It's okay. It's okay. I understand.
1052
00:49:02,400 --> 00:49:03,568
No, really.
1053
00:49:03,777 --> 00:49:05,028
(CYCLE BELL RINGING)
1054
00:49:05,153 --> 00:49:08,531
Oh, Christ! I have to go. Hang on in there!
1055
00:49:10,408 --> 00:49:11,534
Well, that's so funny.
1056
00:49:11,618 --> 00:49:13,995
Il Forno is one of my favorite restaurants, too.
1057
00:49:14,120 --> 00:49:15,705
-That's amazing.
-I know.
1058
00:49:15,830 --> 00:49:16,831
Hey.
1059
00:49:16,915 --> 00:49:18,833
Portia, sweetie, you feeling all right?
1060
00:49:20,460 --> 00:49:22,420
-Just terrific. Thanks.
-Oh, good.
1061
00:49:22,462 --> 00:49:24,297
Then I think there was an evaluation card
1062
00:49:24,381 --> 00:49:26,383
that was placed on the wrong file.
1063
00:49:26,466 --> 00:49:28,635
A Jeremiah Balakian.
1064
00:49:28,927 --> 00:49:30,053
Balakian.
1065
00:49:30,637 --> 00:49:31,680
Balakian.
1066
00:49:33,056 --> 00:49:34,808
-Balakian.
-Balakian.
1067
00:49:35,058 --> 00:49:36,309
I think.
1068
00:49:36,476 --> 00:49:39,020
You didn't mean
to put "High Consider," did you?
1069
00:49:39,479 --> 00:49:41,606
Um, let me see.
1070
00:49:45,652 --> 00:49:46,695
No, that's right.
1071
00:49:46,778 --> 00:49:48,530
But he has D's and F's and suspensions.
1072
00:49:48,738 --> 00:49:52,826
But did you notice that
he also got fives on all eight AP exams
1073
00:49:52,992 --> 00:49:55,662
without ever taking any AP courses?
1074
00:49:55,745 --> 00:49:58,373
Yes. I'm going to investigate that.
That's impossible.
1075
00:49:58,498 --> 00:50:03,670
No, apparently not, if the child in question
is a unique, special child.
1076
00:50:05,088 --> 00:50:07,173
This isn't a child. It's an applicant.
1077
00:50:07,257 --> 00:50:09,134
He's got no extracurriculars at all.
1078
00:50:09,175 --> 00:50:10,844
The counselor at his old high school
said he was shocked
1079
00:50:10,927 --> 00:50:12,512
Jeremiah was even applying to college.
1080
00:50:12,595 --> 00:50:14,347
He's an autodidact.
1081
00:50:14,431 --> 00:50:16,224
He's an advanced reader
from the age of eight.
1082
00:50:17,100 --> 00:50:21,146
Leonardo da Vinci was an autodidact.
So was Benjamin Franklin.
1083
00:50:22,230 --> 00:50:25,108
Oh, did this Balakian kid
discover electricity or paint the Mona Lisa?
1084
00:50:25,191 --> 00:50:26,526
I must have missed that in his file.
1085
00:50:27,068 --> 00:50:28,486
He's a great kid.
1086
00:50:28,528 --> 00:50:30,030
CLARENCE: Portia, dear,
1087
00:50:30,280 --> 00:50:32,032
take a deep breath.
1088
00:50:32,407 --> 00:50:33,575
Teamwork, remember?
1089
00:50:33,658 --> 00:50:34,784
Of course.
1090
00:50:34,909 --> 00:50:36,995
-I'm sorry.
-No, I'm sorry.
1091
00:50:37,120 --> 00:50:38,955
I forgot you're in a very fragile state.
1092
00:50:39,289 --> 00:50:42,292
Maybe you'd like to step outside
and see how fragile I am.
1093
00:50:45,628 --> 00:50:48,006
Only kidding! Only kidding.
1094
00:50:48,048 --> 00:50:51,676
Just a little levity to enhance the teamwork.
1095
00:50:52,761 --> 00:50:55,597
Thank you for your thoughts, Corinne.
1096
00:50:57,390 --> 00:50:58,391
(LAUGHS)
1097
00:50:58,683 --> 00:51:00,226
He's never getting in. Never.
1098
00:51:00,310 --> 00:51:02,354
Calm down.
There's something great I want to show you.
1099
00:51:02,395 --> 00:51:04,314
It turns out Jeremiah was
a state champion in...
1100
00:51:04,397 --> 00:51:05,398
In what?
1101
00:51:05,482 --> 00:51:07,067
You know what?
It's better if you see it for yourself.
1102
00:51:07,275 --> 00:51:09,361
He's gonna be doing it
at Nelson's birthday party.
1103
00:51:09,444 --> 00:51:10,612
Shows originality,
1104
00:51:10,695 --> 00:51:12,781
intellectual passion.
Everything the books talk about.
1105
00:51:12,864 --> 00:51:14,324
Oh, state champion! Thank God.
1106
00:51:14,407 --> 00:51:15,408
Excellent.
1107
00:51:15,450 --> 00:51:18,703
So, I'll send you
the address to Nelson's birthday party.
1108
00:51:18,787 --> 00:51:20,246
It's at my parents' house.
1109
00:51:20,372 --> 00:51:21,915
-I'll be there.
-Good.
1110
00:51:24,167 --> 00:51:25,835
-Is she coming to my party?
-Mmm-hmm.
1111
00:51:28,588 --> 00:51:29,839
Why do you like her so much?
1112
00:51:29,964 --> 00:51:32,133
I don't know. She's weird.
1113
00:51:32,258 --> 00:51:33,385
She is indeed.
1114
00:51:33,426 --> 00:51:34,928
Doesn't matter anyway. Right?
1115
00:51:35,011 --> 00:51:36,096
Sure it matters.
1116
00:51:39,724 --> 00:51:42,852
But about this Spanish test.
1117
00:51:42,977 --> 00:51:44,938
This is your third "try harder" in a row.
1118
00:51:45,021 --> 00:51:47,232
Se帽ora Garcia says you have
an aptitude for languages.
1119
00:51:47,399 --> 00:51:48,566
What if I don't?
1120
00:51:49,693 --> 00:51:52,112
What if I don't have
an aptitude for languages?
1121
00:51:52,278 --> 00:51:54,114
What if I'm not a genius like Jeremiah?
1122
00:51:54,280 --> 00:51:56,950
I don't want you to be a genius,
I'm not a genius,
1123
00:51:56,991 --> 00:51:58,660
but I want you to be able
to get by in the world.
1124
00:51:58,743 --> 00:52:00,412
-Whatever.
-En espa帽ol.
1125
00:52:00,453 --> 00:52:02,580
Whatever! I have class.
1126
00:52:04,791 --> 00:52:07,627
Even Beckett emerged from Gogol's Overcoat.
1127
00:52:07,794 --> 00:52:09,462
Not to mention Pinter...
1128
00:52:09,546 --> 00:52:10,922
-PORTIA: Professor Polokov.
-Yes.
1129
00:52:11,006 --> 00:52:13,049
-Portia Nathan.
-Yes, the sad lady.
1130
00:52:13,216 --> 00:52:15,135
The sad lady?
That's not really how I think of myself.
1131
00:52:15,218 --> 00:52:16,469
How is your mother?
1132
00:52:16,553 --> 00:52:17,804
She's fine.
1133
00:52:18,263 --> 00:52:20,306
So, I wonder, would you consider
1134
00:52:20,348 --> 00:52:23,476
conducting some supplementary
admissions interviews?
1135
00:52:23,560 --> 00:52:25,478
A scholar of your stature would carry
1136
00:52:25,562 --> 00:52:27,480
a huge amount of weight with the committee.
1137
00:52:27,522 --> 00:52:30,650
In fact, there is one
extremely unusual applicant
1138
00:52:30,734 --> 00:52:33,361
who's shown a strong interest
in literature and philosophy.
1139
00:52:33,445 --> 00:52:36,364
Why would I want to speak
with a high school student?
1140
00:52:36,489 --> 00:52:40,160
Of course, perhaps
we could make some sort of arrangement.
1141
00:52:40,702 --> 00:52:42,495
SUSANNAH: I can't believe
you're pimping me.
1142
00:52:42,537 --> 00:52:45,665
I'm not pimping you.
He's a fan of your writing.
1143
00:52:45,749 --> 00:52:48,001
And I need him to meet this applicant.
1144
00:52:48,084 --> 00:52:50,295
Besides, when's the last time
you went to a party?
1145
00:52:50,337 --> 00:52:52,422
With racist jockey statues? Never.
1146
00:52:52,547 --> 00:52:53,757
Yeah, those are pretty weird.
1147
00:53:00,347 --> 00:53:02,265
Hey, Portia! Thanks for coming to my party!
1148
00:53:02,349 --> 00:53:03,725
Hi, Nelson, happy birthday!
1149
00:53:04,726 --> 00:53:06,561
Hey! I'm glad you could make it.
1150
00:53:06,853 --> 00:53:08,438
So, this is your parents' place?
1151
00:53:09,022 --> 00:53:11,608
Hmm. Yeah. Well, my mom's now.
1152
00:53:11,691 --> 00:53:13,777
My dad passed away a few months ago.
1153
00:53:14,027 --> 00:53:15,445
-Oh, I'm sorry.
-No.
1154
00:53:16,780 --> 00:53:18,365
It's nice to see you again.
1155
00:53:18,406 --> 00:53:19,949
You're not packing heat
by any chance, are you?
1156
00:53:20,075 --> 00:53:21,284
Should I be?
1157
00:53:21,368 --> 00:53:22,619
No, we're all friendlies.
1158
00:53:23,203 --> 00:53:24,287
So, what is this?
1159
00:53:24,537 --> 00:53:27,665
That is a fossil from the Jurassic era.
1160
00:53:27,707 --> 00:53:30,877
It's been in the same place
for 150 million years.
1161
00:53:30,919 --> 00:53:32,003
Oh, cool!
1162
00:53:32,045 --> 00:53:34,047
Welcome, welcome, welcome.
1163
00:53:34,089 --> 00:53:35,465
Mom, I would like you to meet...
1164
00:53:35,548 --> 00:53:37,676
I'm Johnny's mother, Mrs. Pressman.
1165
00:53:37,717 --> 00:53:38,843
Are you Johnny's girlfriend?
1166
00:53:38,968 --> 00:53:43,056
Ah, no. No, we are friends.
Just friendly acquaintances. Portia Nathan.
1167
00:53:43,390 --> 00:53:45,350
Of course. What am I thinking?
1168
00:53:45,392 --> 00:53:50,897
He can't love anything
that's less than a 10-hour flight from JFK.
1169
00:53:51,064 --> 00:53:52,691
Maybe we don't have to go. Right, Grandma?
1170
00:53:52,816 --> 00:53:53,817
Nelson.
1171
00:53:53,900 --> 00:53:55,568
You're absolutely right, Nelson.
1172
00:53:55,735 --> 00:53:59,906
There's nothing wrong
with staying in the same place for a while.
1173
00:54:00,073 --> 00:54:03,034
Ask Portia.
She's been in the same job for 16 years!
1174
00:54:03,076 --> 00:54:04,744
Yeah. And it's a travesty, Nelson.
1175
00:54:04,786 --> 00:54:06,746
Portia was president of her high school class.
1176
00:54:07,330 --> 00:54:09,207
-Mom.
-And she resigned in protest over
1177
00:54:09,249 --> 00:54:11,334
funding for the girls' sports program.
1178
00:54:11,418 --> 00:54:13,920
She led a school-wide walkout.
1179
00:54:14,045 --> 00:54:15,422
And the relevance of all this is?
1180
00:54:15,547 --> 00:54:19,843
When you were nine months old,
you could walk.
1181
00:54:20,093 --> 00:54:21,219
She actually walked.
1182
00:54:21,636 --> 00:54:25,265
I don't mean just stumble walking
like an infant or a toddler.
1183
00:54:25,390 --> 00:54:27,475
She walked with absolute certainty.
1184
00:54:27,600 --> 00:54:29,936
One day I saw her tumble
over her shoelaces, John,
1185
00:54:30,061 --> 00:54:32,355
she did not cry, she didn't fall down,
1186
00:54:32,439 --> 00:54:36,693
she sat down, carefully,
tied her shoelaces in a double knot...
1187
00:54:36,776 --> 00:54:38,820
-(LAUGHING)
-...got up and kept going.
1188
00:54:38,987 --> 00:54:40,280
At nine months old.
1189
00:54:40,447 --> 00:54:41,781
There are a lot of holes in that story.
1190
00:54:42,032 --> 00:54:45,493
You were fearless. You were born an Amazon.
1191
00:54:45,618 --> 00:54:47,120
That's amazing. I love it!
1192
00:54:47,162 --> 00:54:49,414
And what makes you think
she needs your approval?
1193
00:54:49,497 --> 00:54:51,958
Okay, that's enough crazytown.
1194
00:54:52,167 --> 00:54:53,543
When Johnny got admitted to Harvard Law...
1195
00:54:53,626 --> 00:54:54,961
Oh, God.
1196
00:54:55,086 --> 00:54:58,256
...he decided to go
and live in Outer Mongolia instead.
1197
00:54:58,548 --> 00:55:00,550
-Outer Mongolia?
-You know what, Portia,
1198
00:55:00,633 --> 00:55:02,260
I'm with you, enough crazytown.
1199
00:55:02,427 --> 00:55:05,013
Have another vat of gin there, Mom.
1200
00:55:05,764 --> 00:55:08,475
Ms. Nathan, Vladimir Polokov.
1201
00:55:15,148 --> 00:55:17,984
You are just as beautiful today
as you were 30 years ago.
1202
00:55:18,109 --> 00:55:19,944
I just had a mastectomy.
1203
00:55:19,986 --> 00:55:21,946
I was just translated into Finnish.
1204
00:55:22,322 --> 00:55:23,740
(CHUCKLING)
1205
00:55:23,823 --> 00:55:24,991
(SPEAKING FINNISH)
1206
00:55:25,033 --> 00:55:26,117
Brilliant.
1207
00:55:26,993 --> 00:55:28,661
May I get you some iced tea?
1208
00:55:28,703 --> 00:55:30,580
Or something stronger, perhaps?
1209
00:55:30,747 --> 00:55:33,083
Why not. I'll stroll with you.
1210
00:55:33,291 --> 00:55:35,335
I'd love to. It would be a pleasure.
1211
00:55:36,252 --> 00:55:41,007
It was a pleasure.
Your lawn jockeys are just outstanding.
1212
00:55:41,174 --> 00:55:42,175
Aren't they fun?
1213
00:55:45,804 --> 00:55:50,266
And now, with a special performance
for Nelson on his big day...
1214
00:55:50,392 --> 00:55:51,601
(WHOOPING)
1215
00:55:51,685 --> 00:55:53,353
(ALL APPLAUDING)
1216
00:55:53,853 --> 00:55:56,690
...performing the act that
won him honorable mention
1217
00:55:56,773 --> 00:56:00,193
at the New Hampshire state championships,
put your hands together,
1218
00:56:00,318 --> 00:56:01,903
(DRUMMING)
1219
00:56:01,986 --> 00:56:04,698
put your hands together,
1220
00:56:04,781 --> 00:56:06,533
for Jeremiah Balakian!
1221
00:56:11,496 --> 00:56:13,832
I want to dedicate this performance to Nelson.
1222
00:56:14,374 --> 00:56:15,875
Happy birthday, pal.
1223
00:56:17,711 --> 00:56:19,713
Honorable mention?
I thought you said he won.
1224
00:56:19,796 --> 00:56:21,006
He was robbed.
1225
00:56:21,089 --> 00:56:23,967
This is my other friend, Ren茅 Descartes.
1226
00:56:24,592 --> 00:56:25,719
Say, hello, Ren茅.
1227
00:56:25,844 --> 00:56:26,970
ALL: Hello, Ren茅.
1228
00:56:28,263 --> 00:56:29,597
How are you, Ren茅?
1229
00:56:30,849 --> 00:56:35,145
I think, therefore I am.
1230
00:56:35,228 --> 00:56:37,230
(LAUGHING)
1231
00:56:37,564 --> 00:56:39,858
Did you say you're pink,
therefore you're ham?
1232
00:56:40,608 --> 00:56:43,278
Do you have any advice
for a young man, Ren茅?
1233
00:56:43,403 --> 00:56:50,035
Whatever you do,
don't put the horse before Descartes.
1234
00:56:50,201 --> 00:56:51,953
(LAUGHING)
1235
00:56:54,164 --> 00:56:58,209
Hey, do you guys want to
see Descartes philosophize backwards?
1236
00:56:58,918 --> 00:57:01,755
I think, therefore I am.
1237
00:57:01,838 --> 00:57:03,006
Oh, God.
1238
00:57:03,757 --> 00:57:05,050
That's terrible.
1239
00:57:10,722 --> 00:57:12,140
What was that?
1240
00:57:12,223 --> 00:57:13,933
Come on, that showed originality, depth.
1241
00:57:13,975 --> 00:57:15,268
Are you kidding me?
1242
00:57:15,310 --> 00:57:16,478
Here, from the Island of Misfit Toys,
1243
00:57:16,561 --> 00:57:17,937
we bring you Jeremiah Balakian!
1244
00:57:18,063 --> 00:57:19,105
Are those birds?
1245
00:57:19,189 --> 00:57:20,398
Those are doves.
1246
00:57:20,523 --> 00:57:21,608
For the party?
1247
00:57:21,649 --> 00:57:23,985
No. You know, my mom has a dove room.
1248
00:57:25,195 --> 00:57:27,447
Uh, by the way,
I know that wasn't a perfect showcase,
1249
00:57:27,530 --> 00:57:28,948
but he can't pretend to be somebody he's not.
1250
00:57:29,115 --> 00:57:31,201
Yes, he can. You should try it sometimes.
1251
00:57:31,284 --> 00:57:33,286
It's how humans behave here on planet Earth!
1252
00:57:33,453 --> 00:57:35,163
I know how humans behave on planet Earth
1253
00:57:35,288 --> 00:57:37,248
because I've actually
lived a few places on planet Earth.
1254
00:57:37,332 --> 00:57:39,417
Wait! God. Here, help me.
1255
00:57:39,542 --> 00:57:40,543
Aren't you ready yet?
1256
00:57:40,627 --> 00:57:41,670
I'm lighting them as fast as I can!
1257
00:57:41,836 --> 00:57:44,631
Hurry up! Do you like the cake?
1258
00:57:44,756 --> 00:57:45,924
It's very patriotic!
1259
00:57:45,965 --> 00:57:47,342
Nelson's idea.
1260
00:57:48,301 --> 00:57:50,637
Ow, how many frigging candles
are on this cake?
1261
00:57:50,720 --> 00:57:53,306
Oh, fifty. You know, it was my mom's idea.
1262
00:57:53,348 --> 00:57:55,642
Polokov was looking at Jeremiah
like he had two heads!
1263
00:57:55,725 --> 00:57:57,143
Well, that's his problem, isn't it?
1264
00:57:57,310 --> 00:57:58,645
Look, I want Jeremiah to go to Princeton,
1265
00:57:58,770 --> 00:58:00,438
because he wants to go to Princeton,
1266
00:58:00,480 --> 00:58:01,940
and I actually think he'd do great there,
1267
00:58:02,148 --> 00:58:03,274
but if he doesn't get into Princeton,
1268
00:58:03,316 --> 00:58:04,401
if he gets into another school,
1269
00:58:04,484 --> 00:58:06,736
well, that's fine, too,
because where you went to school,
1270
00:58:06,820 --> 00:58:09,280
and what your background is,
that is just a box, and I reject it.
1271
00:58:09,406 --> 00:58:12,325
I reject being put into a box, okay?
1272
00:58:19,833 --> 00:58:21,167
-Hi.
-Hi, Mom.
1273
00:58:21,209 --> 00:58:22,752
-How did it go?
-It was good.
1274
00:58:30,427 --> 00:58:33,763
Mr. and Mrs. Balakian? I'm Portia Nathan.
1275
00:58:33,888 --> 00:58:35,890
-Oh.
-I want to say thank you so much
1276
00:58:35,974 --> 00:58:38,268
for everything
that you have done for this boy.
1277
00:58:38,852 --> 00:58:40,520
You're wonderful people.
1278
00:58:43,815 --> 00:58:45,233
Uh, she's from Princeton.
1279
00:58:45,316 --> 00:58:46,526
Oh!
1280
00:58:46,609 --> 00:58:48,278
Well, you're welcome.
1281
00:58:48,361 --> 00:58:49,571
I love you.
1282
00:58:50,321 --> 00:58:51,322
Okay.
1283
00:58:51,364 --> 00:58:53,033
Uh, bye.
1284
00:59:03,543 --> 00:59:04,544
-Portia.
-(SCREAMS)
1285
00:59:04,669 --> 00:59:05,837
What are you doing here?
1286
00:59:05,879 --> 00:59:07,213
I want to come live with you.
1287
00:59:07,297 --> 00:59:10,133
Why in God's name
would you want to live with me?
1288
00:59:10,216 --> 00:59:12,427
Because you're a normal, boring adult.
1289
00:59:12,552 --> 00:59:14,804
I bet you'd take me to Chuck E. Cheese!
1290
00:59:14,888 --> 00:59:16,723
What makes you think I'm so boring?
1291
00:59:16,765 --> 00:59:19,225
You just are. It's good!
1292
00:59:19,267 --> 00:59:21,061
At your age, you're supposed to be boring!
1293
00:59:21,186 --> 00:59:22,395
I am the same age as your dad.
1294
00:59:22,437 --> 00:59:23,730
Tell him that!
1295
00:59:23,772 --> 00:59:26,358
-JOHN: Hello.
-John, it's Portia. I have Nelson.
1296
00:59:26,399 --> 00:59:27,567
-You do?
-He's fine.
1297
00:59:27,650 --> 00:59:28,985
-He is?
-Yes, he's fine.
1298
00:59:29,069 --> 00:59:30,070
Thank goodness.
1299
00:59:38,912 --> 00:59:41,623
Nelson, you know how much
I love this statue, right?
1300
00:59:41,790 --> 00:59:43,083
Yeah.
1301
00:59:43,416 --> 00:59:45,293
You rode a horse three days through
1302
00:59:45,377 --> 00:59:47,420
Outer Mongolia in the pouring rain,
1303
00:59:47,545 --> 00:59:49,589
living off of mare's milk to bring it back.
1304
00:59:49,631 --> 00:59:50,715
That's right.
1305
00:59:50,965 --> 00:59:52,884
And I've dragged it place to place,
1306
00:59:52,926 --> 00:59:55,303
across the world, ever since I was 22.
1307
00:59:59,349 --> 01:00:02,727
That is nothing,
nothing compared to how much I love you!
1308
01:00:03,103 --> 01:00:05,772
Please don't scare me like that again.
1309
01:00:05,939 --> 01:00:07,732
NELSON: Why? You do it all the time.
1310
01:00:07,774 --> 01:00:09,109
Hide out in cars?
1311
01:00:09,192 --> 01:00:10,276
Run away!
1312
01:00:10,360 --> 01:00:11,861
JOHN: I'll never run away from you.
1313
01:00:11,945 --> 01:00:15,031
And going across the world
and helping people is not running away.
1314
01:00:15,156 --> 01:00:18,284
I know,
but why can't we ever just do what I want?
1315
01:00:18,910 --> 01:00:21,454
Because you are a kid, I'm an adult,
1316
01:00:21,621 --> 01:00:24,457
what I say in this house goes!
1317
01:00:32,757 --> 01:00:33,758
(DOOR BANGS SHUT)
1318
01:00:35,093 --> 01:00:36,803
This parenthood thing.
1319
01:00:38,138 --> 01:00:39,806
Oh, it's a disaster.
1320
01:00:39,973 --> 01:00:41,016
So I hear.
1321
01:00:41,474 --> 01:00:43,393
I'm screwing it up.
1322
01:00:43,643 --> 01:00:45,145
Am I screwing it up?
1323
01:00:45,437 --> 01:00:46,479
You're asking me?
1324
01:00:46,521 --> 01:00:48,648
I don't know, it's just,
Nelson and I have always traveled.
1325
01:00:49,607 --> 01:00:51,651
I wanted to give him the kind of life
I didn't have as a kid.
1326
01:00:51,735 --> 01:00:53,445
I wanted to give him
the opposite of what I had as a kid.
1327
01:00:53,528 --> 01:00:56,156
But, now, all of a sudden
he's turning into my mother.
1328
01:00:56,281 --> 01:00:58,867
He plays bridge. He listens to Lite FM.
1329
01:00:59,284 --> 01:01:01,119
He asked for a blue blazer with gold buttons
1330
01:01:01,161 --> 01:01:03,204
and anchors on them for Christmas.
1331
01:01:03,705 --> 01:01:05,081
Does your mom wear blue blazers?
1332
01:01:05,290 --> 01:01:06,666
No, that was my father.
1333
01:01:07,167 --> 01:01:08,585
How is it possible?
1334
01:01:09,502 --> 01:01:10,628
What am I doing wrong?
1335
01:01:11,379 --> 01:01:12,422
At least you're trying.
1336
01:01:13,423 --> 01:01:15,383
I mean, there's so many
different kinds of parents.
1337
01:01:16,301 --> 01:01:18,678
There's no one best way to do it.
1338
01:01:19,512 --> 01:01:23,850
Or so I've gathered with my vast
experience reading personal essays.
1339
01:01:26,227 --> 01:01:29,856
Speaking of which,
I have 15 essays to get through tonight. So...
1340
01:01:29,981 --> 01:01:32,609
Right. Yeah.
1341
01:01:34,235 --> 01:01:37,364
Well, thank you for bringing him back.
1342
01:01:37,405 --> 01:01:38,782
Of course.
1343
01:01:41,034 --> 01:01:42,410
So, you really are leaving, aren't you?
1344
01:01:42,535 --> 01:01:44,704
Um, in a month and a half.
1345
01:01:53,213 --> 01:01:54,339
I thought...
1346
01:01:54,381 --> 01:01:56,549
Let's just not think for a while.
1347
01:01:58,176 --> 01:01:59,386
Great.
1348
01:02:04,599 --> 01:02:06,893
(MELLOW SONG PLAYING)
1349
01:02:32,002 --> 01:02:33,420
NELSON: Hey, Portia?
1350
01:02:33,795 --> 01:02:35,255
Yes.
1351
01:02:35,422 --> 01:02:36,631
Are you going to be my mom?
1352
01:02:37,507 --> 01:02:39,384
What? No. (SHUSHING)
1353
01:02:40,760 --> 01:02:41,761
I'm just messing with you.
1354
01:02:43,096 --> 01:02:44,389
Right. Go back to sleep.
1355
01:02:45,807 --> 01:02:47,142
Guess you're not so boring after all.
1356
01:02:47,809 --> 01:02:49,269
(BLOWING A RASPBERRY)
1357
01:03:05,952 --> 01:03:07,537
-Good morning.
-Hi.
1358
01:03:07,620 --> 01:03:09,748
Did you stay over?
1359
01:03:09,873 --> 01:03:11,124
Too long of a drive back to campus?
1360
01:03:11,207 --> 01:03:12,459
-I slept on the sofa.
-Ah.
1361
01:03:13,918 --> 01:03:15,295
So did your mother.
1362
01:03:15,962 --> 01:03:18,256
We did not make it all the way to the bedroom.
1363
01:03:18,298 --> 01:03:19,382
I didn't need to know that.
1364
01:03:19,466 --> 01:03:20,467
Interesting.
1365
01:03:20,800 --> 01:03:21,885
Unique, I would say.
1366
01:03:22,302 --> 01:03:23,845
Oh, really, that's enough information.
1367
01:03:23,970 --> 01:03:25,221
The boy. Jeremiah.
1368
01:03:25,847 --> 01:03:30,018
-Oh.
-The ventriloquism, weird. I liked it.
1369
01:03:30,727 --> 01:03:31,853
I will write a recommendation.
1370
01:03:31,936 --> 01:03:32,979
Thank you!
1371
01:03:33,313 --> 01:03:34,731
Thank you, sad lady!
1372
01:04:00,507 --> 01:04:01,758
(WHISPERS) Mom?
1373
01:04:02,092 --> 01:04:03,093
Mom?
1374
01:04:06,805 --> 01:04:08,390
What are you doing here?
1375
01:04:10,975 --> 01:04:13,353
I wanted to tell you something.
1376
01:04:13,561 --> 01:04:15,980
I know, you slept with that guy, didn't you?
1377
01:04:17,065 --> 01:04:18,191
I did.
1378
01:04:18,316 --> 01:04:20,193
Then we both got lucky. (CHUCKLING)
1379
01:04:21,486 --> 01:04:23,196
Yeah. He's leaving.
1380
01:04:24,864 --> 01:04:26,700
It's okay. It's good.
1381
01:04:27,617 --> 01:04:31,579
It is good. You don't need
any commitments right now. It's perfect.
1382
01:04:33,248 --> 01:04:34,249
No.
1383
01:04:34,332 --> 01:04:35,709
Honey, I'm exhausted.
1384
01:04:37,043 --> 01:04:40,547
That old Russian guy, uh, gave me a workout.
1385
01:04:41,756 --> 01:04:42,966
(CLATTERS)
1386
01:04:43,299 --> 01:04:47,220
Just take a nap. Just for a bit.
1387
01:04:49,764 --> 01:04:51,891
Actually, I gotta hit the road.
1388
01:05:51,868 --> 01:05:53,078
MAN: Next victim!
1389
01:05:53,119 --> 01:05:55,330
Good luck with the fencing finals, Sebastian.
1390
01:05:56,206 --> 01:05:58,124
It's a pleasure to meet you.
1391
01:05:58,208 --> 01:05:59,709
WOMAN: Thank you so much.
1392
01:06:00,543 --> 01:06:02,295
-Hi there!
-Hi.
1393
01:06:05,340 --> 01:06:07,342
This is Jeremiah Balakian.
1394
01:06:07,425 --> 01:06:09,344
Good to meet you. Are you Mr. Balakian?
1395
01:06:09,427 --> 01:06:11,513
No, his parents couldn't make it,
I'm his teacher.
1396
01:06:11,971 --> 01:06:13,139
Yeah, you look like a teacher.
1397
01:06:14,641 --> 01:06:16,726
You might want to tuck that in, son.
1398
01:06:16,810 --> 01:06:19,020
So, Jeremiah, why don't you
come in my torture chamber,
1399
01:06:19,104 --> 01:06:20,271
we'll have a chat and you can tell me
1400
01:06:20,313 --> 01:06:21,481
why you want to go to Princeton.
1401
01:06:21,523 --> 01:06:25,443
I rowed crew, class of '81,
a lot's changed since then!
1402
01:06:27,153 --> 01:06:30,073
Hey! This kid, he's terrific.
1403
01:06:30,198 --> 01:06:31,700
Yeah, great.
1404
01:06:32,325 --> 01:06:34,494
No, I mean, he's authentic.
1405
01:06:34,786 --> 01:06:35,995
He doesn't want to just go to Princeton
1406
01:06:36,079 --> 01:06:37,539
to meet future business partners.
1407
01:06:38,498 --> 01:06:40,583
He loves learning for the sake of learning.
1408
01:06:41,501 --> 01:06:43,670
That's what it's about, isn't it?
1409
01:06:44,045 --> 01:06:45,130
(CHUCKLING)
1410
01:06:45,922 --> 01:06:47,132
Right.
1411
01:06:48,008 --> 01:06:50,218
Why don't you
go get yourself a cup of coffee?
1412
01:06:50,343 --> 01:06:51,928
Yeah. Great. Thanks.
1413
01:06:53,763 --> 01:06:54,806
(WHISPERS) Prick.
1414
01:06:54,848 --> 01:06:56,182
-Excuse me?
-Hmm.
1415
01:06:58,852 --> 01:07:01,563
I just called you a prick. I'm sorry.
1416
01:07:03,023 --> 01:07:05,734
Don't take it out on him. That's my own thing.
1417
01:07:09,029 --> 01:07:10,196
That's not very nice.
1418
01:07:10,280 --> 01:07:11,865
I know.
1419
01:07:13,241 --> 01:07:15,702
So, Jeremiah, tell me about yourself.
1420
01:07:15,952 --> 01:07:16,953
(MOUTHING)
1421
01:07:18,455 --> 01:07:22,375
Uh, myself, as in...
You mean in relation to my soul?
1422
01:07:22,417 --> 01:07:23,835
Or do you mean myself, like,
1423
01:07:23,877 --> 01:07:26,254
as a unified person, like,
the source of consciousness,
1424
01:07:26,338 --> 01:07:29,841
or do you mean myself, like...
Like as a narrative center of gravity?
1425
01:07:31,509 --> 01:07:32,510
How bad was it?
1426
01:07:32,552 --> 01:07:34,888
I'm not supposed
to discuss alumni recommendations.
1427
01:07:34,971 --> 01:07:36,306
It was that bad?
1428
01:07:36,389 --> 01:07:37,557
Well, can we get him
a second alumni interview?
1429
01:07:37,640 --> 01:07:38,641
I'm afraid not.
1430
01:07:39,267 --> 01:07:40,727
Tomorrow,
the committee meetings begin, and...
1431
01:07:40,810 --> 01:07:42,854
Look, I gotta go home and get some sleep.
1432
01:07:42,896 --> 01:07:44,522
It's the last chance
I'm gonna have for three weeks.
1433
01:07:44,564 --> 01:07:46,691
Your meetings last three weeks?
1434
01:07:46,733 --> 01:07:48,360
-I have to go.
-Right.
1435
01:07:48,485 --> 01:07:49,569
Bye.
1436
01:08:12,258 --> 01:08:14,094
I have spoken to the Judo Association,
1437
01:08:14,135 --> 01:08:17,430
and they have no record
of his national championship.
1438
01:08:19,557 --> 01:08:21,601
Thank you. Goodbye.
1439
01:08:26,773 --> 01:08:28,358
I just want to say thank you.
1440
01:08:29,234 --> 01:08:32,696
I've tried to put on a brave front about...
1441
01:08:33,613 --> 01:08:34,906
(MUMBLES)
1442
01:08:35,615 --> 01:08:37,409
I can't even say his name.
1443
01:08:37,951 --> 01:08:39,077
-Mark.
-Yes, him.
1444
01:08:39,536 --> 01:08:40,954
And honestly,
1445
01:08:41,621 --> 01:08:43,373
you're the only person who's really been
1446
01:08:43,456 --> 01:08:46,459
so sensitive to what I'm going through,
1447
01:08:46,543 --> 01:08:48,712
and I appreciate it so much.
1448
01:08:50,130 --> 01:08:52,048
Men can be such pigs.
1449
01:08:52,799 --> 01:08:54,592
People are all pigs.
1450
01:08:55,427 --> 01:08:58,638
Uh, okay, yes. I'm with you on that.
1451
01:09:00,640 --> 01:09:02,142
-(SOBBING)
-(GASPS)
1452
01:09:05,478 --> 01:09:06,479
Oh, no.
1453
01:09:08,148 --> 01:09:11,276
-Oh!
-Maybe we can declare a truce,
1454
01:09:11,317 --> 01:09:13,987
because we women have to stick together
1455
01:09:14,070 --> 01:09:17,991
in this man-eat-woman, dog-eat-bitch world.
1456
01:09:19,284 --> 01:09:20,827
Sisterhood.
1457
01:09:23,079 --> 01:09:24,748
You are so right.
1458
01:09:25,331 --> 01:09:26,458
(LAUGHING)
1459
01:09:29,544 --> 01:09:30,837
-Good.
-Yeah.
1460
01:09:33,840 --> 01:09:37,469
Friends, today, we begin the process of
1461
01:09:37,510 --> 01:09:42,182
choosing the most remarkable
freshman class in Princeton history.
1462
01:09:44,351 --> 01:09:49,189
Here is
the order of territories chosen randomly.
1463
01:09:50,440 --> 01:09:52,942
We begin with the West.
1464
01:09:54,110 --> 01:09:55,695
Ladies and gentlemen.
1465
01:09:56,071 --> 01:09:57,655
Corinne, are you ready?
1466
01:09:57,697 --> 01:09:58,990
Yes.
1467
01:10:00,700 --> 01:10:02,202
Yulia Karasov.
1468
01:10:02,911 --> 01:10:07,499
Class rank two of 450,
magnet school in a suburb of San Diego.
1469
01:10:08,333 --> 01:10:10,710
Her family emigrated from Russia
10 years ago.
1470
01:10:10,752 --> 01:10:12,420
She's captain of the cross-country team,
1471
01:10:12,504 --> 01:10:14,214
sports editor of the school paper.
1472
01:10:14,881 --> 01:10:18,802
Math, 760. Critical Reading, 710. Writing, 740.
1473
01:10:19,094 --> 01:10:22,806
But the recs aren't special.
They admire her, but they don't love her.
1474
01:10:24,683 --> 01:10:26,893
Show of hands for acceptance.
1475
01:10:27,811 --> 01:10:29,312
(CLARENCE CHUCKLING)
1476
01:10:32,232 --> 01:10:33,525
(SCREAMS)
1477
01:10:35,443 --> 01:10:37,612
Holy shit. That's the kid that doesn't get in?
1478
01:10:37,946 --> 01:10:40,240
Sylvia Hadlock. Applying from Los Angeles,
1479
01:10:40,281 --> 01:10:42,617
but she's originally
from our beautiful state of New Jersey.
1480
01:10:44,703 --> 01:10:47,247
CORINNE: Wallace Thompson.
2100 combined SAT,
1481
01:10:47,330 --> 01:10:49,165
class treasurer, volunteers for...
1482
01:10:49,249 --> 01:10:51,084
(VOICES OVERLAPPING)
1483
01:10:55,422 --> 01:10:56,464
Alice Copley.
1484
01:10:56,923 --> 01:10:58,258
Her dream is to be a prosecutor,
1485
01:10:58,341 --> 01:10:59,926
then serve on the Supreme Court.
1486
01:11:00,510 --> 01:11:04,639
Alice's mother was murdered.
The murderer got off on a technicality.
1487
01:11:05,181 --> 01:11:08,601
Alice would like to retry him
and put him away for life,
1488
01:11:09,519 --> 01:11:11,479
though she would prefer the death penalty.
1489
01:11:12,939 --> 01:11:15,150
Excellent extracurriculars.
1490
01:11:15,233 --> 01:11:19,279
2220 combined SAT. 4.2 GPA.
1491
01:11:19,446 --> 01:11:23,742
I'm a little concerned about
a revenge fantasy fuelling her academics.
1492
01:11:23,783 --> 01:11:26,953
Uh, Portia, you were second reader.
I see you put "Maybe."
1493
01:11:28,872 --> 01:11:30,749
I might have underestimated her passion
1494
01:11:30,790 --> 01:11:34,085
upon first reading, as we all sometimes do.
1495
01:11:34,336 --> 01:11:37,547
I think this girl's
self-knowledge is impressive.
1496
01:11:37,630 --> 01:11:39,341
She's an excellent candidate.
1497
01:11:41,634 --> 01:11:42,761
CLARENCE: Vote.
1498
01:11:45,805 --> 01:11:46,806
Oh. (LAUGHING)
1499
01:11:47,432 --> 01:11:48,641
Very good.
1500
01:11:54,898 --> 01:12:00,111
Dashiel Weld Broward,
fourth-generation legacy.
1501
01:12:01,488 --> 01:12:02,989
4.0.
1502
01:12:03,531 --> 01:12:05,283
Captain of his sailing club.
1503
01:12:05,492 --> 01:12:07,994
He led them to victory three years in a row.
1504
01:12:08,328 --> 01:12:09,496
CORINNE: SATs?
1505
01:12:09,579 --> 01:12:12,332
Uh, 660, 710, 600.
1506
01:12:12,374 --> 01:12:13,833
He's just one of those kids
that doesn't test well.
1507
01:12:14,668 --> 01:12:17,879
But, oh, can he read the wind.
1508
01:12:18,004 --> 01:12:20,006
So what you're saying is that an unusual
1509
01:12:20,090 --> 01:12:22,342
candidate's strengths in some areas
1510
01:12:22,384 --> 01:12:27,681
really do outweigh major,
and I mean major, weakness elsewhere.
1511
01:12:30,266 --> 01:12:31,518
Yes.
1512
01:12:32,268 --> 01:12:34,979
Let's vote then. For acceptance?
1513
01:12:40,527 --> 01:12:42,987
Aput Kunayak from Nome, Alaska.
1514
01:12:43,863 --> 01:12:45,949
Managed to take five AP classes
1515
01:12:46,032 --> 01:12:48,368
while working on his father's reindeer farm
1516
01:12:48,451 --> 01:12:53,665
and starting and
running a shelter for homeless sled dogs.
1517
01:12:53,707 --> 01:12:56,084
Had suffered from ADD, but overcame it
1518
01:12:56,167 --> 01:12:58,461
to become a leader in his high school.
1519
01:12:58,670 --> 01:13:01,339
He'd be the first in his family
to attend college.
1520
01:13:01,381 --> 01:13:04,134
Now, Ben, as you know, we have room
1521
01:13:04,217 --> 01:13:06,886
for very few of these iffy students.
1522
01:13:07,387 --> 01:13:10,056
But then again, we have to
make room for the exceptional, right?
1523
01:13:11,433 --> 01:13:12,434
Let's vote.
1524
01:13:25,572 --> 01:13:28,074
Aput Kunayak.
1525
01:13:31,161 --> 01:13:32,746
Are you gonna give me the file?
1526
01:13:33,663 --> 01:13:38,001
At last, we come to the end, the Northeast.
1527
01:13:38,418 --> 01:13:41,421
Portia, please begin.
1528
01:13:42,505 --> 01:13:43,506
(SIGHS) Thank you.
1529
01:13:46,134 --> 01:13:49,095
Richard Guinness, Rye Country Day School,
1530
01:13:49,387 --> 01:13:53,016
state champion
in the 138-pound wrestling class,
1531
01:13:53,183 --> 01:13:56,853
played Rolfe in
the school production of The Sound of Music.
1532
01:13:57,937 --> 01:14:01,107
Chess club, makes an excellent souffl茅.
1533
01:14:01,274 --> 01:14:02,901
Member of the team, but not a leader.
1534
01:14:04,361 --> 01:14:07,447
Backbone of the woodwinds section
1535
01:14:07,530 --> 01:14:09,699
was the highest praise he got.
1536
01:14:09,908 --> 01:14:11,826
He is the kind of student
1537
01:14:11,910 --> 01:14:13,787
you could always call upon to help with
1538
01:14:13,912 --> 01:14:15,789
Martin Luther King Day activities.
1539
01:14:16,790 --> 01:14:18,124
Who isn't?
1540
01:14:18,541 --> 01:14:22,462
That's 28 denies in a row.
1541
01:14:23,421 --> 01:14:26,091
Come on, Portia, make us fall in love.
1542
01:14:26,341 --> 01:14:27,676
Okay, let's see.
1543
01:14:30,470 --> 01:14:31,471
Ah.
1544
01:14:33,932 --> 01:14:35,725
Jeremiah Balakian.
1545
01:14:40,230 --> 01:14:42,732
Jeremiah is our first applicant from Quest,
1546
01:14:42,816 --> 01:14:44,734
a new school in New Hampshire.
1547
01:14:45,318 --> 01:14:47,487
Developmental, but academically rigorous.
1548
01:14:48,113 --> 01:14:50,031
Jeremiah is an only child.
1549
01:14:50,115 --> 01:14:52,158
Parents both work at a Stop-N-Go.
1550
01:14:52,325 --> 01:14:54,369
Neither of them attended college.
1551
01:14:54,452 --> 01:14:58,998
The first three years
of his high school life were a disaster.
1552
01:14:59,666 --> 01:15:02,043
If you're wondering
why you are even listening to this,
1553
01:15:02,127 --> 01:15:07,674
Jeremiah is also a self-described
autodidact since the age of eight.
1554
01:15:07,757 --> 01:15:08,842
He is very well-read.
1555
01:15:08,925 --> 01:15:11,886
In fact, he is
the most well-read person I have met.
1556
01:15:11,970 --> 01:15:12,971
Ever.
1557
01:15:13,930 --> 01:15:18,268
And why? For his resume?
To impress someone?
1558
01:15:18,476 --> 01:15:22,814
For the sake of learning,
his passion for knowledge.
1559
01:15:24,315 --> 01:15:25,900
He had no plans to attend college
1560
01:15:25,984 --> 01:15:28,862
until this past fall when he switched to Quest
1561
01:15:28,945 --> 01:15:33,867
and came into contact
with teachers who recognized his potential.
1562
01:15:34,617 --> 01:15:38,788
Last spring,
he took the SATs and eight AP tests.
1563
01:15:39,205 --> 01:15:41,541
Wait, so he took AP classes?
1564
01:15:41,708 --> 01:15:45,378
No AP classes, no SAT prep courses.
1565
01:15:45,462 --> 01:15:48,548
But he got 5's on all eight APs,
1566
01:15:48,590 --> 01:15:53,803
and 790, 780 and 790 on the SATs.
1567
01:15:54,220 --> 01:15:55,305
That's amazing.
1568
01:15:55,388 --> 01:15:56,389
I'm sorry, what did you say?
1569
01:15:56,514 --> 01:15:57,599
That's amazing.
1570
01:15:57,682 --> 01:15:59,893
Amazing! It's amazing. Exactly.
1571
01:16:01,186 --> 01:16:04,397
Do you think he can handle
an intense academic community?
1572
01:16:04,439 --> 01:16:05,690
Thank you. That's a great question.
1573
01:16:05,732 --> 01:16:06,816
-Thank you.
-You're welcome.
1574
01:16:06,900 --> 01:16:09,819
The director of his new school says he is
1575
01:16:09,903 --> 01:16:12,280
"idiosyncratic, cerebral,
1576
01:16:12,364 --> 01:16:14,866
"a true original whose abilities would lift
1577
01:16:14,908 --> 01:16:17,952
"the level of discourse
in any class he enrolled in."
1578
01:16:18,078 --> 01:16:19,496
You seem passionate about him.
1579
01:16:19,579 --> 01:16:20,914
I am.
1580
01:16:21,247 --> 01:16:25,460
So what was his GPA, I mean, before Quest?
1581
01:16:26,252 --> 01:16:28,546
D+, 1.5.
1582
01:16:28,797 --> 01:16:33,093
He was a lost kid, and then he was found.
1583
01:16:34,844 --> 01:16:38,264
So, Corinne, you were second reader,
I see you wrote "Deny."
1584
01:16:38,807 --> 01:16:40,141
Any second thoughts?
1585
01:16:44,104 --> 01:16:46,481
Well, he is like no other applicant
we have ever considered.
1586
01:16:48,274 --> 01:16:49,859
His alumni interview was not so great.
1587
01:16:50,068 --> 01:16:51,403
That guy sounded like a jerk.
1588
01:16:54,322 --> 01:16:55,365
(LAUGHING)
1589
01:16:55,490 --> 01:16:58,493
And he has a positive recommendation from
1590
01:16:58,576 --> 01:17:01,246
no less of a scholar than Vladimir Polokov.
1591
01:17:05,458 --> 01:17:09,629
Okay, maybe from our perspective,
he could have done more,
1592
01:17:09,671 --> 01:17:13,925
made himself more of a resume
and a paper trail,
1593
01:17:14,300 --> 01:17:18,263
but he took himself from nowhere
to where he is today.
1594
01:17:19,139 --> 01:17:20,765
He educated himself,
1595
01:17:20,807 --> 01:17:22,642
purely by instinct,
1596
01:17:23,643 --> 01:17:25,979
not because he wants
to put away his mother's killer.
1597
01:17:27,731 --> 01:17:30,942
He was as isolated
as someone in Nome, Alaska.
1598
01:17:30,984 --> 01:17:32,569
He was alone.
1599
01:17:32,652 --> 01:17:34,070
He was completely alone.
1600
01:17:36,281 --> 01:17:37,699
You know, and maybe
if his parents had been rich,
1601
01:17:37,824 --> 01:17:39,826
he would have been exposed to more.
1602
01:17:41,494 --> 01:17:44,372
We have to make room for these kids.
1603
01:17:49,878 --> 01:17:51,379
(SNIFFLING)
1604
01:17:51,463 --> 01:17:54,215
We have to make room for kids like these.
1605
01:17:58,094 --> 01:18:00,180
Clarence, you told us
at the beginning of the year
1606
01:18:00,263 --> 01:18:02,557
to find that undiscovered gem.
1607
01:18:04,934 --> 01:18:06,644
I found him.
1608
01:18:13,860 --> 01:18:15,487
CLARENCE: Well, let's vote.
1609
01:18:15,528 --> 01:18:17,739
All in favor of admission?
1610
01:18:36,091 --> 01:18:37,759
He also received an honorable mention
1611
01:18:37,842 --> 01:18:40,053
at the state finals of ventriloquism.
1612
01:18:40,261 --> 01:18:41,554
We are in the middle of a vote.
1613
01:18:45,642 --> 01:18:46,726
Brandt?
1614
01:18:49,646 --> 01:18:52,023
I'm sorry, Portia. I just think
1615
01:18:52,065 --> 01:18:54,234
he's got a little too much to overcome.
1616
01:18:55,110 --> 01:18:57,862
I mean, the kid was in Special Ed.
1617
01:18:57,904 --> 01:18:59,406
I know sometimes we
1618
01:18:59,447 --> 01:19:02,367
subconsciously identify
with applicants who remind us of ourselves,
1619
01:19:02,409 --> 01:19:03,952
but, honey, no.
1620
01:19:07,163 --> 01:19:09,791
Okay, then. Deny.
1621
01:19:09,874 --> 01:19:13,086
Wait! Polokov called him inspirational!
1622
01:19:13,128 --> 01:19:15,588
Portia, please, sit down.
1623
01:19:22,971 --> 01:19:24,764
It's too risky.
1624
01:19:26,766 --> 01:19:29,978
He's just not Princeton material.
1625
01:19:31,521 --> 01:19:34,983
I'm actually surprised
that you thought he was.
1626
01:19:43,283 --> 01:19:44,701
(CLEARS THROAT)
1627
01:19:46,453 --> 01:19:51,708
Tanisha Jones, Brearley School, Manhattan.
1628
01:19:52,083 --> 01:19:57,088
GPA 4.3, speaks semi-fluent Mandarin.
1629
01:19:57,130 --> 01:19:58,631
A CAPPELLA SINGERS: Two, three, four.
1630
01:19:58,757 --> 01:20:00,508
(SCATTING)
1631
01:20:05,180 --> 01:20:06,765
(SINGING A CAPPELLA)
1632
01:20:57,607 --> 01:20:58,942
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
1633
01:21:05,699 --> 01:21:07,200
Portia Nathan.
1634
01:21:07,283 --> 01:21:09,536
BOB: Hey. This is Bob Barrow from Hotchkiss.
1635
01:21:10,370 --> 01:21:13,540
I wanted to talk to you
about one of our applicants.
1636
01:21:13,581 --> 01:21:15,792
All decisions have been made.
1637
01:21:15,875 --> 01:21:17,836
Yes, but I wanted you to know that
1638
01:21:17,877 --> 01:21:19,546
Jesse Bolton is going to Yale.
1639
01:21:19,629 --> 01:21:21,381
Definitely. He was just in here.
1640
01:21:21,423 --> 01:21:24,551
Even though he's a legacy,
he is definitely going to Yale.
1641
01:21:24,718 --> 01:21:28,054
-Huh.
-So, look, if you accepted him, maybe that
1642
01:21:28,096 --> 01:21:30,390
place can go to another of our students.
1643
01:21:30,473 --> 01:21:33,643
Instead of Jesse just rejecting Princeton.
1644
01:21:33,727 --> 01:21:37,230
Thank you for your call,
but all decisions are absolutely final.
1645
01:21:37,272 --> 01:21:38,732
No changes can be made.
1646
01:21:38,773 --> 01:21:41,276
Uh, yes, but I...
1647
01:22:15,810 --> 01:22:17,103
(READING CARD ALOUD)
1648
01:23:23,878 --> 01:23:25,797
I'm sorry you feel that way.
1649
01:23:25,839 --> 01:23:28,216
No, there isn't an appeals process.
1650
01:23:28,299 --> 01:23:30,677
How wonderful
Elissa got so many acceptances.
1651
01:23:30,760 --> 01:23:33,430
Harvard and Yale, too?
1652
01:23:33,805 --> 01:23:35,432
Listen, I'd love to talk to you about
1653
01:23:35,515 --> 01:23:37,392
the financial aid package we could offer.
1654
01:23:37,517 --> 01:23:40,645
No, seriously. I'm so happy, too.
1655
01:23:40,687 --> 01:23:42,981
No, you rock. No.
1656
01:23:43,898 --> 01:23:46,693
Yes, I know he is a legacy.
And I certainly understand
1657
01:23:46,735 --> 01:23:48,319
why you would never want to give
1658
01:23:48,361 --> 01:23:50,405
another penny to this university ever again.
1659
01:23:51,698 --> 01:23:53,700
Wow. That is a new one.
1660
01:24:05,211 --> 01:24:06,880
(CELL PHONE BUZZING)
1661
01:24:12,344 --> 01:24:13,553
Portia Nathan.
1662
01:24:13,595 --> 01:24:15,180
Hey, I have somebody here
who wants to talk to you.
1663
01:24:15,305 --> 01:24:16,890
(CHUCKLES)
1664
01:24:16,931 --> 01:24:18,016
I got in.
1665
01:24:18,058 --> 01:24:19,392
Yes, I know.
1666
01:24:19,434 --> 01:24:21,770
This is the best day of my life.
1667
01:24:22,562 --> 01:24:25,482
Best day of your life, huh? Well, that's good.
1668
01:24:25,565 --> 01:24:27,901
Good. That's... I'm very happy.
1669
01:24:28,026 --> 01:24:29,194
(JEREMIAH YELLS)
1670
01:24:30,570 --> 01:24:32,655
Look, we're having
a school dance here tonight.
1671
01:24:32,739 --> 01:24:34,115
I think you should come and celebrate.
1672
01:24:37,410 --> 01:24:40,413
Oh, there you are. Clarence wants to see you.
1673
01:24:40,872 --> 01:24:43,667
Yes, thank you. I've been expecting that.
1674
01:24:43,750 --> 01:24:46,044
I have to go. I'll call you later.
1675
01:24:46,920 --> 01:24:48,588
Have a seat, please.
1676
01:24:59,599 --> 01:25:03,061
So, I had a call.
1677
01:25:03,645 --> 01:25:04,854
Oh, yes?
1678
01:25:05,605 --> 01:25:10,026
From Richard Bolton, class of '81.
1679
01:25:10,777 --> 01:25:12,946
Father of Jesse Bolton.
1680
01:25:13,029 --> 01:25:14,948
Do you recall Jesse Bolton,
1681
01:25:15,031 --> 01:25:17,492
budding journalist,
writes for The Boston Globe?
1682
01:25:17,617 --> 01:25:19,202
-Is this coming back?
-Mmm-hmm.
1683
01:25:19,536 --> 01:25:22,539
I remember Jesse Bolton.
We loved Jesse Bolton.
1684
01:25:22,622 --> 01:25:24,124
We accepted Jesse Bolton.
1685
01:25:24,249 --> 01:25:25,625
And yet...
1686
01:25:25,667 --> 01:25:27,085
Mmm.
1687
01:25:29,546 --> 01:25:31,589
So I asked for the admit list.
1688
01:25:31,631 --> 01:25:35,677
Looked for Bolton, Jesse. No Bolton, Jesse.
1689
01:25:35,760 --> 01:25:38,638
But I did find Balakian, Jeremiah.
1690
01:25:41,182 --> 01:25:45,603
We sent Mr. Balakian
an offer of admission, which he accepted.
1691
01:25:45,645 --> 01:25:47,313
The only thing is, I don't remember
1692
01:25:47,397 --> 01:25:49,399
making him an offer of admission.
1693
01:25:49,691 --> 01:25:53,278
But I do remember your plea that we do so.
1694
01:25:53,611 --> 01:25:57,407
You have exposed
this office and the university
1695
01:25:57,490 --> 01:26:00,201
to a completely undeserved scandal.
1696
01:26:00,285 --> 01:26:02,162
If word of this were ever to get out,
1697
01:26:02,245 --> 01:26:04,956
the damage would be irreparable.
1698
01:26:06,207 --> 01:26:08,209
Well, I won't tell anyone.
1699
01:26:09,419 --> 01:26:11,838
That's right. You won't.
1700
01:26:12,797 --> 01:26:15,300
What you will do is submit your resignation
1701
01:26:15,342 --> 01:26:18,887
and take this week to clear up your affairs,
1702
01:26:19,179 --> 01:26:23,475
and then I don't ever want to
see you in this building again.
1703
01:26:32,525 --> 01:26:33,860
He's going to Yale.
1704
01:26:34,736 --> 01:26:36,321
Jesse Bolton.
1705
01:26:37,072 --> 01:26:39,449
The guidance counselor called me.
We never had a shot at him.
1706
01:26:39,699 --> 01:26:41,242
Yale?
1707
01:26:41,743 --> 01:26:43,370
Well, that's not the point.
1708
01:26:43,453 --> 01:26:45,789
I assume you'll be standing by the offer.
1709
01:26:45,872 --> 01:26:47,707
I don't see how we can rescind it without
1710
01:26:47,791 --> 01:26:49,501
the whole thing blowing up in our faces.
1711
01:26:50,251 --> 01:26:52,128
The whole system would be questioned.
1712
01:26:53,421 --> 01:26:54,881
We wouldn't want that to happen.
1713
01:27:01,721 --> 01:27:04,015
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
1714
01:27:13,858 --> 01:27:15,318
-(KNOCKING)
-JOHN: Yeah?
1715
01:27:17,654 --> 01:27:20,073
Oh, hi. Glad you're here.
1716
01:27:21,366 --> 01:27:23,076
I was just coming down to the dance.
1717
01:27:23,910 --> 01:27:25,078
(LOCK CLICKS)
1718
01:27:30,250 --> 01:27:31,835
-Um, you okay?
-Yeah. Why?
1719
01:27:31,918 --> 01:27:33,086
You just... You seem kind of intense.
1720
01:27:33,169 --> 01:27:34,212
I'm okay. Are you okay?
1721
01:27:34,254 --> 01:27:35,797
Yeah, I'm great!
1722
01:27:37,382 --> 01:27:39,926
I'm supposed to be chaperoning this dance.
1723
01:27:40,010 --> 01:27:41,803
You're doing a great job.
1724
01:27:49,978 --> 01:27:52,272
(MUSIC PLAYING)
1725
01:27:59,612 --> 01:28:01,072
You can do this.
1726
01:28:12,834 --> 01:28:13,918
You having fun?
1727
01:28:15,462 --> 01:28:17,380
This is the best day of my life.
1728
01:28:17,714 --> 01:28:20,967
You have no idea
how happy that makes me feel.
1729
01:28:21,051 --> 01:28:23,511
I want so much for you to be happy,
1730
01:28:23,595 --> 01:28:26,806
and for you to have
all the things that you want in life.
1731
01:28:27,390 --> 01:28:28,391
Thanks!
1732
01:28:30,143 --> 01:28:31,644
You know how when you're swinging
1733
01:28:31,728 --> 01:28:33,188
on a rope swing across a stream
1734
01:28:33,271 --> 01:28:35,023
and you're afraid to jump in,
and then you just do?
1735
01:28:35,106 --> 01:28:37,567
No. I'm kind of afraid of heights.
1736
01:28:38,276 --> 01:28:39,861
Me, too.
1737
01:28:40,320 --> 01:28:41,696
You and I have so much in common,
1738
01:28:41,780 --> 01:28:45,617
and it's not as odd as it seems.
1739
01:28:46,284 --> 01:28:47,535
(CHUCKLING)
1740
01:28:48,912 --> 01:28:51,331
Jeremiah, there's something I want to tell you,
1741
01:28:51,373 --> 01:28:54,626
and it's going to come as quite a shock.
1742
01:28:57,712 --> 01:28:59,172
I am your mother.
1743
01:28:59,756 --> 01:29:00,757
What?
1744
01:29:00,840 --> 01:29:02,008
Your birth mother.
1745
01:29:05,178 --> 01:29:07,347
I've been trying to
figure out the best time to tell you.
1746
01:29:07,389 --> 01:29:09,224
And I know. I was speechless, too.
1747
01:29:09,349 --> 01:29:11,476
No, it's not that. Uh.
1748
01:29:11,518 --> 01:29:13,853
It's just, you're not my birth mother.
1749
01:29:14,104 --> 01:29:17,190
Yes. I am.
And I know this is very sudden and...
1750
01:29:17,232 --> 01:29:18,233
No.
1751
01:29:18,316 --> 01:29:20,110
My birth mother is named Jeanie Shredder.
1752
01:29:20,193 --> 01:29:23,029
And she's a hairdresser from Keene.
1753
01:29:24,030 --> 01:29:28,702
And I met her
and my half-sisters a couple of months ago.
1754
01:29:29,035 --> 01:29:31,037
I put my name in at the adoption agency,
and they contacted me.
1755
01:29:31,121 --> 01:29:33,748
No, no, Jeremiah.
1756
01:29:33,832 --> 01:29:36,084
You were born on Valentine's Day
1757
01:29:36,167 --> 01:29:39,546
at 1:00 p.m. at Blaine General to me.
1758
01:29:40,380 --> 01:29:42,632
No, I was born at 11:00 p.m.
1759
01:29:42,716 --> 01:29:45,385
They said my mom tried like hell
to hold off till the last hour
1760
01:29:45,427 --> 01:29:48,096
so I wouldn't have
some lame Valentine's Day birthday.
1761
01:29:49,180 --> 01:29:50,515
It's a copy. See?
1762
01:29:52,017 --> 01:29:54,394
That's an 11 with one of the ones missing.
1763
01:29:55,395 --> 01:29:57,063
It's faded. You see?
1764
01:30:03,236 --> 01:30:05,864
I never told anybody,
because I didn't want my parents to find out.
1765
01:30:05,905 --> 01:30:08,158
I was worried that it would hurt their feelings.
1766
01:30:08,283 --> 01:30:11,536
And I don't want to hurt them
'cause they're my parents.
1767
01:30:11,578 --> 01:30:12,620
Of course.
1768
01:30:14,039 --> 01:30:15,081
Uh.
1769
01:30:15,123 --> 01:30:17,292
This whole time,
you thought you were my mother?
1770
01:30:17,375 --> 01:30:18,710
Why didn't you tell me?
1771
01:30:18,793 --> 01:30:21,004
I didn't want anything to get in
1772
01:30:21,087 --> 01:30:22,630
the way of you getting into Princeton.
1773
01:30:22,756 --> 01:30:24,257
I'd have to recuse myself and...
1774
01:30:24,341 --> 01:30:26,551
So everything you did was
because you thought I was your son?
1775
01:30:26,885 --> 01:30:29,262
No. I completely believe in you!
1776
01:30:31,431 --> 01:30:34,017
I actually do.
1777
01:30:34,184 --> 01:30:36,019
But you were lying to me the whole time.
1778
01:30:38,605 --> 01:30:40,440
I don't understand.
1779
01:30:41,608 --> 01:30:43,651
I can't tell what's real.
1780
01:30:48,948 --> 01:30:51,284
I don't get it.
1781
01:30:59,959 --> 01:31:01,086
How'd it go?
1782
01:31:01,127 --> 01:31:03,630
-11:00 p.m., not 1:00 p.m.
-What?
1783
01:31:04,005 --> 01:31:06,675
Stay out of my life! Or what's left of it!
1784
01:31:11,513 --> 01:31:12,514
JOHN: Hey!
1785
01:31:13,098 --> 01:31:14,349
Hold on!
1786
01:31:16,726 --> 01:31:18,561
Jeanie Shredder. A hairdresser!
1787
01:31:18,645 --> 01:31:20,647
His mother is a hairdresser!
1788
01:31:20,897 --> 01:31:23,942
What? No. No, I read the birth certificate.
1789
01:31:24,401 --> 01:31:27,779
A copy! A faded copy.
1790
01:31:31,408 --> 01:31:33,076
-Look.
-What?
1791
01:31:33,493 --> 01:31:36,413
Eleven! That is supposed to be an 11!
1792
01:31:36,996 --> 01:31:39,666
None of this was true.
This is all a stupid dream.
1793
01:31:39,708 --> 01:31:42,961
This is all in your head!
And I just jumped in like a complete idiot.
1794
01:31:43,003 --> 01:31:46,381
I can fix this, we'll contact adoption services.
1795
01:31:46,464 --> 01:31:51,011
No! Do not fix anything!
I don't want to ever see you again.
1796
01:31:51,594 --> 01:31:55,974
Go be a citizen of the planet.
I am so glad that you are going to Ecuador!
1797
01:31:56,057 --> 01:31:57,392
-Except for one thing.
-What?
1798
01:31:57,475 --> 01:31:59,686
I feel sorry for the Ecuadorians!
1799
01:32:03,690 --> 01:32:05,275
(CAR ENGINE STARTING)
1800
01:32:33,511 --> 01:32:36,014
Hi, come on in,
you can help me grind sausage.
1801
01:32:38,350 --> 01:32:40,393
I've got something to say, Susannah.
1802
01:32:40,435 --> 01:32:42,896
Having sex on a train
with a stranger to get pregnant,
1803
01:32:43,021 --> 01:32:45,815
really not so great.
You didn't even ask his name.
1804
01:32:45,982 --> 01:32:48,234
So I will never know who my father is.
1805
01:32:48,318 --> 01:32:50,570
Maybe he's in Paris. Maybe he's in Hoboken.
1806
01:32:50,612 --> 01:32:53,031
Maybe he's President. Obviously not that.
1807
01:32:53,198 --> 01:32:54,199
But I'll never know.
1808
01:32:54,407 --> 01:32:55,909
Because you forgot one important thing
1809
01:32:55,992 --> 01:32:57,410
on your way to self-empowerment.
1810
01:32:57,494 --> 01:32:58,495
Me.
1811
01:32:59,245 --> 01:33:01,331
Why didn't you ask his name?
1812
01:33:01,414 --> 01:33:02,749
Why don't you just shut up?
1813
01:33:02,791 --> 01:33:03,792
No, you shut up.
1814
01:33:05,168 --> 01:33:08,171
I got pregnant and I had a kid back in college
1815
01:33:08,254 --> 01:33:09,964
and I gave him up for adoption.
1816
01:33:10,548 --> 01:33:13,635
I wasn't in the Netherlands,
I was living above an auto repair shop.
1817
01:33:13,760 --> 01:33:15,345
Hiding from you.
1818
01:33:16,179 --> 01:33:18,098
'Cause I can't stand you.
1819
01:33:18,556 --> 01:33:20,809
And that's it. That's all I have to say. (SNIFFS)
1820
01:33:20,892 --> 01:33:23,520
Except, get some goddamn dog food!
1821
01:33:28,066 --> 01:33:29,234
(DOOR BANGS SHUT)
1822
01:33:29,275 --> 01:33:33,822
Wait, Portia! Portia!
Portia, don't leave. Don't leave.
1823
01:33:33,905 --> 01:33:36,199
Portia, wait, wait.
1824
01:33:41,287 --> 01:33:44,207
I didn't ask the name
of the man on the train because,
1825
01:33:46,376 --> 01:33:49,295
actually, I didn't have a grand plan,
1826
01:33:50,088 --> 01:33:51,798
I made all that up.
1827
01:33:53,216 --> 01:33:55,677
(SOBBING) It was all an accident.
1828
01:33:56,469 --> 01:34:02,267
A happy accident.
Because it led to you. Baby, it led to you.
1829
01:34:02,350 --> 01:34:05,478
I wished so many times
that I could have told you his name.
1830
01:34:05,603 --> 01:34:08,356
It's one of the disappointments of my life.
1831
01:34:08,440 --> 01:34:10,525
And I'm so sorry.
1832
01:34:14,029 --> 01:34:15,363
Please, come back in.
1833
01:34:17,240 --> 01:34:18,366
Mom, I have to go.
1834
01:34:19,659 --> 01:34:21,619
(CAR ENGINE STARTS)
1835
01:34:30,879 --> 01:34:31,963
Dad?
1836
01:34:40,221 --> 01:34:41,931
(SLOW SONG PLAYING)
1837
01:34:44,309 --> 01:34:45,685
(WHIRRING)
1838
01:35:22,097 --> 01:35:23,515
(CHILDREN SCREAMING)
1839
01:35:27,644 --> 01:35:29,437
(APPLAUDING)
1840
01:35:36,403 --> 01:35:37,404
Ah, my car!
1841
01:35:37,779 --> 01:35:38,780
(GLASS BREAKING)
1842
01:35:38,905 --> 01:35:39,906
PORTIA: Really?
1843
01:35:40,156 --> 01:35:41,157
Ow.
1844
01:35:50,875 --> 01:35:52,210
What happened? Are you okay?
1845
01:35:52,419 --> 01:35:54,921
It's a slight fracture. Fender bender.
1846
01:35:55,005 --> 01:35:56,006
It was dumb.
1847
01:36:00,093 --> 01:36:03,263
I'm sorry. I mean about everything.
1848
01:36:03,346 --> 01:36:05,098
I was stupid and selfish.
1849
01:36:05,265 --> 01:36:07,851
A selfish asshole.
And I just wanted to come here
1850
01:36:07,934 --> 01:36:11,187
and tell you that I'm sorry.
1851
01:36:16,359 --> 01:36:17,819
Wait, um, how's Nelson?
1852
01:36:20,280 --> 01:36:21,406
Good. He's good.
1853
01:36:21,448 --> 01:36:22,657
How's his Spanish?
1854
01:36:23,408 --> 01:36:24,409
Terrible.
1855
01:36:25,952 --> 01:36:28,788
Is he ready for Ecuador?
1856
01:36:28,872 --> 01:36:30,040
We're not going to Ecuador.
1857
01:36:30,999 --> 01:36:33,460
-You're not?
-No, I passed on that job.
1858
01:36:33,710 --> 01:36:35,086
Nelson wanted to stay put,
1859
01:36:35,128 --> 01:36:38,757
and, you know, I finally realized that
1860
01:36:39,841 --> 01:36:41,301
I want him to be happy.
1861
01:36:42,135 --> 01:36:46,806
So this decision right now,
I'm gonna let him make it.
1862
01:36:49,309 --> 01:36:50,727
-Nelson really likes you.
-(CHUCKLES)
1863
01:36:51,895 --> 01:36:54,230
Nelson likes me because I'm so boring.
1864
01:36:54,356 --> 01:36:56,232
-You're not boring.
-I'm pretty boring.
1865
01:36:56,358 --> 01:36:57,359
You're not boring.
1866
01:36:58,234 --> 01:36:59,652
I think you're exquisite.
1867
01:37:05,700 --> 01:37:06,701
You wanna go out sometime?
1868
01:37:06,785 --> 01:37:08,036
Yes.
1869
01:37:08,995 --> 01:37:09,996
I mean with me.
1870
01:37:10,038 --> 01:37:11,289
Oh, yes.
1871
01:37:11,581 --> 01:37:13,833
Good, I thought it was important
1872
01:37:13,875 --> 01:37:15,210
to acknowledge that it's maybe...
1873
01:37:15,293 --> 01:37:16,670
-It's good to clarify.
-I think so.
1874
01:37:16,711 --> 01:37:17,796
(LAUGHING)
1875
01:37:23,218 --> 01:37:25,345
Portia Nathan?
1876
01:37:27,013 --> 01:37:29,099
WOMAN: So, tell me about yourself.
1877
01:37:30,684 --> 01:37:33,812
I worked in college admissions for 16 years.
1878
01:37:34,562 --> 01:37:40,360
I used to spend my days passing
judgment on young people who were
1879
01:37:40,527 --> 01:37:43,780
way more together than I was at their age.
1880
01:37:44,030 --> 01:37:46,366
I'm figuring out what I want to do next.
1881
01:37:46,449 --> 01:37:49,035
I've been living at my mom's place
for the last two months.
1882
01:37:49,119 --> 01:37:50,537
I thought that would drive me insane,
1883
01:37:50,662 --> 01:37:52,747
but actually we're gonna be throwing
1884
01:37:52,872 --> 01:37:55,542
a graduation party
for a kid who I thought was my son.
1885
01:37:55,709 --> 01:37:56,751
He's a great kid.
1886
01:37:58,712 --> 01:38:01,423
I killed my bonsai tree by over trimming it.
1887
01:38:05,218 --> 01:38:06,594
I got pregnant in college.
1888
01:38:06,678 --> 01:38:10,098
And my boyfriend had already dumped me
for someone else.
1889
01:38:10,181 --> 01:38:13,226
I didn't realize until I was very far along.
1890
01:38:13,393 --> 01:38:17,313
And I didn't think I could be a mother. Ever.
1891
01:38:17,397 --> 01:38:21,317
Portia, did you mean it
when you said I could do this?
1892
01:38:21,901 --> 01:38:23,611
Yes, I meant it.
1893
01:38:25,447 --> 01:38:26,448
Thanks.
1894
01:38:26,531 --> 01:38:27,615
You're gonna do great there.
1895
01:38:28,992 --> 01:38:30,910
My boy, if you are truly outstanding,
1896
01:38:30,952 --> 01:38:33,413
you will probably be kicked out of there
after one term.
1897
01:38:33,496 --> 01:38:34,998
-SUSANNAH: Cut it out, Vlad.
-Excuse me.
1898
01:38:35,123 --> 01:38:37,709
Don't listen to him.
Have you decided what your major is?
1899
01:38:37,751 --> 01:38:39,461
Philosophy...
1900
01:38:41,004 --> 01:38:42,714
Not philosophy, women's studies.
1901
01:38:42,756 --> 01:38:44,090
You know, that's enough philosophy.
1902
01:38:44,424 --> 01:38:45,467
(JEREMIAH CHUCKLING)
1903
01:38:45,550 --> 01:38:47,010
WOMAN: And if your biological son chooses
1904
01:38:47,093 --> 01:38:48,595
to contact you? How would you feel?
1905
01:38:48,720 --> 01:38:53,058
PORTIA: I would feel nervous,
1906
01:38:54,392 --> 01:38:56,019
but lucky.
1907
01:38:56,102 --> 01:38:57,687
I would feel lucky.
1908
01:38:57,771 --> 01:39:00,857
I would just be grateful to get to know him.
1909
01:39:02,817 --> 01:39:07,697
I over watered it, too, the bonsai,
I just drowned it.
1910
01:39:07,781 --> 01:39:08,990
-It's okay.
-Okay.
1911
01:39:09,240 --> 01:39:10,950
I can't promise anything.
1912
01:39:11,326 --> 01:39:14,204
But we'll contact you if there's any news.
1913
01:39:15,455 --> 01:39:16,456
Okay.
1914
01:39:17,082 --> 01:39:18,458
-JOHN: Hey.
-Hey.
1915
01:39:19,292 --> 01:39:21,586
It's a thin envelope.
1916
01:39:22,796 --> 01:39:23,797
That doesn't mean anything.
1917
01:39:26,007 --> 01:39:27,008
Open it.
1918
01:39:41,147 --> 01:39:44,234
It says he's not ready to meet me at this time.
1919
01:39:44,943 --> 01:39:47,737
Well, okay.
1920
01:39:49,656 --> 01:39:53,118
Well, then, you're on the wait list.
1921
01:39:55,036 --> 01:39:56,413
That's not so bad.
1922
01:39:56,538 --> 01:39:57,956
No, it's not.
1923
01:40:08,883 --> 01:40:10,844
Hey, Portia, everything okay?
1924
01:40:12,178 --> 01:40:13,179
Yes.
1925
01:40:23,148 --> 01:40:25,692
PORTIA: What's the secret to getting in?
1926
01:40:25,775 --> 01:40:27,444
I can't tell you.
142487
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