All language subtitles for Traffic Light s01e12 Tommy Guns.eng

Okay, gentlemen, I hope
you have your calendars marked,

because the annual guy trip
is coming up.

Oh, we still doing that?
(barks)

What do you mean,
are we still doing that?

Of course we're still
doing that. Nothing's changed.

We've been doing that
for 15 years.

ETHAN:
Well, I just assumed since you canceled

last year's trip...

I did not cancel.

I postponed,
because my son was being born.

Well, we all make choices.

Aw, come on.

ADAM:
Oh, we're not judging you,

buddy.
It's... things change.

No, no, no! Nothing has changed.

Guys, come on. Brief hiatus.

We're back on track.

We just thought
that Lisa would...

Lisa? Please. Guys, come on.

I made it very clear to her
on our second date that

the guy trip was grandfathered
into our relationship.

Wait. Grandfathered?

Oh. You're not familiar
with the grandfather clause?

It is so awesome.

Yeah, honey,
all trips and traditions

with a clearly
established history

at the commencement
of our relationship

retain their binding status

through the duration
of said relationship.

In perpetuity.

God, it's hot
when you talk like a notary.

Really? Well...

Oh, since
we're grandfathering things in,

my mother will be staying with
us for a month... every summer.

No. What? No, no, no,

because you can't
grandfather in new stuff.

That's not a,
uh... (laughs)

Do you understand the term
"grandfather clause," sweetie?

Well, boys, since
it's my turn to choose,

I am thinking about
New Orleans this year.

Ooh.
You know?

You got great food, tasty
cocktails, live music.

It's good.
I like it.

No, no, no, no, no.
It's my turn to choose.

But you got to
choose last year. Whoa, wait.

I cannot believe
we're having this conversation.

You guys both acknowledged

that I retain
the right to choose.

I mean, you signed a statement
to that effect.

I have the burrito wrapper
in my wallet.

Burrito wrapper. I signed
that wrapper under duress.

Yeah, it's still binding.
He initialed it.

Yeah. Yeah, I did.

Okay, well, I
want it on record

that I get to choose
next year, okay?

Fine.
Fine.

Also, I want it on
the burrito wrapper.

Okay, I have both your
signatures here.

It is now official that I will
pick the 2012 guy trip.

Now we just need
a signature of a witness.

Burrito Bob,
if you'd be so kind. BOB:

And would it be bad form to ask
for a wee bit more gwawcamole?

It's "guacamole."
Guacamole.

Gwawcamole.

Guacamole.
Guacamole.

Gwackamo...
It's made with avocawdoes.

Avocadoes.
Avocadoes.

Avocadoes.

(imitates gun firing)

MIKE:
Uh-oh. Look out.

Gonna have to get Tommy
some more apple sauce.

He's got a gun.

Oh! Honey, no!
Hands are

for clapping,
not for shooting.

(imitates
gun shooting) Oh!

Where does he get this stuff?

I don't know.

I think
boys are just born with it.

All right, bud,
we're out of potato chips.

I'm going in.

Gonna cover me?

(TV plays indistinctly)

(grunting)

(imitates guns firing)

(imitates gun firing)

I didn't do that.

(imitates gun firing)

Guess who's here.

Hey.
Oh.

There's my babe. Hey.

Look at this kid.
Oh, come here!

ADAM:
Man, you are getting really big, little buddy.

He is, right?

Yeah, definitely.
Oh!

I mean, he's not gonna be
a toddler for long.

I mean, this is practically
a full-blown kid right here.

It's like the crossover point
between, uh,

giant baby
and a tiny regular person.

You know what I mean?
God, where does the time go?

I mean, I remember when you were
just a ball of nothing.

Oh, my gosh.
God, Adam's right.

Mike,

it's going by too fast.

We need new
pictures. Yeah, I'll take

No, no. Professional pictures.

We need professional
pictures, Mike.

He's only this age once.

Right. Totally.

I'm gonna get me
another glass of wine. Adam?

I'm okay.

Come on!

(mutters)

What are you doing to me?
What?

What? "Won't be a
toddler much longer."

"Where has the
time gone?"

You are using intentionally
provocative words.

I am not.
Yeah, you inflamed the mother gland. Look at her.

She's all misty.

Yeah, look at her.
She's squeezing him

like she wants
to keep him that size forever.

Yes! And now I
got to go out

and get more pictures
made. I mean, come on!

It's just gonna be frames?

I'm sure there's probably
gonna be a calendar.

I mean, this is gonna be
a minimum of 300 bucks!

Out of my pocket.
Thank you very much.

Look, is it my fault
that you got a cute kid?

No, that is all me.

Hey, I'm gonna put him
to bed, okay?

And I'm gonna
help her... jerk!

My...

I want to take those pictures.

What?
They need photos of Tommy.

I want to take 'em.

Make it happen.
Cal, I-I don't know.

You know, I'm not a big fan
of mixing friends and business.

Hey, there's a lot of money
in kids photography.

I could establish a portfolio,
maybe get some new clients.

Be out of debt in no time.

Oh, yeah, yeah,
that's a great...

(door closing)

Yeah, Callie, you are a
professional photographer.

You should take those
professional photos of Tommy

just to beat back
the hands of time.

Oh, my God,
that's right!

That's a great idea.

I love
your work.

That would
be amazing. That would be amazing.

And I'll do it for free!

What?

No, we couldn't
ask you to do that.

They couldn't
ask you to do that.

No. It's fine.

You know, tell your friends.

Well, they'll pay you
and tell their friends.

I didn't just, uh... Nope.

Okay, so you got it, right?

Cardigan, rocking chair, book.

MIKE: Got it.
Got it. Go to work, Lisa.

We got it
covered. Come on,

I'm sure we can get
a good picture.

Don't ever grow up.
I won't!

All right, let's get a book
in the kid's hand,

and then we'll get done
with this, okay?

All right, you sit here,
buddy, okay?

(phone ringing)
All right. Oh, come on!

Who's calling? Aah!

Hi, baby.

Oh. Really?

Okay. No, don't worry about it.
We'll figure it out.

I love you. Bye.

Book's no good.

No. Lisa just remembered

that Otis,
Tommy's friend down the street,

just got his pictures taken,

book-in-hand.
Derivative.

Mm-hmm.

Oh! I got it!

My mom just sent pictures
of me when I was a kid

the same age, wearing
this kick-ass cowboy outfit.

I got it in the garage still.

I love it!
It's like father, like son.

Oh, yeah, dude.
This is a home run.

I mean, as soon as
she sees these photos,

she's gonna burn through
an entire box of tissue.

I'm gonna blow her mind.
You know what?

I'm just getting misty
anticipating her getting misty.

Why are you so upset?

Are you kidding me?
What? No! I think he looks great.

He is holding a gun
in every picture.

He's like a
baby Ted Nugent.

It's okay. He's a sheriff.

He's licensed to carry a gun.

In fact, he's honor bound.

I think he looks
kind of bad ass.

Violence never solved
anything, Lisa.

Come on, Lisa.
Boys will be boys.

I mean, you can make a gun
out of anything.

Look. Dr. Einstein's a gun.

(imitates gun firing)
Okay, all right.

All right.
Okay, stop, stop.

Stop! I just...
I just don't want

Tommy playing
with guns is all.

What? Come on.
I grew up with guns.

Hunting is a big part
of my childhood.

You grew up in
the suburbs.

Yeah, but my dad made sure
he took me and my brothers

on a big hunting trip
every year.

You saying I was raised wrong?

Do you want to call my Mom?
Go ahead. Okay, yeah.

You call my mom, and you tell
her I was raised wrong.

That's okay, yeah. I'm gonna
do that. Calm it down.

Calm it down.
You should tell her how bad I was raised.

I'm just saying
that you've evolved, is all.

And there's nothing wrong
with that.

It's a good thing.
I have not evolved.

Come on. I am still the
same guy I've always been.

I'm a hunter.

Eh. You used to hunt.

I totally am a
hunter! I hunt!

You have not
been hunting in years.

Certainly not since
we've been married.

Yeah, well, that's because
we've just gone on other trips.

You know, otherwise,
I would have been out there

every year hunting
and killing things.

(mutters)

In fact, that's why,
uh, we're going hunting

on the guy trip this year.

Really?
Mm-hmm.

Yes, we are.

And this has nothing to do
with the fact

that I don't want
Tommy playing with guns?

Lisa, please.

Suddenly you have a desire
to bring home a large animal

and make a chili out of it?

Or a stew,
and you're gonna be cooking it.

Hunting. No, whoa, whoa, no way!

That does not work for me.

Why?!

Why? There are so many reasons
why. It's cold.

There's hunting.

No mattresses.

And there's hunting.

Mike, we went with you that
one time a million years ago.

It was terrible.

No. I think
this is a great trip for us.

Come on, guys.
Look, let's face it.

We've all gotten a little soft,

especially you, Adam.

Me?

Moving in with your girlfriend.

You married
your girlfriend, bro.

You're softer
than a down pillow,

which by the way, we will
not have on this hunting trip.

You know, I quite love the idea
of a hunting trip.

Yes!

Ugh!

I probably won't

actually hunt, per se.

But I like the camouflage.

It's a good look for me.

Hey, it's a good look
for all of us.

Hey, you know what I like
is those duck whistles.

(laughs)
Those crack me up.

You know?
(imitates quacking)

(all quacking)

No. No, hunting sucks,
even with the duck whistles.

Mike, let's go

to New Orleans, all right?

Or better yet,
if you don't like that idea

because I came up with it,

why don't we go anywhere else
in the entire world

where intoxicated men don't walk
around the woods with firearms?

Nope.

We kind of have to go hunting.

I took a stand with Lisa.

Oh, you took a stand with Lisa.

Why didn't you say so?

Absolutely,
we have to go hunting. Ethan?

Yeah.

He took a stand.

Oh, good.
So we're going hunting?

I was being sarcastic!

Too late. Two against one.

You lose.

Also, Adam, um,

there's a little issue
with the photos.

No. You know what? No.

No, Mike. This is exactly
what I was talking about

when I said I didn't want
to mix business and friends.

You know, I don't want
to be put in the middle of this.

Oh, my God,
they hated them!

I can't breathe.

Oh, no, no. Sweetie, you
didn't hear me correctly.

They love what you did
artistically, okay?

It's just, Lisa has a problem
with the guns, that's it. Oh.

Yeah.
Okay.

You're sure they're not just
using the guns as a smoke screen

because they didn't want to
tell me they hated the photos?

Smoke screen? I didn't
use any smoke screen.

That's what I told her.

Smoke screen.

Look, I'm just the
messenger, all right?

Which I will remind you
I did not want to be.

So it's not a smoke screen?

No. God, no.

In fact, they want you to come
back and take more pictures.

And this time,
they really want to pay you.

All right, so, that is it.

I am officially out
of this madness, okay?

Here's the thing. She says
you don't have to pay her.

What?

Callie?

They insist on paying you.

I know. I just don't...

Wait.

You need to say yes right now.

Please, please put an end
to this.

Okay. Yeah. No, that seems fair.

(sighs)

Thank God.

Oh.

Mmm.
Mmm. Good night.

Good night.

Oh, did they mention what time
they want me to be there?

(heavy sigh)

Oh, my God!

These are great!
Wow!

Oh, I'm so glad.

All right, well,
here is my bill. Okay.

I'm just gonna
leave it there.

You can pay me whenever,
and of course,

I gave you the friends
and family discount.

Oh. Thank you.
You're welcome.

All right.
All right, yay, no guns!

(laughter)
I got to go.

All right.
I'll see you.

Oh. Oh!
Look at this! Oh.

Oh, my God! $1,100?!

That can't be right.

Oh, yeah, it is.

She even had the balls

to put smiley faces
in all of the zeroes.

That takes
some stones. Ugh!

Kind of impressive.

What?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, hey, so you're gonna talk
to Adam about this bill, right?

Nope.
But you're gonna be with him all weekend.

On the guy trip.
This is a domestic concern.

No domestic concerns
on the guy trip.

Okay, but you're not
on the guy trip yet.

Hmm, technically, the guy
trip started last night.

We're only leaving at dawn
'cause it's way cooler.

It's way cooler, is it?

Yeah. Like, 40% cooler.

40%?

Yeah, maybe 50%.

I don't know. You tell me,
as I disappear into the shadows

with my guns.

Can you open that for me?

Dawn.

Who leaves at dawn?

If we were in New Orleans
right now,

I'd just be heading home.

Following a brass band.

I love that you're leaving
at dawn.

Why?
I don't know. It's kind of sexy,

like something
a commando might do.

Commando, eh?

Yeah, you heard me.

Yeah.

I got that new Savage 308.

Can't wait
to pull that baby out.

(Adam whistling)
Hey.

What took you so long?

We've been here, for,
like 20 minutes.

Oh, nothing.

You just had sex,
didn't you?

(laughs)
Oh...

I mean, the classy move
is not to acknowledge it.

No, the classy move is
to take longer than 20 minutes.

Oh...
Oh...

Look how Mike packed
extra zingers!

I mean, the reason it took
20 minutes is 'cause I knew

you guys were waiting
for me down here,

and then, you know,
I was just thinking

about you the whole time.

Oh, come on.
That's nauseating.

That's not how I meant that.
You know what I meant.

Guy trip!
Guy trip!

I'm just saying, you know,

the driver has the hardest job,

so I think I deserve one of
the two breakfast sandwiches.

Come on.
We Rochambeau'ed for it.

You know, I had rock.
Ethan had rock.

You had scissors.

Respect the rock, Michael.

Plus, it's kind
of your own fault.

Because if we
had stopped earlier,

like I wanted to,
then there would be

enough breakfast
sandwiches for everybody,

but you just enjoy
that, uh, taco.

(Ethan laughs)
Fine. Okay, you know what?

Let's just go over the rules.

Per tradition, no contact
with the outside world.

Which means we have to
put our cell phones

in this bag right here.

Whoa, whoa.
That's ridiculous.

No. I need my phone.

Yeah, I kind of
need mine, too.

All right, well,
for emergencies.

All right,
so we're keeping the phones.

Yeah, but we're putting
the ringers on "off."

Why are we even doing this?

Because
we didn't have cell phones

when we went
on our first guy trip.

Yeah, well,
we didn't have jobs, either.

Or breakfast sandwiches.

You know, can I just say
that the breakfast sandwich

is the greatest invention
of the last 15 years?

Hallelujah.
Cheers to you.

All right. You know what?
You're just rubbing it in now.

Oh, Carl. Hello.
You're up.

(barks)
Hi, little man.

Wait, wait. You did not
sneak Carl on the guy trip.

I did not sneak him.

I decided he should come.

It's called the guy trip.

It's not called
the three guys and a dog trip.

Well, you know,
Carl's one of the guys.

No. How is he
one of the...

You know, it's
upsetting. I'm upset.

ETHAN: What,
you're upset? MIKE: Yes.

Well, what if I gave you
half my breakfast sandwich?

I'd still be upset.

But I'd take it.

Good to know.
Here you go.

Oh, come on.
That is cruel.

Relax. I'm sure Carl's willing
to share it with you.

Oh, yeah. I can get it straight
back from him. Good. Give me...

Carl, Carl. Carl.

Ah!
Oh...

Well, I got this.

Ah! What is that?
It is glistening.

(laughing)
Get that out of my face.

There's a hair on it.

I will pull this car
over right now.

I'm sorry, Lis.

I-I didn't want to overcharge
you. I just...

I got a sense of the going rate,
and I wrote something down.

I didn't want
things to get weird.

Yeah. I didn't want them
to get weird, either.

You know what? I'm just gonna...

I'm gonna tear this up.

Aw...

And you can just pay me
whatever you think I'm worth.

I'm still trying to figure out
how come Carl and I

had to sleep on the pull-out.

Adam and I had rock.
You had scissors.

Got to respect
the rock, Ethan.

I do respect the
rock, Michael.

It's just Carl
had paper.

Yeah, but his paper
doesn't count.

All he can do is paper.

(cell phone rings)

Hi, Lis.

Is Tommy okay?

Are you okay?
Is anyone turning blue?

No? Okay.
Then why are you calling me?

(whispering):
Because Callie just told me

to pay her
what I think she's worth.

Really?

She said that?
Mmm. She said that.

"Pay what
you think I'm worth"? Wow.

It's actually kind of brilliant.

It's totally brilliant.
She boxed me in.

Yeah, yeah, she did do that.

Well, good luck with that.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You're helping me with this.

Quick, she's in the bathroom.

No. Lisa, I'm on the guy trip.
(barks)

Is that Carl?

Don't even get me started.

Good luck and I will
see you when we get back.

No.

I'll see you later. Good-bye.

Wait. No. Michael. (groans)

Hey. Wow, huh?
Lots of cargo space.

This trunk's really roomy.

Yeah, well, you know,
when you're in the wild,

you need, uh...

All right. Before
you say anything...

You look
like a traffic cone.

Okay. Well...

at least 40 men per year

are shot by other
semi-intoxicated men

who mistake them for deer, so...

I'm just not going to take
that chance out here.

'Cause I got a lot to live for.

The irony is,

wearing all that orange actually
makes me want to shoot you.

That's a felony, Mike.

It's just the three
of us out here.

Come on, Mike.

You wouldn't last
a week on the inside.

I'd do great on the inside.

Yeah, but not for
the reasons you think.

This is really hard
because we're friends.

Okay. But imagine
we aren't friends.

Pretend this is just
a business thing.

But we are friends.

Okay, but what if we weren't?
What would you say?

If we weren't friends?
Okay, then I would say,

"$1,100 is kind of steep,

"especially for someone who
didn't show much judgment

when it came to photographing
my child with firearms."

(laughing)
As a joke, I would say that.

Oh.
You know?

Yeah. No.
And I guess I would say,

you know, "Hey, lady, relax
about the guns already."

(both laughing)

That's funny.

And then I would
say something like,

"Don't tell me how to raise my
child, random chick I'm paying."

(laughing)

And then I would say, "Paying?

That's funny. I don't see
a check in my hand."

(laughing)

(chuckling awkwardly)

(whispers):
Guys.

Did you not see my signal?

What?
The Black Power salute?

No. This is
the universal sign for stop.

I've never seen
anybody do...

Shh!

What's that one?
What does that mean?

That means look over there
without talking.

Oh...
(rustling)

Yeah.

I think we got
a deer over there.

Oh.

(cell phone ringtone)

Really? With the ring?
I thought we talked about this.

I'm sorry.
I got a new phone.

You don't have to
whisper now. It's gone.

You know what?
Just answer it. Go ahead.

(laughing)

Ethan, it's you.

What?
Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Look at that.

I must have butt-dialed you
when Mike made us crouch.

I guess it was
your fault, Mike.

You and your
angry pantomiming.

You guys are idiots.

It's nice
to be outside, though.

Yeah, it's lovely.

Look at the way the light
hits those branches.

Poetic.
(barks) Beautiful.

What just happened?

Did we just have a fight?

Yeah, we totally did.

Well, if we did, and I wanted
to say I was sorry,

I would probably say
something like, "I'm sorry."

(both chuckling)

I would probably say something
like, "Let's stop all this

and toast
to our friendship, yo!" Ooh.

Cheers.

(chuckling)

I feel silly.

You were actually
being very generous

when you suggested that we pay
you what you're worth.

Thank you.
Thank you.

Oh, sweetie pie,
you-you signed it,

but you did not
fill out the amount. Uh-huh.

Just fill in the amount
you think is right.

Well-played.

I know. Do you want
to open up another bottle?

Yes.
Let's get lit.

(Carl barks)

Oh, of course.

(cell phone ringtone)
Oh...

Oh, really?

It's Callie.

It's your choice.

Okay. Sorry...

Do not... I forbid you
to answer the phone.

What, are you kidding me?

Don't. Don't.

Hey, sweetie.

CALLIE:
Hey, sweetie.

Oh, is this a bad time?

No. You know what?

It's never
a bad time when you call me.

Oh, I love you.

Smoochie, smooch, smooch.

(groaning)

Yeah. Barf.

(laughing)

Why'd you call me?

Actually, you called me.

I'm in the middle
of a deer-hunting trip.

Did you just drunk-dial me?

No, I... Hey. Um,

how much
are two cheap plane tickets

to New Orleans right now?

She wants to go to N'Orleans.

Well, with advanced price,

and it's not
like I've been looking up

the fares online
or anything,

it would be, hmm...

$518 if we don't check any bags.

Hey. We're going
to New Orleans, sweetie.

$518. How's that sound to you?

Huh? That fair?
That sounds great. You know what? $600.

You're drunk.

I'm not drunk.

You're drunk.

Okay. Yeah. Okay.
I'm going to let you go.

All right. I love you, baby.

Tell Mike I want another kid!
(laughing)

All right. I love you. Bye.

You'll love this.

Lisa and Callie
are day-drunk, right?

They come over...

Save it. I'm done.

What? Why?
Because.

Neither of you guys
take this seriously.

Of course we don't.
I mean, I didn't even want

to come on this trip
in the first place.

And the only reason
you wanted to come

is because you
backed yourself

into proving some
weird point with Lisa.

No. You know,
that's only a half-truth.

I-I wanted to come back here

because this is the first place
we took a guy trip.

I just kind of wanted
to get back to that.

Why? It was kind of
a mediocre trip, Mike.

You were the only one
who shot anything.

We've had better trips.

Absolutely. I mean,
do you remember

the Trail of Tears/Barbecue
trip of 2006?

I mean, we learned a little bit
and then we ate a whole lot.

It was a trip.

You're right. We've had
a lot of great trips. We have.

You know, it's just
that right now, my life...

It just feels like it's full
of diapers and depositions.

And don't get me wrong.

I love my job
and I love my family.

But I got to know,
on some level,

that we're still
those same guys that we were

15 years ago.

All right, Mike.
Give me the bag.

What?
Yeah, come on.

This means a lot to you

and, uh, we're with you.

So give me the bag.

It's not really necessary,
but I appreciate it.

What?

What?

(rustling)

ETHAN:
This is all you, man.

Shot's no good.

What are you talking about?
You got a clear sight line to...

The shot's no good.

("Ooh La La" plays)

I'm thinking of
asking Callie to marry me.

Seriously?

Oh, deer.

Why would you say that?
Callie's a great girl.

No. Deer!

(tires screeching, metal
crunching) Oh, no!

So, do you think
she'll say yes?

* I wish that I knew
what I know now *

* When I was younger *

* I wish that
I knew what I know now *

* When I was stronger. *

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