All language subtitles for Traffic Light s01e06 No Good Deed.eng

MIKE: Guys, guess who I just
got a call from.

A little blast from the past.

Oh, wait, was it Kara Richardson
from freshman year?

She's the one
I was telling you about.

Oh, my God, thank God
for coed bathrooms, right?

ETHAN:
Oh. No, it wasn't her.

It's Charlie.

Yeah, I don't know a Charlie.

Do you think Kara lives in town?
I should call her.

Right.
Yeah, you should totally call her.

You guys, you both know Charlie
McCauley, my little brother

from the Little Brother-
Big Brother program.

(Adam groans)
You know, stay on topic.

Do you think Kara's single?

Guys, look, I just want to brag

a little bit here.
My little brother

turned out great.

He wrote a book,
and it's getting published.

Wow, so he is a success
in spite of your guidance.

(laughs)
No, because of it.

I spent every Sunday
with that kid for three years.

I can't wait to get home
and tell Tommy.

That little guy has got

my guidance and my genes.

There's nothing he can't do.

Your genes.

That explains why Tommy's always
eating crayons.

MIKE:
Hey, you know what? (laughs)

That was one time, and it was

because Lisa bought
those stupid scented ones.

ETHAN:
Hey, what is that wind? What am I hearing?

Oh, sorry, that's me.
I took Callie's car.

I got the oil changed and then
I filled it up with gas.

Now I'm about to pick up
her dry cleaning.

MIKE:
No, it's not sweet. Oh, that's sweet.

That is foreplay,
straight out of my handbook.

Every Sunday...
(chuckles)

...I bring home
a little frozen yogurt

so that later Lisa and I
can start the week off right.

Yeah, and once sex with you
is off her list,

she knows her week
can only get better.

Oh...

No, that's not why
I'm doing this.

You know, Callie can be sort of
a free spirit sometimes,

so I like to just take charge
and get things done.

You know, last time
I picked up her dry cleaning,

they found a shirt that
she had left here two years ago.

ETHAN (laughs):
Classic.

(tires screeching)
Yeah, I know.

Classic Callie move.

No, you know, half the time
she doesn't even know

I'm doing this stuff.
I'm like a phantom,

fixing-- nay, preventing
problems before they start,

a silent hero if you will.

Uh, like a mute Superman.

Those are not my words,
but I am pretty amazing and...

I, um, got to call you back.

MIKE:
What, what's going on?

Call you back.

So you left it running,

keys in the ignition,
and the car unlocked?

I know, I am so sorry,
but in my defense,

it wouldn't have made
much sense for me

to lock the car with
the keys inside.

That would just be
foolish, right?

Well, I would
still have a car.

Yeah.

MIKE:
Hey, babe,

I got some fro-yo.

What do you say
we bust it out,

see where the night
takes us?

That's very sweet,

but I already had yogurt with
the girls this afternoon.

(doorbell rings)
What?

What do you mean
you had yogurt with the girls?

That's our thing.

Hey, hey.

Oh, my God, Mike,
look who's here.

Big brother.

Wow.

(both chuckling)

Charlie, look at you.

You're all grown up.

I know.
You got a mustache.

Yeah, don't think
you're all tough

'cause you can kind of grow
facial hair now.

I didn't think we were gonna
see you till Saturday.

Well, I can only
stay for a sec.

I just came by because
I couldn't wait

to give you this.

His new book.
Your new book.

My new book,

I know, I know.

It's an advance copy;

they're still figuring
out the artwork.

Oh, we are totally going
to celebrate on Saturday.

Yes, and I'm buying because--
let's be honest--

I owe you a lot.

Oh, come on, you don't have--
I mean, you can if you want to.

Just make sure you can cover it
'cause this one likes to drink.

I do not like to dri--

okay, we got a sitter,
I like to drink.

(all laugh)

Okay, cool, I'm in.
Saturday, okay?

Yes.
Oh, bye, sweetie.

Thank you.

Bye.
Wow.

It's so heavy.

It's got to be good.

(chuckles)

Unbelievable.

What?

The dedication.

Oh, that's so sweet.

He dedicated it to you?

No, he didn't.

"To Lisa Reilly,
thanks for everything"?

Oh, he dedicated it to me.

Wow... that is so sweet.

That is
so sweet.

Oh...

(sighs)

So that's pretty wild

about Charlie dedicating
the book to me, huh?

Yeah, it's crazy.

I mean, I like

to think
that I helped, but...

I never had a book
dedicated to me before.

Yeah, who has?

Oh... you're upset
about the dedication,

aren't you?
What, upset?

Why do you think
I'm upset? Well...

for starters,
when you're upset,

you start saying everything
in the form of a question.

Who says I do that?
You think I do that?

Yes, Mike, I do,
and I know you.

If people don't give you
the credit

that you feel you deserve,

you get frustrated.
I do?

When, what are
you talking about?

Let's start
with the block tower.

Oh...

Tommy built

a tower.
MIKE: Uh, actually,

you know, it was more my
idea and I built most of it.

Oh, well, good for you,
Michael, you built a tower.

Yes, I did.

Well, Tommy helped out
a little bit.

Oh, well, that's
very nice of you.

I loved that car.

It was spunky, petite,
it had attitude.

Oh, my God,
it was me but a car.

Sweetie,
I'm sorry.

I called the police
and they assured me

that they have
their best people on it.

(garbled radio transmission)

Feels good to have her back,
doesn't it?

Some of her.

So I've been meaning to ask:

getting your
girlfriend's car stolen--

did you get sex for that?

I did not,
but on the plus side,

Callie's insurance check
is coming in.

So you know
what I'm gonna do?

I am gonna surprise Callie
and buy her a brand-new car.

That's right, life gave me
lemons, I'm making lemonade.

I wish I knew why he dedicated
the book to her and not me.

Yeah, maybe Charlie thinks
she's hot.

(laughs)
Look, I have

a flawless radar
of who thinks my wife is hot,

and that is not
what this is about.

Are we gonna go
get food or not?

'Cause I got to go buy
Callie a car.

What, you don't even
know what she wants.

She designed her dream car
on a Web site last night.

I checked her history
this morning.

She didn't clear
her history?

You know what? I don't think
that women do that.

What?
Yeah, they don't need to.

If we knew they were
looking up porn,

we'd be thrilled.

Yeah, I'll tell you
what turns Callie on--

Toyota Prius, Barcelona red.

I got to get
a great deal on this car.

Yeah, well, that's
not going to happen.

You're like every
salesman's wet dream.

I'm gonna go out on a limb
here, Mike, and say that

I am no man's wet dream.

Oh, that is where
you're wrong.

Mm-hmm.

So... this is used?

No, it's refurbished.

Kind of sounds used.
It's just less new.

You know, I like you;
I'll throw in headphones.

For free?

All you need is to buy
the extended warranty.

(laughs)

How do you stay
in business?

Wonderful customers
like you.

(laughs)

ETHAN:
You cannot go by yourself.

You need your friend, who
is the king of negotiating,

to go with you
and get this done.

Thank you
for the kind words, Ethan.

I'm sorry, can I get
another coffee, please?

(laughs)

When do you want me
to go?

You?

He doesn't want your
help; he wants mine.

I'm a lawyer;
I get paid to screw people.

What are your qualifications?
Well, Michael,

I like people and
people like me

because people like
people who like people.

I'm a people person.

That's who you want
negotiating for you?

I'm telling you, if
you care about people,

they'll care about you.

I'll prove it.

What is our
waitress's name?

Aw, jeez, um,
I want to say Tina.

I thought
we had a waiter.

(chuckles)
Nicole. Yeah.

Sweetie,
how many weeks

until little Megan is born?

Eight.
I can't wait,

but until then,
could my friend get

another cup of decaf?

I'll make you
a fresh pot.

Of course you will.

Wow.

What if the car salesman's
a man?

I can do that, too.

So we get the
best deal we can

and we meet back
here in an hour.

Oh, you need
that long, do you?

I'll be back
in 45 minutes.

Oh, good, then,
I'll be waiting 15.

Guys, come on,
can we just do this?

Because I can't leave here today
without buying a car.

Wow.
Sweet Lord.

Remember I told you
you could shout at me?

Not going to happen.

We got to get an
extended warranty, right?

Right?

(whistling)

Uh, can I help you
with something?

Yes,

yes, you can.

I'm here to see... Glenn G.

So, you looking
to buy a car today?

I am not,
but my buddy is,

and I'm gonna be handling
all the negotiations.

Oh, where is your...?
My friend?

Nice try.

Look, I'm gonna be
straight with you.

Uh, my buddy is buying a car
in the next 30 minutes.

Okay.

Got an offer
from another dealership.

Not going to lie--
it's pretty good.

If you can beat it,
you're selling a car today.

That's the price
you need to beat.

So go ahead, talk it over with
your little backroom buddies,

and I'll be over here
having some free doughnuts.

They're still free,
aren't they?

Yeah.
Nice.

(scoffs)

I mean...

I think this is pretty
good for a free doughnut.

Did you dip it
in your coffee?

You got to dip it
in your coffee.

There's a whole new level
of pastry right there.

It's the little things
in life. How long you

I've been coming
here for years.

Why do you think I agreed

to help you buy a car?

Friendship.

Do you want
the Bluetooth?

Plenty of time to sell me the
bells and whistles, Glenn.

First thing I need to know is--
wow, who is that lovely lady

right there?

Oh, they make us share desks.

This is actually
Marshall's wife Jodie.

She is so beautiful.

You married, Glenn?

Girlfriend?

Boyfriend?

No, it's kind of tough
to meet anyone,

especially when you live
at home with your parents.

Bingo.

Tell me, Glenn...

what exactly
do you want from life?

I don't know,
not to sleep in a bunk bed?

Okay.

Wow-- wow.

That is pretty good--
$1,000 off MSRP.

Mm-hmm.
Impressive.

(chuckles)

(groans)
Look at that.

Ethan beat you
by $500.

I'm so off my game.

It's a brilliant idea,
Adam.

Dipping it makes
all the difference.

It does, doesn't it?

Are, are you
kidding me?

That's my ide-- God, why
will no one give m...?

I'm out of here.

Yeah, he did have
that idea first.

Yeah, I knew that.

Ah, good move.

(car horn honks)

All right, Glenn,
I got to get going.

Thank you so much.

You were amazing.

My pleasure.
Thank you.

(both laugh, phone rings)

Ooh.

Hey, Mom,

guess what.

I wanted to tell you
that I finally sold a...

Okay, yeah, tuna fish
sounds delicious.

I... okay... I...

Uh, I love you, too.

Glenn, Glenn,
where to start?

How about the tuna fish?

Come on, buddy,
you sold a car today.

You're on the big board,
it's a big deal.

Live a little.

So I sold a car?
Big deal.

It is a big deal, Glenn.

Who sold more cars
than you today?

Marshall, Eric,

Leslie, Glenn P.,

that new guy,
Tatiana...

MAN:
Okay, ah, good, good, good.

(grunts)

Hey, hey.

There he is.
Here I am.

(both chuckle)

Got your call, man.
You and Lisa still on for dinner, right?

Yeah, yeah, no,
that's gonna be great,

it's gonna be great, no,
and this is gonna be great.

This is gonna make
that even greater.

Great, all great.
Yeah.

I just figured we'd get
back to the basics--

you know, just a couple of
hombres hanging out, you know,

and what we say in the
cage stays in the cage.

Yeah, preset stations.

(jazz playing)
One jazz station's not going to kill you, Callie.

Wow.

So I was up late, late, late
reading your book last night.

Did you like it?

Yeah, it's good, it's good.

There are some things
at the beginning

I really didn't see coming.

You know, kind of zigged

when I thought you
were going to zag. Whoa!

My publisher told me today the
Tribune wrote a great review

which we might be able to
include in the final version. Oh, so the advance copy,

you can still change it then?

Yeah...
Ow!

God, Mike!

You okay, huh?

Yeah, I'm good.
I'm fine.

Maybe get them
to turn off the machine.

(phone dialing)

CALLIE:
Hey, handsome.

Hey. I want to show
you something.

Where are you?

I'm right out front.

Really? 'Cause I'm out front.

(horn honking)

Wow, when you buy a car,
you just start seeing it everywhere, huh?

Why would you buy
a car without me? I was going to surprise you.

Surprise.

Well, look, why'd you buy
a car without me?

Well, that's
the incredible thing.

I went in there just to look,

but I ended up laying the smack
down on the sales associate.

You know, they prey on women
who go in there alone.

Yeah, about that--
what was the damage?

$2,000 under MSRP, baby.

Really?
Yeah.

Why, is that good?

What'd you pay?
Let's not be like this, okay?

I mean, who are we,
Mike and Lisa?

We're going to have
to unload yours,

'cause mine's got
the kick-ass rims.

Yeah, you need the kick-ass
rims on that Prius.

I'm going to call Ethan.

He's become very close
with that salesman.

(chuckles)

What are you giggling about?

Oh, nothing, nothing.

It's like upside down
world, you know.

Like, I'm pulling all these
classic Callie moves.

Well, what's a Callie move?

It's just all
that sweet, charming,

cute stuff like--
like getting your car stolen

or buying a new car without
discussing it with anybody.

And...

Uh...

No, it's not bad.
It's what we love about you. We?

So what, you're sitting around
with your friends, talking about

what an idiot I am?
No, no, no, no.

Not what-- not what
an idiot you are.

We talk... We're talking
about how cool you are

and how free
from the restraints

of reality you are,
you know, and...

(door slamming)

Uh, Callie, I think

you accidentally
slammed the door in my face.

(door locking)
And locked it.

(door chain latching)
And then the chain guy.

ETHAN:
Wait, you said "Callie move"?

Oh, man, I'm surprised
she didn't run you over

with one of her two cars.

So what happened when you went
back in the apartment?

I'll... let you know.

Mike, you sure you're okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I just, you know, I took a ball
to the dome.

It would have been worth it if
I would have got some answers.

Well, it's good that you didn't
ask about dedication.

Yeah, it's one thing to think
and it's another thing to act on it.

Exactly.
I mean, you ever think before you act, Mike?

(laughing)
Hey, you bought two cars!

Well, I'm going to sell
one of them back.

Ethan, uh, think you can get in
touch with your buddy Glenn?

Uh, yeah, I can make
that happen.

Ooh, look at this.

There's an open house.
Utilities included, one bedroom.

Do I need a fireplace?
What do you think?

Yeah, I think I really
do need a fireplace.

Then that, my friend,
is your answer.

Why don't we meet at
the dealership at around 4:00?

30?

MIKE:
Okay.

Good call on these doughnuts.

I got to go.

Lisa just got home. Bye.

All right, bye.

Okay, Tommy is at the sitter's.
I just need to change

into a shirt that is not
covered in spit-up,

and then I am good to go.

You're driving,
'cause I'm drinking.

What happened to you?

Oh, I just-- I went to the
batting cages with Charlie.

You know, the machine
got out of hand.

Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine, good. Just got a little bump.

Good. Then you're still driving.
Yep.

I didn't know you went

to the batting cages
with Charlie today. With my little brother?

What's with that?
He's my little brother.

I used to do that all the time
with him.

Why with all
the questions?

Oh, my God.

What?
Mike you just got hit in the head

with a ball. You're no
match for me right now.

No, I was just...
I want the credit.

There it is.
There it is is right.

I want the credit.

In lieu of getting
the credit,

I'd like to know why

he dedicated the book
to you and not to me.

Is that why you signed
up for the program-- for recognition?

Didn't you do it to enrich

a young mind?
Look, if you're just going to quote the brochure...

Sometimes people do
selfless things

that they never get credit for.
Welcome to being a mom.

What does that even mean?

It means that
every shirt I own

is covered in spit-up
right here.

It means that when
Tommy hits a home run,

everyone's going to
be high-fiving you,

but no one's gonna
pat me on the back

for getting him
to the field on time

with his pants not filled
with stinkies.

I do a million things during the
day that I never get credit for.

Okay, great, fine. You know
what, you convinced me.

So when Tommy writes a book,

I'll make sure
he dedicates it to you.

But we're not
talking about Tommy.

We're talking about my little
brother here, Charlie.

Let it go, okay?
Tonight is not about you.

I know it's not about me.
Okay.

Why do you think
I'm so pissed?

Come on, Glenn. Is this
even a real number?

There's 12 miles
on this car.

Look, Adam, you have
to face the fact

that we're not going
to give you

what you paid
for the car.

What are you doing?

I'm invested in
this man's life.

I did not plan on this
happening, but it did.

We have had an incredible day,

right, Glenn?
It's been pretty magical.

We bought him
this new suit.

Got him gym membership.
Because, and I quote,

"You can't get a lady
to love you with that gut."

I tell it like it is.
And the truth is,

the moment you drove that car
off the lot, it became used.

I had it for a nanosecond.

Used.

And are we going to buy
a used car from you

for the price of a new car?
I don't think so.

Ain't gonna happen.

Poo.

You know, my happiest memory
of living in that old apartment

was the day you came by
with those etchings. Etchings?

Go ahead tell her.

I think it was the fifth...
Sixth.

...sixth anniversary
of my dad's passing. Oh, God...

Mike came over with these
charcoal etchings of his gravestone.

Oh...
With a note that said,

"No matter where your dad is,
I know he's proud of you."

How did you not dedicate
the book to him?

Well...

You don't have to answer that.

I mean, you can
if you want to,

but, you know, don't feel
like you're obligated, 'cause...

I mean, she is going to be
thinking about it all night.

Every weekend, I thank him
for hanging out with me,

and he'd say, "Don't thank me,
thank Lisa."

Because every weekend
I was with him

was a weekend
he wasn't with you.

Oh...

Wow.

I'm just going
to be honest here.

I think we'd both feel
more comfortable if we picked up the check.

Yeah.

Okay, obviously
I really screwed up.

And that whole "Callie move"
thing-- it was idiotic.

You know, and I--
I took a bad situation,

and I used words
to make it worse.

Yeah, we call that
an "Adam move."

Can I float a theory?

I'm afraid to hear it,
but float away.

I think you replaced that car

because you didn't think
I could handle it myself.

No.

No.

Maybe.

Look, obviously I can buy a car.
Obviously.

Did they throw that mug in?
Mm-hmm.

Damn it.

Did you know that I paid $35

for the one
I got you?

Sweetie, I know that you
can buy a car without me.

But maybe I just wanted
to believe that you couldn't.

What? Why?

Well, because

I'm a guy.

And maybe deep down
I want to think

that you can't go through
your everyday life without me.

And that's why
I change your oil

and I get up really early
to scrape the ice off your windshield.

(gasps)
That's you?

I thought it was
the creepy guy from 302.

No, it's me.

I am the creepy guy.

Look, I do need you.

Just not in the way
you think I do.

To me, our relationship

is like this conversation
that I'm never sick of having.

We look at the
world the same way,

and when I talk to you,
I know that I'm not crazy--

the world is.

I mean, I'm a
little crazy, but...

You make me feel
like it's the world that's crazy, not me.

That's all I need.

I don't need you
to change my oil.

Unless that is a euphemism.

Because I do need
the bedroom stuff.

The bedroom stuff?

Well, please, do tell.

Come on, I say like
the nicest thing to you ever,

and that's what you fixate on?

I'm a guy.

(beeping)
Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's that?

Wait, wait, wait,
hold on.

How long has your
low fuel light been on?

Oh, I don't know--
like 123 miles.

This Prius is good.

(steady tone)

(beeping stops)

Oops.

CALLIE:
On the plus side, it turns out I do need you.

Oh, and I thought
of something else.

You always get
the paper towels

from the high shelf
in the kitchen.

Yeah, I do
do that.

And you always print out
directions for me

when I'm going
someplace new.

Oh, except my car
does that now.

I got a GPS
thrown in.

You keep thinking,
I'll keep pushing.

Hey, Glenn, great news.

I scored a couple of tickets
for the Cubs on Tuesday night.

Are you in?
Oh, sorry, buddy.

I've been swamped here at work
ever since the promotion.

Oh, okay.

Uh, how about dinner
Friday night?

Yeah, no can do.

Jodie and I are going to Aspen
for the weekend.

Jodie? Marshall's wife?

Yeah. Let's just say things
didn't work out too well---

for him.

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