All language subtitles for Traffic Light s01e01 Pilot.eng

(phone rings)

Hey, Mike, what's up?

You know, kicking back,
having a cold one.

Enjoying the good life.

You are hiding in your car

watching Iron Man right now,
aren't you?

MIKE:
Parked a block away from the house.

As soon as I get home, Lisa
puts me on the second shift,

so it's good.

(Mike slurping)
(Adam laughs)

You know, it still shocks me

that a lawyer who basically
kicks ass for a living

has to hide in his car just
to carve a little "me time."

Hey, kids change everything.

You'll see, Adam.

I mean, they're great,
but you'll see.

Would you stop
with the "you'll see" stuff?

Seriously. Me and Callie
are just moving in together.

(phone rings)
It's not a big deal.

Hold on a sec.
I got Ethan calling me.

Ethan, I'm on the other line
with Mike. I'll call you back.

Oh, conference me in, man.

All right.

All right, we're all on
the phone here.

Hey, Carl's here. Say hi.

MIKE AND ADAM:
Hey, Carl. (barks)

Are you driving Carl
to his walk?

Carl's a bulldog.
This is his walk.

You know, if you treated
your girlfriends half as well

as you treat, Carl, I wouldn't
be the only one of us married.

What are you talking about, man?

I treat my girlfriends
like goddesses.

Yeah, you treat them great
for, like, three weeks.

I'd rather have three weeks
of wonderful

than a lifetime
of nothing special.

Did you just quote
Steel Magnolias?

Yes, I did.
Yes, he did.

Oh, hey, guess who scored us
floor seats on the 27th.

No!

That's amazing.
Yeah.

Yeah, it's amazing
except the 27th

is the same day as Ben's thing.

That's the 27th?
Yeah.

Classic Ben;
worst roommate ever.

What are you talking about?

Need I remind you of the
constant blaring of Chumbawamba?

(singing along to radio):
* I get knocked down, but I get up again *

* You're never gonna
keep me down *

* I get knocked down,
but I get up again *

* And you're never gonna
keep me down, I get... *

(siren wails)
Oh, hold on a second. Oh, my God.

I'm getting pulled over.
I gotta call you guys tomorrow.

No, no, no, no! Leave us on.
I want to hear this.

Yeah, keep us on!
All right, just don't say anything, okay?

Okay.

Shh, shh, shh.

(indistinct radio transmission)

Do you know why
I pulled you over?

MIKE:
Don't admit anything.

Who's that?

I'm his lawyer.
Michael, please. I got it.

Uh, I'm sorry, Officer.
I got a little distracted there.

I've been going through
a lot today.

Yeah, he's moving in
with his girlfriend.

That's great.

License, registration.

I mean, it's really not
that big of a deal, you know?

She's been sleeping over almost
every night this month, so...

Trust me, it's
a big deal.

You getting her
a present?

Oh, yeah. Should I?

I know I'd appreciate it.

Okay, so, like,
what do I get her, like...

like a necklace?

Bath salts!

Bath salts show you care!

No bath salts. Get her something
you two can use together

like a video game
or some nice stemware.

Hey, Officer, do you think
I should get my girlfriend

something for our
one-month anniversary?

I'm kinda in uncharted territory
Sorry.

and I don't want
to get her bath salts.

How many people
you got on that phone?

MIKE: No, bath salts!
Uh, there's, I-I got, uh...

They love bath salts.
There's two people.

They're my friends
on the phone here. Here you go.

MIKE: No, bath salts!
They love bath salts.

Something wrong
with your friends.

Oh, God, Lisa's coming.
Phone silence.

Um, so, do you think you could
just be quiet for a second?

I'm really sorry.
Don't listen to that.

Hey.
Hey.

Remember how
we talked about

you helping out
a little bit more? Yeah.

He's had his dinner.

I'll be back
in a half an hour.

Okay.
(squeals)

Look.
Yeah, look.

Love you!
Hey, guys,

think Tommy's too young
for Iron Man?

No, no, he's not too young.

Yes, of cour...
He's one and a half years old.

No...
Don't show that child Iron Man.

(baby crying)

Okay.

All right, I think
we have come to an age

where we are done
moving you.

You know what?
You know what?

I think the futon period
in my life is over.

Let's get rid of it.
Oh, finally.

Let's put it
over here. All right.

Yeah, no, this is good.

The neighbors will totally
appreciate this.

Aw, baby,
that's your first futon.

Oh, that's a great
picture. Come on.

Oh, my God, guys, check it out.
Look at how young

you look.
Look at Ben.

Ah, Ethan, I didn't know
you were on the team.

What, just 'cause
I'm British?

Of course I was on the team.

Yeah, he was
the equipment manager.

Which is a vital
part of the team.

Yeah, maybe in Britain.

Oh, so you didn't
actually play. I played.

I absolutely played.
Well, Ben and I convinced

the coach to let him suit up
for the final game.

(crowd boos)

Yeah, and in my defense,
I did make my mark.

(audience cheering)

Yeah!

And you know what?

I'm still the holder
of the school record

for career on-base percentage.

Heads up!

(glass breaks)

Wow, you still got it.

That was
my grandmother's.

Oh, you guys got
new dishes together?

Adam, you're so
domesticated.

Aw...

CALLIE:
We'll be right up.

Domesticated my butt.

Whoo!

Oh, I think I just took
a picture.

Oh, no. Oh, did you
do that on purpose?

You know, maybe I did,
maybe I did not.

That's okay. I'll forward
it to you later.

I'll be checking
my e-mail continuously.

I have great boobs.

No one's arguing
with you there.

Hey, I just read
that piece you wrote

on the five ways your
boss manipulates you.

That's some good stuff, man.

What was the
third way again?

Oh, uh, it's the one

where your boss makes you feel
insecure about your job

by constantly referring
to the tough economic times.

Despicable, yeah. You know,
these are some tough times,

though, with the print media.
I mean,

the magazines are being
taken down like that!

It's a tough time
to be out of work. Listen,

I have to ask
you a favor. I had a hunch.

My son's having his
bar mitzvah next week

and my ex-wife has been
turning him against me.

So I'm trying
to win him back. Smart.

So I promised I'd throw him

the best damn bar mitzvah party
he's ever been to.

How can I help?

Well, my son is a nut

for these crazy
wrestlers on TV.

You read my article.
Yeah, that's some good stuff.

The boy is obsessed
with the Sawing Clown.

Now, I need you to get him and
maybe a few other wrestlers

to perform at the party
that night, you know?

You think you
can do it that? Absolutely, yes.

Me and the Sawing Clown
actually hit it off, so...

All right, man, good talk.

A team player, man.
You dodged a bullet.

Ah, just kidding.
No, not really.

I mean, you guys
say "schedule,"

we say "shedule,"
but we both say "wedgie."

Ethan...
Oh, no, wait.

That's a breakup "Ethan."

You're breaking up with me.

Why, is it because
you think I won't commit?

I know you won't commit.

No, I can, I can,
I can commit.

I mean, for short
bursts of time

followed by long stretches
of freedom.

Is that all right?

Sherry broke up with me.

Oh, no!

How'd she do?

Oh, yeah, total pro.
No scenes.

I got to give her a ten.

It doesn't matter, you know?

I mean,
I just gotta get back out there.

Can you go out tonight?

Uh, yeah, yeah,
I think I can make that work.

Cool. I'll call Mike.
See if he can get out.

LISA:
Hey, I know it's the day before Ben's thing,

but next Saturday
I have to go to this charity event

where they're honoring
my boss.

It'll be super boring.
I need you to come.

What? Why? You don't
even want to go.

Yeah, I know, but I have to go
so it looks like I care.

And if you are there,

then it'll look like
I care twice as much.

Lisa!
Michael!

Come on.
Come on. Okay, I will count this

as you helping out
a little more.

And who loves a helper? I do.

Me, Mrs. O'Reilly does.

Okay, all right,
fine. I will go,

but we are gonna have a couple
of drinks, make fun of people.

Oh, oh, yes, we will.

Yes, we will.
Yes, we will.

(phone rings)
Hey, it's Ethan calling.

Hey, Ethan. I got Lisa
in the car. Say hello.

Her car's in the shop.

Oh, hey, Lisa.
Hi, Ethan.

Okay, Mike,
I'll call you later. Bye.

That was weird.

Why'd you tell Ethan
I was in the car?

I was being polite.

Mm-hmm. Well, the way
he hung up so fast,

it made me feel like
he wanted to talk about

something with you
that he couldn't in front of me.

No, Ethan's crazy. He was...

Hmm...
No. What? No.

No. All right, well, um,
here's a fun experiment:

the next time
one of the guys calls,

don't tell them
I'm here.

It'll be like a...
like a game!

Great. Good, yeah. Game on.

Game on.
Bring it.

Oh, it's been brung.
All right.

What were you thinking?
You hung up too quickly.

Now Lisa's gonna be
suspicious.

I know, I know.
I could feel it.

I'm so sorry for you.
No, you don't understand.

I'm married. I have a kid.

I love my family, but in order

for me to carve out
a little time for myself,

I have to be able
to control the information.

But you know who the real
enemy here is, right?

No.
Technology.

What?
And you've invited it

into your house like
you were friends.

(sighs)
What's happened to us?

Yeah. Well, to you.

ADAM:
All right, baby, watch this.

Crosscourt smash!

(yells)

Yeah, you won, all right.
Again.

It's not a big deal.
I'm not upset about that.

Oh, okay. You won't mind
if I hit a few balls into the stands?

(phone rings)

It's all right if you want
to be a sore winner.

Winner. "Winner,"
key word. Hey, buddy.

Hey, where are you, man?

You still coming
out, right?

Uh, we'll see.

What do you mean,
"We'll see"?

All right, you take care.

No, wait, wait.

What the hell
was that about? He's asking

Permission?
Not permission exactly.

No, he's looking
for her blessing.

Blessing?

You'll see.

So, it was Ethan.

Oh?
Mm-hmm. Yeah, him and Mike

are gonna get some beers.

Cool.
Yeah, it's cool.

It's pretty cool.

Gonna watch a football game,
you know. Just...

Actually, they invited me
to go with them.

You know,
which could be fun.

In theory... theoretically,
it would be a fun... thing.

Oh. Yeah, okay,
you should do that,

I mean, if that's what
you want to do.

No, no.

No, because I would rather
be here with you, you know?

That's more important to me.

Aw, I'd rather be here
with you, too.

Okay.
You know what the best part

about living
together is?

You never have to
make any plans.

Every night is
date night.

Yeah. Never really thought
of that.

It's like we're on
a big forever date. Mmm.

MICHAEL:
Here's where you made your mistake.

You framed the issue wrong.

You can't act like you
want to go out with us

because it's
gonna be fun.

I can't?
No, you can't.

How would you know?

Mike explained the whole thing
to me in the bar last night.

It's fascinating.
Apparently, what you need to do

is act like
you don't want to go out.

I don't know, you know?
We're just starting out here.

I don't want to build
my relationship on lying.

It's not lying.
It's not lying. It's not lying.

Which reminds me: I will be
driving Lisa to and from work

for the next couple of days,
so when you call,

if I cough twice...
(coughs)

...it means Lisa's in
the car. Got that?

Hey, can we get three
specials, please? Hi. Sure.

I like that shirt, Jenny.

It makes your breasts look
really good.

Thank you.
Pleasure.

That is amazing

that you can get
away with that.

I could never get
away with that.

The only reason
why you do

is because of that
stupid accent.

It's not the accent.
It's the vibe.

Which has to be:

"I'm not trying
to sleep with you.

"I've already got a lot planned
for the day,

"but I would be remiss
if I didn't take a moment

to acknowledge the beauty
of your breasts."

That worked
really well. Boom.

You don't linger because
that's when it gets creepy.

(phone rings)

Hey, Adam, how's it going?
(coughs twice)

ADAM:
Uh-oh.

You know what?
I just ran another yellow light.

I'm getting pulled over, buddy.
I gotta call you back.

Okay, buddy, all right.
I'll talk to you later.

Okay, bye.

Idiot.

What? I didn't tell
him you were here.

Mm-hmm.

(phone rings)

Oh, look, perfect. It's Ethan.

So don't say I'm here again.

(coughs twice)

Oh, yeah, Hi, Lisa.

Really?

You're using
signals now?

Your breasts look
really great in that shirt.

No, no. Still creepy.

Good-bye, Ethan.

(singing slowly):
* I get knocked down and I get up again... *

Oh. No, no, no, no.

My boss is going
to kill me.

What do you mean
the Sawing Clown's not coming?

He promised he was going
to come. I don't know what

I called him last
night and he was like, "We'll see, we'll see."

I don't know what that's
supposed to mean.

His fiancée didn't give
him permission to go. Permission?

No, it's not permission
exactly.

It's more like
he's looking for her blessing.

You know what he did?

He framed the issue wrong.
Totally.

This is never going to
work. Sure it is.

because no one's ever
seen the Sawing Clown out of costume.

So we're going to get you
in the clown suit,

put on a little bit of makeup.
You've already got the height.

You've got the physique.

Yeah, I guess
I do. I mean...

Aw, come on, I don't know.

This is crazy.

Got to do this for me,
buddy, okay? Got to.

Because if I don't
pull this off,

Marty's going to fire me.

I can't lose my job right now.

You got to help me.

I still got the guns.
Those guns.

You know, Ethan could
never pull this off.

Equipment manager? Please.
I know.

Okay.

I'll do it if you cover my share
for the band for Ben's thing.

(sighs)
I don't know.

Yes. Yes, I will, okay?

Because you can't
put a price on friendship.

No, you can't.
Amen.

Hey, honey.

Hi.

How was walking Becca's dog?

Total crotch sniffer.
We made a lot of friends.

Guess what we are
doing tonight? What's that?

(whispers):
Lining the shelves.

Hmm, whatting the what?

I know it's soul suckingly
boring, but we got to do it.

You want to
measure or cut?

How could a man chose?

(phone ringing)

Hello.

Hey, think you can
get out tonight?

(whispers)
Yes.

It's Ethan.

He's shattered over Sherry
breaking up with him.

Really?

He's crushed. It's insane.

Don't be ridiculous, buddy.

You have plenty of
stuff to live for.

Yeah, like going out tonight.

I've got a call into Mike.
You in?

Um... Would you get
ahold of yourself, man?

You're going to meet somebody
else, okay, I promise.

Yeah, probably tonight.

Say "maybe"
if you're going to go.

All I can say to
that is maybe.

Godspeed.

Wow, poor Ethan.

Poor me, you know.

Because I got
to deal with it.

I'm sick of it.

You know, he calls me because
he wants me to go out with him

so that he can tell me
how depressed he is.

It's just a bummer.
I'm not going to do it.

Sweetie, you have to go.
He's your good friend.

But I've been there for him
enough already.

You know, I want to be
here for you.

I want to spend
time with you.

Um, also I want to cut
the shelf paper.

You know what,
I'm gonna go with you.

We can comfort
Ethan together, huh?

You know what, I...
I'm not sure that's...

So I woke up this morning and
I found one of her T-shirts.

I just sat there and cried.

For two hours.

Oh, Ethan.

Does anyone have a tissue,
please?

Yeah.
Thank you.

(game announcer
speaking on TV)

(knocking on door)

(whispers):
You stay there.

Sherry.

Callie called me.

I had no idea how much
you cared about me.

(sobbing)

(sighs)

Ah.

That is amazing.
It's amazing.

You didn't do all
your own makeup, did you?

Oh, I did. No, this?
This is all me.

Watch this.

(yelling)

Pretty good, huh?

I think you missed your calling.
I may have.

(phone rings)
It's Lisa. Hold on. Hello.

Hey, did you get the directions?

I left them
on the kitchen table. What directions?

To my boss' thing.

Please tell me
you didn't forget.

I... The, uh, the fund-raiser.

That's today. Uh...

Yes, yes, it's today, Michael.
No. No, today you're my clown.

Uh, no, I did not forget.
No, at all.

Just, I'm working, that's all.

Brian called you in
on a Saturday?

Yeah, exactly, Saturday.
I was like, that's crazy.

I, you know, I should be
home with the family,

but... you know what,
forget it.

I'm going to call him,
and I'm just...

I'm going to come home.

I'm going to come
do your thing.

No, it's more important.
I got my priorities straight.

I don't need to be making
partner anytime soon.

I mean with the kid
and everything...

No, honey, honey, no, no.

I feel bad. Don't, don't.

Are you sure?

Yeah, it's okay. It's okay. I'll
just go solo to this thing.

All right, have a good day.

And I love you.

I love you, too, baby.

All right, bye.

Dodged a bullet.

(laughs)
Let's do this thing!

Thank God.

Mr. Dodds, Hi.

Lisa, how are you?
Good.

Just so you know,
you have to hold...

Okay, hey, guys, wanted to
work out our moves here.

I've been studying the
Sawing Clown a little bit.

So I figured I'd start off
with the circus drop.

You know, give the kids
a good opening.

What are you talking about?

Uh, okay, I know I haven't,
like, technically wrestled,

but, you know, it's
basically just acting.

We're not actors,
we're athletes.

(chuckles)
Okay, okay. Come on, guys.

Seriously? Word of advice--
I was an athlete in college.

You don't really want to throw
that word around, so...

Look, I'll start off
with a circus drop

and then we'll take
it from there.

Come on, let's have
fun out there.

Hey, guys, you only
get one bar mitzvah.

So let's give 'em a good show.

MAN (over P.A.):
And now in honor of Jeremy becoming a man,

Satan's jester--
the Sawing Clown!

(cheering)

(chain saw roaring)
Yeah!

(yelling)

It's good.
Yes.

What the hell are you doing?!

(yelling)

(gasps, stammers)

Awesome!

So, yeah...

Oh, my God.

Well, I'm sorry your husband
couldn't make it.

Me, too, but he's a lawyer.

He takes his job
very seriously.

Adam.

Hi, Lisa.

Michael?

Hey, Lisa.

You remember my boss--
Tony Dodds.

How's it going?
How you doing there?

So you'll be doing
bath time for the next two weeks.

Goes without saying.

And there will be two
yet-to-be-determined

spa getaways for
me and my sister. As there should be.

And you will throw away
that old college T-shirt you wear every weekend.

I love that you still love me.

Well, you may be a clown,
but you're my clown.

(sighs)

Do I look like a talk show host
to you in this?

No, you look hot.
Okay, fine.

Um, before we go
to Ben's thing,

I just kind of want to talk
to you about something.

Um, like, I know that moving in
together can be stressful.

And I can see where couples

could start to, um,
to mislead each other.

Can I go first?

Uh, okay.

Um, remember
a couple days ago

when I said I had
to walk Becca's dog? Yeah.

I made it up.

What?

I needed some
time for myself,

and I didn't know
how to tell you,

so I just... I made up
a friend named Rebecca,

and well, then I
shortened it to Becca.

You obviously put a lot
of thought into that one.

Sort of.

The nickname thing
is what really

takes it up
to the next level.

I'm sorry. I just
should have told you.

That's okay.
We all do dumb stuff.

ADAM:
Ben and I played baseball here in high school,

and then again
at the University of Illinois.

He was a lot better than me.

But he was a great athlete.

He was also a pretty
eccentric guy,

which made him
a lot more lovable.

When we were freshmen,
Ben and I met

Mike and Ethan,
and we decided

that we would drive to Chicago
for the weekend.

And Ben insisted that we take
surface streets the whole way,

which just seemed crazy to me.

There's got to be
10,000 traffic lights

between Champaign and Chicago.

But he insisted.

He said, on the Interstate,

you know exactly what
you're going to get.

It's just a straight line
and a lot of fast food.

But on a road
with traffic lights,

it's a whole different story.

Sometimes the light's green.

You enjoy the open road

wondering what's out there
for you.

Sometimes the light's yellow.

You slow down,

you get your bearings
and you think if this is

someplace you might
want to stop.

And sometimes the light's red.

You take a moment,
and you realize

that where you are
is pretty good.

(baby fussing)

In fact, it's exactly
where you need to be.

Of course, a trip that should
have taken three hours

ended up taking about ten.

(laughing)
But, um,

on that trip, the four of us
formed a lifelong bond.

And we miss Ben
every single day,

but he did leave us
with a lot of gifts.

The greatest of which
is our friendship.

And so today we dedicate this
field to our friend Ben Foster.

(applause)

(marching band playing
"Tubthumping" by Chumbawamba)

Oh, come on!

(laughter)

Guys, I'm never going
to finish Iron Man.

Just please,
tell me how it ends.

Iron man wins.
He wins?

Really?
It's called Iron Man. Of course he wins.

Guys, spoiler alert.
Carl has not seen it. (barks)

(siren wailing)
Oh, you cannot be serious.

(indistinct radio transmission)

You're not going
to believe this.

It is the exact...
You?

Hi. Hi, Officer.

Are you following me?

Are you...?

Are you talking
to your friends again?

ETHAN:
Yeah, that's us.

MIKE:
Hey, good to hear you, cop lady.

ETHAN:
Say hi, Carl.

(Carl barking)
License and registration.

Right.
So how's it going with the girlfriend?

Oh, good. Thank you.

MIKE:
Oh, good? It's going great.

I've never seen him this happy.

You got a picture?

Yeah, it's right...
It's on the license, if you just...

I think she means of Callie.

Thank you, Ethan.

I got one on my cell phone.
I'm sorry. Here you go.

Those are nice.
Thanks.

You got a picture
of her face?

What?

Oh, God, that's the topless...
MIKE: Topless?!

That was just a joke, Officer.
ETHAN: Whoa, whoa, topless?!

Wait a minute!
Where? How?

Okay, please stop.
What's going on?

She's very symmetrical.

Thank you.
Don't blow it.

No, no, Officer, I won't.

That's what they all say.

* I get knocked down
but I get up again *

* You're never going
to keep me down... *

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