Original subtitles

EVAN: Previously on The Mighty Ducks: Game Changers...

NICK: The Ducks are a powerhouse organization

with a record ten state championships.

MARY JOE: A little different than the Ducks of the '90s.

I gotta cut you.

At this age, if you can't be great at hockey,

-it's like, don't bother. -"Don't bother"?

Let's start our own team. A whole group of Don't Bothers.

EVAN: And all we need is a few more players.

-Sofi. -You're asking me to quit the Ducks?

ALEX: I'll find a coach. I'll find a rink.

Are you the manager?

I'm Gordon Bombay. Welcome to the Ice Palace.

-Who's gonna coach? -I am.

COACH T: The 12-to-14-year-old division is full contact.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

-COACH T: This is the real deal. -Oh, crap.

Nick here, still podcasting,

but now embedded with the new Don't Bothers team.

Reporting live from the inside.

First impressions, gotta love a sport that starts with hot cocoa.

All right, guys, let's do this. Hockey-time.

(CHEERING AND EXCLAIMING)

-You all right? -ALEX: Yeah.

I just... I'm excited. I'm excited, but I'm nervous, you know.

I want this to be great for you, and I've never coached before.

You've been watching my hockey practices since I was what, four?

Watching is a pretty strong word.

Full disclosure, I was answering emails,

paying bills, and if I was wearing sunglasses, I was straight up asleep.

Okay, stings a bit, but, uh, let's move on.

-Maybe you just need a cool, new nickname. -Like what?

-Coach A? -Coach A?

"Who could lose with a coach like Coach A?" I love it.

Hey, guys. Um, welcome to the first practice of the Don't Bothers.

-(ALL CHEERING) -Yeah!

I'm Coach A. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Doesn't work.

Just call me Alex.

And today, we're gonna start with a really cool passing exercise.

You guys heard coach. Let's lace-up.

ALEX: No, not that kind.

Today, we won't be touching the ice, but we will be breaking the ice.

MAYA: But I'm wearing long underwear.

KOOB: It's like a candy.

What does that mean?

Well, I don't wanna play by the Ducks' rules,

because we're a different kind of team.

We're nice, and they can suck it.

I wanna try a new approach and work on trust and bonding.

So today, we're gonna sit in a circle and pass a puck around

and play a game called Outside In.

Where everyone says something that might seem obvious about them on the outside,

but then reveals something on the inside that not everyone might know.

So no skating at all? Our first game's Saturday.

We will get there. Don't you worry. Okay, let's circle up.

Coach Alex is taking a more touchy-feely approach.

Her son, Evan, my new and soon possible best friend, seems skeptical.

Let's see how this plays out.

ALEX: This...

is the trust puck.

When you are holding the sacred trust puck,

the floor is yours.

Sam?

Uh...

Outside, I like skateboarding, and I act kinda crazy,

but, inside, I have no spleen.

-Oh. -It burst when I crashed into a stop sign.

I am a mess in there.

Hi, I'm Maya.

Uh, I have this talent where I can zero in on someone's weakness and destroy them.

(ALEX CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Like I might tell you that your puffy vest is very 2017.

And then every time I saw you, I'd say other things from 2017

just to get in your head.

Like, Lego Batman Movie or fidget spinners.

But this is one my favorite vests. It's got a lot of useful pockets.

I guess pockets were big in 2017.

You know what else was big in 2017?

-Hockey! Now come on, let's go. -Not just yet, baby.

I'm Lauren.

Outside, I'm a female warrior, and people say I dress weird.

Inside, I used to have a crippling fear of death,

but then I realized the fact that everybody, popular kids, freaks,

we all have this vast nothingness waiting for us.

In a strange way, it gives me a sense of peace.

All right, Lauren, making us aware of our mortality. Thank you.

Koob? Koob?

His eyes are open, but I'm not sure he's actually with us. Koob?

(ALEX EXCLAIMS SOFTLY)

Outside, I'm a gamer and spend a lot of time in front of a screen.

Inside, I think we might all just be a series of ones and zeroes

and living in a digital simulation.

Hello, my name is Evan. On the outside, I love hockey.

And on the inside, I also love hockey.

So really looking forward to playing actual hockey.

I love your passion. Good job.

Hey, guys, I'm Logan.

God has blessed me with a solid head of lettuce.

-(ALL CHUCKLING) -And I love dogs.

On the inside, me and my dad just moved in with my aunt,

because my parents are getting a divorce.

-ALEX: Hmm. -My mom cheated on him.

I also love cats.

Hi, I'm Nick.

I have two moms who are both awesome and different in surprising ways.

I'm a huge fan of hockey, but haven't really played it a lot.

But I'm excited to take this journey with all of you.

And on the inside?

On the inside, I look like Logan.

Maybe a little taller.

Very good, you guys. That was amazing. I think we are finally ready...

Yes. Finally. Let's play some hockey.

For trust falls.

KOOB: She said "trust falls"?

-SAM: I like falling. -(SIGHS)

-I'll be right back. -ALEX: Ev?

-MAYA: Do not drop me, people. -Okay, have you guys done a trust fall?

Coach Bombay?

Go away. 1:00 to 3:00 is my nap time.

But that's our practice time.

What a coincidence.

Hit the lights on your way out. Stop calling me coach.

I'm just a guy tryin' to get some sleep.

Well, the thing is, I would never say this to my mom,

because I know how hard she's working out there,

but she really needs help.

I mean, she's trying to coach my hockey team,

but it feels more like a sleepover party with a puck.

Look, you seem like a nice kid.

Actually, I don't know what kinda kid you are.

Like I told your mom, I'm just renting you ice time. That's it.

But we're gonna be okay, right?

When you coached the old Ducks, they were really bad, but they got better.

Tell me we have a chance.

Just tell me the underdogs will come through in the end.

Yeah. The old Ducks did get better, but they had me. You don't.

Hey, kid?

-Yeah? -Shut the door, will ya?

ALEX: Be right back, guys.

-KOOB: What's this? -SAM: I wanna skate.

-Hey! -I was just going to the bathroom.

Going to the bathroom. Exactly what I'm doing.

NICK: Anyone want anything from the snack bar?

-ALEX: Yoo-hoo? -Are you kidding me?

So, just want to let you know, first practice is going really well.

Good story. Does it have an ending?

It has a question. Which is I wonder if you could talk to Evan?

He really worships you.

And he doesn't seem completely on board with my methods.

I was hoping you could tell him you think they're gonna gonna work.

Not gonna do it 'cause I don't think it's gonna work.

It's team building and trust. You don't think any of that matters?

I think it's almost three o'clock.

And if you go one minute over,

I'm gonna charge you for a 'nother hour.

-I will leave you now. -Door!

Closing, closing. Closed.

Hey, do you have a minute?

Sure, just finishing up my salad.

-What did we do before jicama? -(CHUCKLES)

Uh... We were lost, I guess.

-Did you eat? Okay. -Yes.

I also had a salad on bread with cheese and meat.

-It was a sandwich. -(CHUCKLES)

Um, I wanted to ask you about my new hockey team.

I'm just so glad you found a way for Evan to keep playing.

We were so bummed when he got cut. My twins are really gonna miss him.

And I'm gonna miss hanging out with you, girl.

Aw, I mean, it's good times, yes.

So, I was wondering if I could take off at, like, 5:30

during the week on the nights we have practice.

I will make it up from home, get here early and get everything done.

I think it'll be fine. Yeah, should be, what, ten weeks, right?

-Right. Unless we make it to States. -Yeah, of course.

I mean, only the top two teams in the division advance,

-but I guess you never know, right? -Right.

Yeah, you do whatever you need to do.

Okay. Great. Thanks so much.

-Go get 'em. -Thanks. (CHUCKLES)

-(INDISTINCT CHATTER) -So, how is the new team going?

(SIGHS) Well, our first game's Saturday,

and my mom's really stuck on the hardcore get-to-know-you drills.

Sounds better than what I'm doing.

I really miss you on the Ducks. You were the only nice person there.

EVAN: Offer still stands. Come join us.

We're so nice, it's actually driving me insane.

(CHUCKLES) I told you, I can't.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

Oh, man, I'm late for homeroom.

Welcome to practice. We're here to have fun.

Let's remember, this is kids' sports.

The stakes could not be lower.

What's wrong with Koob?

EVAN: Ugh. Poor guy.

Looks like just skating out here in all that equipment knocked him out.

Hey, bud, how you doin'?

Cold, wet.

At least the ice numbs the pain.

Want me to line up some pucks so we can start stick handling?

No, no, we're not doing pucks today.

We're doing something different and better and safer.

-Beach balls! -(ALL EXCLAIMING)

-Yeah! -Yeah!

This is a nightmare.

LAUREN: I got it!

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

-Whoo! -Oh, man!

All right! Everybody's stick has to touch the ball once before it goes in the goal.

-LAUREN: Get in there! -LOGAN: I can't...

Yeah!

Hey, yes! Isn't this fun?

(EXCLAIMING)

(GROANS)

Sam, are you okay? What're you doing?

Just wanted to see if I can grind the top of the boards.

I cannot.

Take it easy.

I dug out my old uniform from when I used to play peewee.

Aw.

It's kinda small and I think it might need to be cut off me.

-(CHUCKLING) Okay. -Hey, guys, check it out.

-(MURMURING) -Heads-up!

-Boomerang! -MAYA: Duck!

-Run away! -Run!

Just one more quick question.

Do you have any equipment we could borrow? Helmets, sticks.

I'm running way short and I can't afford to go out and buy...

See, I took every single piece of hockey equipment in this place,

I put it in the dumpster, and then I set fire to it.

That wasn't even the darkest thing I did that day.

Wanna keep digging?

MAYA: Hey, Lauren, over here!

LAUREN: Look, Sam!

LOGAN: Sorry!

-Oh, hey! -EVAN: Hey...

-How's it going? -Good, but when will we use real pucks?

Our first game's in three days.

Fine. Hey, everybody, listen up.

We are going to try shooting with an actual puck.

Basically, guys, this is a black disc of death.

(ALARM SOUNDS)

I'm dyin' out there.

My mom doesn't seem to care if we're any good or not.

I don't think the other kids care, either.

Yeah, you know who else doesn't care?

This guy.

Wait, which guy?

This guy?

You gotta be more specific.

How are you not getting this? Me.

Oh.

(BELL DINGS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Philly's much better than...

Guys, as you're all aware, we have our very first game

against the Cardinals on Saturday.

I have done my research. The Cardinals are extremely good.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Uh, very strong team.

However, it does not matter if we win or lose.

So, that is why I thought we would have

our awards ceremony tonight.

-Wait. Before our first game? -MAYA: Really?

You got it.

This is what teams do at the end of the season, Mom.

Well, yes, but we're doing things a different way.

We're doing things the "Don't Bothers way."

What happens out there on the ice does not define us.

We are special and awesome. No matter what.

My world is upside down.

I would like to start with Nick.

It's not even a participation trophy.

You haven't even participated in anything yet.

Dude, I've never won anything in my life. Let's hear what the lady has to say.

Nick, I would like to give you the award for Most Improved Player Since Yesterday.

-Congratulations. -(ALL APPLAUDING)

-LOGAN: Yeah! -LAUREN: Nice one!

That's great.

I... I don't know what to say.

I mean, you don't do it for the awards like this, but it's nice to be recognized.

-Thank you. -SAM: Hey, congrats, man!

Logan, you get the award for Best Attitude.

Thank you very much.

I mean, right back at you, Miss M. You set the tone.

And that comes from the top.

-LAUREN: Nice, Logan! -Thank you.

Sam, you get the award for Most Likely to Give Me a Heart Attack.

-Congratulations. -Welcome.

Maya, the award for Most Likely to Make Me Buy a New Vest,

which I did.

-This is new. What do you think? -Uh...

Ouch. All right.

And, Evan, you get the award for the

Person Who Cares About Playing Hockey the Most.

Congratulations.

Mom, can I talk to you? Just over here.

What's up?

Thank you for everything that you're doing.

Really do appreciate it.

But do you seriously think any of this is working?

What I think was not working was your life on the Ducks.

Remember? All that stress, all that pressure?

What do you think will happen on Saturday?

It doesn't matter! That's the point!

It doesn't matter what happens in the game on Saturday.

No one's life is going to be affected by the outcome.

I'm trying to do something different here.

I'm trying to build a team.

(SIGHS) A family.

And it would really help me if you could jump on board with me.

I wanna be a real hockey team, too. But a real hockey team. I... This is fake.

I mean, fake trophies, beach balls?

Half our team doesn't even have hockey sticks.

And our goalie is wearing an oven mitt.

-(PANTING) -ALEX: Wow.

Not bad for a guy who has a sign that says, "No hockey."

What are you doin' here?

ALEX: Nothin'.

Just questioning whether I can handle the team

and every other decision I ever made in life.

-No big deal. -Well, don't beat yourself up.

(EXCLAIMS)

Did you just say something nice to me?

-Nope. -I think you did.

But beating myself up is kinda my thing.

So that ship has sailed.

I think you're right where you should be.

Coach always goes to the empty arena before the big game.

Work out the demons.

ALEX: Hmm.

Yeah. Maybe you're right. What are you doing here?

Um, I own the place.

You said you burned all your hockey equipment.

-I did. -Where'd you get that stuff?

-What stuff? -ALEX: The hockey stuff.

What hockey stuff?

The hockey stuff that you're... Never mind. Ugh, God!

(SIGHS) I guess we both have some demons.

You're good.

When's the last time you were on those skates?

When did the North Stars move to Dallas?

Oh, um... Let me see. It was '65, '89. You know, something in there.

Why are you skating?

I have no idea.

Can I take a guess?

Pretty sure you're going to anyway.

I think maybe you're happy that we're here playing hockey.

Um... No, I'm not, actually.

Okay, but...

turns out I could really use your help with the kids. So...

if you ever feel like being a nice guy, let me know?

I have your credit card on file. Why don't we just keep it at that?

Okay.

(SIGHS)

-Hey! -ALEX: Yeah?

GORDON: One thing.

This is not me helping and this is not me being a nice guy.

I promise I'll never think you're nice. What do you got?

I don't like the new Ducks any more than you do.

Now if you really need equipment,

there's a Lost-and-Found over at that Ducks' skating complex.

They got tons of stuff there.

What do you mean? Just go in and take it?

(INDISTINCT MURMURING)

(ALEX SHUSHING)

What does two fingers mean?

Well, on cop shows, fist is "Stop." Wave is "Go."

-Don't think two fingers is a thing. -Yeah.

No, no. You know what it is? It's like a peace sign.

-Peace. No sign of danger. -Possibly.

Could be there are two guards we need to take out.

I brought my nunchucks.

Put those things away! We are not taking anyone out.

Hey, Mom, what's the situation?

Two fingers. It means be quiet.

-Pretty sure it's not a thing. -Nope.

-Come on! All right. -NICK: No.

There's a lady at the front desk. We gotta get past her.

Her glasses are totally 2009.

I could go in and crush her to dust on that.

Um, okay, here's another idea that won't make someone feel like hell.

Evan, you go in, you tell her you lost your helmet.

Then once she goes to unlock the Lost-and-Found,

Logan, you're gonna go in next.

You are going to charm her. You flip your hair, you smile.

You do whatever it takes. And then we will sneak in, grab our stuff.

And, Sam, if there's any trouble, you create a distraction.

Like act nuts. I can do that.

-ALEX: Okay. -Yeah.

Don't Bothers on three. But quiet, quiet. Quiet.

-One, two, three. -ALL (WHISPERING): Don't Bothers!

You can do it.

(EVAN SIGHS)

Hi!

Need tokens for the game room?

No, uh, I'm pretty sure I left my helmet here.

I was wondering if there's any way I could check the Lost-and-Found.

Mmm-hmm.

-(SIGHS) -(KEYS JANGLING)

SAM: He's on the move!

(WHISPERING) Nice! Yes!

Here you go.

EVAN: Oh, yes!

-Logan, you're up. -Come on!

Hello?

Need tokens for the game room?

I'm new in town.

I was just wondering if you could talk me through the facilities.

By the way, you look great in brown.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) Well, sure. You probably know this is the home of the Mighty Ducks.

All right. It's working. Go.

Okay. Yeah!

ROBERTA: Some free skate hours.

The free skate hours are on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Let me get you a brochure...

LOGAN: Wait!

Why don't you just talk me through it?

Okay.

Well, like I was saying, Tuesdays and Thursdays from 4:00 to 6:00...

-No way. -NICK: This is crazy!

-EVAN: I know, right? -ALEX: It's like a sporting goods store!

I know, right? Koob, I found pads.

LAUREN: This is their Lost-and-Found?

-Here's a blocker. -ALEX: This stuff is like brand-new.

-EVAN: Hey, Nick, some gloves. -SAM: I don't know where to start!

(EQUIPMENT CRASHING)

-MAYA: Quiet! -Sam, what are you doing?

You said create a diversion.

If we were in trouble. This is going well. Shh!

Sorry. My bad!

MAYA: I love these gloves!

Mom, my lucky stick. From our undefeated season two years ago.

Oh, that's so great. We never knew what happened to that thing.

Do you remember what I called it?

-My magic wand. -Your magic wand.

MAYA: Is this for a girl?

Maybe this is a sign.

(CHUCKLING SOFTLY) I mean, maybe all of this is gonna work out after all.

MAYA: Got stuff for Logan?

Okay, get your stuff. Let's hit the streets.

Oh, hey, size nine. That's me.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Okay, guys, we gotta get out there.

I'm not great at inspirational speeches, but I just wanna say...

(SIGHS)

...no matter what happens out there today, I'm so proud of you guys.

The true measure of a person is not in how many times they fall down,

but it's how many times they pick themselves back up.

And today, I have a feeling that you're gonna fall down a lot.

But there's one thing I know and that is that over the last few days,

we've really become a team.

And to make it official...

I've got jerseys.

(MURMURING EXCITEDLY)

-Awesome! -NICK: All right!

Evan, this one is yours. It has a "C" for Captain.

-Congratulations. -LOGAN: Yeah!

(ALL APPLAUDING)

-MAN: Yeah! -(CROWD CHEERING)

MAN: Go get 'em, buddy!

Here come the Don't Bothers, looking tight in their brand-new gear.

And attitude to burn.

Welcome back to The Wraparound.

In the weirdest development ever, my usual partner,

Nick, is playing in his first game today.

So filling in is my dad, Terry.

-Hello. -NICK: There you go.

-LOGAN: Check it out. I'm standing up! -Yeah. You should take face-off.

-Really? Okay. -Yeah, totally take face-off.

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

You got this, Koob.

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

(SIREN BLARES)

(CROWD CHEERING)

I've never seen a goal scored that fast. The clock barely moved.

What was that? You didn't even move your stick.

Well, if I move it, then I fall. It's the only thing keeping me up.

Dude's a human tripod.

-Yeah, I can see that. -It's all right. You'll get 'em next time.

-(WHISTLE BLOWS) -(NICK GRUNTS)

Come on, Ev! You got it, Ev!

Those boys are not nice.

-(SIREN BLARES) -BOY: Yeah!

Come on, Ev. You got it. Hey! Hey!

Excuse me! Ref, did you not just see that? Do your job! Arrest someone!

(EVAN GROANS)

(SIREN BLARES)

I am a wall.

I am not a wall.

(EVAN GROANS)

Ow.

(SIREN BLARES)

X, X, X, X, X.

Dude, what are you doing?

In my video game, "X" is kick save.

Ah. Not in real life.

(SIREN BLARES)

I can't watch, Dad. Just tell me what's going on.

Uh... Just a lot of red.

(SIREN BLARES)

BOY: Good job, bro!

Tell my moms I love them!

(GROANS)

BOY: Dude, you're done!

MAYA: Here we go. You're up. You're up!

Boo. Boo.

(SIREN BLARES)

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

(GROANS)

Nick, here, podcasting from inside the locker room with the Don't Bothers squad.

We have been physically beaten, emotionally devastated,

and I can't feel anything below my armpits.

MAYA: Everything hurts.

Aw, guys.

Hey, listen up.

(SIGHS)

You know, it was rough out there. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

But not a total surprise, right?

I mean, we had a pretty good idea we probably weren't gonna win today.

Wait, we didn't win?

Sorry.

I went into a weird zone for most of it.

It's okay.

Just remember, you know, we didn't start this team to be the best.

We started this team to have fun.

But the thing is,

getting your ass kicked that bad

isn't fun at all.

-NICK: He's right. -SAM: If I get hurt...

EVAN: We have to get better.

EVAN: Big crossovers.

Make sure you guys trust your inside skate.

NICK: Okay, Ev.

EVAN: Nice, Koob.

You got this, guys.

There you go, Nick. Slow and steady.

We can do this.

Dig in.

We're gonna get there.

Guess I'm gonna have to learn actual hockey.