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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,042 --> 00:00:00,042 23.976 2 00:00:08,759 --> 00:00:10,677 Ooh! Careful, Homer! 3 00:00:10,761 --> 00:00:13,180 There's no time. We're late. 4 00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:19,186 O little town of Bethlehem 5 00:00:19,228 --> 00:00:23,941 How still we see the elie 6 00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:26,735 -Excuse me. Pardon me. 7 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,737 - Sorry. Excuse me. - Hey, Norman, how's it goin'? 8 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,739 So you got dragged down here too, huh? 9 00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:32,741 - How you doin', Fred? - Sorry. Excuse me. 10 00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:34,743 - Yeah. 'Scuse me. Oh! 11 00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:38,038 Pardon my galoshes. 12 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:42,668 Are met in thee tonight 13 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:47,256 Wasn't that wonderful? 14 00:00:47,256 --> 00:00:51,426 And now "Santas of many lands," 15 00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:55,055 as presented by the entire second grade class. 16 00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:57,683 Oh! Lisa's class. 17 00:00:57,766 --> 00:01:00,060 Frohliche Weihnachten. 18 00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:02,688 That's German for " Merry Christmas." 19 00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:08,193 In Germany, Santa's servant Ruprecht gives presents to good children... 20 00:01:08,277 --> 00:01:11,446 and whipping rods to the parents of bad ones. 21 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,743 Merry Kurisumasu. 22 00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:22,207 I am Hotseiosha, a japanese priest who acts like Santa Claus. 23 00:01:22,291 --> 00:01:24,793 I have eyes in the back ofmy head... 24 00:01:24,877 --> 00:01:28,172 so children better behave when I'm nearby. 25 00:01:30,299 --> 00:01:33,468 Now presenting Lisa Simpson... 26 00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:38,891 as Tawanga, the Santa Claus of the South Seas. 27 00:01:38,974 --> 00:01:40,893 Ooh, it's Lisa! That's ours. 28 00:01:54,990 --> 00:01:59,203 Ah, the fourth grade will now favor us with a melody-- 29 00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:02,873 Uh, medley of holiday "flavorites." 30 00:02:02,998 --> 00:02:05,501 Dashing through the snow 31 00:02:05,584 --> 00:02:08,003 In a one-horse open sleigh 32 00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:10,005 O'er the fields we go 33 00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:12,174 Laughing all the way Ha ha ha 34 00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:14,384 Bells on bobtail ring 35 00:02:14,510 --> 00:02:17,679 - Isn't Bart sweet, Homer? 36 00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:20,974 He sings like an angel. 37 00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:24,478 Oh, jingle bells Batman smells 38 00:02:24,603 --> 00:02:26,480 Robin laid an egg 39 00:02:26,605 --> 00:02:28,690 The Batmobile broke its wheel 40 00:02:28,774 --> 00:02:30,984 The joker got awa-- 41 00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:33,195 Jingle bells Jingle bells 42 00:02:33,278 --> 00:02:35,197 Jingle all 43 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,491 The fifth grade will now favour us... 44 00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:42,579 with a scene from Charles, uh, Dickens' A Christmas Carol. 45 00:02:42,746 --> 00:02:47,251 How many grades does this school have? 46 00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:50,921 " Dear friends of the Simpson family, 47 00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:54,174 "We had some sadness and some gladness this year. 48 00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:56,677 " First, the sadness. Our little cat Snowball... 49 00:02:56,802 --> 00:02:59,930 "was unexpectedly run over and went to kitty heaven. 50 00:02:59,972 --> 00:03:02,599 "But we bought a new little cat, Snowball I. 51 00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:05,435 "So I guess life goes on. 52 00:03:05,477 --> 00:03:10,232 "Speaking of life going on, Grandpa's still with us, feisty as ever. 53 00:03:10,274 --> 00:03:12,234 " Maggie is walking by herself, 54 00:03:12,276 --> 00:03:15,946 "Lisa got straight A's, and Bart-- 55 00:03:15,988 --> 00:03:18,448 "Well, we love Bart. 56 00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:21,451 "The magic of the season has touched us all. 57 00:03:21,493 --> 00:03:23,745 Marge, haven't you finished that stupid letter yet? 58 00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:26,999 - " Homer sends his love. Happy holidays. - Marge! 59 00:03:27,124 --> 00:03:29,418 - The Simpsons." - Marge, where's the extension cord? 60 00:03:29,501 --> 00:03:32,296 For heaven's sake, Homer. It's in the utility drawer. 61 00:03:32,421 --> 00:03:34,798 Sorry. I'm just a big kid. 62 00:03:34,923 --> 00:03:37,176 And I love Christmas so much. 63 00:03:38,302 --> 00:03:41,305 D'oh! 64 00:03:41,430 --> 00:03:43,473 All right, children, let me have those letters. 65 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:46,435 I'll send them to Santa's workshop at the North Pole. 66 00:03:46,435 --> 00:03:48,478 Oh, please. There's only one fat guy that brings us presents, 67 00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:50,480 and his name ain't Santa. 68 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:53,817 Uh-- A pony? 69 00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:57,487 Oh, Lisa, you've asked for that for the last three years, 70 00:03:57,613 --> 00:04:01,116 and I keep telling you Santa can't fit a pony into his sleigh. 71 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,118 Can't you take a hint? 72 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,120 But I really want a pony, 73 00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:08,415 - and I've been really good this year. - Oh, dear. 74 00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:11,251 Maybe Bart is a little more realistic. 75 00:04:11,335 --> 00:04:13,212 - A tattoo? - A what? 76 00:04:13,337 --> 00:04:15,631 Yeah! They're cool, and they last the rest of your life. 77 00:04:15,631 --> 00:04:18,425 you will not be getting a tattoo for Christmas. 78 00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:21,720 Yeah. If you want one, you'll have to pay for it out of your allowance. 79 00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:23,222 - All right! - Homer! 80 00:04:23,222 --> 00:04:25,224 - "Yello." 81 00:04:25,224 --> 00:04:27,226 - Marge, please. - Who's this? 82 00:04:27,351 --> 00:04:29,228 May I please speak to Marge? 83 00:04:29,311 --> 00:04:32,147 - This is her sister, isn't it? - Is Marge there? 84 00:04:32,231 --> 00:04:35,651 - Who shall I say is calling? - Marge, please. 85 00:04:35,651 --> 00:04:38,946 It's your sister. Oh! 86 00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:41,532 - Hello. - Hello, Marge. It's Patty. 87 00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:46,119 Selma and I couldn't be more excited about seeing our sister Christmas Eve. 88 00:04:46,245 --> 00:04:50,249 Well, Homer and I are looking forward to your visit too. 89 00:04:52,251 --> 00:04:54,711 Somehow I doubt that Homer is excited. 90 00:04:54,837 --> 00:04:56,713 of all the men you could've married, 91 00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:59,716 I don't know why you picked one who's always so rude to us. 92 00:04:59,842 --> 00:05:02,135 - Good one, Dad. 93 00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:04,930 Okay, kids, prepare to be dazzled. 94 00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:07,724 Marge, turn on the juice! 95 00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:12,646 - What do you think, kids? 96 00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:14,648 - Nice try, Dad. 97 00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:16,942 Just hold your horses, son. Hey, Simpson! 98 00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:20,821 - What is it, Flanders? - Do you think this looks okay? 99 00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:24,616 Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. 100 00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:26,118 - Oh! - Oh, neato! 101 00:05:26,243 --> 00:05:28,662 It's too bright. 102 00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:31,039 I oughta-- Flanders. What a big show-off. 103 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,670 - Kids, wanna go Christmas shopping? - I do! 104 00:05:36,712 --> 00:05:39,214 - All right! The mall! - Go get your money. 105 00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:42,551 Tell us, Marge. Where have you been hiding the Christmas money? 106 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:45,345 Oh, I have my secrets. 107 00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,472 Turn around. 108 00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:54,021 - you can look now. - Ooh! Big jar this year. 109 00:06:13,665 --> 00:06:15,667 Oh, Bart, that's so sweet. 110 00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:18,170 It's the best present a mother could get, 111 00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:20,714 and it makes you look so dangerous. 112 00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:25,552 - One " Mother," please. 113 00:06:25,677 --> 00:06:27,554 Wait a minute. How old are you? 114 00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:29,681 - Twenty-one, sir. - Get in the chair. 115 00:06:35,979 --> 00:06:37,856 Mm-hmm. 116 00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:40,859 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 117 00:06:40,984 --> 00:06:43,862 - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 118 00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:46,573 Attention, all personnel, please keep working... 119 00:06:46,657 --> 00:06:48,575 during the following announcement. 120 00:06:48,659 --> 00:06:52,162 And now our boss and friend Mr. Burns. 121 00:06:52,287 --> 00:06:54,581 Hello. I'm proud to announce... 122 00:06:54,665 --> 00:06:57,584 that we've been able to increase safety here at the plant... 123 00:06:57,668 --> 00:06:59,878 without increasing the cost to the consumer... 124 00:06:59,962 --> 00:07:02,172 or affecting management payraises. 125 00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:05,259 However, for you semiskilled workers, 126 00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:07,261 there will be no Christmas bonuses. 127 00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:10,889 - Oh, and one more thing. 128 00:07:10,973 --> 00:07:12,891 Merry Christmas! 129 00:07:12,975 --> 00:07:16,478 - Oh, thank God for the big jar. 130 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:21,775 - Where's that Bart? 131 00:07:27,865 --> 00:07:31,869 But, Mom, I thought you'd like it. 132 00:07:33,662 --> 00:07:36,456 Yes, Mrs. Simpson, we can remove your son's tattoo. 133 00:07:36,582 --> 00:07:38,959 It's a simple routine involving lasers. 134 00:07:39,084 --> 00:07:41,378 - Cool! - However, it is rather expensive, 135 00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:44,173 and we must insist on a cash payment up front. 136 00:07:44,256 --> 00:07:46,383 - Cash? - Mm-hmm. 137 00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:49,386 Thank God for Homer's Christmas bonus. 138 00:07:51,180 --> 00:07:54,766 - Ay, caramba! - Now, whatever you do, don't squirm. 139 00:07:54,892 --> 00:07:58,896 you don't wanna get this sucker near your eye or your groin. 140 00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:04,568 - Ow! Quit it. 141 00:08:04,735 --> 00:08:06,570 Ow! Quit it. 142 00:08:06,695 --> 00:08:08,572 Ow! Quit it. 143 00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:11,074 - Ow! Quit it. - Hey, what's with this? 144 00:08:11,074 --> 00:08:14,870 Ow! Quit it! Used to be a real boss tattoo. 145 00:08:15,037 --> 00:08:18,290 Mom had to spend the Christmas money having it surgically removed. 146 00:08:18,415 --> 00:08:21,084 Huh? 147 00:08:22,211 --> 00:08:25,214 It's true! 148 00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:28,967 The jar is empty! Oh, my God! 149 00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:31,428 We're ruined. Christmas is canceled. 150 00:08:31,470 --> 00:08:33,597 No presents for anyone! 151 00:08:33,722 --> 00:08:37,434 Don't worry, Homer. We'll just have to stretch your Christmas bonus... 152 00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:39,770 - even further this year. 153 00:08:39,770 --> 00:08:42,981 - Homer? - Oh, yeah. My Christmas bonus. 154 00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:45,776 How silly of me. 155 00:08:45,901 --> 00:08:48,904 This'll be the best Christmas yet. 156 00:08:48,904 --> 00:08:50,906 The best any family ever had. 157 00:08:54,618 --> 00:08:56,620 Hohoho. 158 00:08:57,663 --> 00:08:59,790 Hohoho. 159 00:09:00,958 --> 00:09:03,627 Hohoho. 160 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:08,131 Ho ho ho. 161 00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:10,133 Hohoho. 162 00:09:12,928 --> 00:09:16,431 Hmm. I get the feeling there's something you haven't told me, Homer. 163 00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:20,227 - Huh? Oh. I love you, Marge. - you tell me that all the time. 164 00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:22,437 Oh, good, because I do love you. 165 00:09:22,479 --> 00:09:25,607 I don't deserve you as much as a guy with a fat wallet... 166 00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:28,485 and a credit card that won't set off that horrible beeping. 167 00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:31,822 I think it does have something to do with your Christmas bonus. 168 00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,824 I keep asking for it, but-- 169 00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:37,411 Marge, um, let me be honest with you. 170 00:09:37,494 --> 00:09:41,665 - Yes? - Well, I would-- 171 00:09:45,419 --> 00:09:48,130 I-- I wanna do the Christmas shopping this year. 172 00:09:48,130 --> 00:09:50,799 Uh, sure, okay. 173 00:09:54,636 --> 00:09:57,931 Marge, Marge. Hmm. Let'ssee. 174 00:09:58,015 --> 00:10:00,225 Ooh, look! 175 00:10:00,309 --> 00:10:03,729 Pantyhose. Practical and alluring. 176 00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:07,107 A six-pack. Oh! Only 4.99. 177 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:09,318 Ooh! Pads of paper. 178 00:10:09,401 --> 00:10:12,613 I bet Bart can think of a million things to do with these. 179 00:10:12,738 --> 00:10:16,116 That just leaves little Maggie. Oh, look! 180 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,202 A little squeak toy. 181 00:10:18,202 --> 00:10:21,205 It says it's for dogs, but she can't read. 182 00:10:22,206 --> 00:10:25,334 Ow! Oh, Simpson, it's you. 183 00:10:25,417 --> 00:10:29,004 - Hello, Flanders. - Oh, my! What a mess we've got here. 184 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,507 Well, which ones are yours and which ones are mine? 185 00:10:31,507 --> 00:10:34,801 - Well, let's see. - Oh, this one's mine. This one's mine. 186 00:10:34,927 --> 00:10:37,429 - This one's mine, and this-- - They're all yours! 187 00:10:37,429 --> 00:10:40,599 - Hey, you dropped your pork chop. 188 00:10:40,724 --> 00:10:44,311 - Gimme that! - Well, happy holidays, Simpson. 189 00:10:44,436 --> 00:10:48,941 - Gee, this is the best Christmas ever. - You bet. 190 00:10:58,450 --> 00:11:02,538 What's the matter, Homer? Somebody leave a lump of coal in your stocking? 191 00:11:02,621 --> 00:11:04,831 You've been sitting there, sucking on a beer all day long. 192 00:11:04,957 --> 00:11:07,209 - So? - So, it's Christmas. 193 00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:11,004 - Thanks, Moe. 194 00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:13,006 Drinks all around! 195 00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:15,008 What's with the crazy getup, Barn? 196 00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:19,680 I got me a part-timejob working as a Santa down at the mall. 197 00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,640 Wow! Can I do that? 198 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:24,518 I don't know. They're pretty selective. 199 00:11:24,643 --> 00:11:26,520 Do you like children? 200 00:11:26,645 --> 00:11:29,940 What do you mean? All the time? Even when they're nuts? 201 00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:33,527 - Hmm. - Uh, I certainly do. 202 00:11:33,652 --> 00:11:35,529 Welcome aboard, Simpson. 203 00:11:35,654 --> 00:11:38,282 Pending your successful completion of our training program, that is. 204 00:11:38,282 --> 00:11:41,535 Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. 205 00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:44,538 Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. 206 00:11:44,538 --> 00:11:47,708 - What is it now, Simpson? - Uh, when do we get paid? 207 00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:51,378 Not a dime till Christmas Eve! Now, from the top. 208 00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:55,340 Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. 209 00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:58,343 Um, Dasher. 210 00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:01,054 - Dancer. - Mm-hmm. 211 00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:03,223 - Prancer. - Mm-hmm. 212 00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:05,225 Nixon. 213 00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:08,645 Comet and... Cupid. 214 00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:10,647 - Donna Dixon? - Sit down, Simpson. 215 00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:12,649 And what would you like, little boy? 216 00:12:12,733 --> 00:12:15,152 - You're not really Santa, tubby. - Why, you little egghead! 217 00:12:15,152 --> 00:12:17,863 No, Homer! If such an emergency arises, 218 00:12:17,863 --> 00:12:20,741 you just tell them Santa's vey busy this time of year, 219 00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:24,453 - and you are one of his helpers. - Oh, I knew that one too! 220 00:12:27,456 --> 00:12:29,958 Homer, why are you seven hours late? 221 00:12:30,042 --> 00:12:32,961 Not a word, Marge. I'm heading straight for the tub. 222 00:12:32,961 --> 00:12:34,963 But, Homer, my sisters are here. 223 00:12:34,963 --> 00:12:37,174 - Don't you wanna say hello? 224 00:12:39,551 --> 00:12:42,346 - Daddy! We're so glad to see you! - Oh, Dad, you're finally home! 225 00:12:42,471 --> 00:12:45,849 What? Why? Oh, yeah. 226 00:12:45,974 --> 00:12:48,560 Hello, Patty. Hello, Selma. 227 00:12:48,644 --> 00:12:50,979 - How was your trip? - Fine. 228 00:12:51,063 --> 00:12:53,273 - you both look well. - Thank you. 229 00:12:53,357 --> 00:12:56,568 - Yeah, well, Merry Christmas. - It's Christmas? 230 00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:59,446 - you wouldn't know it around here. - And why is that? 231 00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:03,575 - For one thing, there's no tree - I was just on my way out to get one! 232 00:13:03,659 --> 00:13:05,369 - Can we go too, Dad? - Yeah, can we? 233 00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:06,662 No! 234 00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:09,373 Sleighbells ring 235 00:13:09,373 --> 00:13:12,000 Are you listening 236 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,753 In the lane 237 00:13:14,753 --> 00:13:17,381 Snow is glistening 238 00:13:17,381 --> 00:13:20,759 A beautiful sight 239 00:13:20,759 --> 00:13:23,762 We're happy tonight 240 00:13:23,762 --> 00:13:27,349 - Walking in a winter wonderland 241 00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:32,271 Hey! What do you think you're doin'? 242 00:13:32,354 --> 00:13:34,273 - Uh-oh. - Hey! Hey! 243 00:13:34,356 --> 00:13:36,441 - Come back here! 244 00:13:39,194 --> 00:13:42,447 So what do you think, kids? Beauty, isn't it? 245 00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:45,409 - Wow! Yay, Dad! - Way to go, Dad! 246 00:13:45,450 --> 00:13:49,246 - Why is there a birdhouse in it? - Uh, that's an ornament. 247 00:13:49,371 --> 00:13:51,707 Do I smell gunpowder? 248 00:13:51,957 --> 00:13:54,543 and then I want some Robotoids. 249 00:13:54,710 --> 00:13:56,753 And then I want a Goop Monster. 250 00:13:56,879 --> 00:13:58,755 And then I want a great big, giant-- 251 00:13:58,881 --> 00:14:00,757 Aw, son, you don't need all that junk. 252 00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:04,011 I'm sure you've already got something much more important-- 253 00:14:04,094 --> 00:14:08,599 a decent home and a loving father who would do anything for you. 254 00:14:08,724 --> 00:14:11,393 Hey, I couldn't afford lunch. Give me a bite of that donut. 255 00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:16,273 Get a load of that quote-unquote Santa. 256 00:14:16,398 --> 00:14:18,609 I can't believe those kids are falling for it. 257 00:14:18,609 --> 00:14:20,777 Hey, Milhouse, I dare you to sit on his lap. 258 00:14:20,903 --> 00:14:25,407 - I dare you to yank his beard off. - Ah, touche. 259 00:14:25,449 --> 00:14:27,409 I hope you feel better, Santa. 260 00:14:27,451 --> 00:14:29,953 Oh, I will when Mrs. Claus' sisters get outta town. 261 00:14:29,953 --> 00:14:31,955 Thanks for listenin', kid. 262 00:14:34,124 --> 00:14:35,959 Hey, Santa, what's shakin', man? 263 00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:39,796 What's your name, Bart... ner? Uh, little partner? 264 00:14:39,922 --> 00:14:43,091 - I'm Bart Simpson. Who are you? - I'm jolly Old St. Nick. 265 00:14:43,091 --> 00:14:45,594 Oh, yeah? We'll just see about that. 266 00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:48,305 D'oh! 267 00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:52,184 - Homer! - A word with you in Santa's workshop. 268 00:14:52,309 --> 00:14:55,604 - Cover for me, Elfie. - I didn't know it was you. 269 00:14:55,687 --> 00:14:57,689 Nobody knows. It's a secret. 270 00:14:57,689 --> 00:14:59,691 I didn't get my bonus this year. 271 00:14:59,691 --> 00:15:01,985 But to keep the family from missing out on Christmas, 272 00:15:01,985 --> 00:15:03,904 - I'd do anything. - I'll say, Dad. 273 00:15:03,987 --> 00:15:07,199 you must really love us to sink so low. 274 00:15:08,617 --> 00:15:10,494 Now, let's not get mushy, son. 275 00:15:10,619 --> 00:15:12,621 I still have a job to do. 276 00:15:12,621 --> 00:15:14,623 Hey, little ones. Santa's back. 277 00:15:14,706 --> 00:15:16,708 Ho ho-- D'oh! 278 00:15:16,792 --> 00:15:19,586 Damn it to-- 279 00:15:19,711 --> 00:15:21,922 Ah, son, one day you're gonna know... 280 00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:23,924 the satisfaction of payday. 281 00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:27,302 Receiving a big fat check for a job well done. 282 00:15:27,386 --> 00:15:29,304 Simpson, Homer? Here ya go. 283 00:15:29,388 --> 00:15:33,892 Come on, son. Let's go cash this baby and get presents for-- 284 00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:36,812 Thirteen bucks? Hey, wait a minute. 285 00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:38,814 That's right. $120 gross. 286 00:15:38,897 --> 00:15:40,816 Less Social Security, less unemployment insurance, 287 00:15:40,899 --> 00:15:42,901 - less Santa training... - Santa training? 288 00:15:42,901 --> 00:15:44,903 less costume purchase, less beard rental, less Christmas club. 289 00:15:44,987 --> 00:15:47,114 - But-- But-- - See ya next year. 290 00:15:47,239 --> 00:15:50,325 - Ohh! - Come on, Dad. Let's go home. 291 00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:52,286 Thirteen bucks? 292 00:15:52,286 --> 00:15:54,621 you can't get anything for 13 bucks. 293 00:15:54,746 --> 00:15:57,749 Allright! Thirteen bigones! 294 00:15:57,791 --> 00:15:59,918 Springfield Downs, here I come! 295 00:15:59,918 --> 00:16:02,254 - What? - you heard me. 296 00:16:02,296 --> 00:16:04,256 I'm goin' to the dog track. 297 00:16:04,298 --> 00:16:06,300 I got a hot little puppy in the fourth race. 298 00:16:06,425 --> 00:16:08,427 - Wanna come? - Sory, Barney. 299 00:16:08,427 --> 00:16:11,763 I may be a total washout as a father, but I'm not gonna take my kid... 300 00:16:11,805 --> 00:16:14,099 to a sleazy dog track on Christmas Eve. 301 00:16:14,266 --> 00:16:17,936 Come on, Simpson. The dog's name is Whirlwind. 302 00:16:18,020 --> 00:16:20,439 Ten-to-one shot. Money in the bank. 303 00:16:20,439 --> 00:16:22,441 - Uh-uh. - Ah, come on, Dad. 304 00:16:22,441 --> 00:16:25,319 This can be the miracle that saves the Simpsons' Christmas. 305 00:16:25,444 --> 00:16:27,321 If TV has taught me anything, 306 00:16:27,446 --> 00:16:30,449 it's that miracles always happen to poor kids at Christmas. 307 00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:34,244 It happened to Tiny Tim, it happened to Charlie Brown, 308 00:16:34,286 --> 00:16:36,288 it happened to the Smurfs and it's gonna happen to us. 309 00:16:37,956 --> 00:16:41,460 Well, okay, let's go. Who's Tiny Tim? 310 00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:45,005 Hey, Moldy, do you think Santa will be able to find... 311 00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:47,466 ElfCounty under all this snow? 312 00:16:47,508 --> 00:16:52,262 I doubt it, Bubbles. We'll be sad little elves this Christmas. 313 00:16:52,346 --> 00:16:54,264 - Oh, no! - Oh, brother. 314 00:16:54,348 --> 00:16:56,350 - Where's your husband? - Yeah. It's getting late. 315 00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:59,019 Said he went caroling with Bart. 316 00:16:59,144 --> 00:17:03,023 We're in the money, we're in the money 317 00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:06,360 We got a lot of what it takes to get along 318 00:17:06,443 --> 00:17:08,529 I can't believe I'm doing this. 319 00:17:08,654 --> 00:17:11,657 Can we open our presents now, Dad? 320 00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:14,701 you know the tradition, son. Not till the eighth race. 321 00:17:14,826 --> 00:17:17,037 Hey, Barney, which one is Whirlwind? 322 00:17:17,162 --> 00:17:21,041 Number Six. That's our lucky dog right over there. 323 00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:23,627 He's won his last five races. 324 00:17:23,627 --> 00:17:26,129 What? That scrawny little bag of bones? 325 00:17:26,255 --> 00:17:28,841 Come on, Dad. They're all scrawny little bags of bones. 326 00:17:28,966 --> 00:17:31,343 Yeah, you're right. 327 00:17:31,468 --> 00:17:34,763 I guess Whirlwind is our only hope for a Merry Christmas. 328 00:17:34,847 --> 00:17:37,140 Attention, racing fans, we have a late scratch... 329 00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:39,142 in the fourth race. 330 00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:42,229 Number 8, Sir Galahad will be replaced by Santa's Little Helper. 331 00:17:42,354 --> 00:17:46,358 Once again, Sir Galahad has been replaced by Santa's Little Helper. 332 00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:48,443 Bart, did you hear that? 333 00:17:48,443 --> 00:17:50,445 What a name! Santa's Little Helper! 334 00:17:50,529 --> 00:17:54,366 - It's a sign! It's an omen! - It's a coincidence, Dad. 335 00:17:54,366 --> 00:17:57,452 - What are the odds on Santa's Little Helper? - Ninety-nine to one. 336 00:17:57,536 --> 00:18:03,166 Wow! Ninety-nine times thirteen equals... Merry Christmas! 337 00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:05,169 I got a bad feeling about this. 338 00:18:05,252 --> 00:18:07,129 - Don't you believe in me, son? - Uh-- 339 00:18:07,296 --> 00:18:10,299 Come on, boy. Sometimes your faith is all that keeps me going. 340 00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:15,304 Oh, go for it, Dad. 341 00:18:15,345 --> 00:18:19,141 That's my boy! Eveything on Santa's Little Helper. 342 00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:21,560 Three cheers for Brainy! 343 00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:24,146 - Hip hip hooray! - Yay! 344 00:18:24,229 --> 00:18:26,148 Unadulterated pap. 345 00:18:26,231 --> 00:18:28,734 It's almost 9:00. Where's Homer anyway? 346 00:18:28,734 --> 00:18:31,737 It's so typical of the big doof us to spoil it all. 347 00:18:31,737 --> 00:18:34,031 - What, Aunt Patty? - Oh, nothing, dear. 348 00:18:34,156 --> 00:18:36,158 I'm just trashing your father. 349 00:18:36,158 --> 00:18:38,160 Well, I wish you wouldn't... 350 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:42,539 because aside from the fact he has the same frailties as all human belings. 351 00:18:42,664 --> 00:18:44,541 he's the only father I have. 352 00:18:44,666 --> 00:18:47,336 Therefore, he is my model of manhood, 353 00:18:47,503 --> 00:18:51,840 and my estimation of him will govern the prospects of my adult relationships. 354 00:18:52,007 --> 00:18:55,677 So I hope you bear in mind that any knock at him is a knock at me, 355 00:18:55,677 --> 00:19:00,057 and I'm far too young to defend myself against such onslaughts. 356 00:19:01,183 --> 00:19:04,353 Mm-hmm. Go watch your cartoon show, dear. 357 00:19:04,353 --> 00:19:06,355 Come on, Bart. 358 00:19:06,355 --> 00:19:09,191 Kiss the ticket for good luck, not that we need it. 359 00:19:12,528 --> 00:19:14,863 Here comes Screwy the mechanical rabbit. 360 00:19:14,863 --> 00:19:16,490 - and they're off! 361 00:19:16,532 --> 00:19:19,743 - Come on, Santa's Little Helper! - Come on, dog! Go, man, go! 362 00:19:19,743 --> 00:19:22,996 It's Whirlwind in the lane, and coming up on the left is Quadruped, 363 00:19:23,038 --> 00:19:25,207 followed by Dog O'War and Fido. 364 00:19:25,249 --> 00:19:28,252 - Go! Come on, boy! - Go! Come on, get that rabbit! 365 00:19:28,377 --> 00:19:30,879 Dog O'War coming up fast on the outside. 366 00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:33,006 - Come on, Santa's Little Helper! - Come on, dog! Go, man, go! 367 00:19:33,048 --> 00:19:36,260 And with a lock on last place, it's Santa's Little Helper. 368 00:19:36,385 --> 00:19:40,097 - Don't worry, Dad. 369 00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:43,392 Maybe this is just for suspense before the miracle happens. 370 00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:46,895 - Come on, you stupid dog! Come on! - Go, go! 371 00:19:46,937 --> 00:19:49,189 - Run! Run! - Run, run! Come on, get that rabbit! 372 00:19:49,273 --> 00:19:51,984 - Go, go, Santa's Little Helper! Run! - Go, go, go! 373 00:19:52,109 --> 00:19:56,280 Whirlwind by a countrymile, second, ChewMyShoe, followed by Dog O'War. 374 00:19:56,405 --> 00:19:58,782 Oh, jeez! 375 00:19:58,782 --> 00:20:02,202 Doesn't seem possible, but I guess TV has betrayed me. 376 00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:04,788 I don't wanna leave till our dog finishes. 377 00:20:10,002 --> 00:20:11,879 Ah, forget it. Let's go. 378 00:20:21,096 --> 00:20:23,807 - Find any winners, son? - Sory, Dad. 379 00:20:23,891 --> 00:20:26,894 Hey, hey, Simpson! What'dl tell you? 380 00:20:26,894 --> 00:20:30,189 Whirlwind! Let's go, Daria. 381 00:20:34,902 --> 00:20:38,071 Beat it! Scram! Get lost! 382 00:20:38,197 --> 00:20:40,908 - you came in last for the last time! 383 00:20:40,991 --> 00:20:43,285 Look, Dad, it's Santa's Little Helper. 384 00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:46,288 And don't come back! 385 00:20:46,288 --> 00:20:48,874 Oh, no, you don't! No, no! Get away from me! Uh-uh! 386 00:20:52,085 --> 00:20:54,671 Oh, can we keep him, Dad, please? 387 00:20:54,796 --> 00:20:58,091 But he's a loser! He's pathetic! He's-- 388 00:21:00,219 --> 00:21:02,221 A Simpson. 389 00:21:05,307 --> 00:21:07,893 Hmm. Maybe I should call the police. 390 00:21:07,976 --> 00:21:11,230 - Oh, he'll sober up. - Yeah. Come staggering home. 391 00:21:11,230 --> 00:21:13,482 Mm-hmm. Smelling of cheap perfume. 392 00:21:13,482 --> 00:21:15,734 - Homer! 393 00:21:15,776 --> 00:21:18,403 - What? What the-- Who the-- - Look, eveybody, 394 00:21:18,487 --> 00:21:22,074 - I have a confession to make. - This should be good. 395 00:21:22,241 --> 00:21:24,576 I didn't get my Christmas bonus. 396 00:21:24,743 --> 00:21:27,412 I tried not to let it ruin Christmas for eveybody, 397 00:21:27,538 --> 00:21:29,414 but no matter what I did-- 398 00:21:29,540 --> 00:21:33,043 - Hey, eveybody, lookwhat we got! 399 00:21:33,043 --> 00:21:35,921 A dog! All right, Dad! 400 00:21:36,046 --> 00:21:39,925 - God bless him. - So love at first sight is possible. 401 00:21:40,050 --> 00:21:42,594 And if he runs away, he'll be easy to catch. 402 00:21:42,594 --> 00:21:44,805 Oh, this is the best gift of all, Homer! 403 00:21:44,930 --> 00:21:47,599 - It is? - Yes. Something to share our love... 404 00:21:47,599 --> 00:21:49,601 and frighten prowlers. 405 00:21:49,601 --> 00:21:51,937 - What's his name? - Number 8-- 406 00:21:51,937 --> 00:21:54,731 I mean, Santa's Little Helper. 407 00:22:08,287 --> 00:22:10,998 Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer 408 00:22:10,998 --> 00:22:14,251 Had a very shiny nose 409 00:22:14,293 --> 00:22:17,129 And if you ever saw it 410 00:22:17,254 --> 00:22:20,299 - you would even say it glows - Like a light bulb! 411 00:22:20,299 --> 00:22:23,302 -Bart! - All of the other reindeer 412 00:22:23,302 --> 00:22:25,304 Used to laugh and call him names 413 00:22:25,304 --> 00:22:27,306 - Like Shnozzola! -Lisa! 414 00:22:27,306 --> 00:22:29,641 They never let poor Rudolph 415 00:22:29,725 --> 00:22:32,519 - Join in any reindeergames -Like strippoker! 416 00:22:32,644 --> 00:22:36,023 -I'm warning you two! - Then one foggy Christmas Eve 417 00:22:36,148 --> 00:22:39,151 - Santa came to say - Take it, Homer! 418 00:22:39,151 --> 00:22:42,654 Uh, Rudolph get your nose over here 419 00:22:42,738 --> 00:22:46,241 - So you can guide my sleigh today - Oh, Homer. 420 00:22:46,241 --> 00:22:49,119 Then all the reindeer loved him 421 00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:52,247 and they shouted out with glee 422 00:22:52,331 --> 00:22:55,125 Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer 423 00:22:55,250 --> 00:22:58,837 You'll go down in history 424 00:22:58,837 --> 00:23:00,422 -Like Attila the Hu-- - You little-- 425 00:23:04,134 --> 00:23:06,053 Shh. 32640

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