Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,666 --> 00:00:02,972
ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s,
my dad and Barry shared a love
2
00:00:03,146 --> 00:00:04,104
of Philly sports teams...ALL: Oh!
3
00:00:04,278 --> 00:00:06,367
...especially the Eagles...Yes!
4
00:00:06,541 --> 00:00:07,542
...though you wouldn't
always know it
5
00:00:07,716 --> 00:00:08,891
by the way they talked.
6
00:00:09,065 --> 00:00:11,546
The Eagles are a giant
steaming pile of crap.
7
00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:14,288
They need to fire
the coach, G.M.,
8
00:00:14,462 --> 00:00:16,464
and the guy who carts off
the players after they get injured.
9
00:00:16,638 --> 00:00:18,074
Could he drive any slower?
10
00:00:18,248 --> 00:00:20,120
It's a shame a pig
had to die for this.
11
00:00:20,294 --> 00:00:22,862
I hate my team so much!
12
00:00:23,036 --> 00:00:24,341
What time should I come over
to watch the game on Sunday?
13
00:00:24,515 --> 00:00:25,908
The preshow starts at 10:00.
14
00:00:26,082 --> 00:00:27,562
Don't be late.Okay.
15
00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:29,216
ADULT ADAM: And nothing
mattered more than beating
16
00:00:29,390 --> 00:00:32,567
my dad's best friend's team,
the hated Cowboys.
17
00:00:32,741 --> 00:00:34,700
Lord in the sky,
if he misses this kick,
18
00:00:34,874 --> 00:00:36,832
I promise to live
a just and pious life.
19
00:00:37,006 --> 00:00:38,268
Except on my birthday.
20
00:00:38,442 --> 00:00:39,661
And those evenings
when the Asti Spumante
21
00:00:39,835 --> 00:00:40,967
hits Dolores just right.
22
00:00:41,141 --> 00:00:43,056
Okay-kay-kay,
let's lock arms to help him aim.
23
00:00:43,230 --> 00:00:44,231
Come on. Come on.
24
00:00:44,405 --> 00:00:45,841
[CROWD CHEERS ON TV]
25
00:00:46,015 --> 00:00:47,930
Yeah!Oho-ho! Yeah!
26
00:00:48,104 --> 00:00:49,540
All right! Never doubted it!
27
00:00:49,715 --> 00:00:51,194
All right!This is on you, big fella.
28
00:00:51,368 --> 00:00:53,196
I'm converting
to whatever Murray is.
29
00:00:53,370 --> 00:00:54,850
Whatever you do, Bill,
don't come crying to us.
30
00:00:55,024 --> 00:00:56,765
I appreciate
your concern,
31
00:00:56,939 --> 00:00:59,202
but I only allow myself
one good cry a year,
32
00:00:59,376 --> 00:01:00,856
and I wasted it
on the death of my father.
33
00:01:01,030 --> 00:01:02,336
Hello?
34
00:01:02,510 --> 00:01:05,905
Yes, there is a Losery Loser
from Loserville here.
35
00:01:06,079 --> 00:01:07,950
It's for you, Bill.
36
00:01:08,124 --> 00:01:10,387
Unlike the majestic eagle
for which your team is named,
37
00:01:10,561 --> 00:01:12,389
you are not
an honorable creature!
38
00:01:12,563 --> 00:01:13,608
Good day!
39
00:01:13,782 --> 00:01:15,436
[CHUCKLES] We did it.
We're 3 and 7.
40
00:01:15,610 --> 00:01:17,525
Not mathematically
eliminated yet.
41
00:01:17,699 --> 00:01:19,962
Whoo-hoo!
42
00:01:20,136 --> 00:01:21,660
ADULT ADAM: Yep,
the Eagles brought my dad and Barry together.
43
00:01:21,834 --> 00:01:23,444
Until the following season,
44
00:01:23,618 --> 00:01:24,488
when the unthinkable happened.
45
00:01:24,663 --> 00:01:26,447
Everyone, shut up!
46
00:01:26,621 --> 00:01:29,015
I have an announcement
of international importance!
47
00:01:29,189 --> 00:01:29,929
Barry, what is it?
What's wrong?
48
00:01:30,103 --> 00:01:31,408
Lemme catch my breath.
49
00:01:31,582 --> 00:01:32,714
I ran here from my car.
50
00:01:32,888 --> 00:01:34,150
And you had to go up
three steps.
51
00:01:34,324 --> 00:01:35,848
Oh! Pins and needles!
52
00:01:36,022 --> 00:01:38,024
Throw out that water.
Bring your brother some Hawaiian Punch.
53
00:01:38,198 --> 00:01:39,982
No, this is
my special water.Bar, what is it?
54
00:01:40,156 --> 00:01:41,723
I just heard
a terrible rumor
55
00:01:41,897 --> 00:01:43,464
that NFL players
are going on strike.
56
00:01:43,638 --> 00:01:45,858
It's not a rumor, moron.
57
00:01:46,032 --> 00:01:48,382
This is the single
most terrible thing that's ever happened!
58
00:01:48,556 --> 00:01:50,210
I was born in a wagon
59
00:01:50,384 --> 00:01:52,821
and didn't see a dentist
till I was 20, but sure.
60
00:01:52,995 --> 00:01:54,693
Darling,
I can tell you're upset.
61
00:01:54,867 --> 00:01:56,390
Come over here.
62
00:01:56,564 --> 00:01:57,783
Let me nuzzle you
and sing the calm-down song.
63
00:01:57,957 --> 00:02:00,046
If you need me,
I'll be in my room,
64
00:02:00,220 --> 00:02:01,743
punching and kicking
my treasured possessions.
65
00:02:01,917 --> 00:02:03,571
But it's just
a stupid game.
66
00:02:03,745 --> 00:02:06,052
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]What did you just say?
67
00:02:06,226 --> 00:02:07,357
You can't hurt me!
Mom's here.
68
00:02:07,531 --> 00:02:09,403
I can't help you.
He's too upset.
69
00:02:09,577 --> 00:02:11,187
Run, Schmoopie, run![ROARS]
70
00:02:11,361 --> 00:02:12,754
Whoa! Aah!
71
00:02:12,928 --> 00:02:14,887
♪♪ I'm twisted up inside
72
00:02:15,061 --> 00:02:17,759
♪♪ But nonetheless
I feel the need to say
73
00:02:20,980 --> 00:02:22,721
♪♪ I don't know the future
74
00:02:22,895 --> 00:02:25,332
♪♪ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪♪
75
00:02:25,506 --> 00:02:27,377
ADULT ADAM: It was March 31st, 1980-something,
76
00:02:27,551 --> 00:02:28,988
and my mom was playing
her favorite sport,
77
00:02:29,162 --> 00:02:30,772
haggling with salespeople.
78
00:02:30,946 --> 00:02:32,121
So listen up, Deb.
79
00:02:32,295 --> 00:02:33,688
You're gonna take
this coupon,
80
00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:35,821
apply it
to the existing discount,
81
00:02:35,995 --> 00:02:38,475
then hand me the sweater
plus $15.
82
00:02:38,649 --> 00:02:39,825
I'm getting the manager.
83
00:02:39,999 --> 00:02:41,261
Great. Go get Gerald.
84
00:02:41,435 --> 00:02:42,784
[CHUCKLES] It'll give me
time to get mad.
85
00:02:42,958 --> 00:02:44,003
Can we go?
86
00:02:44,177 --> 00:02:45,439
I still have to exist
in this society
87
00:02:45,613 --> 00:02:46,832
even when you're not around.
88
00:02:47,006 --> 00:02:49,660
Erica, I will not pay a dollar
more than the $4
89
00:02:49,835 --> 00:02:52,576
that I've already paid for
that giant bag of new clothes.
90
00:02:52,751 --> 00:02:55,449
ADULT ADAM: Yep,
my mom's bargaining ability had no equal,
91
00:02:55,623 --> 00:02:56,580
with one exception.
92
00:02:56,755 --> 00:02:58,626
Beverly Goldberg?
93
00:02:58,800 --> 00:02:59,975
Oh, as I live and breathe.
94
00:03:00,149 --> 00:03:01,281
Well, unfortunately,
you still do.
95
00:03:01,455 --> 00:03:02,369
[LAUGHS]
96
00:03:02,543 --> 00:03:04,284
Hello, Jane Bales.
97
00:03:04,458 --> 00:03:06,112
If you're wondering
why the sales rack is empty,
98
00:03:06,286 --> 00:03:07,766
it's because this vulture
already picked it clean.
99
00:03:07,940 --> 00:03:08,854
Show her.
100
00:03:09,028 --> 00:03:10,246
Oh, please.
101
00:03:10,420 --> 00:03:12,335
I can get anything
on sale I want.
102
00:03:12,509 --> 00:03:15,861
I once made Chanel honor
a McDonald's gift certificate.
103
00:03:16,035 --> 00:03:18,602
Well, I once forced
my way into Filene's Basement's basement.
104
00:03:18,777 --> 00:03:19,952
[CHUCKLES]
It was filled
105
00:03:20,126 --> 00:03:21,910
with industrial
air-conditioning equipment,
106
00:03:22,084 --> 00:03:23,433
which I bought for pennies
on the dollar.
107
00:03:23,607 --> 00:03:25,305
I bought our house
for peanuts,
108
00:03:25,479 --> 00:03:27,786
actual peanuts.
109
00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:29,700
The guy worked with elephants,
so it made sense.
110
00:03:29,875 --> 00:03:32,442
Then why are you holding
a blouse listed at full price?
111
00:03:32,616 --> 00:03:35,271
Because my days
of deal hunting are over.
112
00:03:35,445 --> 00:03:36,795
I pay retail now.
113
00:03:36,969 --> 00:03:38,231
[DRAMATIC CHORD PLAYS]
114
00:03:38,405 --> 00:03:39,928
Retail? [CHUCKLES]
115
00:03:40,102 --> 00:03:42,322
But that would give businesses
you support a profit.
116
00:03:42,496 --> 00:03:43,889
Don't care.
117
00:03:44,063 --> 00:03:46,630
I now shop exclusively
at the front of the store.
118
00:03:46,805 --> 00:03:48,197
Seriously?
119
00:03:48,371 --> 00:03:50,069
We speed past
the front of the store.
120
00:03:50,243 --> 00:03:51,766
There's so many happy people
up there.
121
00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:53,637
Smiling, laughing,
happy people.
122
00:03:53,812 --> 00:03:55,944
Well, we only seem happy
because we are.
123
00:03:56,118 --> 00:03:57,772
But how and why?
124
00:03:57,946 --> 00:03:59,556
And why and how?
125
00:03:59,730 --> 00:04:01,950
Simple.
I'm now the top saleswoman
126
00:04:02,124 --> 00:04:05,301
of a high-end French
beauty company called Energe.
127
00:04:05,475 --> 00:04:06,346
It means...Dump truck.
128
00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:07,913
...the vitality of youth.
129
00:04:08,087 --> 00:04:09,131
Exactly.
130
00:04:09,305 --> 00:04:10,611
Wowza. Sales must be good.
131
00:04:10,785 --> 00:04:12,831
They are magnifique,
which means...
132
00:04:13,005 --> 00:04:15,224
Magnifying glass....magnificent.
133
00:04:15,398 --> 00:04:17,531
You were close.The secondary meaning.
134
00:04:17,705 --> 00:04:19,098
I've never seen
an unslashed price tag before.
135
00:04:19,272 --> 00:04:20,316
It's so crisp.
136
00:04:20,490 --> 00:04:21,970
I never even look
at those anymore.
137
00:04:22,144 --> 00:04:24,146
Oh!Mama,
138
00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:25,713
take me to the front
of the store, please.
139
00:04:25,887 --> 00:04:28,020
Never! I mean, we have to go
up there to exit,
140
00:04:28,194 --> 00:04:30,022
but stop poisoning
my baby's mind, Jane Bales.
141
00:04:30,196 --> 00:04:33,416
Fine. Enjoy scraping the
bargain bin for odds and ends.
142
00:04:33,590 --> 00:04:34,940
Au revoir.
143
00:04:35,114 --> 00:04:36,898
And that means
"suck it, losers."
144
00:04:37,072 --> 00:04:38,073
Bye.
145
00:04:38,247 --> 00:04:40,423
Damn it!
Such a beautiful language.
146
00:04:40,597 --> 00:04:42,382
ADULT ADAM: While my mom
was feeling down,
147
00:04:42,556 --> 00:04:44,514
Barry called my dad to say,
"What's up?"
148
00:04:44,688 --> 00:04:45,864
Hey, Dad.What's wrong?
149
00:04:46,038 --> 00:04:47,387
Why are you calling?
Were you arrested?
150
00:04:47,561 --> 00:04:48,997
What? No,
I was just wondering
151
00:04:49,171 --> 00:04:50,216
if I should come over
this Sunday.
152
00:04:50,390 --> 00:04:52,174
W-Why?
There's no football.
153
00:04:52,348 --> 00:04:54,176
Wait. Is it your
mother's birthday?
154
00:04:54,350 --> 00:04:56,222
Whatever you got her,
put my name on it.
155
00:04:56,396 --> 00:04:58,224
No, I was just thinking
we could still hang out and chat.
156
00:04:59,529 --> 00:05:00,879
About old football games?
157
00:05:01,053 --> 00:05:02,358
Sure, or whatever.
158
00:05:02,532 --> 00:05:04,970
You're acting weirder
than usual. I gotta go.
159
00:05:05,144 --> 00:05:06,232
ADULT ADAM:
And just like that,
160
00:05:06,406 --> 00:05:08,147
it seemed
the clock had run out
161
00:05:08,321 --> 00:05:09,800
on Barry's relationship
with our dad,
162
00:05:09,975 --> 00:05:12,978
until a Hail Mary
somehow landed in his lap.
163
00:05:13,152 --> 00:05:15,502
REPORTER: Major news today,
the NFL owners have decided
164
00:05:15,676 --> 00:05:18,200
to finish the season
with replacement players.
165
00:05:18,374 --> 00:05:20,072
[CLICK]I trust you heard the news,
166
00:05:20,246 --> 00:05:21,943
and I'm sure we're
all thinking the same thing.
167
00:05:22,117 --> 00:05:23,423
That this is a vicious ploy
by the NFL
168
00:05:23,597 --> 00:05:24,990
to undermine
labor unions?
169
00:05:25,164 --> 00:05:28,123
No, that I should try out
for the replacement Eagles!
170
00:05:28,297 --> 00:05:29,559
Who better than me?
171
00:05:29,733 --> 00:05:31,692
Someone that's played
organized football before?
172
00:05:31,866 --> 00:05:33,389
So, Barry, you're just gonna
call up the Eagles
173
00:05:33,563 --> 00:05:34,913
and announce
you want to play for them?
174
00:05:35,087 --> 00:05:37,567
I already did that, and
they very rudely informed me
175
00:05:37,741 --> 00:05:38,873
they're having open tryouts.
176
00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:40,266
You're really doing this?
177
00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,050
And we're just gonna ignore
the potential
178
00:05:42,224 --> 00:05:43,225
life-altering injuries
you might suffer?
179
00:05:43,399 --> 00:05:45,793
Shh, Matt Bradley.
180
00:05:45,967 --> 00:05:47,316
Men are talking.
181
00:05:47,490 --> 00:05:49,884
Soon, I'll be giving
postgame interviews
182
00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:52,669
in just a towel
and fending off sexy sideline reporters.
183
00:05:52,843 --> 00:05:55,107
What a fun bunch of steps
to skip!
184
00:05:55,281 --> 00:05:56,412
Well, if nothing else,
your dad will be into it.
185
00:05:56,586 --> 00:05:59,285
I'm doing this solely
for my love of the game.
186
00:05:59,459 --> 00:06:00,721
Bar...This has nothing to do
187
00:06:00,895 --> 00:06:02,201
with my father's
missing love.
188
00:06:02,375 --> 00:06:03,767
Heisman! Hyah!
189
00:06:03,942 --> 00:06:04,812
Look how fast!
190
00:06:06,596 --> 00:06:08,511
Dad, I'm trying out
for the Eagles,
191
00:06:08,685 --> 00:06:10,035
and I want you
to train me.
192
00:06:10,209 --> 00:06:11,471
[BOTH LAUGH]
193
00:06:11,645 --> 00:06:12,646
And what's so funny?
194
00:06:12,820 --> 00:06:14,604
You being trained
by Murray?
195
00:06:14,778 --> 00:06:17,259
It's the blind leading
the tragically immobile.
196
00:06:17,433 --> 00:06:19,479
Your father can barely coach
a nacho chip into his mouth.
197
00:06:19,653 --> 00:06:20,654
Look at his shirt.
198
00:06:20,828 --> 00:06:22,743
For your information, Bill,
199
00:06:22,917 --> 00:06:25,702
my dad was a star football
player back in high school.
200
00:06:25,876 --> 00:06:27,095
Did he go
to an all-girls school?
201
00:06:27,269 --> 00:06:29,576
[CHUCKLES] Whoops.
That felt sexist.
202
00:06:29,750 --> 00:06:31,447
Uh, God bless women
and their tiny bones.
203
00:06:31,621 --> 00:06:32,666
Oh, I did it again.
204
00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:34,581
Um, ladies good.
205
00:06:34,755 --> 00:06:37,453
I wasn't a star, but I did do
some long snapping.
206
00:06:37,627 --> 00:06:39,934
Are you serious?
He was the silent hero
207
00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:41,980
of the interior line's
special teams unit?
208
00:06:42,154 --> 00:06:43,720
And I'm gonna follow
in his footsteps.
209
00:06:43,894 --> 00:06:45,374
But I'll be super famous
210
00:06:45,548 --> 00:06:47,724
and will be on the cover
of the first all-male
211
00:06:47,898 --> 00:06:49,074
Sports Illustrated
swimsuit edition.
212
00:06:49,248 --> 00:06:51,554
No chance.
Your mom will kill me.
213
00:06:51,728 --> 00:06:54,340
Mom only hates football
because the helmets hide our faces.
214
00:06:54,514 --> 00:06:56,690
Come on, Murray,
the boy has clearly been dreaming about this
215
00:06:56,864 --> 00:06:57,865
for a couple of hours.
216
00:06:58,039 --> 00:07:00,389
Saying no will destroy
his afternoon.
217
00:07:00,563 --> 00:07:03,305
Or possibly ours,
when he throws one of his famous hissy fits.
218
00:07:03,479 --> 00:07:04,480
Not gonna happen.
219
00:07:04,654 --> 00:07:06,134
Or maybe Murray won't help
220
00:07:06,308 --> 00:07:08,267
because he actually
never played.
221
00:07:08,441 --> 00:07:09,746
[AS MURRAY]
I'm Murray Goldberg.
222
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:11,270
I love TV and chairs.
223
00:07:11,444 --> 00:07:13,272
[LAUGHS]And everyone's a moron!
224
00:07:13,446 --> 00:07:15,143
Toss me the ball.Wait, wait.
225
00:07:15,317 --> 00:07:16,014
What?What's happening?
226
00:07:16,188 --> 00:07:17,798
And why is he moving?
227
00:07:17,972 --> 00:07:20,757
When I say "go," toss
that pillow across the room.
228
00:07:20,931 --> 00:07:22,498
Oh, my God,
he's breaking in half!
229
00:07:22,672 --> 00:07:23,325
Oh, no,
he's just bending over.
230
00:07:23,499 --> 00:07:24,892
[LAUGHS]Go!
231
00:07:25,066 --> 00:07:27,329
[HEROIC MUSIC PLAYS]
232
00:07:27,503 --> 00:07:28,504
[WHOOSH]
233
00:07:28,678 --> 00:07:29,766
[THUD]
234
00:07:29,940 --> 00:07:30,898
Moses in the reeds!
235
00:07:31,072 --> 00:07:32,291
Was it shot
out of a cannon?
236
00:07:32,465 --> 00:07:35,033
Boom! My dad is,
and always will be,
237
00:07:35,207 --> 00:07:37,339
a super jock.
Right, Dad?
238
00:07:37,513 --> 00:07:39,776
Everybody leave.
You don't want to see me get out of this.
239
00:07:39,950 --> 00:07:41,126
ADULT ADAM: As my dad
bent over backwards
240
00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:42,910
to prove his friends wrong,
241
00:07:43,084 --> 00:07:45,695
Erica and I were doing
our own problem-solving.
242
00:07:45,869 --> 00:07:48,176
Damn it! Why won't
this stupid thing work?
243
00:07:48,350 --> 00:07:49,786
Probably because
you're hitting it like that.
244
00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:51,092
You got to hit it
like this.
245
00:07:51,266 --> 00:07:52,311
With the whackin' book.
246
00:07:52,485 --> 00:07:53,486
Whackin' book?
247
00:07:53,660 --> 00:07:55,009
It fixes
more than it breaks.
248
00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:56,576
Fear not, children.
249
00:07:56,750 --> 00:07:59,361
Soon Madame Mama will buy you
hundreds of televisions.
250
00:07:59,535 --> 00:08:01,015
That seems like too many.
251
00:08:01,189 --> 00:08:02,321
And why are you dressed
like Sam Kinison?
252
00:08:02,495 --> 00:08:04,714
This outfit is French.
253
00:08:04,888 --> 00:08:07,761
Energe wants their saleswomen
to represent their le brand.
254
00:08:07,935 --> 00:08:09,589
You joined
Jane Bales' company?
255
00:08:09,763 --> 00:08:11,286
More like
Beverly Goldberg's company.
256
00:08:11,460 --> 00:08:12,592
That's what
they're gonna call it
257
00:08:12,766 --> 00:08:14,724
as soon as I outsell
that screechy scarecrow.
258
00:08:14,898 --> 00:08:16,117
Wait. Does that mean
you're no longer
259
00:08:16,291 --> 00:08:17,640
the Quaker Warden
at my school?
260
00:08:17,814 --> 00:08:19,990
I am gonna have to scale back
my hours a little bit
261
00:08:20,165 --> 00:08:21,862
so I can bring home
the French Benjamins,
262
00:08:22,036 --> 00:08:24,169
AKA francs.
263
00:08:24,343 --> 00:08:26,214
Whatever this is,
you have my full support.
264
00:08:26,388 --> 00:08:28,434
Then go get me all the names
and phone numbers
265
00:08:28,608 --> 00:08:30,044
of your friends' moms
so I can hawk them stuff
266
00:08:30,218 --> 00:08:31,654
until they go broke.
267
00:08:31,828 --> 00:08:33,482
Desperate times.
I'll go grab you a pen.
268
00:08:33,656 --> 00:08:36,442
Mom, how much
do you really know about this Energe?
269
00:08:36,616 --> 00:08:38,183
Only that they're
the finest straight-to-market
270
00:08:38,357 --> 00:08:40,663
French beauty company
around. Why?
271
00:08:40,837 --> 00:08:42,361
I don't know. It just
seems like most jobs that involve
272
00:08:42,535 --> 00:08:44,450
getting rich quick
are usually scams.
273
00:08:44,624 --> 00:08:45,886
You should be more worried
about the poor saps
274
00:08:46,060 --> 00:08:47,366
I'll be selling to.
275
00:08:47,540 --> 00:08:49,281
[CHUCKLES]
Which reminds me...
276
00:08:49,455 --> 00:08:51,109
There's no chance
I'm giving you the numbers of anyone I know.
277
00:08:51,283 --> 00:08:52,936
Then I'll just do it
the French way,
278
00:08:53,111 --> 00:08:54,982
through le seduction.
279
00:08:55,156 --> 00:08:57,158
ADULT ADAM: As my mom went to make a sale,
280
00:08:57,332 --> 00:08:58,464
Barry was looking to profit
281
00:08:58,638 --> 00:09:00,335
from my dad's
football expertise.
282
00:09:00,509 --> 00:09:02,250
[CHUCKLING] Yeah.
Look at this.
283
00:09:02,424 --> 00:09:05,732
Oh, to be young and delusional
about one's athletic ability.
284
00:09:05,906 --> 00:09:06,950
Yep, I'm blessed.
285
00:09:07,125 --> 00:09:08,126
What's first, Coach Dad?
286
00:09:08,300 --> 00:09:09,866
Don't call me that.
287
00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:11,955
And I'm not helping you
until you show me
288
00:09:12,130 --> 00:09:15,263
a tiny bit of skill
and a willingness to listen.
289
00:09:15,437 --> 00:09:16,873
I'll show you
10 times that.
290
00:09:17,047 --> 00:09:18,310
Oh!Professional hike! Oh!
291
00:09:19,311 --> 00:09:20,225
Aw!
292
00:09:20,399 --> 00:09:21,400
I need that mirror!
293
00:09:21,574 --> 00:09:22,705
How will I merge?
294
00:09:22,879 --> 00:09:24,446
That's it. I'm out.
295
00:09:24,620 --> 00:09:26,448
Coach Dad, please,
give me one more shot.
296
00:09:26,622 --> 00:09:27,884
Oh, come on, Mur.
297
00:09:28,058 --> 00:09:30,060
Throw him a tip or two
and see how he does.
298
00:09:30,235 --> 00:09:31,410
[CHANTING]
Throw him a tip.
299
00:09:31,584 --> 00:09:32,454
BOTH: Throw him a tip!
300
00:09:32,628 --> 00:09:33,977
Hey.Throw him a tip!
301
00:09:34,152 --> 00:09:35,675
Okay, fine!
Get in your stance.
302
00:09:35,849 --> 00:09:37,155
Not like that.
303
00:09:37,329 --> 00:09:39,940
Be like, uh, a dog digging up
sand at the beach.
304
00:09:40,114 --> 00:09:41,855
But dogs aren't allowed
on beaches.
305
00:09:42,029 --> 00:09:43,683
It's true,
and if you're caught, it's a hefty fine.
306
00:09:43,857 --> 00:09:46,120
Beaches can be stressful
environments for dogs,
307
00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:48,470
the heat,
the lack of shade,
308
00:09:48,644 --> 00:09:50,646
and noise can
trigger all sorts of unfortunate behavior.
309
00:09:50,820 --> 00:09:52,692
I love our furry friends,
310
00:09:52,866 --> 00:09:55,216
but let's keep beaches fun
and safe for people first.
311
00:09:55,390 --> 00:09:57,566
Enough with the beach report.
312
00:09:57,740 --> 00:09:59,699
Just pretend you're a human
digging like a dog at the beach.
313
00:09:59,873 --> 00:10:01,179
Now, thatI can do.
314
00:10:01,353 --> 00:10:02,702
[HEROIC MUSIC PLAYS]
315
00:10:02,876 --> 00:10:03,616
Tuck in your chin.
316
00:10:05,052 --> 00:10:07,272
Raise up your tailbone.
317
00:10:07,446 --> 00:10:09,317
Close your eyes and
imagine the perfect spiral.
318
00:10:11,145 --> 00:10:12,015
Snap at the belt!
319
00:10:14,627 --> 00:10:16,498
Great Vince Lombardi's
ghost!
320
00:10:16,672 --> 00:10:18,587
This is how people felt
watching the moon landing.
321
00:10:18,761 --> 00:10:21,155
It's a massive overstatement,
but it was still surprising.
322
00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:24,724
So, Dad, will you mold me
into a football god
323
00:10:24,898 --> 00:10:27,770
that's a role model
to young kids everywhere?
324
00:10:27,944 --> 00:10:28,989
Even though
that's really a parent's job.
325
00:10:29,163 --> 00:10:31,296
Take it easy, okay?
326
00:10:31,470 --> 00:10:33,602
You had one good snap.
We got a lot of work to do.
327
00:10:33,776 --> 00:10:35,517
[LAUGHING] Oh!
He said "we." It's happening!
328
00:10:35,691 --> 00:10:37,215
Victory spike!
329
00:10:37,389 --> 00:10:38,303
Whoo!Oh!
330
00:10:41,784 --> 00:10:44,265
ADULT ADAM:
Barry was preparing for his big NFL tryout,
331
00:10:44,439 --> 00:10:46,485
and every moment was
an opportunity to train.
332
00:10:46,659 --> 00:10:49,183
Hey, Bar,
toss me a plum.
333
00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:51,011
No, no, no, no, no.
Snap it to him.
334
00:10:51,185 --> 00:10:52,534
You know it, Coach Dad.
335
00:10:52,708 --> 00:10:54,014
Plum comin' in!
336
00:10:54,188 --> 00:10:55,015
Boom!
337
00:10:56,321 --> 00:10:57,322
That's a papaya.
338
00:10:57,496 --> 00:10:58,497
Professional hike!
339
00:10:58,671 --> 00:10:59,715
[THUD]Apple.
340
00:10:59,889 --> 00:11:01,064
Yi![GLASS BREAKS]
341
00:11:01,239 --> 00:11:02,327
Pear!Yi!
342
00:11:02,501 --> 00:11:03,893
[CLATTER]Tangelo!
343
00:11:04,067 --> 00:11:06,635
You know what might be
a nice lesson, Coach Dad?
344
00:11:06,809 --> 00:11:09,856
The difference between
a banana and a plum.
345
00:11:10,030 --> 00:11:11,814
ADULT ADAM: Thanks to my dad, Barry was starting to improve.
346
00:11:11,988 --> 00:11:13,642
Hike! And before long...
347
00:11:13,816 --> 00:11:15,253
Hike! ...long-snapping
was a snap.
348
00:11:15,427 --> 00:11:16,341
Ow! So cold!
349
00:11:16,515 --> 00:11:17,516
BARRY: Whoo![BLEEP]
350
00:11:17,690 --> 00:11:18,691
You said we were tasting
ice cream!
351
00:11:18,865 --> 00:11:20,127
Ow!Ew!
352
00:11:20,301 --> 00:11:21,389
Mr. Goldberg, you have
the power to stop this!
353
00:11:21,563 --> 00:11:22,869
Yeah, I do.
354
00:11:23,043 --> 00:11:24,958
ADULT ADAM: Yep,
with football to focus on,
355
00:11:25,132 --> 00:11:27,787
Barry and my dad were
back on solid ground.
356
00:11:27,961 --> 00:11:30,224
Nachos... Is it a meal,
is it a snack?
357
00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:32,661
Either way, it's a great way
to celebrate a child
358
00:11:32,835 --> 00:11:33,575
crossing a labor dispute.
359
00:11:33,749 --> 00:11:35,925
There he is.
360
00:11:36,099 --> 00:11:38,101
I got something
I want to give you before you hit the gridiron.
361
00:11:38,276 --> 00:11:39,494
More hiking knowledge,
Coach Dad?
362
00:11:39,668 --> 00:11:40,756
Better than that.
363
00:11:40,930 --> 00:11:41,844
My old butt towel.
364
00:11:42,976 --> 00:11:44,760
I don't know what to say.
365
00:11:44,934 --> 00:11:46,893
Mostly 'cause I don't
understand what that is.
366
00:11:47,067 --> 00:11:49,417
I used to wear this
when I played,
367
00:11:49,591 --> 00:11:51,289
to wipe off the ball
before I snapped it,
368
00:11:51,463 --> 00:11:53,160
and I want you
to have it.
369
00:11:53,334 --> 00:11:55,684
I'd be honored
to wipe a ball
370
00:11:55,858 --> 00:11:57,860
with the towel
that's been on your butt.
371
00:11:58,034 --> 00:12:01,908
Don't make a father giving
his son his butt towel weird.
372
00:12:02,082 --> 00:12:04,519
Wow. I've never seen your
old man give a gift to anyone.
373
00:12:04,693 --> 00:12:05,607
It's pretty special.
374
00:12:05,781 --> 00:12:07,043
When I win the Super Bowl,
375
00:12:07,217 --> 00:12:08,610
he'll be the second person
I thank,
376
00:12:08,784 --> 00:12:11,352
right after my wife,
Paula Abdul Goldberg.
377
00:12:11,526 --> 00:12:13,093
The person you should
be thanking is the good Lord above
378
00:12:13,267 --> 00:12:15,051
for watching over you
and making sure
379
00:12:15,225 --> 00:12:18,185
that you are not
violently killed tomorrow.
380
00:12:18,359 --> 00:12:20,361
But long snapper's one of the
safest positions on the field.
381
00:12:20,535 --> 00:12:23,930
There's no such thing
on the cruel and unforgiving gridiron.
382
00:12:24,104 --> 00:12:27,673
In high school, I got tackled
so hard, I lost three days.
383
00:12:27,847 --> 00:12:29,892
I missed Ann-Margret
on The Flintstones
384
00:12:30,066 --> 00:12:30,893
as Ann-Margrock.
385
00:12:32,286 --> 00:12:33,896
Also, my grandmama's funeral.
386
00:12:34,984 --> 00:12:36,551
You see this dent
in my skull?
387
00:12:36,725 --> 00:12:38,858
I got that
from my time on the turf.
388
00:12:39,032 --> 00:12:40,599
Now I can taste colors
and smell feelings.
389
00:12:40,773 --> 00:12:41,774
[SNIFFING]
390
00:12:41,948 --> 00:12:43,732
Sad.
391
00:12:43,906 --> 00:12:45,821
ADULT ADAM: As Vic and Bill
spooked my brother...
392
00:12:45,995 --> 00:12:47,083
[DOORBELL RINGS] ...my mom was looking
393
00:12:47,257 --> 00:12:48,389
to scare up
a few new customers.
394
00:12:48,563 --> 00:12:50,391
Oh! Judas the Betrayer!
395
00:12:50,565 --> 00:12:51,392
What did you just spray
in my face?
396
00:12:51,566 --> 00:12:53,046
Bon-Bon Boudoir.
397
00:12:53,220 --> 00:12:54,308
It's a skin toner.
398
00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:55,875
I'll put you down
for four bottles.
399
00:12:56,049 --> 00:12:56,876
Is the rest
of the herd here?
400
00:12:57,050 --> 00:12:58,530
Ladies!
401
00:12:58,704 --> 00:13:00,140
[SINGSONG VOICE] I hope
you brought your checkbooks.
402
00:13:00,314 --> 00:13:01,359
[LAUGHS, GASPS]
403
00:13:01,533 --> 00:13:02,403
[NORMAL VOICE] Jane Bales!
404
00:13:02,577 --> 00:13:03,970
Hello, Beverly.
405
00:13:04,144 --> 00:13:05,101
I've heard
that we're co-workers,
406
00:13:05,275 --> 00:13:06,320
which is great,
407
00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:08,366
because every team needs
a scrub.
408
00:13:08,540 --> 00:13:10,150
The only thing I'm going
to scrub is the floor,
409
00:13:10,324 --> 00:13:11,151
with my sales numbers.
410
00:13:11,325 --> 00:13:13,153
This is awkward.
411
00:13:13,327 --> 00:13:14,894
Uh, we just bought
a whole bunch of stuff from Jane.
412
00:13:15,068 --> 00:13:18,071
Anyway, gotta run,
which I do often.
413
00:13:18,245 --> 00:13:19,464
Hence my exquisite frame.
414
00:13:19,638 --> 00:13:22,205
[CHUCKLES]
Toodles, my poodles.
415
00:13:22,380 --> 00:13:24,251
What the... [BLEEPING]
416
00:13:24,425 --> 00:13:25,948
I was supposed to be the one
to force you
417
00:13:26,122 --> 00:13:27,254
into buying things
you don't want!
418
00:13:27,428 --> 00:13:28,690
We know,
but then Jane arrived,
419
00:13:28,864 --> 00:13:30,779
and she's so pushy
and terrifying.
420
00:13:30,953 --> 00:13:32,607
She said there was
a new sheriff in town, and it's her.
421
00:13:32,781 --> 00:13:34,653
Then she showed us
an actual badge.
422
00:13:34,827 --> 00:13:36,437
I think
she might be the sheriff.
423
00:13:36,611 --> 00:13:38,308
Are you more scared of her
than you are of me?
424
00:13:38,483 --> 00:13:40,528
Goodness no. No, no.
You frighten the crap out of us.
425
00:13:40,702 --> 00:13:43,009
I once screamed when I thought
I saw your shadow.
426
00:13:43,183 --> 00:13:45,272
Thank goodness it was just
a circus clown in my driveway.
427
00:13:45,446 --> 00:13:47,100
Good.
Then I'll put you all down
428
00:13:47,274 --> 00:13:49,494
for our new
Rose Petal Body Mist.
429
00:13:49,668 --> 00:13:51,060
Sorry, but I've reached
my spending limit.
430
00:13:51,234 --> 00:13:54,194
Same. I don't want Lou
to give me that unhappy look.
431
00:13:54,368 --> 00:13:57,632
I have a product that'll keep
Lou so happy with your face,
432
00:13:57,806 --> 00:13:59,373
he'll forget
all about your body.
433
00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:00,635
What's wrong
with our bodies?
434
00:14:00,809 --> 00:14:02,637
Nothing
that a super-secret product
435
00:14:02,811 --> 00:14:04,944
that only I have access to
won't fix.
436
00:14:05,118 --> 00:14:06,989
We're not falling for that.
437
00:14:07,163 --> 00:14:08,513
What is it? Tell me!I, too, want to hear about
the super-secret product!
438
00:14:08,687 --> 00:14:11,385
May I present Role-Pole.
439
00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:13,300
That kind of sounds like
"roly-poly."
440
00:14:14,344 --> 00:14:15,520
I don't hear it.
441
00:14:15,694 --> 00:14:18,740
It's a new supplement
designed to help you slim down
442
00:14:18,914 --> 00:14:20,742
without using
an ounce of energy.
443
00:14:20,916 --> 00:14:22,222
I don't know, Beverly.
444
00:14:22,396 --> 00:14:23,919
There's an awful lot
of weird ingredients in here.
445
00:14:24,093 --> 00:14:26,095
What's hummingbird extract?
446
00:14:26,269 --> 00:14:29,011
Relax. I wouldn't sell you
anything I wouldn't take myself.
447
00:14:29,185 --> 00:14:31,666
Now, come on, let's all look
years younger together.
448
00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:33,538
[LAUGHS]
449
00:14:33,712 --> 00:14:35,670
ADULT ADAM: Soon,
the French mystery pill was working.
450
00:14:35,844 --> 00:14:37,411
Ah. Really, really working.
451
00:14:37,585 --> 00:14:38,456
My fingers are tingly.
452
00:14:38,630 --> 00:14:39,544
Why is my foot tapping?
453
00:14:39,718 --> 00:14:40,719
It makes you kinda drowsy.
454
00:14:40,893 --> 00:14:41,937
Oh, wait!
Now it's the opposite.
455
00:14:42,111 --> 00:14:43,243
This may sound crazy,
456
00:14:43,417 --> 00:14:44,679
but who's up for
organizing Ginzy's pantry?
457
00:14:44,853 --> 00:14:45,767
Me!So in!
458
00:14:45,941 --> 00:14:46,942
You want to see how high
I can kick?
459
00:14:47,116 --> 00:14:47,726
Yeah!Do it again!
460
00:14:47,900 --> 00:14:49,205
Go!Do it!
461
00:14:49,379 --> 00:14:50,685
Aah!ADULT ADAM: And from there,
462
00:14:50,859 --> 00:14:52,034
things only got weirder.
463
00:14:52,208 --> 00:14:53,558
Nothing like
a little group speedwalk
464
00:14:53,732 --> 00:14:54,733
to help break up the day.
465
00:14:54,907 --> 00:14:56,038
A run
would also feel good.
466
00:14:56,212 --> 00:14:57,997
I'm super cold but sweaty.
Let's run hard.
467
00:14:58,171 --> 00:14:59,302
Linda's just nodding
'cause she can't move her jaw,
468
00:14:59,477 --> 00:15:00,695
but I say yes, too!
469
00:15:00,869 --> 00:15:02,567
ADULT ADAM:
While my mom was amped,
470
00:15:02,741 --> 00:15:04,656
Barry wasn't exactly pumped
for his tryout.
471
00:15:06,527 --> 00:15:08,137
Why won't Big Tasty
come out?
472
00:15:08,311 --> 00:15:10,879
Because I don't want to die,
you idiots!
473
00:15:11,053 --> 00:15:12,577
Do you see the size
of these guys?
474
00:15:12,751 --> 00:15:14,274
Yeah, Bar.
Football players are large.
475
00:15:14,448 --> 00:15:15,797
That's kinda
what they're known for.
476
00:15:15,971 --> 00:15:17,451
I'm not sure I can go through
with this tryout.
477
00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:19,279
There's my boy.
478
00:15:19,453 --> 00:15:20,106
You came?
479
00:15:21,150 --> 00:15:22,195
You don't come to stuff.
480
00:15:22,369 --> 00:15:23,501
Of course I did,
you moron!
481
00:15:23,675 --> 00:15:24,980
We're in this together!
482
00:15:25,154 --> 00:15:26,199
We arein this together.
483
00:15:26,373 --> 00:15:28,636
I mean,
it's my body out there,
484
00:15:28,810 --> 00:15:29,985
but I can see
how you might have some interest
485
00:15:30,159 --> 00:15:30,986
in how this all turns out.
486
00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:32,466
Yeah, I do.
487
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:33,598
Break a leg.
488
00:15:33,772 --> 00:15:35,730
♪♪♪♪
489
00:15:35,904 --> 00:15:37,689
You know, Mur, a week ago,
490
00:15:37,863 --> 00:15:40,039
if you told me that your son
could make the Eagles,
491
00:15:40,213 --> 00:15:41,214
uh, I'd say
you were crazy.
492
00:15:41,388 --> 00:15:42,824
[WHISTLE BLOWS][PLAYERS GRUNTING]
493
00:15:42,998 --> 00:15:45,044
Ew!Oh, my God!
494
00:15:45,218 --> 00:15:47,612
That little guy
got bent in ways no human should bend!
495
00:15:47,786 --> 00:15:49,744
The human elbow's
not located there.
496
00:15:49,918 --> 00:15:51,050
COACH: Next!Crap.
497
00:15:51,224 --> 00:15:53,052
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
498
00:15:53,226 --> 00:15:55,924
ADULT ADAM:
It was then Barry realized he was in too deep.
499
00:15:56,098 --> 00:15:57,360
So, instead of trying out...
500
00:15:57,535 --> 00:15:58,797
Never mind! ...he did this.
501
00:15:58,971 --> 00:16:00,494
Move, please.What's he doing?
502
00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:01,843
[WHISTLE BLOWS]ADULT ADAM:
As Barry was running
503
00:16:02,017 --> 00:16:02,365
from a violent collision...Good hustle.
504
00:16:02,540 --> 00:16:03,845
...my mom was dealing
505
00:16:04,019 --> 00:16:05,151
with a crash of her own.
506
00:16:05,325 --> 00:16:06,587
Nothing!
Who wants to know?
507
00:16:06,761 --> 00:16:08,937
You're acting strange.Oh.
508
00:16:09,111 --> 00:16:10,069
And are you wearing
the same clothes from yesterday?
509
00:16:10,243 --> 00:16:11,766
Gosh, you're loud.
510
00:16:11,940 --> 00:16:13,942
Why is it so bright
in here?
511
00:16:14,116 --> 00:16:16,205
Were you out all night,
young lady?
512
00:16:16,379 --> 00:16:17,772
I always wondered
what this side of it felt like,
513
00:16:17,946 --> 00:16:19,469
and it turns out
it's as boring as I thought.
514
00:16:19,644 --> 00:16:22,908
If you must know, I was up
all night closing deals.
515
00:16:23,082 --> 00:16:26,389
Then I did two exercise videos
and read The Thorn Birds.
516
00:16:26,564 --> 00:16:27,869
That sounds like a lot.
517
00:16:28,043 --> 00:16:30,002
Not when you have
these French wonder vitamins.
518
00:16:30,176 --> 00:16:32,134
They are [SMOOCHES] superbe.
519
00:16:32,308 --> 00:16:33,832
Does that mean
amphetamines?
520
00:16:34,006 --> 00:16:35,877
This article
in today's paper says
521
00:16:36,051 --> 00:16:38,358
that your beauty company
uses speed in its diet pills.
522
00:16:38,532 --> 00:16:40,316
Oh, that's ridiculous.
523
00:16:40,490 --> 00:16:43,145
I feel amazing,
and I've barely eaten or slept in three days.
524
00:16:43,319 --> 00:16:44,582
[DOORBELL RINGS]
525
00:16:44,756 --> 00:16:46,192
Hi! Is your mom in?
526
00:16:46,366 --> 00:16:47,280
We just need
more body-shaping supplements.
527
00:16:47,454 --> 00:16:48,760
You know, for our health?
528
00:16:48,934 --> 00:16:50,500
Uh, Beverly,
your loyal customers are here.
529
00:16:50,675 --> 00:16:52,720
I got cash from the register
at the flower shop.
530
00:16:52,894 --> 00:16:54,853
Yeah, ladies, I don't think
this is a good idea.
531
00:16:55,027 --> 00:16:55,854
Give me more pills now,
please!
532
00:16:56,028 --> 00:16:57,159
No!Aaah!
533
00:16:58,073 --> 00:16:59,509
Are you happy now?
534
00:16:59,684 --> 00:17:00,815
I just wanted to make
some extra dough,
535
00:17:00,989 --> 00:17:03,339
not turn my gal pals
into druggies!
536
00:17:03,513 --> 00:17:04,776
They do look amazing,
though.
537
00:17:04,950 --> 00:17:06,952
Mom, when did making money
become so important?
538
00:17:07,126 --> 00:17:10,477
I don't know. Maybe w-when
we saw Jane Bales at Gimbels.
539
00:17:10,651 --> 00:17:12,087
So, this is all
because you're jealous
540
00:17:12,261 --> 00:17:13,915
that she shops
in the front of the store?
541
00:17:14,089 --> 00:17:16,614
I'm not jealous
that she pays retail.
542
00:17:16,788 --> 00:17:18,964
I'm jealous
that she's got her own money.
543
00:17:19,138 --> 00:17:20,748
I'm jealous
that she doesn't have to worry
544
00:17:20,922 --> 00:17:23,011
about spending
her husband's.
545
00:17:23,185 --> 00:17:25,884
And I'm jealous of the way
you were looking at her.
546
00:17:26,058 --> 00:17:26,841
Mom...Exactly.
547
00:17:27,015 --> 00:17:28,930
I'm a mom.
548
00:17:29,104 --> 00:17:30,671
More than anything,
a mom who wants to be
549
00:17:30,845 --> 00:17:32,934
a role model
for her daughter.
550
00:17:33,108 --> 00:17:34,849
Instead,
I'm just a drug dealer.
551
00:17:36,024 --> 00:17:38,331
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
552
00:17:38,505 --> 00:17:39,941
Open the freakin' door now!
553
00:17:44,467 --> 00:17:47,166
ADULT ADAM: My mom
was ready to give up her dream of financial freedom,
554
00:17:47,340 --> 00:17:49,995
but not before Erica
could make a big sale.
555
00:17:50,169 --> 00:17:51,779
Mom, if you have a minute,
I would like to pitch you
556
00:17:51,953 --> 00:17:54,216
a new product
that will change your life.
557
00:17:54,390 --> 00:17:56,175
[SIGHS]Wow! That sounds
like a tall order.
558
00:17:56,349 --> 00:17:57,350
Tell us more.
559
00:17:57,524 --> 00:17:58,220
May I present,
560
00:17:59,091 --> 00:18:00,135
the Bever-le.
561
00:18:00,309 --> 00:18:01,789
It looks amazing.
562
00:18:01,963 --> 00:18:03,704
What does
the Bever-le do?
563
00:18:03,878 --> 00:18:06,228
Well, the real question is,
what doesn'tshe do?
564
00:18:06,402 --> 00:18:09,188
Hmm?She runs a household,
she works at a school,
565
00:18:09,362 --> 00:18:10,929
and she cares
for three ungrateful children.
566
00:18:11,103 --> 00:18:13,235
They look terrible!
567
00:18:13,409 --> 00:18:14,454
Except for the young one.
568
00:18:14,628 --> 00:18:16,412
He's got
a Harrison Ford quality.
569
00:18:16,586 --> 00:18:18,676
Stick to the script,
or I will hurt you.
570
00:18:18,850 --> 00:18:21,722
B... Clearly, the Bever-le
must have help.
571
00:18:21,896 --> 00:18:24,638
You would think so,
but this is her life partner.
572
00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:28,511
She accomplished all that
tied to a human anchor in a La-Z-Boy?
573
00:18:28,686 --> 00:18:29,948
What's the catch?
574
00:18:30,122 --> 00:18:32,254
Well,
there is one thing.
575
00:18:32,428 --> 00:18:34,779
Sometimes the Bever-le
is prone to questioning
576
00:18:34,953 --> 00:18:37,346
whether or not
she sets a good example for her daughter.
577
00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:39,435
If that happens,
what do you do?
578
00:18:39,609 --> 00:18:42,700
Well, you assure her that
you can't think of a stronger,
579
00:18:42,874 --> 00:18:44,614
more caring,
580
00:18:44,789 --> 00:18:47,443
often terrifying role model
to aspire to,
581
00:18:47,617 --> 00:18:49,576
regardless
of how much money she makes.
582
00:18:49,750 --> 00:18:51,970
[CRYING] I'm the richest woman
in the world!
583
00:18:52,144 --> 00:18:54,624
All of this can be had
for 10 easy payments of...
584
00:18:54,799 --> 00:18:56,235
She's crying, Adam.
We're done.
585
00:18:56,409 --> 00:18:59,934
Oh! That was the greatest
sales presentation ever.
586
00:19:00,108 --> 00:19:02,284
It's easy when you believe
in the product.
587
00:19:02,458 --> 00:19:05,853
You know, um, I still have
some drug money to unload.
588
00:19:06,027 --> 00:19:08,987
What do you say we go buy you
some new clothes
589
00:19:09,161 --> 00:19:10,162
at full price?
590
00:19:10,336 --> 00:19:14,775
♪♪♪♪
591
00:19:14,949 --> 00:19:16,472
Hey!
592
00:19:16,646 --> 00:19:18,910
You drove away
before we could talk.
593
00:19:19,084 --> 00:19:22,261
I brought shame on the family
like a disgraced samurai.
594
00:19:22,435 --> 00:19:24,002
And if I hadn't broken
my sword last year
595
00:19:24,176 --> 00:19:25,612
attacking that anthill,
596
00:19:25,786 --> 00:19:26,569
I would've done
the honorable thing.
597
00:19:26,744 --> 00:19:28,397
Okay. [SIGHS]
598
00:19:28,571 --> 00:19:31,183
So, you're not
a replacement Eagle.
599
00:19:31,357 --> 00:19:34,099
There's no shame
in not wanting your head knocked off.
600
00:19:34,273 --> 00:19:35,230
So, you're not
disappointed?
601
00:19:35,404 --> 00:19:36,884
Are you kidding?
602
00:19:37,058 --> 00:19:40,409
I had a blast teaching you
my old snapping tricks.
603
00:19:40,583 --> 00:19:41,802
I guess I'm just worried,
without football,
604
00:19:41,976 --> 00:19:43,804
we have nothing
in common.
605
00:19:43,978 --> 00:19:45,893
Barry, we have everything
in common.
606
00:19:46,067 --> 00:19:48,069
You're my kid.
607
00:19:48,243 --> 00:19:51,551
So, you'd want to hang out,
even when there's no game on?
608
00:19:51,725 --> 00:19:53,640
I love the Eagles,
609
00:19:53,814 --> 00:19:55,990
but my true joy is you.
610
00:19:56,164 --> 00:20:01,082
♪♪♪♪
611
00:20:01,256 --> 00:20:02,344
So, what do you want
to talk about?
612
00:20:02,518 --> 00:20:04,520
I don't know. I...
Anything, everything.
613
00:20:04,694 --> 00:20:05,434
What are you
interested in?
614
00:20:05,608 --> 00:20:07,001
[SIGHS] Nunchucks,
615
00:20:07,175 --> 00:20:09,438
the vocal stylings
of Big Daddy Kane.
616
00:20:09,612 --> 00:20:11,876
[CHUCKLES] I melted
a Nerf Ball with a blowtorch.
617
00:20:12,050 --> 00:20:13,965
We'll find something. ♪♪ Oh, oh ♪♪
618
00:20:14,139 --> 00:20:16,837
ADULT ADAM:
Sure, it can be hard to find common ground
619
00:20:17,011 --> 00:20:18,752
with the people we love. ♪♪ I wanna be with you
everywhere ♪♪
620
00:20:18,926 --> 00:20:20,101
It's not visible
to the naked eye,
621
00:20:20,275 --> 00:20:22,147
but this skirt
has irregular stitching.
622
00:20:22,321 --> 00:20:24,627
♪♪ Oh, oh ♪♪I'll get the manager.
623
00:20:24,802 --> 00:20:26,804
ADULT ADAM:
But sometimes the things that drive us nuts...
624
00:20:26,978 --> 00:20:27,892
You embarrassed of me?
625
00:20:28,066 --> 00:20:29,676
Always.
626
00:20:29,850 --> 00:20:30,633
...are also what
makes them special.
627
00:20:32,418 --> 00:20:33,549
What ya doin' today?
628
00:20:33,723 --> 00:20:35,203
Whole lot of nothin'.
629
00:20:35,377 --> 00:20:37,815
Maybe I'll stop by.
We can do nothin' together.
630
00:20:37,989 --> 00:20:39,904
Sounds good to me. ♪♪ Oh, oh♪♪
631
00:20:40,078 --> 00:20:41,644
ADULT ADAM:
In the end, if you tackle
632
00:20:41,819 --> 00:20:43,342
life's biggest challenges
together,
633
00:20:43,516 --> 00:20:46,214
there's no way we can lose.
634
00:20:47,999 --> 00:20:49,348
ADAM: Mom's putting
on her makeup.
635
00:20:49,522 --> 00:20:51,045
The finesse.
636
00:20:51,219 --> 00:20:52,960
The curl on the lip.[LAUGHS]
637
00:20:55,006 --> 00:20:56,921
Dad, hurry,
it's almost kickoff!
638
00:20:57,095 --> 00:20:59,227
[SIGHS] Maybe I
should have tried out.
639
00:20:59,401 --> 00:21:00,576
Probably for the best, Bar.
640
00:21:00,750 --> 00:21:02,578
I've had a headache
for 36 years.
641
00:21:02,752 --> 00:21:04,406
Oh, [SCOFFS] hat's nothin'.
642
00:21:04,580 --> 00:21:06,931
I can turn this foot
all the way around like an owl's head.
643
00:21:07,105 --> 00:21:08,584
I got hit so hard
on a crossing route,
644
00:21:08,758 --> 00:21:09,759
I was legally dead
for three minutes.
645
00:21:09,934 --> 00:21:11,370
Try five.
646
00:21:11,544 --> 00:21:13,676
I saw my granny on a cloud.
647
00:21:13,851 --> 00:21:14,895
She told me to rub
some dirt on it
648
00:21:15,069 --> 00:21:16,592
and then go block somebody.
649
00:21:16,766 --> 00:21:18,072
I took a helmet to the stomach
so hard,
650
00:21:18,246 --> 00:21:19,334
I no longer have
a belly button.
651
00:21:19,508 --> 00:21:20,640
I don't have any toes.
652
00:21:20,814 --> 00:21:22,294
This isn't baldness.
653
00:21:22,468 --> 00:21:23,991
I got the hair tackled
right off of my head.
654
00:21:24,165 --> 00:21:26,167
[GASPS]Why do they let anyone
play this game?
655
00:21:26,341 --> 00:21:27,125
'Cause it's the best.So many good memories.
656
00:21:27,299 --> 00:21:28,213
I love it.
657
00:21:28,263 --> 00:21:32,813
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
48571
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.