Original subtitles

In the '80s, the difficult relationship

between mothers and daughters made for fascinating TV.

And in our house, it played out in real life.

I'm so glad you waited for me so I can help you decorate.

Oh, we have decorated, for two days straight.

Well, oh!

Well, I'm not eating if we don't say grace,

and by the looks of whatever this is,

we're gonna need every blessing we can get.

What about this one?

Remember when you made it?

That's a stick.

God made that.

So, it was no surprise when...

- Ooh! Did you feel that? - Hmm?

Did your stomach just tighten a little?

Oh. Mama must have woken up from her surgery.

She's alert in the world again.

Girl, it'll be fine.

I already have my place all ready and set up for her.

It won't be easy, but...

that's the price I pay for being the favorite.

Well, thank God she's going to recover with you.

Can you imagine her staying with me?

Ooh. Not after that last Christmas visit.

We're all still talking about that behind your back.

- Yeah, that was rough. - Mm.

And remember when you told her I snuck out,

but you got in trouble because she hates snitches?

Oh, it's great we can still laugh about that.

I'm not laughing.

Don't be mad.

Every daughter has a thing with her mom,

especially when that daughter is the third favorite of two.

But if it came down to it, you would take care of Mama, right?

Yeah. Of course.

If there were no other options, you know?

- You were dead. - Mm.

- Dad was dead. - Mm.

Cousin Merle was dead.

The world was ending.

Pretty much everyone would have to be dead.

Well, assume we're all dead

because you're taking care of Mama this week.

Wha...

What?

But you're her favorite. Why wouldn't you do it?

Because I am her favorite.

Our relationship is based on her and I complaining about you.

I don't want to lose that.

Oh. That's her now.

Don't you tell her I made you do this.

Snitch.

? In the mix ?

? Oh, oh, oh, they keep trying ?

? But they can't stop us ?

? 'Cause we got a love ?

? That keeps rising up ?

? In the mix ?

? Life turns around ?

? 'Round and 'round it goes ?

? Ooh, it's a mixed-up world ? ? Ooh, it's a mixed-up ?

? And that's for sure ? ? Mixed-up ?

? In the mix ? ? Baby ?

? We're gonna get by ? ? We're gonna ?

? On our own, side by side ?

? Love's all we need to be free ? ? Lo-o-o-ve is all ?

? I got you, you got me ?

? Yaaaaay us! ?

? I-I-In the mix ?

? Yaaaaay us! ?

? I-I-In the mix-ish ?

No.

Hello?

H-Hello?

Honey, what's going on?

Shh! My mom's outside.

- Hello? - What's she doing here?

She just had her bunion removed.

Denise said she could stay with us for the next week or so.

What? Well, you're not gonna let her in, are you?

We don't have a choice.

- There's always a choice. - Hello?

We don't want another Christmas.

We were in emotional shambles until Easter.

I know. So, what do we do?

Pretend we're not home for, like, the next 10 days?

Hello?

Obviously, we can't do that.

I'll just pack up the kids, we'll sneak out the back.

- She'll never know we were here. - Mm.

You know I can hear you guys.

- Mm-hmm. - No, no, no.

No!

Hi, Mama.

Sorry, I didn't know you were coming

because Denise lied and said you were staying with her.

Mm. I see you're still a snitch.

She is.

I'm still your favorite, right?

I don't have favorites.

And yes.

Hello, Paul.

So, this is what it looks like when a man stays home

and does the housework.

Hello, Shireen. Actually, I have a job now.

I'm a teacher.

Oh!

So, this is what it looks like

when no one does the housework.

How long did you say you were staying for again?

Black Grandma! Black Grandma!

Honey, you don't need to say Black.

But you said not to call her Mean Grandma.

It's so good to see you, Grandma Shireen.

I wish you came more often.

Oh, so do I, honey.

But the good news is one of these days,

I'm going to be too old to live by myself,

so I'll live here with you all.

- Wait, really? - Wait, really?

You would want to live here with us?

Of course.

No one would do a better job of taking care of me.

And for now, I'm going to need to stay in your bedroom.

Our bedroom?

You're okay with that, right?

She just had surgery on her foot.

Plus, I don't like the couch.

Come on, Mama.

I'll show you to your new room.

- Oh. - I'll get your bags.

Which one has our presents in it?

And that was the moment my mom climbed up

to second favorite.

I mean, with so many walls in this house,

you'd think there'd be one picture of James Brown.

I know, right?

But they got room for Johan's kindergarten portrait.

This is gonna be so nice in my golden years.

I'm lucky.

Not like my co-worker Janice.

Her kids shipped her off to Silver Sunset Villa

as soon as she qualified for a senior discount at the movies.

Let me guess... Janice is White.

- I could never live like that. - Me neither.

Living in some old folks home,

telling me when I can and cannot eat my Jell-O?

- Mm. - Ooh.

Stealing my wigs while I'm asleep?

Ooh.

Well, lucky me... Alicia will always take care of me.

And I'll be here to take care of her taking care of you.

I just wonder what's gonna happen to you.

Without kids,

you're just staring down the barrel of a future

with no one to look out for you.

You're right. I am.

No one to feed you, no one to bathe you,

no one to change the channel when you're about to miss "Alf."

Sorry, I was being subtle.

We're about to miss "Alf."

Oh, I'm sorry, Mama.

Hey, you're right.

Who's gonna do this for me?

I don't have any daughters, or even a dumb son.

I got to figure this out.

I'll be back.

And, Mama, if you need anything,

let me know...

and I'll tell Alicia.

What was that weird thing your mom said

about one day staying here forever?

I know.

- It's great, right? - She chose me.

What... What are you talking about?

You just tried to pretend you weren't here.

Oh, no. That's just how we talk to each other.

Think about it, Paul.

She said no one would do a better job taking care of her.

That's the nicest thing she's ever said to me.

Well, I-I understand you're excited,

but I-I feel like I need to remind you,

we're dealing with your mom.

Exactly. It's my mom.

Yeah. It's your mom.

Yeah. Right. It's my mom.

Right. It's your mom.

Why do you keep saying that?

Look, I know things have been tricky in the past,

but she needs me now.

I've never had that before.

This will be different.

Alicia!

I need you...

to get a new comforter because I hate the one you have!

See?

She needs me.

Coming, Mama!

Hello, there, Rainbow.

Ooh, isn't that a cute top?

It reminds me of the time I gave you that great advice

about going to the dance with that White boy.

Remember how much happier you were after we talked?

Aunt Dee-Dee, are you okay?

You never talk to me this much.

I'mma come clean with you, Rainbow.

I played this all wrong,

and now I don't have any kids to take care of me

when I get older.

Oh.

So are you gonna have kids?

Oh, God, no. I hate kids.

I mean...

I was hoping you could take care of me.

- I would love to. - Hmm?

Even though I'm just learning about this,

I've already got a plan.

What do you think about Vermont?

Because we could get a small house there.

It'd have to be small because I plan on giving

most of my money away to charity,

but don't worry.

It'll be big enough for us and all the dogs.

- Dogs? - Oh, yeah.

They won't be putting down any dogs as long as I have a yard.

Nope. Too complicated.

Dogs?

That's that White side.

My mom was bending over backwards

to make sure my grandma was comfortable.

And that meant making my dad very uncomfortable.

Is that bacon?

Mm-hmm.

What are you doing?

Oh, I thought I'd wake up early

and make Mama breakfast before I went into work.

She needs her bacon.

I need my bacon!

This is a pescatarian house.

Babe, she's recovering from surgery.

How is she supposed to get better without her bacon?

I don't know how much time I have left.

I just want to be happy.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, well, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna get some air.

Air that doesn't smell like dead pigs.

Okay, I've rearranged the furniture in our room

to your liking, drawn a bath, made breakfast.

Feels like you're good to go.

I'm gonna head into work, if you don't need anything.

I don't need anything.

You've done more than enough.

See you, Mama.

I do need my pain medication,

but I-I guess I could just bite on a stick.

I can take you to the pharmacist.

I've got plenty of time.

Oh. Sit down.

Sorry I'm late.

You're not just late. You missed the whole meeting.

But Denise was here on time.

I'm very disappointed in you.

Sorry. I got caught up helping my mom.

She needed something from the pharmacy

and then she needed something from the store

and then she needed me to help her write

a strongly worded letter to "The Price is Right,"

but it'll never happen again.

I don't understand.

Why are you doing that?

Can't the concierge at the hotel help her?

I wouldn't put her in a hotel.

She's staying with me.

What, are you fresh immigrants?

Don't tell me somebody's sleeping on the floor.

No. We're on the couch.

But it's okay because it gives me a chance

to fix my relationship with my mom.

But don't worry. This won't take me away from work.

I can be both a great daughter and a great lawyer.

I don't care if your mother never talks to you again.

Just don't miss another client meeting.

You will never hear about my mom at work ever again.

Mama's on the phone.

She needs you to go home and change the channel.

She's about to miss Wapner.

If you'll excuse me.

Not everyone can balance being a lawyer

- and taking care of their mother. - Here you go.

Turns out, my mom couldn't do either.

Why so big?

Do you want me to choke and die?

Your sister's trying to kill me.

Alicia, why are you trying to kill Mama?

Okay, Mama, I'll make it smaller.

You better, or Mama and I will talk about this

behind your back.

- All right. - G-Get that fat off for me.

Mm-hmm. Okay.

And I wouldn't say Aunt Dee-Dee was getting desperate

trying to find someone to take care of her,

but she did go to Johan.

As you know, I work hard and I play harder,

so when I'm older, I will need to be extremely medicated.

If you're gonna take care of me,

you need to remember what pills to give me when.

So, let's play pretend.

Here are three bottles.

Which pills would you give me for breakfast?

Remember... I can't take heart pills in the morning.

Uh... Heart pills in the morning will kill Aunt Dee-Dee.

Wait, I get it.

This is a trick question.

Thank you for your time.

Good morning.

- Hello. - Good morning.

Well, everybody looks happy, chipper, bright.

So, I assume your mom left?

No, she's still here, and you'll be happy to know

I was able to finish all my work and take care of my mother.

I don't understand. Are you a nurse?

No.

- Are you a doctor? - You know I'm not.

Are you a sexy Russian trapeze artist?

- What? - Those are the only people I want

taking care of me when I'm old.

And besides, why are you the one that has to do this?

Can't your sister take care of her?

If I didn't have an infestation of bees at my apartment,

my mama would be there with me right now.

But she can't, 'cause I got bees.

Bees or not, Mom chose me,

and this is my opportunity to help her.

Oh. Alicia, I forgot to mention.

I have a follow-up doctor's appointment.

Oh. That's no problem.

I can take you. What time?

11:30.

Don't make me late.

Well, Alicia, 11:30 is when

I rescheduled that client meeting you missed.

This is a big case for us,

and you are not taking it seriously at all.

No, no, no, no, no. I'll... I'll figure this out.

Isn't there someone with a less important job

that could take your mom to the doctor?

Oh, come on.

So, my dad very generously catered

to my grandmother for my mom.

Well, it took you long enough.

That's because you wanted to take the surface streets.

I don't trust the toll roads here.

I saw on "Morton Downey Jr." that the highways in your state

are major drug corridors,

and I don't want any part of that.

You know, you could have sat in the front seat.

I know. But my foot hurts.

And I've never been driven by a White man.

Now, come on and get me out of this car.

Help me out.

You drive slower than Morgan Freeman

in "Driving Miss Daisy."

This is "Driving Miss Shireen,"

and I need you to speed things up

'cause I like to be on time.

Shoot, I should have just had...

So, let me make sure I got this right.

You were just minding your own business,

and this play place came out of nowhere.

Ms. Johnson, you have a phone call.

Uh, it would be nice if you used your at-work voice.

- Huh? - Exactly.

Hey, honey. How's your day going?

Uh, kind of in the middle of something.

- Is everything okay? - Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, so, if everything is okay,

I'm going to hang up the phone now.

Uh, before you do, I just want to tell you all about my day.

Took your mom to the doctor, we got lunch...

- Mm-hmm. - ...and she was with me the whole time.

But now, I was, um,

I was just wondering if maybe you had any idea where she is.

Wait, you don't know where my mom is?

It depends. If she's with you, then I know where she is.

You lost my mom?

I didn't lose your mom.

- I'm not... - Sorry, I have to go.

Unbelievable.

Oh, don't worry, girl. I got this.

All right. Catch me up.

What do you need me to do?

Hey, did you find her?

False alarm. Your mom's here napping.

You know, in my defense, I thought people on crutches

would be slower.

I-I can't keep all these balls in the air

without some help, Paul.

I-I had to leave a meeting with some very important clients.

Whew! And they did not appreciate me

knowing so little about the law.

Where's my wine?

Babe, if we can't do this for a week,

how are we gonna be able to take care of her

- when the time comes? - Right.

So, I've been thinking about this.

Maybe we don't have to be the ones that take care of her.

There's always a nursing home.

What did you say?

From your tone, I feel like I shouldn't repeat it.

Oh, you would just love this, Paul, wouldn't ya?

You would just love for me to ship her away

to a nursing home for the final failure!

The... The... The nail in the coffin for Alicia,

the third favorite daughter!

Babe, how much sleep have you been getting?

None!

I'm on a-a-a secondhand couch!

I always knew Mama would drive one of us crazy.

- Hey. - Hey.

I figured you might still be stressed out,

- so I made you some tea. - Oh.

Not that you need to relax.

I would never tell a Black woman to relax.

I'm just saying that if you wanted to,

there's tea.

I'm sorry about losing it.

I feel like so much is riding

on me getting my mother's approval.

Look, she and I have had a tricky relationship...

...my whole life.

I'm scared if she lives with us one day,

I'm gonna rip all my hair out.

And then, when I don't have any left,

I'll rip yours out, too.

Look, babe, I may not understand the pressure you feel,

but you always have a choice.

You can take care of your mom and take care of yourself.

You just have to set some boundaries.

But I'm scared of her.

Babe, I'm serious.

You're a great daughter.

And sherpa.

I've seen you carry her dead weight

up two flights of stairs.

- I'm gonna go talk to her. - Great.

B-But when you go stand up to her,

please don't tell her it was my idea.

I'm a little scared of her, too.

Oh, you should be.

I'm serious.

- I am, too. - Okay.

Well, hello, Cabbage Patch Delilah.

So nice of you to come to my party.

That'll teach you for wearing the same dress as me.

I knew I should have come to you first.

You're smart and you appreciate the finer things in life.

But you're not gonna give all your money away

to live with a bunch of dogs, right?

Ew. No.

I'm gonna marry rich and divorce richer.

I've taught you well.

And then I'm gonna move

as far away from this dump as possible

so I don't get dragged down by any of my relatives.

But not your fun auntie, right?

Aunt Marybeth?

No. Not your White Aunt Marybeth.

Me.

Oh.

Do you plan on being alive when I'm older?

I guess I just assumed all the adults in my life

would be dead by then.

A fair prediction.

But say I was alive and I needed a place to stay?

No. Right, Delilah?

She hates you.

Honey, does this picture of Rick James look crooked?

No.

But it is where my wedding photo used to be.

Oh, that photo looks just as good in the closet.

Trust me.

Mama, we need to talk.

I feel like I'm always failing you.

Is it because your husband abandoned me

at the doctor's office?

Mostly not your fault.

Mama, you moving in with us when the time comes

can give us a chance to grow closer.

But that's never gonna happen

when you think everything I do is wrong.

I don't think that.

Honey, the only reason I chose you

is because I know you can handle it.

Yeah, but I can't handle it like this.

And if we're gonna do this, things are gonna have to change.

Okay.

Although it's hard to teach a dog of a certain age

new tricks...

Mom.

Okay. I'll change.

As soon as you change that channel for me.

You're right here.

It's not like I'm calling you at work.

Mm-hmm.

And because she stood up for herself,

my mother got a fresh start with her mother.

One channel.

Oh. I love you.

Love you.

- Hey, Aunt Dee-Dee. - Hey, girl.

You know, at first, I felt bad

that you didn't want to live with me.

I was even gonna get rid of my dog farm

so you would change your mind.

Oh, honey, you should be feeling bad

for dreaming so small.

But this week, I've seen Mom taking care of Grandma

and how stressed that made her.

I don't want that for myself.

So I have a new plan.

I'm gonna go to USC, marry a wonderful man,

become a doctor,

and have a great family with wonderful children.

And I am never, ever, ever going to allow

extended family to live with me.

Mama!

Baby boy!

Yeah, so, the extended family part I got wrong.

Well, I love you too much to fight with you

over how many drifters you gonna let sleep on your couch.

Plus, I plan on living with some Tenderoni.

Your Aunt Dee-Dee plans on having a kept young man,

and he's gonna take care of me in my old age.

Maybe I haven't found my perfect guy

because he hasn't been born yet.

That's so gross.

You wanna try some?

No, no.

Guys, now we know there can be a lot of feelings

of obligation and responsibility around family.

That's right, and we never want to put that burden on you.

So, we've made some investments,

and, uh, we've got a nice little nest egg going.

Mm-hmm. We really diversified.

We bought stock in Kinko's,

- Kodak, Blockbuster... - Mm-hmm.

So, in about 40 years, we're gonna be sitting pretty.

Uh-huh. We're not gonna be living in a van

that runs off of poop or anything like that.

That's a weirdly specific example.

Yeah.

Why would you even say that?

We're saying that's not going to happen.

- No poop. - Mnh-mnh.

The old RV runs on vegetable oil and animal waste.

- Mm. - Smooth ride,

crappy mileage.

Yeah, I get it.

'Cause it runs on crap.

Should we be worried?

We should have been worried.

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