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All language subtitles for Family Guy - 19x15 - Customer of the Week.ION10-NTb-CAKES.English.C.orig.Addic7ed.com

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,795 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,796 --> 00:00:08,174 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:11,886 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,887 --> 00:00:14,472 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,473 --> 00:00:17,850 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:21,604 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:23,189 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:24,690 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:30,155 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:31,073 --> 00:00:34,368 - Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT - - www.addic7ed.com - 11 00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:50,341 Alexa, what's in the news this morning? 12 00:00:50,342 --> 00:00:52,009 Here is your morning briefing. 13 00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:54,595 In Washington, D. C., Congress has passed a measure... 14 00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:57,431 Alexa, skip to celebrity birthdays. 15 00:00:57,432 --> 00:01:00,351 Mario Lopez is 47 years old today. 16 00:01:00,352 --> 00:01:03,354 No way! Someone should tell his face. 17 00:01:03,355 --> 00:01:04,981 I know, right? 18 00:01:04,982 --> 00:01:06,607 Seriously! 19 00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:09,193 Okay, see you later, Alexa. 20 00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:11,404 You're my best friend. 21 00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:14,198 And you're... you're awesome, Lois. 22 00:01:14,199 --> 00:01:16,410 Best friends. 23 00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:20,246 Hey, Mom, my period started on the couch. 24 00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:25,042 You wanted to have a family, you wanted this life. 25 00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:27,878 My shoes are on the roof. Get 'em. 26 00:01:30,132 --> 00:01:32,633 - ♪ The driver on the bus peeks... ♪ - Come on, move your arm up. 27 00:01:32,634 --> 00:01:34,760 - Up. Close your hand. - ♪ Check his phone ♪ 28 00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:37,013 - Okay, push it through. Good. - ♪ Check his phone ♪ 29 00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:38,931 - Just let me do it. - ♪ The driver on the bus peeks... ♪ 30 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:41,267 - Other arm. Almost done. - ♪ Whoops, he hit a dog ♪ 31 00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:44,020 Move your thumb. Move your thumb. Push. 32 00:01:44,021 --> 00:01:45,938 - There. Done. - ♪ The driver on the bus ♪ 33 00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:47,690 ♪ Says, "Shut up, shut up, shut up ♪ 34 00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:51,235 ♪ Let me think for a second." ♪ 35 00:01:52,904 --> 00:01:54,488 Why did you do this? 36 00:01:54,489 --> 00:01:56,574 If they didn't want us to put our foot down there, 37 00:01:56,575 --> 00:01:59,785 they shouldn't make it a perfect fit for a toilet shoe. 38 00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:02,413 - Who's "they"? - Uh, Big Toilet? 39 00:02:02,414 --> 00:02:04,040 "Big Toilet"? Is that a thing? 40 00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:05,541 Shh! 41 00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:07,460 Welcome back to the Stuff You Should Just Spend 42 00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:09,170 the Money On podcast. 43 00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:12,506 Today's episode: "Expressing Your Dog's Anal Glands." 44 00:02:12,507 --> 00:02:14,925 Yeah, you really don't want to DIY on the anal glands. 45 00:02:14,926 --> 00:02:17,011 Just spend the money. It can't cost more than, 46 00:02:17,012 --> 00:02:18,929 I don't know, 30 bucks. 47 00:02:18,930 --> 00:02:21,015 $30 is three months of Netflix. 48 00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:22,933 So don't watch The Crown for three months. 49 00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:25,561 - I like The Crown. - What if I like The Crown? 50 00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:27,521 Watch it all in one weekend. 51 00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:29,440 If you don't finish a Netflix series in a weekend, 52 00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:31,817 - that's on you. - Lois, can we just... 53 00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:33,361 can we just kiss a little first? 54 00:02:33,362 --> 00:02:34,820 You know what? I think it's actually starting 55 00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:37,073 to clear up on its own. ♪ Whoa, Black Betty ♪ 56 00:02:37,074 --> 00:02:38,574 ♪ Bam-a-I am, hey, Black Betty ♪ 57 00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:39,992 ♪ Bam-a-I am! ♪ 58 00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:51,505 Take a bite out of my ass, you sack of dirt! 59 00:02:57,636 --> 00:03:00,389 Ah... you made it. 60 00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:04,558 Morning, Kyle, Lisa, Kyle H. 61 00:03:04,559 --> 00:03:05,810 Morning, Lois. 62 00:03:05,811 --> 00:03:07,603 What'll it be this morning? The usual? 63 00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:09,689 Ah, you know it. And with the morning I had, 64 00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:11,315 better make it a large. 65 00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:13,693 So the usual. 66 00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:16,487 How are the muffins this morning, Lisa? 67 00:03:16,488 --> 00:03:19,448 Oh, not the banana nut, 'cause I know you're allergic to nuts. 68 00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:21,283 That's right, I am. Good memory. 69 00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:24,161 - Well, it's what makes you so unique. - Hurry up! 70 00:03:24,162 --> 00:03:25,996 You know, I always thought that peanut allergies 71 00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:28,207 just went away when you became an adult. 72 00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:29,834 You know, like tonsils. 73 00:03:29,835 --> 00:03:32,461 Tonsils go away, right? I thought I read that. 74 00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:34,130 What are tonsils? 75 00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:36,090 Anyway, let me put in my card. 76 00:03:36,091 --> 00:03:37,508 I got one with a chip on it. 77 00:03:37,509 --> 00:03:39,885 It's like we're living in the Star Wars. 78 00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:44,390 Okay, tip. I'll do cash. Good, you heard me. 79 00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:46,475 "Would you like to donate a cup of coffee 80 00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:48,602 to a soldier overseas?" 81 00:03:48,603 --> 00:03:51,355 Yeah, that seems like a good cause. 82 00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:53,357 Hey. Here's your free cup of coffee 83 00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:55,610 - from a lady in Rhode Island. - What? 84 00:04:22,012 --> 00:04:24,764 Excuse me. Are you in line for the bathroom? 85 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,223 - No. - Oh. 86 00:04:26,224 --> 00:04:27,767 Then move! 87 00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:30,645 Give me the key! 88 00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:36,567 So, how was everybody's day? 89 00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:39,320 - I made the football team... - Congratulations. 90 00:04:39,321 --> 00:04:41,614 ...throw up because I put cleaner in the Gatorade. 91 00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,157 Still pretty good. 92 00:04:43,158 --> 00:04:46,452 You know, the funniest thing happened to me today. 93 00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:48,496 I go to this coffee shop every morning, 94 00:04:48,497 --> 00:04:50,623 and they do this fun thing where every week 95 00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,208 they choose a Customer of the Week. 96 00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:55,085 It's just a silly thing, which is why it's so fun. 97 00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:57,421 Anyway, I've never been picked. 98 00:04:57,422 --> 00:04:59,131 Which is fine. 99 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,342 - The thing is... - Oh, boy. 100 00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:03,177 ...I'm friendly, I always tip, 101 00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:06,514 I almost never say anything when foreigners loudly FaceTime, 102 00:05:06,515 --> 00:05:09,433 and in general, I'm a pretty good person. 103 00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:10,893 Right? 104 00:05:10,894 --> 00:05:12,686 Yeah. I mean, you show little patience 105 00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:15,815 for the handicapped at times, but... yeah. 106 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,399 Yeah, it just, it just feels like 107 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,318 it should probably be my time. 108 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,945 Well, maybe this'll be your week. 109 00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:22,154 Oh, you think so? 110 00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:23,531 I don't know. That-that felt like 111 00:05:23,532 --> 00:05:25,282 the right thing to say, so I said it. 112 00:05:25,283 --> 00:05:26,700 I do impulsive things. 113 00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:29,245 That's how I ended up getting Rod Stewart's hair. 114 00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:30,704 Morning, luv. 115 00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:33,415 Mind if I sing a tune into your vagina? 116 00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:40,673 Everybody, if we could have your attention, 117 00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:43,926 we'd like to announce this week's Customer of the Week. 118 00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:45,886 Ah. I've never seen them do it live. 119 00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:48,890 This must be what it feels like to see Bruce. 120 00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:54,144 This week's Customer of the Week is... 121 00:05:54,145 --> 00:05:55,814 Lester! 122 00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:21,964 Hey, Bon, Wednesday Wisdom's live! 123 00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:24,216 - Is it good? - No. 124 00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:26,011 It's great! 125 00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:33,392 You know what I think the problem is, Stewie? 126 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,810 I need to show them 127 00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:36,937 that I deserve to be Customer of the Week. 128 00:06:36,938 --> 00:06:38,480 - You don't. - Well, they probably 129 00:06:38,481 --> 00:06:41,108 see a woman like me and think, "She's got it all." 130 00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:42,735 - They don't. - I know it's a silly little award, 131 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,737 - but I don't ask for much. - You do. 132 00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:47,740 And this is the one place, the one place that makes me feel happy. 133 00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,033 You aren't. 134 00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:51,201 I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. 135 00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:53,621 I-I feel like I really vibe with everyone there. 136 00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:55,789 - You don't. - I'm one of their best customers. 137 00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:58,500 You know, if I stopped showing up, they'd probably wonder where I went. 138 00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:00,419 - They wouldn't. - Because I'm a nice person. 139 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,004 - You're not. - I tip in cash. 140 00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:03,672 - So? - And I can't think of one reason 141 00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:05,591 - why they wouldn't pick me. - I can. 142 00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:07,176 Oh, thanks for listening, Stewie. 143 00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:09,136 - I had no choice. - You know, I'm gonna show them 144 00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:10,804 that I deserve to win this award. 145 00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:12,806 I need this... just like I needed 146 00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:15,726 my own Gregor "The Mountain" Clegane. 147 00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:17,269 - Next. - Hi, Gil. 148 00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:18,354 Uh, can I get... 149 00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:20,230 Pound of honey ham. Cut it thin. 150 00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:21,857 Oh, excuse me, I believe I was next. 151 00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:23,693 Step aside, lady. 152 00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:29,865 Yeah, hi, Gil. 153 00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:32,493 Can I try a piece of the pepper turkey? 154 00:07:37,666 --> 00:07:39,291 Here you go. Anything else today? 155 00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:41,669 Yeah, the coffee, and you know what? 156 00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:44,546 I'll take that piece of artwork for sale on the wall. 157 00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:46,090 Really? That's my painting. 158 00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:47,591 Wha...? Is it? 159 00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:50,386 You are very talented. 160 00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:52,096 Well, how much do I owe you? 161 00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:55,516 - $600. - $600? 162 00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:56,767 Do you still want it? 163 00:07:56,768 --> 00:07:58,060 Of course. 164 00:07:59,104 --> 00:08:00,813 It's important to support local artists 165 00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,731 by spending a year's worth of co-pays 166 00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:04,692 on a painting of a... 167 00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:07,236 ...bridge. 168 00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:08,862 A ladder and an apple. 169 00:08:08,863 --> 00:08:12,324 A ladder and an apple! What a theme! 170 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,952 Can you split it on two debit cards? I have a limit. 171 00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:16,829 I can't really ring it up on the register. 172 00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,748 It has to be cash. 173 00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:21,458 Perfect! 174 00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,216 - By the way, I told you. - Told me what? 175 00:08:29,217 --> 00:08:31,218 I told you nobody could tell I was drinking. 176 00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:34,097 - No one cares. - I care. I do. 177 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:38,809 Here, take this. Start recording right before they say my name. 178 00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:40,811 And hold it landscape, not portrait. 179 00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:43,522 This is an important moment, not a fast-food worker fight. 180 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,190 I wish it was a fast-food worker fight. 181 00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:46,191 What? 182 00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:48,986 I wish it was a fast-food worker fight. 183 00:08:48,987 --> 00:08:50,404 Welcome, everybody. 184 00:08:50,405 --> 00:08:53,324 This week's Customer of the Week is... 185 00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:57,078 ...Terry Newcustomer. 186 00:08:58,621 --> 00:09:02,750 Wow, this is so unexpected, because I'm such a new customer. 187 00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:05,461 - Lois, should I stop recording? - Oh, you got a text. 188 00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:06,628 Oh, I clicked it. 189 00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:07,629 Oh, it's Bonnie. 190 00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,089 She's responding to you. 191 00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:11,467 Oh, about me. Oh, I'm reading the old texts. 192 00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:12,634 Oh, I should stop. 193 00:09:12,635 --> 00:09:13,635 Oh, but I can't. 194 00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:14,970 Oh, you're unhappy. 195 00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:16,263 Oh, who's Greg? 196 00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:17,806 Oh, there's Greg. 197 00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:23,896 All right, on three, everyone say their favorite Spider-Man. 198 00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:26,231 All right? One, two, three. 199 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,069 What?! 200 00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:36,784 In fact, there'd be no superhero movies without Tobey Maguire. 201 00:09:36,785 --> 00:09:39,453 No way! Garfield never got a chance. 202 00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:40,829 Is Affleck the best Batman? 203 00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:42,289 No. But he had the best Batman body. 204 00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:44,875 He'll be the first ex-Spider-Man to win an Oscar. 205 00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:47,544 Just 'cause it's in animation, people think it's not legit. 206 00:10:01,392 --> 00:10:02,559 I don't get it! 207 00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:03,727 Wait, Spider-Man? 208 00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:05,395 He's a guy with spider powers. 209 00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:06,855 Can't I have one thing in my life? 210 00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:08,398 Is that too much to ask? 211 00:10:08,399 --> 00:10:09,900 What is it, do they hate me? 212 00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,860 Because astrologically I'm very compatible 213 00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:14,321 with Kyle H. and Lisa. 214 00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:15,864 I'm a Gemini and they're both Aquarius, 215 00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:17,908 so we're natural matches! 216 00:10:17,909 --> 00:10:19,576 Kyle is a Virgo, which doesn't match with Gemini, 217 00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:22,037 but they're supposed to at least care about people! 218 00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:23,914 What am I missing? 219 00:10:23,915 --> 00:10:25,833 You know, Mom, if you really want to get noticed, 220 00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:27,751 you should save one of their lives. 221 00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:29,461 - What? - There was a kid at school 222 00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:32,005 who got a whole page in the yearbook dedicated to him 223 00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:35,175 because he saved a kid who had a peanut allergy. 224 00:10:35,176 --> 00:10:37,219 Peanut allergy? 225 00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:38,762 I have a peanut allergy. 226 00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:42,683 Yeah. This kid accidentally ate something with peanuts in it 227 00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:44,434 and the other kid came over 228 00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:46,562 and Pulp Fictioned him with an EpiPen. 229 00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:47,729 Huh... 230 00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:49,523 I can't even touch peanuts. 231 00:10:49,524 --> 00:10:51,984 That kid was a hero. 232 00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:53,443 Hero... 233 00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:54,695 You flush it! 234 00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:56,698 It scares me when it goes away. 235 00:10:57,866 --> 00:10:59,324 Yes... hero. 236 00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:00,367 I'll be a hero, 237 00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:02,494 and then they'll have to make me Customer of the Week. 238 00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,872 Why is this story all about Mom this week? 239 00:11:04,873 --> 00:11:07,500 What, are we giving Seth's voice a rest? 240 00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:25,184 Okay, I'll just pour some of these Planters peanuts 241 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,685 into Lisa's car. 242 00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:28,020 The official peanut 243 00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,605 of poisoning people with allergies. 244 00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:31,815 What? No, she's kidding! 245 00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:33,192 Come on, look at me: 246 00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,736 top hat, gloves, shoes, no other clothes. 247 00:11:35,737 --> 00:11:37,070 I'm a good guy! 248 00:11:37,071 --> 00:11:40,240 Okay, now I wait for her to get in her car 249 00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:42,201 and start to have a reaction. 250 00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:45,412 Then I'll swoop in and save her with this EpiPen. 251 00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:47,831 Then I'll be a lock to be Customer of the Week. 252 00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:50,250 Stewie, you okay back there? 253 00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:52,294 Having fun playing with Mommy's phone? 254 00:11:52,295 --> 00:11:54,171 Yup. I put the headphones up my nose, 255 00:11:54,172 --> 00:11:55,632 but I made it work. 256 00:11:57,675 --> 00:11:59,092 Okay, there she is. 257 00:11:59,093 --> 00:12:01,053 She's walking to her car... 258 00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:02,763 she's getting out her keys... 259 00:12:02,764 --> 00:12:04,431 she's starting her car... 260 00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:05,767 driving away? 261 00:12:09,938 --> 00:12:12,899 Damn it, I didn't put enough peanuts in there. 262 00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:15,985 Oh, shaving cream! 263 00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:20,031 Ooh, shaving cream. 264 00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:24,868 Oh... 265 00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:26,913 shaving cream. 266 00:12:31,376 --> 00:12:32,377 Oh, good. 267 00:12:33,962 --> 00:12:35,713 Oh, shaving cream. 268 00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:45,055 Mom, why are we at the hospital to visit your barista? 269 00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:47,599 Chris, I promise that if one of your baristas 270 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:50,227 ever gets into an accident, I'll go to the hospital, too. 271 00:12:50,228 --> 00:12:51,979 Okay. That's all I wanted to hear. 272 00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:55,566 I've got a lot of baristas who make questionable choices. 273 00:12:56,401 --> 00:12:58,485 Hi, you must be Lisa's mother. 274 00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:01,238 How's she doing? Did she say what happened? 275 00:13:01,239 --> 00:13:03,699 No, she's mostly just said... 276 00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,577 Oh, that's not a good moan. 277 00:13:07,578 --> 00:13:09,997 Well, apparently, someone put peanuts in her car 278 00:13:09,998 --> 00:13:11,748 and she's deathly allergic. 279 00:13:11,749 --> 00:13:12,916 Oh, no. 280 00:13:12,917 --> 00:13:14,501 Here are flowers. 281 00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:16,712 She took those from a guardrail memorial. 282 00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:18,922 D-Do they have any leads on who could have done it? 283 00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:21,258 - No. - Good. Grief! 284 00:13:21,259 --> 00:13:23,844 "Good grief," is what Charlie Brown would say here. 285 00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:25,929 Peanuts. Probably a poor choice of reference. 286 00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:28,181 But they're going to check the parking lot surveillance tape 287 00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:29,349 to see who did. 288 00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:31,935 Surveillance tape? Good grief! 289 00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:33,270 Uh, who are you again? 290 00:13:33,271 --> 00:13:35,939 I'm a... a very good customer. 291 00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:37,482 Oh, my God, I've got to go. 292 00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:39,402 Exit stage left! 293 00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:45,366 That was a very sad door to run in to. 294 00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:58,379 What the hell? Lois? 295 00:14:00,715 --> 00:14:02,884 Put the phone down, Kyle H. 296 00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:06,303 ...so then I start hearing people say 297 00:14:06,304 --> 00:14:07,804 there are different levels 298 00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:09,890 of peanut allergies and I was like, "Levels?" 299 00:14:09,891 --> 00:14:12,225 I mean, when I hear allergy, I think rash, 300 00:14:12,226 --> 00:14:14,561 not throat-close-car-crash. 301 00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:17,397 Okay, well, I-I'm so glad that we could talk about this 302 00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:20,108 and that you understand how we got to where we are. 303 00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:21,818 So, are you gonna let me go? 304 00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:22,819 Yes. 305 00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:24,988 I mean, once I figure out this whole kerfuffle. 306 00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:26,114 Oh. 307 00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:29,368 Why, are you scared, Kyle H.? 308 00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:31,370 This isn't scary. 309 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:32,996 I'm a good person. 310 00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:35,165 Now, there are two ways we can go from here: 311 00:14:35,166 --> 00:14:37,125 you can give me your absolute trust, 312 00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:40,003 or I can get you hooked on heroin. 313 00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:41,838 Heroin's not bad. 314 00:14:41,839 --> 00:14:44,549 Not having heroin, that's what's bad. 315 00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:47,052 Y-You can trust me. It's just... 316 00:14:47,053 --> 00:14:48,178 Just what? 317 00:14:48,179 --> 00:14:49,304 I have a cat. 318 00:14:49,305 --> 00:14:51,431 Someone needs to feed him. 319 00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:57,187 Now, a bad person would say "who cares" here. 320 00:14:57,188 --> 00:14:59,940 But since I am a good person, 321 00:14:59,941 --> 00:15:01,817 I will take care of your cat. 322 00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:03,402 Now, open your mouth, I'm gonna stuff 323 00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:05,196 my son's baseball sock in it. 324 00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:18,333 What the hell? Who are you? 325 00:15:18,334 --> 00:15:20,168 Oh, hello. 326 00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:23,255 Um, hi, I'm Kyle H.'s cat-sitter. 327 00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:25,465 He didn't tell me he had roommates 328 00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:27,801 who could feed his cat for him. 329 00:15:27,802 --> 00:15:30,345 Wait, why do you have his laser pointer 330 00:15:30,346 --> 00:15:32,055 and Heisenberg keychain? 331 00:15:32,056 --> 00:15:34,975 Yeah, his keychain flair is how he expresses his quirkiness. 332 00:15:34,976 --> 00:15:36,394 He must be in danger! 333 00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:43,692 You can't leave us like this, lady. 334 00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:46,027 Don't say "lady." It makes me feel old. 335 00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:48,405 And why is everyone acting like this is my fault? 336 00:15:48,406 --> 00:15:50,949 If anything, it's Kyle H.'s fault. 337 00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,451 I'm a good person. 338 00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:53,952 People are gonna know we're gone. 339 00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:56,037 - I promised my boyfriend that I'd... - Wait, you're gay? 340 00:15:56,038 --> 00:15:57,664 - Yeah. - You sound surprised. 341 00:15:57,665 --> 00:15:59,583 I don't know, you just don't present as gay. 342 00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:01,126 Oh, so gays "present"? 343 00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:02,711 No, no, no, that's not... 344 00:16:02,712 --> 00:16:04,171 What? I'm woke, okay? 345 00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:06,882 - Is he your boyfriend? - No, I'm not gay. 346 00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:08,675 What? But you're roommates. 347 00:16:08,676 --> 00:16:10,343 - So? - So?! 348 00:16:10,344 --> 00:16:11,595 And that's not weird? 349 00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:13,138 I mean, do you have your own bathrooms? 350 00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:15,515 - No. - What, so you just walk around 351 00:16:15,516 --> 00:16:17,100 like there's nothing potentially sexual? 352 00:16:17,101 --> 00:16:19,478 Yeah. Yeah. I mean, ever since he joined the gym, 353 00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,146 he's really turned his body around. 354 00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:22,772 But that's not what I'd be attracted to. 355 00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:25,192 It's more sticking to his commitment to get healthy. 356 00:16:25,193 --> 00:16:27,360 - That's attractive. - Aw, thank you, bro. 357 00:16:27,361 --> 00:16:28,653 Mm, you're welcome, bro. 358 00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:29,905 See, this! 359 00:16:29,906 --> 00:16:32,282 I don't know. I-I guess I'm not woke, okay? 360 00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:34,326 Fine, you win with your gay stuff. 361 00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,828 That's what you want, right? To win? 362 00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:39,706 Here, drink whatever you think a day's worth of water is. 363 00:16:39,707 --> 00:16:41,124 Look, what I was trying to say is that 364 00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:43,793 you can't leave us like this because I promised my boyfriend 365 00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:45,962 that I'd make a meal for his grandmother's meal train. 366 00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:48,924 If I don't drop it off, they're gonna know something's wrong. 367 00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:54,846 What are you supposed to make? 368 00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:57,432 - Beef Wellington. - What... Beef Wellington?! 369 00:16:57,433 --> 00:16:59,017 - For tonight? - Yeah, why? 370 00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,393 - Is that hard? - Yes! 371 00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:03,856 If you're starting at 2:00 p. m., very! Yes! 372 00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:11,321 Lois, have you seen the pooping iPad? 373 00:17:11,322 --> 00:17:13,323 I can only go while watching Tiger King. 374 00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:14,950 - Huh? - The iPad we use only 375 00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:17,869 while pooping and occasionally on flights for Stewie. 376 00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,914 Ew, I play Elmo's ABCs on that. 377 00:17:20,915 --> 00:17:23,167 Is that why I keep getting pink eye? 378 00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,252 I don't know where it is. 379 00:17:25,253 --> 00:17:26,628 But it's definitely not in the shed. 380 00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:28,213 So don't even look back there in the shed. 381 00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:30,215 What, you mean the earwig fortress? No thanks. 382 00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:31,675 I haven't been in there 383 00:17:31,676 --> 00:17:33,093 since I won the Battle of the Wheelbarrow. 384 00:17:33,094 --> 00:17:34,594 Nyah-ha! 385 00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:37,265 Too fast and too smart for you, earwigs. 386 00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,393 Now, to continue clearing the yard... 387 00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:45,522 ...collecting moisture and sleeping in wood. 388 00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:47,023 Hey, Lois, what ever happened to 389 00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:48,900 - that Customer of the Week thing? - Th-the what? 390 00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:50,485 The Customer of the Week at the coffee shop. 391 00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:51,778 Did you ever win? 392 00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:53,238 Why? Why would you bring that up? 393 00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:54,614 What are you, obsessed with it? 394 00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:56,408 Uh, you... You had been talking about it... 395 00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:58,118 Oh, so you can hear me when I say that, 396 00:17:58,119 --> 00:18:00,120 but can't hear me when I say "get off the couch." 397 00:18:00,121 --> 00:18:01,871 I like to be up by people. 398 00:18:01,872 --> 00:18:03,832 May I be excused to... 399 00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:07,503 Bring this plate of moisture to the crawl space? 400 00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,131 Yeah, for the record, 401 00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:12,299 I would rather drink a sinus infection 402 00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:13,466 than win that stupid award. 403 00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:15,176 It's all rigged anyway. 404 00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:18,013 Did you know that Lester lived in the same building as Lisa? 405 00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:19,639 How is that fair, huh? 406 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:22,517 God, what a boring thing to bring up at dinner, Brian. 407 00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:24,102 I'm going to the sunroom, 408 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:27,063 and that's where I'll be from 9:00 to 11:00 if anyone asks. 409 00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:28,774 No one come check on me. 410 00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:32,944 You guys want to play spin the bottle for finger stuff? 411 00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,738 Crank this night up a notch? 412 00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:36,073 I'm in. 413 00:18:38,576 --> 00:18:39,826 Good evening. I'm Tom Tucker. 414 00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:41,995 In local news, two roommates were found 415 00:18:41,996 --> 00:18:43,913 bound and gagged in their apartment this morning 416 00:18:43,914 --> 00:18:46,916 in what they're calling, "The Cat-Sitter Tie-er Upper." 417 00:18:46,917 --> 00:18:49,669 Guys, we need to get better name-comer-upper-withers. 418 00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:15,154 Okay. 419 00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:21,868 Lois? 420 00:19:21,869 --> 00:19:23,996 I'm just finishing the dishes. 421 00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:26,665 I'm a good person, Joe. 422 00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:29,167 Sometimes good people do bad things, Lois. 423 00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:30,669 You can finish the dishes. 424 00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,587 Then I gotta take you in. 425 00:19:32,588 --> 00:19:34,422 You can't take her away, Joe! 426 00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:37,634 And you can put in one load of laundry. 427 00:19:37,635 --> 00:19:39,344 Then I gotta take you in. 428 00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:43,181 After that, you can write down the Wi-Fi log-in. 429 00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:45,225 Then I gotta take you in. 430 00:19:46,477 --> 00:19:48,186 Where's the peanut butter? 431 00:19:49,355 --> 00:19:51,231 Well, Peter, I think the main difference is 432 00:19:51,232 --> 00:19:52,732 Chinese people are from China 433 00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:54,901 and Japanese people are from Japan. 434 00:19:56,821 --> 00:19:59,990 Yes, that's probably why you were banned from the restaurant. 435 00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:30,645 Good morning. 436 00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:33,106 Ah, what a charming place this is. 437 00:20:33,107 --> 00:20:35,525 Oh, look, you do a Customer of the Week. 438 00:20:35,526 --> 00:20:37,068 How cute. 439 00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:40,321 Now, I'll take a Nitro Cold Brew. 440 00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:43,199 And with the morning I've had, better make it a large. 441 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:44,659 Hey, that's funny. 442 00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:46,578 Yeah, I know. 443 00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,497 There you go. 444 00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:51,584 And there you go. 445 00:20:52,543 --> 00:20:55,044 Well, you could have said thank you. 446 00:20:55,045 --> 00:20:57,380 Don't see a lot of five dollar bills in there. 447 00:20:57,381 --> 00:21:00,968 I must be a pretty good person to give a five. 33284