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1
00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:26,039
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:03:51,566 --> 00:03:53,453
Joe?
3
00:03:53,798 --> 00:03:55,750
Joe?
4
00:04:07,391 --> 00:04:09,234
Joe?
5
00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:13,015
Joe-Joe?
6
00:04:18,010 --> 00:04:21,570
Honey, did you hear me?
I was calling you.
7
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:23,912
I'm sorry,
I was just finishing up Gillman.
8
00:04:24,204 --> 00:04:25,241
Take your teeth out.
9
00:04:25,266 --> 00:04:28,242
You know I can't understand
you with those things in.
10
00:04:29,762 --> 00:04:32,601
I wanted to say I'm sorry,
I was finishing up the Gillman.
11
00:04:32,626 --> 00:04:36,398
Well, the Gillman can wait,
because guess what?
12
00:04:36,546 --> 00:04:38,289
Aunt Barb is here.
13
00:04:39,515 --> 00:04:43,302
- With Uncle Kevin?
- Yeah, with Uncle Kevin.
14
00:04:45,779 --> 00:04:47,921
They brought pepperoni pizza, though.
15
00:04:48,378 --> 00:04:50,249
Come on, before it gets cold.
16
00:04:50,274 --> 00:04:52,710
Your friends will still
be here when you get back.
17
00:04:53,789 --> 00:04:55,139
Oh!
18
00:04:55,164 --> 00:04:57,507
Come to dinner!
19
00:04:57,690 --> 00:05:00,507
I hypnotize you to come to dinner!
20
00:05:00,532 --> 00:05:02,446
I really feel like you're
doing a good job there.
21
00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:03,885
Thank you very much.
22
00:05:08,085 --> 00:05:09,695
Mmm.
23
00:05:12,109 --> 00:05:14,830
Trick-or-treat's
not 'til October, buddy.
24
00:05:15,968 --> 00:05:18,971
Every day is trick-or-treat around here.
25
00:05:19,257 --> 00:05:21,690
- Really?
- More Tang?
26
00:05:22,206 --> 00:05:26,704
No thanks. I never drink Tang.
27
00:05:27,229 --> 00:05:28,471
Why not?
28
00:05:28,496 --> 00:05:30,916
It's the official drink of astronauts.
29
00:05:30,941 --> 00:05:33,354
It was the first beverage on the moon,
you know that?
30
00:05:33,387 --> 00:05:36,346
Joe likes Tang.
He's just, he's doing his Dracula.
31
00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:39,588
Bela Lugosi, right?
Played him in the first one.
32
00:05:39,613 --> 00:05:41,791
Technically, Max Schreck played him
in the first one...
33
00:05:41,816 --> 00:05:44,667
The silent version, "Nosferatu," 1922.
34
00:05:44,692 --> 00:05:47,674
Bela Lugosi was a dope addict.
35
00:05:48,851 --> 00:05:50,636
- I never heard that.
- It's a fact!
36
00:05:50,660 --> 00:05:52,197
Look it up in the encyclopedia.
37
00:05:52,222 --> 00:05:53,838
I'm not crazy about the new guy.
38
00:05:53,863 --> 00:05:55,386
What's his name?
39
00:05:55,411 --> 00:05:57,776
You know, the limey with the red eyes?
40
00:05:58,104 --> 00:06:01,135
- Christopher Lee.
- No, that's the karate guy.
41
00:06:03,213 --> 00:06:05,112
Yeah, look it up.
42
00:06:05,137 --> 00:06:07,139
Joe-Joe doesn't have to.
43
00:06:07,164 --> 00:06:09,346
He knows everything there is to know
44
00:06:09,371 --> 00:06:15,268
about Dracula and the Mummy
and Frankenstein and...
45
00:06:15,293 --> 00:06:16,510
Who am I missing here?
46
00:06:16,535 --> 00:06:18,711
Uh, OJ Simpson.
47
00:06:19,024 --> 00:06:20,809
When I was his age, I knew everything
48
00:06:20,834 --> 00:06:23,291
there was to know about football.
49
00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:25,623
Nowadays,
it's all about this horror crap.
50
00:06:25,648 --> 00:06:28,416
- Can I be excused?
- I don't know, can you?
51
00:06:29,092 --> 00:06:31,963
- May I be excused?
- Yeah, yeah, in just a minute.
52
00:06:31,988 --> 00:06:34,991
Um, Aunt Barb and Uncle Kevin
53
00:06:35,016 --> 00:06:37,432
have something that
they wanted to ask us.
54
00:06:38,313 --> 00:06:40,097
Joe, would it be cool
55
00:06:40,122 --> 00:06:42,744
if me and Uncle Kevin
came to stay for a bit?
56
00:06:43,282 --> 00:06:45,197
Your mom could use
an extra hand right now
57
00:06:45,222 --> 00:06:48,479
with, well, all that's going on.
58
00:06:48,864 --> 00:06:50,682
If you'll have us.
59
00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:13,168
Heya, count. You're blowing it.
60
00:07:14,462 --> 00:07:17,030
Vampires don't show up in mirrors.
61
00:07:23,897 --> 00:07:25,639
Let me help you.
62
00:07:29,029 --> 00:07:30,522
Ow.
63
00:07:31,179 --> 00:07:32,576
Bud.
64
00:07:33,853 --> 00:07:35,661
Your eye.
65
00:07:35,858 --> 00:07:37,818
Who did that to you?
66
00:07:38,223 --> 00:07:40,115
Billy Niles again?
67
00:07:41,632 --> 00:07:43,373
Come here, kid.
68
00:07:48,296 --> 00:07:50,193
Will you do me a favor
69
00:07:50,218 --> 00:07:54,572
and lay off the monster
talk at school, hmm?
70
00:07:55,411 --> 00:07:57,994
You're running short on friends, kiddo.
71
00:07:58,462 --> 00:08:00,856
I have all the friends I need.
72
00:08:03,042 --> 00:08:05,275
You got a lot of 'em.
73
00:08:06,239 --> 00:08:08,713
Why do they have to move in with us?
74
00:08:11,167 --> 00:08:13,791
You know, it's not a forever thing.
75
00:08:14,618 --> 00:08:17,127
Just 'til I finish
my next round of chemo.
76
00:08:17,766 --> 00:08:20,682
And, it'll...
77
00:08:21,291 --> 00:08:24,250
It'll help your Uncle Kevin
get back on his feet.
78
00:08:24,308 --> 00:08:26,104
He's such a loser.
79
00:08:27,366 --> 00:08:29,788
Hey, he's not so bad.
80
00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:36,971
Did you know actually that
he used to box in the Army?
81
00:08:38,060 --> 00:08:39,933
Maybe he could show you a few pointers
82
00:08:39,958 --> 00:08:42,471
on how to deal with ol' Billy Niles?
83
00:08:42,951 --> 00:08:44,588
Yeah?
84
00:08:46,564 --> 00:08:48,044
We'll talk about it tomorrow.
85
00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:49,369
Okey-doke?
86
00:08:50,151 --> 00:08:51,674
Okey-doke.
87
00:08:52,765 --> 00:08:55,420
What's playing on the ol'
time machine tonight?
88
00:08:55,573 --> 00:08:57,271
I haven't decided.
89
00:08:57,296 --> 00:09:00,588
"Abbott and Costello Meets" somebody.
90
00:09:01,234 --> 00:09:04,540
Well, set it up.
I'll make the Jiffy Pop.
91
00:09:05,084 --> 00:09:06,433
I love you, Mom.
92
00:09:06,458 --> 00:09:08,142
I love you.
93
00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:52,062
Mom?
94
00:09:52,087 --> 00:09:54,689
Why do you always
call it a time machine?
95
00:09:56,524 --> 00:09:59,103
Because that's what projectors are.
96
00:10:00,342 --> 00:10:05,314
Movies, they transport us.
97
00:10:06,223 --> 00:10:10,183
Think about it. I bet you remember
98
00:10:10,208 --> 00:10:12,564
exactly where you were
99
00:10:12,589 --> 00:10:15,592
and who you were
with the very first time
100
00:10:15,617 --> 00:10:18,079
you heard Dr. Frankenstein yell,
101
00:10:18,104 --> 00:10:21,237
- "It's alive!"
- I was with you.
102
00:10:24,250 --> 00:10:25,666
That's right.
103
00:10:31,627 --> 00:10:35,088
And with one flip of a switch,
you always will be.
104
00:10:40,724 --> 00:10:43,010
Together forever, Joe-Joe.
105
00:10:44,776 --> 00:10:48,237
Just like in the movies.
106
00:11:36,410 --> 00:11:37,963
Mom?
107
00:11:41,831 --> 00:11:43,354
Mom?
108
00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:16,658
Good morning.
109
00:12:29,564 --> 00:12:31,696
Where's the kid at?
110
00:12:31,983 --> 00:12:34,284
I let him sleep in.
111
00:12:35,576 --> 00:12:37,393
On a Saturday?
112
00:12:37,503 --> 00:12:39,268
It's chore day.
113
00:12:40,086 --> 00:12:42,737
He's probably up there
watching goddamn movies again.
114
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:45,573
Kevin, be nice.
115
00:12:46,276 --> 00:12:49,112
He'll grow out of it.
Some kids do Little League.
116
00:12:49,137 --> 00:12:51,620
Joe-Joe and his mom did monsters.
117
00:12:51,807 --> 00:12:54,679
He's turning into a freak
and you're promoting it.
118
00:13:06,217 --> 00:13:09,385
What are you doing in here,
sniffing glue?
119
00:13:09,919 --> 00:13:12,143
Repairing the Reaper's arm.
120
00:13:12,346 --> 00:13:14,362
"Repairing the Reaper's arm."
121
00:13:15,210 --> 00:13:17,487
Where they at, huh?
122
00:13:18,342 --> 00:13:21,870
I know you got some girlies
under here somewhere, huh?
123
00:13:22,141 --> 00:13:24,013
A-ha!
124
00:13:26,779 --> 00:13:28,948
Well, I'll be dipped in shit.
125
00:13:29,222 --> 00:13:31,690
You do like girls, don't you?
126
00:13:31,941 --> 00:13:34,167
It's a collector's item.
127
00:13:36,728 --> 00:13:39,424
But you don't like me much, do you?
128
00:13:39,749 --> 00:13:40,924
That's okay.
129
00:13:40,949 --> 00:13:43,996
You know what, your cousin Gary,
he didn't like me much either.
130
00:13:44,358 --> 00:13:48,536
We didn't watch monster
movies and the Late Late Show.
131
00:13:48,563 --> 00:13:51,370
My job was to make a man out of him.
132
00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:53,525
That's exactly what
I'm gonna do for you.
133
00:13:53,836 --> 00:13:55,142
Thanks?
134
00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:57,502
You're welcome. First things first,
135
00:13:57,527 --> 00:13:59,726
we gotta get rid of
all this horror crap.
136
00:13:59,751 --> 00:14:02,198
- Why?
- Because I said so!
137
00:14:02,279 --> 00:14:05,557
You know, me and your auntie
sacrificed a lot to be here.
138
00:14:05,582 --> 00:14:06,974
That's not how I heard it.
139
00:14:07,391 --> 00:14:10,700
I heard you had to move in because
you got canned from your job.
140
00:14:12,329 --> 00:14:14,621
That's how you heard it, huh?
141
00:14:16,657 --> 00:14:19,190
It's called a temporary layoff.
Give me this!
142
00:14:19,215 --> 00:14:20,469
Hey, that was a present from my mom!
143
00:14:20,493 --> 00:14:23,832
Oh, poor, poor Grim Reaper! Oh!
144
00:14:25,037 --> 00:14:27,933
Grim Reaper's all broken up about it.
145
00:14:28,668 --> 00:14:31,645
Now get your ass outside!
It's chore day!
146
00:14:32,536 --> 00:14:36,137
You can play with your
stupid toys later, hmm?
147
00:15:02,336 --> 00:15:03,957
Yo, Dr. Frankenstein!
148
00:15:04,052 --> 00:15:05,785
Say hi to your mom for me!
149
00:15:28,913 --> 00:15:30,801
Friend!
150
00:15:36,824 --> 00:15:39,911
Don't tell me, the infamous Billy Niles?
151
00:15:41,592 --> 00:15:43,246
I made some Tang.
152
00:15:52,153 --> 00:15:54,112
I was hoping you'd do your Dracula.
153
00:15:54,137 --> 00:15:57,168
Well, I can't. Sun's still out.
154
00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:06,269
Before you say anything,
it was my fault.
155
00:16:06,389 --> 00:16:08,123
Took an extra shift at Bateman's Diner
156
00:16:08,148 --> 00:16:09,889
without telling your uncle.
157
00:16:09,914 --> 00:16:12,977
He says it's getting hard
just being a man these days.
158
00:16:13,660 --> 00:16:15,555
He's not a man.
159
00:16:20,388 --> 00:16:23,155
Go for the pin! Go for the pin!
160
00:16:26,632 --> 00:16:27,969
Hello?
161
00:16:29,397 --> 00:16:31,704
Yes, just a second, he's right here.
162
00:16:31,844 --> 00:16:33,514
Kev, it's Mr. Warren.
163
00:16:38,562 --> 00:16:40,125
Hello, Mr. Warren.
164
00:16:41,031 --> 00:16:44,515
Oh, yeah, yeah, we're hanging
in the best we can, sir.
165
00:16:50,073 --> 00:16:53,074
I understand, sir. What can I say?
166
00:16:53,099 --> 00:16:55,327
Times have been tough for all of us.
167
00:16:56,346 --> 00:16:58,202
Thank you, sir.
168
00:16:59,645 --> 00:17:02,311
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
169
00:17:04,213 --> 00:17:07,061
What are you sorry about?
You still got your job.
170
00:17:14,894 --> 00:17:17,185
- What do think you're doing?
- Cleaning house.
171
00:17:17,210 --> 00:17:18,803
There's gonna be no more Santa Claus,
172
00:17:18,828 --> 00:17:22,561
no more Tooth Fairy,
and no more goddamn monsters!
173
00:17:22,586 --> 00:17:24,105
You're the only monster around here!
174
00:17:27,394 --> 00:17:30,920
- Stay away from him.
- Or what? Huh?
175
00:17:37,329 --> 00:17:39,723
Ah, yous deserve each other.
176
00:17:43,744 --> 00:17:46,366
Come on. It's okay.
177
00:18:08,289 --> 00:18:10,048
I miss you.
178
00:19:13,717 --> 00:19:15,197
Mom?
179
00:20:24,092 --> 00:20:26,674
Got it. Need it.
180
00:20:26,983 --> 00:20:29,721
Got it. Need it.
181
00:20:29,746 --> 00:20:31,574
Need it.
182
00:20:48,075 --> 00:20:49,946
Oh, yes!
183
00:21:38,879 --> 00:21:40,510
What happened?
184
00:21:46,119 --> 00:21:48,208
The damnedest thing.
185
00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:51,010
My ankle twisted completely around.
186
00:22:12,641 --> 00:22:14,447
Joe, it's me.
187
00:22:16,465 --> 00:22:18,374
I'm working the night shift.
188
00:22:18,399 --> 00:22:20,596
There's turkey pot pie in the fridge.
189
00:22:20,964 --> 00:22:23,491
Just stay clear of your uncle.
190
00:22:23,516 --> 00:22:26,119
He's been in bed all day
burning up with fever.
191
00:22:28,964 --> 00:22:32,881
Things are gonna change
around here, I promise.
192
00:22:33,003 --> 00:22:34,353
I know.
193
00:23:04,118 --> 00:23:06,085
What the hell's he watching?
194
00:23:06,184 --> 00:23:09,520
Joe, turn it down!
195
00:23:16,583 --> 00:23:19,934
Kid needs a good
old-fashioned ass whooping!
196
00:23:24,073 --> 00:23:26,520
Must've backed up the shitter again!
197
00:23:26,545 --> 00:23:28,318
You freak!
198
00:23:29,470 --> 00:23:31,874
I'm coming for ya, buddy!
199
00:23:33,155 --> 00:23:35,319
You got it coming now, boy.
200
00:23:43,273 --> 00:23:47,277
I know you're in there
playing with your goddamn toys
201
00:23:47,301 --> 00:23:49,313
'cause I can smell the goddamn glue.
202
00:23:49,801 --> 00:23:53,336
Open the door, or I'll smash it in!
203
00:23:54,592 --> 00:23:57,321
Okay, all right.
204
00:24:06,767 --> 00:24:08,160
Fuck you!
205
00:24:09,649 --> 00:24:11,488
No!
206
00:24:27,509 --> 00:24:30,922
Keep your eyes peeled,
boils and ghouls.
207
00:24:30,947 --> 00:24:34,883
The cadaverous conclusion of
"Uncle Kevin Meets the Monster"
208
00:24:34,908 --> 00:24:36,593
is right around the corner.
209
00:25:28,869 --> 00:25:32,649
Hey, buddy! Tell your friends I'm sorry!
210
00:25:34,138 --> 00:25:35,421
No!
211
00:25:40,861 --> 00:25:42,341
No!
212
00:25:45,305 --> 00:25:50,516
No!
213
00:25:52,725 --> 00:25:55,610
Are you ready for
your close-up, Uncle Kev?
214
00:25:55,902 --> 00:25:59,821
No!
215
00:26:00,254 --> 00:26:03,211
No!
216
00:26:03,358 --> 00:26:09,172
No!
217
00:26:20,599 --> 00:26:23,079
Joe! Joe!
218
00:26:25,985 --> 00:26:27,586
Joe.
219
00:26:29,109 --> 00:26:31,067
Oh, my God.
220
00:26:31,256 --> 00:26:34,959
Come. Sit.
221
00:26:34,984 --> 00:26:37,770
You're just in time for the big ending.
222
00:26:55,701 --> 00:26:57,311
What happened?
223
00:26:57,336 --> 00:26:59,688
Couple of friends came for a visit.
224
00:27:01,008 --> 00:27:03,540
They had some cleaning up to do.
225
00:27:03,927 --> 00:27:06,079
After all,
226
00:27:08,017 --> 00:27:11,399
it is chore day.
227
00:28:07,226 --> 00:28:10,724
Everyone was very happy that
the little pigs worked so hard,
228
00:28:10,749 --> 00:28:13,779
for now they had
plenty of food for winter,
229
00:28:13,804 --> 00:28:18,069
and Farmer John promised to
never eat porkchops again.
230
00:28:18,351 --> 00:28:21,749
So, they ate chicken!
231
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:24,100
The end.
232
00:28:24,125 --> 00:28:28,185
Hmm, what do you suppose that
story was about, Henrietta?
233
00:28:28,210 --> 00:28:30,374
Getting what you deserve?
234
00:28:30,399 --> 00:28:31,928
That's right!
235
00:28:31,953 --> 00:28:34,321
Some folks call it karma.
236
00:28:34,346 --> 00:28:35,959
When you do something good,
237
00:28:35,984 --> 00:28:37,881
something good will happen to you.
238
00:28:37,906 --> 00:28:40,523
But if you do something bad...
239
00:28:40,548 --> 00:28:43,594
S-s-s-something bad will happen to me?
240
00:28:43,619 --> 00:28:45,360
Mm-hmm.
241
00:28:45,385 --> 00:28:48,658
So be sure to be good
little boys and girls.
242
00:28:48,683 --> 00:28:52,867
Until next time, bye for now!
243
00:28:53,662 --> 00:28:56,622
Mrs. Bookberry's Magical
Library is made possible
244
00:28:56,647 --> 00:28:59,955
by a grant from the Public
Broadcasting Corporation.
245
00:29:00,018 --> 00:29:03,804
You're watching WQPS,
Channel 13, Pittsburgh.
246
00:29:03,983 --> 00:29:05,764
Prevent child abuse.
247
00:29:05,789 --> 00:29:08,678
This is WQPS in Pittsburgh,
Pennsylvania,
248
00:29:08,703 --> 00:29:11,358
operating on Channel 13
with a frequency of
249
00:29:11,383 --> 00:29:15,598
210 to 216 megahertz by authority of
250
00:29:15,623 --> 00:29:18,085
the Federal Communications Commission.
251
00:29:18,873 --> 00:29:21,822
Bookberry pledge drive
promotion, take one.
252
00:29:21,863 --> 00:29:26,468
Settle, settle, lots of energy,
and on in three, two...
253
00:29:26,808 --> 00:29:29,332
Something very special
is happening tonight
254
00:29:29,357 --> 00:29:33,529
- on Channel 13, Henrietta.
- What is it, Mrs. Bookberry?
255
00:29:33,554 --> 00:29:36,130
It's the WQPS pledge drive.
256
00:29:36,155 --> 00:29:38,272
That's where we ask all
the mommies and daddies
257
00:29:38,297 --> 00:29:40,116
out there to fuck!
258
00:29:41,362 --> 00:29:43,974
Goddamn it! Line.
259
00:29:44,158 --> 00:29:47,036
"Become a member of
Channel 13's television family."
260
00:29:47,061 --> 00:29:49,046
Okay, whatever, here we go.
261
00:29:49,566 --> 00:29:52,303
Three, two, one, action.
262
00:29:52,763 --> 00:29:54,724
That's where we ask
the mommies and daddies
263
00:29:54,749 --> 00:29:57,230
out there to join us by
becoming a member of
264
00:29:57,255 --> 00:30:00,179
Channel 13's television family.
265
00:30:02,165 --> 00:30:04,732
Cut, I think we got it, Greg.
I'm gonna go take a shit.
266
00:30:04,757 --> 00:30:06,210
I'll be in my dressing room.
267
00:30:06,235 --> 00:30:07,958
Everybody take five while she...
268
00:30:07,983 --> 00:30:09,348
- Does that.
- Uh, Miss Bookberry?
269
00:30:09,372 --> 00:30:11,889
- Smoke 'em if you got 'em.
- Mrs. Bookberry?
270
00:30:11,999 --> 00:30:13,221
Bookberry!
271
00:30:17,694 --> 00:30:20,359
Miss Bookberry?
Do you have a minute?
272
00:30:20,824 --> 00:30:22,970
About the show tonight.
Nothing like live television.
273
00:30:22,995 --> 00:30:24,408
What's up with my time slot, Claudia?
274
00:30:24,432 --> 00:30:27,130
- Am I getting it or what?
- Well, you see, about that,
275
00:30:27,155 --> 00:30:29,106
"Love of Painting"
has been our 3 o'clock
276
00:30:29,131 --> 00:30:31,773
- for nearly 10 years, and what I...
- And what?
277
00:30:31,798 --> 00:30:34,460
"Magical Library"
is the biggest show in QPS history.
278
00:30:34,485 --> 00:30:37,507
Without it, this piss stain
of a station would be nothing.
279
00:30:37,532 --> 00:30:41,631
I want that time slot.
Give me that time slot.
280
00:30:41,656 --> 00:30:43,374
But Norm's show won't
survive anywhere else.
281
00:30:43,398 --> 00:30:45,234
Listen, they took a big chance
282
00:30:45,259 --> 00:30:48,507
on promoting someone like
you to station manager.
283
00:30:48,671 --> 00:30:50,128
Be a shame to have
to tell the higher-ups
284
00:30:50,152 --> 00:30:52,616
that you just couldn't figure it out.
285
00:30:52,763 --> 00:30:55,562
Ya got me, sistah?
286
00:30:57,177 --> 00:30:58,937
You can have 3 o'clock.
287
00:30:59,248 --> 00:31:01,076
Thank you.
288
00:31:04,315 --> 00:31:05,490
Now, if you don't mind,
289
00:31:05,515 --> 00:31:07,710
I prefer to wipe my ass in private,
290
00:31:07,735 --> 00:31:10,757
unless you wanna
come in and do it for me?
291
00:31:17,787 --> 00:31:19,530
Just a little bit
and then we're gonna go
292
00:31:19,554 --> 00:31:22,171
back to the canvas and
play in the leaves here.
293
00:31:22,578 --> 00:31:25,902
Just a little dab here
and a little dab there.
294
00:31:26,669 --> 00:31:28,583
Right on the roof.
295
00:31:29,017 --> 00:31:30,958
Just down that slope.
296
00:31:31,963 --> 00:31:34,606
Where the leaves are gonna
be found in the night.
297
00:31:34,945 --> 00:31:37,427
Maybe they were there last season.
298
00:31:37,972 --> 00:31:40,145
It's up to you, this is your world.
299
00:31:40,984 --> 00:31:42,708
There.
300
00:31:43,340 --> 00:31:45,821
Now, I would say our cabin
could use a little something
301
00:31:45,846 --> 00:31:48,577
to look forward to,
so let's put a little sunshine
302
00:31:48,602 --> 00:31:50,169
at the horizon.
303
00:31:50,224 --> 00:31:52,058
Take our two-inch brush.
304
00:31:52,083 --> 00:31:55,380
Just lighten up the sky.
305
00:31:55,578 --> 00:31:57,606
Move the darkness away.
306
00:31:58,351 --> 00:31:59,958
There.
307
00:32:00,632 --> 00:32:02,939
I think it's time to
clean out our brushes.
308
00:32:02,964 --> 00:32:05,638
Take the brush into the paint thinner.
309
00:32:06,576 --> 00:32:08,665
Shake the excess.
310
00:32:08,690 --> 00:32:10,505
This is my favorite part.
311
00:32:13,105 --> 00:32:15,372
Just beat the devil out of it.
312
00:32:17,866 --> 00:32:20,304
I hope that you all enjoyed
painting with me today
313
00:32:20,329 --> 00:32:22,418
because I know I did.
314
00:32:22,443 --> 00:32:24,669
So from all of us here at the station,
315
00:32:25,102 --> 00:32:28,106
happy painting, and God bless.
316
00:32:31,309 --> 00:32:33,970
And cut, clear!
317
00:32:33,995 --> 00:32:36,395
That is a beautiful painting, Norm.
318
00:32:36,420 --> 00:32:37,623
- Oh, thank you.
- Wanna take a break
319
00:32:37,647 --> 00:32:38,929
before we start shooting
the next episode?
320
00:32:38,953 --> 00:32:40,950
Oh, no, no, no, no. We may continue.
321
00:32:40,975 --> 00:32:43,197
Hey, guys, excuse me, can we talk?
322
00:32:43,222 --> 00:32:45,789
What's wrong?
Are you cutting our budget again?
323
00:32:45,814 --> 00:32:47,527
Claudia, you can't do that!
324
00:32:47,552 --> 00:32:49,011
I had to get rid of both camera guys.
325
00:32:49,035 --> 00:32:52,038
You got me directing, producing.
I'm shooting close-ups here.
326
00:32:52,063 --> 00:32:53,121
I'm not cutting the budget.
327
00:32:53,145 --> 00:32:55,833
I'm afraid we're canceling
"Love of Painting."
328
00:32:56,296 --> 00:32:59,317
Oh, no, that's too bad.
329
00:33:00,244 --> 00:33:02,950
May we still shoot this next one?
330
00:33:03,938 --> 00:33:06,130
Yeah, of course, Norm.
331
00:33:08,029 --> 00:33:09,583
Claudia?
332
00:33:10,086 --> 00:33:13,401
What are you doing?
The show is all he's got.
333
00:33:13,426 --> 00:33:15,636
My hands are tied, George.
His time slot is needed.
334
00:33:15,661 --> 00:33:18,302
I'm sorry. I really am.
335
00:33:19,382 --> 00:33:21,253
How is always so calm?
336
00:33:21,278 --> 00:33:22,443
You'd think he could
at least chew me out
337
00:33:22,467 --> 00:33:24,067
for screwing him over.
338
00:33:25,053 --> 00:33:28,403
That man's changed a lot
since he came back from 'Nam.
339
00:33:28,762 --> 00:33:31,599
Norm was on the front
line of the Tet Offensive.
340
00:33:32,169 --> 00:33:35,249
Musta had to do
horrible things to survive.
341
00:33:49,394 --> 00:33:51,832
Priceless items are
right under your nose.
342
00:33:51,857 --> 00:33:53,988
Did the value of this snow blower
343
00:33:54,013 --> 00:33:57,836
or this medieval broadsword
increase or decrease over time?
344
00:33:57,861 --> 00:34:00,864
What about this jar of Civil War coins?
345
00:34:00,889 --> 00:34:04,512
Find out next on
"The Appraiser's Road Trip."
346
00:34:04,969 --> 00:34:08,107
"The Appraiser's Road Trip"
with Goodman Tapert.
347
00:34:08,132 --> 00:34:10,599
Good evening, and welcome.
348
00:34:11,107 --> 00:34:13,659
Today's first guest, Mr. Ted Raimi,
349
00:34:13,684 --> 00:34:16,263
has brought us something quite special,
350
00:34:16,288 --> 00:34:18,030
a book.
351
00:34:19,705 --> 00:34:21,707
How did you come across this?
352
00:34:21,732 --> 00:34:23,364
Uh, well, it's...
353
00:34:23,389 --> 00:34:25,376
It's been in the family for years.
354
00:34:25,401 --> 00:34:26,488
I must tell you,
355
00:34:26,513 --> 00:34:27,997
this is an amazing
356
00:34:28,022 --> 00:34:30,076
and quite valuable find.
357
00:34:30,101 --> 00:34:32,318
- Wow!
- Wow, indeed.
358
00:34:32,565 --> 00:34:34,912
Brilliant Sumerian craftsmanship.
359
00:34:35,202 --> 00:34:38,771
The stitching in the binding
is magnificent.
360
00:34:40,053 --> 00:34:44,448
It's bound in a leather
that I'm unfamiliar with,
361
00:34:44,473 --> 00:34:46,996
but despite a few scratches
and discolorations,
362
00:34:47,021 --> 00:34:49,719
this is a stunning piece.
363
00:34:49,744 --> 00:34:51,763
It is locked, though.
Do you have the key?
364
00:34:51,794 --> 00:34:53,996
Um, I lost it.
365
00:34:54,021 --> 00:34:55,918
Oh, how unfortunate.
366
00:34:55,943 --> 00:34:57,847
But then it was found.
367
00:34:58,348 --> 00:35:00,145
Excellent!
368
00:35:00,837 --> 00:35:02,926
Let's look inside.
369
00:35:04,841 --> 00:35:06,990
This is really exciting.
370
00:35:08,408 --> 00:35:11,997
I mean, I've had this thing
in my fruit cellar for years.
371
00:35:12,022 --> 00:35:15,106
I nearly threw it out
like a million times.
372
00:35:15,131 --> 00:35:17,974
But I'm glad I didn't though, huh?
373
00:35:18,525 --> 00:35:19,918
I mean, geez Louise,
374
00:35:19,943 --> 00:35:21,728
I wonder what this old thing is worth?
375
00:35:21,753 --> 00:35:24,843
I wonder if I could get a Camaro?
376
00:35:25,024 --> 00:35:26,969
Or maybe a hot tub?
377
00:35:26,994 --> 00:35:28,794
What do you think,
a Camaro or a hot tub?
378
00:35:29,082 --> 00:35:30,191
Hot tub.
379
00:35:30,215 --> 00:35:31,477
Yes!
380
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:35,138
Look at these ink renderings.
381
00:35:35,369 --> 00:35:37,615
The Kandarian text.
382
00:35:38,012 --> 00:35:40,324
Any natural history museum
would happily pay anywhere
383
00:35:40,349 --> 00:35:44,637
between 3 or 400,000.
384
00:35:44,662 --> 00:35:46,308
- Dollars?
- Mm-hmm.
385
00:35:46,333 --> 00:35:47,928
Oh, man!
386
00:35:47,953 --> 00:35:49,749
This is the best day of my whole life!
387
00:35:49,774 --> 00:35:52,035
Lucky for you, I can read Sumerian.
388
00:35:52,060 --> 00:35:53,177
You can read...
389
00:35:53,202 --> 00:35:57,304
Might be a bit rusty,
but what I can gather,
390
00:35:57,329 --> 00:36:00,982
this book is the Necronomicon.
391
00:36:02,135 --> 00:36:04,224
Ah, that name sounds familiar.
392
00:36:04,249 --> 00:36:06,338
It was written when dark
spirits ruled the Earth
393
00:36:06,363 --> 00:36:09,083
and the oceans boiled with blood.
394
00:36:09,108 --> 00:36:10,752
The powers of the dead lay within
395
00:36:10,777 --> 00:36:15,005
these very pages. Fascinating.
396
00:36:15,030 --> 00:36:17,454
Listen to these wretched incantations.
397
00:36:21,676 --> 00:36:24,244
Oh, uh, um, maybe don't read it.
398
00:36:24,269 --> 00:36:29,404
"Nosferaten. Valo mortem."
399
00:36:29,535 --> 00:36:32,277
Uh, stop. Don't read any more.
400
00:36:36,077 --> 00:36:39,600
Please stop. Stop!
401
00:36:40,676 --> 00:36:44,245
I said stop. Never!
402
00:36:56,077 --> 00:37:00,271
Let me back into the book,
kids, so you should be like me!
403
00:37:00,653 --> 00:37:03,544
When it all makes a pledge to us.
404
00:37:03,576 --> 00:37:05,997
Pledge to us!
405
00:37:10,489 --> 00:37:13,333
Pledge to us!
406
00:37:16,041 --> 00:37:18,676
We're gonna say good night
to the Grand Tetons.
407
00:37:18,701 --> 00:37:22,240
A meandering stream by just
using the Titanium White
408
00:37:22,265 --> 00:37:24,958
and working through the bristles
with the two-inch brush.
409
00:37:25,489 --> 00:37:30,571
And ever so gently drag
through the dusk creeping over
410
00:37:30,596 --> 00:37:33,951
the mountains here
and then saying goodbye
411
00:37:34,077 --> 00:37:36,497
to the dying embers of the day.
412
00:37:36,776 --> 00:37:40,947
Good night, day.
Thank you for everything.
413
00:37:41,407 --> 00:37:44,338
Sleep well. There.
414
00:37:45,175 --> 00:37:47,361
I think we're done here.
415
00:37:49,328 --> 00:37:50,775
Um...
416
00:37:51,852 --> 00:37:55,252
today, I have gotten some bad news.
417
00:37:55,577 --> 00:37:59,744
Unfortunately, this is our last episode.
418
00:38:00,340 --> 00:38:03,125
First, I was sad, but I believe that
419
00:38:03,150 --> 00:38:05,544
everything happens for a reason,
420
00:38:05,569 --> 00:38:08,244
and if this is what
the Good Lord wishes,
421
00:38:08,808 --> 00:38:10,853
well, then surely he must
have something greater
422
00:38:10,878 --> 00:38:13,091
in mind for me and for us all.
423
00:38:13,116 --> 00:38:15,268
Pledge your soul to the book!
424
00:38:15,856 --> 00:38:17,277
What is that thing?
425
00:38:18,445 --> 00:38:20,758
- Huh?
- Keep away from me!
426
00:38:20,783 --> 00:38:22,082
No!
427
00:38:27,989 --> 00:38:29,713
What is happening?
428
00:38:31,047 --> 00:38:35,510
A-ha. Pretty soul.
429
00:38:35,535 --> 00:38:39,292
I'll cut it out of you.
430
00:38:41,175 --> 00:38:42,828
Huh?
431
00:38:55,856 --> 00:38:57,221
Huh?
432
00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:03,495
I don't know who you are, sir,
but if you're not gonna behave,
433
00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:05,439
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
434
00:39:06,144 --> 00:39:08,117
Pledge to us!
435
00:39:29,986 --> 00:39:31,213
Huh?
436
00:39:44,102 --> 00:39:45,955
George!
437
00:39:47,472 --> 00:39:50,014
- You all right, George?
- Just get it off of me!
438
00:39:50,039 --> 00:39:52,650
Both leave me here
and just save yourselves.
439
00:39:53,652 --> 00:39:55,039
Nobody's leaving you here, George.
440
00:39:55,064 --> 00:39:58,131
- Oh, God.
- Come here.
441
00:39:58,798 --> 00:40:01,025
All right, what's the quickest way out?
442
00:40:01,050 --> 00:40:02,551
'Cause we have to let the others know!
443
00:40:02,575 --> 00:40:03,962
Through the Magical Library.
444
00:40:03,987 --> 00:40:05,379
Okay, we need to get to a phone.
445
00:40:05,404 --> 00:40:07,107
Yes, come on, this way.
446
00:40:07,850 --> 00:40:09,716
Come on, George!
447
00:40:10,935 --> 00:40:13,232
Merciless!
448
00:40:43,266 --> 00:40:46,404
You worthless piece of shit.
449
00:40:47,615 --> 00:40:50,865
- I'm not worthless, Daddy.
- Yes, you are.
450
00:40:51,597 --> 00:40:53,469
Your mother and I will
be very disappointed
451
00:40:53,494 --> 00:40:55,074
if you're not gonna show tonight.
452
00:40:55,099 --> 00:40:57,199
Chicago's going to be watching.
453
00:40:57,224 --> 00:40:58,804
This will be our ticket out of here,
454
00:40:58,829 --> 00:41:01,011
unless you fuck it up,
which you probably will,
455
00:41:01,036 --> 00:41:03,082
you ugly little bitch!
456
00:41:03,107 --> 00:41:05,419
No, I won't mess up, Daddy, I promise.
457
00:41:05,444 --> 00:41:09,186
Nothing will stop me from
making you proud. Nothing!
458
00:41:15,777 --> 00:41:17,921
Fuck off, Greg! I'm not taping anymore!
459
00:41:17,946 --> 00:41:20,601
I have to focus before
the show! Go away!
460
00:41:24,151 --> 00:41:25,981
Are you deaf? I said, go away!
461
00:41:29,426 --> 00:41:32,342
What the fuck is your problem?
462
00:41:36,686 --> 00:41:39,302
Pledge your soul to the book!
463
00:41:51,522 --> 00:41:54,452
Oh, Jesus, it's a goddamn massacre.
464
00:42:00,067 --> 00:42:03,077
Look. Cameras are still recording.
465
00:42:03,539 --> 00:42:04,888
George, check the footage.
466
00:42:04,913 --> 00:42:06,227
Maybe we can find out what happened.
467
00:42:06,251 --> 00:42:07,876
Leave it to me.
468
00:42:09,091 --> 00:42:10,579
Oh, my God.
469
00:42:12,181 --> 00:42:14,633
Did that thing do all of this by itself?
470
00:42:17,935 --> 00:42:19,399
John?
471
00:42:19,885 --> 00:42:21,424
Oh, dear God, no.
472
00:42:21,449 --> 00:42:22,842
John.
473
00:43:02,426 --> 00:43:05,558
Nothing will stop me, Daddy.
474
00:43:05,583 --> 00:43:07,524
Nothing!
475
00:43:18,141 --> 00:43:19,901
Find anything?
476
00:43:19,964 --> 00:43:22,337
Well, a few dead friends.
477
00:43:23,383 --> 00:43:25,891
And a jar of old silver dollars.
478
00:43:26,161 --> 00:43:28,407
I'll buy you a pop if we survive.
479
00:43:29,108 --> 00:43:32,367
Hey, guys?
Hey, guys, found something.
480
00:43:32,392 --> 00:43:34,565
I'll pipe it to the floor monitors.
481
00:43:42,507 --> 00:43:44,988
What do you think, Camaro or hot tub?
482
00:43:45,214 --> 00:43:47,636
- Hot tub.
- Yes!
483
00:43:48,905 --> 00:43:50,820
Look at these ink renderings.
484
00:43:50,845 --> 00:43:53,151
Hold on, hold on,
I went too far.
485
00:43:54,091 --> 00:43:58,008
The power of the dead lay
within these very pages.
486
00:43:58,108 --> 00:44:00,382
Listen to these wretched incantations.
487
00:44:06,712 --> 00:44:08,438
Shut it off, George!
488
00:44:08,815 --> 00:44:11,056
Just shut it off now!
489
00:44:12,674 --> 00:44:16,106
- What's wrong?
- He said powers of the dead
490
00:44:16,131 --> 00:44:18,041
lay within the pages of the book.
491
00:44:18,066 --> 00:44:19,632
Listening to wretched incantations
492
00:44:19,672 --> 00:44:22,109
is not gonna improve our situation here!
493
00:44:22,134 --> 00:44:23,418
Book started all of this.
494
00:44:23,443 --> 00:44:25,550
Maybe there's a spell or
whatever that can stop it?
495
00:44:25,575 --> 00:44:28,709
Well, that stands to reason,
if we can find it.
496
00:44:28,734 --> 00:44:31,449
It's gotta be around here somewhere,
but where?
497
00:44:38,085 --> 00:44:40,740
Pledge to the book!
498
00:44:40,765 --> 00:44:42,573
That answers that question.
499
00:44:46,923 --> 00:44:52,015
Shit! Think, George, think!
500
00:45:03,702 --> 00:45:07,010
You will die!
501
00:45:07,035 --> 00:45:10,340
All will be as to the book
502
00:45:10,365 --> 00:45:13,250
and die!
503
00:45:16,975 --> 00:45:19,043
- The book!
- George!
504
00:45:20,519 --> 00:45:21,519
George!
505
00:45:21,544 --> 00:45:24,939
- Oh, quick thinking, George!
- There.
506
00:45:24,964 --> 00:45:27,901
- He took the Necronomicon.
- The what-icon?
507
00:45:27,926 --> 00:45:29,639
The creepy old book.
508
00:45:37,140 --> 00:45:38,731
And be sure to stick around for
509
00:45:38,756 --> 00:45:40,408
a very special live episode of
510
00:45:40,433 --> 00:45:42,549
"Mrs. Bookberry's Magical Library,"
511
00:45:42,574 --> 00:45:46,153
coming up next only on WQPS Channel 13.
512
00:45:46,178 --> 00:45:48,579
That video feed is from
the Chicago affiliate.
513
00:45:48,764 --> 00:45:50,874
They switch over to
"Bookberry" at 6 o'clock.
514
00:45:50,899 --> 00:45:54,891
That's, like... now.
515
00:45:55,120 --> 00:45:58,254
Welcome to my library, children.
516
00:45:58,400 --> 00:46:02,013
Henrietta and I have a very special book
517
00:46:02,038 --> 00:46:04,766
to read to you tonight.
518
00:46:05,248 --> 00:46:08,703
And you fuckers are gonna love it!
519
00:46:09,742 --> 00:46:11,265
I'm so fired.
520
00:46:11,290 --> 00:46:14,125
If she reads that on live television...
521
00:46:14,641 --> 00:46:16,016
She won't.
522
00:46:22,102 --> 00:46:24,365
Listen, my children,
523
00:46:24,390 --> 00:46:27,649
and pledge your souls to the book.
524
00:46:43,063 --> 00:46:47,000
Who dare interrupts the dark text?
525
00:46:48,301 --> 00:46:49,912
I'm responsible for the program quality
526
00:46:49,937 --> 00:46:52,578
of Channel 13, and this show...
527
00:46:52,603 --> 00:46:55,048
does not meet WQPS standards.
528
00:46:55,073 --> 00:46:57,586
And what are you gonna do about it?
529
00:47:02,471 --> 00:47:04,822
We're gonna beat the devil outta you.
530
00:47:36,342 --> 00:47:38,039
Groovy.
531
00:47:40,294 --> 00:47:41,687
Claudia, get the book!
532
00:47:49,997 --> 00:47:52,565
Uh, Ted? Are you okay?
533
00:47:55,895 --> 00:47:58,028
I think I'll get the Camaro.
534
00:48:02,538 --> 00:48:05,006
We want your soul!
535
00:48:05,621 --> 00:48:07,319
The children must hear the words!
536
00:48:07,344 --> 00:48:09,567
The book hungers for young souls!
537
00:48:09,592 --> 00:48:12,764
Hell no! I'm cutting your budget!
538
00:48:14,822 --> 00:48:17,347
- I'm cutting your budget!
- Hey, kids!
539
00:48:17,372 --> 00:48:19,444
What are you watching in there?
540
00:48:20,146 --> 00:48:23,919
Do your part! Pledge to the book!
541
00:48:29,824 --> 00:48:32,747
What's amazing find you are!
542
00:48:32,779 --> 00:48:37,716
Let's open you up and
see what's inside you!
543
00:48:40,786 --> 00:48:42,504
Norm, get the goddamn puppet!
544
00:48:42,528 --> 00:48:44,753
No, let go of me! Norm, get the puppet!
545
00:48:44,778 --> 00:48:47,450
Pledge to the book!
546
00:48:51,598 --> 00:48:55,460
Pledge to the book! Pledge to the book!
547
00:48:55,485 --> 00:48:57,326
I don't think so!
548
00:48:57,350 --> 00:48:58,974
Not today!
549
00:49:01,211 --> 00:49:03,350
No!
550
00:49:05,869 --> 00:49:08,179
The book, Norm, the book!
551
00:49:08,204 --> 00:49:10,163
Norm, you've gotta lock the book!
552
00:49:52,399 --> 00:49:54,833
We'll go back in with our fan brush and
553
00:49:54,858 --> 00:49:57,264
tap away at the sap green,
554
00:49:58,212 --> 00:50:00,991
and then give our happy
little trees some friends.
555
00:50:01,421 --> 00:50:04,131
Just a nice little community of trees.
556
00:50:04,156 --> 00:50:06,538
- Just got off the phone with Chicago.
- Mm-hmm.
557
00:50:06,563 --> 00:50:08,764
They want "Love of
Painting" to go national.
558
00:50:09,702 --> 00:50:11,319
You're kidding?
559
00:50:11,792 --> 00:50:15,535
Mrs. Bookberry was
decapitated on live TV.
560
00:50:15,560 --> 00:50:17,562
Everyone thinks it
was a publicity stunt.
561
00:50:17,671 --> 00:50:20,022
They don't care. We got lucky.
562
00:50:20,297 --> 00:50:22,081
"Maybe it is karma."
563
00:50:25,158 --> 00:50:26,433
Shut up.
564
00:50:26,458 --> 00:50:29,868
Trees are like people.
They need friends.
565
00:50:32,135 --> 00:50:34,689
Hope you all make
some good friends today.
566
00:50:34,714 --> 00:50:38,704
From all of us here,
happy painting, and God bless.
567
00:50:39,601 --> 00:50:42,564
Kanda estrata...
568
00:51:03,513 --> 00:51:06,513
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
40130
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