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1
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There's a little bit of me
in all my kids.
2
00:00:03,156 --> 00:00:04,991
Zoey got my looks.
3
00:00:05,023 --> 00:00:07,260
Junior got my work ethic.
4
00:00:07,292 --> 00:00:09,596
Diane got my brains.
5
00:00:09,628 --> 00:00:12,632
And Devante got my love of Cheerios.
6
00:00:12,664 --> 00:00:13,966
But Jack?
7
00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:16,202
Jack's my dude.
8
00:00:16,234 --> 00:00:18,904
He's just like me.
9
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He loves sports, good food,
10
00:00:22,207 --> 00:00:26,045
and knows you don't have
to read books to be smart.
11
00:00:26,079 --> 00:00:28,248
When it comes to his favorite things,
12
00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:29,949
if I like it,
13
00:00:29,983 --> 00:00:31,985
Jack loves it.
14
00:00:32,017 --> 00:00:33,986
With one exception.
15
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It pains me to do this,
16
00:00:37,514 --> 00:00:39,010
but it's for your own good.
17
00:00:41,693 --> 00:00:42,795
I want you to have a better life
18
00:00:42,828 --> 00:00:45,130
than the Clippers can give you.
19
00:00:49,202 --> 00:00:51,671
Having a son who's exactly like you
20
00:00:51,703 --> 00:00:53,872
is every man's dream.
21
00:00:53,906 --> 00:00:55,942
Sure, we say we'll be happy
22
00:00:55,974 --> 00:00:57,076
as long as they're healthy,
23
00:00:57,110 --> 00:00:59,012
but we don't mean it.
24
00:00:59,044 --> 00:01:01,213
Yes! An edge piece!
25
00:01:01,246 --> 00:01:04,083
All we want is
a little version of ourselves.
26
00:01:04,116 --> 00:01:05,217
Jack!
27
00:01:05,250 --> 00:01:06,986
Glad I got one on the second try.
28
00:01:07,020 --> 00:01:09,688
Wednesday night MMA's about to start!
29
00:01:09,721 --> 00:01:10,723
And you don't want to miss
30
00:01:10,756 --> 00:01:14,693
the commentator
with that nasty cauliflower ear.
31
00:01:14,726 --> 00:01:16,195
Oh.
32
00:01:16,229 --> 00:01:18,632
I took our wings to a new level tonight.
33
00:01:18,664 --> 00:01:20,833
We got Teriyaki, Mango Habanero,
34
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Lemon Pepper, Carolina BBQ,
35
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and Chengdu-style cumin and chili rub.
36
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Grab a plate.
37
00:01:26,773 --> 00:01:29,075
Yeah, I can't. I'm vegan now.
38
00:01:29,107 --> 00:01:30,676
You got anything in there
without a face?
39
00:01:34,662 --> 00:01:39,622
- Subs by kinglouisxx -
for www.addic7ed.com
40
00:01:39,695 --> 00:01:40,953
Vegan?
41
00:01:40,986 --> 00:01:42,821
How did this happen?
42
00:01:42,854 --> 00:01:44,256
Is your Uncle Johan here?
43
00:01:44,289 --> 00:01:46,291
No. I saw a PETA ad
before a YouTube video
44
00:01:46,325 --> 00:01:47,694
on how to make a potato gun.
45
00:01:47,726 --> 00:01:50,062
And that experiment ended, uh, poorly,
46
00:01:50,095 --> 00:01:52,131
but the ad really stuck with me.
47
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Son, I bought us chicken wings.
48
00:01:54,700 --> 00:01:56,336
This is our thing.
49
00:01:56,369 --> 00:01:58,004
You can go vegan tomorrow.
50
00:01:58,036 --> 00:02:00,139
I'm sorry, Dad. This can't wait.
51
00:02:00,173 --> 00:02:01,274
According to that ad,
52
00:02:01,307 --> 00:02:03,943
there might not be a tomorrow
if people don't go vegan.
53
00:02:03,976 --> 00:02:06,413
Plus, think of the poor chickens.
54
00:02:06,446 --> 00:02:07,880
Poor chickens?
55
00:02:07,914 --> 00:02:09,982
Hey, man, his life
wasn't gonna be that great.
56
00:02:10,016 --> 00:02:12,719
He wasn't gonna write
the next great American novel.
57
00:02:12,751 --> 00:02:14,254
Did you know that
the Diaz brothers are vegan?
58
00:02:14,286 --> 00:02:16,689
And a lot of other MMA fighters
are proving
59
00:02:16,723 --> 00:02:18,559
that you don't have to
eat meat to build muscle.
60
00:02:18,583 --> 00:02:20,226
- Okay.
- It's a common misconception
61
00:02:20,259 --> 00:02:21,994
that it's hard
for vegans to get protein.
62
00:02:22,028 --> 00:02:24,064
But you've got quinoa, beans, nuts,
63
00:02:24,096 --> 00:02:25,130
chickpeas, veggie burgers...
64
00:02:25,164 --> 00:02:26,266
Son.
65
00:02:26,298 --> 00:02:28,867
- Can we just watch the fight?
- Sure.
66
00:02:28,901 --> 00:02:30,102
...for Jay Dunne-Alexander
67
00:02:30,136 --> 00:02:32,005
is fighting out of Toronto...
68
00:02:32,038 --> 00:02:35,175
Ah, since going V, I just feel better.
69
00:02:35,207 --> 00:02:38,277
I've got more energy,
and my skin is clearer.
70
00:02:38,310 --> 00:02:39,411
How long have you been doing this?
71
00:02:39,445 --> 00:02:41,346
Mm...
72
00:02:41,380 --> 00:02:43,016
almost two days now.
73
00:02:43,048 --> 00:02:45,250
It's like my body is returning
to its natural form,
74
00:02:45,284 --> 00:02:46,419
just working better, you know?
75
00:02:46,451 --> 00:02:48,187
Mm.
76
00:02:50,822 --> 00:02:52,759
Mnm.
77
00:02:59,098 --> 00:03:00,338
Hey.
78
00:03:00,363 --> 00:03:02,068
What's going on with the sniffing, man?
W-What's up with that?
79
00:03:02,100 --> 00:03:03,164
It's the smell of those wings.
80
00:03:03,189 --> 00:03:05,070
It's kind of taking over the whole room.
81
00:03:05,104 --> 00:03:06,940
Uh, can you eat them outside
or something?
82
00:03:06,973 --> 00:03:08,273
They're chicken wings, not cigarettes.
83
00:03:08,307 --> 00:03:11,211
Hey, both are harmful.
Who's to say which is worse?
84
00:03:11,243 --> 00:03:14,913
Okay, look,
I'm not taking my food outside.
85
00:03:14,946 --> 00:03:16,449
Okay. If that's how it's going to be,
86
00:03:16,481 --> 00:03:18,151
then I'll just watch the fight
in my room.
87
00:03:18,183 --> 00:03:19,919
You can text me when you're done eating.
88
00:03:22,088 --> 00:03:23,523
And crack a window.
89
00:03:23,556 --> 00:03:25,190
It smells like Arkansas in here.
90
00:03:30,830 --> 00:03:32,932
So, Jack's a vegan now?
91
00:03:32,964 --> 00:03:35,235
Huh. That's so cool!
92
00:03:35,267 --> 00:03:36,802
- No, it's not.
- Why?
93
00:03:36,836 --> 00:03:38,203
It's terrible. All right?
94
00:03:38,237 --> 00:03:39,873
He's walking around here,
all high and mighty,
95
00:03:39,905 --> 00:03:41,106
like he's better than me.
96
00:03:41,140 --> 00:03:43,209
I mean... he is better than you.
97
00:03:44,376 --> 00:03:46,045
You wrap your bacon in bacon.
98
00:03:46,077 --> 00:03:47,880
They're different thicknesses.
99
00:03:47,914 --> 00:03:49,315
Dre, come on, this is a good thing.
100
00:03:49,348 --> 00:03:50,249
Jack has been struggling
101
00:03:50,283 --> 00:03:52,152
with his independence from Diane
for years.
102
00:03:52,184 --> 00:03:54,153
We should be encouraging
this kind of behavior.
103
00:03:54,187 --> 00:03:56,088
If Jack's a vegan,
what am I supposed to do
104
00:03:56,122 --> 00:03:57,957
with all this barbecue knowledge
that I have, huh?
105
00:03:57,989 --> 00:03:59,958
What... What? Pass it down to this guy?
106
00:03:59,992 --> 00:04:01,961
Hey, the only thing
I'm inheriting from you
107
00:04:01,993 --> 00:04:03,562
is high blood pressure and your chains.
108
00:04:03,595 --> 00:04:05,030
That's what you think.
109
00:04:05,064 --> 00:04:07,801
You are burying me in those chains.
110
00:04:07,833 --> 00:04:09,802
Dre! Don't sabotage this.
111
00:04:09,836 --> 00:04:12,505
This is good for Jack.
It's good for the Earth.
112
00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:15,194
And it means you get more meat,
so just leave it alone.
113
00:04:15,219 --> 00:04:16,247
You know what?
114
00:04:16,272 --> 00:04:17,883
I think I am gonna get Jack
a bicycle helmet,
115
00:04:17,909 --> 00:04:19,311
because once you go vegan,
116
00:04:19,344 --> 00:04:21,981
cycling for transportation
is not too far behind.
117
00:04:22,014 --> 00:04:23,583
- You know, that's true.
- Great.
118
00:04:23,616 --> 00:04:25,485
Everyone is against me.
119
00:04:25,517 --> 00:04:28,087
I need to clear my head.
120
00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:30,356
I'm gonna go smoke a rack of ribs.
121
00:04:30,389 --> 00:04:32,325
It's 11:00 at night.
122
00:04:32,358 --> 00:04:33,560
Don't worry.
123
00:04:33,592 --> 00:04:36,195
They'll be ready in time for breakfast.
124
00:04:36,229 --> 00:04:38,130
Oh, God.
125
00:04:38,164 --> 00:04:39,599
I am not a spy.
126
00:04:39,632 --> 00:04:41,834
I am here on vacation.
127
00:04:41,868 --> 00:04:44,036
YA ne shpion, ya zdes' v otpuske.
128
00:04:44,070 --> 00:04:46,406
YA ne shpion, ya zdes' v otpuske.
129
00:04:46,438 --> 00:04:50,443
I will exchange 40 pairs
of blue jeans for the warhead.
130
00:04:50,476 --> 00:04:51,784
- Hey, sweetie.
- Hey.
131
00:04:51,809 --> 00:04:52,979
It's allowance day.
132
00:04:53,012 --> 00:04:55,315
- Oh, I know.
- Here you go.
133
00:04:55,347 --> 00:04:57,282
Great!
134
00:04:57,315 --> 00:05:00,587
Okay, the limited-edition
Beyonc� figurine drops tomorrow.
135
00:05:00,620 --> 00:05:02,455
- Wait.
- Mm-hmm.
136
00:05:02,488 --> 00:05:03,523
You're spending your money on a doll?
137
00:05:03,556 --> 00:05:05,058
Oh.
138
00:05:05,091 --> 00:05:06,292
This isn't one of your potato dolls
139
00:05:06,325 --> 00:05:07,627
from the compound, Mom.
140
00:05:07,659 --> 00:05:10,095
This is a collectible piece of art,
141
00:05:10,128 --> 00:05:12,197
like the Mr. T statue on Dad's desk.
142
00:05:12,231 --> 00:05:14,166
Yeah, I begged your dad not
to get that thing.
143
00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:15,467
- And guess what?
- What?
144
00:05:15,500 --> 00:05:17,303
- It's only $300.
- Oh, my God.
145
00:05:17,335 --> 00:05:18,971
- Can you believe it?
- I cannot.
146
00:05:19,005 --> 00:05:20,373
- I know.
- Diane.
147
00:05:20,406 --> 00:05:22,007
- Hmm?
- I don't understand.
148
00:05:22,041 --> 00:05:23,443
Isn't that a waste of money?
149
00:05:23,476 --> 00:05:25,144
Nope. This is what I want.
150
00:05:25,176 --> 00:05:27,246
Okay, Diane.
151
00:05:27,279 --> 00:05:30,282
I worry that we are raising you
in so much privilege
152
00:05:30,315 --> 00:05:32,118
that you've got a skewed idea of money.
153
00:05:32,150 --> 00:05:35,954
I mean, Zoey and Junior
really struggled financially
154
00:05:35,988 --> 00:05:37,123
when they first moved out,
155
00:05:37,156 --> 00:05:38,391
and I don't want that to happen to you.
156
00:05:38,423 --> 00:05:40,325
Zoey and Junior are idiots,
so I'll be fine.
157
00:05:41,193 --> 00:05:42,895
Oh! They opened the waiting room.
158
00:05:42,928 --> 00:05:44,931
- Unbelievable.
- Okay.
159
00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:50,402
Okay. What's wrong, Dre, huh?
160
00:05:50,435 --> 00:05:53,205
Has a ruptured Achilles sent
someone back to the 'hood?
161
00:05:53,238 --> 00:05:54,673
No.
162
00:05:54,707 --> 00:05:57,010
Jack went vegan.
163
00:05:57,943 --> 00:06:00,379
Like Coretta Scott King, Bill Clinton...
164
00:06:00,412 --> 00:06:01,613
- Mm-hmm.
- ...and my barber?
165
00:06:01,647 --> 00:06:02,682
What?
166
00:06:02,714 --> 00:06:04,217
Huh. He's in pretty good company.
167
00:06:04,250 --> 00:06:06,219
My barber stormed the beach at Normandy.
168
00:06:06,252 --> 00:06:07,654
- Hmm.
- Last year.
169
00:06:07,686 --> 00:06:10,155
He's being ridiculous,
and the worst part about it...
170
00:06:10,188 --> 00:06:12,124
Bow thinks it's a good idea for him.
171
00:06:12,157 --> 00:06:14,693
She thinks it's good
for his independence.
172
00:06:14,726 --> 00:06:16,462
Well, then you tell Bow
that she's gonna be the one
173
00:06:16,495 --> 00:06:18,096
to have to buy him a bra
174
00:06:18,130 --> 00:06:19,399
when he starts developing breasts
175
00:06:19,431 --> 00:06:20,432
from eating all that soy.
176
00:06:20,466 --> 00:06:21,534
Mm-hmm. Exactly.
177
00:06:21,567 --> 00:06:22,936
Did he meet a girl?
178
00:06:22,969 --> 00:06:25,004
I went vegan once for a girl.
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00:06:25,036 --> 00:06:26,138
We weren't dating or anything.
180
00:06:26,171 --> 00:06:28,006
She just asked me to do it over e-mail.
181
00:06:28,039 --> 00:06:30,443
Um, it was m-more of
a-a newsletter she sent out
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00:06:30,476 --> 00:06:31,678
with lifestyle tips.
183
00:06:34,046 --> 00:06:35,147
It was Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop.
184
00:06:35,181 --> 00:06:36,248
Oh, God.
185
00:06:36,282 --> 00:06:37,649
But after a few days,
186
00:06:37,683 --> 00:06:39,284
I realized it was manlier to eat meat,
187
00:06:39,318 --> 00:06:41,253
so I was a meat eater.
188
00:06:41,286 --> 00:06:42,255
Rawr.
189
00:06:42,287 --> 00:06:44,323
Pathetic.
190
00:06:44,356 --> 00:06:47,226
I myself went vegan
for a few years by accident.
191
00:06:47,258 --> 00:06:48,360
- Years?
- Yes.
192
00:06:48,394 --> 00:06:49,995
In 2006,
193
00:06:50,029 --> 00:06:52,532
I came into a cargo container
full of bacon bits.
194
00:06:52,565 --> 00:06:55,101
How I got that container?
It's not important.
195
00:06:55,133 --> 00:06:56,969
What is important is that those bits
196
00:06:57,003 --> 00:06:58,671
kept me alive for two years.
197
00:06:58,704 --> 00:07:01,074
Long story short,
the nurse at the hospital
198
00:07:01,106 --> 00:07:03,443
told me that bacon bits are vegan.
199
00:07:03,476 --> 00:07:04,610
I don't think that's true.
200
00:07:04,642 --> 00:07:06,212
Also, if you eat nothing
201
00:07:06,245 --> 00:07:08,648
but salad toppings without salad...
202
00:07:08,681 --> 00:07:11,084
your liver starts to beat.
203
00:07:11,116 --> 00:07:12,986
2 seconds fast, 11 slow.
204
00:07:13,019 --> 00:07:14,354
Okay, none of this makes any sense, Dre.
205
00:07:14,387 --> 00:07:18,190
- First of all, okay, meat is delicious.
- Mm-hmm.
206
00:07:18,231 --> 00:07:20,600
Jack is doing this just to spite you.
207
00:07:20,625 --> 00:07:23,596
Eustace got a paternity test
just to spite me.
208
00:07:23,628 --> 00:07:26,398
And just to spite him,
I gave him my brother's DNA.
209
00:07:26,431 --> 00:07:28,467
So, things are...
210
00:07:28,500 --> 00:07:30,236
needlessly complicated right now.
211
00:07:30,269 --> 00:07:32,238
Okay, look, this isn't spite.
212
00:07:32,270 --> 00:07:34,640
He's my dude.
He's just easily influenced.
213
00:07:34,673 --> 00:07:36,042
You know, I'm gonna put my foot down,
214
00:07:36,075 --> 00:07:37,142
get things back to normal.
215
00:07:37,176 --> 00:07:39,611
Yeah, I don't know.
I'd tread lightly there, Dre.
216
00:07:39,645 --> 00:07:41,214
The more you push back on this,
217
00:07:41,246 --> 00:07:43,616
the more likely Jack is
to dig his heels in.
218
00:07:43,649 --> 00:07:45,118
- Connor.
- Mm-hmm.
219
00:07:45,150 --> 00:07:47,586
He wanted to be a fireman,
and I said no,
220
00:07:47,620 --> 00:07:49,355
- and you know what he did?
- What?
221
00:07:49,387 --> 00:07:51,757
He set a factory on fire
just so he could put it out.
222
00:07:51,791 --> 00:07:54,293
- What?
- That fire burned for seven days
223
00:07:54,325 --> 00:07:55,794
and, uh, it also took down
224
00:07:55,827 --> 00:07:58,130
the birthplace of Willa Cather.
225
00:07:58,164 --> 00:07:59,632
"O Pioneer."
226
00:07:59,664 --> 00:08:01,133
- Okay.
- Point is, Dre,
227
00:08:01,166 --> 00:08:03,301
Connor was just being rebellious.
That's all he was.
228
00:08:03,334 --> 00:08:06,606
And if I had just backed off
or even if I had encouraged him,
229
00:08:06,639 --> 00:08:08,207
pbht, he just would have gotten bored
230
00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:09,509
and moved on to the next thing.
231
00:08:09,541 --> 00:08:11,376
- Maybe you're right.
- Yeah.
232
00:08:11,409 --> 00:08:13,046
Yeah, if I leave it alone,
233
00:08:13,079 --> 00:08:14,346
this vegan thing will go in the closet
234
00:08:14,380 --> 00:08:17,082
next to his old karate outfits
and the saxophone.
235
00:08:17,116 --> 00:08:18,084
Exactly.
236
00:08:18,116 --> 00:08:19,251
It'll all work out, Dre,
237
00:08:19,284 --> 00:08:21,320
just like it all worked out for us.
238
00:08:21,353 --> 00:08:23,156
Less so for those, uh...
239
00:08:23,188 --> 00:08:25,123
those garment workers in the factory.
240
00:08:25,157 --> 00:08:27,693
And you just can't find
those shirts anymore.
241
00:08:27,726 --> 00:08:29,495
The guys were right.
242
00:08:29,527 --> 00:08:32,265
All I had to do was
let Jack run out of steam,
243
00:08:32,298 --> 00:08:33,732
and things would be back to normal.
244
00:08:33,765 --> 00:08:35,007
Jack!
245
00:08:35,032 --> 00:08:36,560
I'm powering up the Pay-Per-View
for the fight!
246
00:08:36,601 --> 00:08:38,670
Let's go!
247
00:08:39,838 --> 00:08:41,773
Dad, I don't eat meat.
248
00:08:41,807 --> 00:08:43,576
Hey, hey, yo, son.
249
00:08:43,609 --> 00:08:46,145
These are vegan barbecue wings,
all right?
250
00:08:46,178 --> 00:08:49,649
Textured tofu
wrapped around a wooden stick,
251
00:08:49,682 --> 00:08:51,717
expertly coated
252
00:08:51,750 --> 00:08:54,453
- in vegan barbecue sauce.
- Wow.
253
00:08:54,486 --> 00:08:56,721
That's so cool that you're open
to giving vegan wings a shot.
254
00:08:56,755 --> 00:08:58,691
Oh, no. Oh, no. Those are all for you.
255
00:08:58,723 --> 00:09:00,625
Ah.
256
00:09:00,659 --> 00:09:02,095
There's my dinner right there.
257
00:09:02,127 --> 00:09:04,129
Wheel it in here, son!
258
00:09:04,163 --> 00:09:05,597
Oh, snap!
259
00:09:05,630 --> 00:09:08,333
This smells amazing!
260
00:09:08,366 --> 00:09:10,435
Ah. And we've got the fight on?
261
00:09:10,468 --> 00:09:12,604
I'm so glad I canceled plans
with Olivia tonight.
262
00:09:12,638 --> 00:09:13,739
This is gonna be awesome.
263
00:09:13,771 --> 00:09:14,997
Okay, hey, hey, hey.
264
00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:17,110
Just park it right there
and leave the room.
265
00:09:17,143 --> 00:09:18,878
But I just... I just drove
two hours to get all this.
266
00:09:18,910 --> 00:09:20,579
If you leave the room now,
267
00:09:20,612 --> 00:09:23,582
I might save you some burnt ends.
268
00:09:23,616 --> 00:09:26,419
Now my clothes smell all smoky.
269
00:09:26,452 --> 00:09:28,386
Mmm. Phillips Barbecue.
270
00:09:28,419 --> 00:09:30,423
We haven't had this in a minute.
271
00:09:30,456 --> 00:09:31,724
This is your favorite spot.
272
00:09:31,756 --> 00:09:32,826
Oh.
273
00:09:32,851 --> 00:09:34,894
Well, it used to be your favorite spot,
274
00:09:34,927 --> 00:09:36,696
until you went vegan.
275
00:09:36,728 --> 00:09:38,763
Uh, now we have to find you
a new favorite spot.
276
00:09:38,797 --> 00:09:40,566
Look, if you're asking me to choose
277
00:09:40,598 --> 00:09:42,367
between barbecue and animal welfare,
278
00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:43,702
then it's an easy call, playboy.
279
00:09:43,736 --> 00:09:44,923
But then again,
280
00:09:44,948 --> 00:09:47,273
I don't put my own pleasure
above other's suffering.
281
00:09:47,305 --> 00:09:49,441
Hey, just because I like to eat barbecue
282
00:09:49,475 --> 00:09:50,710
doesn't make me a bad person.
283
00:09:50,742 --> 00:09:52,377
I didn't say you were a bad person.
284
00:09:52,410 --> 00:09:54,646
You just make bad choices.
And that's okay.
285
00:09:54,679 --> 00:09:56,248
I know it's okay.
286
00:09:56,281 --> 00:09:58,917
I don't need your permission
to eat barbecue.
287
00:09:58,951 --> 00:10:00,753
So, then why are you getting
so defensive?
288
00:10:00,785 --> 00:10:03,321
I'm not defensive. I'm angry.
289
00:10:03,355 --> 00:10:04,361
I don't want to fight.
290
00:10:04,386 --> 00:10:05,392
I'm just a little surprised
291
00:10:05,402 --> 00:10:07,492
that this is the example
that you want to set for me.
292
00:10:07,525 --> 00:10:08,928
Okay.
293
00:10:08,961 --> 00:10:11,264
Looks like Jack is pushing back.
294
00:10:11,312 --> 00:10:13,008
This is gonna take longer
than I thought.
295
00:10:13,033 --> 00:10:14,300
Want some?
296
00:10:14,332 --> 00:10:16,836
You want some?
297
00:10:16,869 --> 00:10:18,138
All right.
298
00:10:21,681 --> 00:10:23,809
- Hey.
- Hey.
299
00:10:23,841 --> 00:10:25,137
You still want some barbecue?
300
00:10:25,201 --> 00:10:26,785
Oh, it's all I can think about.
301
00:10:26,825 --> 00:10:29,141
I thought it was gonna be hours
before I got your scraps.
302
00:10:29,166 --> 00:10:30,969
Well, I couldn't break Jack,
303
00:10:31,002 --> 00:10:33,271
and I offered it to Devante,
but he wasn't hungry.
304
00:10:33,304 --> 00:10:34,839
You know, I don't understand
305
00:10:34,872 --> 00:10:36,719
why Jack is pushing back
all of a sudden.
306
00:10:36,744 --> 00:10:38,608
Oh, he's just testing boundaries,
307
00:10:38,642 --> 00:10:41,025
like when I went goth
just to get under your skin.
308
00:10:41,079 --> 00:10:42,848
I don't remember that.
309
00:10:45,349 --> 00:10:47,284
I did it for months.
310
00:10:47,318 --> 00:10:49,954
I just thought you were really sick.
311
00:10:49,988 --> 00:10:52,590
No, I was trying to show you
that I was my own man.
312
00:10:52,623 --> 00:10:56,060
So, what made you give up
on all that goth stuff?
313
00:10:56,094 --> 00:10:58,195
They told me that "real goths
don't go Christmas caroling,"
314
00:10:58,228 --> 00:10:59,564
so that was the end of that.
315
00:10:59,597 --> 00:11:02,601
So, all I need to do is find a loophole
316
00:11:02,633 --> 00:11:06,537
to get Jack to stop all this nonsense.
317
00:11:06,570 --> 00:11:08,172
Hey, give me that. That's Jack's dinner.
318
00:11:08,205 --> 00:11:10,374
Jack!
319
00:11:10,407 --> 00:11:12,509
I knew I shouldn't have
skipped breakfast.
320
00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:16,615
- Got a minute?
- Sure.
321
00:11:16,647 --> 00:11:18,016
- Mm.
- Guess what?
322
00:11:18,049 --> 00:11:19,969
- Yes?
- I got the doll.
323
00:11:19,994 --> 00:11:20,806
Oh.
324
00:11:20,831 --> 00:11:22,453
Knowing that so many people
didn't get it
325
00:11:22,487 --> 00:11:23,921
makes me feel so much better.
326
00:11:23,954 --> 00:11:25,924
- Mm-hmm.
- I wish I could see their tears.
327
00:11:25,956 --> 00:11:27,258
Yeah.
328
00:11:27,291 --> 00:11:29,127
You've always loved to watch people cry.
329
00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:30,428
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
330
00:11:30,460 --> 00:11:32,363
Listen, this doll...
331
00:11:32,396 --> 00:11:35,233
- Yes.
- ...has exposed
332
00:11:35,266 --> 00:11:38,036
that you make really bad choices
with your allowance.
333
00:11:38,069 --> 00:11:39,603
But it's my money.
334
00:11:39,637 --> 00:11:41,071
Shouldn't I be able to spend it
on what I want?
335
00:11:41,104 --> 00:11:43,240
Sure. Sure.
336
00:11:43,273 --> 00:11:46,043
But let's see what happens...
337
00:11:46,076 --> 00:11:47,678
if you save.
338
00:11:47,712 --> 00:11:49,915
So, I was thinking
339
00:11:49,948 --> 00:11:51,416
I would give you half of your allowance
340
00:11:51,449 --> 00:11:53,351
to spend as you like,
and the other half,
341
00:11:53,383 --> 00:11:57,187
I will put into
an interest-earning account
342
00:11:57,211 --> 00:11:59,080
until the end of the year,
343
00:11:59,122 --> 00:12:02,627
and then, on December 31st, boom!
344
00:12:02,660 --> 00:12:06,064
You can take it out plus
the $10 to $15 interest,
345
00:12:06,097 --> 00:12:07,565
depending on the rates.
346
00:12:07,598 --> 00:12:09,133
Huh? Huh?
347
00:12:09,166 --> 00:12:11,702
It's like two Christmas gifts
without a divorce.
348
00:12:11,736 --> 00:12:13,338
Two.
349
00:12:13,371 --> 00:12:15,507
But I was counting
on the whole allowance
350
00:12:15,540 --> 00:12:17,442
to buy an exclusive hat
for the doll next week.
351
00:12:17,474 --> 00:12:18,676
Mm. Well...
352
00:12:18,709 --> 00:12:21,680
with the interest that you make,
353
00:12:21,713 --> 00:12:24,214
we're talking two hats, sweetheart.
354
00:12:24,247 --> 00:12:25,382
- Two.
- But... Whoa.
355
00:12:25,416 --> 00:12:26,584
It... It's gonna be sold out
356
00:12:26,617 --> 00:12:28,420
by the time I have
enough money to get it.
357
00:12:28,453 --> 00:12:29,810
Well, then, you can just
keep your money.
358
00:12:29,835 --> 00:12:32,122
- See? It's already working.
- But, Mom, I'm good with...
359
00:12:32,163 --> 00:12:35,567
Okay, you are gonna thank me
when you get older, promise.
360
00:12:35,593 --> 00:12:37,953
A therapist will be mediating
our conversations
361
00:12:37,978 --> 00:12:39,387
- when I'm older.
- Mm-hmm.
362
00:12:39,430 --> 00:12:41,632
A therapist that you paid for
363
00:12:41,666 --> 00:12:45,070
with your magic compound interest.
364
00:12:45,103 --> 00:12:46,137
Huh?
365
00:12:46,170 --> 00:12:49,541
Hey, body roll.
366
00:12:49,574 --> 00:12:50,574
Bye.
367
00:12:54,177 --> 00:12:55,512
Hey, Jack.
368
00:12:55,546 --> 00:12:58,182
I've been thinking
about what you said before.
369
00:12:58,215 --> 00:12:59,184
- Really?
- Yeah.
370
00:12:59,209 --> 00:13:00,418
I've been doing a lot of reading,
371
00:13:00,450 --> 00:13:03,053
and even though changing my diet
372
00:13:03,087 --> 00:13:05,723
may be completely foreign to me,
373
00:13:05,757 --> 00:13:07,224
I think you were on the right track.
374
00:13:07,257 --> 00:13:09,259
Wow, Dad. T-That... This is big.
375
00:13:09,292 --> 00:13:11,729
I know new things can be scary
for people your age.
376
00:13:11,762 --> 00:13:14,298
Grandma had a panic attack
when I showed her Spotify.
377
00:13:14,331 --> 00:13:16,700
Yeah. Thank you for understanding.
378
00:13:16,733 --> 00:13:19,637
You know, maybe I'll even give
being a vegan a try.
379
00:13:19,670 --> 00:13:21,740
Then I can be the only vegan
in the house.
380
00:13:21,772 --> 00:13:23,707
What?
381
00:13:23,741 --> 00:13:25,443
Your leather shoes, son.
382
00:13:25,475 --> 00:13:27,077
You can stop eating meat all you want,
383
00:13:27,111 --> 00:13:28,346
but if you're wearing leather,
you're not a vegan.
384
00:13:28,378 --> 00:13:31,281
You're a hypocrite.
385
00:13:31,315 --> 00:13:33,118
Are all my shoes leather?
386
00:13:33,151 --> 00:13:34,519
Yes.
387
00:13:34,551 --> 00:13:36,787
You know, being a vegan
limits your shoe selection.
388
00:13:36,820 --> 00:13:38,255
Look, Jack,
389
00:13:38,289 --> 00:13:40,324
you've proved your point, all right?
390
00:13:40,358 --> 00:13:42,093
Uh, y-you stood up for yourself,
391
00:13:42,126 --> 00:13:44,362
but what if you just gave up
this whole vegan thing
392
00:13:44,395 --> 00:13:46,497
and went back to the way
that things were?
393
00:13:46,531 --> 00:13:48,632
Don't you miss when things were easy?
394
00:13:48,666 --> 00:13:50,801
All right.
395
00:13:50,834 --> 00:13:52,203
Good. Yes.
396
00:13:52,236 --> 00:13:53,671
I knew you'd finally come back around.
397
00:13:53,704 --> 00:13:56,074
- Guess I'm selling all my shoes.
- What?
398
00:13:56,107 --> 00:13:58,309
I'd rather my shoes be ugly
and the cows be live
399
00:13:58,342 --> 00:14:00,412
than my shoes be live
and the cows be dead.
400
00:14:00,445 --> 00:14:02,546
Okay, you're gonna stop
this vegan nonsense.
401
00:14:02,579 --> 00:14:04,348
- Why?
- Because I said so.
402
00:14:04,382 --> 00:14:05,583
I'm not a kid anymore.
403
00:14:05,616 --> 00:14:06,653
You can't just tell me what to do,
404
00:14:06,678 --> 00:14:08,786
- especially when you're wrong.
- Oh, okay.
405
00:14:08,820 --> 00:14:10,622
You want to be treated like an adult?
406
00:14:10,655 --> 00:14:12,524
Well, the gloves are coming off.
407
00:14:12,556 --> 00:14:14,191
I bought those shoes for you,
408
00:14:14,224 --> 00:14:16,161
so you don't have a right to sell them.
409
00:14:16,194 --> 00:14:17,695
- Yes, I do.
- No, you don't!
410
00:14:17,728 --> 00:14:19,363
- Yes, I do!
- No, you don't!
411
00:14:19,396 --> 00:14:20,531
- Yes, I do!
- No, you don't!
412
00:14:20,565 --> 00:14:22,666
Dah... Aah!
413
00:14:22,699 --> 00:14:24,802
- The limited editions.
- You know what?
414
00:14:24,835 --> 00:14:25,936
Do what you want with your stupid shoes.
415
00:14:25,970 --> 00:14:28,705
I'm not wearing them,
and I'm done with Fight Night.
416
00:14:34,426 --> 00:14:35,871
Whatcha doing?
417
00:14:35,895 --> 00:14:37,664
- Buying something.
- With what?
418
00:14:37,697 --> 00:14:40,118
You spent all your money
on that Beyonc� doll.
419
00:14:40,143 --> 00:14:41,125
No.
420
00:14:41,150 --> 00:14:43,197
I invested my money
in that Beyonc� doll.
421
00:14:43,237 --> 00:14:45,139
I flipped it for 10 times what I paid.
422
00:14:45,164 --> 00:14:47,587
What? I thought
you really wanted that doll.
423
00:14:47,612 --> 00:14:49,547
Yeah, I wanted it
because the retail price
424
00:14:49,572 --> 00:14:51,404
didn't match the true market value.
425
00:14:51,437 --> 00:14:53,973
- Basic arbitrage.
- Right.
426
00:14:54,006 --> 00:14:56,077
Arbitrage. Mm-hmm.
427
00:14:56,110 --> 00:14:58,211
Well, I know what that is.
428
00:14:58,245 --> 00:15:01,048
But why don't you tell me
so that I make sure
429
00:15:01,081 --> 00:15:02,372
you're using that word correctly?
430
00:15:02,397 --> 00:15:03,309
- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
431
00:15:03,334 --> 00:15:04,784
Well, it's when you take advantage
432
00:15:04,817 --> 00:15:05,752
- of the...
- Of the...
433
00:15:05,785 --> 00:15:07,012
- ...price disparity...
- ...price disparity...
434
00:15:07,037 --> 00:15:09,261
- ...between two markets.
- That's exactly right.
435
00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:10,880
- Yeah, in this case...
- Uh-huh.
436
00:15:10,906 --> 00:15:12,174
- ...the seller of the doll...
- Yes.
437
00:15:12,207 --> 00:15:13,543
- ...and the secondary market.
- That's right.
438
00:15:13,576 --> 00:15:15,445
That is right.
439
00:15:15,477 --> 00:15:17,112
So, uh...
440
00:15:17,145 --> 00:15:18,313
you actually never wanted the doll?
441
00:15:18,347 --> 00:15:19,314
Please.
442
00:15:19,347 --> 00:15:20,849
I'm not after toys.
443
00:15:20,882 --> 00:15:22,417
I'm after real estate.
444
00:15:22,451 --> 00:15:25,288
I just put my doll profits
into fractional ownership
445
00:15:25,321 --> 00:15:27,190
of a townhome complex in Charlotte.
446
00:15:27,222 --> 00:15:28,357
North Carolina?
447
00:15:28,390 --> 00:15:29,259
- Mm-hmm.
- Huh.
448
00:15:29,292 --> 00:15:30,827
It's a growth market
with low property tax.
449
00:15:30,860 --> 00:15:32,262
Of course.
450
00:15:32,294 --> 00:15:34,997
You know, which reminds me, um,
do you have any...
451
00:15:35,030 --> 00:15:37,232
income streams besides
this doctor thing?
452
00:15:37,265 --> 00:15:39,102
Um...
453
00:15:39,135 --> 00:15:40,970
So, if you get a malpractice suit
454
00:15:41,002 --> 00:15:42,905
or lose a hand or something, it's over?
455
00:15:42,938 --> 00:15:44,373
Well...
456
00:15:44,406 --> 00:15:46,175
You know, you better tighten up
those finances, Rainbow,
457
00:15:46,208 --> 00:15:47,853
because you cannot stay
at my place in Charlotte
458
00:15:47,878 --> 00:15:48,911
when you go broke, honey.
459
00:15:53,982 --> 00:15:55,484
How was Fight Night?
460
00:15:55,518 --> 00:15:59,122
Did the permanent bodily injury
entertain you?
461
00:15:59,154 --> 00:16:00,390
It was terrible.
462
00:16:00,423 --> 00:16:02,991
- Aw.
- Jack's still a vegan.
463
00:16:03,025 --> 00:16:05,194
Why would Jack stop being a vegan?
464
00:16:06,562 --> 00:16:08,264
Oh, my God.
465
00:16:08,297 --> 00:16:10,400
You tried to tempt him
with meat, didn't you?
466
00:16:10,433 --> 00:16:12,568
- Of course I tried to tempt him.
- Dre!
467
00:16:12,602 --> 00:16:14,904
And then we ripped a $200 shoe in half.
468
00:16:14,937 --> 00:16:16,505
Okay, I'm not surprised
you did any of that,
469
00:16:16,539 --> 00:16:18,842
but I thought we agreed
470
00:16:18,875 --> 00:16:20,943
that we were gonna encourage
his veganism.
471
00:16:20,977 --> 00:16:22,377
You know I don't listen to you, Bow.
472
00:16:22,410 --> 00:16:24,213
Just like Jack doesn't listen to me.
473
00:16:24,246 --> 00:16:26,248
Oh, sweetheart.
474
00:16:26,281 --> 00:16:28,417
I know it hurts when
Jack doesn't agree with you,
475
00:16:28,451 --> 00:16:31,053
but don't you want a son
that thinks for himself?
476
00:16:31,087 --> 00:16:34,624
I want a son who agrees
with everything I say and do.
477
00:16:34,656 --> 00:16:37,926
Aren't you the least bit
impressed by his strong will?
478
00:16:37,959 --> 00:16:38,980
I mean, come on.
479
00:16:39,005 --> 00:16:41,997
You launched a full-fledged Dre attack.
480
00:16:42,030 --> 00:16:44,266
This meat is psychological warfare,
481
00:16:44,299 --> 00:16:46,169
and he held his own against you.
482
00:16:46,202 --> 00:16:47,370
Yeah.
483
00:16:47,403 --> 00:16:49,472
I guess that's something.
484
00:16:49,505 --> 00:16:51,875
Yeah. Dre, that's something.
485
00:16:51,908 --> 00:16:54,077
You're a lunatic
if someone disagrees with you.
486
00:16:54,110 --> 00:16:56,355
I am relentless.
487
00:16:56,380 --> 00:16:58,675
You know he gets his strength from me.
488
00:16:58,700 --> 00:17:01,183
- Mm-hmm.
- I'm gonna go talk to him.
489
00:17:01,216 --> 00:17:03,453
Let him know how proud I am of him.
490
00:17:03,485 --> 00:17:04,453
- Yeah.
- Hey.
491
00:17:04,487 --> 00:17:05,555
- Yes?
- Thanks, babe.
492
00:17:05,587 --> 00:17:07,805
Sure. Sure.
493
00:17:07,830 --> 00:17:11,660
I was in labor for 42 hours
with the twins, but sure!
494
00:17:11,693 --> 00:17:14,463
He gets his strength from you!
495
00:17:16,031 --> 00:17:17,966
Synthetic leather.
496
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,368
Sorry, old friend,
497
00:17:19,417 --> 00:17:21,626
can't let any more synthetics
die for my game.
498
00:17:23,539 --> 00:17:25,074
Hey.
499
00:17:25,113 --> 00:17:26,216
New shoes?
500
00:17:26,241 --> 00:17:27,313
Yeah, yeah.
501
00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:28,791
I know these shoes are ugly,
502
00:17:28,816 --> 00:17:30,322
but they're the only
vegan ones I've got.
503
00:17:30,378 --> 00:17:33,049
And unlike you,
they give me room to breathe.
504
00:17:33,074 --> 00:17:36,011
Okay, son. I'm sorry for earlier.
505
00:17:36,051 --> 00:17:38,487
You stood up to me,
and I didn't like it.
506
00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:39,604
Yeah, but you know,
507
00:17:39,629 --> 00:17:41,957
I did the same thing to Pops
when I was your age.
508
00:17:41,991 --> 00:17:43,358
He wouldn't let me get an earring,
509
00:17:43,392 --> 00:17:45,228
and I told him
he didn't control my body.
510
00:17:45,260 --> 00:17:46,298
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
511
00:17:46,323 --> 00:17:47,383
What did he do?
512
00:17:47,408 --> 00:17:49,132
Kicked me out of the house.
513
00:17:49,164 --> 00:17:50,532
Luckily, an hour later,
514
00:17:50,566 --> 00:17:52,501
Mama kicked him out of
the house, and I was back in.
515
00:17:52,535 --> 00:17:54,170
But...
516
00:17:54,203 --> 00:17:56,071
I stood my ground.
517
00:17:56,105 --> 00:17:57,206
Just like you are.
518
00:17:57,239 --> 00:17:59,142
And I'm proud of you, son.
519
00:17:59,174 --> 00:18:00,209
You're sticking to your guns,
520
00:18:00,241 --> 00:18:02,110
and that's not always easy to do,
521
00:18:02,144 --> 00:18:04,414
especially when someone like me
522
00:18:04,446 --> 00:18:06,581
is going to challenge you at every step.
523
00:18:06,615 --> 00:18:07,738
Every step?
524
00:18:07,763 --> 00:18:09,317
You're going to keep acting like this?
525
00:18:09,351 --> 00:18:11,420
Probably.
526
00:18:11,453 --> 00:18:12,587
Okay.
527
00:18:12,620 --> 00:18:14,957
Just so you know, I'm not giving up.
528
00:18:14,991 --> 00:18:16,725
- Mm-hmm.
- This is important to me.
529
00:18:16,759 --> 00:18:18,294
I just don't know how you do it, son.
530
00:18:18,327 --> 00:18:19,996
- Don't you get cravings?
- Yeah.
531
00:18:20,029 --> 00:18:22,397
Well, I get through them
by eating a lot of pepperoni.
532
00:18:22,431 --> 00:18:24,067
- Actually...
- Pepperoni?
533
00:18:24,099 --> 00:18:25,267
Yeah.
534
00:18:25,300 --> 00:18:26,601
As long as I have pepperoni,
535
00:18:26,635 --> 00:18:29,172
this vegan thing... it isn't so tough.
536
00:18:29,204 --> 00:18:30,572
Son...
537
00:18:30,606 --> 00:18:32,741
pepperoni is pork.
538
00:18:32,774 --> 00:18:35,277
No. It's ground-up peppers.
539
00:18:35,310 --> 00:18:37,212
That's why it's called pepperoni.
540
00:18:37,245 --> 00:18:38,747
Oh, buddy.
541
00:18:38,780 --> 00:18:41,451
What?
542
00:18:41,483 --> 00:18:42,484
Oh, no.
543
00:18:42,518 --> 00:18:44,487
Mm-hmm.
544
00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:46,422
Okay, well, I still believe
in the stuff that I said.
545
00:18:46,454 --> 00:18:48,124
Okay, just 'cause
I'm not a perfect vegan
546
00:18:48,156 --> 00:18:49,491
doesn't mean that
I'm not gonna keep trying
547
00:18:49,524 --> 00:18:51,526
- to do the right thing.
- Okay. All right.
548
00:18:51,559 --> 00:18:53,428
And if that's what you want to do, son,
549
00:18:53,462 --> 00:18:55,530
I will support you.
550
00:18:55,564 --> 00:18:57,100
I appreciate that.
551
00:18:57,133 --> 00:18:59,402
Maybe we can start off
with Meatless Mondays
552
00:18:59,434 --> 00:19:00,770
and work our way up from there.
553
00:19:00,802 --> 00:19:02,537
How about, um...
554
00:19:02,570 --> 00:19:04,773
"Is This Meat?" Mondays,
555
00:19:04,807 --> 00:19:06,608
where I can still enjoy a hot dog?
556
00:19:06,642 --> 00:19:08,644
- Dad.
- Okay. Okay, son.
557
00:19:10,311 --> 00:19:12,447
You know, we'll try to eat less meat.
558
00:19:12,481 --> 00:19:14,116
Just not on Wednesdays.
559
00:19:14,149 --> 00:19:15,617
And the Super Bowl.
560
00:19:15,651 --> 00:19:17,320
And, uh...
561
00:19:17,353 --> 00:19:20,323
the majority
of the summer barbecue months.
562
00:19:20,356 --> 00:19:21,723
- Mm.
- And Thanksgiving.
563
00:19:21,757 --> 00:19:22,992
And Christmas.
564
00:19:23,017 --> 00:19:24,260
O-Okay. Okay.
565
00:19:24,292 --> 00:19:26,194
So, you're willing
to try four days a week,
566
00:19:26,228 --> 00:19:28,798
three months out of the year?
567
00:19:28,830 --> 00:19:31,366
I'd do that for you, my dude.
568
00:19:31,399 --> 00:19:33,035
- All right.
- All right.
569
00:19:33,068 --> 00:19:35,471
You threw out all of the barbecue?
570
00:19:35,503 --> 00:19:38,540
Well, I'm a vegan...
for the rest of the night.
571
00:19:38,574 --> 00:19:40,076
I'm not!
572
00:19:40,108 --> 00:19:43,311
I am so hungry!
573
00:19:48,245 --> 00:19:52,186
Okay. Account's set up,
and I'm ready to invest.
574
00:19:52,211 --> 00:19:53,322
Mm-hmm.
575
00:19:53,362 --> 00:19:54,647
Uh, what about Apple?
576
00:19:54,672 --> 00:19:55,968
Ooh. Tesla.
577
00:19:55,993 --> 00:19:58,230
No, oh, oh! What about Bitcoin?
578
00:19:58,262 --> 00:20:00,264
What are you?
A lacrosse player in B school?
579
00:20:00,298 --> 00:20:01,165
- What?
- Unh-unh.
580
00:20:01,199 --> 00:20:02,534
We need to look into emerging markets,
581
00:20:02,567 --> 00:20:03,835
like Turkmenistan.
582
00:20:03,867 --> 00:20:05,503
- Turkmenistan?
- Mm-hmm.
583
00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:08,173
Their biggest natural gas
company just had an IPO,
584
00:20:08,205 --> 00:20:09,974
and we need to get in
before the sanctions.
585
00:20:10,008 --> 00:20:11,777
Okay, Diane, I-I don't want to invest
586
00:20:11,809 --> 00:20:14,279
- in anything unsavory.
- Fine.
587
00:20:14,311 --> 00:20:15,846
Well, enjoy your zero percent return
588
00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:16,915
on peace and love.
589
00:20:16,948 --> 00:20:18,383
- What?
- Civilians.
590
00:20:18,415 --> 00:20:20,818
Ci... Okay, Diane.
591
00:20:20,852 --> 00:20:22,187
You know what? No problem.
592
00:20:22,220 --> 00:20:24,189
I can do it by myself!
593
00:20:24,221 --> 00:20:25,389
All righty.
594
00:20:25,423 --> 00:20:27,159
Um...
595
00:20:27,192 --> 00:20:29,059
I am going to invest
596
00:20:29,093 --> 00:20:33,031
in one share of fair-trade granola.
597
00:20:33,064 --> 00:20:34,432
Buy.
598
00:20:34,464 --> 00:20:36,233
No! Oh! Oh, no!
599
00:20:36,267 --> 00:20:38,403
Oh, no. Okay.
600
00:20:38,435 --> 00:20:41,305
I just bought 1,000 pounds
of loose granola.
601
00:20:41,338 --> 00:20:42,374
Diane!
602
00:20:42,406 --> 00:20:44,208
How do you undo?
603
00:20:44,241 --> 00:20:47,211
Diane?
604
00:20:47,244 --> 00:20:48,913
Diane?
42489
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