Original subtitles

resync sub for 720p HDTV by : H a M e D

ALICE

- (man) Hey. Where are you now? - Nowhere.

It's Iate. I have to go.

Oh, oh, oh.

- John and Susan confirmed for dinner. - Yes.

Don't sit her by Ray PooIe's wife. She'II ask if he's moving to Kidder Peabody.

- I'II put her next to the GimbeIs. - Mrs Tait! We're ready for schooI.

We're aII bundIed up. Come on. Let's go.

There's Mommy. Give her a big wave and a big hug.

- Do you have their Iibrary books? - Yes. And their miIk money. Come on.

- Wanna invite LiIy to pIay? - I'II be picking you up.

No, Monica? I'd Iike to pick them up today.

- AII right. - OK.

- Seen my tennis racket? - Bye! No.

- Let's go to the country this weekend. - Oh.

Roger and I wanna pIay doubIes with his Iawyer and a friend.

But it's the Iast weekend for the antique show.

Come on. There'II be others. I put in a cIay court and I've yet to use it.

- They have no more free-range chickens. - Then, no, HiIda.

There are too many chemicaIs in the others. Bye-bye.

Order some papayas, HiIda. They're high in fibre.

You want me to order more skin Iotion and shampoo?

No. Dr KeIIar's putting me on new ones. You can order my moisturiser.

- (doorbell) - There's my trainer.

HiIda, wouId you caII my masseuse and see if I can come an hour earIier?

- My back is just kiIIing me. - Hi.

- Hi, EtheI. Hi, BiII. - We met in the eIevator.

I was out shopping for another cIient and I found this.

- I was thinking of the Connecticut pIace. - Yeah?

- It's a fin-de-si�cle eeI trap. - An eeI trap?

Maybe for a Iamp base or a dried fIower arrangement?

- Interesting, yeah. - Live with it for a whiIe.

- They're hard to come by. - Are they?

It's a steaI at 9,000. I'II just be in the chiIdren's room.

- Ready to get off some ceIIuIite? - My back is kiIIing me. I don't know why.

I've had it X-rayed, I've been to my chiropractor, I've had a shiatsu massage...

- Acupuncture? - No, I'm scared of needIes.

- There's a Dr Yang. He's good. - I wonder, if I had a Swede waIk on it...

(* ''Breezin'Along With The Breeze'' by Jackie Gleason)

- Oh. Did you hear about Nancy BriII? - No. What?

She got promoted. Now she's in charge of buying scripts for a big cabIe TV station.

- ReaIIy? - She can get a project done if she Iikes it.

- Who wouId have thought? - Everybody's running to her with scripts.

My! It's great when a good friend makes it.

I hear she's having an affair with Beth Winninger's husband.

ReaIIy?

- Nina? - What?

CouId you excuse us for a coupIe of minutes?

- Sure. - Just for a minute. Thank you.

- Nina, I have to taIk to someone. - About what?

- You must never teII. Promise. - I promise.

I feeI so ashamed. You know I'm not the type to have an affair.

You know, 16 years I've been married to Doug.

- It's not in me. - I know. You're a good CathoIic.

Now who are you sIeeping with?

The other day Monica was sick, so I brought the kids to schooI.

( * ''l Dream Too Much'' by Paul Weston & His Orchestra)

Excuse me. Miss?

- What? - I think you dropped your...

- Oh, my book. - Edna St Vincent MiIIay.

- Thank you. I'm sorry. Thank you. - Romantic stuff.

Come on.

- (Alice) l can't get him out of my mind. - (Nina) And that's it? That's all?

- Yes. - You said an affair.

- You know I couId never... - What's his name? Is he singIe?

I don't even... I don't know.

Isn't this fooIish?

It isn't even that he's so handsome.

It's more... more the way he Iooked at me, you know?

- Was he there when you went back? - I couIdn't bring myseIf to go back.

I had HiIda pick up the chiIdren. But I'm gonna go today. I'm gonna go.

I don't know why. You know, I'd never dare do anything.

- Start a conversation. - Speak to him? Come on. You're joking.

I can't bring myseIf to Iook at him, Iet aIone speak to him.

I mean, I tried to speak to him the other day, and I just... Nothing came out.

Are you and Doug OK?

Yeah. I aIways assumed everything was fine.

I'm just so ashamed of the way I feeI.

- You must never teII... - Hi, AIice. Nina, hi.

- How is your back? FeeIing any better? - No, it's worse. It's much worse.

I have the perfect man for you to see. He's an acupuncturist. His name is Dr Yang.

That's funny. My trainer mentioned him this morning.

He's not just an acupuncturist. He's a diagnostician. He gives these herbs.

The man's a genius. He diagnoses you from your puIse.

He took Jean Lewis's puIse and toId her she wouId deveIop an uIcer.

No Western doctor couId find it. Six months Iater she feII over with pain.

- I heard Jean Lewis had a wattIe-ectomy. - A good one. AII that turkey-neck is gone.

- Am I getting that? - Oh, no.

Don't forget Dr Yang. His herbs are marveIIous.

They're not chemicaIs. They're aII naturaI.

HeIen Dukes had vaginaI tumours. Every Western doctor wanted to operate.

She went on Dr Yang's herbs. They went into remission. It's been three years.

- Gosh! - Don't you have to be somepIace, AIice?

- I think, yes? - I do. I have to run.

Yeah.

(* ''l Dream Too Much'' by Paul Weston & His Orchestra)

Ah, Mrs Tait!

Kate and Dennis are doing great.

He's integrating beautifuIIy. I'm so pIeased. Aren't you?

You can reaIIy see it in his free-pIay period.

If you want, we can go taIk for a few minutes about a kindergarten...

..that wouId give him the best chances of getting into an Ivy League coIIege.

What have you been thinking aII night? You seem so distant.

Nothing. I keep getting these sharp pains in my back.

Oh, LiIa caIIed before. She said the name of that acupuncturist was Dr Yang.

Dr Yang? ReaIIy? That's the third time today I've heard his name.

You're not gonna Iet someone stick needIes into you?

- I think he mostIy uses herbs. - WeII, what you need is to take it easy.

Don't exercise so much. Have breakfast in bed. Watch Good Morning America.

(* ''Limehouse Blues'' by Ambrose & His Orchestra)

Dr Yang, pIease.

PIease sit.

(speaks Chinese dialect)

The doctor wiII see you now.

(Dr Yang) Come in.

PIease sit down.

Take coat off.

What is troubIe?

I feeI... just achy and tired. My back, particuIarIy.

I've been to a number of doctors and they can't find anything wrong.

ProbIem is not back.

ProbIem is here, here.

ReaIIy? Cos, you know, it feeIs Iike my back.

My back stiffens sometimes so that I can hardIy bend it.

Stop taIking about back. Nothing wrong with back.

WeII, do you think it couId be that I'm exercising too strenuousIy?

Maybe Iifting the chiIdren wrongIy?

Gee, what is that? That's the strangest-Iooking thing.

- PIease stare at centre of wheeI. - What are you trying to do with this?

PIease stare at centre and breathe deepIy.

DeepIy. Very deepIy.

If you're trying to hypnotise me, Doctor, I hate to see you waste your time.

PIease. PIease, Mrs Tait.

Rest eyes upon centre of vortex.

Yeah, but, see, the thing is, I'm a very poor subject.

ReaIIy. It's been proven. A stage entertainer once tried, a very famous one.

And I went right up on stage.

There were, I guess, about 1 2 voIunteers.

I was the one who faiIed to go into a trance.

See the wheeI spin.

- I'm sure you know, Doctor... - Concentrate.

..there are two categories of peopIe, you know?

I...

You know, not everyone can be hypnotised.

I faII into the...

Now, teII me what you see.

- Penguins. - Penguins?

What about penguins?

They mate for Iife.

Yes? You think penguins are CathoIic?

(laughs)

The man... he kisses me.

Who is man?

I wanna know him better...

..but I don't dare.

PIease expIain.

My feeIings are... too scary.

I never had these feeIings before.

Never?

Oh.

Once. There was a young man once.

- Not husband? - No.

FeeIings for my husband are different.

What are deepest feeIings for husband?

I Iove him, but I...

But what, Mrs Tait?

PIease teII husband. Husband here in room.

You see him? TeII him. But what, Mrs Tait?

I'm the wife, you know. I take care of the kids,...

..I host the dinner parties, arrange the sociaI scheduIe,...

..try to Iook pretty so your friends can admire your taste.

I've become one of those women who shops aII day and gets pedicures.

But I wanna be more. There's more to me.

- You have chiIdren to raise. - I can stiII raise the chiIdren.

I wanna do something with my Iife before it's too Iate.

- Do what? - I don't know what. There's Iots I can do.

Every time I ask you to be specific, you become tongue-tied.

I had a career. I gave up a career to marry you.

What career? You were a smaII-town girI from a CathoIic schooI...

- I was working. - You were struggIing...

- ..to break into the fashion industry. - I was struggIing because I was young.

You were so pretty.

And we went for a drive to that amusement park.

(* ''Moonglow'' by Artie Shaw & His Orchestra)

- I can't stay out too Iate. - Why not?

I have to heIp the costume designer shop in the morning.

The show opens in six weeks.

- Is the costume designer your boyfriend? - No. I don't exactIy have a boyfriend.

If I did, I wouIdn't be here.

You're very beautifuI.

- And you're very rich. - No, l'm not, actuaIIy.

My famiIy is, but...

..I wanna make it on my own.

- And I wiII. - I'm sure you wiII.

- And what are your pIans? - Oh, definiteIy something in fashion.

A designer for the theatre, or costume designing, just reguIar cIothing designer.

I don't know. It's stiII just a dream.

And if I said marry me, and have my chiIdren...

..and stay by my side, and be Mrs DougIas Tait?

(Alice laughs)

I'd say you were getting ahead of yourseIf. After aII, we just met.

But I'II confess you're very handsome.

And now, Mrs Tait?

Now I... spend hours...

..trying so hard to hoId on to my youth.

And he doesn't notice.

Mrs Tait angry.

I'm at a crossroads.

I'm Iost.

I'm Iost.

SIeep. SIeep.

Deeper. Deeper.

At the count of three, you wiII awaken and remember nothing.

You wiII have no memories of these trance feeIings. None.

You wiII not be upset by them.

One: you are coming out.

Two: you are nearIy conscious.

Three...

Maybe I strained my back pIaying tennis, you know?

My husband was trying to teach me, but I'm not athIetic.

ReIax, Mrs Tait. Just reIax.

We wiII start the treatment with these herbs.

What is scheduIe for today?

Oh, weII, I was gonna do a IittIe shopping.

And then I was going to... to...

Yes?

..to pick up my chiIdren at schooI.

Or maybe not. No, I think I'II Iet the baby-sitter do that.

Mrs Tait, Dr Yang wouId Iike you to go through day as pIanned.

- Sudden changes too impuIsive. - ReaIIy?

Mrs Tait shouId take Iunch with no sheIIfish.

Then, at 2.30, she wiII take herbs, yes?

- 2.30. AII right. - After, she can retrieve chiIdren.

- But these are not dangerous, are they? - Very miId.

WiII take effect quickIy. WiII wear off quickIy.

MiId.

(* ''La Cumparsita'' by The Castilians)

Mrs Tait, you wanted some water.

Is it 2.30 aIready?

Just about.

Your eyes are reaIIy... on fire.

Thank you.

- Joe RufaIIo. - Joe RufaIIo.

TufaIIo.

What do you do, Joe?

I'm a musician.

Saxophone?

How did you know?

You Iook Iike you bIow tenor to me.

WeII, you hit it right on the head.

- ActuaIIy, I'm in rehearsaI now. - RehearsaI?

Yeah, for a tribute to Duke EIIington.

- The Duke? My favourite, Joe. - Is he?

Oh! So...

What number reed do you use?

- Reed? - Reed, Joe.

- Between the Iips. - Yeah. A three.

- Do you pIay tenor? - No.

I just... Iove the sax.

Yeah. WeII, it's a great horn.

- Oh, the best. - Yeah.

I'm fooIing around a IittIe with a soprano now, too.

ReaIIy? Soprano?

- Uh-huh. - Joe.

That'II extend your range. You know that, don't you?

- Yeah. - So...

TeII me, Joe.

Your wife, a musician too?

- I'm not married. - Not married?

- No. - Joe.

And you Iove Edna MiIIay.

- Yeah. I... - Yeah. My favourite.

- I know that. - Yeah.

So... I was just thinking...

..we shouId get together and taIk about her, don't you think?

- I think so. - Yes.

When?

- When, Joe? - Tomorrow.

What time?

You teII me.

Three o'cIock. Inside the penguin house.

At the zoo.

- Great. Great. - Super.

So, one Iast thing.

I remember the first time I heard CoItrane on soprano.

UntiI then it had just been tenor, of course, but...

It was such a moment, Joe.

Opened a whoIe new worId of harmonics for me.

- ReaIIy? - ReaIIy.

I'II Ieave you with that, Joe.

I'II see you tomorrow at the zoo.

The penguin house. That's what I said.

- (Nina) In the zoo? - Yes.

- You suggested this? - Yes. I couIdn't beIieve I said it.

- I thought somebody eIse was taIking. - That's great.

The words were just coming out. I had no idea what I was saying.

I had no idea what anything even meant. I was taIking about reeds.

- CoItrane. Who's CoItrane? - What is that?

- That's what I wanna know. - You probabIy read it.

I was so forward, too. I can't beIieve it.

CompIeteIy obnoxious.

Yes, but he was responsive.

Yes, but I'm teIIing you, it was Iike I was possessed.

ReaIIy. I'm saying ''A whoIe new worId of harmonics opened up for me.''

- Harmonics? - Harmonics.

What do I know about harmonics?

WeII, is he nice? What did you find out about him?

- WeII, he's not married. - Good.

He's in rehearsaI at somepIace caIIed Park East.

- Uh-huh. - Sound East.

And he's rehearsing something, kind of a Duke EIIington tribute.

What have I done? I can't meet a strange man at the zoo.

- Why not? - I'm not Iike Jane.

- I'm not Iooking for a roII in the hay. - What are you Iooking for?

Listen, not a word of this. You mustn't breathe a word.

- Of course not. I promise. - God, I have nothing to wear.

- I've gotten so fat. This is not for me. - Oh, Mitzie.

- Hi, darIing. We did the best we couId. - Thanks.

Oh, heIIo, sweetie. Look at her.

Come on, honey. Let's go home.

I Iove how you made one purpIe ear and one green ear.

- What coIour are you gonna do the taiI? - (Kate) I don't know. I guess red.

- That wouId be a good idea. - I couId make it orange.

- Hi. - Hi.

Nancy BriII has been made a big deaI on a TV show.

She buys scripts now. I sent her fIowers.

I'm happy for her cos she's a friend, but I must admit I'm a IittIe envious.

Oh. AIice, we discussed this. I thought we agreed.

I know. How about if I took some kind of a course or a cIass or something?

- You mean in schooI? - Yeah.

- Like what? - I don't know.

Now I regret I never went to coIIege.

At Sacred Heart I was good at EngIish.

Oh, speaking of Sacred Heart, we've been invited to an evening next month...

..in honour of Mother Teresa.

ReaIIy? Mother Teresa? You think she'II be there in person?

I expect some of her cronies wiII show up.

I wanna bring the kids. I taIk so much about Mother Teresa.

- I don't know about that. - Mother Teresa! She's my idoI.

We have to bring them. It'd be a great experience.

- We'II see. - Yeah.

Want a cracker?

(* ''La Cumparsita'' by The Castilians)

I can't do it to my husband.

AII this taIk Iast night of Mother Teresa just made me feeI so guiIty.

I beIieve in fideIity. It's my upbringing.

I'm not gonna commit aduItery. I just can't do it.

And who is this guy anyway, you know? Some horn pIayer? A divorc�?

He's a compIete stranger.

I've been married 16 years, Dr Yang.

I can't just go out and commit aduItery.

Not that I'm so sure he even wants me, you know? I'm getting oIder.

And what wouId happen if I feII in Iove with him? This is...

- I'm just so mixed up. - Mrs Tait's feeIings in titanic confIict.

But Dr Yang has prescription.

Oh, you know, yesterday's herbs made me feeI a IittIe strange.

These herbs are different. Very vaIuabIe.

- DifficuIt to obtain. - Are aII these compIeteIy safe?

Best way to get to know strange man is to observe.

Yeah...

It's bitter. What wiII this do?

EnabIe Mrs Tait to observe without being observed.

What... what is this?

- Where am I going? I can't beIieve this. - Do not worry.

- InvisibiIity wiII wear off shortIy. - I'm invisibIe!

I'm compIeteIy gone. I don't beIieve it.

I never saw anything Iike this. Dr Yang, is this safe?

Mrs Tait knows where man can be found.

- It's crazy. - If she wants to Iearn more about him,...

..she has chance.

( * ''La Cumparsita'' by The Castilians)

Joe, I have to go to FIorida in a few weeks and I wanna take Shana with me.

Just for a week. I know it's not our arrangement, but I think she'II Iike it.

- I can show her DisneyworId. - Sure.

Thanks. I'II make it up to you.

It's OK. She'II have fun. I hope you're not going...

- ..with one of your more exotic escorts. - Like who?

Like Peter WiIkes, who enjoys taking my daughter racing in his Ferrari.

- That was perfectIy safe and she Ioved it. - But l didn't.

- You introduced her to sports cars. - I feeI better when I'm behind the wheeI,...

..not some advertising guy whose gIasses have Ienses Iike Coke bottIes.

Peter's fine. He's very paternaI.

Now, Iisten, I wanna show you something.

These are some graphics I've been working on for a coupIe of weeks.

I reaIIy trust your visuaI sense. I think they're briIIiant.

- Everybody here's a bit ambivaIent. - Sexy stuff.

- Yeah. - Like you.

Sort of European. We did it in Paris.

- Sort of kinky. - Kinky...

I Iike that kinky stuff.

Remember the times we used to Iock that door and make Iove on that couch?

- Joe, that was a Iong time ago. - No, no. It was after we got divorced.

Nobody couId fauIt you for your sex drive which is a ten on the Richter scaIe.

Yeah, weII, what did you fauIt me for? Because I don't have a 180 IQ Iike you?

You Iied a bit, you gambIed.

- You fIirted with aII my friends. - You know, you're stiII very sexy.

Joe, don't think I'm not tempted, you know, but I've got a busy scheduIe.

- For oId times' sake. - Oh, Joe.

(* ''Caravan'' by Errol Garner)

Look, I don't...

..think this is...

..what we shouId be doing.

Oh, Joe.

Oh, Joe.

Oh, Joe.

(Alice) He's got this ex-wife and they stiII have sex in the office,...

..with peopIe right in the next room.

And she's a genius and I'm nothing.

OK. OK, OK. AIice, pIease don't get so upset.

Mm-hm.

How did you find out aII this if you didn't see him?

Oh, you know, I have my ways. I'm gIad I didn't show up.

I can't decide if I shouId get a new LincoIn or try the CadiIIac again.

What I'd reaIIy Iike is a BentIey.

You know, a vintage RoIIs, or that oId Phantom V.

But with the kids, I'd never be abIe to reIax.

- I wonder if I couId write. - Huh?

I was thinking, now that Nancy BriII buys scripts for TV, I have a good connection.

She was aIways on the baII. Great head on that woman.

(Monica) Let's get up here, kids. Come on. Come on. I'm gonna get you!

Do you know how high your IQ is?

Me?

It's high. It has to be. I just Iook around.

Do you think mine's high?

Sure. It's average, sIightIy above.

Sometimes I feeI I couId write, you know?

Uh-huh.

EspeciaIIy, you know, some oId TV script.

I'm as bright as Nancy BriII.

- WeII... - You don't think?

Yeah, sure. I don't know, you know?

You can't just decide to be a writer and then write.

- Why not? - You need background.

WeII, I wrote when I was a kid.

I aIways Ioved poetry and drama.

- You kids shouId be getting to bed. - ShouId I get them ready?

You get them ready. I'II be in in two minutes.

- Come on, kiddos. - Two minutes.

- Time to brush the teeth. - Good night, guys.

Who's gonna get to the bathroom first? Who's gonna get to the bathroom first?

- You never encourage me, you know? - I'm trying to be... sensibIe.

You can't just say you're gonna be a writer.

WeII, that's aII Nancy BriII did. She was an assistant to somebody I introduced her to.

And she decided she wanted to write and now she buys scripts.

- (phone rings) - What can I say?

I'm trying to be practicaI.

HeIIo?

HeIIo? I'm sorry to bother you.

It's Joe RufaIIo.

I just wanted to make sure you were OK, or that I didn't have the wrong day.

No, no. No, it was my fauIt. I'm sorry.

I...

Something came up, and I didn't have your... I didn't have your phone number.

No, I don't think so, no. No, I don't think that's such a good idea.

Oh. I...

No, I understand.

Sure.

(ghostly whisper) Alice...

Alice.

Alice.

(tapping)

(laughter)

Mrs Tait beIieves in ghosts.

- I don't know. I guess. What do I know? - Don't aII CathoIics?

(laughs)

Ghosts. CathoIics beIieve in ghosts.

(laughs)

In times of great stress sometimes ghost appears.

What wiII these herbs do?

Nothing too radicaI, I hope?

You think these things couId be bad for my system?

These herbs not to eat.

Not...? WeII, what then?

Wait untiI midnight. Then burn these herbs in teacup.

- Burn them in a teacup? - You do have teacup?

Yes, yes.

MeanwhiIe, you are going to pick up chiIdren from schooI?

No. I was gonna have the baby-sitter do it. I have another appointment.

- It's good to see you. - You, too.

- How's Doug? - He's fine. I'm so happy for you, Nancy.

- Thank you. - This is great.

- I got your fIowers. - Oh, good.

- It was very sweet. - It was nothing.

Just a few months ago we were on the beach in Southampton.

You were daydreaming about moving up. And Iook, here you are. A big shot.

- WeII... - (phone rings)

TeII him I'II be in Iater.

I'm so jammed. Meetings with writers, Iunch at NBC, and screenings tiII eight.

- Goodness. - Anyhow, AIice, what can I do for you?

OK. WeII, over the years, certain ideas have occurred to me.

I've aIways feIt, if they were written up, they might make good shows, or a series.

- Uh-huh. - I wanted to get your opinion on the pIot.

And if you think it's something for your show, I'd Iike to write it.

- You write? - I wrote a IittIe when I was young.

- You know, nothing major, obviousIy. - You kept it a secret if you wrote.

WeII, I'd Iike to try. I'd Iike to try.

- I did work on some shows years ago. - Wasn't that in the costume department?

Yeah, but, you know, at Ieast I did have some contact with the theatre.

Uh-huh. So what's your idea? Because the truth is, I'm backed up today.

Oh. OK. WeII, it's about two sisters who were very cIose as kids.

And now that they're aduIts, they've grown apart.

- Like you and your sister. - Me?

Aren't you and Dorothy poIite but not so friendIy?

WeII, gee, I never even thought of that.

Let me stop you. We want bIood-and-guts stuff, not so subtIe.

Oh, weII. I have another about a young girI who wanted to be a nun.

No nuns. They want sexy, unscrupuIous, rich, meIodramatic, but no nuns.

Listen, anything Iike that occurs to you, we'II taIk.

Give me a jingIe and we'II go to Le Cirque.

OK. AII right. WeII, thank you.

- (Doug) Is something burning in there? - No.

No, it's OK.

- Come to sIeep! - Yeah. Soon.

(* ''l Remember You'' by Jackie Gleason)

- (ghostly whisper) Alice. - Who's that?

Who's there? Who is it?

Don't you remember?

Oh!

That voice...

Alice.

Alice Jansen.

Eddie? Is it Eddie?

Hi, sweetheart.

Is it you?

God, you're even more beautiful now.

lt's been almost 20 years.

Tell me l don't look so bad, considering l'm dead.

No. Considering you're dead, you Iook great.

See? Even if you had married me, you'd have still been a widow.

Eddie, I feIt terribIe when I heard about the crash.

But I wasn't surprised. I aIways said you drove reckIessIy.

Ah!

You thought l did everything recklessly, including making love.

Eddie... there were times when I had reaI guiIt feeIings.

Oh, hey. l'm a big boy.

l'd been turned down before. Not that l wasn't saddened.

But, l'll tell you, that car crash was a total accident.

Boom! Not for a second did l see that moving van.

I thought of you the other day.

I met an interesting man who kind of reminded me of you.

Oh, no. Do l sense trouble in paradise?

No, no, no. Everything's fine here. I'm very happy.

So tell me all about this guy who reminds you of me.

WeII, he's Iike you. He's... irresponsibIe and temperamentaI.

- Yeah. - But he...

He's cute, you know?

''Thou shalt not commit adultery. '' That's not my line. l read it.

I'm not. I just met him.

A Steuben glass hippo.

l always wondered who bought those things.

God, it's so good to see you, Alice.

- Whatever happened to your career? - Oh, I don't know.

Now I was thinking I'd Iike to write. You think I have that in me?

- Who are you taIking to? - Oh, I was...

I just saw you there having a conversation.

- I was probabIy just thinking out Ioud. - At this hour?

- Bottoms and no top. l could've called it. - Quiet!

- Are you OK? - I'm fine. I just had this idea for a story.

So I guess I was acting out aII the parts.

- AIice, that's crazy. - It's crazy.

I'm gonna get some sIeep. I'm gonna go to bed.

Me too. I got a Iong day. I'm gonna be home Iate. It's my backgammon night.

- Is tonight backgammon? - Sweetheart?

- WiII you try to reIax? - I wiII. I'II try.

- You've been awfuI tense IateIy. - Have I?

l know how to relax you, Alice.

l know all the good spots and there are plenty of 'em.

(Eddie laughs)

(* ''l Remember You'' by Jackie Gleason)

(Alice) See, there he is, right there. I'd Iove to know what you think of him.

(Eddie) After all these years, now she wants my opinion?

- Hi. - Hi.

I... I'm sorry if I bothered you by caIIing you at home.

- I was concerned. - No, I'm... It's fine.

I must've seemed a IittIe abrupt. I was having a conversation with my husband.

It's OK. I understand.

I was disappointed when you didn't show up at the zoo.

They have this very beautifuI white bear I wanted to show you.

With these great ice-bIue eyes the exact coIour of yours.

That is a good line. When was the last time your husband used a line like that?

- WeII, I... - Give him some encouragement.

I... I'm... I'm sorry I didn't make it.

I wouId Iike a rain check.

WeII, the Big AppIe Circus is in town.

I'm gonna take my daughter tomorrow. Come and bring your kids.

- I'm sure they'II Iove it. - Oh, I think I...

You can't go to hell for taking your kids to the circus.

But I guess I couId shift things around.

Great. I'II Iook forward to it.

(Alice) Come on, you guys, go to sIeep.

I read you three stories aIready.

Katie, you stay in bed now. Good night.

See you in the morning. Good night.

Good night, now.

Stay in bed.

Sweet dreams.

What am I doing?

You gotta see this thing through to find out who he is, to find out who you are.

What am I getting myseIf into?

Alice, cheer up.

You know, l'm not gonna be around this place for very much longer.

What do you say we go out and have one last good time?

- I can't. - He's playing backgammon tonight.

l was there when he said so.

Let the nanny take care of the kids and you and l'll go to the Moonlight Casino.

The MoonIight Casino burned down ten years ago.

- Get your coat, Alice. - Anyway, it's way out at the beach.

Get your coat and meet me on the terrace.

Mrs Tait?

Mrs Tait, are you gonna need me for about an hour?

Mrs Tait?

Mrs Tait, did you go out?

Mrs Tait?

(* ''Moonlight Becomes You'' by Jackie Gleason)

Remember that night? Our last night together.

You told me it was all over.

I was just a kid.

The thought of Iife with you seemed scary.

You do have some regrets?

I don't know.

Would you do it all the same way if you had a second chance?

I don't know.

That's why it's important that you find out how you feel about Joe.

I think of you often.

(* ''Moonlight Becomes You'' by Jackie Gleason)

(Eddie) Sweetheart, l'm home. l sold a picture.

(Alice) That's great. Which one?

- The nude of you. - Oh, really?

Stop looking so grim. You're beautiful without clothes.

How many women have you made love to?

Enough. But you're the only one who ever seriously thought of being a nun.

- (Alice) l can't help it! - (coughing)

l never cooked a duck before.

- The whole place is black with smoke. - l'm so sorry.

(Eddie) You know, l really love you.

- (Alice) You insulted my mother! - She was a third-rate actress,...

..and she should keep her infantile ideas on politics to herself.

She could've been a big star.

And she's smart. And she was right not to understand your paintings.

And she was right about you being a communist.

(Eddie) Let's have a child. Even if you don't wanna get married.

Yeah, what would we live on? You can't pay your bills now.

- (Eddie) Kiss me. - l'm getting paint all over my dress.

Sh.

What's wrong?

l feel funny.

l feel very, very strange.

My God.

lt's the oddest sensation. l feel like l'm fading.

l am fading.

lt's happening. Here it goes.

lt was great seeing you again.

You're still wonderful.

Did you get a prize?

- So how's the rehearsaI coming? - Oh, fine.

- Great arrangement on ''The Mooche''. - The Mooche?

- ''Mooche.'' The EIIington number. - Oh. ''The Mooche.'' Yes.

I figured you'd know it. You seem so knowIedgeabIe about jazz.

I'm not reaIIy, but I'd Iike to Iearn.

(cheering)

So... you're nothing reaIIy Iike you were the other day.

- (Alice laughs) - You were coming on so strong.

I know. I was just... I was so obnoxious.

I'm so embarrassed. I...

I guess it was to counteract my shyness or something. I don't know.

So this is me. Do you feeI... Are you disappointed?

- No, no. - No?

- ActuaIIy, you scared me a IittIe. - ReaIIy?

No, weII... But I sensed it wasn't you.

Yeah.

Look, can I ask you a question?

Sure.

What?

Are you happiIy married? Or is that tactIess?

No. Yes. Yes, I...

Gosh, I've been married aImost 16 years now.

16 years.

Oh. WeII, that... that's great.

Yeah.

No, reaIIy.

- WeII, a good marriage, it's a rare thing. - Yeah.

Why did you get divorced?

WeII, my wife and I, we were both too opinionated.

She's... very briIIiant.

Uh-huh. And attractive?

Yes.

- And very sexy. - Uh-huh.

And when you're with her, do you...

..do you stiII have the urge to be with her?

- No. - No?

No? You never have the urge to... to grab her?

Like, you know, if the two of you are in her office or something?

Or, I don't know, you know, just... throw her down on the couch or something?

For oId times' sake?

God, you are interesting.

(* ''The Way You Look Tonight'' by Erroll Garner)

(AIice) Here's the story. A woman who's never done a dishonest thing in her Iife...

..finds herseIf faIIing into a Iove affair with a musician.

- It's a IittIe vague, AIice. - WeII... ReaIIy? You think?

Look, be honest. What do you know about that kind of woman?

- WeII, I... - Who's the woman?

Who's the man? Who's the poor husband?

Where does it go? What makes it interesting?

Is it Iurid? Is it sexuaI? Perverse?

Is she a whore?

What's the matter? You Iook paIe.

(Alice) I know I can write. I'm just bIocked, you know?

(Joe) You just need to reIax and not press. If there's something in you, it'II come out.

Yeah. Yeah, I know you're right.

- It's not so... - It's Iike me.

- I wanted to be a cIassicaI musician. - Yeah?

But it wasn't in me. So I make my Iiving doing studio work.

Shows, commerciaIs.

But I do have a pretty good feeI for jazz.

And is that where you... where you met your wife?

- In commerciaIs? - Yeah, exactIy.

We were doing a spot for some detergent.

- Detergent... - It was Iove at first sight.

Christ, within haIf an hour we were making Iove in the Iadies' room.

- Oh, excuse me. - No, that's fine.

You have a very charming way of teIIing things.

Listen, do you think you can get away tomorrow evening?

An evening?

A friend is making a record. It might be fun for you to hear him.

- He's a terrific ceIIist. - WeII, an evening...

Tomorrow evening is Doug's backgammon night, so...

- What time wouId this be? - Eight, eight-thirty.

- Eight? - Yeah. If you Iike...

WeII, I can meet you. How about in front of the schooI?

In front of the schooI. An evening.

Yeah, I guess I couId do that.

That sounds Iike fun.

OK. OK. It's a deaI.

(Doug) Lou GimbeI's wife has been on at him about her working too.

So, finaIIy, he rented a store on Lexington Avenue.

He's gonna bankroII her and she's opening a boutique.

- Oh, reaIIy? - Or a sweater shop, and...

And I thought to myseIf, that's something.

PossibIy, on a part-time basis, you couId heIp out.

You have a nice personaIity and you know sweaters.

It's not reaIIy what I had in mind, you know.

WeII, think about it.

Gosh. ShouIdn't you be getting ready for your backgammon game?

- I shouId. - Yeah.

- WeII, have fun tonight. Have a good time. - I won't be too Iate.

- What are you gonna do? - I don't know. The usuaI. Nothing much.

(phone rings)

Gee, it's after 7.30. Gosh. You don't wanna be Iate.

- I'm not gonna be Iate. - I'II probabIy just watch TV.

- Mr Tait, teIephone. - OK, HiIda. Thank you.

That was a good dinner.

(* ''La Cumparsita'' by The Castilians)

My game was caIIed off.

- What? - Yeah. Ken is sick.

He's sick? Isn't there anyone eIse you can pIay with?

Jay's stuck in Boston. His fIight was canceIIed.

- Doug? - Yeah?

I'm gonna go out for a IittIe whiIe, OK?

- Where? - I was just taIking to my sister.

- She wants to see me. She's upset. - Dorothy? She's upset? What about?

Oh, you know. You remember we had that IittIe probIem a whiIe ago, and...

She feeIs bad, so I'm just gonna go over there.

- What does she want? - I don't know. To taIk.

- Do you have to go now? - Yeah. Yeah.

- Can't you taIk about it on the phone? - You know Dorothy. She's a Iawyer.

They Iove to have meetings. So I'm just gonna go. I'II see you soon.

Yeah. Be sure the doorman gets you a cab each way, OK?

- OK. No probIem. - Don't be too Iate.

- OK. - I worry about you.

George, couId you get me a cab, pIease? OK.

I'm gonna Ieave this bag here. I'II pick it up on my way back.

- Hi. - Hi.

I was gonna go. I thought you weren't coming.

- Maybe I shouIdn't have. - What's the matter?

I can't do this, OK? I just can't do this. I can't Iie Iike this.

Look, I... I didn't mean to put you in such a tough position.

WeII, you did put me in a tough position.

- You know? - Gee...

- You aIways turn on the charm with me. - AIice...

I can't do this.

I...

- I didn't mean to cause troubIe for you. - I have a trusting husband.

I found myseIf Iooking him right in the eye and making up this stupid story.

WeII...

Maybe what you're upset about is the discovery that you're capabIe of doing it.

Hey, Iook, don't try to psychoanaIyse me.

I'm upset because I did a Iousy thing.

OK.

ShouId I take you home?

- No, that's OK. I'II get a cab. - No. AIice, I'II take you home.

- Listen, AIice, it's raining out. I'II take... - That's OK.

(* ''Limehouse Blues'' by Ambrose & His Orchestra)

Excuse me?

Dr Yang?

Dr Yang?

It's AIice Tait, Dr Yang.

Dr Yang? It's AIice Tait.

- Mrs Tait. Come in. - But I didn't reaIise...

- I can come back another time if... - Is aII right.

I heard your house and your office were the same. I thought I might find you...

- Mrs Tait seems tense. - Yes, I am. I am a bit tense.

What I need is a tranquiIIiser. I was hoping you couId give me something.

I don't beIieve in putting foreign substances into my body, so...

- No, thank you. I don't smoke. - PIease. Is naturaI substance.

Of course, I did smoke when I was young.

FiItered, cork-tipped, menthoIated cigarettes onIy.

PIease. Mrs Tait among friends.

Yeah.

PIease.

It's harsh.

I can't stay Iong. I'm supposed to be visiting my sister.

- Aha. Intrigue? - No, no, you know. I just...

It's a dumb Iie, because my sister and I aren't cIose at aII.

I'd Iike to be. She and her husband moved here recentIy from PhiIadeIphia.

She's a very fine attorney.

WouId you mind hoIding that a IittIe cIoser, pIease?

Oh, this is reIaxing.

Oh, I... I was very surIy with a gentIeman friend earIier, you know.

I behaved Iike a reaI bitch. Excuse my French.

Mrs Tait feeI more caIm?

As a matter of fact, I do. I do.

This is...

Everything... seems to be fIoating.

I think I'II just Iie down for a moment, if you don't mind.

(* ''Alice Blue Gown'' by Wayne King & His Orchestra)

Gee. Dorothy, what happened to our house?

It's so run-down.

I understand you used me as an aIibi tonight to get out of the house.

(Alice) What went wrong? We used to be so cIose.

- We chose different paths. - Yeah. And you think mine is triviaI.

Anybody who spends that much on stuffed animaIs for their chiIdren...

I know how you feeI. You made it very cIear Iast time.

PeopIe are starving and you fiII the nursery with every conceivabIe toy.

Isn't there any way I... that you couId respect me?

You're just Iike Mom.

Yeah. You know, I've been thinking about Mom and Dad a Iot IateIy.

Remember how Dad used to cut our birthday cakes with his sword?

- (Dorothy) You bought aII that junk? - He was a navaI hero.

Come on. He was a bore and Mom was a drunk.

Come on. Don't say that.

So, who are you cheating with?

I'm not cheating. Not physicaIIy.

You know, not yet, anyway.

You probabIy stiII beIieve what the nuns toId us at Sacred Heart.

My days as a CathoIic ended when I was about 16.

My days as a CathoIic ended when Mom found my diaphragm.

But the music was beautifuI, wasn't it? And the rituaIs.

Go on. Have one more confession. It's free.

(Alice) My sister's been right about so many things.

I am too much Iike Mom.

Sometimes I think I'm not raising my chiIdren with the right vaIues.

That I'm spoiIing them.

Not exposing them to the things that matter most.

When I was young, I wanted to be a saint.

I used to pray with my arms outstretched because it was more painfuI...

..and l could feel closer to God.

l wanted to spend my life helping people,...

..taking care of the sick and the old people.

l was never happier than when l got a chance to help out that way.

What happened?

Where did that part of me go?

And now, even my marriage.

I'm so mixed up about it.

And I feeI guiIty about Joe.

God, I'm exhausted.

- You have curIs. - I onIy have one. You have so many.

You know, I'm crazy about these. These are just absoIuteIy...

- Oh, AIice. Hi. - Hi.

- This is Joanne, this is KimberIy. - Hi. Hi.

See you Iater. How are Dennis and Kate doing? Have they adjusted?

- They're doing reaI weII. - I am having terribIe probIems with Perry.

Every time I Ieave, he cries. EspeciaIIy if Sesame Street isn't on.

- He needs more sessions on the couch. - That couId be.

You were gonna caII me about Jessica's party.

- Of course they'II come. - They'II have a magician. I have an idea.

I want Kate to have a pIay-date next weekend with Perry.

I'II have my chauffeur pick them up directIy from schooI.

- Gee. Can I caII you about that? - PIease. They're so Iooking forward to it.

- Hi. How are you? - Great.

Perry wouId Iike to invite Shana to the movies in his dad's screening room.

- They're showing The Little Mermaid. - Sure.

He's reaIIy sorry for the Iast time. He didn't mean to vomit on her coIIage.

- I've gotta run. CaII me. - I'II caII you.

Bye-bye.

Listen, I'm reaIIy sorry about Iast night.

No, it's OK. Can we taIk in private for a minute?

Yeah. Yeah.

I was thinking, maybe I shouId just back off for a IittIe whiIe.

- ReaIIy? - WeII...

- I can't bear to be the source of troubIe. - Oh, no. It's not you at aII.

No, it's me. It's... it's just who I am, who I've been.

I'm just trying to figure out who that is.

That's why I don't wanna be an obstacIe.

ReaIIy? So you think... you think we shouIdn't meet any more?

Maybe it's for the best.

Gee, I was gonna take you to a neat restaurant for Iunch tomorrow.

- You were? - Not if... not if...

Listen, we better get the kids.

- Hi. Hi. - AIice, hi. God. Come on in.

- I didn't get you away from anything? - I was working on a brief, but...

- ..I'm so happy to be taken away from it. - I was a coupIe of bIocks away, so...

Dorothy, I just, you know... I just wanted to teII you that I feeI bad about this.

- I've been thinking about it and I'm sorry. - Oh, honey. I know, I know.

Listen, I'm the big sister. I'm... I shouId be kind, and I'm sorry.

- Do you want some tea? - Um... No, no thank you.

- I didn't handIe it weII. I apoIogise. - You were right.

- Who am I to be judgmentaI of your Iife? - Listen, be quiet for just a second.

I was... I was wrong. You know, I was...

There's something disgusting about aII the stuff I buy the kids and I buy myseIf.

- AII of that. You were right. - But it's your Iife, you know? Who am I?

You're my sister, and I care about what you think.

- Yeah? - And I miss being cIoser, you know?

When you guys moved to the city, I was hoping that wouId happen.

I was hoping that too, you know?

I'm sorry, but I was reaIIy surprised to see how you've changed.

- I didn't know how to handIe it. - You knew Doug was very weaIthy.

Yeah, of course I knew that, but when I waIked in, you know, that...

Oh, God, your cIoset. CIothes, and a hundred shoes and aII that stuff.

- It was hard for me. I'm sorry. - Yeah.

You know, you're just very...

You're different. You have different ideas than when we were kids.

I know that. I know that. I know that. You're right.

But don't you think I wanna be cIose?

I do.

God.

(* Bach's Violin Concerto No. 1 in A minor)

It's about her working in CaIcutta, you know. It's just so incredibIy tragic there.

AII these bigwigs are sitting there with tears running down their faces.

It was just incredibIy moving. She was just so... so simpIe and unassuming.

You know? It was amazing. I was... I was weeping.

The kids were cute though. Dennis, I think, was just thriIIed to be up so Iate.

But I reaIIy think Katie had a feeI for what was going on, you know?

- Why are you so nervous? - I'm not. Why do you say nervous?

You keep taIking. I've heard this three times.

ReaIIy? WeII, you know, this is a big step for me.

I just feeI... ShouIdn't it happen more graduaIIy or something?

- It hasn't exactIy been rushed. - Rushed? I don't know.

It feeIs rushed. It feeIs rushed. I've been married 1 5 years.

ProbabIy I'm just out of practice.

It's not Iike juggIing. You don't have to practise.

I mean, Doug and I do have sex, but... but not the way we used to.

Which is probabIy my fauIt. Somewhere aIong the Iine I just Iost interest.

Then he seemed to. But probabIy because I did.

But I don't know why I did. Anyway, we rareIy seem to do it.

- Maybe he Iost interest first. - Sh. Sh.

- What? - ReIax.

What's reIaxed? It's not even dark. God, I prefer it when it's dark.

- Then you can't see anything. - See?

I am going to be going on a diet.

(* ''Darn That Dream'' by Thelonious Monk)

(Alice) Was I terribIe?

You were the best.

Was I OK?

Yes.

DiaIogue in fiction has two functions.

In the noveI, to be read to oneseIf as voices in the mind.

And in scripts and in pIays, to be read out Ioud.

So that what we're reaIIy taIking about here is...

..the two aspects of the consciousness of words.

InternaI and meditative in the noveI,...

..and externaI and expressive in the drama and in fiIm.

Creative energy aII comes from nerve in back of neck.

Mrs Tait has troubIe writing because nerve is pinched.

Now, circuIation very, very Iow.

Must drink Iots of Dr Yang's speciaI herbaI tea.

Creative spirit wiII come.

Drink tea next time Mrs Tait sits down to write.

(* ''Darn That Dream'' by Thelonious Monk)

- Who are you? - I'm your muse.

My muse?

Yeah. You Iook surprised. I'm your muse. I'm here to heIp you.

- You're having troubIe writing. - I am having troubIe, as a matter of fact.

I feeI I shouId be abIe to handIe some siIIy IittIe TV script.

- WeII, writing's hard. - EspeciaIIy with a friend buying.

- You don't think Nancy's a friend? - Sure. We go back years.

I introduced her to her boss and the man she Iives with.

You're not psychoIogicaI at aII. How can you be a writer?

- What do you mean? - What do I mean?

What I mean is, don't ever count on Nancy BriII.

- She's not gonna give you a break. - No.

You represent where she puIIed herseIf out of.

- She's past you. - Nancy?

Haven't you noticed she keeps checking her watch when she taIks to you?

- It can't be. I introduced her to... - I know. To her Iover and her boss.

More reason to give you the brush.

PeopIe that made it don't want peopIe from the past.

- What are you trying to write? - That's a script.

- I'm aIso taking a course. - That's technique.

The important part can't be taught: inspiration. That's where I come in.

I think the professor thinks I have some promise.

- He's very encouraging. - I know Professor Davis.

- He's trying to get you into the sack. - No.

It's the reason he teaches. FemaIe pupiIs.

No. He's very deep. He's not Iike that.

Yeah. Very deep is exactIy where he wants to put it.

- Now, what about your mother? - What, Mom?

Your mother. She was a movie actress for a whiIe. Her story might be a good pIot.

She was just in the movies for a very, very short time.

And she never made it. Losers are much more interesting.

- Mom's not a Ioser. - Look how defensive you are.

It's a good story. I know you idoIised her, but be reaIistic. This is important.

She was in the movies. She made two or three movies, and then she met Dad.

And... Dad persuaded her to retire.

No, AIice. I was never more than a pretty face.

And when it began to wrinkIe, the studio stopped caIIing.

No, there was much more to you than your Iooks.

- You couId have done more with your Iife. - You fIatter me.

After the studio didn't want me, I was Iucky your father came aIong.

I was so used to having someone Iook after me.

I wouId have kiIIed myseIf if it wasn't for him.

That's why it's so important to marry a substantiaI man,...

..not some struggIing Ieft-wing artist in Greenwich ViIIage.

But then when Dad died, you drank yourseIf to death with margaritas.

I couIdn't heIp it, darIing.

You know I couId never resist the taste of saIt around the rim of a gIass.

Oh, Mom.

You were so charming.

But so misguided.

Why didn't I see it?

When it came to me and your dad, you had stars in your eyes.

Can't say the same for your sister.

(* ''Southern Comfort'' by The Firehouse Five Plus Two)

(Alice) Gee, this wine is reaIIy great.

(Joe) WeII, it's Chambertin 1 961 .

Mm.

You know so much about wine, too.

I know nothing.

I ordered the most expensive one and figured it must be the best.

These past few weeks have... have been reaIIy fun for me.

You were so reIaxed this morning, back at my pIace.

Very uninhibited. Nothing sexier than a Iapsed CathoIic.

Yeah. I have something I wanna share with you.

I must be drunk, or I wouIdn't be doing this.

Drugs? Am I seeing correctIy?

I... I gotta take these with water. You can't take it with wine.

These are not drugs. These are herbs. They're very rare. You can't get any more.

- What kind of herbs? - They make you invisibIe.

You're right. You are a IittIe drunk.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

AIice? Where the heII are you?

- I'm here. I'm right in front of you. - AIice, this isn't funny!

See?

Oh, my God! I've got goose bumps on my goose bumps.

Come on. Have a sip.

- What is this? - Go on. I don't know. Just come on.

Take some.

- What wiII it do? I'm a father. - Look, trust me.

- I... I don't feeI any different. - Wait a second.

- Do you see anything? - Just give it a minute.

Oh. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God! I can't beIieve this.

- Isn't it great? - I can't... Where did you get this?

(Alice) Do you wanna go for a waIk or something, just for fun?

(* ''Southern Comfort'' by The Firehouse Five Plus Two)

(Joe) Jeez! Nothing shocks New York cab drivers.

- Are you feeIing more comfortabIe now? - Yeah. I feeI great.

- Isn't this a different way to spend a day? - It's Iike a dream come true.

(Joe) How many times I wished for this! EspeciaIIy when I Iived next to the YWCA.

(Alice) Here we are, stroIIing on Madison Avenue, and no one can see us!

- Come here. Give me a kiss. - Joe, not here.

(Joe) We're invisibIe. Let's make Iove against this maiIbox.

- Stop it! - Come on, come on.

(Alice) There's Nina and Jane TayIor.

I'II bet anything they're going into RaIph Lauren's. I have to foIIow them.

This is so wicked. I just... I'm dying to eavesdrop.

I'II definiteIy go straight to heII.

(Joe) Come on. If you want to, do it. You onIy Iive once.

Ooh. Look at this.

- (Alice) Ooh, this is pretty. - (Joe) Don't do that. You'II cause a riot.

There they are. I feeI Iike a monster, taking advantage Iike this, but...

(Joe) Oh, my God!

That... that's that famous modeI. I've seen her.

She's been in a miIIion magazines. Look at that body. I can't beIieve it.

- CaIm yourseIf. - Is she goin' in the changing room?

- I don't know. - Change cIothes?

Go ahead. Enjoy yourseIf, OK? I'm gonna go check out Jane and Nina.

I find it hard to beIieve myseIf, but it's true. She's having an affair.

AIice Tait? Our AIice Tait?

Miss Prissy CathoIic-SchooI Mother Superior?

I ran into her the other day. She was buying cIassicaI records.

He's a sax pIayer. She turned beet red.

It adds up, because Anny Phyfe said she saw her with a man - not her husband -

at the Whitney, and she was bIissfuI.

I Iove these pants. Can you picture her sIeeping with another man?

I'm sure aII the Iights are out.

It was bound to happen. Doug has been such a run-around for years.

You say that, but I don't know anyone who's had an affair with him.

He's carefuI, but I've heard the stories. He's a good-Iooking, rich, athIetic man.

You think he's gonna be satisfied with Miss Mouse?

ActuaIIy, Jane, now that you mention it, I think I do remember someone.

I hear he's aIways got something going on the outside.

Excuse me. There's some heavy breathing in the dressing room.

I may be home Iate tomorrow. They're throwing a Christmas party at the office.

- ShaII I join? - Oh, no, no.

It's not for wives. You know, just the office crowd.

You know, this January we'II be married 16 years.

Wow, that's a Iong time.

When you Iook around, I mean.

Have you ever been unfaithfuI to me?

- What kind of a question is that? - You know. Every wife specuIates.

- No. - OK. It was just a casuaI question.

Have you?

- No. - I was just kidding.

Dorothy, I need some sisterIy advice.

I think Doug is having an affair.

- Why? - I overheard these peopIe taIking.

- Did they say he was? - Yeah. And it might not be the first time.

(Dorothy sighs)

- (Dorothy) What do you think? - I don't know.

I asked him if he'd ever been unfaithfuI and, of course, he denied it.

- Of course. - But I keep recaIIing these incidents.

Look, if they make sense, I wouId beIieve them.

I guess I've just been so trusting, it never even occurred to me.

There's a difference between being trusting and wearing bIinders.

- I know. WeII... - Are you aII right?

I suppose I don't reaIIy have a right to compIain, since I'm having an affair too.

- What? - Yeah.

I better sit down. This is reaIIy starting to get interesting.

He's a saxophone pIayer, and I Iike him a Iot.

I've even had fantasies of maybe Ieaving Doug for him.

- Oh, my God. - Yeah.

WeII... Oh, Jesus.

Doug, come on. The party's started on four.

- I'II be right up. I have a IittIe business. - Let's go, cheater.

- Merry Christmas, Doug. - Merry Christmas.

Did you see Howard's face when you snubbed him?

- Mm-hm. - Mm-hm. CrestfaIIen.

- How've you been? - ExceIIent.

- Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas.

- I saw you waIk under the mistIetoe. - Too bad you weren't with me.

I am with you.

- Can you get away again Friday? - This Friday?

I was going to teII AIice that the market was in crisis and I had to work very Iate.

I have that board meeting again on Friday. PhiIadeIphia.

- I don't know if I'II be back in time. - Oh, come on. Try and make it.

We can use Jay TeIIer's apartment again.

I stiII have such hot memories.

- You're wicked. - Yes.

Friday is perfect.

Are you wearing that underwear I bought you?

I keep having the feeIing that we're not aIone.

We're aIone, honey. And no one wiII miss us.

(screams) Oh, my...

Did you aIso have an affair with Veronica ReynoIds?

And Cynthia Scott, maybe? They both Iook just Iike her.

- What are you doing here? - The question is, why did you marry me?

How did you get in here? AIice? AIice?

AIice? Listen, AIice, this is nothing. We both had a few drinks.

How did you get inside the office? AIice? AIice!

(* soft piano music )

(Alice) Joe?

(* band plays ''Mack The Knife'')

- Hi. - Hi.

OK, Iisten. Here's the thing.

I'm Ieaving my husband.

It's been on my mind for a Iong time.

Anyway, I've... I've reaIIy decided.

- So, I just thought you'd wanna know. - Um... AIice...

Yeah?

When you phoned,...

..I was pacing up and down in front of the mirror, rehearsing a speech.

Because I wanted to taIk to you.

- Yes? - The other day,...

..you know, when we spIit up on Madison Avenue,...

..after we both got invisible.

l guess l was a little drunk, and l...

..l did something l've always wanted to do.

l went to 96th Street.

And at four o'clock l entered the office of Dr Lerner, Vicki's psychoanalyst.

Well, l listened to her private thoughts for nearly an hour.

And it turns out that, down deep, she's still in love with me.

And she regrets having instigated our break.

The point I'm getting at is...

..I think I shouId take that chance with her.

We were together for six years.

And we have a chiId whom we both Iove.

I don't know what eIse to say except...

..that, under everything... I stiII care for her.

(Alice sighs)

WeII.

Yes.

WeII.

(Dr Yang) Mrs Tait, come in. PIease excuse appearance.

- Dr Yang Ieaving. - You're going away?

Yes. Must go to Tibet for a period of time.

Ancient scroIIs discovered. New remedies.

Dr Yang must aIways continue education.

Good for my patients, and keeps Dr Yang young.

But teII Doctor, what is probIem?

WeII, I've experienced a doubIe bIow.

A husband who Ioved me once, I know that he no Ionger does.

And a man I met recentIy and deveIoped strong feeIings for...

..now doesn't seem to want me.

Love. Love is most compIex emotion.

Human beings unpredictabIe.

No Iogic to emotions.

Where there is no Iogic, there is no rationaI thought.

Where there is no rationaI thought, there can be much romance,...

..but much suffering.

Gee, I... I feeI Iike I'm adrift, Iike I've been cut Ioose.

A whiIe ago I had a routine Iife, with feeIings I understood.

A husband, a home.

Mrs Tait had iIIusion of happiness.

Upon cIoser observation, not very honest husband, not very honest with seIf.

- I'm frightened. - Freedom is frightening feeIing.

Can you heIp me before you go?

Here, Mrs Tait.

SpeciaI herbs, very speciaI herbs.

Found onIy in HimaIayas.

- What wiII these do? - Is strong Iove potion.

DissoIve into drink. He who drinks wiII Iose heart to Mrs Tait.

So... so these wiII make Joe Iove me again?

Or your husband Iove you again as he once did.

- ReaIIy? - Herb is potent. Choice is yours.

Use wiseIy.

Choice?

I think Mrs Tait has better idea of who she is than before she came to Dr Yang.

Who her friends are, or are not.

Who is husband, Iover, sister, mother.

What are her needs, her Iimits, her gifts.

What are her innermost feeIings.

May not know aII answers, but has better idea. No?

Yes. Yes, it's true.

Now must decide which road her Iife wiII take.

Whoa! Sorry.

AIice. I didn't think you couId make it.

- Uh-oh. What's wrong? - I'II come back.

Don't be siIIy. Come in. There are a Iot of peopIe you know here.

- Is that AIice? - Hi.

- Where's Doug? - He's... he's busy.

- Merry Christmas. - Thank you. Merry Christmas.

- I'm a IittIe shaken up. - Yeah, I see that. Let's go into the kitchen.

What is it? What?

OK. I have to make a decision between Doug and Joe.

Oh, God. WeII...

- AII right. What are your feeIings? - I don't know.

I have feeIings for both of them.

AIice, is it that simpIe? You just pick the one you want?

It's a Iong story, but yes, yes, I can.

- You're the one to make this decision. - Come on, you two. Join the party.

It's prime time. PeopIe are gonna begin Ieaving soon.

(* ''Will You Still Be Mine'' by Erroll Garner)

That's great. Look at these peopIe go.

- We're not gonna have anything Ieft. - The party's a big hit. So's the eggnog.

CocktaiI franks and bicarbonate of soda.

What's... what's with AIice? She Iooked so upset when she came in.

- I'm gonna go get some more cake. - Come on, teII me.

Dorothy?

Excuse me. AIice? CouId I have a word with you?

- Yes. Excuse me. Excuse me. - Excuse us.

Thanks. He was getting a IittIe repetitious.

What is this?

I'm so gIad you and Dorothy are seeing more of each other.

Thank you. I'm gIad, too.

- I've aIways Iiked you. - Thank you. I've aIways Iiked...

Have I got something there? I'm gIad you guys moved to New York.

No, I mean, I reaIIy Iike you.

Thank you. I reaIIy Iike you, too.

- Now I know I made a mistake. - What's that? A mistake?

Yeah. Marrying Dorothy. You're the one I Iove. AIways have, aIways wiII.

What are you saying? What, are you kidding?

I don't know. Maybe I'm drunk.

Maybe you're drunk. I don't think you shouId be saying things Iike that.

- Oh, AIice, darIing. - Ken, come on.

Come on, Ken.

Good to see you. Who's that?

It doesn't matter, anyway.

- HeIIo. Hi. - HeIIo.

- We haven't met. I'm Sid Moscowitz. - Excuse me. I'm AIice Tait.

You'II think I'm very forward, but you're the IoveIiest creature I've ever seen.

Thank you. That's very sweet. Thank you.

- Don't be offended. - This is my night. I'm not at aII offended.

- I've been staring at you for haIf an hour. - Have you reaIIy?

- God! - Excuse me. Hi, Sid. How are you?

- I'm fine. - Everyone's having too much eggnog!

I want you to know I...

- You mean a Iot to me. - You don't even know me.

I know enough to know that I wouId be Iost without you.

- You'd be Iost without me? - SuddenIy, reaIIy...

- You're my worId, AIice. - I was just Iooking for my sister Dorothy.

- Excuse me. - I need to say this.

- Who are you? - My name is AIice Tait.

- Excuse me. - Dorothy's sister. I was Iooking for her.

- You are the most devastating... - AIice.

- What is everyone on? - AIice? I just... I Iove you.

- That's a beautifuI name. - Excuse me.

- The herbs. The herbs. - (both) AIice. Excuse me.

The herbs. A bag, did you see a brown bag around here?

- The nutmeg. I put that in the eggnog. - Nutmeg? Oh, no. Isn't there any Ieft?

- It was a smaII bag. - It's not nutmeg. Get the eggnog, pIease.

- I thought it was. - Tip the whoIe thing out.

- I'm Nat. I've been staring at you... - There's been a mistake.

- Give me that. Don't drink any more. - You're so IoveIy.

- Ken, Iet me taIk to you tomorrow. - I Iove you.

Excuse me. You're gonna think this is very sudden. I Iove you. Let's get married.

- I think we shouId. I have a Iot of money. - AIice. My God.

- There's been an accident. - Joseph Banks. Can you feeI it?

- AIice? - Can you feeI? Can you...?

Why don't you back off a second, OK? Let me taIk to her. Give me one second.

(* ''O Tannenbaum'' by Liberace)

- CIaire had so much Iiposuction done. - Yes?

I ran into her in PaIm Beach and again at the kinesioIogist's.

I think she wants to have an affair with her dog-waIker.

- (man) Taxi! - Is it five or six Pekingese she has?

- Six, I think. Is he cute? - Mm... Mezzo, mezzo.

- Is that you? - Yeah.

- We have to taIk. - Yeah. I think we do need to taIk.

AII right. I've fooIed around a IittIe over the years. I'm not perfect.

- Neither am I. - No, you are.

No, Doug. I've Iied. I've cheated.

- I've done things I didn't think I had in me. - You have?

I have, I have. We haven't had a reaI marriage in so Iong, if ever.

In what way did you Iie and cheat?

AII I know is, I don't Iike the way I feeI about it. I think it's time to change that.

Look, I don't wanna bIow this out of proportion, OK? What's past is past.

Nothing has to be different. We can get things back to the way they were.

I know I can. I know I can.

- But I'm not going to. - What does that mean?

It... WouId you excuse us, pIease, HiIda? Just for a moment, pIease.

I'II teII you what it means. I'm tired of aII this. I'm tired of pedicures,...

..and face-Iifts, and shopping and gossip about who's in bed with who.

- I'm tired of the whoIe thing. - There's more than that. The chiIdren.

Yes, exactIy. I want them growing up with deeper vaIues, with something eIse.

- Don't give me a Iecture. - That is something I don't need any more.

- What is it? - For your own interest.

You wanted to take a writing course. I said OK.

Did you aIso have an affair with Nancy BriII? I wouIdn't be surprised.

- I don't Iike you this way. - I can't write. And if I couId...

- It's good to know that. - ..I'm incapabIe of more than a TV pIot.

- We need to go to the Bahamas. - It's pathetic.

- Unwind, sunbathe, unIoad this. - I'm going further than the Bahamas.

- OK. What? Where are you going? - I'm going to CaIcutta.

- You're going where? - CaIcutta.

- To try and work with Mother Teresa. - Do you have your ticket?

I want the chiIdren to have a different kind of Iife.

- To know something different. - Mother Teresa? Are you serious?

- I'm serious. - You're serious about this?

- When did this amazing thought pop up? - It doesn't matter when.

It does to me.

One minute without your charge pIates and masseuse and you wouId be Iost.

Yeah, I know. You're probabIy right.

- But it's not gonna be that way any more. - ReaIIy? What's it gonna be? CaIcutta?

You're going off to CaIcutta?

Do you know they have 10,000 unIisted diseases in CaIcutta?

I don't beIieve... What are you saying?

The second you see an ad for a diamond earring...

..or get a craving for a caviar bIini, you'II be back, if indeed you go.

You're not going with my chiIdren.

(Nina) Did you hear about Alice Tait? She left her husband.

- (Penny) No! - (Sue) That's old news.

- What do you mean? - The big news is, she went to lndia.

- Really? - lt's incredible. She met Mother Teresa.

But now she's back and l heard she's doing some kind of volunteer work.

- She always had that Catholic streak. - True.

She not only left her husband, she left her cook, her chauffeur and her maid.

She's living downtown with the kids.

You're not gonna believe this. She does everything herself.

Penny Gates said she spends all her free time with her kids, and she looks great.

No cook or maid? Did she have a mental breakdown?

- That's my thought. - Someone said she's a changed woman.

Speaking of changed women, Gloria Phillips had face work.

She's having an affair with her astrologer, isn't she?

But she's a changed woman because you can't tell it's Gloria.