Original subtitles

YO, DIG THIS.

♪ EUGENE GURKIN WAS A JANITOR ♪

♪ CLEANING TOILETS FOR THE MAN ♪

(woman) ♪ SCRUBBIN' AND FLUSHIN' ♪

♪ TILL HE DECIDED THAT HE HAD ENOUGH ♪

♪ GOT A CREW AND MADE A PLAN ♪

♪ NOW THEY'RE THE... ♪ ♪ KNIGHTS OF PROSPERITY ♪

♪ ROBBIN' FROM THE RICH TO GIVE TO THEMSELVES ♪

♪ KNIGHTS OF PROSPERITY ♪

WE THE KNIGHTS, BABY.

LADY AND GENTLEMEN, WE ARE GATHERED HERE THIS MORNING

FOR A MEETING OF THE UTMOST IMPORTANCE.

THE KNIGHTS OF PROSPERITY

HAVE TO CHOOSE AN OFFICIAL THEME SONG.

OOH.

GARY, DROP SOME SCIENCE ON US.

"SMUGGLER'S BLUES" BY GLENN FREY. WHY THAT PIECE OF CRAP?

BECAUSE IT IS ABOUT CRIMINALS. IT'S ABOUT SMUGGLERS, AND WE'RE THIEVES.

THAT IS GLENN FREY'S PROBLEM, NOT MINE. WHY BOTHER?

YOU'VE ALREADY GOT THE SONG PICKED OUT. RIGHT, CHIEF? GUILTY AS CHARGED.

LOUIS.

(Rush's "Tom Sawyer" playing)

♪ MODERN-DAY WARRIOR, MEAN, MEAN STRIDE ♪

♪ TODAY'S TOM SAWYER, MEAN, MEAN PRIDE ♪

♪ THOUGH HIS MIND IS NOT FOR RENT ♪

♪ DON'T PUT HIM DOWN AS ARROGANT ♪

♪ HIS RESERVE, A QUIET DEFENSE ♪

♪ RIDING OUT THE DAY'S EVENTS ♪

(both) ♪ THE RIVER ♪

(falsetto voice) ♪ WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT HIS COMPANY ♪

♪ IS WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT SOCIETY ♪

OKAY, ENOUGH. ARE WE HERE FOR SINGING

OR FOR ROBBING MICK JAGGER? THE TWO ARE NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE.

HIS APARTMENT IS SWARMING WITH ARMED GUARDS.

WHAT IS OUR STRATEGY?

I FIGURED WE'D JUST SNEAK UP ON 'EM.

AND HOW DO WE SNEAK UP ON THEM WHEN THERE'S A LOCKED DOOR

ON THE WAY WITH A THUMBPRINT SENSOR?

ANYBODY?

TIPPYTOE?

(knock on door) WHOA. WE GOT COMPANY.

COME ON. COVER, COVER, COVER, COVER, COVER.

LOUIS, GET RID OF THE INTRUDER. WHAT? WHY ME?

YOU'RE EXPENDABLE. GO!

SIMONE?

OH, GOD. UH, SIMONE CASHWELL FROM THE SECURITY COMPANY.

HELLO, LOUIS PLUNK.

UH, SHE KNOWS MY REAL NAME.

UH, UH, IT'S TIME TO LAWYER UP.

MANHATTAN. YES, ROBERT SHAPIRO?

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

YOU LEFT THIS AT MY APARTMENT LAST NIGHT.

(chuckles) OH, MY WALLET. THANKS.

BUT HOW DID YOU FIND THIS PLACE?

THERE WAS A NOTE IN THERE WITH THIS ADDRESS ON IT.

SO WHO ARE YOU, WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME,

AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THIS CREEPY WAREHOUSE?

WELL, THIS IS, UM... (coughs)

OKAY. LOOK, SIMONE--

(imitates Yiddish accent) WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME.

WELCOME TO GLICKMAN'S JEWISH SUPPLY WAREHOUSE, HUH?

YEAH, I'M GLICKMAN, YENTL GLICKMAN.

HOW CAN I HELP YOU?

UH, ACTUALLY, I-I WAS JUST HERE FOR LOUIS.

MY STOCK BOY?

OH, WELL, LAST NIGHT HE SAID HE WAS A MILLIONAIRE PLAYBOY.

LOUIS, HUH? OY, YI, YI, YI, YI, YI.

WHY WOULD YOU LIE TO SUCH A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG GOIL, HUH? OH.

MORE IMPORTANTLY, LOUIS, IS SHE JEWISH?

SIR, IS THAT A COFFEE FILTER ON YOUR HEAD?

HUH? OH. OY VEY. HOW RUDE OF ME.

I SHOULD'VE OFFERED YOU SOME BREAKFAST.

COME, COME, COME, COME. A YOUNG, SKINNY GOIL LIKE YOURSELF... NO, NO, I REALLY--

YOU NEED A NICE-- WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE? A NICE--

PERHAPS YOU'D LIKE A NICE SCHMEAR. NO, NO. REALLY, NO.

NO, NO, A NICE SCHMEAR. NO!

OH, WELL, SUIT YOURSELF. AS-SALAAM ALAIKUM.

(chuckles nervously) THAT YENTL--HE LOVES TO KIBITZ.

UH... THANK YOU FOR STOPPING BY.

ALL CLEAR. HUH?

BRILLIANT IMPROV, CHIEF.

YOU DESERVE A DAYTIME EMMY.

YO, THERE'S A BIG-ASS THUMBPRINT IN THE CREAM CHEESE.

OH, SORRY ABOUT THAT, ROCKEFELLER.

SPEAKING OF THUMBPRINTS,

HOW ARE WE GONNA GET PAST MICK JAGGER'S THUMBPRINT SENSOR?

HMM. DANG. IF ONLY WE HAD THE THUMBPRINT

OF SOMEONE WITH SECURITY CLEARANCE.

(Gary) OH, I GET IT NOW.

YOU ARE GOOD. YOU ARE GOOD. OH!

EUGENE GURKINS, YOU'RE A HE-NIUS.

WELL, THANK YOU, MILADY.

BUT HOW WE GET THE THUMBPRINT OUT THE CREAM CHEESE?

DOES ANYONE HERE HAVE DENTAL COVERAGE?

(Muzak playing)

(speaking Hindi)

GREAT JOB, GARY. THAT FAKE THUMB WILL GET US

PAST THE THUMBPRINT SENSOR, NO PROBLEM. YEAH, AND INTO THE WAITING ARMS

OF GOD KNOWS HOW MANY GOONS WITH GUNS.

GOD KNOWS AND SO DOES HIS LITTLE PAL EUGENE BECAUSE ROCKEFELLER

AND I STAKED OUT MICK'S APARTMENT LAST NIGHT.

STAKED OUT? "STOOK"? WE "STOOKED"? WE WERE... "STOKE," "STUCK," "STUCKING."

"STOOKED OUT." "STOOKED OUT." NO, NO, IT'S "STOOKED OUT."

OKAY, ANYWAY,

WE WERE WATCHING THE COMINGS AND GOINGS OF THE GUARDS.

FROM 3:00 TO 4:00 A.M. THERE'S ONLY 2 GUARDS IN POSITION.

THAT GIVES US A 1-HOUR STRIKE ZONE. EXACTLY.

THERE'S ONLY TWO OF THEM, AND THERE'S SIX OF US, OKAY?

SO WE USE THE THUMBPRINT, WE SNEAK UP ON 'EM,

AND WE DISARM 'EM. YEAH, I DON'T KNOW, CHIEF.

HOW AM I GONNA EXPLAIN A GUNSHOT WOUND TO THE WIFE?

SQUATCH, WE CAN DO THIS THING, ALL RIGHT?

WE'RE STREET GUYS. REMEMBER WHEN I SAID THAT YOU WERE A HE-NIUS?

UH, YEAH. YOU'RE AN IDIOT.

I GREW UP IN THE STREETS OF CARTAGENA

SURROUNDED BY THUGS AND MURDERERS.

MY BOYFRIEND ENRICO ONCE SLASHED A MAN'S THROAT

WITH A DEBIT CARD.

YOU KNOW, IN THE FUTURE, WHEN YOU TELL THAT STORY,

I WOULD GO WITH "CREDIT CARD."

LOOK, I KNOW STREET GUYS.

NO OFFENSE, YOU'RE NOT STREET GUYS.

ALL RIGHT. WHAT DO YOU WANT US TO DO? THIS.

THE LEARNING ANNEX. "50 WAYS TO REDUCE CLOSET CLUTTER."

TURN THE PAGE.

"GET IN FIGHTING SHAPE WITH HAWTHORNE JANSEN.

WORLD-FAMOUS EXPERT ON..."

SECURITY AND SELF-DEFENSE.

I CONSULTED ON THE MOVIE "PANIC ROOM."

IT WAS MY IDEA TO HAVE A PANIC ROOM

WITHIN THE PANIC ROOM WITHIN THE PANIC ROOM,

KINDA LIKE RUSSIAN NESTING DOLLS.

THEY DIDN'T USE THAT. THE MOVIE SUFFERED.

I PUT TOGETHER PERSONAL SECURITY PROGRAMS

FOR SOME OF HOLLYWOOD'S BIGGEST NAMES--

YOUR ELAYNE BOOSLERS, YOUR IAN ZIERINGS,

YOUR "WEIRD ALS" YANKOVIC.

OOH. YOU KNOW WEIRD AL?

IS HE WEIRD IN PERSON, OR IS IT ALL JUST AN ACT?

THAT'S THE WRONG QUESTION. SORRY.

THE REAL QUESTION IS HAS HE EVER BEEN ROBBED?

NOT ON MY WATCH.

HAS HE EVER BEEN MURDERED? NOT ON MY WATCH.

HAS HE EVER BEEN RAPED? THAT'S BETWEEN HIM AND HIS GOD.

I NEED A VOLUNTEER.

UH...

YOU.

ME? MISS, COME UP, PLEASE.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME? ESPERANZA.

(Spanish accent) ESPERANZA-- THAT MEANS "HOPE," RIGHT?

Sí.

WELL, I HOPE YOU'LL BE KIND ENOUGH

TO HELP ME DEMONSTRATE SOME OF MY SELF-DEFENSE TECHNIQUES.

I WOULD BE DELIGHTED. OKAY, LET ME HAVE YOUR ARM.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS LOSER? COME ON.

PAY ATTENTION, STREET GUY.

NOW IMAGINE I'VE TAKEN IT BEHIND YOU LIKE THIS. OOH!

NICE MOVES.

MAYBE I SHOULD SIT DOWN AND LET YOU TEACH CLASS, HUH?

(Esperanza giggles) MAYBE YOU SHOULD.

(laughing) THAT'S RIGHT.

(imitating Hawthorne Jansen) YEAH, HEY, YEAH.

I'M HAWTHORNE JANSEN, YEAH. I'M A REAL COOL GUY, YEAH.

I PRETEND TO KNOW HOW TO FIGHT SO I CAN HIT ON HOT CHICKS.

(normal voice) I MEAN, WHAT A LOSER.

I THOUGHT HE WAS A CAPTIVATING PUBLIC SPEAKER.

(pounding on door)

HO! POSITIONS! QUICK, COVER THE TABLE!

OH, ESPERANZA, HEY.

UH, WHAT'S HE DOING HERE?

HAWTHORNE AGREED TO GIVE US OUR OWN PRIVATE LESSON.

THESE ARE YOUR HOT FRIENDS?

YEAH.

YOU NAUGHTY GIRL.

SOMETIMES NAUGHTY, SOMETIMES NICE.

I DON'T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT THIS PUBLICLY,

BUT SOME YEARS AGO, FOR A WEEK,

I WAS THE HEAD OF LOCAL SECURITY FOR FRANK SINATRA... JR.,

AND I LEARNED A LOT OF VALUABLE LESSONS

AS FAR AS TAKING CARE OF PEOPLE-- LOOK, WE'D LOVE TO HEAR

THE WHEREFORES AND WHY NOTS OF YOUR TRAVELS AND ADVENTURES,

BUT CAN WE CUT TO THE HEART OF THE STEAK, PLEASE?

WE NEED TO LEARN HOW TO DISARM TWO GUYS WITH GUNS. YOU, STAND UP, PLEASE.

TAKE THIS GUN AND HOLD IT ON ME.

UH, UH, LIKE THIS?

(Eugene) LOOK OUT! WHOA! (all grunting)

PRESSURE POINTS AND THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE. THANK YOU.

WOW, THAT WAS--THAT WAS IMPRESSIVE, BUT I, UH...

(chuckles) I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY THAT

ON MY FRIEND ROCKEFELLER BUTTS HERE. HMM?

YEAH.

(neck cracks)

(Rockefeller grunts) (thud)

PRESSURE POINTS, ELEMENT OF SURPRISE. FANTASTIC.

(whispers) HE IS SO COOL. ♪ BRINGING IN THE SHEEP ♪

UNFORTUNATELY, THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE IS USELESS ON ME.

MY TRAINING IS SUCH AS TO BE PREPARED

FOR ANY EVENTUALITIES, NO MATTER HOW SUDDEN.

QUESTION, SIR. UH...

YOU SAY YOU'RE NOT SUSCEPTIBLE TO THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE.

WELL, IF THAT'S THE CASE, HOW THEN DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS?!

(grunts)

EXCELLENT. EXCELLENT!

DO YOU WANT TO PLAY GAMES

OR YOU WANT TO LEARN HOW TO FIGHT?

AAH! HUH, NO. NO, NO, I WANT TO-- (grunts)

AAH!

LEARN HOW TO FIGHT! (groans)

OKAY, HERE'S WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.

I'M GONNA GIVE YOU ALL A CRASH COURSE IN-- AAH!

(crash)

THE ART OF DEFENSE AND ATTACK.

WHEN YOU'RE DONE, YOU WILL NO LONGER BE PEOPLE.

YOU'LL BE TRAINED WEAPONS. (Eugene) OH, GOD HELP ME.

ARE YOU READY?

(Rush's "Tom Sawyer" playing)

♪ A MODERN-DAY WARRIOR, MEAN, MEAN STRIDE ♪

♪ TODAY'S TOM SAWYER, MEAN, MEAN PRIDE ♪

♪♪♪

♪ THOUGH HIS MIND IS NOT FOR RENT ♪

♪ DON'T PUT HIM DOWN AS ARROGANT ♪

♪ HIS RESERVE, A QUIET DEFENSE ♪

♪ RIDING OUT THE DAY'S EVENTS ♪

♪ THE RIVER ♪

♪ WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT HIS COMPANY ♪

♪ IS WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT SOCIETY ♪

♪ CATCH THE MIST ♪

♪ CATCH THE MYTH ♪

♪ CATCH THE MYSTERY, CATCH THE DRIFT ♪

WELL DONE, PEOPLE. GOOD, HARD WORK. VERY, VERY NICE.

COME ON OVER HERE. LET'S TALK ABOUT IT.

HAWTHORNE, THANK YOU. YOU ARE WONDERFUL. AND SO ARE YOU.

WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, BRAVO, HUH?

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, HAWTHORNE,

FOR COVERING SOME VERY BASIC AND RUDIMENTARY GROUND.

IF YOU'LL JUST STEP ASIDE NOW, I'LL TAKE OVER,

AND WE'LL DEAL WITH SOME OF THE FINER,

MORE SOPHISTICATED POINTS OF SELF-DEFENSE, OKAY?

BUT YOU DESERVE A HAND. THANK YOU. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA TEACH 'EM?

WELL, I LIKE TO, UH, FOCUS MORE ON THE, UH, MENTAL PREPARAZIONE.

I'M KIND OF, UH, INTO EASTERN PHILOSOPHIES,

SO YOU MIGHT NOT UNDERSTAND. YEAH, EAST OF LEFFERTS BOULEVARD.

I'D LOVE TO SEE WHAT YOU GOT.

OKAY. WELL, THEN MEET ME OUTSIDE IN FIVE MINUTES,

AND I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT I'VE GOT.

MAKE IT 20, OKAY?

CALL IT AN EVEN 30.

OR I'LL JUST--I'LL CALL YOU, ACTUALLY, WHEN I'M READY.

WELCOME.

(tribal music playing)

THE MIND, MY FRIENDS, IS A TERRIBLE THING TO WASTE,

AND IF YOU THINK EDUCATION IS EXPENSIVE, TRY IGNORANCE.

EXCUSE ME. WHAT IS THIS?

HOT COALS, MY FAIR ESPERANZA, A BED OF HOT COALS.

AND WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE HOT COALS, PRAY TELL?

WE'RE GONNA WALK ACROSS THEM BAREFOOT.

YEAH, I'M GONNA PASS ON THAT.

UH, H-HOW IS WALKING ACROSS HOT COALS

GONNA HELP US DO WHAT WE HAVE TO DO?

BECAUSE IT WILL MENTALLY PREPARE US TO DO WHAT WE HAVE TO DO.

IF YOU THINK YOU CAN DO IT, YOU CAN DO IT.

I SAW IT ON "SURVIVOR." THEY USE SPECIAL TELEVISION COALS!

OKAY, I'M GONNA GO. OKAY, SEE, THAT DOESN'T SURPRISE ME.

I KNEW YOU WOULDN'T GET IT.

YOU WANNA WALK ME TO MY CAR?

SURE.

BUT, ES--OKAY. HUH. I'M WALKING ON HOT COALS NOW!

OH, JEEZ, YES! AAH!

ESPERANZA, I AM ALIVE! MY SOUL IS FREE!

OH, MY GOD! I'M IN INTENSE PHYSICAL PAIN!

(Poison) ♪ EVERY ROSE HAS ITS THORN ♪

(knock on door)

(Squatch) EUGENE?

IT'S OPEN.

♪ JUST LIKE EVERY NIGHT HAS ITS DAWN ♪

HOW ARE THE DOGS?

TENDER.

LISTEN, A LITTLE FRIENDLY ADVICE--

KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE PRIZE.

WHAT?

AFTER WE ROB MICK JAGGER, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE SO MANY BROADS,

THEY'RE GONNA HAVE TO PUT VELVET ROPES AROUND YOUR ASS.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? OKAY.

I'M SAYING...

FORGET ABOUT ESPERANZA FOR NOW, OKAY?

WE CAN'T AFFORD TO HAVE YOU DISTRACTED.

WHOA, ESPERANZA?

WHAT ARE YOU--WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, ESPERANZA?

ALLS I'M SAYING IS THAT WHEN GUYS STOP THINKING

WITH THEIR BRAINS, AND THEY START THINKING

WITH THE OLD PIDDLE-DEE-DUNK, THEY DO STUPID THINGS.

OKAY, WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, DR. JOYCE BROTHERS, OKAY?

BUT EUGENE GURKIN'S NEVER DONE NOTHING STUPID FOR ANY BROAD.

YOU GOT JEALOUS AND BURNT YOUR FEET OFF.

I DID WHAT I DID TO HELP THE KNIGHTS OF PROSPERITY

MENTALLY PREPARE TO ROB MICK JAGGER. THAT'S IT.

NO, YOU DID WHAT YOU DID

BECAUSE ESPERANZA'S GOT A RACK THAT CAN BE SEEN FROM SPACE.

OKAY, "A," MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ESPERANZA

IS PURELY PROFESSIONAL, OKAY?

AND "B," EVEN IF I HAD FEELINGS FOR THE YOUNG LADY--

WHICH I DON'T--THEY WOULD NOT BE BASED ON MERE PHYSICALITIES.

I APOLOGIZE.

YEAH, ARE WE DONE HERE?

WE'RE DONE.

(screams)

(thud)

(groans)

ALL RIGHT, GUYS, LISTEN UP.

WITH THIS KEY, THE CODE AND THE THUMBPRINT, I'LL GET IN.

I'LL LEAVE THE DOOR PROPPED OPEN FOR THE REST OF YOU.

WHEN I GO IN AND SAY, "OH, IT'S SO GOOD TO BE HOME,"

THAT'S THE CUE FOR YOU GUYS TO RUSH IN

AND DISMANTLE THE GUARDS. OKAY, ANY QUESTIONS?

ARE THE GUARDS MENTALLY ILL? (Eugene) WHAT?

HOW ELSE ARE THEY GONNA BELIEVE YOU'RE MICK JAGGER

IN THAT RIDICULOUS MASK? THIS MASK IS ONLY SUPPOSED TO

GET ME PAST THE SECURITY CAMERAS.

ONCE I'M FACE TO FACE, IT SERVES AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT PURPOSE. EXCUSE ME, BUT WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THAT?

SHOCK AND AWE.

THAT THUMB DON'T LOOK NATURAL.

EXACTLY. THAT'S PART OF THE MASTER PLAN, BROTHER BUTTS.

"HEY, WAIT A MINUTE. YOU'RE NOT THE REAL MICK JAGGER,

AND THAT THUMB IS VERY CONFUSING TO ME," AND KABOOM!

WE'RE ON TOP OF 'EM WITH SURPRISE AND PRESSURE POINTS

AND THE MENTAL PREPARATION

THAT IS DERIVED FROM WALKING ON HOT COALS,

WHICH IS A, UH, THRILL THAT ONLY LOUIS AND I HAVE EXPERIENCED.

JACKASS, JACKASS JR.

SQUATCH, SQUATCH, COME HERE.

IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO ME UP THERE, ALL RIGHT,

I WANT YOU TO PUT ON MY TOMBSTONE IN BIG, FAT LETTERS

"DIED ROBBING MICK JAGGER," SO AT LEAST PEOPLE KNOW

I WENT FOR IT, ALL RIGHT? WHAT IF YOU DIE AND WE GET AWAY?

THAT TOMBSTONE WOULD DRAW UNNECESSARY ATTENTION TO US.

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, GARY! WHAT? I CANNOT MAKE A PROMISE,

AND THEN HE IS DEAD, AND THEN I CANNOT KEEP THE PROMISE.

BETTER WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT IT NOW,

AND DO NOT CALL ME GARY. OKAY, LET'S DO THIS THING.

UH, SERIOUSLY, WHAT ABOUT THAT TOMBSTONE?

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WAIT A MINUTE.

IT'S NATH PRAN. THAT'S MICK'S HOUSEBOY.

I RECOGNIZE HIM FROM TV.

UH-OH, MAYDAY, I THINK HE SEES THE MASK.

DAMN STRAIGHT. HE'S GOT FOUR SECURITY GUARDS WITH HIM.

WHY FOUR? THERE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE TWO!

OKAY, LET'S GO BACK TO GLICKMAN'S

AND RETHINK THIS THING. COME ON. GO.

HEY, MICK JAGGER. LET ME GET A PICTURE.

NO, NO, MAN. I'M NOT MICK. I'M JUST A GUY WEARING A MASK.

BUDDY, I KNOW. I'M NOT THAT WASTED. HEY, CIRCLE, COME ON.

GET A PHOTO OF ME AND MICK JAGGER OVER HERE. WE GOTTA GO, CHIEF. GOTTA GO!

GET HIM OFF ME! GET HIM OFF ME! HEY, IT'S MICK JAGGER.

WE'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE, SIR, AND, YOU, STOP.

WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT? SIR?

(tires screech) SIR, I'M GONNA ASK YOU THIS ONCE AND ONLY ONCE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN FRONT OF MICK JAGGER'S BUILDING

DRESSED AS MICK JAGGER?

(chuckles nervously) UH, UH, UH, UH, I'M A SUPER FAN?

(humming)

I DO CORPORATE EVENTS!

(Squatch) THAT WAS A DISASTER. MAYBE WE SHOULD START A HEDGE FUND.

THOSE GUYS MAKE MILLIONS. WHAT'S A HEDGE FUND?

I HAVE NO IDEA. WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?

WELL, THIS IS WHERE MICK'S GUARDS HANG OUT,

AND THERE ARE TWO AT THE BAR RIGHT NOW.

WHAT WE GOTTA FIGURE OUT IS WHY THEY UPPED SECURITY.

BUT, LISTEN, EVEN IF THERE'S FOUR OF THEM,

THERE'S SIX OF US, RIGHT? TWO GUARDS, FOUR GUARDS,

THE UNEXPECTED BOY IN THE WHITE SUIT--

WE DO NOT KNOW WHAT WE ARE DOING.

YEAH, EUGE, IT'S TIME TO GIVE UP.

NO, I DON'T KNOW, SQUATCH, MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.

HEY, WOULD YOU BOYS MIND IF WE BOUGHT THE LADY A DRINK?

NO, THANK YOU.

AW, COME ON, JUST ONE DRINK.

MAYBE YOU DIDN'T HEAR THE LADY. SHE SAID, "NO, THANK YOU."

I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU.

SO WHAT DO YOU SAY? COME ON, HONEY, LET'S GO.

(Rush's "Tom Sawyer" playing)

♪♪♪

PRESSURE POINTS AND SURPRISE.

YEAH, AND THE EXACTITUDE OF MENTAL PREPARATION

THAT ONLY WALKING ON HOT COALS PROVIDES.

(cheering)

VERY NICE!

(cheering, speaking indistinctly)

THANK YOU, STREET GUY.

THAT WAS SOME PRETTY SWEET STUFF.

EVER DO ANY SECURITY WORK? SOME.

IF YOU'RE INTERESTED, GIVE ME A CALL.

GENTLEMEN, LET US PLEASE REFRAIN

FROM ANY OUTWARD DISPLAY OF EMOTION,

BUT NOTE THAT ONE ROCKEFELLER BUTTS

WAS JUST OFFERED EMPLOYMENT IN MICK JAGGER'S APARTMENT,

AND THE KNIGHTS OF PROSPERITY ARE BACK IN BUSINESS!

YES!

THESE ARE SOME TASTY-ASS PEANUTS!

(all laugh)

(cell phone rings) HELLO?

OH, HI, HAWTHORNE. HOW ARE YOU?

HEY, EUGENE, UH, HOW MUCH DO THOSE MASSAGE CHAIRS COST?

I'M THINKING ABOUT INVESTING IN ONE.

I DON'T KNOW, SQUATCH.

OKAY. THANK YOU SO MUCH. BYE.

THAT WAS HAWTHORNE.

HE WANTED ME TO GO WITH HIM TO THE POCONOS.

OH, HEARD THEY GOT A LOT OF, UH, NICE RESORTS OUT THERE.

YOU THINK I WOULD GO WITH HIM?

WHAT KIND OF WOMAN DO YOU THINK I AM, EUGENE?

I DON'T KNOW. YOU GUYS SEEMED PRETTY FRIENDLY. I MEAN...

IF I WASN'T FRIENDLY, WOULD HE TEACH US HOW TO FIGHT?

OH, OH, RIGHT. RIGHT, YEAH.

BESIDES, I'M LOOKING FOR A NEW LIFE.

THE LAST THING I WANT IS A NEW MAN.

OH, YEAH. YOU WANT TO FOCUS. KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE PRIZE.

EXACTLY.

THE QUESTION IS, WILL THOSE TWO GUYS EVER TRY

TO PICK UP ANOTHER GIRL IN A BAR AGAIN?

NOT THIS BAR. NO.

NO, I THINK THE REAL QUESTION IS HOW COME THEY ASKED ROCKEFELLER

TO BE PART OF THE SECURITY TEAM AND NOT ME? BECAUSE I'M A 300-POUND BLACK GUY.

(all laugh) (Squatch) HERE'S TO THE BLACK GUY.

♪ KNIGHTS OF PROSPERITY ♪

WE THE KNIGHTS, BABY. ♪ YEAH, HEY ♪