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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,344 --> 00:00:07,144 [ snoring ] 2 00:00:07,137 --> 00:00:10,307 - [ music playing ] - [ alarms ringing ] 3 00:00:14,206 --> 00:00:17,896 ♪ When you, when you told me ♪ 4 00:00:17,896 --> 00:00:20,546 ♪ That you, that you were unhappy ♪ 5 00:00:20,551 --> 00:00:23,551 ♪ I asked you to say it in French ♪ 6 00:00:23,551 --> 00:00:26,971 ♪ 'Cause I thought that whatever you had to say ♪ 7 00:00:26,965 --> 00:00:29,965 ♪ Would sound much better that way ♪ 8 00:00:29,965 --> 00:00:33,755 ♪ Or at least a little bit more romantic ♪ 9 00:00:33,758 --> 00:00:35,658 ♪ Romantic, romantic 10 00:00:35,655 --> 00:00:38,585 ♪ Oh, my God, was I wrong 11 00:00:38,586 --> 00:00:41,206 ♪ When you look at me 12 00:00:41,206 --> 00:00:44,546 ♪ You see lonely ♪ 13 00:00:44,551 --> 00:00:47,311 ♪ When I look at you ♪ 14 00:00:47,310 --> 00:00:49,000 - This is mine. - This is mine. 15 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:52,000 ♪ I don't know what I see 16 00:00:55,965 --> 00:00:58,275 Kat: Okay, here I go. Don't be intimidated. 17 00:00:58,275 --> 00:01:00,715 Just think of this place as my kingdom. 18 00:01:00,724 --> 00:01:04,344 I'm Mufasa. No, Scar! 19 00:01:04,344 --> 00:01:06,904 Hello, I'm here to interview for the Young Directors' Fellowship. 20 00:01:06,896 --> 00:01:09,376 It's just called the Directors' Fellowship. 21 00:01:09,379 --> 00:01:12,339 - Oh. - We know each other, Kat. 22 00:01:12,344 --> 00:01:14,864 You and I were in the same Improv 101 class together 23 00:01:14,862 --> 00:01:16,832 and you kept doing all those "SNL" characters, 24 00:01:16,827 --> 00:01:18,857 but you claimed you'd never seen "SNL." 25 00:01:18,862 --> 00:01:21,622 Did we? I'm sorry, I don't remember you. 26 00:01:21,620 --> 00:01:23,620 I do remember you, Sheila. 27 00:01:23,620 --> 00:01:24,970 Power move! 28 00:01:24,965 --> 00:01:27,655 Waiting room's down the hall. 29 00:01:27,655 --> 00:01:29,205 Party on, Sheila. 30 00:01:33,344 --> 00:01:34,454 Excuse me. 31 00:01:34,448 --> 00:01:36,098 Everyone, can I have your attention, please? 32 00:01:36,103 --> 00:01:38,143 Can you all circle up? 33 00:01:39,482 --> 00:01:41,282 Quickly. 34 00:01:41,275 --> 00:01:45,095 So, Gurknotters, as we all know, 35 00:01:45,103 --> 00:01:47,383 we haven't had a hit pill in a while. 36 00:01:47,379 --> 00:01:49,969 Sabantamed was a huge disappointment. 37 00:01:49,965 --> 00:01:52,965 - More like Sabanta-dead. - Good one. 38 00:01:52,965 --> 00:01:54,995 That was a good one. 39 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:58,480 But because of impending lawsuits, we are going to have to make some cutbacks, 40 00:01:58,482 --> 00:02:00,792 which means layoffs. 41 00:02:00,793 --> 00:02:03,343 Not for all of you, just some of you. 42 00:02:03,344 --> 00:02:05,724 - Oh, no. - Tiff, this must be so hard for you. 43 00:02:05,724 --> 00:02:07,694 - It is. - Bring it in, girl. 44 00:02:07,689 --> 00:02:10,169 I got you. 45 00:02:10,172 --> 00:02:12,242 I'm gonna get laid off, I know it. 46 00:02:12,241 --> 00:02:15,141 Everyone knows Tiff just keeps the people she likes around. 47 00:02:15,137 --> 00:02:17,967 I gotta get in that inner circle. 48 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:24,900 So, you describe your directing style as "jihad"? 49 00:02:24,896 --> 00:02:28,336 Yeah. See, why I'm a good fit for the Young Directors' Fellowship-- 50 00:02:28,344 --> 00:02:30,144 It's just the Directors' Fellowship. 51 00:02:30,137 --> 00:02:31,927 It's because my style 52 00:02:31,931 --> 00:02:35,001 is an intense mush-up of what we're okay with 53 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,970 and what we're super not okay with. 54 00:02:37,965 --> 00:02:41,755 Your resume is mostly... babysitting. 55 00:02:41,758 --> 00:02:43,308 Oh, I went to college for acting. 56 00:02:43,310 --> 00:02:45,100 Then I transitioned into playwriting. 57 00:02:45,103 --> 00:02:47,763 Then I was a photographer. Then I moved back to the theater. 58 00:02:47,758 --> 00:02:49,858 And now I'm a director. 59 00:02:49,862 --> 00:02:52,972 Definitely. 60 00:02:52,965 --> 00:02:55,235 - Well, our program... - Oh, shit. 61 00:02:55,241 --> 00:02:57,281 Did it sound like I don't know what I'm saying? 62 00:02:57,275 --> 00:03:00,545 Do I know what I'm saying? Oh, well, I've made my choice. 63 00:03:00,551 --> 00:03:02,661 The only thing to do? Do my choice harder. 64 00:03:02,655 --> 00:03:05,995 I recently started my own theater company. We're called [ bleep ] Fear. 65 00:03:09,206 --> 00:03:13,476 - Why is she here? - Donations. 66 00:03:13,482 --> 00:03:16,452 - Mm. - Well, Miss Souza, this has been great. 67 00:03:16,448 --> 00:03:19,278 - Yeah, it has. - So, moving forward, 68 00:03:19,275 --> 00:03:21,965 do you have any production videos you could send us? 69 00:03:21,965 --> 00:03:24,995 Do I? I don't. 70 00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:31,375 Maybe I should think less on how not to be fired, 71 00:03:31,379 --> 00:03:35,449 and more on how I'm gonna cope with being fired. 72 00:03:35,448 --> 00:03:39,068 Really consider the reality so it doesn't hurt as much. 73 00:03:39,068 --> 00:03:41,758 And maybe I'm focusing too much on work anyway. 74 00:03:41,758 --> 00:03:42,828 [ toilet flushing ] 75 00:03:42,827 --> 00:03:44,517 And you know what they say, 76 00:03:44,517 --> 00:03:47,997 all work and no play makes a woman's eggs worthless. 77 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:51,100 - David? - Hey, June, sorry if I scared you. 78 00:03:51,103 --> 00:03:55,593 Kat let me in. I'm done fixing your sink. 79 00:03:55,586 --> 00:03:59,236 Cool. How have you been? 80 00:03:59,241 --> 00:04:01,241 I think I've turned a corner in therapy. 81 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,551 We're using these dolls-- uh, it's a whole thing. 82 00:04:03,551 --> 00:04:04,901 That's great. 83 00:04:04,896 --> 00:04:06,546 Therapy! 84 00:04:06,551 --> 00:04:10,551 He's telling me about therapy. Is this foreplay? 85 00:04:10,551 --> 00:04:15,241 Well, till next time. 86 00:04:15,241 --> 00:04:18,381 Yep. Yeah. 87 00:04:18,379 --> 00:04:20,339 Somebody's hard. 88 00:04:20,344 --> 00:04:23,524 God! Stop! He could have heard you. Stop doing that. 89 00:04:23,517 --> 00:04:25,097 Nah, I'm real sneaky. 90 00:04:25,103 --> 00:04:28,073 Why don't you just stop being a lame-o and ask him out? 91 00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:30,478 I don't know. I mean, it would give my life meaning. 92 00:04:30,482 --> 00:04:34,622 - Then do it, GF. He seems really horny. - Okay. 93 00:04:34,620 --> 00:04:36,450 - She's not gonna do it. - I'm not gonna do it. 94 00:04:36,448 --> 00:04:38,968 - She's too scared. - I'm too scared. 95 00:04:38,965 --> 00:04:40,755 So how did the interview go? 96 00:04:40,758 --> 00:04:42,518 Really well, actually. 97 00:04:42,517 --> 00:04:45,027 All I have to do is send them a video of one of my past productions. 98 00:04:45,034 --> 00:04:49,314 - So... - But you don't have any past productions. 99 00:04:49,310 --> 00:04:52,830 That they know of. I invited some [ bleep ] Fear to come over later 100 00:04:52,827 --> 00:04:56,067 so we can film an award-winning play we did. 101 00:04:56,068 --> 00:05:00,618 Get it? 'Cause we didn't, but we're pretending, so... 102 00:05:00,620 --> 00:05:03,380 Yeah, I-- I get it. It's, um-- it's very clever. 103 00:05:03,379 --> 00:05:04,589 'Cause of the winking? 104 00:05:04,586 --> 00:05:07,856 Well, two eyes, so, you know, um, blinking. 105 00:05:07,862 --> 00:05:12,072 No because when I blink this eye the other eye hurts, like, really bad. 106 00:05:12,068 --> 00:05:13,858 So then I'm like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. 107 00:05:13,862 --> 00:05:17,172 Stop doing it then! You're doing it to yourself. 108 00:05:17,172 --> 00:05:20,312 Okay. It's easy to not do. 109 00:05:20,310 --> 00:05:22,550 But it's a legitimate disability. 110 00:05:22,551 --> 00:05:25,001 You can't say that. 111 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:29,760 Okay, I think the only thing that really matters is showing our aesthetic. 112 00:05:29,758 --> 00:05:31,688 What's our aesthetic again? 113 00:05:31,689 --> 00:05:34,029 Just like things that are scary and sexy, 114 00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:37,834 but also say, "Huh. That is true." 115 00:05:37,827 --> 00:05:39,787 - Totally. - I agree with that. 116 00:05:39,793 --> 00:05:42,453 - I want to have duct tape on my mouth. - That's a great start. 117 00:05:42,448 --> 00:05:44,028 - Nudity. - Oh, for sure. 118 00:05:44,034 --> 00:05:46,414 - Witches. - Oh, [ bleep ]. 119 00:05:46,413 --> 00:05:49,103 Are we all thinking the same thing? 120 00:05:49,103 --> 00:05:51,073 - Punk. - Twins: Punk. 121 00:05:51,068 --> 00:05:54,928 All: Rock "Macbeth"! 122 00:05:54,931 --> 00:05:56,861 - Nice. - Pomegranates. 123 00:05:56,862 --> 00:06:01,662 - People on dog leashes! - I was literally just about to say that. 124 00:06:01,655 --> 00:06:03,445 - Aah! Yes! Yes! - Yeah! 125 00:06:03,448 --> 00:06:06,618 Oh, my God. It's so embarrassing. 126 00:06:06,620 --> 00:06:08,620 - Why would you do that? - Why would she do this? 127 00:06:08,620 --> 00:06:13,760 - Mm-mm. That's not the way to go. - [ chuckles ] 128 00:06:13,758 --> 00:06:15,928 - Have you seen this yet? - Yes. 129 00:06:15,931 --> 00:06:19,281 Need to learn to listen to the question before answering. 130 00:06:19,275 --> 00:06:21,305 Uh, no. 131 00:06:21,310 --> 00:06:24,100 Okay, well, Megan from accounting made a music video. 132 00:06:24,103 --> 00:06:25,693 - You have to see it. - Yeah. 133 00:06:25,689 --> 00:06:26,899 It's on YouTube. 134 00:06:26,896 --> 00:06:28,826 ♪ Believe in yourself 135 00:06:28,827 --> 00:06:30,337 ♪ Believe in your dreams 136 00:06:30,344 --> 00:06:34,414 ♪ 'Cause we're all made of dream ♪ 137 00:06:34,413 --> 00:06:37,413 Oh, I don't want to laugh at this. 138 00:06:37,413 --> 00:06:40,793 I like Megan. She's the only one who's nice to me. 139 00:06:40,793 --> 00:06:43,003 [ forced laughter ] 140 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:47,790 That is bad! Whoo-wee! 141 00:06:47,793 --> 00:06:50,973 Do it, June. Join the fray. 142 00:06:50,965 --> 00:06:55,585 And slowly... okay, no one noticed. 143 00:06:55,586 --> 00:06:57,166 Going good. 144 00:06:57,172 --> 00:07:00,832 Now I have to contribute something. 145 00:07:00,827 --> 00:07:02,237 Do I... 146 00:07:02,241 --> 00:07:05,481 If you think that's bad, wait till you see this. 147 00:07:05,482 --> 00:07:06,692 [ phone clicks ] 148 00:07:06,689 --> 00:07:09,859 [ music playing ] 149 00:07:16,482 --> 00:07:19,862 all: Double, double, toil, and trouble. 150 00:07:19,862 --> 00:07:24,002 cauldron boil and... [ high-pitched shrieking ] 151 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:27,170 [ punk music playing ] 152 00:07:28,620 --> 00:07:30,340 - What? - Whoa. 153 00:07:34,034 --> 00:07:38,454 We are not afraid. 154 00:07:38,448 --> 00:07:40,618 [ screaming ] 155 00:07:40,620 --> 00:07:43,760 - [ chuckles ] - Wow. 156 00:07:43,758 --> 00:07:46,618 Shakespeare is rolling over in her grave. 157 00:07:46,620 --> 00:07:48,280 That's right, I said it. A lady. 158 00:07:48,275 --> 00:07:50,515 That was the worst thing I've ever seen, 159 00:07:50,517 --> 00:07:52,717 and it's amazing. 160 00:07:52,724 --> 00:07:56,034 - Are those the team-building girls? - Yes. I live with one of them. 161 00:07:56,034 --> 00:07:59,834 - Ew, why? - "Ew, why?" Exactly. I know. 162 00:07:59,827 --> 00:08:03,657 Oh, my God. I would seriously go see a show because it looks so bad. 163 00:08:03,655 --> 00:08:06,785 - Yeah. - It's a weird ironic thing that I do. 164 00:08:06,793 --> 00:08:08,413 - Oh. - It's crazy, I know. 165 00:08:08,413 --> 00:08:10,343 That's so weird and ironic and crazy. 166 00:08:10,344 --> 00:08:13,724 - I love that outfit. - Oh, I heart yours too. 167 00:08:13,724 --> 00:08:15,244 She hearts mine's too. 168 00:08:15,241 --> 00:08:18,281 I have to send this to my Sigma Phi Taffeta girls. 169 00:08:18,275 --> 00:08:19,855 - Can you send me a link? - I want one, too. 170 00:08:19,862 --> 00:08:22,592 - Ooh, and me. - Yeah, totes magotes, guys. 171 00:08:22,586 --> 00:08:25,026 Consider it sent. Whoosh. 172 00:08:25,034 --> 00:08:27,244 - Thanks. - Oh, my gosh. This is gonna be so... 173 00:08:27,241 --> 00:08:30,001 I'm in! This isn't bad. 174 00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:32,240 I'm not really making fun of Kat. 175 00:08:32,241 --> 00:08:34,381 I'm doing this to keep my job. 176 00:08:34,379 --> 00:08:36,859 If I don't have a job, then I can't pay rent. 177 00:08:36,862 --> 00:08:38,592 Then Kat and I would be homeless, 178 00:08:38,586 --> 00:08:40,756 and I hear more homeless women are being raped these days. 179 00:08:40,758 --> 00:08:46,028 I have to make fun of Kat so she doesn't get raped. 180 00:08:46,034 --> 00:08:48,144 So this is what it feels like to go viral. 181 00:08:48,137 --> 00:08:51,307 Exhilarating, nerve-wracking, completely titillating. 182 00:08:51,310 --> 00:08:53,830 - [ computer chimes ] - Stupid June. 183 00:08:53,827 --> 00:08:59,787 Probably another chain letter she's scared to not forward to seven people. 184 00:08:59,793 --> 00:09:01,483 - What the? - [ gasps ] 185 00:09:01,482 --> 00:09:04,282 Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! 186 00:09:10,241 --> 00:09:13,901 June! I always knew you were a fat piece of shit. 187 00:09:15,344 --> 00:09:19,314 Okay. Just gotta hide for a couple days 188 00:09:19,310 --> 00:09:22,480 until I've crafted an incredibly sincere apology. 189 00:09:22,482 --> 00:09:25,412 Sneak into the kitchen, grab a few snack packs, 190 00:09:25,413 --> 00:09:27,413 maybe just grab a few bottles of water to-- 191 00:09:27,413 --> 00:09:30,763 Well, well, well. 192 00:09:30,758 --> 00:09:34,208 Sneaking in so you don't have to face me because you're a coward? 193 00:09:34,206 --> 00:09:35,756 No. Yes. 194 00:09:35,758 --> 00:09:39,308 Kat, I am so sorry. I do not think your video was lame. 195 00:09:39,310 --> 00:09:41,620 I promise. I was just trying to fit in. 196 00:09:41,620 --> 00:09:43,660 Like a lame Mary Warren. 197 00:09:43,655 --> 00:09:46,475 And you're brave, sexy Abigail. 198 00:09:46,482 --> 00:09:51,102 Oh, I'm so Abigail. And David is John Proctor. 199 00:09:51,103 --> 00:09:53,623 Which works really well because he has a dead wife. 200 00:09:53,620 --> 00:09:55,380 - Yeah. - No! 201 00:09:55,379 --> 00:09:57,689 Stop distracting me with fun "Crucible" casting. 202 00:09:57,689 --> 00:09:59,789 I'm sorry. 203 00:09:59,793 --> 00:10:02,693 I just had to belittle someone to make a girl think I was cool. 204 00:10:02,689 --> 00:10:05,479 Okay, that's what every unlikeable character ever written says. 205 00:10:05,482 --> 00:10:09,832 Yes, exactly! I would never claim to be likeable. 206 00:10:09,827 --> 00:10:11,997 Well, two can play at that game. 207 00:10:15,724 --> 00:10:17,244 Why are you making those faces? 208 00:10:21,965 --> 00:10:24,825 - You got a calendar? - Yeah. 209 00:10:24,827 --> 00:10:26,377 You notice anything written on it? 210 00:10:29,275 --> 00:10:30,275 What? 211 00:10:33,965 --> 00:10:36,895 You're going on a date with David? 212 00:10:36,896 --> 00:10:39,206 - My David? - Yeah. I asked him out, 213 00:10:39,206 --> 00:10:41,546 and he basically [ bleep ] all over himself. 214 00:10:41,551 --> 00:10:43,141 Oh. You know what? 215 00:10:43,137 --> 00:10:45,997 I was just about to start maybe lightly trusting you, 216 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:47,790 and then you stab me in the back. 217 00:10:47,793 --> 00:10:50,413 - How could you do this to me? - How could you do what you did to me? 218 00:10:50,413 --> 00:10:52,033 He's the love of my life! 219 00:10:52,034 --> 00:10:55,214 Well, not anymore. I'm his new dead wife-- regular wife. 220 00:10:55,206 --> 00:10:57,206 Oh, that is so low. 221 00:10:57,206 --> 00:11:00,446 I'm probably gonna kill myself I'm so sad. 222 00:11:00,448 --> 00:11:03,028 Cool. You and Mrs. David can watch us having sex 223 00:11:03,034 --> 00:11:04,794 while you're getting fat in heaven. 224 00:11:04,793 --> 00:11:08,933 You di-- you know, I can't believe you. 225 00:11:08,931 --> 00:11:11,031 Wait, when did you get a calendar? 226 00:11:11,034 --> 00:11:12,594 - I just had it. - No, you didn't. 227 00:11:12,586 --> 00:11:14,166 - I did. I had it. - No, you didn't. 228 00:11:14,172 --> 00:11:18,282 You bought that calendar specifically for this moment. 229 00:11:18,275 --> 00:11:21,895 - Oh, it is so on. - It is on like Donkey Kong. 230 00:11:21,896 --> 00:11:28,206 - Is a many times on. - It is on like the bomb.com has been known to be on. 231 00:11:29,758 --> 00:11:33,278 ♪ I'd trade my tears for an ounce of flour ♪ 232 00:11:33,275 --> 00:11:36,925 ♪ And from that flour so bread I'd bake ♪ 233 00:11:36,931 --> 00:11:42,001 ♪ And feed that bread to you I would ♪ 234 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:45,480 ♪ And you would know my sadness ♪ 235 00:11:45,482 --> 00:11:47,002 - Hey, June. - [ gasps ] 236 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:48,340 David? 237 00:11:50,206 --> 00:11:52,926 You got a nice voice. 238 00:11:52,931 --> 00:11:56,861 Oh, uh, me? [ chuckles ] 239 00:11:56,862 --> 00:12:00,002 I'm glad I ran into you. I, uh, forgot to invite you 240 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:01,930 to a fundraiser I'm throwing this Friday. 241 00:12:03,310 --> 00:12:05,620 - This Friday? - Yeah, it's to fund research 242 00:12:05,620 --> 00:12:07,760 on the disease that killed my wife. 243 00:12:07,758 --> 00:12:12,448 Ha-ha-ha. It looks like little Miss Everyone Wants To Have Sex With Me isn't. 244 00:12:12,448 --> 00:12:15,618 I'm inviting everyone. I told Kat to invite you. 245 00:12:15,620 --> 00:12:18,210 [ laughing ] 246 00:12:18,206 --> 00:12:22,616 My therapist wants me to think about Judy's disease like a man. 247 00:12:22,620 --> 00:12:24,450 A man she left me for. 248 00:12:24,448 --> 00:12:28,098 And the only thing left for me to do now is... 249 00:12:28,103 --> 00:12:30,483 kill the man. 250 00:12:30,482 --> 00:12:32,312 By throwing him a party? 251 00:12:32,310 --> 00:12:33,830 No. It's... 252 00:12:33,827 --> 00:12:38,547 a fundraiser to fund research to cure the disease... 253 00:12:38,551 --> 00:12:40,901 kill the man. I think that's... 254 00:12:40,896 --> 00:12:42,826 Screw you for lying to me, Kat. 255 00:12:42,827 --> 00:12:45,097 I'm gonna have sex with David. Me! 256 00:12:45,103 --> 00:12:48,593 And it will be so casual, we'll probably get married. 257 00:12:48,586 --> 00:12:55,336 ...and the money is the sword, so that's... 258 00:12:55,344 --> 00:12:56,454 It's Friday at 7:00. 259 00:12:56,448 --> 00:12:59,378 [ chuckles ] 260 00:13:05,517 --> 00:13:07,407 Getting ready for your date? 261 00:13:07,413 --> 00:13:11,383 - Yeah. - Cool. 262 00:13:11,379 --> 00:13:15,029 Very...cool. 263 00:13:15,034 --> 00:13:17,484 Okay, what are you-- why are you making those faces? 264 00:13:17,482 --> 00:13:21,212 Oh, no reason. 265 00:13:21,206 --> 00:13:23,756 All right, I get it. You want me to-- okay, Jesus. 266 00:13:26,793 --> 00:13:30,483 Oh, everyone's invited? I knew not. 267 00:13:30,482 --> 00:13:32,342 Oh, you knew did. 268 00:13:32,344 --> 00:13:33,974 David told me as much. 269 00:13:33,965 --> 00:13:37,165 See ya there, Cha-cha. 270 00:13:39,517 --> 00:13:41,237 Oh, bad walk choice. 271 00:13:41,241 --> 00:13:43,141 This may be undercutting my victory. 272 00:13:43,137 --> 00:13:45,407 No, we're fine. 273 00:13:45,413 --> 00:13:47,173 [ inhales, exhales deeply ] 274 00:13:47,172 --> 00:13:49,522 [ indistinct chatter ] 275 00:13:49,517 --> 00:13:51,137 Okay, where's David? 276 00:13:51,137 --> 00:13:53,307 You hear the phrase, "shell of a man"? 277 00:13:53,310 --> 00:13:57,070 - Damn it! - You're never really sure what it means till you're there. 278 00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:01,522 You know what's a cool statistic I just learned? 279 00:14:01,517 --> 00:14:04,167 - What? - You know the game Rock, Paper, Scissors? 280 00:14:04,172 --> 00:14:07,862 - I do. - Well, studies show that men... 281 00:14:07,862 --> 00:14:10,072 they choose rock, 282 00:14:10,068 --> 00:14:12,588 and women, well, 283 00:14:12,586 --> 00:14:16,026 they choose scissors. 284 00:14:16,034 --> 00:14:20,974 Who would do this study? That seems like a really unnecessary study. 285 00:14:20,965 --> 00:14:24,785 - I'm gonna see if my buddy needs any help. - Okay, uh... 286 00:14:26,655 --> 00:14:29,275 - Nuts. - [ chuckles ] 287 00:14:34,758 --> 00:14:37,408 Oh, thank you. Thank you for that. 288 00:14:40,724 --> 00:14:43,724 - I bet I could jump over you. - How much you want to bet Tessa could jump over you? 289 00:14:43,724 --> 00:14:47,594 - I have a mentally strong... - Even those two are talking to people. 290 00:14:47,586 --> 00:14:49,616 I'm so alone. 291 00:14:49,620 --> 00:14:52,070 David! 292 00:14:52,068 --> 00:14:54,278 Hi. Hi, David. 293 00:14:54,275 --> 00:14:55,785 This party is off the hook. 294 00:14:55,793 --> 00:15:00,863 Oh, thanks. Sorry, we just lost one of our hosts. 295 00:15:00,862 --> 00:15:02,972 To the sickness? 296 00:15:02,965 --> 00:15:04,715 No, no. [ chuckles ] 297 00:15:04,724 --> 00:15:07,794 - He had to go home. - Oh. 298 00:15:07,793 --> 00:15:09,763 Excuse me, I gotta go put on some more music. 299 00:15:09,758 --> 00:15:11,928 Oh, June can do that. She loves music. 300 00:15:11,931 --> 00:15:13,861 Talking about it, choosing it. 301 00:15:13,862 --> 00:15:16,452 She's just all strong opinions about music. 302 00:15:16,448 --> 00:15:18,208 - Oh, yeah? - Mm-hmm. 303 00:15:18,206 --> 00:15:20,686 Cool. Uh, my computer's over there. 304 00:15:20,689 --> 00:15:23,169 [ chuckles ] Cool. 305 00:15:24,862 --> 00:15:27,072 Oh, God. My biggest fear. 306 00:15:27,068 --> 00:15:30,068 - [ heart beating ] - Okay, remember, no matter what, 307 00:15:30,068 --> 00:15:33,478 you will make the wrong choice. 308 00:15:33,482 --> 00:15:36,662 [ music playing ] 309 00:15:43,448 --> 00:15:47,758 - Who chose this? - I don't know, I'm just trying to change it for the-- 310 00:15:47,758 --> 00:15:50,098 Oh, my God, Tiff! Too much. 311 00:15:50,103 --> 00:15:53,213 June, hi. Can I put something else on? 312 00:15:53,206 --> 00:15:56,026 Yes! After you. 313 00:15:57,931 --> 00:16:00,071 - There. - Cool choice. 314 00:16:00,068 --> 00:16:02,928 - Yeah. So what brings you here? - Yeah. 315 00:16:02,931 --> 00:16:05,791 Oh, uh, Well, David's our landlord. 316 00:16:05,793 --> 00:16:08,243 And I'm just here supporting the cause. 317 00:16:08,241 --> 00:16:11,791 - Mm-hmm. - You know, I just really believe in the cause. You? 318 00:16:11,793 --> 00:16:14,383 I was in a lady book club with his late wife. 319 00:16:14,379 --> 00:16:15,969 So sad. 320 00:16:15,965 --> 00:16:18,925 I mean, we just has no idea that she was sick the whole time. 321 00:16:18,931 --> 00:16:24,001 - It's just... - Am I dancing with Tiff? 322 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,410 Oh, my God. We're hanging out. 323 00:16:26,413 --> 00:16:27,863 I may not get fired. 324 00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:29,972 This is the best night of my life! 325 00:16:29,965 --> 00:16:32,405 Like, I want to read a little bit, but not, like, a lot. 326 00:16:32,413 --> 00:16:33,623 - I'm not a nerd. - No. 327 00:16:33,620 --> 00:16:37,140 [ indistinct chatter ] 328 00:16:37,137 --> 00:16:41,137 I just feel so bad for David and those two little girls. 329 00:16:41,137 --> 00:16:46,207 It's just-- it's ver-- it's-- it's so hard. 330 00:16:46,206 --> 00:16:49,686 Looks like I'll be going home alone, as is my wont. 331 00:16:49,689 --> 00:16:52,309 - David has AIDS, so... - Yeah. 332 00:16:52,310 --> 00:16:54,240 Wait, what? Who does? 333 00:16:54,241 --> 00:16:57,861 David's wife died of AIDS? And he has it, too? 334 00:16:57,862 --> 00:16:59,762 Is that what we're here for? 335 00:16:59,758 --> 00:17:03,618 "Many Tired AIDS-y Dads"? 336 00:17:03,620 --> 00:17:06,690 [ gasps ] No wonder he's so sleepy all the time. 337 00:17:06,689 --> 00:17:09,719 That is so horribly sad. Oh, shit. 338 00:17:09,724 --> 00:17:14,484 Kat just left with him, and she never uses protection. I have to warn her! 339 00:17:14,482 --> 00:17:16,312 - I have to pee. - Mm, okay. 340 00:17:16,310 --> 00:17:18,170 But make it a respectful warning, June. 341 00:17:18,172 --> 00:17:19,862 There's an acceptance of AIDS right now, 342 00:17:19,862 --> 00:17:22,002 and I'm not quite sure how to navigate. 343 00:17:25,344 --> 00:17:27,834 - David, that's a big case of wine. - [ gasps ] 344 00:17:27,827 --> 00:17:30,717 - You got some wine in there. - Kat! Kat! 345 00:17:30,724 --> 00:17:33,004 Just-- oh, my God, listen. Where's-- where's David? 346 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:36,550 He went to get more wine for the party, and then he says we're gonna have sex. 347 00:17:36,551 --> 00:17:39,551 Or he said, "And then you'll help me carry it," but same thing. 348 00:17:39,551 --> 00:17:41,341 Oh, thank God. Okay, listen. 349 00:17:41,344 --> 00:17:45,414 - What? - David has AIDS. 350 00:17:45,413 --> 00:17:47,343 - No, he doesn't. - Yeah, he does. 351 00:17:47,344 --> 00:17:49,694 - Okay, June, this is real desperate. - Kat, I'm serious. 352 00:17:49,689 --> 00:17:55,209 It's what his wife died of. This benefit is for him, for his AIDS. 353 00:17:55,206 --> 00:17:58,376 Oh, Jesus. No wonder he's so sleepy. 354 00:17:58,379 --> 00:18:02,549 - That's what I said. - I was gonna have sex with him without a condom. 355 00:18:02,551 --> 00:18:03,721 Yeah, I know, without a condom. 356 00:18:03,724 --> 00:18:07,074 I gotta stop doing that. 357 00:18:07,068 --> 00:18:09,308 - Yes! - Oh, my God. Oh, whoops. 358 00:18:09,310 --> 00:18:12,860 - I gotta help him carry more wine. Ugh. - What? 359 00:18:16,172 --> 00:18:17,972 Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. 360 00:18:19,965 --> 00:18:21,925 [ sighs ] 361 00:18:21,931 --> 00:18:24,031 [ sighs ] Poor David. 362 00:18:24,034 --> 00:18:26,724 He must feel so broken and unlovable. 363 00:18:28,758 --> 00:18:31,718 I know what happened, and I want to say I'm sorry 364 00:18:31,724 --> 00:18:34,244 about your life or what's left of it. 365 00:18:34,241 --> 00:18:37,551 Wow, um, thank you. 366 00:18:37,551 --> 00:18:39,661 I mean, uh, oh, God. 367 00:18:39,655 --> 00:18:41,995 Uh, well, I-- ahem. 368 00:18:44,379 --> 00:18:47,099 It's been hard, um... 369 00:18:47,103 --> 00:18:49,103 You know what? [ bleep ] convention. 370 00:18:49,103 --> 00:18:53,173 F the CDC. This sick man is a human being. 371 00:18:53,172 --> 00:18:56,242 Fuck fear. I'm gonna have sex with this man with AIDS 372 00:18:56,241 --> 00:18:59,171 because it is the right thing to do. 373 00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:01,722 I am so incredibly raving good. 374 00:19:01,724 --> 00:19:03,594 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing? 375 00:19:03,586 --> 00:19:05,516 I'm kissing you because you have AIDS. 376 00:19:05,517 --> 00:19:07,207 Does my bravery turn you on? 377 00:19:07,206 --> 00:19:09,926 - Jesus, I don't have AIDS. - Yes, you do. 378 00:19:09,931 --> 00:19:13,101 Your wife gave them to you. June told me. 379 00:19:13,103 --> 00:19:15,553 I've actually told both of you many times how she died. 380 00:19:15,551 --> 00:19:19,171 Oh, my God, was June lying to me to stop me from sleeping with David? 381 00:19:19,172 --> 00:19:20,282 Oh, that is low. 382 00:19:20,275 --> 00:19:21,995 And... 383 00:19:25,103 --> 00:19:26,483 nothing matters. 384 00:19:26,482 --> 00:19:27,862 Twins, beat her up! 385 00:19:27,862 --> 00:19:29,902 - Wait, what? Why? - [ twins growling ] 386 00:19:29,896 --> 00:19:31,926 - Stop! - 'Cause you told me David has AIDS. 387 00:19:31,931 --> 00:19:34,591 - He does! - Nobody has AIDS! 388 00:19:34,586 --> 00:19:37,136 I mean, you know, some people do have AIDS. 389 00:19:37,137 --> 00:19:40,617 - But Tiff told me that-- - What? No. No, no, no, no, no. 390 00:19:40,620 --> 00:19:45,210 I said it must be really hard for David to take care of two kids on his own, 391 00:19:45,206 --> 00:19:47,066 but he has aides to help. 392 00:19:47,068 --> 00:19:50,238 - So he does have AIDS! - No, Kat, 393 00:19:50,241 --> 00:19:52,971 aides as in helpers. And why would you say that so accusatory? 394 00:19:52,965 --> 00:19:54,995 Why would she say it so non-colloquially? 395 00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,860 I think that this was a mistake. 396 00:19:57,862 --> 00:20:01,142 I wasn't ready. He already won. 397 00:20:01,137 --> 00:20:04,477 - Who's he? - He is who Judy left him for. 398 00:20:04,482 --> 00:20:06,862 Judy had an affair? 399 00:20:06,862 --> 00:20:11,282 She was having an affair with the disease! 400 00:20:11,275 --> 00:20:13,925 What was the disease again? 401 00:20:13,931 --> 00:20:18,341 I have told you so many times. 402 00:20:18,344 --> 00:20:20,284 You should go. 403 00:20:20,275 --> 00:20:22,375 Yep, okay, mm-hmm. 404 00:20:22,379 --> 00:20:27,029 Oh, no. It is done. Let's go. 405 00:20:27,034 --> 00:20:29,214 It's okay. 406 00:20:29,206 --> 00:20:31,096 You're with Tiff now. 407 00:20:31,103 --> 00:20:34,313 Oh, God. Oh, God. I have to go back and explain to Tiff 408 00:20:34,310 --> 00:20:38,170 that I have a listening disability. Yes, that's what I'll say. 409 00:20:38,172 --> 00:20:40,722 She can't fire me if I have a auditory handicap. 410 00:20:40,724 --> 00:20:44,764 And I'll tell David that I'm sorry and I love him. 411 00:20:44,758 --> 00:20:46,718 Okay, don't be an idiot. It's gonna be fine. 412 00:20:46,724 --> 00:20:50,174 Tiff got to play the hero, and David, well, 413 00:20:50,172 --> 00:20:52,282 he's too good for you. 414 00:20:52,275 --> 00:20:54,825 - You're right, you're right. - And I'd make a fat ass donation 415 00:20:54,827 --> 00:20:58,097 - to mystery disease, if I were you. - Uh-huh. 416 00:20:58,103 --> 00:21:00,483 Thanks for trying to save my life 417 00:21:00,482 --> 00:21:02,622 when you wrongly told me David had AIDS. 418 00:21:02,620 --> 00:21:05,660 It's the least I could do. 419 00:21:05,655 --> 00:21:07,925 Just bring it up. You can do it. 420 00:21:07,931 --> 00:21:10,901 Hey, um... 421 00:21:10,896 --> 00:21:13,716 I feel really bad about the video thing. 422 00:21:13,724 --> 00:21:15,454 [ laughing ] Grovel! 423 00:21:15,448 --> 00:21:17,068 - Go on. - It's just that I generally 424 00:21:17,068 --> 00:21:19,688 feel insecure and you never do. 425 00:21:19,689 --> 00:21:21,829 You always take risks and follow your gut. 426 00:21:21,827 --> 00:21:24,587 And I don't know, I just wish I could be more like that. 427 00:21:24,586 --> 00:21:26,786 Oh, no, I'm starting to say real things. 428 00:21:26,793 --> 00:21:28,903 Ha-ha, she's saying real things. 429 00:21:28,896 --> 00:21:31,306 Oh, no, I want to, too. Thanks. 430 00:21:31,310 --> 00:21:35,240 I mean, I kinda had that idea, but thanks for saying that. 431 00:21:35,241 --> 00:21:39,791 And I'm sorry for lying about having a date with David. 432 00:21:39,793 --> 00:21:42,173 I was feeling bad about myself. 433 00:21:42,172 --> 00:21:44,142 And I wanted to hurt you 434 00:21:44,137 --> 00:21:47,757 'cause it makes me feel better about myself. 435 00:21:47,758 --> 00:21:50,138 Well, what are best friends for, right? 436 00:21:50,137 --> 00:21:52,097 - Did I mean that? - Did you mean that? 437 00:21:52,103 --> 00:21:54,173 No, that can't be. She's ridiculous. 438 00:21:54,172 --> 00:21:58,312 She's crazy, but I do love her more than anyone I know. 439 00:21:58,310 --> 00:22:01,100 Both: My God. 440 00:22:01,103 --> 00:22:04,073 [ music playing ] 441 00:22:08,413 --> 00:22:10,763 - Oh! - [ chuckles ] 442 00:22:10,758 --> 00:22:14,898 - Oh, I don't know how to walk like this. - I'm really off-balance, 443 00:22:14,896 --> 00:22:16,786 but I can't pull out of the hold now. 444 00:22:16,793 --> 00:22:20,313 I guess I have to live with my terrible choices, 445 00:22:20,310 --> 00:22:22,100 as is my wont. 446 00:22:22,103 --> 00:22:25,073 [ music playing ] 34362

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