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1
00:00:04,137 --> 00:00:05,967
June:
Poison was such
an effective weapon
2
00:00:06,068 --> 00:00:08,138
for women
in the olden days.
3
00:00:08,241 --> 00:00:11,411
Muddling roots and berries
and herbs.
4
00:00:11,517 --> 00:00:14,447
Murder was so much
simpler back then.
5
00:00:14,551 --> 00:00:15,721
Kat:
What a weird time
to make a salad.
6
00:00:15,827 --> 00:00:19,137
Her husband just threatened her
with a musket.
7
00:00:19,241 --> 00:00:20,141
June, is he the one
that's gonna die?
8
00:00:20,241 --> 00:00:21,861
[ clears throat ]
What?
9
00:00:21,965 --> 00:00:24,065
- Shh!
- It's not a spoiler,
it's in the trailer.
10
00:00:24,172 --> 00:00:27,032
- Shh!
- Maybe the twins told me.
11
00:00:27,137 --> 00:00:29,407
Oh, yeah, they did.
Uh-huh.
12
00:00:29,517 --> 00:00:30,897
[ whispers ] Great.
Now stop talking,
and watch the movie.
13
00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:32,970
My God, she's a loud whisperer,
14
00:00:33,068 --> 00:00:35,478
but she did buy me popcorn.
15
00:00:35,586 --> 00:00:37,896
I told you that
if you wanted me to come
to a movie with you,
16
00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:39,720
I'm gonna talk
through it.
17
00:00:39,827 --> 00:00:40,827
I thought you were kidding.
18
00:00:40,931 --> 00:00:43,381
I am not gonna pay $20
to be silenced.
19
00:00:43,482 --> 00:00:45,862
- Shh!
- You are ruining the movie.
20
00:00:45,965 --> 00:00:47,685
Movie ruined itself
21
00:00:47,793 --> 00:00:49,663
when they asked
Scarlett Johansson to do
that emotional scene.
22
00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:52,068
When did America decide
that she was very good?
23
00:00:52,172 --> 00:00:53,452
- [ gasps ]
- Oh, sorry.
24
00:00:53,551 --> 00:00:55,721
I thought it was gonna
be a loud part.
25
00:00:55,827 --> 00:00:58,237
Please.
26
00:00:58,344 --> 00:01:00,074
- Please be quiet.
- Fine.
27
00:01:00,172 --> 00:01:02,172
Thank you.
28
00:01:02,275 --> 00:01:03,785
I'm so sorry.
29
00:01:03,896 --> 00:01:05,686
Ugh, all these sorrys.
30
00:01:05,793 --> 00:01:07,863
I gotta tell June
women no longer apologize.
31
00:01:07,965 --> 00:01:08,855
#MeToo.
32
00:01:08,965 --> 00:01:11,755
I recognize that actor.
33
00:01:11,862 --> 00:01:12,972
Who is that?
34
00:01:13,068 --> 00:01:15,618
Ugh, this is gonna
drive me crazy.
35
00:01:15,724 --> 00:01:18,174
It's the guy from "Breaking
Bad" and "Friday Night Lights."
36
00:01:18,275 --> 00:01:19,995
Man, he's in everything now.
37
00:01:20,103 --> 00:01:22,243
I have to ask Kat.
38
00:01:22,344 --> 00:01:23,974
I'll just do it quietly
and quickly.
39
00:01:24,068 --> 00:01:26,098
- Hey, who's that actor?
- It's the guy
from "Breaking Bad."
40
00:01:26,206 --> 00:01:27,336
People:
Shh!
41
00:01:27,448 --> 00:01:31,138
By shush, I'm sure
they all mean thank you.
42
00:01:31,241 --> 00:01:33,141
Thank you.
43
00:01:33,241 --> 00:01:35,451
[ music playing ]
44
00:01:36,965 --> 00:01:38,095
Ugh, look at Tiff.
45
00:01:38,206 --> 00:01:41,136
Healthy hair, glowing skin.
46
00:01:41,241 --> 00:01:44,031
Oh, to be a glove upon
that cheek.
47
00:01:44,137 --> 00:01:45,827
Nonsexually.
48
00:01:45,931 --> 00:01:48,001
How does everyone interact
with her so effortlessly?
49
00:01:48,103 --> 00:01:50,933
I need to be easy-breezy.
50
00:01:51,034 --> 00:01:52,104
Who's easy-breezy?
51
00:01:52,206 --> 00:01:56,656
Tom Hanks.
Pretend you're Tom Hanks.
52
00:01:57,517 --> 00:01:58,827
[ deep voice ]
Hello.
53
00:01:58,931 --> 00:02:00,551
Hey, June.
54
00:02:00,655 --> 00:02:02,825
Yeah, I love how it's like
breakfast over here.
55
00:02:02,931 --> 00:02:04,691
Mmm, donuts.
56
00:02:04,793 --> 00:02:06,663
Yeah, so glad
donuts are good again.
57
00:02:06,758 --> 00:02:10,278
I mean, not good
as in good for you,
like good as in trendy.
58
00:02:10,379 --> 00:02:13,379
Like, they're not just
for steel workers anymore.
59
00:02:13,482 --> 00:02:13,932
That is so true, Bobby.
60
00:02:14,034 --> 00:02:16,034
So true.
61
00:02:16,137 --> 00:02:18,717
Okay.
So, tag me in the pics,
62
00:02:18,827 --> 00:02:22,377
and don't forget to use
the #NomNomNomWiffTiff.
63
00:02:22,482 --> 00:02:24,212
Nom--
That is so cute.
64
00:02:24,310 --> 00:02:25,690
That is like the most
adorable hashtag.
65
00:02:25,793 --> 00:02:27,973
I know, it's so dorky,
but I love wordplay.
66
00:02:28,068 --> 00:02:29,968
I'm such a nerd.
67
00:02:30,068 --> 00:02:31,548
Let's take a pic.
68
00:02:31,655 --> 00:02:33,825
I don't know if I should--
69
00:02:33,931 --> 00:02:35,621
Uh, am I part of this?
70
00:02:35,724 --> 00:02:37,484
- Mm. No. Yes?
- Tiff: Here we go.
71
00:02:37,586 --> 00:02:39,756
- Yeah.
- Cheers-ies.
72
00:02:39,862 --> 00:02:41,792
All: Cheers-ies.
73
00:02:41,896 --> 00:02:43,786
- [ camera shutter clicks ]
- Cheers-ies.
74
00:02:43,896 --> 00:02:45,306
- Great.
- Okay, I'm not gonna
actually eat it.
75
00:02:45,413 --> 00:02:49,003
- Tag you, June.
- Oh, um, no.
76
00:02:49,103 --> 00:02:50,693
I don't have one.
77
00:02:50,793 --> 00:02:52,413
Yes, you do.
78
00:02:52,517 --> 00:02:54,027
I found it the other day.
Had to look real hard.
79
00:02:54,137 --> 00:02:56,447
It's me-12345.
80
00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:57,971
Damn it!
That was a practice account.
81
00:02:58,068 --> 00:02:59,168
No one was supposed to find it!
82
00:02:59,275 --> 00:03:01,065
It's three identical
photos of you
83
00:03:01,172 --> 00:03:02,592
standing next
to different statues,
84
00:03:02,689 --> 00:03:05,549
and then there's one
that's just a ticket
stub for "Mamma Mia."
85
00:03:05,655 --> 00:03:07,925
- Mm.
- Why do you only have
four pictures?
86
00:03:08,034 --> 00:03:12,174
I'm just too... insecure...
busy to post more.
87
00:03:12,275 --> 00:03:13,715
If I had a cool Instagram,
88
00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:17,207
I could use that hashtag and
then Tiff would like my pic,
89
00:03:17,310 --> 00:03:18,310
and then we'd be real friends!
90
00:03:18,413 --> 00:03:21,553
- Well, I'm tagging you.
- No, no, no! Don't.
91
00:03:21,655 --> 00:03:24,715
Bobby, I have a new
Instagram account,
92
00:03:24,827 --> 00:03:26,997
but the portal is down
right now.
93
00:03:27,103 --> 00:03:29,413
So I will give it
to you tomorrow.
94
00:03:29,517 --> 00:03:31,717
[ music playing ]
95
00:03:37,068 --> 00:03:40,928
Man:
Move throughout the space,
let the walls disappear.
96
00:03:41,034 --> 00:03:42,244
Ah, the theater.
97
00:03:42,344 --> 00:03:44,314
This is where I belong.
This is my home.
98
00:03:44,413 --> 00:03:46,933
Man:
Good spatial
awareness, guys.
99
00:03:47,034 --> 00:03:47,794
Good rhythmic timing.
100
00:03:47,896 --> 00:03:50,656
There's no right way to do this.
101
00:03:50,758 --> 00:03:53,098
Angelica,
you're doing very well.
102
00:03:53,206 --> 00:03:56,236
Great, guys.
103
00:03:56,344 --> 00:03:59,004
Soft focus.
104
00:03:59,103 --> 00:04:00,723
Good, good, Angelica.
105
00:04:00,827 --> 00:04:03,027
I invite you to investigate
this gesture as a group.
106
00:04:03,137 --> 00:04:05,207
Mercy.
107
00:04:05,310 --> 00:04:08,310
Good. Go with this.
108
00:04:09,137 --> 00:04:09,997
No mercy.
109
00:04:12,379 --> 00:04:13,659
- No hope.
- On 9/11--
110
00:04:13,758 --> 00:04:18,448
Okay, stop. Kat, you can't make
every piece about 9/11.
111
00:04:18,551 --> 00:04:19,691
We're improvising
on the theme
112
00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:21,693
of America's
incarceration crisis.
113
00:04:21,793 --> 00:04:26,213
Yeah, but this is what America's
incarceration crisis
means to me.
114
00:04:26,310 --> 00:04:29,210
Me, who lived and died.
115
00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:32,100
A steel prison in the sky.
116
00:04:32,206 --> 00:04:35,616
55 flights of stairs.
117
00:04:37,172 --> 00:04:39,172
Crumble, crumble,
boom, boom, down.
118
00:04:39,275 --> 00:04:40,545
No, no, no, no.
We have to start over.
119
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:43,855
Stick to the theme, Kat.
Listen to the group.
120
00:04:48,586 --> 00:04:51,276
Solitary confinement.
121
00:04:51,379 --> 00:04:52,449
One hour of sunlight everyday--
122
00:04:52,551 --> 00:04:55,901
- 4,000 firemen!
- Okay, Kat, can I talk to you?
123
00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:56,140
Okay.
124
00:04:59,241 --> 00:05:01,661
Kat.
125
00:05:01,758 --> 00:05:04,068
Do you think
that you fit in here?
126
00:05:04,172 --> 00:05:06,172
Yes! Uh-oh. I mean, yes.
127
00:05:06,275 --> 00:05:08,165
It's not working.
128
00:05:08,275 --> 00:05:11,965
I don't think
this is the group you should
be collaborating with.
129
00:05:12,379 --> 00:05:16,449
You don't fit in here.
130
00:05:16,551 --> 00:05:18,241
Well maybe
you don't fit in me.
131
00:05:18,344 --> 00:05:19,794
Sorry.
132
00:05:19,896 --> 00:05:21,166
Gotta go.
133
00:05:21,275 --> 00:05:23,585
I got a big audition with
The White Rose Theater Company.
134
00:05:23,689 --> 00:05:25,549
That closed down
three years ago.
135
00:05:25,655 --> 00:05:27,445
Crumble, crumble,
boom, boom, down.
136
00:05:27,551 --> 00:05:30,411
[ music playing ]
137
00:05:32,965 --> 00:05:35,375
Sorry for actually breaking
the washing machine.
138
00:05:35,482 --> 00:05:38,412
I was trying to fake break it
so David would come
over to fix it,
139
00:05:38,517 --> 00:05:39,617
but now it's actually broken.
140
00:05:39,724 --> 00:05:41,934
[ grunts ]
This is the worst day
of my life!
141
00:05:42,034 --> 00:05:43,174
I made really bold choices
at theater work today,
142
00:05:43,275 --> 00:05:45,095
and they got threatened.
143
00:05:45,206 --> 00:05:47,096
- I bet there's more
to that story.
- You know what?
144
00:05:47,206 --> 00:05:48,686
They don't think
I fit in there,
145
00:05:48,793 --> 00:05:51,523
but I have one word
for them-- Not!
146
00:05:51,620 --> 00:05:53,590
Oh, hey, could you--
Could you take a photo of me
147
00:05:53,689 --> 00:05:55,759
in front of this?
Um...
148
00:05:55,862 --> 00:05:57,212
I'm trying to beef up
my Instagram account.
149
00:05:57,310 --> 00:05:59,030
Oh, yeah,
yours is real weird.
150
00:05:59,137 --> 00:06:01,897
It's like a mom created a fake
account to spy on her kid.
151
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:03,520
Ready?
152
00:06:03,620 --> 00:06:05,860
[ music playing ]
153
00:06:09,931 --> 00:06:10,141
What--
154
00:06:11,344 --> 00:06:14,284
Is this cute?
155
00:06:14,379 --> 00:06:16,619
Well-- No. Mm-mm. No.
156
00:06:17,724 --> 00:06:19,284
Is this a yoga pose?
157
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,379
Okay, I can see everything. So--
158
00:06:21,482 --> 00:06:23,142
Gonna look surprised.
159
00:06:23,241 --> 00:06:25,281
[ gasps ]
I'll give you variation.
160
00:06:25,379 --> 00:06:27,409
Keep your mouth closed, please.
161
00:06:27,517 --> 00:06:29,207
Okay, I'm wanna do
a walking one.
162
00:06:29,310 --> 00:06:31,790
Take it. Take it.
163
00:06:31,896 --> 00:06:32,236
Take it.
164
00:06:32,344 --> 00:06:33,314
Okay.
165
00:06:33,413 --> 00:06:35,593
Are you getting the street art?
166
00:06:35,689 --> 00:06:37,449
It's not street art.
It's graffiti.
167
00:06:37,551 --> 00:06:39,381
You're standing in front
of a giant vagina,
168
00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:41,552
and next to it's written
"I murder."
169
00:06:43,275 --> 00:06:45,025
Oh.
170
00:06:45,137 --> 00:06:48,657
Well, do you think if I just do,
like, one of those cute, like,
171
00:06:48,758 --> 00:06:49,308
jumping shots, that anyone will
notice the vagina?
172
00:06:49,413 --> 00:06:51,833
Yes, everyone.
173
00:06:51,931 --> 00:06:53,761
It looks like
you're jumping
174
00:06:53,862 --> 00:06:55,762
inside the vagina next
to the "I murder."
175
00:06:55,862 --> 00:06:57,172
Like you wanna murder vaginas
by jumping into them.
176
00:06:57,275 --> 00:07:00,275
Well, I guess you just don't
understand my brand then.
177
00:07:00,379 --> 00:07:03,829
- She doesn't have a brand.
- I don't have a brand.
178
00:07:03,931 --> 00:07:05,861
Dude, I have 10,000 followers
on Instagram.
179
00:07:05,965 --> 00:07:07,515
I'll help you make
a better account.
180
00:07:07,620 --> 00:07:09,310
I know the one pic
that gets way more attention
181
00:07:09,413 --> 00:07:10,553
on Instagram
than anything else.
182
00:07:10,655 --> 00:07:12,515
Butthole shots.
183
00:07:12,620 --> 00:07:14,380
- What?
- What?
184
00:07:14,482 --> 00:07:16,032
- No.
- No.
185
00:07:16,137 --> 00:07:17,587
I can't-- Here.
186
00:07:17,689 --> 00:07:20,279
Follow me.
This'll be great.
187
00:07:20,379 --> 00:07:22,549
[ music playing ]
188
00:07:27,068 --> 00:07:29,378
Okay, remember,
we're not looking
for a few sympathy likes.
189
00:07:29,482 --> 00:07:31,832
We want a million
followers
190
00:07:31,931 --> 00:07:34,341
tracking your miraculous
recovery journey.
191
00:07:34,448 --> 00:07:35,758
Okay, look hurt, GF.
192
00:07:35,862 --> 00:07:39,002
Okay, but also a little bit
turned on.
193
00:07:39,103 --> 00:07:40,173
No, too happy.
194
00:07:40,275 --> 00:07:43,335
Think sexy like--
like a dead corpse on "SVU."
195
00:07:43,448 --> 00:07:45,338
Think sexy.
196
00:07:45,448 --> 00:07:48,338
Okay. David.
197
00:07:48,448 --> 00:07:49,968
David crying in a bath.
198
00:07:50,068 --> 00:07:52,238
David smelling a flower that
reminds him of his dead wife.
199
00:07:52,344 --> 00:07:55,314
- Oh, perfect!
- Ugh! Okay,
that's too turned on.
200
00:07:55,413 --> 00:07:57,003
This isn't working!
201
00:07:58,172 --> 00:07:59,412
Hey!
202
00:07:59,517 --> 00:08:01,587
Maybe we can get some ketchup
packets from this restaurant
203
00:08:01,689 --> 00:08:03,409
and cover you
in fake blood.
204
00:08:03,517 --> 00:08:06,137
Kat.
205
00:08:06,241 --> 00:08:09,141
That's what I want my Instagram
account to look like.
206
00:08:09,241 --> 00:08:11,311
I'm just a very chill girl
with beautiful friends
207
00:08:11,413 --> 00:08:13,623
and I brunch.
208
00:08:13,724 --> 00:08:15,624
It's exactly
what Tiff would post.
209
00:08:15,724 --> 00:08:17,244
Then let's go hang out
with them.
210
00:08:17,344 --> 00:08:19,174
Kat-- Wait.
211
00:08:19,275 --> 00:08:21,545
Kat.
212
00:08:21,655 --> 00:08:23,515
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait.
213
00:08:23,620 --> 00:08:24,790
We can't fit in
with them.
214
00:08:24,896 --> 00:08:26,136
I can fit in with anyone.
215
00:08:26,241 --> 00:08:27,451
I fit in with artists.
I fit in with models.
216
00:08:27,551 --> 00:08:29,831
I fit in with royals.
217
00:08:29,931 --> 00:08:31,831
- I fit in with Beyoncé.
- That's not true.
218
00:08:31,931 --> 00:08:33,311
I fit in with all
the cool people. Always.
219
00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:35,973
Girls like them don't hang out
with girls like us, okay?
220
00:08:36,068 --> 00:08:41,408
They drink mimosas all day,
they go to Coachella willingly.
221
00:08:41,517 --> 00:08:42,657
I'm exactly like them.
222
00:08:42,758 --> 00:08:44,478
Oh, you're nothing like them.
223
00:08:44,586 --> 00:08:47,656
God, we've lived together
a month now and you still
don't get me.
224
00:08:47,758 --> 00:08:49,828
I knew everything about you
within like a week.
225
00:08:49,931 --> 00:08:51,831
That's because you read
my dream journal.
226
00:08:51,931 --> 00:08:54,071
And you know what else
you don't know about me?
227
00:08:54,172 --> 00:08:55,902
I've got a three step
foolproof plan
228
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:57,380
to attack any group of girls
and become their friends.
229
00:08:57,482 --> 00:09:00,622
I don't think attack
is the right word.
230
00:09:00,724 --> 00:09:03,454
There's no word
for making friends.
231
00:09:03,551 --> 00:09:05,211
- Befriend?
- Yes.
232
00:09:05,310 --> 00:09:07,380
We will be friends with them
after I attack them.
233
00:09:07,482 --> 00:09:09,482
Geez, keep up.
234
00:09:09,586 --> 00:09:12,376
Step one, identify and mentally
attack the alpha of the group.
235
00:09:12,482 --> 00:09:15,172
You!
236
00:09:15,275 --> 00:09:16,135
Can I help you?
237
00:09:16,241 --> 00:09:18,341
Kat. We went to college
together.
238
00:09:18,448 --> 00:09:19,518
What was your--
Your name was?
239
00:09:19,620 --> 00:09:21,660
Wait, what-- what was it?
240
00:09:21,758 --> 00:09:24,408
Candace. And I didn't go
to college.
241
00:09:24,517 --> 00:09:26,757
- High school.
- I don't think so.
242
00:09:26,862 --> 00:09:28,792
Pole vaulting?
Water polo?
243
00:09:28,896 --> 00:09:31,276
You sure it wasn't
pole vaulting?
244
00:09:31,379 --> 00:09:31,969
I pole vaulted.
245
00:09:32,068 --> 00:09:33,618
What about fencing?
246
00:09:33,724 --> 00:09:34,934
- Soccer?
- This is terrible.
247
00:09:35,034 --> 00:09:35,664
I should tell a joke.
248
00:09:35,758 --> 00:09:37,758
I don't know a joke!
249
00:09:37,862 --> 00:09:39,862
- Note to June-- Learn a joke!
- Camp?
250
00:09:39,965 --> 00:09:42,165
- No.
- Synchronized swimming?
251
00:09:42,275 --> 00:09:43,405
Tap dancing?
252
00:09:43,517 --> 00:09:45,687
It may have been tap class.
253
00:09:45,793 --> 00:09:47,973
I knew it.
Good guess, me.
254
00:09:48,068 --> 00:09:50,138
Step two,
physically attack the alpha
255
00:09:50,241 --> 00:09:51,901
so she submits
to your strength.
256
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,790
- It is so good
to see you, Candy!
- Oh!
257
00:09:54,896 --> 00:09:56,826
I am so uncomfortable.
258
00:09:56,931 --> 00:09:58,761
And holding all
of my underwear.
259
00:09:58,862 --> 00:10:01,002
This was a very bad idea!
260
00:10:01,103 --> 00:10:04,313
And the final step,
attack her emotions.
261
00:10:04,413 --> 00:10:06,213
Remember, I was the girl
262
00:10:06,310 --> 00:10:07,620
who put tin foil
on the bottom
of her Converse
263
00:10:07,724 --> 00:10:11,004
because I couldn't
afford tap shoes.
264
00:10:11,103 --> 00:10:12,663
This is your chance, June.
265
00:10:12,758 --> 00:10:14,338
Say something!
Attack them! Attack!
266
00:10:14,448 --> 00:10:16,928
Hello, now.
267
00:10:20,551 --> 00:10:21,381
[ clears throat ]
268
00:10:21,482 --> 00:10:25,142
Sorry. Um...
269
00:10:25,241 --> 00:10:28,281
Kat and I saw you
from across the street.
270
00:10:28,379 --> 00:10:32,689
You look so beautiful
and looked like you were
having so much fun.
271
00:10:32,793 --> 00:10:34,073
We just wished
272
00:10:34,172 --> 00:10:37,212
that we could have friends
like you for one day.
273
00:10:37,310 --> 00:10:40,930
We know what girls like you
do and we wanna do it, too.
274
00:10:42,655 --> 00:10:44,965
Wow! That is so ballsy.
275
00:10:45,068 --> 00:10:46,928
Do you guys wanna
sit down?
276
00:10:47,034 --> 00:10:48,554
I mean, our group could always
use some new faces.
277
00:10:48,655 --> 00:10:51,825
- Shit, yeah.
- Okay.
278
00:10:51,931 --> 00:10:54,311
So, what are we drinking,
ladies? Mimosas?
279
00:10:54,758 --> 00:10:57,168
June,
this is how we brunch.
280
00:10:57,275 --> 00:11:00,205
- Yeah, they're bottomless.
- Sweet.
281
00:11:00,310 --> 00:11:00,860
So am I.
282
00:11:00,965 --> 00:11:04,475
[ all laugh ]
283
00:11:04,586 --> 00:11:05,826
Oh, my gosh!
284
00:11:05,931 --> 00:11:07,031
I'm doing it.
285
00:11:07,137 --> 00:11:10,097
I need to freeze this moment
in amber.
286
00:11:10,206 --> 00:11:11,586
- Wanna take a pic?
- Sure.
287
00:11:11,689 --> 00:11:14,789
I'm getting a brunch pic!
288
00:11:14,896 --> 00:11:18,516
- I got June a brunch pic.
- Oh, um, actually,
give it to Astrid.
289
00:11:18,620 --> 00:11:19,620
Her arms are like crazy long.
290
00:11:19,724 --> 00:11:21,594
It's a genetic thing.
291
00:11:21,689 --> 00:11:23,719
Oh, fun.
292
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,717
Say cheers-ies.
293
00:11:26,827 --> 00:11:27,447
All:
Cheers-ies.
294
00:11:27,551 --> 00:11:31,381
[ music playing ]
295
00:11:53,517 --> 00:11:56,377
Wow!
296
00:11:56,482 --> 00:11:57,662
- Wow!
- Ooh!
297
00:11:57,758 --> 00:12:00,168
You look great!
298
00:12:00,275 --> 00:12:02,585
Yes. I know.
299
00:12:02,689 --> 00:12:05,139
- [ all laugh ]
- So would you guys say
that I'm someone
300
00:12:05,241 --> 00:12:06,721
that fits in with your group?
301
00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:08,787
Yeah. Totally.
302
00:12:08,896 --> 00:12:11,206
Cool. Hey, June,
come on out.
303
00:12:11,310 --> 00:12:14,340
Me and my friends promise not
to make fun of your weird hips.
304
00:12:14,448 --> 00:12:15,378
I don't know.
305
00:12:15,482 --> 00:12:17,382
Uh, this dress
doesn't really fit.
306
00:12:17,482 --> 00:12:19,002
Let us see.
307
00:12:20,827 --> 00:12:22,717
- [ all gasp ]
- Yeah!
308
00:12:22,827 --> 00:12:23,587
You look amazing!
You have to get it.
309
00:12:23,689 --> 00:12:26,379
Uh, but it's not really me.
310
00:12:26,482 --> 00:12:29,972
Of course it is.
You look like an innocent baby
311
00:12:30,068 --> 00:12:31,138
who gives a mean blowjob.
312
00:12:31,241 --> 00:12:33,791
- She does.
- Men go wild for that look.
313
00:12:33,896 --> 00:12:35,616
- They do.
- I'm not sure.
314
00:12:35,724 --> 00:12:37,454
[ phone chimes ]
315
00:12:37,551 --> 00:12:40,721
No way.
316
00:12:40,827 --> 00:12:42,587
Tiff just liked my brunch pic.
317
00:12:42,689 --> 00:12:44,339
I'm a new me.
318
00:12:44,448 --> 00:12:45,028
I'm buying it!
319
00:12:45,137 --> 00:12:47,167
- Yeah!
- Yay!
320
00:12:47,275 --> 00:12:49,545
Hey, um, I'm having a little
get-together at my house later.
321
00:12:49,655 --> 00:12:52,135
Would you two wanna come?
322
00:12:52,241 --> 00:12:53,481
An all-day hang
that goes into the night?
323
00:12:53,586 --> 00:12:57,686
Who are you guys? My fun cousins
who only visited me once?
324
00:12:57,793 --> 00:13:00,933
- [ all laugh ]
- Sign us up.
325
00:13:01,034 --> 00:13:03,624
Yeah! Look at me, a hundred
percent fitting in with you.
326
00:13:03,724 --> 00:13:06,144
Yeah, I already said yeah.
327
00:13:06,241 --> 00:13:08,551
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah.
328
00:13:08,655 --> 00:13:10,755
Both:
Yeah.
329
00:13:10,862 --> 00:13:13,072
- Yes!
- Yup.
330
00:13:17,310 --> 00:13:20,410
This place is Instagram
Shangri-La.
331
00:13:20,517 --> 00:13:23,717
First I'll take a pic of me
laying on the fainting couch,
332
00:13:23,827 --> 00:13:25,207
then I'll take one over there
333
00:13:25,310 --> 00:13:27,210
laughing while I drink
champagne.
334
00:13:27,310 --> 00:13:28,690
Oh, those fake flowers look
so real.
335
00:13:28,793 --> 00:13:31,623
Oh, my God,
this staircase in Sepia!
336
00:13:31,724 --> 00:13:33,594
Wait! I need to pace myself.
337
00:13:33,689 --> 00:13:35,589
These are my friends now.
338
00:13:35,689 --> 00:13:37,829
This is my life now.
339
00:13:37,931 --> 00:13:39,861
So, I spoke to a few
of the gentlemen
340
00:13:39,965 --> 00:13:41,685
that'll be joining us tonight.
341
00:13:41,793 --> 00:13:44,383
They sound handsome
and not violent.
342
00:13:44,482 --> 00:13:44,972
Finally.
343
00:13:45,068 --> 00:13:47,068
[ gasps ]
344
00:13:47,172 --> 00:13:49,032
Maybe I can go on a hike
with one of them
345
00:13:49,137 --> 00:13:50,967
and post a sunset
boyfriend pic.
346
00:13:51,068 --> 00:13:52,478
[ gasps ]
I gotta get ready!
347
00:13:52,586 --> 00:13:53,026
Where's your restroom?
348
00:13:53,137 --> 00:13:54,927
That way.
349
00:13:55,034 --> 00:13:57,724
Oh, stop showing off, Astrid.
350
00:13:57,827 --> 00:14:00,617
- Follow me.
- Okay.
351
00:14:00,724 --> 00:14:03,034
Hey, Candace,
these guys you invited,
352
00:14:03,137 --> 00:14:05,377
are they, like, super hot?
Like, bang worthy?
353
00:14:05,482 --> 00:14:08,692
Or, like, kinda ugly
a little bit but, like,
still, you know, doable?
354
00:14:08,793 --> 00:14:11,033
Oh, no, I haven't met them yet.
No. They're referrals.
355
00:14:11,137 --> 00:14:12,277
- Oh.
- Now if you'll excuse me,
356
00:14:12,379 --> 00:14:13,899
I need to go
polish the dildos.
357
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,480
Polish the dildos?
358
00:14:16,586 --> 00:14:19,476
Is that a saying?
Hmm.
359
00:14:22,379 --> 00:14:25,239
Oh, uh,
I'll be really quick.
360
00:14:25,344 --> 00:14:27,284
Oh, I'll just go in
with you.
361
00:14:27,379 --> 00:14:29,899
Don't panic.
This is what girlfriends do.
362
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:31,660
They go to the bathroom
together.
363
00:14:31,758 --> 00:14:33,378
Great.
364
00:14:40,103 --> 00:14:41,973
Can you turn around
for a second?
365
00:14:42,068 --> 00:14:44,588
Oh, is it number two?
366
00:14:44,689 --> 00:14:45,619
No.
367
00:14:45,724 --> 00:14:49,144
It's okay, honey.
368
00:14:54,137 --> 00:14:59,097
It smells like cherries
and hairspray.
369
00:15:00,620 --> 00:15:04,140
Why is everything in here pink
and fuzzy and lubey?
370
00:15:04,241 --> 00:15:07,031
And-- Oh, my God!
371
00:15:07,137 --> 00:15:08,757
These aren't regular hot girls.
372
00:15:08,862 --> 00:15:11,382
These are prostitute hot girls!
373
00:15:12,172 --> 00:15:14,762
Okay, just act like you see
this all the time.
374
00:15:14,862 --> 00:15:16,692
Gotta freshen up the old cooch.
375
00:15:16,793 --> 00:15:21,593
Yeah, you don't have to tell me
about freshening up the cooch.
376
00:15:21,689 --> 00:15:22,069
You want some?
377
00:15:22,172 --> 00:15:25,592
24/7.
378
00:15:28,310 --> 00:15:30,210
- [ sprays ]
- [ screams ]
379
00:15:30,310 --> 00:15:32,720
It burns!
Air it out.
380
00:15:32,827 --> 00:15:33,757
Air it out!
381
00:15:33,862 --> 00:15:35,832
Feels good, right?
382
00:15:35,931 --> 00:15:37,931
It feels wonderful.
383
00:15:38,034 --> 00:15:40,764
Fire! Ow!
384
00:15:40,862 --> 00:15:41,862
We're about to be hookers.
385
00:15:41,965 --> 00:15:43,685
I need to tell June.
386
00:15:43,793 --> 00:15:46,003
Oh! Candace.
387
00:15:46,103 --> 00:15:48,553
- You look different.
- I put on lipstick.
388
00:15:48,655 --> 00:15:51,095
Hooker lipstick for a hooker
because you're a hooker.
389
00:15:51,206 --> 00:15:53,166
- Where's your bathroom?
- Oh, it's that way.
390
00:15:53,275 --> 00:15:55,515
- Cool.
- Oh, hey, um, when you get back
391
00:15:55,620 --> 00:15:58,170
I'd love to just pick your brain
about being an actor.
392
00:15:58,275 --> 00:15:59,615
I'm thinking
of getting into it,
393
00:15:59,724 --> 00:16:01,664
but I've heard
it's brutal.
394
00:16:01,758 --> 00:16:03,068
I can tell June later.
395
00:16:03,172 --> 00:16:04,282
Oh, it is more than brutal.
396
00:16:04,379 --> 00:16:07,859
The theater community is
very cruel and exclusive
397
00:16:07,965 --> 00:16:11,135
and doesn't think 9/11 matters.
398
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,900
So what's your quote?
399
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,070
Waste not, want not.
400
00:16:18,172 --> 00:16:19,662
What's yours?
401
00:16:19,758 --> 00:16:20,898
5,000, give or take.
402
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:22,760
Depends on the night.
403
00:16:22,862 --> 00:16:24,832
Good one.
404
00:16:24,931 --> 00:16:27,551
Wanna take a bathroom selfie?
405
00:16:27,655 --> 00:16:29,515
Sure.
406
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:33,618
Say cheers-ies.
407
00:16:33,724 --> 00:16:35,974
Cheers-ies.
408
00:16:36,068 --> 00:16:40,658
And navigating the different
egos really distracts
from the art itself.
409
00:16:40,758 --> 00:16:42,758
Oh, wow!
410
00:16:42,862 --> 00:16:45,762
I mean, I'm more interested
in, like, the on camera stuff,
411
00:16:45,862 --> 00:16:47,412
but that sounds hard also.
412
00:16:47,517 --> 00:16:48,687
You're right.
It is like a vagina mint.
413
00:16:48,793 --> 00:16:51,243
Right?
414
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:53,664
- Shit! I forgot to tell June.
- [ doorbell rings ]
415
00:16:53,758 --> 00:16:54,788
They're here!
416
00:16:54,896 --> 00:16:57,096
Oh, I forgot to mention.
417
00:16:57,206 --> 00:16:59,446
Senator John will be choosing
one lucky lady
418
00:16:59,551 --> 00:17:02,071
to fly to Cabo
on his private jet.
419
00:17:02,172 --> 00:17:04,312
If Senator John picks me,
420
00:17:04,413 --> 00:17:07,243
I'll get the holy grail
of Instagram pics.
421
00:17:07,344 --> 00:17:09,524
Me on a private jet!
422
00:17:09,620 --> 00:17:10,620
June.
423
00:17:10,724 --> 00:17:12,414
- Huh?
- I've gotta tell you something.
424
00:17:12,517 --> 00:17:13,927
No, I have to tell you
something.
425
00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:15,524
- Thank you so much.
- Mm-hmm.
426
00:17:15,620 --> 00:17:18,310
I'm so sorry I thought you
wouldn't fit in
with those girls.
427
00:17:18,413 --> 00:17:19,833
No, you were right.
I don't fit in with them.
428
00:17:19,931 --> 00:17:21,341
Do not sell yourself short.
429
00:17:21,448 --> 00:17:22,968
These are totally your type
of people.
430
00:17:23,068 --> 00:17:25,378
I think we should go.
431
00:17:25,482 --> 00:17:27,002
You took enough pictures
and we're both really tired.
432
00:17:27,103 --> 00:17:28,343
What?
433
00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:30,448
This party is just
getting started.
434
00:17:30,551 --> 00:17:33,211
Plus, what if Senator John
picks me?
435
00:17:33,310 --> 00:17:35,100
I'll be like a Kardashian
on a private jet.
436
00:17:35,206 --> 00:17:38,476
#WheelsUpBitches.
437
00:17:38,586 --> 00:17:41,066
Sometimes,
even if it's hard,
438
00:17:41,172 --> 00:17:43,002
you have to break
your friend's heart.
439
00:17:43,103 --> 00:17:45,243
June, do you honestly think
440
00:17:45,344 --> 00:17:47,074
that Senator John would pick you
over me? Look at me.
441
00:17:47,172 --> 00:17:47,832
I'm like a ten
and you're like a chair.
442
00:17:47,931 --> 00:17:49,971
What?
443
00:17:50,068 --> 00:17:52,718
Senator John would
totally pick me.
444
00:17:52,827 --> 00:17:53,827
Look how fun my hair is.
445
00:17:53,931 --> 00:17:55,381
These women are hookers!
446
00:17:55,482 --> 00:17:57,862
They are hooker women
and they think we are, too.
447
00:17:57,965 --> 00:18:00,515
What?
448
00:18:00,620 --> 00:18:02,000
I always thought that one day
I would sell my body,
449
00:18:02,103 --> 00:18:04,103
but not like this.
450
00:18:04,206 --> 00:18:06,336
Wait, then like what?
451
00:18:06,448 --> 00:18:08,828
You guys don't [ bleep ]
for money?
452
00:18:08,931 --> 00:18:10,071
[ gasps ]
No.
453
00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:11,832
Do you?
454
00:18:11,931 --> 00:18:12,901
- Yeah.
- Yes!
455
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,550
We literally talked
about it all day.
456
00:18:14,655 --> 00:18:16,405
I think this was
a misunderstanding.
457
00:18:16,517 --> 00:18:18,337
- Yeah.
- You came up to us
458
00:18:18,448 --> 00:18:20,618
and said, "We know what you do
and we wanna do it, too."
459
00:18:20,724 --> 00:18:22,034
- Mm.
- And then we went to the clinic
460
00:18:22,137 --> 00:18:24,167
and got our STDs checked.
461
00:18:24,275 --> 00:18:25,515
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- And then you said,
462
00:18:25,620 --> 00:18:28,240
"I can't wait to get inside
that penis all night long."
463
00:18:28,344 --> 00:18:29,554
- Mm-hmm. Yeah. We--
- We see your point.
464
00:18:29,655 --> 00:18:31,335
- Yeah, that was bad.
- Yeah.
465
00:18:31,448 --> 00:18:33,898
[ gasps ]
I was high on the likes.
466
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:38,030
Look, we've gotta go,
but it's not because we think
we're above your profession.
467
00:18:38,137 --> 00:18:41,097
No, you are brave.
468
00:18:41,206 --> 00:18:43,686
And what you do is so important,
469
00:18:43,793 --> 00:18:45,973
and sexuality is your body,
your choice.
470
00:18:46,068 --> 00:18:48,448
And you want to do this,
so it's cool.
471
00:18:48,551 --> 00:18:50,341
Well, want is a strong word.
472
00:18:50,448 --> 00:18:51,998
There's nothing
you'd rather be doing.
473
00:18:52,103 --> 00:18:54,143
You know what? That thing about
the women's march is that--
474
00:18:54,241 --> 00:18:57,211
I think you guys
should go now.
475
00:18:57,310 --> 00:18:58,930
- Both: Okay.
- Yup, that's fair.
476
00:18:59,034 --> 00:19:01,004
Excuse me.
477
00:19:01,103 --> 00:19:03,003
My shoes.
478
00:19:03,103 --> 00:19:05,483
[ mumbling ]
479
00:19:05,586 --> 00:19:07,716
Just gonna take two
for the road.
480
00:19:12,137 --> 00:19:13,097
You know what tonight
taught me?
481
00:19:13,206 --> 00:19:15,966
To pay closer attention
to context clues?
482
00:19:16,068 --> 00:19:18,208
No.
483
00:19:18,310 --> 00:19:19,660
That if some
expensive-looking,
484
00:19:19,758 --> 00:19:21,758
artisan prostitutes
think I'm the shit
485
00:19:21,862 --> 00:19:23,212
and totally wanna hang out with
me, then I don't need validation
486
00:19:23,310 --> 00:19:29,170
from some 9/11 denying
wannabe theater losers.
487
00:19:29,275 --> 00:19:33,275
What an interesting,
nonsense conclusion.
488
00:19:33,379 --> 00:19:36,069
That... makes sense.
489
00:19:36,172 --> 00:19:41,072
I can't believe how close
we were to becoming prostitutes.
490
00:19:41,172 --> 00:19:43,522
All because of this.
491
00:19:43,620 --> 00:19:45,900
Oh, June,
as your Instagram mentor,
492
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:47,170
I'd advise you not to post
any more photos tonight.
493
00:19:47,275 --> 00:19:50,615
- You look like a slutty
strawberry.
- I'm not.
494
00:19:50,724 --> 00:19:52,594
I'm deleting my Instagram
account.
495
00:19:52,689 --> 00:19:55,279
I flew too close to the sun.
496
00:19:55,379 --> 00:19:57,449
You're deleting it?
497
00:19:57,551 --> 00:19:58,691
It's too much stress.
498
00:19:58,793 --> 00:20:01,143
Plus, like, seeing
everyone else's fake lives
499
00:20:01,241 --> 00:20:02,591
just wastes too much time,
500
00:20:02,689 --> 00:20:06,409
and when you waste not,
you want not.
501
00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:09,791
[ bleep ] our laundry!
502
00:20:09,896 --> 00:20:11,376
Oh, shit.
503
00:20:11,482 --> 00:20:13,622
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
504
00:20:15,793 --> 00:20:16,973
[ sniffing ]
505
00:20:17,068 --> 00:20:19,928
I hope no one saw those
late night party pics.
506
00:20:20,034 --> 00:20:21,244
Oh, them pics, June.
507
00:20:21,344 --> 00:20:22,554
[ sighs ]
I thought I deleted them.
508
00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:26,545
Ah, you did, but not
before I screen shotted them.
509
00:20:26,655 --> 00:20:27,375
You did?
510
00:20:27,482 --> 00:20:29,622
No! I would never do that.
511
00:20:29,724 --> 00:20:31,104
I'm on the anti revenge porn
advisory board.
512
00:20:31,206 --> 00:20:33,896
- Really?
- Yeah.
513
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,900
A former lover went wide
on my private collection.
514
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,070
Let's just say
that you can't
erase the internet,
515
00:20:39,172 --> 00:20:42,412
now can you?
516
00:20:43,344 --> 00:20:47,834
Are you daring me
to Google you?
517
00:20:47,931 --> 00:20:49,861
No.
518
00:20:49,965 --> 00:20:50,375
Damn it, Bobby!
519
00:20:50,482 --> 00:20:53,032
Every job!
520
00:20:53,137 --> 00:20:56,167
Oh, hey.
521
00:20:56,275 --> 00:20:59,405
Looks like you had
a fun weekend.
522
00:21:01,862 --> 00:21:04,482
[ whispers ]
Thank you, hooker women.
523
00:21:04,586 --> 00:21:06,756
Oh, wait, they're not dead.
524
00:21:06,862 --> 00:21:08,722
I hope.
525
00:21:14,034 --> 00:21:17,594
June:
Wow! She really does have
10,000 followers.
526
00:21:17,689 --> 00:21:19,549
There's a nice picture
of her boobs.
527
00:21:19,655 --> 00:21:23,475
Oh, her boobs again.
And a dead bird.
528
00:21:23,586 --> 00:21:28,656
And another dead bird,
oh, God, it's just pictures
of boobs and dead birds.
529
00:21:31,620 --> 00:21:33,590
And the next one
is boobs again.
530
00:21:33,689 --> 00:21:36,169
Okay.
Uh, boobs, wow, surprising.
531
00:21:36,275 --> 00:21:38,135
Birds or boobs?
Boobs.
532
00:21:38,241 --> 00:21:41,001
Um, boobs.
Oh, it's birds this time.
533
00:21:41,103 --> 00:21:43,173
Okay.
534
00:21:43,275 --> 00:21:46,095
And another bird.
535
00:21:46,206 --> 00:21:47,966
[ sighs ]
Oh, God.
37855