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1
00:00:01,432 --> 00:00:04,002
HEY. SO YOU KNOW
MARCY AT WORK?
2
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:06,184
LITTLE TOO OLD FOR PIGTAILS,
BUT GO AHEAD.
3
00:00:06,177 --> 00:00:07,677
YOU CAN'T BE TOO OLD
FOR PIGTAILS.
4
00:00:07,678 --> 00:00:09,508
MY GRANDMA HAD 'EM
WHEN SHE WAS 96,
5
00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:11,140
AND SHE WAS ADORABLE.
6
00:00:11,142 --> 00:00:13,142
ANYWAY, THINKING ABOUT
CUTTING OUT EARLY ON FRIDAY
7
00:00:13,144 --> 00:00:15,354
AND TAKING MARCY
TO GO SEE THE LEAVES CHANGE.
8
00:00:15,346 --> 00:00:18,216
I WOULDN'T DO THAT.
MR. DONOHUE'S IN TOWN THIS WEEK.
9
00:00:18,219 --> 00:00:20,319
OOH, BIG BOSS MAN COMETH.
10
00:00:20,321 --> 00:00:23,051
LOOK OUT-ETH
SO THOU DOESN'T GET FIRED-ETH
11
00:00:23,054 --> 00:00:25,404
FOR STEALING
OFFICE SUPPLIES-ETH.
12
00:00:25,396 --> 00:00:27,426
WAIT, IS IT "SUPPLY-ETH"
OR "SUPPLIES-ETH"?
13
00:00:27,428 --> 00:00:29,328
NO, I HAD IT.
IT'S "SUPPLIES-ETH."
14
00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:31,400
LOOK, HE'S ONLY IN TOWN
A COUPLE OF DAYS A MONTH,
15
00:00:31,402 --> 00:00:33,432
SO WE JUST GOTTA LAY LOW
AND DO OUR JOBS,
16
00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:34,714
AND IF YOU RUN INTO HIM,
17
00:00:34,705 --> 00:00:38,135
MAKE HIM FEEL SUPERIOR
BY ASKING FOR HIS HELP.
18
00:00:40,211 --> 00:00:43,171
(grunts) OHH, WELL.
19
00:00:43,174 --> 00:00:45,054
I GUESS
NO JELLY FOR ME TODAY.
20
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,145
HOLD ON, SON.
21
00:00:47,148 --> 00:00:49,678
THE TRICK TO
OPENING THESE THINGS...
(pop)
22
00:00:49,680 --> 00:00:52,080
IS TO BE STRONG.
23
00:00:52,083 --> 00:00:56,193
I LIKE TO GIVE MR. DONOHUE
SCONES. HE LOVES SCONES.
24
00:00:56,187 --> 00:00:58,427
ONE MIGHT SAY
HE'S A TOTALSCONER.
25
00:00:58,429 --> 00:00:59,729
EW, I HATE SCONES.
26
00:00:59,730 --> 00:01:01,460
IT'S LIKE HAVING
A MOUTHFUL OF FLOUR
27
00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:03,232
WITH, LIKE,
ONE RAISIN IN IT.
28
00:01:03,234 --> 00:01:06,174
HEY, ENGLAND,
WHY SO STINGY WITH THE FRUIT?
29
00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:07,837
I HAVE GRANT
MAKE THEM FOR ME.
30
00:01:07,838 --> 00:01:09,768
THAT GUY BAKES
A SCONE SO DELICIOUS,
31
00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:12,270
IT WOULD MAKE A DOUGHNUT GO HOME
AND BLOW ITS BRAINS OUT.
32
00:01:12,273 --> 00:01:15,153
MMM. JELLY AND GLAZE
SPATTERED EVERYWHERE.
33
00:01:15,146 --> 00:01:18,576
GOD, I'D LOVE TO BE THE COP
TO WALK IN ON THAT CRIME SCENE.
34
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:25,689
(growls)
35
00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:27,616
YEAH.
MORNING, MR. DONOHUE.
36
00:01:27,618 --> 00:01:29,088
IT'S GOOD TO HAVE YOU
BACK IN TOWN, SIR.
37
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:30,219
I BROUGHT YOU SOME SCONES.
38
00:01:30,221 --> 00:01:32,191
OH, GREAT.
39
00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:33,793
FREAK SHOW.
40
00:01:35,426 --> 00:01:37,526
GOOD MORNING, WILL KEEN.
41
00:01:37,528 --> 00:01:38,768
OH. HI, HENRY.
42
00:01:38,769 --> 00:01:42,229
SO MY MOTHER MOVED IN.
SHE'S VERY INTENSE...
43
00:01:42,233 --> 00:01:44,103
AND HIGHLY UNCOOPERATIVE
IN THE TUB.
44
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:45,344
THAT'S OKAY,
I DON'T NEED TO KNOW
45
00:01:45,336 --> 00:01:47,176
HOW DIFFICULT IT IS
TO KEEP YOUR MOTHER CLEAN.
46
00:01:47,178 --> 00:01:48,738
IT'S VERY DIFFICULT.
YEAH.
47
00:01:48,739 --> 00:01:52,279
THEN SHE MAKES ME AN OMELET,
AND EVERYTHING'S OKAY AGAIN.
48
00:01:52,283 --> 00:01:55,193
WELL, IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU TWO
FOUND A SYSTEM THAT WORKS.
49
00:01:55,186 --> 00:01:56,186
MM.
50
00:01:56,187 --> 00:01:57,187
HEY, WILL.
51
00:01:57,188 --> 00:01:58,748
OW.
52
00:01:58,749 --> 00:02:00,219
THAT'S WEIRD.
53
00:02:00,221 --> 00:02:02,791
STOP IT. I'M SORE.
54
00:02:02,793 --> 00:02:05,533
I TOOK A SPIN CLASS
AT THE GYM THIS MORNING,
55
00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:07,396
AND THE TRAINER
WAS SUCH A MANIAC.
56
00:02:07,398 --> 00:02:11,158
HE WAS ALL UP IN MY FACE.
HE WAS LIKE, "YOU'RE A SLACKER.
57
00:02:11,162 --> 00:02:12,702
"I HAVE NO TOLERANCE
FOR SLACKERS,
58
00:02:12,703 --> 00:02:16,413
SO KEEP UP OR GET OUT.
AND YOUR CALVES ARE SMALL."
59
00:02:16,407 --> 00:02:19,207
OHH. MAYBE YOU SHOULD
GO TO A DIFFERENT CLASS.
60
00:02:19,210 --> 00:02:22,270
EH. I DESERVE IT. I'M FAT.
61
00:02:22,273 --> 00:02:23,473
OH.
62
00:02:23,474 --> 00:02:24,784
(groaning)
63
00:02:24,775 --> 00:02:26,575
KEEN.
64
00:02:26,577 --> 00:02:28,477
I LIKE THE WAY
YOU HANDLED THAT CRAIG IDIOT
65
00:02:28,479 --> 00:02:30,279
IN THE BREAK ROOM
THIS MORNING--
66
00:02:30,281 --> 00:02:32,281
YELLING AT HIM,
MOCKING HIS CALVES.
67
00:02:32,283 --> 00:02:34,563
SOMETIMES THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES
TO MOTIVATE PEOPLE.
68
00:02:34,555 --> 00:02:35,925
RIGHT.
69
00:02:35,926 --> 00:02:38,226
RIGHT, THAT'S WHAT I WAS DOING.
(chuckles)
70
00:02:38,229 --> 00:02:40,359
I THINK YOU'VE GOT
MANAGEMENT POTENTIAL,
71
00:02:40,361 --> 00:02:42,791
SO I'M GIVING YOU
A PROMOTION.
72
00:02:42,793 --> 00:02:45,873
A PROMOTION? WOW.
(laughs)
73
00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:49,236
THANK YOU, SIR.
YOU CAN COUNT ON ME.
74
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:50,800
YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN
WITH THE COMPANY FIVE YEARS,
75
00:02:50,801 --> 00:02:52,571
AND I'VE FELT--
YEAH, WELL, DON'T WRITE
AN OPERA ABOUT IT.
76
00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:54,583
WE CAN WORK OUT
THE DETAILS LATER
77
00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:56,575
ABOUT HOW MUCH MORE MONEY
YOU'RE GONNA MAKE.
78
00:02:56,577 --> 00:02:59,947
ACTUALLY, YOU'RE NOT GONNA
MAKE ANY MORE MONEY,
79
00:02:59,950 --> 00:03:01,850
SO NOW THAT'S WORKED OUT.
80
00:03:01,852 --> 00:03:03,682
WELL, I-I GUESS
MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING,
81
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,924
BUT I'M JUST HAPPY TO BE PART
OF THE TEAM THAT HAS BEEN--
82
00:03:05,916 --> 00:03:08,756
LOOK HOW MUCH YOU TALK.
GOOD FOR YOU.
83
00:03:10,721 --> 00:03:13,491
THAT WAS THE WORST TRIP
TO THE MALL EVER.
84
00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:15,534
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
85
00:03:15,526 --> 00:03:16,596
WE GOT EVERYTHING DONE,
86
00:03:16,597 --> 00:03:17,897
WE DIDN'T HAVE TO
BACKTRACK ONCE,
87
00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:19,198
AND WE GOT OUR BLOOD PRESSURE
TAKEN FOR FREE.
88
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,199
IT WAS FUNNY WHEN UNCLE KENNY
89
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:22,801
GOT HIS ARM TRAPPED
IN THE MACHINE.
90
00:03:22,803 --> 00:03:26,283
(imitates Kenny) "HELP!
I DON'T WANT TO DIE THIS WAY!"
91
00:03:26,277 --> 00:03:28,277
(normal voice) CLASSIC.
92
00:03:28,279 --> 00:03:29,279
YEAH.
93
00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:30,710
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?
94
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,381
YOU USED TO BE SO MUCH FUN.
95
00:03:32,383 --> 00:03:34,693
YOU DIDN'T TRY ON
A SINGLE WIG TODAY.
96
00:03:34,685 --> 00:03:35,915
(high-pitched voice,
British accent) I'M THE QUEEN
97
00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:39,516
OF ENGLAND.
OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!
98
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,250
HELLO, HELLO, HELLO!
99
00:03:41,252 --> 00:03:43,252
OH-A, OOH-A, OOH-OOH-OOH!
100
00:03:43,254 --> 00:03:44,704
(normal voice)
I'M DAVID HASSELHOFF.
101
00:03:44,695 --> 00:03:46,355
(imitates elderly man)
OH! I'M GRANDPA!
102
00:03:46,357 --> 00:03:47,857
YOU'RE ALL A DISAPPOINTMENT!
103
00:03:47,858 --> 00:03:49,558
(high-pitched voice)
BOING, BOING, BOING, BOING.
104
00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:51,900
(lisping)
♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY ♪
105
00:03:51,902 --> 00:03:55,612
♪ MR. PRESIDENT ♪
106
00:03:55,606 --> 00:03:58,766
(normal voice)
WOW. WOW. WOW. WOW. WOW!
107
00:03:58,769 --> 00:04:00,869
(imitates Christopher Walken)
I'M OLD CHRISTOPHER WALKEN.
108
00:04:00,871 --> 00:04:01,971
AND I'M GONE!
109
00:04:01,972 --> 00:04:03,872
NOW I'M YOUNG
CHRISTOPHER WALKEN.
110
00:04:03,874 --> 00:04:06,724
(imitates Al Pacino)
AL... PA... CINO.
111
00:04:06,717 --> 00:04:08,817
(Yiddish accent)
GET ME A REUBEN SANDWICH
112
00:04:08,819 --> 00:04:10,419
IMMEDIATELY.
113
00:04:10,421 --> 00:04:11,321
BECAUSE OF YOU,
THEY PUT UP A SIGN
114
00:04:11,322 --> 00:04:13,322
THAT SAID,
"FIVE WIG JOKES PER CUSTOMER."
115
00:04:13,324 --> 00:04:14,794
WELL, YOU SHOULD HAVE
PUT ON THAT OLD LADY WIG,
116
00:04:14,785 --> 00:04:15,855
'CAUSE YOU WERE ALL...
117
00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:16,926
(mocking) "DON'T DO THIS,
118
00:04:16,927 --> 00:04:19,257
"AND DON'T DO THAT,
I'M UPTIGHT,
119
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,689
AND THAT MANNEQUIN DOESN'T
WANT TO DO THAT WITH YOU."
120
00:04:21,692 --> 00:04:23,432
AND THEN
THERE'S THIS DOOFUS
121
00:04:23,434 --> 00:04:25,804
WITH HIS BIG SMILE
AND HIS OWN HAIR.
(door closes)
122
00:04:25,796 --> 00:04:27,736
WHAT'D I DO?
NOTHING, BUDDY.
I'M JUST LASHING OUT.
123
00:04:27,738 --> 00:04:29,438
I GOT A PROMOTION!
124
00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:30,440
REALLY?
125
00:04:30,441 --> 00:04:31,441
(laughs)
OHH.
126
00:04:31,442 --> 00:04:34,002
THAT'S FANTASTIC! OHH!
127
00:04:34,004 --> 00:04:36,314
TAKE THAT, MOM.
MY HUSBANDISA SUCCESS.
128
00:04:36,307 --> 00:04:37,807
I'M NOT GETTING
ANY MORE MONEY.
129
00:04:37,808 --> 00:04:41,408
OH. MY MOM LOVES YOU.
130
00:04:41,412 --> 00:04:44,822
BUT TELL YOUR MOM THE NEW TITLE
DOES COME WITH PERKS.
131
00:04:44,815 --> 00:04:49,885
EXECUTIVES AND THEIR FRIENDS
AND FAMILIES GET ACCESS TO...
132
00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:52,520
THE AVALON CLUB DOWNTOWN.
133
00:04:52,523 --> 00:04:55,533
(gasps)
"THE AVALON CLUB."
OOH, THAT'S POSH.
134
00:04:55,526 --> 00:04:57,926
I HEARD THEY HAVE
BATHROOM ATTENDANTS THERE.
135
00:04:57,928 --> 00:04:59,298
I SHALL BRING
ALL OF MY COMBS
136
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,429
AND DUNK THEM LIBERALLY
INTO THEIR BARBICIDE.
137
00:05:05,476 --> 00:05:09,506
MR. DONOHUE. I WAS JUST
CRUNCHING THE NUMBERS--
GREAT STORY.
138
00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:12,440
SOMEONE IN THIS COMPANY IS GOING
TO LOSE THEIR JOB TODAY, KEEN.
139
00:05:12,443 --> 00:05:14,993
REALLY?
BEFORE YOU DECIDE WHO...
(opens drawer)
140
00:05:14,985 --> 00:05:17,015
COULD YOU HELP ME
OPEN THIS JAR?
141
00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:18,587
CERTAINLY.
142
00:05:18,589 --> 00:05:20,489
(pop)
143
00:05:20,491 --> 00:05:22,051
SO HERE'S THE DEAL--
WHEN I'M IN TOWN,
144
00:05:22,052 --> 00:05:24,462
I LIKE TO MAKE SURE
THAT PEOPLE STAY ON THEIR TOES,
145
00:05:24,455 --> 00:05:26,355
AND NOTHING DOES THAT BETTER
THAN FIRING SOMEONE.
146
00:05:26,357 --> 00:05:28,097
COULDN'T WE JUST
OPEN MORE JARS?
147
00:05:28,098 --> 00:05:29,928
WELL, ONE OF US COULD.
148
00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:33,100
ANYWAY, I WANT TO GET RID OF
THIS CRAIG GRIFFITH CHARACTER,
149
00:05:33,103 --> 00:05:36,043
WITH HIS SCONES
AND HIS HOW-DO-YOU-DO'S,
150
00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:38,406
BUT I CAN'T FIRE HIM
BECAUSE HE'S GAY
151
00:05:38,409 --> 00:05:40,509
AND I DON'T WANT
TO RISK A LAWSUIT.
152
00:05:40,511 --> 00:05:41,871
OH, NO, NO, NO,
CRAIG'S NOT GAY.
153
00:05:41,872 --> 00:05:43,342
WELL, THEN ICANFIRE HIM.
154
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:46,523
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. NO--OH, WAIT.
DID YOU MEAN "GAY" LIKE "HAPPY"?
155
00:05:46,517 --> 00:05:48,947
BECAUSE I MEANT
THAT CRAIG IS NOT HAPPY.
156
00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:51,779
IN FACT, HE IS ONE SAD,
LITIGIOUS HOMOSEXUAL.
157
00:05:51,782 --> 00:05:53,782
I DON'T UNDERSTAND
THOSE PEOPLE.
158
00:05:53,784 --> 00:05:56,464
CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING A MAN
159
00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:58,457
AND WANTING TO
TAKE ANOTHER MAN
160
00:05:58,459 --> 00:05:59,959
AND SUE HIM?
161
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,760
THE NEXT PERSON ON MY LIST
162
00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:04,702
IS SOME GUY NAMED,
UH, HENRY TRUNKA.
163
00:06:04,695 --> 00:06:07,035
I'VE HEARD HE'S A WEIRDO,
SO I WANT YOU TO FIRE HIM.
164
00:06:07,037 --> 00:06:08,037
ME?
MM-HMM.
165
00:06:08,038 --> 00:06:09,738
WAIT.
YOU WANTMETO FIRE HIM?
166
00:06:09,740 --> 00:06:12,370
OH, BUT HENRY HAS
ALL THESE PROBLEMS
167
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:14,712
WITH HIS MOM
AND BATHING HER--
168
00:06:14,705 --> 00:06:16,405
HAVING THIS JOB
IS TOUGH, SON,
169
00:06:16,407 --> 00:06:18,477
BUT IT'S HOW
WE BUY OUR FERRARIS
170
00:06:18,479 --> 00:06:20,749
AND VACATION
IN THE SOUTH OF FRANCE.
171
00:06:20,751 --> 00:06:23,051
(chuckles) OR LEASE
OUR MID-SIZED SEDANS
172
00:06:23,053 --> 00:06:26,063
AND VACATION IN THE NORTH
OF CLEVELAND. (chuckles)
173
00:06:26,056 --> 00:06:27,716
I-I HAVE A COUSIN
WHO HAS A CONDO UP THERE.
174
00:06:27,718 --> 00:06:31,558
IT'S, UH, IT'S...
NOT VERY NICE.
175
00:06:31,562 --> 00:06:32,892
CAN HIS ASS.
176
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:35,933
(sighs)
177
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,430
I DON'T WANT TO BRAG,
178
00:06:41,432 --> 00:06:43,602
BUT I'VE SEEN EVERY MOVIE
THAT STARTS WITH THE LETTER "R."
179
00:06:43,604 --> 00:06:44,784
TEST ME.
180
00:06:44,775 --> 00:06:45,775
"RATATOUILLE."
181
00:06:45,776 --> 00:06:46,836
WAIT, NO. I MEANT "B."
182
00:06:46,837 --> 00:06:47,837
"BONNIE AND CLYDE."
183
00:06:47,838 --> 00:06:48,838
MAYBE IT IS "R."
184
00:06:48,839 --> 00:06:50,079
WHAT'S "RATATOUILLE"
ABOUT AGAIN?
185
00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:53,780
YOU CAN'T FLIRT WITH MARCY
ANYMORE. YOU HAVE TO BE GAY NOW.
186
00:06:53,784 --> 00:06:55,154
DUDE, JUST BECAUSE
YOU GOT A PROMOTION
187
00:06:55,145 --> 00:06:56,885
DOESN'T MEAN
YOU CAN CONTROL EVERYTHING.
188
00:06:56,887 --> 00:06:58,647
DONOHUE WANTS TO FIRE YOU.
189
00:06:58,649 --> 00:07:00,719
THE ONLY REASON HE DOESN'T
IS BECAUSE HE THINKS YOU'RE GAY.
190
00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:02,951
HE THINKS I'M GAY?
191
00:07:02,953 --> 00:07:05,733
DID YOU TELL HIM ABOUT
ALL THE WOMEN I'VE SLEPT WITH?
192
00:07:05,726 --> 00:07:07,796
I WROTE A SONG ABOUT IT,
AND I CAN SING IT FOR HIM.
193
00:07:07,798 --> 00:07:10,028
AND I CAN SHOW HIM HOW STRONG
I AM BY MOVING THE FURNITURE
194
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:11,830
SO I CAN DO THE DANCE
THAT GOES WITH IT.
195
00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:13,802
YES, DESPITE THAT BURNING DESIRE
TO PUT ON A SHOW,
196
00:07:13,804 --> 00:07:15,574
HE DOES THINK YOU'RE GAY,
197
00:07:15,566 --> 00:07:17,836
AND YOU BETTER PRETEND TO BE,
OR YOU'RE GONNA LOSE YOUR JOB.
198
00:07:19,209 --> 00:07:20,869
HERE YOU GO, CRAIG.
(sighs)
199
00:07:20,871 --> 00:07:24,441
APRICOT LEMON POPPY SEED SCONES
WITH A SECRET INGREDIENT...
200
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:25,854
T.L.C. (chuckles)
201
00:07:25,846 --> 00:07:27,816
I CAN NEVER
KEEP THAT SECRET.
202
00:07:27,818 --> 00:07:29,178
THANKS, GRANT.
203
00:07:30,681 --> 00:07:33,081
THANK YOUSO MUCH.
204
00:07:33,083 --> 00:07:36,733
THANK YOUSO, SO MUCH.
205
00:07:36,727 --> 00:07:38,727
(laughs)
206
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,460
MM.
207
00:07:42,993 --> 00:07:44,873
THANKS.
208
00:07:46,937 --> 00:07:47,937
(keyboard clacking)
209
00:07:47,938 --> 00:07:50,468
HEY, HENRY.
210
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:51,770
YOU NEVER COME IN HERE,
WILL KEEN.
211
00:07:51,772 --> 00:07:54,002
I'M SUSPICIOUS OF YOU
RIGHT NOW.
212
00:07:54,004 --> 00:07:55,814
UH, WELL,
I JUST CAME BY TO TELL YOU
213
00:07:55,806 --> 00:07:57,646
THAT, UH,
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO, UH--
214
00:07:57,648 --> 00:07:58,808
GIVE ME A BIGGER OFFICE?
215
00:07:58,809 --> 00:07:59,809
LET YOU GO.
216
00:07:59,810 --> 00:08:01,780
LET ME GO
INTO A BIGGER OFFICE?
217
00:08:01,782 --> 00:08:03,252
NO. (sighs)
218
00:08:03,253 --> 00:08:07,163
I'M SORRY, HENRY.
WE'RE--WE'RE FIRING YOU.
219
00:08:07,157 --> 00:08:09,057
BUT YOU'RE FREE!
HOW GREAT IS THAT?
220
00:08:09,059 --> 00:08:10,919
UGH, I'M SO JEALOUS.
221
00:08:10,921 --> 00:08:13,691
BUT I HAVE TO KEEP THIS JOB.
PLEASE DON'T FIRE ME, PLEASE.
222
00:08:13,694 --> 00:08:14,804
I CAN BE BETTER.
223
00:08:14,795 --> 00:08:15,995
UH, WELL--
224
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,866
I CAN'T BE HOME
WITH MY MOTHER ALL DAY.
225
00:08:17,868 --> 00:08:20,568
PLEASE.
BE MERCIFUL, WILL KEEN.
226
00:08:20,571 --> 00:08:24,911
O-OKAY, HENRY. I'LL--
I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO.
227
00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:28,675
YAY! LONG LIVE WILL KEEN!
HUZZAH!
228
00:08:30,881 --> 00:08:33,741
LOOK AT ALL THE CHEESES.
THEY GO ON FOR MILES.
229
00:08:33,744 --> 00:08:36,094
THIS IS HOW I IMAGINE
THE ROADS IN VERMONT. (sighs)
230
00:08:36,086 --> 00:08:38,946
I'M GONNA SIT IN A MASSAGE CHAIR
WITH SOME JELL-O
231
00:08:38,949 --> 00:08:40,949
SO IT AND I CAN LAUGH
AT EACH OTHER WHILE WE JIGGLE.
232
00:08:40,951 --> 00:08:41,951
(cackles)
233
00:08:41,952 --> 00:08:42,952
HA.
234
00:08:42,953 --> 00:08:44,833
WHAT?!
(silverware clatters)
235
00:08:44,825 --> 00:08:47,095
(whispers) SORRY.
WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE?
236
00:08:47,097 --> 00:08:49,897
THE SIGN ON THE DOOR SAYS,
"NO SEA HAGS OR HOBGOBLINS."
237
00:08:49,900 --> 00:08:51,560
AND YET
THEY HAVE NO PROBLEM
238
00:08:51,562 --> 00:08:53,902
LETTING IN YOUNG,
SLOPPY SANTA CLAUS.
239
00:08:53,904 --> 00:08:54,944
GUYS, PLEASE DON'T EMBARRASS ME
240
00:08:54,935 --> 00:08:56,665
IN FRONT OF
ALL OF THIS FREE FOOD.
241
00:08:56,667 --> 00:08:58,967
CAN'T YOU JUST PRETEND
TO GET ALONG FOR ONE DAY
242
00:08:58,969 --> 00:09:00,639
SO THAT WE CAN
HAVE A NICE TIME?
243
00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:01,911
SURE, WE'RE GOOD
AT PRETENDING.
244
00:09:01,912 --> 00:09:02,872
YOU REMEMBER
WHEN WE WERE MARRIED
245
00:09:02,873 --> 00:09:04,723
AND WE USED TO COME
TO FANCY PLACES LIKE THIS?
246
00:09:04,715 --> 00:09:07,075
OH. YEAH, WE'D PLAY THIS GAME
WHERE WE'D LIE TO STRANGERS
247
00:09:07,077 --> 00:09:10,747
ABOUT WHO WE WERE, AND THEN LIE
SOME MORE, AND THEN KEEP LYING.
248
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:13,651
IT'S CALLED
"LABYRINTH OF LIES." (laughs)
249
00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:15,264
OR IS IT?
250
00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:17,625
IT IS. OR IS IT?
251
00:09:18,789 --> 00:09:21,029
(whispers)
"LABYRINTH OF LIES."
252
00:09:28,839 --> 00:09:29,969
NOW THAT YOU'RE MANAGEMENT,
253
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:32,070
WE'VE INCREASED THE SIZE
OF YOUR OFFICE BY 2 FEET.
254
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,272
ALL THE WALLS IN THIS BUILDING
ARE ON TRACKS
255
00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:36,054
AND CAN BE MOVED
IN ANY DIRECTION--
256
00:09:36,046 --> 00:09:39,776
NORTH, SOUTH, EAST, OR NORTH.
PLUS YOU NOW GET BOTTLED WATER.
257
00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:41,750
OH, NO, THAT'S OKAY.
258
00:09:41,752 --> 00:09:43,712
I CAN DRINK THE WATER FROM
THE COOLER IN THE BREAK ROOM.
259
00:09:43,714 --> 00:09:45,964
NO, YOU DON'T WANT
TO DRINK THAT STUFF.
260
00:09:45,956 --> 00:09:48,956
(water trickling)
261
00:09:53,163 --> 00:09:54,973
SO I, TOO, HAVE NEWS
262
00:09:54,965 --> 00:09:56,965
THAT WILL SHATTER YOUR TRUST
AND MAKE YOU SICK.
263
00:09:56,967 --> 00:09:59,697
I DIDN'T FIRE HENRY TRUNKA.
264
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:02,630
YOU'RE WEAK, THE KIND OF GUY
WHO DRINKS OUT OF 5-GALLON JUGS.
265
00:10:02,633 --> 00:10:06,813
W--I-IT'S JUST THAT HENRY IS
VERY VALUABLE TO THIS COMPANY.
266
00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:08,007
(chuckles) REALLY?
267
00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:09,878
YEAH, YEAH,
HE RECENTLY DISCOVERED
268
00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:12,340
A BRAND-NEW, GROUNDBREAKING
ACTUARY TABLE.
269
00:10:12,342 --> 00:10:14,082
IT IS GONNA CHANGE THE WAY
270
00:10:14,084 --> 00:10:16,954
INSURANCE COMPANIES ESTIMATE
OVERAGE MODIFICATION SCHEMES.
271
00:10:16,947 --> 00:10:18,217
HMM.
272
00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:19,948
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT ANY OF THAT IS.
273
00:10:19,950 --> 00:10:21,950
I KNOW THE WORD "INSURANCE,"
OF COURSE.
274
00:10:21,952 --> 00:10:25,062
ALL RIGHT, FINE.
YOUR LITTLE FRIEND CAN STAY.
275
00:10:25,055 --> 00:10:26,295
THAT'S GREAT!
AND I'M GOING TO NEED
276
00:10:26,296 --> 00:10:29,056
SOMETHING TO SHOW THE BOARD AT
THE QUARTERLY MEETING ON FRIDAY,
277
00:10:29,059 --> 00:10:30,759
SO HAVE THIS FELLOW SUIT UP
FOR A PRESENTATION
278
00:10:30,761 --> 00:10:33,061
ABOUT THAT THING YOU MENTIONED
WITH THE WORD "INSURANCE" IN IT.
279
00:10:33,063 --> 00:10:35,273
Y-YOU WANT HENRY
TO MAKE A PRESENTATION?
280
00:10:35,265 --> 00:10:38,035
UH, WELL, Y--THE FORMULA
ISN'T QUITE READY--
281
00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:40,308
I AGREE.
IT'S GONNA BE GREAT.
(pats arm)
282
00:10:40,310 --> 00:10:43,040
BOY, YOU DON'T REALLY LISTEN
TO OTHER PEOPLE, DO YOU?
283
00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:44,783
THAT'S YOUR JOB NOW, WILL.
284
00:10:44,775 --> 00:10:48,315
MY JOB IS TO FIND SOMEONE TO DO
THE THINGS I DON'T WANT TO DO,
285
00:10:48,318 --> 00:10:51,078
AND I'VE DONE THAT
VERY WELL.
286
00:10:51,081 --> 00:10:54,351
GOOD JOB, ME! (laughs)
287
00:10:55,886 --> 00:10:58,286
WOW. I'VE NEVER MET
A LION TAMER BEFORE.
288
00:10:58,288 --> 00:11:01,028
THAT'S A PRETTY DANGEROUS JOB,
ISN'T IT?
289
00:11:01,031 --> 00:11:03,031
YEAH,BUT I DON'T DO
THE DEEP MOUTH WORK ANYMORE.
290
00:11:03,033 --> 00:11:04,873
THAT'S A YOUNG MAN'S GAME.
291
00:11:04,865 --> 00:11:08,135
AND I'LL EVENTUALLY BE EATEN,
BUT I'VE COME TO ACCEPT THAT.
292
00:11:08,138 --> 00:11:10,038
AND I'LL BE ON MY OWN,
293
00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:11,740
ALTHOUGH YOU'RE
NEVER REALLY ALONE
294
00:11:11,742 --> 00:11:15,052
WHEN YOU TRAVEL THE WORLD AS
ONE OF BEYONCE'S BACKUP SINGERS.
295
00:11:15,045 --> 00:11:17,005
WOW. I JUST SELL INSURANCE.
296
00:11:17,007 --> 00:11:19,007
YOU TWO HAVE
REALLY EXCITING LIVES.
297
00:11:19,009 --> 00:11:20,809
(both chuckle)
298
00:11:20,811 --> 00:11:23,981
THAT'S NOTHING. WAIT TILL
YOU HEAR WHAT SHE DOES.
299
00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:25,294
I...
300
00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:27,885
ENJOY MAKING POPOVERS.
301
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:32,159
(under breath) THEY ACTUALLY
TAKE A LOT OF WORK.
302
00:11:32,162 --> 00:11:36,172
BUTWHAT IS REALLY EXCITING
ABOUT HER LIFE IS...
303
00:11:36,166 --> 00:11:39,996
HER FASCINATING, UNIQUE,
CONVERSATION-STARTING JOB OF...
304
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:41,970
GHOST HUNTING.
305
00:11:41,972 --> 00:11:43,102
GOOD.
306
00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:44,373
THAT'S RIGHT,
I'M A GHOST HUNTER.
307
00:11:44,374 --> 00:11:46,144
WOW.
SHE TRACKS DOWN SPIRITS
308
00:11:46,136 --> 00:11:48,206
THAT ARE HAVING TROUBLE
CROSSING OVER TO THE OTHER SIDE.
309
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:51,208
(high-pitched voice) ♪ OOH ♪
310
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:52,811
I'M VERY GOOD AT IT.
311
00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:56,453
JUST THE OTHER DAY, I SPOKE
TO THE SPIRIT OF JULIUS CAESAR.
312
00:11:56,446 --> 00:11:58,486
HE WAS CAUSING TROUBLE
AT AN OLD GAS STATION,
313
00:11:58,488 --> 00:12:00,748
SO I GOT MY GANG TOGETHER--
314
00:12:00,751 --> 00:12:02,951
THEY HAVEWONDERFULJUMPSUITS.
HA.
315
00:12:02,953 --> 00:12:05,833
♪ OOH ♪
316
00:12:05,826 --> 00:12:09,356
HI, WILL. I HEARD
HOW YOU SAVED HENRY'S JOB.
317
00:12:09,359 --> 00:12:11,929
WELL, "SAVED" IS A LITTLE--
I AM GONNA NEED A FAVOR, TOO.
318
00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:13,202
A FEW MONTHS AGO,
319
00:12:13,203 --> 00:12:15,013
I HAD AN AFFAIR WITH BOB
IN ACCOUNTS PAYABLE,
320
00:12:15,005 --> 00:12:16,205
AND NOW HE'S BEING A JERK,
321
00:12:16,206 --> 00:12:17,206
AND HE'S EATING EVERYBODY'S FOOD
OUT OF THE FRIDGE,
322
00:12:17,207 --> 00:12:18,937
AND HE'S MARRIED...
323
00:12:18,939 --> 00:12:21,139
ANYWAY, I'M GONNA NEED YOU TO
TRANSFER ME TO ANOTHER OFFICE.
324
00:12:21,141 --> 00:12:22,741
OH, JENNY,
I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN--
325
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:25,822
OH. SO YOU CAN DO FAVORS
FOR HENRY, BUT NOT FOR ME?
326
00:12:25,816 --> 00:12:28,446
ALL RIGHT,
I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO.
327
00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:31,018
YAY, WILL! HUZZAH.
328
00:12:33,083 --> 00:12:34,283
HEY, WILL. HUZZAH.
329
00:12:34,284 --> 00:12:36,164
WHY AREYOUSAYING THAT?
330
00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:37,926
I HEARD YOU'RE DEMANDING IT
AS A GREETING.
331
00:12:37,928 --> 00:12:39,128
WH--
332
00:12:39,129 --> 00:12:42,029
SO THE WEIRDEST THING HAPPENED
EARLIER IN MY OFFICE.
333
00:12:43,093 --> 00:12:44,433
(whirring)
334
00:12:44,434 --> 00:12:47,174
OCCUPIED! OCCUPIED!
335
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:49,097
(sighs) I'M SORRY, BUDDY.
336
00:12:49,099 --> 00:12:51,499
WE SHARE A WALL,
AND I WAS BEING REWARDED
337
00:12:51,501 --> 00:12:54,201
FOR WHAT I NOW REALIZE
IS A MISERABLE NEW JOB.
338
00:12:54,204 --> 00:12:56,884
BY THE WAY,
HOW'S LIFE AS A FAKE GAY MAN?
339
00:12:56,877 --> 00:12:58,277
IT'S CHALLENGING.
340
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:00,448
I DIDN'T CHOOSE
TO BE A FAUX-MOSEXUAL.
341
00:13:00,450 --> 00:13:02,150
I WAS BORN SOMEONE
WHO WOULD ONE DAY
342
00:13:02,152 --> 00:13:03,312
HAVE TO PRETEND
TO BE THIS WAY.
343
00:13:03,313 --> 00:13:05,293
YEAH, WELL,
DONOHUE SAW YOU AND MARCY
344
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:06,485
COMING OUT OF THE COPY ROOM.
345
00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:08,216
WELL, MAYBE
WE WERE MAKING COPIES.
346
00:13:08,218 --> 00:13:10,018
NO ONE GOES IN THERE
TO MAKE COPIES.
347
00:13:10,020 --> 00:13:13,190
YOU GOTTA PLAY IT STRAIGHT,
AND BY "STRAIGHT," I MEAN "GAY."
348
00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:15,173
(sighs)
349
00:13:15,165 --> 00:13:16,165
(knock on door)
350
00:13:16,166 --> 00:13:18,366
HI, CRAIG. UH...
351
00:13:18,368 --> 00:13:20,198
I GOT YOUR MESSAGE.
352
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:21,500
HERE'S THE UNDERWEAR
YOU LEFT AT MY HOUSE
353
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:23,131
AFTER OUR LAST SWIM LESSON.
354
00:13:23,133 --> 00:13:26,013
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOU CAN'T GIVE ME THOSE IN HERE.
355
00:13:27,177 --> 00:13:28,507
NO, NO, NOT YET.
356
00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:30,978
OKAY, GO, GO, GO.
357
00:13:30,981 --> 00:13:32,081
HERE YOU GO.
358
00:13:32,082 --> 00:13:33,882
OH, THANK YOU
FOR MY UNDERWEAR, COCO.
359
00:13:33,884 --> 00:13:35,894
I MUST HAVE LEFT MY UNDERWEAR
AT YOUR HOUSE
360
00:13:35,886 --> 00:13:37,446
WHEN I CHANGED
UNDERWEARS THERE.
361
00:13:37,447 --> 00:13:40,117
I FEEL LIKE
I'M MISSING THE JOKE,
362
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:41,390
LIKE WHEN I WATCH
A "JACKASS" FILM,
363
00:13:41,391 --> 00:13:43,251
AND THEY PUT THEIR TESTICLES
IN DANGER.
364
00:13:43,253 --> 00:13:45,563
YOU ONLY HAVE TWO. WHY PLAY
FAST AND LOOSE WITH THEM?
365
00:13:45,555 --> 00:13:47,125
I JUST NEED MY BOSS
TO THINK I'M GAY,
366
00:13:47,127 --> 00:13:48,957
SO I'M PRETENDING
YOU'RE MY LOVER, COCO.
367
00:13:48,959 --> 00:13:50,499
YOU DECEIVED ME, CRAIG.
368
00:13:50,500 --> 00:13:52,000
YOU WERE DISHONEST
369
00:13:52,002 --> 00:13:54,102
AND MADE ME BRING YOU UNDERPANTS
UNDER FALSE PRETENSES.
370
00:13:54,104 --> 00:13:56,574
NO, I'M SORRY.
DON'T BE MAD.
371
00:13:56,566 --> 00:13:58,966
PLEASE COME BACK.
372
00:13:58,969 --> 00:14:00,309
(sighs)
373
00:14:00,310 --> 00:14:01,340
MARCY, HI.
374
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:03,271
HI.
UH, THAT WAS MY TAILOR.
375
00:14:03,273 --> 00:14:05,553
I HAD TO HAVE THESE UNDERWEAR
TAKEN IN. I MEAN, LET OUT.
376
00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:08,615
SO... WHAT I JUST SAW
WITH YOU AND COCO--
377
00:14:08,618 --> 00:14:10,478
IT CONFIRMS
WHAT I'VE BEEN HEARING.
378
00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:12,280
I HOPE YOU DON'T THINK
I'M CLOSE-MINDED,
379
00:14:12,282 --> 00:14:15,262
BUT I HAVE A RULE
THAT I DON'T DATE GAY GUYS.
380
00:14:15,255 --> 00:14:18,525
MARCY, NO! COME BACK!
I HAVE THE SAME RULE!
381
00:14:18,528 --> 00:14:21,858
WELL, I'M SORRY, JOE.
YOU CAN'T WORK FROM HOME.
382
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:24,331
BECAUSE YOU'RE A SECURITY GUARD.
383
00:14:24,334 --> 00:14:25,344
(beep)
384
00:14:25,335 --> 00:14:27,295
I'M SO DONE WITH THIS JOB.
385
00:14:27,297 --> 00:14:30,567
OH, MY GOD. WE HAD THE BEST TIME
AT THE AVALON CLUB.
386
00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:32,240
WE WERE PLAYING THIS GAME
387
00:14:32,242 --> 00:14:34,372
WHERE WE LIE TO STRANGERS
ABOUT WHO WE ARE!
388
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,084
(Kenny) WE MET THIS EXECUTIVE.
389
00:14:36,076 --> 00:14:38,076
HE THOUGHT
WE WERE ALL FASCINATING.
390
00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:41,248
TURNS OUT HE'S RICH.
HE OWNS A HELICOPTER.
391
00:14:41,251 --> 00:14:43,911
SO WE ALL WENT OFF
TO THE AIRPORT AND GOT INTO IT
392
00:14:43,914 --> 00:14:45,494
AND HAD OUR PICTURE TAKEN!
393
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:47,215
LOOK!
394
00:14:47,217 --> 00:14:48,317
THEN HE BOUGHT US DINNER
395
00:14:48,318 --> 00:14:49,488
AT THIS SUPER-EXPENSIVE
SUSHI RESTAURANT.
396
00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:50,659
(haughty voice)
AND WE HAD SEA URCHIN
397
00:14:50,660 --> 00:14:52,190
WRAPPED IN THE STOMACH LINING
OF A SQUID
398
00:14:52,192 --> 00:14:54,322
SERVED IN THE RECTUM
OF A GIANT CLAM.
399
00:14:54,324 --> 00:14:57,304
BOY, YOU THINK YOU HIT
ROCK BOTTOM BEING BORN A CLAM,
400
00:14:57,297 --> 00:14:59,227
AND THEN THAT HAPPENS.
(laughs)
401
00:14:59,229 --> 00:15:00,329
I HAD TWO.
402
00:15:00,330 --> 00:15:03,230
THEN WE WENT TO
HIS PRIVATE DRIVING RANGE,
403
00:15:03,233 --> 00:15:04,473
AND KENNY RAN OUT THERE
404
00:15:04,474 --> 00:15:07,144
WHILE WE TOOK TURNS TRYING
TO HIT HIM WITH GOLF BALLS.
405
00:15:07,137 --> 00:15:09,337
I GOT HIM IN THE NECK.
LOOKS LIKE A HICKEY.
406
00:15:09,339 --> 00:15:13,279
(laughs) IT WAS SO FUNNY.
HOW WAS YOUR DAY, MR. EXECUTIVE?
407
00:15:13,283 --> 00:15:16,023
WELL, ACTUALLY, I WANT
TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THAT.
408
00:15:16,016 --> 00:15:19,146
(clears throat)
OH, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
FOR GETTING THIS PROMOTION
409
00:15:19,149 --> 00:15:22,349
AND MAKING ME AN EXECUTIVE WIFE,
AND RIGHT NOW ALL I WANT TO DO
410
00:15:22,352 --> 00:15:25,662
IS MAKE SLIGHTLY DRUNKEN
EXECUTIVE LOVE TO YOU.
411
00:15:25,655 --> 00:15:26,655
EW.
412
00:15:26,656 --> 00:15:28,296
OH, YES, KENNY. "EW" IS RIGHT.
413
00:15:28,298 --> 00:15:30,158
YOUR BEST FRIEND IS ABOUT
TO MAKE DIRTY, SKETCHY LOVE
414
00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:32,130
TO YOUR SISTER.
HA HA HA HA.
415
00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:36,012
OH, I'M SORRY, HONEY.
DID YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT WORK?
416
00:15:37,067 --> 00:15:40,167
UH, NO. NO.
JOB'S ALL GOOD.
417
00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:47,276
SO THAT WOULD MEAN THAT
EXPENSES PER ANNUM WOULD--
418
00:15:47,277 --> 00:15:49,447
COME ON.
HENRY, YOU HAVE TO CONCENTRATE.
419
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:52,149
NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE,
WILL KEEN.
420
00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:54,352
OF COURSE IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.
I MADE IT ALL UP,
421
00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:57,264
BUT THESE UPPER-LEVEL GUYS
CAN'T FOLLOW IT ANYWAY.
422
00:15:57,257 --> 00:16:01,727
LOOK, MY WIFE IS REALLY ENJOYING
BEING MARRIED TO AN EXECUTIVE,
423
00:16:01,731 --> 00:16:04,261
AND I AM REALLY
ENJOYING THE PERKS
424
00:16:04,264 --> 00:16:07,304
OF HER COMING HOME HAPPY
AND, FRANKLY, A LITTLE LOOSE.
425
00:16:07,297 --> 00:16:08,597
I LIKE WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT
426
00:16:08,598 --> 00:16:10,398
YOUR SEXY WIFE, THERESA KEEN,
WILL KEEN.
427
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:12,440
NOW COME ON. FOCUS.
428
00:16:12,442 --> 00:16:14,742
I'M NOT COMFORTABLE
TALKING TO GROUPS OF PEOPLE.
429
00:16:14,744 --> 00:16:16,684
YOU CAN TALK
TO PEOPLE, HENRY.
430
00:16:16,676 --> 00:16:18,546
YOU YELLED AT EVERYONE
AT THE COMPANY PICNIC
431
00:16:18,548 --> 00:16:20,378
FOR NOT LOOKING
AT YOUR KITE.
432
00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:23,980
NOW COME ON.
BOTH OUR JOBS DEPEND ON THIS.
433
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:27,363
AND THAT IS WHY, IF YOU GO
TO THAT PERUVIAN VILLAGE TODAY,
434
00:16:27,357 --> 00:16:31,517
YOU WILL SEE THIS WOMAN'S IMAGE
ON EVERY SINGLE TOTEM POLE.
435
00:16:31,521 --> 00:16:33,621
I JUST PREPPED THE GOAT.
436
00:16:33,623 --> 00:16:35,373
DR. STEIN IS THE ONE
437
00:16:35,365 --> 00:16:37,295
WHO TRANSFERRED ITS HEART
INTO THAT VILLAGER.
438
00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:38,727
AND HE LIVED?
439
00:16:38,728 --> 00:16:42,028
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS. A GOAT
CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT ITS HEART.
440
00:16:43,133 --> 00:16:45,413
THERE SHE IS. MEHITABEL.
441
00:16:45,405 --> 00:16:46,675
MEHITABEL.
442
00:16:46,676 --> 00:16:49,636
I'MMEHITABEL.
I WAS HAVING SOME CHEESE.
443
00:16:49,639 --> 00:16:51,479
I DIDN'T HEAR YOU.
I'M HYPER-FOCUSED.
444
00:16:51,481 --> 00:16:53,741
YOU HAVE TO BE,
IN MY BUSINESS, TO STAY ALIVE--
445
00:16:53,743 --> 00:16:55,393
WELL, TO STAY ALIVE
IN BUSINESS.
446
00:16:55,385 --> 00:16:57,345
GHOST HUNTING
IS SUPER COMPETITIVE.
447
00:16:57,347 --> 00:16:58,387
THIS IS MY FRIEND NANCY.
448
00:16:58,388 --> 00:17:00,418
I TOLD HER
ABOUT YOUR AMAZING GIFT.
MM.
449
00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:03,290
IS IT TRUE YOU CAN
RID HOUSES OF UNWANTED SPIRITS?
450
00:17:03,293 --> 00:17:05,463
OH, YEAH. I HAVE THE GIFT.
451
00:17:05,455 --> 00:17:07,355
I CAN TALK 'EM OUT,
SCARE 'EM OUT,
452
00:17:07,357 --> 00:17:09,697
MOVE 'EM OUT, PUSH 'EM OUT,
STACK 'EM, TRADE 'EM, FLIP 'EM--
453
00:17:09,699 --> 00:17:11,229
WHATEVER YOU NEED.
454
00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:13,361
I'M HAVING A PROBLEM
WITH AN ENTITY AT MY HOUSE.
455
00:17:13,363 --> 00:17:16,413
IT'S TERRORIZING ME,
KEEPING ME UP AT NIGHT,
456
00:17:16,406 --> 00:17:18,036
TRYING TO DRIVE ME AWAY...
457
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:21,367
OH, AND SOMETIMES
BLOOD COMES OUT OF THE WALLS.
458
00:17:21,371 --> 00:17:24,511
SO CAN YOU COME OVER,
LIKE, RIGHT NOW?
459
00:17:24,514 --> 00:17:28,554
MM.
NOW? OH, GOD, I DON'T KNOW.
460
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:31,118
UH, I HAVE A CHIMNEY DEMON
AT 5:00,
461
00:17:31,121 --> 00:17:33,281
AND I'VE ALREADY
MOVED IT THREE TIMES.
462
00:17:33,283 --> 00:17:35,293
OH, I'M SO SORRY.
463
00:17:35,285 --> 00:17:36,525
HAVE YOU SEEN HENRY?
464
00:17:36,526 --> 00:17:38,486
I NEED TO PREP HIM
BEFORE OUR PRESENTATION.
465
00:17:38,488 --> 00:17:40,188
HE LEFT. HE SAID HE COULDN'T
GO THROUGH WITH IT.
466
00:17:40,190 --> 00:17:41,390
I WOULD HAVE STOPPED HIM,
467
00:17:41,391 --> 00:17:43,231
BUT I COULDN'T GET OUT
FROM BEHIND MY DESK.
468
00:17:43,233 --> 00:17:45,273
ARE YOU KIDDING?
THIS MEETING'S IN AN HOUR.
469
00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:48,295
YES, ITISSMALLER IN HERE,
WILL. NICE OF YOU TO NOTICE.
470
00:17:48,298 --> 00:17:50,268
I NEED TO FIND SOMEONE WHO CAN
FAKE THEIR WAY THROUGH THIS.
471
00:17:50,270 --> 00:17:51,640
I'LL DO IT
IF YOU MOVE YOUR WALL BACK.
472
00:17:51,641 --> 00:17:54,301
NO, YOU CAN'T DO IT.
DONOHUE KNOWS YOU.
473
00:17:54,304 --> 00:17:55,714
IT HAS TO BE SOMEONE
HE'S NEVER MET
474
00:17:55,705 --> 00:18:00,145
WHO'S GOOD AT LYING.
(sighs)
475
00:18:00,150 --> 00:18:02,450
SIR, I'D LIKE YOU
TO MEET HENRY TRUNKA.
476
00:18:02,452 --> 00:18:04,852
SO... THE MASTER HIMSELF.
477
00:18:04,854 --> 00:18:07,424
YOU KNOW, WITH THAT HAIR
AND THAT BEARD,
478
00:18:07,417 --> 00:18:10,357
YOU LOOK LIKE SOME SORT
OF INSURANCE PIRATE.
479
00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:11,790
I LIKE IT.
480
00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:13,561
YARR.
481
00:18:13,563 --> 00:18:14,463
(chuckles)
482
00:18:14,464 --> 00:18:16,534
WHAT IS IT
THAT YOU'RE DOING NOW?
483
00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:22,568
(chuckles) AND THAT IS WHY YOU
HAVE A 40 TO 60% CHARGE-OFF,
484
00:18:22,572 --> 00:18:25,212
NON-EXPENDITURE DEVALUATION,
485
00:18:25,205 --> 00:18:29,205
THUS RENDERING YOUR TABLE
A DOUBLE-SIDED, PREFIXED--
486
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:31,579
NAY, POST-FIXED...
487
00:18:31,581 --> 00:18:33,441
BREATHTAKING PRESENTATION,
KEEN.
488
00:18:33,443 --> 00:18:36,493
ALMOST MAKES ME WANT
TO KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.
489
00:18:36,486 --> 00:18:39,116
NOW WHO WANTS A NICE,
GOOEY SLICE OF PIE CHART?
490
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:40,118
(thwack)
491
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,819
SORRY I'M LATE.
492
00:18:41,821 --> 00:18:44,551
RAUL.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
493
00:18:44,554 --> 00:18:45,504
I'M NOT HERE.
494
00:18:45,495 --> 00:18:46,755
YOU'RE HAVING SOME SORT
OF ANXIETY DREAM
495
00:18:46,756 --> 00:18:48,196
ABOUT BEING LATE
TO A MEETING.
496
00:18:48,198 --> 00:18:49,598
"RAUL"?
497
00:18:49,599 --> 00:18:51,529
I THOUGHT YOUR NAME
WAS HENRY TRUNKA.
498
00:18:51,531 --> 00:18:56,511
NO, THIS IS LION-TAMING LEGEND
RAUL STALLONE.
499
00:18:56,506 --> 00:18:58,336
(chuckles)
500
00:18:58,338 --> 00:19:00,668
NOW WAIT.
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE, KEEN?
501
00:19:00,670 --> 00:19:02,810
WHAT DOES A LION TAMER KNOW
ABOUT INSURANCE?
502
00:19:02,812 --> 00:19:05,582
(chair scrapes floor)
THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT.
I'M DONE LYING.
503
00:19:05,575 --> 00:19:07,175
MR. DONOHUE,
504
00:19:07,177 --> 00:19:09,617
I DID NOT FIRE HENRY,
AND I MADE ALL OF THIS UP.
505
00:19:09,619 --> 00:19:11,519
AND I WANT MY OLD JOB BACK,
BECAUSE FRANKLY,
506
00:19:11,521 --> 00:19:14,581
YOU ARE A VERY DIFFICULT MAN
TO WORK FOR.
507
00:19:14,584 --> 00:19:17,834
WELL, KEEN,
THAT'S ALL VERY TROUBLING--
508
00:19:17,827 --> 00:19:19,487
ALSO, I'M GAY.
509
00:19:19,489 --> 00:19:21,229
DID I MENTION THAT?
510
00:19:21,231 --> 00:19:22,931
CRAIG AND I ARE LOVERS.
511
00:19:22,932 --> 00:19:23,932
I KNEW IT!
512
00:19:23,933 --> 00:19:25,703
WHAT?!
NO, THAT'S NOT TRUE.
513
00:19:25,695 --> 00:19:27,565
NO, NO,
I-I'M TOTALLY STRAIGHT,
514
00:19:27,567 --> 00:19:29,597
AND I DON'T CARE
IF MR. DONOHUE FIRES ME.
515
00:19:29,599 --> 00:19:31,499
MARCY, I WANT TO BE WITH YOU.
516
00:19:31,501 --> 00:19:33,641
REALLY?
517
00:19:33,643 --> 00:19:35,213
EVERYONE...
518
00:19:35,205 --> 00:19:36,705
CRAIG IS GAY.
519
00:19:36,706 --> 00:19:37,746
OH, COME O--
520
00:19:37,747 --> 00:19:42,347
I KNOW BECAUSE
I'M HIS LOVER, COCO.
521
00:19:42,352 --> 00:19:44,552
(lowered voice) I'M SORRY,
CRAIG. I REALIZED I OVERREACTED.
522
00:19:44,554 --> 00:19:46,664
I'M YOUR FRIEND,
AND FRIENDS HELP EACH OTHER.
523
00:19:46,656 --> 00:19:48,186
YEAH, B--
524
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:49,557
(normal voice)
COME ON, GAY LOVER.
NOT MY LOVER.
525
00:19:49,559 --> 00:19:51,719
LET'S GO HOME
AND DO WHAT WE DO.
526
00:19:51,721 --> 00:19:53,261
WE DON'T DO ANYTHING.
527
00:19:53,263 --> 00:19:54,523
YEAH, YOU'D BETTER NOT.
528
00:19:54,524 --> 00:19:55,734
(clenches teeth) SHUT UP!
529
00:19:55,725 --> 00:19:57,325
I'M SORRY, CRAIG.
530
00:19:57,327 --> 00:19:58,567
IT'S OVER.
531
00:19:58,568 --> 00:20:00,228
MARCY.MARCY.
532
00:20:00,230 --> 00:20:01,600
HELLO.
533
00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:03,501
MY NAME IS RAUL.
534
00:20:03,503 --> 00:20:05,443
YOU REMIND ME
OF MY GRANDMOTHER.
535
00:20:05,435 --> 00:20:07,535
SHE, TOO, WAS ADORABLE.
536
00:20:07,537 --> 00:20:09,307
(sighs)
537
00:20:16,386 --> 00:20:19,316
HEY, MR. BIG-TIME EXECUTIVE.
538
00:20:19,319 --> 00:20:22,619
ACTUALLY,
I WENT BACK TO MY OLD JOB.
539
00:20:22,622 --> 00:20:25,332
I JUST COULDN'T KEEP PRETENDING
TO BE SOMETHING I WASN'T.
540
00:20:25,325 --> 00:20:28,355
I KNOW. IT'S REALLY HARD.
541
00:20:28,358 --> 00:20:29,928
YOU END UP DOING THINGS
THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO DO,
542
00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:31,259
LIKE CRAWLING
AROUND AN ATTIC,
543
00:20:31,261 --> 00:20:34,831
PRETENDING TO MAKE CONTACT
WITH A DEAD CIVIL WAR GENERAL.
544
00:20:34,834 --> 00:20:37,514
WOW. I THOUGHT
IHAD THE WEIRDEST DAY.
545
00:20:37,507 --> 00:20:38,807
HMM.
546
00:20:38,808 --> 00:20:41,568
I'M SORRY YOU'RE NOT
AN EXECUTIVE WIFE ANYMORE.
547
00:20:41,571 --> 00:20:44,411
IT'S OKAY, HONEY. I NEVER WANT
TO GO BACK TO THAT CLUB, ANYWAY.
548
00:20:44,414 --> 00:20:47,454
I AM NOT GOOD AT CUTTING LOOSE
OR LYING TO PEOPLE
549
00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:50,447
OR SPEAKING IN THE VOICE
OF OL' PICKET FENCE JACKSON.
550
00:20:50,450 --> 00:20:52,580
YOU DONOTWANT
TO SEE THAT.
551
00:20:52,582 --> 00:20:54,522
YOU KNOW WHOISGOOD AT LYING?
552
00:20:54,524 --> 00:20:56,464
WHENEVER I ENGAGE A BIG CAT,
553
00:20:56,456 --> 00:20:59,356
I LIKE TO BITE HIM FIRST,
SHOW HIM WHO'S BOSS.
554
00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:02,959
NOW ONCE YOU GET PAST
THE LION'S INCISORS,
555
00:21:02,962 --> 00:21:05,302
THAT IS THE DANGER ZONE.
556
00:21:05,295 --> 00:21:08,765
ONE FALSE MOVE, ANDCHOMP!
557
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:10,468
(blows raspberry)
558
00:21:10,470 --> 00:21:11,570
"AAH!"
559
00:21:11,571 --> 00:21:14,941
"NO!"
560
00:21:14,944 --> 00:21:17,614
(blows raspberry)
561
00:21:17,607 --> 00:21:20,407
ANY QUESTIONS?
562
00:21:20,410 --> 00:21:22,580
NO? LET'S MOVE ON TO PUMAS.
41653
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