All language subtitles for Man Up s01e11_English

(gunfire and explosions)
STAY SHARP, GUYS.
WE GOTTA WIN TONIGHT.

WE CANNOT GO TO GAME SEVEN.
SURE WE CAN.

THE TOURNAMENT'S
THE BEST OF SEVEN,

SO WE DEFINITELYCANGO
TO GAME SEVEN.

HAD YOU SAID, "I PREFER NOT
GOINGTO GAME SEVEN"

OR "WESHAN'TGO
TO GAME SEVEN,"

THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN
MORE ACCURATE.
AND MORE ELOQUENT.

WHATEVER. THESE TOURNAMENT GAMES
GO ON LATE, AND I WAKE THERESA

WHEN I GET IN BED, WHICH SHE
SHASN'TBEEN HAPPY ABOUT.

I'D REALLY LIKE TO WRAP
THIS UP TONIGHT,

SO I NEED YOU TO FOCUS.

YOU GOT IT, BUDDY. SO, KENNY,
HOW'S THE NEW EGG CHAIR?

FANTASTEESH.

I PUT IN SURROUND SOUND
AND A BUTT WARMER.

I GOT A BEVERAGE TUBE.

It's like
a giant robot chicken

LAID THIS
JUST FOR MY COMFORT.

SO WE'RE NOT GONNA
FOCUS THEN?

OF COURSE WE ARE. HEY, CRAIGGER,
HOW'S THE NEW GIRL?

DOES SHE REALLY JUST LIKE
WATCHING YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES?

(chuckles) YEP. SHE IS GREAT.

WE ARE TALKING ABOUT YOU,
SUNSHINE.

(chuckles) FOCUS, HONEY.

YOU DON'T WANT THIS TOURNAMENT
GOING TO GAME SEVEN.

(whispers) YEAH.

(normal voice) THAT'S HOW WILL
SHOULD HAVE SAID IT.

I'M TAKING FIRE, GUYS.

WHO'S GOT MY BACK?
WHERE ARE YOU?

I'M RELOADING
THE SANGRIA RESERVOIR.

I'M TOTALLY FOCUSED, BILL.

(warping sound)

AND WE'RE GOING
TO GAME SEVEN.

AW! I THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA TRY
AND WRAP THIS UP TONIGHT!

ISN'T IT FANTASTIC?
I'VE WANTED A FAMILY PORTRAIT

LIKE THIS
EVER SINCE WE HAD KIDS.

OH, MY GOODNESS. WHY ARE
YOU ALL SO SMALL AND FLAT?

(chuckles) I'M JUST KIDDING.
THAT'S MY IMPRESSION

OF THE FIRST GUY
WHO EVER SAW A PAINTING.

(chuckles) LOOKS LIKE
THE ARTIST GOT A LITTLE GENEROUS

WITH YOUR CLEAVAGE.

YEAH, HE INSISTED
MY BODY TYPE COULD HANDLE IT.

HE SAID I'LL GET USED TO THEM.

YEAH.
GOOD MORNING. (sighs)

THAT'S A NICE-LOOKING FAMILY
GATHERED AROUND THOSE BOOBS.

HOW'D YOU SLEEP?

TERRIBLE. YOU WOKE ME UP
WHEN YOUFINALLYCAME TO BED,

AND THE NEIGHBOR'S STUPID
MOTION DETECTOR LIGHT

WAS GOING OFF AGAIN ALL NIGHT,
SHINING IN OUR WINDOW.
HUH?

OUR NEW NEIGHBOR IS A JERK.
IT'S NOT JUST THE LIGHT.

EVERY TIME THE KIDS LOSE
A BALL OVER HIS FENCE,

HE REFUSES TO GIVE IT BACK.

I HAVE NO TOLERANCE
FOR THAT.

WILL, YOU NEED TO GO OVER THERE
AND GET YOUR BALLS BACK.

I KNOW THAT SOUNDS LIKE
A METAPHOR, BUT IT IS NOT,

BECAUSE THAT MAN HAS
YOUR ACTUAL BALLS,

WHICH ALSO SOUNDS LIKE
A METAPHOR AND ALSO IS NOT.

OH, I TALKED TO HIM.

BELIEVE ME,
WE REALLY WENT AT IT.

HI, GLENN.

WHAT?

SO I-I WAS TRYING TO FISH
MY KIDS' BALLS

OUT OF YOUR BACKYARD
WITH MY RAKE,

AND SO N-NOW YOU ALSO HAVE
MY RAKE... (chuckles)

UH, AND MY LONGER RAKE,
AND--OKAY.

WELL, AT LEAST YOUR STUPID
VIDEO GAME TOURNAMENT IS OVER

SO I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT
YOUWAKING ME UP ANYMORE.

YEAH, UH, UH, ABOUT THAT...

UH, THE TOURNAMENT'S NOT
ACTUALLY OVER.

YOU SAID IT WAS ONLY GONNA
BE SIX GAMES.

I OVERESTIMATED
MY TEAM'S FOCUS...

IN THAT I THOUGHT
THEY HAD ANY.

UGH.

BUT IT'S OKAY. I DON'T HAVE
TO PLAY TONIGHT.

(chuckles) I MEAN,
THE--YOU KNOW, THE GUYS ARE

SUPER EXCITED ABOUT IT,
AND IT ONLY HAPPENS ONCE A YEAR,

BUT, UH... I CAN SKIP IT,
(inhales deeply)

EVEN THOUGH IT'S JUST
ONE MORE NIGHT...

AND I LOVE IT.

THANK YOU, HONEY.

I APPRECIATE IT.

MM.

YOU TOLD HER
YOU WEREN'T GONNA PLAY?

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?
THIS TOURNAMENT IS AS IMPORTANT

AS ANYTHING WE WILL EVER DO
IN OUR LIVES, RIGHT?

IF ANYTHING,
YOU'RE UNDERSTATING IT.

YOU KNOW, GUYS, WE WOULDN'T
EVEN HAVE THIS PROBLEM

IF YOU'D HAD MY BACK
LAST NIGHT

INSTEAD OF MAKING OUT
WITH YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND

AND MESSING
WITH YOUR SANGRIA TANK.

THERE WAS A CHUNK OF ORANGE
STUCK IN MY DRINKING TUBE.

DID YOU WANT ME
TO JUST LEAVE IT THERE?

IT COULD HAVE CHOKED ME, WILL.

YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLE.

FIRST YOU ENDANGER
OUR ENTIRE TOURNAMENT,

AND NOW YOU WANT KENNY
TO DIE?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

I GOT IT.
I GOT THE SOLUTION.

FORTUNATELY FOR YOU,
I'M A PHARMACEUTICAL REP...
(thud)

WITH A BAGFUL OF TRICKS,

ONE OF WHICH IS...

(plastic rustles)

WONUNOL.

"WHEN YOU CAN'T SLEEP,
TAKE WONUNOL.

"REMEMBER--WONUNOL.

TAKE ONE... Y'ALL.
YEE-HAW! SLEEP."

THEY'RE STILL WORKING
ON THE CAMPAIGN.

ANYWAY, IT'S ALL NATURAL.
THERE'S NO HANGOVER,

AND IT'S TINY, SO YOU CAN HIDE
ONE IN THERESA'S APPLESAUCE.

I'M NOT GONNA HIDE DRUGS
IN MY WIFE'S FOOD.

(both) OH, COME ON.

BUT DON'T WORRY.
I'M GONNA PLAY TONIGHT.

I'LL JUST LIE TO THERESA
AND TELL HER I'M NOT GOING TO,

THEN I'LL WEAR MY SILK PAJAMAS,
AND WHEN SHE'S ASLEEP,

I'LL SLIP OUT OF BED
LIKE A NINJA,

A COMFORTABLE NINJA
WHO'S USED TO THE FINER THINGS.

(sighs)
I FINISHED MY HOMEWORK.

CAN I GO TO BED EARLY?

ARE YOU SNEAKING OUT TONIGHT?
STEALING A CAR?

HITTING THE CLUBS?

NO, I JUST ATE TOO MUCH PIE,
AND I WANT TO GO TO BED.

(chuckles)
NATHAN, IT'S OKAY.

YOUR FATHER'S JUST KIDDING.
OF COURSE YOU CAN GO TO BED.

YOU GOT A GIRL UP THERE?

MOM!

IT'S TOO EASY. (chuckles)

LUCY, YOU GO GET READY, TOO.
I'LL BE RIGHT UP.

GOD, I HAVEN'T SLEPT MORE THAN
TWO HOURS IN A ROW THIS WEEK.

IF ANYONE WAKES ME UP
AGAIN TONIGHT,

I SWEAR I'M GONNA KILL THEM
TO DEATH,

AND PLEASE DON'T WEAR
THOSE SILK PAJAMAS YOU TOOK OUT.

REALLY? WHY NOT?

WELL, THEY GET ALL STATICKY,
AND THEN I KEEP GETTING SHOCKED.

I FEEL LIKE I'M SLEEPING
WITH SOMEONE

WHO'S TRYING TO GET
INFORMATION OUT OF ME.

(sighs) HUH.

YOU KNOW, I WAS TALKING
TO KENNY ABOUT YOUR PROBLEM,

AND--AND HE'S KINDA LIKE
A DOCTOR,

AND HE GAVE ME THIS...
THING.

(chuckles)
IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE

THIS GREAT NEW...
SLEEP SUPPLEMENT OR SOMETHING.

YOU TRYING TO KNOCK ME OUT
SO YOU CAN PLAY

YOUR STUPID VIDEO GAME?

WHAT?I TOLD YOU,
I AM NOT PLAYING TONIGHT.

I'M JUST TRYING
TO HELP YOU SLEEP,

AND THIS PILL'S SUPPOSED
TO BE AMAZING.

I DON'T LIKE PILLS.
IT'S NOT A PILL.

IT'S REALLY MORE OF, UH,
AN ORGANIC SLEEP VITAMIN

WITH METABOLISM-BOOSTING,
UH, ANTI-AGING... MOLECULES.

I THINK ONE OF THE ACTRESSES
FROM "MAD MEN" TAKES IT.

REALLY?

THAT IS A SMART SHOW.

(gunfire and explosions)
WE ARE GOOD TO GO,

and we still have
an hour to practice

BEFORE THE TOURNAMENT
STARTS.

SO THERESA'S SLEEPING?

YEP. I GOT HER TO TAKE
THE WONUNOL.

THAT'LL DO IT. THAT THING
WAS ORIGINALLY DEVELOPED

AS A HORSE TRANQUILIZER.

They just changed
the formula for humans...

(whispers)
BY CUTTING IT IN HALF.

YOU GAVE MY WIFE
A HORSE TRANQUILIZER?

NO,YOUGAVE YOUR WIFE
HALFA HORSE TRANQUILIZER.

Will, it's fine.
Trust in science.

PILLS MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER.

IN TEN YEARS, WE WON'T EVEN
NEED PEOPLE ANYMORE.

IT'LL JUST BE PILLS GIVING
EACH OTHER PILLS.

Yeah, there'll be
pill police officers.

THERE'LL BE PILL FIREMEN.

(chuckling)
The pill president.

HE'LL BE PILL CLINTON.
(chuckles)

DAD?

I THREW UP PIE--
LOTS AND LOTS OF PIE,

MORE PIE THAN I ATE.

DID SHE SAY
SHE THREW A PIE?

IT'S ALL RIGHT, HONEY.
GUYS, I MIGHT HAVE A SITUATION.

DAD, UH,
I DON'T FEEL SO WELL.

(retches and coughs)

OHH! WILL, WHAT'S GOING ON
OVER THERE?
(liquid splatters)

I DEFINITELY HAVE
A SITUATION.

UGH. THAT SOUND.
GOD, I MISS COLLEGE.

JUST GONNA THROW THESE SHEETS
IN THE WASH, KIDS.

STAY IN THE BATHROOM AND AIM
FOR ANYTHING PORCELAIN.

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
DOING HERE?

UH, WE KNEW
YOUR HANDS WERE FULL,

SO WE BROUGHT THE TVs OVER
SO YOU CAN PLAY.

AND WE'VE STILL GOT
A HALF AN HOUR

TILL THE GAME STARTS,

SO, UH, WE'RE GONNA TEACH
GRANT HOW TO PLAY,

AND THEN HE CAN SUB IN FOR YOU
WHEN YOU GET DISTRACTED

BY THE DISGUSTING VOMITORIUM
THAT IS YOUR HOME.

ALTHOUGH I'VE NEVER DONE
THIS BEFORE,

I WILL NOT LET YOU DOWN.
MY ONLY QUESTION IS--

I DEPLORE VIOLENCE--IS THERE
A BUTTON ON HERE FOR DIPLOMACY?

WE'VE GOT YOUR BACK, WILL.

YOU DON'T HAVE MY BACK.
YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO BAIL

ON THE TOURNAMENT.

DON'T DO THIS, WILL.
NOT IN FRONT OF GINA.

OH, THIS IS GINA. (chuckles)

HEY, WILL. I'M GINA.
DON'T DO THIS IN FRONT OF ME.

COME ON, MAN.
I DROVE ALL THE WAY HERE

WITH MY EGG CHAIR ON TOP
OF MY CAR.

IF THAT'S NOT HAVING YOUR BACK,
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS.

THAT'S NOT HAVING MY BACK!

THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS!

GUYS, THE GAME IS NOT REALLY
MY PRIORITY RIGHT NOW.

MY KIDS HAVE A STOMACH BUG,
SOMEBODY DRUGGED MY WIFE...

YOU.

AND I'M GONNA GO START
SOME LAUNDRY.

YOU HAVE A LOVELY HOUSE.
DO YOU MIND IF I LOOK AROUND?

YEAH, SURE. I JUST MET YOU.
WANDER AROUND MY HOME.

(Nathan) DAD, CAN I HAVE
A GLASS OF WATER?

I GOT THIS, WILL. I HAVE
A SOOTHING EFFECT ON THE INFIRM

AND, FOR SOME REASON,
THE DOWNTRODDEN

AND EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE,
THE MISBEGOTTEN.

SO... DO YOU LIKE GINA?

YEAH, SURE. WHY NOT?

SHE TOLD ME NOT TO TELL ANYBODY,
BUT SHE'S A KLEPTOMANIAC.

SHE HAS CLAWS
INSTEAD OF HANDS?

NO, THAT'S NOT
WHAT A KLEPTOMANIAC IS.

OH.
IT'S SOMEBODY WHO HAS
A COMPULSION TO STEAL THINGS.

IT'S A DISEASE.

WELL, IF SHE HAS
A STEALING DISEASE,

SHOULD WE BE LETTING HER WALK
AROUND WILL'S HOUSE

LOOKING FOR THINGS TO STEAL?

ACCORDING TO HER THERAPIST,

I'M SUPPOSED TO SHOW HER
THAT I TRUST HER.

BESIDES, WILL DOESN'T HAVE
ANYTHING THAT GREAT ANYWAY.

I'M A BUMBLEBEE,
AND I NEED TO SEE THE MOON,

BECAUSE IT HELPS ME
NAVIGATE.

KARATE CHOP!

THAT WAS WEIRD.

AND SHE'S NAKED
FROM THE WAIST DOWN.

THAT'S VERY UNLIKE HER.

I THINK I NEED TO CHECK
SOMETHING ONLINE.

(grunts)

(thuds)
HEY.

SO, UM, CRAIG'S KEEPING
AN EYE ON THE KLEPTOMANIAC.

WHAT?

RIGHT. LET ME BACK UP.

UH, HEY, WILL... (chuckles)
GINA'S A KLEPTOMANIAC.

WHAT?
(whispers) I KNOW!

(normal voice) BUT YOU'VE
GOT A BIGGER PROBLEM.

THERESA'S UP.

OH, GOD! WHAT--NO--

DID SHE SEE
ALL THE GAME STUFF?

I AM SO BUSTED. YOU SAID
SHE WAS GONNA SLEEP ALL NIGHT!

I DIDN'T SAY SHE'S AWAKE.

(sighs)
I SAID SHE'S UP.

I JUST WENT ONLINE,

AND I DID A LITTLE RESEARCH
ON WONUNOL.

ONE OF
THE OCCASIONAL SIDE EFFECTS

IS WALKING AROUND IN
A DREAM STATE WITH NO PANTS ON,

DUE TO AN INSATIABLE URGE
TO AIR-COOL THE LOWER TORSO,

COMMONLY CALLED
"WINNIE THE POOHING."

AND THAT'S WHAT SHE'S DOING?

VERY MUCH SO.

THAT'S A NICE VASE.

MAN, WILL AND THERESA WOULD
REALLY MISS THAT VASE

IF ANYBODY TOOK IT,
WHICH I'M SURE NO ONE WILL.

THANK YOU. IT FEELS
SO GREAT WHEN YOU TRUST ME.

HERE. I WANT TO GIVE YOU BACK
YOUR MEAT THERMOMETER.

THIS IS NOT MINE,
BUT THANK YOU.

DON'T STEAL THE VASE.
DON'T STEAL THE VASE.

DON'T STEAL THE VASE.

DON'T STEAL THE VASE.
DON'T STEAL THE VASE.

DON'T STEAL THE VASE.

(Brenda) HELLO?

NO.

WHERE'S THERESA?

SHE SENT ME AN E-MAIL
ASKING ME IF I WANTED

TO MAKE PANCAKES
WITH STING.

OBVIOUSLY, YES, I DO,

BUT SOMETHING JUST
DIDN'T SEEM RIGHT.

EVERYTHING'S FINE.
FALSE ALARM.

GO BACK TO YOUR WITCH FARM.

IS THAT MY EGG CHAIR?

DID YOU TAKE THAT OUT
OF MY GARAGE?

NO, THAT ISMYEGG CHAIR
THAT YOU SPITEFULLY TOOK

IN OUR DIVORCE
THAT YOU NEVER USE.

(Gina) YOU TOLD YOUR FRIENDS
I HAVE KLEPTOMANIA!

(Craig) IT'S NOTHING TO BE
ASHAMED OF.

IT'S THE MOST COMMON MANIA
TO HAVE,

AFTER WRESTLE AND BEATLE.

WHAT WAS THAT?

THAT WAS CRAIG.
YOU KNOW CRAIG.

THE KIDS ARE BACK IN BED.
(sighs)

WHY ARE YOU HERE? (sighs)

HELLO, BRENDA. (chuckles)

I WON'T INSULT
YOUR INTELLIGENCE.

THERE'S SOME TOMFOOLERY
GOING ON AROUND HERE,

AND I'M UP TO MY ANKLES IN IT.

YOU--BRENDA! (chuckles)

UH, THERESA AND I--WE WERE,
UH, JUST OUT FOR A WALK,

BUT, UH, SHE'S TIRED
AND SO WON'T BE SPEAKING.

GOOD EVENING, MADAM.
YOUR TABLE IS ALMOST READY.

(laughs) EXCEPT FOR THAT.

WELL, GOOD NIGHT.

(laughs)

GIVE US BACK OUR BALLS!

HEY, WILL.
WE GOT YOUR BACK.

OH, GOD.
NOW WHAT DID YOU DO?

THEY TOLD ME EVERYTHING.

WE TRIED NOT TO,
BUT THEN SHE ASKED.

LOOK, WONUNOL'S BEEN TESTED
EXTENSIVELY,

AND PATIENTS DON'T REMEMBER
A THING THE NEXT MORNING.

OF COURSE, MOST OF
THOSE PATIENTS WERE HORSES,

BUT STILL,
WE SHOULD BE FINE

AS LONG AS BRENDA KEEPS
HER VODKA CHUTE SHUT.

YEAH, THAT'S WINNING ME OVER.

BRENDA, IT WOULD
REALLY BE GOOD

IF THERESA DIDN'T KNOW THAT
I TALKED HER INTO TAKING

AN ALL-NATURAL
CLYDESDALE ROOFIE.

I WON'T SAY A THING...

(Lucy) DADDY, I THREW UP
IN MY BED AGAIN!

COMING, HONEY!

I'LL EVEN HELP WITH THE KIDS,
AS LONG ASASSQUATCH

GIVES ME BACK MY CHAIR
IN ITS ORIGINAL CONDITION

BEFORE THERESA WAKES UP.

WHAT?! NO WAY.
THAT'S A TERRIBLE DEAL, GUYS.

LET'S WALK.

HEY, WAIT. COME ON. KENNY!

YOU'RE ON THE HOOK
FOR THIS, TOO.

IF THERESA FINDS OUT
WHAT HAPPENED,

SHE WILL HOLD YOU DOWN
AND FORCE YOU

TO SLAP YOUR OWN FACE,

JUST LIKE SHE DID
LAST CHRISTMAS.

(panting)

YEAH, WHY WOULDN'T THAT
HAPPEN TO ME?

HEY.

(sighs)

DID WILL ASK YOU
TO DO THAT TO HIS FLOOR?

NO, I WAS LOOKING FOR SOME TOOLS
SO I COULD DISMEMBER MY CHAIR

SO MY SISTER WON'T MAKE ME SLAP
MYSELFIN THE FACE AGAIN!
(slap)

HAVE YOU SEEN GINA?

NO! DO YOU KNOW HOW TO CLEAN
PAINT OFF OF A HARDWOOD FLOOR?!

NO! SEE, YOU DON'T LIKE IT
WHEN I YELL AT YOU.

(chuckles)
OH, GOOD THINKING.

YOU GOT PAINT ON THE FLOOR.

I KNEW I COULD COUNT
ON YOU.

OH, MY GOD.

(gasps) AND SOME GOT
ON THERESA'S EYE.

SO I GOT A LITTLE PAINT
ON THE PAINTING.

THAT'S LIKE SPILLING WATER
IN A SWIMMING POOL.

YOU'VE GOT TO FIX THIS

AND RESTORE THE CHAIR
AND CLEAN THE FLOOR

AND FIND THE KLEPTOMANIAC!

WE GOT YOUR BACK, WILL.

AND STOP SAYING THAT!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHERE'S THERESA?

UM, I DON'T... KNOW.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

YOU CHECK THE REST OF THE HOUSE.
I'M GONNA WAIT HERE FOR HER.

HELP ME FIND HER!

YOU'RE LEAVING?

WELL, I HAVE TO.

YOU ARE REALLY DISAPPOINTING ME
A LOT THIS EVENING, CRAIG.

HUH. THAT'S
AN OMINOUS THING TO SAY.

(sighs)
(whimpers)

THAT'S NOT ANY BETTER,
IS IT?
NOPE, IT'S WORSE.

(video game gunfire
and explosions)
(lowered voice) SO GINA IS
GETTING A LITTLE WEIRD.

REALLY? THE KLEPTOMANIAC
YOU MET ON THE INTERNET

ISGETTINGWEIRD?

HERE. YOU'RE AN ARTIST.

GO GET NATHAN'S PAINTS
AND FIX THIS THING

WHILE I GO LOOK FOR THERESA,
AND YOU--STRIP THAT CHAIR DOWN

SO THAT BRENDA KEEPS
HER MOUTH SHUT.

(sighs)

WOW.
(door closes)

WILL'S HOUSE IS KINDA HECTIC
AT NIGHT, ISN'T IT?

YEAH, I COULDN'T LIVE HERE.

TAKE THAT,
YOU LIGHT-LOVIN' BALL THIEF!

(dog barking in distance)

(lowered voice) NOW I'LL
NEVERGET MY RAKE BACK...

OR MY LONGER RAKE.

(lowered voice)
HEY, I NEED AN ALLEN WRENCH

SO I CAN KEEP MURDERING
MY CHAIR.

TAKE CARE OF THIS
WHILE I GET THERESA INSIDE.

RICKSHAW!

WHAT? (chuckles)

OH, GOODY. ANOTHER TASK.

OKAY, SO THERESA'S SLEEPING
AGAIN OR... STILL...

(video game gunfire
and explosions)
OR WHATEVER THE HELL
SHE'S BEEN DOING.

AND I FINISHED
THAT PAINTING. HANG ON.

GREAT.

AND I DEVELOPED
A PRETTY GOOD MOVE

WHERE I SPIN IN A CIRCLE,
FIRING INDISCRIMINATELY.

I CALL IT
THE "TORNADO OF DEATH,"

SO IF YOU HEAR ME YELL,
"TORNADO OF DEATH,"

FIND A DITCH AND PRAY.

MAYBE THIS WILL WORK OUT.
BRENDA'S WITH THE KIDS.

THE GAME STARTS
IN FIVE MINUTES.

I THINK WE MIGHT HAVE
PULLED THIS OFF, BUDDY.

COUPLE PROBLEMS. I'M HOPING
THEY'RE NOT RELATED.

UM, THE PAINTING HAS
DISAPPEARED,

AND GINA'S CAR IS GONE.

ARE--ARE YOU KIDDING?
THAT'S IT. I'M DEAD.

THERESA'S GONNA KILL ME.
(sighs)

NO, WILL. THE FOUR OF US ARE
GONNA GO GET THAT PAINTING BACK.

OH, BUT YOUR PRECIOUS VIDEO GAME
IS ABOUT TO START.

THIS WHOLE EVENING IS
MY... FRIEND KENNY'S FAULT.

SHOULD WE FORGIVE HIM?
DON'T SEE HOW WE CAN.

SHOULD HE BE PUNISHED?
UNMERCIFULLY.

I THINK WHAT CRAIG IS
TRYING TO SAY IS,

HE BROUGHT THE KLEPTO OVER,

AND SO THE WHOLE THING IS
HIS FAULT,

AND EVEN THOUGH THAT IS,
WITHOUT DOUBT OR CONTROVERSY,

THE ONLY EXPLANATION
FOR TONIGHT,

I'M GONNA HELP YOU, TOO.
I AGREE.

KENNY'S ENTIRELY TO BLAME,
AND THIS CONVERSATION IS OVER.

NO RESTARTS, INFINITY.

GAH!

EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NO
RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY OF THIS

BECAUSE I AM IN NO WAY AT FAULT,
I WANT TO HELP, TOO.

AGAIN, SUMMING UP,
GRANT--HELPFUL BUT BLAMELESS.

NOW LET'S DO THIS.

GINA, HONEY?

I THINK THERE MAY HAVE BEEN
A MISUNDERSTANDING

ABOUT WHOSE PAINTING
OF WILL'S FAMILY THAT IS.

(Gina) YOU HURT MY FEELINGS,
CRAIG. GO AWAY.

BABY--
OKAY. NO MORE CODDLING.

LISTEN UP, YOU PSYCHO.

(spritzes)

(high-pitched voice)
OH, MY GOD! MY EYES! OHH!

MY BEAUTIFUL EYES!

KENNY.
AAH!

THEY'RE RUINED!

(lowered voice)
GUYS! GUYS, COME ON.

THERE'S AN OPEN WINDOW.

(sighs, lowered voice)
BUT WHAT--

I'M GOING IN!
SHH, KENNY!

NO!
OH, GOD!

SHH, KENNY!
BEES!

ROSE-SCENTED BEES!

KENNY, NO, SHH!
IT'S ROSEBUSHES!

LOOK, WE NEED A LADDER

OR--OR SUITS OF LEATHER
OR A-A JAPANESE GARDEN BRIDGE.

OOH, THAT WOULD BE LOVELY.

HERE'S WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.
I'M GONNA LIE DOWN.

YOU GUYS GRAB MY ARMS AND LEGS,
SWING ME BACK AND FORTH,

BUILD UP SOME MOMENTUM, AND THEN
TOSS ME AS HARD AS YOU CAN.

I'LL TWIST IN THE AIR,
GRAB THE WINDOW,

AND PULL MYSELF IN.
ANY QUESTIONS?

NOBODY? REALLY?

OKAY, I'LL GO.
ARE YOU INSANE?!

WILL, I CAN DO THIS.
I DID GYMNASTICS

IN HIGH SCHOOL
FOR, LIKE, SIX WEEKS.

WATCH.

(exhales deeply)

(gruntting and exhaling deeply)

YAH!

(panting)

(grunts)

GOD, YOU SOUND SO NIMBLE.

THE TRICK IS TO LET GO
OF MY ARMS A SPLIT SECOND

BEFORE YOU LET GO OF MY LEGS,
SO I TWIST IN THE AIR

AND I CAN GRAB
THE WINDOW FRAME WITH MY HANDS.

REMEMBER,
ARMS ANDTHENLEGS.

IT'S CRITICAL THAT YOU DO IT
IN THAT ORDER.

OTHERWISE,
THIS MIGHT NOT WORK.

COME ON. I'LL CALL IT OUT.

ALL RIGHT. HERE.

HERE, HERE, HERE.

OKAY. HEY.

(exhales deeply)
AND... SWING.

(grunts)
AND KEEP SWINGING.

REMEMBER,
IT'S ARMS AND THEN LEGS.

HERE WE GO. ONE...
(grunts)

TWO... HERE IT GOES.
(grunts)

ARMS, LEGS. ARMS, LEGS!
(thud)

NO! OW, OW! AAH!

DID HE MAKE IT? IS HE IN?

WRONG! THAT WAS WRONG!
(whispers) CRAIG?

GENTLEMEN.
(police radio chatter)

WHAT'S GOING ON
HERE TONIGHT?

HOW YOU DOING, SPIDER-MAN?

TRUTHFULLY,
I'M IN A LOT OF PAIN.

OW. OW.

IT WAS NICE OF GINA
TO GIVE US THE PAINTING BACK.

THE POLICE MADE HER GIVE IT BACK
BECAUSE SHE STOLE IT

BECAUSE THERE'S A MONKEY
IN A WEDDING DRESS

JUMPING ON A TRAMPOLINE
WHERE HER BRAIN SHOULD BE.

SHE HAS A DISEASE, KENNY.

WOULD YOU TALK THAT WAY ABOUT
SOMEBODY WHO HAD FRECKLES

OR AN ITCHY TRIGGER FINGER
OR A CASE OF THE MUNCHIES?
UH...

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT DISEASES
ARE, DO YOU, CRAIG?

GUYS, PLEASE. I JUST HAD
THE WORST NIGHT OF MY LIFE.

ALL I WANT IS
ONE MOMENT OF QUIET

BEFORE I WALK INTO MY HOUSE

AND HAVE THE WORST MORNING
OF MY LIFE.

KEEN! GET OVER HERE!

YOU SAID FIX IT.
IT WOULDN'T WASH OFF.

(sighs)

YOU KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT THIS, KEEN, HUH?

YOU KNOW WHAT, GLENN?

I DO KNOW SOMETHING
ABOUT THIS,

AND IF YOU HAD ADJUSTED
YOUR STUPID MOTION LIGHT,

I NEVER WOULD HAVE TREATED
MY WIFE LIKE A HORSE

AND NONE OF THIS WOULD
HAVE HAPPENED,

AND, YES, THAT DOES MAKE SENSE,

SO MOVE THE LIGHT
AND THROW MY KIDS' BALLS BACK,

OR YOU ARE GONNA FIND
ALL KINDS OF CRAZY-ASS THINGS

PAINTED ALL OVER YOUR HOUSE.
YOU UNDERSTAND?

UH, YEAH. SURE.

GOOD, AND NO MORE MOWING
YOUR LAWN IN YOUR KHAKI PANTS.

I DON'T LIKE IT. IT'S WEIRD.

LISTEN, LAST NIGHT
WHEN GINA TOOK THE PAINTING,

YOU GUYS REALLY DID HAVE
MY BACK, SO THANK YOU.

SURE.
YOU GOT IT.

IT WAS WORTH IT.
PLUS I LEARNED WHEN YOU RUN

INTO POLICE IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE NIGHT, IT GOES

A WHOLE LOT SMOOTHER IF YOU'RE
WITH A BUNCH OF WHITE DUDES.

(inhales deeply)

(keys jangle)
WELL, HERE GOES.

(lock clicks)

(under breath) PUT THE PAINTING
IN THE HALLWAY.
(door closes)

THERE THEY ARE.
BRENDA TOLD ME EVERYTHING.

THANK YOU FOR TAKING CARE OF
THE KIDS AND LETTING ME SLEEP.

GOD, THAT PILL REALLY WORKED!
I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER.

"WONUNOL..."
(chuckles)

"SAY... (imitates horse's neigh)
TO INSOMNIA."

(buzzer sounds)

OH. I GOTTA POP
THE SHEETS IN THE DRYER.

MWAH.

(mouths words)

YOU DIDN'T TELL HER?

I LOVE THERESA, AND I FIGURED
IT WOULD BREAK HER HEART

IF SHE FOUND OUT
WHAT AN IDIOT SHE MARRIED.

IT WOULD.
IT REALLY, REALLY WOULD...

(lowered voice) BUT WHERE
DOES SHE THINK WE WERE?

I TOLD HER YOU ALL GOT UP EARLY
TO CLEAN OUT MY GARAGE,

WHICH YOU WILL BE
DOING TODAY.

(men) OHH.

ALSO, I HID
ALL YOUR ADOLESCENT CRAP

AROUND THE SIDE
OF THE HOUSE,

INCLUDING THE EGG CHAIR
THAT YOU CAN KEEP, KENNY.

IT WAS ENOUGH JUST
TO WATCH YOU DESTROY...

(whispers)
YOUR PRECIOUS NERD CAPSULE.

I SHALL REBUILD IT, AND IT SHALL
BE STRONGER, FASTER,

WITH A SUNROOF
AND A THING TO PEE IN.

(Theresa) WILL, COULD YOU
COME HERE FOR A SECOND?

(sighs)

LOOK AT MY EYE.
WHAT HAPPENED?

UH, I HAVE NO IDEA...

BUT I THINK YOUR BODY TYPE
CAN HANDLE IT.