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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,372 --> 00:00:03,632 WILL! HIDE ME!HIDE ME! 2 00:00:03,634 --> 00:00:05,344 HE--HE'S GOT A DART! 3 00:00:05,336 --> 00:00:06,506 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? WHO'S GOT A DART? 4 00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:07,777 AAH! YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY, KENNY?! 5 00:00:07,778 --> 00:00:09,138 WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? 6 00:00:09,140 --> 00:00:10,480 I'M GETTING A CUP OF COFFEE. 7 00:00:10,481 --> 00:00:12,641 ALL OF A SUDDEN, I HEAR THIS IDIOT YELL, 8 00:00:12,643 --> 00:00:14,653 "DART ATTACK! DON'T LOOK UP!" 9 00:00:14,645 --> 00:00:16,245 SO I LOOK UP... IN SPITE OF MY INSTRUCTIONS! 10 00:00:16,247 --> 00:00:18,017 AND HE HITS ME IN THE FOREHEAD WITH A DART! 11 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:21,148 OKAY, IN MY DEFENSE, I HAD A VERY TOUGH DAY YESTERDAY, 12 00:00:21,152 --> 00:00:22,792 AND I'M TAKING IT OUT ON CRAIG. 13 00:00:22,793 --> 00:00:24,503 OH, NO! ARE YOU OKAY? 14 00:00:24,495 --> 00:00:25,655 WHY DON'T YOU STEP OUT FROM BEHIND WILL 15 00:00:25,656 --> 00:00:27,626 AND TELL US ALL ABOUT IT? HEY, HEY, CRAIG. 16 00:00:27,628 --> 00:00:28,698 WILL-- NO. 17 00:00:28,699 --> 00:00:29,699 BUT-- NO! 18 00:00:29,700 --> 00:00:32,330 (sighs) FINE. 19 00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:35,513 NOW WHAT'S GOING ON, KENNY? 20 00:00:35,506 --> 00:00:37,136 YESTERDAY, I'M AT THE PARK. 21 00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:40,238 I'M TEACHING NATHAN SOME OF MY AWESOME FOOTBALL SKILLS, 22 00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:41,571 AND THEN GRANT SHOWS UP UNINVITED, 23 00:00:41,572 --> 00:00:43,242 TOTALLY CONFUSES THE KID. 24 00:00:43,244 --> 00:00:45,684 HIKE! 25 00:00:45,676 --> 00:00:47,546 YAH! UHH! 26 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,578 AAH! HA! 27 00:00:49,580 --> 00:00:51,720 GIVE ME THAT! STOP IT! AAH! UHH! 28 00:00:51,722 --> 00:00:54,162 AAH! OHH! 29 00:00:54,155 --> 00:00:55,425 UHH! 30 00:00:55,426 --> 00:00:56,756 MAN, I AM SICK 31 00:00:56,757 --> 00:00:58,287 OF GRANT BEING BETTER THAN ME AT EVERYTHING-- 32 00:00:58,289 --> 00:01:00,229 SPORTS, REGIONAL COOKING-- 33 00:01:00,231 --> 00:01:01,491 HAVING SEX WITH YOUR EX-WIFE. 34 00:01:01,492 --> 00:01:03,662 I ASSUME. 35 00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:06,304 SO... I CAN'T HELP MY NEPHEW ANYMORE. 36 00:01:06,297 --> 00:01:08,167 IS THERE SOMETHING THAT I CAN TEACH MY NIECE? 37 00:01:08,169 --> 00:01:10,799 SHE'S ONLY 7. I KNOW SHE CAN'T MAKE A GOOD MARGARITA YET. 38 00:01:10,801 --> 00:01:12,341 ACTUALLY, LUCY'S GOOD. 39 00:01:12,343 --> 00:01:14,783 SHE'S VERY EXCITED BECAUSE WE JUST TOLD HER THAT SHE'S-- 40 00:01:14,775 --> 00:01:15,845 PART ROBOT? A FIRESTARTER? 41 00:01:15,846 --> 00:01:17,206 AGING BACKWARDS? MADE OF COPPER? 42 00:01:17,208 --> 00:01:18,208 A DOG WHISPERER? 43 00:01:18,209 --> 00:01:20,179 EVEN THOUGH WE'RE FIGHTING, WE STILL GOT IT. 44 00:01:20,181 --> 00:01:22,311 (laughing) 45 00:01:22,313 --> 00:01:24,493 WE'RE GETTING LUCY A CHICKEN. 46 00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:26,485 SHE HAS NO IDEA WHERE FOOD COMES FROM. 47 00:01:26,487 --> 00:01:28,417 THE OTHER DAY, SHE ASKED IF BACON, LETTUCE, AND TOMATO 48 00:01:28,419 --> 00:01:30,159 ALL CAME FROM THE SAME PLANT. 49 00:01:30,161 --> 00:01:32,161 (snaps fingers) WAIT, THERE'S A TRICK FOR REMEMBERING THIS. 50 00:01:32,163 --> 00:01:34,133 I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR SOMETHING THAT SHE AND I CAN DO TOGETHER. 51 00:01:34,125 --> 00:01:37,125 YOU KNOW, A WAY FOR US TO CONNECT AS FATHER AND DAUGHTER. 52 00:01:37,128 --> 00:01:39,228 WELL, IF PEOPLE ARE GETTIN' CHICKENS, I'M IN. 53 00:01:39,230 --> 00:01:40,200 ME, TOO. 54 00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:42,301 I'M GONNA NAME MINE "EGGS BENEDICT." 55 00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:45,283 WHY? IS HE GONNA BETRAY AMERICA AND SELL US OUT TO THE BRITISH? 56 00:01:45,276 --> 00:01:46,876 MAYBE. WE'LL SEE HOW TRAINABLE IT IS. 57 00:01:46,877 --> 00:01:49,137 BY THE WAY, WHILE WE WERE TALKING, THIS CAME FOR YOU. 58 00:01:49,140 --> 00:01:50,110 (squish) MOTHER! 59 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:51,480 AAH! AAH! 60 00:01:56,487 --> 00:01:58,387 (cereal rattles) 61 00:01:58,389 --> 00:02:01,449 I'M SORRY I WAS SO MUCH BIGGER THAN YOU YESTERDAY. 62 00:02:01,452 --> 00:02:03,352 THAT'S OKAY. I'M SORRY I HURT YOUR ANKLE 63 00:02:03,354 --> 00:02:05,234 WHEN YOU STEPPED ON MY FACE. 64 00:02:05,226 --> 00:02:06,426 (door opens) 65 00:02:06,427 --> 00:02:07,797 HELLO, EVERYONE. 66 00:02:07,798 --> 00:02:09,358 BRENDA, I WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU 67 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:11,460 FOR SETTING ME UP WITH YOUR DOCTOR FRIEND. 68 00:02:11,462 --> 00:02:13,202 SHE RAN SOME TESTS AND HAS IDENTIFIED ME 69 00:02:13,204 --> 00:02:14,644 AS HER PERFECT BONE DONOR. 70 00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:15,805 OHH! (Brenda) OH! (chuckles) 71 00:02:15,806 --> 00:02:17,166 (chuckles) THE KIDS AREN'T AROUND, ARE THEY? 72 00:02:17,168 --> 00:02:21,238 (singsongy) DR. DONNA DEFINITELY HAS YOU ON HER MIND. 73 00:02:21,242 --> 00:02:24,182 THE OTHER DAY SHE TOLD A BUNCH OF US NURSES THAT 74 00:02:24,175 --> 00:02:27,545 A PATIENT OF HERS WAS GOING TO DIE IN A MATTER OF "CRAIGS." 75 00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:28,648 (laughs) 76 00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,179 (laughs) IT WAS SO FUNNY... 77 00:02:30,181 --> 00:02:32,481 AND THEN SAD, BECAUSE SHE MEANT HOURS. 78 00:02:32,483 --> 00:02:34,593 HMM. SHE WANTS ME TO MEET HER SON. 79 00:02:34,585 --> 00:02:35,885 THAT'S A GOOD SIGN. 80 00:02:35,886 --> 00:02:38,586 I KNOW. IT'S GREAT. KIDS LOVE ME, AND I LOVE THEM. 81 00:02:38,589 --> 00:02:41,459 IN FACT, I CONSIDER MYSELF A CONNOISSEUR OF CHILDREN. 82 00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:43,192 EASY, BUDDY. THAT PHRASE IS WHAT LOST YOU 83 00:02:43,194 --> 00:02:44,204 THE SANTA JOB AT THE MALL. 84 00:02:44,195 --> 00:02:45,895 (Theresa) WHOA. YOU'RE ALL HERE. 85 00:02:45,896 --> 00:02:48,436 (Kenny crunches cereal) IT'S 6:30 IN THE MORNING. 86 00:02:48,439 --> 00:02:49,899 LUCY ISN'T EVEN AWAKE YET. 87 00:02:49,900 --> 00:02:51,670 WE'RE ALL VERY EAGER ABOUT THE CHICKENS. (chuckles) 88 00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,242 I WENT ONLINE AND DID SOME RESEARCH. 89 00:02:53,244 --> 00:02:56,354 DID YOU KNOW THAT ALTHOUGH CHICKENS WALK ON TWO FEET, 90 00:02:56,347 --> 00:02:58,277 TECHNICALLY THEY'RE NOT CONSIDERED MAMMALS. 91 00:02:58,279 --> 00:03:00,249 I JUST WANT TO ENCOURAGE ALL OF YOU 92 00:03:00,251 --> 00:03:01,751 TO RECONSIDER THIS MADNESS... 93 00:03:01,752 --> 00:03:03,712 (mug clatters) ALL RIGHT? CHICKENS ARE A LOT OF WORK. 94 00:03:03,714 --> 00:03:05,764 AH, YOU JUST DON'T LIKE CHICKENS, 95 00:03:05,756 --> 00:03:08,356 BECAUSE WHEN WE USED TO STAY AT GRANDPA'S FARM, 96 00:03:08,359 --> 00:03:10,259 THEY'D RAT YOU OUT WHEN YOU TRIED TO SNEAK IN AFTER CURFEW. 97 00:03:10,261 --> 00:03:12,761 HONEY, THIS IS MY CHANCE TO HAVE A TEACHABLE MOMENT 98 00:03:12,763 --> 00:03:15,773 WITH MY DAUGHTER. BESIDES, IT'S JUST ONE BIRD... 99 00:03:15,766 --> 00:03:16,766 (Craig, Kenny, and Grant) HEY. 100 00:03:16,767 --> 00:03:18,467 FOR... EACH OF US, 101 00:03:18,469 --> 00:03:21,599 FOR A TOTAL OF FIVE IN OUR BACKYARD, 102 00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:24,202 WHERE YOUR ZEN GARDEN USED TO BE, WHICH, LET'S FACE IT, 103 00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,284 WAS REALLY JUST A BUNCH OF ROCKS. 104 00:03:26,277 --> 00:03:28,777 (chuckles) I LOVE YOU. 105 00:03:28,779 --> 00:03:32,239 FINE. HAVE AT IT, BUT DON'T COME CRYING TO ME IF THINGS GO WRONG, 106 00:03:32,243 --> 00:03:34,953 AND WITH CHICKENS, THINGS WILL ALWAYS GO WRONG. 107 00:03:34,945 --> 00:03:38,385 WOW! THERESA REALLY HATES POULTRY. 108 00:03:38,389 --> 00:03:40,389 WHEN WE WERE KIDS, I ONCE SHOOK A BAG OF CHICKENS 109 00:03:40,391 --> 00:03:42,221 AND THREW 'EM IN THE TUB WITH HER. 110 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:45,532 I KINDA REGRET THAT NOW. (crunching) 111 00:03:46,597 --> 00:03:49,597 (rooster crows) 112 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:51,300 HAVE YOU PICKED ONE OUT YET, SWEETIE? 113 00:03:51,302 --> 00:03:52,902 NEGATIVE. 114 00:03:52,903 --> 00:03:54,573 I WAS TALKING TO MY OTHER SWEETIE. 115 00:03:54,565 --> 00:03:56,735 I'M STILL LOOKING, TOO. 116 00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:57,907 I'M TALKING TO MY DAUGHTER. 117 00:03:57,908 --> 00:03:59,568 WHY WOULD I CALL ANY OF YOU GUYS "SWEETIE"? 118 00:03:59,570 --> 00:04:01,810 I ONCE HEARD YOU CALL CRAIG "PUMPKIN." 119 00:04:01,812 --> 00:04:03,342 BECAUSE HE USED THIS SPRAY TAN, 120 00:04:03,344 --> 00:04:05,654 AND I SAID HE WAS THE COLOR OF PUMPKINS. 121 00:04:05,646 --> 00:04:06,716 YES? 122 00:04:06,717 --> 00:04:09,847 FINE, PUMPKIN, SWEETIE, GRANT-- 123 00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:11,320 I'M SORRY. I DON'T HAVE A NICKNAME 124 00:04:11,322 --> 00:04:12,722 I'M NOT CALLING YOU YET. 125 00:04:12,723 --> 00:04:14,293 "HONEY BEAR." 126 00:04:14,285 --> 00:04:16,355 HAS ANYBODY HERE PICKED OUT A CHICKEN YET? 127 00:04:16,357 --> 00:04:19,257 I WANT THAT CUTE ONE OVER THERE, NEXT TO ALL THE OTHER CUTE ONES. 128 00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:20,729 I'M GONNA GO TELL THE LADY. 129 00:04:20,731 --> 00:04:24,971 I LIKE THAT LITTLE BITTY ONE. SHE LOOKS LONELY. 130 00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:28,365 I'M GONNA GET THAT BIG ONE THAT JUST DROPPED A CHICKEN DEUCE 131 00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:30,399 ON GRANT'S CHICKEN'S HEAD. 132 00:04:30,401 --> 00:04:32,501 SEEMS A LITTLE AGGRESSIVE FOR A GUY WHO ANSWERS TO "SWEETIE." 133 00:04:32,503 --> 00:04:34,983 I'M NEVER GONNA BE BETTER THAN GRANT AT ANYTHING, 134 00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:36,275 BUT AT LEAST I CAN HAVE A CHICKEN 135 00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,006 THAT'S BETTER THAN HIS, 136 00:04:38,008 --> 00:04:40,348 AND THEN I WILL BE BETTER THAN HIM. 137 00:04:40,351 --> 00:04:41,451 NO, I WON'T... (chuckles) 138 00:04:41,452 --> 00:04:45,462 BUT MY CHICKEN WILL BE, AND SO WILL I. 139 00:04:45,456 --> 00:04:46,386 NO, I WON'T. 140 00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:47,887 JUST GET THE DAMN CHICKEN. 141 00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:49,718 RELAX, MAN. I WILL. 142 00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:52,660 YO. HOW MUCH ARE THE CHICKENS? 143 00:04:52,663 --> 00:04:53,663 $8. 144 00:04:53,664 --> 00:04:55,974 (chuckles) $8? THAT IS INSANE. 145 00:04:55,966 --> 00:04:58,596 I CAN GET ONE WITH FRIES AND A TOY FOR $4. 146 00:04:58,599 --> 00:05:01,699 I'LL GIVE YOU... 99 CENTS. 147 00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:03,802 I CAN GIVE YOU A DEAD ONE FOR 99 CENTS. 148 00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,314 HOW DEAD? 149 00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:06,375 PRETTY DEAD. 150 00:05:06,377 --> 00:05:08,537 NO. THAT SOUNDS TOO DEAD. 151 00:05:08,539 --> 00:05:10,579 YOU JUST LOST A DEAL, SIR. 152 00:05:10,581 --> 00:05:13,381 COME ON. THIS WHOLE PLACE IS A RACKET. 153 00:05:16,387 --> 00:05:18,087 I LOVE MY CHICKEN SO MUCH, DADDY. (clucking) 154 00:05:18,088 --> 00:05:21,448 GOOD. I LOVE THAT WE'RE DOING THIS TOGETHER. 155 00:05:21,452 --> 00:05:22,992 I'M GONNA NAME HER AFTER MY FAVORITE THING 156 00:05:22,993 --> 00:05:24,023 IN THE WHOLE WORLD. 157 00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:25,834 YEAH? 158 00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,656 "MOMMY." 159 00:05:27,658 --> 00:05:29,428 OH. 160 00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:33,000 IT MIGHT BE CONFUSING HAVING TWO MOMMIES AROUND. 161 00:05:33,003 --> 00:05:35,343 THEN I'LL NAME HER AFTER MY SECOND FAVORITE THING. 162 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,835 WELL, IT MAY ALSO BE CONFUSING HAVING TWO DA-- 163 00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:40,868 COOKIES! I'M GONNA CALL HER "COOKIE." 164 00:05:40,871 --> 00:05:45,021 MOM, I FIGURED OUT A NAME FOR COOKIE! IT'S "COOKIE"! 165 00:05:45,015 --> 00:05:46,845 TOUGH BREAK, WILL. (sighs) 166 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:50,347 THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE YOU BOTH TIMES, DIDN'T YOU? 167 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,120 (whispers) YEAH. 168 00:05:52,122 --> 00:05:55,962 OH, MAN. LOOK HOW BADASS MY CHICKEN IS. 169 00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:58,356 HE JUST TOOK SEEDS AWAY FROM YOUR NERD BIRD, 170 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,758 AND YOURIDIOTDIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING. 171 00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:03,591 THAT'S 'CAUSE HE'S CHICKEN. BAH-GAH! 172 00:06:03,594 --> 00:06:06,104 LET ME HELP YOU WITH THAT CHICKEN SOUND, KENNY. 173 00:06:06,096 --> 00:06:07,466 IT'S MORE LIKE, UH... 174 00:06:07,468 --> 00:06:08,398 (high-pitched voice) BOK-BOK, BAH-GOK, BAH-GOK! 175 00:06:08,399 --> 00:06:10,369 BOK-BOK, BAH-GOK! 176 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,570 FINE, ADD CHICKEN SOUNDS 177 00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:15,613 TO THINGS YOU'RE BETTER AT THAN ME, BUT CAN YOU DO THIS? 178 00:06:15,606 --> 00:06:19,706 (inhales and roars) 179 00:06:19,710 --> 00:06:21,580 I CHOOSE NOT TO. 180 00:06:21,582 --> 00:06:24,382 THEN YOU WIN AGAIN, BECAUSE I HAVE STRAINED MY THROAT. 181 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,564 (doorbell rings) 182 00:06:26,557 --> 00:06:28,457 AW, FLOWERS. 183 00:06:28,459 --> 00:06:30,719 OKAY, I'LL HAVE SEX WITH YOU. 184 00:06:30,721 --> 00:06:33,921 KIDDING. I WAS GONNA DO THAT ANYWAY. 185 00:06:33,924 --> 00:06:37,474 I'M KIDDING AGAIN. IT DEPENDS WHAT'S IN THAT GIFT BAG. 186 00:06:37,468 --> 00:06:38,728 WELL, THEN WE'RE TOTALLY GONNA DO IT, 187 00:06:38,729 --> 00:06:41,499 BECAUSE I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOUR SON. 188 00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:43,932 (gasps) OH. WEAREGONNA DO IT. 189 00:06:43,934 --> 00:06:45,944 WELL, I WANT TO MAKE A GOOD FIRST IMPRE-- 190 00:06:45,936 --> 00:06:48,406 (squeaks) OH! 191 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,578 MILADY, SHALL WE PROCEED WITH THE EVENING? (chuckles) 192 00:06:50,581 --> 00:06:53,581 SORRY. I GUESS I NEED A MAT UNDER THAT THING. 193 00:06:53,584 --> 00:06:57,094 RANDY! SO YOU READY TO MEET MY LITTLE GUY? 194 00:06:57,087 --> 00:06:58,587 (chuckles) ALTHOUGH I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER 195 00:06:58,589 --> 00:07:00,189 I CAN CALL HIM THAT. HE'S 11 ALREADY. 196 00:07:00,190 --> 00:07:01,450 (chuckles) 197 00:07:01,452 --> 00:07:03,522 (crunches) 198 00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:04,504 HEY, DUDE. 199 00:07:04,495 --> 00:07:05,495 HI. 200 00:07:05,496 --> 00:07:07,456 SO WHERE'S RANDY? 201 00:07:07,458 --> 00:07:09,198 THIS IS RANDY. (crunches) 202 00:07:09,199 --> 00:07:10,499 THIS GENTLEMAN IS RANDY? 203 00:07:10,501 --> 00:07:12,561 HE'S A LITTLE BIG FOR HIS AGE. (sighs) 204 00:07:12,563 --> 00:07:14,673 YEAH, HE'S A LITTLE BIG FORMYAGE. 205 00:07:14,665 --> 00:07:17,465 SO,CRAIG, WHY DON'T YOU AND MY FAVORITE GUY 206 00:07:17,468 --> 00:07:20,438 GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER, OKAY? 207 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:23,540 (sighs) HEY, BUDDY. (chuckles) 208 00:07:24,715 --> 00:07:27,845 OH, I, UH, GOT YOU A GIFT. 209 00:07:30,020 --> 00:07:32,220 WELL... (chuckles) 210 00:07:32,222 --> 00:07:35,132 MAYBE YOU CAN GIVE IT TO YOUR SON. (chuckles) 211 00:07:35,125 --> 00:07:36,455 DO YOU HAVE KIDS? 212 00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:39,126 NO. YOU WANNA WRESTLE? 213 00:07:39,129 --> 00:07:41,589 UM... NO, THANKS. (chuckles) 214 00:07:41,592 --> 00:07:42,592 I DO. 215 00:07:42,593 --> 00:07:44,463 MAYBE WITH OUR THUMBS. 216 00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,074 OHH! (thud) 217 00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:48,636 WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME RANDY WAS AN 11-YEAR-OLD YETI? 218 00:07:48,639 --> 00:07:51,069 OR THAT THE WORLD SHAKES WHEN HE WALKS? 219 00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:53,001 OR THAT HIS BED IS SURROUNDED BY THE BONES OF ENGLISHMEN? 220 00:07:53,003 --> 00:07:54,983 CRAIG, SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA BE FIRM WITH CHILDREN. 221 00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,475 YOU PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN. 222 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,646 HARD TO PUT MY FOOT DOWN WHEN I'M BEING CARRIED AROUND 223 00:07:58,649 --> 00:08:00,949 BY JUST THE SKIN ON MY STOMACH. 224 00:08:00,951 --> 00:08:02,211 BESIDES, I NEED TO BE CAREFUL ABOUT GETTING 225 00:08:02,212 --> 00:08:03,212 INTO A CONFRONTATION. 226 00:08:03,213 --> 00:08:04,523 WHY? 227 00:08:04,515 --> 00:08:05,685 I HAVE SOME ANGER ISSUES. 228 00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:09,616 ONCE I OPEN THAT DOOR, THINGS CAN GET A LITTLE SCARY. 229 00:08:09,620 --> 00:08:13,860 YOUGET SCARY? YOU MEAN, LIKE HOW A CUPCAKE GETS SCARY? 230 00:08:13,864 --> 00:08:16,004 OR A KITTEN SLEEPING IN WARM LAUNDRY? 231 00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,966 OH, HE'S SERIOUS. 232 00:08:17,968 --> 00:08:19,798 CRAIG DOES NOT DO WELL WHEN HE'S PUSHED TO THE LIMIT 233 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:22,630 AND HAS TO STAND UP FOR HIMSELF. 234 00:08:22,633 --> 00:08:25,643 (high-pitched screaming) 235 00:08:29,239 --> 00:08:31,009 MY COUPON HAD NOT EXPIRED. 236 00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:34,181 (sighs) ALTHOUGH IT DID BY THE TIME THAT TANTRUM WAS OVER. 237 00:08:34,184 --> 00:08:35,624 IF YOU CAN'T TALK TO THE KID, 238 00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:37,586 WHY DON'T YOU JUST SAY SOMETHING TO DONNA? 239 00:08:37,588 --> 00:08:39,618 BECAUSE YOU DO NOT GET A WOMAN IN THE MOOD FOR SEX 240 00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:42,890 BY TELLING HER THAT HER SON IS A MISBEGOTTEN LAND MONSTER. 241 00:08:42,893 --> 00:08:44,863 LOOK, I FOUND AN EGG! 242 00:08:44,855 --> 00:08:48,055 (gasps) THAT'S GREAT, HONEY! 243 00:08:48,058 --> 00:08:50,198 NOW TELL MOMMY WHERE EGGS COME FROM. 244 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:54,570 CHICKEN'S BUTTS. I'M GONNA GO LOOK FOR MORE. 245 00:08:54,565 --> 00:08:57,565 WHAT A WONDERFUL TEACHABLE MOMENT THAT WAS. 246 00:08:57,568 --> 00:09:00,238 LOOK HOW I'VE ENRICHED MY DAUGHTER'S LIFE. 247 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:03,940 HELLO, YOU LITTLE MIRACLE. MWAH. 248 00:09:03,944 --> 00:09:06,724 YOU KNOW, THAT REALLY DID JUST DROP OUT OF A CHICKEN'S BUTT. 249 00:09:06,717 --> 00:09:09,047 (spits) 250 00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:10,819 (grunts) 251 00:09:10,821 --> 00:09:14,281 (clucking) CHECK OUT HOW MY XENA'S PUSHING HER TAIL INTO YOUR CHICKEN, 252 00:09:14,284 --> 00:09:15,734 TOTALLY DISRESPECTING HER. 253 00:09:15,726 --> 00:09:18,586 (laughs) YOUR CHICKEN'S BEENDISSED. 254 00:09:18,589 --> 00:09:21,559 LOOK HOW PETTY YOU'RE BEING. THAT CAN'T FEEL GOOD. 255 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:24,161 OH, YOU'D BE SURPRISED. 256 00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:27,574 WAIT. WHAT IS YOUR CHICKEN DOING? 257 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,597 WHY IS SHE CLIMBING UP ON XENA? (Xena squawking) 258 00:09:30,601 --> 00:09:33,341 I DON'T THINK MY BIRD'S ASHE. 259 00:09:33,343 --> 00:09:35,253 MAN, THAT LITTLE SUCKER'S IN A HURRY. 260 00:09:35,245 --> 00:09:37,075 (high-pitched squawks) 261 00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,777 (rooster crows) 262 00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:41,610 (Kenny) GRANT'S HEN IS A ROOSTER! 263 00:09:41,612 --> 00:09:44,862 HE DEFLOWERED XENA WITH BRUTAL INDIFFERENCE. 264 00:09:44,855 --> 00:09:47,585 YOU'RE RUNNING A FRAT HOUSE OUT THERE, WILLIAM! 265 00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,587 WHOA, KENNY. SLOW DOWN. FROM WHERE I WAS STANDING, 266 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,819 IT LOOKED LIKE EVERYBODY WAS GETTING WHAT THEY WANTED. 267 00:09:51,822 --> 00:09:53,922 (scoffs) SHE'S 6 WEEKS OLD. 268 00:09:53,924 --> 00:09:57,904 SHE CAN'T MAKE A DECISION LIKE THAT. OHH. 269 00:09:59,269 --> 00:10:00,869 KENNY! UGH. 270 00:10:00,871 --> 00:10:04,741 SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH COOKIE. SHE WON'T STAND UP. 271 00:10:04,735 --> 00:10:08,805 SHE NEEDS A DOCTOR. CALL 9-1-1! 272 00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:10,109 (sighs) 273 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,280 SO THERE ARE COMPLICATIONS IN RAISING FARM ANIMALS. 274 00:10:12,282 --> 00:10:13,612 WHEW. 275 00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:16,023 WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THAT COMING? 276 00:10:21,952 --> 00:10:23,122 DON'T WORRY, HONEY. 277 00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:25,303 I'M SURE COOKIE'S GONNA BE JUST FINE. 278 00:10:25,295 --> 00:10:28,995 THE VETERINARIAN PROBABLY SEES THIS KIND OF THING ALL THE TIME. 279 00:10:28,999 --> 00:10:32,999 WELL, I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE. 280 00:10:33,003 --> 00:10:36,013 LOOK HOW SPECIAL COOKIE IS. 281 00:10:36,006 --> 00:10:39,336 COOKIE APPEARS TO HAVE AN IMPACTED CROP, 282 00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:42,139 WHICH IS STOPPING FOOD FROM GETTING INTO HER STOMACH. 283 00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:43,672 CAN YOU HELP HER? 284 00:10:43,674 --> 00:10:46,224 I COULD, BUT IT WOULD REQUIRE SURGERY. 285 00:10:46,216 --> 00:10:48,816 SURGERY? ON A CHICKEN? 286 00:10:48,819 --> 00:10:51,419 I KNOW, RIGHT? (chuckles) WHO DOES THAT? 287 00:10:51,421 --> 00:10:52,681 WE DO. (sighs) 288 00:10:52,683 --> 00:10:54,053 RIGHT, DADDY? 289 00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:56,934 WE DON'T KNOW YET. 290 00:10:56,927 --> 00:11:01,387 HOW MUCH WOULD WE BE PAYING FOR SUCH AN ASININE ACTIVITY? 291 00:11:01,391 --> 00:11:05,241 $700? TO SAVE A CHICKEN? 292 00:11:05,235 --> 00:11:09,235 MAYBE IF IT COULD PREDICT THE FUTURE OR GRANT WISHES 293 00:11:09,239 --> 00:11:12,699 OR EVEN DRIVE ME TO THE AIRPORT, BUT THIS BIRD'S GOING NOWHERE. 294 00:11:12,703 --> 00:11:14,373 IF THAT'S YOUR CRITERIA FOR SAVING THINGS, 295 00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:16,354 THEN WE WOULD NEVER SAVE KENNY, EITHER. 296 00:11:16,346 --> 00:11:19,046 EXCUSE ME. I NEED TO WASH MY HANDS. 297 00:11:19,049 --> 00:11:20,979 (chuckles) UH, BIRDS AREN'T SHY ABOUT WHERE THEY POOP. 298 00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:22,181 (mouths word) 299 00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:25,462 UH, HERE'S AN IDEA. YOU KNOW, MAYBE I HAVE, UH, 300 00:11:25,455 --> 00:11:27,685 A DIFFERENT TEACHABLE MOMENT WITH LUCY. (water running in sink) 301 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:31,887 MAYBE I TEACH HER THAT SOMETIMES THINGS DIE. 302 00:11:31,892 --> 00:11:34,392 WILL, YOU LET HER NAME COOKIE AFTER HER SECOND FAVORITE THING. 303 00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:36,934 IT'S GONNA BE HARD FOR HER TO LET IT GO. 304 00:11:36,927 --> 00:11:39,827 IF I MAY, WHEN I WAS A BOY AND WE LOST MY PEE-PAW, 305 00:11:39,830 --> 00:11:42,030 MY BEE-BA READ ME THE STORY OF BUN-BUN. 306 00:11:42,032 --> 00:11:44,072 DID YOU JUST GET ELECTROCUTED? 307 00:11:44,074 --> 00:11:45,744 "BUN-BUN'S LAST HOP" IS A CHILDREN'S BOOK 308 00:11:45,736 --> 00:11:47,736 ABOUT A LITTLE BUNNY THAT DIES. 309 00:11:47,738 --> 00:11:50,408 IT TEACHES KIDS HOW TO DEAL WITH LOSS 310 00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:53,210 AND THAT A TRACTOR'S ENGINE IS NO PLACE TO HIDE. 311 00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,023 BUN-BUN, HUH? 312 00:11:55,015 --> 00:11:56,715 AH. (sighs) 313 00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:59,416 I THINK THIS MOMENT JUST GOT A LITTLE MORE TEACHABLE. 314 00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:02,449 OH, GRANT? WE HAVE A SITUATION. 315 00:12:02,452 --> 00:12:06,762 XENA LAID HER FIRST EGG SINCE THEINCIDENT, 316 00:12:06,757 --> 00:12:09,227 AND YOU AND I NEED TO TALK. 317 00:12:14,464 --> 00:12:17,144 IT'S POSITIVE. (sighs) 318 00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:18,437 ARE YOU SURE? 319 00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:20,438 OF COURSE I'M SURE. I CHECKED IT THREE TIMES. 320 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:24,310 THERE'S A SPOT INSIDE. (sighs) IT'S FERTILIZED. WE'RE PREGNANT. 321 00:12:24,314 --> 00:12:25,954 WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? 322 00:12:25,946 --> 00:12:27,276 WHAT AMIGOING TO DO? 323 00:12:27,277 --> 00:12:28,447 I TELL YOU WE'RE GONNA HAVE A CHICKEN, 324 00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:30,778 AND THAT'S WHAT YOU SAY TO ME? 325 00:12:30,781 --> 00:12:33,051 JUST GET OUT. WE DON'T NEED YOU. 326 00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:34,423 WELL, HOW DO WE EVEN KNOW FOR SURE IT WAS MY BIRD 327 00:12:34,424 --> 00:12:36,064 WHO GOT YOUR B-- DON'T. 328 00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:38,186 DON'T YOU DARE. 329 00:12:38,188 --> 00:12:40,328 OH, I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT YOU. 330 00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:44,492 KENNY, I'M SORRY. THIS IS ALL HAPPENING SO FAST. 331 00:12:44,494 --> 00:12:47,144 I'M JUST TRYING TO WRAP MY HEAD AROUND IT. 332 00:12:49,139 --> 00:12:51,539 (sighs) 333 00:12:51,541 --> 00:12:53,541 I NEED TO KNOW THAT YOU'RE GOING TO BE THERE 334 00:12:53,543 --> 00:12:55,813 FOR THIS CHICKEN'S WHOLE... 335 00:12:55,806 --> 00:12:58,806 I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW LONG THEY LIVE. A COUPLE YEARS? 336 00:12:58,809 --> 00:13:01,279 I WILL BE THERE. I PROMISE. 337 00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:02,451 SO YOU'RE EXCITED? 338 00:13:02,452 --> 00:13:03,912 (chuckles) I AM EXCITED. 339 00:13:03,914 --> 00:13:05,524 THERE'S SO MUCH TO DO. (chuckles) 340 00:13:05,515 --> 00:13:08,815 WE GOTTA GET AN INCUBATOR, A LIGHT, MAYBE. 341 00:13:08,819 --> 00:13:11,789 DAMN IT, WE'RE HAVING A CHICKEN TOGETHER! (laughs) 342 00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,421 SO INSTEAD OF WRESTLING, I THOUGHT I WOULD ENTERTAIN YOU 343 00:13:14,424 --> 00:13:17,104 THIS EVENING WITH... (whispers) THE ART OF ILLUSION. 344 00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:18,527 WHERE IS MY MOM? 345 00:13:18,528 --> 00:13:20,828 SHE HAD TO WORK LATE, AND SHE ASKED ME TO LOOK AFTER YOU, 346 00:13:20,831 --> 00:13:24,981 AND I AGREED BECAUSE I WANTED TO SHOW YOU THE ART OF ILLUSION. 347 00:13:24,975 --> 00:13:26,405 HOW LONG CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH? 348 00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:27,476 I DON'T KNOW... (chuckles) 349 00:13:27,477 --> 00:13:29,007 BECAUSE WE'RE NOT DOING THAT RIGHT NOW. 350 00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:31,109 WE ARE DOING THE ART-- 351 00:13:31,111 --> 00:13:33,581 RANDY. RANDY. PLEASE, RAN-- 352 00:13:33,583 --> 00:13:36,493 (high-pitched, muffled voice) RANDY! MM! MM! 353 00:13:36,486 --> 00:13:39,346 MM! (objects clatter) 354 00:13:39,349 --> 00:13:41,189 (squeals) 355 00:13:49,459 --> 00:13:51,859 (video game playing) HEY. 356 00:13:51,862 --> 00:13:55,372 YOU'RE THE GIANT DUDE. WHERE'S CRAIG? 357 00:13:55,365 --> 00:13:57,435 (muffled voice) I'M IN HERE! 358 00:13:57,437 --> 00:14:00,507 WHOA. IS THIS PART OF YOUR MAGIC SHOW? 359 00:14:00,510 --> 00:14:02,840 BECAUSE IF I OPEN THIS AND DOVES FLY OUT 360 00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,112 AND THEN YOU COME THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR... 361 00:14:04,114 --> 00:14:05,954 (chuckles) I WOULD LOSE MY MIND. 362 00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,276 OPEN IT! 363 00:14:07,277 --> 00:14:08,277 OKAY. 364 00:14:08,278 --> 00:14:11,618 (chuckles) HO! ♪ TA-DA ♪ 365 00:14:11,621 --> 00:14:14,381 THAT TRICK NEEDS A BETTER FINISH, MAN, 366 00:14:14,384 --> 00:14:15,534 OR AT LEAST THE "TRICK" PART. 367 00:14:15,525 --> 00:14:18,855 (panting) THIS BEAST CHOKED ME OUT 368 00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:21,128 AND TIED ME UP IN THIS GIANT HOBO SACK. 369 00:14:21,131 --> 00:14:23,061 I THINK THE WORD YOU'RE LOOKING FOR IS "BINDLE," 370 00:14:23,063 --> 00:14:25,143 BECAUSE TECHNICALLY, A "HOBO SACK" 371 00:14:25,135 --> 00:14:26,395 IS A DRIFTER'S UNDER-PACKAGE. 372 00:14:26,396 --> 00:14:27,466 (doorbell rings) 373 00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:29,897 THAT'S DONNA. I'VE HAD IT. 374 00:14:29,900 --> 00:14:34,570 I HAVE TO TELL HER THAT HER SON IS A VIOLENT, ABUSIVE ANIMAL. 375 00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:37,084 THIS STOPS NOW. DONNA-- 376 00:14:37,077 --> 00:14:38,907 MMM. 377 00:14:39,950 --> 00:14:42,380 RANDY'S SPENDING THE WEEKEND WITH HIS FATHER, 378 00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:45,222 SO YOU AND I ARE GONNA DO IT SO MUCH... 379 00:14:45,215 --> 00:14:47,485 (whispers) OUR SOULS WILL SWITCH. 380 00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:49,917 OH, MY GOD. SEXY SOUL-SWITCH. 381 00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:51,160 HAVE YOU BEEN READING MY JOURNAL? 382 00:14:51,161 --> 00:14:54,561 (chuckles) 383 00:14:54,564 --> 00:14:57,634 "BUN-BUN'S FRIENDS WOULD DO ANYTHING TO BRING BUN-BUN BACK, 384 00:14:57,627 --> 00:15:02,427 "GIVE UP ALL THEIR CARROTS, EVEN THEIR WHISKERS, 385 00:15:02,432 --> 00:15:06,342 "BUT IT WAS TOO LATE, BECAUSE DEATH IS FINAL, 386 00:15:06,336 --> 00:15:09,336 AND EVERYONE WILL EXPERIENCE IT." 387 00:15:12,943 --> 00:15:15,093 WOW. THAT'S--THAT'S A PRETTY HARSH ENDING. 388 00:15:15,085 --> 00:15:19,615 SO BUN-BUN'S FRIENDS WOULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING TO SAVE HIM? 389 00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:23,449 YES, BUT WHAT THE BOOK'S TRYING TO SAY IS THAT ANIMALS DIE, 390 00:15:23,453 --> 00:15:25,303 AND THAT'S JUST A NATURAL PART OF THE-- 391 00:15:25,295 --> 00:15:28,355 BUT WE CAN SAVE COOKIE. THE DOCTOR SAID SO. 392 00:15:28,358 --> 00:15:30,358 WAIT. 393 00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:31,630 (pages rustle) BUN-BUN ONLY DIED 394 00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:33,931 BECAUSE AFTER STARTING THE TRACTOR ENGINE, 395 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,613 THERE WEREN'T ENOUGH OF HIS PARTS LEFT 396 00:15:35,605 --> 00:15:37,605 TO PUT HIM BACK TOGETHER. 397 00:15:37,607 --> 00:15:39,637 O-OKAY. LET'S READ THIS AGAIN FROM-- 398 00:15:39,639 --> 00:15:41,539 FROM THE FARMER'S POINT OF VIEW, 399 00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:43,641 FOCUSING ON HOW MUCH IT MUST HAVE COST HIM 400 00:15:43,643 --> 00:15:46,653 TO FIX HIS TRACTOR. 401 00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:53,551 SO YOU LET THIS BOY SUFFOCATE YOU UNTIL YOU PASSED OUT? 402 00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:55,993 I DIDN'TLETHIM. IN FACT, I FOUND SOMETHING THAT LOOKED 403 00:15:55,986 --> 00:15:58,986 LIKE FLESH UNDER MY FINGERNAILS, SO I DEFINITELY STRUGGLED. 404 00:15:58,989 --> 00:16:01,329 CRAIG, YOU HAVE GOT TO BE MORE ASSERTIVE WITH THIS KID. 405 00:16:01,331 --> 00:16:02,631 I DON'T WANT TO FREAK YOU OUT, BUT NANCY PALMER SAW HIM 406 00:16:02,632 --> 00:16:05,442 PULLING YOU AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD IN A WAGON. 407 00:16:05,435 --> 00:16:07,435 I TOLD YOU SOMEONE WAS USING OUR WAGON. 408 00:16:07,437 --> 00:16:09,737 (sighs) NO, I-I CAN'T BE ASSERTIVE. 409 00:16:09,739 --> 00:16:11,099 IF I DON'T KEEP A LID ON MY ANGER, 410 00:16:11,101 --> 00:16:13,441 THINGS CAN GET UGLY VERY QUICKLY. 411 00:16:13,443 --> 00:16:14,443 REMEMBER WHEN YOU ATE THAT HOLIDAY CHEESE 412 00:16:14,444 --> 00:16:16,354 MY GRANDMA SENT ME? 413 00:16:16,346 --> 00:16:19,476 (high-pitched screaming) 414 00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:22,979 NOBODY GETS TO EAT MY GRANDMA'S... 415 00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:25,992 (screaming) 416 00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:30,457 YEAH, THAT REALLY HARSHED OUR OPEN HOUSE. 417 00:16:30,460 --> 00:16:32,620 I'M LIKE THE HULK, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF BEING CREATED 418 00:16:32,622 --> 00:16:35,032 BY GAMMA RAYS, I WAS CREATED BY AN EMOTIONALLY DISTANT FATHER 419 00:16:35,025 --> 00:16:36,995 AND A MOTHER WHO TOLD ME THAT GOD HATES CRYBABIES. 420 00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:39,196 (electricity crackles) AAH! 421 00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:40,199 (grunts) WHAT HAPPENED? 422 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:41,470 IT SHOCKED ME. NO BIGGIE. 423 00:16:41,471 --> 00:16:43,471 SO THIS IS YOUR INCUBATOR-- A 100-WATT BULB 424 00:16:43,473 --> 00:16:45,683 IN A CARDBOARD BOX FILLED WITH STRAW? 425 00:16:45,675 --> 00:16:47,675 YOU TRYING TO HATCH THAT EGG OR CREMATE IT? 426 00:16:47,677 --> 00:16:51,037 (laughs) THEY LAUGHED AT BENJAMIN FRANKLIN 427 00:16:51,041 --> 00:16:54,411 WHEN HE INVENTED LIGHTNING, BUT NOW IT POWERS ALL OUR HOMES. 428 00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:57,194 LOOK, I MADE US AN INCUBATOR. 429 00:16:57,187 --> 00:16:58,647 I CARVED IT OUT OF DRIFTWOOD I FOUND IN MALAYSIA 430 00:16:58,648 --> 00:17:03,648 AND ADDED VOLCANIC BLACK SAND THAT I COLLECTED IN ICELAND. 431 00:17:03,653 --> 00:17:06,663 YEAH, WELL, DOES YOURS SHOCK YOU LIGHTLY WHEN YOU TOUCH IT 432 00:17:06,656 --> 00:17:09,496 AND REMIND YOU OF WHAT A FAILURE YOU ARE? 433 00:17:09,499 --> 00:17:12,159 OKAY, I GOT THE SURGERY FOR THE BIRD. 434 00:17:12,162 --> 00:17:15,272 SHE'S ALL BETTER. RIGHT, COOKIE? 435 00:17:15,265 --> 00:17:17,605 THAT'S NOT COOKIE. 436 00:17:17,607 --> 00:17:19,107 (clenches teeth) SHUT UP. IT IS TOO COOKIE. 437 00:17:19,109 --> 00:17:20,739 NO. IT'S NOT. 438 00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:22,570 LOOK AT THE HIPS ON THAT THING. 439 00:17:22,572 --> 00:17:25,182 DUDE,ILOOK MORE LIKE COOKIE THAN THAT FATTY. 440 00:17:25,175 --> 00:17:26,675 SO THAT WAS YOUR PLAN, TO TRY AND PASS 441 00:17:26,676 --> 00:17:28,146 ANOTHER BIRD OFF ON LUCY? 442 00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:31,378 NO, MY PLAN WAS TO TRY TO PASS ANOTHER BIRD OFF ON EVERYBODY, 443 00:17:31,381 --> 00:17:32,521 BUT SINCE THAT FAILED, 444 00:17:32,522 --> 00:17:34,752 NOW IT'S JUST TO TRY TO PASS HER OFF ON LUCY. 445 00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:39,234 AW, YOU BOUGHT A FRIEND FOR COOKIE? 446 00:17:39,229 --> 00:17:42,459 WELL, ACTUALLY, SWEETIE... 447 00:17:43,833 --> 00:17:47,573 YES. I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A NICE SURPRISE FOR HER 448 00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:52,067 WHEN SHE GETS OUT OF HER EXPENSIVE SURGERY. 449 00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,671 (mouths word) 450 00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:55,483 OKAY. OH. OH! UM... 451 00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:57,145 UH, CAT! CAT. 452 00:17:57,147 --> 00:17:58,677 NO, IT'S NOT CAT. 453 00:17:58,678 --> 00:17:59,608 (mouths word) 454 00:17:59,609 --> 00:18:01,579 OH. WHOA. OH, WHOA, WHOA. TIGER! 455 00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:02,781 NO, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH FELINES. 456 00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:05,122 JUST... YOU KNOW? 457 00:18:05,115 --> 00:18:07,415 (mouths words) 458 00:18:07,417 --> 00:18:09,087 (timer bell dings) OH. (sighs) 459 00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,688 (chuckles) IT WAS "AMISTAD." 460 00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:14,261 HOW ON EARTH WAS THAT "AMISTAD"? 461 00:18:14,264 --> 00:18:16,434 I WAS BEING A PIRATE, LIKE, "ARR..." 462 00:18:16,426 --> 00:18:18,266 AND THEN "...MISTAD," 463 00:18:18,268 --> 00:18:20,768 LIKE, "ME STAND UP STRAIGHT." 464 00:18:20,770 --> 00:18:23,600 WELL, NOW THAT YOU EXPLAIN IT, I-I KNOW IT'S NOT ME. 465 00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:27,213 (chuckles) OKAY. I'M GONNA GO, UM, PUT TOGETHER SOME DESSERT. 466 00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:28,407 OH, NO, NO. WE DON'T NEED DESSERT. 467 00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:30,478 LET'S PLAY AGAIN. I-I'LL DO A CAT! 468 00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:32,610 YOU WANNA BOX? 469 00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:34,612 SURE, A BOX OF WHAT? (chuckles) 470 00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,694 ROUND ONE. 471 00:18:36,686 --> 00:18:38,786 OH, THAT KIND OF BOX. YEAH. UH, NO, RANDY. 472 00:18:38,788 --> 00:18:40,488 I'M NOT IN THE MOOD FOR-- 473 00:18:40,490 --> 00:18:42,290 RANDY, PLEASE. (chuckles) RANDY, PL-- 474 00:18:42,292 --> 00:18:44,122 (squeaks) WHOA. (grunts) 475 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:47,863 (pants) NO! YOU CANNOT TREAT ME LIKE THIS ANYMORE, 476 00:18:47,857 --> 00:18:50,497 AND I AM VERY ANGRY THAT YOU WHEELED ME AROUND TOWN 477 00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:52,630 UNCONSCIOUS IN A WAGON! 478 00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,632 I AM IN MY LATE 30s! 479 00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:56,714 YOU ARE A GIGANTIC, THOUGHTLESS, 480 00:18:56,706 --> 00:19:00,366 HUMONGOUS, OUT-OF-CONTROL, GIANT BOY! 481 00:19:00,370 --> 00:19:03,140 CRAIG, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? 482 00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,812 I'M SORRY, DONNA, BUT YOUR SON HAS NO RESPECT 483 00:19:04,814 --> 00:19:07,584 FOR OTHER PEOPLE OR THEIR NEED FOR OXYGEN 484 00:19:07,577 --> 00:19:08,777 OR WHICH WAY JOINTS BEND. 485 00:19:08,778 --> 00:19:10,818 DON'T TALK ABOUT RANDY LIKE THAT. 486 00:19:10,820 --> 00:19:13,150 I WILL TALK ABOUT HIM LIKE THAT, BECAUSE IT'S THE TRUTH, 487 00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:14,522 AND YOU NEED TO KNOW IT, 488 00:19:14,524 --> 00:19:15,764 AND I AM BEING ASSERTIVE ABOUT THIS, 489 00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:18,155 AND I'M NOT LOSING MY MIND. 490 00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:19,727 WAIT. 491 00:19:19,729 --> 00:19:22,429 NO, I'M NOT. THERE. 492 00:19:22,432 --> 00:19:26,642 I HOPE YOU BOTH ENJOY DESSERT. 493 00:19:26,636 --> 00:19:28,436 (squeaks) AAH! SHOOT! 494 00:19:28,438 --> 00:19:32,668 (high-pitched voice) GOD! GOD! (shouting indistinctly) 495 00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:35,682 (screaming) 496 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,677 (clucking) 497 00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:42,349 WELL, THAT'S $700 FOR THE SURGERY, 498 00:19:42,352 --> 00:19:44,552 PLUS $8 FOR COOKIE, 499 00:19:44,554 --> 00:19:46,594 ANOTHER $8 FOR FAKE COOKIE, 500 00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:48,586 $100 FOR THE HEALTH INSURANCE POLICY 501 00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:49,958 THAT THEY TALKED ME INTO. 502 00:19:49,959 --> 00:19:52,619 THESE EGGS ARE GONNA BE VERY PRICEY. 503 00:19:52,622 --> 00:19:54,362 OH, WE DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT EGGS. 504 00:19:54,364 --> 00:19:56,434 THE SURGERY DESTROYED COOKIE'S OVIDUCT, 505 00:19:56,426 --> 00:19:58,696 SO SHE'LL BE LAYING WHAT THE VET DESCRIBED 506 00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,798 AS SMALL, FETID PEBBLES. 507 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,700 SO MUCH FOR TEACHABLE MOMENTS. 508 00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:06,342 YEAH. MAYBE LUCY HAD A TEACHABLE MOMENT FOR YOU INSTEAD. 509 00:20:06,336 --> 00:20:07,536 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 510 00:20:07,537 --> 00:20:10,537 WELL, YOU LEARNED THAT WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO IT, 511 00:20:10,540 --> 00:20:13,210 YOU'LL DO ANYTHING TO MAKE YOUR DAUGHTER HAPPY, 512 00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:15,822 AND THAT IS SWEET. 513 00:20:15,815 --> 00:20:18,785 YEAH. I SHOULD BE HIGHER THAN HER FIFTH FAVORITE THING. 514 00:20:18,788 --> 00:20:20,988 I'M GONNA TRY TO MOVE UP A NOTCH OR TWO. 515 00:20:20,990 --> 00:20:22,650 WHAT'S THREE AND FOUR, ANYWAY? 516 00:20:22,652 --> 00:20:23,852 SALT AND PURPLE. 517 00:20:23,853 --> 00:20:25,833 OOH. THOSE ARE GOOD. 518 00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:27,995 MM. 519 00:20:31,901 --> 00:20:33,931 (chick cheeping, hens clucking) 520 00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:36,943 I GOTTA ADMIT, FOR A CHICKEN, THAT THING'S PRETTY DAMN CUTE. 521 00:20:36,936 --> 00:20:38,906 I CAN ALREADY TELL I'M NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO SAY NO TO IT. 522 00:20:38,908 --> 00:20:41,568 (Kenny) DID I MISS IT?! DID I MISS IT?! 523 00:20:41,571 --> 00:20:44,441 DAMN IT! OF COURSE I DID! 524 00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:47,624 OHH! I BUILT THE DEATH-TRAP INCUBATOR, 525 00:20:47,617 --> 00:20:48,947 AND THEN GRANT DELIVERS HER 526 00:20:48,948 --> 00:20:52,518 IN THE SAFETY OF HIS MALAYSIAN VOLCANO BOX. 527 00:20:52,522 --> 00:20:54,552 HE'S BETTER THAN ME AT EVERYTHING. 528 00:20:54,554 --> 00:20:56,034 THAT'S NOT TRUE, KENNY. 529 00:20:56,025 --> 00:20:58,525 I'M SURE YOU'RE BETTER AT SOMETHING THAN-- 530 00:20:58,528 --> 00:21:01,558 HEY, LOOK. GRANT'S CRYING. 531 00:21:01,561 --> 00:21:04,491 THIS--THIS IS JUST SUCH A PERFECT MOMENT. 532 00:21:04,494 --> 00:21:06,374 (sighs) 533 00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:09,836 I CAN CRY. I CAN CRY AS GOOD AS GRANT. 534 00:21:09,839 --> 00:21:12,639 I CAN CRY CIRCLES AROUND HIM! 535 00:21:12,642 --> 00:21:14,302 (imitates sob) 536 00:21:14,304 --> 00:21:17,484 (strained voice, grunts) 537 00:21:17,477 --> 00:21:20,947 (grunts loudly) 538 00:21:20,950 --> 00:21:22,980 UH-OH. I SHOULD GO. 39878

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