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1
00:00:01,372 --> 00:00:03,632
WILL! HIDE ME!HIDE ME!
2
00:00:03,634 --> 00:00:05,344
HE--HE'S GOT A DART!
3
00:00:05,336 --> 00:00:06,506
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
WHO'S GOT A DART?
4
00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:07,777
AAH!
YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY, KENNY?!
5
00:00:07,778 --> 00:00:09,138
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
6
00:00:09,140 --> 00:00:10,480
I'M GETTING A CUP OF COFFEE.
7
00:00:10,481 --> 00:00:12,641
ALL OF A SUDDEN,
I HEAR THIS IDIOT YELL,
8
00:00:12,643 --> 00:00:14,653
"DART ATTACK!
DON'T LOOK UP!"
9
00:00:14,645 --> 00:00:16,245
SO I LOOK UP...
IN SPITE OF MY INSTRUCTIONS!
10
00:00:16,247 --> 00:00:18,017
AND HE HITS ME IN THE FOREHEAD
WITH A DART!
11
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:21,148
OKAY, IN MY DEFENSE, I HAD
A VERY TOUGH DAY YESTERDAY,
12
00:00:21,152 --> 00:00:22,792
AND I'M TAKING IT OUT
ON CRAIG.
13
00:00:22,793 --> 00:00:24,503
OH, NO! ARE YOU OKAY?
14
00:00:24,495 --> 00:00:25,655
WHY DON'T YOU STEP OUT
FROM BEHIND WILL
15
00:00:25,656 --> 00:00:27,626
AND TELL US ALL ABOUT IT?
HEY, HEY, CRAIG.
16
00:00:27,628 --> 00:00:28,698
WILL--
NO.
17
00:00:28,699 --> 00:00:29,699
BUT--
NO!
18
00:00:29,700 --> 00:00:32,330
(sighs) FINE.
19
00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:35,513
NOW WHAT'S GOING ON,
KENNY?
20
00:00:35,506 --> 00:00:37,136
YESTERDAY, I'M AT THE PARK.
21
00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:40,238
I'M TEACHING NATHAN SOME
OF MY AWESOME FOOTBALL SKILLS,
22
00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:41,571
AND THEN GRANT SHOWS UP
UNINVITED,
23
00:00:41,572 --> 00:00:43,242
TOTALLY CONFUSES THE KID.
24
00:00:43,244 --> 00:00:45,684
HIKE!
25
00:00:45,676 --> 00:00:47,546
YAH! UHH!
26
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,578
AAH! HA!
27
00:00:49,580 --> 00:00:51,720
GIVE ME THAT! STOP IT!
AAH! UHH!
28
00:00:51,722 --> 00:00:54,162
AAH! OHH!
29
00:00:54,155 --> 00:00:55,425
UHH!
30
00:00:55,426 --> 00:00:56,756
MAN, I AM SICK
31
00:00:56,757 --> 00:00:58,287
OF GRANT BEING BETTER THAN ME
AT EVERYTHING--
32
00:00:58,289 --> 00:01:00,229
SPORTS, REGIONAL COOKING--
33
00:01:00,231 --> 00:01:01,491
HAVING SEX WITH YOUR EX-WIFE.
34
00:01:01,492 --> 00:01:03,662
I ASSUME.
35
00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:06,304
SO... I CAN'T HELP MY NEPHEW
ANYMORE.
36
00:01:06,297 --> 00:01:08,167
IS THERE SOMETHING
THAT I CAN TEACH MY NIECE?
37
00:01:08,169 --> 00:01:10,799
SHE'S ONLY 7. I KNOW SHE CAN'T
MAKE A GOOD MARGARITA YET.
38
00:01:10,801 --> 00:01:12,341
ACTUALLY, LUCY'S GOOD.
39
00:01:12,343 --> 00:01:14,783
SHE'S VERY EXCITED BECAUSE
WE JUST TOLD HER THAT SHE'S--
40
00:01:14,775 --> 00:01:15,845
PART ROBOT?
A FIRESTARTER?
41
00:01:15,846 --> 00:01:17,206
AGING BACKWARDS?
MADE OF COPPER?
42
00:01:17,208 --> 00:01:18,208
A DOG WHISPERER?
43
00:01:18,209 --> 00:01:20,179
EVEN THOUGH WE'RE FIGHTING,
WE STILL GOT IT.
44
00:01:20,181 --> 00:01:22,311
(laughing)
45
00:01:22,313 --> 00:01:24,493
WE'RE GETTING LUCY
A CHICKEN.
46
00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:26,485
SHE HAS NO IDEA
WHERE FOOD COMES FROM.
47
00:01:26,487 --> 00:01:28,417
THE OTHER DAY, SHE ASKED
IF BACON, LETTUCE, AND TOMATO
48
00:01:28,419 --> 00:01:30,159
ALL CAME FROM THE SAME PLANT.
49
00:01:30,161 --> 00:01:32,161
(snaps fingers)
WAIT, THERE'S A TRICK
FOR REMEMBERING THIS.
50
00:01:32,163 --> 00:01:34,133
I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR SOMETHING
THAT SHE AND I CAN DO TOGETHER.
51
00:01:34,125 --> 00:01:37,125
YOU KNOW, A WAY FOR US TO
CONNECT AS FATHER AND DAUGHTER.
52
00:01:37,128 --> 00:01:39,228
WELL, IF PEOPLE ARE GETTIN'
CHICKENS, I'M IN.
53
00:01:39,230 --> 00:01:40,200
ME, TOO.
54
00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:42,301
I'M GONNA NAME MINE
"EGGS BENEDICT."
55
00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:45,283
WHY? IS HE GONNA BETRAY AMERICA
AND SELL US OUT TO THE BRITISH?
56
00:01:45,276 --> 00:01:46,876
MAYBE. WE'LL SEE HOW TRAINABLE
IT IS.
57
00:01:46,877 --> 00:01:49,137
BY THE WAY, WHILE WE WERE
TALKING, THIS CAME FOR YOU.
58
00:01:49,140 --> 00:01:50,110
(squish)
MOTHER!
59
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:51,480
AAH! AAH!
60
00:01:56,487 --> 00:01:58,387
(cereal rattles)
61
00:01:58,389 --> 00:02:01,449
I'M SORRY I WAS SO MUCH BIGGER
THAN YOU YESTERDAY.
62
00:02:01,452 --> 00:02:03,352
THAT'S OKAY. I'M SORRY
I HURT YOUR ANKLE
63
00:02:03,354 --> 00:02:05,234
WHEN YOU STEPPED
ON MY FACE.
64
00:02:05,226 --> 00:02:06,426
(door opens)
65
00:02:06,427 --> 00:02:07,797
HELLO, EVERYONE.
66
00:02:07,798 --> 00:02:09,358
BRENDA, I WOULD LIKE
TO THANK YOU
67
00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:11,460
FOR SETTING ME UP
WITH YOUR DOCTOR FRIEND.
68
00:02:11,462 --> 00:02:13,202
SHE RAN SOME TESTS
AND HAS IDENTIFIED ME
69
00:02:13,204 --> 00:02:14,644
AS HER PERFECT BONE DONOR.
70
00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:15,805
OHH!
(Brenda) OH! (chuckles)
71
00:02:15,806 --> 00:02:17,166
(chuckles) THE KIDS AREN'T
AROUND, ARE THEY?
72
00:02:17,168 --> 00:02:21,238
(singsongy) DR. DONNA
DEFINITELY HAS YOU ON HER MIND.
73
00:02:21,242 --> 00:02:24,182
THE OTHER DAY SHE TOLD
A BUNCH OF US NURSES THAT
74
00:02:24,175 --> 00:02:27,545
A PATIENT OF HERS WAS GOING
TO DIE IN A MATTER OF "CRAIGS."
75
00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:28,648
(laughs)
76
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,179
(laughs) IT WAS SO FUNNY...
77
00:02:30,181 --> 00:02:32,481
AND THEN SAD,
BECAUSE SHE MEANT HOURS.
78
00:02:32,483 --> 00:02:34,593
HMM. SHE WANTS ME TO MEET
HER SON.
79
00:02:34,585 --> 00:02:35,885
THAT'S A GOOD SIGN.
80
00:02:35,886 --> 00:02:38,586
I KNOW. IT'S GREAT.
KIDS LOVE ME, AND I LOVE THEM.
81
00:02:38,589 --> 00:02:41,459
IN FACT, I CONSIDER MYSELF
A CONNOISSEUR OF CHILDREN.
82
00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:43,192
EASY, BUDDY.
THAT PHRASE IS WHAT LOST YOU
83
00:02:43,194 --> 00:02:44,204
THE SANTA JOB AT THE MALL.
84
00:02:44,195 --> 00:02:45,895
(Theresa)
WHOA. YOU'RE ALL HERE.
85
00:02:45,896 --> 00:02:48,436
(Kenny crunches cereal)
IT'S 6:30 IN THE MORNING.
86
00:02:48,439 --> 00:02:49,899
LUCY ISN'T EVEN AWAKE YET.
87
00:02:49,900 --> 00:02:51,670
WE'RE ALL VERY EAGER ABOUT
THE CHICKENS.
(chuckles)
88
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,242
I WENT ONLINE AND DID
SOME RESEARCH.
89
00:02:53,244 --> 00:02:56,354
DID YOU KNOW THAT ALTHOUGH
CHICKENS WALK ON TWO FEET,
90
00:02:56,347 --> 00:02:58,277
TECHNICALLY THEY'RE NOT
CONSIDERED MAMMALS.
91
00:02:58,279 --> 00:03:00,249
I JUST WANT
TO ENCOURAGE ALL OF YOU
92
00:03:00,251 --> 00:03:01,751
TO RECONSIDER
THIS MADNESS...
93
00:03:01,752 --> 00:03:03,712
(mug clatters)
ALL RIGHT?
CHICKENS ARE A LOT OF WORK.
94
00:03:03,714 --> 00:03:05,764
AH, YOU JUST DON'T LIKE
CHICKENS,
95
00:03:05,756 --> 00:03:08,356
BECAUSE WHEN WE USED TO STAY
AT GRANDPA'S FARM,
96
00:03:08,359 --> 00:03:10,259
THEY'D RAT YOU OUT WHEN YOU
TRIED TO SNEAK IN AFTER CURFEW.
97
00:03:10,261 --> 00:03:12,761
HONEY, THIS IS MY CHANCE
TO HAVE A TEACHABLE MOMENT
98
00:03:12,763 --> 00:03:15,773
WITH MY DAUGHTER.
BESIDES, IT'S JUST ONE BIRD...
99
00:03:15,766 --> 00:03:16,766
(Craig, Kenny, and Grant) HEY.
100
00:03:16,767 --> 00:03:18,467
FOR... EACH OF US,
101
00:03:18,469 --> 00:03:21,599
FOR A TOTAL OF FIVE
IN OUR BACKYARD,
102
00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:24,202
WHERE YOUR ZEN GARDEN USED
TO BE, WHICH, LET'S FACE IT,
103
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,284
WAS REALLY JUST
A BUNCH OF ROCKS.
104
00:03:26,277 --> 00:03:28,777
(chuckles) I LOVE YOU.
105
00:03:28,779 --> 00:03:32,239
FINE. HAVE AT IT, BUT DON'T COME
CRYING TO ME IF THINGS GO WRONG,
106
00:03:32,243 --> 00:03:34,953
AND WITH CHICKENS,
THINGS WILL ALWAYS GO WRONG.
107
00:03:34,945 --> 00:03:38,385
WOW!
THERESA REALLY HATES POULTRY.
108
00:03:38,389 --> 00:03:40,389
WHEN WE WERE KIDS,
I ONCE SHOOK A BAG OF CHICKENS
109
00:03:40,391 --> 00:03:42,221
AND THREW 'EM IN THE TUB
WITH HER.
110
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:45,532
I KINDA REGRET THAT NOW.
(crunching)
111
00:03:46,597 --> 00:03:49,597
(rooster crows)
112
00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:51,300
HAVE YOU PICKED ONE OUT YET,
SWEETIE?
113
00:03:51,302 --> 00:03:52,902
NEGATIVE.
114
00:03:52,903 --> 00:03:54,573
I WAS TALKING
TO MY OTHER SWEETIE.
115
00:03:54,565 --> 00:03:56,735
I'M STILL LOOKING, TOO.
116
00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:57,907
I'M TALKING TO MY DAUGHTER.
117
00:03:57,908 --> 00:03:59,568
WHY WOULD I CALL
ANY OF YOU GUYS "SWEETIE"?
118
00:03:59,570 --> 00:04:01,810
I ONCE HEARD YOU CALL CRAIG
"PUMPKIN."
119
00:04:01,812 --> 00:04:03,342
BECAUSE HE USED
THIS SPRAY TAN,
120
00:04:03,344 --> 00:04:05,654
AND I SAID HE WAS THE COLOR
OF PUMPKINS.
121
00:04:05,646 --> 00:04:06,716
YES?
122
00:04:06,717 --> 00:04:09,847
FINE, PUMPKIN,
SWEETIE, GRANT--
123
00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:11,320
I'M SORRY.
I DON'T HAVE A NICKNAME
124
00:04:11,322 --> 00:04:12,722
I'M NOT CALLING YOU YET.
125
00:04:12,723 --> 00:04:14,293
"HONEY BEAR."
126
00:04:14,285 --> 00:04:16,355
HAS ANYBODY HERE PICKED OUT
A CHICKEN YET?
127
00:04:16,357 --> 00:04:19,257
I WANT THAT CUTE ONE OVER THERE,
NEXT TO ALL THE OTHER CUTE ONES.
128
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:20,729
I'M GONNA GO TELL THE LADY.
129
00:04:20,731 --> 00:04:24,971
I LIKE THAT LITTLE BITTY ONE.
SHE LOOKS LONELY.
130
00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:28,365
I'M GONNA GET THAT BIG ONE THAT
JUST DROPPED A CHICKEN DEUCE
131
00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:30,399
ON GRANT'S CHICKEN'S HEAD.
132
00:04:30,401 --> 00:04:32,501
SEEMS A LITTLE AGGRESSIVE FOR
A GUY WHO ANSWERS TO "SWEETIE."
133
00:04:32,503 --> 00:04:34,983
I'M NEVER GONNA BE BETTER
THAN GRANT AT ANYTHING,
134
00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:36,275
BUT AT LEAST I CAN HAVE
A CHICKEN
135
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,006
THAT'S BETTER THAN HIS,
136
00:04:38,008 --> 00:04:40,348
AND THEN I WILL BE BETTER
THAN HIM.
137
00:04:40,351 --> 00:04:41,451
NO, I WON'T... (chuckles)
138
00:04:41,452 --> 00:04:45,462
BUT MY CHICKEN WILL BE,
AND SO WILL I.
139
00:04:45,456 --> 00:04:46,386
NO, I WON'T.
140
00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:47,887
JUST GET THE DAMN CHICKEN.
141
00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:49,718
RELAX, MAN. I WILL.
142
00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:52,660
YO. HOW MUCH ARE THE CHICKENS?
143
00:04:52,663 --> 00:04:53,663
$8.
144
00:04:53,664 --> 00:04:55,974
(chuckles)
$8? THAT IS INSANE.
145
00:04:55,966 --> 00:04:58,596
I CAN GET ONE WITH FRIES
AND A TOY FOR $4.
146
00:04:58,599 --> 00:05:01,699
I'LL GIVE YOU... 99 CENTS.
147
00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:03,802
I CAN GIVE YOU A DEAD ONE
FOR 99 CENTS.
148
00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,314
HOW DEAD?
149
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:06,375
PRETTY DEAD.
150
00:05:06,377 --> 00:05:08,537
NO. THAT SOUNDS TOO DEAD.
151
00:05:08,539 --> 00:05:10,579
YOU JUST LOST A DEAL, SIR.
152
00:05:10,581 --> 00:05:13,381
COME ON.
THIS WHOLE PLACE IS A RACKET.
153
00:05:16,387 --> 00:05:18,087
I LOVE MY CHICKEN
SO MUCH, DADDY.
(clucking)
154
00:05:18,088 --> 00:05:21,448
GOOD. I LOVE THAT WE'RE
DOING THIS TOGETHER.
155
00:05:21,452 --> 00:05:22,992
I'M GONNA NAME HER
AFTER MY FAVORITE THING
156
00:05:22,993 --> 00:05:24,023
IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
157
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:25,834
YEAH?
158
00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,656
"MOMMY."
159
00:05:27,658 --> 00:05:29,428
OH.
160
00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:33,000
IT MIGHT BE CONFUSING HAVING
TWO MOMMIES AROUND.
161
00:05:33,003 --> 00:05:35,343
THEN I'LL NAME HER AFTER
MY SECOND FAVORITE THING.
162
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,835
WELL, IT MAY ALSO BE
CONFUSING HAVING TWO DA--
163
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:40,868
COOKIES! I'M GONNA CALL HER
"COOKIE."
164
00:05:40,871 --> 00:05:45,021
MOM, I FIGURED OUT A NAME
FOR COOKIE! IT'S "COOKIE"!
165
00:05:45,015 --> 00:05:46,845
TOUGH BREAK, WILL. (sighs)
166
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:50,347
THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE YOU
BOTH TIMES, DIDN'T YOU?
167
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,120
(whispers) YEAH.
168
00:05:52,122 --> 00:05:55,962
OH, MAN. LOOK HOW BADASS
MY CHICKEN IS.
169
00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:58,356
HE JUST TOOK SEEDS AWAY
FROM YOUR NERD BIRD,
170
00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,758
AND YOURIDIOTDIDN'T
EVEN DO ANYTHING.
171
00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:03,591
THAT'S 'CAUSE HE'S CHICKEN.
BAH-GAH!
172
00:06:03,594 --> 00:06:06,104
LET ME HELP YOU WITH
THAT CHICKEN SOUND, KENNY.
173
00:06:06,096 --> 00:06:07,466
IT'S MORE LIKE, UH...
174
00:06:07,468 --> 00:06:08,398
(high-pitched voice)
BOK-BOK, BAH-GOK, BAH-GOK!
175
00:06:08,399 --> 00:06:10,369
BOK-BOK, BAH-GOK!
176
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,570
FINE, ADD CHICKEN SOUNDS
177
00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:15,613
TO THINGS YOU'RE BETTER AT
THAN ME, BUT CAN YOU DO THIS?
178
00:06:15,606 --> 00:06:19,706
(inhales and roars)
179
00:06:19,710 --> 00:06:21,580
I CHOOSE NOT TO.
180
00:06:21,582 --> 00:06:24,382
THEN YOU WIN AGAIN, BECAUSE I
HAVE STRAINED MY THROAT.
181
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,564
(doorbell rings)
182
00:06:26,557 --> 00:06:28,457
AW, FLOWERS.
183
00:06:28,459 --> 00:06:30,719
OKAY, I'LL HAVE SEX
WITH YOU.
184
00:06:30,721 --> 00:06:33,921
KIDDING. I WAS GONNA
DO THAT ANYWAY.
185
00:06:33,924 --> 00:06:37,474
I'M KIDDING AGAIN. IT DEPENDS
WHAT'S IN THAT GIFT BAG.
186
00:06:37,468 --> 00:06:38,728
WELL, THEN WE'RE
TOTALLY GONNA DO IT,
187
00:06:38,729 --> 00:06:41,499
BECAUSE I GOT SOMETHING
FOR YOUR SON.
188
00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:43,932
(gasps) OH.
WEAREGONNA DO IT.
189
00:06:43,934 --> 00:06:45,944
WELL, I WANT TO MAKE
A GOOD FIRST IMPRE--
190
00:06:45,936 --> 00:06:48,406
(squeaks)
OH!
191
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,578
MILADY, SHALL WE PROCEED
WITH THE EVENING? (chuckles)
192
00:06:50,581 --> 00:06:53,581
SORRY. I GUESS I NEED
A MAT UNDER THAT THING.
193
00:06:53,584 --> 00:06:57,094
RANDY! SO YOU READY
TO MEET MY LITTLE GUY?
194
00:06:57,087 --> 00:06:58,587
(chuckles)
ALTHOUGH I DON'T KNOW
HOW MUCH LONGER
195
00:06:58,589 --> 00:07:00,189
I CAN CALL HIM THAT.
HE'S 11 ALREADY.
196
00:07:00,190 --> 00:07:01,450
(chuckles)
197
00:07:01,452 --> 00:07:03,522
(crunches)
198
00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:04,504
HEY, DUDE.
199
00:07:04,495 --> 00:07:05,495
HI.
200
00:07:05,496 --> 00:07:07,456
SO WHERE'S RANDY?
201
00:07:07,458 --> 00:07:09,198
THIS IS RANDY.
(crunches)
202
00:07:09,199 --> 00:07:10,499
THIS GENTLEMAN IS RANDY?
203
00:07:10,501 --> 00:07:12,561
HE'S A LITTLE BIG
FOR HIS AGE. (sighs)
204
00:07:12,563 --> 00:07:14,673
YEAH, HE'S A LITTLE BIG
FORMYAGE.
205
00:07:14,665 --> 00:07:17,465
SO,CRAIG, WHY DON'T YOU
AND MY FAVORITE GUY
206
00:07:17,468 --> 00:07:20,438
GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER, OKAY?
207
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:23,540
(sighs)
HEY, BUDDY. (chuckles)
208
00:07:24,715 --> 00:07:27,845
OH, I, UH,
GOT YOU A GIFT.
209
00:07:30,020 --> 00:07:32,220
WELL... (chuckles)
210
00:07:32,222 --> 00:07:35,132
MAYBE YOU CAN GIVE IT
TO YOUR SON. (chuckles)
211
00:07:35,125 --> 00:07:36,455
DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
212
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:39,126
NO. YOU WANNA WRESTLE?
213
00:07:39,129 --> 00:07:41,589
UM... NO, THANKS.
(chuckles)
214
00:07:41,592 --> 00:07:42,592
I DO.
215
00:07:42,593 --> 00:07:44,463
MAYBE WITH OUR THUMBS.
216
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,074
OHH!
(thud)
217
00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:48,636
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME RANDY
WAS AN 11-YEAR-OLD YETI?
218
00:07:48,639 --> 00:07:51,069
OR THAT THE WORLD SHAKES
WHEN HE WALKS?
219
00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:53,001
OR THAT HIS BED IS SURROUNDED
BY THE BONES OF ENGLISHMEN?
220
00:07:53,003 --> 00:07:54,983
CRAIG, SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA BE
FIRM WITH CHILDREN.
221
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,475
YOU PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN.
222
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,646
HARD TO PUT MY FOOT DOWN
WHEN I'M BEING CARRIED AROUND
223
00:07:58,649 --> 00:08:00,949
BY JUST THE SKIN
ON MY STOMACH.
224
00:08:00,951 --> 00:08:02,211
BESIDES, I NEED TO BE CAREFUL
ABOUT GETTING
225
00:08:02,212 --> 00:08:03,212
INTO A CONFRONTATION.
226
00:08:03,213 --> 00:08:04,523
WHY?
227
00:08:04,515 --> 00:08:05,685
I HAVE SOME ANGER ISSUES.
228
00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:09,616
ONCE I OPEN THAT DOOR,
THINGS CAN GET A LITTLE SCARY.
229
00:08:09,620 --> 00:08:13,860
YOUGET SCARY? YOU MEAN,
LIKE HOW A CUPCAKE GETS SCARY?
230
00:08:13,864 --> 00:08:16,004
OR A KITTEN SLEEPING
IN WARM LAUNDRY?
231
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,966
OH, HE'S SERIOUS.
232
00:08:17,968 --> 00:08:19,798
CRAIG DOES NOT DO WELL
WHEN HE'S PUSHED TO THE LIMIT
233
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:22,630
AND HAS TO STAND UP
FOR HIMSELF.
234
00:08:22,633 --> 00:08:25,643
(high-pitched screaming)
235
00:08:29,239 --> 00:08:31,009
MY COUPON HAD NOT EXPIRED.
236
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:34,181
(sighs) ALTHOUGH IT DID BY
THE TIME THAT TANTRUM WAS OVER.
237
00:08:34,184 --> 00:08:35,624
IF YOU CAN'T TALK
TO THE KID,
238
00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:37,586
WHY DON'T YOU JUST SAY
SOMETHING TO DONNA?
239
00:08:37,588 --> 00:08:39,618
BECAUSE YOU DO NOT GET
A WOMAN IN THE MOOD FOR SEX
240
00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:42,890
BY TELLING HER THAT HER SON IS
A MISBEGOTTEN LAND MONSTER.
241
00:08:42,893 --> 00:08:44,863
LOOK, I FOUND AN EGG!
242
00:08:44,855 --> 00:08:48,055
(gasps)
THAT'S GREAT, HONEY!
243
00:08:48,058 --> 00:08:50,198
NOW TELL MOMMY
WHERE EGGS COME FROM.
244
00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:54,570
CHICKEN'S BUTTS.
I'M GONNA GO LOOK FOR MORE.
245
00:08:54,565 --> 00:08:57,565
WHAT A WONDERFUL
TEACHABLE MOMENT THAT WAS.
246
00:08:57,568 --> 00:09:00,238
LOOK HOW I'VE ENRICHED
MY DAUGHTER'S LIFE.
247
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:03,940
HELLO, YOU LITTLE MIRACLE.
MWAH.
248
00:09:03,944 --> 00:09:06,724
YOU KNOW, THAT REALLY DID JUST
DROP OUT OF A CHICKEN'S BUTT.
249
00:09:06,717 --> 00:09:09,047
(spits)
250
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:10,819
(grunts)
251
00:09:10,821 --> 00:09:14,281
(clucking)
CHECK OUT HOW MY XENA'S PUSHING
HER TAIL INTO YOUR CHICKEN,
252
00:09:14,284 --> 00:09:15,734
TOTALLY DISRESPECTING HER.
253
00:09:15,726 --> 00:09:18,586
(laughs)
YOUR CHICKEN'S BEENDISSED.
254
00:09:18,589 --> 00:09:21,559
LOOK HOW PETTY YOU'RE BEING.
THAT CAN'T FEEL GOOD.
255
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:24,161
OH, YOU'D BE SURPRISED.
256
00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:27,574
WAIT.
WHAT IS YOUR CHICKEN DOING?
257
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,597
WHY IS SHE CLIMBING UP
ON XENA?
(Xena squawking)
258
00:09:30,601 --> 00:09:33,341
I DON'T THINK MY BIRD'S
ASHE.
259
00:09:33,343 --> 00:09:35,253
MAN, THAT LITTLE SUCKER'S
IN A HURRY.
260
00:09:35,245 --> 00:09:37,075
(high-pitched squawks)
261
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,777
(rooster crows)
262
00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:41,610
(Kenny)
GRANT'S HEN IS A ROOSTER!
263
00:09:41,612 --> 00:09:44,862
HE DEFLOWERED XENA
WITH BRUTAL INDIFFERENCE.
264
00:09:44,855 --> 00:09:47,585
YOU'RE RUNNING A FRAT HOUSE
OUT THERE, WILLIAM!
265
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,587
WHOA, KENNY. SLOW DOWN.
FROM WHERE I WAS STANDING,
266
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,819
IT LOOKED LIKE EVERYBODY
WAS GETTING WHAT THEY WANTED.
267
00:09:51,822 --> 00:09:53,922
(scoffs) SHE'S 6 WEEKS OLD.
268
00:09:53,924 --> 00:09:57,904
SHE CAN'T MAKE A DECISION
LIKE THAT. OHH.
269
00:09:59,269 --> 00:10:00,869
KENNY!
UGH.
270
00:10:00,871 --> 00:10:04,741
SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH COOKIE.
SHE WON'T STAND UP.
271
00:10:04,735 --> 00:10:08,805
SHE NEEDS A DOCTOR.
CALL 9-1-1!
272
00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:10,109
(sighs)
273
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,280
SO THERE ARE COMPLICATIONS
IN RAISING FARM ANIMALS.
274
00:10:12,282 --> 00:10:13,612
WHEW.
275
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:16,023
WHO COULD HAVE SEEN
THAT COMING?
276
00:10:21,952 --> 00:10:23,122
DON'T WORRY, HONEY.
277
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:25,303
I'M SURE COOKIE'S GONNA BE
JUST FINE.
278
00:10:25,295 --> 00:10:28,995
THE VETERINARIAN PROBABLY SEES
THIS KIND OF THING ALL THE TIME.
279
00:10:28,999 --> 00:10:32,999
WELL, I'VE NEVER SEEN
ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE.
280
00:10:33,003 --> 00:10:36,013
LOOK HOW SPECIAL COOKIE IS.
281
00:10:36,006 --> 00:10:39,336
COOKIE APPEARS TO HAVE
AN IMPACTED CROP,
282
00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:42,139
WHICH IS STOPPING FOOD
FROM GETTING INTO HER STOMACH.
283
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:43,672
CAN YOU HELP HER?
284
00:10:43,674 --> 00:10:46,224
I COULD, BUT IT WOULD
REQUIRE SURGERY.
285
00:10:46,216 --> 00:10:48,816
SURGERY? ON A CHICKEN?
286
00:10:48,819 --> 00:10:51,419
I KNOW, RIGHT? (chuckles)
WHO DOES THAT?
287
00:10:51,421 --> 00:10:52,681
WE DO.
(sighs)
288
00:10:52,683 --> 00:10:54,053
RIGHT, DADDY?
289
00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:56,934
WE DON'T KNOW YET.
290
00:10:56,927 --> 00:11:01,387
HOW MUCH WOULD WE BE PAYING
FOR SUCH AN ASININE ACTIVITY?
291
00:11:01,391 --> 00:11:05,241
$700? TO SAVE A CHICKEN?
292
00:11:05,235 --> 00:11:09,235
MAYBE IF IT COULD PREDICT
THE FUTURE OR GRANT WISHES
293
00:11:09,239 --> 00:11:12,699
OR EVEN DRIVE ME TO THE AIRPORT,
BUT THIS BIRD'S GOING NOWHERE.
294
00:11:12,703 --> 00:11:14,373
IF THAT'S YOUR CRITERIA
FOR SAVING THINGS,
295
00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:16,354
THEN WE WOULD NEVER SAVE
KENNY, EITHER.
296
00:11:16,346 --> 00:11:19,046
EXCUSE ME.
I NEED TO WASH MY HANDS.
297
00:11:19,049 --> 00:11:20,979
(chuckles) UH, BIRDS AREN'T SHY
ABOUT WHERE THEY POOP.
298
00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:22,181
(mouths word)
299
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:25,462
UH, HERE'S AN IDEA.
YOU KNOW, MAYBE I HAVE, UH,
300
00:11:25,455 --> 00:11:27,685
A DIFFERENT TEACHABLE MOMENT
WITH LUCY.
(water running in sink)
301
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:31,887
MAYBE I TEACH HER
THAT SOMETIMES THINGS DIE.
302
00:11:31,892 --> 00:11:34,392
WILL, YOU LET HER NAME COOKIE
AFTER HER SECOND FAVORITE THING.
303
00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:36,934
IT'S GONNA BE HARD FOR HER
TO LET IT GO.
304
00:11:36,927 --> 00:11:39,827
IF I MAY, WHEN I WAS A BOY
AND WE LOST MY PEE-PAW,
305
00:11:39,830 --> 00:11:42,030
MY BEE-BA READ ME
THE STORY OF BUN-BUN.
306
00:11:42,032 --> 00:11:44,072
DID YOU JUST GET
ELECTROCUTED?
307
00:11:44,074 --> 00:11:45,744
"BUN-BUN'S LAST HOP"
IS A CHILDREN'S BOOK
308
00:11:45,736 --> 00:11:47,736
ABOUT A LITTLE BUNNY
THAT DIES.
309
00:11:47,738 --> 00:11:50,408
IT TEACHES KIDS
HOW TO DEAL WITH LOSS
310
00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:53,210
AND THAT A TRACTOR'S ENGINE
IS NO PLACE TO HIDE.
311
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,023
BUN-BUN, HUH?
312
00:11:55,015 --> 00:11:56,715
AH.
(sighs)
313
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:59,416
I THINK THIS MOMENT JUST GOT
A LITTLE MORE TEACHABLE.
314
00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:02,449
OH, GRANT?
WE HAVE A SITUATION.
315
00:12:02,452 --> 00:12:06,762
XENA LAID HER FIRST EGG
SINCE THEINCIDENT,
316
00:12:06,757 --> 00:12:09,227
AND YOU AND I NEED TO TALK.
317
00:12:14,464 --> 00:12:17,144
IT'S POSITIVE. (sighs)
318
00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:18,437
ARE YOU SURE?
319
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:20,438
OF COURSE I'M SURE.
I CHECKED IT THREE TIMES.
320
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:24,310
THERE'S A SPOT INSIDE. (sighs)
IT'S FERTILIZED. WE'RE PREGNANT.
321
00:12:24,314 --> 00:12:25,954
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
322
00:12:25,946 --> 00:12:27,276
WHAT AMIGOING TO DO?
323
00:12:27,277 --> 00:12:28,447
I TELL YOU WE'RE GONNA HAVE
A CHICKEN,
324
00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:30,778
AND THAT'S WHAT YOU SAY
TO ME?
325
00:12:30,781 --> 00:12:33,051
JUST GET OUT.
WE DON'T NEED YOU.
326
00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:34,423
WELL, HOW DO WE EVEN KNOW
FOR SURE IT WAS MY BIRD
327
00:12:34,424 --> 00:12:36,064
WHO GOT YOUR B--
DON'T.
328
00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:38,186
DON'T YOU DARE.
329
00:12:38,188 --> 00:12:40,328
OH, I CAN'T EVEN LOOK
AT YOU.
330
00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:44,492
KENNY, I'M SORRY.
THIS IS ALL HAPPENING SO FAST.
331
00:12:44,494 --> 00:12:47,144
I'M JUST TRYING TO WRAP
MY HEAD AROUND IT.
332
00:12:49,139 --> 00:12:51,539
(sighs)
333
00:12:51,541 --> 00:12:53,541
I NEED TO KNOW THAT
YOU'RE GOING TO BE THERE
334
00:12:53,543 --> 00:12:55,813
FOR THIS CHICKEN'S WHOLE...
335
00:12:55,806 --> 00:12:58,806
I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW LONG
THEY LIVE. A COUPLE YEARS?
336
00:12:58,809 --> 00:13:01,279
I WILL BE THERE. I PROMISE.
337
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:02,451
SO YOU'RE EXCITED?
338
00:13:02,452 --> 00:13:03,912
(chuckles) I AM EXCITED.
339
00:13:03,914 --> 00:13:05,524
THERE'S SO MUCH TO DO.
(chuckles)
340
00:13:05,515 --> 00:13:08,815
WE GOTTA GET AN INCUBATOR,
A LIGHT, MAYBE.
341
00:13:08,819 --> 00:13:11,789
DAMN IT, WE'RE HAVING
A CHICKEN TOGETHER! (laughs)
342
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,421
SO INSTEAD OF WRESTLING,
I THOUGHT I WOULD ENTERTAIN YOU
343
00:13:14,424 --> 00:13:17,104
THIS EVENING WITH...
(whispers) THE ART OF ILLUSION.
344
00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:18,527
WHERE IS MY MOM?
345
00:13:18,528 --> 00:13:20,828
SHE HAD TO WORK LATE, AND SHE
ASKED ME TO LOOK AFTER YOU,
346
00:13:20,831 --> 00:13:24,981
AND I AGREED BECAUSE I WANTED
TO SHOW YOU THE ART OF ILLUSION.
347
00:13:24,975 --> 00:13:26,405
HOW LONG CAN YOU HOLD
YOUR BREATH?
348
00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:27,476
I DON'T KNOW... (chuckles)
349
00:13:27,477 --> 00:13:29,007
BECAUSE WE'RE NOT DOING
THAT RIGHT NOW.
350
00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:31,109
WE ARE DOING THE ART--
351
00:13:31,111 --> 00:13:33,581
RANDY. RANDY. PLEASE, RAN--
352
00:13:33,583 --> 00:13:36,493
(high-pitched, muffled voice)
RANDY! MM! MM!
353
00:13:36,486 --> 00:13:39,346
MM!
(objects clatter)
354
00:13:39,349 --> 00:13:41,189
(squeals)
355
00:13:49,459 --> 00:13:51,859
(video game playing)
HEY.
356
00:13:51,862 --> 00:13:55,372
YOU'RE THE GIANT DUDE.
WHERE'S CRAIG?
357
00:13:55,365 --> 00:13:57,435
(muffled voice)
I'M IN HERE!
358
00:13:57,437 --> 00:14:00,507
WHOA.
IS THIS PART OF YOUR MAGIC SHOW?
359
00:14:00,510 --> 00:14:02,840
BECAUSE IF I OPEN THIS
AND DOVES FLY OUT
360
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,112
AND THEN YOU COME
THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR...
361
00:14:04,114 --> 00:14:05,954
(chuckles)
I WOULD LOSE MY MIND.
362
00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,276
OPEN IT!
363
00:14:07,277 --> 00:14:08,277
OKAY.
364
00:14:08,278 --> 00:14:11,618
(chuckles) HO! ♪ TA-DA ♪
365
00:14:11,621 --> 00:14:14,381
THAT TRICK NEEDS
A BETTER FINISH, MAN,
366
00:14:14,384 --> 00:14:15,534
OR AT LEAST THE "TRICK" PART.
367
00:14:15,525 --> 00:14:18,855
(panting)
THIS BEAST CHOKED ME OUT
368
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:21,128
AND TIED ME UP
IN THIS GIANT HOBO SACK.
369
00:14:21,131 --> 00:14:23,061
I THINK THE WORD
YOU'RE LOOKING FOR IS "BINDLE,"
370
00:14:23,063 --> 00:14:25,143
BECAUSE TECHNICALLY,
A "HOBO SACK"
371
00:14:25,135 --> 00:14:26,395
IS A DRIFTER'S UNDER-PACKAGE.
372
00:14:26,396 --> 00:14:27,466
(doorbell rings)
373
00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:29,897
THAT'S DONNA. I'VE HAD IT.
374
00:14:29,900 --> 00:14:34,570
I HAVE TO TELL HER THAT HER SON
IS A VIOLENT, ABUSIVE ANIMAL.
375
00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:37,084
THIS STOPS NOW. DONNA--
376
00:14:37,077 --> 00:14:38,907
MMM.
377
00:14:39,950 --> 00:14:42,380
RANDY'S SPENDING THE WEEKEND
WITH HIS FATHER,
378
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:45,222
SO YOU AND I ARE GONNA
DO IT SO MUCH...
379
00:14:45,215 --> 00:14:47,485
(whispers)
OUR SOULS WILL SWITCH.
380
00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:49,917
OH, MY GOD.
SEXY SOUL-SWITCH.
381
00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:51,160
HAVE YOU BEEN READING
MY JOURNAL?
382
00:14:51,161 --> 00:14:54,561
(chuckles)
383
00:14:54,564 --> 00:14:57,634
"BUN-BUN'S FRIENDS WOULD DO
ANYTHING TO BRING BUN-BUN BACK,
384
00:14:57,627 --> 00:15:02,427
"GIVE UP ALL THEIR CARROTS,
EVEN THEIR WHISKERS,
385
00:15:02,432 --> 00:15:06,342
"BUT IT WAS TOO LATE,
BECAUSE DEATH IS FINAL,
386
00:15:06,336 --> 00:15:09,336
AND EVERYONE WILL
EXPERIENCE IT."
387
00:15:12,943 --> 00:15:15,093
WOW. THAT'S--THAT'S
A PRETTY HARSH ENDING.
388
00:15:15,085 --> 00:15:19,615
SO BUN-BUN'S FRIENDS WOULD HAVE
DONE ANYTHING TO SAVE HIM?
389
00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:23,449
YES, BUT WHAT THE BOOK'S TRYING
TO SAY IS THAT ANIMALS DIE,
390
00:15:23,453 --> 00:15:25,303
AND THAT'S JUST
A NATURAL PART OF THE--
391
00:15:25,295 --> 00:15:28,355
BUT WE CAN SAVE COOKIE.
THE DOCTOR SAID SO.
392
00:15:28,358 --> 00:15:30,358
WAIT.
393
00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:31,630
(pages rustle)
BUN-BUN ONLY DIED
394
00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:33,931
BECAUSE AFTER STARTING
THE TRACTOR ENGINE,
395
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,613
THERE WEREN'T ENOUGH
OF HIS PARTS LEFT
396
00:15:35,605 --> 00:15:37,605
TO PUT HIM BACK TOGETHER.
397
00:15:37,607 --> 00:15:39,637
O-OKAY. LET'S READ THIS
AGAIN FROM--
398
00:15:39,639 --> 00:15:41,539
FROM THE FARMER'S POINT
OF VIEW,
399
00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:43,641
FOCUSING ON HOW MUCH
IT MUST HAVE COST HIM
400
00:15:43,643 --> 00:15:46,653
TO FIX HIS TRACTOR.
401
00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:53,551
SO YOU LET THIS BOY SUFFOCATE
YOU UNTIL YOU PASSED OUT?
402
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:55,993
I DIDN'TLETHIM. IN FACT,
I FOUND SOMETHING THAT LOOKED
403
00:15:55,986 --> 00:15:58,986
LIKE FLESH UNDER MY FINGERNAILS,
SO I DEFINITELY STRUGGLED.
404
00:15:58,989 --> 00:16:01,329
CRAIG, YOU HAVE GOT TO BE
MORE ASSERTIVE WITH THIS KID.
405
00:16:01,331 --> 00:16:02,631
I DON'T WANT TO FREAK YOU OUT,
BUT NANCY PALMER SAW HIM
406
00:16:02,632 --> 00:16:05,442
PULLING YOU AROUND
THE NEIGHBORHOOD IN A WAGON.
407
00:16:05,435 --> 00:16:07,435
I TOLD YOU SOMEONE WAS
USING OUR WAGON.
408
00:16:07,437 --> 00:16:09,737
(sighs) NO, I-I CAN'T BE
ASSERTIVE.
409
00:16:09,739 --> 00:16:11,099
IF I DON'T KEEP A LID
ON MY ANGER,
410
00:16:11,101 --> 00:16:13,441
THINGS CAN GET UGLY
VERY QUICKLY.
411
00:16:13,443 --> 00:16:14,443
REMEMBER WHEN YOU ATE
THAT HOLIDAY CHEESE
412
00:16:14,444 --> 00:16:16,354
MY GRANDMA SENT ME?
413
00:16:16,346 --> 00:16:19,476
(high-pitched screaming)
414
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:22,979
NOBODY GETS TO EAT
MY GRANDMA'S...
415
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:25,992
(screaming)
416
00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:30,457
YEAH, THAT REALLY HARSHED
OUR OPEN HOUSE.
417
00:16:30,460 --> 00:16:32,620
I'M LIKE THE HULK,
EXCEPT INSTEAD OF BEING CREATED
418
00:16:32,622 --> 00:16:35,032
BY GAMMA RAYS, I WAS CREATED
BY AN EMOTIONALLY DISTANT FATHER
419
00:16:35,025 --> 00:16:36,995
AND A MOTHER WHO TOLD ME
THAT GOD HATES CRYBABIES.
420
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:39,196
(electricity crackles)
AAH!
421
00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:40,199
(grunts)
WHAT HAPPENED?
422
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:41,470
IT SHOCKED ME. NO BIGGIE.
423
00:16:41,471 --> 00:16:43,471
SO THIS IS YOUR INCUBATOR--
A 100-WATT BULB
424
00:16:43,473 --> 00:16:45,683
IN A CARDBOARD BOX FILLED
WITH STRAW?
425
00:16:45,675 --> 00:16:47,675
YOU TRYING TO HATCH THAT EGG
OR CREMATE IT?
426
00:16:47,677 --> 00:16:51,037
(laughs) THEY LAUGHED
AT BENJAMIN FRANKLIN
427
00:16:51,041 --> 00:16:54,411
WHEN HE INVENTED LIGHTNING,
BUT NOW IT POWERS ALL OUR HOMES.
428
00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:57,194
LOOK, I MADE US
AN INCUBATOR.
429
00:16:57,187 --> 00:16:58,647
I CARVED IT OUT OF DRIFTWOOD
I FOUND IN MALAYSIA
430
00:16:58,648 --> 00:17:03,648
AND ADDED VOLCANIC BLACK SAND
THAT I COLLECTED IN ICELAND.
431
00:17:03,653 --> 00:17:06,663
YEAH, WELL, DOES YOURS SHOCK YOU
LIGHTLY WHEN YOU TOUCH IT
432
00:17:06,656 --> 00:17:09,496
AND REMIND YOU
OF WHAT A FAILURE YOU ARE?
433
00:17:09,499 --> 00:17:12,159
OKAY, I GOT THE SURGERY
FOR THE BIRD.
434
00:17:12,162 --> 00:17:15,272
SHE'S ALL BETTER.
RIGHT, COOKIE?
435
00:17:15,265 --> 00:17:17,605
THAT'S NOT COOKIE.
436
00:17:17,607 --> 00:17:19,107
(clenches teeth)
SHUT UP. IT IS TOO COOKIE.
437
00:17:19,109 --> 00:17:20,739
NO. IT'S NOT.
438
00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:22,570
LOOK AT THE HIPS
ON THAT THING.
439
00:17:22,572 --> 00:17:25,182
DUDE,ILOOK MORE LIKE COOKIE
THAN THAT FATTY.
440
00:17:25,175 --> 00:17:26,675
SO THAT WAS YOUR PLAN,
TO TRY AND PASS
441
00:17:26,676 --> 00:17:28,146
ANOTHER BIRD OFF ON LUCY?
442
00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:31,378
NO, MY PLAN WAS TO TRY TO PASS
ANOTHER BIRD OFF ON EVERYBODY,
443
00:17:31,381 --> 00:17:32,521
BUT SINCE THAT FAILED,
444
00:17:32,522 --> 00:17:34,752
NOW IT'S JUST TO TRY
TO PASS HER OFF ON LUCY.
445
00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:39,234
AW, YOU BOUGHT A FRIEND
FOR COOKIE?
446
00:17:39,229 --> 00:17:42,459
WELL, ACTUALLY, SWEETIE...
447
00:17:43,833 --> 00:17:47,573
YES. I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE
A NICE SURPRISE FOR HER
448
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:52,067
WHEN SHE GETS OUT
OF HER EXPENSIVE SURGERY.
449
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,671
(mouths word)
450
00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:55,483
OKAY. OH. OH! UM...
451
00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:57,145
UH, CAT! CAT.
452
00:17:57,147 --> 00:17:58,677
NO, IT'S NOT CAT.
453
00:17:58,678 --> 00:17:59,608
(mouths word)
454
00:17:59,609 --> 00:18:01,579
OH. WHOA. OH, WHOA, WHOA.
TIGER!
455
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:02,781
NO, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO
WITH FELINES.
456
00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:05,122
JUST... YOU KNOW?
457
00:18:05,115 --> 00:18:07,415
(mouths words)
458
00:18:07,417 --> 00:18:09,087
(timer bell dings)
OH. (sighs)
459
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,688
(chuckles)
IT WAS "AMISTAD."
460
00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:14,261
HOW ON EARTH WAS THAT
"AMISTAD"?
461
00:18:14,264 --> 00:18:16,434
I WAS BEING A PIRATE,
LIKE, "ARR..."
462
00:18:16,426 --> 00:18:18,266
AND THEN "...MISTAD,"
463
00:18:18,268 --> 00:18:20,768
LIKE,
"ME STAND UP STRAIGHT."
464
00:18:20,770 --> 00:18:23,600
WELL, NOW THAT YOU EXPLAIN IT,
I-I KNOW IT'S NOT ME.
465
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:27,213
(chuckles) OKAY. I'M GONNA GO,
UM, PUT TOGETHER SOME DESSERT.
466
00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:28,407
OH, NO, NO.
WE DON'T NEED DESSERT.
467
00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:30,478
LET'S PLAY AGAIN.
I-I'LL DO A CAT!
468
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:32,610
YOU WANNA BOX?
469
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:34,612
SURE, A BOX OF WHAT?
(chuckles)
470
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,694
ROUND ONE.
471
00:18:36,686 --> 00:18:38,786
OH, THAT KIND OF BOX. YEAH.
UH, NO, RANDY.
472
00:18:38,788 --> 00:18:40,488
I'M NOT IN THE MOOD FOR--
473
00:18:40,490 --> 00:18:42,290
RANDY, PLEASE.
(chuckles) RANDY, PL--
474
00:18:42,292 --> 00:18:44,122
(squeaks)
WHOA. (grunts)
475
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:47,863
(pants) NO! YOU CANNOT TREAT ME
LIKE THIS ANYMORE,
476
00:18:47,857 --> 00:18:50,497
AND I AM VERY ANGRY THAT
YOU WHEELED ME AROUND TOWN
477
00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:52,630
UNCONSCIOUS IN A WAGON!
478
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,632
I AM IN MY LATE 30s!
479
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:56,714
YOU ARE
A GIGANTIC, THOUGHTLESS,
480
00:18:56,706 --> 00:19:00,366
HUMONGOUS, OUT-OF-CONTROL,
GIANT BOY!
481
00:19:00,370 --> 00:19:03,140
CRAIG, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
482
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,812
I'M SORRY, DONNA,
BUT YOUR SON HAS NO RESPECT
483
00:19:04,814 --> 00:19:07,584
FOR OTHER PEOPLE
OR THEIR NEED FOR OXYGEN
484
00:19:07,577 --> 00:19:08,777
OR WHICH WAY JOINTS BEND.
485
00:19:08,778 --> 00:19:10,818
DON'T TALK ABOUT RANDY
LIKE THAT.
486
00:19:10,820 --> 00:19:13,150
I WILL TALK ABOUT HIM LIKE THAT,
BECAUSE IT'S THE TRUTH,
487
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:14,522
AND YOU NEED TO KNOW IT,
488
00:19:14,524 --> 00:19:15,764
AND I AM BEING ASSERTIVE
ABOUT THIS,
489
00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:18,155
AND I'M NOT LOSING MY MIND.
490
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:19,727
WAIT.
491
00:19:19,729 --> 00:19:22,429
NO, I'M NOT. THERE.
492
00:19:22,432 --> 00:19:26,642
I HOPE YOU BOTH ENJOY DESSERT.
493
00:19:26,636 --> 00:19:28,436
(squeaks)
AAH! SHOOT!
494
00:19:28,438 --> 00:19:32,668
(high-pitched voice) GOD! GOD!
(shouting indistinctly)
495
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:35,682
(screaming)
496
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,677
(clucking)
497
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:42,349
WELL, THAT'S $700
FOR THE SURGERY,
498
00:19:42,352 --> 00:19:44,552
PLUS $8 FOR COOKIE,
499
00:19:44,554 --> 00:19:46,594
ANOTHER $8 FOR FAKE COOKIE,
500
00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:48,586
$100 FOR
THE HEALTH INSURANCE POLICY
501
00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:49,958
THAT THEY TALKED ME INTO.
502
00:19:49,959 --> 00:19:52,619
THESE EGGS ARE GONNA BE
VERY PRICEY.
503
00:19:52,622 --> 00:19:54,362
OH, WE DON'T HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT EGGS.
504
00:19:54,364 --> 00:19:56,434
THE SURGERY DESTROYED
COOKIE'S OVIDUCT,
505
00:19:56,426 --> 00:19:58,696
SO SHE'LL BE LAYING
WHAT THE VET DESCRIBED
506
00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,798
AS SMALL, FETID PEBBLES.
507
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,700
SO MUCH
FOR TEACHABLE MOMENTS.
508
00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:06,342
YEAH. MAYBE LUCY HAD A TEACHABLE
MOMENT FOR YOU INSTEAD.
509
00:20:06,336 --> 00:20:07,536
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
510
00:20:07,537 --> 00:20:10,537
WELL, YOU LEARNED THAT
WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO IT,
511
00:20:10,540 --> 00:20:13,210
YOU'LL DO ANYTHING TO MAKE
YOUR DAUGHTER HAPPY,
512
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:15,822
AND THAT IS SWEET.
513
00:20:15,815 --> 00:20:18,785
YEAH. I SHOULD BE HIGHER
THAN HER FIFTH FAVORITE THING.
514
00:20:18,788 --> 00:20:20,988
I'M GONNA TRY TO MOVE UP
A NOTCH OR TWO.
515
00:20:20,990 --> 00:20:22,650
WHAT'S THREE AND FOUR,
ANYWAY?
516
00:20:22,652 --> 00:20:23,852
SALT AND PURPLE.
517
00:20:23,853 --> 00:20:25,833
OOH. THOSE ARE GOOD.
518
00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:27,995
MM.
519
00:20:31,901 --> 00:20:33,931
(chick cheeping, hens clucking)
520
00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:36,943
I GOTTA ADMIT, FOR A CHICKEN,
THAT THING'S PRETTY DAMN CUTE.
521
00:20:36,936 --> 00:20:38,906
I CAN ALREADY TELL I'M NOT GONNA
BE ABLE TO SAY NO TO IT.
522
00:20:38,908 --> 00:20:41,568
(Kenny) DID I MISS IT?!
DID I MISS IT?!
523
00:20:41,571 --> 00:20:44,441
DAMN IT! OF COURSE I DID!
524
00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:47,624
OHH! I BUILT
THE DEATH-TRAP INCUBATOR,
525
00:20:47,617 --> 00:20:48,947
AND THEN GRANT DELIVERS HER
526
00:20:48,948 --> 00:20:52,518
IN THE SAFETY
OF HIS MALAYSIAN VOLCANO BOX.
527
00:20:52,522 --> 00:20:54,552
HE'S BETTER THAN ME
AT EVERYTHING.
528
00:20:54,554 --> 00:20:56,034
THAT'S NOT TRUE, KENNY.
529
00:20:56,025 --> 00:20:58,525
I'M SURE YOU'RE BETTER
AT SOMETHING THAN--
530
00:20:58,528 --> 00:21:01,558
HEY, LOOK. GRANT'S CRYING.
531
00:21:01,561 --> 00:21:04,491
THIS--THIS IS JUST SUCH
A PERFECT MOMENT.
532
00:21:04,494 --> 00:21:06,374
(sighs)
533
00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:09,836
I CAN CRY.
I CAN CRY AS GOOD AS GRANT.
534
00:21:09,839 --> 00:21:12,639
I CAN CRY CIRCLES AROUND HIM!
535
00:21:12,642 --> 00:21:14,302
(imitates sob)
536
00:21:14,304 --> 00:21:17,484
(strained voice, grunts)
537
00:21:17,477 --> 00:21:20,947
(grunts loudly)
538
00:21:20,950 --> 00:21:22,980
UH-OH. I SHOULD GO.
39878
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