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1
00:00:02,463 --> 00:00:03,963
GUYS, WHY ARE WE
IN THE PRISON?
2
00:00:03,964 --> 00:00:05,184
I THOUGHT WE WERE PLAYING
3
00:00:05,176 --> 00:00:06,256
IN THE ABANDONED MINE SHAFTS
TONIGHT.
4
00:00:06,257 --> 00:00:07,677
WELL, SINCE YOU WERE LATE,
5
00:00:07,678 --> 00:00:09,388
WE MADE AN EXECUTIVE DECISION
WITHOUT YOU.
6
00:00:09,390 --> 00:00:10,630
AND MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T
BE GOING ON DOUBLE DATES
7
00:00:10,631 --> 00:00:12,631
WITH MY EX-WIFE
AND HER NEW BOYFRIEND.
8
00:00:12,633 --> 00:00:15,143
I DIDN'T WANT TO GO!
THERESA MADE ME.
9
00:00:15,136 --> 00:00:17,016
YOU THINK I LIKE
HANGING OUT WITH GRANT?
10
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,557
(laughs)
I LIKE HANGING OUT WITH YOU.
11
00:00:18,559 --> 00:00:20,019
YOU KNOW, MY BUDDY AND I
ARE GONNA SPLIT
12
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:22,400
THE 96-OUNCE PORTERHOUSE.
13
00:00:23,904 --> 00:00:25,824
SO YOU REALLY CLIMBED
MOUNT EVEREST?
14
00:00:25,816 --> 00:00:28,946
I LOOKED OVER THE WORLD, MAN,
AND LET ME TELL YOU,
15
00:00:28,949 --> 00:00:30,649
IT'S WORTH SAVING.
16
00:00:30,651 --> 00:00:32,781
I HEAR YOU.
I'VE BEEN RECYCLING.
17
00:00:34,325 --> 00:00:35,825
THE WHOLE NIGHT WAS LIKE
A TRIP TO THE DENTIST.
18
00:00:35,826 --> 00:00:37,656
I BEGGED THERESA
TO GET ME OUT OF IT,
19
00:00:37,658 --> 00:00:39,458
BUT YOU KNOW
HOW YOUR SISTER GETS.
20
00:00:39,460 --> 00:00:42,460
I CANNOTBELIEVETHAT IS THE GUY
MY EX-WIFE PICKED.
21
00:00:42,463 --> 00:00:45,053
HEY, WILL, HAVE YOU HEARD
CRAIG'S IMPRESSION OF GRANT?
22
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:48,045
(deep voice) "OH, I'M GRANT.
I'M TALL AND GOOD-LOOKING.
23
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:50,218
I ENJOY VITAMINS AND EXERCISE."
24
00:00:50,221 --> 00:00:51,431
(laughing)
25
00:00:51,432 --> 00:00:52,842
IT'S SO TRUE! THAT'S HIM!
26
00:00:52,843 --> 00:00:54,683
OOH! OOH! DO WILL NOW.
27
00:00:54,675 --> 00:00:56,765
(imitates Southern accent)
GIT ON OUT OF THERE NOW!
28
00:00:56,767 --> 00:00:58,677
WHAT? I DON'T SOUND LIKE THAT.
29
00:00:58,679 --> 00:01:00,179
DUDE, CRAIG,
HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW.
30
00:01:00,181 --> 00:01:01,231
(laughing)
31
00:01:01,232 --> 00:01:05,652
(slaps leg)
32
00:01:05,646 --> 00:01:07,146
(singsongy) HELLO, EVERYBODY!
33
00:01:07,148 --> 00:01:08,358
(singsongy) HELLO!
34
00:01:08,359 --> 00:01:10,109
HI, AUNT BRENDA.
(normal voice) HEY.
35
00:01:10,111 --> 00:01:11,321
LUCY, DO YOU WANNA TELL
AUNT BRENDA
36
00:01:11,322 --> 00:01:12,492
ALL ABOUT YOUR BIG NEWS?
37
00:01:12,493 --> 00:01:14,463
MY FRIEND AMBER
CAN SPIT IN THE AIR
38
00:01:14,455 --> 00:01:16,655
AND CATCH IT IN HER HAND.
39
00:01:16,657 --> 00:01:18,197
THAT'S AWESOME.
40
00:01:18,199 --> 00:01:20,289
NOT AS AWESOME AS OUR LITTLE
DOCTOR-TO-BE GETTING AN "A"
41
00:01:20,291 --> 00:01:21,501
ON HER SCIENCE TEST.
42
00:01:21,502 --> 00:01:23,792
(singsongy) CONGRATULATIONS.
43
00:01:23,794 --> 00:01:26,014
WHICH WE ARE GOING TO CELEBRATE
THIS SUNDAY AT FAMILY DINNER.
44
00:01:26,006 --> 00:01:27,166
YAY!
45
00:01:27,168 --> 00:01:28,128
GOOD MORNING.
46
00:01:28,129 --> 00:01:30,379
GOOD MORNING.
MMM. (kisses)
47
00:01:30,381 --> 00:01:32,131
YOU HEARD ABOUT THE "A"
OUR LITTLE GENIUS GOT?
48
00:01:32,133 --> 00:01:34,223
GOOD LORD, PEOPLE.
IT'S ONE TEST.
49
00:01:34,215 --> 00:01:35,555
OKAY, KIDS,
READY TO GO TO SCHOOL?
50
00:01:35,556 --> 00:01:38,386
I DON'T LIKE TO BE MORE THAN
20 MINUTES LATE FOR WORK.
51
00:01:38,389 --> 00:01:40,719
OH, BY THE WAY, I THINK...
52
00:01:40,721 --> 00:01:43,521
(singsongy) SOMEONE HAS
A MAN-CRUSH ON WILL.
53
00:01:43,524 --> 00:01:44,734
REALLY?
54
00:01:44,725 --> 00:01:46,185
GRANT LIKES ME?
55
00:01:46,187 --> 00:01:47,527
SEE YOU GUYS.
56
00:01:47,528 --> 00:01:48,728
(door closes)
57
00:01:48,729 --> 00:01:50,819
WOW. I HOPE
YOU WERE THIS EXCITED
58
00:01:50,821 --> 00:01:52,281
WHEN YOU FOUND OUT
THATILIKED YOU.
59
00:01:52,283 --> 00:01:53,493
WHAT? WHAT AM I DOING?
60
00:01:53,494 --> 00:01:55,124
YOU'RE BEAMING!
I'M NOT BEAMING.
61
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,325
(gasps) YOU'RE BEAMING.
I'M NOT BEAMING.
62
00:01:57,328 --> 00:01:58,498
I WONDER WHAT HE LIKES
ABOUT ME.
63
00:01:58,499 --> 00:01:59,949
(gasps) TONIGHT,
WE CAN MAKE A LIST.
MM.
64
00:01:59,950 --> 00:02:03,240
BUT FIRST YOU HAVE TO TELL KENNY
ABOUT SUNDAY DINNER.
65
00:02:03,244 --> 00:02:04,924
WHAT? WHAT--
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
66
00:02:04,915 --> 00:02:06,335
GRANT'S COMING.
67
00:02:06,337 --> 00:02:07,707
YOU NEED TO TALK TO KENNY
SO HE DOESN'T FREAK OUT
68
00:02:07,708 --> 00:02:10,298
WHEN HE SEES THAT
HIS EX-WIFE'S NEW BOYFRIEND
69
00:02:10,301 --> 00:02:12,301
IS NOW PART
OF OUR FAMILY TRADITIONS.
70
00:02:12,303 --> 00:02:13,923
HE'S YOUR BROTHER.
71
00:02:13,924 --> 00:02:16,524
WHY AM I THE ONE
WHO HAS TO TALK TO HIM?
72
00:02:16,517 --> 00:02:19,347
YOU ARE COMING TO FAMILY DINNER
THIS SUNDAY. NO EXCUSES.
73
00:02:19,350 --> 00:02:20,560
(clink)
74
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,762
OH, YEAH.
75
00:02:23,764 --> 00:02:25,444
OKAY, FINE.
I'LL JUST TELL HIM,
76
00:02:25,436 --> 00:02:28,316
"KENNY, GRANT'S COMING
TO DINNER. DEAL WITH IT."
77
00:02:28,319 --> 00:02:30,359
YOU'RE GONNA BLAME IT ON ME,
AREN'T YOU?
78
00:02:30,361 --> 00:02:31,361
YES, I AM.
MM-HMM.
79
00:02:31,362 --> 00:02:32,612
GOOD-BYE.
80
00:02:35,236 --> 00:02:36,446
HEY, DUDE.
81
00:02:36,447 --> 00:02:37,657
HEY.
82
00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:39,078
I GOT YOUR TEXT. WHAT'S UP?
83
00:02:39,079 --> 00:02:42,239
UH, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT SOMETHING. SIT DOWN.
84
00:02:42,243 --> 00:02:43,243
(voice breaks) ARE YOU DYING?
85
00:02:43,244 --> 00:02:45,754
NO. IT'S ABOUT GRANT.
86
00:02:45,746 --> 00:02:46,746
(normal voice) ISHEDYING?
87
00:02:46,747 --> 00:02:48,247
(knock on door)
NO.
88
00:02:48,249 --> 00:02:50,879
AND THIS IS WILL KEEN. HE IS
IN CHARGE OF REGIONAL SALES.
89
00:02:50,881 --> 00:02:52,341
DAMN IT.
90
00:02:52,343 --> 00:02:54,393
STEVE, COME ON!
91
00:02:55,846 --> 00:02:57,216
(sighs) MR. EGGERT'S NEPHEW.
92
00:02:57,218 --> 00:02:59,258
HE'S SHADOWING ME ALL WEEK
SO I CAN SHOW HIM THE ROPES.
93
00:02:59,260 --> 00:03:00,720
HOW'S THAT GOING?
94
00:03:00,721 --> 00:03:02,141
REMEMBER IN HIGH SCHOOL
95
00:03:02,142 --> 00:03:04,232
WHEN I SOILED MYSELF
AT THE INDOOR SKYDIVING PLACE?
96
00:03:04,225 --> 00:03:05,855
(Kenny groans)
YES.
97
00:03:05,856 --> 00:03:07,226
THIS IS WORSE.
DUDE, RELAX.
98
00:03:07,228 --> 00:03:09,768
I STOPPED TO GET A DOUGHNUT
OFF THE FAT GIRL'S DESK.
99
00:03:09,770 --> 00:03:11,230
HELLO, STEVE.
100
00:03:11,232 --> 00:03:12,572
CALL ME "EGGNOG."
101
00:03:12,573 --> 00:03:14,243
WHY DO THEY CALL YOU EGGNOG?
102
00:03:14,235 --> 00:03:15,615
NO, NO, NO. DON'T ASK HIM THAT--
♪ FROM THE EGG TO THE NOG ♪
103
00:03:15,616 --> 00:03:18,406
♪ LIKE A LOG IN A BOG-- ♪
STEVE! STOP.
104
00:03:18,409 --> 00:03:20,239
DUDE, IS THAT YOUR WIFE?
105
00:03:20,241 --> 00:03:21,241
YES, IT IS.
106
00:03:21,242 --> 00:03:22,242
(chuckles)
107
00:03:22,243 --> 00:03:23,623
YOU SEE THIS CHICK
HE GETS TO PLOW?
108
00:03:23,624 --> 00:03:25,174
OKAY, THAT'S IT. LET'S GO.
109
00:03:25,165 --> 00:03:27,535
I'VE SEEN HER EVERY DAY
OF MY LIFE. SHE'S MY SISTER.
110
00:03:27,538 --> 00:03:29,588
OKAY, JUST GO, PLEASE. GOD.
111
00:03:29,590 --> 00:03:32,500
UGH!
112
00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:34,803
THAT GUYISWORSE
THAN THE INDOOR SKYDIVING PLACE.
113
00:03:34,795 --> 00:03:36,095
AT LEAST
THEN WE GOT A VIDEO.
114
00:03:36,096 --> 00:03:37,966
(flaps lips)
115
00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:39,508
"STOP THE FANS!"
116
00:03:39,510 --> 00:03:41,260
(laughs) THAT WAS...
117
00:03:41,262 --> 00:03:42,392
YEAH, GOOD TIMES.
118
00:03:42,393 --> 00:03:43,603
YEAH.
119
00:03:43,604 --> 00:03:45,024
SO...
120
00:03:45,015 --> 00:03:46,395
YEAH?
121
00:03:46,397 --> 00:03:48,267
DID WILL TELL YOU YET?
122
00:03:48,269 --> 00:03:50,479
TELL ME... WHAT?
123
00:03:50,481 --> 00:03:52,691
(whispers) I DON'T KNOW.
124
00:03:52,693 --> 00:03:56,743
OKAY, LOOK, GRANT IS COMING
TO FAMILY DINNER THIS SUNDAY.
125
00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,277
WHAT?!
126
00:03:58,279 --> 00:04:00,319
UNACCEPTABLE.
127
00:04:00,321 --> 00:04:01,621
I KNOW, I KNOW! AND THAT'S
WHAT I TOLD THERESA...
128
00:04:01,622 --> 00:04:02,822
MM-HMM.
129
00:04:02,823 --> 00:04:04,713
BUT SHE INSISTED.
I--MY HANDS ARE TIED.
130
00:04:04,705 --> 00:04:06,365
MM-HMM. SO UNTIE THEM, OKAY?
131
00:04:06,367 --> 00:04:07,707
YOU DON'T WANT THAT JERK
IN YOUR HOUSE.
132
00:04:07,708 --> 00:04:09,288
WELL, YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY--
133
00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:10,330
"ACTUALLY" WHAT?
134
00:04:10,331 --> 00:04:12,131
I LIKE HIM, OKAY?
135
00:04:12,132 --> 00:04:13,712
WE'RE FRIENDS.
136
00:04:13,714 --> 00:04:15,344
YOU'RE FRIENDS?
(chuckles)
137
00:04:15,336 --> 00:04:16,376
(sighs)
FRIENDS.
138
00:04:16,377 --> 00:04:18,257
(scoffs)
YOU HEARING THIS, CRAIG?
139
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:19,838
OH, I'M HEARING IT.
140
00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:21,470
ACTUALLY,
I KINDA LIKE HIM, TOO.
141
00:04:21,472 --> 00:04:23,012
YOU'VE BEEN SPENDING TIME
WITH HIM?
142
00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:24,093
A LITTLE.
143
00:04:25,476 --> 00:04:26,436
(giggles)
144
00:04:26,437 --> 00:04:27,647
KICK, BUDDY. KEEP YOUR HEAD UP.
GOOD JOB!
145
00:04:27,648 --> 00:04:29,348
(giggles)
146
00:04:29,350 --> 00:04:30,810
HE'S TEACHING ME TO SWIM.
147
00:04:30,811 --> 00:04:32,151
HE'S A WONDERFUL SWIMMER.
148
00:04:32,152 --> 00:04:33,312
(whispers) WOW.
149
00:04:33,314 --> 00:04:35,364
(normal voice)
I EXPECTED A LITTLE MORE
150
00:04:35,356 --> 00:04:37,566
FROM A MAN THAT I OWE
THREE MONTHS BACK RENT TO.
151
00:04:37,568 --> 00:04:41,238
HEY, GRANT IS A GOOD GUY, KENNY,
AND HE'S IMPORTANT TO BRENDA,
152
00:04:41,241 --> 00:04:43,161
SO HE'S JUST GONNA BE PART
OF OUR LIVES NOW.
153
00:04:43,163 --> 00:04:44,163
I SEE.
154
00:04:44,164 --> 00:04:45,544
OH! OKAY!
KENNY.
155
00:04:45,536 --> 00:04:46,956
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
FINE!
156
00:04:46,957 --> 00:04:48,327
(Craig) UH, YOU KNOW...
ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT!
157
00:04:48,329 --> 00:04:50,749
YOU GUYS LIKE HIM SO MUCH?
FINE!
158
00:04:50,751 --> 00:04:52,081
I'M OUTTA HERE!
159
00:04:52,082 --> 00:04:53,372
YOU KNOW WHAT?
160
00:04:53,374 --> 00:04:55,384
I HOPE YOU ALL HAVE
A NICE LIFE TOGETHER
161
00:04:55,376 --> 00:04:57,176
AS THE THREE DOUCHE-KATEERS!
162
00:04:57,177 --> 00:04:59,757
KENNY.
163
00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:03,510
UHH! (muttering)
164
00:05:03,514 --> 00:05:06,104
WOW.
NOT HIS BEST PARTING INSULT.
165
00:05:06,096 --> 00:05:08,016
BETTER THAN WHEN HE CALLED US
SIMON AND BUTTFUNKEL
166
00:05:08,018 --> 00:05:09,348
AT MY WEDDING.
167
00:05:09,350 --> 00:05:10,430
HMM.
168
00:05:16,236 --> 00:05:19,276
ANOTHER TEXT FROM KENNY.
169
00:05:19,279 --> 00:05:21,279
"I HOPE YOU, GRANT,
AND CRAIG HAVE FUN
170
00:05:21,281 --> 00:05:23,241
AS THE THREE ASS-MIGOS."
171
00:05:23,243 --> 00:05:26,333
THE ONLY WAY OUT OF THIS IS
TO GET KENNY TO ACCEPT GRANT.
172
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,996
I NEED TO FINESSE
SOME KIND OF BROMANCE.
173
00:05:28,999 --> 00:05:30,249
YOU THINK MY FATHER
174
00:05:30,250 --> 00:05:31,450
EVER WOULD'VE USED
THE WORD "BROMANCE"?
175
00:05:31,452 --> 00:05:32,622
NO,
176
00:05:32,623 --> 00:05:34,843
BUT HE ALSO NEVER SAT
ON A COUNTER WEARING FLIP-FLOPS,
177
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:37,625
EATING A YOGURT PARFAIT,
AND SWINGING HIS LEGS
178
00:05:39,460 --> 00:05:42,260
MY DAD WOULD'VE MADE THEM
HASH IT OUT IN THE BACKYARD
179
00:05:42,262 --> 00:05:43,422
LIKE A COUPLE OF MEN.
180
00:05:43,424 --> 00:05:47,024
AND BY THE WAY, GLADIATORS
USED TO WEAR FLIP-FLOPS.
181
00:05:47,017 --> 00:05:48,597
THEY JUST CALLED THEM SANDALS.
182
00:05:48,599 --> 00:05:50,639
(Theresa gasps) LUCY! HEY!
183
00:05:50,641 --> 00:05:52,471
DID YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME
AT THE MALL WITH YOUR AUNT B.?
184
00:05:52,473 --> 00:05:54,693
IT WAS AWESOME.
YEAH?
185
00:05:54,685 --> 00:05:56,645
BRENDA, I NEED TO MAKE KENNY
WANNA BE FRIENDS WITH GRANT.
186
00:05:56,647 --> 00:05:58,817
NOW YOU GUYS KNOW HIM
BETTER THAN ANYBODY.
187
00:05:58,819 --> 00:06:00,399
WHAT DO THEY HAVE IN COMMON?
188
00:06:00,401 --> 00:06:02,861
WELL, THEY BOTH BREATHE OXYGEN
AND HAVE HAD SEX WITH BRENDA.
189
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,283
OH, BUT THAT DESCRIBES
A LOT OF PEOPLE.
190
00:06:04,284 --> 00:06:05,754
(chuckles)
TRUE.
191
00:06:05,746 --> 00:06:07,486
WILL, THESE GUYS COULDN'T BE
MORE DIFFERENT.
192
00:06:07,488 --> 00:06:09,288
ONE'S TALL, ONE'S KENNY.
193
00:06:09,289 --> 00:06:11,249
ONE'S ATHLETIC, ONE'S KENNY.
194
00:06:11,251 --> 00:06:13,331
ONE'S NEVER SEEN "STAR WARS,"
195
00:06:13,333 --> 00:06:16,133
ONE WANTS TO NAME HIS FIRSTBORN
HAN SOLO,
196
00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:17,416
EVEN IF IT'S A GIRL.
197
00:06:17,418 --> 00:06:19,798
WAIT, GRANT HASNEVERSEEN
"STAR WARS"?
198
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:21,260
HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?
199
00:06:21,261 --> 00:06:24,471
HE WAS BUSY HAVING SEX
WITH WOMEN AND NOT BEING A NERD.
200
00:06:24,465 --> 00:06:26,095
"STAR WARS." HUH.
201
00:06:27,307 --> 00:06:30,137
LUCY, WHAT IS THAT
ON YOUR BACK?
202
00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:33,060
OH, AUNT BRENDA GOT IT FOR ME
'CAUSE OF MY "A" IN SCIENCE.
203
00:06:33,063 --> 00:06:35,653
NOW WE BOTH HAVE
MATCHING TATTOOS!
204
00:06:35,646 --> 00:06:37,816
(chuckles)
205
00:06:37,818 --> 00:06:39,018
(sighs)
206
00:06:39,019 --> 00:06:41,279
IT'S HENNA. IT WASHES OFF
IN A FEW WEEKS.
207
00:06:41,281 --> 00:06:43,861
IT'S A TRAMP STAMP...
ON A 7-YEAR-OLD.
208
00:06:43,864 --> 00:06:46,534
LUCY, I THINK MOMMY WOULD LIKE
TO TALK TO AUNT BRENDA ALONE.
209
00:06:46,527 --> 00:06:50,237
I THINK AUNT BRENDA WOULD LIKE
PEOPLE TO STAY IN THE ROOM.
210
00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:51,450
BRENDA, DO YOU REALIZE
WHAT KIND OF A MESSAGE
211
00:06:51,452 --> 00:06:53,532
A TATTOO LIKE THAT SENDS?
212
00:06:53,534 --> 00:06:54,714
UH, YEAH.
213
00:06:54,705 --> 00:06:57,585
IT SENDS A MESSAGE
THAT SHE'S A 7-YEAR-OLD GIRL
214
00:06:57,588 --> 00:06:59,208
WHO WANTED
A LITTLE DECORATION.
215
00:06:59,209 --> 00:07:02,419
GIRLS WHO GET TRAMP STAMPS ARE
NOT GIRLS WHO BECOME DOCTORS.
216
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:05,432
THE WIND UP STANDING ON TABLES,
TOPLESS,
217
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:08,045
WITH PEOPLE THRUSTING
DOLLAR BILLS AT THEM.
218
00:07:08,048 --> 00:07:09,548
YOU'RE BEING RIDICULOUS.
219
00:07:09,550 --> 00:07:11,510
I HAVE A TATTOO.
HAVE I EVER DONE THAT?
220
00:07:11,512 --> 00:07:14,052
SPRING BREAK, DAYTONA BEACH,
SOPHOMORE YEAR OF COLLEGE.
221
00:07:14,054 --> 00:07:15,404
ISOLATED INCIDENT.
222
00:07:15,395 --> 00:07:17,765
SPRING BREAK, DAYTONA BEACH,
JUNIOR YEAR OF COLLEGE.
223
00:07:17,768 --> 00:07:19,478
ANOTHER ISOLATED INCIDENT.
224
00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:20,560
WINTER BREAK, DAYTONA BEACH--
225
00:07:20,561 --> 00:07:22,771
ISOLATED INCIDENT. (chuckles)
226
00:07:22,773 --> 00:07:25,203
I COULD DO THIS ALL DAY.
227
00:07:27,528 --> 00:07:29,868
(singsongy) HEY, KENNY.
228
00:07:31,492 --> 00:07:32,452
(door closes)
229
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:35,922
LISTEN, CRAIG AND I FEEL BAD
ABOUT YESTERDAY.
230
00:07:35,916 --> 00:07:37,336
YOU MEAN WHEN
YOU BOTH BETRAYED ME
231
00:07:37,337 --> 00:07:39,207
AND VIOLATED 23 YEARS
OF FRIENDSHIP?
232
00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:40,919
(can hisses)
233
00:07:40,921 --> 00:07:42,711
SO WE BROUGHT YOU
THOSE NOODLES YOU LOVE
234
00:07:42,713 --> 00:07:44,893
FROM... (singsongy)
GUESS WHERE?
235
00:07:44,885 --> 00:07:46,465
COCK-A-NOODLE DOO.
236
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:47,676
(mutters)
237
00:07:47,678 --> 00:07:49,048
AND THE LATEST ISSUE
OF "KUNG FU" MAGAZINE.
238
00:07:49,049 --> 00:07:50,469
IT'S GOT AN ARTICLE CALLED
239
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,220
"SUPER COOL TRICKS
FOR BREAKING BIG BRICKS."
240
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:55,232
AND HERE'S A MODEL
OF TOM PETTY'S CAR.
241
00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:57,225
I KNOW YOU REALLY LIKE IT.
242
00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:59,687
I LIKERICHARDPETTY'S CAR.
243
00:07:59,690 --> 00:08:00,900
OH!
OH. IT MAKES SENSE.
244
00:08:00,901 --> 00:08:02,311
OH, I WONDERED WHY YOU WANTED
A TOY PRIUS.
245
00:08:02,312 --> 00:08:03,562
OKAY, I CAN TAKE IT BACK.
246
00:08:03,564 --> 00:08:05,914
NO, THIS IS PRETTY COOL.
247
00:08:05,906 --> 00:08:08,566
OOH, IT'S GOT
THE CARPOOL DECAL.
248
00:08:08,569 --> 00:08:10,279
MM.
249
00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:12,320
SO HEY, I HAVE AN IDEA.
250
00:08:12,322 --> 00:08:14,582
WHY DON'T WE WATCH "STAR WARS"
THIS AFTERNOON?
251
00:08:14,575 --> 00:08:16,955
I ALREADY WATCHED IT
THIS MORNING...
252
00:08:16,957 --> 00:08:18,377
SO ABSOLUTELY.
253
00:08:18,378 --> 00:08:19,668
CRAIG, GET THE SHADES.
254
00:08:19,670 --> 00:08:22,170
THERE'S ONE OTHER THING
I BROUGHT.
255
00:08:22,172 --> 00:08:23,622
COME ON IN, GRANT!
256
00:08:23,624 --> 00:08:25,894
THIS WAS TOTALLY WILL'S IDEA.
257
00:08:25,886 --> 00:08:27,086
(grunts)
258
00:08:27,087 --> 00:08:29,087
(closes door)
259
00:08:29,089 --> 00:08:30,929
HI, KENNY.
260
00:08:30,931 --> 00:08:34,011
I GOT YOU STEVE PERRY'S
FJ CRUISER.
261
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:36,144
(exhales sharply)
262
00:08:36,136 --> 00:08:38,136
AND I CAN SEE BY THE LOOK
ON YOUR FACE I'M WAY OFF.
263
00:08:38,138 --> 00:08:39,898
(strained voice)
WHAT IS HE DOING HERE?!
264
00:08:39,900 --> 00:08:43,520
LISTEN TO ME. HE HAS NEVER SEEN
"STAR WARS" BEFORE.
265
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,363
(grunts)
HE'S ALWAYS WANTED TO,
AND I TOLD HIM
266
00:08:45,355 --> 00:08:46,985
THERE'S ONLY ONE PERSON
WHO SHOULD SHOW IT TO HIM.
267
00:08:46,987 --> 00:08:48,527
KENNY...
268
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:50,988
YOU CAN TAKE
HIS "STAR"-GINITY.
269
00:08:54,825 --> 00:08:56,245
(normal voice) IS THIS TRUE,
270
00:08:56,246 --> 00:08:58,746
YOU'VE...NEVERSEEN
"STAR WARS"?
271
00:08:58,749 --> 00:09:00,579
I HEAR IT'S A WONDERFUL FILM.
272
00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:02,421
(scoffs)
KENNY, PLEASE.
273
00:09:02,422 --> 00:09:07,222
SHOW THIS GUY THE GREATEST MOVIE
EVER MADE AND BLOW HIS MIND.
274
00:09:07,217 --> 00:09:09,297
(whispers)
BLOW HIS MIND, KENNY.
275
00:09:10,671 --> 00:09:14,341
OKAY. I JUST NEED
TO PUT SOME PANTS ON.
276
00:09:16,266 --> 00:09:19,516
(imitates lightsaber humming)
277
00:09:19,519 --> 00:09:23,479
IN 1977,
A 33-YEAR-OLD GEORGE LUCAS
278
00:09:23,483 --> 00:09:26,403
HAD A VISION OF A GALAXY
FAR, FAR AWAY.
279
00:09:26,396 --> 00:09:27,986
(imitates Darth Vader's
breathing)
280
00:09:27,988 --> 00:09:31,108
TODAY, I'M GOING
TO SHOW THIS VISION TO YOU
281
00:09:31,111 --> 00:09:34,571
IN ITS PURIST FORM, THE WAY
IT WAS MEANT TO BE SEEN--
282
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,124
ON BETAMAX. CRAIG?
283
00:09:38,458 --> 00:09:42,618
(both sing indistinctly,
high-pitched voices)
284
00:09:42,623 --> 00:09:47,133
THIS IS AN ORIGINAL
1982 RENTAL-ONLY BETAMAX COPY
285
00:09:47,127 --> 00:09:49,587
OF LUCAS' MASTERPIECE.
286
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:52,669
IT'S INCREDIBLY RARE
AND INCREDIBLY VALUABLE,
287
00:09:52,673 --> 00:09:54,263
ALTHOUGH
IT'S A LITTLE HARD TO HEAR
288
00:09:54,264 --> 00:09:56,604
BECAUSE I ONCE SPILLED
HAWAIIAN PUNCH ON IT.
289
00:09:59,559 --> 00:10:02,059
(imitates
lightsaber whooshing)
290
00:10:02,062 --> 00:10:03,642
(imitates lightsaber hum)
291
00:10:03,644 --> 00:10:04,524
BOOP!
292
00:10:06,316 --> 00:10:07,686
CAN I ASK A QUESTION?
293
00:10:07,688 --> 00:10:09,648
(click)
294
00:10:09,650 --> 00:10:10,940
IF THIS IS IN A GALAXY
FAR, FAR AWAY,
295
00:10:10,941 --> 00:10:13,321
WOULDN'T THEY BE SPEAKING
IN AN ALIEN LANGUAGE?
296
00:10:13,323 --> 00:10:14,703
(moans softly)
297
00:10:14,695 --> 00:10:16,655
UH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
VERY GOOD QUESTION, GRANT.
298
00:10:16,657 --> 00:10:18,287
HOW ABOUT THAT, KENNY?
299
00:10:18,288 --> 00:10:20,698
KIND OF FUN TO HAVE SOME
FRESH EYES ON THIS MOVIE, HUH?
300
00:10:20,701 --> 00:10:21,661
(scoffs)
301
00:10:21,662 --> 00:10:25,052
THE TRANSLATION IS SIMPLY
SO WE CAN UNDERSTAND
302
00:10:25,045 --> 00:10:26,625
THE TEXT OF THE FILM.
303
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,546
IF IT WERE IN THE NATIVE TONGUE
OF TATOOINE,
304
00:10:28,548 --> 00:10:30,588
WE WOULDN'T BE ABLE
TOFOLLOW IT.
305
00:10:30,590 --> 00:10:31,960
OH, WE COULD READ SUBTITLES.
306
00:10:31,962 --> 00:10:33,672
GRANT, JUST GO WITH IT.
307
00:10:33,674 --> 00:10:36,564
(click)
308
00:10:38,809 --> 00:10:41,219
WHAT'S THAT LITTLE ROBOT'S NAME?
HE'S CUTE.
309
00:10:41,221 --> 00:10:45,691
HIS NAME IS R2-D2.
HE'S NOT A ROBOT. HE'S A DROID.
310
00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:48,316
(gasps) OHH.
311
00:10:49,609 --> 00:10:51,189
I HAVE A ROOMBA.
312
00:10:54,614 --> 00:10:55,624
(click)
313
00:11:00,951 --> 00:11:02,451
THAT'S THE GUY
FROM "AIR FORCE ONE."
314
00:11:02,452 --> 00:11:05,212
THAT'S IT!
I CAN'T WATCH IT ANYMORE!
315
00:11:05,205 --> 00:11:06,625
YOU WANNA WATCH
"BIG MOMMA'S HOUSE" INSTEAD?
316
00:11:06,626 --> 00:11:08,046
KENNY, CALM DOWN.
317
00:11:08,048 --> 00:11:09,998
WILL... "AIR FORCE ONE"?
318
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:12,790
THAT'SWHERE HE RECOGNIZES
HARRISON FORD FROM?!
319
00:11:12,793 --> 00:11:14,213
HE WAS ALSO
IN "REGARDING HENRY,"
320
00:11:14,214 --> 00:11:16,604
AND I BELIEVE HE'S MARRIED
TO ALLY McBEAL.
321
00:11:16,596 --> 00:11:18,256
(imitates lightsaber
powering down) SHOW'S OVER.
322
00:11:19,639 --> 00:11:20,759
KENNY...
323
00:11:20,761 --> 00:11:21,971
ALLYMcBEAL.
324
00:11:21,972 --> 00:11:23,182
(lightsaber clatters)
325
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:26,273
(muttering)
326
00:11:26,266 --> 00:11:28,356
OH, CRAP.
327
00:11:28,358 --> 00:11:29,608
MY TAPE IS STUCK.
328
00:11:29,609 --> 00:11:32,069
(rattles)
OH, NO. MY TAPE.
329
00:11:32,072 --> 00:11:34,652
OH, GOD! POP IT!
330
00:11:34,654 --> 00:11:36,244
POP UP!POP UP!
331
00:11:36,236 --> 00:11:38,486
MY TAPE. (groans) POP UP!
332
00:11:38,488 --> 00:11:40,158
(Will) DON'T--DON'T FORCE IT.
DON'T FORCE IT, KENNY.
(Craig) NO, NO, NO.
333
00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:41,450
COME ON! WORK WITH ME!
YOU'VE GOTTA--
334
00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:42,621
OH, SWEETIE!
335
00:11:42,622 --> 00:11:44,242
KENNY, KENNY, KENNY, SLOW DOWN.
OKAY. HOLD IT.
336
00:11:44,244 --> 00:11:46,294
NO, DON'T YOU--DON'T YOU PUT
YOUR DIRTY HANDS ON HER!
337
00:11:48,789 --> 00:11:50,499
(cell phone rings)
338
00:11:50,500 --> 00:11:52,040
(ring)
339
00:11:52,042 --> 00:11:53,212
(beep)
HELLO?
340
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:54,383
SO I WAS THINKING,
341
00:11:54,384 --> 00:11:56,604
YOU--YOU AND BRENDA
ARE IN A FIGHT.
342
00:11:56,596 --> 00:11:59,096
MAYBE WE SHOULD CANCEL
FAMILY DINNER TOMORROW.
343
00:11:59,099 --> 00:12:00,719
NO! IT'S FINE.
344
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,640
I THINK I WAS JUST OVERREACTING
TO THE HENNA TATTOO.
345
00:12:03,643 --> 00:12:04,943
I'M SURE IT'S HARMLESS.
346
00:12:04,935 --> 00:12:06,765
AAH!
(electricity crackling)
347
00:12:06,767 --> 00:12:08,647
UHH!
348
00:12:08,648 --> 00:12:10,848
OH, I GOT ZAPPED.
I GOT ZAPPED.
349
00:12:12,692 --> 00:12:15,572
(Warrant)
♪ SHE'S MY CHERRY PIE ♪
350
00:12:15,565 --> 00:12:18,155
♪ PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE
10 MILES WIDE ♪
351
00:12:18,158 --> 00:12:20,988
♪ LOOKS SO GOOD,
BRING A TEAR TO YOUR EYE ♪
352
00:12:20,991 --> 00:12:24,161
♪ SWEET CHERRY PIE ♪
353
00:12:24,164 --> 00:12:28,294
♪ SWEET CHERRY PIE ♪
354
00:12:28,288 --> 00:12:29,668
HERE, LUCY.
355
00:12:29,669 --> 00:12:30,669
HERE'S THAT DOLLAR YOU LOANED ME
FOR THE SODA MACHINE.
356
00:12:30,670 --> 00:12:33,580
♪ OH, YEAH, BABY! ♪
357
00:12:33,583 --> 00:12:34,753
♪ SWING IT! ♪
358
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,644
THERE'S A TAPE CAUGHT INSIDE.
OH.
359
00:12:36,636 --> 00:12:38,716
YOU NEED TO GET IT OUT.
IT'S AN EMERGENCY.
360
00:12:38,718 --> 00:12:41,718
AN EMERGENCY, HUH? GAY PORN?
361
00:12:41,721 --> 00:12:42,721
HOMEMADE?
362
00:12:42,722 --> 00:12:44,142
WHAT?
363
00:12:44,144 --> 00:12:46,394
YOU CHASING EACH OTHER AROUND
IN YOUR SKIVVIES?
364
00:12:46,386 --> 00:12:47,686
SIR, DO WE LOOK GAY TO YOU?
365
00:12:47,687 --> 00:12:49,347
WELL, HE DOES.
366
00:12:49,349 --> 00:12:50,729
OH, COME ON.ME?
367
00:12:50,730 --> 00:12:51,850
YEAH.
368
00:12:51,852 --> 00:12:53,602
ARE YOU KIDDING?!
369
00:12:53,603 --> 00:12:55,203
IT'S 'CAUSE
YOU'RE SLIGHT AND NEAT.
370
00:12:55,195 --> 00:12:56,775
TAKE IT AS A COMPLIMENT.
(scoffs)
371
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,526
(whispers) IT'S "STAR WARS."
372
00:12:58,528 --> 00:13:02,238
OH! YOU GUYS DRESSED
AS "STAR WARS" CHARACTERS,
373
00:13:02,242 --> 00:13:04,112
PLAYING
WITH YOUR LIGHTSABERS?
374
00:13:04,114 --> 00:13:06,004
COULD YOU JUST GET
THE TAPE OUT FOR US?
375
00:13:05,996 --> 00:13:10,166
OH, FINE.
GIVE ME A FEW MINUTES. (sighs)
376
00:13:10,170 --> 00:13:12,330
(scoffs)
377
00:13:12,332 --> 00:13:13,872
I'MTHE GAY ONE?
378
00:13:13,874 --> 00:13:15,884
SERIOUSLY, OF THE FOUR OF US,
379
00:13:15,876 --> 00:13:18,716
I PROBABLY HAVE
THE MOST EXPERIENCE WITH WOMEN.
380
00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:21,680
RIDICULOUS.
381
00:13:23,723 --> 00:13:25,563
(telephone ringing)
382
00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:28,845
HELLO, LADIES! WHAT'S UP?
383
00:13:28,849 --> 00:13:31,309
LUCY, HONEY, TELL AUNT BRENDA
WHAT YOU TOLD ME IN THE CAR.
384
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:35,281
I CAN'T WAIT TO GET
A REAL TATTOO.
385
00:13:36,776 --> 00:13:38,026
FIX THIS.
386
00:13:40,861 --> 00:13:42,491
(door opens)
387
00:13:42,492 --> 00:13:44,362
(sighs)
388
00:13:44,364 --> 00:13:46,794
YOUR SEX TAPE DIDN'T MAKE IT.
389
00:13:48,538 --> 00:13:51,248
(groans and whimpers)
390
00:13:51,251 --> 00:13:54,831
(crying)
391
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,174
THIS ISYOURFAULT!
392
00:13:56,166 --> 00:13:58,046
IF YOU HADN'T TRIED
393
00:13:58,048 --> 00:14:00,548
TO FORCE ME TO BE FRIENDS
WITH THE SCORPION KING
394
00:14:00,550 --> 00:14:03,260
AND ALL
OF HIS STUPID QUESTIONS,
395
00:14:03,263 --> 00:14:04,973
MY TAPE WOULD STILL BE HERE.
396
00:14:04,965 --> 00:14:07,305
I'M SORRY, KENNY. THERE WERE
A LOT OF THINGS IN THAT MOVIE
397
00:14:07,307 --> 00:14:08,727
THAT JUST DIDN'T TRACK FOR ME.
398
00:14:08,728 --> 00:14:11,428
YOU WANNA TRACK SOMETHING?
TRACK THIS.
399
00:14:11,431 --> 00:14:14,231
IF THIS WERE A TRACK MEET,
I'D BE RUNNING...
400
00:14:14,234 --> 00:14:16,984
AWAY FROM ALL OF YOU...
401
00:14:16,977 --> 00:14:17,977
(whispers)
ANDI'DCOME IN FIRST.
402
00:14:20,650 --> 00:14:22,400
GOOD DAY!
403
00:14:23,944 --> 00:14:26,124
(slams opens door)
404
00:14:31,661 --> 00:14:34,661
WELL, THE TABLE SEEMS
A LITTLE LONG, DOESN'T IT, BOYS?
405
00:14:34,664 --> 00:14:36,214
HENRY VIII COMING?
406
00:14:36,206 --> 00:14:37,546
KENNY SITS THERE.
GRANT SITS DOWN THERE.
407
00:14:37,547 --> 00:14:39,167
WE'LL PUT
A BIG FLORAL ARRANGEMENT
408
00:14:39,169 --> 00:14:40,379
RIGHT IN THE CENTER.
409
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,090
I TALKED TO KENNY, ALL RIGHT?
410
00:14:42,092 --> 00:14:44,552
HE SAID THAT HE'S READY
TO BURY THE HATCHET.
411
00:14:44,554 --> 00:14:46,474
WAIT. DID HE SAY "BURY"
OR "BRING"?
412
00:14:46,466 --> 00:14:49,386
BECAUSE THE GUY OWNS, LIKE,
150 HATCHETS.
413
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:50,809
IT'LL BE FINE.
414
00:14:50,810 --> 00:14:52,060
(door opens)
415
00:14:52,062 --> 00:14:53,472
(Kenny, singsongy) HELLO!
416
00:14:53,473 --> 00:14:55,073
BING-BONG!
417
00:14:55,065 --> 00:14:56,225
(normal voice) HEY, GUYS!
418
00:14:56,226 --> 00:14:58,316
HEY, MAN.
(chuckles) HI.
419
00:14:58,318 --> 00:15:01,568
I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND, BUT, UH,
I INVITED A GUEST OVER TONIGHT.
420
00:15:01,571 --> 00:15:02,821
(door closes)
421
00:15:04,444 --> 00:15:06,294
OH. NO. (sighs)
422
00:15:06,286 --> 00:15:08,366
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
423
00:15:08,368 --> 00:15:11,328
IF YOU GET TO ADD A FRIEND TO
OUR GROUP, THEN I GET TO, TOO.
424
00:15:11,331 --> 00:15:13,371
DUDE, YOU SAID WE WERE GOING
TO LASER TAG.
425
00:15:13,373 --> 00:15:14,833
THIS PLACE SUCKS!
426
00:15:14,834 --> 00:15:16,714
EVERYONE HERE IS OLD.
427
00:15:16,706 --> 00:15:21,496
(laughing)
428
00:15:23,713 --> 00:15:25,723
WHY DON'T YOU HAVE
ANY CREAM SODA?
429
00:15:25,715 --> 00:15:28,215
NOTHING HERE IS TO DRINK.
430
00:15:28,218 --> 00:15:29,508
(laughing)
431
00:15:29,509 --> 00:15:30,969
(Will) OKAY. AHEM.
432
00:15:30,971 --> 00:15:33,601
WELL, I'M SO GLAD
THAT MOST OF YOU ARE HERE,
433
00:15:33,603 --> 00:15:37,273
AND I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE A TOAST
TO FRIENDSHIP.
434
00:15:37,267 --> 00:15:40,437
YES, WE ALSO WANT TO TOAST LUCY,
OUR LITTLE DOCTOR.
435
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,270
I DON'T WANT
TO BE A DOCTOR ANYMORE.
436
00:15:42,272 --> 00:15:43,522
WHAT? WHY NOT?
437
00:15:43,523 --> 00:15:46,203
YOUR HENNA TATTOO WILL
WASH OFF IN A FEW WEEKS,
438
00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:49,446
BUT IF YOU GET A REAL TATTOO
AND YOU DON'T WANT IT ANYMORE,
439
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:53,199
THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY
TO GET RID OF IT.
440
00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:56,253
(laser zapping)
(crying)
441
00:15:58,168 --> 00:16:01,958
AUNT BRENDA SHOWED ME
THAT DOCTORS HURT PEOPLE...
442
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:04,131
WITHLASERS.
443
00:16:04,134 --> 00:16:05,304
(chuckles)
444
00:16:05,295 --> 00:16:07,345
AT LEAST SHE DOESN'T WANT
A TATTOO.
445
00:16:07,347 --> 00:16:11,257
EGGNOG, MAKE THAT PTERODACTYL
SOUND YOU MADE IN THE CAR.
446
00:16:11,261 --> 00:16:14,801
(imitates
pterodactyl screeching)
447
00:16:17,727 --> 00:16:19,517
YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT, KENNY?
448
00:16:19,519 --> 00:16:21,399
YOU'RE A CHILD.
I'M A CHILD?
449
00:16:21,401 --> 00:16:23,271
HA. YEAH.
OKAY.
450
00:16:23,273 --> 00:16:24,443
YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO STARTED THIS
451
00:16:24,444 --> 00:16:26,204
WHEN YOU BROUGHT
THETAPE BREAKER
452
00:16:26,196 --> 00:16:27,906
INTO OUR FAMILY HERE.
(scoffs)
I DIDN'T BREAK THE TAPE.
453
00:16:27,907 --> 00:16:29,317
I SIMPLY HAD A QUESTION
454
00:16:29,319 --> 00:16:31,069
ABOUT THE LITTLE BLUE ROBOT
BEEP BOOP-BOOP.
455
00:16:31,071 --> 00:16:32,991
I--YOU...
(fork clinks and clatters)
456
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,782
OHH.
(utensils clatter)
457
00:16:34,784 --> 00:16:38,584
OKAY, HIS NAME IS R2-D2,
AND HE'S A DROID, NOT A ROBOT.
458
00:16:38,578 --> 00:16:39,788
OKAY, GUYS.
459
00:16:39,789 --> 00:16:41,709
IS THERE A DIFFERENCE?
460
00:16:41,711 --> 00:16:43,461
YES. A DROID IS
A CONSCIOUS MECHANICAL BEING
461
00:16:43,463 --> 00:16:45,763
WITH A SELF-CONTAINED METHOD
OFLOCOMOTION!
462
00:16:45,755 --> 00:16:47,335
THAT SOUNDS LIKE A ROBOT
TO ME.
463
00:16:47,337 --> 00:16:48,547
WELL YOU SOUND LIKE
A JERK-BOT TO ME!
464
00:16:48,548 --> 00:16:50,758
OKAY, THAT'S IT. I'M DONE.
465
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,390
YOU KNOW, I'M TRYING
TO GET YOU GUYS TO BE FRIENDS,
466
00:16:52,392 --> 00:16:54,052
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
IF YOU DON'T LIKE EACH OTHER,
467
00:16:54,054 --> 00:16:56,444
THEN YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO
HASH IT OUT LIKE MEN.
468
00:16:56,436 --> 00:16:59,266
FINE.
I'M HAPPY TO FIGHT HIM.
469
00:16:59,269 --> 00:17:01,399
GREAT.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
470
00:17:01,401 --> 00:17:03,771
THIS IS AWESOME!
A SUPER LONG TABLEANDA FIGHT!
471
00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:05,453
WILL! KIDS, TO THE DEN.
(pounds tabletop)
472
00:17:05,445 --> 00:17:07,275
(Nathan) WHAT?
BUT UNCLE KENNY
IS ABOUT TO DIE!
473
00:17:07,277 --> 00:17:09,107
NOW!
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
474
00:17:09,109 --> 00:17:11,489
UNCLE KENNY IS NOT GONNA DIE
TODAY, LITTLE ONE. COME ON!
475
00:17:11,491 --> 00:17:13,411
WILL, STOP THIS.
NO, NO, NO.
THEY HAVE TO SETTLE THIS,
476
00:17:13,413 --> 00:17:15,873
AND IF THAT MEANS FIGHTING,
SO BE IT.
477
00:17:15,865 --> 00:17:17,785
KENNY, YOU DO NOT WANNA
DO THIS.
478
00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:19,497
OHH,YES, I DO.
479
00:17:19,499 --> 00:17:21,539
(Theresa)
KIDS, GO TO THE DEN NOW.
480
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:23,461
I WON'T FIGHT YOU, KENNY.
OH, YEAH?
481
00:17:23,463 --> 00:17:25,513
WELL, YOU SHOULD'VE THOUGHT OF
THAT BEFORE YOU BROKE MYTAPE!
482
00:17:25,505 --> 00:17:28,125
OKAY,
COUPLE GROUND RULES.
483
00:17:28,128 --> 00:17:31,258
NO BITING, NO GOUGING,
484
00:17:31,261 --> 00:17:32,511
NO BALL PLAY,
485
00:17:32,512 --> 00:17:33,722
AND--WAIT A MINUTE.
486
00:17:33,723 --> 00:17:34,933
OH!
(gasps)
487
00:17:34,934 --> 00:17:36,144
(muffled voice) COME ON!
(sputters)
488
00:17:36,136 --> 00:17:38,136
UM, GRANT,
I THINK YOU'RE KILLING HIM.
489
00:17:38,138 --> 00:17:39,728
I USED TO WORK
WITH DISTURBED ANIMALS...
490
00:17:39,729 --> 00:17:42,679
(grunting)
MOSTLY AGGRESSIVE DOGS
AND VERBALLY ABUSIVE PARROTS.
491
00:17:42,682 --> 00:17:45,402
THE BEST THING TO DO WHEN
THEY BECAUSE OVERSTIMULATED
492
00:17:45,395 --> 00:17:47,685
IS TO SUBDUE THEM
UNTIL THEIR RAGE DISSIPATES.
493
00:17:47,687 --> 00:17:49,397
(groans)
494
00:17:49,399 --> 00:17:52,399
PLEASE LET ME GO.
MY RAGE HAS DISSIPATED.
495
00:17:52,402 --> 00:17:54,492
NO, IT HASN'T.
YOU'RE FAKING IT.
496
00:17:56,656 --> 00:17:57,956
SON OF A--
(grunts)
497
00:17:57,957 --> 00:17:59,367
(grunting)
498
00:17:59,369 --> 00:18:02,579
(whines)
499
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,372
SHH. SHH.
OH!
500
00:18:04,374 --> 00:18:06,214
MM.
501
00:18:06,206 --> 00:18:08,166
(whispers) OKAY.
502
00:18:08,168 --> 00:18:09,878
(normal voice) I'M CALM NOW.
503
00:18:11,381 --> 00:18:13,421
GOOD BOY.
504
00:18:13,423 --> 00:18:15,813
(breathing heavily)
505
00:18:15,805 --> 00:18:17,885
I'M SORRY!
506
00:18:17,887 --> 00:18:19,017
OKAY?
507
00:18:19,018 --> 00:18:20,558
SORRY.
508
00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:22,980
IT'S JUST THAT ME AND CRAIG
AND WILL,
509
00:18:22,982 --> 00:18:25,942
WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS
SINCE MR. WATRELL'S SHOP CLASS.
510
00:18:25,935 --> 00:18:28,435
AND NOWHE'SHERE,
511
00:18:28,438 --> 00:18:30,438
AND YOU GOT PEOPLE TO
GO ON YOUR DOUBLE DATES WITH
512
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:33,400
AND TO BRING
TO YOUR FAMILY DINNERS AND...
513
00:18:33,403 --> 00:18:34,693
I-I GOT WORRIED.
514
00:18:36,196 --> 00:18:37,406
JUST FORGET IT.
515
00:18:40,660 --> 00:18:43,580
(coughs) WUSSY!
516
00:18:43,583 --> 00:18:47,213
KENNY, KENNY, NOBODY'S TRYING
TO REPLACE YOU.
517
00:18:47,207 --> 00:18:48,627
IT'S JUST THAT I--
518
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,008
GRANT'S A GOOD GUY,
519
00:18:50,009 --> 00:18:52,089
AND--AND HE'S GONNA
BE AROUND NOW.
520
00:18:52,091 --> 00:18:55,971
SO, YOU KNOW, YOU ARE ALWAYS
GONNA BE MY BEST FRIEND.
521
00:18:55,965 --> 00:18:58,255
WILL, YOU SAID THAT--
522
00:18:58,258 --> 00:18:59,518
CRAIG.
523
00:18:59,519 --> 00:19:02,099
I GET IT. MAKING A POINT.
524
00:19:02,101 --> 00:19:04,221
YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND, TOO,
KENNY.
525
00:19:04,224 --> 00:19:05,654
(mouths words)
526
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:07,605
(whispers) RIGHT.
527
00:19:07,607 --> 00:19:10,647
I'M SORRY ABOUT
YOUR "STAR WAR" TAPE, KENNY.
528
00:19:11,441 --> 00:19:15,541
IT'S "STARWARS."PLURAL.
529
00:19:15,535 --> 00:19:18,615
AND IT'S FINE.
IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT.
530
00:19:18,618 --> 00:19:20,778
IF IT'S ALL RIGHT, I'D LIKE
TO BUY YOU ANOTHER TAPE.
531
00:19:20,780 --> 00:19:23,990
W--Y-- (laughs) YOU CAN'T
JUST BUY SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
532
00:19:23,993 --> 00:19:26,173
THAT'S A FIRST EDITION
BETAMAX.
533
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,585
YOU KNOW WHAT PEOPLE WOULD DO
FOR THAT?
534
00:19:27,587 --> 00:19:31,707
THEY'D STEAL, THEY'D CHEAT,
THEY'D...
535
00:19:31,711 --> 00:19:34,841
THEY WOULD LIE
AND SAY THAT YOUR VCR ATE IT.
536
00:19:34,844 --> 00:19:37,604
THAT OLD MAN NEVER DID
GIVE US THAT TAPE BACK.
537
00:19:37,597 --> 00:19:39,177
LET'S RIDE!
538
00:19:41,140 --> 00:19:42,510
LET ME GO! AAH!
539
00:19:42,512 --> 00:19:44,602
NOT UNTIL YOU'RE CALM.
(grunts)
540
00:19:44,604 --> 00:19:45,574
(groans)
541
00:19:45,565 --> 00:19:47,645
AHH. (pants)
542
00:19:47,647 --> 00:19:49,267
THAT TAPE IS
UNDER THE COUNTER.
543
00:19:49,269 --> 00:19:50,519
AH, HA HA!
544
00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:52,570
GOOD BOY.
545
00:19:52,572 --> 00:19:54,482
(sighs)
546
00:19:55,775 --> 00:19:57,615
F.Y.I., MISTER.
547
00:19:57,617 --> 00:19:59,987
I'VE HAD SEXUAL CONTACT
WITH OVER 34 FEMALES,
548
00:19:59,989 --> 00:20:01,739
I ALMOST APPLIED
TO THE AIR FORCE ACADEMY,
549
00:20:01,741 --> 00:20:04,661
AND I ONCE RODE ON THE BACK
OF MY UNCLE DON'S HARLEY.
550
00:20:04,664 --> 00:20:06,464
DOES THAT SOUND GAY TO YOU?
551
00:20:08,628 --> 00:20:10,088
DIDN'T THINK SO.
552
00:20:11,671 --> 00:20:13,251
LET'S HIT IT.
553
00:20:15,595 --> 00:20:18,795
♪♪♪
554
00:20:21,551 --> 00:20:23,551
(thud, clatter)
555
00:20:37,116 --> 00:20:38,316
IN THE YEAR 2000,
556
00:20:38,318 --> 00:20:39,618
MIDDLE-AGED DIRECTOR
RAJA GOSNELL
557
00:20:39,619 --> 00:20:41,029
HAD A BOLD VISION
558
00:20:41,030 --> 00:20:42,620
OF AN OVERWEIGHT MOMMA
WHO HAD A HOUSE.
559
00:20:42,622 --> 00:20:45,712
TODAY I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU
THAT VISION--
560
00:20:45,705 --> 00:20:48,745
"BIG MOMMA'S HOUSE," THE WAY
IT WAS MEANT TO BE SEEN--
561
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:53,628
ON BASIC CABLE WITH MANY
COMMERCIAL INTERRUPTIONS.
562
00:20:53,633 --> 00:20:55,553
(Craig, Kenny, and Will
laughing)
563
00:20:55,545 --> 00:20:56,965
OH, WATCH THIS. WATCH THIS.
564
00:20:56,966 --> 00:20:58,716
NOW SHE HAS TO PRETEND
SHE'S A MIDWIFE.
565
00:20:58,718 --> 00:21:00,008
(both laugh)
566
00:21:00,009 --> 00:21:01,839
CAN YOU BELIEVE THE LUCK
BIG MOMMA'S HAVING?
567
00:21:01,841 --> 00:21:04,011
I'M SORRY,
568
00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:05,353
ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THAT
THIS INTELLIGENT YOUNG WOMAN IS
569
00:21:05,345 --> 00:21:07,845
COMPLETELY UNAWARE THAT THE MAN
SHE'S FALLING IN LOVE WITH
570
00:21:07,847 --> 00:21:11,267
IS ALSO HER OBESE,
BASKETBALL-DUNKING GRANDMOTHER?
571
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:12,650
DON'T GET HUNG UP ON PLOT.
572
00:21:12,652 --> 00:21:17,362
JUST ENJOY THE GIGANTIC FAKE
BOOBS GETTING CAUGHT IN STUFF.
573
00:21:17,357 --> 00:21:18,777
(laughs)
574
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:20,448
OH, BIG MOMMA, YOU CRAZY!
575
00:21:20,450 --> 00:21:22,320
I REALLY WANNA BOND WITH YOU,
BUT SERIOUSLY, FELLAS,
576
00:21:22,322 --> 00:21:23,702
WHAT'S THE LAST BOOK
YOU ALL READ?
577
00:21:26,326 --> 00:21:28,366
(inhales sharply)
40519
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