Original subtitles

Hi, I'm Jane McDonald! Did someone mention cruise?

I caught the cruising bug more than 20 years ago

when I was working as a singer on a ship.

See, when I were on the ships, I had no window.

I used to have to put the television on to see what type of day it was.

It's not just us Brits who are crazy about cruising.

Last year, 25.8 million holiday-makers worldwide

choose to cruise.

There's a cruise for everyone.

There's quiet cruises, there's party cruises,

there's island cruises, there's river cruises,

and I'm just going to carry on cruising till I've found you

your perfect cruise. Try stopping me.

There's a cocktail bar over there.

SHE LAUGHS

I like big ships, small ships,

thin ships, fat ships,

friendships, relationships.

I like all ships!

Now I'm off to waters unknown.

I'm treating myself to some cool Scandi style in the Baltic

on this beauty, the Viking Sky.

Welcome to my yacht.

It's dead posh.

It's full of surprises. All of the cabins have a balcony,

and I do mean all of them.

Hello!

And there's even real art, everywhere.

It does look like Susan Boyle, doesn't it?

It's like being on a private yacht - an Abramovich-size one.

Cheers! ALL: Cheers!

Hi, and velkommen til Kobenhavn,

which means, ey up, we're in Copenhagen!

And this is where me Baltic adventure begins.

It's the capital of Denmark,

and I haven't been here for about 15 years.

Well, more like 20, actually.

It's most-famous landmarks are

the Tivoli Gardens - this is them -

Hans Christian Andersen's house - this is it -

and the Little Mermaid - there she is.

The Little Mermaid in Danish is Lille Havfrue.

You see, you're impressed now, aren't you?

Ha-ha! So you should be.

Do you actually speak Danish?

Well, me husband were Danish, so I had to say a few things,

like, "Jeg elsker dig," which means, "I love you."

But I've stopped having foreign boyfriends now.

I'm just sticking to English.

They live in the same country so it's a bit cheaper.

BICYCLE BELL RINGS

In an homage to Scandi noir,

today I'm wearing Denmark's most famous jumper.

Ha, I bet they all think I'm from The Killing.

SHE LAUGHS

Got the right jumper on.

Can I take a photo of you?

Of course! Oh, thank you!

Thank you, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too!

Are you a movie star, or...?

Yeah, big movie star.

Oh!

I'm not!

Nice day, OK? You, too. Bye-bye.

Bye. Bye! Thanks so much.

Wonderful!

I think she thought I was that Sofie Grabol from The Killing.

Which, of course, I'm not.

I don't need to be a detective

to tell you I've sniffed out another Danish icon.

A hot dog stand.

Come to Denmark, you have got to have one of their hot dogs,

cos they are the best ever.

Hej! Hej.

Could I have the bestseller,

the Fransk hot dog?

What's the difference?

The size. Oh, the size.

Of course! Ace.

Sometimes size doesn't matter.

Erm, yeah, the small one?

A Danish hot dog is like no other.

Yes, it's just a sausage in a bun,

but it's got a remoulade sauce.

Sounds posh, but it's just mayonnaise, mustard and pickled cucumber.

I'm going to let you have a taste in a minute.

You can't have a taste because you can't get through t' telly,

but you can have a taste, and it's really, really nice.

Tusind tak.

That's a sausage with a message.

That sausage is saying, "Eat me."

Mm!

Where are you from? Are you from Denmark? Yes!

So you're getting married? Of course you are!

She's getting married. This is fantastic!

THEY CHEER

Hooray!

BICYCLE BELLS RING

Oh, well, good luck!

Bye! Farvel. Farvel!

Aww, bless 'em.

Oh, I hope she's as happy as we all thought we were gonna be.

SHE LAUGHS

And here she is, my home for the next week.

If she were a movie star, she would be Scarlett Johansson.

That's how gorgeous she is.

Look at that.

Do you know, every time you turn up to a cruise ship,

it takes your breath away.

Come on!

She's got 900 passengers on board,

and I'm the last to join, so now it's 901.

We are setting off from Copenhagen,

sailing through the land of the Vikings

and across the Baltic to Tallinn in Estonia.

Next, into Russia and St Petersburg.

And from there back into the Baltic and Helsinki,

capital of Finland.

And then off to Scandinavia and Stockholm.

Mamma Mia!

I'll need a lie down after all that.

Right. Ah! Hello. Hello.

Welcome aboard. Thank you very much.

This is only Viking Sky's fifth cruise,

and everything inside is box-fresh and brand-new.

SHE GASPS

Oh, wow!

Have a look at this, come on.

Look at these pictures and everything.

I don't think I've ever, ever seen

a ship like this, ever.

So classy.

This is the most exciting bit.

Because I'm going to see where me room is. Come on, come in!

It's like a millionaire's house, isn't it?

This is what you see on the telly, you know,

in Grand Designs and stuff like that.

This is beautiful!

Jane, welcome to your room. Thank you.

Oh, my goodness ME!

It's bigger than my house!

Look at this, I've got a sofa!

Ha-ha-ha!

Oh, my God, I've got a suite!

Oh!

SHE GASPS

Oh, I've got an iPad for this!

Look at this.

"Day dim."

SHE GASPS

This is...sheer and utter luxury.

There's, like, big tellies everywhere.

Ooh, I love a bathroom!

Oh, I've got a sauna!

Oh!

Look at this!

You can sit there in the nuddy

and nobody can see you!

Mind you, I'm in the Owner's Suite.

The Owner's Suite! SHE LAUGHS

I hope he don't want to come along.

Oh, wow!

Well, if this is what having money is all about, I want some.

SHE CHUCKLES

Cos this is just a different world.

I just found out the word Viking means to travel on water.

Well, these guys have nailed it.

And I'm Viking round the Baltic.

Lucky me!

Oh-ho-ho-ho!

Ooh, look!

Oh, you will not see me for the rest of the cruise now.

I would like to say, cheers, welcome aboard.

Coming up, I have a Disney Princess moment in Tallinn...

It's lovely, feels like I'm in Beauty And The Beast.

..and I get to brush up me language skills.

How do you say, "Here, pussy, pussy"?

SHE LAUGHS

Ks, ks, ks. It's Russian for calling a cat.

I'm living the dream on my first Baltic cruise.

We're at sea all day today, and there's loads of nothing to do!

SHE SIGHS Heaven!

Hello!

It's the time for the camera on the stick.

I'm going for a wander, because I find it a lot easier

just having this than that lot.

All right? I'm off.

Hi! Hello!

Oh, this is lovely.

It's not like a ship, it's like a very posh hotel.

It's beautifully architected. Is that a word?

Architected?

It's been beautifully...designed.

We'll use that.

Can you believe that I'm in the Baltics?

I think we must be doing something right,

cos every time we go on a ship, we get beautiful weather.

Oh, wow! This is a bit fab, innit?

POSH VOICE: Hello. Welcome to my yacht.

Something I've noticed is everywhere you look,

you can see the sea.

Don't laugh.

Some ships I've been on,

you need a telescope to get a glimpse of a wave anywhere.

Not this one.

Right, there's something I need to do.

Oh!

What are you doing here? I've got no make-up on or anything.

Right, hang on a minute, I need to find the laundrette.

Laundrette. Yeah, that's right.

I did say laundrette.

Hello!

It's what sea days are for - relaxing, and washing your smalls.

So how do we use these, then?

Well, the directions are not easy to follow.

OK. Oh, no!

They were written by some engineer, not by a woman.

So, "Preparing laundry - load laundry, close the door.

"Choose the programme,

"choose the temperature, choose the spin speed,

"choose..." Flippin' Nora!

Dee? Yes. Can you give me a lesson?

I could give you a wonderful lesson.

It's nice to just come down and be normal.

And everybody's normal, aren't they?

Because we all do our own washing.

Now, I was on a world cruise.

There was a woman, and she used to put "out of order"

on the dryer. Oh! Yeah!

So this lady always had a washer

and always had a dryer.

She used to just come in and...

Yeah. I know where the out of order sign is. Do you?

I'm not telling you.

THEY LAUGH

It can get actually quite heated when you can't get a washer

and somebody comes in and just whips it, which happens quite a lot.

Et voila!

There we are. Oh, my God.

Well, you all know the secret now, don't you?

For now I'm good.

Right, Dee. Oh, she's put some more in!

Right, I need an out of order sign. You didn't get the sign up!

I need to get the sign. I need to do what

that lady did, get that sign out.

I've missed me slot, I'm so sorry.

Up here, we're 1,000 miles north-east of Wakefield,

and let me tell you, the sunsets alone are worth the trip.

I mean, this isn't even one of the special ones.

But look at that.

And if that's not enough, the laundrette's empty

and I can dry me smalls. Magic!

We've crossed the Baltic on our way to Tallinn, capital of Estonia.

It sounds like my kind of place.

It's hosted Eurovision,

and at its heart is a fairy-tale medieval town.

What's not to love?

This is a destination cruise where you go to all these amazing

places where it's all laid on for you, which is really good

because that's all inclusive in the price, so you can have a look

and pick something that you really think,

"Ooh, I wouldn't mind doing that."

Instead of taking a chance when you're paying for it,

you would take a chance when you're not.

Is that just me being tight? SHE LAUGHS

But it's probably true of most people,

cos we don't like wasting money, do we?

Now, don't faint,

but I'm going to give you some facts and figures.

440,000 people live in Tallinn.

But last year, 4,252,828 tourists

dropped in, just like me.

Looks like they're all here now, if I'm honest.

Hello, we were just going to go off and have a wander.

Do you recommend anywhere that we should see?

Yes, of course. The view platform, and I think it's a must,

because there you can see the whole view of the town.

And that's up there, is it?

Like this. Oh, that way, and then right.

What a beautiful day.

I'm in Estonia.

I ditched the crew.

It's just me and you.

So, I've been told to

come up here and see this amazing view.

Get ready to be amazed!

Is that it?

I mean, no disrespect, but...

..looks like Wakefield.

Do you think that's pretty? Erm...

Yes. I live here, it's a nice view.

It's the old part of town,

from first Estonian republic.

It's not doing it for me, I'd like a better view than that. OK.

Is that all right? So let's go to old part of town.

Old part? Oh, you're coming with me?

Yeah. What's your name?

Sergei. Sergei?

Yes. I'm Jane. Very pleased to meet you.

I'm now going down a ginnel with a strange man

I've just picked up in Estonia!

SHE CHUCKLES

PHONE RINGS

SHE LAUGHS

Sergei?

Oh, now he's on his phone, but this looks more like it!

It's lovely! Feels like I'm in Beauty and the Beast.

Hang on a minute, I recognise him.

Are you Patrick?

Hello! SHE LAUGHS

Hello! I couldn't resist when you said, "I'm Jane!"

Oh, that is so good. How are you?

I'm good! Nice to meet you in the flesh, finally.

Have a great day. Lovely to meet you.

Bye, Jane. Bye!

I found me Patrick!

Such a sweet man.

HE PLAYS FOLK MUSIC

All that walking and talking's made me a bit peckish,

and I know just what I want, and where to get it.

So this is the highlight of most cruises.

It's called afternoon tea.

Hi. Hi! Hello!

How are you? Come into the group with us. Can I?

Yes. Thank you so much.

I'll be on me way. Right, I'm on me way.

See? A stranger's a friend

you just haven't met yet.

Hiya, Jane, lovely to see you.

Good to see you. Mwah! Mwah!

This is Teri and Stuart. Hi, Teri. Really nice to meet you, Stuart.

And it's full, apparently, the ship is full,

but there's never anybody about.

No, there's no lines except for at the gelato bar.

Oh, the gelato bar! That's about six-deep.

I better not go anywhere near, then.

They're going to have to get a hoist or a crane to get me off.

Teri might have to dash off

due to the fact that she's waiting for a machine in the laundry!

SHE LAUGHS

And we were just talking about that yesterday,

and she says, "I will have to leave afternoon tea to get the laundry."

SHE LAUGHS

You put it on a timer... Yeah.

..and then you've got to go get it,

or it may be gone. JANE LAUGHS

See you soon. Thank you!

Good to see you.

Thank you very much!

It's full steam ahead, and we leave Estonia and sail to St Petersburg,

and Russia with love.

I'm in Russia!

I'm very excited cos I've never been here.

It's something you... Oh, look, I nearly walked through a window then.

It's quite cold, it's quite nippy,

but the Russians are made of hard stuff.

I bet she hasn't got a vest on or anything.

St Petersburg used to be Leningrad.

Well, it was always St Petersburg, then it was Leningrad.

Now it's St Petersburg again.

Got that? Good.

It's home to the "Ermitage". Hermitage?

Anyway, it's a big museum.

It's probably the most famous building in St Petersburg.

Supposed to know something about it, but as usual, I know nothing!

So I've looked it up and it says the Hermitage is huge!

It has 1,057 rooms,

117 staircases...

CYCLIST SHOUTS Morning.

SKATEBOARDER YELLS Ey up!

I just want to go and punch their lights out.

SHE LAUGHS

And they say, to get around all the exhibits in the Hermitage,

you will need to spend 11 years of your life and walk 22km.

I can't stay that long - the ship goes tomorrow!

If I'm honest, culture isn't really my thing.

Cats, however? now you're talking.

I'm heading for the cellars.

No, not for the wine.

Just you wait.

I've just been told that in every metal door there's a cat flap,

and this sign says,

"It's cold. Can you please close the door to keep everybody warm,

"and cats."

I might have just made a few words up there, but that's basically

what that poster says.

But I love the fact there's a cat flap in every single door.

It must be freezing.

Right. In we go.

Cats have lived at the Hermitage since 1745,

when Empress Elizabeth decreed that they live in the cellars.

They protected the artworks from mice and rats.

The paintings are long gone, but the cats are still here,

and even have their own PR lady.

Of course, it doesn't look very attractive, but...

Well, no, it's a cat's bed, isn't it?

I mean, to be quite honest, Maria...

Yeah. ..my bed looks similar.

"Be careful," OK? "Danger, cats."

Are they dangerous cats?

No, it's for the, erm, drivers.

Mm.

And this is our private and modest cats' house.

Upstairs and outside,

it's all glitzy and gold.

Down here where the pussy posse hang out,

things are a bit more down-home.

How do you say, "Here, pussy, pussy"?

SHE LAUGHS

Ks, ks, ks. Ks, ks, ks. That's in Russian, is it?

It's K and S. It's Russian for calling a cat. Yes. Ks, ks, ks.

Aww!

Loving you! I have got a connection with cats.

Because I was in Cats in Blackpool

and I'm sure there's an old Griz down here somewhere.

There'll be a Grizabella somewhere.

Look at this one, he's such a flirt!

You're such a flirt, you are!

That's Rum Tum Tugger, without a doubt.

Sometimes this looks like something between

house for the homeless children and house for old people. Aww. Yes.

Mm-hm. Come on! Oh!

You see?

Is it dark?

Oh, my goodness me!

Look at that, to this! Yes.

Wow!

It's like Nardia! SHE LAUGHS

You just come out of a wardrobe into something like this.

It's like a different country.

I reckon it's a bit like Narnia.

I meant that! It's like Narnia!

You come out of something which is really dim and dark,

and then, whoof, opulence.

Wow. Look at that.

So lovely. Yeah? Thank you. Lovely to meet you.

Yes, same to you.

Bye! Hope to see you soon.

I hope so. Bye. Bye!

Everything here is monumental.

The scale is just, well, off the scale.

There's gold everywhere on the buildings.

But the most in-your-face thing I've seen is this,

the Church of the Spilled Blood.

It's like a cross between a church and a cake.

It's unbelievable - look at that.

I would never have come to Russia in a million years

because of my perception of it.

And I would have missed this unbelievable beauty.

And I've got to an age now where I don't want to sit at a pool

and drink a pina colada every day.

I want to get out and see a bit of the world.

That's just what I think, personally, anyway.

I could be wrong.

You might still want to sit and have a pina colada at a pool.

I don't blame you.

Actually, I want to do that as well.

Coming up, I go underground,

Soviet-style.

I can't believe this is the tube!

And there's an awkward moment with a Russian doll.

Whoops!

Ooh! That was not me.

What's all the racket?

Good morning.

How are we?

How are you, Jane?

Oh, I'm just...

# In heaven. #

We're still in St Petersburg, and there's a lot to do,

but I'm not budging till I've had me breakfast.

How did your dieting go? Me diet?

It's gone through the roof, hasn't it!

You can diet all year, but when you come on a cruise,

chill out, man!

Special occasions like cruising, Christmas, birthdays.

Easter. SHE LAUGHS

Any holiday, really.

Life is too short to be forever on a diet.

I'm having a waffle.

Thank you so very much.

How beautifully served is that? It's like a piece of art.

I don't even want to eat it.

I am lying.

I really want to eat it!

SHE LAUGHS

So how do you normally have waffle?

Yes, these are nice and thin.

I like them because they're thin. Yeah.

Half the guilt. "Half the guilt." SHE LAUGHS

Yesterday, I followed the tourist trail, but today I'm exploring

a different sort of St Petersburg - the one the St Petersburgers know,

and first off, I'm going underground.

Oh, blimey! Well, this is very posh for a tube.

Looks like Caesars Palace.

What do I do, get a ticket?

"Insert your card."

No? Oh, it's a bank.

Is it a cash machine? Yeah, it is.

In Soviet Russia, even the metro was used as propaganda.

Yes, it was mass transport for the masses,

but why shouldn't stations be like the palaces above ground?

Here, there are wide, sweeping staircases,

marble and grandeur everywhere.

Looks like John Lewis's. SHE LAUGHS

I can't believe this is the tube.

I mean, look at this!

There's more chandeliers than in Liberace's living room.

And that's saying something.

You've got crystal columns in a tube station!

Only in Russia.

Every day, more than 2.5 million St Petersburgers

use the metro, and all journeys cost less than 65p.

The stations may be different,

but travelling underground is much the same as anywhere else.

People don't talk much on the tube in England, either.

Whoo!

Even the escalator's the poshest I've ever seen.

But now I'm after something more Russian than caviar,

and easier to keep on me mantelpiece.

Whoo, whoo, whoo, look at this!

Oh, my goodness me!

So I want to show you the biggest matryoshka what we have.

The biggest one? What is the story behind a Russian doll, though?

Why are they so popular?

So it's because of the symbol of family.

You can see the inside, there's 30 pieces inside.

30? 30, yeah, 30 pieces. Whoa, that's a big family.

Yeah.

And you can see they're only the women's faces.

Yeah. The mother,

the most... Important. ..important of the family.

Is that what you think in Russia, that women are the most important?

Yes, yes. I like that.

How much is that?

So this is, erm, 400,000 roubles.

400,000 roubles? Yes.

How much is that in pounds?

5,600...

5,628 quid for a doll?

Yeah. Or 30 of 'em.

These dolls are all hand-painted, and each tells a different story.

High-end matryoshkas are prized by collectors,

including sentimental oligarchs,

who have been known to commission dolls studded with jewels

that cost millions of dollars.

So these are really a bit of a bargain.

You can see why they're worth such a lot of money.

WHISPERS: Still a lot of money for a doll.

So on the inside...

Whoo!

Oh! That was not me. That was not me.

It's me, it's me.

I'm honestly not sure about these dolls.

I love a knick-knack like anyone else,

but these are halfway between knick-knack and art.

And you know me and art. Celebrity dolls?

Now you're talking!

Wow. Presidents.

Ooh!

That looks like me!

That actually looks like me!

Antony? Yes?

Could you let me have a look at this one?

That's definitely me!

Oh, my God, all of a sudden,

I really like these!

SHE LAUGHS

Ooh!

Oh, these are fabulous.

Look, I've got my own Russian doll!

Matryoshka.

Matryoshka McDonald.

So how on earth did this happen?

HE SPEAKS RUSSIAN

How did this happen?

Did you know?

THEY LAUGH

It's you! It's me?

THEY LAUGH

This is wonderful! HE SPEAKS RUSSIAN

I'm surprised. I'm surprised, yeah!

It's really nice. My hair was a lot lighter.

Obviously, I'm much younger.

You are more beautiful than actually the matryoshka. SHE LAUGHS

Did you hear that?

You've got that on camera that he says I'm much more beautiful

in the flesh? That's all I'm going to say.

I think I need a hug.

Antony, thank you so much. Oh! I love my job.

I know when to quit,

and nothing's going to top my matryoshka moment.

So I think it's time to say, "Proshchay, St Petersburg."

That's Russian for arrivederci.

Viewers of a nervous disposition, look away now.

Actually, that's not a look for camera, is it?

That's not a look for the viewers to see me,

they're used to see me looking glamorous.

Look, these need to be in,

because these lovely rollers that we heat up in this,

it's like a microwave for rollers, and they're absolutely brilliant.

But they burn me lugs, so I've got to put these in.

It's a look, innit?

I mean, this is all me secrets going now,

me heated rollers...

Actually, they must know this isn't natural.

It's not natural hair.

This room's a mess.

I've been invited to Sandra and Robert's

for a glass of champagne,

but there's only two champagne glasses

in their cabin, so you've got to bring your own glass.

Are you sure? Yes, it's fine. Thank you so much, nice to see you.

You're very welcome. Mwah! Mwah! I love this room!

Welcome to our cabin.

It's gorgeous, isn't it? It is. Oh, it's so tidy!

Good. Ready to go? Mwah! Mwah!

Nice to meet you.

Can I just go for the lobster, please?

Cheers! ALL: Cheers!

From St Petersburg, it's a quick sail to Helsinki,

capital of Finland.

I have no idea what to expect, but bring it on.

Hey. MAN: Where you going?

I'm going to Helsinki. I'm in Finland.

I'm going to Helsinki in the sound centre.

Cruise is like being on a magic carpet ride,

because you get on board, you unpack and then you think,

"I want to be in Copenhagen."

And, whoosh, it takes you there.

And then you think, "I want to be in St Petersburg,"

and it goes "Whoosh" and you're there.

And then you want to be in Helsinki.

And it's "Whoosh" and you're there.

How fab is that? We're on the magic carpet ride.

I must admit, there's some beautiful people over here.

Really stunning-looking people,

and I'd love to just sit and people-watch all day.

I love just sitting down in a cafe and watching the world go by.

Finland is fab.

Anyone or anything can become a design icon here.

I've been told by the team that Ute has something very special

in the shop,

but they won't tell me exactly what it is.

Hello, I'm Jane, by the way.

Hi, I'm Ute. Welcome. Ute? Ute, yes.

Well, I love this.

This is all my photographs.

I do the design myself.

This is actually taken from the, just from my shop... Really?

..door. Yes.

Here is something really, really new.

Yeah? This is...

The original paintings are done by a Finnish bear called Juuso.

Oh, a real bear?

Real, living bear.

Not like Bear Grylls?

More like Yogi Bear.

This is, this is a real, living bear. A real, like, bear.

A real, live bear.

How does he paint?

He doesn't have a brush. No. He uses his paws.

You can see these are... That's a paw mark. Yes.

Claws. Claws, yeah. And here.

But I haven't yet gotten to meet Juuso,

but I will definitely go and meet Juuso this summer,

and I've heard that I'm going to be able,

because I really want to kiss Juuso and I want to get a picture

of me and Juuso kissing, so that's going to be really cool.

He might bite your head off.

Have you not seen that film with Brad Pitt?

Which one? The one where he gets mauled by a bear.

WOMAN: Leonardo DiCaprio. I meant him.

Have you not seen the film with Leonardo DiCaprio?

No. Where it's got a bear?

I don't think so. No?

I wouldn't watch it just before you go. OK, OK. All right?

I admire you so much for kissing a bear.

But then again, you're selling his art,

so why not?

I'm not sure bear art's my thing, if you follow me drift.

But I do like that.

That's shadows of twigs.

CLATTERING

Whoops! That's all right.

SHE LAUGHS

Thank you.

I can't believe I've just spent 300 quid on cushion covers.

But they are beautiful, and worth every penny.

Ed, they are worth every penny.

Don't worry.

Everywhere you look, once again, is a postcard.

It's gorgeous.

De de-de de de-de...

SHE LAUGHS

SHE BREATHES HEAVILY

I need to walk round. I need to walk round the ship.

I didn't know I could do that.

A week of cruising luxury is coming to an end,

and I wish it could go on for ever.

You know, I love this part of the world.

And that's seagull's been with us all that time.

There are more than 30,000 islands in the Swedish archipelago,

and we're sailing past loads of them as we head into Stockholm,

our final destination.

Hello!

HORN BLARES

It's going to take us an hour to get there,

which means just enough time for an outing

with the camera on me stick.

I've been on this ship now for quite a few days.

I still get lost.

That's something you will always do.

Listen, tip as well -

always find out where your loos are.

Because you never know.

I can hear a bird.

TWEETING

Ah...

SHE LAUGHS I like the birds going

in the background. That's nice, in't it?

I suppose it feels like you're doing your ablutions in the woods.

Like the bears do.

Look at this tree.

My God, it smells like Christmas.

That's got to be fake.

Do they come and spray it every day?

Or is it real?

It's probably real.

You see, we live in such a fake world, don't we?

We think everything's fake.

SHE SNEEZES

Excuse me.

That'll teach me to go around sniffing trees.

Everywhere you look, there's amazing pieces of art.

See, to me that just look like a very young Susan Boyle.

It does look like Susan Boyle, doesn't it?

Well, you've had another tour of the ship.

It's fabulous.

ANNOUNCER: Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.

We hope you enjoyed this beautiful sail in as we made our way

through the spectacular archipelago this morning.

We are currently repositioning the ship to dock alongside

Stadsgarden pier.

Ta-ra!

Welcome to Sweden. Thank you.

Oh, look at this day!

Stockholm may be the capital of Sweden,

and one of the most beautiful cities in the Baltic,

but for me, there's only one thing to do today.

No, it's not a trip to IKEA to eat meatballs.

I'm going to pay homage to Sweden's greatest-ever export,

something that quite literally changed my life.

And no, not a Volvo.

We are at the ABBA Museum.

Yes!

DISCO MUSIC PLAYS

SHE LAUGHS

Look at this.

ABBA.

That's such a great logo.

I didn't think I would be this excited,

but I'm really excited, Ingmarie.

You are, for real. I am.

This is a little exhibition about the Eurovision Song Contest.

1974, Waterloo. Yeah. Those outfits.

This is the original outfit.

Oh, my goodness me.

I can't believe I'm looking at the, the very outfits

that I watched them win in.

Ingmarie is the director of the ABBA Museum

but started working with the band in the 1970s.

Hair, make-up and wardrobe.

This is me. Oh, look at you. On the tour in '79,

doing the.. The washing. Oh, love.

Between the truck and the...post.

I think it's great that you made it work.

You've made it work. Oh?

That's all you need to do.

They were genuinely happy on tour, weren't they?

Yeah, they were.

But, you know, to be really honest, they didn't like touring that much.

Frida loved to be on stage, yes.

She was quite shy in front of people offstage.

I know that Benny wasn't keen on touring

because he was such a perfectionist when it comes to music.

So, if something sounds like this on a record,

it has to sound like that live.

Ready for the stage now?

I can do it. You can be the fifth member.

Oh! SHE LAUGHS

Oh, my God, I'm going to be the fifth member of ABBA.

Absolutely elated, puffed out,

and taken back nostalgically.

When you hear all those amazing songs, see how it was all made,

you can practically touch...

You actually feel as if ABBA are here. It's bizarre.

Oh, look at that suit.

Look at that.

You can talk to whoever is calling. Really?

But it's only these four.

That's Frida.

It's fabulous. What a great time I've had here.

Thank you.

SHE WHISTLES

CHEERING

I've loved every destination on this cruise.

Never would have been something I would've picked in a million years.

I've been so shocked at how lovely it is,

and how, really, I haven't explored this wonderful world

that we live in.

I would definitely come back, without a doubt.

# I don't want to talk

# About things we've gone through

# Though it's hurting me

# Now it's history

# I've played all my cards

# And that's what you've done, too

# Nothing more to say

# No more ace to play

# The winner takes it all

# The loser standing small

# Beside the victory

# That's her destiny

# But tell me, does she kiss

# Like I used to kiss you?

# Does it feel the same

# When she calls your name?

# Somewhere deep inside

# You must know I miss you

# But what can I say?

# Rules must be obeyed

# The judges will decide

# The likes of me abide

# Spectators of the show

# Always staying low

# The game is on again

# A lover or a friend

# A big thing or a small

# The winner takes it all... #

What?

This time, I'm on top of the world,

literally.

I'm cruising round a rugged but breathtaking island

with freezing temperatures.

SHE SQUEALS

Spectacular wildlife

Oh, look at that.

The cutest creatures...

Little puffin.

And the greatest light show on Earth.

Oh, look. Look at that, look.

Velkomin til Islands.

We're in Iceland.

It's sunshining.

Again.

It's beautiful.

So many people come on holiday here these days.

They just can't get enough of what this magical island has to offer.

They call it the land of fire...

..and ice.

It's got some belting sights,

like the majestic Gullfoss waterfall.

The beautiful Blue Lagoon.

And loads of hot geysers.

You can never get enough of them.

We're sailing from Reykjavik.

It's the capital,

but it doesn't look much bigger than Wakefield.

It's a busy place, though.

There's 330,000 people in the whole of Iceland,

and over a third of them live here.

Now, I've not much time before the cruise starts,

so this will be a whistle-stop tour.

Come for a wander round Reykjavik.

Is that how I say it? Rek-a-vik?

Rek-a-vik. Rek-a-vik.

Anyway.

Did you know Reykjavik is the world's most northern capital?

Ee, my kind of place.

I know that Bjork comes from here.

And it's built on a volcano.

MAN: You been doing your homework?

Yeah, I have done a little bit, actually.

Ooh! Oh, I say!

What's that?

Oh, my God.

One of the most recognised landmarks is this massive church,

called Hallsgrimskirkja.

You can see it from almost every street.

I'm not usually big on churches, cos I end up getting married in them.

SHE LAUGHS

Right. To the harbour.

We've got a ship to catch.

HORN BLARES

So, look, this is my ship.

This is our ship.

She's here, my Ocean Diamond.

Diamonds are for ever.

OK.

I've been on prettier, but, as we say in Yorkshire,

"Don't judge a pie by its crust."

This girl's got strength and staying power.

Starting out as a ferry, then a mail ship,

she's built for expeditions rather than entertainment.

This doesn't look like a normal cruise ship,

but it's about where you're going,

and what you do when you get to the destinations,

and the adventures you go in.

We're going to do all sorts on this one.

I'll tell you what, I'm glad I've got me vest on.

We're going right around Iceland in nine adventure-filled days.

From Reykjavik, we'll sail clockwise

to the small fishing town,

Idsafo...

Isafa...

There.

After that, we're going further north to see the whales in...

Husavik.

then round to another place...in the west.

These islands in the south.

And then right back to where we started.

Hello. Hello. Nice to meet you.

How are you doing? Welcome on board.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too.

How are you? Checking in is straight ahead.

Thank you very much.

Hello. Hello.

Hi. Hello.

Nice to see you all.

Does this happen for everybody?

Yeah?

With only 100 cabins, the ship's on the small side.

But it's got everything you need.

A lounge.

It's got two restaurants,

and even an outdoor swimming pool.

In this cold?!

It's got a real sort of cosy feel.

It's so different to anything I've ever done.

And the welcome, already, is just lovely.

And that's the difference with having a smaller ship.

It's a personal thing.

They will know us all by the time we get off here,

which is very, very special.

See you later. See you later. Bye. Have a good stay aboard. Ciao.

And the staff don't come any specialer than Ray.

You're sure you're OK carrying that? Yes, it's fine. No worries.

Just follow me.

OK. Your cabin is here. Thank you very much.

Please, watch the step. I will. Yes.

Oh, this is lovely.

Oh! Yes.

I've got a sunbed and fruit and everything.

Wow, look at the size of this balcony.

All this!

Thank you, Ray.

God, that's a big balcony, isn't it?

Yes. It's only alone for you.

Oh, thank you.

I can go topless.

Maybe not. Anyway... OK.

No, you don't... Get that thought out of your head.

Can I show you your bathroom? Yeah.

Watch the step before you enter the bathroom.

This is nice. Look at this.

Nice big shower.

I mean, You can get two people in this shower.

Mm! That's nice, isn't it?

You could get three people in the shower.

Ray, get in the shower. Oh, I get in the shower as well?

Yeah. No. OK.

Yeah. So, three people in the shower...

So, three people in this shower.

We can have a party on the balcony and end up in the shower.

SHE LAUGHS

That's fab, isn't it?

Enjoy your stay with us. I will.

Goodbye. See you every day.

Every day and every night. Let's do it.

Thank you. Thank you. Bye-bye.

See you later.

Oh, sweet!

We like soft lighting.

We really like soft lighting.

SHE LAUGHS

And then you've got your magnifying mirror there.

All right, none of that, because it's got me wrinkles.

None of that. We're having none of that.

This is one of those ships

where you never feel like you're just part of the crowd.

You get a proper personal service.

They even seem to know what your favourite drink is.

You want a glass of champagne on the way?

Can I offer you a glass? Well, it'd be rude not to.

Is that...? Yeah. That's champagne. You see? That's amazing.

That's amazing, yeah. Let's go.

The captain has invited me to join him on the bridge.

And after all the cruises I've been on,

that's still very, very special.

I open. The door's a little bit heavy here. M-hm.

There's the captain.

Hello. Very nice to meet you. Come in. I'm Jane.

This is Hans. Hans.

Welcome to the bridge.

This is such a big deal.

I'm sailing the ship out of Iceland with the captain.

I'm not taking that, cos I might crash.

Are you warm enough, Captain?

Yes, with a lovely lady like you, side by side, I feel very warm.

All right, then, so am I.

Might need a coat, though.

Oh, thank you.

I think you're probably right.

Thank you very much, Thomas. OK?

Yes, thank you.

HORN BLARES

SHE LAUGHS

Morning.

Wake up. Now, they know we're going.

That's true.

Bye-bye. Bye, Reykjavik.

Ciao.

JANE LAUGHS

Oh, I love it.

HE LAUGHS Bye-bye.

Oh...

I feel like Elizabeth Taylor.

HE LAUGHS

I've got me fur coat on, I'm on the bridge of a ship.

With me two handsome officers.

Are you married, Captain?

No. No?

Not this week? Not this week.

THEY LAUGH

It's really fabulous.

I'm bringing a fur coat cos it's freezing.

Coming up, I have fun in the Icelandic sun.

It's gorgeous. There's not a cloud in the sky.

I get to grips with the catch of the day.

Well, you don't get that in your local chippy, do you?

And do me best David Attenborough.

Ha-ha! There she blows!

I'm on an adventure cruise round the coast of Iceland

aboard the Ocean Diamond.

This isn't your luxury liner, but an expedition experience.

Just call me Jane of the Arctic.

Hello. Hello.

Hi.

I love this. It's old-fashioned cruising.

It says, leave all your dinner jackets at home,

and your ball gowns and your high heels.

That's something I've never done,

is left me high heels at home.

I haven't got one pair of stilettos with me!

So basically you put on a pair of jeans,

some comfortable shoes and a coat and face the day.

Totally alien to me.

But even I can change.

Overnight, we left Reykjavik behind and sailed north

to the small fishing town of Isafjordur.

Fish is so important to Iceland.

In fact, it's the main export.

This tiny town has the best of all.

The stuff they catch here gets sent to the swankiest restaurants

in London, New York, Paris,

and our ship!

Hello. Hey, good morning, Jane. Thomas here. How are you?

Very well, how are you?

Now, I don't know much about fish.

What I eat is usually slathered in breadcrumbs or batter...

..with chips. Oh, and mushy peas.

But luckily, Thomas, the ship's hotel manager, is an expert.

So this here is my third season here with the ship.

And I think for this season we've bought six tonnes of fresh fish.

Six tonnes of fresh fish? Yeah, 6,000 kg.

That's a lot of fish.

So this is the best fish over here?

Not over here, in the world.

In the world? Yeah.

They're catching the fish today,

and tomorrow it's already in New York.

Yes, one bacalhau, one cod fish, dry... Uh-huh. ..hanging there.

Kari? Hey. Hello. Kari, How are you?

I'm, Kari, the local fisherman. Kari.

This I got in last night.

JANE GASPS

Look at the size of that!

This is what is called a proper cod in Iceland.

Well, you don't get that in your local chippy, do you?

I didn't realise that was...

Oh, my goodness me!

That's a big fish. That's about 30kg.

Get it in some batter.

A monkfish.

This we have on the menu tonight, monkfish. Oh, really? Yeah.

That is an ugly fish, isn't it?

As opposed to a good looking fish.

I've learned quite a lot, actually.

They've all got really big heads, especially the monkfish.

That's a big head. That's fascinating.

Oh.

SHE LAUGHS

You! You've done that on purpose. You put me there!

Catching fish is one thing, making a meal out of it is another.

So why have I ended up working?

Back on the boat,

I'm going to learn how to prepare a Nordic delicacy.

Hey, Jon, how are you? Hi, Jon. Nice to see you.

Let's see. I hope this size will be OK.

I think this is perfect.

Very good.

What does that say? "Jane. Cook apprentice."

Oh, I like that! You like this?

You know, I made for you. Thank you.

I feel quite nervous.

I feel like I'm in MasterChef.

Thomas is going to show me how to make gravlax.

And for that, we'll be using some of the fresh salmon picked up in the harbour.

I shall start, I'll show you how to make it.

You take this in your hand, take a little bit, and not scared,

you go like this.

More, more, more. Don't be scared. Don't be scared.

He needs a lot of salt to get firm, yeah? More, more, more.

So what actually is gravlax, Thomas?

Gravlax is fresh raw salmon,

so it's not cooked, it's completely raw.

But it gets processed now from the salt and the sugar.

So this is a completely different taste to smoked salmon, then?

Yeah, completely. Much better.

Now we need to put the same in sugar. More, more, more.

Yeah, OK. I can see you have a lot of practice already.

No, all I'm doing is sprinkling, Thomas.

Sprinkling is not cooking, is it?

This is more decorating than cooking.

No, no, this is for the taste.

This is the easy one. Now we're taking the dill.

I love dill.

Is that it? That is it, finished.

That was easy.

If you put it on top, like this, and then that is it finished.

Nothing to do. Perfect.

I can make that no problem.

It goes in the fridge, only. Just in the fridge.

I like the fact that I've been able to get dressed up in this outfit

and I've even had a badge made for me. Assistant chef.

Apprentice. Apprentice. All right, apprentice.

Apprentice.

All the rolling hills and rugged coastlines in Iceland

have been caused by volcanoes,

all erupting over thousands of years.

They've not only shaped the land,

they're still producing energy that's used for everything,

from heating homes to lighting streets.

That same energy even provides the heat for one

of Iceland's ancient traditions -

a spot of outdoor bathing,

whatever the weather.

"Bathing outside in naturally heated water is part of Icelandic life.

"They're considered exceedingly therapeutic,

"but it might just kill you getting to one."

It's freezing up here.

You're going to make me do it, aren't you?

You're going to make me strip off.

Shall we just not bother?

Northern Iceland's answer to the popular Blue Lagoon

are mineral-rich Myvatn Baths.

The water gets heated as it comes up through the Earth,

and it's like a warm, relaxing hug, apparently.

It flipping better be.

I'm rocking it, aren't I?

I'm going in, then.

There's still no get-out clause, eh?

Ahh!

Oh, this is lovely.

This is gorge.

Oh, this is bliss.

The water here can reach 40 degrees -

perfect for a soothing soak.

It's red hot. It's brilliant.

The worst thing is getting from the changing room

actually in here, that is the worst experience, probably,

I'm going to have on this holiday.

But once you're in here, ooh, it's so good!

And if you come to Iceland, you've just got to come here

because you're never going to find anything like this anywhere else

in the world.

Well, apart from New Zealand, but that's flippin' miles away.

It's blowing a gale, it's freezing cold,

but in here it's like a nice warm bath. I've got a glass of red wine.

Life don't get any better, does it, really?

So I'm off now to find myself a little spot.

I'll see you later.

Cheers.

Seems a shame to leave.

But that's cruising for you.

Another day, another port.

This morning we're in Husavik,

a small town with some big residents.

OVER LOUDSPEAKER: The whale-watching excursion will shortly be departing

from the dockside. Don't forget your cruise cards,

and enjoy your whale-watching.

Got everything?

Yeah, I think so.

And we're off whale-watching.

Husavik is the whale-watching capital of Iceland,

and the chance to see them in the wild is what makes

this cruise so unique.

Hello. Morning. Good morning.

This is early.

This is really early.

It's great, I'm on an excursion today with all the rest of the passengers,

and you're sharing the same experiences. It's great.

Getting up on a morning, that's an experience!

It's like being on a school trip.

To see the whales, we've got to go out towards the Arctic Circle.

It's going to be right parky,

so we have to wrap up.

I'm so hot. So hot!

And I also have gloves, goggles, and the life jackets.

Oh, are you joking? I've to put more on?

I can hardly walk.

I'm supposed to be a glamorous TV presenter.

That's what my job is, isn't it?

Hmm...

Well, I'm kitted up and I'm ready for action.

Bring on the whales.

All right.

Welcome aboard. Thank you very much. Just anywhere?

In the front it's more bouncy.

To the back it's more stable.

Bye.

Here we go!

JANE LAUGHS

It's just a different experience, this, completely.

I mean, I'm out here on a speedboat dressed like a Teletubby,

but it's an adventure, isn't it?

And it's great.

So we are looking for whales.

Now, it's a little game we play with them every day called whale-waiting.

Whale-waiting. Not whale-watching.

Whale-waiting.

There's over 20 different species of whales in the sea around here.

So surely we'll see one.

There. And it's on our left side.

We'll be moving now.

Number 11.

What? Where?

There.

SHE LAUGHS

There she blows!

Ooh, look at that!

Ha-ha!

When you see them arching their back and showing the tail,

then they go down. Oh, look at that!

Isn't it exciting?!

I'm glad you're as excited as me!

Look. CAMERAMAN: That's better than any shots I got.

Well, I'm not one to cause trouble, but you need Donna on camera.

No disrespect.

And up. 12, 1...

It's more than one whale now.

Woo-ho-ho!

Oh, my God, it's... It's... Oh...

This is not every day.

Oh, there's three. Three.

They're like buses.

You don't see one, then four come along at once.

Who knew?

Oh, my God.

That was worth...

..everything, to just come on this trip, just to see that.

I didn't think I'd be this excited about seeing whales.

It gets you right here because...

It's... It's just amazing.

Look at this setting. We've got millpond sea today,

we've got blue skies, and we've got four whales coming out to play.

It's just amazing.

I've been blessed today. Blessed.

Coming up, I give some feathered friends a helping hand...

Two, three... Whoo!

..and have a night to remember.

Oh, look!

One of the best things about cruising -

you go to bed and you wake up somewhere completely new,

ready for the next adventure.

And that's certainly what this simple cruise is all about.

Today, we've docked in Seydisfjordur.

Good morning, Jane. Good morning.

Come out here. Come out here and see this lovely view.

It's gorgeous. There's not a cloud in the sky.

I'm having a relaxing day today,

after all the adrenaline of yesterday,

going out on that amazing whale-watching.

So I might have a trip out in the town

cos it looks a little lovely town.

There must be a shop out there somewhere,

and if there is, I'll find it.

After I finish me brew, though.

If you visit this part of the island in winter, you may only get

about five hours of daylight,

but come in the summer

and there can be nearly 24 hours of sun.

Look at the colours of these houses.

I never thought corrugated iron could look so nice.

It's what you put on your garage roof, isn't it?

But look how nice it is.

That is just your dream house.

CAMERAMAN: You thinking of giving up the bright lights of Wakey and coming to settle here?

Nothing will take me away from Wakey.

But I'd come here for the summer,

but that's just a bit extravagant, isn't it?

There's nowt wrong with a caravan in Brid.

Now, I do love a bit of retail therapy.

So where's the shops, before me card burns a hole in my pocket?

Hi. Hey. How are you? I'm good. How are you today?

Really well. And yourself? I'm good. Good.

The sun is shining. Couldn't be better.

Oh, I like that.

Maybe not.

It's really nice, that.

But it's SO expensive!

Ed, look away now.

I'm going in for another purchase.

Can I get you to wrap those up?

Thank you.

It's very much like Wakefield.

It is? Yeah.

No. You've got the wow factor here.

Yeah. Can you say the name of the place again?

It's Seydisfjordur.

Seydis...

..fjordur. Yeah.

We love it when you have a go.

Yeah. Yeah. What do I say goodbye?

Vertu saell. Vertu saell!

Thank you. Takk fyrir.

Takk... Whatever.

SHE LAUGHS Yeah. Bye!

Bless bless.

I'm not sure I'll ever get the hang of Icelandic,

I'll stick with what I know.

Ta-ra, Seydisfjordur.

The captain's told us that tonight we might just see the most fabulous

sight in this part of the world - the northern lights,

or Aurora borealis,

if you watch University Challenge.

That's why we're all out and about on deck freezing our boots off

and hoping to get a glimpse.

So this is such an exciting night.

I can't even tell you how exciting it is to see the northern lights,

what everybody talks about, and what this trip,

the ultimate thing would happen on this trip is to see them.

And they are there,

they're just waiting to come out to say hello to us all.

How exciting! Yes!

They've even switched all the lights off on the ship

so that we can see this so much better.

Oh, wow. Yeah. Look.

There they are. Look.

Woohoo!

Oh, here it comes. Look at that.

Look at that!

Oh, look at that one. Look. Look.

Oh... JANE CLAPS

Oh, God! They're up here as well.

They're absolutely amazing.

The dancing clouds of light are created when particles

from the sun hit gases in the Earth's atmosphere.

Well, it says here.

Different gases cause all kinds of different colours,

with the most common being a green wave caused by oxygen.

Right, lesson over.

Now, you wouldn't normally catch me dead out in the freezing cold,

but this is just too good to miss.

Oh, that's better.

Oh!

Oh, that's... Oh, that's heaven.

Thanks, Jon.

Right, I'm ready for t'night now.

Get me a flask and I'm here for t'night.

Oh, good grief.

Look at that.

You know, when you see nature at its finest...

..it-it fair makes you feel humble.

How lucky are we to be here and seeing all this, Jon?

I mean, it's... It's amazing.

The next leg of our cruise takes us around the rugged south coast,

to Vestmannaeyjar, just here.

This collection of 15 teeny tiny islands is home

to just a few thousand people,

dozens of volcanoes, and one of my favourite types of bird.

"These islands are the largest puffin colony of Europe.

"Puffins are monogamous, and mate for life." Mm.

"Male puffins are the homemakers, and every year return to the same

"burrow to prepare it for the arrival of their mate."

I'm definitely related to puffins!

"When the female puffin arrives, the male puffin waits outside

"the burrow while she goes in to inspect it.

"If she comes out and it's bad news,

"her mate has to go back and do a better job."

Just do it right the first time,

and then you're in for a bit of action.

"They share a room until she's with egg.

"Couples have one chick, known as a puffling, a year.

"Both parents are involved in rearing the puffling."

I love puffins.

I really love puffins.

Every year, thousands of the little ones got lost in-land,

having been lured by the bright lights.

Well, we've all been there.

Luckily, the local children come to the rescue.

They collect up all baby birds,

and bring them here to Puffin HQ.

Right.

I'm going in.

There's nothing but puffins.

And right on cue, there's another delivery.

Hello. What you got?

So this is what happens - the little ones go and rescue them?

So this puffling is number 179 that they have rescued.

You're a chief rescue puffin person.

Where did you find it? Near the harbour. Near the harbour? Yeah.

It comes at night, when they see the light from the street

and they think the reflection is the ocean. Ah.

So they mistake it and land on the street instead.

Oh, bless them.

Oh, look!

The best way to hold it is like this. Yeah, OK.

And then under the wings.

And then they can't scratch you or bite. Hello.

Little puffin.

This little puffin...

Oh, he doesn't like it. He doesn't like it, he doesn't like it.

This one is a very calm one.

Very calm.

They're either like this or absolutely crazy.

There's no in-between.

So now we're going to weigh it.

The puffins are inspected... 235.

And then we take the wing.

So it's kind of like the elbow. Uh-huh.

141.

..then photographed.

How cute is that?

THEY SPEAK ICELANDIC

Yeah, back in your box.

And made ready to go back to their natural home.

I'm going to release this puffin into the wild now.

Hello.

Aww.

It's quite sad.

I bet it quite likes it in there. Look. Can you see?

Aww. I know!

That's my little puffin friend.

Probably, you know, one of me offspring.

Look at them go.

So this is a pastime of yours, then?

This puffin is number 179 that my family catches this year. Wow.

That's a lot of puffins. Yeah.

Gosh. Flipping heck. It's cold!

This puffin doesn't want to come out of this box.

I never expected to be releasing puffins to the wild

in my trip to Iceland, with a beautiful Icelandic family.

We ought to call them the Puffin Rescuers.

Welcome to Puffin Rescue on Channel 5.

Wheee!

Is there a special technique for releasing them?

People usually do this technique here.

You put your hands underneath her wings... That's it.

..give them a bit of a warm up... Yeah. ..and do this.

Yeah. Are you ready?

OK.

One, two, three.

Whoo!

Look at that, it's gone! Look!

It's gone, it's gone, it's flying like a really good bird.

Oh, that was so exhilarating!

I was so worried that it was just going to go...

You know, and then splat.

And it didn't, it just went whoosh!

It flew.

It did everything. Its little wings were going, and it flew over there.

Oh, I'm a proud parent. I've let it go.

I've let it go. Thank you for that.

You're welcome. Thank you.

Coming up, another ancient Icelandic tradition,

involving sheep, sheep...

..and more sheep.

It's like being on a motorbike!

My cruise on the Ocean Diamond is nearly over,

and it's turned out to be one to remember.

This trip is all about going from adventure to adventure.

And we've certainly done that.

And before we head back to Reykjavik,

the crew have told me to get me wellies on.

That's always a worry.

Apparently, my help's needed at something called a rettir -

a traditional gathering of local farmers and about 1,000 of these.

In summer, all the farmers here send their sheep off to the mountains

to graze freely.

Then, as the winter sets in, they will need to be rounded up

and brought back to the farm.

Oh, my God. Here they come.

They're here. Whoo!

There's about twice as many sheep as people in Iceland.

So this job is never going to be easy.

Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God!

So, friends, family, and even up-for-it tourists like me

come together to lend the farmers a hand.

Can I come in, too? Yeah, come in.

This is just like...

There's sheep everywhere!

Did you see that one?!

Did you see that there?

THEY LAUGH

I'm being rammed!

Is that a word? Have I just made that up?

Ooh!

SHE LAUGHS

Sorry.

Oh...

This is not my natural habitat.

The lovely thing about this is that the people aren't just rounding

up their own sheep,

they're doing it for each other - very Icelandic.

Luckily, all the animals are tagged,

so all you need to do is match the sheep to the pen.

Take that one. Yeah.

And we just have to read this marking. This is 312.

Yeah. And then we have on the other side here 14... 14. ..two?

That will be...

I saw it over there somewhere.

JANE LAUGHS

I can't do it!

Hold the horns. So it's like a motorbike? Yeah.

Hold really... You have to grip really good around the horns.

All right. Ah!

Step with the right one over. That one? Yeah.

And put them together. Yeah.

Now we walk it over here.

OK.

Hey!

It's like being on a motorbike!

Oh!

JANE LAUGHS

Oi! HE SPEAKS ICELANDIC

I'm not sure the farming life's for me.

I've only done one and I'm flagging.

Well done.

Thank you very much. Thank you very much.

SHE BREATHES HEAVILY

So how was it?

It was...

We don't need to go to the gym today.

No. I've done a workout. Yeah.

I've done a workout there, yeah.

I love that every single family

from everywhere around here comes together.

Everybody seems genuinely so pleased to see each other.

It's a real good community, and everybody's out here for the

same thing - to get the sheep in for the winter.

How you feeling? I'm feeling exhilarated. And...

..I think it's the fresh air,

it's the, it's so cold, but it's fresh, and you feel like

you're doing something really worthwhile.

You know? It's exciting.

You know, Iceland is just the country

that keeps on giving and giving.

It's... It's just amazing.

And it's not just the island itself and how brutal it can be,

and so beautiful at the same time.

But it's the people. The people here have such big, warm hearts.

And, trust me, you need that on an island as cold as this!

So... Right. One, two, three.

Good. I don't have to sit on it.

Don't forget you plugs.

I came for an adventure,

and I've definitely had one on here.

So it's been everything it says on the chocolate box tin.

Ooh!

It's been full of adventure.

I've seen whales, I've seen the northern lights.

Look at that one! Look!

It's just been mystical, magical and wonderful.

It's also been one of the most peaceful places I've ever been to.

Ain't that right, Bjork?

Shh.

# It's oh, so quiet

# Shh, shh

# It's oh, so still

# Shh, shh

# You're all alone

# Shh, shh

# And so peaceful until

# You fall in love

# Zing, boom

# The sky up above

# Zing, boom

# Is caving in

# Wow, bam

# You've never been so nuts about a guy

# You want to laugh You want to cry

# You cross your heart and hope to die

# Till it's over

# And then

# Shh, shh

# It's nice and quiet

# Shh, shh

# But soon again

# Shh, shh

# Starts another big riot

# You blow a fuse

# Zing, boom

# The devil cuts loose

# Zing, boom

# So what's the use

# Of falling in love?

# The sky caves in

# The devil cuts loose

# You blow, blow, blow, blow, blow your fuse

# Ahh!

# When you fall in love. #

Shh.

Yeah, thank you. Thank you.

Coming out. Yeah.

Here we are.

What?